#watch tryin his best to not pass out: okay thank u (gets in his car and flops his head on the horn and accidentally sets it off)

[cloudy-dayys]

@finalfridayss when they first met

click on for better quality!

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 7

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing, angst (i think thats it)

W/c: 2k ish

A/n: I’m really sorry... But thank you to @cutie1365​ for all her help! Girls a rock start honestly. Go give A Kid From Queens a read. Seriously, you wont regret it! 

The early morning sun streamed through the windows, burning at the corner of your eyes. A groan escaped your throat as you shifted out of its glaring view. Your head ached with the memory of another nightmare. 

        You picked up your phone on the nightstand and typed in your password. Absentmindedly you scrolled through your messages with Bucky. 

You: Hey.                                                                              4:15  pm   (read)

You: Wanna watch a movie later?                                      8:25 pm   (read)

You: Hey, u still up?                                                           12:45 am   (read) 

The next week was a complete blur. You would have loved to relive the blissful moment you had shared with Bucky, but the night after, he disappeared. You knew he hadn’t left on a mission as the rest of the team would recall seeing him around. You felt foolish looking for a man who so obviously didn't want to see you. Or maybe he was just busy, you would try to reassure yourself. But as the days drawled on, you found it hard to keep convincing yourself of that. Maybe you had come on too strong? Maybe he didn't feel the same way and you completely read the situation wrong? I mean, you practically threw yourself at him, right? God, you felt stupid. And what was worse, the nightmares only got worse in Bucky’s absence. Almost every night he would lay by your side, petting your hair and reassuring you. You didn't really realize the effect he had on you until it stopped.

          A few nights later, Steve, T’Challa and Bucky were to leave on a mission to interrogate Zemo. Steve explained he was apprehended about a year ago and was held up in a maximum security prison. You didn't ask where, worried if you knew you might use your newfound ‘gifts’ to tear him a new asshole.

        The night before they left there was a soft knock on your door. You looked up curiously, hoping for just a split second that maybe it was him… You crossed the room slowly and creaked the door open.  As the hallway light poured into your dimly lit bedroom you saw Bucky’s disheveled form. He looked like hell. You didn't think he would have already been sleeping, not that you minded an impromptu visit from your favourite Super Soldier, but his worried eyes concerned you. 

           “Can we talk a sec?” He asked, his voice confirming he was indeed in crisis. You nodded slightly and let him in. He walked towards your bed, instantly taking a seat and waiting for you to join. He really looked terrible. You could tell he was a wreck. Good, you thought. The man had literally kept you up for nights worrying, wondering if you were the cause of his sudden cold shoulder. 

         “I think that's a good idea.” You spoke sternly, surprised with how calm your voice came out. To be fair, you had practiced this conversation in the mirror a few times. As long and Bucky stuck to the script, you'd be fine.  

          He smirked slightly, tapping the space beside him. As you got closer, you realised what bad shape the guy was really in. Dark circles blossomed under his once blue eyes, now dark and stormy and bloodshot. His usual scruff was now almost a beard and looked unkempt and overgrown. 

           “Listen, doll. There's somethin’ I've been meaning to say… I was just tryin’ to find the right words but then, last week, you kissed me and-” You didn't let him finish before interrupting. 

            “You kissed me?” Your words were harsh and you could tell they hurt Bucky. Maybe ease up a little, you thought as you took a deep breath. In all your time practicing what you were going to say to Bucky, him looking like a complete and utter wreck was never part of the picture.

         “What? Course’ I did. But that's not what I came to talk to you about.” He sighed, taking another long inhale and holding it a few seconds, before drawing it out slowly. “Y/n, I need you to understand, the person I am now, I wasn't always this way. I was broken and put back together so many times I had forgotten who I was.” He started. Bucky had told you about his past with Hydra before. Many nights you stayed up listening to him recall the few memories he had from his time. It made you somewhat thankful that yours hadn’t come back quite yet. 

          “I know, Buck. It’s okay.” Your voice droned out softly as you reached a reassuring hand and placed it on top of his metal one. He flinched away, resting them in his lap. You felt your heart pang with sadness at his actions. 

        “It's not okay, Y/n. It’s never been okay. I’m broken and you're just starting this new chapter…  Dammit - I don't even know how to…” He rubbed his face in frustration, all the while avoiding your worried stare. 

          “You know you can talk to me, Buck. About anything.” He spoke quietly, careful not to set him off. He nodded his head from behind his hands and finally removed them, placing them back down in his lap. 

         “I don't wanna’ screw this up, Y/n. Whatever this is. You’ve been such a good friend to me and…” He began again but his words melted away into the background. Friend. Such a good friend. Oh God, he was letting you down. You should have seen this coming but with Bucky, it felt different. You’d never been kissed like that. You didn't ask for any of this to happen. I mean, you had enough on your plate right now as it was. Why didn't he stop you? God, he could have stopped all of this. Instead of ignoring you all week and making you feel like a crazy person. Maybe you were. 

        “Why have you been avoiding me?” You interjected, not sure what part of his explanation he had even gotten to. He paused, looking at you with sympathy. He pities you, you thought, feeling your gut sink and tears well in your eyes. 

        “Look, Y/n… I got carried away with you that night. I should have stopped, I should have done a lot of things. I thought something terrible had happened to you and I just… I’m so sorry, doll. For everything.” His eyes burned into you, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze. You were so embarassed. God, you must look so stupid right now. Slowly, you took a breath and looked up at him. He looked you over, trying to gauge your current state. 

        “Ya- no, I get it. My fault, honestly. I read the situation wrong. Sorry.” You croaked out, forcing yourself to look at him in his mind melting eyes. Fuck, he was beautiful. Even completely sleep deprived the man could easily be the most attractive person you’d never seen. What an asshole. 

       “I just think it would be best, for both of us if we stayed friends.” He half heartedly smiled at you, watching as you nodded slowly. 

         “I think you should go, Bucky.” You whispered over a sob that forced its way out of your throat. Don't you dare cry in front of him. Don't you dare let him know he broke you. You shouted to yourself. 

“Doll-”

        “Don't- just… I’m fine. Really, I’m fine. Just, please leave now.” His head hung as he let out a defeated breath. Slowly he stood, crossing the room, but pausing when he got to the door. 

        “I leave on a mission tomorrow morning. It’s just recon, but I don't know when I’ll be back. Just take care of yourself, Y/n.”

          “I think I’ll be fine, Sargeant. Thanks.” You scoffed. And with that, the door shut, and you were left alone again. 

                Next morning came on quickly. You had spent most of the night staring at the ceiling and over thinking everything Bucky had just said. At least he was honest with you. You thought. After a week of ignoring you…

        Finally you pulled your ass out of bed. You hadn’t slept a blink all night, but there was no use trying now. You shuffled across your room and into the bathroom. 

        “Ugh,” You signed, looking at your messy hair and dark circles under your eyes. I think the only thing to really bring you back from the dead now was an I.V drop filled with coffee. 

        After throwing your hair up into a messy bun and blending out your under eye bags with concealer, you headed downstairs. The compound was strangely quiet. Granted Steve, Bucky and T’Challa had all left by now. It felt strange to not see them hovering around the kitchen. Instead, Natasha and Wanda sat on either side of the island chatting quietly until you walked it. Wanda’s head snapped up, alerting Natasha of your presence.

         “Morning, Y/n.” Wanda smiled warmly at you. 

          “Hi.” You mumbled, ransacking the kitchen for something to tide you over. You honestly couldn't remember the last time you had really eaten something. When you finally found the hidden box of fruit loops at the back of the pantry. These were you and Wanda's contraband and needing an appropriate hiding spot as such.

          “You know what would pair beautifully with those?” Nat asked, lifting her mug and pointing it towards the full coffee pot on the counter. You paused for a moment, finally letting the rich smell of the brewing beans envelope your senses. 

          “You didn't…?” You gasped, momentarily feeling a little better. 

          “You're right. I didn't. Bucky went out to the market early this morning and picked up a bag of real coffee beans for you.” She smiled knowingly at you.

           You huffed, suddenly a little less excited. It was pity coffee. Natasha looked you up and down trying to get a read on your mood. She carefully poured you a full mug of deliciousness, passing it to you. As you lifted it to your lips your mouth watered, feeling all your problems melt away. The first sip reaffirmed that sentiment. 

      “Fuck, thats good.” You moaned, swallowing the substance slowly. Wanda giggled at your reaction while Nat rolled her eyes. 

       “So, what's the plan for today?” You asked over a mouth full of cereal. 

       “Nothing crazy, Wanda and I are going to go train for a bit, if you wanna’ join in?” Nat offered. Working out with the former assassin and super witch didn’t really strike you as a relaxing day, but you figured it would be a good way to get your mind off Bucky. 

       “Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe we can have a girls night tonight? I could really use it.” You shrugged casually, trying not to meet Nat’s suspicious gaze.

        “Ugh, yes please! Three against one, Shuri will have to watch a sappy eighties rom-com with us!” Wanda exclaimed, setting her cereal bowl in the sink and giggling her melodic laugh. 

        “We can do girls night, plus one boy. I think Sam's landing in Wakanda tonight. He’s been on a recon mission for the last month and a half, and knowing him, ittl’ more than likely be four against Shuri.” Nay laughed, poking Wanda in the shoulder and reminding her of the return of their friend. 

        “Oh right! Y/n, you’re going to love Sam.” Wanda exclaimed. You smiled dryly, trying and failing to look as excited as your friend. After the overwhelming week, all you wanted was to drink your weight in tequila and forget Bucky existed. Maybe a change in faces was just what you needed, however. 

         “Can’t wait.” You forced an enthused smile as you followed Nat and Wanda to the Gym. 

           You had at least a week before Bucky and the guys returned. Surely that was enough time to mend your bruised ego and move on. Though, something sinking deep inside of you felt otherwise. 

.....................................

A/n: It’s the ruining a perfectly good fluffy moment between y/n and Bucky for me. I’m so sorry. I cant tell you it gets better, but it does get juicy! 

.....................................

@kalesrebellion​ 

@projectcampbell​

[catastrothicc]

one of these days i'll make a coherent intro post, however *bts vc* not today !!  hello and welcome to johnny's world where we're shit @ introductions and even worse at consistency. honestly i cant stick to shit someone assist. anyways ! i bring the last piece of the puzzle rocky, who for some unfathomable reason wasn't taken ?? and i cried ?? fate. uh right i'm 19 and i never fkcing learned how to read. mdt timezone. them/they pronouns. continue under the read more to kill some brain cells !! 

tw: physical and mental abuse/manipulation, drugs/alcohol and death/murder. 

here's his soundtrack if u wanna listen while u read 

DON'T DWELL ON THE PAST // ( i'm not even sure if i'm sticking to this [ looks @ admins nervously ] so things might change up if it doesn't fall w/ the right timeline. ) ( forgive the length the muse is real )

born on october 31st, 1995 ( happy halloween ) in deadtree, rocky was an entirely healthy baby received with much love by his mother and with some hesitance by his father. all he knew was how to shit and cry and life was a paradise, until eventually the months started rolling by that became three years and his mother was in a freak car accident that left her paralyzed from the waist down and with a bad case of major head trauma. 

rocky still firmly believes that she woke up from her coma by god's will even if her basic executive function skills and self-regulations were gone. she had to be taken care of just like him, and the doctor's promised she'd learn to eat on her own again and her speech problems would regulate. this... did not happen. maybe it would've, if she had lived longer, but rocky never got to see the day when he didn't have to help his mom bathe or brush her hair. 

his dad was the only source of income in the household besides his mom's monthly pension that the man would take and then disappear for days. he was bitter about having to raise rocky all on his own and even more bitter about the hefty hospital bills they were going to be paying off for the next several years. all the man wanted to do was laze about with a beer in his hand and a blunt in the other. 

from early on he was prone to anger and it often manifested itself physically, so rocky would always have a bruise or two somewhere on his body. it was fine as long as the man wasn't hurting his mom, and he couldn't do anything else but accept the rough treatment. 

he and his mom were becoming more and more neglected by his father, who only provided the bare minimum to eat and took his wife's pills for himself. rocky was already in school and he was that kid who always got off the bus running to get home. no one knew that he always ran to make sure his mom was okay while he was gone. 

he was nine years old when his dad handed him a bottle of morphine and explained to him that the whole bottle would help his mom get a good night's sleep for once. rocky, knowing how much his mom struggled to rest, took the bottle and put each and every pill in his moms hand and watched her drink them until the last one. she did go to sleep, of course. rocky thought he'd done good until she didn't wake up the next morning. 

he grew incredibly distant from his dad after this. he was already used to taking care of himself and his mom was the only reason he really bothered to make it home early, so after her death he got into every after-school activity he could manage, and when it wasn't enough, he ran around the streets with the older kids and pretended to be *cool*.

he started dabbling with the drug scene really early on in middle school, when he realized that his dad would never strive to be anything else but a piece of shit, so he decided to steal his pills and weed just like the man had stolen his mothers medication. he would sell them to his upperclassmen and never took any for himself because he saw what they could do, though eventually he did weed in high school and besides the occasional dose of ecstasy he doesn't do more than that.

one day, at age seventeen, he went home and his dad was gone. he waited for three weeks before he sold everything and fixed up a small abandoned house that became his new abode. with the cash he'd gotten from the car and the furniture he began growing his own hella dank nug, and eventually there was word on the streets about it. his dad had always been his unaware provider, but soon enough rocky joined a group as a dealer while selling his own stuff on the side.

he didn't want to follow under someone else so he got to the roots and offered the group's providers a better deal and eventually the business was going to him alone. people saw more opportunity with him and they flocked to his side one by one until he ran the original leader to the ground. honestly this kid was hella good in school and just as good in the streets. 

of course it didn't happen without a fight tho so talk about several near-death experiences !! the streets are dangerous children stay in school.

fast forward, he had what he intensely regrets with elaine-- honestly had a good time dating a rich ‘good’ girl until he got real bad vibes from her and it wasn't chill anymore. felt real personally attacked that she was ashamed of him and broke it tf off. fuck a fake bitch !! 

( me: plays hero by enrique iglesias for this section ) and then shiloh came ! his lord and savior. his fkcing BAE. would do ANYTHING for this boy is2g makes me so emo i'm shAKING just thinking about it. rocky truly believes this boy is his soul mate. he loves him so much oh my godfjsdh.

at this point his drug ring wasn't at all what it is now. it was relatively small and the profits weren't all that good but he was doing what he could. he had steady members who had been with him since the start and shiloh became an addition along with his best girl giselle and (eventually) barbara. honestly the dream squad nothing could stop them they were invisible. unfortunately there was a snake in their ranks and goddamn he's glad she showed herself honestly good fucking riddance barbie. he felt real betrayed after she left but if anything he thinks it made his crew tighter and stronger. still hates tht bitch tho afTER EVERYTGIH HE DID FOR HER.

( to be 10/10 honest tho rocky is a manipulative bastard and he thinks he's real slick but barbie caught on and he feels extremely attackt )

anyways so knowing that shiloh and giselle are his tru ride or die pals ( 👀 @ giselle ) the business continues and they're still the dream squad. sure they're doing shady af things and they've always been doing them but u kno what they say there ain't no rest for the wicked !! 

he didn't at all like the fact tht shiloh pursued an internship w/ the mulani family but he tried to keep it chill because he loves and supports his bae but honestly could not do it. he doesn't personally pay too many visits to sycamore city precisely bc he goddamn loathes the mulani and moon families after all they've done to his people ( esp the moon’s ) and to think shiloh was getting involved w/ them really tested him as a person. he fcking failed because of how much shiloh wanted a pass into the city and rocky held him back but he's so goddamn proud of their love like damn. he knows he doesn't offer everything shiloh wants but he's out here tryin' his best to get his bae the life he deserves even if he's the worst street rat and everybody knows it. 

( what is he secretly doing w/ all tht money tho hmmm ) 

BABY RIDE WITH ME // in regards to the *gollum vc*  precious ( the ring )

just so the squad and ex-squad can get a feel of how rocky runs the ring i'm includin' this here

so rocky makes it a point to be an approachable leader whom you can go to with your problems and he'll have your back 100%. honestly everyone's dad there's no one left out. he keeps his status as the leader not by cruel acts to show what happens to rats but by making sure he's understood by each individual member. he's not the violent type at all unless someone really tests him but this guy preaches that people understand by words and acts of kindness not by violence and torture. he needs loyalty above all else so he offers a safe sanctuary to anyone who needs it. it comes with a price ofc but all he asks is that u do ur job and he'll keep u off the streets. basically in his group everyone has each other's backs and he's involved with everyone, not only because it helps him keep close tabs on everything but because that blanket of safety for his members is very important to him. 

when it comes to his dealers he basically lets them do things their own way as long as they're not out there hurting innocent people. he pays by commission so it's really up to the dealers how much they wanna sell and who they wanna sell it to. he doesn't force his own morals onto his peeps so if they wanna sell to junkies who are gonna overdose on their next hit then that's really up to them. he just tries to guide them by telling em' the right things to do even in a shady business like their own. 

w/ that being said shiloh is also a huge part of it, being his right hand man and all. rocky isn't all too meticulous or anything fancy like that, so he leaves a lot of decisions up to shiloh and honestly they're both huge dads just running a drug ring fjsiudhfgi 

HE KNOWS HE'S SO FUCKING TALENTED // regarding his personality 

rocky is a cocky piece of shit honestly i hate it but best concept

he genuinely thinks so highly of himself ?? even though he knows he's up to Some Shit ??

anyways i just wanted to mention that LMAO but find his full list of attributes here that i jst ctrl c ctrl v from the app. honestly will tell u all about his personality. thanks for reading this long ass, terribly structured, shitty shitty intro honestly u.... deserve a medal if u got thru it. is it too late to mention tht english is not my first language fhsuidfh 

[collegeemt3]

Chapter Four

Robin

I wake up to my dad shaking my shoulder, although I had not intended to fall asleep. “You hungry?” he asks me.

“Not really. What’s for dinner?” I mumble back at him sleepily, while sitting up.

“I think Janet’s making lasagna,” he informs me.

“Uuuuhhh,” I groan in response.

“Oh come on,” he says with a smile as he cuffs me lightly on the shoulder, “your sister’s cooking isn’t that bad.”

“It’s not that her cooking’s bad. I’m just not a huge of fan lasagna,” I explain to him.

“Okay,” he says, slightly skeptical. “You gonna come down and eat something?”

“In a little while. I want to work on my English paper for a little bit first, and as I said when you woke me up, I’m not terribly hungry.”

“Alright. You have a half an hour, then I want to see your butt downstairs with the rest of the family. You got that, young lady,” he orders me, jokingly.

“Sir, yes sir,” I joke back at him.

“Alright. I love you,” he tells me as he walks out the door.

“I love you too, Daddy,” I call back to him. I get up from my bed, and step over to my desk, where my laptop is. I open my laptop, boot it up, and sit down. Once everything’s loaded, I open my English essay, and attempt to work on it. I don’t get very far though, because my IM pops up with a message from David.

I thought I might find you here, eventually, he writes to me.

Hey, I write back to him.

What u doin’ right now? he asks me.

Tryin’ to work on my English essay, but not having much success, I tell him.

Is it ‘cause of me? he enquires.

No, just can’t concentrate on school right now, too many other things running through my mind right now.

Is that ‘cause of our talk this afternoon?

Partially.

Do you want to talk about it now? he asks me.

Not really, I’m still trying to figure parts of it out myself right now, I tell him, truthfully.

I gotta go, my parents are calling me for dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.

Bye.

It still feels like things are a little distant between me and David, but I think it’ll probably be like that until I can accept what he said, and completely mull over things. I try to work some more on my English essay, but I only get about another paragraph written before my half-hour time limit runs out. I unplug my computer charger from the power strip on my desk, pick up my laptop, and head downstairs.

“Nice of you to join us, Robin,” Eileen, my Step-mom, remarks as I walk into the family room.

“Hey Robin,” Janet, my younger sister of two years, greets me. “There’s some leftover lasagna in the fridge if you want it.”

“Thanks, Janet.” I plug my laptop charger into the wall by the couch, then walk into the kitchen, and, although I’m still not really hungry, I take a small piece of lasagna, and heat it up in the microwave. As the lasagna is heating up, I pour myself a small glass of water. Once the microwave beeps, I take my lasagna and water into the family room, and sit down on the couch, content to watch whatever my parents had going on the TV. I slowly eat my sliver of lasagna, and watch as the game of “Jeopardy” progresses.

When I’m done eating, I take my dishes into the kitchen, rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher. I go back into the family room, and check my e-mails on my laptop. It’s mostly junk e-mails, but there are a few important ones. There’s one from the basketball coach announcing conditioning for all who are interested in trying out, there’s a response from my pen-pal in Louisiana, and a short e-mail from David:

I would say I’m sorry for what I said earlier during out talk, but I’m not. What I said is true, and if you can’t accept that than you haven’t really seen how bad your situation is, and haven’t reached your bottom yet, no matter how much it feels like it. I will continue to be here for you, and give you support, but there’s not much else I can do. There probably will be some point that you will hit, and I will schedule something for you as intervention, but I don’t know what that point is right now. I’m also hopeful that you will realize the reality of you situation before you hit that point. I hope that not too much has changed in our relationship between us, and that we can continue to see each other. I love you, I always have, and I always will, no matter what. David.

By the time I finished reading the e-mail from David, I was trying not to cry. I quickly signed out of my e-mail, closed the internet browser, then shut my laptop. “I’m going to bed,” I announce, as I get up from the couch.

“So early?” my dad asks.

“I’m really tired,” I reply convincingly with a yawn.

“All right, well, pleasant dreams,” my dad says.

“ ’night,” my sister and step-mom say as I pass them.

“ ‘night,” I reply to them both.

Once I’m up in my room, I quickly change from my jeans and sweater into sweatpants and a t-shirt. I roll onto my bed and curl up in a ball, crying. There’s such a conflict of emotions going on, that I’m not entirely sure how to react. There’s so much internal pain, but I’m not sure how to handle it. Part of me wants to go cut, but another part of me doesn’t want to move from the fetal position on my bed. I’m slowly realizing what actually is going on, and not really liking the reality of the situation, making me feel worse. I’m crying the hardest I have in a while, but still somehow managing to stay fairly quiet. I feel somewhat angry, at the crap that has happened in my life that has pushed me to this point, at me for not beginning to realize sooner what was really happening, and also at David, because to me it felt like he was very blunt about the whole thing. I know he’s looking out for the best for me, but sometimes I don’t like what that is. Amidst the pain and anger, there’s also confusion. How did I get myself so deep into this crap, without realizing it? Why, now that I realize what’s going on, do I still not feel much of a need for change? Why do I feel a need to continue doing what I’ve been doing to survive? It’s like my “survival” instinct is kicking in over my rationality.

David

When I get back to my computer after dinner, Robin’s no longer signed in to her chat, so I’m hopefully guessing that she went to bed early, and that she’s not doing something else, such as cutting. I send her a text in hopes that maybe she’s still up, just not on her computer, but I get no response. After about a half an hour of just fooling around on the internet, I decide to take another quick study session for my test tomorrow, before just retiring for the night. I grab a quick shower before I go to bed, so I’m not as rushed in the morning.

I wake with a start at the sound of my alarm, jolting out of a terrible dream. I dreamt that I was headed to Robin’s house after school, I had had to run back to my house to grab something, and when I came back, she was lying on the kitchen floor, unconscious, and barely breathing. There was an unmarked bottle of some sort of pills on the counter, with a cup of something that I couldn’t discern. I had pulled out my cell phone to call 911, and then that’s when my alarm went off and woke me up, bringing me back to a hopefully more blissful than the dream reality.

I throw on a pair of cargo shorts and a t-shirt, and decide to just wear my flip-flops today, because I don’t feel like digging through my drawer for a clean pair of socks at the moment. I make a mental note to myself to do laundry tonight as I decide this. I take my backpack downstairs with me, and leave it by the door, seeing as it’s already packed up for the day. I walk into the kitchen and dig out something that I can quickly eat for breakfast. When I’m done with my breakfast, I run back upstairs and brush my teeth quickly. Then I go back downstairs, and head out to my car to pick up Robin.

Robin

I guess I eventually cried myself to sleep, because I woke up the next morning to my alarm clock going off. I don’t really remember dreaming anything, but when I look down at my arms, it looks like I have claw marks up and down them, like I had tried scratching them last night in my sleep, leaving me very confused. I guess I was in so much emotional pain and turmoil that in my unconscious state of sleep, I was still trying to hurt myself for a feeling of relief.

I go through my morning ritual a little faster than usual today. I don’t put on any makeup, and I leave my sweatpants on. I exchange my t-shirt for a long-sleeved one, and head downstairs. I’m not hungry right now, but I make a PB&J for lunch. I’m sitting at the bottom of the stairs waiting for David, listening to my iPod when I see the headlights of his car. I grab my backpack, open the front door, and step out onto the porch as he starts up the walkway.

I meet him at the bottom of the walkway, and he greets me with a fairly cheery sounding, “good morning.”

“Hey,” I mumble back at him sleepily.

“How was the rest of your night?” he asks as he helps me into his car.

“It was okay,” I reply to him quietly. Once he’s gotten into the car, I continue, “I got your e-mail last night.”

“You did?” he asks me, sounding relieved.

“Yeah, I did,” I confirm with him. “It made me think about things, a lot.”

“Like what kind of things?” he asks, prodding further.

“You should know the answer to that,” I tell him blandly.

“Has it made you change your mind on anything?”

“No,” I say forcefully, with a glare, knowing the true intention of the question. “I’m still not going to talk to anyone.” David remains silent, and starts the car. The air is tense between us as he drives to school, and remains so until we part ways.