#vic rambles

[sequinsmile-x]

Today a colleague asked me if I have ever watched Criminal Minds and I had to pretend I like it a normal amount not a “I’ve written over 1.25 million words of fanfic for a couple that were never canon” amount.

I think I pulled it off.

[goodlucksnez]

Vic is going to rant about stuff

Cw/TW mental health, sobriet, pcos, autoimmune disease and depression and mentions of self harm

Like seriously do not read if that bothers you

This is very dumb but I don’t know. Therapist said to write stuff out so here I am.. this month…I am five months sober but you would think would be like yay congratulations but in reality it just feels like I’m in a void of nothing. I don’t feel things anymore at least good things I don’t feel happy anymore. I just feel everything is wrong and it’s my fault.

Now that all could stem from me having really bad self-esteem and depression and anxiety but it’s somehow feels different.

Also, getting diagnosed with autoimmune diseases, and PCOS doesn’t help my self esteem. I don’t want to go back to how are used to deal with pain drinking my problems away, cutting other methods to feel numb. But I need to do something and I don’t know what. 

No one has to repond or say anything I just need to let some peep know what is going on instead of ghosting them.

[shnowbilicat]

You are allowed to block people.

This is something I had to learn the hard way, but I hope this experience is something we all can learn from.

In the past I was never someone who blocked people, I saw them as actual people who had some sort of connection I didn't want to lose. It also didn't help that I was terrified I did something horribly wrong when someone ignored or blocked me without saying anything.

But in the last year or so I learned to suck it up and put on my big boi pants to cut someone out of my life who really stretched what a 'friend' is.

To set the scene, this person send me message over DA and we came to talking. They were interested in my FNAF AU and I happily told them about it. And their first red flag was that they were REALLY interested in Rick and Keith, like, they ACTUALLY had a crush on them.

It didn't continue any better; while they were nice and all, they constantly asked for my attention, lowkey insinuated that they knew better about everything (Like how to fix FNAF and wanted to get into contact with Scott, or what EXACTLY an alternative or parallel universe was irl wtff), wanting me to draw them art a la 'nudge nudge wink wink' and basically wanting me to get into the stuff they were in.

It was EXHAUSTING. The constant contact with them was draining me so much, them ignoring my 'no thank you's and making me uncomfortable with some things they wanted to talk about. It eventually hit a breaking point where I finally agreed to a 'romance RP' between Rick and their (very obvious self insert) OC. It all crashed down on me when I realized that I've lost the ability to RP with anybody else and how much this person really messed my life up. I was a huge doormat not putting down my foot or saying a clear no, so I decided to be clear with them then and there (Granted, they told me they needed others to be 100% direct to them for them to understand)

So, what did they do in response? Threw everything back at me, how horrible their own life was and demanding I would never do something like that again and not tell anybody else about this. It broke me completely, something like this has not happened in the last 10 years and I felt like a failure of a human being to hurt someone else so deep-

... and then I realized I barely knew this person. Sure, my pages are silent af and I LOVE engagement, but not like this. There are millions of people on this planet and if one of those just refuses to be a true friend then I ain't fighting for it.

So, one last try to talk to them calmly about what my issues are- oh? You call me a parasite cuz I wanted space from you and for you to stop drooling over my bby bois? Blocked. Everywhere.

And lemme tell ya ... after so many sleepless nights it was so amazing to have silence, to not stress about anything and slowly regaining comfort in my characters and my AUs. I'm still not fully there, but yeah, no, this taught me to speak up earlier, be more assertive and not be a doormat to someone who clearly just wanted to use my good nature for their own benefit.

SO! Don't be afraid to block people, especially when they make you uncomfortable af or drain you. It's better for your own wellbeing.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk and stay safe and healthy everybody 💜

[thestarsof-victius]

i wonder if every neighborhood has that one person who, no matter the weather, goes for their morning jog

we have someone like that over here. i bet they're probably waking up to eat breakfast get ready for their morning jog right now despite the fact we just had a godawful storm a few minutes ago.

maybe we all need that kind of jogger in our life, or maybe we need to be that jogger

[kanofor-db]

I FUCKING DID IT

I TOOK MY FIRST T-SHOT!!!!

[mohtivations]

junior year of college starts tomorrow. aCK. feels weird. excited but also nervous about the year to come. the friendships to form. the adventures to go on. hehe. goodnight friends <3

[allthenicknamesweretaken]

Yall best be looking forward to next month cause by then I'm getting my ipad back and I'm going to be drawing so much oh god

[myvillainfam]

...

[fangswbenefits]

well...... my heart.....

[bittersweetbeet]

Oh my god is. Is he holding the picture of the cursor he burned at the end of the Box.

BRO.

[harmonic-carnival]

Art for an audience of Me Myself and I

drawn May 23 2023

[Image Description: The "why does x call you babygirl" meme with the JLU versions of Supergirl and The Question. Supergirl is slouched against Question, asking "why does Huntress call you babydoll". Question is holding the steering wheel tensely, replying "how about we stop talking for a little while". End ID]

[sequinsmile-x]

not cm related but my parent's cat is being put down tomorrow and it's so sad. literally burst into tears yesterday the second a work call ended because my mum text me during it.

she was never MY cat, mum and dad got her after i moved out, but she was the cat that made us a cat family after having had a dog previously. she is why i have martha, and why i have that joy in my life every day (although, martha is currently playing with my hair like it's a chew toy)

it's just so endlessly shitty that pets only get to be with us for such a short period of time, but the love and joy they give us along the way is absolutely worth this horrible difficult bit

i hope when she gets there, holly has plenty of fresh chicken and all the dreamies a girl could want on the other side of rainbow bridge

[goodlucksnez]

TW mentions of blood

So I was playing with a xtacto knife yes I know I should not have been but I sliced my finger and it doesn’t hurt but omg there was so much blood and it is at angle so I can’t really put a bandaid on it but it has stopped bleeding but dang dumb Vic

In other news my fever FINALLY (with the help of steroids) broke and I am on the road to recovery!!!

I am going to either take tomorrow or Thursday as a me day becuase I am stressed out

[wtfgaylittlezooid]

my ideas for a "everything is totally cool and awesome between the siblings" au

[kanofor-db]

my main problem is i was born with the personality of a 6′2 person but i’m only like 5′6

[fcb-mv33]

Mini Max🥺😭