#wade highkey a disaster too

[wadefeltons]

[tortoisesforhire]

Which Avenger

I was tagged by @sarcasm-is-my-native-tounge 

Oh my, oh my oh my oh my. ~cracks knuckles~  Lets do this!

Which Avenger would you recruit to help you plan your birthday party?

Clint. He’s the defacto strategist, lowkey crazy, grew up in a circus and would throw the wildest fucking party ever. Who needs a venue? He owns a building let’s have a roof party. Booze? He has his ways. Everyone ever would be there, someone would definitely almost die and/or get arrested. Clint would probably end the night in tears cause he’s a sappy drunk lmao. 

Which Avenger would you switch suits with for a day?

Tony. I mean he ends up making suits for literally everyone anyways. Poor ptsd boi, and that includes people like Cap and Nat who refuse to ever wear them even though they are shiny and he made them with love and anxiety. Also the Ironman armor is OP as fuuuuck

Which Avenger would you want to train with?

Natasha is actually a horrible teacher, her own instruction was highkey abusive as fuck and learning from her would be horrible. Steve maybe but then again he’s not that good at teaching, he relies mostly on his superior physique and cognitive abilities. Tony and Clint would be the best at teaching honestly, Tony would stress about it a lot but he also cares a lot and Clint is just naturally good at it. If I could choose from part-time avengers then definitely Logan. I mean he randomly adopts young women and teaches them to be badass all the time (Laura, Jubilee, Kitty, Yukio etc.) so it’s not like it would be new to him. And he’s surprisingly very good at teaching. 

Which Avenger would you call if you are in trouble?

Natasha, there’d be no questions asked. No guilting afterwords for whatever it was. Clint would mock me for my pain too much, Tony would go all overprotective Irondad on me, Steve would exude so much American Disapproval I’d probably just shoot myself to get away from it. Bruce is never to be called ever for anything other than a hug. Pepper maybe but also she’s very busy and needs a nap. Sam maybe but depending on how in trouble I am he might not be able to help. Sam with Scott and Hope. Thor would cause too much of a mess. Loki would just get me into more trouble. T’Challa is too busy for my shit and would just say no. Shuri would laugh at me, Okoye would be sooo done with all of it. Wanda maybe yeah but she’s not very covert and would end up causing some kind of scandal. Pietro would get me out of trouble and then promptly get me into even more trouble. Vision would try his best but who knows how that would end. Bucky would hurt people very badly and it would be a very bloody ordeal full of screaming and trauma, but hey, he’s trying. Janet honestly, if we’re talking OG Avengers would be a good person to call if Nat isn’t available, she’s great in a crisis, can talk her way out of everything and is also brilliant. 

Natasha is honestly the only one who would ask no questions, make no mess and take care of everything no matter what. 

You got arrested, which Avenger are you with?

Probably Clint or Pietro. Most likely Clint cause Pietro would just leave me to take the heat, Loki would never get caught in the first place, Tony doesn’t get arrested. He’s Tony. But Clint? Yeah. Or Scott, tbh. Although in the first it would be Clint’s fault totally, in the second only like 50 percent Scott’s fault. 

Basketball: which Avenger do you pick first for your team?

Not Thor, he doesn’t get the game very well and there would definitely be lightning involved. Steve doesn’t get basketball, Bucky would refuse to play, sam with Nat...hmmm. Sam probably. He’s normal enough to get it, athletic enough to be good at it and friendly enough to have fun. Everyone else honestly would be a hot mess. Peter maybe? Sam or Peter. 

You are trying to make your ex jealous, which Avenger do you pretend to date?

Carol. She’s hot, she’s buff, she can bench press a buss. Definitely Carol, also she’d be down to fuck with some dudes. Also just dtf honestly, she’s cool like that. Can I just date Carol? 

You are out for a good time, which Avenger is your wingman/woman?

Nat is a horrible matchmaker, so choosing her as a wingwoman comes with a lot of risks. She’ll get very invested and weirdly competitive about the whole thing. Clint would be very eager but generally kind of shit at it. Tony is too distracting to be anyone’s wingman. Rhodey honestly would be perfect. I choose Rhodey.  

You woke up with a hangover, which Avenger were you drinking with?

Tony, it would be a night full of bad decisions of badness and Rhodey and Pepper would scold us thoroughly. Mostly Tony, he’s a very bad influence. 

You are on a road trip, which Avenger do you ride with?

Mmmm, I don’t know. Tony would have great taste in music but no patience at all and would eventually drive me crazy. Natasha would insist on silence and/or weird russian music. Clint would be a good road trip buddy, great conversation, good snacks. Peter too, also Sam because you need a responsible adult. Thor doesn’t understand what you mean by ‘roadtrip’ why not just fly? Steve would suck honestly, like a roadtrip with your overly responsible dad. Wade would be fun, but also very dangerous, we might end up dead. Scott would be a good road trip buddy, Quill as well I mean he’s got some pretty great music. 

Idk if I could just pick one. But honestly I’d go on a roadtrip with Clint and Quill and then drag Sam along kicking and screaming because we need a grown up to make sure we don’t die. 

You slept with one of the Avengers, which one do you wake up next to you?

Carol. Mmm, definitely Carol. Or Doctor Strange. I feel like he’d be a good time. 

Your favorite band is having a concert, which Avenger goes with you?

Scott, he’s a good concert buddy, he’s got that fun dad energy and would definitely rock out with you to whatever, he’s just happy to be there. 

You are shopping, which Avenger do you trust to help you pick your outfits?

Pepper, she’s got impeccable fashion sense perfectly suited to the person. Tony would insist I dress like he wanted me to dress and everyone else is kind of a disaster fashion-wise. Like Comic-Wanda is very red-hippie-cleavage and it works for her but she doesn’t relate well enough to others to be able to give advice of any kind. 

Your parents want to meet one of your new friends, which Avenger do you take to meet them?

Peter, a hundred percent. He is the Goodest Boi (tm), and everyone would immediately fall in love with him. It is science. Lowkey though I’d want to bring Natasha or Carol just to scandalize some people. Like hello yes here is my Murder Girlfriend, she does bite so watch your hands. 

You get injured on a mission, which Avenger do you trust to be in charge of your care?

Bruce. He’s good at this sort of thing, and it doesn’t involve hulking or smashing so he’d be down to babysit the injured person. Also he’s super chill to hang with so bonus.

Your room is a mess, which Avenger do you pick to be your Butler and clean your room?

Mm, not Tony he’s not clean. Pepper would do it but I would feel bad. Bruce no, Clint definite no, Natasha would probably stab me for asking. Sam would guilt me into cleaning it myself. One doesn’t ask such things of Bucky honestly. Vision would try but I don’t think it would go well unless you like all your stuff put in weird places. Same with Wanda, Pietro would just fuck with you. Honestly Steve. Cause I could definitely trick him into doing it, would feel absolutely no guilt whatsoever and if he got upset I could just say it’s his fault for being gullible. 

You want to play a prank on the team but need help, which Avenger do you pick to help you prank the rest of the team?

Clint or Peter. Or Clint and Peter. 

Time to buy Christmas presents, which Avenger is the easiest to buy for?

Tony is terrible to buy for until you realize all you have to do is draw him a heartfelt picture and he’ll cry. Pepper is a nightmare to shop for. Natasha as well. Bruce wants infinite comfort items. Fuck Steve. Anything you get Bucky will be received with lowkey tears. T’Challa, don’t even try honestly. Get Peter something funny and spider themed and you’re good. Sam eh, no matter what he’d be polite about it. Thor would honestly be the easiest. I could get that guy socks and he’d be so fucking touched, wear them everywhere and brag to all the other avengers about his cool poptart socks. 

You are going on a mission but only one other person can go, which Avenger are you taking with you?

It would depend on the mission. Anything politically tricky that would require tact and know-how I’d take either Natasha or Tony. Tony if it was well publicized because he has the most experience with the media and Natasha if it was more covert because she has the most experience dealing with murky politics of that sort. Anything to do with stealing I’d take Janet, Hope or Scott. Probably just Scott. Not Bruce, he only goes in when things get destroyed and he doesn’t need help in that arena. Steve if it was something fairly straight forward but that needed good press. Bucky if I need help murdering someone. Anything to do with magic I’d bring Strange, not Wanda cause those things end badly since they usually involve Doom or Sinister who always end up fucking with her head which ends in reality warping shenanigans. T’Challa if it was something to do with either Atlantis (cause he’s salty) or Wakanda. Clint if I need a strategist, Thor if it’s cosmicy, Pietro if I absolutely had to but honestly he doesn’t work well with anyone other than his sister. Getting into part-time avengers Logan if it’s a problem I can’t or won’t handle I can just toss him at it and he’ll sort it out. Same with Deadpool tbh. Carol if it had to do with Space politics (Thor’s a terrible politician, ask Loki). Loki if it had to do with big magics (honestly I’d go to him first in the case of magic, he has more free time than Doctor Strange and he’s definitely more powerful good god he’s fucking ancient jesus). 

Honestly the most consistently useful one is Spiderman. Peter would be covert, could manage to maneuver political minefields, could get good press (not including the daily bugle fuck those guys), is super OP and would be great company. 

I’m not gonna tag anyone else but I had fun with this. 

[jaeminlore]

Fun, Fun, Fun | Haechan

summary: you can come along with me cause we've got a lot of things to do now, and we'll have fun, fun, fun. words: 1.8k category: swimmer!hyuck, fluff!!!!!!! a/n: highkey this was all inspired by that scene in everything sucks! where sherry and ken swim in the pool 

Donghyuck sighs and drops his keys in the dumb manta ray shaped ashtray you had placed in the middle of the kitchen table. "I'm home!"

"I'm studying!"

Donghyuck toes off his sneakers in the middle of the kitchen floor, knowing you'll chide him for it later. Truthfully, he thinks it's funny when you try to intimidate him. You can be quite scary sometimes, but usually, to him, you just seem cute.

He walks to your bedroom and flings the door open without knocking, as per usual. And — also as per usual — you are hunched over your desk, glasses slipping off your nose as you struggle to highlight facts in your biology textbook.

Just the thought bores Donghyuck to death. "I feel like cooking tonight. Do you want anything?"

You let out a small gasp and spin your chair around to stare at him. "Pizza?"

"You know I can order pizza, right?"

You stretch your arms out and pout, "But I like it when you make pizza."

Walking to the kitchen and leaving you to your studying, Donghyuck can feel his face heating up. He'd never admit it — not to you, anyway — but your small compliments make him feel jittery inside.

After being your roommate for nearly a year, Donghyuck still finds himself surprised at how much he truly adores you. He blames Jaehyun for his dumb feelings. If his friend hadn't had to move to another university at the last minute, then Donghyuck would've never had to apply for a new roommate to help pay for his two-bedroom flat.

And if you hadn't had said that you had a cat, Donghyuck wouldn't have given your application a second glance. Especially since you were a boring "biology major who would like to live near the coast for academic purposes."

Who goes to the beach to study? You study coral of all things, while the thought of staring at any plant for more than five seconds makes Donghyuck want to fall asleep.

He quirks a smile as he stirs his homemade tomato sauce. While thinking about coral reefs bored him, he never gets tired of hearing you talk about your dreams to help the them.

Never in his life would he have imagined that he'd sit through an entire documentary on The Great Barrier Reef. Truthfully, the only thing that had kept him awake was your small pokes in his side and excited whispers.

"Why did you leave your shoes in the middle of the floor— What're you smiling about?" You shuffle into the kitchen and lean into Donghyuck's side to stare at the sauce as it boils. Then you glance up at him and poke his dimple. "Seriously, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Donghyuck sings, avoiding eye contact with you. "Now leave me alone while I'm cooking."

"No. I'm finally done with all of my assignments for the weekend so let me hang out with you." Instead of waiting for his approval, you swing yourself onto the laminated countertop.

Despite how boring you could be, you were also incredibly exciting to Donghyuck. Every day is a new challenge with you, disguised by small bouts of banter and feigned frustration. Even now, you tease him for how messy his cooking station is, ignoring him when he brings up the disaster you called your desktop.

You swing your sock-clad feet back and forth and tuck a large chunk of stray hair behind your ear. You are an absolute mess, but Donghyuck likes to think it's part of your charm.

He feels your toe nudge his arm. "Tell me what you're happy about! Did something happen today?"

Donghyuck shakes his head and turns his back to you as he spreads the sauce evenly onto the pre-rolled dough. "I'm just glad it's the weekend. I'm ready to hang out with my friends."

"And I want to start on an essay," you mention as he pushes the pizza into the oven.

Donghyuck scoffs and shakes his head. He places a hand on his hip and gives you a pointed look. "You just said you were done with your assignments."

"For this week," you shrug, "but there's an essay on toxic algae due next week and I'd like to get a head start on it."

Donghyuck takes back everything he thought about you. You aren't exciting at all. You're the most boring and responsible person he's ever met in his life and he can't believe you would get excited over algae. "I can't believe we're friends."

You roll your eyes and jump off the counter. Wrapping your arms around Donghyuck's lean torso, you giggle softly, "You love me."

"Isn't that sad?" he bemoans jokingly, just so you'll pinch his sides like you always do when he teases you. "C'mon," he coaxes, taking a hold of your hands, "Come to the pool with me, tonight."

"That's against university rules," you say.

But Donghyuck likes the way your eyes shimmer with what looks like hope. He likes how he knows you really want to go swimming at midnight, you just need to be assured that nothing will go wrong.

Donghyuck's always been there to encourage you. He likes that, too. "I know the security guard's schedule, and there's a side door that he always forgets to lock. We're golden."

The timer dings, and for a moment the two of you forget your current conversation in lieu of the much-wanted dinner.

Soon, all that's left on the table are pizza crusts. Donghyuck smiles in victory when you take a long sip of your soda before glancing his way, "So, when are we leaving?"

☼

Donghyuck forgets to grab his swimsuit. Well, he doesn't forget, but he could've sworn that his suit was still at the university, in his sports locker.

He realizes now, staring at his empty locker, that he took his suit home for cleaning. "Well, this sucks."

You laugh, "I can't believe you misplaced your suit."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "I'll just swim in my clothes. What about you? Where's your suit?"

"I didn't bring one," you say.

"Why not?"

"I dunno," you shrug, "I assumed you were going to swim and I was going to watch you."

"You're hopeless," Donghyuck exclaims, a disbelieving chuckle escaping his heart-shaped lips.

He wants to enjoy things with you, but he doesn't know how to tell you that.

"I am going to make you have a good time and there's nothing you can do to stop me." Donghyuck grabs your hand and pulls you out of the locker room, into the pool room.

He stops and inhales deeply. This is his safe place. This room, tinted blue from the pool lights, loud with the rush of the water filter, is where he feels the most like himself.

This is the place he's always wanted to share with you.

He pulls you along until you're both standing on the edge of the pool. "Let's go swimming in our clothes."

Just when he thinks you're going to object and make up some kind of excuse, you nod your head and squeeze his hand. "Okay."

When you jump, Donghyuck jumps with you, and when the cold water folds over his body, fully submerging him, he smiles. His sweater and jeans feel heavy, but his heart feels light as he propels himself toward the surface.

You smile and paddle over towards him. "It's so cold in here." Your voice echoes through the room.

"I barely notice it anymore," Donghyuck breathes. He's keeping himself afloat, feet kicking gently against the still, chlorine-filled water.

When he reaches over to brush your hair out of you face, you blink in such a curious way that Donghyuck once again finds his heart stuttering and his will bending.

He kind of wants to kiss you right now.

You swim forward and do the same for him: you run your fingers through his faded brown tresses, giggling at the way Donghyuck scrunches his nose.

He really wants to kiss you right now.

☼

Donghyuck's palms are flat against the small of your back and between your shoulder blades. He stares down at your face, peaceful and serene, and catches himself falling even harder than before.

Water droplets still on your face as you struggle to stay afloat, arms spread and legs straight.

Donghyuck holds you up while he can, helping you find your balance on the surface of the seven-foot high waters. "Harder than it looks?"

You break concentration and fall back into a wading position. "I keep panicking."

"Don't worry about falling while I'm here," Donghyuck says. And when you nod happily, he feels like your protector. Your superhero, maybe.

In the midst of his thoughts, you hop on his back and giggle when he lets out a soft "oof".

He swims through the water and lets you hug him tightly as he does, less because it's comfortable and more because it's you.

Your phone beeps from the side of the pool. You let go of Donghyuck and swim towards the edge to check it. "It's my sleep alarm," you say, "we've been here for hours."

"And hasn't it been fun and stress-relieving?"

"It's been chilly, mostly, but yeah."

The two of you climb out of the pool. Donghyuck grabs a towel and drapes it around your shoulders, pulling you towards him. His forehead bumps against yours, and the warmth of your skin makes him let out a sigh, "Yeah, I can't say I would decline a warm shower right now."

He likes being this close to you. He likes feeling your breath on his lips and your skin on his. He likes knowing that he could be kissing you if he only moved a few centimeters towards you.

You must be thinking the same, because it only takes five seconds before Donghyuck feels your soft lips against his.

He feels his breath hitch, and he'd be embarrassed if it wasn't for the way your hands press against the chilly skin under his sweater. His heartbeat thrums in his ear and his fingertips tingle when they thread through your wet hair.

He wants to keep kissing you. He wants to feel your teeth graze his lip and your sighs harmonize with his, but you're suddenly shivering, and Donghyuck takes that as a sign to get you home.

☼

After your showers, you grab your favorite blanket and snuggle up to Donghyuck on the couch.

It's something you always do when you have free nights. Donghyuck knows this, but tonight it feels different. Tonight it feels like you both know exactly how you feel about each other.

Donghyuck always has fun with you. There's never been a moment with you that he's regretted. He hopes he's guessing right when he thinks you're feeling the same.