#vodka drunkinski

[goferwashere]

PUNCH-OUT!! (Wii) MONSTER AU 🗣️💥

FIGHTING FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE IN THIS RING. LETS GO 🔥🔥

It’s a bit long so I added a cut 😭 I spent the past three days on this

THIS IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE BUT OH LORD I FORGOT HOW MUCH FUN MAKING AU’S IS

ALSO PLEASE PLEASE ADD MORE HC’S AND STUFF IF YOU HAVE ANY

Please just assume that just about every monster on this list comes with super strength unless stated otherwise.

Glass Joe:

Human - Monster Hunter/Boxer

- Wants to retire, but knows that without him some of the more unruly and dangerous monsters would dominate the circuit.

- Not everybody knows that *he’s* the infamous monster killer within the WBVA. Some do, but he doesn’t want it to be common knowledge. He needs the edge of “Poor, weak Glass Joe” to get the jump on his opponents.

- He doesn’t kill often, only if things get extremely out of hand. He’s basically the only thing keeping the humans and monsters from starting a full out war in the WVBA.

- Despite his job, He’s friends with a couple of the other boxers. Some knowing that they were monsters, some that he assumed were human and were actually monsters, and some that were just human.

- He doesn’t have anything against monsters, only those who try to take advantage of their power.

- He still trains and goes into the ring, trying to enjoy himself. To be fair, he does still enjoy boxing despite everything else he’s doing. Even if his record does stand at 1-99.

- On that note, his one win wasn’t an accident. He fully intended to win that fight, lacing Nick Bruisers gloves with Garlic so he’d be fighting with his hands essentially on fire.

- Even though he’s got a serious job, he far from a serious guy most of the time. He’s friendly with just about everybody, and tries to be civil with the people who treat him like shit.

- He’s also still clumsy. Almost died a few times as a result.

Von Kaiser:

Vampire - Boxer

- Being turned during his military service, he’s gotten good at hiding the obvious signs. He covers his bite mark and eye bags, and excessively dyes his skin using turmeric. (It fades fast though, leaving his skin looking a healthy colour.)

- Claims he has a garlic allergy, which makes him sad because he quite enjoyed garlic before turning.

- Enjoys the perks of being a vampire, but just can’t seem to keep up with the amount of blood his body demands. So he often twitches and looses focus, being sluggish and tired quite often.

- He enjoys the chase when tracking down his prey. It makes him feel powerful.

- Is 100% on the monster’s side. He believes that they’re superior, and will often be snarky with the human boxers (even if they’re ranked higher than him).

Disco Kid

Human (Possessed by Kid Quick) - Dancer/Boxer

- Disco is being possessed by the ghost of a boxer that was killed during one of his matches (yes that’s his unfinished business)

- Whenever he’s doing anything involving boxing, that’s Quick’s doing, but personality wise that’s always been Disco

- Disco is surprisingly chill with it, always wanting to try boxing but never having patience to train (so Quick does it for him lol)

- His personality leaks into Quicks movements and taunts, since despite liking boxing he’s got ‘no flair’ (As Disco puts it)

- Doesn’t have any super strength, but if they work together they can pull of some nasty combos, with Quick grabbing them and pushing them into Disco’s attacks (Disco isn’t a huge fan of that though, so it’s only really a last resort.)

- He’s honestly nervous when he finds out about the monsters in the WVBA. Quick assures him that they’ll be fine as long as they keep their heads down.

-…Which of course, Disco would never do. So when he gets mixed up in the drama he doesn’t really have anyone to blame but himself.

- He knows that he should *technically* count as a monster, but him and Quick are in support of the humans.

King Hippo

Tulpa - Boxer

- He was created by a little boy who loved boxing, and created him. Giving him a backstory and a cool design. He thought about him so much that he just. Spawned one day.

- The only thing on his mind was boxing, so that’s what he did. He has no idea that he was just a figment of some random kid’s imagination, but I doubt he’d care (or believe it) if he was told. His only goal is to box.

- Not really involved in any of the WVBA human/monster drama. He’s rather quiet outside of the ring.

- Nobody is really clear what he is, but everyone has mutually agreed that he’s not human. No way.

Piston Hondo

Human - Boxer

- Everyone who knows him has a lot of respect for Hondo. He fights fair, and his technique was able to beat actual superhumans (granted, some of those wins may have circumstantial).

- Some of the other boxers are really confused as to how he can keep his ranking, and make speculations as to how he does it, but no one can come up with a solid theory.

- Unless he’s exposed to be a dirty trickster like Ryan, or doped up like Soda, everyone just has to respect the insane effort he puts in.

- Hondo is oblivious to the fact that the WVBA is infested with monsters, and has always thought that international boxing would naturally have more difficult opponents. Nobody knows what would happen if he found out, but nobody wants him give up if he did. Just about everyone (regardless about what side they’re on) will band together to keep Hondo in the dark.

Bear Hugger

Werewolf - Boxer

- He’s more or less happy with being a werewolf. Obviously he’s mad when he has to lock himself up during the full moon, but otherwise he’s chill.

- Essentially a Disney princess with how well he gets along with wildlife. Like. It’s actually insane.

- Thought he’d do well in boxing, so quite literally trained with bears before going to NY. He thinks it’s noisy and polluted, but stays to hopefully bring down the champion and take the belt home to show his friends.

- Cheers on everyone, regardless of what they are. He doesn’t really care about the fate of the WVBA and is just there for a good time.

Great Tiger

Human - Informant/Boxer

- A skilled magic user. He’s been learning since he was a little kid, and the jewel on his turban gives him a good chunk of extra power.

- Uses his tricks to get intel and feed it to Joe.

- He *LOVES* to stir the pot. He knows that he’s safe, and may even stick out his neck for Joe, but will never do anything that’ll put himself in harms way.

- In the same vein he’s always listening to drama. He will gossip like a high schooler, and he knows everything about everyone. He loves being cheeky and keeping other boxers in the dark about what he knows.

- Literally the personification of “🎶I know something that you don’t know~🎵”

- He’s basically on an even playing field, so has no trouble keeping his place in the major league. Honestly, he’s more in it to see how this drama will play out, and who’ll come out on top.

Don Flamenco:

Siren - Matador/Boxer

- He very much using his ability to charm people all the time.

- This includes getting the ref to give him decision wins (even if he doesn’t deserve it), and always to leave a good first impression on just about everyone he meets.

- Yes, sometimes it’s also to pick up ladies (and men? Sometimes? Depends on his mood…) but will never go too far with it.

NOTE: While I think it would be totally in character for him to sleep with them, I don’t want that for him since that’s not consensual. so let’s say that despite seeing humans as lesser he doesn’t want to cross that line. (For his *own* sake of course. The last thing he would do is use tricks to woo “lesser creatures” to bed with him.)

- He’ll whisper under his breath after taunting, convincing the opponent to throw the match. But he’s not great at it, and will sometimes encounter someone who doesn’t have great hearing. He usually loses those matches.

- Wants an all-monster WVBA. He can manipulate just about anybody, and generally sees humans as lesser (Unless they’ve proven to him otherwise, like Joe and Hondo) so he wants them out.

- He’s very charming and friendly, but if you get on his bad side he is NASTY. Like ruin all your relationships and steal yo girl/man nasty. (He keeps all that under wraps though, he can’t have his image be tarnished.)

Aran Ryan:

Human - Boxer

- To everyone’s surprise, he’s actually human. But for all the craziness he projects out in the ring, he’s a smart guy.

- He taunts boxers by trying to get them to hit him because he knows that one wrong move and they’d expose themselves. If they hit him too hard (he figures that one punch would be enough to kill him with their strength) he might die but knows that it’ll be hell to pay for their opponent as well.

- Same with the headbutts, it throws them off their rhythm because they need to react, even if they didn’t feel it.

- That’s why he cheats, because he knows that without it he’d stand no chance.

- But still, you can’t be asking people you know could kill you easily to hit you and be mentally stable. He’s still eccentric about making it as a boxer, this is just an extra challenge to him.

- Has a disdain for monsters, and will do just about anything he can to gain in upper hand in those fights. That flail has gotten him out of a few sticky situations.

Soda Popinski:

Human - Boxer

- He can only compete fairly (at world circuit level at least) because he’s doped up to hell and back.

- Way into the idea of the ‘indomitable human spirit’. He truly believes that human ingenuity can overcome any challenge, and this is no exception.

- He 100% wants to get monsters out of the WVBA. But because he knows that he’s already got a big enough target on his back for cheating he can’t make a big fuss publicly.

Bald Bull:

Minotaur - Boxer

- Nobody’s really sure where he came from, but some people have seen him in his Minotaur form and that’s been enough for the others to accept them onto their side.

- He’s close with a lot of the other monsters, and follows along with their plan to have monsters take over the WVBA circuits. He only does so for them, he doesn’t have a personal agenda.

- This is the first place he’s really felt accepted, so will do what his friends ask of him even if he isn’t entirely on board with it.

- That said, he does belittle the human competitors quite often. To their face and while they aren’t present.

Super Macho Man:

Dragon - Supermodel/Bodybuilder/Boxer

- Got tired of living in a cave, and made it to LA to see what had become of humanity.

- By god, he loved it. He’d chosen a particularly handsome form (even though he didn’t know it at the time) and loved the attention he got from the ladies. He quickly picked up on our customs and had plenty of gold to sell (after years of hoarding it up in a mountain somewhere, he figured that now was the time to use it).

- Always wears enchanted golden jewellery, because the last thing he wants is for his facade to slip. He doesn’t need all of it, but to him it’s a necessary precaution.

- He can breathe fire. He does it often as a party trick, and has even figured out how to change its colour.

- His skin is also very hot to the touch. You’d think he was always just finishing with an intense workout.

Mr. Sandman:

??? - Boxer

- Nobody knows, and nobody is brave enough to ask. He seems to beat monsters with relative ease, so everyone assumes he must be one as well, but nobody can figure him out.

- Everyone wants to keep him out of what’s happening, because he’s a loose canon. Nobody knows who’s side he belongs to and nobody wants to find out they’re his enemy.

PLEASE HELP ADD ONTO THIS IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS BECAUSE IM EXPLODING OVER THIS

[87ofbite]

Howdy punch out fandom, I give you these fucks

[anotherwvba]

History of the WVBA pt. 2

A year later, the decision was made to expand the roster, with some fighters joining from a failed arm wrestling venture the WVBA investors had bought into earlier in the year.

In a move that surprised WVBA officials, Mr. Sandman relinquished the title so a new tournament could be held to rank the influx of new fighters and give the new fighters a shot at the title all at once. The fans and his fellow fighters applauded the sportsmanship of the long-reigning champion. When the smoke cleared, the expanded WVBA Rankings looked like this:

WVBA Champion: Mr. Sandman

Bald Bull

Vodka Drunkinski

Kid Quick

Hoy Quarlow

Pete Zapasta

Piston Hurricane

The Incredible Kabuki

Bear Hugger

Texas McCoy

Gabby Jay

Over the next few years, the WVBA would continue to grow. For much of that time, Mr. Sandman would hold the WVBA Championship. It was in these still early years that Bald Bull, “The Turkish Mad Man”, would also rise to prominence. After a classic bout with Mr. Sandman in the finals of the second WVBA Tournament, the two would engage in a trilogy of brutal Championship bouts that would see the men trade the title back-and-forth, Mr. Sandman walking away getting the better of the trilogy.

to be continued

[yoshimickster]

No lie, Soda Popinski is a WAY better name than Vodka Drunkinski

Like, Soda Pop is an actual term, but “Vodka drunk” is too clunky. You get drunk ON vodka, but no-one is ever called being “Vodka drunk” its usually just being drunk.

[teaandgames]

Revisited - Punch-Out!! (1987)

I like to imagine, as I watch Little Mac crash to the mat once again, what boxing would be like if the fighters acted like the people in Punch-Out!! Would it be intimidating in the ring if a boxer wiggled their head from side to side before throwing a jab? What if they threw an uppercut by crouching down to the ground and soaring upwards? I must admit, I would pay to watch a boxing match where someone pulled Bald Bull’s rush. Where they just back up into the ropes, hop up and down a couple of times and then barrel forwards.

What you can gain from this is that Punch-Out!! Is not the place to go if you’re looking for a 1-to-1 boxing simulator. Not unless you can point me in the direction of a boxer named ‘Soda Popinski’ anyway. Instead, you go to Punch-Out!! for its tight reaction and timing based gameplay, with a little sprinkling of humour on top. It’s tough, as the majority of games from its era tend to be, but it feels, for the most part, fair. And landing a solid star punch to end a gruelling match is a definite thrill.

First off, let’s took a look at the cast of characters we’re dealing with. They are all stereotypes of different countries, with varying degrees of subtlety. The question that hangs over it all is whether it’s done maliciously or not. I would lean to no, as the stereotypes are usually exaggerated or harmless. One questionable one was ‘Vodka Drunkinski’ (renamed now to ‘Soda Popinksi’) but it’s so barefaced and silly that I imagine it’s more poking fun at the stereotype than the people. Glass Joe is French and weedy (though never gives up), Don Flamenco is a Spanish matador and guess where Von Kaiser is from? It’s where much of Punch-Out!!’s humour comes from. It gives the game that charm needed to become a classic. Particularly some of the faces the boxers pull when you wham them in the stomach.

With that said, let’s beat up some stereotypes. Punch-Out!!’s controls are extremely simple. Little Mac has two basic punches: a jab for the head and a hook for the stomach. Some enemies are weak to jabs, others to hooks. You’ve got also got a much more powerful star punch that can floor enemies if done at the right time. With this basic skillset, Punch-Out!! seeks to test your reactions. The best time to strike is right after an enemy misses an attack, as you can stun them and land consecutive hits, so you quickly learn to dodge. But if you want to be risky, you can try and find opportune moments to strike, which will get you a star. Stars too can be used at opportune times, but whiff it or take a hit and it’s gone. You’ve got to weigh up the pros and cons of breaking your guard.

That’s one of the reasons I love the Punch-Out!! series. You can play it safe and win - eventually. The later fights will be long and gruelling - and may go to decision - but you can always come out on top. But if you’re willing to take those risks, to try and punch at the wrong time, you can gain stars and end the fight on your terms. The fights get progressively more difficult, of course, but you get out of them what you put in. I’ve played the earlier fights so much now that I’m getting a bit cocky and have found a few ways to shake things up. Successfully blocking all of Great Tiger’s rush punches gives you a free knockdown, for example. It teaches you little things that make subsequent runs easier.

Which I’m very grateful for, because Punch-Out!! is an arcade port which can mean only one thing: no saves. There are passcodes at set intervals, and I do like that these codes are individual (meaning it’ll save your wins and losses) but this doesn’t really feel like enough to me. Particularly as the final section has you fight a succession of extremely tough fighters. Bald Bull, my personal bugbear, comes back a second time and can only be knocked down by star punches. Given that he has an attack that can instantly floor you, he begins to get on my nerves. There’s a lot of frustrated restarts, where you have to refight people over and over again just to try against the one that got you.

That said, I don’t think there’s any one fight that feels unfair. Bald Bull’s one-hit attack up there can be countered by a hook, which sends him to the mat instead. You’re not told that straight off, of course, but a few of the earlier fighters show you the benefit of countering so you’ll eventually give it a shot. The fights do tend to vary in difficulty though. During the second circuit, King Hippo drops the difficulty down significantly once you know his secret. You have to counter and hit his stomach. Once you know that, he’s down with in a minute. I also wasn’t a fan of Don Flamenco’s second showing because he takes a lot of punishment and never stays down. Bastard ruined my KO record. A decision win? That’s a consolation prize.

In the end, you could probably beat Punch-Out!! by just memorising the attack patterns of all the fighters but the most fun comes from the first run at a new fighter. You’ll get flattened, most likely, until you can get his timing down. I still haven’t gotten to Mr. Dream yet, I’m stuck on Mr. Sandman, but with each new fight I’m learning. Oh, and in case you were hoping for a Mike Tyson fight, it’s Mr. Dream on the virtual console. You could always try and arrange a match with him in real life if you wanted. Punch-Out!! has trained you. He won’t know what to do against your ferocious head wiggling. Pros - Sweet timing and reaction based combat - The fights all seem fair as well as challenging - Little sprinklings of humour here and there Cons - Archaic save system rears its head - Some fairly dull fights, particularly Don Flamenco’s second - Mac feels a little unresponsive at times (on the VC version, this could be down to using the circle pad) - Bald Bull exists Punch-Out!! Developer: Nintendo Release Date: September/October 1987 (for the Mike Tyson version), August 1990. Various Virtual console dates. Play it on: NES, Wii (VC), 3DS (VC), Wii U (VC) Played on: 3DS (VC)

[bmaxwell]

Number 65: Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!

1987 seems like a such a simple time. Mike Tyson was just a fearsome boxer and hadn’t yet come unhinged and started biting folks. I was 9 years old when this game was released. I was going to pull some factoid from 1987 and say FEEL OLD YET but I brought up the Wikipedia page for 1987 and the layout made my dick fall off. Fine, English actor Matt DiAngelo was either born or died in May of 1987 FEEL OLD YET? ONLY PEOPLE WHO WERE ALIVE IN 1987 WILL GET THIS JOKE.

Punch-Out is a real video game-ass video game. You win boxing matches by learning the patterns of your opponents then timing your dodges and punches appropriately. It also had one of the cooler sort-of-but-not-really secrets in the NES days: that you had to wear the seemingly-invincible King Hippo down then hit him in the gut once his guard was down. One punch would knock him on his ass for good! I think he kinda looked like King Kong Bundy.

You were facing off against ridiculous cartoon boxers in increasingly difficult bouts. Every fighter had his own possibly-supernatural signature move in a way that reminds me of pro-wrestling. Bald Bull has his Bull Charge, Great Tiger has his Magic Punch and so on. Most opponents were based around some racial stereotypes in a way that made them funny and quirky to 9 year old me who grew up in a tiny, homogeneous town, but is a little more cringey in 2019. Remember Piston Honda, Soda Popinski,* Von Kaiser, and Don Flamenco? Take one guess at which country each of them is from. I don’t think any of them was meant to be offensive in an Andrew Dice Clay way, I think it was just a decision to represent each country in the most obvious, ham-fisted way possible. Fighter from India? Name him Great Tiger, give him a turban and make him fly around the ring, I dunno.

                                                       Y I K E S

I never cared about boxing, but thankfully Punch-Out simulates boxing about as well as Mario Bros simulates being a plumber. BOOM roasted. 

Anyway. every fighter in Punch-Out felt distinct and memorable. Those last few fights were tough. I remember the gauntlet of Bald Bull - Mr Sandman - Super Macho Man leading up to the title bout with Mike Tyson being a real murderer’s row. And at the time, real life Mike Tyson was a young boxer who was decimating opponents quickly and brutally. He was an imposing person, and Punch-Out did a great job in making him tough as hell. Beating Tyson in Punch-Out felt like getting to the top of Mount Everest to 4th grade me. 

The sound design was also wonderful. I love how far developers were able to stretch the NES beeps and boops into distinct sound effects and catchy music. Hell, I even loved referee Mario’s little speech blurbs that sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher. I’ve never cared to revisit the later iterations of the punch-Out series (Mr Dream? Get the fuck outta here) or played any other boxing games. Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out was lightning in a bottle, and it still holds up well today.

*Originally Vodka Drunkinski in the arcade release