#watch me never tag all characters because i lost track

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

The Dangers of Hope Ch. 6

Series Summary: When Y/N shows up at Camp Chitaqua with her little girl in tow, her bloodshot eyes leave no doubt that she's infected. Or is she? Everything Dean has come to know for certain over the last five hellish years, is about to be challenged.

Pairings/Characters in the series: Endverse!Dean x Reader, Emma (OFC), Castiel, Sam Winchester, Lucifer, Michael, Zachariah, Risa, Johnston (OMC), Patrick (OMC), Theresa (OFC), other survivors and soldiers.

Series Explicit 18 +/Warnings: Show level violence, some gore, angst, smut, fluff all the usual for a series of mine. ❤️ Endverse!Dean (that's a warning for his anger and callousness as well as his extreme hotness. 😁) Each chapter will have their own specific warnings.

Chapter Warnings: Nothing major.

Word Count: 3,308

A/N: So, I've had this idea for quite a while. Basically since I watched The Last of Us. I loved Pedro in the role of Joel, but I kept thinking how incredible Jensen would have been. Which then made me think of how amazing he was as Endverse!Dean which then led me to this idea. Lol! I've stolen the premise of Ellie's storyline from TLOU, but made her a grown up, a reader insert, and a love interest for Dean.

If you've never seen TLOU, don't worry - you don't need to have seen it to understand this story. 😊

I've taken some liberties with the Endverse in my story, changed a few things from canon, but kept lots of things too.

I sincerely hope you enjoy the story. It will be ten chapters and I will do my very best to post one chapter every weekend. ❤️

A/N 2: Hope you enjoy this chapter! I'm getting excited to finish up the series. Four chapter left and so far it seems like the story is staying on track, and it shouldn't go over. (But you never know! 😁) Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading, liking, commenting and reblogging this series! It means SO much! ❤️

Series Master List || Main Master List || Tag Lists

The dividers below were created by @saradika

Y/N felt her heart beat triple time as she watched Dean’s face return to the stony granite it had been when she’d first come to camp. Over the last couple of months she'd begun to see him soften slightly; there were even a few moments where he’d seemed on the verge of smiling. His eyes had eventually lost their frosty hardness, and their look of perpetual suspicion.

But both were back with a vengeance now.

She shook her head at him again and tried to understand what he was talking about. “What kind of psychic am I?” She asked, the question conjuring up an urge to laugh. The idea of her having psychic abilities was laughable to her. But she didn’t think Dean would appreciate the humor around it. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Dean. I haven’t done anything, and I certainly have no psychic powers.”

Dean said nothing, just shuffled sideways towards the door without  taking his eyes off of her. Y/N took a few steps towards him, but froze when his hand dropped to the pistol on his thigh and he hissed at her. “Stay back.”

She felt Emma come up and hide behind her leg and her daughter's renewed fear made anger start to burn in Y/N’s chest. In the last few weeks that Dean had been coming to dinner, Emma had been gradually losing her fear of him, offering him shy smiles and even bringing him one of her books and asking him to read to her. 

But now Y/N could feel her tremble slightly and frustration flared in her. What was Dean doing? And why? Because her mother had died in a fire when she was a baby? What kind of logic was that? Where was all this insanity coming from?

Dean walked to the entrance of the cabin and called to Patrick. When the soldier appeared in the doorway Dean spoke to him brusquely.

“Go get Castiel.”

Patrick looked back and forth between Dean and Y/N and frowned at the obvious tension. “Sir?” He questioned.

“Now.” Dean said with finality. As the man turned to leave Dean spoke again. “And send Risa in here.”

Dean continued to stare at Y/N, keeping his attention intensely fixated on her, the way he’d done during those first few days she’d been there. When Risa came into the cabin she frowned; like Patrick, she could clearly sense the hostility in the room.

When Dean saw her he nodded towards Emma. “Take the kid.”

Panic suffused Y/N and she began shaking her head. Emma clutched tightly to her leg and began crying and whimpering softly. She shook her head and buried her face in Y/N’s hip. “No, mommy.” She hiccuped softly.

“Take her.” Dean said quietly but firmly. There was a pause for a moment as Risa’s eyes lingered on Emma and Y/N before she shook her head.

“No.”

Dean turned his head slowly to look at his soldier, his expression incredulous and furious at the same time. 

“Excuse me?” He said softly, and Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine. 

Risa looked away for a moment, clearly intimidated by Dean's anger. But when she looked back at him, her brow was crinkled and she still questioned his demand. 

“Why?” She asked.

“Because I gave you an order, soldier.” was Dean's softly spoken reply.

Risa stared at Dean a moment longer before she took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly and forcefully, turning and walking towards Y/N and Emma.

Emma started crying in earnest and Y/N knew that no matter what, she had to try and ease her daughter’s fear. She got down on her haunches and smoothed back Emma’s fly away hair. “Oh baby, it’s okay.” She smiled brightly at her, desperately trying to erase all her own fear and anxiety about what was happening.

“Dean and I are just gonna be here for a little while trying to figure out some boring grown up stuff.” Y/N’s happy smile seemed to be fooling Emma slightly because her tears were slowing and she sniffled.

Y/N kissed her cheek. “Why don’t you let Risa take you to see Keisha and Julianne. It will be so much more fun to play with them for a while, rather than staying here and listening to boring grownups talking. And I’ll come pick you up later, okay? I promise.”

She felt awful making a promise she wasn’t sure she could keep, but she wanted to believe she would be picking her up later, and she wanted Emma to lose the look of panic in her eyes. 

She nodded towards Risa. “Go on now, and have fun playing. I’ll see you soon.” She kissed her forehead and gave her another bright smile. 

Emma nodded, still obviously unsure, but willing to believe what Y/N was telling her.

Y/N kept her happy smile in place until Emma was out the door and then her mask dropped and she looked at Dean, her eyes accusing.

“Why are you doing this?” She asked quietly.

Before he could answer, Castiel walked through the door. Like the others, he seemed to notice the tension immediately and questioned it. 

“Dean? What’s going on?”

Dean motioned for Y/N to move backwards. “Sit down.” He said, with a gesture towards the folding chair she’d been sitting on to read the story. When she did, Dean turned his head towards Castiel, but never took his eyes off of her. 

“I know why she’s immune.”

Y/N felt her stomach lurch. “You do?” She asked, some of her anger burning away from pure shock. It was the last thing she’d expected him to say. Though she still had no idea what this had to do with her mother’s death.

But evidently it was connected, because the angel’s eyes widened in disbelief as Dean continued. “Her mother died in a fire when she was a baby.”

It was to her that Castiel looked for an answer. “Is that true, Y/N?” She nodded. “My God.” 

“Will someone please explain what my mother dying has to do with anything?” Y/N asked with immense frustration.

But the men ignored her for the moment. Dean was finally looking at the angel properly and he nodded at the questions in his blue eyes. 

“Yeah, she’s a psychic kid. She’s immune, just like Sam was.”

“Who is Sam?” Y/N asked, but was ignored again.

Castiel was shaking his head. “Maybe…” He looked back towards her briefly. “Maybe it’s just a coincidence.” 

Dean scoffed. “Come on Cas! This is way too big a coincidence to be…coincidental.”

Cas nodded reluctantly and then frowned. “But, if she's psychic...then what’s her gift?”

Both men turned to stare at her, and Dean spoke softly. “That’s a real good question. Because she could be doing anything to us, mind controlling us, or manipulating us to only see what she wants us to.”

Y/N finally did let out a bark of laughter. “Are you insane? You think I’m mind controlling you? If I had the power of mind control, I’d definitely make you be nicer, or I’d make you let me go, because this whole thing is ridiculous! And you still haven’t explained why on earth you think I’m psychic and why my mother’s death is involved.”

Dean stared at her for a long time, and Cas just watched him. Finally Dean spoke and his voice was calm and even, as though he was just telling her a story while they sat around her table eating dinner.

“Ten years before you were born, your mother or father made a deal with a yellow-eyed demon. They got something they desperately wanted and he got permission to enter their house. When you were six months old he came into your room, slit himself open and bled into your mouth. Your mother likely interrupted him somehow, and he killed her and burnt the place down around her.”

Y/N felt her stomach turn at Dean’s words. He had to be insane, there was no way it could be true. Demon blood? A demon killed her mother? She shook her head.

“How on earth could you possibly know any of this?”

“Because it’s exactly what happened to my mom, and my brother. The demon fed him his blood, killed my mom, and when Sam turned 22 he started having psychic visions. And he wasn’t the only psychic kid. There were a bunch of them, and without fail every single one of them had powers and every single one of them went bad.”

His jaw clenched and he folded his arms over his chest. “So, if you’re gonna sit there and try and tell me that you’re the only one that never had the blood take hold, the only one who managed to avoid being triggered when you turned 22? Well, then I know you’re lying. So, I’ll ask you one more time.”

His eyes were chips of ice once again. “What can you do? And what have you done already?”

Y/N blew out a puff of exasperation. “I can’t do anything, do you hear me? I am not psychic! I have no powers!”

Cas stepped forward, putting himself between the two of them. “Okay, Y/N, have you ever felt something, something that made you different from other people? Like,” he snapped his fingers, “the ability to connect easily with people maybe? You seem to make friends quickly, people respond to you.” 

Y/N rolled her eyes. “So being a nice person makes me a psychic now?”

Cas shook his head. “No, but maybe it’s more than you being nice, maybe people can’t help but like you. It could be involuntary on both their part and yours. Like some sort of psychic charisma”

Cas seemed to like his idea, his expression saying that he thought he’d figured it out.

But Y/N was again shaking her head. “No, look, that’s not true. I’ve had lots of people not like me, I’ve had people try to kill me in my sleep just to steal my blanket, I’ve had men attack me just for…well, for being a woman. And I can promise you I didn’t get away from those people by smiling at them and asking nicely.”

Y/N felt the old fears rise in her as she remembered the panic and terror of those moments and so many more like them. To think that she had some kind of mind control or psychic abilities and hadn’t used them then, was laughable.

Cas looked slightly defeated and Dean pushed him aside. “The fact is though, that you could be lying through your teeth, you could be saying anything to knock us off your scent.”

Y/N scowled at him and then stood up. Dean stepped back, and yanked Cas back by his shoulder. “Sit down.” He ordered her but she shook her head.

“This is ridiculous, Dean. You have to know it is.” She took a step towards him. “What about our…our friendship? What about what happened last night?”

Dean’s eyes just got colder and his voice was deep and demanding. “I said, sit down. Now!”

“Dean.” Y/N began and stepped closer again, reaching out to him. But she stopped dead and dropped her hands to her sides as Dean pulled his gun from its holster in the span of a breath. 

“I said get back, and sit down.” He said, slow and deliberate.

Y/N looked at the gun pointed at her, looked at Dean holding it, his hand not wavering an inch, and she was suddenly, unbearably sad. She stared at him and knew her heartbreak was plastered on her face, she was bad at concealing emotions. 

She nodded slowly and moved back to sit in the chair. She had lied to Emma; she wouldn’t be picking her up tonight.

***

The night passed just as her first night in camp had; with her sleeping lightly, troubled by disturbing dreams and waking to find Dean watching her almost unblinkingly. He took her to the outhouses on his own this time, and she wasn’t in chains so, that much had changed. But his hand hovering over his gun the whole way there and back definitely felt binding, and kept her locked in place just ahead of him.

When they got back to the cabin Dean walked over to the door and said something quietly to whoever was just outside. A few minutes later Theresa arrived with breakfast. She looked at Y/N back in her spot on the floor by the table leg and her young face creased in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” She asked Y/N with a look thrown at Dean.

Y/N tried to smile and put her student’s mind at ease. “Nothing, sweetie. Just trying to sort something out. Tell your mom thank you for the breakfast, but I’m not hungry. You should take that back to her so it doesn’t go to waste.”

“Eat it.” Dean’s voice rang out with authority and Theresa took a step closer to Y/N.

Y/N didn’t bother looking at him. Instead she gave Theresa a reassuring nod and the girl bent to set the tray on the ground. “It’s okay, thank you. I’ll probably be hungry later.”

But she wasn’t. She felt guilty enough about wasting food to try and swallow some down, but it just stuck in her throat and she gagged on it and spit it out. At lunch Brandy brought the food tray and she was slightly more vocal with her questions than her daughter was. 

“What the hell is going on here?” She asked Dean. “All the parents are confused and worried. They said you ordered them out of here yesterday and no one has seen Y/N since; Emma’s back with Monique.” 

She set the lunch tray on the table Y/N leaned against and bent to pick up the uneaten breakfast tray. She was looking at Y/N, but still addressing Dean when she spoke. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing that concerns you.” Dean answered brusquely.

Brandy stood to her full height and her large chest rose and fell with indignation. “Since when do you keep me out of the loop?”

Dean frowned at her and his voice was laced with annoyance and anger. “Since this isn’t something that requires your attention. And I’d like to know, exactly when did everyone start questioning my orders?”

Brandy shrugged, seemingly unfazed by his foreboding tone. “I guess when your orders started to seem stupid.”

Y/N’s eyes grew round, beyond impressed at the woman’s boldness and nerve. Dean seemed much less impressed by it though, staring the woman down with a furious expression. But Brandy kept his gaze and never wavered. Finally Dean spoke through gritted teeth.

“Take away the tray, and send someone else with the supper tray.”

Brandy stayed still until Dean took a step towards her and yelled, “That is an order!”

Brandy shook her head, but turned towards the door as she answered. “Don’t forget, boss, not all of us are your soldiers. Some of us follow you because you’ve been a good leader.” She paused at the door and looked back at him. “Don’t fuck that up.”

She walked out, leaving behind an electric buzz of tension in the air. Dean turned back to her and the muscle in his jaw was still jumping. 

“Eat.”

But Y/N shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”

“Bullshit!” Dean said bitingly. “You haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday. You have to be hungry. I don’t know what kind of hunger strike, sympathy ploy you’re going for here, but it’s not gonna work. Now, eat!” He ended on a shout and something snapped inside Y/N. 

She jumped to her feet and yelled back. “This isn’t a sympathy ploy, you bloody dumbass! I can’t eat the food because it tastes disgusting to me and it chokes me. My stomach is in knots and I feel sick! And do you know why that is? Because you keep threatening to kill me!”

Dean thundered towards her, stopping barely two feet from her. “Yeah, and I’m not gonna have you starve to death before I get the chance! Now eat!”

Y/N threw her arms wide. “What the hell do you care if I starve! It’ll just save you a bullet!” 

She took a deep breath, feeling herself unraveling but unable to stop. “You have me locked up in this place, again! You think I’m some kind of horrible monster. Again!” Her voice broke. “You have taken my child away from me! Again! So don’t pretend to give a shit about my fucking health and wellbeing!” She reached out to furiously smash the food tray to the ground. 

Silence descended and Y/N breathed hard and heavy through her nose, her anger carrying her through a little longer before she turned away from him and buried her face in her hands, quiet, uncontrollable sobs shaking her. 

By the time she managed to get herself under some kind of control, she turned around to see that Dean was gone. She looked around the room as though he might be hiding in plain sight, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Y/N walked over and fell down onto the chair he'd sat in all night. She felt exhausted and deflated. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, but it felt like ages before Cas walked through the door. He looked solemn and he nodded at her. 

“Dean says that you should go.”

Y/N felt her stomach drop. “He’s kicking us out?”

Cas held up a hand. “Oh, no! Not…he didn’t say for you to go from camp. I mean that he said for you to go from here. Go get your daughter, go back to your tent. That kind of go.”

Y/N shook her head, more confused than ever. “I don’t understand. Now, suddenly he doesn’t think I’m some kind of psychic menace?”

Cas shrugged. “Psychic yes, but menace no. He said, and I quote, ‘She was pissed enough to take off my head if she could have, and she didn’t, so she can’t.’” He shook his head. “Occasionally his thought process is hard to follow.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, you’re telling me.”

She didn’t waste anymore time right then, though, contemplating Dean’s bizarre behavior; she was free to go and she ran to get Emma, apologizing for taking longer than she said she would to come get her.

Emma forgave her easily for not keeping her promise, relief clear in her big, deep cerulean eyes. They spent the evening cuddling in the tent; Y/N read her a dozen books and played clapping games with her until Emma’s eyes were shining again, and no more fear or worry clouded them.

At bedtime she sang her a song and Emma drifted off to sleep happily; Y/N found no such easy reprieve. She laid awake for hours trying to understand Dean and the way he thought. He’d been so angry, so sure of her wickedness and evil. And then, just like that, because she’d exploded in anger, he let her go?

How did that man’s mind work? And how did he see her now? Harmless psychic freak? Or someone he’d still have to keep a close eye on? 

She shook her head. It didn’t matter, he’d made himself perfectly clear on one thing, the relationship she’d thought they had, the friendship that she’d hoped would grow into more had meant nothing to him. The kiss they’d shared had meant nothing. 

She meant nothing. He couldn't  have acted the way he did if he cared about her at all.

She needed to remember that going forward and not let her heart get entangled so easily.

From now on, she needed to keep her distance.

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[sundrop-writes]

Announcing my new fic: Heaven's Gate

Heaven's Gate is a long oneshot starring Daryl Dixon and a gender neutral reader character, featuring angst, hurt and comfort, and some fluff.

NOW POSTED!!!!!

In this fic, you and Daryl get separated when the prison is attacked by the Governor, and though you both believe the other person is dead, you two end up finding each other at the most unexpected time. This fic is about hope, the human connection, and how love is about more than romance - it's about how people take pieces of each other and grow with them, never truly able to forget each other.

This fic is going to be a longer oneshot that is currently about 15k long - and will likely be longer by the time it has gone through editing. It is 80% of the way done in my drafts (not including editing), and I hope to have it posted by April 30th - which is a tentative date that may change. If you want to know for certain when the fic is posted, you can follow me here and turn on notifcations or you can subscribe to me on AO3 to get an email notification when the fic is posted. I am really excited to share this fic with all of you 💖.

Below is a short preview of the fic - so if you wanna get a better sense for the upcoming fic you can read it. If you enjoy this preview and you're excited for what the fic holds, please let me know!

Also an important note: with my gender neutral reader fics, I don't use any references to gender whatsoever (this is not a 'GN afab' fic). And in this fic in particular, I didn't use any pronouns (other than you/yours) or gendered terms for the reader - and at points where the terms they/them were used, I made it purposefully vague so that the dialogue could be referring to the whole group as 'they' or just the reader. I want my gender neutral fics to be enjoyed by everyone - cis women, cis men, gender non conforming people, trans people - every kind of fanfiction reader.

I am making this post for two major reasons - one, I want to generate as much excitement for oneshots as there is for series. Especially for oneshots that are longer than 10k because those take a lot of time and effort. If a series is like a TV show, then long oneshots are like a feature film. And two - nobody seems to read my pinned post where I announce new upcoming fics anyway, so I might as well make posts like these so that people can know what to expect from me. And hopefully you guys will get excited about my upcoming fics this way. And when I tag these posts with the relevant tags, people interested in those topics can follow me to anticipate the fic if they want to read it.

Heaven's Gate (Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader) - Preview

Preview Word Count: 1,800

Warnings: no pronouns used for the reader other than you/yours; there are major plot spoilers for The Walking Dead if you are watching the show for the first time - spoilers for Season 2 all the way up through Season 5; typical warnings for TWD - mentions of death, emotional despair; all of these themes and emotions are expanded upon in the full fic.

...

“Daryl!” 

You called out his name as you jogged up toward the stables, and he stopped in his tracks, waiting for you to catch up with him. 

“Daryl, hey.” You greeted him with a small smile. “Rick told me you’d be up here.” 

He grunted in reply. “Yeah. ‘m gonna take a horse out. Make better ground t’ look for the girl.” 

Your stomach clenched at him mentioning her. 

The group was supposed to be headed out towards Fort Bennet - supposed to be finding refuge at the hopefully safe military base. Instead, you were all setting up camp at the very reluctant Hershel Greene’s farm, not straying too far from where you had lost one of your own in the hopes of finding her. 

But that was why you had come to talk to Daryl in the first place. 

Sophia had become like a sister to you in the few short months that you had known her, and though it was unlikely, you were hopeful that she was alive - that she would be found. And you did believe that Daryl would be the one to find her. 

“How’s the trail?” You asked. “Do you think you know which way she headed? You - you can be honest with me.” 

You hesitated on the last part. But you did want his honesty more than anything. And you knew that he was never one to sugar-coat things. Even if you hadn’t told him that, he would have given you the truth anyway. 

“Trail’s a little muddy.” He said, doling out that honesty. “‘m gon follow the river. It’s her biggest landmark out there, so she’ll probably be somewhere around it.” 

You smiled at him. And then, you remembered - 

“I brought you something.” You noted, reaching for the back pocket of your jeans. 

Daryl watched with quiet curiosity as you pulled out a piece of paper - when you showed it to him, he quickly realized that it was a half-used set of stickers. 

“These are some of the stickers that I got for Sophia,” You explained. “My mom always used to tell me that cardinals are good luck.” 

You peeled off a sticker of a bright red bird - as much of a nature man as he was, Daryl was never one for bird watching. He didn’t care about identifying certain species of birds unless he could shoot and eat them. But he quickly reasoned that this must be the cardinal that you spoke of. 

“Give me your bow.” You said, shoving the rest of the sticker sheet into your back pocket again and holding out your hand expectantly. 

“I don’t need no luck.” He replied, voice full of snark. 

“Just give it.” You replied - equally snarky, equally stubborn. 

Daryl sighed and tugged his bow’s strap over his head, presenting it to you. You placed the sticker on the bow’s handle, in one of the places where it wasn’t as worn down from him holding it. 

“There,” You said, giving it back to him with a smile. “Now you’re all set.” 

It was more for you than it was for him - a token of good faith and protection. The idea that you could do something to bring Sophia home when you felt so powerless. 

Daryl let out a harsh sound - somewhere between a laugh and a sarcastic snort as he walked away. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome,” You replied brightly, edging on sarcastic once again. 

… 

When the prison was attacked, Daryl got out with Beth. 

He almost couldn’t stand her bright eyes, big eyes staring at him, waiting for answers - her chirpy little voice, prodding at him, demanding that they ‘follow the trail’ and go look for everyone else. Telling him that he was a tracker, that he could find them. As if it was his damn responsibility just because he had the skills to get it done. 

It was all too reminiscent of you, telling him that he could find Sophia. That it wasn’t an ‘if’ - it was a ‘when’. 

Perhaps that was what got him off his ass and doing what he did best - reading the dirt. 

“What’re you doin’?” He asked, staring at the girl curiously as she went to one of the bushes and rushed to pick berries from branches. Had she not gotten enough to eat that morning? 

“They’ll be hungry when we find them.” Beth told him confidently. 

Of course. That undefeatable streak of optimism. 

Daryl knew that blueberries weren’t your favorite - but he should have something to give you. He would be too busy tracking the footprints to properly hunt for squirrels or rabbits and clean them for you. So, he found himself pulling a large bandana from his back pocket and offering it to Beth - something to hold the berries in to keep them safe as an offering for you. 

“Here.” He grunted at her. 

Beth smiled at him. 

It was one of the last smiles she gave him for a long time. 

When they came across those bodies splayed out beside the tracks - any sense of hope was crushed inside of him. The picture you had gifted him was heavy inside his breast pocket, and he hated that tears threatened his eyes - even if he knew that none of those bodies belonged to you. There was no trace of you there. 

The days started to blur into each other, and Daryl couldn’t get you off his mind. 

One hazy evening, as they both stared into the fire with dead looks on their faces, he took the drawing out of his pocket and unfolded it. 

For good luck. 

He didn’t believe in luck - because it didn’t exist. The world was fucked. Nobody was lucky. You and your good luck were dead. 

He tossed the drawing into the fire, and it was only a moment, when the corner of it had barely caught, when Beth snatched it out. She stomped on it with her boot, successfully saving it. 

“Don’t do that.” She hissed at him. 

Daryl snatched it from her, and crumbled it up, tossing it aside. He let out a grunt, but refused to look at her. 

“That was from Y/N, wasn’t it?” She posed. 

He could feel her imposing stare as she waited for an answer. 

He didn’t give her one. 

“You can’t burn them just because you think they’re dead.” Beth sighed. “You can’t burn up memories. We’re gonna find them. Y/N, and Maggie, and Michonne, and - and everyone.” 

Daryl scoffed. “Yeah. Cause that’s gon’ happen.” 

Beth rolled her eyes, but didn’t speak any further on the subject. 

After she had fallen asleep - when the fire was dull, Daryl picked up the crumbled ball and smoothed it out again. The charred corner hadn’t even touched your bird. He felt like a fool doing it, just as much of a fool as he accused you of being, but he folded it neatly - well, as neatly as he could - and then put it back into his breast pocket again. 

But that was the thing - Daryl wished that he could. He wished he could burn up those memories. 

That you would stop haunting him. Then he wouldn’t have to feel like this anymore.

… 

“Can I see it again?” Beth asked, suddenly changing the subject. 

Again, this was a confusing little whip for Daryl - something that clearly only made sense to Beth in her own drunken mind. 

“See what?” Daryl replied. 

“The picture.” Beth answered. “The one you tried to burn.” 

Daryl felt a pinch of guilt surge over him at the thought. Oddly enough, this was the one time he would be willing to admit that Beth was right - you can’t burn up memories. 

“It was Y/N, wasn’t it? That drew it.” Beth added on, her words slurring slightly - she lifted the mason jar of booze to her lips again and Daryl was tempted to snatch it away from her. 

Instead, he found his hand drifting to his breast pocket and reaching to take the picture out. He presented it to Beth, who put down her drink to unfold it - she stared at the picture fondly under the brightness of the moonlight, tracing a finger over the slightly faded details. 

“You know… my daddy used to tell me that a cardinal is like an angel.” Beth said, recognizing the bird from her father’s teachings on the farm. “Someone - someone you loved who passed away, watching over you from heaven.” 

“Y/N said they was good luck.” Daryl replied. 

Beth shrugged. “Same thing.” 

It was this thought that kept Daryl going for a long time. The idea that even if you were dead, you were watching over him somehow. He sure as hell didn’t believe that someone like Merle would be an angel - but you, you definitely were. And even if it was a waste of your eternal life, you would be determined to watch over Daryl - to make sure that he was safe, well-guided. 

You would make sure that he was lucky. 

That thought alone carried him through the long journey to D.C. 

It was something that lingered in his mind as the group hunkered down in a random barn - as he spotted something carved into one of the wooden beams holding the place up. Even though it wasn’t colored, he could have sworn that the long tail and pointed head of the silhouette indicated that the carving was meant to be cardinal. Of course. 

Who knows who had stayed in the barn before them - if it had been left there by a weary traveler, or even put there by someone who had used the barn before the turn. But Daryl could have sworn that you - your ghost, your angelic hand - had led him to this very spot. 

It was a thought that gave him strength as he held the doors up - helped to keep them from caving in while the storm raged outside. 

Your luck, and your damn bird - you would keep him safe. 

When they reached Alexandria, and they were forced to give up their weapons - Daryl spotted your bird perched on the fence. Bright red, with its pointy head cocked sideways at him. All too knowing, staring at him like it wanted to say something. Just like it had been when he had fallen off the cliff out in the woods when he had been looking for Sophia. 

Oddly enough, it made him feel safe giving up his crossbow - perching it on top of the fully loaded cart of weapons before the awkward, bespeckled woman wheeled it away. 

Rick was still weary of this new place after Terminus, and Daryl understood. He followed Rick’s lead. Especially because he couldn’t tell Rick that he had a good feeling about this place because he saw a damn bird. 

But even if it was just in spirit, he felt you there. He knew that it was the home you had chosen for them.

[underacalicosky]

15 questions for 15 friends

Thanks @fangeek-girl @sky-kenobye @willameena @kato-neimoidia @to-proudly-go and @dark--whisperings for the tags! ❤️

1. Are you named after anyone?

Supposedly, I was named after a movie character played by Liz Taylor. I’ve never seen the movie though.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Two nights ago while we were watching Christopher Robin (with Ewan McGregor) because stories about growing up and forgetting about childhood always gives me the feels.

3. Do you have kids?

Two kids.

4. What sports do you play/ have you played?

I wasn’t allowed to play sports when I was younger. Once I was in college, I realized that I was actually pretty athletic. I’m old now and my knees are creaky, so I don’t play anything anymore.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yup. All the time.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

How they treat others

7. What's your eye colour?

Dark brown

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, why else would I be in the Star Wars fandom?? But yes, that’s behind my obsession with giving Obikin a happy ending in all my fics.

9. Any talents?

I’m somewhat artistically inclined, I think. When I was a child, I wasn’t really given the opportunity to explore artistic things (do you see a pattern with my childhood lol?) so I don’t know if I’m necessarily talented. But I’ve always felt most at peace when I’m doing something creative and lately that’s been in the form of writing fics.

10. Where were you born?

In a northeast US state

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing fanfic? I don’t have a lot of spare time between working, doing Mom Things, and trying to keep the household running, but I love baking and I try to squeeze in time to write fics and fiddle around on tumblr at night after the kids go to bed.

12. Do you have any pets?

One cat. He’s very sweet and very grumpy at the same time.

13. How tall are you?

5' 1”

14. Favourite subject in school?

Art.

15. Dream job?

In an ideal world, money isn’t a concern and I would spend part of my day decorating cakes and cupcakes and the other part reading and writing.

Thanks so much for the ask! I’ve lost track of who’s been tagged! So I’m tagging anyone who hasn’t been tagged yet and wants to share! ❤️

[bebx]

Hey there! I hope you are doing well. I don't mean to bother you again as you are gonna figure out I am the same person who asked about your unexpectedly but hopefully temporary drifting away from ST sub fandom hehe. So I decided to do my homework and see if you probably left some clues or hints regarding your hiatus from it before but unfortunately I couldn't find any unless my dumb@$$ missed it despite thorough research as if I was looking for easter eggs in a deeply layered show like ST. My search report :- It had been going well on your side even when there was a drought in HC contents but slowly it lost the 'momentum' which I feel you played a key role in wonderfully building up yourself, ironically right at the moment of D-day which honestly feels like if reality had tv drama like loopholes lol.

So all I have now is what you last said to me that you are busy with stuffs and other things like hyperfixation on a character from Harrow series { although I haven't watched it yet but based on your enthusiasm which mostly resonates with my own interest, I have added it in my watchlist :) Cuz Bingo I can't tell you how happy I was when I found you with the same sentiments as mine after watching Damsel! } plus point is you did mention how he is certainly still in your heart and you are planning to make more posts and fanfic about him in future. So I decided to wait, months passed with more tempting Henry Creel info pouring while I still kept up with *patiently waiting for my favorite Tumblr user's ST fandom era to resurface as well as coexist with her new obsession of Harrow series*, so that one hyperfixation won't have to be sacrificed for another still worthy subject of hyperfixation :) Hence it has been quite an introspective and empathetic time but now I am like "okay at least lemme just ask her how she has been and what exactly is the status", to stifle my other apprehensive thoughts forming with the passing time as well as disappearing silver lining( as there is no sign of either Henry or JCB these days at all lol apart from Jamie Bower World Domination post) out of overthinking.

I always felt your contribution to this fandom has been immensely valuable and even though others may or may not have been enough reminding you that as I can see I am probably the only anonymous seeker regarding digging this matter up, I miss you and your blogs about it. I have mostly been a lurker kind so I never interactively participated in any discussion or thread but I have always inwardly appreciated people with a good taste of art. So even if anonymously, this is a great deal to me, sharing my wish embedded in vulnerability. *nervously chuckles* Idk if this is a stretch but given how what Jamie manually allows to be displayed on his tagged section had most of your posts, tells me that he must have subconsciously felt your absence lately too. The fact that this is true tho, makes it a reasonable theory.

So now after hopefully doing a great job at explaining the deep context behind my "ask away" here are the main deal of questions xD;-

How are you, once again? (I don't want to pressurize you into rejoining it earlier than you planned according to your life and schedules uk. Besides I don't wanna interrupt your balancing of multifandom fascination.)

Is there any particular reason behind this seemingly complete "switch off mode" which you can share? ( because my Spidey senses keep feeling it's more than what it is, could be false alarm tho) Could it be potentially because Stranger Things is so addictive, it is not possible to keep a track of its updates while continuing with hyper fixating on other fandoms?

If the aforementioned fear is unfounded, then here are my other theories and questions, have you stumbled upon the TFS spoilers of any kind?

If no, are you planning to watch it LIVE soon or later? (as the canon play is gonna stick around for a long time) is this why have you been avoiding discussions as they would involve major spoiling of the experience?

Or are you planning of watching it whenever it streams on Netflix as technically it just has to one day?

Have you been weakly following any ST S5 leaks? ( as we finally got a very *greatest leak of all time* kind of leak not even exactly 24 hours ago lol) [to tell you the truth- this is exactly what triggered me to get some clarifications from you, as despite knowing that I would open your page only to be greeted by Harrow, deep down I felt maybe you would say something about it because it directly involves JCB and it's quite making waves already.]

Did you check out the VR Game released this February?

Or are you taking a complete long break for a while because once S5 release date inches closer, there is no going back from its fever for another 2-3 years anyways? haha ( ngl this is my most optimistic theory I am clinging onto)

(optional question xD) Am I seriously the only one approaching you by bringing this old buried fascination or others have felt the same way too and they express their perplexity in your inbox instead?

(anyways I will be very grateful if you respond to my plethora of mystified emotions even though I think it would secretly answer to many other lurkers like me who found a sense of kindred spirit through you but are too busy abiding by their lurking policy)

hi, I’ve been looking at this for…. a while, because… oh my 😅 I understand that it’s been so long since my Stranger Things era, and I know some of my followers follow me for my Henry / ST content. I just didn’t know my silly ST posts actually have this much impact that they stay in people’s memories even after it’s been a long time. so this ask actually brings back so many memories. and I really appreciate that you’re still sticking around. really. I had to take a moment to just sit here and stare at this ask in my inbox and go “whoa” — but it’s a good kind of whoa. I am touched that you still remember, because gosh how long has it been since my ST days!

to answer your questions, I am fine and I am doing well. thank you. I didn’t mean to “abandon” my interest. and I AM still interested in the show. I still love Henry, even though I don’t really talk about him on here anymore. it’s funny because a part of me is kind of sad that I don’t talk about him on here anymore? to tell you the truth, anon, I don’t exactly know why? I mean… sure, my blog currently focuses on something else, but I never really stop loving Henry as a character. this sounds extremely cliche, but it’s the truth. I still love him and I still think about him and those time I spent writing fics about him.

I don’t know if there’s any particular reason behind this, according to you, seemingly complete "switch off mode" on my blog. but there’s no conspiracy theory or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about? I just kind of focus my attention on something else, for the moment, but again, I still do love Henry. just because I don’t talk about him here like I used to does not mean I love him any less. rest assured. he’s still in my heart.

I haven’t stumbled upon any real TFS spoilers, but that’s probably because I don’t follow many blogs that talk about it so it rarely reaches my dashboard anyway.

and I don’t live near the place where the play takes place, so unfortunately I don’t see myself traveling there to watch it live, as life has been a little busy for me here to take that kind of vacations. but I would have loved to. if the time were right. I do look forward to streaming it when or if it becomes available on Netflix though.

I haven’t been following ST leaks much, I can’t see “weekly” because I kind of just look at them if they reach my dashboard here or my twitter’s/X’s timeline. but I don’t actively go search for it nor do I avoid it for fear of any potential spoilers either. but I did just see the leaks you talked about, and I’m actually very excited. it actually reminded me of my fic “Salvation” — I’m not sure if you’ve read it, but yeah. gosh I am genuinely very excited.

though I haven’t checked out the VR Game. I mean… I don’t really play video games so that might explain why.

and no. I’m not “taking a long break” because I think there is no going back from its fever for another 2-3 years after season 5 is released. I don’t even know why I’m “taking a break” except that my mind has just been focusing on something else, currently.

also, yes, some people have asked, and I haven’t had the chance to answer them (I’ve been meaning to, though), so this might be the answer they were looking for as well? there’s no “real reason” behind my lack of activity when it comes to ST fandom, except that I’ve been focusing my attention on something else lately, but that doesn’t mean I love the show — or especially Henry — any less. I still am a fan of the show and of Henry. and I still love Jamie with all my heart, obviously. I still keep up with him and his music and I am so incredibly proud of him as an artist and a person.

I am super excited to see Henry again when season 5 drops. I don’t know when or if my hyperfixation will come back, so I wouldn’t wish to make any promises. but what I can say for sure is that, even though it’s not exactly a hyperfixation, I still love Henry just the same. I hope I will start making lots of posts and writing fics about him again one day.

last but not least, I will always love and support Jamie in everything he does. and he will forever be my source of happiness that keeps me going when things are difficult.

I also want to thank you for reaching out. it means so very much to me. if there is any further matter you wish to talk or discuss with me about, you are very welcome to drop by my inbox anytime.

(and yes, I still love talking about Stranger Things and Henry here. anybody is more than welcome to drop by my inbox to talk to me about Henry — who knows, it might re-spark that hyperfixation within me…)

[hobbitwrangler]

LOTR Ask Game

Thank you @emyn-arnens for tagging me in this! <3

How old were you when you were first introduced to LOTR?

I was about eight when my father read The Hobbit to me and my brother. I watched the lotr movies at about the same time and then read the books when I was ten. I was a goner from the minute Gandalf went off on his 'good morning' rant, it was irretrievable from there.

Favorite LOTR character?

This is ridiculously hard. Gandalf wins because he is one of the first characters that I ever identified with (can you tell I was a crabby child?) and is one of my favourite characters ever, but Éowyn, Faramir, Théoden, Gimli and Boromir come in real close. Also I am ridiculously attached to pretty much every character from these books, even minor ones.

Books or movies?

I refuse to choose. Each has different things that I love about them and they sort of meld together to form their own 'canon' in my head.

Which location in Middle Earth would you want to visit?

Uh, just the one? Definitely the Lonely Mountain because I've wanted to go since first reading The Hobbit but also Rivendell, Minas Tirith, the Grey Havens, Edoras and, of course, Dol Amroth (seaside holiday!).

Favorite movie?

It changes by the month. Currently it's The Two Towers because it's when Éowyn, Théoden and Éomer are introduced. Also Helm's Deep always makes me feel about 50 emotions in the pit of my stomach. Saruman's speech about the doom of men still makes me feel so much fear and dread and then Théoden's monologue ... I can't. (Also the scene of Théoden stalking after Gríma down the stairs of Meduseld is one of my favourite in the movies.)

Favorite scene?

In the books any scene with Galadriel and Gimli in it, Éowyn demanding to go with Aragorn, Éowyn and Faramir's kiss on the walls (aka the reason I believe in love), the conversation with Saruman after the Battle of Helm's Deep and the scene where the Three Hunters meet Gandalf again.

In the movies it's Gandalf's reassurance to Frodo in Moria, Aragorn's coronation scene, any scene with Éowyn and Théoden in it, Arwen challenging the Nazgûl and Gandalf having the time of his life at Bilbo's birthday party.

Favorite quote?

One which has been engrained in my psyche ever since I was a kid is: 'All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honour, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more. But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear eitehr pain or death.'

The anger and hopelessness at the unfairness in this line has never left me.

What Middle Earth race would you want to be?

Much as I love the Shire, I think being a hobbit would be just slightly too much like the neighbourhood I grew up in. I'm also not cut out to be an elf and being a dwarf is out of the question because I'm claustrophobic and hate caves. I do think I'd make a half-decent Maia, however. I'd either get to hang out working for one of the Valar (preferably Ulmo but I'm not picky) or I'd get sent to Middle Earth to meddle in other people's business and shriek into the wind when they don't listen to me. Which is what I do in life anyways so 🤷 Also I could totally see myself going down either the Gandalf, Saruman or Radagast route depending, so this seems to be the race that would fit me the best.

Favorite LOTR ship?

Farawyn. They were so powerful they had a child who could not care less about romance absolutely enthralled. I still haven't recovered.

I've lost track of everyone who's been tagged in this so apologies @swanmaids @imakemywings @mithrandirl @sotwk if you've been tagged already and if anyone else hasn't, this is your chance to say you were tagged and share!

[lia404]

Get to know me better game—2 in 1 because I'm 6 months late

Tagged by: @baratrongirl and @missmewachu

Thanks for being so patient while I was figuring out how Tumblr works again and why I had a blue dot beside "Activity" (as in, notifications about tag games I've been sent 6 months ago. Better late than never 🤦‍♀️) Thankfully the tag games you sent my way are very similar so it won't be hard to do 2 in 1!

Last song I listened to: Chipzel - Courtesy - YouTube

The 1st track of Super Hexagon, composed by Chipzel. Chipzel's music has been a pick-me-up since 201...4 I think? And since I fell back into Super Hexagon around a week ago, the music has also found its way back into my work playlist.

Currently reading: Trick question! There is what I am MEANT to read, and what I am ACTUALLY reading.

What I am MEANT to read is To Shape a Dragon's Breath, by Moniquill Blackgoose, which has absolutely all the elements I need to love a book. The problem is that my brain absolutely refuses moving further than Chapter 1, and I've been stuck for MONTHS. The good news is that when it happens, I usually struggle until the moment my brain finally snaps and I read the whole book in an afternoon. Wait for me, Moniquill Blackgoose, I'll soon be raving about your book.

What I am ACTUALLY reading is... well, it's more re-reading, but I'm going through Happy Hour by Inkflavored and Keep the Light Shining by Clydeside, two Yu-Gi-Oh AUs that have been incredibly healing for me in the past months, for very different reasons. I wanted to re-experience them to see if I could turn them into fanbinding projects (if the authors give me the authorisation of course, but I haven't reached this level of confidence yet, let's give it time.)

Currently watching: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS.

Do you believe me if I tell you that it was an accident? It kinda was though! I wasn't the one who played the first episodes I just kept going afterwards. That said, I have fully adopted Yusaku. I kind of wish he could meet Philip from Kamen Rider W. Things would go so well.

Currently writing: this one is plain cruel, because after a drought spell of almost 2 years, I finally feel like getting back into writing (thank you, current obsession.)

I have 3 WIPs, one PWP because I like a challenge, one backstory of a character that has basically become my OC, and one AU that @wisyhana created and that I'm using as a wonderful sandbox. I am between 2k and 5k into each, nothing is complete, I'm losing my mind. But at least I'm writing again, right?

Spicy/sweet/savoury: Okay yes no it's cruel again and you will not make me pick just one.

If you've followed me these past years you know that I have completely lost my sense of taste between 2020 and 2023. I was lucky enough, and honestly even the specialised doctor said it was a miracle, to have most of it come back to me abruptly in March 2023, after 3 years unable to enjoy a bit of chocolate or a nice gratin. Some tastes are lost forever, but so few compared to what came back that I just can only be very very grateful and very confident in saying SPICY SWEET SAVOURY I'LL TAKE THEM ALL. I LOVE TASTES. ALL OF THEM.

Relationship status: I have been told polyamory looks good on me.

And I am lucky to have the most patient and tolerant lovers ever. EVER. I love them so much and I'm so bad at showing it because I am a mess. There isn't a day where my heart doesn't overflow with gratitude that they are in my life and agree to putting up with my bullshit.

Current obsession: Listen, Mew put it SO ELOQUENTLY I can help but quote:

mentally ill traumatised japanese teenagers and their ancient egyptian guys who hang out in their jewellery all playing card games.

So, yeah, current obsession is Yu-Gi-Oh!, and with it Duel Links, and everything children-card-game-adjacent. I am currently trying to figure out why everyone in this kid's show is so hot and delightfully traumatised. Characters after my own heart, all ready to be projected on and used for cathartic writing purposes. Other obsession is MEW'S FAULT TOO ACTUALLY since it's my newly founded Clan in Flight Rising. Ask me about my dragon Atem.

Favourite colour: I like my colour like my wine—burgundy. (I actually like all sort of shades of purple, violet and red, but I don't know how to list them.)

Tagging: Wow uh who do I know around here who is still active?

@twilightknight17 for sure (although I'm sure you already did it), @wingsonghalo maybe? Uuuh, I think @the-wanderer-of-thoughts and @istadris? You know, considering how inactive I am here, I think it's already a lot, but if you're not in the list and want to do it too, be my guest!

[lamonnaie]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

Thanks for the tag @fiercynn !! This is a really lovely idea :)

note: i consider "fanworks" to pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc. please include this note with the meme unless you have a different definition!

name and whatever you want to share about yourself hi i'm mars, i use she/her pronouns, i live in australia and i've been into thai/asian bl for a little over a year now. i mostly just lurk and mass rb on tumblr lol, but i'd definitely like to get to know more people !!

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom? I was actually trying to track down the exact date recently (i failed), but i watched it for the first time around mid-september 2022, ended up binging it in a day and been a part of the fandom since

favorite ship(s) patpran <3

favorite character(s) pat !! he's one of my favourite characters from any media ever. I just love how selfless he is and how he transforms through the show, and how bright he is but knows when to stand his ground. i could wax poetics about him fr <3

favorite episode(s) Whenever i watch/rewatch bad buddy i tend to binge it so i can never distinguish betweens episodes lol. In general, ep 12 is definitely one of my favs because i feel like it ties things up nicely and i like seeing them happy :) i can probably give a better answer for favourite scene...

favorite scene(s) ...which is why it's great that this is the next question!

In no particular order: the staircase proposal scene, the bus stop roleplaying scene, the post-curtain bench hand holding scene (specifically that one face pat/ohm makes which imo is the single most most heartbreaking frame in the entire show), the ep 12 post-credits scene (wait was it actually post-credits, i don't remember ajksdjf), the screaming on the rocks at the zero-waste village scene, and the rooftop kiss (ofc)

Basically i just like to see them happy (most of the time) :)

one thing you would change about the show if you could the whole making-it-up-to-wai arc was not it for me. WHY was pran the one apologising and going after him??? still makes me mad to this day, but i think i'd have a lot more animosity towards wai if ep 12 didn't exist (also all the wai redemption arcs in fanfics have made me warm up to him :P)

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people? ahhh so many!! joy of stanning a show that's finished is that it stays going through fanworks, but also now there's too many that i absolutely adore to remember in the moment, sp here's some:

we both know you're my only dream (fic) by @fiercynn: one of my favourite fics ever that i constantly go back and reread whenever i'm having a bad day (or not)

yield strength (fic) by @dulosis: the physics analogies do something to my brain /pos

10 things i hate about you (fic) by @nobodynobodyno: this one's so cute and i reread it all the time

this fmv to tujh mein rab dikhta hai by @transpat: desi moots, iykyk. but fr this holds such a special place in my heart, the lyrics are so patpran and the editing and clip choice is just *chef's kiss*

this fmv to dandelions: IT'S SO GOOD. all the parallels, the dialogue overlaying is just perfect, and the TRANSITIONS (the one at 1:28 especially)

every single one of @hereforlou's art: i'm literally obsessed, i don't always see everything on my dash so i'll literally check their tumblr every couple days. is this stalker behaviour? possibly, but if you've seen their art i think you'd understand.

Also special mention to this one gifset of the staircase proposal scene which was my first ever exposure to bad buddy, it made me watch the show to begin with, but i didn't rb it when i first saw it so now it's lost to the times 😭😭

I have an insane amount of fanfic i wanted to put here but for the sake of length of this post, i restrained myself ajskdjf

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made? i do not (yet 👀)

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol) pretty much every fmv/edit that i've rewatched a couple times set to a song will make me thing of bbs lol, so some are tujh mein rab dikhta hai and dandelions from above, emily by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler because of this amazing fic, and gorgeous by Taylor Swift because of this gorgeous edit (y'all please go watch it it's amazing).

idk anything else you want us to know? It's the perfect timing for this because these are my nails right now ):)

honestly not super sure who of my mutuals are bbs moots so i'm just gonna tag some people, feel free to ignore this if you've already been tagged/don't want to do it! :)

@nobodynobodyno @dropthedemiurge @justafriend-ql @cornflowershade @hometothecanyonmoon @7nessasaryevils

If you see this and you want to do it, this is is me tagging you as well !!

[risualto]

Six-Song Soundtrack

I was tagged by @starlightcleric over a month ago...I promise I didn't forget. I was just quite tired and couldn't give this proper thought.

I've decided to give this a shot with one of my D&D OCs that basically no one on this website is invested in besides me, but I love her, and that's what matters.

Rules: If you're tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following:

An event that defines your character's past

How your character sees themselves

How others view them

Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

A major fight scene

End credits song

I'm answering for Odelle of Seiyamaji, my shadow monk running in a modified version of Lost Mines. Under a cut because my thoughts got long.

"Kiminokakera" ("Pieces of You") by Kosuke Atari feat. Emiri Miyamoto [Fun fact: I knew this song before I knew the anime it was used in, and it was because of the song that I watched the anime. Worth it. Anyway, Odelle's past has been defined by a lot of loss--mostly people leaving her, or her situation being impermanent, which made it all the more poignant when she lost the people she thought she could count on.]

"Sono Mama de Ii" ("Be As You Are") by KOKIA [This song and its message, that the person being sung to doesn't need to change but should be accepted wholly as they are, is both something Odelle wishes she could find, and aspires to give into the world. She knows she doesn't always succeed, but she does her best to listen first and judge later, if at all, to better understand and accept the realities of a world others would discard.]

"Destiny Teeth" from Pathologic 2 [Odelle has developed a lot of coping mechanisms, like sarcasm, that, when combined with her careless attitude and strange shadow powers and propensity for stealth, make her seem particularly confusing or inscrutable to new acquaintances...and even her party members who she's been with for several months. I think this song is good for her in terms of mood, but also because it's a bit distorted and forboding despite not actually being all that complicated or hard to listen to.]

"A Quiet Thing" from Flora, the Red Menace (specifically the version by Christiane Noll, which I can't find on YouTube, sadly). [When you hold the world / in your trembling hand / you'd think you'd hear a choir sing / [...] Happiness comes in on tip-toe / Well, what d'ya know / It's a quiet thing / A very quiet thing] [Odelle's closest relationship is to her two friends, Jinkou and Pashka, who are also orphans taken in by the monastery where she trained. The three of them have a complicated relationship to each other, which they never bother explaining to outsiders, but if they had the words for it, it would probably be something like queerplatonic.]

"World" by Lindita [Honestly, I wanted to go with an instrumental track for this, but it didn't feel right using any of the songs with iconic melodies from other IPs like The Witcher, which is usually my go-to with Odelle, for a fight that's epic for her personally. This song encapsulates her rebellion against the crushing reality that the world is dark and twisted, and her desire to make even a tiny bit of it less suffocating. She operates mostly from the shadows, but tries hard to kindle light wherever it can be found.]

"Ano Hi no Watashi Ni" ("To the Me of Those Days") [This song represents a wish to tell one's past self that someone will come along to help them up when they had stumbled, and a wish to be that person for someone else in this future, and I think that's a big thing for Odelle. She struggles to let people in for fear of being left again, but as often as life has pulled the people she loves away from her (or they've chosen to walk away), there have been people who stay. And Odelle has resolved to take the pain she felt being left behind and let it die with her, instead of perpetuating the cycle. This song isn't quite an ending, but it is the sort of wish she'd want people to take away from her story, if it were ever told.]

I will tag anyone reading this who hasn't done it yet and wants to. Unfortunately, I'm quite late to this, so I have 0 idea who has already done it or been tagged and ignored it. Apologies.

[ruinedgautier]

sorryyy if this is odd but i loveeee the dynamic between lita and sylvain.... i know obviously probably litavain is the most fleshed out, but are there any friendships or other dynamics that lita has? :)

Not weird at all! I'm just so excited about people liking my oc waow 🩷💗💖💞💖💕💞💕💗

Litavain is for sure the most fleshed out! But I also did make Ingrid and Lita friends before the whole fake dating thing happens.

ITS A LOT SO IM GONNA PUT THE FULL ANSWER + MORE CHARACTERS UTC LMAO:

Ingrid really cares for Lita, and she dislikes how much Sylvain is messing with her. The Faerghus Four, including Dedue, are aware that both parties are consenting to the plan— it's just that Sylvain is lying about the reason for it. Ingrid, for the most part, lets it slide because Lita and Sylvain seem to be equal parts invested in the relationship. It isn't until Ingrid begins checking what they think of one another that she realizes how one-sided it actually feels. Here's an excerpt about that:

Ingrid's also noticed how Lita looks when she's describing Sylvain. She likes him, maybe a little more than she lets on. She just can't really convey whatever feelings she has, so whenever Ingrid asks about Sylvain, Lita gives short, generic answers.

“He’s nice to me,” she would say. “And he’s not that bad looking either!”

It's always variants of the two. However, more things slipped past her short responses the longer these past few weeks have gone on.

“He’s nice to me!” turned into, “I lost my mother’s ring in the library the other day, and he spent the next day trying to track it down for me. Turns out, some guy found it and gifted it to his girlfriend. He had to fight the boyfriend for it, but he said a black eye would be worth it if it kept me happy. He’s so… He’s really sweet, Ingrid.”

Then, “He’s not that bad looking either!” turned into, “I think Sylvain’s gotten more tan these past couple weeks. And you can see more of his freckles, too! I tell him that I think they're cute, but he never believes me.”

Ingrid frowns. She doesn’t seem to remember such comments coming from Sylvain. Whenever she asked him about Lita, he’d brush her off and say things like:

“Oh, you know! She’s great.” Or, “We have a study date today in her room. Do you think I’ll score big?”

It frustrates Ingrid to no end. Is he really all that selfish? He’s hurting Lita while he’s just trying to mess around. Sure, Ingrid hasn’t caught Sylvain running off with other girls in the meantime, but that doesn’t ease her mind at all. Maybe he’s just gotten better at hiding from her watchful eye.

——

Ingrid, the poor girl, feels stuck between a rock and a hard place. She doesn't want to hurt her friend by making Sylvain tell her how much he's lying to her, but at the same time, she's tired of needing to clean up Sylvain's messes and thinks that Lita would set him straight after he confesses.

Or something like that, I haven't exactly finished hammering out the details yet 🤧 just know that Ingrid and Lita are friends LMAO

As for other dynamics, she has a small (unnamed) friend group. They're not really mentioned often, but they like teasing Lita about dating Sylvain. They don't know that Lita and Sylvain are pretending to date.

Lita also enjoys hanging out with the Golden Deer a lot. She tags along with Lysithea to learn makeup tips from Hilda– they get ready for the ball together ♡ She goes painting and sketching with Ignatz and values his crit when creating art.

Adding on more to Hilda and Lita's friendship, Hilda passively mentions that Lita should join their class since she seems to get along with everyone there already. Lita always declines, saying that she likes the BL class, but she'll always hang out with her friends in GD. They kiss a little bit in my brain teehee ✨️

Ummmm I FEEL like that's all of them? I want to build more on her relationships in BL, but I have yet to sit down and figure them all out 🤧🤧

[cloudninetonine]

Linktober: Withered

(Me: I'm gonna keep on schedule guys! :D, Also me: *Doesn't keep on schedule* PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I'M JUST SO HORRIBLE AT KEEPING TRACK OF THINGS- Also, this story is based on Spirit Tracks Link, but I've never played Spirit Tracks and have no idea on the character, so I tried to use socialc1imbs (I'm not gonna tag them just in case they're not a fan of this kind of writing) SO I HOPE HE'S OKAY)

You knew that Spirit could see ghosts.

It was a fact.

But not in the “I see dead people.” sort of way, no he wasn’t terrified by it, the blonde saw it in a Ghost Whisper sort of sense. When he saw those beyond death, walking around either grieving a life lost or begging for those to help finally rest their suffering soul he was ready to help without much thought- the hero in him really, with a kind heart and determined heart like his brother of the sails and winds.

Speaking of the Sailor, you knew the boy supported the same gift, usually accompanying his twin to complete a favour or two to allow the dead to pass the veil and finally let them have their eternal sleep- or whatever may lay beyond death.

You knew they could see them because you could see them too.

No idea how such a thing came to be, you weren’t a seer or labelled any such back in your world, but suddenly you had woken up and people of a heavenly blue walked in the land of the living.

You weren’t sure what to feel at that moment, excitement? Fear? Confusion was certainly there.

The Dynamic Duo had discovered such a fact when crossing through the ruins of a ruined farm within the traveller’s timeline, burnt to the ground by a hoard of monsters wanting to cause chaos for the sake of causing it, a barn of cattle losing their lives within the embers never to be seen again. The two had dodged and weaved through the many wandering ghosts, mooing in distress while the other heroes walked straight through without a care in the world.

It was only when Spirit and Wind had turned back they saw you on the horizon, cooing towards a little ghost foal who trotted after you merrily, the hoard meeting the two of you halfway before disappearing with a blink of an eye.

You were roped into their very good deeds as soon as it was confirmed.

“This is trespassing, Engi, I don’t think-”

“This is the only way to help Mrs Seine pass on!”

“Okay, but, listen- I don’t want to be chased by some madman with a pitchfork like last time.”

Wind had caught something earlier within the week when you had settled in a lovely country, sick as a dog, the decision was made that you would all be staying until he had recovered- a good one. 

Spirit and you had taken the chance to check out the place in the meantime, after all, it was cosy and you weren’t about to be cooped up in the inn any longer. So you explored, chatting to a few villagers about possible black-blooded sightings or a shadow with no owner- alas you fell short, but that was nothing to fret, not with Mrs Seine sat within her withered garden as she wailed about her precious plants.

You had both looked at one another before approaching her.

And now you were here, in her garden with fallen flowers in the dead of night to feed them a concoction of red potion, sap, water and some other things you didn’t quite know, only associated with the art of gardening.

“She said Mr Seine sleeps like a log!” Spirit whispered-shouted, kneeling down to yank at some of the invasive plants. “We’ll be fine as long as we’re not hooting like some sort of train!”

“Yes, but, Mr Seine also has neighbours I don’t want them deciding to be neighbourly and beat the ever-loving shit out of us!”

“Just pour the potion!”

“Watch your tone before I kick you, brat!”

“You’re too slow, you old coot!”

A curse tickled your tongue before you jumped as Mrs Seine’s voice wailed about her garden once again, hurrying to lift the watering can over some petunias by your feet. “Alright, god damn.”

“Coward.” The snicker had landed the blonde head first into the grass when you kicked him.

“Slowpoke.”

An hour or so later the both of you were finally done, panting from the hard work, sweating like a pig in a slaughterhouse and covered in dirt but still proud, looking over the restored garden with the variations of colours, standing proud under the light of the moon which shone down directly on you both.

Proud was the word you would use, not for you but for the boy under your arm, looking over your shared labour. It was expected of a hero to be good of heart but to see it in action truly filled you with such a feeling, overjoyed to be the tilted “Guide” of someone who was just kind. Spirit (as well as Wind) had done these things because they wanted to, were good to these ghosts because they could, they didn’t want a thing out of this, no form of payment, just to see the joy over the dead’s faces when a favour could be fulfilled.

Mrs Seine’s face was definitely worth it. The black tears of anguish finally fading away to show her old face lighten, a smile breaking through with gratitude in her eyes as she gently stroked over her prized possession; cupping a single rose within the rich rose bush with a fondness of a lifetime, turning to you both a final time.

“Thank you.” And with that, she was gone.

A silence settled between you both when you finally squeezed him to your side, catching his eyes when he looked up at your face. “You’re a good kid, Link.”

His own smile broke out as he opened his mouth to respond- only for the sound of the back door opening to cut him off.

You didn’t even wait to see the look of Mr Seine before throwing the boy under your arm and leaping over the small wire fence, racing into the night.

[ian-galagher]

TAG TIME!

Combining a few tag games all into one! 🥰🧡

First this amazing picrew! With LOTS of options, for all genders, with SO many animals, outfits, and extras that I could've made a 100!

Look guys I found Nemo 😭 a dinosaur is blow drying my hair for me and I've found a platypus and a barn owl 😭

Thank you for the tag Liz! @sweetbee78 🥰

I was tagged by lovelies Evie @energievie Harvey @mikhailoisbaby Coralie @shinygalaxyperson Ri @tanktopgallavich Emma @industrious-ian Kaka @stocious Lem @depressedstressedlemonzest 🥰

your first fandom(s): Buffy 🥰 I watched it from the very first episode. I was only 11 but boy did I love it!

your current fandom(s): Shameless

how did you first get into fandom? I was on here with a whooole bunch of other people for a fandom we can no longer talk about 😬🫣 and ONE of the people I followed switched to Shameless so for MONTHS I'd see Mickey and Ian making out on my dash between memes and cats.

I didn't know if the redhead was called Mickey or Ian, I had never heard their voices, but I was already rooting for them and then they got married right on my dash. That's when I went, alright, I gotta check this out...

It had to be a good show, right?! The gif sets looked so nice! There were a few where they were covered in blood that had me puzzled but other than that... And then I watched it... I BAWLED my way through those early series and I seriously don't know how any of you got through this WITHOUT knowing they'd end up getting married...

how long have you been engaging with fandom spaces? since 2006!

how often do you read fanfics? not as often as I'd like. I can't really read while I write because I struggle to keep track of every thread I'm weaving while writing and if I get lost in another world... things get messy, as @ms-moonlight-inn would say XD

top 3 characters from your current fandom(s): Ian & Mickey and their cat 😂 I bet they have one by now! (that's me getting away from having to decide between the other Gallaghers 😂)

have you ever written a fic for a fandom? if so, shout it out! Only for Shameless! I've always wanted to, but I never really felt inspired before. Chapter 8 of Africa goes up tomorrow 😁

have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? I can't draw and I'm very grateful for all the wonderful artists out there who can!! 😌

share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: so many!!!! Nothing comes to mind of course... 🫣

you’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? chanting: dock scene dock scene DOCK SCENE DOCK SCENE

and finally, what does fandom mean to you? 🥺🧡 found family. It's the one place where everyone is like minded, where I don't have to worry about what I say, or fear that I'll be made fun of for what I say, where I get to relax, have fun, and be amazed every day at what you all bring to this fandom. You're all wonderful and I love you 🥰🧡

and finally, I was tagged by Nosho @creepkinginc Paola @mishervellous Coralie @shinygalaxyperson Evie @energievie Myn @vintagelacerosette Harvey @mikhailoisbaby Deena @suzy-queued Rita @sickness-health-all-that-shit Lem @depressedstressedlemonzest Ri @tanktopgallavich Becki @francesrose3 🥰

Rules: list eight shows for your followers to get to know you better💕

Shameless

Parks & Rec

The Office

Buffy

B99

Scrubs

Our Flag Means Death

Planet Earth 😁

[gamerwoo]

hansol: the lovers playlist

characters: hansol x female reader

genre/warnings: idol au, best friends to strangers, unrequited love, angst, alcohol consumption, reader gets very drunk

word count: 834

summary: maybe I'm too busy bein' yours to fall for somebody new; now, I've thought it through; crawlin' back to you

tag list: @anissanightyoung @aceofvernons @mythicalamphitrite @caratluvie @juliettechokilo @liemwantstosleep @rubyreduji​ @minluvly​ @honeyylin​ @miki-chi​ @heemingyu​ @noraehey​ @awkwardnesshabitat​ @floweryjessy​ @woozarts​ @anothershorthuman​ (if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please fill out this form!!!)

a/n: things in bold italics are song lyrics, and things in plain bold are in english

previous song | next song | back to playlist

Mira thought it was a good idea. She would never condone getting drunk to fix your problems, but she remembered how much fun you had the last time you’d gone out drinking, and since you were a wreck after what happened with Hansol, she thought maybe this would help get you back on the right track. Maybe you just needed to get all of that stress and anxiety out of your system and start fresh, and get a little jumpstart from a little drinking.

Well, she thought it would be a little.

This time, you stayed home, played some music, and had a few drinks. It was a place where you’d be left alone, which was nice. It was just the twelve of you, so all of you could hang out and talk. But apparently, being left alone was the least of your worries.

“_____, stop it,” Mira scolded your sternly, pressing against your shoulders.

You weren’t letting loose. You weren’t any happier. In fact, you might’ve been even more miserable -- not in the sense that you were crying, but that you were whining because you missed Hansol too much.

“Let goooo,” you whined, your balance easily lost in your drunken state as Xiulan wrapped her arms around your waist and pulled you down onto her lap where she sat on the couch.

You had been actively trying to leave the dorm and go see Hansol. 

“You’re being crazy,” Eunji told you bluntly as she snatched the cup of alcohol from your hand.

“You told him what you needed to, and now it’s better to forget him,” Haeun said much more carefully.

Mira gripped your chin and forced your half-lidded eyes to focus on her, stating, “You’re better off without him now.”

You paused for a second and inhaled to tell her that maybe she was right, but as soon as your ears picked up on the song playing -- Mira had put on the music, but apparently should’ve looked over the playlist a little more thoroughly -- your thoughts switched on a dime.

‘’Have you no idea that you're in deep? I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week.’

Mira watched how your eyes widened, lighting up when you heard the song. She listened a little closer now, and then groaned to herself, closing her eyes and letting go of your face.

“What?” Jieun questioned, seeing the annoyance on her face.

“Oh, you’ll see,” she replied, going in search for her phone.

“‘Do I wanna know? If this feeling flows both ways?’“ you began to passionately -- and very badly -- sing along to the song, holding your hand to your mouth like you were holding up a microphone.

“What is this song?” Ayako wondered innocently, looking from you swaying back and forth on Xiulan’s lap, up to Mira.

Mira sighed, running her hands through her hair as she turned and her eyes scanned the breakfast bar for her phone.

“It’s essentially about being stuck on someone who doesn’t have feelings for you,” she explained in short.

“...Oh...”

Jieun made a face and lightly elbowed her, “Are you kidding me? Are we trying to make her better or worse?”

“‘Crawlin’ back to you!’“ you belted, suddenly singing much louder than you did for the pre-chorus. “‘Ever thought of calling when you’d had a few? ‘Cause I always do.”

“_____--”

“’Baby I’m too,’“ you continued, ignoring whoever was calling your name -- it was Eunji, “‘busy bein’ yours to fall for somebody new; now, I’ve thought it through; crawlin’ back to you.’“

Only a few words into the second verse, Mira finally located her phone and skipped to the next song. Your eyes flew open and you glared at your friend.

“Hey!” you whined.

“We don’t need to listen to that song,” she told you. “It doesn’t fit the vibe.”

“Yes it does!” you pouted. “I miss Sol...”

You shrunk into Xiulan’s lap, so she gently moved you to sit between her and Haeun. She kept an arm around you, and Haeun laid her head on your shoulder.

“It’s okay to miss him,” Haeun told you. “You will for a while. But you’ve decided to move on, and I think that’ll be good for you. Maybe someday, when you’re ready, you can be friends with him again. But for now, this is good.”

The girls spoke up in various agreement. But still, your heart hurt. It felt like something was missing. Even though you knew it hurt you, you still wanted to be around Hansol. It would absolutely destroy you, but that was okay because you missed him. You’d let him stomp all over you.

“I still love him...” you whimpered, your head falling onto Haeun’s.

Mira looked at you with pity as she crouched down in front of you, cupping your left cheek that wasn’t currently squished against somebody, “I know, honey.”

You may be okay with letting Hansol stomp all over you, but your friends would never let that happen.

[aquatic-hybrid]

✧ ── 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍.

Tagged By: @witchcraftandburialdirt

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have?

Interesting story with Akio's origin, when first starting the blog Akio was actually a collaboration between a very old friend of mine and me. I unfortunately haven't talked to them in a very long time, but the idea was to create a character that could grow to become a more "Hero" type character. At the time, there was quite the lot of OCs who had unique stories, but none of them really had any heroic bits to them. So during Akio's draft, I picked a bunch of my favorite characters to design his personally. The two main characters being Zack Fair from FF7 Crisis Core and Roxas from Kingdom Hearts 2 specifically, Makoto from Persona 3 was also the reason Akio is blue/ocean-themed. So over the course of the years, Akio became a character I am proud to have written. Plus, it gave me a chance to meet a lot of wonderful people!

is there anything you don’t like to write?

Nothing in particular comes to mind out off the top of my head that isn't just common things. Like sudden gore related scenes or scenarios that might be more sensitive to write about, I have written such things before, but it is better to have a proper talk beforehand.

is there anything you really enjoy writing?

Oh, I adore writing action scenes with Akio. It gives me a chance to express Akio's energy and skill in a multitude of ways, but while writing his own skills is fun by itself. I love to add references to other characters assisting him in other ways. It helps to solidify how the connections and friendships he has made helped him grow stronger.

how do you come up with headcanons?

Music is often my main factor when it comes to writing Akio, while I never really had the time to dedicate myself into drawing, I took it upon myself to better my writing instead. With the help of music and even some game scenes, it inspires me to add things to Akio's character and style.

do you write in silence or do you play music? 

I have specific tracks for Akio when I write him, a more casual scene can be written easier with the track [A seafarer's skills - Bravely Default 2]. While come combat oriented ones can be split between Akio's chaotic and heavily stylish combat with [Intervalo I theme - Limbus Company] and, surprisingly, the more serious fights or scenes with either [Chesed's Theme - Library of Ruina] or [It's Going Down Now - Persona 3 Relaod]

do you plan your replies or wing them?

I usually think out my replies, which can cause them to take a while to come out. Ironically, some of my best replies and short stories come when I let myself get lost to whatever I am listening to and just let Akio take over. Usually happens late at night.

do you enjoy shipping? 

Akio is canonically married to Asta [@halfliing-ormr] and he even has kids of his own with her.

But with the idea of shipping in general, I like pairing up Akio with other OCs or characters to see how the synergy works. While a Platonic bond is the main thing to go for, it also helps to bring out other sides of Akio that I usually don't delve on my own. Like a more in depth talk about his magic issues or his heroic tendencies, often bringing him trouble.

what’s your alias/name?  ━━ I go by DarkZexi online, so a variation of it can be an alias.

age? ━━ I am currently 27

birthday? ━━ Feb. 17, my birthday just passed, actually!

favorite color? ━━ Violet, but more specifically Furious Violet - #4e3076 because of Limbus Company

favorite song? ━━ As of right now, it is [Full Moon, Full Life - Persona 3 Reload]

But!! Honorable mentions have to be these three, otherwise i would be here all day with music I adore.

-Iron Lotus - Mili -Them Fightin' Words - Hylics -Quixotic - Lies of P

last movie you watched? ━━ I recently rewatched FF7 Advent Children! And holy shit what a memory trip that was.

last show you watched? ━━ I have no idea if podcasts count as shows, but if they do, it would be Distractable on Spotify. Actual top tier comedy podcast.

last song you listened to? ━━ I was actively switching songs while making this post. But the one I was listening before this was [Invisible - Duran Duran]

favorite food? ━━ Nothing beats a delicious Caldo de Res during the cold winter times.

favorite season? ━━ A big fan of Fall tbh

do you have a Tumblr best friend? ━━ I've met quite a lot of people in tumblr, but I will say the best one I've ever met is @halfliing-ormr cuss I love her, and she is my best friend.

Tagging: @thegoldentigress , @floraluniversal , @theplasmablade idk man I am seeing this post everywhere. So you are free to take it from here and tag me if you do!

[ebbpettier]

i've never been tagged in one of these before this is VERY exciting

(tagged by @shrekgogurt)

caught this and threw it together REAL fast, it almost wasn't wednesday anymore by the time i realized i had notifications

i have a nasty little habit of outlining fics really ambitiously, writing a few thousand words, and then immediately psyching myself out about both the structure and quality, so i'm trying REALLY hard not to do that this time. frailty they name is accountability.

SPECIAL SHOUTOUT THOUGH: as of right now, @catofulthar000 is the sole progenitor of my motivation to write and i owe them for hyping up my drafts and regularly whacking the top of my hyperfixation like they're trying to restart an old radio

so, here's a little bit of everything!

the first is a snippet from a really long, very unstructured beast of a story wherein Simon Gets His Magic Back, But WrongTM. by volume, it's 70% whump, 20% recoveryfic, and 10% xenobiology stuff that probably qualifies as body horror if you look at it from far enough away

Here There Be Dragons

So I tell him, “We won’t then.”

I watched him cut off pieces of his childhood and feed them to a magickal trolley-problem. I’m not sure anyone ever even told him that there was a lever to switch the tracks; they just let him lay down on the rail and kissed his shoes, and thanked him for his sacrifice.

It's hard not to feel sick remembering the robotic way he used to lift his sword when he was exhausted but had to keep fighting. The switch, flipping between Simon and Chosen One whenever the air started to prickle.

I could pinpoint the exact moment, every time. He couldn’t be a person and a Messiah in the same breath. They wouldn't both fit in his body at once.

It’s a good thing none of that was ever my decision, or I would’ve just pulled the lever and let the world burn.

the second is one that i've been working on for longer, and i outlined the whole thing chapter by chapter for once. it actually started out as baz/reader/simon, but i gave up that ghost fast and just made the dude an original character at the behest of a friend.

the romance is much less overt, the lore is heavier, they never think to come in pairs, etc.

(at this point it's mostly just "MAN WE KNOW ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT GOBLINS HUH" and me bribing myself not to re-download grindr with labyrinth references and cool knives)

which is not to say that i won't be writing snowbazreader any time soon but for now the goblin prince is his own man

Thirteen O' Clock

I think I might have just lost Simon to a wandering pack of drag-mothers. I may never get him back now.

there's a lot of shit like this in the first chapter. ^ this fic legitimately is the most fun i've ever had writing baz dialogue and part of that might just be that he's complaining the entire time

On one hand; there’s something deeply satisfying, knowing that Simon’s head can’t be turned by anything in this room but me, and perhaps the Bombay Mix.  On the other hand; I’ve been mostly wallflowering while a steady stream of partygoers of all stripes do their level best to crawl directly into his trousers. (Thankfully to no avail.)

WHICH IS NOT TO SAY CERTAIN PARTS OF IT ARE NOT UTTERLY MISERABLE

“And that’s … like a care home?” I ask, tipping a little more water onto the rag.

He nods.

“Doesn’t help that everything down here is made of trash. No offense,” Simon quickly adds (even though I wouldn’t be offended), “It’s just familiar. Disposable forks and paper plates everywhere. And if you didn’t have a suitcase, whenever you moved homes they’d just give you one of those five-gallon bin bags to put your things in. Like they were telling you everything you owned was garbage.”

Both of us are silent after that. What is there to say? 

As much as I dislike Simon Snow–and lately, it’s been getting frustratingly hard to keep that up–the image makes my throat tighten. 

I don’t really know what a human child is supposed to look like, because I haven’t seen one up close yet, but I imagine they look like little wilted goblin babies. Brown and beige and small, with soft fingers and blunt teeth. 

I can imagine a small Simon. In my mind I give him downy curls and big eyes, and short scarless arms. I can imagine his chubby little wings--useless and round as a chicken’s--fluttering behind him when he toddles. I envision him dragging a little wooden sword behind him, too. A prince among paupers with paper plates.

i also have a much shorter, MUCH sillier one that's dedicated entirely to catofulthar000 because, lets face it, simon is a bit of an orange boy cat. and i think he should have more excuses to eat off the floor.

Everybody Wants To Be A Cat

Still. This could be my chance, and I’m not wasting it.

I’ve used this spell before. Everyone says songs are unstable, and they’re right, but it’s never given me any trouble; it got me through a cavern full of sleeping aggrobats in first year, and it’s one of the few spells I can usually pull off without anything going too wrong. 

“With catlike tread!”

I feel it catch me like a punch in the stomach and instantly know I’ve made a mistake.

it's been 84 years since i've heard the name crackfic ... and boy am i glad to see her.

I’m starting to get pretty hungry, but I’m not going to eat the dead mouse. Or the cricket. Baz can do as many rat keg-stands as he likes, I’m not desperate enough for vermin just yet. There’s a cereal-bar somewhere in my nightstand, but I don’t think cats can have chocolate. I’m not starved enough to risk potentially poisoning myself over it.

I’ll just have to wait. I can make a break for it and steal something else when he gets back and opens the door. For now, the best I can do is squirrel myself away under the bed with my wand between my teeth.

I don’t deny myself a piss in his posh loafers first, though. When in Rome.

having a little bit of each of them seen by someone other than my discord bubble is a little terrifying, but it's also REALLY motivating and i should post unfinished stuff more often

fuck knows i have a lot of unfinished stuff

i'm brand spanking new at posting my work, i don't really know anybody 'round these parts except in passing, and i am NOT sure what the tagging ettiquette is here, so: if you see this and you want to participate, consider yourself tagged!!

[firefaerie81]

(liveblog tag in chronological order)

*deep breath*

Soooo, yeah. The other shoe has dropped.

The moment I've been simultaneously dreading because it's such a gut punch and looking forward to because I have a LOT to say. Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one.

I played dumb on this instead of analyzing in context and hinting at what was to come because I have biases, and I wanted y'all to understand those biases so you might understand where I'm coming from in how I read this.

That's not to say I lied. I believe the things I've said about her over the course of my liveblog, but there's more to it that we have to get into now.

Now, I won't say there's NO merit to this twist. I see the intended setup and payoff, it raises the stakes for what was supposed to be the next season, and the drama can go places.

But I think it's a misstep because I don't think it's worth as much as what we lost in the process.

I REALLY liked this character and her relationship with Lion-O, and that colors how I respond to this twist and how I want it to go forward. Like I said, I'm biased. So, let's talk about those biases, and how I read Pumyra.

But first, one brief aside:

Mumm-Ra being able to track them was supposed to have been a clue about Pumyra, but like. He was doing that long before they even FOUND Pumyra, so what the hell?

Anyway, I've explained why I like Pumyra. Ever since I got to her introduction in this liveblog I have not shut up about how much I like her. Her spitfire attitude, her strong will, and her unique perspective made her a phenomenal addition to the cast that spiced things up without being a rehash of Lion-O and Tygra's clashes.

She filled a niche that improved the team composition, and she had a really solid arc that showed her as a complex person with multiple sides, able to grow and change. If this twist hadn’t happened, Pumyra would be one of the most well developed characters in the show.

Because this twist completely recontextualizes her and basically undoes all of her development. She's reset right back to where she started, but even more angry and vengeful. But I would prefer to think that her real personality is still more or less what we saw. Like her backstory, we got the gist with the darkest parts hidden.

Her anger at the mistreatment of the cats, helping a baby bird back into its nest, etc. There were these bits of heart to her that don’t scan as just an act to me. And honestly, I don't want to think that this character I liked has suddenly become a blank slate, because she was an AMAZING character.

I think this twist is a misstep because it’s so much LESS interesting than the character development we’ve been watching her go through, which is now being tossed out the window. We already saw her overcome this same general idea, and now you’re saying all that was fake and doesn't count? Thanks, I hate it!

I also haven’t been subtle about how much I like Lion-O and Pumyra’s relationship before this point. I think they had an amazing dynamic of rounding each other out, and they had some great moments together. But, well, this throws all of that out of whack.

We’re meant to assume that she coldly seduced Lion-O, but I don’t find that interesting. And to be frank, that plus the way he accused Cheetara of toying with him and never retracted it onscreen is not a great look for the show.

With Cheetara, it was more interesting for her to not end up with Lion-O because the potential relationship there was superficial and one-sided. But with Pumyra, that potential relationship really felt like a two way street that improved them both, and it felt like they had a real connection.

I don't think it's worth it to just throw all of that away. Again, we’re taking all of this lovingly built character and relationship development and throwing it out the window. And that’s frustrating, so I don’t want that to be how this goes.

Instead, I posit to you the classic mole dilemma: “I was sent to betray these people, but oops, getting to know them made me actually care, and now I have to carry out my mission even though I maybe have doubts.”

Mumm-Ra says he owns her soul now. Depending on how seriously we take that verbage, it implies a level of control that if Pumyra maybe isn't fully on board with something he wants her to do, it doesn’t really matter. And, y'know, it's Mumm-Ra; he doesn't give his underlings a choice. So that gives me some wiggle room to interpret. Please indulge me while I interpret.

She is obviously angry. That anger is real and her reasons are understandable even if it's treading ground we already covered. She's been waiting for this particular catharsis and she's happy to go for it now that she has the chance. But if she DID grow to care for Lion-O, at least on SOME level, that's more interesting to me than it all being a lie

Like I said way back in her first episodes, she met the man she'd assigned all her rage to, and he listened to her, he took responsibility for his negligence, and he was endlessly kind even when she was hostile. You can easily have that genuinely affect her.

Not necessarily “In Love With The Mark”, but not as cut and dried as it looks in this moment, either. Maybe she doesn't even realize it until after this is all said and done. Just a seed of doubt and dissatisfaction. She's angry, but she's also being used.

I also think it’d be really interesting to view it as like a devil’s bargain kind of thing. Yeah, she gets to live and have some revenge on the people she died angry at, but at the cost of helping the monster actually responsible for her death ruin more innocent lives. Is that worth it?

If we assume that the side we saw of her that cares about injustice and the plight of the helpless was real, which I think still fits, then that’s another reason for her to maybe not be okay with where she’s ended up now that she’s here. Careful what you wish for, and all.

If it were up to me, going forward Pumyra would grow torn between anger and conscience, struggling internally, and Lion-O would catch on and save her against all reason yet again. We'd essentially follow through on the arc they already had, but for real and on a grander scale.

Like, remember, what we're finding out now is basically the same as what Pumyra was initially presented with, just moreso. So I think that same trajectory they seemed to be on can still work, as long as you scale it up to match.

And Lion-O CAN help her. He himself went through an all-consuming rage and desire for revenge in Ramlak Rising, which is the exact time Pumyra died. You could tie back to that, how his rage begot her rage, and how he can actually understand her better than she thinks. They both fell into the same trap, but now he can offer her a hand out of it.

I’d also give Pumyra her own character arc reevaluating herself and eventually choosing to join the Thundercats for real. She'd struggle with a complicated tangle of love and hate, and through a personal journey eventually choose love. I think that fits the themes of the show.

Lion-O showed kindness to a lizard, and was repaid with an escape that enabled him to go on this entire journey. He helps those in need wherever he goes, and they in turn help him. Tygra broke the curse on the tiger clan by accepting his bio dad. This is a show about love and compassion and kindness being powerful.

Mumm-Ra's idea in planting Pumyra as a mole was “your emotions will be your undoing” or some such, so I’d find it thematically right to turn that back on him with the power of love winning after all. Like, it would take WORK, but I think it’d be worth it.

And I know none of that was the intent, but this liveblog is about my personal feelings and that’s how I feel. I’m not usually one to advocate for Enemies to Lovers when it’s not actually in the text, but godDAMN, they put in the work.

I don't want to give up on Lion-O/Pumyra or on Pumyra as the character I grew to love, so that’s the biased lens I view this twist through. But hey, one benefit of the show never being finished is that I'm free to write my own storyline and no one can stop me. Which is why that's exactly what I do in my art and my writing.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[booksandabeer]

8 Shows To Know Me

Thank you to the lovely Em @between-a-ship-and-a-hard-place for tagging me! I love doing these, although I sometimes tend to get a little lost because how can I pick only eight? There are so many! Ok, I'm forcing myself not to overthink this, so here we go:

My So-Called Life

God how I loved this show as a teenager. I was a bit too young for it when it first aired, but once I discovered it a few years after it was cancelled (this is really an all-time top contender in the 'tragically cancelled too soon' category), I watched it over and over again. When I was 13, my entire wardrobe was modelled after Rayanne Graff--hair, clothes, everything. I even carried lollipops around with me! I wanted to be her so bad. I also very obviously--though not to me at the time--had a giant crush on her. Oh well.

ER

I put this here because ER was the first TV show that I can remember actively following week after week. I haven't seen an episode of it in years, so I have no idea if it holds up, but it was such a staple of my tv diet for more than a decade (15 seasons!) that I can't not mention it here.

Severance

Probably my favorite (new) show of last year. As someone who spent years working an office job, slowly climbed up the corporate ladder, and then one day blinked and said "fuck this shit, I'm going back to university!", this show spoke to my soul. The way it examines the absurd and often dehumanizing elements of "workplace culture" and all the hierarchical and interpersonal bullshit attached to it in such a smart & funny way made me swoon with admiration. Also, this could've gotten in on aesthetics alone because the production design on this show is fucking fantastic.

Wynonna Earp

I love this show but it really serves as a stand-in here for a whole bunch of slightly pulpy, slightly campy, queer genre shows that often have a bigger heart than budget, of which I have watched many with GREAT enthusiasm (see also: IWtV, Shadow & Bone, the first season of Sleepy Hollow, etc.) It also gives me an excuse to use this gif of Melanie Scrofano wielding a sword.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Listen. I'm not saying this is a good show. But have I watched it? Multiple times even? Yes. I have. I mean, Bucky fucking Barnes is in it, and I happen to have no self-control and a huge capacity for torturing myself when it comes to this character. The brief here was not to list 'The Best' shows, but the ones that say something about me. And well, it would be ridiculous to pretend that the MCU--for better or worse--has not made up a huge part of my media consumption over the past 15 years.

Band of Brothers

I have lost track of how many times I have watched these 10 episodes in my life. Other people do a yearly rewatch of The Lord of the Rings, I do one of BoB. I realize that's a little weird maybe, but the hold these characters still have on me after all these years is insane. No one will ever break my heart like Eugene Roe in the "Bastogne" episode. Also, this is a great example of how I tend to hyperfixate on topics that I had no previous interest in once I see a movie or a TV show about them that I really like. I've read so many books about D-Day. *shakes head* (see also: The Terror, Chernobyl, The Serpent)

The Last of Us

*points to pfp* You didn't think this wasn't going to be on here, did you? Of course it is! I LOVE the game this is based on with all my heart. I've spent countless hours playing it. I even wrote a paper about it! I was so, so nervous about the adaptation, but it turned out to be better than I ever dared to hope.

BoJack Horseman

I'm not really into cartoons. I'm not really into half-hour comedies. I would have never watched this show if a friend hadn't quite literally sat on me one day, and forced me to at least watch one episode. And you know what? It's really funny! It's also one of the smartest shows about existential loneliness and depression I've ever seen. It's at times almost unbearably painful to watch. And it stars a cartoon horse voiced by Will Arnett. Who would've thought? Not me!

No-pressure tagging: @somanywords, @tessabennet, @village-skeptic, @burninblood, @maplefiasco, @aimmyarrowshigh