#<- me saying this even tho u have given both me and my gal ..... So Much emotional damage n_n 💖 (i love it tho ty)

[nulltune]

❛ I'm not scared of dying. ❜ { im so sorry, that quote of his live in my brain every day && now i had to send this here }

UNPROMPTED PAIN, always accepting !! @orphilos (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ) ♡

❛   why ...  do you say that ... ?   ❜      slack vocals are unable to deliver the  ( seemingly neutral )  words with the same nonchalance.  a brief instance of vulnerability showing itself in wide hazels,  the mouth that remained gaping unsightly as she spoke.  how could you say that ?   lips press together into a thin line  /  as if to keep that more personal form of inquiry to herself  /  to compose herself,  the way she always would.

thoughts of death  —  no matter how frightening  —  always failed to bring any semblance of fear onto hakuno kishinami's unchanging porcelain face. yet in this instance, delicate brows remain furrowed, and hakuno makes an active effort of trying to achieve that mien of calm.      ❛   it is only natural to be afraid death,  you do not have put on a brave front. ❜      something about this feels... off. she realizes that with a shaky inhale,  vaguely aware of the increase in her heartbeat, the subtle tremor in her fingertips.     

‘ i'm not scared of dying. ’ those words, minato's words, repeat in her spinning head. ❛   saying something like that,  it's ...   ❜      gaze lowers, the unease she feels almost palpable. it makes her think that some day / soon, he might just disappear from her sight.

dying. death. dead. he isn't afraid of dying, and he could very well be dead.

why ? comes the natural question from her logical head, which knew of the self - preservation that every living being has. she, too, for all her lack of normalcy had that, and perhaps she held onto that so tightly, as though it were the last vestiges of her humanity / for she is the doll that wants to live, but doesn't know how to / the doll that couldn't comprehend the other's way of staring right into death.

—hakuno kishinami felt like she... understood though, a little bit. hakuno understood that minato wouldn't mind taking up the role of a martyr if it meant the safety of those he cared for. while her head still struggled to wrap itself around that concept of self - sacrifice, her racing heart did. it is an admirable trait, truly, and should he have no issues with it, then she shouldn't either.

( but, but, but ... ! )

❛   don't— ❜ don't die. ❛   don't demean yourself by saying that ...   ❜      don't even say that, please.  don't—  don't think that way.   don't die. please...  please, don't accept death so easily.      ❛   do you not see the value of your own life ?!   ❜      laced with a desperation to it; a cry, a plead. treasure yourself more, don't exclude yourself from the happiness you want for others.  her wavering voice is a far cry from its usual soft monotone.  like a mighty tide,  it crashes and then recedes  ——  were any of her words even worth anything ? left slouched over from her outburst,  brown locks spill over frail shoulders that trembled ever - so - slightly.

❛   ... don't you know that there are people who would be sad if they lost you ... ? ❜

( the truth of it was— she is nothing but a selfish coward, scared of losing her friend. and she should know that being like this, that would only serve her right. )

[literaphobe]

season three of she-ra rated by catradora content

the price of power: adora talks about how she thinks the others at the horde can change too and when u think about it in the “at this point in the story, she still hoped catra would change” way it’s like wow :’) we knew that but wow :’) it sucks tho that in this scenario she’s actually wondering specifically if shadow weaver can change, which :/ hm :/ bc shadow weaver sucks. adora really fucking called her out on her abuse tho which is so sexy, and yes that has nothing to do with catradora i just felt like i really wanted to mention it at least <3 shadow weaver is a loserrrr <3 but.... she does mention “catra betrayed me” which makes adora do her “oh, catra?👀” eyebrow raise. i swear she cannot keep a straight fucking face whenever someone mentions catra. it’s like. are you lgbt or something? :/ 2/10

huntara: no catra this episode, but adora’s reaction to huntara will forever go down as one of her stupidest gay moments. u think catra knew super huge buff ladies were adora’s type? how fucking funny would it be if catra thought she never stood a chance with adora not because of the internalized homophobia shadow weaver instilled in them but simply because she thought she was not tall and buff enough for adora’s taste. “adora doesn’t want me!!!!! not like i want her..... because i’m not swole😔” 0/10

once upon a time in the waste: very funny and sexy of catra 2 be like. hm. i was sent here to die. i have completely given up on my hopes and dreams. oh wait what did you say? she-ra?😏 and she was blonde?👀 she’s got a sword?😩 she was angry?😽 her name is adora?👅 and all of a sudden catra is like nope existential crisis over. i’m gay again. and also evil again. that mix culminates in her giving a sexy monologue. did you know that if you’re gay and evil you will give very sexy monologues? and also sword lesbians will fall in love with you despite your questionable morals? anyway, catra takes over the whole of the crimson waste. i won’t discuss how since technically it doesn’t involve catradora but it was really hot okay😔 also adora was being really hot and powerful and fearless (she did not even flinch as bats flew in her face. hello?) and Angery this ep but i will also not get into it😩 i will however remark upon how both catra and adora low key had meltdown monologues this ep, and it is :( but also hot and cool of them. now, i will move onto when they meet <3 catra starts slow clapping as her goons creep onto mara’s ship and poison dart the best friend squad. they only send three darts flying and the last one is blocked by huntara. we have to assume that catra only ordered her team to send three darts for huntara, bow, and glimmer, leaving adora for last because catra has to greet her with, and let’s say it all together—“hey, adora😼”. adora tries to make a run for her sword but catra uses her new sexy cool whip to take it away. “i think this might be the quickest i ever won a fight. always so dramatic with you, isn’t it, adora?” adora tells huntara to save bow and glimmer first, leaving adora as catra’s only prisoner. 👀👀👀👀 soon after, everyone is celebrating, and catra sits in the big chair on mara’s ship like it’s a throne, casually draped over with adora’s sword in her hand, the long blade just resting between her legs. and. hooooooooooooooo boooooooooooooiiiiii. let me just. let me just have a second over here okay folks? this is all very hard for my sexuality to take. i don’t think u all realize how hard it is to make these evaluations. every day i have a breakdown over how hot one of them is. it’s one thing to just watch the show but every time something gay happens (so like, every five seconds) i gotta pause it and take notes (by take notes i really mean start ranting about it like this) and then i gotta like rewind it and shit to double check and i have to force myself to just be repeatedly subjected to the gayness. starting to get a little homophobic tbh! okay back to the show. catra is so fucking sweet and makes everyone cheer scorpia on too. she breaks out into this beautiful giggle. oh my god her laugh. bitches falling for this catgirl left and right smh. catra grabs scorpia’s claw and drags her away from the party. we also find out this is when catra learns about what a party is. remember how adora didn’t know what a party was either? :( damn. they deserve to have absolute ragers ok. catra starts talking about how valued and cool she will be when they go back and show hordak the sword, etc, and scorpia is like. but what if we didn’t do that. what if we just stayed here and had a gay life. a good honest gay life filled with sick parties and gang leading. and catra is like oh right.... u have a point..... i do hate the horde...... wonder why that is.... and then scorpia makes a fatal mistake. she says “forget adora!” which is about the dumbest thing you can tell a self destructive catgirl who’s been in love with adora her whole life but also kinda resents her atm. and catra is like perhaps i don’t want to forget adora. did u consider that scorpia? did you not think about how i crave her lips upon my mouth every night? fuck u im gonna go uh... find adora n maybe tie her up even more idk >:( catra goes to “check on the prisoner”, according to her own words. what does that mean, catra. like what. ur gonna go see if adora wants some tea? something 2 eat?👅 someone to kiss? Fkskdjdjdj adora is obviously struggling against her restraints and trying to break free, and the second she sees her she goes “catra, you can’t do this! >:(“ and catra is like “well, hello to you, too.” because MANNERS, adora, like god damn it catra always puts in the tender loving care and effort to greet you and you can’t even say hello? :( catra dismisses the goon who was previously guarding adora, because when you.... talk to your..... best friend turned enemy who’s now your prisoner. ur gonna want some privacy ya know😌😩👀😔 anyway catra is like ok.... once again.... y can’t i do this. and adora is like more horde army might come in!!! which. adora baby i love you but maybe don’t make that the thesis statement of your sales pitch? to the person who was second in command at the horde?? not to nitpick but if i were u i would’ve just said “noooooo don’t open a portal that might destroy reality ur so sexy ahaha” OR “if u give me back my sword and decide NOT to rip apart the fabric of this dimension i’ll kiss you on the mouth❤️” i know that u think ur feelings are one sided and that catra isn’t in love with you and that you can’t seduce her to the bright side💔 but u actually could have 💔 fkdkdjdjdj moving on.... catra says “never a dull moment with you❤️” which is weirdly so romantic. like yeah they’re enemies but catra gets bored when adora isn’t around. life is always exciting when adora is there, in catra’s eyes :’( like damn bitch if you like her so much why don’t you just marry her haha. please? <3 adora continues to explain that we will ALL lose if hordak opens a portal, light hope and mara said that opening a portal will endanger everyone!! and catra says the funniest thing. “you’ll listen to anything weird old holograms tell you, won’t you? you should really try to get over that. :/“ LFKDKFKDKFKFKFJ GIRL YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING THIS FUNNY. but then adora says the wrong thing :( she brought up you know who and said “shadow weaver told me” and catra.... :( she’s like. how did. she tell you. and adora’s voice goes soft and it’s like “you didn’t know?” because from what she knows catra is allegedly the one who betrayed shadow weaver, not the other way around. and catra grabs adora by the collar and pulls her in and adora gets this gasp and. let me just scream for five minutes. okay. i’m back. so. catra pulls her in and she’s like HOW. and adora just very slowly and cautiously tells her the truth. that shadow weaver is in bright moon. and :( catra :( she lets go of adora and comes to this. very destructive realization that shadow weaver “left her” for adora and that all the pain she’s felt is all Because Of Adora. that, just by being adora, everything, all the happiness that catra could have had, has been taken away. which she is wrong about but that’s what she thinks :( and adora realizes that this is. not good. and she gently goes “catra?” because the look on her face must be worrying to adora, and catra starts to walk away and adora desperately calls out to her. “catra, please, you have to listen!” but...... it’s too late :( and catra is enveloped by the darkness. 9/10 for the collar grabbing shit and just the inherent gayness of their connection and interactions but also this is all so sad bros :( my bros are all devastated

moment of truth: catra walks back into the horde with her arm around adora’s shoulder. hm! Hm! HM! really doesn’t feel like she needs to do that! but she’s doing it anyway! later on, entrapta and adora are alone and talking. “catra would say anything to get whatever she wants.” true, but also not true, adora. she wants to be your gf, but has she said anything about it? no :/ that’s in like 2 seasons. and you were literally about to die so she low key had nothing to gain. so :/ think carefully next time. fjsjfjsjdjdjd entrapta pulls out the funniest cutest bar graphs of data, and there’s like four categories and for some reason catra has low scores for the first three but a really high score for the last one? i desperately want to know what that is. adora says “look, i understand. catra was my friend, too.” and she casts her eyes to the side when she says this. as if.... that statement is a lot more loaded than it seems. because yes catra was adora’s friend. but also wasn’t she, at the same time, so much more than that? yes <3 it was because they were best friends <3 gal pals <3 “but she makes bad decisions. this is one of them.” :( yeah i mean what am i supposed to do. disagree with that? it’s so wild to think about how even through all of this adora never hated catra. arguably, she never stopped loving her either. which. sigh😔 pour one out boys we are yearning tonight! entrapta leaves the room, asking adora if she’ll try to escape. and adora is like “no?👀” which is irrelevant but also really funny. another irrelevant thing i want to bring up is catra when she’s losing in a fight against shadow weaver. “so, what? you’re on the side of good now? you made me this way, and you get to be the good guy?” bro. fucking.... bro. catra’s lines istg.... also her being able to take on gang leaders and princesses and take those people down easily but to lose so quickly to shadow weaver... y’all know what that is right :( sigh. wait. i’m not done let’s sit very sadly on this next line for a bit. “do you know what happened to me after you escaped? do you even care?” i’m gonna cry okay. right. back to catradora. catra is. really unhinged and devastated and destructive right now :( and so she marches into entrapta’s lab and demands that they fire up the portal machine. entrapta says they can’t, because “adora was right” and immediately that sets catra off. she gives this barely restrained chuckle and is like “adora is right.....” and she’s just. having a full on breakdown. she’s just filled with so much anger and resentment.... i can’t even joke and call it a hate boner man, and that sucks because i would love to call it a hate boner :( “adora gets EVERYTHING she wants” no catra, you are wrong. she wants you. she does not have you. case closed. adora has literally only truly wanted one thing in her life, and she does not have it because you won’t give it to her 😔 in conclusion, adora p much never gets what she wants :( why don’t you go over and hug her and then maybe you’ll calm down. i know it’s more complicated than that but still😔 anyway, catra is very determined to not let adora win, so in order to beat adora, she decides they have to open the portal no matter what, because that’s the one thing adora seems to not want right now. some very not chill stuff happens, and catra runs into hordak’s lab and demands that he opens the portal. she lies to hordak and says “oh you can’t trust anyone, especially a PRINCESS” and she turns over to glare pointedly at adora. which is. SUCH a bitter ex thing to do. “they’ll just use you to get what they want” CATRA SHE LOVES YOU :( SHES IN LOVE WITH YOU SHE ONLY EVER WANTED TO BE WITH YOU :( and also she was raised to think she only had worth if she did what others expected of her and that everyone’s happiness and safety was somehow her responsibility. and that it would be better for her to die than for others to get hurt. she was never trying to use you :( you were the only thing that ever made her selfish :( bow, glimmer, and shadow weaver run in and fight with hordak and catra, and catra realizes she has to pull the lever now or it’ll be too late. adora desperately yells “catra, please, don’t!” and catra looks at her for a last time, evil smirking before she does it. roll credits. 8.5/10

remember: oh, we’re really in it now huh :( we hear the last lines from catra and adora from the last episode, and i think this is a part of adora’s dream. she is woken up by catra gently saying her name <3 then by catra a little bit angrily saying her name fjsjdjdjd adora wakes up with a shock and catra is sitting on top of her. HHHHHH. okay. adora shoves catra off and catra is like ???? damn what usually u pull me closer and hug me when i wake u up😔😔 wtf. but catra grabs adora’s wrists to calm her down anyway and gives her this pretty reassuring look, and she jokes “heh, since when do you sleep in? u usually wake up early to flirt with me!” as we all know adora gets nightmares even from her days in the horde so catra just treats this as normal and tries to make adora feel better as usual. ground her and say lighthearted things to make adora remember that she is safe. i mean technically the universe is collapsing in on itself rn so making adora feel safe isn’t the Best thing to do but catra also thinks the fake reality IS reality atm so that’s not her fault <3 adora is confused about how she got “here” and catra finds this strange because adora is in her room! she has her own room now, because she’s force captain! which makes u wonder whether catra and adora would sleep in the same bed if adora was force captain. would catra creep in and sleep in her bed still? would they lock the door and cuddle? oh well! guess we’ll never know! they... are so soft here, just smiling at each other, catra worried about adora, adora smiling back and deciding to just dismiss what happened as a weird dream. “there was something i needed to fix...” “of course you dream about work. there’s nothing to fix adora. everything’s perfect.” hhhh i know everyone in the fake reality thinks Everything’s Perfect too but can we just be gay for a second and think about how a perfect life for catra is just... to be with adora. can we just chomp down on that meaty thought for a sec? :( ok anyway, catra puts her hand on adora’s shoulder and adora smiles and is like wow ur right :) this does feel pretty perfect i mean catra and i are in bed together what could be so wrong💞😜😘👅😎😩 catra pulls adora up to her feet and says “come on, get up” and adora is perfectly happy to just chase after catra. it’s so fucking unfortunate tho that she decides at the last second to pick her ugly ass jacket up. like baby, no. u look perfectly hot as is in that white top. but she needs the jacket to see her force captain badge so she can get Visions or whatever. like goddamn i know the world was collapsing in on itself but imagine if shadow weaver had never been like abusive and the horde was just some chill ass ugly hangout spot instead of a fascist regime. catra and adora really could’ve just been happy huh? :( anyway catra gets kinda annoyed that her gf is not chasing after her any more and instead putting on her ugly ass jacket and looking at it in the mirror. so she’s like “adora! :(“ and adora goes running. she always comes when catra calls for her😌😌😌😌 and then the opening credits play, giving me whiplash. wow that was such a gay fucking cold open. adora walks side by side with catra and is a little weirded out by all the people saluting her and shit. and she’s like lmao wtf what are they all looking at and catra is like u u beautiful idiot. ur hot, and also the invasion of thaymor that u led went perfectly❤️ ur the hero of the hour i’m so proud of you babe❤️ catra is just a proud happy gf who smiles so beautifully and adora is getting more Visions and Flashbacks. but catra is so hot when she’s proud of her that adora decides that she’s gonna be like YEAH OMG I DID THAT WAR CRIME RIGHTS <3 and salutes people like a fucking idiot. and catra does the whole flirty “oh please, you couldn’t have done it without me ;)” bit and wraps her gay arm around gay adora who looks like she’s in heaven, hilariously pushing adora down a bit because catra is SHORT FJSJDJDJD and adora is like “rightttt ;) what would i ever do without you ;)” and man to be a horde soldier witnessing their flirting. i would start yelling slurs at them immediately. adora elbows catra with her arm and they both laugh, but the force causes catra to bump into a horde soldier. and the soldier makes the fatal mistake of reacting normally and being like HEY WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING TWERP and catra is not amused. adora puts her hands on her hips, glaring at the soldier, and he immediately gets so fucking scared. and the soldier is like UHUHUH FORCE CAPTAIN I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE— I’M SO SORRY. didn’t know she was what? DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS WHAT???? gay????? banging this angry catgirl????? in the middle of flirting with her??????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN. what does it ALL mean?????? and adora is just like YEAH U BETTER BE >:( disMISSED >:( like fucking WHAT?????? yeah how dare u get mad at my gf for bumping into you. it is YOUR fault for existing while we were roughhousing as part of a very intricate ritual. u ruined the FLOW of our flirting u jackass. u fucking bitch. now we gotta start all over again :( and then like the soldier leaves while v terrified and keeps bowing at them and catra and adora just bursts out laughing at each other. they’re that lesbian couple who will bully u in school and feel zero remorse for it. that is so fucking sexy. i wish that were me. catra proceeds to make fun of the soldier she bumped into and didn’t even apologize to all “oh, force captain, don’t hurt me! UHAHASHUAH” and adora plays along with the re-enactment by posing and acting tough. catra really do be flexing her privilege as gf of everyone’s boss huh. she’s that secretary who WILL spit in your coffee and kick you in the shin all because the CEO is in love with her and they’re like slamming ass. catra is like. just straight up rubbing it in everyone’s faces that she’s untouchable because adora is in love with her. that’s just. that’s just greaaat. they both start laughing again at their own jokes. and yeah they’re both pretty funny people but like ok lesbians. have fun being happy or whatever. catra is like “too good” and adora is like hehehe baby!!!! where are we going again and catra is like to the locker room!! there’s something i wanna show you😘😘😘 because you know they’re in love. them just walking down a corridor together feels like a straight up date. adora thinks they’re taking The Long Way instead of this shortcut she knows with a side door but that door is gone and suddenly this throws Doubt again. and i guess that door got swallowed up by the reality-collapsing portal but damn adora :/ what’s wrong with taking the long way? :/ too good to spend some quality time w ur gf? :/ JFJSJDJ anyway catra is like what? no this way is the right way :) the scene can be read as cute gfs who argue about directions even tho it’s just a walk to the locker room ❤️ i wouldn’t say it’s the right way to read the scene bc the point is that parts of reality as adora knows it is disappearing but shhh. i am gay <3 catra immediately starts worrying about adora again and she’s like DO U HAVE A CONCUSSION :( and like grabs adora’s face which is so cute. she also accidentally shoves adora towards her chest so adora has No Choice but to stare :) good for you adora “i know you get hit on the head a lot” JFKSKDKSJDJD man but catra gf goals tho :( get u a girl who will check if u have a concussion because you get hit on the head a lot, most of it accidents 😩😩😩 “but i figured your dumb little hair poof would cushion the blow” HDHJSSHAHSHSHSH GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND WHO WILL LOVE YOU EVEN THO UR HAIR POOF IS DUMB😳😳😳 adora is a tiny bit >:( about being roasted for her hair choices and also a bit >:) because catra touched her and she’s like LMAOOO IM ALL CHILL M8 😩👌🏻💅🏻😎 “don’t make me kick your butt” as she shoves catra. wow adora! watch where you’re putting your hands! jk i know i know :) you simply have no choice because the only place to shove someone is to push their tiddies :) i understand and approve :) catra responds to adora’s threats with “pft ;) as if you could” which is just yet another invitation for them to “fight” :). u know how i feel about catradora and their roughhousing? it’s like. u know how people talk about men fighting each other as an excuse to touch? i feel like catradora said yeah that’s ours now. and they’re right. it’s theirs. they literally. they fucking giggle and shit as they start shoving and hitting each other all the way to the locker room. and lonnie is like SURPRISE and adora’s reaction is so funny she legit looks like she got mad p*ssy blocked and she’s like the FUCK. and catra isn’t as mad bc she kind of like planned this cute like i love you adora❤️ surprise party. because it’s a surprise party! for adora! adora is like damn whats this?? grey ration bar cake w my face drawn on it? also from the looks of the drawing i feel like catra definitely drew it. isn’t that so fucking cute. adora hugs lonnie (yay) and kyle (what the fuck gross???) and she’s like u guys 😩😩😩u got the gray kind.... that’s way better than the brown kind.... lonnie is like “hey, it was catra’s idea!” implying that catra definitely specifically told them to make the cake out of the gray ration bars, not the brown ones. and adora. let’s all take a deep breath. she goes. “oh yeah? ;)” in the most. insufferably flirty way ever. like in that Wow This Was All You Huh ;) way, with her stupid hands on her stupid hips giving catra this 😏😏😏😏😏😏 look. and catra is like ;) casually leaning against the wall, her arms all crossed. it is interesting to note that adora keeps putting her hands on her hips and catra keeps crossing her arms. i think that’s really cute. catra says “eh, whatever, don’t make a big deal about it” but it is a big deal catra. u don’t just plan cute surprise parties for anyone. and the fact that this is YOU we’re talking about? for catra planning a thoughtful surprise party catered to adora’s tastes all because she’s proud of her accomplishments..... is on par with proposing marriage. adora won’t let catra live this down tho. “wow, i can’t believe you like me ;) that is so embarrassing for you!” and she grabs catra for head scratches. catra giggles and pushes against adora saying “stop it😳😳(no don’t stop bro don’t stop😩😩) get off 🙄🙄 (wait actually don’t get off😩😩) this is not 😡 because i like you😳😳(it’s because i love you💞)” and she shoves adora off only to IMMEDIATELY pounce on adora, making adora laugh so fucking happily. kyle is secretly a lesbophobe tho so when he sees this gay display he’s like WUUUUOHOH I DROP CAKE :( and we get this VERY quick frame of catra and adora with their fingers interlocked before they pull apart at the crash and look at kyle. that is so fucking rude of u kyle. we could’ve gotten a few more seconds of catra and adora interlacing their fingers but NO. fuck u. thankfully, the euphoria of being gay is still burning strong for catra and adora, so they laugh happily instead of beating the shit out of kyle. how sweet <3 adora sees the word MARA in one of the cake pieces, and she’s very thrown off right before catra holds her shoulder and is like “hang on, you got something right... THERE!” and she like throws grey bar sludge into adora’s face ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 u know? how you pal around with your gals? adora rubs the grey cake stuff off her face, and then.... ugh i don’t even wanna say her name. we were all having such a good gay time :( [redacted] walks in and tells adora to get off the floor, and tells catra to get herself cleaned up. and [redacted] tells adora to come with her. adora gazes gayly upon catra’s face who gives her a reassuring smile that tells adora she’s okay, so adora runs along. catra looks lovingly at adora while she walks away. shadow weaver praises adora’s successful war crime and adora is like i couldn’t have done it without the others aka catra <3 and in this fake reality she succeeded in persuading shadow weaver to let catra come with her! adora goes to the force captain briefing and gets roasted by scorpia because scorpia is still like. jealous of adora because you know..... you know how you hate the person your crush is in love with? yeah <3 adora freaks out because the universe is falling apart and she keeps getting visions from her real life. and then catra appears, and all the weirdness stops for a moment. i think it is so interesting how the world starts falling apart faster when catra isn’t there, but when catra is there things in the fake reality start to look and feel a little more normal. it’s like.... catra and adora’s connection is so strong that when they’re together... they can stabilize the collapse of a reality. just for a little while. just to have a little more time together. their gay levels are THAT strong. they’re like level 5000 lesbians. and they just keep leveling up as the show goes on which is why by s5 they can defeat an intergalactic conquerer just by making out LMAOOOOO anyway. catra is very worried about her wife. she’s all “adora, what is wrong?” yeah she’s so worried she doesn’t even use a contraction. adora takes out the slip of paper and shows it to catra. “did you write this?????” and catra looks at it and is like “did i write a blank piece of paper? i’m gonna go with no.” which. KFKDKFKDKFKDKFFJ BROOOO WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY. it’s like not supposed to be funny because adora is having a meltdown but it’s so fucking funny i—moving on. adora starts properly freaking out and catra is like hey :( u ok omg :( calm down :( and she puts her hand on adora’s shoulder but adora swats it away like I CAN’T CALM DOWN :( and she starts rambling and referencing stuff that happened and this vision of catra betraying adora in promise shows up (i think it’s catra’s memory?????) and catra slaps adora. which. HEY :( but also it’s like very funny. and adora is like ow :( what was that? :( and catra is like sowwy!!!! :( u were freaking out!!!! and it was freaking me out!!!!! :( and adora is like well u didn’t have to Slap Me :(((((( and is like why would my evil catgirl gf do this. have i not loved her enough :( is this the thanks i get for loving her with my entire heart :( and catra grabs her arm and is like come on!!!! let’s get you outside!!!! you need some air :) and oh. oh man. oh to have my hand/arm lovingly held by a girl as she giggles and excitedly drags me somewhere. the fucking dream. adora protests against getting air which (??????) u don’t want air? but u need air? to breathe? i know adora is just trying to say she doesn’t need to like go to her and catra’s secret place at the highest edge of the horde but then oh guess what? she’s there with catra. and adora is like how did we get here.... and catra looks depressed because her gf is losing it and that’s so sad 😔 she’s like how did we get here? we climbed up :( like we always do :( or am i the only one who remembers that :( and adora is like idk what’s happening to me :( it’s like i’m losing my mind..... and catra is like you just need to relax <3 by hanging out with me <3 and adora is like ur probs right :( am fine :( everything fine :( and she gets this glimpse of catra and catra smiling evilly at her but catra gets up and is like huh! ofc im right! Everything’s Perfect! soon, the two of us are gonna be ruling etheria together, just like we always planned 😺😸😹😻😼😽😾🙀 and quietly, adora goes “is that what you really want? to rule the world?” and catra gets this UHHHHH look akin to when someone asks u “hey, do you like apples? or are you just gay for me?” and you gotta awkwardly answer “what.... nooooo..... i’m not gay i fucking love apples” and so catra gets the exact face that expresses this sentiment and she’s like “i mean, yeah, obviously. isn’t that what you want too?” and it’s like UGHHHH because clearly neither of them want to rule the world! ruling the world was just an excuse for catra to be with adora, and when adora inevitably says “hey maybe we shouldn’t rule the world” catra will take it to mean “i don’t want to be with you” instead of “ruling the world is bad” and it’s just. it really tears me the fuck up bros! when catra says don’t you want to rule the world too? she really means don’t you want to be with me? and it’s just. HHHHHHHHH. i can NOT. i have had it up to HERE. adora says “i don’t know (re ruling the world lmao i went on a tangent earlier)” and catra is like “don’t flake out on me now!” like ruling the world is meeting up for lunch and suddenly adora texted at 11:30 am that she’s not really feeling up to it today :/ “this is what we always wanted”, catra continues to say, and we all know that “this” is..... the freedom to be with each other, without everything else getting in the way. “everything will be perfect as long as we stay together”. and she is right about that. but also catra’s current definition of them “staying together” isn’t right. adora and catra were always supposed to meet halfway. they will both have to grow to do that. but let’s not get 2 deep😩 i am here to have meltdowns and make gay jokes only😌 and then adora says “what if we don’t stay together? what if it all goes wrong?” which is like. damn that’s the show right there KFKSJDJSJDJ and adora sees lightning again and she gets upset because why can’t catra see the reality-cracking lightning too!!!! why can’t catra see the light!!!!! why can’t she see that she should be doing good things and not evil things!!!!! why can’t she see that she should be coming with me, running away with me, being with me in a place that’s safe!!!!! and catra grabs her hand and is like “adora!!! stay with me, okay? :( you’re just seeing things. it’s all in your head” and it is all so terribly tragic and sad. ah, the age old argument. come with me, stay with me. i will be whispering this in decades’ time, spreading gay tales to my loved ones. after this, lonnie is calling for adora and catra. “thought we’d find you up there” FJSJDJSJDJD the way it’s just like an open secret that catra and adora are gay and have a gay hangout spot where they do gay things. incredible. adora finds out an entire week has passed all of a sudden and she grips her head in frustration and catra is like adora? :( and holds her in concern. and adora is like ranting about how there’s something wrong with space and time!! and catra is just freaked out and begging her to stop because adora please! please stop finding the destruction of reality weird and hold my hand! i haven’t been happy since the day you left! and.... hoo okay sadness. catra’s holding her arm and adora’s like we’re not supposed to be here!!! catra holds her upper arms and goes “adora, everything’s okay!” and adora snaps and tells her to stop saying that! because this isn’t right! because she will lose everything, including catra, if she does not fix this. “everyone keeps telling me everything is perfect but it’s not! everyone except... scorpia” so she runs away to find her and catra is like adora!!! adora, where are you going? please don’t go. don’t go where i can’t follow😔😔 but adora is gone. we get this whole thing with scorpia and adora and adora is straight up just so petty. about scorpia hating her. which mood because i want everyone to like me. all the time. but also adora in scorpia’s defense she has a crush on a certain catgirl who will Not Shut Up about you :/ adora gets flashbacks about catra and realizes that the girl she’s been inappropriately touching for the past.... day? is the one who did the thing that is destroying reality❤️ LMAOOOOO this would be like... hm actually not many situations available to describe this. except. have you been flirting with the thing that’s been trying to kill us? have you been in love with the thing that’s been trying to kill us? yeah stuff like that <3 “catra did this. she captured me, she took... the sword. she activated the portal!” LFKSKDKSKDKDK you know what? this would be 58384848484 times funnier if they had canonically banged during the fake reality before adora realized the world as they all knew it was about to end <3 and you know what? they did bone. but it was cut for time <3 KFKDKDKDK JKJK god i need to like shut up for once in my life. but if i did that, these evaluations which no one asked for would not exist❤️ adora loses scorpia and razz (temporarily) and lonnie and she finds catra again! even tho she now remembers that catra kidnapped her and took her sword and used it for the portal and activated her portal.... she immediately grabs catra and pulls her along with her. despite knowing all that..... for the moment she is acting on instinct and doesn’t care. she just wants to keep catra with her and keep catra safe because the portal is swallowing up so many people and she cannot lose catra. adora drags her to this weapons closet that closes behind them and catra, instead of kissing her in this enclosed space (WIMP), shakes her and is like hey! you’ve officially lost it, haven’t you? and adora is like listen, we have to go. now! scorpia, lonnie, kyle, rogelio, they’re all gone! but catra is like what are you talking about? who’s gone? and adora’s all they’re gone. there’s nothing left. and we’ll be next if we don’t get out of here right now. and she’s so firm about it putting her entire foot down because No. not catra. she Cannot lose her. but catra is so stuck in wanting some part of all this to be real that she’s arguing with adora that she’s not making sense and Everything Is Fine. and adora goes “don’t say it’s Perfect. i know it’s not perfect and so do you!” because... she just knows catra that well. and she knows catra is smart enough to see what’s going on if scorpia did that too. catra’s choosing to repress it all, but adora’s words snap catra into memory for a moment, and she remembers it, maybe even remembers it all, and i think.... it all just hurts too much and she’d rather not be in that reality so she acts like she doesn’t know a thing and tells adora she’s not going anywhere. frustrated because she can’t convince catra, adora picks up one of the stun barons and... tases catra KFKSKDKDKDKSKDK and i can’t help but think of when catra tased adora back in sword part 2 (1x02) and man that is not good but also so funny that they’ve both tased each other. there’s this desperation there in both instances that we should definitely not romanticize at all but they just. deep down they will just do close to anything to keep the other with them. and it is messed up! and i’m glad that a little ways down the road they unlearn this but also.... wow. adora catches catra tenderly in her arms as she slumps against her, literally fucking BRIDAL CARRYING catra out and running away from the crumbling horde. literally IMAGINE IF LIKE. catra did not wake up and fight with adora. imagine if catra had stayed passed out longer and adora had fixed the portal without anyone getting left behind. and catra was still unconscious and she like walks out of the portal back into where they all were with catra in her arms like that. just like hey i fixed the portal :) all of us nearly died and it was kind of partially this catgirl’s fault but i’m like low key desperately in love with her so can we keep her? lmao :-) anyway. adora steals a skiff again (lmao first ep throw back! remember their date) and flies her and catra out of the crumbling world. catra wakes up, watching adora’s determined face as she flies them out and catra’s like WAIT WTF DIDN’T U TASE ME and is like hypocritically fighting adora trying to grab the stun baton. bad idea! adora’s DRIVING you don’t attack the driver!! but catra does not often make good decisions </3 the skiff crashes and they both fall off. they get up, look at each other angrily and run after the stun baton. catra grabs it first but adora hits it out of her hand and grapples catra who continues to keep reaching for the weapon. “catra, you can’t. we need to get as far from the fright zone as possible or we’ll be completely erased along with everything else.” “you think you can convince me by kidnapping me?” well no but goddamn the world is COLLAPSING catra PLEASE :( also is the power of love not enough? catra she loves you she’s in love with you she would pull you from the depths of hell even if you threw everyone in there in the first place!!!!!! that’s how deep this runs because that’s not even a metaphor adora has identified you as the main party who brought upon this reality ripping portal and still!!! she wants you saved. is that not fucking hot? :/ is that not sexy enough for you? :/ KFKSKDKSKDK jkjk okay catra continues with “what is wrong with you?!” and throws adora over her shoulder. not to like. ruin a very heated and serious moment in the show. but catra throwing adora like it’s nothing is like... very strong..... and when you remember how adora likes strong girls........ KFKDKDKDKDKDKDJ adora b like ow that hurts 😔 u free next friday? 😳 catra goes up to the stun baton again and adora kicks it away. “i won’t leave you behind again.” “why can’t you just stay? we have everything we ever wanted.” BITCH THE WORLD IS COLLAPSING IN ON ITSELF. THERE’S A PORTAL EATING UP REALITY. STAY WHERE? “it’s not real, catra.” YES. save the world first, and then after this you can play rock paper scissors and the loser will go with the winner❤️ wouldn’t it be so funny if they did that. if they decided to leave it up to chance. if adora was like well the horde is evil but if you beat me in rock paper scissors i guess i will follow you wherever you go. and then they like fix the portal and everyone is like yay hey adora lets go back to bright moon! and she’s like yeah uh i gotta hash out this situation with my gf real quick uh just a little heads up i might be bringing the horde’s best strategist and leader over to our side OR i might be fighting for the bad people again :/ so wish me luck and everyone just had to stand there and watch as adora and catra held their hands out and went ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SHOOT anyway. “as much as i wish that things could be simple the way they used to be, there’s no going back.” and she holds catra gently and in many ways i think she’s sort of acknowledging that she really, really just wants that light hearted playful dynamic with catra back. they both just experienced it again. they both just threw themselves back into it again. and adora really wants to be happy with catra, she would stay with catra if she could, but she has overwhelming responsibilities and an overwhelming sense of responsibility that was instilled in her from a young age. and she thinks she shouldn’t get to choose her happiness, to put herself first. also like. THE HORDE IS EVIL DJSJDJSNDNSJS like. that’s a really important part too. it’s kind of hard for catra to distinguish that though because she’s had very. evil things done to her all her life. and she held on for so long because she thought adora would always be there with her but then adora walks away and makes it seem like. it could have been that easy. but it can’t have been that easy because if it was so easy why did catra have to suffer so much for? also adora didn’t run away to save catra. she had this destiny thrust upon her, and she chose to leave the horde before inviting catra along, which is not wrong of her at all, but it inevitably made catra feel like an afterthought. and now... things are kind of damaged. and catra just wants to run if adora won’t stay, so she shoves adora and takes off and adora lunges after her, tackling her, and adora decides to confront catra about the big elephant in the room, the thing she’s not said a thing about to catra until now when they’re fighting because she was so desperate to save catra before. “why did you do it?” “i don’t know what you’re talking about!” which is a lie but now that she really gets to see the consequences of her rage and anguish filled actions, i don’t think catra can properly explain it either. she was just so angry and she had built this narrative in her head that it was adora’s fault, and so she just wanted to do everything that adora didn’t want her to do. except u failed catra😔 adora wants you to love her and you do, you do love her😔 oopsie😔 you just don’t show it in healthy ways most of the time because your relationship is fraught with tragedy and abusive upbringings💔 adora gives up questioning catra for the moment because “there’s no time. we have to go.” catra grunts as adora’s childhood promise plays in her mind and it is overlaid with the adora of the present telling her “i promise, everything will be okay if we just stay together.” and goddamn adora really means it. she’s literally willing to patch everything up together even after everything if catra will just Decide right here, right now, to go with her. right then, the memory of adora first asking catra to come with her plays and adora is asking her, “help me fix this, please, this can’t be what you wanted” because adora knows! she knows how caught up catra was, in her pain and anger and desperation to win, to overcome all the times she lost growing up. she believed that catra, with her loving heart that saved adora everyday they knew each other growing up, could not have wanted to erase all of reality. to erase what they had. but just because adora knows that doesn’t mean catra does. all the rage and pain and resentment that led to her opening the portal, it is still there, and it is still affecting her judgement in a bad way, and by reminding her that she cannot just repress it all, that she cannot just play pretend with adora until their time is up,,,, this leads her to lash out again :( :( :( “don’t you get it? i am never going to go with you.” i wanna be like sad but also this bitch straight up LYING remember that other time she said “don’t you get it?” remember what came after that? so maybe catra in this moment is too angry and consumed by self hatred, too proud to admit she wants adora when she thinks adora doesn’t want her the way she wants her.... but “never”? lmaooooo ok :/ catra evil gay laughs and goes “you always have to go and ruin it, don’t you?” ruin what???? the illusion????? the pretenses you work so hard to keep to cover up how deep the feelings you both have run??? catra lunges for adora and fights with her, scratching and missing because adora is dodging and catra’s heart is too.... sigh..... she’s too fucking gay to really bring it ok? no matter how angry she is she still loves adora too much to give it her best. adora doesn’t fight back, mostly defending and pushing catra away. “catra, look what’s happening. you’re going to destroy everything!” catra stomped on her heart and she still wants to Convince her, which is really sad, for now, for both of them. and catra goes feral and is like “i don’t care! i won’t let you win. i’d rather see the whole world end than let that happen.” :( bro? this song is so sad. can we change it? sigh. catra is too far gone at the moment. everything, even the slightest concession to adora, even at the expense of existence, is like admitting defeat to catra. and when catra says she’d rather see the whole world end than let adora win, she’s also saying she’d let herself... die. and that is just so sad. bro who gave season three the right. like... i am so exhausted. i am just trying to call some bitches out for being gay, i did not sign up for all this pain. i am so exhausted. this episode is twenty odd minutes or so. you know how many hours i’ve spent writing this? it’s not anyone’s fault but mine for being extra, but man i am so tired. i love seeing catradora interact, but god, at what cost? the portal rips up the ground between them, and catra grabs at adora, clutching onto her badge. i cannot tell if she was just trying to take it off or she wanted to grab adora and pull her close too. “catra, no!” adora grabs catra’s wrist but the badge falls off and catra falls too. “catra!” catra is on some rock in the falling heap, and adora reaches for her but she’s too far away. still, she keeps her hand outstretched. but catra, who’s hanging on by a rock at this point, gives her this look of... almost helplessness. that then hardens into resentment and anger and she just. lets go. and adora, who has tears in her eyes, is just. she absolutely crumbles here. and she runs a good distance away and falls to her knees and just starts SOBBING. she is just crying so hard over losing catra AGAIN and it’s just. That’s Too Much, Man! thankfully, razz shows up and is like stop crying bitch u can still save her ❤️ so adora decides to stop crying for all time and gets to work❤️ 10/10 but also did i ask? :/ yes i did and i am in so much pain right now. my god what an episode

the portal: it’s so fucking refreshing not seeing catradora for a bit <3 i spent hours watching remember ok. here i am now starting the last ep at least a full week later because of how much it was. sometimes this show is too gay <3 i love it tho! i do <3 it’s just hard having to pause and replay every five seconds and write an essay about the tiniest thing <3 and i know what you’re thinking <3 no one asked me to do this <3 no one asked me to be so extra <3 and yet <3 anyway, more than half of the ep passes with adora losing bow and glimmer in the end, but as she’s crying on her knees again she lifts her head up and corrupted!catra touches her forehead with one finger. oh <3 that’s gay <3 anyway, catra’s here because she died but she’s got like nine lives so she’s back now and infected by the collapsing portal. oh great! we get what is probably the most cursed ḩ̵͕̺̯͚̞͈̰̤͎̥̗̳͂̽̃̄͌̎̅̈́̏̎͘͝͝ẻ̷͇͚͈̤̪̖̜̥̥̱̼̅̒͌͗͝y̴̥̺̓͌͊͌̊͒͌̏̔̕͝ ̶̧̟̤̠̯̱̳͕̙̯̔ͅá̶̤͉͕̱̰̮̺̮̝̗̱̲͓̺̯̒͐͐d̵̨̟̖̦̈̑̄̌̍̆̀̾̊̑̽͗͝͠ȏ̷̧̢̨̞̮͇̟̘̘̠̼̊͆̐̉̉̀̌̿̚ͅŗ̴̢̬͚͉̦̘̪̜̥̑̔̈́̀̒͂͗͜͠ͅą̸̡̡͕͈͚͕̼͔̳͔̖̙̯̱̓͗̊́. the look on adora’s face when she’s greeted with this is very interesting. she gives catra this little once over. on one hand, catra isn’t gone like adora thought when she had lost her into the collapsing portal, but also something about this catra definitely doesn’t look right. catra then proceeds to slam adora into another dimension. flat against the bar table in the crimson waste... and ngl it looks like. catra slammed her on the table for :/ stuff :/ that’s like :/ you know :/ banging :/ and adora even looks around for a moment because catra isn’t there and adora’s thinking damn where u at catra? :/ so you didn’t slam me against this table for... no? :( we aren’t gonna slam ass? :( but then surprise surprise! catra straddles her at the last moment! adora gasps and catra is like oh... where are your friends? in that unsettling corrupted tone. notice how adora has been silent this entire time. so horny you couldn’t speak bitch? :/ sadly, catra lunges for adora and adora realizes that catra is still evil and that she isn’t going to kiss her gently on the lips after all 😔 adora grabs catra by the arm and pulls her close. she puts her other hand on catra’s shoulder. adora baby.... you don’t need to touch her with both hands. are you that gay? yes. why am i even asking that question. “catra, stop. you have to–“ catra pushes her face aside. “it’s always the same with you, adora. i have to do this, oh we have to do that!” and then they’re like gay struggling against each other? and catra pulls adora up and holds her tight against her, adora’s arm bent over catra’s shoulder to keep her there. then with her other arm she wraps her elbow around adora’s other arm to further restrain her? and then she puts her face right against adora’s cheek. i don’t know how to explain this. it’s just. homoerotic. damn the gays fight like this? catra then tosses adora aside and they land somewhere else. catra says like things to adora that are about her insecurities and stuff. but i’m not gonna get into those <3 isn’t that so sexy of me? instead i will say this. catra kind of like fights one sidedly with adora a lot in this segment where they go through various locations we’ve seen in the show, and she like talks a lot of shit. but let’s focus on how adora’s feeling <3 she goes through it like this. 1) not horny anymore! i’m scared/insecure/angry with catra now 2) catra throws adora into the big chair on mara’s ship and catra slams her hand against it next to adora’s face like how someone might do before you kiss them in movies 3) horny again 4) catra doesn’t say sorry for the mean things corrupted her said and she didn’t kiss her gently on the lips so adora gets her shit together and realizes all the things evil corrupted catra is saying is not her fault! she pushes catra away and is like “i didn’t make you pull the switch. i didn’t make you do anything! i didn’t break the world, but i am gonna fix it. and you? you made your choice. now live with it!” and in between all that she fights back against catra and at the end she does you know that punch we all know about. but after the punch she calms down from that emotional breakthrough high and gets this :( face. at the end of the day... no matter how far gone catra went, no matter how right she was in setting those boundaries and making it clear catra has to be responsible for her actions, adora cares. adora loves her, it’s the one thing she can’t help. and to see catra sink so deep into the darkness... it hurts her. adora watches catra disintegrate when they fall into the wormhole thing that the portal caused, and she has this like. >:( :( look because adora’s planning to fix everything anyway, the upsetting thing here for her is that she failed to make catra see sense. catra’s likely going back to the horde when all of this is over and there’s nothing adora can do about it. and at the moment i don’t think adora wants to try anymore after failing so many times... which is good for her! but also they are both going to be so sad after this </3 after the whole angella scene (miss that milf) adora gets the sword back and becomes she ra again. we go back to the scene in the horde and catra clutches the side of her face, so we know that was her but it also wasn’t Her, you know? like part of her face got corrupted by the portal and she just had to make sure she was real and whole again. adora comes back as she-ra and destroys the portal, prompting catra to escape. but she looks back at the last moment, looks back angrily, and adora gives her an equally hard stare. she’s done with catra, for the moment, and catra realizes this, and it kind of hits her that this adora is different now. and for a moment she is sad and afraid, but she pulls it together to make a mean face again, before running away. 9/10

[fvlminare]

✗✗✗   you see [ camille rivas ] around lately? yeah i heard that the [ cis female ] is up to no good. [ she / her ] has been here for [ three years ] now but they’re still pretty [ calculating ] which is fine because they’re also [ ardent ] so it balances out. the [ twenty-six ] year old [ dancer at mayhem ] actually looks like a lot like [ sofia carson ], don’t you think? it’s best to watch out, though, because it’s been said that they’re really into [ the rush of cocaine in her veins & a vice grip on her throat ]. 

henlo it me again! i hope u guys aren’t sick of me yet bc here’s my other bb! say hello to my boss-ass bish gal camile! she’s sassy, classy and a lil badassy. she’s a rather feisty, fiery, ball of rage and anger who cba with ur bullshit tbh n she’ll tell u this too if u piss her off enough! she’s lowkey cutthroat and always out for number one, aka: herself. but, i mean, she does have some redeeming qualities and her hair is bomb af so that makes up for it all really, doesn’t it? basically that meme: ‘ she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll punch you in the face. ’ anywho, you know the drill, slap a lil luv on this n i’ll come pester u for all the good stuff : - ) 

fundamentals.

CAMILLE ALARA RIVAS     —     twenty-six, dancer at mayhem,   +   an honest-to-god vixen   /   hellcat   /   lil demoness ! 

aesthetics   ➤   dresses of black lace and red velvet, the scent of chanel perfume lingering in the air as she floats past, blood-red fingertips coiled around the pistol grip of a gun, red-bottomed heels clicking against marble floors, rose gold highlighter shimmering along the height of prominent cheekbones, satin dresses draped over a svelte frame that is shrouded in an air of mystery and intrigue, baby pink roses in a vase on the window sill, deft fingers stained with charcoal and oil paint, the melodic chime of piano keys, delicate digits adorned with moonstone gem rings, a coy smile spread across full crimson lips, long raven locks blowing in the cool breeze of a summer’s evening, battered books with dog-eared pages, a sense of freedom and carelessness when dancing for fun, & a sense of allurement and captivation when dancing for work.

nicknames. cam, cami, mil, millie, spawn of satan >:~)

date of birth. april tenth.

gender. cis female.

pronouns. she + her.

birthplace. manhattan, new york.

orientation. pansexual + demiromantic.

education. bachelor of dance degree obtained from nyu tisch school of the arts.

spoken languages. can speak fluent english, spanish, & latin.

negative traits. capricious, ornery, impulsive, guileful, caustic, brusque, obstinate, destructive, deceptive, & promiscuous.

positive traits. ardent, whimsical, intrepid, graceful, poised, elegant, headstrong, observant, independent, & confident.

strengths. optimistic, energetic, creative, practical, spontaneous, rational, knows how to prioritise, great in a crisis, & relaxed.

weaknesses. stubborn, insensitive, private, reserved, easily bored, dislikes commitment, & has a rather risky behaviour.

talents. ballet, knife throwing, hand-to-hand combat, horse riding, figure skating, piano, violin, painting, singing, & dancing.

physiology. hazel eyes. dark brown hair. five feet, four inches tall. of a petite, slender stature with subtle curves and long hair. has a long silvery scar on her back. her skin is clean of any tattoos. has both earlobes pierced. requires glasses but wears contacts most days. is right-handed.

psychology. aries zodiac. fire element. ravenclaw house. istp-a. true neutral. type seven enneagram. choleric temperament. intra-personal intelligence type. addicted to alcohol, tobacco, and cannabis. suffers from addiction and abandonment issues. her vices are lust, greed and wrath. her virtues are ... ( again ) honestly, probably just diligence tbh.

background.

possible triggers   :   child abandonment, abandonment issues, foster homes, alcohol, drugs, violence, gore, blood, murder, & death.

a synopsis.   ok so for this gal, let’s all give a big, warm welcome to sadness ( no, i was in no way at all inspired by salem from sabrina for that line ) bc boy oh boy, her life has been constant grief and pain, tbh. strap in for the bumpy ride, i’ll give u cookies for compensation. OK SO, camille was abandoned as a baby, never did—and still doesn't—know her biological parents and she doesn’t want to either, tbh. she bounced around from foster home to foster home, never sticking in one place for too long. given her turbulent upbringing, she was somewhat of a difficult child. too boisterous, too unruly, too stubborn, too inquisitive. too much of everything but never enough of anything. never enough for anybody to want her. it didn’t take the girl too long to figure out that it was just her alone, against the big bad world. from the age that she was old enough to realise it, camille knew that she had to fend for herself—that she could never truly rely on a single soul but herself. the hollowness inside her chest never quite satiated, leaving her empty and only too well aware of the lack of her real parental figures. as a young adolescent, this started to crawl under her skin and mess with her mind. it rendered her void of affection and unable to form genuine bonds with others—filling her with deep-rooted resentment that festered beneath the surface of the indifferent demeanour she plastered over herself every day. she always felt starved of love: as if some integral part of her heart was missing, leaving a gaping void that nobody could ever fill. anywho, she fell in with the wrong crowd which did little to aid her foster families hostility toward her. truthfully, most of her experiences in various homes were ... not pleasant. she’d encountered abusive ‘parents,’ horrible ‘siblings,’ and even worse schooling days. pressing the self-destruct button is this gal’s speciality thus she found herself gravitating towards her vices: things and people she knew were no good for her. drink, drugs, people, you name it. quickly, she realised that these things were no longer any good at keeping her dark side at bay: she needed something more, something deeper. thus, she began going down the road of petty crimes—stealing cars, smashing windows, theft, setting fires both metaphorically and literally. due to this lifestyle, she wound up entangled with some real shady folk who did … even shadier things. most specifically, she started dating a real jackass who was violent and truthfully, a horrible person, really. stupidly, she decided to run off into the metaphorical sunset with him * insert eye roll emoji here. * so, fast forward a year or so and things took a swift nosedive when her lowlife boyfriend’s hands were round her throat and not in the kinky way. while she’d clawed at him and tried to fight him off, she struggled against his weight and strength until, eventually, she lifted the first makeshift weapon she felt: a rusted pair of scissors. [ TRIGGER FOR VIOLENCE, GORE, BLOOD, MURDER, DEATH ] and, in a blind state of panic, she jammed them right into his jugular vein, his blood squirting out and decorating her face in crimson splatters. he’d stumbled backwards, clutched onto his neck, blood spurting from the webs between his fingers. naturally, camille was shook about this but somehow managed to flee the scene with less guilt rattling her soul than she’d imagined. [ TRIGGER OVER ] in her mind, it was an act of self defence. it wasn’t too long after the incident that she found herself in a rather perilous situation that resulted in her sudden realisation that she needed to get her damn life on track. therefore, she done the responsible adult thing and got herself a decent education. somehow, she managed to get into university where her life started to shape into a positive one—the kind she’d always dreamed of. once she graduated, camille decided that she wanted to see the world. following a couple of years travelling, she wound up in santa ysabel where she quickly fell into the employment of mayhem. admittedly, this was a far cry from the future she’d envisioned when she was just a sweet, innocent lil child. still, all in all, she kind of digs who she is and what she is: after everything she’s been through, she loves herself. it’s been a long and winding road but camille finally believes that she’s settled in her life now. tho she still refuses to let people in, her abandonment issues terrifying her to the degree that she feels that anybody she’d ever let into her life would eventually leave her in the end. * insert sad face emoji here. *

random extras.

her tell? playing with her hair: when she’s lying, nervous, flirting—you name it!

can drink any man under the table. 

she loves art in every form: paintings, sculptures, music, dance, people, etc. she loves the freedom that expressing herself through these mediums gives her.

she’s ... experimental. she’s experimented with just about everything: hairstyles, clothing, drink, drugs, people ...

can be hella calculating and vindictive so do not cross her.

quite power-hungry tbh.

she does have a shot at redemption but she doesn’t want it lmao. she’s already been to hell so why bother trying to right her wrongs?

and boy, are her wrongs a century-long list shkjsh.

high key is not above killing people who don’t do things her way.

doesn’t believe she’s capable of loving anyone.

she’s lowkey a perfectionist to the point of being ruthless, also cutthroat and egotistical.

if ya ain’t of use to her, then what the heck is ur purpose???

she’s v ambitious, v morally ambiguous, v self-serving and v self-involved.

she can be ... aggressive sometimes and most definitely has anger issues.

dry sense of humour one million per cent.

her signature look is her blood-red lips.

extremely skilled with knives and blades. and always carries one on her person at all times.

her most prized possession is her brushed chrome zippo lighter. it has her initials engraved into it and where she got it from, or who is something she’ll never tell.

always says she needs to quit smoking but never does and probably never will either.

did someone say ... resting bitch face???

tho when she smiles it’s like sunshine uwu

high key will sleep with anyone.

first place is the ONLY acceptable place, ok??? 

one of those people who just excels at everything she tries her hand at.

absolutely adores animals. much prefers them to humans.

she’s quite adventurous and loves to feel the adrenaline in her blood.

doesn’t take herself or her life too seriously.

always up for a good time and is usually the life of the party.

outspoken and quick-witted with a sharp tongue.

much too sassy and sarcastic for her own good.

really, she does what she wants to, when she wants to, without seeking the approval of others.

truthfully? she’s a bit of a spitfire if you really irk her. so, watch out.

you can find a pinterest board for her by clicking anywhere here.

[mysticthot]

RFA With a Crush

happy late valentines day i spent my night writing this and eating chocolate

Yoosung-

Yandere boi comin at u

He gets like lowkey obsessive, not anything creepy but like

He’ll hang out in places you hang out so hopefully you’ll talk to him or at least see him and think he’s cool

Tends to day dream in classes you have together cause he just gets so distracted by you

Has definitely been called out on it by his teacher and he almost dies of embarrassment when you and the rest of the class all turn and look at him

Talks about you all the time

To everyone

His mom gets weekly updates

The rfa all know you, they on a first man basis

He’ll see you walking across campus and he just dies and immediately messages the chatroom to tell them how cute you looked in your sweater

He would be too shy to actually talk to you tho

He’d try multiple times, walking up to you, taking a deep breath, then just dying and turning around and walking away before you saw him

Once you turned around and he was walking towards you, you smiled at him and he freaked out and just kept walking and left you there

legend says he’s still walking to this day

One day he was meeting Zen and Seven for lunch and they’re all sitting down and the waitress comes walking over and holy shit it’s you!

You walk up to their table and smile, getting ready to take their order, when you see Yoosung

He dies when you look at him

Immediately just covered in sweat

“Hey, we have class together don’t we? You’re Yoosung right?”

You said his name and his soul leaves his body

Didn’t think you knew his name

He nods and mumbles something out that not even he understands and Zen and Seven are looking at him like he’s insane until they see you’re name tag

“OH MY GOD IT’S MC.”

“ShuT Up SEvEn!”

You’re laughing awkwardly now, not exactly understanding what is going on cause Yoosung is bright red, his friend called Seven is laughing loud enough to catch the attention of multiple other tables and the one with the red eyes is typing furiously on his phone into some kind of chatroom

“Ok...I’ll give you guys a couple minutes to decide.”

Yoosung has never been so embarssed in his life

He wants to leave, but Seven and Zen are refusing to go and he doesn’t want to leave them alone with you

(he’s lowkey triggered by the fact that Zen agreed that you were hella cute he doesn’t need that kind of competition)

You come by their table frequently and Seven keeps making little comments about Yoosungs crush and you’re blushing cause Zens calling you cute and Yoosungs finna be over that table fighting if he dont stop

By the end of lunch, he’s pretty sure it’s the most embarrassed he’s ever been

But also he finally got to talk to you and you didn’t get (too) weirded out by him

You smile and wave at the boys as they leave the restaurant, and Yoosung almost misses the moment when you wink and blow a kiss at him

He almost passes out

Chatroom better get ready that’s all he gonna be talking about for the rest of his life

Zen-

He is such a hopeless romantic, I lowkey feel like he would be the type to make eye contact with someone on the street then spend the rest of the week wondering it that person could have been the love of his life

He just really wants to be in love

(boi same)

When he has a crush he’s not shy about it

He’s a confident boi so he’ll go right up to them and start talking and trying to get to know them

Next thing you know he has your number and you’re going out friday night

Then he meets you, and you dont fall so easily for his looks charms 

And he’s pretty sure he fell in love at first sight 

You’re his new neighbor, and he saw you out there moving boxes and immediately thought you were the cutest thing ever

He wanted to go help you, but he had to leave for a rehearsal, so instead, he waved and tried to look good while he walked out to his car

You smiled at him then just continued on your way

He was shook, people are usually more stunned by his looks

Thats ok he’ll just impress you another time

From then on he tries his hardest to meet you

But it seems like every time he’s home you’re not, and every time your home, he has to leave

He never gets the chance to talk to you, but he see’s you around all the time

You know how when you see someone and you dont know them you basically build a whole world around them and then suddenly you’re in love?

Ya he did that

Always going on in the chatrooms that you guys are star crossed lovers

“You haven’t spoken a single word to her.”

“Shut up trust fund kid you don’t understand!”

He goes out of his way to try and impress you in those small moments he does see you

He just wants so badly to know you, so of course when he finally gets the chance, he would screw it up

You were outside walking your dog around the neighborhood when he was getting ready to go for a run

This is his chance!

He’s now running towards you, trying to catch up so he can introduce himself

Its like things are moving in slow motion, picture it:

He’s jogging, hair flowing

You’re walking, back facing him, totally unaware, looking like a model

Your dog it turning towards him teeth bared and barking

“oH SHIT-”

Next thing he knows he’s running the other direction from your dog, with you chasing both of them

You finally get close enough to grab the leash that had been pulled out of your hand, stopping your dog from chewing on Zen’s leg

“I am so sorry, I dont know what got into him, he usually doesn't get aggressive like that unless he thinks I’m in danger...” You apologize, calming your dog

Zen is bent over, panting and now realizing it was a little sketchy of him to be basically chasing you down the street

“That’s ok, how about you make it up to me by telling me your name. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced yet, I’m Zen.” Boi immediately turns up the charm of course

You’re shocked for a second, but you don’t really expect any thing else from your hot neighbor who seems to always be trying to impress you

Maybe now you’ll stop messing with him and admit he has caught your eye

Jaehee-

Girl is so busy with work she doesn't really have time to be crushin on anyone

So of course she would meet her crush at work

You were new in the office, and Jaehee was given the task of showing you around

She starts off thinking you’re just a nice person, you would make a good office friend for her to talk with or possibly eat with (when she has time to eat rip)

Then she starts to think of you more and more

She looks forward to the moments when you would walk past her office to use the copier, and you would smile and wave at her through the window

It would make her heart jump

And she would smile back, a little bit awkwardly, and wave before ducking her head back down

It took her quite a while to realize it was a crush 

Its normal to think of your friend all the time

Its normal to want to talk to her, but also being nervous every time she looks at you

Its normal to blush just at the thought of her, right??

Just gals being pals nothing to see here

Sweet girl is probably the one that would look up those ‘do u have a crush quiz’ then she would get to embarrassed to do it and delete the website from her browser history lol

She lowkey starts coming out of her office more just so you will stop and talk to her

Definitely the highlight of her day

One day shes talking with you while you’re getting a soda from the vending machine, when you mention how you’ve started watching some musicals she recommended 

Girls just

cums

She invites you over to watch some of Zen’s videos before she can even realize what she’s doing

You say sure and that you would see her after work before skipping off to your desk

She’s left there shook

Did she actually just invite you to hang out with her??

At her house???

God she hoped this was a date

She returns to her office to find Jumin waiting for her, he does not look amused

“Assistant Kang, I’ve been waiting.”

“Oh sorry Sir, I was just-”

“Flirting with Ms. MC?”

She shook

Boi just gonna call her out like that??

How does he even know what flirting is this boi supposed to be a robot how he know what a gay is????

(oh ya does jumin han is gay thats how)

“She’s been distracting you long enough, just ask her out and get it over with.”

The last thing she expected coming into work today was getting a date and advice on her love life from none other than Jumin Han

But, at least she has that date

Jumin-

Jumin Han does not get crushes.

Or, at least he hasn’t had one yet

He’s so out of touch with his emotions, he would prolly think he was dying or something if he had a crush

Lmao Jumin would take of one those do you have a crush quizzes but unlike jeahee he has no shame so he would send her the results and have her type up a report rip

He met you in the absolute last place he would have ever expected to meet someone

Knocking on Assistant Kang’s door, Elizabeth in hand, he was shocked to find not Assistant Kang at the other side 

He’s immediately sizing you up, you look like a normal girl in your pajamas, but you don’t look like you could be a relative of Jaehee, so why are you here

He doesn’t have the chance to ask before you’re gushing over his cat

He’s pleasantly surprised at how you call her beautiful and ask for her name and gently pet her head

He was hesitant to let your touch her, but you had asked first and Elizabeth was purring so he allowed it

You were talking about her breed when Jaehee came walking into the living room

Immedietly triggered by the way Jumin is not only smiling at you, but the fact that he’s letting you touch Elizabeth

“Oh, hello Mr Han, I see you’ve met my friend MC.”

Jaehee has friends?

He kinda wants to stay and talk about cats with you, but he had a plane to catch, so he leaves Elizabeth in Jaehee’s care and turns to leave

“Bye Jumin, have a good flight, nice to meet you!” You called after him, waving.

He awkwardly waved back before turning and walking away

This was a strange feeling

He spent his entire trip thinking about you

It was honestly an inconvenience for him, and he did not appreciate the fact that thoughts of you made a weird feeling happen in his stomach

Not having it

When he got back, he had the driver stop by Jaehee’s to pick up Elizabeth

He refused to admit to himself it was because he wanted to see you, but he was a bit disappointed when you weren't there

He didn’t see you for quite a while, and he had almost managed to get you out of his head, when he heard a familiar voice in the office

For a moment he thought he imagined it, until he looked up and saw you standing near his office looking lost

He was out of his chair before he really knew what he was doing, then he stopped and composed himself before walking out to you

You were asking one of his workers for directions to Jaehee’s office when you saw him

You immediately smiled and walked over, happily greeting him

He could see the surprised looks on the employees as he greeted you and offered to walk you to Jaehee’s office

You chatted with him asking about his day and his cat, and he was pleasantly surprised at how he actually enjoyed talking to you

You didn’t talk to him like he was some big CEO, or a trust fund kid, or your boss, you just talk to him and smiled

He liked your smile

The talk was cut short then Jaehee found the two of you, giving a strange look between her boss and best friend

She’d never seen him look at someone like that, other than Elizabeth

“Ok...come on MC, time to go!”

She skirting you the fuck out of there

Jumin is strugglin

If he thought his little crush was bad before, it was excruciating now

But he didn’t seem to mind it as much

He just wanted to talk to you

But he only knew you through Jaehee

So suddenly he became even more present in his assistants life

Randomly stopping by her desk

Calling her for seemingly no reason

She drew the line when he started showing up at her house for vague business related things 

“Mr Han. Why do you keep coming here.” She sighed, it was 10 at night and he had interrupted one of Zens videos

“I need you to sign this.”

“And that cant wait till tomorrow in the office?”

“I suppose it could, I figured you would just want to get some work done.”

“...Mr Han why do you keep coming here?”

He admits he wants to talk to you

Jaehee dies a little inside

Why is this happening

But she cant hide from him the fact that you have been talking about him as well

She agrees to give him your phone number if he will leave her alone

She cant believe she just set up her boss with her best friend

What has life come to?

707/ Saeyoung-

God he’s such a spaz (the ideal boi tbh)

If he had a crush the whole world and his crush would know it

He met you at a coffee shop, him and Saeran were waiting for drinks when you came walking out of the back room, in a little apron with the coffee shops logo on it

He falls out of his chair

“ohmygodsearan look at her! She’s like a star princess and I’m the star prince and were gonna fly off into the stars and-”

“Get off the ground what’s wrong with you? And lower your voice the whole god damn place can hear you!”

He can see you biting back a smile as you call out his and his brothers names

They go get their coffees and, but he’s pulled off by his brother before anything can be said to you

He’s about to complain, before he sees on his cup you had crossed out his name and written star prince in it’s place with a little heart

Literally screams

From then on he goes to your coffee shop all the time

Boi becomes a regular and he’s known for relentlessly flirting with you every time he comes in

He always has a new pick up line and you always have a new name for his cup

He tired to collect the cups but Vanderwood nearly tased him for the mess it made

Speaking of Vanderwood, that boi knows all about you

Him and Saeran never escape his ramblings about you

Unlike the rfa who can just leave the chatroom, his voice is inescapable

He cant help it tho

At first he was just thinking you were cute, but the more he actually talked to you, the more he liked you

You laugh at his jokes and make puns back at him and he just thinks you’re so sweet

You like him too, but he’s never actually asked for your number or anything, so you’re not sure if he’s ever gonna go past just playful flirting

It actually takes the help of Saeran to get you two together

It was one of the rare moments when Saeran wasn’t out with his brother, but he still ended up in your coffee shop, mostly out of habit

You smiled when you saw him, greeting him and getting started on his normal drink 

He watched you work, and you made pleasant conversation with him despite his short answers

Saeyoung had been kinda down lately, he had fallen back into one of his depressive states, so he hadn’t been in for a while, but he simply told you he was sick when you asked

He really did want his brother to be happy, and even though he acted like an idiot, he really did like you

So he decided to help his brother out

“Here,” he handed you a slip of paper, “Saeyoung has been feeling...under the weather, he would love to hear from you. I know he’s a fucking dork, but he really does like you so...be nice.”

He grabbed his drink and immediately left you with the phone number, a small smile on your lips

You would never have been able to guess the volume of the scream that came from Saeyoungs room when he got that text

Vanderwood looked at Saeran

“What have you done...”

V/ Jihyun-

He’s so soft

Thinks you’re so sweet and cute and wants to hold your hand

Blushes so hard whenever you’re around

You work at an art gallery that frequently shows his paintings and he just loves how you’re so passionate about your work

You complement him on his art, and he’s out for the rest of the day, boi cant handle it

Jumin’s the only one who knows about his crush 

He had gone with V to unveil some of his art, and immediately noticed how his friend was acting off

He was kinda spacey

Looking around, fidgeting with his hair and clothes

Then you walked in, and Jumin watched as his friend was instantly drawn to you

He was almost inching his way towards you, trying to make it look causal

But he just looked very nervous

Then you noticed him and came over to say hi and introduce yourself to Jumin

V is smiling at you looking all love sick

And Jumin just has this shit eating grin on his face cause he knows what’s goin on

He excuses himself to let you and V be alone but it doesn’t last long cause boi quickly gets shy being alone with you and goes back to join Jumin

You just make him nervous

He’s not used to feeling this way, its been a while and he just doesn’t know how to act

“That was quite a display.” Jumin smirked

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh please, everyone in that art museum can see how much you like that girl.”

That just makes him more nervous around you

Can you tell??

Do you know how much he likes you???

He starts associating you with painting, and he ends up painting you

Quite a few times actually

Then he feels like a creep

So he paints over them

Then the whole thing just starts again

It would take him so long to confess to you if you didn’t make the first move

Cause my boi is just so insecure

Some one just give him a hug pls he needs it

Saeran-

You know how when little boys get a crush they pick on them and tease them?

Well this boi is always pulling on your pigtails

Because of his brother, he hangs around the rfa a lot, so he sees you a lot

And he does not appreciate how you make him nervous

Or how you can talk to him so easily while he gets chocked up and can barely say hi

And he really doesn’t like how you make him blush

So he’s so grumpy around you

But you’re still nice to him and it just makes him more grumpy cause he ends up feeling bad for being so grumpy

Seven notices right away

“Awww does my little brother have a little crush on MC? That’s so cute!”

“Shut the fuck up.”

He slowly gets over the whole angry crush thing when he realizes he cant keep being mean to you

His therapist keeps telling him to let people in, and that if he likes you he should show his feelings rather than push them away

So he makes an effort to be nicer to you

He hangs around you when the rfa gets together

And he participates in the conversations that you always try to have with him

And you guys become actual friends

And you hang out with him and his brother outside of the rfa get togethers

And he’s regretting his life choices because now it’s so much harder for him to ignore his little crush on you

And Seven is always teasing him

He’s triggered

He’ll basically just go through periods of pushing you away then letting you back in then pushing you away again

But you know how hard things are for him, and you continue to be so nice

And he just wants to be with you all the time 

Life is hard

He tried to show his feelings for you, but it always come out wrong

Boi tried to make you dinner, sets a fire in the bunker

Tried to buy you a present, got angry while trying to wrap it and broke it

Tries to ask you out on a date but gets embarrassed and accidentally ends up kicking you out of his house

It be like that sometimes

And Seven is just so over watching his brother be an idiot, even if it does make for good teasin material

So he takes things into his own hands

He invited you over to watch a movie with him and his brother, picked out a film with a pretty long sex scene, then mysteriously disappears

Saeran is mortified

His face is as red as his brothers hair and your sitting next to him with the same wide eyed panicked look while some actress moans excessively on the screen

He doesn’t know what to do so he just gets up and leaves

So you there just watching porn in their living room alone

Of course thats when Vanderwood makes his appearance

Saeran didn’t see you for a while after that incident

Until Seven dragged him to an rfa lunch and you were there and you looked so cute and you still smiled and talked to him even after what had happened

So finally, he just gathers up the courage and blurts out

“Do you want to go get ice cream with me!”

It was more of a loud statement than a question and his face is so red and his hands are shaking

But you’re smiling at him and holding his hand and you’re so soft and warm

“I’d love to Saeran.”

EDIT- i did Vanderwoods too so here it is!!

God im so in love with these boi’s

thanks for reading!!

[datingdonovan]

1-14 for the soft asks, please!

 AAAAA thank you so much!!! oh my WORD wow you all are about to learn way too much about me im sorry lol. also sorry for the fact that i posted this ask meme knowing full well i wouldn't do the responses for like a day smh lol well here we are.

1. what song makes you feel better? oh gosh uhhhh i like just rocking out to my classic late 90s/early 2000s stuff that was on the radio when i was a kid but also like idk if theres a song i specifically love listening to for cheering up purposes. but those are the ones that really make me feel good and hype i think. maybe also yellow submarine?

2. what’s your feel good movie? the proposal 100%

3. what’s your favorite candle scent? uhh vanilla

4. what flower would you like to be given? golly idk honestly i dont know if i want to be given flower? but if you have to like a small cute handpicked flower or bunch would be nicer than a bouquet i think but honestly just pop off because im sure if i like u i will appreciate your flower lol

5. who do you feel the most you around? hmmm probably my bff & our gal pals :):):):):) i think? or like that’s the me i want to be i guess if that makes sense

6. say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical) wow im determined, i think im funny lol, and im a pretty great editor tbh. i love my HAIR and my eyes and i like that my body type lets me get abs if i want because i think theyre cool

7. what color brings you peace? idk my thinks were yellow but thats just my fave color, then green then dark blue. i feel like green is a good winner for bringing me peace lol

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good awww YOU and all my mutuals/followers/etc ofc and specifically also @stellar-alley & @hausofwax!! i love u <3

9. what calms you down? honestly i feel like a lot of the time talking to myself, going on a walk, or going on a walk while talking to myself are the ways i calm down when i get really worked up lol

10. what’s something you’re excited for? i really just want to make music videos and whenever i get the time i have some in mind so im hype for that whenever i can do it

11. what’s your ideal date? oh gosh i feel like i always say a theme park but idk. i feel like after my dating experiences honestly my ideal date would just be where i can ask them real questions and talk to them candidly lol because im sorta sick of the bs

12. how are you? i ok i sort of sad lately but also sort of excited to work on some creative projects but also feeling overwhelmed and like i have lots of other responsibilities i havent done yet rip

13. what’s your comfort food? i really love pad see ew when im in need lol thats def my top one. also bojangles chicken & biscuits apparently idk those are both 2 foods that ill go out of my way to get when i just need it lol

14. favorite feel-good show? gosh i feel like feel good media is such a weird idea to me because typically if im sad i just watch something that makes me cry  instead of something that makes me happY?? so like for the feel good songs i would just listen to sad songs lol till i feel like ive cried it out. here i want to say TEOTFW because like even tho it makes me SOB it also makes me feel so good???? and understood? that show really makes me feel understood and laugh and also gives me a good cry so in a weird way even tho it can be cry inducing it is my feel good show????? i guess? i dont know honestly if im feeling anxious any show is a feel good show bc its an escape from reality lol

wow thank u for these they were so fun you lovely person i hope you’re having a wonderful day

ask me softly

[thegempage]

⭐⭐⭐ infodump time :3c

JFKDLAS DO YOU EVEN REALIZE THE POWER YOU’VE GIVEN ME

BCUS I’M JUST GONNA USE IT TO TALK ABOUT CLAIRRE

well okay 1. thank you fjdksalf

2. this is for that director’s cut meme

3. man this took a while to write bcus i had to keep coming back jfkldsaf

if you’re reading this and wondering “who the fuck is clairre” then you must be new here or spectacularly good at tuning me out, and anyway clairre is my d&d character who i love very much, you can read about them here, and you should bcus i love this dumbass lesbian

and actually. because i already have the fic pulled up, let’s talk about some of those chapters, huh : 3?

under a cut bcus i have three in mind i want to talk about and it might take a while

SO FIRST

let’s talk about lindie, whom i love, because i have been thinking about her all day in lieu of having anything else to think about that doesn’t make me super anxious, and in talking about lindie i will reveal the project i had hoped to keep secret because at this point nothing matters and i am nothing if not known for being bad at secrets

so lindie is the only named character from clairre’s past besides their lusus, and i love not only her but what she has become representative of, because there, there is the root of some of clairre’s issues that have started to come up more and more. she’s this optimistic, friendly gal willing to champion for a kid who’s clearly got issues in a world where that literally puts her head on the line. she’s passionate, to a fault even, she has her mind set on a long term goal and not even the universe can stand in her way of getting it. she’s big and loud and emotional, hell if she’d ever been in a game she was diagnosed as a hope player, so like, that says a lot about her. she’s a big heart and a big planner and she took one look at clairre being shady in a corner and was like “i’m gonna help them out”

and then! and then! because alas, she is the lone named figure in a d&d backstory, but also bcus of course her big heart and clairre’s soft attention would get the better of her, she starts flushing for them. and they’re flushing back, and it’s so painfully obvious, and she doesn’t want to come right out and say it, so she doesn’t. and she waits. and she loves, as much as she can, and then it’s all too late.

i’m actually working on some stuff about her, and there’s a passage that goes:

“The feeling of their hand leaving yours makes your chest hurt. They seem to be waiting, waiting on one more thing. They’re looking at you, and you wonder how many of the words stuck in your throat they can read in your eyes. You hope it’s all of them. You hope it’s everything you’ve ever thought about them, everything you’ve ever admired and loved and craved. ‘Promise me you’ll find peace, wherever you go,’ you finally choke out, because if there is one thing you want it is that if you can’t protect them, that the universe will. “

and that, i think, that’s kind of the core of what i wanted for the two of them, that they were just two teens trying their best and all they wanted was the best for each other, but the best for each other meant they could never be together. and it hurt! it hurt so much! clairre is still hurting in the current time! but they knew they had to.

AND SECOND

THE SAME SCENE, BUT TWICE, BECAUSE YOU GAVE ME THREE STARS

because if you think i’ve stopped thinking about that session then you’re sorely mistaken

so the first one, the one with the kiss scene?? i’m still emotional about it. i mean i’m emotional about the whole thing but kind of tying into that entire rant about lindie above this, clairre is like, still healing from their past, and jaynne is still kind of awkward about feelings, and they’d just lost basically their entire fucking party (as far as we knew at that point) and they were still mourning, but for just a second, the world gives them sapce to breathe (hehe) and even tho clairre’s head is still spinning from facing so much at once and jaynne just had to face one of her deepest fears, the sheer relief of we made it, we made it, we made it and the fact that holy shit this is the longest they’ve been apart since being teleported to the Battlefield just. slingshots clairre at jaynne and it was gay and i’m mentally lying on the ground thinking about it bcus tbh??? that was the best way that scene could’ve ended, if u ask me

(and holy shit was i shaking that whole time. like actual, irl, making it hard to write my notes shaking)

and i think this was the quote i used to introduce it to chat, but my favorite line is still:

“Jaynne, dressed in yellow and orange, hair undone, indigo wings holding her in the air. The sun on her shirt is oddly appropriate, considering how your heart seems to alight with pure, unfiltered red love. She looks around, she spots you, and you are connecting before a conscious thought can even form in your mind, because if there was a time in your life for a kiss it is here, now, after you stared down death and told it to fuck right off.”

bcus just. i mean look at it. i love it and i love these gays and i can’t wait for all three of them to be reunited (and also clairre and aerith bcus that’s gonna be good too)

also both clairre and jaynne have long hair and clairre has wind powers, that kiss was a hair tornado and that’s a v fun image to me

and then clairre’s constant internal insistences -- they’ve stopped taking no for an answer, including from themself, and it was so fucking fun to write them just putting their foot down and giving a big middle finger to the universe trying to beat them down bcus Guess What, Fuckers, I’m Sick Of Your Shit! and it works!

and then them seeing that oh shit, zierre and aerith are okay? much like clairre i was already sobbing but if i wasn’t i would be now

even if it’s then followed by an oh shit but perspehone isn’t jfkldasf

and then the second version

so to be completely transparent, i started the second version half bcus yours, octo, made me Big Emotional and half bcus i realized i wanted to explore the role of like, touch and being connected and holding hands? bcus that’s smth i’ve established about clairre, that they show affection of all sorts through physical touches, and the fact that they were just like. leaning on each other and clairre was messing with jaynne’s hair and they literally have to hold hands to use their fraymotif??? like??? aaaahhhhhhh????

but it ended up kind of unfolding into this larger exploration of not only the role of physical affection but also like, clairre’s thoughts on a much deeper level and their relationship to relationships in general and how even if they’re not blaming themself in so many words for what happened to everyone, they still feel like somehow their presence has doomed everyone to this unhappiness because that’s what’s always ended up happening.

and i also got to throw in their random observational thoughts! i think there’s just. smth poetic about how they’re literally flying through space at top speed bcus someone they thought was a friend but has been apparently torturing and manipulating the people they love just shot one of their gfs nearly to death and one of their only coherent thoughts is

“Jaynne’s blood is running down your arms as if to serve as an hourglass for what time you have left. Something in your think pan wonders if the trail you’re inevitably leaving behind in space looks like stars.”

and like i’m not saying i’m right but --

jakldsf anyway

also like. the parallels of these two trying to reassure the other in what ways they know how, except clairre’s only ever had to do this once before and jaynne is trying to make sure that even if this fails she’s given them something to hope for, and the fact that both of them are like .5 seconds away from saying “i love you” but neither one of them is ready for it??? poetry in motion d&d

............. okay i think i’ve talked long enough jfkdalfs thank you for coming on this thought journey with me, everyone!!

[girlbookwrm]

Avengers: Age of Art Movie? ART?? MOVIE

DAY ONE

the title for this chapter of the Mighty Pre-Endgame Rewatch comes from the fact that Joss Whedon apparently said, of Age of Ultron: 

“I was trying to make a little art movie. Which is actually, a pretty shitty thing to do to a studio that gives you a lot of money.”

which??? ok?????

so we went into this looking for Joss Whedon’s Art Movie

It’s worth noting before we get into this that I’m a fan of a lot of things Joss Whedon has done over the years, as much as I give him crap sometimes, and actually, I don’t know that I hate this movie as much as is common. I enjoyed it more than I remember enjoying it in the past? I go back and forth. I saw it in theaters and was like “actually I like this it’s pretty ok” and then I saw it again like “OH NO THIS IS AWFUL” and then again like “OH NO IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN I REMEMBER” and now I’m watching it again like “actually......” and I think it’s that the quality is very. uneven? 

it is also worth noting that it took us TWO DAYS to watch this because we kept having to pause the movie  in order to GO OFF which meant that this 2 hour 22 minute movie took us like SIX HOURS to watch. at first it was just me and The Roommate @goteamwin but on Day Two the Gal Pal @pegasuschick joined us.

anyway on with the rewatch (day one)

I STILL MISS THE OLD MARVEL LOGO! SO MUCH!

So the opening shot of this movie is from the twins’ POV and this was the first point that we paused the movie to fully Go Off because goddamn

can you imagine how much better this battle scene would be from the twins’ pov?

like: there’s all these explosions and shaky cam and a monster roaring and you’re like “oh god is it aliens? it must be aliens? and these soldiers dying everywhere and the city is getting destroyed etc etc

and then you realize it’s not aliens, it’s not HYDRA, it’s not some terrible overpowered terrorists

it’s the Avengers.

now THAT would be an art film

anyway back to the rewatch

Steve Rogers: IT IS 2015, I AM NINETY SEVEN YEARS OLD AND I AM STILL FIGHTING NAZIS I AM T I R E D

this is all looking real fake it has not aged well and it wasn’t that great to start with

“they’re the avengers” he said, sounding so confused and so so tired

aaaaaand here we paused the movie AGAIN to talk for twenty minutes, mostly about how if this whole “”’”art movie”’’’’’’’ had been shot from the Twins perspective, that would have been a better set up for Civil War and also super interesting

“We are here to help” why is the Iron Legion speaking Very American English in an eastern? european? city

Old Man Dad Clint

there’s two weirdly different movies happening here and they do not sit well together: like, a dark spooky serious one and a quippy Joss Whedon action movie

and don’t get me wrong, one of my favorite things about Joss Whedon is how he uses humor to really give his sad moments Extra Punch he’s a master of that

but this is just jarring

“please be a secret door please be a secret door” followed by the world’s tiniest and most adorable “~yay~” is the most endearing thing Tony has ever done in his life I would die for him

The Problem Is Not Brucetasha. 

THE PROBLEM is that the BruceTasha dynamic doesn’t just come out of left field, it comes from a different sport entirely. it comes from another planet. 

I think there’s potential for an interesting dynamic here but we get ZERO buildup to it

like in the last movie, Natasha is scared of the Hulk, like, literally shaking in shock TERRIFIED of the Hulk, but we see nothing of her deciding to run directly at the thing that scares her most

and we get ZERO explanation of like -- Natasha likes Bruce AND the Hulk, and Bruce AND the Hulk both like Natasha and that’s an interesting dynamic too, but we get NONE OF THAT

it’s very frustrating

also, where does Wanda’s horror movie aesthetic go? is it the same place her accent goes?

Tony’s dream sequence is... p badly shot, given that it’s his driving motivation for THE REST OF THE SERIES

Me: this is weirdly shot, right?

The Roommate, A Professional: Yes. *in a very fancy voice:* ~From a cinematic perspective~ 

Me: *starts cracking up*

The Roommate: But seriously, they’ve gone for a weirdly wide angle in this very emotional moment and it would make more sense to do tight shots here, but--

Me: *still cracking up*

The Roommate: really?

Me: ~from a cinematic perspective~ trolololol

AND LITERALLY HERE IS WHERE WE GET THE TITLE CARD. THAT’S HOW LONG, SPIRITUALLY, THIS OPENING IS.

Why was Bruce NOT expecting a Code Green? like? It’s HYDRA, of COURSE they’re gonna pull out all the stops??

We get like two minutes of Thor&Steve&Tony being bros, for the purpose of exposition here, and then the party sequence, and literally the rest of the movie is them all arguing with each other

and we stopped the movie again to talk for ten minutes about how much more Impactful AVENGERS: CIVIL WAR would be if we had even one (1) movie of the Avengers actually being a team

this is exactly why it took us two days to watch this movie

“Uh, actually, he's the boss. I just pay for everything, and design everything and make everyone look cooler.”

And again, we stopped the movie (seriously, it’s our own fault this took so long to watch) because LET’S UNPACK THIS

TONY PAYS FOR EVERYTHING?

TONY MAKES ALL THEIR SHIT?

TONY DOES THEIR DESIGN WORK?

AND LET US NOT FORGET THAT SHIELD RECENTLY FELL APART

WHICH MEANS THAT THIS IS STARK INDUSTRIES PRESENTS: the avengers

and that is A L A R M I N G

legally speaking

and also morally speaking

like goddamn. 

no wonder ppl freak out about it? let’s jump on THAT for CW

(also, when we recapped this for the Gal Pal’s benefit on Day Two, she pointed out that Tony puts his name on everything and he probably got that from his daddy -- like in TFA, they’re doing this experiment for the Army but LITERALLY EVERY PIECE OF EQUIPMENT has the Stark Industries tag on it

Steve probably has the SI logo tattooed on his ass

he doesn’t know it

tony knows it 

and wishes he didn’t)

all that aside, this is an A+ On Point Steve and i Strongly Disagree with anyone who says that Joss Whedon doesn’t get Steve Rogers.

Like, we very clearly get three distinct Steves in this movie -- we get Captain America, Captain Rogers, and Steve, and they’re all a little different but they’re also all perfectly executed and they’re all STEVE. eg:

the look that he gives Maria, like english please and then after her explanation he says “well they’re going to show up again.” - Captain Rogers.

“Right. What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country” - Steve

“They are.” - Captain America

let’s just. let’s just acknowledge that Thanos had a stone. in his possession. and he gave it away. to L O K I.

“I'm going to live forever” 

ah geeze he actually is tho

*CLINT FEELS*

They talk about AI like it’s this Great Forbidden Thing, and the Roommate looks at me with the Tiredest Eyes

Everyone is working on artificial intelligence, she says.

e v e r y o n e

seriously “the man was not meant to meddle medley” is a very impressive tongue twister that Tony definitely practiced in the mirror that morning

but it’s also nonsense

the military, corporations, academia, everyone -- everyone is working on AI.

Ultron: What is this. What is this, please.

The Roommate: Me. Every morning.

Also, it’s worth noting that when Ultron goes through all the files on the Avengers and shit, he looks at Steve AT LEAST twice. 

The Roommate: To be fair, so would I.

RIGHT RHODES IS THE REAL HERO OF THIS FILM

“Where are the ladies,” said Maria Hill, a Known Lesbian. 

Sam and Steve’s whole everything is A+ Great, as usual

Rhodey’s face after everyone laughs at the “Boom, you looking for this” line is just

*kissy chef fingers*

and then this happens

the “flirting”

this is the weirdest “flirting” i have ever seen

it’s like the uncanny valley of cute flirting

it’s like they’re both actors pretending to be characters who are acting out something they’ve only ever seen in film

why is it like this

“What Are Your Intentions Towards My Daughter?” - Steve Rogers

no I kid

Captain America said that

Steve said “as maybe the world’s leading authority on “waiting too long”, don’t.”

and then suddenly they’re all teens hanging out in their dad’s basement

honestly this scene is the best scene in the movie, possibly the franchise, and it’s well worth all the bullshit we’ve put up with so far.

let’s also take a moment to pour one out for both Steve and Thor’s #looks in this scene because

goddamn

Steve and that blue button down

Thor and his hoe v-neck + pop collar maroon jacket

much fashion very hnnnngh

like it takes WORK to make these two look better with their shirts ON but you did it, AoU costume department. You Did It.

Also, James Spader as Ultron is just

i love it

gurl u r LEAKING

u CHOSE this body

u could have taken any iron legion body, you probably could’ve taken a SUIT if you wanted but instead you’re here in this janky ass leaking melty faced body with wires hanging every which way and the arms and legs on backwards

you are such a drama queen

truly his father’s son

so when Tony pulls out JARVIS’ broken corpse, how were they all supposed to know this was JARVIS? do they all get to meet Jarvis at some point? like at what point was Captain America introduced to the holograph representation of JARVIS’ “body” that he just IMMEDIATELY knows that this abstract yellow humpty dumpty is JARVIS

Team Dr. Cho Was Underutilized 2k15

Tony laughing because he’s about to be in so much trouble is very much a #mood

We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's...that's the end game.

I’m just going to present this bad phone picture of my notes because I feel like it does a better job summing up how I feel about this line:

remember when Wanda had an accent?

I’d say “good times” but I’m not sure they really were

seriously the Maximoffs have a great origin story this should’ve been theirs and Clint’s movie that would’ve been better

God Bless The AoU Costume Department

I have no idea what happened in this scene because of Steve’s smedium shirt

and that said he has to compete, visually, with Cobie Smulders in a sheath dress, and he does so with effortless grace

*distinguished golf clapping*

I actually really like the set up of Wakanda and Vibranium here it’s just nice and it gives all the background we need without really feeling like exposition and it reveals character dynamic between steve and tony it’s just nice is all

SALVAGE YARD AFRICAN COAST

Andy Serkis giving 112% AS USUAL

So Ultron steps into this scene like

and tbh it is a sexy leg good work Ultron

“I’M NOT MY DAD” -Ultron, definitely in Denial

Pietro talking to Tony in this scene like Tony was personally there when the bomb blew up his family and almost killed him and his sister

he wasn’t

u r drax in this scenario, and Tony is Ronan

he doesn’t remember ur family, dude

“pretending you could live without a war”

are we just going to ignore that Ultron gets inside Steve’s head right here right now and then Wanda exacerbates that 200%

and Steve just decides “yup that sounds right”

“i guess I’ll just be at war for the rest of my unnaturally long long life”

is anyone? going to talk about that? bring it up to him maybe?

no? 

coooooool coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool

i just ~love~ (and by love i mean HATE) that natasha romanoff (A SPY) decided to upgrade her suit (HER BLACK STEALTH SUIT) with glowing (GLOWING!) stripes

much stealth very in character wow 

(negative 200 points costume department what the hell)

pietro don’t hit senior citizens that’s rude

these dreams are actually totally fascinating and I really like them don’t @ me they’re great

“I Am Mighty.”

“only the breakable ones. You are made of marble”

“We can go home. Imagine it”

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Natasha, I could really use a lullaby”

natasha isn’t here right now please leave a message after the beepbeep

this is such a fucking nightmare, could be a callback to that opening fight scene IF IT SUCKED LESS

Tony. Your green son has a special need. maybe instead of trying to turn him back into Bruce, you should try to accommodate his needs. because he’s special.

Clint MacDonald Had A Farm

“These are... Smaller agents.”

“Sorry For Barging In.”

Captain America is here from the 40s and Ready To Apologize

Thor’s Extremely Dramatic Exit

Steve: looks at the house

(very softly in the background, Peggy’s “we can go home.”)

The Roommate: nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu steve don’t think thaaaaaaaat

I honestly love Old Dad Clint. *shrug* sorry not sorry

and now we’re here. at That Scene. 

YOU KNOW WHICH ONE.

it makes no FUCKING sense for EITHER OF THEM to be having THIS CONVERSATION at THIS TIME. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.

Honestly, the only way this makes sense is if Bruce and Nat are both ace af and think the other one is allo af 

just two hopeless asexual babies, adorably in love with each other

both of them awkwardly being like “BUT. YOU WANT THE SEX. RIGHT?” 

and neither of them realizing that the other one also does not want the sex

that’s the only way the scene makes any kind of sense. If Natasha is putting on a performance and Bruce is too and neither of them realize that the other is putting on a performance

BUT EVEN THAT DOES NOT EXPLAIN WHY NATASHA FEELS THE NEED TO BRING UP HER UTERUS

LIKE

THERE’S NO NEED FOR IT IN THIS CONVERSATION

AND THE WAY SHE BRINGS IT UP IS B I Z A R R E 

and when i saw it in theaters, I was like “oh clearly this scene is missing some important dialogue that clarifies that Nat doesn’t mean she’s a monster for not being able to have kids.

BUT I WAS WRONG.

UGH ANYWAY MOVING ON.

god bless the AoU costume department for Steve in a Smedium shirt and Dad Jeans. A+ work i can almost forgive you for putting glowing neon on Nat’s stealth suit

but honestly the whole rest of this movie is worth it this one interaction:

Tony: Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the "why" we fight, so we can end the fight, so we get to go home?

Steve:

Captain America: *externally* something something end a war something something people die something something

Steve: *internally* I SWEAR TO FUCK IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME THEY WANT TO GO HOME, IMMA MCFREAKING LOSE IT.

YOU WANT TO GO HOME?? Y O U WANT TO GO HOME??? B I T C H

oh hey Tony ur dad is here

“watched my friends die” ok but 

a) are you and Steve friends?

b) if this has been eating at you, why wasn’t it shot better ~from a cinematic perspective~ and why don’t we get more of you being haunted by it and less of you talking about reinstating prima nocta

Actually this is a good time to talk for a hot second about Why We Don’t Hate AoU As Much As Some:

it’s very hard to judge AoU as a standalone film

because a lot of the things it does best are not standalone

it does a good job setting the stage for Civil War

it does a good job foreshadowing Infinity War and Endgame 

and on that note, it’s actually hard to judge it without having seen Endgame

it does a BAD job setting up the Avengers as a cohesive unit that works well together

it does a BAD job building the BruceNat dynamic

it does a BAD job making us believe that the Avengers are actually friends and not just coworkers who tolerate each other and sometimes hang out and drunkenly try to pick up thor’s hammer

that isn’t friendship, actually. you know what friendship is? look at Steve and Sam talking about Important Things That Matter, look at Tony and Rhodes’ dynamic. those are friendships.

anyway

The Roommate says it feels like AoU skipped some steps. Like, Avengers (2012) brought us in at the ground floor of this building and then we got shoved into one of those really fast elevators and dumped directly into some game changer meeting happening on floor 44 and then it kicked us directly out the window to our deaths

i’m maybe elaborating slightly upon what she said

the point is that AoU is not a good movie because it’s not a good standalone movie

the character dynamics aren’t Bad or Wrong they’re just not properly built up to. 

It feels like we missed a movie

maybe there’s an alternate universe where we got an Avengers 2 that made sense, and this is actually Avengers 3

maybe we just need to find Joss Whedon’s secret file of fanfiction and then everything that happened in this movie will make sense

ALL THAT SAID, THIS IS WHERE WE STOPPED THE MOVIE ON DAY ONE AND MY FINGERS ARE TIRED SO THIS IS WHERE I’M STOPPING TOO. AGE OF ART MOVIE DAY 2 WILL BE UP WHEN I FIND THE ENERGY TO DO THAT.

[hustcns]

helloooo we r back with another child. this one isn’t a total piece of garbage i promise. as always HMU on here or discord to plot or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to u! 

[ brie larson, cisfemale, she/her, 28 ] AGNES by GLASS ANIMALS? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of ROMY HUSTON. maybe because they’re SANGUINE but also OBSTINATE. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since MAY of 2014 in 512 and have 0 ROOMMATES.

tw: car accident, drug use, addiction, death.

ok so!! romy is one of my few canadian characters oddly enough??? she was born in montreal but grew up in edmonton of all places. tragic for her, really, that place is the WORST.

anywaY she’s always been a v sporty kid!!! she’s an only child so her parents put her in sports to keep her busy and she had no complaints. she tried a bit of everything but stuck with track and ringette. she eventually gave up ringette tho to put her full ass heart into track. she’s a speedy mother fucker. runners high is her fave thing in the world. 

her whole life was athletics in high school tbh. didn’t do much outside of school other than track? her social life was practically non-existent bc she was basically being seasoned to become a professional athlete to like......she kind of grew to be a lil awkward. never really learned how to properly make friends. kinda kept to herself.

car accident & injury tw! a car accident in senior year left her in the hospital for what felt like forever and ruined her chances at track scholarships for college. bitch fucked up both legs and had never been more miserable. recovery was slow and difficult and physiotherapy was frustrating and she felt like giving up every day. she just wanted to RUN. when everyone went off to college, she was still stuck in her recovery process. it felt like life was passing her by.

her injuries left her stuck in a rut. one thing led to another and she got herself into a LOT of trouble. drug use & addiction tw! she became a pretty heavy drug user. getting high was an escape from her constant misery and self-pity. she literally moved into a trap house with her gf ava and some other randoms....that was just her life. adsjfdfjk. ppl be getting stabbed and shit and she’s just shooting up and forgetting what planet she’s on. classic edmonton stuff. but very tragic.

overdose & death tw! it was only a matter of time before things went even further downhill. she woke up one afternoon to find her girlfriend unconscious. dead thanks to an overdose that romy didn’t ever see coming. it was fucking awful and the shambles of her life fell apart even more, but it kind of knocked some sense into her. she was guilty that it didn’t happen to her instead. lost bc the only person she really cared about was gone. even though their relationship wasn’t necessarily the best, she ceased contact with her parents after graduation so she had no one. but she went crawling back to mom & dad and they accepted her with open arms and saw she got the help she was desperate for.

she got treatment and completed a 90 day program and she’s been sober just over 5 years now!!!!

it was difficult to stay sober in edmonton after treatment. too many triggers lurking around every corner, so she decided to get a fresh start!!! moved to baltimore, got her own place, started to get her life back together. she started running again which rly helped her with avoiding relapse. whenever she feels like she’s in a rut again, she hits the gym or goes for a run.

so.....she’s basically a gym rat now. a health freak. but she loves it. it clears her head and keeps her going and runners high is still her favourite thing. she got rly into boxing as well.

she has a new outlook on life since treatment!!! she feels like she’s been given a second chance and she’s rly about living life to the fullest. she’s optimistic af and doesn’t deny herself little pleasures. 

she obviously doesn’t drink or anything like that but she still enjoys going to bars and dancing and doing karaoke and all that good stuff. she loves a virgin margarita!!!!

even though she’s generally a very kind and helpful gal, she rly is all about keeping negativity out of her life so she isn’t like.....so soft that she’s gonna let u walk all over her u know??? she’ll CANCEL u. 

all things considered she really is a tough gal. she STRONG. a very supportive friend. very protective. she can knock your lights out but probably won’t. stubborn as all hell.

fuckin.....always wearing some athleisure shit??? but the bitch KNOWS how to dress up just u wait and SEE. 

she’s that rly annoying morning person who’s up at like 5am to go for a  run DISGUSTING. every morning. no matter the weather, shes OUT there.

dating is kind of difficult for her??? she’s.....still very much that same awkward gal she’s always been and flirting isn’t her strong suit. she gets v easily flustered and kind of crawls into a shell on dates. she is also kind of closed-minded when it comes to dating tbh??? she misses ava and knows what it’s like to really click and love someone and if she doesn’t feel that instant connection, she isn’t really going to waste her time ig??? if that makes sense. so if she doesn’t feel that ‘spark’ right away she’s not gna keep seeing someone. even tho she really should be out there getting to know people and experiencing new things she’s a major hopeless romantic and she’s waiting for her MOVIE MOMENT that probably will never come

but like....she’s still dated ppl ofc she’s just kinda wary ig

dont waste her time 2k19.

she works as a personal trainer & she’s also an amateur boxer as well!!!!

another bi queen comin at u

i dont really know what else to say so i’ll just stop????

u can find her very empty pinterest board HERE.

pls plot w her

[abynauts]

Ooh I almost forgot!

I wanna say congratulations to my beloved kpop group :) Monsta X! They have 4 wins consecutively o.o I am very proud of them ;-;

Flashback: I have been a fan of them since their hero era o.o 2015, I was 2nd year college, study was easy back then ;-; but yea, struggles lvl up one way or another. I wasn't a big fan of kpop, I totally despised them because people spend to much of their time to them and I think it was foolish (that was me back then lol), until I had a friend, who was into kpop. She was my friend since first year and she is kind of an introvert and I get less and less conversation with her each day... I feel sad but she was true which makes me stick with her a bit. She kept suggesting kpop groups which I don't check them xD til, she told me 'hey there's a group named monsta x, but nevermind, u never check all the groups I suggest'... Then I was provoked, I checked them xD wanting to prove her wrong lol first I watched rush, I first liked minhyuk cuz his hair was different and easily to distinct him from the others. Then jooheon, cuz his hair also aaaand he raps cool. Then trespass, until....... Hero. Yap, I was converted and all my beliefs were changed in life xD kpop is a wonderful culture.

So, yap I have been witnessing their progress throughout the years and I am happy to know them better. I fell inlove with them, not only because of their music, also the way when they remove my sadness throughout the day, they are my happy pill! Hmmm I get to pick my bias when my told me she doesn't like hyungwon and told me to not like kihyun cuz it's her bias xD she's so cute and childish xD she hates hyungwon because everything is unnatural for him... The lips mostly. I have a keen eye for what people hate and I try to understand why they are being hated xD I sometimes side those who are hated xD I dunno why?

Hyungwon (bias, ex bias wrecker lol) I watched no mercy and my first bias was Jooheon. I dunno given that he is talented I tend to view the other members than him. Then there, I focused on my friend's hated member: hyungwon. I dunno... But like hyolyn, he's my type xD physically, I'd prefer someone with a bit of fat but ho no no he tall... Like wow, I fell inlove with height and the mole on his lips, and his chubby cheeks, and his eyes that disappears when he is too happy. Hmmm AND HIS ATTITUDE, fallen even harder when he pretended he was mad at #GUN... I got scared and seeing him angry was whoah. This guy is talented, I wish someone hired him on a kdrama (he was in kdrama in the future and he was shirtless hoho), then.... Dear, his voice... Starship y u no give him lines????? Have u heard him singing "officially missing you", "no diggity", "interstellar"........ It feels so good hearing him sing, I would listen to his voice a hundred times, but y starship ;_; y some tracks of their song he doesn't have a line or or he just go with the line that completely not his voice?????? I wanna cry lol, but alas, due to that, hearing him sing even with least lines is precious :< tho I want more lol. So yea, thank you concerts for giving him recognition on his voice for "feels so good" and "fake love". Have I forgotten anything else? His gahd choreography skillszsz, I love love love how he does it. It's elegant and snappy and elegant and perfect and elegant, I dunno, mebe because of his lean structure, he is like an egress under the moonlight. Blessing you with his presence on the dance floor. Like it his sixth sense, he does it effortless and still looks beautiful. Hmmm I love how he is kindof a granpa lol I kinda like men who appreciates women being conservative, with integrity... I dunno, the old fashioned type of gal. But he appreciates strong will old fashioned type :< my heart is too small to make decisions huhu anyways, him also being a laid back person :> even if life is kinda hectic, enjoy it with the small things and SLEEP. I loved sleeping because of him, I never cared for sleeping, like why sleep? Until, I slept a lot because I am sad and I want the day to get over :< sleep is good because u can run away from reality and also regenerate ur tired soul :) just think of it, it's for ur health! I also love his jokes, corny or not, I just love him being a witty poet xD there's only one like him... I wish before I leave earth, senpai would notice me, fan cafe or concert ;^; tell him that he helped me whenever I was sad.

I remember of that issue, where he had a girlfriend. Hmmm, I dunno, I was sad but not mad or betrayed. I am happy that he got one, at least it clarifies that he is not... Gay... Err sorry ;-; it's fine if he is, I'd still love him. Oh u know how ships can make your imaginations go wild. I would fall in love with him if I were a boy... How do the members prevent themselves from liking each other (or they have olredi ;)) welp. Back to where we were, u know how the members back then like hw to be their bro in law if ever they have a sister and whose member they would like for her to marry and most of them chose hw. Proof that he is a worth boyfriend!!!!! Like when wonto said that he is like a sunflower who will only look at the sun :) I think he really loved her and I guess with them rising as a star and keeping their relationship as a secret... It's really hard. You can't be proud with the treasure they have. I dunno, if he had a gf again, I wish fans and non fans would be supportive. Good thing starship was understanding about it back then and now. What if it was ur fellow monbebe? Won't fans be proud and protect their fellow monbebe????? Hmmmm?? I love our fandom :) mature and kind and hardworking and humble like monsta x... We both define each other ;-; well that's for hw, will love him all the way!

Back to mx. Congratulations again! You guys works so hard every comeback! You guys never stop trying and testing deep waters and here you are, deserving all the praise and recognition that was longing to be given! I am happy that you don't give up, let's keep this momentum :) because with all these hardwork, an ultimate grand plan is ahead :) everyone in the world loves you, so I hope Korea completely wakes up. Like I have said billions of times, you guys are very humble :) since hero era til this day, u guys ;-; u bowed really low, hitting ur foreheads to the floor, thanking monbebe is so... The most humble thing I could ever love ;-; God raises those who are humble, so never lose that Monsta X! Love your brothers, love monbebe, be a good example to this generation because a lot of people look up to you, even me :) love lots 💜

[realmzenith]

elaina ! :)

lays down, mai ily. anyways?? someone pls save elaina she Needs help

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?fairly long?? but not super long it’d make her anxious. maybe twenty minutes. it’d be a different story if it was a life or death thing tho obv

How easy is it for your character to laugh?difficult. from one to ten w one being v easily she’s like a 7. but for full uninhibited laughter it’s a solid 9. she mostly smiles and when she does laugh it’s at the dumbest things

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)she’ll lurk on instagram or think which are honestly both bad ideas for her bc instagram makes her depressed bc her social life sux and thinking makes her depressed bc she’s pessimistic and tends to overthink EVERYTHINg. however sometimes she’ll be smart abt it and read a book or look at plant pics or space which will more often than not successfully allow her to relax and get some shut eye

How easy is it to earn their trust?HM not too difficult prbly a 3 if ur nice to her and ur not a complete idiot- ok well. just if ur nice to her bc she literally falls in love w josie an idiot in her storyline

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?moderately difficult she has a hard time accepting that the ppl she trusts are capable of wronging her and usually assumes it was smth she did. she’s kind of an idiot like that so yk :) she’s prbly a 6 on that one? if we’re also accounting for the ppl she moderately trusts. however if we’re only talking abt the ppl she genuinely completely trusts it’s like an 8. she’s not COMPLETELy stupid but still p stupid abt relationships

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules should be followed. she accepts them as a given and that they will be followed as a given. it’ll srsly throw off her game if someone starts blatantly disobeying the law in front of her even if it is just a nominal thing

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?she’s not a v emotional person? she does feel deeply but hmm i suppose she is fairly nostalgic. certain melodies played on the guitar would prbly be one of the bigger triggers. her mom used to play and she and her dad would sing like dorks but they?? kind of dont do it anymore and she misses it but she isn’t sure how to ask to do it again. it’s the same w disney movies. they don’t watch them as a fam as much as they used to anymore but they still do on occasion! as for enjoying it she doesn’t rlly like nostalgia?? but she lets herself fall into it frequently

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?she was constantly told to talk to the other kids. she’s never been v social or good w ppl as she prefers her small group of ppl she knows and is comfortable w plus she’s an only child so she’s always been forced to socialize esp in casual settings

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?not super frequently. she does say damn bc that’s just the classic xstj swear word, her first she remembers v distinctly. it was “bitch” and completely her older cousin’s fault

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?she lowkey feels like her entire life is a lie? she’s a smart gal and gets good grades easily. she’s close to the top of her class and is considered one of the smart kids. but she herself is convinced she’s painfully mediocre and despite her other talents and unique personality traits she’s like :) im sorry for lying to u all i actually have zero interesting qualities and am a drag but ofc she never voices that bc lbr insecurity? ugly and she doesn’t want to lose the few friends she does have bc she dumped her fears on everyone else. she is, as i said, a Mess

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?she almost always pretends she understands but if she doesn’t feel like there’ll be negative consequences to asking for clarification and she’s feeling confident she’ll bluntly ask the other person to clear things up for her esp in a business type setting such as school projects, etc. it’s situational but socially speaking? she’ll pretend until she Dies

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?ask nico to get it or just struggle for ages to try to get it herself

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?she likes green and black but thinks she looks p drab in most things. in all actuality she prbly does look sharpest in black but yellow makes her look super cute, brings out a softer side of her. dark green is also flattering on her

What animal do they fear most?hm prbly eels esp electric eels. they freak her out for no particular reason. otherwise, she likes most animals and doesn’t mind most bugs

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?she does usually think before she speaks. on the extreme she’ll turn over a phrase abt ten times in her mind before even considering speaking it aloud but that’s rare and only in high stress situations. despite the fact that she does think before she speaks she’s very blunt abt most things. lay it out like it is and all. embellishing sentences or softening her statements is smth she rarely does as she finds it inefficient 

What makes their stomach turn?reckless behavior she HATES when ppl do stupid risky crap in front of her she finds it very unnecessary and anxiety inducing

Are they easily embarrassed?oh yes absolutely

What embarrasses them?everything. anything. her existence. ppl flirting w her. her parents. being teased. being incompetent. being singled out for anything. lots of things :)

What is their favorite number?she likes the number 60. no reason in particular it’s just a nice number. cue her friend, nico in the back yelling SIXTY???? MORE LIKE SEXY

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?oh oof dont talk to her about love it throws her for an existential crisis. hm but if srsly asked this she’d prbly say smth like “familial love is smth we’re rarely allowed to choose. platonic is more logical and circumstantial, and romantic is a combination of the two in the sense that it’s ur heart’s choice to begin and ur mind’s to continue.”

Why do they get up in the morning? society dictates that in order for an individual to contribute meaningfully to the world, you must get up by 7 am and do whatever lot’s been handed to you. thus she, as a good functioning member of society, gets up in the mornings and drives to school day in and day out as fate has dictated her duty to be

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? erratic. she’ll act strangely and become more distant. if it continues for long enough she’ll eventually snap at whoever’s nearest and asking what’s up w her

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? it makes her sad tbh sldkfjlkj she’s like welp.. this is the lot i’ve been given if i don’t accept it that’s my problem. then she keeps her head up and carries on

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? she prefers not to talk abt sex. she’d be v confused if someone brought up the topic of sex casually tho she isn’t SUPER squeamish abt discussing it it’s just?? unprofessional so why would u? ofc w her s/o she would be more than willing to discuss it in order to smooth out questions or misunderstandings before yk. actually. doing the sex

What are their thoughts on marriage? marriage to her is one of the pillars of society, and while she respects people who don’t want to get married, for herself she views it a checkbox on her list of things she needs to do before she dies. it’s?? like she sort of has a timeline and marriage is on the list of things that need to happen sometime in her twenties. she believes marriage should be a mutually beneficial union based on love and respect and believes that along w family units it’s a wonderful invention. however, despite all of this she kind of doubts she’ll ever get married bc she’s like who would date me lbr here :) and while simultaneously seeking after marriage she’s resigned herself to becoming an eventual crazy old cat lady

What is their preferred mode of transportation? she prefers bullet trains. efficient, usually comfortable, she doesn’t have to drive- what more could you want? she’s also fond of walking if a place is close by. helps her chill

What causes them to feel dread? the feeling that a relationship is falling apart and the divide between herself and the other person is growing. the little things like not waiting for the other person after class or “forgetting” to mention another thing about their day- the small things that point to a relationship breaking down. if there’s one thing she hates more than unnecessary conflict and having to just end things then and there it’s watching things slowly fall apart. that is extremely dread inducing in her opinion

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? if u asked her? she’d say she prefers the truth. in reality? she prefers the lie. she internalizes things and oftentimes “unpleasant truths” can weigh her down for ages. frequently enough to note, she’ll allow herself to continue in ignorance rather than accept the reality of the truth which she’ll sort of know she’s doing but just push to the back of her mind in order to avoid the panic that comes with actually confronting the problem. ignorance is bliss and all. nevertheless, in the long run and in hindsight, she prefers the truth as ripping off the bandaid proves easier than pulling out misplaced stitches one by one

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? she doesn’t come close. she has very lofty ideals to which she holds both herself and others around her. she wants to be someone who’s looked up to as strong. she values efficiency, honesty, reliability and genuinely good motives as well as charisma, passion and confidence. she’s doing alright with the first few but the last three are debatable. she’s passionate about v select things and her confidence levels looks like a heartrate monitor

Who do they most regret meeting? herself. she regrets gaining sentience

Who are they the most glad to have met? josie ;) but nico and ale are close seconds

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? nope what’s a Conversation? what’s a Joke? she doesnt know them :)

Could they be considered lazy? that’s a no. she works extremely hard and nearly always carries through. it’s partially her nature and partially a way for her to “make up” for her perceived lack of talents

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? extremely difficult but w time she eventually can esp when given the right type of support

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s. a hard one. she IS technically supportive but that’s only when she recognizes how much the thing means to the other person and she’s honestly rlly bad at reading these kinds of situations, so it’s rare that she actually does. she’ll kinda be like wtf but if she doesn’t recognize the other person is genuinely excited and invested in the thing she’ll do her best to give her own brand of awkward support 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?she’ll pursue a romantic interest if enough proof that it’s plausible is given but it’s rare that she gets enough “proof” for this to happen. generally speaking, she kind of pushes her desire for romance down. she’ll worry abt it later or at least until josie shows up eyes emoji

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? not rlly? she’ll just go thru things multiple times she’s not the most innovative person when it comes to things like this. route memorization is her go to 

What memory do they revisit the most often?;) depends on where in the storyline we’re talking but post story defo the time when she and josie went hiking w some of their other friends and when they reached the summit of the mountain the clouds were beneath the peak n completely coating the sky. it looked like a carpet of clouds, like another world and they shared a bit of a Moment. the little things are what elaina rlly cherishes

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?difficult she’s a bit of a critical person. she’s also not the most tactful when it comes to emotional intelligence related situations so ppl will likely find out she does see those flaws in them if they stick around long enough

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?not SO much but she does take things to heart. she’s sort of?? accepted her perceived mediocrity and general dullness but she’s in no way ceasing to attempt to change other things abt herself. so she’ll seemingly take criticisms in stride but they’ll stick w her when she’s Overthinking

How do they feel about children? kids are? good? she likes kids. as for having them, she’s considered it some and she thinks she might like to. at the same time, she also thinks she’d make a terrible parent- too harsh, bad w comfort, easily stressed. in all reality, she’d be better than most ppl as one esp after gaining a bit of confidence

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? rn the goal is graduating and she wants that fairly badly but she doesn’t particularly doubt her ability to achieve it. after that, it’s getting a good job which she also doesn’t overtly doubt as a certainty so yes she does want it but it’s not?? SUPEr concerning except when she begins to doubt her abilities and if she’ll ever feel like her life is fulfilling 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? she’s lesbian. she’d say it means she’s attracted to women 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?baby. she’s gonna find loveB) What inspired you to create them?love, simon! i wanted to write a cute lesbian high school romance so thus josie and elaina were bornC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope!D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?nope again! she used to be full korean but now she’s half korean and half scandinavian! i think she used to be taller too she’s 5′5″ nowE) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?there are some aspects of each other that would get on the other’s nerves. like i dont think she’d appreciate the wonky outbursts i sometimes have and i’d get annoyed by her lack of social tact/annoyance at the world even tho i lowkey share those traits but otherwise i think we’d get along p well! i think i’d find her cute and i think she’d like my perceived confidence. we share a similar rationality as wellF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?empathy she’s a big mood tbh and also i want her to be happy G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?her lack of emotional intelligence. while i like blunt and logic oriented ppl it’d get slightly frustrating after a while to be around someone who’s a lil oblivious to social/emotional cues even if that’s a moodH) What trait do you admire most?her humble diligence. i have to complain twice as much as her to get half the things she gets done doneI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?i think she’d ALSO do great in a sci fi universe. ha maybe i need to give these kids a sci fi au verseJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?not rlly no!

[somedayking-a]

and also the college au dreamer squad because i love them?

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk to drive

i feel like it goes between holland and esther

Takes care of on sick days

holland vc: just because im in medical school doesn’t mean i know anything,

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day

ESTHER N VOR DO

Gives unprompted massages

i.  don’t see any of them doing this tbh

Drives/rides shotgun

im not sure who drives but holland gets shotgun if he’s not driving bc if u leave him in the back of a car for long enough he’s just gonna get sick ( by which i mean any journey over 10 minutes that’s not on a completely straight bit of road )

Brings the other lunch at work

they’re two law students and one med student do they keep That regular of a schedule?  esther n vor are most likely though bc they probably have a lot of classes together so they could do it really easily, chances are holland’s on a whole different campus at any given time based solely on my own uni experience im p sure medical campuses are separate but also idk anything

Has the better parental relationship

oH BOY

i actually don’t know anything abt esther’s parents so im gonna say her w a very hopeful voice

Embarrassingly drunk dancer

i bet it’s vor bc he’s already that confident while sober, let alone drunk, inhibitions whomst

Still cries watching Titanic

i honestly don’t know???  let them have movie nights tho

Firmly believes in couples costumes

this strikes me as a very esther thing.  dreamer squad group costumes at parties please

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas

do any of them have money,, but im gonna say esther if she can afford it bc she seems like that kinda gal who just wants her friends to have nice things ( but then vor could be That Extra…. the only thing im sure on is that holland stuck to the price limit but even that’s like, 85% certainty )

Makes the other eat breakfast

ok this one is holland.  anyone can and will skip other meals, himself included, but he knows both from class and personal experience that when you’ve slept 10 hours in the past three days and are running after too many deadlines to count, you need to eat something in the morning or ur just gonna collapse.  that said, im absolutely certain someone else has to make him eat something bc do as he says, not as he does

Remembers anniversaries

holland

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO…

[brosura]

hey there demons, it’s ya girl mimi (no last name)

QUICK FACTS:

like, twenty? she’s not keeping track.

originally from lestallum but her origin story was different before comrades

irresponsible knife gal

more info below the cut!

BACKSTORY:

originally conceptualized her as a side quest character in the vein of dino except that instead of asking them to put themselves in danger for rocks she asks them to put themselves in danger for food

in her original concept, she’s nineteen and from lestallum but is also a persona non grata there bc she kept dining and dashing from all the food establishments & lives in one of my friend’s (@ cara dis u) ocs little hunter settlement intermittently

to be fair tho she was orphaned by the war w niflheim and raised by an old lady in lestallum who spoiled her and tried to teach her to become a crown citizen (bc she believed she’d have a better life there) and the old lady died when she was like thirteen so she basically doesn’t know how to take care of herself

started hunting bc she has 0 sense of responsibility but likes being active! and she got pretty good at it! likes the independence!

very irresponsible tho - hitchhikes everywhere, forgets to eat, forgets to make sure she has money, forgets to take on hunts, takes on hunts ALONE bc she doesn’t want to split the money, etc.

the boyos met her on one of those sidequests where you give some stranded hunter medicine except it’s not medicine, they literally have to feed her since she’s irresponsible and a FOOL and forgot that she had no money for food and went out on a hunt to get money for food but passed out as soon as she’d completed it because she hadn’t eaten it in like??? she doesn’t know  

immediately attached to the group because like, her dream since becoming a hunter was to have enough money to travel to meldacio and afford the hunter’s ragout and when ignis just casually makes something similar for her she’s like ??? y’all eat like this every day??? and they haven’t been able to get rid of her since

she’ll just show up, greet only ignis, and ask what he’s making for dinner and wait expectantly to be invited, and her side quest is to obtain ingredients nearby usually with a fight involved

joins the party as a guest party member tho so at least she helps

ignis stan, he’s the only one whose name she remembers

calls the rest of them a variation of ‘city boy'

in this version she has only brown hair and keeps it cut short and usually wears a secondhand hammerhead hat (BIG CRUSH ON CINDY) 

in comrades!!

still from lestallum, but actually made it to insomnia at around age sixteen after the old lady died

had a hard time in school both bc she was hella behind after years of just struggling to stay alive (and still honestly struggling to stay alive, tbh) and bc this group of girls bullied her for being an outsider and kind of ??? gave up on it. 

chance encounter with some kingsglaive in her neighborhood (while she was cutting class lol) gave her Ideas, and she joined up at around age 17 (lied about her age and said she was older, and honestly she doesn’t know how old she is)

kind of distant from the rest of the kingsglaive, bc she’s younger, joined later and is mainly in it for the paycheck and access to a place to sleep and eat, so she doesn’t really catch on to the coup that’s happening

basically shows up to the movie kingsglaive 15 minutes late with coffee and accepts the first orders she’s given which were, naturally, from draut0s

catches on hella late when someone tellin her to take on cor and she’s like wait?? no? why?? i don’t want to die? and she joins the glaive/crownsguard that are trying to evacuate the city instead

the rest is, as they say, history

honestly really unhappy to be back in lestallum bc i imagine she was still a dine and dasher in her youth and is like :/ :/ don’t recognize me pls :/

SKILLSET:

K N I V E S

she’s from lestallum when i created her so she’s a sSTRo NG and has HIGH HP which actually fits her tenacity and will to live?

bad at magic but good at warping!

warps, even when it’s unnecessary, purely bc she thinks it looks cool

WHAT SHE LIKE THO?!?:

first of all she’s bi so jot that down

her two persistent crushes are ignis and cindy (she met cindy once while hitchhiking and she’s been in love ever since)

very externally motivated with a #treat yoself mentality and in her original concept it was food that she was motivated by just bc that was a ‘luxury’ but in insomnia there’s like clothes, too?? hair?? anyway she’d definitely dye her hair as soon as she found out that was a thing bc now the luxury is Lookin Fly

she’s still into the food thing tho tbh

CRITICAL disagreement with gladio on the value of cup noodles, she’s had to eat them for so long & doesn’t care for the taste

flexible/adaptable to the point that she’s almost flaky? like. in her original concept as soon as she was kicked out of the city she was like ‘i’m a hunter now i guess’ and she was flip flopping sides during the events of kingsglaive bc she was confused and just?? ran with it. 

resilient, tho!! and aggressively optimistic! doesn’t let hopeless situations get her down! 

very confident that noct will come back during the WoR even tho she’s technically never met him!! and when people are like ‘that’s a lie he’s just being a coward’ she’s like ‘well if he’s a coward then we’re all gonna die so like? i’m just gonna believe he’s charging his King Powers because that’s the scenario where we get to be alive’

a fool also, tho, really really dumb

in the original concept she just doesn’t get that noctis is the prince even tho he accidentally introduced himself as noctis and she’s got the evidence and that makes her SUPER insensitive sometimes

like, ‘noctis, huh? your parents must’ve really liked the prince to give u the same name. well, he’s dead now so it looks like ur one of a kind!’

in comrades this translates to her like, never having actually SEEN noctis before moving to insomnia so one time she gets assigned to his guard at an event and he walks in wearing regular clothes and she’s like WHO’S THIS KID and the person with her is like MIMI SHUT UP THATS THE PRINCE

very knowledgeable about certain things tho!

fixes and sews her own clothes!! good at repurposing objects from other hunters/glaives for her own use! very practical gal! 

short sword fangirl! like the thing that makes her recognize that noctis is the prince in the original concept is the fact that he summons the engine blade and she’s like??? wait excuse me??? that’s the engine blade??? that’s the blade that royalty uses??? your name is noctis??? are you the noctis??? the royal noctis??? that uses the engine blade???? engine blade??

honestly the responsibility of running Lestallum’s power grid should never have been given to her bc like me, she would absolutely divert critical power to the clothes store first bc she wants to look Cool

[seoschangbin]

please rachel is cute!!!😭💕💞congrats on your freedom!!! i saw your text post about having to do some peer grading🥺it sounds tedious): and then people not doing it properly, gosh😤i hope you can get through them quickly n still have time to relax!💕but i’m glad next semester is gonna be full of fun classes, it’s what you deserve!!! i just know it’ll be one of your best semesters yet😌💕and graduating in april!!! omg :0 congrats!!! that’s such a huge accomplishment hehe. -🎁💫

mndjdj UR cute!! tho waking up at 2am to get to the airport aint it 😬✈️ hehe i finished the peergrade it went better than i thought im so dramatic nd mean 😭 (jk i was v nice imo) ur so sweet i dont deserve u 😭i hope 2020 is good for us both and we both have a good winter semester ❤️ (not sure yours is even called winter) scared for grad but also wouldnt be able to do another semester ahah 😥

do you plan on going to higher education or are ya just gonna chill for a bit?😌that’s true!!! almost halfway! and i’m done with my gen ed classes so now i just gotta focus on my major!!! i don’t really like the uni life so this extra year sounds like hell to me😭but i guess i should start trying to put myself out there more n make the best of my last years😭😔man😭well you tried your best rachel!!! n that’s all that matters😌💕-🎁💫

i applied for grad school! but we'll see how that goes 😣 ooh gen ed is the worst imo bc then u get the fun specialized stuff! 😊 oh noo why dont you like uni? 😔 but i hope you find smth to enjoy in the last years, thats when i started to really enjoy it anyways! 🥰

LITERALLY😭😭felix is just the softest n he’s so utterly sweet!!! he’s been making me go through it lately especially since he keeps on being the ultimate cutie and posting stuff of him being at the dog cafe🥺🤲🏼skz variety😚i saw that video where we get to see chan’s studio n he’s with bin n ji and gosh the tiny teasers we got other songs... omg😳💕i’ve been having levantar on repeat as well, i think she’s gonna dethrone i am who for me😳yeah i dance but i’m not good!!!-🎁💫

omg i KNOW rly goin thru it w felix lately 😭 the dog cafe bls mjsjjdd hes so cute 😭 omg i KNOW!! the seungbin duet bls.. for me.. release it 😭 all the songs sound so so lovely im excited for their future 🙇🏻‍♀️ omg levanter.. shes that gal taking over the world! aww its ok hehe if u have fun then thats all that matters ☺️ how did u get into it?

i used to dance when i was younger but i went through a i’m shy phase n gave it up🚶🏻‍♀️recently i’ve been trying to get back into tho!!! my only source of lessons atm is felix’s dance to😚honestly that’s so valid bc skz titles are always so so so good n leave you with vastly different feelings🥺🤲🏼who knows😭😭😭chan does n says the weirdest stuff sometimes but it’s okay he’s still a cutie🥺right!!! i’m really glad they got a win! they're accomplishing so much n i am so!!! proud😭💞-🎁💫

omg felix nd his dance lessons hes so awkward but endearing bro  is there any dances ur looking forward to learning or currently learning?  i agree skz kings of versatility! i know!! they did so much this yr good job skz ️

i wonder if they’re gonna do more stages n if there’s possible for them to get more wins... i think they’re done right? just fansigns left? hmmm. changbin always gotta play hard to get i guess😤and omg yeah i guess so!!! bc i’ve realized that i listen to mostly jype artists :0 sometimes jype is ya kno... Yeah but i can’t deny that i love most of their groups🏃🏻‍♀️-🎁💫

i think they r done! but im honestly so hazy on their schedule i just take what im given LOL 😭 i love looking at fantakens from their fansigns though i hope they have more! mjdjf mood about jype... but their groups.. pure nd good! not rly relates but did u ticket this past week for skz hehe?

i’d like to file a complaint… 😭😭😭hyunjin is just so powerful, i always think how lucky jinnie stans are bc he just loooooves spoiling stays😚💓ooo i’ve heard of victon but i’ve never watched their variety! there’s so many groups i want to eventually listen n learn about tho and victon is one of em!!! i watched a few eps of that mx variety where they’re with PUPPIES😭i still need to finish it but so far… jooheon can get it and by get it i mean n my heart😞🤲🏼-🎁💫

omg i KNOW hj be like bf vibes always spoiling... omg victon is the CUTEST and theyre always on vlive itll be my mission to get you into them! 😉 omg i havent seen the whole puppy one yet but theyre so pure nd cute! i also recommend mx ray hehe! and hes jooheon must be protected hes the sweetest bab!

oh my goodness please i’ve seen clips of that moment!!!! changbin looks ULTRA teeny tiny i couldn’t believe!!!! so much cuteness in such a tiny body😭💞right!!! i love their friendship so much i just love how attentive they are with each other n how they always play around too hehe, its adorable!!! i will never get over felix whipping out that damn egg, king of comedic timing!!! yes!!! chan n changbin!!💕chan is a mega libra n as a fellow libra i couldnt resist! n changbin is changbin🥺-🎁💫

hes the teeniest i always go back to him on the zipline hes my babyyy 😔❤️ he looks scary but hes. baby.. his muscles r made of love.. mjsjd i KNOW feliz out of nowhere: 🥚 cute.. changbin n chan r a good bias pair! just the sweetest

being a changbin stans can never catch a break bc binnie's whole existence is just utter cuteness most times i can’t handle it, i blame his mega leo energy😭i’m into mostly nintendo n indie games! also its super cheesy but i love chill games like farming games or animal crossing! you too rachel! get plenty of rest n omg i hope you enjoy your vacation!!! being at the beach is the best🥰💞gotta apply buckets of sunscreen then!!! i burn so easily too so i feel your pain😔-🎁💫

omg i KNOW bin is just the epitome of cuteness i never thought id ever stan the aegyo boy 😭 ooh! do u have a fav game? and i hear animal crossing is super fun nd i love chill games so not cheesy at all!! im sure when im back the first thing ill say is damn.. never seen my skin peel like That ⚠️

and no worries!!! please take your time n enjoy your vacation😚💞but goodness you’re so sweet! i’m glad i was able to finish the thing i made for You hehe, i’m excited for you to see!!!🥰💞its been lots of fun chatting!!! even tho i feel so bad for rambling on n on at times😭but i hope this week treats you well rachel n you have the loveliest n bestest holiday!!! -🎁💫

i decided not to bring my laptop this time so i wont be able to finish what i had in mind until january i hope u dont mind! but omg stoP u made me smth 😭 ive enjoyed talking to u sm too thank u for being the sweetest 🥰 i hope u enjoy the week as well and take lots of time to rest!

[diorkisses-blog1]

hi i just hit 200 followers so here’s me appreciating everyone 

MY LOVES: 

@diorgalore/ @ofworstbehaviors: an amazing writer with amazingly developed characters. val was the first one i got to interact with ( she’s my favorite mistress. DFBIUJ ) and from then we have developed dean/juliana ( MY ANGST BABIES ) and beckett/chloe. i’m not sure why none of our ships can have happy endings and too many mf problems but i don’t really complain bc i love the angst tm. phone home soon baby. ur my fav camila. 

@prcud: julian/andy is literally both so fucking angsty and shippy at the same time. i love them so much. ur literally my favorite stas to write against and you are just one of the softest, cutest babies i’ve ever met. i enjoy writing with you dearly because i know i will always be getting quality content :’) and i love when you send me ask memes because i always get excited that you’re thinking about our ships too i love u sis

@maesterpieces: every time i read our threads i get a headache . BFIUDN our ships cause me so much pain and anguish i love them so much and i just want them to be happy. i just want caleb and lola to have a kid . and get a nicer house . and also lola to quit being a fuckin indecisive bitch . and i want julian to kiss ronnie on her head and snuggle with her and tell her he loves her . i just want fluff . except i fucking love our angst . you’re one of my fav people to write against baby. 

@brckenones: i always have so many threads with you and i never get tired of them. all your characters are a fresh breath of air and i love the fact that if i don’t feel muse for one thread i have others to reply to and we con constantly write together. you’re one of the sweetest people and you completely understand my riverdale opinions and agree with them which is so crazy and i love it and i love ben and meredith and i just want archiebetty season 2. you’re such an amazing writer and u always add fcs that i’m in love with and even tho we have os many i always secretly want more ;’)

@ofcataclysmic: you have given lola some of the best ships of her life and i love it because every time i write her against u i am hurting ( alex .. my baby ). i also love rocco and your writing bc i fucking . love angsty gangster shit and i just wanna strangle him but also hug him . we r truly the worst at im’ing each other like literally never get one another’s messages FDBIJS but it’s ok bc we’re still gal pals n i love u sis 

@safcri: bonnie and clyde literlaly have nothing on scott and kerris . but listen . we have the ugliest ships . CDBJSK i’m so excited to write blake against you and i love rory and i love when gunner calls her a child and i love your whole entire blog and i love our text threads and i love corinna and salvador’s messy ass annoying ass relationship and i just love . i have nothing else to say . BDFUSN except i want mORE . 

@wearyhands: WE JUST STARTED OUR NEW PLOT BUT I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED LIKE I CAN’T BELIEVE WE FUCKING WIVES .. n i can’t believe hunter is so soft for keila just like i’m soft for u and i just wanna protect ur muses and we have like 10 different text threads going on right now but it’s pretty great and ur just . precious

@saintedlys: callie and tristian . my original otp . your level of writing is still something i aspire to get to even now like you’re literally just so amazing and i’m in awe every time we write even if it’s been half a decade . also thank u for introducing me to dev patel. 

some people i have threads with and wanna get to know better: 

@prepaids / @comcta / @ofserein / @bcngerz / @maripcsas / @ofsycophants / @demcntia / @aimlessheart / @khcleesis

people i wanna rp with and admire from afar: 

@fewrebels / @electriclve / @hvneybces / @dcrko / @hcricane / @pureimcgination / @adclescent / @ncgoodbycs / @reticvnt / @bloodiedsaints / @postuxre / @neonthrill / @hholys / @deardoses / @hotboxed / @indiigo / 

[nightwhite13]

oh i've not gotten my attunement yet, but yours sounds cool! it looks like you've played way more stories than I have, so i appreciate your advice! one other question, please: would you say becca is your fave female RO? Not played the freshman yet. i'm trying to find a series where there's more balance of the guys with the gals--or at least a fem option that is given a decent amount of scenes, so it holds my attention better, lol. thanks for ur help and time. i wish u well.

okay, sorry it took me this long cause i need to answers this on my laptop. And there is time when I was jobless so the only thing that keeping me going is choices, like no kiddin the first thing i did when i woke up is to play the game

you’ll get your attunement on 2nd chapter, and the explanation about the attunement on 3rd chapter and honestly i felt so attack because it was true.

If you want a balance LIs, i recommended two books, Perfect Match and The Heist: Monaco.

Technically Perfect Match have 2;2 ration on both genders of the LIs, and the main Li, Hayden Young is gender-costume, and another character is kinda gray, meaning in a sense he is a LI but at the same time, he’s not. That’s all i can say

While in THM you can have more female LIs than the male. There are 2 default female Lis and 1 male LI. By default it means they will show up in the story no matter what.  1 for both male and female LIs are optional, meaning you can pick one of them as part of your team. And the other 2 both for male and female, im not so sure if you can romance them.

ALSO MY FAVE RO??? ANON THAT IS A HARD QUESTION!!! No, I’m joking, although I love Becca so much, but my perfect wife is none other than Hayden Young from Perfect Match. even tho you didnt ask me, but im just gonna tell you my others fave Lis, lol sorry i just want to gush over my wives

Hayden Young are hands down the best LI ever written in this app, hell even if you didn’t romance them, they are still one of the best character ever written. I want to personally thank whoever wrote Hayden Young. Also my faceclaim for white Hayden Young is mackenzie davis, so everytime I read her part I was more in love with her because of Mackenzie’s voice, like damn son

And the most amazing thing about Hayden, they have their own personalities which you can get by answering the questions at the beginning. And if i remember correctly, there’s like 16 types of Hayden. Mine is Artistic. And man, I really, really, really in love with this idiot charmer

Becca is my number 2, I was shocked as well because the freshman series was a big mess. word of advice, if you want to play this series, just begin from book 2, seriously, you’re not missing anything if you didn’t play book one. you wanna know the story? watch it on youtubebecause this book is one of the earliest book, so ho boi, the male LIs are fucking annoying and they keep forcing us with them. seriously, book 1 is soooo not worth it. My fave were the sophomore book, i mean yah that books are garbage but at least WE CAN HAVE A SECRET RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR ENEMY OF THREE BOOKS THAT IS NONE OTHER THIS QUEEN BITCH

I love her so much because we can see her character growth and i feel so proud of her progress and how she made MC so happy and everything in between

Next is the vampire queen Miss Kamilah Sayeed from Bloodbound. Man, I can’t believe I had a vampire phase at this age, lol. It was a shame because she didnt gets much screentime so we don’t know much about her while shes one of the most interesting characters in choices universe. I love her deadpan jokes so much. like pls miss sayeed, suck me dry

next is miss parsons from desire and decorum. like pls pb i just want to marry her or enjoy our life as a forever roommate or whatever it is. i am so soft for her

and the last is Jen from American’s Most Eligible: Season 10 and All Stars. At this point, i dont give a damn about the reality show anymore and i just want to smooch jen in every chance i get

Lol, im so sorry i took time to answer this and basically just gushing about my faves. hope this helps anon

[theclassicalhorse]

The Annual Horsblr Drama Recap: 2016 edition

January: “Unbranded”: promoting the mustang? or just a group of stupid thrill seeking college kids knowingly putting their horses lives in danger? “Take your rich bitch money and fat mouth elsewhere”:  The “If you say everyone needs a trainer, you're elitist” mantra.  The State of America: Judge Qualifications.  Horse Slaughter: livestock animal, best friend, or both? ALERT: Police on high alert after the word “piaffe” was mentioned by an unqualified individual. Those unintentional suicide jokes.  What brand is your bridle? Our experts weigh in on what your bridle says about your financial status.  LDR vs Rolkur, AGAIN... The Facts: Is there a correlation between liking a certain breed and preferring a certain style of horse management? 

February:  Conspiracy: Theveganmothership and Banallequinesports are the same person.  NEWSFLASH: putting stallions in the same area so they can sort out their hierarchy under the careful eyes of their owners is abusive and disgusting.  “jfc Janet BAIL is what you have when you are in jail and BALE is what hay is in.  Learn to fckn spell”  Halters: Nylon vs. Leather?  Safety vs. Aesthetics?  Helmet Girl strikes again!  Weighted tails, weighted bits, and other training nonsense.     

March:  Real Talk: is it Horseblr or Horsblr? Arthur’s absolutely appalling joke of a browband.  Some interesting A circuit hunters drama that had something to do with burn marks??  Do we or do we not want barrel racers to wear helmets with cowboy hat attachments: safety vs aesthetics part 2.  “My daddy bought me an import and I only see it once a month”.  The bald face debate. Salt against saddleseat. Dogblr vs Horsblr: Cesar Milan edition.  The Pénélope Leprevost incident. 

April:  Can horses be assholes on purpose?  Barrel Racing and Dressage:  Are the two disciplines on equal grounds?  Bits in the Hunter Ring: What the riders don't want you to see.  BREAKING NEWS: Witnesses say a photo of an average quarter horse preforming  piaffe circulated created uproar among dressage enthusiasts convinced that only warmbloods are capable of such movements. Australia’s ridiculous National Security laws and what they have to do with not vaccinating your horse.  Animal welfare concerns: clipping horses for the winter.  NEW INFO: Lainey Ashker killed her horses!

May:  Famous self proclaimed horseman Clinton Anderson flips a horse over: Was it preventable?  TONIGHT ON 7 NEWS: Horsblr’s collective obsession with the piaffe.  Vague blogging at its finest.  You can't take your horse out on hacks unless you have exposed them to every single possible flight response trigger, otherwise, you suck.  Double twisted wire bits on Hunter ponies: Hot or not?  If you use two saddle pads, you are the DEVIL.  The saga continues: Tear Lainey’s dressage skills apart but Edward Gal is untouchable.

June:  Mares vs. Geldings.  Proper ‘Eq’: What happened to shoulder hip heel? Dogblr weighs in: Adopting vs. Buying. 

July:  Exposing your young horse to show jumping: ABUSE.  Page 45, section 4, subsection 5, paragraph 2 of Hunter barn ‘eq’tiquette dictates that you can’t drink water during lessons... (its a sign of weakness)  Also, page 27, section 2 says that praising your horse before leaving the ring is frowned upon and points may be deducted. Falsterbo Horse Show footage.  Clinton Anderson’s “death to tree huggers” video controversy.  

August: CWD Female Saddle: Sexist? or does since and physiology back their products up?  Stronger bits for stronger horses: an indicator for lack or training.  RIO 2016 ~ super cresty lusitanos, Adeline Cornellisen scratches mid test (what a hero) Country of Origin Bias: Kittel vs Ward.  Vulture squad vs. Bench bitches??? 

September:  Spanking your horse: acceptable or barbaric?  Negative Reinforcement: a  non-aversive, magical method of communication between you an your horse <3.  Our readers weigh in on how your sex life may correlate with how you handle horsblr discourse. 

October:  “People who can't afford to take quality care of their pets have every right to continue to own their animals”.  Polo wraps are always a valid reason to start drama.

November:  Donald Trump is elected...  On barn dogs and which ones to shoot.  WHAT KIND OF SQUASH IS THAT?!  Poor horse folk outraged and left feeling bitter after Cylana sold to young rider for 3 million USD.  Attention: There is only one true way to lunge your horse, only one, thats it.  The chaff discourse. 

December: Barrel racing Instagram equestrians and futurity shit.  “Kicking Your Horse in the Chest for Refusing to Jump and other Tantrums”.  Personal opinion posts taken way too far.  Pro-anas infiltrate horseblr.  Hoof Crack Treatment Discourse.  Gettin Salty: Dutch Harness Horses.  Biting and Aggression: Best Plan of Action? “Wow I cant believe ur horse is on bute when u haven't been given it by a vet even tho if i had checked your blog for literally 5 seconds i would have seen i was literally wrong!”