#wan capili

[professor-abeloved]

presenting... the wan, the only, juan miguel capili (they/he) 💖😗✌️

i commissioned the stellar skylarrr2.0 for my ilw mc in drag 💜

[professor-abeloved]

a shadow's lament // it lives within chapter 18

[professor-abeloved]

thinking about how wan and mattyass both have masks in the physical, emotional and subconscious sense.

first there's juan's make-up and matty's minor Illusion cantrip magics. then there's how mattyass prides himself on being able to hide behind a calm composure while wan dons on a smile and snarky remark to disguise the pain.

and then there's how mattyass' psyche tries to tuck his insecurity and guilt and shame under the mountainload of Justification and Egotism (ooh an interesting question is if hes lying about never forgiving himself - OR is he lying to himself about being a grand Puppet Master? someone who's finally made something of himself built on a throne of skull and bone. are you proud of that, little man with everything and nothing?)

in sharp contrast to wan, puppet of all puppets, who has sinks into their insecurities of being an out-of-control monster who hurts their loved ones

i think they both end up in toxic, self-defeating cycles where mattyass Bullshits justifies every sin under the sun as something that needs to be done as he wears his lil arrogant king of delusion crown... while wan ends up lashing out and pushing people away because they think they're so far below their loved ones

ultimately, however, wan is never alone. he has support from lia, abel, lincoln, joss and everyone else who's alive, and they have that connection that makes them want to do better and help others do better too.

and mattyass has no one but himself.

[professor-abeloved]

made my it lives mcs with this cute asf picrew !!

pink hair - juan "wan" capili, they/he, snarky drag queen. resposible for showing mattyass and lincoln tiktok in separate timelines.

purple hair - ronaldo "ro" salvador, he/him, genuine softie future professor and husband of abel. will not hesitate to deck someone who hurts the puppy mans.

black hair - amor rodriguez, she/her, lia's #1 fan and beta reader. aggressively loves the childhood friends to lovers trope for some reason.

blue hair - reggie "reg" custodio, she/they. loves to annoys joss with her sarcasm and serenades. beanie buds with noah.

Bonus: devon "at least 7 people are in love with me" hunter (bottom left) & harper "now has the one gay earring" vance (bottom right) <3

[professor-abeloved]

used this adorable picrew for my ilw mcs :3

ronaldo "ro" salvador (he/him), resident abel flint lover and pirate cosplayer

amor rodriguez (she/they), amalia de leon's #1 fan and beta reader

regina "reg" custodio (they/them), expert in riling up jocelyn wu

juan "wan" capili (he/they), soulbonded to the mcquoids/aquinos in different timelines

+ bonus evil!wan, queen of delusion

[professor-abeloved]

thinking about evil!wan capili, queen of delusion, mattyass' equal in love, loneliness and also possibly murdering the people you love.

for someone who grew up with nothing (who has nothing, who is nothing) mattyass' promises and praises are a siren's lure. the crown of thorns and blood on their temples that drip down to their hands is all worth it to be with the man who has everything (the man who is juan's everything).

if canon!wan's arc is about learning how to love yourself and be a better person for your loved ones, then evil!wan's is the opposite. it's about an all-consuming, all-encompassing truth that has no room for doubt, for growth, for truth.

but not even matthias, in all his power, can take away wan's self-loathing. all he can give is the illusion of choice.

all wan ever wanted is love, but it's not enough. mattyass has built them palaces out of paragraphs, given them a throne on top of a hill of dead bodies. but just like matthias, wan will never forgive themself for what it took to get here.

unlike matthias, they are ambitious. things can be better, can't they?

("i can save you," canon!wan would beg. "matthias, you can be better, you can change."

"i can make you worse." evil!wan would smile. "matthias, why stop with westchester?")

because evil!wan would feel so hollow, so empty that they need to fill the void in their soul with more than just mattyass' attention, more than what he could give.

so at one point, mattyass' dear creature would turn to him with that wicked grin on their face that he's only seen in the mirror. "darling, you said i'm something the likes of which the world has never seen, right? then let them see me."

matthias may have started the show, but wan is bringing it to the main stage.

[professor-abeloved]

biggest plot twist of 2023 (and its still january)

[professor-abeloved]

ik its partially because i stopped making wan fail almost every nerve choice

but id like to think that the in-game explanation of why wan is finally at coping is because of how lincoln makes him feel safe. lincoln is not only their safe harbor, but he inspires and encourages wan to be better.

that's true for all timelines since a relationship doesn't have to be romantic to have a deep connection.

but also there's something about a trans queer ilw mc (where being a Power Creature is queer-coded + trans-coded asf) having the chance to express their feelings in a safe space.

yeah lincoln pushes them because hes also in his own head but hes also working through being better and establishing healthier boundaries.

i think itd be so healing and healthy for wan (whos been told at church, at school, at home that theyre a monster for having feelings. for loving who they love. for being who they are.) to know that hey you can have feelings, you can be true to yourself without fear of judgement or reproach.

and lincoln doesnt even have to reciprocate that immediately (at least until ch15) because wan is perfectly content to wait for him to see himself the way wan sees him: a good gentle person who can change and make up for their mistakes and isnt defined by anything else.

the same way lincoln extends to wan that love, understanding and patience. "if you can't see the good in yourself then ill do it for you until you can."

and lincolns reason for coping is that he saw wans chest and got 2938 nerve instantly.

versus haunted!Wan timeline where mattyass encourages mc to be in the same stasis he is. he's not interested in being better, and he thinks an mc he's in love with could do no wrong.

its a very toxic love and haunted! wan has been hating themself for their feelings. because its wrong. because he'd hurt lincoln. because mattyass is a monster and so is wan.

its reinforcing all the toxic beliefs wan has had about themself (that hes a monster going to hell for what he is, that having these kinds of feelings will only lead to destruction), which is why hes just Not Having a Fun Time in that timeline.

[professor-abeloved]

something something lincoln and wan grew up in homes where their agencies, feelings, and wants were ignored and invalidated. so they resort to hiding behind masks of (alleged) apathy and gruffness for the former and sarcasm for the latter.

something something they're both tender, gentle people who end up seeing through each other's facades and giving each other that space to be heard, to be seen, to be understood. wan sees the good in lincoln who's battled with feelings of inadequacy, while he sees whats beautiful in wan who thinks themself an ugly monster.

something something they both find a home in each other. a home that rings with mutual love, understanding and comfort that you've always been good enough.

[professor-abeloved]

ok i think wan is a sagittarius since their bday is nov 23 (the date of the lincoln bestie post i did)

which is so funny because lincwan is libra/sag. mattwan (in a separate timelime) is gemini/sag.

so to complete the set im thinking devon is an aquarius. born on feb 14 so everyone who chickens out of confessing to him can just say say the roses and chocolates are birthday gifts

[professor-abeloved]

the bestie-fication of lincoln m. mcquoid, 2023 (colorized)

[professor-abeloved]

i love this. messiest break up of the century. It's gonna be forever - or it's gonna go down in flames. given all the scenes of literally holding someone's heart in their hearts (ilw mc in one of the dreams, and then there's nate), i kinda wonder if these two will have a scene like that...

[professor-abeloved]

what if in this timeline, coping! wan has feelings for lincoln but he's repressing it REAL BAD bc he doesn't think he's good enough <///3 (and he has a mission to hunt down every monster)

so they're hardcore pushing the abelinc mcflint agenda because abel is everyone's type wonderful and has some kind of history with lincoln, so they're meant to be right?

then what if lincoln likes wan too, but he's pushing his feelings down because he ALSO thinks he's not good enough (and he's has a mission to hunt down his mother's killer.)

AND WHAT IF HE THINKS JUAN LIKES ABEL BECAUSE ABEL IS KIND AND AMAZING and he and juan get along so well

(meanwhile abel is just sitting there, reading his book and wondering why these two are throwing lingering glances at each other every time he looks up from the page)

[professor-abeloved]

sooo ive been playing the LincWan Not-Quite-Just-Besties route and came to the conclusion that wan has 3 wolves inside them:

the first wolf cares deeply for lincoln and wants him to be okay. the second thinks he has a hot smile.

and the third wants to wear matching friendship bracelets <3

[professor-abeloved]

go easy on him Wan! That's your future stepson bestie 🤭🤭🤭

[professor-abeloved]

the kiss meme with "by the river" and "life or death" for lincwan <3

oh kristi you're lucky you're so effervescent <3 set during the river scene where u can get lincs collectible lmao

send me stuff from this kissing prompt list!

___

A violent spurt of coughs wrack Wan's frame as the air rushes back into their lungs. A manicured hand brushes away the pink strands of hair plastered to their forehead in an attempt not to resemble a drowned rat.

Words of worry reach their water-lagged ears, but the most pressing concern nags at Wan's mind.

"Please tell me no one kissed me," he deadpans.

After a glance at the others, Lincoln speaks up, effectively stopping Juan's heart in their chest. "You were underwater for a long time so you...needed CPR."

The nerve loss that follows is worse than the chill from the river.

AUUGHHHHHH. "You should've just let me drown," Wan wails, burying his head in his hands.

Lincoln rolls his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic. It wasn't that bad."

"Yeah, I dunno if Abel agrees," Wan shoots back.

A quizzical expression graces Abel's face. "Excuse me, what is happening?"

"Don't worry, professor. Just BRB... gonna drown myself again."