#very soft very sweet maybe a little (a lot) fucked up :catnod:

[nulltune]

❛ I'm not scared of dying. ❜ { im so sorry, that quote of his live in my brain every day && now i had to send this here }

UNPROMPTED PAIN, always accepting !! @orphilos (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ) ♡

❛   why ...  do you say that ... ?   ❜      slack vocals are unable to deliver the  ( seemingly neutral )  words with the same nonchalance.  a brief instance of vulnerability showing itself in wide hazels,  the mouth that remained gaping unsightly as she spoke.  how could you say that ?   lips press together into a thin line  /  as if to keep that more personal form of inquiry to herself  /  to compose herself,  the way she always would.

thoughts of death  —  no matter how frightening  —  always failed to bring any semblance of fear onto hakuno kishinami's unchanging porcelain face. yet in this instance, delicate brows remain furrowed, and hakuno makes an active effort of trying to achieve that mien of calm.      ❛   it is only natural to be afraid death,  you do not have put on a brave front. ❜      something about this feels... off. she realizes that with a shaky inhale,  vaguely aware of the increase in her heartbeat, the subtle tremor in her fingertips.     

‘ i'm not scared of dying. ’ those words, minato's words, repeat in her spinning head. ❛   saying something like that,  it's ...   ❜      gaze lowers, the unease she feels almost palpable. it makes her think that some day / soon, he might just disappear from her sight.

dying. death. dead. he isn't afraid of dying, and he could very well be dead.

why ? comes the natural question from her logical head, which knew of the self - preservation that every living being has. she, too, for all her lack of normalcy had that, and perhaps she held onto that so tightly, as though it were the last vestiges of her humanity / for she is the doll that wants to live, but doesn't know how to / the doll that couldn't comprehend the other's way of staring right into death.

—hakuno kishinami felt like she... understood though, a little bit. hakuno understood that minato wouldn't mind taking up the role of a martyr if it meant the safety of those he cared for. while her head still struggled to wrap itself around that concept of self - sacrifice, her racing heart did. it is an admirable trait, truly, and should he have no issues with it, then she shouldn't either.

( but, but, but ... ! )

❛   don't— ❜ don't die. ❛   don't demean yourself by saying that ...   ❜      don't even say that, please.  don't—  don't think that way.   don't die. please...  please, don't accept death so easily.      ❛   do you not see the value of your own life ?!   ❜      laced with a desperation to it; a cry, a plead. treasure yourself more, don't exclude yourself from the happiness you want for others.  her wavering voice is a far cry from its usual soft monotone.  like a mighty tide,  it crashes and then recedes  ——  were any of her words even worth anything ? left slouched over from her outburst,  brown locks spill over frail shoulders that trembled ever - so - slightly.

❛   ... don't you know that there are people who would be sad if they lost you ... ? ❜

( the truth of it was— she is nothing but a selfish coward, scared of losing her friend. and she should know that being like this, that would only serve her right. )