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wallacejwriting · 2 years

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I saw recently about your takes on representation of autism in your current WIP. First of all I really want to say that it feels amazing as an autistic writer myself to know there's someone out there providing and actively working on accurate representations of autism in media, its all too common to feel like the butt of a neurotypical writer/director's joke.

But anyway, what I wanted to ask is how obvious and direct do you plan on making the fact of the characters in the book being autistic? Is it a direct statement or just kind of there as a part of the character that needs no explanation? I find the differences in books with this kind of thing fascinating.

Thank you! I love hearing from other autistic writers and knowing that we're all making it better in the book world for ourselves and each other.

This is the part where I explain that I answer asks in a really scattered, rambling way, that is absolutely due to the autism and various other nonsense. I tried to make this as coherent as possible. But I get excited when talking about my blorbos.

So far, in all of my wips with autistic characters, I find a way to address the fact that they are autistic in the text. In my modern stories, or futuristic ones, I use the word "autistic" directly, and in fantasy stuff I explicitly have terms for those umbrella categories of neurodivergence with varying levels of nuance based on the setting.

So there is usually a direct statement of some sort, typically not at all the central part of a scene (except in one case, but that's because the character being autistic is ACTIVELY WHY they are being chosen for their task), but I try to never make it accusatory or bad. A lot of my characters just mention it offhandedly when asked why they're a little different or when they are bringing up their own boundaries.

But I don't bring it up immediately. I wait until it makes sense in the text. Until then, I weave it into the actions of the main characters.

I work a lot to make it consistent in the writing, because I'm so used to taking it out of my default writing that now I have to put it back in, if that makes sense. So I'm working with different sets of traits and symptoms for each character, and I make sure that flows through the narrative just like any other trait or the like.

I guess to be more specific, let's look at Nat, from Descent, who is one of three characters I was referring to in that post - the other two being from two different wips (one being the person in the aforementioned central scene, the other being Katya from Beurkratti).

Nat is autistic. Diagnosed as a young one, at just over a year old (genetic testing all babies get in TMI 'Verse) and had some good supports in life. Strong family system, even if small. They spent their whole life in small towns, two in particular, and so have never had to deal with the more city based parts of being autistic, which are the parts that, imo, really suck.

Nat:

is very easily overwhelmed by noise and smell. They end up wearing discrete ear plugs and wearing specific smells under their nose to block out others to manage the city.

has a tendency to yell and slap things when they're upset

gets emotionally overwhelmed when they're faced with hard decisions or decisions with strong consequences to the point of having meltdowns

deeply dislikes being touched by people they don't have as part of their little circle and snaps at people who do

experiences grief in distinctly different ways than most neurotypical people do, such as full emotional shutdown, focusing on logic, becoming increasingly external task focused rather than internal focused

struggles with recognizing facial expressions, to the point where I legitimately can't "tell" facial expressions and HAVE to write them out as descriptions because Nat doesn't know what any of them mean until they get close to people and get a chance to absorb it.

doesn't have a central special interest or interests, but is extremely driven and focused in everything they take on, and definitely hyperfocuses on the investigation hard

Nat doesn't need a set routine so much as they need to know what is happening at all times. If you say X then do Y, Nat gets upset. The bigger the difference, the more frustrated they get.

Nat's stimming ranges from mildly self-destructive (they bang their head off walls when they're upset a lot, not hard enough to do damage, but very rhythmic and constant) to very small (they grind their teeth a lot, which causes dental problems later on), but most of it is discreet because people in their small towns thought they were weird

Nat is low empathy, but in a way that lets them connect with animals, strangers, and characters, but struggles to let them connect with those closest to them. The vulnerability and personal nature makes it much harder.

Some of the things I'm really looking forward to including with Nat is the explanation as to why their powers manifest differently than others at their level. It's the autism. Nat's different brain chemistry actively change how their powers manifest, making them unique in many ways. They also suffer a lot of unique challenges, due to this.

After Nat's power upgrade, just before the story starts, Nat stops being able to take medication because it stops working. Their body destroys it, seeing it as a threat. They have tinnitus due to the constant sensory stimulation of electronics and electricity in the city. This makes it far easier for Nat to get sensory overload, now, making it harder for them to get around and do things.

Nat's autism also changes how they approach that upgrade. A lot of Metas lose all their control, or find that things that used to be easy as much easier to mess up, in the event of a huge, sudden uptick in power. With Nat, everything they're used to doing is easier than ever, more powerful, and almost subconscious. But it's much easier to hurt others and lash out. It's must easier to go overboard. And doing new things is a lot more difficult and scary.

That's all I can think of for this for now. Thank you very much for sending this ask. It was fun to talk about.

#asks #sackofcrows #actuallyautistic #writeblr #amwriting #descent #the metahuman initiative #wip: descent

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brightnessrandom · 6 years

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Just finished listening to The Many Lives of Stephen Leeds!

I've always adored the Legion series, and this latest installment did not disappoint. The story was clever and fast paced, and, as ever, Stephen and his aspects were a delight. It was wonderful to dive into a new mystery and push the boundaries of possibility.

This was a very emotional finale to the series, and I got very invested in the story very quickly. As sad as I am that we won't be seeing more of Stephen, I felt this was an excellent way to tie off his story.

Thank you Brandon Sanderson for introducing me to this wacky world and its lovable characters! They've captured my imagination and stolen my heart.

#aaaaaaaaaahhahahhhaaaahaha what a wild ride that was #please everyone read legion you will not regret it #the many lives of stephen leeds #legion #brandon sanderson #hopefully that shows up in the tag now...#guys you don't understand I seriously adore stephen and his penchant for lemonade. I've had these stories on the brain for years now #as always brandon found new ways to raise the stakes and explore this awesome near future/sci-fi setting #if I had a nickel for every time I got chills during this book. i could prolly buy a half dozen ears of corn from my produce stand #take that as you will #folks........ i love all the aspects so much??? i love them.#i have a tendency to absorb the emotions of the characters when I get really into a story?#so needless to say I was absolutely on edge and tad bit anxious as I helped sell some vegetables today #bad customer service??? blame sanderson. blame. sanderson.#is this enough ranting i loved it a lot #wait no I haven't even touched on the diversity in this book!? a+ for having such a beautiful and diverse cast #shoutout to mr leeds for imagining up aspects of many ethnicities and shoutout to brandon for not letting being a white guy stop him from #have a realistic amount of diversity in his books. good job my dude #seriously i was so on edge the entire book you have no idea #my post

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dazaiscrab · 2 years

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The metaphor of the ‘underground’

First analysis post in while! :D So I’ve been reading Notes From Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky and have been really interested in the metaphor of the underground he portrays through the entirety of the text. Notes From Underground is actually not the only book this metaphor comes up in, he brings this up in multiple of his works. This leads me to think that Fyodor may have thought of himself as the underground man he talks about in his works, he projects his feelings of qualifying as a bad person onto his characters.

The undergroundling is, in his first embodiment, preeminently a man-worm, the common denominator of humanity. He is like everyone else, his only motive is to be ‘original’, that is, of his terrible burden of nonentity. He is ‘characterless’ because he does not “know how to become anything: neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest man.” He is a ‘mouse’ of a man, “There in its nasty, stinking, underground home our insulted, crushed and ridiculed mouse promptly becomes absorbed in cold, malignant and, above all, everlasting spite.”

The underground man is poor and dirty. He is crushed by economic and social forces, for he has no position and is the object of a universal contempt, which drives him into his lonely attic or compels him to wander feverishly. This absolute degradation of ugliness, awkwardness and poverty nourishes the seed of revolt in the particular resentment of the undergroundling.

The ‘vicious’ actions of the undergroundling (narrator) are due to the fact that he will do anything to become ‘something’, rather than zero. Even if that includes turning himself into an unsatisfactory person. The narrator enjoys being rude because it causes other people to be upset, he likes that he can control their emotions with such trivial conversations

His deepest despair comes when he is ignored in his advances when he cannot even achieve being a nuisance. He is incapable of making himself sufficiently obnoxious, an effective obstacle, he is not capable of even being struck or cursed out of irritation; that itself would bring him joy.

To battle the guilt he feels for acting so awful, as a way to get rid of his sense of uselessness, the narrator will often say other people are lesser than him. He is the superior being as he has the gift of higher conscience, however, this gift is also a curse. “Oh, gentlemen, perhaps I really regard myself as an intelligent man only because throughout my entire life I’ve never been able to start or finish anything.” The Underground man makes this statement after having described the causes and conditions of his inertia (the tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged. His state of unchangingness and his excuses for being that way could be explained by Newton’s 1st law of motion. He is Justifying his ‘bad’ conscience by stating that unless something or someone comes along and hits him his current state of pessimism will not and cannot change). Just prior to this point in the novel, he has asserted that his intelligence is the cause of his inertia; now he suggests that his inertia is evidence of his intelligence. This reversal demonstrates the Underground Man’s belief that intelligence, or consciousness, must cause inertia and indecision in the modern era.

#notes from underground #fyodor dostoevsky #classic literature #book analysis #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd analysis #feebs overthinks

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curlsofsagesmoke · 3 years

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TMNT (2012) characters as dysfunctional family roles

here I go again analyzing a kids show that ended four years ago. anyway, I saw a tiktok by user doinbigthink where they gave a quick overview of the six kinds of dysfunctional family roles, and I immediately thought of tmnt bc it’s my current hyperfixation. so I spent almost an hour doing research and writing up this analysis, as one does.

as a preface: dysfunction in a family can be caused by anything from someone struggling with addiction to a parent being abusive or unavailable/neglectful to someone having narcissistic personality disorder (npd) etc. etc. Usually there is one person who is the root cause of this (very deep seated) dysfunction and the others in the family (often the kids) fall into these roles in order to cope.

Leo: The Hero

The Hero is often the oldest child. They cope with the dysfunction in the family by being high achievers or perfectionists, and they need a sense of control in order to feel safe within the family. They are seen as very well-adjusted, balanced, and high-functional and are often used as an example of how well the family as a whole is doing. They may allow this misconception to continue (whether consciously or unconsciously) in order to hide the family’s problems. They may be parentified as children (that is, forced to take on a parental role for their younger siblings) and usually feel a lot of pressure to solve the family’s issues. With Leo in particular, you see these two behaviors in the way he approaches leading his brothers as well as the way he obsessed over bringing Karai into the family for Splinter’s sake after discovering her true identity. As an adult, the Hero is often drawn toward romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable (again, see Leo’s crush on Karai) and tend to throw themselves into their work (Leo’s obsession with ninjutsu)

Leo: The Golden Child

The Golden Child is not a dysfunctional family role but instead describes a relationship that develops between a parent/guardian with npd and one of the children in the family. In these cases, the parent tends to favor the Golden Child because the Golden Child exhibits all the traits the parent loves in themselves. In Splinter and Leo’s case, these characteristics are their devotion to ninjutsu, their general temperaments, and their more spiritual/mystic natures. There are MANY examples of this favoritism in TMNT canon; for example, Splinter teaching Leo his reiki technique (the healing hands) in “the deadly venom” because everyone things Leo is the most capable of learning such an advanced technique (in the episode, Donnie says that he doesn’t think anyone else on the team could’ve done what Leo did, i.e. using the healing hands on himself and saving the others from karai). The parent has a volatile relationship with the Golden Child and often their love is conditional (that is, the parent will favor the Golden Child as long as the Golden Child continues to act like the parent). Because of this, the Golden Child often has trouble establishing an independent identity (see: Raph calling Leo “Splinter Jr.”, though I can’t remember if this happens in 2012 or just in the 2003 version). The Golden Child may also participate in the narcissistic parent’s abuse against the other children in order to protect themself (this is less explicit in canon, but I think that Leo’s leadership style fits this bill)

Raph: The Scapegoat

The Scapegoat is often the second child. As the name suggests, they are often blamed for things that go wrong in the family regardless of whether it was actually their fault or not. Scapegoats are often very aware of their position in the family and as a result they may feel rejected, isolated, and unlovable. I think a good example of Raph feeling like this is the fact that, early in the show, he only openly expresses his emotions to Spike. Scapegoats learn that negative attention is better than no attention (especially from a parent/guardian) and they often engage in high risk behaviors such as sex, drugs, etc. (in Raph’s case, his reckless fighting style and the way he seeks out fights, and this also explains his temper and overall angry demeanor). Because of this, they tend to get into a lot of trouble and are often singled out as the child who needs individual help (aka therapy) even though the root problems lie with the family as a unit. In cases where the parent has npd the Scapegoat is often pitted against the Golden Child. This is called splitting and it is another way to distract from the family’s deeper issues. I feel like I don’t need to explain the way that Leo and Raph are pitted against each other.

Donnie: The Lost Child

The Lost Child, as the name implies, often fades into the background. Usually this is on purpose in an effort to keep themself safe, as they might be scared to draw attention to themself or rock the boat, especially in an abusive household. They may often feel ignored or neglected and are often described as loners who have difficulty developing social skills or self-esteem. Like the Hero, the Lost Child is often used as an example of the family’s stability and success because they aren’t causing trouble. They tend to struggle when forming friendships/romantic relationships, and they are usually praised for not needing a lot of attention/being independent. Because of this, they feel safer when they’re by themselves. Although Donnie does cause trouble sometimes (see: all the times he’s blown some shit up in the lab, the Mutagen man thing, etc.), he’s not seen as the troublemaker. Raph (and Mikey, to a certain extent) definitely takes that title. Donnie is often alone in his lab---working, admittedly, but he still tends to isolate himself, and he is often seen as the most socially awkward of the brothers (see: his relationship with April). There’s also this very interesting exchange from the episode “Enemy of My Enemy” when they’re in the Shellraiser and Leo is about to take the stealth bike to help Karai:

Raph: Hey, the stealth bike’s my thing. Leo: Now your thing is sucking it up. Donnie: Hey! That’s my thing!

Mikey: The Mascot

The Mascot is often the youngest child. They use humor and goofiness to diffuse tension and distract the family from their issues, though when this works, they feel increased pressure to continue to step in when things become tense or volatile. The Mascot acts from a place of anxiety and trauma, and they may have bouts of depression. They also tend to feel as though they cannot express their negative emotions (because they often see themselves as responsible for their family’s happiness). They tend to bend over backwards for people with little regard for their own safety/comfort, and they are drawn to intense and dysfunctional relationships (whether romantic or platonic) where they will be called upon to diffuse tension. This can be seen in the way Mikey approached his friendships with both Bradford (pre-mutation) and Leatherhead. Mikey is also very rarely shown as being sad, angry, or depressed the way that the other three are, and it’s only in times of extreme emotional distress (like the season two finale) where he drops his humor. Even in the midst of tough battles or tough situations, Mikey tends to insert himself into the middle of the tension and is almost constantly cracking jokes or trying to keep things lighthearted. When he does show more negative emotions, it’s in (mostly) one of two ways. One, giving comfort or seeking comfort, usually from Raph (again see the season two finale, where he hugs Raph to calm him down after Splinter “dies” and seeks comfort from Raph in the Party Wagon as they’re driving away from the city). Two, acting combative with Donnie.

Note: Mikey and Donnie acting combative

This second one in particular is really interesting to me because both Donnie and Mikey exhibit a level of comfort/feeling safe with each other that they don’t display with the other two. Mikey only ever gets physical with Donnie (their little slap fight in “Turtle Temper” or attacking him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”), while Donnie only ever purposefully antagonizes Mikey to get a reaction (slapping him in “Turtle Temper”, which prompts the slap fight, or teasingly insulting him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”, which prompts Mikey to attack him). Mikey likes to get under Raph’s skin, but he never retaliates when Raph gets physical with him. Donnie does occasionally argue with Raph and Leo, but usually backs down after Raph threatens him with violence (see “New Girl in Town”), and with Leo it never escalates past a verbal fight (see the season two finale, “the fourfold trap”). Actually, it seems that in Mikey’s and Donnie’s relationship, they take on the roles that you usually see in Raph’s and Mikey’s relationship. Mikey antagonizes Raph and Raph retaliates; similarly, Donnie antagonizes Mikey and Mikey retaliates, but neither of them would act this way toward their other two brothers.

Splinter: The Root of the Dysfunction

I’ve made a lot of allusions by now to Splinter having npd, or at least some narcissistic tendencies. There are many times where he shows favoritism toward Leo or acts in a very stubborn or even self-absorbed manner. In the season one finale, for example, he refuses to help the turtles fight and only leaves the lair after april is kidnapped by the shredder. In “the pulverizer returns”, he makes the turtles switch weapons (for literally no good reason), they almost die in a fight and switch back, and as punishment, he takes their weapons away entirely; this isn’t addressed in the episode, but i do believe that if they’d had their weapons, they could’ve prevented timothy from being mutated in this episode. (Admittedly there are times when he apologizes, admits he’s wrong, and changes his mind, which is why I hesitate to say he exhibits fully narcissistic behaviors). There’s also the physical aspect of their relationship. He’s teaching the turtles ninjutsu, so you can expect a very physical relationship in the form of training, but there are times when he causes the turtles pain for the sake of pain as punishment (e.g. randori, which we see a few times, or when he goes for their pressure points, or when he trips mikey in the episode “monkey brains”, or when he stabs raph with his cane in the episode “turtle temper”, and these are just the examples i can think of off the top of my head). There has been discourse in the fandom about whether these characters (splinter and raph in particular) are abusive, and i don’t want to get into that. However, i think it’s undeniable that splinter raised his kids with the intent to turn them into child soldiers, and also i fully believe that this (plus his parenting style) is the root of the dysfunction in the hamato family.

#I cannot believe I spent 45 minutes researching dysfunctional family roles and writing this up #anyway #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2012 #leonardo #michelangelo #donatello #raphael #splinter #Leo 2012 #donnie 2012 #Raph 2012 #Mikey 2012 #splinter 2012 #analysis

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shihalyfie · 2 years

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Do you think the poor characterization of Daisuke in Decode and V-Tamer is just kind of due to a general lack of 'stereotypical' relationship conflict in the 02 group (and Daisuke in general)? For all intents and purposes, they're actually a very friendly and well adjusted group of kids. Like all of them, especially post character development, aren't the types to get angry at each other like Tai and Yamato did at the Dark Masters saga or get aggressive over a misunderstanding.

Generally I would say this is the gist. The 02 group has a higher amount of chaos compared to their seniors, but it's easy to miss that they're also one of the most well-behaved despite all that -- they're properly respectful with their elders and adults, and any trouble they cause is by accident or as an unintended side effect rather than by intention, which is always well-meaning. Even Taichi and Yamato are more likely to cause trouble on purpose; the 02 kids may cause trouble, but it's not going to be on purpose. After all, this is a story about human relationships, so this group is one of the tightest ones in the entire Digimon franchise, and Daisuke's open friendliness is a huge factor keeping them together, but 02 never advertised this nor stated it directly (other than it being stated often in staff interviews), so if you miss this, you miss the entire point. I also think this is something that makes the Adventure and 02 characters particularly difficult to write well, because you have to make sure you're taking into account the specific, unique nuance these characters were written with instead of (accidentally or otherwise) forcing them back into trope boxes they didn't actually belong in, and it's why different things that weren't careful about that will often make very similar writing pitfalls with each other despite coming from different sources.

More specifically, I think Daisuke also happens to have an extra level of difficulty in terms of writing him, and I feel it's really ironic that he's the one considered "simple" and "easy to understand" when he might actually be one of the most difficult to get the nuances of correctly. That "easy to understand" is true in the sense that he's very transparent and honest about his feelings, so when he says something you can generally trust he means what he says with only about a slight amount of exaggeration at worst, but my experience with writing him in fanfic, or discussing him with Daisuke lovers, or even reading fan comics and talking about whether they feel in-character or not reveals that trying to balance his character as a third-party writer is very difficult. You have to juggle his rough-around-the-edges with his pure-heartedness with his penchant for extreme emotions and exaggeration and all, and figure out how to display his natural friendliness with his tendency to cover it up with the flustered "the hell is that?" overreaction. I imagine for people who aren't as intimately familiar with his character, it's too easy to just make assumptions, pick the two or three easiest things out of his profile, and exaggerate it to hell and back without taking into account the actual nuances 02 had with him, which is not helped by the fact said official media profiles generally don't describe him well and also resort to the usual "Taichi's junior" and "has a crush on Hikari" standbys. (I think his official 02 website profile is the only one that properly attributes his rash tendencies to him having "an excessively extreme range of human emotions", i.e. clarifying that he acts the way he does because he's dramatic and gets emotionally absorbed in everything, not because he's aggressive for the sake of it.)

Daisuke was described by Adventure's own director as having "the most anime-like personality" in comparison to others who were written with a near-total disregard for trope writing in favor of a higher sense of realism, and the booklet this is from points out that things like having a hot-blooded personality or having a crush on one of the girls in the group would be common to this kind of shounen hero. The idea is that the first half of 02 was supposed to indicate that such an “idealized” character wouldn't get all that far in many real-life situations, but as the story progresses it becomes increasingly apparent his straightforward personality and good-heartedness are actually admirable traits that win out in the end and motivate others. (So in that sense you can see 02 as a story about embracing idealism.) But even if Daisuke has those sort of idealized traits on the surface, that doesn't mean he wasn't still subject to a lot of the nuance and very human writing the series employed in its own way, especially since Yoshimura also stated that he was meant to reflect an ordinary child who has no special talents but is allowed to "live as himself" in contrast to the very restrained Ken. I think one incident that struck me recently was that I was reading a Japanese blog post analyzing a certain personality archetype that described Daisuke down to a T in almost terrifying detail -- easily intimidated, constantly trying to impress or get along with others, lacking in self awareness, excessively humble, all of the nuances Daisuke himself displayed in 02 -- but it was an article meant to describe real people with this personality type and how to get along with them in the workplace or in other social settings, not fictional characters. So you can hardly say Daisuke isn't actually quite accurate to real humans out there.

I also think this is most likely the same reason the American English dub portrayal of him is one of the single most altered ones compared to the other eleven kids from Adventure and 02. In a situation where they had to dub each episode one at a time (instead of being given proper advance warning where the story was going), I think it was unfortunately very likely they saw Daisuke's base profile of being "Taichi's hot-blooded junior with a crush on Hikari" and went ahead and just exaggerated everything about that thinking they were dealing with the textbook shounen hero archetype, only for the second half of 02 to be dependent on many of the factors that were established about him in the Japanese version but outright contradicted in that dub (in particular, his humility, open-mindedness, and lack of condescension being the main reasons he's the most open to Ken in the second half). The end result is that things like V-Tamer/Decode Daisuke and first-half American English dub Davis (and, unfortunately, quite a lot of fanfic, even those not based on the above) all happen to convergently fall into the same writing pitfall with him: reducing him to the first things on his profile and exaggerating them to dominate his character, when in actuality 02 itself drew very consistent and strict boundaries that he never crossed and had a lot more depth to his character than just that.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #aheroslayer #motomiya daisuke #daisuke motomiya #shiha's ask box

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linkspooky · 3 years

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Dabi’s Self Suicide

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but Dabi is someone who has a tendency to make things about himself. In the League of Villains which is identifiably a group dynamic, Dabi takes every available opportunity to insist that he is alone, he is just along for the ride. A single man, with a single conviction, should be enough to change the world. He has a tendency to act like he’s the most important one here, he’s the one whose going to bring an end to hero society all on his own and yet at the same time he has no sense of identity. He has no self. He doens’t even have a name. Hawks asks him his name and he literally responds with [redacted]. I think this paradox of Dabi’s is at the core of figuring out who he is, and who he is not.

1. Father Feelings

There’s something important to understand about Dabi, and just like always it starts with the family. I don’t think a lot of people realize how truly unfeeling, callous, cold towards Dabi Endeavor really was. I know we all, even I have used the golden child / scapegoat dynamic to describe Dabi and Shoto, but one important detail is that Dabi wasn’t always the scapegoat, he was the golden child at first.

More important than Endeavor’s own feelings, is Dabi’s in this flash back. From the start, Dabi thought he was a normal kid in a normal family. He thought he had a normal dad. He even liked his super cool hero dad. Dabi wanted to train with him, wanted his attention and time, but these are just things a normal kid wants.

However, Dabi was conceived of for very abnormal reasons. From the start, going into the whole affair, Endeavor’s intentions were wrong. Dabi was expected to carry on Endeavor’s legacy for him, he was the center of his attention, the center of his world. Dabi tried his best to carry all of those expectations as much as he reasonably could.

However, there is literally nothing Dabi could have done in that situation to satisfy Endeavor. It’s not even about being born with the wrong quirk. It’s Endeavor who was wrong. From the start, Endeavor wasn’t interested in having a child or loving a child, but rather having a miniature Endeavor, Touya was just a vessel, to carry all of Endeavor’s hopes and dreams and live vicariously through him. However, that’s impossible.E ven if Touya had been born with the right quirk, that was impossible. You can’t live through another person. Touya’s success never would have been Endeavor’s. Endeavor would hae resorted to the exact same abuse, manipulation, control. Touya was never meant to be his own person, and that’s why even now, even becoming Dabi who is the rejection of everything Endeavor is, he still forms his entire personhood around Endeavor. It’s not that kids choose to form their personhood around their parents, they have to form themselves around their parents, we literally learn how to be people by interacting with other people especially during the developmental years. The same ones that Touya died during.

Endeavor’s actions towards Touya is that he not only made Touya carry all of his emotions for him, he made Touya bear the brunt of his hurt feelings, all of his expectations, but then when Touya couldn’t carry them He blamed Touya. He tossed him aside. He made Touya feel, that something was wrong with Touya, and that was why he was no longer getting his father’s attention. It’s not anything Touya did, or anything Touya could do about, Touya was literally born wrong.

It’s literally what he crawled to Natsuo asking. Yet, still Touya tried to fix himself. He was the golden child, now he’s the scapegoat, and Touya feels he did something wrong, so he keeps trying to fix himself, keeps trying to train on his own, and it doesn’t work because it could never work until it results in his eventual suicide and then how does Endeavor refer to it.

Touya was just another tragic accident. Just a little mistake, along the road to creating Shoto. I’m not trying to explain away any of Dabi’s actions, just explain the way that Dabi regards himself, rather, Dabi literally has no sense of self at all. It’s been completely smashed to pieces. It’s ash. it’s dust. It’s just gone. Dabi’s name may as well just be [redacted]. There was also once a time that Shoto worried that he was more like his father within himself, but he got help from the people around him to realize he’s his own person, help that Dabi never got.

2. Sins of the Father

So it’s like a genetic trait in the Todoroki family to be completely self absorbed, and dense to the emotions of other people, to the point where you don’t really see other people’s feelings. Like father, like son, like other son. However, Endeavor’s just like that, whereas Dabi and Shoto were made that way. Imagine what it was like to be Shoto, to be constantly told, you’re different from them, you’re the special one, you’re the chosen one. To the point where you couldn’t even play with your siblings, or be a part of everyone’s normal lives, no you were forced to be special. Shoto is oblivious to other people’s emotions because he was literally forcibly separate from other people, and even his mother who was his strongest emotional tie during literally most of his developmental years.

Empathy is literally formed by interacting with people. You can’t form it or even have it, if your interactions with people are cut off and severely limited. You learn about how other people feel by normal social interaction, something that both Touya and Shoto were eventually cut off from. Touya from dying, Shoto from his mother being hospitalized. After that their ability to form connections with others was severely hampered.

One funny thing about Shoto is he kind of acts like he’s the protagonist of his own narrative. So does Bakugo. That’s why he goes “Get out of the way all you extras.” Shoto’s the one with the tragic backstory. Shoto’s the one with this motivation to defy his father’s wishes. However, Shoto’s not the main character, he’s not the hero of the story, and it’s actually important that he’s not because the literal setting of the story is a society where everyone has the potential to be a hero. Kind of like how the point of Miles Morales story is that everyone can be spiderman. Shoto, also doesn’t really want to be a main character, or special boy, all Shoto has ever wanted was to connect with his siblings, to have the normalcy that everyone else has. In a society where everyone, even his own father is so desperately trying to stand out, Shoto wants the safety and security of normalcy.

So you kind of have this paradox in Shoto’s head. Shoto kind of thinks of himself as a main character, even though that’s not really what he wants to be, just because that’s what’s been forced into his head the entire life. The emotional isolation of an abusive parent still ahs an effect on you, even when you’re aware, like Shoto was, that what Endeavor was saying was wrong. No one can grow up properly in isolation, that’s why kids need to interact with other kids and grow up together.

So, I think the utlimate explanation for Dabi’s attitude towards the rest of the league is this. I’m the main villain. I’m the biggest threat. I’m the one who is going to bring an end to hero society all on my own.

Once again this ties back to Shoto’s trauma, and Dabi’s. Touya didn’t want to be the special one, he was forced to be. Touya thought he was a normal kid, with a normal dad until he suddenly wasn’t. Then, Touya tried his hardest to be the special one until he literally broke his body, and his dad went no nevermind, turns out you were an extra.

Saying Dabi is just doing this for Endeavor’s attention is oversimplifying. There’s a need to give a narrative to pain. Shoto even does it. Shoto literally narrates his life, he dumps his life story on everyone who will listen. People who are traumatized, want to give some sort of special meaning to their trauma, they want to feel important, because that in some way might justify what happened to them. If they can’t feel loved, they can try feeling important, like someone who mattered. Otherwise, Dabi is literally just someone who died and got forgotten. Otherwise, he’s just a sad little mistake, the same way his father regards him. Dabi can’t let the league in, because he has to do this on his own to prove he’s special.

Dabi has this very individualistic and self centered approach to changing the world. He has to do it all on his own. He has to play mastermind. He was to orchestrate Endeavor’s rise and fall, and once again these are coping behaviors. Touya couldn’t control his abandonment, he had no agency in that, so he tries to pretend he’s in control of everything now. Even Dabi burning himself, his self-harming,it’s pain he’s in control of because he’s doing it to himself, father isn’t forcing him to train until he breaks anymore.

Shoto sees himself as a main character. Dabi sees himself as the main villain.

However, at the same time. Dabi hates himself. He loathes himself. It comes out in his self loathing behaviors, but more than that every thing Dabi does is an act of self destruction. Dabi has no feelings, no friends, no family, because he’s trying to destroy all those things.

Dabi has no sense of self, because Endeavor has ruined him to the point where he’s still Endeavor’s empty vessel after all these years of separation from him. Dabi has no self, and also he doesn’t want one. He doesn’t want to grow past this point.

Dabi has entirely fictionalized his life. That’s why he makes a dramatic reveal. Hee wants to turn his life into a tragedy, where he is the main character, where he is the one that Shoto and Endeavor cannot save. Because at least this way, he will not be forgotten. Unable to grasp for love, he tries to grasp for some kind of improtance, to change the world instead. In that scenario, it makes sense Dabi would distance himself from the league. I don’t think Dabi knows what his true feelings towards theleague are. In fact, I don’t even think he thinks about them. Who cares about what his feelings are? They are entirely separate from what he must do. Any feelings he has, any regrets, are going to burn away when he explodes like a bomb to ruin his father’s life.

Dabi’s wavering motivations, his constant flipping between different emotions, like he’s channel surfing, I dont’ believe we’re supposed to read into every single thing he says, but rather notice how constantly he’s changing what he’s saying, because Dabi has no stable sense of self. We’re also supposed to see why he has no stable sense of self, because he’s all alone.

This is the climax of Dabi’s big revenge play, it was supposed to end here, with the tragic protagonist dying. However, I think it’s actually really important in this arc that Dabi gets upstaged. Dabi is not the main character, Dabi’s not even the main villain. He’s not even the only character whose the descendant of a hero. It’s also, really important that Compress is the one who upstages his reveal.

What’s that? You thought I was a background character! It turns out I had this important motivation all along. The pacing is weird but it does achieve the intended effect. Dabi thought this was his moment, but that was actually bad for him. Dabi’s main flaw is that he tries to do all of these things along, but he’s not the only one who dreams of a better world. Dabi, Toga, Shigaraki, Mr. Compress says that all of their dreams are important at the same time. They are all simultaneously main characters.

Dabi doesn’t get to have his moment, but I think it’s narratively important that he didn’t get to have it, because Dabi does no favors for himself by cutting himself off from the league. It’s meant to be a character flaw, Dabi shouldn’t get his revenge play, because his revenge play ends up with him dying at the end to spite Endeavor one fainly time. Dabi can’t achieve his dreams, because he hasn’t figured out who he is, or even who he wants to be yet. He just knwos what he doesn’t want to be. He just knows what he’s not. He’s not Endeavor. However I don’t think there’s going to be some big twist reveal about his character where he’s like, I secretly cared about the league, or my family all along, I was secretly a soft guy at heart. Those feelings are there. It’s not a problem of being unfeeling with Dabi, rather that Dabi has no central sense of self to stabilize all those feelings around, thus we see him swinging wildly back and forth. I think while Dabi obviously has feelings towards both of those groups of people, a self is something he’ll have to develop over time when he finally introduces himself to the league. When he’s forced to live, past the tragic ending of his play.

Who will Dabi be when he realizes he has to live past his imagined revenge, who can he become? I think his development from this point will be incredibly interesting to wait, watch and see.

#touya todoroki #dabi #lov meta #mha meta #bnha meta #league of villains #league of villains meta #todoroki touya

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actualbird · 3 years

Note

Okay but. You know how classic spy stuff back then has the obligatory 'female character gotta dress SEXY for undercover work'. How about on a NXX mission, MARIUS decides to step in because he certainly would be confident that he would look like a stunning bombshell

//slams my hands on the desk repeatedly. MARIUS HONEYPOT, MARIUS HONEYPOT, MARIUS HONEYPOT!!!!!!!! sorry this response turned out to be a marluke minific tho. pls heed wc and contents

wc: 1.7k words

contents: marius/luke, honeypot (acting as seductive bait towards another person for a reason other than wanting to get with that person. not marius to luke, marius to other characters), allusions to sex (none happens), and unresolved sexual/romantic tension

u hit a trope sweet spot of mine point blank. i love spy movie tropes and this trope is a guilty pleasure of mine and ur mind is just SOOOOO HUGE LIKE

man the moment the team realize that their target will most probably only give out their information (and there are two targets, husband and wife, this detail is important later) only towards somebody they are attracted to (the reason for this, vyn explains, is that this couple has been documented to tout around valuable intelligence as a bargaining chip as lure for people they desire) the meeting room goes quiet and awkward.

and mc has seen spy movies, she knows it's usually the woman who has to do the sexy undercover honeypot, and she KNOWS that none of the boys are going to force her but also she wants to solve this case.

however, before she can volunteer it's like

marius: okay, i'll go

everybody else: WHAT!!!

marius: what?

marius explains the obvious pros of him being the honeypot. first off, the most obvious thing, is that hes well known and hot shit in the media and the social class that these targets are. it wouldnt be out of place at all, it wouldnt raise any alarm bells for him to arrive at the hoity toity event the couple is going to be at. second off, he confidently says that HES confident. he acknowledges vyn tho, like vyn is sublimely confident in an elegant manner, but marius says hes Better because hes younger and nearly everybody underestimates him at first glance. vyn puts people on guard while marius is aware that people have the tendency to put themselves above him, which is catnip for targets like this who love to feel in power.

and lastly he smirks and says "everybody here knows that im the most attractive person here."

the team roll their eyes at his last point but they also concede that the rest of his reasons are sound. he really is the best choice for this specific task.

immediately, they all get to work on planning. vyn wants to run marius through how to hone his "confident but please show me ur soooo much cooler than me" vibes. artem and mc start working on the specifics on the information they need to get from the targets, outlining certain dialog prompts or lines thatll help steer the conversation. marius listens intently, absorbing all the information and asking questions when he needs to, and hes so focused that he almost forgets the little tremble of his heart because

luke hasnt said a word

luke has barely looked at him the moment marius volunteered

the meeting comes to a close and luke breaks his silence. "marius," he says. his voice is controlled, uncharacteristically betraying not a single emotion. "stay here for a bit. there's some things i want to talk to you about."

and it's not a suggestion. it's a declaration. so marius stays.

the conversation between them that happens, both of them alone at the nxx hq, is, in one word, ridiculous. luke is trying to convince marius to NOT do this thing, trying to bring up other methods. marius shoots all of luke's alternatives down, citing how theyre not as efficient, not as foolproof. luke gets angry, he says that these targets could get dangerous, he confronts marius as to why he has such little regard for his own well being. and marius snaps, confronting luke back and hissing why the fuck are YOU so interested in MY well being?

because heres the thing: theyre not dating. luke and marius arent in a relationship.

but they are...something

neither of them are stupid. they can tell theres a tension between them that grows stronger and stronger with every fleeting yet lingering touch, with every moment their gaze locks onto the other first and for much too long. they both know what theyre running from, but they both also dont want to stop running.

luke concedes. he cant reveal why he cares, thatd be disastrous. so he allows marius to go through with this on the condition that marius follows every fucking order luke gives him on the mission.

"i'm the one with undercover experience, here," luke says and hes right. "youre going to follow what i say."

"fine," marius grouses, looking away, trying not to examine too closely just how much he'd follow luke pearce to the ends of the earth.

FAST FORWARD THRU THE PREP OF THIS MISSION. key things that happen are

artem and mc running verbal sparring matches against marius to train him and for all that artem and mc are skilled attorneys, marius makes sure to make every conversation lean to his side, in terms of "winning." he has meetings like this with the PAX board every monday, hes got the experience lol

vyn trains marius through the mannerisms and tendencies of the type of person hes supposed to be playing and marius knocks it out of the ballpark because marius has spent his entire gotdamn life learning how to be what other people say he is. give him a role and he'll win the fucking oscar award

and luke goes to marius' office late at night, telling marius about plan a, plan b, and the entire rest of the alphabet of backup plans. because luke pearce is always thinking of the worst case scenario and he doesnt want marius to fall to that.

(and if during these nights in marius' office, both of them get quiet and look at each other, and marius darts his eyes down to the frown that graces luke's lips, and luke notices and his cheeks redden and he turns away, well. nobody needs to know about that.)

once it's mission day, luke is the one who sets marius up with an audio transmitter. gently, he loops it over marius' earlobe (and marius does Not shiver at the touch. he doesnt. and if he does, shut up about it. luke definitely doesnt bring it up).

the transmitter is designed as a silver snake, winding and elegant, the perfect earcuff to complement marius' whole outfit.

"that doesnt switch off. we'll be able to reach you and..." luke backs up, his hands in his pocket. "...everything you say and everything thats said to you within a 1 meter radius, we'll be able to hear it. i'll be---" he stutters. "we're with you the whole night."

"got it," marius says and he goes for a grin, trying to lighten luke up. "dont be so glum, the worst you guys will hear is me moaning maybe."

that. does NOT make luke laugh. that makes luke face go SO RED and he SQUEAKS and he runs away with his metaphorical tail between his legs with a rushed "OKAY, GOOD LUCK!!!!"

marius sighs. when are either of them going to get their act together?

NIGHT OF THE MISSION!! imagine the standard spy movie gala. theres lotsa well dressed people, a fancy bar, waiters walking around with champagne and hors-d'œuvres and marius von hagen walks in and looks undoubtedly like he belongs there. but as the night goes by, after hes chatted with a few company presidents, after hes sidled around and made himself visible, after he sits down at the bar alone, he damn well knows hes made himself known to the people he needs.

LEMME SPEED THRU THIS BIT NOW. the target couple approach him and they have polite conversation about business for a while. then that conversation turns into something a little more alluring and packed with flirting and passes from both parties of the couple and marius is glad that hes so hot that it's that easy. but also he plays hard to get, because he needs this couple to bring out the info that will "convince him"

and get it he does!! honestly it was pretty easy after marius faux rejected them the third time and the couple was like "let's take this somewhere more private" and they go into an empty hallway and they both make it clear they theyve got the power over him. by like, kissing him stupid, duh.

and marius is chill. he figured this would happen and he plays his part, he gasps in shock and groans softly as the two of them start to touch him (and the reason it was important that the targets were a couple is wholly just because i want two people tagteaming marius von hagen, im VALID) and it takes like 10 seconds for them to spill the intel they need. marius knows the audio transmitter got that, that they have solid information, and now all he has to do is make his exit from what is probably going to end in sex if marius doesnt leave soon but his exit is.

something

nobody

fucking

planned for

they all planned for how to make an exit when unsuccessful. there are 85293859 plans for how to make an exit after getting the intel, but none of those plans for when marius is currently pinned between two people who are Into Him. marius is fine with having a fling with these two, but this transmitter is NOT gonna turn off and he wants to spare his entire team having an audio file of him getting his shit rocked and they agree bc he hears them squabble through the transmitter

so marius, voice breathy, says "you'll have t-to help me."

the couple thinks hes talking to them, that he wants their "help" in feeling good, but these words arent for them at all. theyre for his team. theyre for---

"please," marius sighs. "i need you."

---for luke.

"im coming." luke says immediately.

WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THIS IS luke comes to the unsuspicious rescue SOMEHOW and he brings marius home and then maybe they have one hell of an argument because luke is so upset marius had to go that far and MARIUS is so upset that luke isnt being honest about why he CARES SO MUCH and maybe they angry kiss about it and they FINALLY STOP BEING STUPID.

the last bit is rushed but lord, this response is too long. ty for this ask!!! sorry again for making it marluke, im a bit insane about them kbfgkds

#tears of themis #marius von hagen #luke pearce #lu jinghe #xia yan #marluke #mariluke

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theonewiththefanfics · 3 years

Text

Shield (one-shot)

Synopsis: To the new Captain America she might just be a human shield. But Bucky can see there’s more to it. What he can’t understand is why she stays.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Genre: angst, lil bit of fluff

Warnings: mentions of blood and guns, swearing, torture, low mental state etc.

Word count: 3591

I am going absolutely feral about the fact that a portion of the series takes place in Latvia as I am Latvian :D Just seeing the signs and streets (which are not really ours cause they filmed in Prague, but are similar enough I can envision it), especially because we’re such a small country is amazeballs, so to be in such a huge show with my MCU faves is insane. Had the same kind of reaction to Brooklyn Nine-Nine with Nikolaj and the Captain Latvia episode. Riga hammer for the win :D

P.S. John Walker is not Captain America cause he does not posses America’s ass. Also Zemo is one hundred percent Bucky’s and Sam’s sugar daddy. I won’t accept any dispute over this.

P.S.S. please also remember - John Walker is a character not a real person. John Walker is played by an actor who is doing his job the same way the actor who played Joffrey did. Do not harass him etc. but rather appreciate the insane talent he has. This place is a Wyatt Russell stan place.

P.S.S.S. Kinda spoilers for the show so if you haven’t seen it, don’t read this.

He hated him. Bucky genuinely hates him. He never thought he had despised something or someone so much, not even HYDRA, as much as he hated John Walker – the new Captain America. He wanted to scream at that, at the fact that this arrogant asshole was carrying Steve’s shield, the symbol of freedom and everything good, while in reality, he embodied none of what it stood for.

Walker and what he’d learned his sidekick was Battlestar, had swooped in from a helicopter while Sam and he had been following the Flag-Smasher vehicles, and, well, they hadn’t been a lot of help, which he shouldn’t be too surprised about. But what he had been surprised about was when they’d all been thrown off of the semi-trucks and scattered all around a field, someone else had been in the mix as well.

A young woman with Y/H/C hair and determined Y/E/C eyes was rushing towards them, screaming for them to stay on the ground. When Bucky looked behind, he could see why given how one of the radicalised people had jumped from the trucks and was barreling at them with an automatic cocked at them

But it wasn’t Walker who jumped up running past her, shield at the ready to take on the fire. No. He just remained sitting as the stranger kept her pace. She leapt at the two with a grace of a cat, pushing him and Sam back to the ground and immediately got blown back by the received ammunition, gasps leaving her mouth as the bullets entered her body.

Sam’s wings extended and created a body length shield as Bucky snatched one of the knives strapped to the man’s side and flung it with deadly accuracy into the Flag-Smasher’s neck, dropping him to the ground.

There was blood when he looked back. There was so much blood, and once again it was all over Bucky’s hands, and he couldn’t breathe properly, pressing down on her abdomen and shoulder and side, and. oh god, there were too many bullet wounds...

Two wide Y/E/C eyes stared back up at him, mouth gasping down shallow breaths as he held down on her wounds trying to stop the blood from pouring out. God, there was so much of it.

“Don’t close your eyes,” he gritted, his body trembling. “Well get you help. You’ll be alright.”

But then Walker spoke up, and Bucky saw read because of a different reason. “She’s fine, just leave it.”

His head snapped to see that arrogant bastard cross his arms as he hissed. “Leave it? She’s fucking bleeding out! She took those bullets for you, and you just want to leave it?!”

Walker just smirked, nudging his chin towards her body. “You’ll see.”

“You let her use herself as a shield while you did nothing!”

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “Because that’s her whole point.”

And that’s when Bucky felt her skin shift underneath his hands. Slowly the blood stopped pouring out, Y/N’s breathing evened, and her eyes closed not because death was calling, but because of relief as the regenerative cells kicked into high gear.

Bucky gazed in wonder as the wounds closed up, and when only scar tissue remained he snapped his blue eyes to her, Y/E/C ones already staring back at him.

“Who are you?” he whispered

“A human shield that’s what,” Walker answered in her stead, but Bucky just sneered.

“I asked who, not a what. She’s a fucking person.”

Once more he looked back down and saw a strange look in her eyes. It was as if she was trying to decipher what those words meant, but once the shock from such a huge assault had ended, she gulped down a breath and gave him a crooked smile. “I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

A lopsided one came to grace his own face. “I’m James Buchanan Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.”

“Bucky.” Her eyebrow rose. “Well, it’s very nice to finally meet you.”

He smiled at her, and not the painful smile he’d given the senator before her arrest, but a real genuine smile, one that made the skin around his eyes crinkle.

“And it’s very nice you didn’t decide to die on us.”

“Yeah, yeah, can we cut this meet and greet shorter?” Walker interrupted them, and if Bucky hadn’t been holding onto Y/N’s shoulder as she tried to rise from the ground, he would’ve punched the guy.

“I told you she was going to be fine.”

Bucky threw him his best murder glare but stopped when he felt Y/N squeeze his hand as if saying ‘don’t bother.' His brows furrowed in confusion. She just shook her head.

“We should still find you a hospital.” He talked to Y/N directly, ignoring what the new Captain was saying. “It doesn’t matter that you can survive something like that, I’d rather make sure you’re checked out by professionals.

“It won’t be necessary.” Walker slipped the shield on his arm and nudged his partner to start walking with him, pretty much expecting the rest to follow. “It was her choice anyway to take the hits.”

“It doesn’t mean she should!” Bucky pretty much hollered, startling even Sam.

At that, he saw Y/N’s eyes widen and her head snap up to look at him. All the breath got knocked out from Bucky at the emotion in her face. It was like she didn’t believe what he was saying like she didn’t know it was a possibility to not put her own life before someone else’s, that maybe someone is supposed to do it for her, someone could protect her.

“She absorbs fucking bullets and infuses them in her body.” John mocked. “I’d say it’s a win-win on both sides. Everyone else stays safe, and she gets stronger, right? The whole bleeding thing is a hitch in the system, but our guys say with enough scuffles that should stop as well.”

Walker looked at her. Y/N just gulped, staring back down at the ground between her knees.

When he looked back at everything the moment he’d seen Zemo in the cell and the asshole had said something still remained in him from the Winter Soldier, came back to connect with the scene. He’d hated that sentence because Bucky knew it was true. The Soldier would always be a part of him, but that was what therapy was for – to accept it and let go. But in that minute, he wouldn’t have cared one bit if the ruthless assassin came to the surface if it meant snapping Walker’s neck like a stick.

He treated the woman as if she was below him, as if Steve’s shield somehow made him better than her, better than anyone, and yet, even when he’d been given the privilege to carry it, he’d rather use a human person, no matter if they had powers, as a shield.

A soft hand touched his side, and Bucky looked at Y/N, his breathing heavy at Walker’s words.

“I’m alright.” Her voice was softer than he thought it would be. Maybe it was because she was trying to stay out of John’s earshot, but even the gentle whisper made something in Bucky’s chest stir. “Thank you,” she said. “For checking up on me.”

Bucky stiffly nodded, standing up and offering both his hands for her to take, but even with that, it took Sam holding her by the waist to be able to stand. The Falcon had to catch her, in fact, when she took her first steps, an awkward chuckle escaping her mouth.

“It’s been a while since a hit like this.”

Sam quirked a brow and smirked. “You always have a tendency to do stupid shit like that?”

Y/N’s whole body relaxed as he said so, and a sting went through Bucky’s own. How bad were they treating her if basic kindness and a little bit of joking made her feel so safe?

Just as he was about to ask her more, to offer to take her with them, Walker spoke up again. That conversation was an absolute disaster, and the fact that Walker thought Sam and him would actually ever consider working with him on this mission was idiotic.

It ended with the two Avengers watching how Walker threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulders, making her knees buckle with the weight, her from still regaining strength, but he didn’t care, just dragged her along with him and Battlestar.

“Are we just gonna let ‘em do that to her?” Bucky sneered, arms crossed watching their retreating forms over the field.

He felt Sam glower next to him. “There’s not much we can do.”

He hated that he was right.

Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about Y/N. One meeting had left him shaken to the core not just about her, but about how there was something deeply off with the new Captain America, that if they didn’t take action something horrible would happen, not just because of his arrogance, but because of some seed he could feel had rooted itself in the other man’s heart.

But by that point they’d been in Madripoor, had met Sharon who’d been on the run from the US government ever since the dismantlement of the Avengers, and had now followed a lead to where the Flag-Smashers had settled in Latvia.

Zemo seemed to not only have a billion cars, but a billion apartments scattered around the world, this one being in the heart of the Old Town.

Bucky was on the roof looking over the twinkling lights of the city. His bed had been too soft as it always was, and even the floor wasn’t it for him, not a wink of sleep coming his way as his thoughts were flooded by Y/N.

Well, the sleep part wasn’t true. He had been able to drift off, only to dream of how the woman didn’t get better, didn’t absorb those bullets and had died right in his arms. That’s when he decided he needed a breath of fresh air.

The sound of shuffling feet made him whip around from the scenic view only to be greeted by a form he’d now recognise in a full-on ski-suit in pitch-black darkness.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky stood up wanting to stride over and check her for any wounds she might’ve gotten while around Walker. Any new scar on her body would mean the same number of teeth he’d knock from that Walmart-version-Captain-America’s mouth.

“Came to warn you.” She shrugged, soft winds making her coat flutter. “John and Lemar are resting, but come morning they’ll be on your ass, so you might wanna make a move now.”

Bucky shook his head. “I don’t get you. You’re nothing like them, I can see that you know how wrong it is, for him to be carrying that shield, that he’s making a mockery out of the name and legacy Steve built, and yet…”

Y/N hung her head lifting her shoulders, hands in her pockets. “I gotta do what I gotta do.”

“He’s an asshole,” Bucky hissed.

Y/N gave him a painful look. “I know. But I don’t have anywhere to go. Besides… you have your own way of making amends. Well, this is mine.”

Dark brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

She let out a painful chuckle, not because of the memories now plaguing her waking thoughts, but because her wounds were still healing, and instantly Bucky came closer and took her hand, running a soothing thumb over her palm. Wounds he was sure were new.

Y/N froze at his touch, and Bucky was about to pull away when she put her own thumb over his. He had to bite back tears at how tenderly she was looking down at his palm. Like no one had ever comforted her when it hurt.

“When the Blip happened,” she started, voice low and quiet. “I watched how my sister and mom disappeared right in front of my eyes. We were driving over the Golden Gate Bridge, and there was a truck before us. It was carrying loads of metal scraps. The driver of the truck got blipped as well.” She swallowed harshly. “I can still feel how the beam went through my shoulder, how it broke the bone and skin, and how I just wanted to disappear like they had just to make the pain stop. But I didn’t. It hurt so bad.” Y/N looked at Bucky, tears running down her face. “It was burning and tearing, and so much pain… and all I could do was scream, but no one heard me because everyone else was screaming, and I was just one of the thousands doing it.”

Y/N shook her head, and when Bucky leaned closer to wipe away the tears, she sighed at the feeling. “I passed out sometime later. From the pain the… well, everything. And when I woke up, I heard people outside the door, trying to rip it open, I could see red lights flashing, but where I expected that beam to be was nothing. When I looked down at myself there was a hole in my shirt, but instead of a hole in my shoulder, a round scar was the only thing left from that moment.”

“They took me to the hospital, and when they tried to put an IV in, my body just swallowed up the needle.” She took a shaky breath, and Bucky squeezed her side. ‘Go on’ he tried to convey with the touch. ‘I’m here.’

“That’s when the tests started. They were fine at first. Blood samples when they managed to get any, saliva and all that good jazz… but then they started poking. And poking turned into slicing which turned into stabbing until I was their personal pincushion, as they tried to see what my body would and wouldn’t take.”

Y/N was shaking by that point, but not because of the wind that had picked up, but because of anger, of the horror, she’d had to go through. It took everything in Bucky to remain calm and let her continue.

“Two years they did that. And then one time they went a bit too far. Someone had stolen a vibranium spear from the Dora Milaje.”

Bucky’s breath got caught in his throat. He wasn’t moving a muscle.

“They wanted to know if I could absorb the strongest metal on Earth, so slowly…” Her hands went to her front, to the white blouse she was wearing and started popping open the buttons. Bucky was just about to protest when he understood.

“They pushed the spear too far.” Her finger ran over a rhomb shaped scar right in the centre of her chest. Right over her heart. “Pushed it right through.”

“How did you survive?” Bucky was appalled, but in awe at the same time.

Y/N shook her head. “I didn’t. I died then and there on the table. They took my body and dumped it in some ditch. From my own calculations, it took me about a day to heal. They’d sown in a scalpel in my stomach a few hours before, so I’m assuming it used that as the binding material for the cells.”

“I was so angry.” She looked at him. “At everyone, at myself, that I couldn’t help my family, that I allowed them to just use me like that, I just went off the deep end. I did so many bad things…” A tear slipped down her cheek. “I read about the Winter Soldier, y’know. His whole thing was efficiency, quickness. I – “ She choked on her words. “I wasn’t. I wanted to drag it out. Wanted to find each and every one of the bastards who laid their hands on me and make them suffer as I did.”

Bucky’s hand settled on her waist as he pulled her closer, feeling her body keen at the motion as she looked for reassurance. “I’m not a good person, Bucky. This.” She motioned with her head to her body. “This is my repentance for what I did.”

“What he’s doing is not right. What they’re making you do is not right.” Bucky shook his head. “Just because it might not kill you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. No one had any right to touch you.”

“It’s the price I pay for what I did.”

“Pain?”

Y/N nodded. “Eye for an eye. Pain for the pain I caused.”

Bucky shook his head. “That’s not right.”

“How else am I supposed to do this?”

“By getting help yourself first.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, and Bucky sighed. He understood how impossible that thought seemed, that someone who’s done so much bad could deserve help from others, but he understood her situation better than anyone. “Being here,” he said, “being able to say these things… I can only do that because I got help. It was mandated by the state, but nevertheless…” Both chuckled at that, and Bucky’s heart lightened at the sound, at the genuine sound of joy from her. “But the therapy… I hate to say this, but it helped. It’s not easy. I sometimes detest going to the sessions, and I might be failing them quite miserably right now, especially with rule number two –“

“What’s rule number two?”

“Don’t hurt anyone,” Bucky mumbled. “And I’ve broken it quite a lot recently, I know that which will either make me end up behind bars or will add more therapy sessions to the list, but I’m not afraid anymore.”

Y/N gulped, gazing just as intensely at Bucky as he was at her. “Of what?”

“Of reaching out.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Of asking for help. Of understanding that I deserve help, and I deserve to receive it.”

“Yeah, but the thing is I’m not like you.” Y/N looked away from him. “No one forced me to do this, no one brainwashed me. I did everything out of my own volition. Me. No one else. You deserve that help because HYDRA did all those things to you. You are a victim of war. I’m not. All those horrible things I did… I did them. Not some alias of mine.”

Bucky’s heart hurt at the fact that Y/N couldn’t see she was a victim of her own circumstance, and how now the government was punishing her for it. And that’s when another brick hit him – it was exactly like Isaiah’s situation. Both came from marginalised groups, parts of society where the ones in power have been trying to oppress and control them for as long as he could remember, he just couldn’t see it. He could see Sam’s point of view now. Maybe not as clearly as he should, but he was starting to wipe away the fog.

“They used you just as much as HYDRA used me.” He asserted, and Y/N’s eyes widened at his sure statement. “Just because a pile of shit has a bowtie on now, doesn’t mean it’s no longer a pile of shit… Come with us.” Bucky’s forehead pressed to hers. “Let’s do this the right way.”

“It’s mandated by the US government that I stay by John’s side and help him.”

Bucky smirked at that, nudging his nose against Y/N’s. “Well, it’s a good thing we’re in Latvia then. Besides Captain America has no pull here.”

She laughed, warm breath slipping over Bucky’s skin, and he had to close his eyes as the thought of her breathless and underneath him invaded his mind. “Unfortunately, this deal stands whether I’m inside the borders of USA or outside.”

Y/N looked over the skyline to where the country’s national monument stood. A woman, hands up in the air outstretched with three stars in her palms, with words she couldn’t understand when she'd arrived etched on the granite at the bottom. Some local had translated them for her. For the Fatherland and Freedom.

After the blip and the experiments, she didn’t feel like she had a home. She’d been imprisoned and prodded like some lab bunny to see what her body could do. What her body could be used for.

Bucky followed her gaze as she kept looking at the statue. Different stars, different saying, but still with the same meaning of what he saw when he looked at the Captain America shield. Freedom. Justice. For the love of their home.

Something deep started to burn in her chest, and even Bucky could feel the shift.

A ferocious look appeared in her eyes as she looked at him. “Let’s get that shield.” She wasn’t going to let Walker taint that star, she knew would happen if he had it for much longer.

They’d had a single meeting beforehand, and during that half-hour, he’d been terrified for more than two-thirds of the time about how Y/N might die in his arms, die because she’d taken bullets meant for him.

He was so glad she hadn’t, not because it would be another life lost because of him, but because he felt like he’d found a twin flame – someone who’d understand him and his troubles. Someone he could help.

Maybe that could be the true way he could make amends – help someone in the same situation.

Bucky smiled.

Y/N did so too, and his heart skipped a beat looking at the woman.

Her body might be able to absorb the metals piercing it, Walker might call her a human shield, but he knew she was so much more than that. And he’d spend however long it took him to prove so to her. Maybe even in more ways than one.

_________________________________________________________________

Please reblog if you like this. For whatever reason my Bucky fics aren’t appearing in the tags :(

Tags:

Everything tags: @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @lestersglitterglue @im-squished @strangersstranger

Bucky tag list: @who-cares-rn @projectxhappiness @callmebucky-doll @coal000 @courtneychicken @sophiealiice @watch-out-for-thorns @potentially-kinetic @thatonegirljessy99 @mrsalh32611 @horrorx570ximagines @the-nargles-made-me-do-it @pooslie @httpmcrvel @purplebananatragedy @pxrrishly @parker-barnes-af @skulliebythesea @california-grown @belongsto-prachi @hello-i-am-insane @hopeinahotbox

Marvel tags: @nerissa98 @happyseagrill @asguardiansoftheavengers @crazybutconfidentaf @wishingforahome @pizzarollpatrol @desir-ae

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probably-haven · 3 years

Text

How Visions Work(Theory)

genshin spoilers

there’s a lot of headcanons about the effect of visions on the body temperature of the characters with pyro or cryo visions but a lot of them stop there an i want to propose we take it one step further

so the general agreement is that pyro users run hot and cryo characters run cold but imma take a moment to talk about the science of that real quick.

if something feels warm, its because the object is expelling heat from itself to its outside environment(itself losing warmth) if something feels cold, its because it’s absorbing and taking the heat from the outside environment into itself(itself gaining warmth)

which actually matches up pretty well with how i believe their visions work which ill cover before getting into what i think that means

pyro visions work by absorbing the users body heat and before then expelling it into the environment when they wish to use it. When the vision reaches what is essentially its max storage capacity, it resumes working at normal, absorbing heat from the user until it’s used, but at this point it stabilizes, because the pyro energy built up within begins overflowing into the nearby environment, a majority of it returning to the user to keep their body temperature from getting too dangerously out of wack. But by passing through the vision, the body heat is converted into pyro energy and made more intense, so the surplus tends to linger around the user, hence the heat that can be felt when touching or around them. the user can then use their powers with either the pyro energy stored in the vision, or that which still lingers around them.

cryo visions on the other hand work in a bit more of a complicated manor. like pyro visions and other visions, most of the energy that they get is from interaction with the user, in this instance, steadily taking heat from the environment that would have naturally have been observed by the vision had it been any other inanimate object and passing in through the vision and into the user, the process creating of the heat leaving the vision creating cryo energy, a sort of anti-heat vaccuum-like substance, which once it reaches it’s max, overflows in a way similar to the pyro vision, leaking into the nearby environment, helping to balance the user’s body temperature while the remainder lingers around them, absorbing heat from the environment. the user can then use the energy stored in the vision(less than pyro because more steps means less room) or that which still lingers around them (more because less room means more over flow), plus they need more surplus in order to balance cuz their temperature is more volatile

visions do however possess the ability to begin expelling energy early should the user’s body temperature become too dangerous, an ability that is missing from delusions of the corresponding element

this leads me to have a few headcanons that i really like because im obsessed with angst

1. contrary to what you might believe, after using a significant amount of their powers, Pyro users are are absolutely cold to the touch(cuz the lack of surplus energy leaves nothing to disguise or raise their low body temperature as the constantly absorbing heat to refuel) and Cryo users feel hot (the lack of surplus energy doing nothing to disguise or lower their high body temperature as the vision is constantly having to expel surrounding heat into the user in order to refuel cryo energy)

2. however during this state they are also the least likely to leave behind traces of elemental energy(like those that can be seen with elemental sight)

3. this cycling of energy actually makes a vision behave more like a part of the user that also serves its own role in maintaining homeostasis (makes it so losing a vision is quite literally comparable to losing an organ)

4. until the vision has enough stored energy for surplus to linger, Cryo users are prone to over heating and Pyro users are prone to the opposite

5. this rapid and common changing of internal body temperature also tends to weaken their immune systems

6. the lingering surplus of energy is also more easy to manipulate than the stored energy, so while it lingers, it has a tendency to be easily influenced by the user’s emotions.

7. yes this means accidentally freezing and setting things on fire during emotional extremes, or more subtle effects for those that are less extreme

8. in dragonspine, Cyro users are actually weaker but healthier. The lack of heat to cycle through their vision and body means less cryo energy is created, but less heat is there to build up in their bodies

9. Pyro users on the other hand- are in real big danger, unless they made sure to have large amounts of elemental energy before hand. They take longer at the torches they like because they need every bit of heat to raise their naturally low temperature and to make more pyro energy to both light the next torch, and to constantly have enough surplus that it doesn’t just steadily drain all the pyro they have.

10. a lot of the pyro users are overly energetic and active and move around alot, which is known to raise body temperature, and whould help with this, then there’s hu tao who while energetic is not all that active, but i think her job of “guarding the border” makes her more tolerant of the low body temperature. similar to yanfei’s constitution as an adeptus. Bennet is energetic but doesn’t move around quite as much and all, but... his luck is bad enough that he just thinks everyone feels like/has to deal with that. and Diluc- we’ve all seen the fluffy jacket. Klee constantly setting grass on fire and otherwise being hyper. Amber, gliding champion of mondstad, “i feel like running” Amber. Yoimiya is pretty active and works around fire. I dont have Xinyan so i dont know for sure in her case but i assume it fits the bill.

11. as for cryo characters- Qiqi is a zombie and Ganyu is half adeptus, different constitution. A lot of the characters are or try to be more calm and level headed, known for being kind of “slackers” to use kaeya’s words, though by this i mean they dont do excessive physical activity outside of training and that which is necessary. Diona is a bartender, often staying in one place, the opposite of pyro, keeping her body temperature down. Ayaka rarely leaves the kamisato estate. Chongyun is complicated- more on him later. Rosaria known for shirking her church duties and being basically lazy, the same as Kaeya. And Eula- i actually dont have an explanation- maybe just... the training to endure- like that one test where you have to walk through dragonspine all fancy without being thrown off.

now as for Chongyun

him with his popsicles and yang energy, needing to maintain a cool body temperature at all times as a result of his constitution

i mentioned a failsafe of visions, where should their users’ body temperature lean to dangerously to any one extreme, the vision will begin releasing the stored elemental energy early.

Chongyun’s however doesn’t store energy at all, instead immediately expelling all cryo energy it makes as soon as it forms so it can immediately absorb any dangerous body heat that Chongyun was exposed to in it’s making. This means that the surplus energy(the type more likely to be accidentally manipulated by emotions) around Chongyun is more than most other cryo users would have.

however, the balance is really fragile because his temperature is kept from getting out of hand almost entirely by his vision so external factors are extremely dangerous, as there is a still a cooldown between the transfer of heat the release of cryo energy- so unexpected sources of heat can cause a rapid rise in already fragile temperature that runs its course and wreaks havoc on the childe before the cryo energy is able to balance it out- and the problem is- with the surplus being easily manipulated by emotions, the sudden rise in temperature has a tendency to activate it, using it up and leaving him without a source of temperature regulation, which only worsens the problem. at which point the vision probably begins storing cryo energy until theres enough built up to reset his body temperature in one go- which usually ends with him passed out.

anyways i had a lot more planned to write but if i kept going i fear how long it’d get- i just think it has potential to evolve into a lot of cool things and theories for how the world works, and reflect the archons..... let me explain that-

so assuming anemo energy is created bey absorbing and then renewing the oxygen in the user’s blood, as opposed to dangerous body temperatures, it tends to have an anemic affect on their wielders, hence why all the anemo vision users have this tired air to them, Xiao’s... Xiao-ness- he just looks exhausted, Jean’s constant exhaustion that totally isnt made any better by her workload, Kazuha’s general calm relaxed disposition, and sucrose’s general demeanor- idk i just think anemo vision wielders give off anemic vibes, until they have enough surplus for the taken oxygen to replenish

except for venti- who doesn’t actually use a vision, who is literally a wind sprite, made of air- always running around and being all energetic- because he doesn’t face these problems- if anything he has extra energy and air to use. He’s basically the opposite. (windrise may have some weight in this-)

which means other archons may model this-

im not sure about geo but with electro

assuming that the constant transfer of electricity through the user’s body would eventually have a frying effect that shortens their lifespan over time(an idea largely inspired by Lisa’s voice line on visions and other theories on it) then Baal’s steady eternity serves as another opposite to this and yet pursuing eternity it becomes odd that she would give visions at all, so i feel archons must get some benefit from giving visions or she wouldn’t have done it-

but anyways imma stop now- hopefully someone found this interesting and runs with it, but if not it makes sense too

... actually geo might have something to do with an erosion-like metaphor, similar to what was brought up in the azdaha fight

still thinking about hydro tho, and im not even gonna bother with dendro

....

..... can you tell that I kin Sucrose and Albedo yet? It’s not even funny istg it’s becoming a problem .... actually scratch that i have a dark sense of humor, its kinda pretty funny

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angxlyxn · 3 years

Text

doll - villain! izuku x f. reader

summary: it’s certainly been a few years since you’ve seen izuku, and he’s planning the make the most out of your time together now that you’re back with each other.

warnings: NONCON, bondage, blood, kidnapping, there is a knife, slight voyeurism(?)

important: all characters are over the age of eighteen.

a/n: wow this piece took me over two months to write, it literally took me forever i’m so unbelievably glad that it’s finished. i’m not entirely happy with it, especially the beginning part because i wrote it two months ago when i didn’t really know how to write fanfiction? but it’s okay, um the concepts are there so enjoy ig.

word count: ~5.3k

The first thing that you noticed upon waking up was the methodical dripping of water above you. Each droplet was landing just shy of your face, the cold water splashing up against your features. Cold. That seemed to be the word of the day. Beneath you, there was a slab of freezing cement, its moist chill seeping off of it and onto your shaking frame.

You raised your heavy head, matted hair falling in front of your face as a sharp, immobilizing pain shot through your skull. You moved the tangled locks from your vision, your hand landing on the back of your head in the process. When you brought your fingers back around, they were slick with a sticky crimson substance. As you stared at your fingers, dumbstruck and utterly confused at the...liquid that was coating them, you grew acutely aware of a dull clinking ringing out with each of your movements, and noticed a pair of shackles that were wrapped around each of your wrists. You tugged a bit on the chains, lurching your body away from the wall that you were attached to as you tried to decipher the situation that you were in right now, to no avail, of course. This was far too sudden and much too confusing to understand. How did you even get...wherever you were in the first place? Why were you here?

Your ears rang out, an amalgamation of horrible chiming sounds flooding your mind. You tried, and failed to recall the events that had led up to you finding yourself in this revolting state, much to your chagrin.

“Oh, you’re finally awake!” A cheery voice rang out, the words disproportionately buoyant in comparison to the bleak environment that surrounded you. You looked up, vision blurring as you turned your head in the direction of the effervescent voice.

You nearly gasped as you caught sight of the figure in front of you, your eyes scanning frantically over his disheveled green locks, his pale skin standing out in contrast to the visible blush lining his freckled cheeks.

“M-Midoriya?” You responded, your voice uneven, your horribly shaky pronunciation reflecting your bodily state perfectly.

“Izuku,” he corrected. He pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning on, slowly making his way towards your trembling form. You hadn’t seen the green-haired boy since he had disappeared entirely from your life, on that fateful day back in junior-high. You had honestly thought he had offed himself or something after Bakugou had told him those horrible things, and you had mourned for days, for months, for years over the loss of your childhood friend. You and Izuku had always been close, and you assumed that it was your shared weakness that had brought you together. While he was born quirkless, you were born with a quirk that might as well have been non-existent. An empathic quirk was what they had called it, one that gave you the ability to absorb others’ emotions and relieve them of their feelings, while you would be able to take on their sensitivities in exchange for the relief that you gave them. You had always seen it as useless, everyone had. And a few people, including your own parents, had always found a way to make it clear to you that you were just this. Useless.

However, you had still made it into UA, on account of nothing more than your grades, of course. People had marvelled at your acceptance, talking about how progressive it was of UA to let in someone as weak as you, even though you had only made it into general studies. It wasn’t like you really wanted to work in heroics anyways, but still, it had hurt a bit when you had to bid farewell to some of your friends from middle school, who were pursuing the hero path. By friends, of course, you meant Katsuki. As strange as it was, you, Midoriya, and him had always been together, well, in your own ways. You really had no idea why Izuku was still latched on to the ill-tempered blonde, and at times wished he would just let go of his hold on the boy. Countless times you had told him to just stop making contact with Katsuki, as their time together never seemed to end well, but he wouldn’t ever take heed of your advice. You couldn’t help but wonder if there was some sort of unspoken competition between them, besides their constant debate over Izuku’s quirklessness, which admittedly led to most of the dissents. It was weird. They were always at each other’s throats, and almost every time they fought you would be there, if only to defend Midoriya. You were protective over him- anyone would be after witnessing the torment that he so frequently endured from Katsuki and others.

So when the news had come that he was declared missing, you were in absolute pieces. When your mother had come into your room to tell you that this, you swore you felt your heart shatter then and there. Nothing could keep you from blaming yourself. No matter how much others tried to tell you otherwise, whether it be therapists, friends, parents, or even Katsuki himself, you just couldn’t believe them. You should’ve done more to help the green-haired boy, you should’ve helped him. You could’ve stood up to Bakugou more, or done anything at all to aid him. You always had seen yourself as selfish, which was why it was such a surprise when the king of ego himself told you otherwise.

You remembered it clearly: You were nearing the end of your first semester at UA, still completely distraught about Izuku’s disappearance. A stern knocking had rang through your apartment, causing you to look up from your stack of textbooks with weary eyes. You pushed yourself off of the couch, making your way to the door and flinging it open, squinting as your eyes met the slouching form of the person in front of you. He wasted no time, just walking into your apartment with a confident, yet defensive stride. Immediately, the person, who you now recognized to be Katsuki, had made a beeline to your couch, and was sitting upon the charcoal-colored cushions that adorned it. You just started at him, mouth slightly agape as he looked back at you, gaze perfervid and intense.

“Well, get over here,” He had spat, gesturing for you to join him on the couch. You hurriedly did as he asked, his eyes following your form as you made your way over to him. He had let out a short breath, his eyelids falling slightly downwards as he looked at your unkempt appearance. After a few moments of silence, he spoke. “It’s not your fault, you know. That damn nerd shouldn’t have done this. It’s his fault, you hear me?” He had said, voice as gravelly as ever. However, it seemed that there was a bit of… something else behind his words, like a small piece of his defensive front was crumbling away in front of your very eyes.

“I- I don’t-” You responded in a frail voice.

“Everyone else- they don’t think so either. I hate to admit it but, you… fuck. You’re a good person, Y/n.” Your shoulders jerked upwards a bit at his use of your first name. “You can’t feel guilty for what that fucking extra did.”

You stayed silent, eyebrows furrowing gently at his conciliatory words.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, barely audible. He looked back up to you. “I just…” You could tell that he was moving to say something, his gaze downcast and contemplative. He looked back up at you, his eyes landing on your face. “I…” You leaned slightly towards him, urging him to speak. You had never seen Katsuki so… quiet. He was quite literally speechless, the environment around you two extremely tense due to his wordlessness. He shifted his eyes, looking over your frame intently. His gaze caught on the area near your clavicle, and before you could say anything about his strange behavior, he spoke once more.

“Your collar,” he grunted. You looked down at yourself, staring at your crumpled uniform that you hadn’t changed out of in days. You raised your eyes back up to him, sending him a questioning glance. “It..” he said, clenching his hands a bit as his eyes still stayed trained on your collarbone.

He reached out two tentative hands, taking your shirt collar between his slender fingers. You remember your complete state of shock as he had adjusted your shirt, snapping the top few buttons into place and smoothing down the fabric. After he had finished, it was like he had snapped out of some sort of stupor, jumping away from you and retracting his hand into his chest. He had left a bit after that, a light blush still coating your cheeks long after he made his departure.

As weird as it sounds, that was the beginning of your relationship with Katsuki. You grew to like each other, him growing somewhat emotionally dependent on you while you relied on him to keep your more self-destructive tendencies in check. The two of you really were a sight, though. The soft, gentle curve of your features in contrast to Bakugou’s angular ones was enough to garner a few stares, and if that weren’t enough, there were the differentiations in mannerisms and personality to set you apart even further. But you supposed that opposites do in fact attract, at least in your case.

Goodness, before you even had time to register what was happening your thoughts had drifted over to the blonde, which wasn’t really an uncommon occurrence. You could only hope that he thought about you as much as you thought about him. Of course you two were dating and all, so it was only natural that he should, but still, you couldn’t help but feel just a bit of anxiety about not actually being wanted or needed by the boy. As much as he would reassure you that he did need you, that he loved you, part of you just couldn’t believe him. A bit of you always had a feeling that he would leave you, just as Izuku did. Maybe you were just insecure, but still. You wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted someone stronger, or better than yourself. You hadn’t ever been surprised when others wanted someone else.

You weren’t ever surprised when you were second choice.

On that note, you brought yourself back to reality, the sound of water dripping from the ceiling still grating against your ears. You refocused your eyes, which had glazed over during your train of thought, only for your now active gaze to land on a person who happened to be situated directly in front of you. You groggily looked up once more, your worried eyes meeting the face of Izuku, who looked oddly infatuated with you. Why, you did not know. All you were able to register was how his doting eyes were dancing over your whole frame, making you squirm a bit in your spot.

“Mi- I mean..Izu-Izuku…” you mumbled as you looked up at him, pushing yourself up so that you were nearly face to face with the green-haired boy. “Wh-What’s going on, I.. don’t understand…”

“Oh doll,” he said, the pet name rolling off of his tongue in a sickeningly sweet manner. “I just helped you do a little relocation, that’s all! I know you’re probably scared, and confused, but don’t worry! I’m not here to hurt you, understand?” He said, reaching a hand out to caress your cheek gently. You drew away from him sharply at the feeling of his calloused fingers against your skin, instinctively bringing your hands up to your face.

“Hey, don’t flinch away from me now, come on! We’re friends, aren’t we?” He said, his tone growing bitter as he spat out the last sentence.

“I...guess,” you mumbled, still too disoriented to make a coherent sentence. “But why.. The chains..?” Izuku looked slightly taken aback at your query, rising up from his kneeled position, and instead settling for standing in front of you.

“Just a precaution,” he said, his tone infantilizing. “I can’t have you two running away now,” he finished, smiling.

“T-two?” You asked, attempting to search his eyes. His green orbs were full of adoration towards you, but his pupils seemed to swirl with a bit of malice as he continued to stare at you. He hummed in response to your question, bringing his hand up to your cold cheek. He gently pressed his fingers into your skin and manually shifted your head to the left, your eyes drifting towards the other side of the room.

Low and behold, there was indeed another person. And the venomous look on his face accompanied by a mess of ash blonde hair was enough to tell you who this second person was. His frame was wrapped in restraints, his arms suspended above his head and his clenching fists encircled by thick shackles. He kicked and struggled against the chains, the clinking sound of them ringing out across the room like a series of cathedral bells.

“Katsuki!” You yelped, the word ripping from your lips as you began to pull against the chains binding your own body, feverishly pushing yourself to try and reach your lover. Izuku leapt towards you before you could really go anywhere, latching himself onto your shoulder and pulling you backwards.

“Now puppy, don’t get aggressive!” He said in a tone that was far too sweet and much too jubilant. He rubbed his palm against your shoulder as though he were coaxing a child, nestling his chin against your cheek as he did so, all the while looking at Bakugou with hazy eyes.

“No!” You cried. “I don’t know what you’re planning right now, but you left us for years and now you-you’re back, and you haven’t explained anything and I just can’t trust you an-and why are we in chains? And for fuck’s sake get off of me, at least until you explain yourself!” You punctuated your sentence with a shove to his shoulder, a twinge of guilt pumping through your veins as you did so.

He fell backwards a bit, his gaze downturned and his face darkened. His eyes swirled with animosity as he stared down at the floor with furrowed brows, his fists clenching a releasing a few times over.

“Please,” you said, your voice softer. “Explain. You just... left. I need to know why.”

He continued to stare down at the floor with an uncomfortable amount of determination, green eyes scanning the tile before slowly beginning to lift back up to meet your unsteady gaze. His face was serious as he bored his eyes into yours, his pupils full of pure animosity. A few moments of silence passed, and then he began to laugh.

He was laughing.

His green eyes glinted with jubilance as he looked at you through the dark shadow clouding his face, his hand coming up to rake through the mop of green tufts on his head.

“Why?” He said between giggles. “I think you know the answer to that one, love!” He said, still chuckling. You looked at him wildly, gaze skittish and horrified.

You began to speak, raising your trembling voice over his laughter. “Izu, you don’t understand, we thought that you ki-”

“Killed myself?” He said, his laughter dying down. He clicked his tongue before continuing, nuzzling himself back into your shoulder, the action earning a few muffled screams from the blonde restrained at the other end of the room. “You’ve got it all wrong puppy! I would never dare leave you like that, doll. I just saw an opportunity and took it. You would’ve done the same darling, I know you would’ve. Although, I think if you did leave me like that, I would kill myself.” He remarked, his voice far too exuberant for the weighty contention. You shivered as you slipped out of his grip, pushing your arms out in front of you to try and hinder the touches of the sensitive boy.

“No, Izuku this is weird, I don’t understand why you’re acting like this. Th- This isn’t you. And we were never t..together, so I don’t understand why you're touching me and calling me these names and I- I still don’t know what you mean by this ‘opportunity’, or why the hell you’ve kidnapped me and Katsu, and I’m bleeding-”

Midoriya hummed, the warm sound cutting you off. “Ah-ah! You’re talkative today, huh? So many questions!” He said in a lilting voice. “Why don’t we ask Katsu what he thinks about everything!” The boy continued, his use of your nickname for the blonde making you cringe. “He always was more articulate than you.”

He heaved himself off of the floor next to you, making his way over to an erratic Bakugou. The chains above his head rattled as he kicked against the restraints, the gag shoved into his mouth growing damp as he relentlessly screamed into it.

As he approached Katsuki, Izuku whipped a knife out of his pocket, the blade flicking out as he continued to walk towards him. You gasped at this, yelling out as the greenette continued to walk away from you.

“No, Izuku don’t hurt him! Leave him alone!” You screamed, tugging on your chains once more and pushing yourself towards the unstable boy. Much to your terror, Izuku disregarded your words, instead moving to stand behind Bakugou. He threaded his hand through the taller boy’s locks, grasping onto them and pulling backwards as he pointed his knife at his neck.

“Izuku, sto- aUGH!” You yelped in anguish as you reached out towards the pair, only to fall forward and hit your already sensitive head against the unforgiving pavement. You looked up helplessly as he flicked the knife between his pinky and ring finger, using the digits that were previously holding the blade to untie the cloth that sat in the boy’s mouth.

Immediately, he began to scream, as expected. “You damn extra! What the hell are you trying to do! I always knew you were fucking weird, but you really are an absolute fucking creep! You know, you shoulda just killed yourself, got it?”

“Katsuki! No, you’re going to make him mad or-“ You were cut off once again by a shrill laughter, the horrible sound grinding against your ears.

“You always were so straight-forward Kacchan! Still haven’t lost your fire after all these years have you!” He said, his speech diluted with giggles.

“Stop laughing and let us go you little fucker!” He growled in response.

Midoriya hummed before continuing. “No, no no! N/n over there has something I want, and I don’t plan on letting you two free until I get it,” He returned in a crazed voice.

“Huh? What the hel-“

“What do you want,” you began, your voice ragged. “I’ll give you whatever you need just- at least let him go.” Bakugou looked at you in disbelief, yet he stayed silent as his eyes desperately searched your face. Izuku made a show of looking over at you, turning his gaze towards your kneeling figure as a nefarious grin spread across his face, his eyes shining dangerously as he looked down at your vulnerable form.

“Hmm...interesting proposition, but unfortunately Kacchan over here is essential to the whole thing! But I will take you up on your offer to take whatever I need, although I was going to do that anyways,” He said as he stuffed the cloth back into the blonde’s mouth. He peeled himself off of Katsuki, and with a flick of his wrist, the blade that he was grasping was closed.

“Alright then doll, let’s have some fun hm?” The chartreuse-headed boy had begun to stroll towards you, his leisurely pace matching the speed at which he had begun to unbutton the clasps that held his silken vest together. Your eyes widened exponentially as you realized what was happening, and you began to scramble backwards, pushing yourself towards the other end of the room as far as you could go. You knew that your struggles would be in vain, but you still inched away from him, covering your chest in hopes that what you thought was happening wouldn’t be the case. The cold chains cut into your wrists as you strained against them, the harsh metal not allowing you to move further than a few feet away from the approaching boy. Yet you still struggled, kicking and yelling as he undid the top two buttons on his shirt, the collar falling open and revealing his delicate clavicle. You still tried to push away from him, your efforts fruitless.

A harsh pain shot through your ankle as Izuku clamped his booted foot around it, effectively stilling your leg and keeping you in place. He hopped down onto you, pressing his thighs into yours as he straddled your waist. Nimble hands glided over your shirt, easing the buttons out of their holes and pulling the button-up off of your torso. At this point you had given up on screaming, settling for mumbling out hysterical pleas and whimpers, your palms uselessly pushing against Izuku’s chest. Bakugou’s screams were white noise to your ears, the horrible ringing in your skull blocking out everything else and making you feel as though you were underwater, eyes glazing over as the world around you grew faded.

A sharp tug on your hair brought you back from your moment of disassociation, the hand pulling against your locks belonging to none other than Midoriya himself.

“Come on darling, pay attention to me! No one likes a dumb, quiet doll!” He whined as he slipped a hand under the waistband of your skirt, pulling the fabric off of your hips and exposing your lacy undergarments. From there the green-haired boy wasted no time, running his hands over your soft stomach and marveling at the way his fingers left little indents in the skin whenever he pressed down. Little mumbles floated from his mouth, the way they used to do when you were kids and he would rant to you about heroes or something of the sort. It was almost enough to make you nostalgic, if your brain hadn’t caught on to the words that let you know he was talking about you. His eyes shimmered as they caught onto the terrified expression on your face, his arousal growing as he looked upon the vulnerable state he had managed to put you in.

You decided to plead with him one last time, hoping that maybe a few tears and stutters would make him stop. “Izuku, p-please, sto-p,” you said, a few of your salty teardrops rolling down into your mouth as you spoke. He just grinned at you, eyebrows turning downwards as one of his hands drifted to his visible erection. The screams of Bakugou and your own cries muddled together in your ears as he slipped his belt off and hurriedly took out his cock, palming it rather roughly as he looked down at your limp form, sadism shining in his green orbs as he did so. He didn’t do anything to prepare you, instead leaving you to stare up at him through eyes clouded with tears, watching and waiting on the inevitable to happen. And it happened. Before you could even register it, he had pulled your panties aside, shoving his length in and eliciting a tearful cry from you. Katsuki screamed in sync with you, his smothered shouts ragged and uneven as he looked at the scene before him. Midoriya rutted into you, his thrust holding far too much power as he penetrated your dry insides, your hands clenching and another scream falling out of your mouth as the uncomfortable pain spread through your lower abdomen. You looked over his shoulder at Katsuki, a fresh batch of tears spilling from your eyes as you looked at him. The blonde looked utterly desperate, hot tears rolling down his reddened cheeks as muffled screams continued to rip from his throat. Despite your pleadings and Bakugou’s impotent threats, Midoriya continued to thrust into you, the force of his length pouring on and on and causing choked sobs to gush out of you, the pitiful sounds falling on deaf ears.

“Agh, doll, you’re so tight~! Did Kacchan seriously never take care of you?” He mused. In truth, he never had. But that was your fault, really. You had said you wanted to wait, and that you didn’t want to run the risk of any accidents happening. Part of that was truthful, but you were also just...scared. Scared of what could happen. And every time that you would even begin to consider having the ash blonde take you, the voice of Izuku himself always seemed to take over, and you would always begin to imagine how worried he would be for you, and how he would disapprove. Of course he wouldn’t have ever told you these things, he never was very assertive, and you really had no reason to believe that he would control you like that, but part of your desperate self just wanted to hold onto him when he was presumed to be dead, and still would allow his voice to run through your mind whenever you made decisions and such. In truth you shouldn’t have let your perception of him control your life, but you really couldn’t help it.

You just had missed him...that was all.

Now you regretted all those months that you spent thinking about him, the sleepless nights where you couldn’t get your mind off of the boy. In any case, it seems that even he didn’t care about whether you stayed pure as he ruthlessly fucked you. You felt a bit of blood fall from your abused cunt from the friction, a sick glee filling him up as the crimson fluid lubed up his length. He was your first, he was the first one to ravage you and have a piece of you and you would always remember him as long as you lived. He was going to make sure of that.

“Nghh- doll,” he began, his voice lewd and uneven, his sultry tone matching the lust in his half-lidded eyes perfectly. “You’re just so p-perfect, I don’t- ah! Don’t know w-hy I didn’t take you sooner!” He said between groans. You weren’t sure whether he was talking kidnapping you or fucking you, but at this point you didn’t care. At the moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to think or care about anything. Your mind was too far gone for that, your body drowning in both ecstasy and pain. Izuku latched his mouth onto your exposed collarbone, biting and licking at it until dark purple splotches littered your silky skin. Bakugou’s smothered screams began to die out, fading from your ears as your mind grew fuzzy, your thoughts fixating only on the pressure that was steadily heightening in your core. A particularly loud howl erupted from his throat, causing the green-haired boy to dig his teeth further into you. He bit down with a huge force, his sharp canines digging into the skin on your clavicle yet again. A bit of blood poured from where he had bitten, the fluid dripping down your chest as he raised his head up from your torso. You didn’t miss the subtle way that his lips quirked upwards, malice swirling in his telling green orbs. He leaned down once again, a yelp falling from your trembling lips as he swiped his warm tongue against the wound. He drew his appendage back into his mouth, licking his lips and spreading the blood onto the blush pink area around his maw. “Agh~ You taste so wonderful, d-doll!” He groaned, causing you to shutter. His thrusts grew in pace as he threw his head back, pain shooting through you as they became harder and faster. He cut into you with each stroke, an involuntary moan leaving your mouth as he heightened his pace. He smiled down at you as the sound fell from your lips. The grin was childish, his lips quirking upwards in a way that looked far too innocent compared to your current situation.

Everything grew dimmer and dimmer as you approached your climax. Izuku seemed to be nearing his too, if the uneven jolts of his body and loud groans were any indication of such. The pressure built even more as you tried to keep it down, the continuous stimulation proving to be far too much for your inexperienced body. With one final stroke you tipped over the edge, cunt growing hot and fluttery as you convulsed around Izuku’s length. He pulled out of you right before his own climax, settling for releasing himself all over your creamy thighs. You continued to cry through it all, hot tears pouring down your face and reddening your already flushed cheeks.

You heard Katsuki scream out roughly from beside you. The sound was muted. You felt as though you had been shoved under water, a thick blanket of silence coating your ears as you laid on the rough cement, body heaving and broken.

You felt so confused and so hopeless, the world felt utterly despaired.

The only clarity that came to you presented itself in the form of Izuku’s manic laughter, the horribly shrill giggles pouring over your limp frame. A click of a belt and the green-haired boy was put back together, sweat gleaming on his flushed cheeks and hair splayed about his head like a halo. Although, he was no angel. Not in the slightest.

You coughed as tremors overtook your body. You just felt so goddamn pathetic.

That was all that you were.

You faintly felt the sensation of arms hooking underneath your own, strong hands pulling you towards a wall and propping you up against it. You were facing Katsuki now, and you were finally given a good look at his face.

He didn’t even look like himself anymore. You had never seen him show so much raw emotion before in your entire life. He was despondent, his wrists limp and his mouth quiet. The gag on his face was damp with tears and spit, his jaw hanging slack as a few stray teardrops fell from his reddened eyes. Nothing about him even looked human.

And yet still, you could hear Izuku laughing. He approached the boy with heavy footfalls, boots clicking against the floor until he stood before him. One of his hands shot out and harshly gripped the blonde’s jaw, the other moving to undo the gag. The cloth hung loosely around his neck after he had taken it off, but Katsuki did not even spare a word. His gaze was weathered as he glared into Izuku’s gleeful eyes, crimson hues staying trained on the boy even as Midoriya turned towards you and began to speak.

“Well that was fun, wasn’t it doll! I can’t believe that I was your first!” He said, his voice still enthusiastic, albeit breathy. “I’m never, ever letting you leave after that! Ah, you’re just so perfect!” You just stared at him with as much resentment as you could muster. “And initially the plan was to kill Kacchan over here, but I think I’ll keep him too!” You perked up at the mention of the blonde, lips parting and eyes growing more defensive and you stared at the boy. “I think he’ll be able to help us in the future, hm? It’ll be fun, I promise!” He said, voice exhaustingly juvenile.

“We’ll be just like one big happy family!”

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astrolology · 4 years

Text

The Love-Hate Relationship with Stelliums (Pt. 1) ✨

Guysss pls remember that astrology is holistic and this should be read taking into account your overall chart placements, as well as the planets in your stellium and what sign rules your stellium. TAKE NOTE lol

1st house

❤️: You may be a person who is very driven towards a particular goal, single-minded in behavior and with a sense of determination that is hard to beat. The focus is on self-improvement and is rather internally driven - there can be large amounts of time focused on figuring one’s identity out. You’re not afraid to say things as they are - you’re able to dish out criticism hard but you give credit when its due. You extend the courtesy you receive to others. You may have an innate sense of wisdom that you keep deep within that you don’t let slip unless to extremely close ones but in times of hardship you are a good source of motivation. You always seek to improve yourself and it’s hard (if not impossible) to drag you down because of your strong personality and how you tend to always move on no matter what. I think 1st house stelliums are the embodiment of “don’t look back” and y’all always try to make the best out of every best situation, sort of like seeing the silver lining in everything. And also when crises emerge you’re able to keep a calm head on your shoulders and are good at making snap decisions, which makes you good on your feet!

👹: I don’t think y’all are as self-absorbed as ppl make you out to be but there’s definitely an element of self-centredness such that when you do something, you often consider what is most convenient or productive for you. You might get upset when your plans are disrupted but sometimes do the same to others even though you might be aware of what you’re doing - in that aspect, 1st house stelliums can be hypocritical. For you, there is never enough - you’re never satisfied with anything, be it yourself or for other things so you can seem really unappreciative. Keep in mind that you also tend to force others to agree with you and don’t be so quick to dismiss the other party’s POV no matter how dumb it seems. Remember that there’s always something to learn from other people, no matter their status. You need to work on expressing your appreciation to others in a more genuine manner (altho I know y’all do it in gruff, slightly awkward ways when sincere - kinda cute ngl).

2nd house

❤️: You may be a person who has a strong moral code and has a staunch value system that you won’t deviate from no matter what. Sense of loyalty is usually unbreakable and it can take a lot to truly anger you. You can have a good financial sense and good instincts/foresight that allow you to plan ahead for stability’s sake. More often than not in certain areas you are a master of categorising and structuring things which means that your mind is analytical, critical and (usually) organised. You hate it when people think they know you because you (understandably) know yourself the best - there are many privatised layers of yourself that you prefer to keep... private so yeah it just annoys you when that happens. Y’all are a leader in certain aspects of your life and even though 2nd house stelliums tend to prefer being the right-hand man, your control freak tendencies come out and you end up leading anyway. You become really productive because of the fear of failure - you have crazy high expectations for yourself and expect the same of your closed ones (although ultimately you’ll support them in whatever they do). There is an appreciation for the finer things in life and when it comes to your loved ones you’re not afraid to spoil them hard.

👹: Be careful not to let this driving need for stability restrict you from spontaneity and following your heart’s desire. There is an inherent inflexibility in your nature; stubbornness can really be your kryptonite. You don’t really take any opportunities that you think might threaten your security which, while giving you a stable fort, can hold you back in your own happiness + prosperity. You might realise that there is a limit to your perspective but really struggle in seeing outside of that perspective mainly because you spend so much time thinking about what matters to you that you’ve become accustomed to your train of thought (altho when you do break it it’s lowkey groundbreaking). The focus on this house is on stability, not only on material wealth, so while you may be reaping in one aspect you might tend to lack on the spiritual or emotional elements of life. You can be very, very controlling and demanding so you might want to tone it down a little if not people might get the wrong impression. People might think of you as judgemental (and you are tbh) but I believe it’s just 2nd house stellium’s way of assessing a person’s character/abilities.

3rd house

❤️: You may be a person who puts in a lot of effort into various forms of self-expression (not limited to verbal communication but also finding a specific niche such as music, art, writing etc.) Your brain is naturally sharp and inquisitive and you may be able to pick things up very quickly. You might be rather adaptable but are surprisingly stubborn when it comes to your opinion or intellectual capabilities. You might have a dark/dirty sense of humor and because of that you also have a keen ability to see past the societal nuances of propriety and get to the heart/root of whatever a person is saying. You can spend your entire life trying to understand people and why things work the way they work - your brain needs to be stimulated in order for you to feel alive. Passion for you has to be applied in a productive manner - you probably aren’t a person to just take a passion for something as a mere hobby. Rather, you would either apply that passion to one of your existing projects, create a new one or use it as a motivating factor. Your interests are wide and varied, which makes you really well-rounded in certain aspects!

👹: Many people say y’all are flighty beings and I can certainly see why they would think so. Because of your perceptiveness, you tend to change your narrative whenever you’re speaking to different people, so as to make yourself sound more convincing. In that aspect, you can be quite manipulative. Your ego probably isn’t the smallest either haha - you can tolerate being slighted at some things but if it’s a challenge to one of your passion projects you’ll probably become very upset. You need to stop giving people the hot and cold shoulder all the time and even though you’re quite sociable you tend to flaunt but hide your true thoughts. You have to be more open and honest in your self-expression, and not that idealised, constructed version of yourself you think people will find interesting. I’ve noticed that 3rd house stellium ppl have an obsessive need to “stand out” and make themselves feel unique which, despite all your charms and popularity, might be the reason why you find yourself sometimes so isolated. You’re a perfectionist (although you would deny it) and secretly quite controlling but unlike other stelliums you can manage it better I feel.

4th house

❤️: There is a pressing insistence regarding relationships in your inner circle - be it your family, closest friends, or your future family. Extended focus on your cultural heritage can also be possible. Deep down, compassion is at your core and you are very protective of your friends in a silent but aggressive way. Having a stable family life is very important to you but I’ve noticed that more often than not, 4th house stelliums have turbulent family relationships. The beauty of 4th house stelliums is their ability to break through whatever toxic relationships they’ve been in and to create families of their own - be it unconventional or not. They are the epitome of “we choose our own families”. Y’all can be very empathetic and rather selfless to the point where you allow yourself to be manipulated (even though you’re aware of it) - but it’s usually for a justifiable reason. You find it easier than most to balance the emotional landscape but there are moments where you need an outlet to express yourself. There can be an obsession/possessiveness over your own culture - you take pride in your roots and become lowkey insulted when people disrespect it (and if you don’t, you somehow nearly always manage to find some other culture to assimilate yourself in).

👹: Y’all probably get very upset when things don’t go your way but the problem with this stellium is that there is a want to speak out but you choose to bury everything inside instead - giving you a very passive-aggressive and even aloof image. Internally, you guys might think that you are giving off a very soft/giving aura but some people are wary precisely because you are hard to read. You are very, intensely private (rivalling 2nd/7th house tbh) and you have to learn how to share your true thoughts, no bullshit, no suger-coated thoughts with your family and dearest friends even though you are capable of handling yourself. You are independent, ambitious, and people often underestimate you, but you have to let people in first in order for them to know what you’re capable of! Also, idealisation of certain things (eg. a future family life/partner) can be prevalent and you overthink things to the point where sometimes you make yourself miserable. Again, please talk to someone hahaha you don’t have to deal with everything yourself.

5th house

❤️: Insecurity runs rampant in any 5th house stellium BUT y’all are quite paradoxical in a sense that you also have a very strong aura of confidence. Sometimes, in crucial moments, you manage to convince yourself and others that you are the most important person in the room haha - literally the epitome of “fake it till you make it”. Still, a deeply rooted kindness is found in 5th house stelliums such that you’re always looking out for the underdog in the room. If you are developed you probably have a strong sense of righteousness which prompts you to look out for people who might be struggling. Y’all are very concerned about your physical appearance and most of the time you like to keep your body in good shape, which draws the attention of people in the room. You likely have an infectious smile (this is just a hunch but I don’t believe 5th house stelliums smile a lot - y’all quirk your lips or smirk but a true smile is rare so when you do... it melts the hearts of people). Everything that you do will have a youthful flavor and you have a healthy appreciation for downtime/self-care so while you might not (contrary to popular belief) be that fond of kids, kids are attracted to you. Oh and actually I think the stronger this stellium is in a person, the shyer the person seems at first impression but inwardly and as time goes by, they become more humorous and dramatic.

👹: You aren’t exactly manipulative, but you know how to use the power of suggestion (and your charms) to get what you want. If unchecked, it’ll become a habit because to you, it’s an instinctive thing to do and you might not realise you’re hurting other people because of it. You are stubborn and prideful (which isn’t a bad thing sometimes but) you take criticism quite badly such that if a person tries to offer their opinion or goes against your beliefs, you might take it as a personal attack. You have a fear of being restrained/constricted (like 9th house) so you’re actually quite aggressive to those who you perceive to be a threat to your authority. You can also experience extreme mood swings (from crazy happy/hyper to melancholic in a snap) and when you do you expect people to give you attention. But you are hypocritical in this aspect because you yourself can be quite insensitive to other people’s feelings, or you brush them off if you’re not “in the mood”.

6th house

❤️: You are most probably quite an organised person, not in a tidy way (although you could be) but in matters of life there’s an insistence on order and structure. The way you think can be very logical - you are able to think concisely and connect the dots in a quick manner and logic is probably prevalent in everything you do. However, in contrast to this pragmatic behavior, you are deeply caring and you won’t think twice to give up something if a loved one needs it. You are very disciplined in certain aspects of life and you are able to maintain a consistent effort in everything that you do. You’re probably someone who finds joy in small things and although you have high standards, it doesn’t take much to make you happy, as long as it’s genuine. You can be a perfectionist and really quite meticulous in your work which makes you someone who is detail-orientated. You give a lot of yourself to other people and most of the time you don’t expect anything in return, which is one of the great things about 6th house stelliums. You take effort into maintaining your physical health and you mighttt be a fitness freak or someone who keeps track of their diet really carefully. It’s likely that you encourage other people to follow your lifestyle and generally, you exert a sort of mellow influence around other people that makes them want to be better.

👹: There’s a tendency for 6th house stelliums to fall into pessimism, precisely because of your pragmatic nature. Y’all may say that you’re being “realistic” but in actuality it does dampen the spirits of some people. You can also become really unreasonable and inflexible once you’ve made up your mind on something and that makes you a bit narrow minded because you simply refuse to listen to other people’s POV. This can also cause tunnel vision which can really limit your full potential and I think it’s something worth spending your time working on. When pushed into a corner or feeling insecure, y’all might try to cover it up by being condescending or giving the cold shoulder. There’s also a risk of being overly reliant on a schedule/structure and hence, cautiousness when it comes to being spontaneous or embracing something foreign. Because of your affinity towards maintaining health, your hypochondriac tendencies may be exacerbated and you need to try to lessen your over-worrying behaviour haha. Although you never dish out something you can’t receive (eg. high expectations - you’re truly your worst critic), your demanding tone can really make others cautious of you.

OVERALL, I strongly believe that the way to embrace your stelliums isn’t to reject or force yourself to change the values they represent, but rather taking those eccentricities and moulding it into something more precious and beneficial to yourself. It has to be done with a thorough understanding of yourself; with patience.

-C

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #1st house stellium #2nd house stellium #3rd house stellium #4th house stellium #5th house stellium #6th house stellium

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