#we also refuse to cope like Megatron

[wyrm-with-a-why]

Actual real footage of me after reading this devastating, heart wrenching, soul crushing, tear bringing, breakdown inducing fanfic about Megatron after Kiloton’s death

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48747187

[lets-try-some-writing]

The end of the "tfp kids turned into sparklings" post? Speechless, the hurt/angst can be felt from the space and we need more. It's more than obvious that Op is NOT happy about it, and will probably affect his relationships with the humans, but what about the kids? I saw in some tags the possibility that the kids weren't happy about their regained humanity in the slightest, only that some were better at hiding it than others…I wanna see the dysphoria and them trying, and failing, to cope

Normally I try to answer my requests in order, but my goodness I am in a mood. This idea has been floating around in my head begging to be written about since I posted that last part about the TFP kids becoming sparklings. I just can't wait to get through my other requests to write about this! So I must write before I lose inspiration!

Optimus's Relationship Changes

More likely than not, Optimus would end up following possibility 2 (listed in my previous post about the tfp kids). He would fight denta and claw to protect his sparklings from what might as well be mutilation. However he would ultimately fail, either being sedated or fought to the ground and restrained until the process of turning the children into humans again was complete.

He would then be kept in solitary confinement in his restraints for some time for fear that he might lash out again and maybe even kill somebody. But no matter how badly his team mates want to release him, they would keep him in stasis cuffs around base for weeks even after letting him out of confinement. He would also be kept on a strict schedule, always having some bot there to watch him when around base and another to keep an optic on him when on a mission.

Megatron would learn the true meaning of terror after meeting a wrathful Prime on the battlefield. Not even Starscream would bother mocking Megatron after seeing Optimus's "Frag it all" attitude.

As for Optimus's relations with those around him? They would change drastically. He would be outright despise June, abandoning any pleasantries in favor of glaring hatefully and imagining a thousand and one ways to make her suffer before the Matrix forcefully calmed him. A parent does not forget or forgive those who harm their sparklings, not when they are so precious and rare. In light of this, Agent Fowler would receive similar treatment for threatening to put forth an appeal to withdraw the American government's support of the Autobots if the children were not returned to human form.

Ratchet, Ultra Magnus, and Arcee would be treated coldly due to their involvement in taking his sparklings from him. They would have been the ones to drag him down and tear his sparklings away from him. As such, their words would be acknowledged, but any attempt at connecting outside of work would be shut down immediately. Optimus would understand why they did what they did, he would know it was to keep the team from angering the American government, but he would still harbor great anger towards them. The wounds would heal and Optimus's relationships with them would repair over time, but for a long while Optimus would shut himself off from them emotionally.

Bulkhead and Wheeljack would be treated indifferently. The part they would have played in taking his sparklings from him being small or non existent. As such Optimus would behave mostly the same around them, although emotionally he would still distance himself as they still allowed his sparkling to be taken even if they did nothing to assist in the effort.

As for Bumblebee and Smokescreen? Optimus would grow incredibly protective over them, to an almost suffocating degree when left unchecked. He would refuse to let Ratchet, Ultra Magnus, or Arcee anywhere near them when possible, his parental instincts screaming at him, telling him that they will take his younglings away as well. His paranoia would skyrocket, his fear of losing his loved ones becoming detrimental to his health until his relations with his team healed.

And the human children? Optimus wouldn't even be allowed near them for the most part. But the few times he would be allowed to be around them, he would struggle to even look at them. He would be plagued with guilt and both his spark and the Matrix would tell him that his sparklings are hurt, that he let them be hurt. It would drive him near insane until his human sparklings found a way to meet with him and comfort him.

The Children's Thoughts on the Change

Rafael

Having retained most of his memories from his time as a sparkling, Rafael is torn. On one hand, he has his human family and body back, along with the old life he left behind. But on the other hand, he has lost something he can't truly describe. He has lost a body that felt right and the chance to be with a father who loves and cares for him more than his human family at times.

His human family is large. He has many siblings and his parents work long and hard, leaving little time for him to see them and experience the love his elder siblings received. When he first returned after being "found", he was swarmed with attention from his family. For a time he was happy to be back, and relived to be home. But all too soon life when back to normal and he felt empty, cold, and alone.

He cares for his human family, but when he was a sparkling he was given more love than he had ever experienced before, even with three other Cybertronian siblings. After experiencing that, he isn't sure how to feel, his heart is drawn to both his Cybertronian and human families.

He doesn't experience too much dysphoria being back in his human form, it felt like stepping back into a wet swimsuit more than anything else. Uncomfortable at first but tolerable after a while. However he does have a sense that something is missing, that some integral part of his being that he had no idea was present before his time as a sparkling, has been removed. It leaves him feeling empty, unsure of himself, and most notably, cold. Where he used to feel a constant reassuring sense of love and warmth where his spark once blazed, there is nothing. The bond he had with Optimus completely erased without a spark to cling to.

His senses are restricted and his mental state is off. To him it feels like he is looking at the world through a screen or powerful sunglasses. Nothing is right and everything is fuzzy, his mind not really present, leaving him unable to focus on anything.

He tries to tell himself for a while that all is as it should be, that he is happier being human again. But deep down he knows he was happier as a Cybertronian, he was happier with Optimus as his father and the team as his family. He wants to go back, to be free of his wrenched human frame. It isn't right It isn't right It isn't right.

Miko

The moment she was returned to being human she begged to have the process reversed, to be given back her Cybertronian frame. But when no one would answer her pleas, she had to be taken away kicking and screaming, crying out for Optimus to save her. For her own safety, she was given an ankle monitor and her host family were instructed to keep an eye on her in case she tried anything drastic due to the trauma from her "kidnapping".

Miko hates herself, her host family, and all the humans around her with a passion. She is wrong, they are wrong, everything is wrong. She wants her father and her frame back more than anything else.

Her body feels too tight, too weak, and far too confining. Her senses are drastically worse than her senses as a Cybertronian and she misses the feeling of her wings more than anything else. Seeing the skies only makes her want to cry. She can't even describe how wrong her human body feels, only that she feels disgust toward everything organic about herself. She can't even eat without wanting to throw it all up afterwards.

She knows deep in her heart, or spark, that she was meant to be Cybertronian, and that her time as a human was never meant to be permanent. She doesn't care about what her human parents think or even about her human life at all. She would gladly give it all up to return to what she was before.

Without her bond to Optimus the whole world felt dark, cold, and hopeless. The place where her spark once blazed aches every moment of every day as she desperately longs for and reaches out towards Optimus, her true father. She misses her Cybertronian family and would rather die than live out her whole existence as a human, destined to die alone and without love or purpose. She only holds on because the possibility that she could be restored to her true form remains.

Jack

His situation is complicated to say the least. At first his return to human form was somewhat reliving. His mother smothered him in affection and he once again had the chance to pursue an education and a possible relationship. However after the first few days and after Jack brought up Optimus and his sparkling memories a time too many, the perfect world he had built began to crumble.

His mother snapped, telling him to never mention the Autobot leader's name in her house and to forget all about his time as a sparkling. It was shocking to Jack, hearing the intense aggression and anger she held towards Optimus, the mech who had taken a place in Jack's heart as his father. It frightened him as his mother fell into a maddened ramble about how Jack was her son and not Optimus's. To him it seemed like his mother was viewing him as more of an object than a person, and that chilled him to the core.

Not only that, but after returning to school he couldn't help but feel like it was wrong. The words the teachers were speaking didn't fully register, and sometimes it seemed to Jack like they were speaking another language entirely. In other cases he found himself trying to speak in the complex language of Cybertron but unable to due to the lack of a vocalizer. His writing also shifted to Cybertronian subconsciously, much to the confusion of his teachers and fellow students whenever he tried to write on the white board. It was simply natural, something that felt more right to him than English ever did.

His dysphoria is not as extreme as Miko's, but he still doesn't feel comfortable with himself. He feels too small, too vulnerable, and too exposed. He feels the need to bundle himself in thick layers of clothing despite the heat in Jasper, and he has the intense desire to have a weapon on him at all times. His need to protect is always present, he hates that he has to go to school and be stuck with so many potential enemies, especially with his siblings. It drives his near mad having to spend every day paranoid and terrified of everything without the calming warmth of Optimus's love soothing him.

Just like Miko and Rafael, the place where is spark once was aches. It is near impossible for Jack to admit to himself with his mother looming over him every moment he is at home, but he is scared. He feels far too vulnerable and open to attack. He needs someone strong to protect him, to keep him and his siblings safe until he is strong as well. He wants his father, he wants to not live in fear, he wants to be free of his weak frame and once again have the safety his armor provided him.

Every day it is harder for him to keep going. He wants to be safe, he wants his siblings to be safe, and he desperately wants to hear Optimus sing to him once again. He can't keep going. It's too much. There are too many enemies. He wants to kill them. Tear them to pieces. Drive them away. They will hurt him. Hurt his siblings. HE MUST PROTECT THEM!

[razertail18]

All right guys, time for me to over-analyze Earthspark.

Okay I kept seeing people point out in Earthspark where Bumblebee making a joke about Soundwave being energon deprived and accidentally makes a cassette explode inside of him and they are just shocked that it's either so out of character or its dark humor is somewhat bad.

I get it but I think it's understandable why he would act this way. Bee is very likely born in the middle of the war and we all know that raising a kid in a damn war is not a good place for them. They are forced to be able to fight, adapt and mature immediately because their lives depend on it, not every time an older bot is around to help them. But the bots likely try their best to have a nice environment for them(especially that it was Optimus who mentored Bumblebee).

This would have an effect on them and one of them is they are likely to be more alert, serious, have problems socializing and maybe form a different kind of personality like, I dunno, dark humor perhaps.

In episode 3 when they are playing charades Bee said it was an 'injured deception' How do you proceed in this situation?' when clearly it was a chicken. It's obvious that he is using game night as a way to teach or train the Terrans or get closer to them(and I face-plamed at some of those scenes but still laughing) and we can see how that went through.

But what if Bee only acted this way because, again his entire life is focused in the war, he is under pressure. The Bots need to teach and prepare him for everything and now that there's no war it's hard for them to adjust just like Megatron said that 'the war is clearly over for everyone'.

That line hit me so hard.

Because it does not only apply to the Decepticons who willingly refuse to surrender but to everyone because it's not easy to just adjust in a new and more relaxed life when the entirety of your life is about fighting for your life and taking risks.

Not to mention the possible scars you've got along the way whether it's physical, mental or emotional scars. The habits and mindsets formed to survive in their war.

It's impossible for them to just, I dunno, settle down or throw that away.

I doubt that Bee is the only one affected by this.

In short

.

.

.

The war just screwed them all up.

Also we aren't even sure if the cassetticon lived or not. All it said was that it exploded when Soundwave tried to eject it. I know it must damn hurt (hungry and wounded that hurts💔) but who knows maybe they lived and Bee just didn't get the chance to finish his story because it's the wrong the time to tell that joke infront of kids too who are worried for Twitch and Thrash whom are likely energon deprived.

He probably tries to lighten the mood with some humor but we know he failed.

That's all I got and I think I might got some of it wrong but I can't remember. Feel free to correct me.

Edit: I forgot to put some things here like the assumed cassette who exploded is Rumble and like how some cope by making humor and such because I'm not good at English so thanks for the ones who commented in this.

[poptimus-prime]

Here is what the kids call my highly disorganized, half-baked list of stuff that could have been done with Jack to make him a better character.

@yeetmetothehell I am sorry if you are disappointed by my ideas.

“Optimus was more like...Jack.” OK…so show us that.

In my opinion...Jack seems like he was intended to be written to be almost a parallel to Orion’s journey to becoming Optimus Prime, at least how he is used in the plot. Jack is described as “smart and responsible”, which can also be read as “hardworking and responsible” and really this can be achieved in narratively using a few points, IMO:

Long hours in his room/the library studying outside of work and school. 

Filling out the background of the garage more with sketches/print outs of motorcycle blueprints (to keep the idea that Jack really wants a motorcycle and show hints of extreme dedication, but they’re kept in the garage rather than his room to metaphorically show that distance he’s put between himself and what he wants)

“Man of the House”/”Grew up too fast” (This will be discussed more later but TL;DR “I’ll handle the electric bill this month, Mom”)

Somewhat fragile work/school/life balance that Jack somehow perfectly maintained before meeting the team

Orion was very physically passive. Jack seems to be intended to be written as passive but it comes off as an apathetic reluctance that Orion doesn’t possess (Orion may not believe in violence but he clearly wasn’t unwilling to communicate his thoughts; it’s how he got the title of Prime in the first place.) However, Orion had to learn to become more outspoken over time probably, so we can keep him as being aloof/reluctant at the start of the series.

“Man of the House”/”Grew up too Fast”

It’s no secret Jack came from a nonconventional home; June is very explicitly portrayed as a single mother with a dad nowhere in the picture. However the situation surrounding Mr. Darby is unknown. The way June talks about it makes me personally feel like Jack’s dad either ran out or divorced June and doesn’t bother with his kid. Dysfunction in the family really just goddamn changes you TBH. (can confirm bc hi, I come from a dysfunctional home) Sometimes you just grow up super fast. Jack probably spent his childhood missing his mom as she worked shifts at the hospital and seeing how lonely and hurt she was. He maybe went out and got a job the first day he could and helps with smaller bills (“I’ll handle the electric bill this month.”), or maybe other expenses like groceries and his own phone bill. June probably makes enough to comfortably support her and her son, especially given her job and the cost of living in rural ass desert Nevada. But Jack still does this anyways--it’s how he copes with his issues after what happened with his dad. Doubling down and trying to be what he thinks is the bigger man because his dad couldn’t be fucked. 

This would make the disruption him letting the bots into his life creates more staggering; June doesn’t expect her son to pay bills, but the sudden change in behavior (skipping out on work) would be a cause for concern because sudden shifts like that are Usually Signs that Something is Very Wrong. Especially because Jack is usually responsible and open with his mom; he would have told her if he was gonna cut hours at work, theoretically.

Jack feels like he has to constantly put his own wants aside to contribute to his household. Even if June doesn’t force this expectation upon him, it’s a feeling that he will have, especially if he watched his dad just abandon him and June. Maybe he has resentment towards his dad for this and that is causing some anger he’s keeping tightly under wraps? And maybe the bots give him an excuse to do something he actually wants to do for once or some excitement in his life and that’s why he goes along with it? Lots of options, people!

Clothing Choices: The Hoodie™

You are going to have to deal with me being a whore for costuming choices and what they can mean. The show has a problem with the humans wearing the same shit every time they’re on screen and I’d love to rant about all of them (yeah yeah I get it saving money) but I’m focusing on Jack right now. Give Jack a hoodie 2020. A grey one or some other dull and drab color. And make him actually always wear the hood (except like in scenes where he is working bc workplace dress codes obviously) As time progresses, the drab hoodie is changed to a more vibrant color, but he still always has the hood over his head. And then, at a pivotal moment, the boy takes the hood off. (You could even throw in Miko cracking a joke about Jack actually having hair if you really wanted TBH.) Why this? The narrative is that Jack is constantly holding himself under wraps because of his self-imposed responsibilities. As he starts to become more into his own, he decides to express himself more with brighter colors, but still has some reservations. When he takes the hoodie off, that’s when he’s fully realized himself in this process and thus completes the parallel.

Actually make him interact with Optimus in a meaningful manner.

Arcee can still be his guardian in the field and I think working on strengthening their relationship is vital. But also, if you’re gonna make Jack the confidante holding the key to Vector Sigma, there actually has to be...meaningful interaction. Optimus asking Jack what he’s so engrossed in reading and Jack explaining the book he’s got with passion before shutting himself up and saying “it’s kinda dumb though” or something. And Optimus just responds “I don’t think it’s dumb, tell me more.” Coaxing him towards more self-discovery and expression. Optimus maybe sees more of his old self in Jack and starts attempting to be a quasi-paternal figure without really thinking about it because he is, after all, Dadimus. Jack maybe lashes out about how he doesn’t need Optimus to be his dad and that makes the space between them tense for a while. Eventually Jack comes to apologize and maybe there’s an important Talk.. Just a few ideas I will expand on later. I feel like forgiveness and lack thereof is a good theme--I know I was held back for a long time because of how convoluted the concept of forgiveness is with family.

The Character Arc

 So, what would Jack’s character development throughout the events of season 1 be? My basic idea for a Jack arc that mirrors Orion’s self-realization and coming into Prime-hood without being a carbon copy is essentially: 

Jack is portrayed as a responsible, hardworking, studious teenager who constantly turns down chances for fun and excitement to handle his responsibilities. Has clear dreams for after high school and for his own personal life; but he’s constantly contemplating and changing his mind about whether he will or not because he’s extremely dedicated to helping his mom and all that. However, he still gets super curious about Arcee and gets swept up by her in the Vehicon chase, and he still has whispers of courage and protects Raf during the altercation. He first tries to ditch Team Prime because he’s concerned about his responsibilities, but eventually returns because he’s drawn to the opportunity to finally go buck wild for once in his life (even if he spends his time being hesitant about everything.) His hesitancy and dedication to severe self-imposed responsibility is a result of his inability to move on from what his dad did to him and his mom; he’s under the impression that he 1) Has to forgive someone to move on, and thus 2) He cannot move on because his dad isn’t there to bother to say sorry and take on his position as Dad. In essence, he becomes less the character telling Miko to stop and more the character being pushed by Miko to be more adventurous. In lulls in action, Optimus starts to take interest in him when he notices his constant hesitance to express himself and is just being dragged along rather than going willingly. Has a conversation with him about a book Jack’s reading, which Jack attempts to shut down because it’s “dumb and childish,” but Optimus urges him to continue. The idea that June knows about Arcee as a bike and Jack explaining that he bought a motorcycle as a fixer-upper for dirt cheap can stay. (He probably still is saving up for his motorcycle.)

The longest portion, after Optimus starts interacting with Jack on a level of bonding and gently coaxing him to be himself— Jack becomes more outspoken and he’s shown as curious, analytical, quick witted, and has a deep sense of justice. Being young and craving a childhood lost to his trauma and self-imposed obligations to help his mom with running the household, he suddenly starts spending more time at the base pursuing hobbies and going on missions rather than studying and work, which concerns June. She tries to press Jack, and is met with what can be described as typical teenage headbutting that gets progressively worse. She grounds Jack after the fight, MECH takes her, the rescue happens. (That makes sense to stay in this narrative IMO.) Around this time, Optimus has effectively started becoming Jack’s own Alpha Trion—teaching him things that he’s picked up that he may feel apply to Jack. Jack interprets one of these lessons as Optimus trying to be “dad” and he’s not having it. Makes it VERY clear that he does not need a dad (“didn’t need one before and sure as fuck don’t need one now”) and definitely snaps at Optimus, which then pushes his progress in the arc closer to the end. He eventually comes back to apologize, and Optimus forgives him. He and Optimus have a heart-to-heart about one of the hardest lessons Optimus has had to learn—how to let go of the past without forgiving those who have hurt you and refuse to make amends, so that you may determine your own future. It’s very clear he’s talking about Megatron, even though he never says his name. Jack takes this lesson to heart.

His final bit of development before the hood removal thing probably happens during the events of “Rock Bottom” and reinforces that hard lesson, right when he’s faced with the option to off Megatron. Maybe there’s some taunting about how Optimus preaches softness and forgiveness too much when Jack refuses to kill him. Jack gets angry, and he’s about to fucking do it. But then he stops, takes a breath, and says “Optimus doesn’t preach forgiveness, he preaches moving on from those who refuse to move on themselves. He will never forgive you, but he’s learned to live on despite what you’ve done.” Soon after this, when Megatron comes to the base, Jack takes off his hood, stares Megatron right in the face, and says “This is not forgiveness, Megatron. Don’t you forget that.” Later, when Optimus gives him the key, he tells him something along the lines of “you have grown since we’ve met, Jack, and even though there is still a long way for you to go...” he hands Jack the key. “...Remember that even I am a work in progress.”

Anyways this is again, half-baked. And needs lots of polishing. But it’s something.