#wakko and marinette stop being so damn complicated challenge

[the-phoenix-heart]

Sorting Hat Chats - Animaniacs

THOSE ARE THE FACTS!

(How did you know I was working on this?)

Anyway, welcome to my new hyperfixation! So obviously I decided to sort them. Description of the system I’m using here as sometimes. 

Also, the movie Wakko’s Wish has questionable canonicity, seeing as it takes place in another universe and it could said is just a movie the Animaniacs did in universe, but seeing as this was made by the same people as an excuse to give their characters a happy ending after the cancelation of the show-I’m going to say it counts for characterization. They’re pretty much the same characters, just in a different story. 

I should also mention that as toons, they’ve modeled every secondary out there, so their secondary sorting is to find their actual sorting under all the modeling and performance. 

YAKKO WARNER was the easiest to sort. He’s a Snake primary, here for his family, maybe Dr. Scratchansniff, and that’s about it. He’s the oldest, it makes sense. I mean, in Wakko’s Wish he literally gets a promotion to parent. That scene at the beginning where he and Dot are just sitting at the train station, implied to be sleeping there to, as they wait for Wakko to get home-FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR-it’s so soft and easy to forget about with later scenes but it shows how much they love him. 

Anyway, Yakko is extremely protective and needs to be around his family. His fear in the IT parody is being alone with no one to talk to him, and his first worry after is he funny is where his siblings have been. Plus, he doesn’t really show a strong preference for the rest of the primaries. 

I know that the first thought for the Animaniacs is that he’s a Snake secondary like Bugs Bunny, but remember, they’ve had every secondary as a model/performance ever. Yakko, I believe, is a Bird secondary through and though. 

Yakko has the most songs of his siblings, and seeing as a joke in the reboot was that he kept trying to sing his educational songs and he kept getting interrupted-he clearly loves doing them. Yakko’s World, Every Word in the English Dictionary, Time, Multiplication, these are things that he clearly studied for the songs and require extreme memorization (I mean every country in the world and every world in the english language??). He also almost always has his lines memorized, and his sister’s, and probably Wakko’s. Part of his problem with Nicklewise is the fact that no one is acknowledging what he’s saying, and then he’s tongue tied. One of the first things he does when he gets back to the lot is swallow a tablet and learns everything about the past 22 years. 

When describing himself in “To be like us” he literally starts it off, “To be like me? Well buddy here’s the key/use the pen not the sword when you’re in a fight.” 

When he does just charge in like a Lion he loses. Plus, dad jokes and puns are just a Bird thing. If you have a Bird secondary you are going to have an appreciation for wordplay, trust me I’m a Bird secondary. 

DOT WARNER is an actual Snake secondary. She’s the unprepared one. She doesn’t know her lines, and she didn’t practice her song on the first ladies before she sung it, which is how she learns that you cannot give a significant amount of time to each first lady in two minutes-and she didn’t even remember them all. 

This exchange is peak Bird v. Snake:

Dot: “It’s a little ditty I’ve composed detailing the accomplishments of the women behind the men...Every single first lady of the United States of America! Please put two minutes on the clock!” Yakko: “Oh, no no no no no. Hold on. You’re going to sing about every First Lady in two minutes? Have you practiced this?” Dot, possibly sarcastic but probably telling the truth: “Well no, I have not.”

She’s also the one who always uses how cute she is to get people to do what she wants. The big scene of Wakko’s Wish is Dot pretending to die so effectively that she fooled everyone but (maybe) Yakko and Wakko, and even made the guy who “killed” her feel remorse for his actions. Also, in the intro she’s described in the original as cute and in the new one as witty-which that combination feels very Snake. 

Unlike her brother Dot is a Lion primary. It might be a new addition for the reboot, but if she wasn’t originally a Lion primary I think this is just a case of character progression. In the show she calls out people for being sexist or mansplaining, and (possibly my favorite segment) has her singing about women getting the right to vote. The great thing is that this segment addresses the fact that just because women got the right to vote didn’t mean every woman could vote, because she finds out that as a toon she can’t vote. In less than a day she brings together Looney Toons and Hanna Barbera cartoons to go to Washington and lobby congress for the right to vote. And wins. 

Yeah, Dot don’t play around. Also she calls out fear-mongering (Had to fit that in somewhere). 

WAKKO WARNER (YES I KNOW HE’S THE MIDDLE CHILD BUT HE HAS THE LONGEST SECTION) was the hardest for me to sort out. Literally of course. He didn’t feel like any of the primaries to me for a while and what I really needed to look at was Wakko’s Wish. In Wakko’s Wish he’s the one telling everyone that they have to keeping hoping for something better and never give up while his siblings seem to be more out for themselves. Wakko’s the one who interacts most with the town as a whole. He gives Plotz a drink of the elixir after Plotz just tried to murder him and his siblings. There’s also a good argument to be made that Wakko wished for the ability to give everyone in the town what they wanted. He didn’t need to wish for a second ha’ penny, but he has it and it helps the town return to prosperity, which is why I rule him as a Badger primary. 

You can also notice it in the original series with how he interacts with other people, but we don’t have enough time to talk about that since we still have to talk about his secondary. Fucking hell his secondary. Wakko’s secondary is the hardest to parse out of them all. It’s opposite problem I had with his primary, he fits all of them. 

Like I said earlier, they have models for all the secondaries because they’re toons and they have to get into a lot of situations. But there are certain secondaries they favor over others which help you to see what the real secondary there is under all the models and performances. But the problem I ran into with Wakko is he uses all of them at a ready amount!

I first considered that he was a Bird secondary because of his gag bag, or the clown episode with his extremely well thought out ideas on how to torture the poor clown (don’t feel too sorry for him he’s very annoying), and segments like Wakko’s Gizmo. In Wakko’s Gizmo he builds this very overly complicated and super badass device just so he can make a whoopie cushion go off. But that was what tipped me off, it’s a toy. Wakko’s Bird secondary is just a model he has as a toy, something to have fun with (I won’t say he got it from Yakko but he got it from Yakko). Plus, Wakko’s just to intuitive and spontaneous for an actual Bird secondary. The way he uses his gag bag is just in a way where he just understands what to get. 

The fact that that he’s very intuitive with his gag bag and impulsive also set me off that he wasn’t a Badger secondary. Of all the secondaries he uses this one the least in the original series. However, interestingly, this is the only secondary he uses in Wakko’s Wish. He works his ass off for a year to make a ha’ penny to pay for Dot’s operation, he makes the wish on the star, he plays sort of a peace maker with the town and others. It’s something he used more specifically for that movie though.

The big debate was whether he was a Snake or a Lion, but-BUT-I’m gonna be kind of controversial and say that he has a Lion secondary. Yes-he’s very situational, but his go to course of action is to hit people with his mallet. Plus, the way he uses his gag bag is he just goes for it, because he feels it. He’s always in the moment, which is how he’s able to use his gag bag. Also, there’s a difference between the way Dot and he usually do things, if they were both Snake secondaries they’d look more similar, but they don’t. And he doesn’t always have what’s needed for the situation, he needs to feel around for it. I could be talked into a Snake secondary but for now I’m pretty happy with Lion. 

So...

Yakko Warner - Snake primary/Bird secondary, has all models and performances

Dot Warner - Lion primary/Snake secondary, has all models and performances

Wakko Warner - Badger primary/Lion secondary, has all models and performances (specifically uses his Badger secondary model in Wakko’s Wish, and specifically uses his Bird secondary model as a toy)