#using maps was a banger idea if i do say so myself

[camelliagwerm]

updated my character page.

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

HI I don’t know if your request are open so I figured I would send one anyway and then if they were closed you could just ignore it lol

BUT I had this idea and it’s been in my head for days and I don’t feel like writing it myself soooooo

Do you think you can do a one-shot or, yk, whatever you’re comfortable with, for a Legolas x Reader where the reader is kinda like Jaskier? Like they’re dramatic af, are a bard, and isn’t an elf but has somehow just been alive and in peak condition for way longer then they should’ve been? Like Legolas and Reader don’t really get along at first when they met because Reader was traveling with Thorin and Company and stuff and even after he figured out they weren’t bad he was still like “my GOD are they annoying.”

And then Gandalf seeks them out after the fellowship is formed they’re actually super useful bc they know like 10 languages, have traveled almost everywhere, and is actually very good with a sword. Gandalf brings the fellowship to a seemingly random tavern and Legolas just stops bc he recognizes them immediately and is just like “oh my god, PLEASE NOT THEM FU—“

But yk after that they like fall in love and shiz 🙄

SORRY THIS IS LIKE SO SPECIFIC OR UR NOT TAKING REQUEST it’s just I love ur writing, no other lotr blogs I’ve found are taking request, and also you seem to like Jaskier so I figured u might enjoy this a little ?? 😭😭

ANYWAYS EVEN IF YOU DON’T WRITE THIS THANKS FOR READING IT AND I LOVE UR WRITING SM ITS SO GOOD 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Sing Me A River (Legolas x Bard! Reader)

Author’s Note: HELLOOOO, FELLOW DEAR HEART! My requests technically are always open, it’s just a matter of if I ever get around to them lmao. Naturally, I get a lot of requests. Even more naturally, someone requests something and throws the word ‘Jaskier’ in there I’m writing this baby ASAP. Now, this thing grew legs of its own so you’ll probably have to request a part two in the asks so I can get that to you. I just really wanted to put something out tonight, so boom, two-parter. Maybe three. Hey, let’s just see where it goes. Now, believe me when I say I tried to find a gif that wasn’t Jaskier, but apparently if you type in ‘medieval bard lute gif’ into Google images Jaskier is the golden child of the hour. Anywhooooo hope this is what you were going for! I’ll get onto part two soon — you just gotta put it in the asks!

Warnings: Crude jokes made by reader all for the sake of the guts and glory of an epic banger of a song. Mentions adult content. (Bards will be bards).

Synopsis: Like all relevant characters of Middle-earth back in the day, you joined the Company on their Go-Fund-Me campaign to reclaim Erebor. You were a nobody bard back then but the success of your relations with kings and stories of defeating dragons made you a big hit. Speaking of hit, you and Legolas don’t get on. You made one too many hits about him that painted his royal family in a bad light. Oops. Now, Sauron is back and the Fellowship may just need your help. It’s mostly just Gandalf vouching for you, though. Oh, and fangirl Boromir ofc. They find you singing a frankly defamatory song about Legolas in a lively tavern at the height of your fame (you’re essentially One Direction circa 2012 big in Middle-earth in this fic). Tension brews as you’re ultimately asked to join a second Go-Fund-Me campaign.

The evening was late in hour but early of chores, as Gandalf and Elrond poured themselves over maps of Middle-earth. Various members of the newly-formed Fellowship hung about the open-aired room, pondering each other with curious glances.

Everyone shifted uncomfortably, wondering who’d prove to be the best travel mate for the next few months. It was as if no one knew what to do with their hands or feet, as they stood about awkwardly.

What was there to talk about, anyway? Economic investments and the rising housing crisis in the wake of the upcoming war? With so many races in the room, it was hard to navigate cultural customs, let alone figure out who was of what social standing based on clothing alone. A prince certainly had no place discussing such mutual matters with a gardener, nor a Captain of Gondor with a ranger.

No, it was best everyone waited until Gandalf and Elrond announced a travel route.

“This would steer you best from the path of both Isengard and its scouts,” Elrond concluded, pointing and dragging one finger down the tattered map.

“That’ll bring us into long-overrun townships,” Gandalf pointed out. “Middle-earth is no longer the safely presumptuous-centric land it used to be. People from all over Arda have now flocked for its resources and previously-thought safety.”

“Secrecy is best bought when surrounded by languages that cannot understand you nor you them,” Elrond countered, raising a brow and looking up at the wizard.

Gandalf raised a hand and scratched at his wiry beard. “No… But perhaps we could benefit from an additional team member for the passage? One who knows, say, ten languages across the seas and land underfoot?”

Elrond’s face quickly fell into disapproval. He moved back from the map as if standing too close to it would conjure up the bard’s presence alone, for said bard certainly dwelled somewhere within it, if the local posters unceremoniously plastered on historical podiums in Rivendell detailing the latest show were proof enough alone.

Legolas noticed this behaviour and kicked himself off the wall. He’d had run-ins with bards before – or, one, at least, and one was certainly enough. He quit twirling a knife in his hands, a gift from his father for his begetday long ago, and paid close attention.

“Ten languages would most certainly aid you, but…” the usually reserved lord made a face of cringe, “must you really bring along your friend? Do you even know where they are?”

Gandalf suddenly looked bashful. He reached into his satchel and removed a flyer. It had your pouty face on it and colourful words detailing where your next show was and the date. “I meant to visit them for one of their shows, before getting side-tracked…”

Elrond tried to not judge his friend, as he glanced up from your poster and back to Gandalf. He raised his brows and sighed, resigning himself to the idea. You had certainly grown in fame over the last few decades since your efforts in fighting the dragon fueled your reputation and songs, and certainly the fame had added to your already eccentric ego.

“Very well, if that is your will, I will support it… Just, don’t invite them back for a concert, please; my sons are still recovering from the last one, as is my winery.”

Gandalf nodded at the lord and smiled. “Nonsense, our bard is of the utmost integrity. I have nothing but faith.”

Legolas looked between the lord and wizard, quirking a brow. He tried to view the poster before it was placed back inside the satchel, but alas Gandalf unknowingly blocked his view.

But then, the prince suddenly recalled you in full detail from the fight against the dragon, and your time spent in the Mirkwood dungeons. You were clearly mortal, and that was many years ago.

Satisfied with the thought, Legolas nodded to himself in reassurance. There was no way you were still alive and kicking. With any luck, you were fast asleep in a chair somewhere, millions of leagues away.

~

Oh, you were in a chair alright. Except standing on top of it, one foot on the backrest and one on the seat. You certainly weren’t asleep, either, nor was your performance lulling anyone into such a slumber. There would be no lullabies here tonight, good sir.

Instead, on top of the chair, you belted out lyrics to the song you wrote about your time captured in Mirkwood with the Company, using the foot on the backrest to push the chair downwards, where you dramatically landed on the floor and kept on playing around the lively tavern with your lute.

Folks of all nationalities and origins joined in, for how could they not? You knew how to play the song in over ten different languages and were finally onto the Common Speech version. Everyone sung along as you made your way around the floor, illuminated in a thousand different arrays of golden candlelight.

You alluded to the Mirkwood Elves being absolute idiots, to put it lightly. It was only unfortunate that the Fellowship, led by Gandalf, walked in the moment you made a crude innuendo about Legolas’ hair being nearly as pasty as the spider’s webs surrounding his forested home. Something about incest, too.

It wasn’t very nice, but what could you say? You hated the pretentious white-haired family and they you. Perhaps composing a ballad with the dwarves about the elves’ wine-stained teeth in the dungeons planted the seed of distaste in the first place, but alas.

Gimli clapped his hands merrily and tapped his foot. “Oh-ho-ho! ‘Tis a CLASSIC back home! I’ve been meaning to meet the bard from my father’s tales for many years now! What an honourable night. Let us drink to it!”

Pippin nodded faster than light at Gimli and then Merry, speaking before racing off with his cousin and dwarven friend to the bar.

“Aye! We’ve heard this one, too! Even all the way out in the Shire!” Pippin looked up at Legolas, who’d just walked in with Aragorn right behind him. “Funny, I didn’t know there were other white-haired elves such as yourself and your father in Mirkwood, your highness. What are the chances of that!”

Just then, you sung of Legolas by title and name, confirming every crude lyric to be indeed about him towards the end of the song. Something mean about his father, too.

Pippin’s mouth parted and his brows shot up in surprise. He quickly shrugged it off, though – looking up at the elf casually before joining Merry and Gimli by the bar. “Oh, they are singing about you! That makes more sense!”

Legolas furrowed his own brows, looking away from the departing hobbit and across the tavern right as you came to the finale of the song, earning rapturous applause. And then, his eyes grew wide.

Gandalf looked bashful as he stood with Boromir. The captain was grinning at your performance – whistling as you took a dramatic bow as the cheers carried on. Frodo and Sam looked between each other but shared a silent nod, and afterwards, they joined the rest at the bar.

Seething, the prince snapped his gaze up at Gandalf. “THEM? Are you SERIOUS? How could you possibly not tell me?! They are the most arrogant, dim-witted, crude, annoying—”

“Now, now, Legolas,” Gandalf cut in, placing a hand on the swiftly rising elf’s shoulders. “Y/n and yourself may have an… adverse history, but that whole Mirkwood incident was put to rest years ago. If I recall, you both parted ways amicably at the end of the battle. There may have even been a smile, too, if I recall very well!”

“Overjoyed to be rid, as I remember it,” Legolas rolled his eyes, landing them in your direction. You took a sip of ale and felt a gaze, or, glare, lingering in your direction. When you locked eyes with the angry ones of the prince, you widened them for only a moment, before narrowing them and smirking mischievously.

Oh, he didn’t like that.

Hoisting your sloshing ale out to the side, you widened both arms. You were stood atop a tavern table, now pointing in the prince’s direction.

“Oh, my stars! Do my eyes deceive me?” Your naturally loud voice caught the attention of the tavern again, who all no doubt were hoping for an encore. “Ladies and gentleman, if it isn’t the star of the hour! Well, besides me, of course – but no, I should share the limelight; it’s the muse of my song, Legolas of the Woodland Realm!”

Everyone all looked in his direction. Many laughed loudly, some whistled appreciatively, and others who believed the lyrics muttered behind cupped hands to conceal their words and grins.

Aragorn shifted uncomfortably. It wasn’t good to bring this much attention to themselves, especially given the circumstances. One look from Aragorn sent up at Gandalf voiced his concern. The wizard nodded back and drew you over with a beckoning hand.

You finished off the rest of your ale and encouraged other bards to pick up the music again. Once the sound of flutes and lutes filled the air, you made your way through the crowd, placing your hand over your heart and responding earnestly to every compliment as you walked past.

"Y/n! I saw you play when I was a child!"

"My niece is a HUGE fan!"

"Do you sing at weddings?!"

And soon enough, you were in front of the trio.

“Gandalf the Grey,” you grinned up, slinging your lute across your back.

He responded warmly, throwing your bard title in as he did so. “You’ve exceeded your previous standing upon the pedestal of fame. Apparently, this song has been heard all over the land.”

At the mention of the song, you turned to Legolas. “Ahh, has it now? Judging by the star-struck expression upon your oddly fine-tuned visage, I’m guessing this is your first time?”

Legolas narrowed his eyes and kept them locked on yours. “First and last time.”

Without missing a beat, you replied, “Aw, buddy. Don’t worry. Being a two-thousand-year-old virgin isn’t that weird. Don’t count yourself out just yet.”

His face dropped. “Wha—No! That’s not at all what I—”

“I must say, dear bard,” Boromir cut in, firmly shaking your hand. “My little brother and I have seen you perform in Gondor before, and we are both great admirers of your work. Might I please trouble you for a signature made out to ‘Faramir’? I might not get this opportunity again.”

You shrugged it off coolly. “Yeah, sure! Always happy to meet a fan!”

Legolas stared in horror at the interaction for a moment. “What is happening right now..?”

Aragorn placed a hand on his shoulder and stepped in. “Y/n, I’m afraid we have not only come for review of your work tonight.”

At that, he looked up at Gandalf urgingly. The wizard sighed and nodded. “Indeed not. Might there be somewhere more private we can talk?”

Briefly looking up from the signature you were writing on a handkerchief, you nodded your head from side to side in thought and pursed your lips, speaking as you wrote. “I’ve got a room here. I’m not sure we’ll all fit, but I suppose we can figure something out."

You sent a wink Legolas’ way, whose face was still frozen somewhere between contemplation, shock, and horror.

“You should be dead,” he decided upon moments later.

Feigning alarm, you looked over your shoulder. “Why? The song really that bad? You hired the world’s worst assassin to take me out and they couldn’t even finish the job?”

Learning how to dance with your words again, Legolas replied straight to the point. “You look the same as you did all those years ago. You’re mortal. You should be dead, or very, very elderly, at the least.”

You blinked back at him. “Was there a question in there somewhere, or…?”

Noticing all the attention you were drawing, Gandalf and Aragorn decided to usher this meeting along elsewhere.

“Ah, Y/n,” Gandalf slid in, smiling tensely as he noticed Legolas’ fingers curl backwards, as if instinctively reaching for his bow. “Perhaps we should continue this upstairs? We have much to discuss, as mentioned before.”

You raked your eyes over the prince’s face for a further few seconds. He all but glared back. You dropped your eyes to his hands, noticing the way they curled the same as the wizard did. Smirking, you looked back up into the prince’s eyes – locking them there as you responded to Gandalf.

“Great idea.”

[out-of-this-dimension]

Hypothetically Rewriting Assault’s Story + Some General Assault Opinions

There’s a game my husband and I like to play when we watch a movie, play a game, or read a book that has a story that we don’t really enjoy or we enjoy certain parts of but not others.  We look at things we’d keep and things we’d change and we build a story from there-- sort of like an AU but we don’t really go into the writing part, we just stick to theorizing and mapping a general story.

I decided to play that game with Star Fox.  Not because I think Star Fox has a bad story but because sometimes I think the stories could have been handled better.  Note: for the rewrite game, I only really look at story, even for video games, I don’t really look at gameplay mechanics, but I do understand those have a lot to do with story potential so I do take it in as a factor... I just don’t bother to “rewrite” the mechanics, if that makes any sense at all.  Some of my list today will include boss encounters but I wouldn’t necessarily say those are mechanic-related... more like “event-related”.

I’ve mused a bit in the past about rewriting Adventures and Command and I do have plans to do a mock up of an Adventures remake eventually.  However, today I was thinking about how I would go about handling an Assault re-write in particular.  Much like Command and Adventures, I don’t have any beef with the core story but I do think there’s a few things that could’ve been better about Assault’s storyline-- like they had good ideas rolling but they didn’t quite refine them.

Under the cut because SUPER long.

My basic feelings on Assault are pretty positive.  I think the game is generally just fun and I like that it feels like the natural progression from SF64.  I liked getting to see planets we haven’t seen since the N64 era in better graphics and I liked seeing Star Wolf return.  I also just thought the aparoids were neat enemies. 

Generally speaking, though, when it comes to Assault, I think it suffers from the thing it tries to push the most-- the story.  I think a lot of people get caught up in thinking the story is better than it is because it’s the first game since SF64 that really follows the same Star Fox vibe without retelling the Lylat Wars.  Don’t get me wrong, the overall plot is great but the execution and pacing are... wonky.  Certain characterizations also take a hit in some regards but no one really talks about that when Command exists. That’s something we’ll talk about later on with this post.

That being said, Assault really does have a lot good going for it.  An absolute banger of a soundtrack, some great dialogue, a neat story synopsis, the introduction of cool characters like Panther and Beltino (who existed but was always off-screen), and just good levels.  

So, here’s what I would add, I suppose, if I were to somehow have the ability to rewrite Assault.  Originally I had this in paragraph form, but I’ve made it into more of a list under topic segments with main points bolded for your viewing pleasure.  Some of these points might be considered nitpicky and while I do understand that yes, this is a game about space animals, I do hold the developers in high enough regard to make a game with a continuity that makes sense.

The Story Changes

- Reduce Pigma’s storyline in Assault.  This is the biggest one for me because a bulk of the plotline feels like a giant chase to just get at Pigma and it feels like it derails from the actual plot with the aparoids.  We only go to Sargasso because of Pigma.  We only go to Fichina and then back to Meteo again, because of Pigma.  That’s 3 levels in a 10 level game devoted to just tracking down Pigma and chasing him.  While it makes the build up to fighting Pigma kind of nice, I personally feel like the plot could be reduced to 2 levels.  If Assault overall was a longer game, I could see them making it 3 levels.  Overall, though, in its current state, I feel like the side plot overstays its welcome and the aparoids promptly get shoved to the side in favor of “Oh no, we gotta get to Pigma!” And I get the main motive here is to show how the aparoids affect people and because of the build up, it does a good job at showing how utterly terrifying the aparoids are.  But it’s still too long given the length of Assault’s story. The only alternative to this is make Assault longer, which... honestly, it should be.  

- Revise the scene with Tricky.  I’m obviously not well-versed in dinosaur biology but I’m pretty sure dinos didn’t grow that fast from what studying I HAVE done.  And why is he suddenly king now?  Did his parents die?  He seems not affected by this at all?  Like it’s a funny scene with him, Fox, and Krystal, but it’s odd if you really look at it.  Give us, as players, more context because I’m still not even sure what happened to make Tricky suddenly the leader and... big.  As a note, you’re gonna hear me gripe a lot about the Sauria level in this post.

- The Star Wolf + Peppy sacrifice is a low effort way to raise tension/stakes and then cop out.  Oldest trick in the book, imo, is to act like you’re going to kill off important characters only for them to be alive miraculously.  And let’s face it, as an audience we all know they aren’t going to kill those characters because it’s Nintendo and those characters are too beloved.  I would’ve forgiven them for only doing this with Peppy or Star Wolf, but when you tack them both together and throw in the fact they make it seem like you’re going to have to kill General Pepper too... yeah, it’s just a bit much of the same trope over and over again.  I wanted to put a note in here about how I’m fine with the Great Fox being “sacrificed” but overall, it needed to return to the series because of it’s icon status, but I think that’s more of a gripe at Command instead of Assault.

- Keep Pigma alive.  This will conflict with a point I have later on about the game consistently having characters cheat death for easy drama points but with Pigma, I would’ve kept him fully alive... but maybe with some physical damage from the aparoids.  I understand he’s semi-alive in Command and tbh I don’t know where I stand on that.  Why keep Pigma alive, you might ask?  I feel like his character has a lot more potential than being “just the greedy guy”.  Like he’s got good potential future villain material for future games and... if I’m honest?  I just don’t see Nintendo wanting to keep Pigma dead so why even bother killing him off?  They couldn’t even commit to him being dead in Command anyways so it seems very moot.

- Bring Bill and Katt back.  Assault is acts a bit like a big reunion of all of our SF64 favorites but our two favorite side characters are suspiciously missing.  Wouldn’t Bill be out on the front lines fighting against Andrew in the beginning?  Or maybe back in Katina?  And wouldn’t Katt inevitably show up in the midst of the invasion, maybe to pointedly check in on Falco?

- Bring Andrew back for the final fight. I think Andrew being defeated early into the game is fine overall but I think bringing him back in for a reunion final fight against the aparoids would serve to really solidify that it’s really everyone vs the invading aparoid force.  It would show that not only is Star Wolf willing to put aside their differences but so is basically everyone in the Lylat System in the name of survival.  Imagine the Venomians and Cornerians working together against an aparoid fleet, giving Star Fox and Star Wolf time to attack the queen?  I just think it’d be neat and it’d open up the potential for some fun banter mid-mission.  I do understand that quite a few people consider Andrew canonically dead after Assault but personally, I feel that his defeat left his fate questionable (I’m a staunch believer that unless there’s a body, they’re probably alive, especially for Nintendo games because, again, they never like to kill people off) so him returning in Command never really bothered me.  

- In general, reconsider some of the character portrayals.  Unfortunately, when a series has a different studio for each game, character portrayals will inevitably have inconsistencies.  While I give Namco a lot of credit for putting in oodles and oodles of detail into the game (particularly the levels), I think they failed in their portrayal of Fox, at the least, and Wolf is a considerable offender as well.  While it’s obvious that Fox in Adventures was effectively modeled off of Sabre even in terms of personality, Rareware was at least able to justify Fox’s newfound jaded attitude with the passing of many years and a distinct lack of steady income, resulting in the team being in disarray.  Assault’s Fox is a stark contrast to his cynical interpretation with seemingly no explanation other than maybe “Oh, I have more money and a gf, maybe I should behave myself”.  As if the sudden change in personality wasn’t random, Fox also just seems very blah, like a blank slate stereotypical shooter game protagonist dude with little to no emotion.  Wolf is less obvious but gets slated into a mentor-like role midway through the game and ends up in a respectful rivalry with Fox... which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that except for it happening abruptly (and, I mean, Peppy is right there).  But I take less issue with this and more of an issue with the fact that there’s an entire level establishing that Wolf now runs a crime den with effectively what seems to be an army and no one bats an eye at this.  He doesn’t even call on them to help with the aparoids.  Did they all die when the aparoids attacked Meteo?  Are they safe somewhere else?  Where do they go?  How was Sargasso able to operate without the CDF being on their doorstep with warrants for arrests?

- Don’t kill all the dinosaurs.  A bit of a dramatic statement but the ending screen that showed all the damage to Sauria really bothered me.  While I understand that the dinosaurs had less of a chance against the aparoids than a more technology-focused society like Corneria, I was a bit disappointed that the decision was made to just state that a lot of tribes had been wiped out.  I know this could easily be retconned in a future game and I feel like it should be.  “But why, Amalia?  Why are you disappointed by that?”  1) It’s a little too grimdark for my tastes.  2) The fact it all happened off-screen felt very hand-wavy.  And 3) It brings into question the entire point of Adventures.  Why did we bother to save this planet if it was going to be reduced to rubble and ash 1 year later?  Where were the Krazoa in all of this?  Why did they not make an appearance at all to try to stop the invasion with their alleged powers?  It just raises too many weird questions and I feel like Namco didn’t think it through too much.  Which I mean, sure.  Family, kiddo game.  I’m not asking for bigbrain plot and lore but I’m squinting at this bit because it does feel very contrary to the lore from the previous game.

- Make the aparoids more relevant.  As nice as it is to have a random bad guy from another galaxy, I feel like there was more that could be done with the aparoids in terms of their origins.  Tiny things, mind you, not huge revelations.  Off the top of my head, they could have been tied into Krystal’s backstory to help alleviate some of the complaints that she was too random to be added to the series’ main cast.  Alternatively, they could have been a product of Andross or even a weapon prototype from Corneria that fled the lab (I actually thought the game was leaning in that direction for a bit then just Nothing Happened).  I get that the vagueness of their origins leaves room for people to speculate and speculation is nice but... when you leave too many things unknown, it starts to feel less like giving fans room to interpret and more like just doing random things for the sake of it.  I think a lore tidbit here or there would work wonders for the aparoids instead of leaving them as just borg/zerg clones.

Level-Based Changes

- Add either Aparoid RedEye or Aparoid General Scales as a boss to Sauria.  Given that this level mysteriously lacks a boss, which is just weird compared to the other levels, I think that they had the opportunity to add something cool to go along with the cinematic feel they were going for with Assault.  Assault’s cutscenes do play in a movie-like fashion and it’s clear they’re trying to make the game as epic as possible.  It’s a shame they had so much fodder for a great boss here but they failed to go through with it.  Alternatively: Add a Krazoa-Aparoid fusion.  Why?  Because Star Fox is about cool epic sci-fi and that would be cool epic sci-fi incarnate.

- Add a boss to the Aparoid Homeworld Level, aka the penultimate level.  Another one I felt was personally weird that there was no “final defense system” to challenge the team.  Would be cool to do an aerial battle over the aparoid planet with some giant flying aparoid.

- Be kinder to Sauria.  The level had some good homages but overall was incredibly small and incredibly short.  It felt like a bone tossed to Adventures fans but was not entirely true to the setting built by Rareware.  I’m... not even sure where the Sauria level is supposed to take place?  I presume it’s Walled City but it doesn’t really have the same color scheme or aesthetic?  Also where is my revised Adventures music?  Why do all the other levels get it but Sauria doesn’t? 

- Put some of those funky items from the multiplayer into the main campaign.  I don’t know why some of these things, items especially, were omitted unless it was purely due to time constraints.  I remember having missile launchers and jetpacks in the multiplayer and was a bit sad that they were not in the main campaign.  Retuning the levels and adding those in would be a nice breath of fresh air for the more tedious on-foot missions.

- More levels.  Self-explanatory.  Still sad we didn’t get the Zoness or Titania levels in the single-player mode.  

I think all of the above changes would improve the game, though I recognize all of this is being said 16 years later after lots of time to contemplate Assault’s weaker points.  I’m not entirely certain how long Star Fox Assault took to develop but given that there’s obviously quite a bit scrapped from the game (an entire arcade mode was scrapped as well), I’m going to assume that the studio felt pressured to shove the game out the door and into the hands of customers.  It’s a shame, really, because I think a little bit longer in the oven would have done a lot of good.  Still, the product we got was good in its own right and a game that many people look back on fondly.  I haven’t gotten to replay it in years but I hope to quite soon.

You might wonder why I bothered typing this all out and I guess my point was this-- Assault was great but it wasn’t perfect, and while a lot of other games fall under a crushing amount of scrutiny, Assault seems to dodge it.  And don’t get me wrong-- I adore Assault.  But given that not many takes exist out there about rewriting it, I decided to give it a shot.  For variety’s sake.  

I do want to a mock up of a revised Assault story, which I think I will get to work on after completing this while all my ideas are still fresh in mind.  So stay tuned for that sometime in the near future.  I will also be doing my Adventures mock up at some point but probably not for a little bit as I do wanna focus some of my free time on actual fic-writing.

Anyways, if you stuck around this long, thank you for reading!  Have any changes you’d like to see to Assault if you could time machine your way back to the early 2000s?  Feel free to post in the comments, I’d love to read your ideas!

[kkshowtunes]

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Currently mainly posting: Deadpool and Will Wood with a touch of Gravity Falls

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Doodlebug (and variants of such) are my favorite names but I like KK and Peachie too <33

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#Doodlebug does art - art tag

#Doodlebug writes! - Writing / fics

#Doodlebug is happy now - Happy tag :3

#art block remedies - Art ideas

#Doodle saves - Save tag

#da mutuals - Mutuals tag

#answered - asks

#mr queuester - queue tag (rarely used)

#doodlbugs cats - stuff about my cats!

#hyperfixations collide - when two+ of my current or past hyperfixations are in the same post

#posts that make me have the bi feelings - simp tag (I’m so sorry for this one)

#banger - 100+ notes original post

#super banger- 500+ notes original post

#super banger hall of famer: 1k+ notes original post

#banger [x]k- replace the x with notes in increments of 5k

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Language: English

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Uquiz masterlist

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DNI: 

 - Porn/kink blogs (I don’t mind if you exist but please just don’t follow me!!)

 - Terfs

 - Homophobes

 - Biphobes

 - Racists

 - Anti BLM or an ALM supporter

 - Sexists

 - Maps, pears, or whatever the pedos are calling themselves now

 - bigots of any sort

 - Cringe culture people

 - Islamaphobes

 - Anti-Semites

 - colorists

 - trump supporters

 - Anti-self dx

- Into cypro/nft

- anti-palestine

- doxx people, think doxxing people is ok or funny, or use doxxing as a threat. this is a big one for me. even if it’s someone you think that person is detestable.

 - or supporters of any of the above (except for nsfw blogs you can support nsfw blogs just please do not interact if you post porn!!)

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FANDOM BYF:

- I don’t ship tomgreg BUT i believe Tom is in love with Greg. I’m more of a truther than a shipper if that makes sense

- Pretty much the same applies with Macdennis but I sort of ship it, unlike tomgreg

- Yeah I’m a South Park fan…

- I literally give negative fucks about shipping discourse because who cares

- I 100% understand that my favorite media is often problematic. I make sure to do research before I continue consuming it. However I still find comfort in it so if you are uncomfortable by me posting about it please just block me and don’t yell at me about it.

- I was hyperfixated on Harry Potter when I was 8. I don’t support it anymore or enjoy it really. But if the fact that I did have a hyperfixation causes you to dislike me/feel distressed please just block me instead of sending me hate <3

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I’m bi! I call myself gay on occasion but that’s for the sillies :3

im cis but i use she/they for sillies as well

- -

OCD and Anxiety, medically diagnosed, but I was self dx for many years so seriously dni if you have a problem with it

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I deeply apologize if you followed me for The Delaware Post.. you’re about to want to unfollow me real bad once you realize all I do is talk about musicians

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Fandoms (prolly unupdated :/)

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Have fun on my blog!

[eternaleve]

I’ve spent the course of COVID lockdown cycling through hyperfixations while also trying to engage in some much needed therapy (lolsob), and I’ve been essentially encouraging myself to try and do more things I can enjoy without feeling shame. Anyway, that’s a short way of saying I decided to blog about all the music videos of Depeche Mode for reasons of science.

The science is that my basic premise is that most of the videos are pretty bad in ways that I find to be pretty strange. Full disclosure is that I spent my teen years being a huge Cure fan and there’s an overlap there? Of songs with very niche high-concept ideas that don’t necessarily map onto a model of popular music but found mainstream success in the rise of new wave music in the wake of the collapse of first wave punk and amplified by the creation of music videos and music video TV. And I owned all the Cure music videos and played them on my iPod Nano because I was a very strange child. But to get back to my central thesis, many of The Cure’s videos are very stylised and fun and memorable in ways that are good. And yet, despite existing in the same sphere and having an overlap of fans, the music videos for Depeche Mode mostly stay bad until the end of the eighties, a fact I will prove by watching them all.

Can you tell that I am bored because i have lost my job and my mental health is making me fixate on strange shit currently because that is absolutely the case right now

Speak & Spell

Dreaming of Me (Feb 1981)

The single art is really lovely - the red/yellow contrast is very striking against the white, and I really love the design. Hey remember when people used to go out and buy singles and you would appreciate them and the work that went into them? I don’t think I’ve bought a physical single since I was about sixteen. I used to buy them from the Woolworths music department because it was cheap and all my friends worked there, so they had a pretty lenient attitude about what exactly constituted paying for things. Woolworths policy of only hiring teenagers is probably what destroyed their business.

Anyway, Dreaming of Me did not chart super well, getting to number 57 and having no official music video - or actually getting onto the album. It wasn’t included on Speak & Spell in the UK until the 2006 re-release. So, there was no music video for me to look at…

Apart from this video I found from local TV in 1981 to promote the song. It’s a maybe-music video. Because music videos had only been around for about six years and MTV didn’t exist until later in the same year, my guess is that Mute Records were pretty cautious about putting money into a medium that might cost more than they would get in publicity. That’s only a guess. I don’t have a crystal ball for forty years ago. 

Anyway, here are some children recording music.

If i was 19 and someone offered me a recording contract I would have taken it without thinking (like i took on all those student loans without thinking through any consequences wompwomp) but now I am nearly thirty I watch this and think, ‘These children shouldn’t be outside unaccompanied’. The passage of time has made a fool of me.

They go bowling and play Space Invaders which, hey, still sounds like a great night out to me, but I’m guessing that because this is very clearly aimed at teenagers the TV producers didn’t want to encourage teen drinking by showing them performing a gig at a club night.

I call it high fashion. The all-grey really sells it.

This reminds me so much of a advice column in teen magazines - when they’d have problems set out in a little faux-comic strip of still photos? ‘My best friend stole and read my diary’ ‘My crush found out about how I feel and now he’s going out with my best friend’, that sort of thing. That is also a classic carpet pattern. I think my grandma’s living room had that carpet. 

The video is very naive! It’s the sort of thing we would all see now on Youtube from bands just starting out and it is wild to me that this went out on TV. It’s very un-glossy and normal, the stuff that bands put out on YouTube now because of DIYness.

New Life (June 1981)

This is also a really great piece of single art. It’s very bold and striking - it would definitely be the standout record in a sea of other 7’’ released the same week. It also doesn’t particularly match the tone of the single but eh, it looks pretty cool. New Life did much better than Dreaming of Me and got up to number 11 in the UK singles chart. Still no official music video, but the charting meant that the band got onto Top of The Pops! ToTP was cancelled when I was a wee baby teen, because the BBC decided to stop caring about yoof viewership and promoting music was circling the drain everywhere as streaming hit, but it was the place to promote music so was definitely a sign that You Had Made It.

So, last video was silly and made by children, but now they’re wearing see-through mesh shirts, leather trousers, and leather hats with a design that I am a little bit dubious about. I grew up on the oi/punk scene and let me tell you about how many first wave punks wear iconography of bad regimes for faux edginess reasons because I met a LOT of them in my time.

Oh boy do i have thoughts about that hat. It also looks like a Leather Daddy hat which, well, let’s leave that thought to one side. Most ToTP performances were lipsynced. Playing things live would sound weird in the studio, be picked up strangely by the audio equipment and the cameras, so 99% of performances were mimed to the single. Now, some acts would deliberately play up to the pretence and refuse to act like they were doing anything that corresponded to the song - The Jam, The Communards, and The Cure are literally the first examples that come to mind who would just… not do anything close to pretending it was real. 

This is not that. It is very earnest and awkward and serious, which sort of makes it very sweet.

Just Can’t Get Enough (September 1981)

Right, that is shibari, isn’t it? I’m not blind, am I? It’s a very striking image that 99.9% of people would not recognise other than being a striking black and white image. 

I don’t think I can overstate how… innocent, in a way, this point of time was? As in the general level of knowledge about non-conventional stuff in the wider public at large. As in my mother, an almost teen at this point, saw George Michael walking with his boyfriend in central London and had no idea he was gay until he came out. It’s actually the widest cultural gulf I can think of between her teen years and my teen years because I was very aware of queer people from a young age.

Anyway, moving on, I feel like it bears repeating that this song fucking slaps. It’s the last single to be written by Vince Clarke and the last single until 2006 to be written by someone other than Martin Gore. This is one of those songs that just works on every level. Can you imagine coming up with this for the first album of your band? That blows my mind. It’s so overpoweringly good that it was probably for the best that it was saved for last - coming out the gate with a guaranteed fucking banger was been the nail in the coffin for a lot of other eighties synth/electronica bands. They scored a huge hit and then nothing after that managed to be as good or meet the hype. Depeche Mode had built up a far bit of radio play and interest before dropping this which turned out to be very good in the long run!

This got to number 8 on the UK charts and the first to get a music video! It is the only one with Vince Clarke. Full disclosure in that I had this song on my iPod through downloading the video to my computer (that’s how we got songs without using stuff that would give us viruses because i got a ton using bearshare for rare cure demos) and I remember watching the video, all of sixteen years old, and thinking, ‘Man, all these people look so grown up, compared to me, I can’t wait to be an adult!’.

Twelve years have changed my view, somewhat.

Look at this little baby man. Were you in one of my A Level classes - as in, ones that I have taught, not ones that I have been in.

Vince Clarke, however, has had a significant glow up in the six months and now looks like he is the bouncer in a leather bar. This is the One Adult in the room.

Ahh, I see it’s Open Mic Night at the local leather bar. You know what I was saying about how teens in the eighties tended to be significantly more naive about what we might call certain signifiers? Because what this outfit says to me, a queer woman in 2020, is susbstanitally different than to my mum and her friends watching this when it first came out. She would read this as ‘This is totally rebellious and cool!’ while I go ‘Someone just joined the university kink club and spent all their bursary’.

I don’t remember the member of Blazin’ Squad that wore a slave harness. (Now, there’s a reference that shows my age. A Blazin’ Squad reference in the year of Our Lord 2020. Hoooo boy.)

I read somewhere (that I can’t find now because, of course I can’t) that these are the band’s girlfriends and I always remembered that because it made me think, lol, same. One of my closest friends is the Head of London, so she’s in every band in London and if she’s not in yours yet give her time, and my partner was in a locally successful metal/hardcore band for about a decade and being connected with any sort of band means you will be helping out hugely behind the scene constantly. I have held lights, moved speakers, picked up instruments, been in music videos, and have bought tearaway trousers and glowsticks for gigs. You get called in to help all the time which is a lot of fun, so that fact always just stuck with me. It also makes sense financially because then you don’t have to hire any professional backing dancers, you can rely on people who will happily do it for free (while looking pretty rad while doing it!).

Anyway, the band look like those generic raiders that you run into when randomly walking across the map in a Fallout game.

I love awkward choreography in music videos. It feeds me.

Filming a night out provides A) Great footage and B) Can be done for limited overheads, leaving more money to be put into promotion. 

I always like seeing this sort of footage in music videos. I tend to see a lot of it, given the DIY punk scene, and it always charms me. I am easy to please. And all those women have the most amazing eye makeup that makes me super jealous because it all looks so good.

That hat is on point. This looks like a still image for some sort of cyberpunk big band style swing revival that, sadly, lives only in my dreams.

It took me so goddamn long to screenshot this shot probably because i was also blasting dream nails whoops

Anyway those are my reactions to Speak & Spell’s one solitary music video with some other things thrown in and this took me way too long. I make myself laugh though, that’s the main thing. I will do A Broken Frame… at some point. I think I have a bunch of vinyl for A Broken Frame? My mum actually bought all the singles for that album and I stole most of her collection years ago. I will have to search and see what I can find.

[beardyallen]

Bad news, guys...

Alright, so I’ve decided that, seeing as I’ll be visiting W-Town and the Great Wall again in May (when it will be waaaaay prettier), I’ll just do a post about it then.

Suffice it to say, it was a dope trip.

HOWEVER!!!!! I’ll tell y’all about my time since. The major highlight since the W-Town trip was obviously St. Patrick’s Day. I was somewhat nervous, given that most of the people I’ve met here probably wouldn’t want to celebrate the way that my family (which is way better at St. Patrick’s Day than your family, thank-you-very-much) celebrate.

There were no green alligators or long-necked geese, and that bleeding pub didn’t catch fire. Certainly not 12 times!! I suppose I still saw the same number of unicorns as usual, but I think I would have had bigger problems if there more.

My plan for that day was to make it to Paddy O’Shea’s Pub, the Irish pub of Beijing, by 12pm on the 17th. As it turns out, the Pub had started their St. Patrick’s Day celebration on the 16th because they knew some people wouldn’t want to be completely hungover for work the next day.

For me, though, 12pm on the 17th seemed a perfect time to start as it would be 12am on the morning of my grandmother’s would-be 91st birthday. I could go on and on about how wonderful that woman was, and how big of an impact she had on me, but I’ll just say this: she was a good Bud. I’m obviously incredibly thankful for this teaching opportunity, but I’m struggling with being okay about missing out on St. Patrick’s Day in Northern Michigan this year. At least I was there last year and for Christmas and the New Year. That will have to be enough.

Anyway, I went with ML, S and another neighbor L, none of whom have ever truly celebrated St. Patrick’s Day like an American, let alone a Sylvain, but they were open to trying. And I was the one leading the group, which I still think is strange as I thought I was the least capable of the 4 of us at guiding a group through this very Chinese city. Fortunately, that compass in my brain works just as well on this side of the world as it does state-side.

Oh, and I looked damn fine, if I do say so myself!

We were a tad late to Paddy O’Shea’s, but the beer came quickly enough, and it tasted almost as good as it would have at the Side Door Saloon.

I didn’t take a picture of the bangers and mash that I ordered, but I couldn’t have been more pleased.

One major difference between celebrating here versus back in the States: there were people born and raised in Ireland celebrating with us! And there was a really cute bartender from just outside Dublin that came to serve beer just for that evening...

OH! On the Wednesday before, one of my students asked if I was going to wear a green hat when I celebrated, and the rest of the room laughed. I didn’t get the joke, commented that I’d for sure wear my green tie but that I didn’t own a green hat. After inquiring about the hat, they shared that, in China, wearing a green hat sort of sends the message that you’re a cuckold. 

I would later find out the “historical basis” for this strange cultural faux pas: during the Warring States Era in China, there was a famous political icon who I was known to wear a green hat. Apparently he was a big deal, and he always wore a green hat. And then his wife cheated on him, so now a green hat means what it means. That’s it. That’s the whole story. It happened to one dude who happened to wear a green hat, and now it’s this huge thing that college students laugh about. *shrug*

Anyway, back to Paddy O’Shea’s. The bar itself was more “authentic” than I have grown to expect. I’ll probably pass the time in that pub a few more times before my time here is up. One of the key advantages is that it has a fully functioning website, which is something I’ve learned not to take for granted anymore. When I was searching in the days prior for a place to celebrate, I had stumbled across another bar: Molly Malone’s. Do not (I REPEAT: DO NOT) visit the website for Molly Malone’s. Especially at work. With the door open. When anybody and their mother could walk by.

The website, the one that the location on Google Maps and every other map app links you to, looks like a mid ‘90′s website with a few notable images. I’ll describe it for you to the best of my memory: the background is all black, all of the text is placed in little white rectangles, all of which span the middle 40% of the site and fit jigsaw-like to form one large rectangle of questionable links. The font itself is in a variety of cheap styles and bright, neon colors. Flashing text, coloring-changing text. The works. Again: it looked like a mid ‘90′s website. But not just any mid ‘90′s website.

A mid ‘90′s website with vulgar images that would make a 12 year old blush and fidget uncomfortably in their seat. I repeat again: do not visit this site! WHY IS THIS THE OFFICIAL SITE FOR THE WEBSITE?

And when I found out that, not only is this bar a real place that happens to be near a few foreign embassies and it is reportedly not-too-difficult to find a “lady of the night” in its vicinity, I wasn’t surprised? Why is it that those two pieces of information just “fit together?”

*sigh*

Paddy O’Shea’s, in contrast, is an upstanding establishment. And though they had started their party the day before and kept it going all night, the place was still in remarkably good shape, all things considered. Most of the seating was filled when we arrived, but by the time I left around 8pm (I’m completely guessing here; I have no idea what time it was), all of the standing room was occupied.

ML and S seemed quite gungho about having an Irish Car Bomb, while L was shocked that anyone would use such a phrase to describe a beverage. Unfortunately, ML had some grading to get back to, so they left before we ordered one, but not before some rando came by and spray-dyed my beard and S’s hair green.

The dude in the middle isn’t the guy that did the coloring; just another “victim.”

Not too long after, my officemate showed up; it was comforting to have someone there who had a decent grasp on the holiday!

The non-Americans left soon thereafter, but AL and I kept ourselves sufficiently “entertained.” His friend P was also meeting us! She don’t think she’s ever really celebrated St. Patrick’s Day either, but she joined AL and myself in our one and only Irish Car Bomb of the day. Kudos to her!

AL and I chatted the next day and confided that we were both a bit more pissed than we thought...

NR also came out to join us, but she didn’t arrive until after P was getting hungry. Although why she didn’t seem interested in bangers and mash, I have no idea. When AL and P left, P made sure to leave me with some chaperones, a group of ex-pats from several other countries who P had joined for a shot of Fireball. For some reason. P was terrified at the idea of leaving me alone at a bar in Beijing. As if anything could go wrong?! I was with my people!

Anyway, I chatted up a nice girl from Texas, mostly about teaching because what else do I talk about nowadays, and NR finally showed. The good sport that she is, she joined me for another beer, and then we left to find food elsewhere. The place was getting to be a bit to much; she had just arrived, my voice was on it’s way out, and her’s would have joined it not too long after.

As it turns out, there was a place just around the corner that specialized in Peking Duck, something that AL and I were both quite curious to try thanks to KFC’s interesting spin on it...

But again: my beard was green. And I wouldn’t say that I was loaded, but there were at least four rounds in my six-shooter, if you catch my meaning. And this restaurant was niiiiiiiiceeee!!! There were 4 different people who helped us before we got to our table: one took our reservation, another led us to the stairs, a third took us up the stairs, and a fourth led us the last 10 feet to our table.

In hindsight, I was worried that it was just the way-too-many-beers-prior-to-entering-this-establishment that made watching this guy slice the duck so fascinating, but NR mentioned the followed day that she found the experience just as captivating.

Also, I’ve never been one for bathroom selfies...but when (drunk) in Rome (and by Rome, I mean a restaurant that I have no business being in), you do as Romans do. (Fun fact: Roman’s invented selfies. #themoreyouknow #notfakenews #youhearditherefirst)

#romansdidntinventselfies #dontberidiculous #leavetheridiculousnesstomeandmygreenbeard

Seriously. This dude was awesome. I wish we had more footage...Guess you’ll just have to go there for yourself!

We also ordered several other dishes, all of which were amazing. Some shrimp, some part of a lamb, I think. All of it was good. Like everything else I’ve had in China!

All in all, the weekend was dope, the week after was less-so, and the coming weekends will be amazing. My students had their first exam this week, and on Tuesday I ordered an American cheeseburger and a Budweiser from a western-style restaurant just to see if it holds up out here. It was...so-so. Last night, I joined a couple friends for a drink at a bar called “Lush;” apparently it was open-mic night. One of the guys I was with was hoping for an environment more conducive to idle chit-chat amongst the group, so we ended up leaving after only one. I was displeased as I was having a great time. Guess I’ll just have to wander back out that way on my own sometime.

The plan for Sunday was to visit the Forbidden City, but I guess they ran out of tickets, so we’ll find something else to do. Will post after that. The weekend after is a Craft Beer festival that several of the faculty here will be visiting. I’m pumped.

OH! And I think I’ll be visiting Shanghai at the end of April! I didn’t know this, but apparently Shanghai was all grassland like 50 years ago! (This, according to one of the guys last night. Feel free to fact-check this.)

It’s going to be an interesting couple of weeks...

If only I could get my sleep schedule back on track. This whole “falling asleep at 4am and waking up at Noon” business is getting ridiculous. I blame my teaching schedule. #ishouldntcomplainbecauseimteachinginchina

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

P.S. I’m super pumped for Shazam! And the End Game trailers are driving me up a wall...

[jeremystrele]

Singer-Songwriter-Survivor Ngaiire On Motherhood, Music + Building From The Rubble

Singer-Songwriter-Survivor Ngaiire On Motherhood, Music + Building From The Rubble

Family

Ashe Davenport

Singer-songwriter Ngaiire her three-year-old son, Dovey. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Ngaiire really embraced the concept of self-care during the pandemic. ‘I pretty much live and breathe my work. But then COVID hit, and I started to see the value of creating little nooks around the house, to read in and be still,’ she says. This corner is one of them. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Ngaiire’s mum (who lives with them in their house on the Central Coast!) made Ngaiire and Dovey’s INCREDIBLE matching outfits from Spotlight fabrics. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

During a period of intense trauma and turbulence in Ngaiire’s adolescence, she found solace in her mum’s CD collection, which featured Mariah Carey, Bob Marley and Alicia Keys. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

‘Every day I worry, “Am I doing too much work and (giving) too much energy for my music and not enough with him?” The balancing can be agonising!’ says Ngaiire. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Ngaiire is a design and architecture obsessive! Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

‘I never imagined that, despite how traumatic my birthing story was, the miracle of becoming a mother literally plugged me into a creative life source I never knew I could access. (It) felt like a tap had been turned on, and the parameters of my creativity broadened. The irony of having your motivation to create triple (while) having your energy levels completely diminished at the same time can feel like a cruel joke!’ Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Up until recently, Dovey’s favourite song was the Harry Styles banger ‘Adore You’. Now, it’s ‘Boogie Wonderland’ by Earth, Wind & Fire. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Ummmmm, how beautiful is the fam’s Central Coast pad?! Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

‘The times Dovey has seen me sing he gets very still, which is great, because he’s never that still unless he’s asleep! It’s like he understands something special is happening,’ says Ngaiire. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Ngaiire and Dovey’s lockdown activity was planting seedlings. Dovey’s now seen a full year of crops grow! Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Like mother, like son! Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Life has tried to pull Ngaiire under on multiple occasions. At three-years-old she was diagnosed with cancer of her adrenal glands. She’s spoken about the friends she made on the oncology ward, and sung for the ones she lost. At age 12, in her homeland of Papua New Guinea, Ngaiire survived a volcanic eruption that covered her house in ash and separated her from her mother for several months. 

‘Aren’t you supposed to be dead?’ 

The question was asked by her nephew in a dream that would become the basis for her song ‘Once’ (track two on her hit 2016 album Blastoma). In the music video, Ngaiire travels through the carriages of a moving train, each one representing a chapter of her life. In some she’s being pulled at, stripped, hospital-gowned. In others she is fluid, in charge and perfectly synchronised. 

She’s risen from the ashes again and again, caped in fuchsia and gold.

This is an edited and condensed version of our conversation, which wasn’t so much about where she’s been, but where she is now, safe in the home she built from the rubble.

Can you please tell me everything about this outfit? 

When I found out Nadav and I would be doing this shoot, I died. I’m a lowkey hard out nerd for design and architecture. I’ll sadly admit that Design Files is probably one of my top 3 most visited IGs daily. I’m OBSESSED. 

When I got the news, I immediately sketched up two outfits for Nadav and I, went to Spotlight to get some fabric, then commissioned my mother (who is currently living with us) to sew them. Mum’s been [making my clothes] for decades, so it wasn’t our first rodeo. It helped that she’d already set up a mini sewing factory downstairs for our little toddler clothing label, Dovey Nero, which we’ve been slowly building and taking our time testing the market with. What Dovey is wearing is a little taste of what we’re currently working on. 

What’s it like sharing so much of your story in your music? 

Being a singer, my whole instrument is very much connected to how I’m feeling and what might’ve happened to me that morning or that week. When you’re working in an office, you’re expected to leave your personal issues at the door. But when it comes to music, it’s about finding that balance, and utilising your emotional backlog to tell a story. The wonder of songwriting is that your story becomes someone else’s anchor, or road map, to joy, relief or even salvation. 

How do you manage all of that emotional expense? Are you drained AF?

I don’t know how I manage it. It can be really taxing, especially being a mama. I have a three-year-old, which can be a lot, both physically and emotionally. Every day I worry, am I doing too much work and (giving) too much energy for my music and not enough with him? The balancing can be agonising! 

How do you get out of the working parent guilt loop? Is there something you do that’s just yours? 

I pretty much live and breathe my work. But then COVID hit, and I started to see the value of creating little nooks around the house, to read in and be still. It takes me forever to get through a book these days, but if I can just steal 5-10 minutes, read some literature, even just look out the window at the bush we live behind. The concept of self-care is something I’ve definitely come to understand more during the pandemic. 

How does the parenting load get divided in your house? 

My husband’s carrying a lot of the load right now. He’s a designer by trade and his workload varies. It’s amazing that it’s worked out the way it has, with me having such a big work year ahead. He’s doing most of the parenting while I release this album.

In terms of what daycare days look like, I mean, we always swear to wake up earlier to drop Nadav and start our work days, but it’s really hard sometimes. Especially if he wakes up a few times at night and you just want to doze that little bit longer! 

How does motherhood compare to your expectations of it?

It met ZERO of my expectations! In fact it surpassed any idea I possibly had of how hard, but also how rewarding and life-altering it would be. It elevated the respect I had for myself as someone who was (able) to bring life into the world.

Being a sickly child, my chances of getting pregnant were considered low. I never imagined that despite how traumatic my birthing story was, the miracle of becoming a mother literally plugged me into a creative life source I never knew I could access. (It) felt like a tap had been turned on, and the parameters of my creativity broadened.

The irony of having your motivation to create triple (while) having your energy levels completely diminished at the same time can feel like a cruel joke!

How does Nadav respond to your music? 

Singing is a deeply spiritual thing for me. It connects me to something that not a lot of people have access to, and we as artists kind of become the conduits for that for our audience.

The times Dovey has seen me sing he gets very still, which is great, because he’s never that still unless he’s asleep! It’s like he understands something special is happening.  I have no idea what he’s taking in, but based on what I get from music, I can only assume he’s taking on a multitude of information. Maybe on some level he’s understanding how the world works. How to relate to people, and how deep that connection can be. 

What messages do you hope a grown up Nadav will take from your songs?

I want him to grow up feeling like he can do anything he wants to do in this life, whether it’s music or something else completely opposite. I hope he always stays in touch with that reverence for music and that he knows that he is very privileged to be able to ingest it in a way that not a lot of kids are afforded. I hope he also still feels like I’m around for him through my songs even when I’ve passed on. And that I did the best I could despite my challenges so he (could) too. 

Did you find that deeper level through music or did you already know about it and that’s what led you to music? 

Before I’d hit 12 or 13, I’d been through so many huge life traumas. I had cancer, and my family lost their property and all their belongings to a major volcanic eruption. We were living in the bush, separated from my Mum for a fair while. She was looking for us frantically, but couldn’t contact us because everything was down, the phone lines, everything. She reached us through emergency announcements over AM radio, which a relative luckily caught (wind) of. The organisation she’d been working for chartered a plane, which landed in a nearby clearing and zipped us out of there to the mainland. Shortly after that, my mother found herself in an abusive second marriage, which was pretty traumatising for us, but 100% more so for her.

At that point in my life, I found solace in Mum’s CD collection. I’d listen to Mariah Carey on repeat, memorising every word from inside the cassette cover, and anything else (from) Bob Marley to Deep Forest (laughs). When we moved to Australia, I took up music at school. I sang ‘Fallin’ by Alicia Keys in front of the school assembly, (which) was a big moment. From that point, I understood I had something that affected people a certain way, beyond the noises that came out of my mouth. I knew I had to continue chasing music.

What can we expect from your upcoming album? What does it represent for you?

It’s an actual journey, not in a cliché way, but in that every song on it serves as an integral part of the sonic trajectory. You appreciate each song more if you hear them in context of the whole body of work, and I think that’s the beauty of what Jack Grace (my co-producer) and I are good at doing as a team – making music that breathes as a complete organism as it does individually. 

The album represents a whole life cycle for me. I started the album off the back of touring the last one (Blastoma) – before I got hitched and before I got knocked up (laughs). It was an attempt to present my Papua New Guinean heritage in a new light, so that I could feel more understood within my industry – something I never fully felt. Little did I know that the whole process, 4 years on, would propel me through a maze of re-discovery of who I really am and who I want to be. I care less about what people think a Papua New Guinean woman should be within an western context now then when I first started this project, because that’s everyone else’s problem. This record has become a celebratory affair of my love for PNG, people and myself. And at the end of the day, that’s what motivates people to make the decisions (throughout) their lives. 

FAMILY FAVOURITES

Favourite cafe?

Like Minds in Avoca

Weekend away?

It hadn’t really been a thing for us. We used to have accidental getaways through my work. So before COVID hit, we’d all get to hang out interstate if I had shows. Now we bush walk in places like Maitland Bay or the Pink Caves up the coast.

Rainy day activity?

We raised a lot of seedlings during lockdown to plant in the garden. Dovey got really good at planting seeds inside, where it’s prime seedling growing heat. He’s seen a full year of crops already, which is pretty cool.

Most played song?

Until recently it was Harry Styles, ‘Adore You’. Dovey requested it ALL. THE. TIME. But now it’s moved to ‘Boogie Wonderland’ by Earth, Wind & Fire.

Sunday morning ritual?

Not so much Sundays. Fridays are really our thing, when we do Shabbat. It’s the moment we get to bookend the week together, unplug, drink some wine, eat. Dovey helps to bake the challah. He’s getting pretty good at plaiting it!

New music by Ngaiire is coming in May. Her current tour dates are: May 28th at Corner Hotel in Melbourne; June 5th at The Zo in Brisbane; and June 12th at Factory Theatre in Sydney. Tickets can be booked here.

[pleiadesounds]

Where To Start With,  Pt 1

 This week, Harry Fanshawe from UK noiseniks Modern Rituals acquaints Kai with the inimitable Silver Jews, while Kai in turn shows him the finer points of British post-punk stalwarts Wire. 

  Kai Woolen-Lewis Wire are, for me, one of the great bands in the history of punk music. Whereas a lot of other bands you’d describe as such would subsist largely on folklore and be a calamity if judged on their incarnation in the present moment, Wire however seem to be one of the rare bands who have managed to be both very influential (if you need punk credentials, they were covered by Minor Threat and if you need trendy floppy haircut credentials, they were covered by My Bloody Valentine) and forever forward-thinking - bridging the gap between the pompousness of progressive music and the snarl and brevity of punk, a bridge between what were two ultra-partisan camps. Though they’re contemporaries of elder statesmen of British punk like the Sex Pistols and The Buzzcocks, there’s far more of an art-school vibe to Wire - one gets the impression that they must’ve stood in stark contrast to the image and the attitude of their peers, with cerebral and challenging songs that refused to succumb to the immediate hedonism of the punk music of the time. One gets the impression that they have far more in common with genre outliers like Patti Smith, Pere Ubu and Kraftwerk than with any of their counterparts in the British punk scene. 

 When I first saw them, at the Lexington in London 4 or 5 years ago, they played almost entirely new songs, with only a few songs from their “seminal” LP’s included in the set. Now that the horror of not knowing many of the songs has worn off, it’s a clear sign of their continuously forward-looking approach. With seventeen studio albums and god knows what else in the way of releases, here’s where to start with Wire - despite their huge legacy, absolutely not a legacy act…

 Playing Harp For The Fishes

 KWL Even after decades of churning out consistently stark, highly original songs, Wire still absolutely excel - although lots of their current and recent material is a lot more digestible than in their early years - this, from 2017’s Silver/ Lead is big slow-grooving song which gives an excellent idea of the kind of discomforting experimental noise Wire have always dealt in. A steady rhythm section struggles against all matter of ethereal out of key guitar, weird oscillating noises and throbbing synth lines. Musically and lyrically challenging and abstract without ever feeling overwrought. Sardonic without any hint of bitterness. Dense without even a smidgen of unpalatability. Is it always so? Aye.

Harry Fanshawe Wire for me have always been a band on the periphery of punk history. Not to say that is rightly so, but they're a band that I've seen has being earmarked as integral by the nerdier music fans (I mean that with fondness). Take Joy Division, they formed because they saw the Sex Pistols, but they made something much deeper and more meaningful. My mental placement for Wire has had them alongside the likes of Killing Joke in that history (weirder and less easy to associate with the common idea of 'punk'), and I feel like their evolution has been similar. Like you say this track favours simplicity with the steady beat, allowing a nicely sized canvas to throw as many different colours at, which they do with the layers they chuck on top. That is an approach that I see as being more contemporary of today than the 70s (favouring simplicity and excelling in it has really come back in the last few years). It shows how adaptable this band has been over the decades. 

Lowdown

 KWL Wire’s first album Pink Flag has gone down in music history as one of the seminal British records of the early punk movement, largely down to it’s combination of abrasiveness, melody and brevity. 21 songs in 36 minutes, often fleetingly abrupt, played at breakneck pace and infused with an abstract sense of humour and an art-school sensibility that set them miles apart from their contemporaries. This one, Lowdown, sounds like a soul single on 33rpm; a fascinating disco dirge and highlight of a pretty highlight-heavy first LP.

 HF Right back to the 70s and for me that Crazy Horse vibe is straight in there. This is the THE Wire album. Fight me. Musically, it's a whole different sound to the last song, it's got vibe and groove and all the amazing characteristics of the best 70s bands. Vocally I find it more alike the stuff of the 2010s, though I reckon that's probably debatable! It's obviously got that old school, British punk oi! to it and today they're much calmer. But you can hear it. For anyone who knows Kai and his musical projects of the last few years, this riff is SO Kai.

 Marooned

KWL Here’s an older one - from 1978’s Chairs Missing. The jump between Pink Flag and this in the space of a couple of years is absolutely insane, and the jump from this to the next year’s 154 is also pretty nuts. A highlight on a rich, chilling and unique record of challenging post-punk, Marooned is slow, meandering and awash with oceanic wetness, big synths and sheet glass guitars, with Newman singing about hanging out on a sinking iceberg - both sonically and in terms of sheer epic-ness of scope, it’s closer to Pink Floyd than to any of their genre contemporaries. I put this on at a house party once and the atmosphere nose dived and the whole room just totally explicably got really fucking awkward. Take what you want from that, I guess.

 HF Forward a couple of years and the Pink Floyd sounds are in there, the experimentation is kicking off and yeah we're sat on a soft synth cloud here. It is a massive jump and I love that, I fully dig that 'fuck it who cares what anyone thinks I wanna try that'. I reckon that idea is nicely reflected in your house party play of it. I know that feeling, I did it with Primitive Man myself around a bunch of posh hipsters listening to surf rock in Cornwall. Lasted like less than 2 seconds. Proper wankers. Anyway, point is Kai, it's their loss. The tune slaps.

Map Ref 

KWL By 1980’s 154 - so called because at the point they recorded it, they had played live 154 times - Wire had cemented their place as both stalwarts and genre outliers by following up the seminal Pink Flag with the enormous impenetrable curveball-shaped Chairs Missing. 154 is full of big bangers and awkward, atmospheric synthesiser-led songs - this by the way is one of the big bangers. Lyrically it seems to be a geography nerd gushing about the enormous epic expanses of landscape that make up the American midwest. Before you go look it up, the Map reference is somewhere called Centerville in Iowa or Ohio or something. Map Ref has a chorus I frequently cite alongside “That’s When I Reach for my Revolver” or “The Girl Who Lives on Heaven Hill” as a contender among underground punk rock’s biggest fist-in-the-air choruses.

HF Again, 70s vibes are rife, the energy of the rhythm section just holds it all up so strong. Weirdly, I find his voice sounds loads like Blake Schwarzenbach [Jawbreaker, Jets to Brazil]? Any influence on him there? Who knows. Way more in the way of vocal melody here and the vibe is moving more along the way bands like Talking Heads were at the time. Definitely a banger. Love the lil satirical 'chorus' drop in there. As for landscapes inspiring songs, fuck yeah why should it always be about people? I mean animal rights punk is usually dreadful and dull, let's talk about something inanimate for once.

 Blogging

 KWL Brazen, streamlined and groovy, with a chugging downtuned riff and a glorious uplighting chorus - Blogging showcases Wire’s admirable ability to follow their own pretty standard formula and keep churning out highly original and interesting songs. The lyrics deserve a mention - it’s a hard enough endeavour sometimes for those of us born in the 90s, but if you were in a band that existed in 1976, the current musical landscape must be a pretty soul-destroying place to exist. Actually scrap that. If you were alive at a time when art seemingly meant something or was worth anything, now must be a horrible place to live. “I’m blogging like Jesus/ I tweet like a pope/site traffic heavy/ I’m YouTubing hope” 

 HF Totally agree Kai. Today is a fucking terrible time to be alive if you're interested in anything related to the notion of 'art'. It's all been rehashed and overdone. It's everywhere to be seen and no longer has a sacred place. It's been abused and overused for petulant causes. Everyone's a fucking artist and that's killed the concept. Can't believe how much this reminds me of Jets to Brazil, why!? I suppose we can forget about the present if we stick to Wire's back catalogue.

Circumspect

KWL A product of extensive periods of down-time on their part, which saw the members working on other projects - Colin Newman’s Githead in particular is worth a mention - 2008’s Object 47, so called because it’s the 47th Object in their back catalogue - is a really great record and a hidden gem in Wire’s back catalogue for me. Dispensing with the distortion and the abrasion, Wire made a record of sparse, infectious guitar-based songs that you can really lose yourself in, and this is one of the songs in which I have most frequently lost myself. A slow circular guitar arpeggio, laid-back drums and lush vocals result in an almost Manchester-esque slow disco pills-thrills-and-bellyache vibe - this is Wire at their most hypnotic and enjoyable. 

 HF Slowcore Wire! Yeah this is one of my favourites from this list. Having time away from something can let you come back to it without as much creative control or care, and refreshing your image of what the thing is in the first place. Step away, come back more naturally. This is softer, but it's still as weird as anything else they made in the last 20 years. Pretty banging video too, mind. It feels like you're in one of those dreams where you try and run but you got sandbags on your feet. But in this one, it's Drew Barrymore from Donny Darko and she's apathetic as fuck.

Bad Worn Thing

KWL Their first album properly “back” after a period of sporadic activity through the 2000s, Red Barked Tree is the sound of a band of fifty-somethings consistently at peace with the idea of re-defining what their band IS, without at any point ever stepping on the toes of their older selves. Another album highlight (with acoustic guitars) Adapt, sums it up pretty nicely. "Go east / Go north / Go south / Go west / Leave mouths open / With your best / Adapt to change / Stay unimpressed”. Bad Worn Thing finds the band both tapping into 2000s alternative music and subjecting it totally to their musical and lyrical interpretations. An upbeat, undeniably British-feeling slice of sauntering pop, one that makes me feel like I’m taking an afternoon walk through a British urban landscape to the shop on the first sunny day in weeks - all while giving a pretty caustic account of Britain’s ongoing relationship with its past and by implication, it’s future. “Follow me, no explanation/ the future sold the chancellor paces/ the growing pains associated with a past that no-one faces.”

 HF This feels so much more British than much of what we've had from them on this list so far. This is Britpop Wire. Dam right they sound like they're back, they have something new to say, they're older and more jaded, but they still have something to say. I love the 'overcrowded nature of things' repetition. Like they've come back to this messy DIY music thing and it's a fucking full house. So you gotta build your own. Mind you, I'd say Wire have always lived in the garage.

Used To

KWL Another huge cut from Chairs Missing - and a perfect example of what critic Simon Reynolds called Wire’s “strange clockwork geometry” - a blissful piece of post-punk psychedelia and definitely one of the climaxes of a record that enjoys an embarrassment of rich, blissed out moments. I would definitely cite Wire’s work in this period as proof of the utter compatibility of the experimental, expansive, forward thinking music of the 60s and 70s and the abrasiveness and brevity of punk. Indeed, it sounds like bullshit now, but the same A+R man who signed Pink Floyd and the Sex Pistols was responsible for EMI’s acquisition of the band while they were still in their infancy. For me, basically everything that made the years 1976-1979 so exciting and vital in the history of unpopular music is represented in this album, whether it be this, the Beatles-on-glue vibes of ‘I am the Fly’ or the aggressive minimalism of ‘Being Sucked in Again’, the album just gives and gives and gives. An absolute classic.

 HF Very pleased we went back to this to close. Absolutely loving the post-punk psychedelia tag on this baby. Again, everything you say above that I hear in this record is their observant nature as a band to look back at the twenty years before them and incorporate what's important, what's wrong, what's right and the relationship of all that against their own stronghold. It reinforces their importance and their place in all of this. Not everyone, hardly anyone, has the ability to be the originator of something whilst being so observant (the latter being one of the most troubling things for humankind) at the same time. A perfect place to end with Wire: it repeats, it talks, it stays with you for a moment and then it's gone. Thanks Kai.

 Silver Jews

Harry Fanshawe Like many of us, my summer last year was consumed by the release of David Berman's new album under the 'Purple Mountains' moniker and then his sudden death. I'm sure many of us also went back through his entire catalogue once we'd exhausted our ears of his latest and last offering. Silver Jews have always been a standout band for me, usually sitting with things like Leonard Cohen or the Velvet Underground in my poor attempts at genre categorising. 

What's always stood out to me in this way, making it something I've struggled to place with more contemporary artists, is the looseness in the music and the corresponding looseness in its lines between music and prose. Like Leonard or Lou, SJ have a truly unique way of delivering and intertwining music and meaning. Where the new Purple Mountains record is much more polished in its production, my fondness for the old Silver Jews records has always been like that of an old, familiar room; their rusty structures and broken floorboards bring with them more character and heart than any solid new build could and, given last summer’s events, it now holds a very special place in my heart.

KWL I remembered having heard about David Berman’s suicide because many of my most misanthropic and refined friends had been especially despondent about it - it seems I missed the boat on that particular opportunity to be saddened by the loss of a great artist, so having this opportunity to go back and be able posthumously introduced to him has been a strange experience - cool that Harry and I have these different perspectives on his work and death…like reading a sentence with a full stop at the end, or something.

 Albermarle Station

HF A tender country offering inhabited by old ghosts, broken bridges and ivy covered screens. This song always reminded me of travel, of the lingering memories from recent events in recent places bouncing around the mind after an experience somewhere with people. All whilst anticipating the next destination. There's a train station near my parents’ house and as a teenager I used to travel from it a lot to see friends. That place hasn't changed at all in the 15 years since, and the rare occasions I go there now just bring back all of it; all the old ghosts while I sit and wait near the ivy covered screens and the rickety old bridge.Travel is a time that allows for rumination and retreat, and that can be savoured in all of its broken glory. 

KWL A surprising first listen - I’m not sure exactly what I expected, maybe something a bit glossier and more upbeat, but this is great - ramshackle, melodic and with lyrics that will take a million listens. It sort of reminds me of Red House Painters but with wit, self-deprecation and genuine insight in place of abrasiveness and machismo. Berman is a prepossessing and fascinating figure in light of his suicide, I should imagine before just as much and also considering the esteem in which a lot of people held and hold him. Maybe you led me there but this song definitely feels like they have a foot in the past, in those old, deserted spaces you pass through on the way somewhere.

 New Orleans

 HF From that slightly out of tune guitar at the start to the doubled up lazy groans about the trouble in the stairs; to me this song is the dusty corner of an old house, the gold in the cellar, and it's not the house you think it is. Keeping up with a nostalgic line of thinking, this track captures the 'otherness' of the past, the distance it eventually takes, even when it can be so well set in stone by old artefacts and rooms. It beholds the length of reflective nights and the depth of their texture. Trapped inside the song where the night's are so long, we count sheep to find soothing sleep. An early banger from Berman.

 KWL This is also great - there’s something hugely admirable about a song being able to be this rickety and cobbled-together-sounding while still being so evocative. It’s like, they could probably have recorded it without the out of key guitar lines or the drums losing the beat, but they didn’t - and there’s beauty in the imperfection. The song has that ‘On The Beach’ feeling of the end of a long, drunken night, when the ash-tray is full and the kitchen needs tidying before bed. But you’ll do it in the morning.

Tennessee

 HF Clearly a trend is setting in here: the slowest country SJ numbers titled by places. Aside from the obviously amazing play on the title word in the chorus, this love song has some of the best one-liners as far as I'm concerned. Here's one: 'Punk rock died when the first kid said "Punk's not dead, punk's not dead”'. Here's my favourite: 'We're off to the land of hot middle-aged women'. Is this an optimistic look to a future with a spouse? As far as I care to know, the whole song is. Punk may be dead but love isn’t.

 KWL I always knew you had a type, Harry. Another piece of rickety out of tune folk-country storytelling that somehow plays with superficiality and reaches into the darkest depths at the same time. A bit of cutesy word-play and a really lovely key change in the middle of the song - this is actually going really well, isn’t it. I’m guessing the lady singing is Berman’s wife, just because the whole atmosphere just feels very close and personable - listening to these songs of Berman being in love and happy and stuff is startling in this current context. A great song.

Sleeping is the Only Love

 HF What's that? Another love song? Maybe! As blurred as it seems deliberately to be about loving someone and how incredible a good night's sleep is. As someone who troubles with sleep, I can agree that there are times when I would crawl over broken glass and hot coals to make it to sleep. I also love the reflection from that onto the peace had with a good functioning relationship with someone you love. Sleep and love intertwined.

 KWL All these love songs have taken on a very strange overtone, now. This one has somewhere in it a snapshot of Berman and his wife settling down to the quiet life in Nashville - it’s all pretty beautiful, and it’s very impressive to go about making so intricate a love song about something as banal as sleep. I think there’s a snapshot here of the kind of intimacy that goes beyond the sexual - where somehow sleeping next to someone is the most intimate thing of all - the rolling over, the arms going to sleep, the waking up, the bad breath. The real deal.

 Punks in the Beerlight

 HF A song for the addicts! After a hot summers day, what better than the transcendence found in the cooling of a beautiful summers night? How could you make that even better? I guess you could smoke the gel off a fentanyl patch? This song is for a long summer night where you can go and run away into the night with a friend, find the nicest, deadest park around and watch that sun go down. And what comes after we exhaust our routes for escape? Let's not kid ourselves. It gets really really bad. Gotta love that 80s glam section after the first chorus too.

 KWL Ok, so I feel I need to state here that Harry’s article has sent me down a deep rabbit hole of SJ/David Berman appreciation. It’s strange to find him here, at this point and I just wonder what it would have been like to have been like “I hope David Berman’s doing okay” at random intervals in life. This is easily the most conventionally beautiful song on the list so far and somehow it examines some of the darkest corners of the human experience. It reminds me of the beauty of being in love - all other markers fade into unimportance, rendering the rich paupers and the poor rich beyond dreams, together; a beautiful juxtaposition, part love song, part junkie memoir.

 Advice to the Graduate

 HF 'Your third drink will lead you astray.' Let's follow on from the last theme. 'So you've got no friends and you wander through the night. And now you watch the sunrise through a rifle-sight'. This song speaks for itself.

 KWL This song seems to be quite strongly advocating the “school of life” diploma - that when you finish all the arbitrary self-building, that there’s a big wide world to step out into that’s all misery and addiction and what’s your deep critical analysis of Edgar Rice Burroughs going to do for you then? It sounds so slack, a borderline The Shaggs influence - Berman said that all of his favourite singers couldn’t sing, and it doesn’t sound like he or his backing band was much better. A genuine advert for keeping the musicians out of music…

K-Hole

 HF I've never understood the appeal of a K-Hole, I suppose that DB doesn't either, since he compares it to the feeling of being left alone. Though he does still reserve his fondness for booze as a trustworthy fallback during tough times. Perhaps that's it; it can go too far. I love the string arrangements in this song, it feels outback and rural, the lyrics appeal to that sense of dusty distance too.

 KWL I have a real soft spot in my heart for when the music of a song seems to run in tandem with its lyrical content, and I must say lots of the instrumental here feels like an out of body hallucination of a country song - large swathes of the song feel like Alice in Wonderland or that first Pink Floyd record that sounds like a Kaleidoscopic Circus.  

Dallas

 HF You know the way a city can change completely in character when night hits. When all the blazing sunlight lifts and leaves you with the purity of a place. It's like a deep breath of fresh air after a heavy day, you can feel your spirits lift as the weight peels away. This is a great, simple example of DB, highlighted best in the last lines: 'Poor as a mouse every morning, rich as a cat every night, Some kind of strange magic happens, when the city turns on her lights’.

 KWL The lyrics to this really grabbed me too - but not so much in respect of the city at night, but the string of non-sequiturs that pepper the song, something that DB is obviously really great at - painting those little pictures. There’s the bit about his shrink’s former NFL career, the eroticism of CPR, “our record just went aluminium” - all absolutely amazing. I’ve heard hundreds of songs about hundreds of places, but they never came as unique or as vivid as this.

 I Remember Me

 HF Another example of being a sucker for the whimsical. 'I remember you and I remember me': through the years you can lose the old parts of yourself. When you're in a relationship these losses double, and when you look back in your 'now' state to the person you were right back at the beginning, and the person they were, it makes you appreciate the whimsical and the romantic because they are so short-lived and random. Even though you change through those years, that change enables each quirk and trait that you might look back on and miss. So soak it up while it's there lest you regret its disappearance. In this story, the characters end up apart, but whether or not you do, know that even if you are still together, parts of you can always remain apart.

 KWL This is the best song on the list, for me - absolutely gorgeous and very very moving indeed. Somehow, Berman manages to sum up in his songs and in his writing that life is a huge collection of these tiny tiny moments, and maybe if we looked more closely at the tiny moments, the enormousness of life might not seem so terrifying. A sort of temporal looking after the pennies, so to speak. This one screams “don’t wait for the perfect moment, it’s now”. 

How to Rent a Room

 HF A great ender for this list. 'I want to wander through the night as a figure in the distance even to my own eye'. 'No I don't really want to die. I only want to die in your eyes'. If only…

 KWL Further research into the life of DB has directed me towards the fact that his father represents the worst of the worst of the American Republican corporate lobbying parasite - against environmental protections, the minimum wage, health warnings on tobacco, labour rights and trade regulations, to name just a few, and whose son Berman seemed ashamed to be. I just looked through the lyrics to this and they genuinely seem to be a letter to his dad, who he called “a despicable man … [a] human molestor … an exploiter … a scoundrel” saying “I’d rather be dead than your son.” 

 Thanks for this Harry, it’s been a real pleasure and a great introduction to a fascinating man and his band. May he rest in peace.

For the full playlist, click here

[jawbreakers2015]

Player Profile: JawDrop

combo video purveyor from France (image by Aru) and in the top 8 of the Jawbreakers Stunfest Qualifier

What names do you go by?

My tag is Jawdrop everybody is calling me jaw i got this idea from LL while searching a name that would suits me and i dont want to change anymore

How do you feel about your performance in this tournament?

Not good at all, i ve been on a break regarding the game for, about 2 month and it as been showed during the tournament, plus since my controler broke i was playing with my keyboard so not on my top level

What was your strategy preparing for and competing in the tournament?

I didnt realy had a strat going on, only my combos, usually i focus on parry bait, but without recent training and keyboard, it not the best

Which was your hardest match of the tournament?

Neer was the hardest, i was looking forward to it and i need to learn to conter his style specialy his defense style tho big up for his progress and his skill during the tournament, hope to get my revange soon >:)

What surprised you most about the tournament?

My final rank, i was hopping to do better but nope ^^. I was also surprised about Cherry s DoomBox

Is there anyone you didn’t face that you wish you did?

Lalou and Daioutzu, the best i love to play against

How did you get into Lethal League?

Lusked told me 2 or 3 years ago avout a game so fun i needed to play it bad, once i played it i couldnt stop myself to play, dreamin to play big, it felt like the game i was destined to play.

What’s your current Lethal League experience?

800 hours in Lethal League/350 in Lethal League Blaze In win the 4th and the 6th tourney hosted by Some Person ressently, and 3 in the last FellowTV tournament! And im rank 3

Who are your main/side/counter character picks?

My favorit in Blaze are Doombox, and my pocket main are Sonata, i ve also a good Raptor / Switch

What are your favourite character outfits?

Doombox : Deep Sea Banger / Latch : Science Beast / Sonata : Blazin'

What are your stage preferences?

Sewer and Pool , sewer for design Pool clearly, eversince LL1 it s the best map to train when speaking of size

What input method do you use?

Controller XboxOne PUBG collector edition

How did the Lethal League Blazin' Combo video come together?

I ve been working with a lot of players and i opened a discord server to have some ease to organise myself and for it to be easy to get the players i need for videos i m making. Aru as been aking care of the 3d models ( with after effect) part of the video and helped me with the name introduction in the video, he s realy doing well with my ideas and demands. I use the spectator mod to recird the bursts (pretty handy almist no lag) even tho sometime im quite in a pickle because i can only spectat 3 players instead of LL1 wich will be a futur dilema for upcoming videos i want to make since i d like to spectate 4 players I decided to make blazin combo to motivate players and potential new comers like "Overclocked" did for LL1  See it as my way to contribute to the community ^^. As for the thumbnail Lusked as been doing some of them for my channel and the one for Blazin combo he will also do some drawings for upcoming videos as well.

And i work on the video with adobe premiere pro, that's it haha

(full credits in the video description and more videos on the channel!)

Will you come to Stunfest?

of course i come to stunfest !!!

What are some other games you play?

I love all Souls game, also i m a big fan of the last Doom, i already try since 1 years the ultranightmare difficulties, and borderlands :3

Is there anything else you’d like to say to the community?

Im far from giving up im back to training, and im going to get back on a all new level and i ll be ready for the next tournaments, i m super thankfull for the chears up during the jawbreaker, this community rocks, it s the best

[sparkiesnotes-blog]

Thoughts on Dear Evan Hansen

Overall rating: 4.5/5

Plot: 4/5

Songs: 4.5/5

For starters, it 100% deserved that Tony, any naysayers can go away, sorry. I love Great Comet and Groundhog day with all my heart and I wouldn’t have been upset to see them win, but I would have been surprised it wasn’t this wonderful musical.

As someone who has struggled with their mental health pretty much all their life, has gone through having people close to me commit suicide and has always used music and musical theatre as a guide and an escape from it, to hear that a musical was coming to broadway dealing with issues such as depression, anxiety and suicide in teens was too good to be true!

With the conversation surrounding mental health gradually getting more mainstream and more people are talking about it, a musical surrounding these themes couldn’t be more up my alley.

I’ve been excited for this musical ever since the lyrics came out and that was all I had to go off of. I knew all the words to the songs before the cast recording had even come out.

I think the songs perfectly sum up all the mish mash of feelings of when you’re in those low moments, the climactic song towards the end of the second act ‘Words Fail’ is both one of the most powerful performances from Ben Platt (a well deserved Tony, might I add) and perfectly rounds out the self hatred and pity that one can feel for oneself in a depressive state.

I feel like the representation of masculinity in this show is really important. Societal pressures on masculine identifying people tell them to keep quiet about their feelings and to keep them guarded and to not let anyone see. “Suicide is four times more common in men than women, and in 2005, 1,657 men took their own lives (ABS, 2007)” Source

To have the main character be a sensitive, non-stereotypical and intuitive teenage boy is incredibly important and necessary to see.

The only thing that I have a gripe with the show about is it is a little lacking in diversity. Coming from last years season where the four tony actor and actress award winners all went to people of colour going into a season that was back to a pretty whited out run (coughBandstandcough), it was disheartening to see only one black named character, Alana. When you look at the statistics in mental health in teens, the difference in teens of colour compared to white teenagers is astronomical. “A disproportionate number of suicides occurred among young male American Indians during this period—young men 15 to 24 accounted for 64 percent of all suicides by American Indians (CDC, 2001).” Source  

So, to not see this represented was disheartening, POC need this representation just as much as white people do. I hope that one day broadway can realise this.

While you can head cannon all you want (Evan and Connor are both trans and literally nothing you can say will stop me from believing it), the queer representation is appalling. From what I’ve researched (I haven’t had time to watch the full bootleg yet, but someone feel free to correct me if I’m wrong!), its not even outrightly stated that Jared is gay. Its just the stereotypes played out. Again, in queer teens mental health is a huge issue, the discrepancy between queer youth and cisgender heterosexual youth in mental health is disgustingly drastic.

“Compared to the general population, LGBTI people are more likely to attempt suicide in their lifetime, specifically:

LGBTI young people aged 16 to 27 are five times more likely

Transgender people aged 18 and over are nearly eleven times more likely

People with an Intersex variation aged 16 and over are nearly six times more likely

LGBT young people who experience abuse and harassment are even more likely to attempt suicide”

Source

Obviously, I’m not saying that every story is able to be told in one singular musical, but for a musical to be claiming to represent mental health in teens, and then missing out representing the biggest proportion of teens who have these problems, is very sad to see.

Before I go into a talk through of each song below the cut I want to say that I truly love this musical. On days when it was hard to get out of bed or thought it would be better if I were to disappear, this musical has honestly pulled me out of those gutters.

I completely understand that this musical means a lot to some people, and I 100% empathise with why and I’m so happy for you that this musical was able to help you and I. I’m able to enjoy it despite its flaws, of which there are very few, and I definitely come from the mindset of the people who really love something are the most critical of it. 

If you haven’t yet, give Dear Evan Hansen a listen! However I recommend reading the Wikipedia synopsis along with it as the plot can be hard to understand from just the soundtrack! Talk through of the soundtrack/spoliers below the cut

- Sparky <3

Anybody have a map? - I think this is a perfect example and representation of how hopeless and helpless a parent can feel when trying to support a struggling teen. Also, in this show is a wonderful representation of single mothers and I think this song sets it up well.

The harmonies in are beautiful, I love harmonies in any song, add a harmony to anything and I’ll love it I promise. 

Waving through a window - Ahhhh I love this song a lot. Close to my favourite. This was the song I first read the lyrics to before the musical came out and I just aGH. It perfectly sums up social anxiety in a string of beautiful and melodic metaphors. The idea of “Waving through a window” and questioning whether anyone is waving back is something that many people, including myself, have gone through or are going through. A beautiful, beautiful song and message for a all too relatable topic.

Ben Platt’s combination of soft almost soothing notes with the belting of the final notes in the song is perfect. I can’t think of another adjective to describe it.

For Forever - A beautiful melody mixed with a beautiful fantasy. The fact that this is him imagining what it would be like to have a friend is heartbreaking. The voice crack on “He’s coming to get me”, gets ME everytime. 

Also Ben Platt can hit a high note holy poop.

Sincerely Me - For a pretty dark musical, this song is the perfect uplifting BANGER. Doing the dance to myself in the car on the freeway is dangerous though, would not recommend.

The no homo moment in it is a bit :/ though.

Requiem - I’ve got to admit the first few times I heard this song I didn’t like it. I hated the idea of someone saying that they were glad that their brother was dead and asking why they should miss them. I hated the idea of a person who is suicidal sitting in that audience or listening at home, hearing what they already believed for themselves what Zoe was saying, that they wouldn’t be missed. 

But it wasn’t until a friend pointed out what this song was really saying, how it was representing different ways of dealing with grief until I realised that it was incredibly important. I now love this song.

If I could tell her -  Ugh. I have so many gripes with this song I’m sorry.

First of all anyone who sees this song as a love song I have questions for you.

This song is so idealising of Zoe, and so ‘manic pixie dream girly’ I die. 

I get the social anxiety side of it. I get having all of these thoughts bubbling inside of you and being too anxious to tell someone, I get it, trust me. 

But its the fact that he says “I love you”, I’m sorry but you can’t love someone you’ve never spoken to before. You can love the idea of a person. You can like how a person looks or acts. But you cannot love them.

And the fact that this is all being said as if it were Connor, her dead brother is just so messed up. I get that thats the point but, I just worry that people will see this song as ‘goals’ or ‘I wish someone would think/ do that for me’ when it is NOT a healthy outlook on women, love or just people.

It’s a lovely song, but I wish it was less idealising and was phrased differently. Less ‘not like other girls’ please.

Disappear - No one does deserve to disappear. Some days it was only this song that could tell me that.

You will be found - This is my favourite song on the soundtrack. I love this song so much. I have the lyrics as a sticker on my laptop and in a frame next to my bed. I have one distinct memory of this song.

It was a really dark moment, I had woken up from some horrific nightmares, was in the midst of a bad brain time and all I wanted was to go back to sleep, forever. But I had work that day, I had stuff to do. I put on this song and at the end of it, I was crying and getting up to get in the shower, something I didn’t even realise I was capable of that day. This song gives me so much motivation, I do have other songs that do the same things, but the fact that this is up there with other songs, is big for me.

If you listen to one song from this musical, listen to this one. You will not regret it.

“Let that lonely feeling wash away Maybe there’s a reason to believe you’ll be okay ‘Cause when you don’t feel strong enough to stand You can reach, reach out your hand

And oh, someone will coming running And I know, they’ll take you home

Even when the dark comes crashing through When you need a friend to carry you And when you’re broken on the ground You will be found”

To break in a glove - Eh. I like the message. But, you know how theres that one song in a musical you always skip over? This is mine :-)

Only us - Can Laura Dreyfuss make a lullaby?? Please?? She has such a soothing and beautiful voice I love it so much.

This song is a really good representation of what its like to date someone with a mental illness. Its a beautiful duet and I love it to pieces.

Good for you -  Literally the best song if you just need to be angry. This song ignites a fury in me like little else can. All I want to do is PUNCh stuff after I listen to it, I love it. Amazing.

Words Fail - Ben Platt deserved that Tony and if you want an example of why just listen to this. It’s beautiful, simple, elegant and heartbreakingly sad all at once.

So big/so small - Single mothers need to be worshipped by every person on earth I’m pretty sure its in the Bible. I also think this is really good representation of what a kid needs from their parent when going through a mental health spiral, undying and unconditional support and love.

Finale - :’), Honestly incredible. I don’t know how many ways I can say I love this musical, but I do, I really do. 

“Today is going to be a good day. And here's why: 

because today, today at least you're you and—that's enough.​“

I love this musical and I will cherish it always.

I know the sort of people who would be listening to it though, so I’m going to say that my PM’s are open and so is my ask box, if you ever want to chat.

If you need urgent care/attention, please contact lifeline or the equivalent in your country.

<3

[shinyoliver]

Verse 5: Ison, n.: a droning as if the stones themselves would sing.

The fire warming his back felt like foreshadowing. The warm, paper bag of sugar-roasted chestnuts in his hands felt like a choice. The couples and children clacking and laughing in ice skates on the outdoor rink looked like the calm distance of an unconcerned world that would keep on without him whether he picked the wrong thing or not.

Reg put a hot, sticky chestnut into his cheek. He sucked on it for a moment.

“Feels like there’s a niche market for someplace you can go and just, like, get one brownie, or something,” Poppy said next to him, the most recent in a long and unrequited stream of comments that she’d provided for him, making observations about everything from the difference between traffic signals in Britain and the U.S. and which she preferred—she never actually said which—to why James Joyce might have been better if he did speed. “You know, like on nights like this when you want something warm and something to chew, but you aren’t as hungry as all that. Whoever never decided to open a little brownie kiosk missed a whole mess of business. I save this place for emergencies, like. Honey roasted chestnuts are all right. They’re not brownies, though. Know what I mean?”

Reg nodded. He chewed the sweet chestnut.

Poppy nodded too. She sniffed, and she looked at the ice rink. Then she looked at the tall buildings on either side of what would be a grassy and flowery central courtyard in warm weather. During the cold night of winter, it was filled with as much light as days during summer. Chains of light strung between lampposts and from the skeletal trees. It was the sort of place listed on those annoying, “Ten places to take your date,” things.

“I went to court once,” Reg said. “You ever been to court?”

“Yeah,” Poppy said.

“I never had. It frightened me. The idea of going to court used to frighten me, I mean. Just the…facing up to legal authorities and, you know, thinking about right and wrong how I would view it and what that has to do with what legal institutions think that the words ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ mean. You know, that old argument about submitting to a just authority and what that means.”

“That old chestnut,” Poppy said.

“I remember…before going to court, the whole idea of the legal system scared the literal shit literally out of me.”

“I had an aunt had a cow had the same problem. Popular with the village gardening club.”

“Then, after going to court, even though I just went once and for, really, a pretty little thing, it was like…I don’t know, like some membrane broke, and let me into that world. I wouldn’t pretend like I get the legal world, all of a sudden. I feel like I’ve been let into it now, though, and thinking about it doesn’t give me the complete heebs now.”

“’Cause it used to,” Poppy stated, almost in an inquiring tone.

“Yeah. It felt otherworldly, like the rituals there meant things I could never understand. Then, after just my little glimpse, it felt like that world let me in. I still didn’t know all the rules, but it just stopped feeling alien.”

Poppy nodded.

Reg fell quiet. He had something else he wanted to say. Or he thought he did. He couldn’t think what it was. Not exactly.

He ate another nut.

“So…” Reg said. “So…real magic, huh?”

“Did you ever suppose the world held not even one mote of magic?” Poppy asked.

Reg shrugged. “No. I figured that would be too…” Reg didn’t know what “too.” He left that one floating. “So what is Hurt?”

“A wizard,” Poppy said. She shrugged. “Sorcerer. Never caught onto the distinction between the two meself. I don’t think there is one, and they’re just bullshitting the plebs so as to come off all mysterious. Headcases, every one.”

“Some kind of magician anyway,” Reg said. He ate another nut.

“He’s also a sort of mid-level capo in a kind of mob,” Poppy went on. “A mob that’s making a grab for territory in this town. There’s not much old world royalty in these parts. Might surprise you to hear it.”

“It does, so much,” Reg said, unable to resist a little sarcastic jab. He didn’t know what “old world royalty” was, and he thought he might ask about it someday.

“True as the Big Empty, angel cakes,” Poppy said. “There’s some unusual features of this area that might make things a bit strange for them. We’ll see.”

“Ah,” Reg said. He ate another nut, deciding how to phrase the question he really wanted to ask. “And what are you?”

Poppy smirked. The question made her pause, and sigh, then begin to speak with a low voice. “I am a consultant. I provide services to clients who either lack my expertise or wish to maintain a certain discretionary distance from the means that the services require.”

Reg nodded. “You’re a thief.”

“That’s amusing,” Poppy said, laughing. “Not only,” she said. “Not even mostly. I prefer to think of myself as professional support to specialist entrepreneurs.”

“So, like, gang bangers? Is that the right term? I’m not very ‘street’.”

“I believe I said ‘not even mostly’.”

“And that clears the whole thing? Just makes it cozy so we’re all dory and hunky, does it?”

Poppy smiled. She seemed like she had no intention of answering aside from to smile.

“So…it doesn’t matter to you that it matters to me?”

“You need to understand all of it,” Poppy said. “I’m not the right person to tell you about it. Not…right at this moment.”

“Who is? Can I go ask that person?”

“Mr. Ward’s who you want,” Poppy said, then cleared her throat, as if she hadn’t meant to say that. No longer smiling, she threw Reg a hard look. “You aren’t going to ask me what it was? What Hurt meant by what he said, I mean. About Mr. Ward, I mean.” She didn’t look at him in a pointed fashion. “You aren’t going to ask me, right?”

“No,” Reg said. He more coughed it. Now he wanted to know what Hurt meant. Suddenly quite urgently. But the way that Poppy spoke the question with enough urgency to make it halfway to an order made him change his mind…or it made him say—or, rather, cough—no, as if it had been his idea.

“Good,” Poppy said.

Which put Reg in an annoying place, because he only had one other thing he wanted to ask about. It felt kind of needy to ask about it—kind of desperate—and he had been trying not to ask it. It felt like the kind of thing that, if he were cool, he wouldn’t need to ask. Nobody in Ocean’s Eleven—or The Sting or any of those heist flicks or anything like that—needed to ask what Reg felt like he needed to ask. Cool people just knew why they found themselves in the weird scenario.

With a soul-filled sigh, Reg resigned himself to not being heist movie cool.

Which, when he thought about it, did leave a lot of other kinds of cool to be. Maybe it wasn’t such a heartbreaking thing.

Still, he had a go of trying to look cool.

“So, what did you do? Cruise around to all the comedy gigs to find the one act who could hold the attention of a whole room while cleverly tricking them into being bored?”

“It was a little more scientific than that. What’s funny?”

“I didn’t think you’d give me a straight answer.”

“Simple enough question.”

“Mm,” Reg ate another nut. He chewed it and took his time about it. “So…when you said you had a gig for me…”

“I meant a real gig,” Poppy said. “A job. Long as you want it. You know, if you do any good over the next few days.”

“Any good at what, though?”

“What I want you to do. You’ve been kind of shit at it so far.”

“What is it, though?”

“It’ll be way easier to explain after you’ve figured out how to do it.”

“You know that makes no sense, right?”

Poppy smiled her dangerous smile. “You’ve been kind of shit at it, and pretty well convinced me I’m brilliant for thinking you’ll do all right.”

“Why? What happened?”

Her smile went a little quieter. “I brought you out to explain the world to you, right?”

“Yeah,” Reg said.

“Done all right, have I?” Poppy said.

“I mean…kind of. Sort of. You’ve done pretty well for somebody who needs to invite some schmuck into a realm of magical heist pulling. I don’t think anyone could soften that up enough to make it sound calming, but given the subject matter you’ve done pretty well.”

“One of us have.”

“Huh?”

Poppy stepped away from the hearth of the outdoor fireplace. “One of us has been doing most of the talking, here. By my reckoning, it wasn’t me.” She held out her practically untouched little paper sack of honeyed chestnuts. “Thanks for the nuts, mate. You good to get yourself home from here, yeah? Right.”

A bit dazed still, Reg took the little sack of nuts. Poppy threw him a casual salute, and she turned and started to leave.

“I don’t get it,” Reg said.

“You do,” Poppy said. “You just don’t want to. Call you, yeah? Think it over. Not too long, all right? Cheer-o.”

She faded into the crowd. For a human basically constructed from sultry, bombast, and the distortion from an electric guitar, she faded into a crowd unexpectedly thoroughly. Reg couldn’t keep her in his sights at all, not even with her silky jacket.

He frowned into the sack of nuts. Then he looked at the big sky.

“What did I just learn?” he said.

The sky had no answer.

*

Bonzer had a little population of figurines representing dozens of different people. He had one for himself and one for Reiki and one for Poppy and one for Bruce. Bruce wondered if Bonzer would ever get out the one for Mr. Ward again, and sort of hoped that he never would.

The figurines stood around the large piece of paper with the crayoned-on map of the convention center. Reiki had a position on the side, where she would begin. Poppy’s slim, bright-colored figurine danced among the handful of beads that represented an anticipated crowd. Bonzer’s figure stood off the map, in a box by itself, because he would be “remoting in,” as they said it in other disciplines. Bruce needed to stay away from the nexus of the job because the secrecy they wanted would be given away by a scent peculiar to him, inherited from a grandparent that, if most species detected it at all, generally smelled a little like peat moss.

Ogres would smell it like Yankees fans can see Red Sox fans. The two ogre clans stared each other down on the crayon-drawn map, represented by orcish looking figurines with clubs and axes. Bruce ought to stay away from them if they wanted the plan to work. He would be getaway driver.

Reiki wrote the last note in a long line of bulleted points down the side of the map. Her writing looked like an army of spiders walked across the paper and left long, sooty scratches. Poppy would still review the plan, but this job had the beauty of being somewhat straightforward.

They all leaned over the table. They looked at the plans. The seriousness could be tasted in the dusty air.

The moment itself seemed to grind its teeth.

“Eggrolls?” Reiki said.

“I know a Thai place,” Bonzer said.

Reiki nodded. “Open this late?”

Bonzer shrugged. “It isn’t that late.”

“Guess it ain’t,” Reiki said.

Bruce pulled on his coat. They climbed into the alley and into Bruce’s big town car.

The dusting of snow that had fallen earlier whited all the mounds of snow. Bruce felt undeceived. He knew that the mounds of snow pushed off the streets and sidewalks had grimy, grey faces.

Bonzer knew the town a little better than Bruce or Reiki. He had been there longer than Bruce and certainly longer than Reiki. Bonzer also liked cities, and they liked him. The myriad wifi signals and Bluetooth signals and cell signals and the thousand other signals all talked to Bonzer. Bruce reckoned that invisible cloud of mankind’s technology gave twiggish, twitchy Bonzer that expression of resigned befuddlement all the time and made his big round eyes always at the same time wide and tired. Bruce heard that some people found Bonzer wearisome to be around. Bruce never did. If Bruce was a rhinoceros—which he sometimes felt like one—Bonzer was a red-billed oxpecker, perching (metaphorically) on Bruce and flitting around to counteract those little irritations that came with living in this misbegot century.

Bonzer even kind of looked like a red-billed oxpecker, with his twitchy eyes and craning neck. If a red-billed oxpecker had a teal-colored fringe on its head.

Bonzer’s instructions kept them on dark back streets with hardly a porch light or street light to interrupt the congregations of night gaunts. Bruce saw a few of the negative-light creatures, sitting in a doorway, passing a bottle back and forth. Well, “saw.” You don’t “see” them. You know them by their absence. Bruce remembered the doorway. It never hurt to know places to find night gaunts. They came in useful for plenty of jobs and worked cheap, and they always knew which bars had the best happy hour food deals.

Bonzer gestured to tell Bruce to make a left. After a half block they made another left onto a bigger street—onto the bigger street and through a membrane between the cold, easily permeable black darkness owned by the moon and stars—hidden behind the clouds, which owned the silence. On the other side of the membrane they pushed into the warmer and more glutinous yellow darkness owned by mankind’s lights. Some people thought they imagined that division between the two kinds of darkness. It was a real membrane. You just had to touch the air right to feel it.

Bruce recognized this street. It had significance to Mr. Ward. Bruce didn’t know why. It just looked like a street made of grit, so often driven over by cars that their tires cast the grit onto the faces of all the dedicated pedestrians and all the affronted shops. It didn’t matter how nice anything started when it got here, it all looked weary and dusty.

Yet it all kept coming. All the people walked on the wide sidewalks, avoiding the chance to ask themselves if they enjoyed it, and all the shops and restaurants stood there like they had staked their spot to watch the parade, and wanted to look inviting in spite the silt.

The snow didn’t help. Every view had mounds of frozen mud in gutters and the narrow spaces between buildings.

Bruce didn’t know why Mr. Ward liked it.

But he did know why he liked it.

He pulled into a spot in front of the thai joint. It had no customers and only two bored employees, but it said it would be open for a few hours more.

Reiki and Bonzer ordered some of almost all the appetizers. They carried them back to Bruce’s town car in a brown paper bag.

Almost without thinking of doing it, he drove toward the convention center so they could look it over.

For a while they ate and didn’t talk.

Or, at least, Reiki talked and Bonzer sometimes responded. He thought of it as silence because they didn’t need his attention and he found the addition to the background noise acceptable. Soothing, even. He didn’t mind these people.

They talked, and what they said entered his head and stayed there. Spoken words did that. He didn’t need to think about them.

“I kind of started my own crew a little while ago,” Reiki said. “Just a couple of us. Couple thieves and kind of a class huckster who we would have put in charge of glamour. Know what I mean? They’re still active in town. I kind of keep tabs on them.”

Bonzer replied with his elastic face. His slide-eyed, purse-lipped expression said that he could feel empathy with what she had to say, but that he didn’t feel like acknowledging her position—not at this exact moment—but she could keep going if she wanted. He had an eloquent face.

“You guys do good work,” Reiki said. “If you ever want to contract with us, you have my number.”

“Think this job will go rotten?” Bonzer asked. Reiki cleared her throat. Bruce, even, glanced sideways and tried not to look at the idea. He looked at the rising buildings instead. The building got taller every block he drove north.

“Just saying,” Reiki said, “keep our options clear, right? I mean…” she waved her fingers like she was an actor pretending to cast a spell, then batted her eyelashes and mimed flipping her hair in an impression of the easy way to misinterpret Poppy. Another eloquent gesture, and it said fairly clearly that trusting wily Poppy when wily Poppy had a veteran sorcerer meant one thing. And that this Reg put a strain on the situation.

She didn’t need to say it. They all thought it to different degrees.

“Keep ourselves open to options,” Reiki said. She frowned about it. It seemed to hurt her to say it. “Need to do that. We survive by doing that. I mean…it’d suck to make an enemy of Poppy. Don’t want to do that. Never know. She might not resent it.”

Bonzer’s face made a shape that would have come with a derisive sound if it had been someone else’s face.

“She’d understand about the surviving thing,” Reiki said. She cast a look that needled into the side of Bruce’s head. She wanted some kind of reassurance. People looked to Bruce for reassurance. He struck them as solid, like the immovable lug that he made himself out to be. It made sense.

Bruce pulled another egg roll from the paper bag. He ate half of it in a mouthful and crunched it.

“Thanks,” Reiki said. She didn’t even try not to sound sarcastic.