#wait no I haven't even touched on the diversity in this book!? a+ for having such a beautiful and diverse cast

[l0ngst0rysh0rt]

01 (March 10, '24)

all of my feelings rn

I've been having so many issues recently. I'm not happy, but I'm a little less stressed I guess. This is really just all of the things I'm struggling with right now and my thoughts on current events. I don't think that anyone cares but at least I can get my thoughts out. This is my version of the Broski Report.

Current Reads:

I'm currently reading Across the Green Grass Fields by Seanan Mcguire. This is the 6th book in the Wayward children series and I am OBSESSED with this series. I like that the books are short enough that you feel like you're finishing something really quickly (the books are all between 120-200 pages). I enjoy literally every aspect of them. The representation and diversity is really encouraging, the world building is so good, the writing is beautiful. So many parts of each of these stories ahs been imprinted on me. They are so memorable which is really refreshing. I haven't had a book, let alone a whole series, be so memorable in such a long time.

I really want to create little miniatures of each of the covers. I saw someone on TikTok making miniatures of each of The Hunger Games arenas and god that is all I want to do. I'll do it eventually. Maybe it will be a summer project for myself.

Life Plan

I've come up with a new plan for my life. I think I would be such a good teacher not only because I love school, but I'm just really passionate about learning and education. I've been scared of going to school for teaching because I hear about all of these horror stories from teaching in schools and how bad it is right now and I just have little hope that it will be better in the next few years. I was watching another TikTok series from an elementary school librarian and something clicked with me. I want to be a school librarian. It just makes sense for me. I have always loved reading, literacy, and the library in general. There has always been a touch of the library in every part of my life. I think that I would still be able to get the feeling of teaching without having to also be in the classroom full time. I have done some research and the path is going to be hopefully smooth I just have to wait until the fall to start school again. I'm going to just finish getting enough credits for a general studies degree, then I'm going to apply for the online masters program for library sciences that also gets you the necessary requirements for being a school librarian.

Music that I'm loving recently.

I've become such an Evermore girlie. I'm so obsessed some of the songs just scratch a part of my brain right now. I wish I had been more of an Evermore girlie when I went to Eras because I had Dorothea as one of my surprise songs and I wasn't all that excited. I wish I had also been in a better head space when I was at Eras because I wish I could have had a better time. I was going through a rough time and I just want to experience it again. I desperately want to go to Eras again but maybe I can find some people that will watch Eras with me and act like it's a concert.

Things that I'm struggling with.

I wish that I could slow myself down. I have always had issues thinking I am not in the right spot for someone my age even though nobody else expects more of me. I put so much pressure on myself and it sucks. It's one of my goals in therapy to give myself a break.

I really wish I could relive an average day when I was younger. I took it for granted and I would give anything to go back to being a kid. I really don't like this whole adult thing. I miss being taken care of. I feel like I am just surviving because I'm trying to get through everything and I'm so unhappy because I am constantly taking care of things and nothing is taken care for me.

In the same vein, I've been feeling awful about things I did and said as a kid when it pertained to my mom. My mom was an alcoholic when I was little. Now, she was a functioning alcoholic. She never lost her job or anything but she did drink a lot. She's been sober for over 10 years and I am so so so proud of her for that. I admire her for giving up her addictions. I want to be like her more when it comes to my addiction. Anyways, I said some out of pocket shit as a kid when it came to my mom and drinking. Some of the things I think about are like how my sister would roleplay as the drunk mom when we played house, after the tornado my sister and I made jokes about how my mom's beer can made it to the neighbors yard, I told people in Kindergarten that my mom was in Vegas and hurt her neck because she was too drunk. I feel awful about saying those things. How awful my sister and I must have made her feel. I would never be able to live with myself after that. I want to be clear not all of my memories are of my mom drunk- I only remember seeing her physically drunk one time.

I am so fucking hard on myself it makes me miserable but I don't know how to fix it. I'm so preoccupied with being perfect at everything that I don't give myself room to grow and do better than the last time. It's really exhausting. I wish I knew where this came from. My parents have been nothing but supportive in anything I've ever done. I exceeded any expectation they ever had for me. I somehow got it in my head that I can't be anything but the best or perfect at everything. It's been hard at this new job too because this is a whole new world I'm learning but I'm so obsessed with being perfect the first time that I'm not even really retaining why I'm doing the things at work that I'm doing.

I am so anxious all the time. It is such a big barrier for me and it affects every.single.second of my life. I'm constantly anxious about time, how I'm coming off, how I look, how I'm perceived. When Taylor wrote "I wouldn't marry me either/ a pathological people pleaser," I so so so feel that. I wish I could slow myself down more.

I have like zero sense of self. I have no clue who I am who people perceive me as. I feel like I have no friends to tell me that either. I'm a really lonely person right now but I can't get myself to fix that. I wish I didn't isolate myself so much. It really sucks.

Along with no sense of self, I want to wear different clothes but I have zero clue where to start. I have ideas but I don't know how to wear things the way other people do.

I think this is the end. This was really theraputic :)

[brightnessrandom]

Just finished listening to The Many Lives of Stephen Leeds!

I've always adored the Legion series, and this latest installment did not disappoint. The story was clever and fast paced, and, as ever, Stephen and his aspects were a delight. It was wonderful to dive into a new mystery and push the boundaries of possibility.

This was a very emotional finale to the series, and I got very invested in the story very quickly. As sad as I am that we won't be seeing more of Stephen, I felt this was an excellent way to tie off his story.

Thank you Brandon Sanderson for introducing me to this wacky world and its lovable characters! They've captured my imagination and stolen my heart.

[owlsbride]

Icha Icha and Prejudice: The Book Club

Chapter III: Who the Hell are Darcy and Wickham

He pondered the gift's weight and size with his hand before opening; apparently, it wasn't to lo long. It seemed to him that Sakura was playing nice with him. She could just choose a book as long as Konoha's history, but instead, she offered him the possibility of reading what? Three or four hundred pages? Definitely, she was becoming softer, ah maturity, she was getting there, and she was doing it in the most perfect ways, suddenly, he was glad that he wasn't that old yet. Actually, he felt like he was in a great moment: young and stronger than any good active shinobi and old enough like to understand life. Yes, perfect timing, but he also reminded himself that the thing with Sakura, was just that, a thing, a flirt. A game they both enjoyed until one day it could be over. But there was no reason to worry about that right now.

Kakashi didn't tear apart the red paper immediately, he took his time to ponder it a bit more while looking for his new cellphone. He hated that devilish device. Since the telephone signals, and with them the damn internet had reached Konoha, they had turned the village into an unstoppable tide of unlimited communications that could occur in the most diverse places. If he went out for a drink with Genma, for example, the always senbon user could spend the whole night texting with girls he got online. Instead, Guy used to make videos that he posted on the internet talking about eternal youth and giving self-help advice. Naruto kept texting him, asking when he would be ready to become the next Hokage and sending pictures of Hinata and her future motherhood, or funny dog and cat jokes. And so one day, one of the most elusive members of Konoha, despite his current position, became engulfed in modernity and massive connectivity, even with the other villages and nations. Yes, he hated, but at the same time, it was an excellent way of being in touch with people without the extreme necessity of meeting them face to face.

With all that said, he also had to recognise with a smile only visible for him, that it was the funniest way of pestering Sakura around building a lovely tension between them that rocked like waves between love and hate in the most amusing ways. So he texted her.

9:30: Morning Sakura, Thank you for the gift, I didn't open it yet, But I'm the most intrigue, Who are these Darcy and Whickham?

He sent the message and waited for the answer, he patiently took a seat at his desk and started checking the foulders in front of him. Nothing seemed too important like to take care of at that moment, so he requested Shikamaru not to be bothered during the day while waiting for an answer. Rather sooner than later, he would have to start reading that book if he wanted to be the best participant of the exclusive two members book club. Sakura's response wasn't coming, the day outside was terrible, the rain didn't stop since yesterday, and it looked like it wasn't to end soon. Where would she be? Kakashi really hoped for her well, that she wasn't working, because this time he would get mad, outraged. The vacation thing had been an order, and despite his generosity, his good disposition, his humility, his patience and his weakness for Sakura, he was the Hokage, and an order was an order. After all, it was for the good of the girl who only knew how to work.

So he texted her again, putting aside his pride and how desperate he might sound. In other circumstances, he could have waited whole days for an answer. He was not one of those who lived glued to the phone, responding instantly or pending of notifications and contrary to what they might say it was not snobbery instead a kind of an unconscious aloofness. Still, considering the circumstances, it was his right to be a bit pushy.

10:15: Oi, Sakura, where are you? all ready too immerse in your lecture?

He started removing the red paper from the book. The revealed was a slow process, almost ceremonial, like undressing her... it. The book was old, not old enough like to be a relic but it wasn't a new copy. Sakura gave him her own book as he did, what was inside of it was a mystery. He was intrigued by the title: Pride and Prejudice, no image in the cover, just a silky, velvety green hardcover, with golden letters stamped on them. Kakashi flicked through the pages from beginning to end as if to get a first idea of what the book implied, but apparently, it did not reveal anything. He had to start at the beginning.

Chapter 1: It's a truth universally stated that an unmarried guy in possession of an awesome fortune should be in want of a wife. However little acknowledged the feelings or perspectives of the sort of guy can be on his first getting into a neighbourhood, this reality is so well fixed inside the minds of the encircling families, that he's considered the rightful property of someone or different in their daughters.

So the book was an apology to what? Single men? Single women? Healthy people? It wasn't what Kakashi was expecting from Sakura.

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

10:30: H.Sakura: Sleeping Kakashi, holidays, remember?

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

10:30 : H.Sakura: You will have to read to find out. Don't be so impatient.

10:31 H. Sakura: I haven't started yet. Why so eager in perverting my mind?

So that was all after all. Sakura was just sleeping, so much worry for nothing. Kakashi should have known better. After all, the pink-haired girl was a good girl. But the truth was that he wasn't pleased about the situation. For no reason, he was upset. First, even if she was on vacations, she could have answered earlier, why to sleep late if she didn't spend the whole night reading? Second, why didn't she start reading? And finally, what was this book she gave her without any information? She wasn't playing fair. At least Sakura had an idea of what Icha Icha was about.

10:35, What makes you think that your mind is not already perverted?

Suddenly, the texting was more interesting than Pride and Prejudice, who was left behind in less than a minute.

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

10:38 H. Sakura: Trust me, sensei, I know my mind and is not as perverted as yours.

Kakashi laughed.

10:38: You are accepting though that even if your mind is not perverted as mine...

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

10:39: H. Sakura: Arghhh... What do you want?

10:40: So many things...

10:40: But for starters, I would love to hear why you haven't started with your part of our exciting endeavour, then I would love you to explain to me what this book is about.

The answer didn't come fast, and Kakashi turned his view back to the book. He caressed once more the cover, and then something caught his attention. In most of the pages, there were sidenotes and underlined sentences. Did Sakura used that book at school, or was it something else? Maybe, those notes were more interesting than the story itself. He could perhaps decipher more from her than he had ever expected. Yes, he was smart after all, and he patted himself in the back for that.

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

10:50: H. Sakura: Sensei, please, give me a break. Let me wash my face and have a cup of coffee first. Then we can discuss anything you like. I didn't start reading because I was thinking of you 10:50 H. Sakura: I mean, I was thinking what book to choose

Kakashi burst into a silent laugh.

10:51: So you are thinking about me... Imagine when you start Icha Icha...

10:52: H.Sakura: Yes, I will start thinking wich poison is the more accurate to kill a Hokage without leaving a trace.

The Hokage was so enjoying this, this silly flirting innocent game.

10:52: Yeah, tell yourself that till you believe it

10:53: Anyway, You never told me what Pride and Prejudice is about...

10:53: H.Sakura: How much have you read so far?

10:54: Two paragraph

10:54: H.Sakura: Then stop bothering me, and keep reading. Talk you later.

Kakashi finished the conversation with Sakura with her last message. He was sure they would talk again sooner than later, besides he needed to go back to his own reading.

Why, my dear, you need to know, Mrs. Long says that Netherfield is taken with the aid of a young guy of big fortune from the north of England; that he came down on Monday in a chaise and 4 to see the location, and became a lot extremely joyful with it, that he agreed with Mr. Morris immediately; that he is to take ownership before Michaelmas, and some of his servants are to be inside the residence with the aid of the end of subsequent week." "What is his call?" "Bingley."

Notes:

Another update for you all. Kakashi and Sakura are texting, for now.

Something about the write: In these messages when I don't put the name is because is the one who is texting and POV of the character, for example in this case is Kakashi's so I think there is no need to say that he is the one sending the text to Sakura, the same will happen in the next chapter but in the other way. Is it clear or I confuse you all more??

Please please please, even if I hate pleading, you know what to do.

next chapter soon, what would be inside icha icha?