#we could get on the map forever. be the subject of a 2 hour youtube video

[marklikely]

statistically there has to be someone out there who successfully ran an entire community of sockpuppets getting in drama with themself. like there's gotta be at least one person who's done it and never got caught

[fyx-ation]

So, uh... that FFXV was a thing, wasn’t it?

It sure was, Bill... it sure as shit was.

So, yeah, I finally played and, just a moment ago, beat Final Fantasy XV.

I’m about to sum up my feelings on the game, many of which are shared with the general gaming community, so I might have nothing new to add at this point... But I feel strongly enough to keep writing, anyhow.

If you’re bothered by that sort of thing, scroll on.

Sometimes, in grade schools across the world, teachers feel the need to give every single child an award. Usually there’s nothing to it. Some might spring for a ribbon, others might give out trophies, and even fewer might elect to have other students create rewards for the recipients. The latter was my personal case in middle school. A boy, whose name escapes me because the entire affair was almost forgettable except for the reward, gave me the Most Potential award. Every other student made small bundles of candy or bought some small token for their reward recipient. I got... A small piece of notebook paper cut into the shape of a ribbon.

Most Potential.

I’m not sure if a more insulting award exists in the entire world.

What does this have to do with anything? I think you’re smart enough to see where I’m going.

Final Fantasy is quite possibly the franchise that made me a gamer. I played the first one the NES when I was a child, and I’m certain it was one of the first RPGs I had ever played. By middle school, when I was playing FF3 (really VI), I was knee deep in love with the genre and carving my path with a shovel made out of Blockbuster rental cases.

What I’m getting at is that my opinion on the franchise carries weight because I’m getting to be an old fart. I’ve seen the good, the bad, the ugly. I started out as Relm, and now I am becoming Cid (pick one).

When the game loads, the screen tells you that XV is for fans and first timers. My gut reaction to this was a big, fat, pessimistic, “Yeah, we’ll see.” XIII left me feeling like someone clipped my purse strings and ran off cackling into the night. Must stay on subject.... must... not... rant...

Well, I saw. I came, I saw, I conquered.

I didn’t hate it.

I didn’t love it, either. And here’s where the award comes in.

You, Final Fantasy XV, are the proud recipient of the Most Potential award. I’m even going the extra mile and writing this in a digital format rather than on notebook paper, so you can cherish it forever... as long as you have electricity.

What a hot-ass mess. Here are my beefs in broad strokes:

The combat feels sloppy. I know SE is trying desperately to get into the action RPG thing with FF because they feel like turn-based games are archaic and no one wants to play them. Fine. Whatever. That’s what made you a thing... but whatever. The problem is that they didn’t do a very good job with this. Kingdom Hearts does it amazingly well. Any Tales game puts it to shame.

Can I tell you a secret? You can laugh at me; it’s okay. I didn’t know you could just hold O to fight until I already had 80 hours on the game. Yep. I played that much just mashing O and square and warping. I spent untold minutes grinding my teeth during the Leviathan fight because nothing was happening. I kept missing an invisible quick-time event, apparently. IDK. (I researched it and others had the same problem? No clue.)

As a whole, the combat just felt very clunky and almost as if the AI was too smart. Maybe I should have played all the tutorials at the beginning. Who knows!

And magic sucked. So much suck. Friendly fire? REALLY? REALLY? THAT’S THE ROAD YOU CHOSE?

Hmm. what else.

Oh, you know how in some console RPGs, you can change the tactics in the menu to control the behavior of other characters in your party? Or you can switch who you want to play? None of that here. The other bros forget they have a spell equipped most of the time. But when they remember, you can be sure it’s when you’re in the thick of things so you can take that friendly fire. MMM Mmm. Good stuff.

Speaking of bros... the male gaze stuff was gross. They changed Ignis’ outfit so hit butt wasn’t hanging out, sure. But Cindy... the mechanic... boobs. Does not compute. Girl, get you some damn overalls so you don’t get burned.

I guess this Fantasy includes spark free machines.

So, then there’s the story. I won’t spoil what little story there is for folks that haven’t played it. I might spoil your urge to play it if you haven’t been able to yet. Sorry.

The game has some pretty amazing world-building. That’s not the same as the story, so don’t get excited. You get a general sense of history and a little bit of mythos. But it needed so much more to aid the story. People are so damned thirsty for lore that they’re theorycrafting THE FUCKING STORY for XV. It’s not in the game. They’re pulling shit out of thin air. Check Youtube, and you’ll get lost in a sea of “Ardyn’s TRUE name,” “The meaning of the true ending,” or “Eos Explained!” Yeah, okay, reeeeeeach for it.

And let’s not forget Kingsglaive and Brotherhood. Kingsglaive is a CG movie that accompanies the game. I enjoyed it. I watched it before I played the game (months before oops), because I was gifted both as a package deal. Problem is, Kingsglaive has some precious story that the game so desperately needed, it should have been IN THE GAME. And Brotherhood, the anime, should have been in the game as well. Maybe as flashbacks while camping. Yet even with both of these optional purchases, it’s still missing a truckload of substance.

Sadly, I think they tried to make up for it by putting a pace car in the game. That’s not even a cute metaphor; they really physically put in crap to slow you down. There’s a stamina bar for running, there’s a stamina bar on chocobos, and the Regalia has a set speed it cannot exceed (unless you get parts like the turbocharger several hours into the game). You can fast travel to your car, and you can get in your car and sometimes fast travel to quests or destinations (which, after chapter 13 seemed to be much more frequent unless I’m imagining it). However, sometimes you are forced to sit through minutes and minutes of scenic driving. And even that gets interrupted by a certain bro with a camera fetish. It felt very forced, and I fast traveled everywhere when given the opportunity. I somehow still wound up with 100+ hours on the game. Curse you, gambling and fishing.

The DLC episodes for each bro could have provided the game with a little more substance, too, but SE decided to nickel and dime their patrons for those. It’s becoming a trend that I hate. It’s like selling a jigsaw puzzle and then charging extra for 2-3 pieces that would complete the picture. Fuck a bunch of that.

Another thing that I felt was intentionally annoying stretched out: maps. Lestallam, or however you spell it, was laid out like a street gang’s fantasy. Lots of dead ends, terrible mini-map... just... please.. where’s my car... why is the big market tucked into the ass end of of Satan’s colon instead of on the main circuit WHERE A MARKET BELONGS?

My final Final Fantasy XV beef: TIME TRAVELING! choo choo all aboard the-woops-we-can’t-fix-this-shit train. No, there isn’t actual time-traveling in the game. Not really. Beyond a certain chapter, there is no way to return to Altissia or Lucis. SE handled this the way a dog does when it has a dingleberry. They dragged their ass on the floor until... no, no, I kid. They put in a menu that let’s you zip back to those two places without any explanation. You can do quests and hunts and get exp and items. Then, you can zip back to the “present” with all of those rewards. Hahahaha makes perfect sense, right? Riiiiiight? lolno.

It’s not part of the canon. You’re not dreaming or having a flashback or pulling an Assassin’s creed. They just added it in because otherwise you could plow through several chapters with no way of going back. It would be impossible to go back to those places (for lolstory reasons). They put in a point of no return and then were like, “Just kidding?” 

Imagine if in VI you could play all the way to Kefka’s Tower and then, with zero explanation, a save point gives you the option to return to the World of Balance. Bit of a head-scratcher, eh?

They had to do it, though. Remember that substance thing? A lot of it comes from the sparse side quests, fishing, hunting, optional junk-getting. If you’re not interested in any of that, you could skip returning to the “past” altogether.

It had a lot of potential. Unlike a person getting that award, it doesn’t get a chance to better itself. They continue to drop patches on it but nothing that can fix the story. 

I’m not sorry I played it. I did put 100+ hours on it, after all. I liked the characters (even if Noctis appears to grow into a Caucasian man and his eyes change color... um... what?). I liked the world.  It needed a lot more fine-tuning and character development, though. As I said to a few people already: it felt like a love letter to Final Fantasy rather than an actual Final Fantasy game.

It sort of suffered that same thing XIII did with FF mythos being tacked on but not nearly as badly. Throw in some chocobos. Bitches love chocobos. And a moogle. Just the one; don’t get carried away.

Bravely Default was a damn good Final Fantasy game (if you can get over the repetition) and it wasn’t even a FINAL FANTASY GAME.

Yeah, I’ll shutup now.

[cameronlsummers]

1. From the Files of Spook House – #055:  The Elevator Game

Hand to God, I really wish he hadn't done it, but Manny knew someone who worked in the hotel.  I wish we hadn't decided to rent a room there or use that fucking glass elevator.  I mean, we only knew about the Game because of that youtube video of that poor girl about what happened at the Cecil Hotel in L.A.  We should have known.

We'd all been through our fair share of weird shit.  I figured that we would be fine.

Let me back up.

We were – are – the Spook House Group.  Or, when Ronnie and our Fearless Leader are fighting and she moves out for a week or two, Tom insists on calling us the “Spook House Boys.”  I don't say anything about it.  It feels needlessly exclusionary.  I mean, just because Tom fucking Knight is having blue balls, all non-male candidates are excluded?

It's the 21st century.  Get over it.

But we are the Spook House Group.  And this was the Elevator Game Test.

The Hotel at 43rd and Broadway was the site.  It's built around a huge central atrium that puts vaporwave music in mind.  A lot of big leafy plants and some fountains, and down on the bottom there are tables and a carpeted area that look like the world's most upscale food court, tiles done in dark rich browns and deep red accents.  There's a tiered fountain in the middle that looked like it was made in imitation of Spanish Mission architecture.  Its spacial vocabulary was a postmodern imitation of the Country Club Plaza – world's best high-rent strip mall, – which was a corporate bastardization of Seville, itself an imitation of Roman architecture done with the Arabic and Gothic alphabets on baroque stationary.

Copy of a copy of a copy.  The mannequin in Jean Baudrillard's grave was spinning.

In the middle of this atrium is a bank of three glass elevators. You need an elevator with at least ten stories for the Elevator Game. That's the first requirement.

The second is a Participant or Player.  I insisted on the term “Operator” for our internal terminology, because whoever yells the loudest about such things tends to get their way and I preferred it's sound.  So the second requirement was the Operator, me:  Jules Ng Miller.

No non-player was allowed on the elevator, so we were doing it at 4 AM, an hour after the last bar in Westport closed and all the out-of-town visitors had holed up in their rooms.

To play the game you start at the first floor and ride the elevator to the following floors in the following order without exiting it until the end.

Fourth.  Second.  Sixth.  Second.  Tenth.  Fifth.

At the fifth floor (according to “the lore,” by which I mean “the internet,” and more specifically, I mean “the Korean-language page we got this information from and plugged into Google Translate”) a “beautiful young woman” will get on the elevator.  You're not supposed to look at her or speak to her, or else she might “keep you forever.”

I know.  I cringed, too.

At this point, you press “1” and one of two things happen.  If the elevator descends, you get off at the first floor and walk away. If, instead, it ascends, you get out and walk around: at this point, you're supposedly in another world.  To get back, you return to the exact same elevator and punch in the order in reverse.  You've got to leave so that the woman isn't there when you return.

I'm the subject.  The Operator. With me here are Tom Knight (Fearless Leader; Camera 1, 5th floor,) Veronica “Ronnie” Wagner (Second-in-Command; Camera 2, 1st and 2nd floor,) Manuel “Manny” Rojas (Off-duty paramedic; Camera 3, 4th and 6th Floor,) and Franklin “Frankie” Fallon (resident skeptic; Camera 4, 10th floor.)  Veronica and Manny move between the different floors as I move up and down using the stairs.  The idea is that someone can see me every time I stop and I give a sign that everything is okay.  We record it so that there's a record of the whole thing.

It's just some dumb internet shit, but it's tied up with that whole thing that happened in L.A. a couple years back.  I'm kind of haunted by it, but I don't really show it to the others.  Tom would make fun of me, and the other two would feel awkward.  That girl could have been my cousin.  Maybe not a sister.  I never knew my family, so I guess I've just got this phantom limb thing when it comes to people who vaguely resemble me.

She was supposedly doing this thing before she disappeared, only to be found a month later in the water tower on top of the Cecil Hotel.

I began to wonder if this was a race thing as we were about to start.

I mean, we had drawn straws, but they had just conveniently chosen the guy who looked most like the person in the video.  The random element didn't really help me get away from that.

“You okay?” Veronica asked, pointing the camera at me.

I looked at her, at the projecting lens of the camera, then back at her.  She was watching me through the range-finder, and the whole thing was honestly a bit alienating.  She wasn't paying attention to me but to an image of me, an electronic simulacrum created out of bits and pixels.

Ronnie worked in a call center, and could turn on the charm when she had to.  She never did when she didn't have to, though.  I could understand that:  she had to dress up in slacks and a blouse for work, she had to raise the pitch of her voice, she had to smile. When she was with us she dressed in jeans and a tank top under a flannel shirt, she spoke in a husky voice, and she never smiled. Manny and Tom worked in health care, but if I had to pick one of us for surgeon material, it would be Veronica Elma Wagner.

“Just nerves,” I said.

She paused.

“Makes sense.  You think anything is going to happen?”

I shook my head as the door opened.

“No.  Just feels like bad luck,” I said as I stepped in.

“What do you mean?” she asked, adjusting the focus.

No way to back out of it, now, though.  I hit “4.”

“Like I'm making fun of a dead person.”

Part of me was gratified that she looked up at me as the door slid shut.

I took out my phone and hit record on it before sticking it in my breast pocket, lens exposed.  I turned to look out the window, mugging the camera Manny was holding like I was on “The Office.” After a second, I gave a tired “thumbs up,” signaling “all clear.”

Manny didn't live in the house anymore.  His room had become my room, and he had washed his hands of things for almost six months, but he still worked with Tom and was eventually dragged back in.  I liked him.  We weren't friends, or anything, but he was just magnetic: handsome, reliable, charming.  Good to have around.  I felt bad that he was spending a late night with a bunch of assholes like the Spook House Group.

Once the doors opened, I waited a second and then hit “2.”

Veronica had just gotten into position, having run up from the first floor.  The door dinged open, and I gave her the “all clear.”

When the door closed, I hit “6.”

Third…

Fourth...

As I passed Tom on the fifth floor, I flipped him the double bird. I could see the son of a bitch just laughing.

He was getting a kick out of this.  He was such a juvenile piece of shit.  I don't get why Owen kept putting him in charge of these tests.  Probably just the shouting.  Tom could argue for hours over minutiae and there was no getting him to shut up about it.  Force of personality, my ass.  He'd known the other three since high school, and I got the feeling that he'd just eroded them, worn them down until they didn't have the will to put a stop to it.

It must have to do with his height, I figured.  Even Veronica had an inch or two on him, and he was the type who would never really pack on that much muscle or fat, so he had the personality of a bantam rooster on speed.  All twitchy and looking to establish dominance.

That's unfair.  It's also true.

Unlike the rest of us, Tom hadn't been scarred by the weird shit.  He'd been empowered by it.  He'd become convinced of his own importance, deriving meaning from it.  Then it had slipped from his life, retreating from it like some woodland creature running away from the light of a forest clearing.  He wanted it back, and didn't understand how traumatized the rest of us were.

Our worst moment mapped on to his best, and he couldn't put himself in our shoes.  He was all about this.  That's why he was leader, I imagine.  He wanted it.  He wanted it, bad.

I lowered my hands and looked at Manny just getting in to position as the door dinged and opened to the sixth floor.  I raised my hand and gave a shaky thumbs up.

The silence was getting to me.  Elevators were stressful places.  It was a machine whose sole purpose was to get you from one place to another, and I spent all day, every day, driving.

The door closed.  I hit “2.”

Wave to Ronnie there.

Up to “10.”

This was the longest period of largely unobserved travel.  I shouldn't have been nervous about it.  The eyes of my housemates – well, housemates and Manny – were bothersome when present, but I just felt anxious when they weren't watching.  There was no winning, really.  There was no way to get comfortable.

Maybe I could get off.  Maybe I could trade with somebody.

No...no...we had drawn straws.  That was the protocol.

I gave Frankie a thumbs up at “10.”

The big, blonde ex-goth waved back at 10.  He was how I knew the rest of these people:  we had worked at the same pizzeria for a long period, and I had moved in just after I left in the most spectacular fashion.  He had jumped ship shortly after in solidarity, switching over to manning the grill over at the Westport Flea Market, where he was stoked about the fact that he worked in the same building as the former site of Bob's Bizarre Bazaar, a shop operated by Kansas City's most famous serial killer, Bob Berdella.  I wonder if the serial killer fascination was what had led to him being a goth kid, if it has been nascent in the good Catholic school boy he had once been.  Had he been watching Silence of the Lambs in the wilds of the Southwestern Suburbs, thinking about Ed Gein while biking around the cul-de-sac?  Or had it been an outgrowth of that subculture?  A perverse fascination that he had developed after the torn ACL moved him from football to theater?

I guess I'll never know.

He waved back.

Absentmindedly, I hit “5.”

The elevator descended.

When the door opened, I turned sharply away, looking out the window at Tom, who was narrating something into his camera.  Someone else had gotten on the elevator.  Tom grinned and gave me the thumbs up.

The beautiful young woman from the internet had stepped on.

Ꚛ

Tom spoke low, directly into the microphone:  “Young, Asian woman getting on the elevator...”

He squinted.  “I think? I can't tell her age…Wait!  Shit, that's because she's far away, not because she's – ”

He trailed off.

“She looks pretty well-dressed?  Like put-together?  The sort of clothes you would wear to a job interview.  Like...one of those dresses that's worn over a shirt, leaving only the collar and sleeves out.  She's got a white shirt on.”

The walkie-talkie he had in his breast pocket crackled, and Manny spoke.

“Shirt or blouse?”

“What's the difference?”

“How loose is it?” Manny asked.

“I don't know!  It's pretty far away.”

“Let's just call it a blouse.”

“Okay, fine,” Tom said.  “Blouse, then.  She also looks like she's got some panty-hose on.”

“Also, the dress you're talking about is a jumper,” Manny said.

“How do you know so much about women's clothing?” Tom asked.

“Hey, I've got hobbies you don't know about.  I don't hang out with you guys all the time.”

“I think he means that he just pays attention,” Veronica said.

“Yeah, Manny's pretty observant,” Frankie added.

“Shut up!  This isn't important,” Tom said, and waved, gesturing to Jules for continue.

Slowly, Jules swallowed and shook his head.

“He's refusing to continue.  I can't believe it,” Tom said.

“Hey, we've got confirmation.  Lady just appeared out of nowhere, right?” Frankie said.  “Can't we just call this one?”

“I...I think? She might have?”

“Were you not paying attention?” Veronica asked, barely hiding her exasperation.

“I'm going to call him,” Tom said.

He ignored the walkie-talkie for a moment and pulled out his phone, hit the contact information for Jules, and raised it to his ear.

Jules pulled out his phone, looked at it, and sighed.  It was a visible, dramatic sigh.  He looked over at Tom, made direct eye contact, and touched something on the screen.  It went to voicemail.

“Son of a bitch didn't accept my call!” Tom complained.

He almost missed the woman say something.  Almost missed Jules go rigid and fight the urge to look at her.

Jules reached over and hit “1.”

The elevator didn't move.  Its lights flickered.  Tom wrinkled his nose as an unpleasant smell assaulted his senses.  An electric buzz seemed to emanate from it.

There was a pained screeching noise as the elevator shot up to the tenth floor far faster than it should have.  Jules fell down, but the woman remained standing.

“Fuck!” someone shouted.

“What –?” someone else began

After a moment, Frankie spoke: “Uh...guys, the elevator is full of smoke.”

The elevator began to slowly slide down toward the first floor. There was an uncomfortable ratcheting noise that accompanied it down.

“I'm only seeing one silhouette,” Manny said at the sixth.

“First floor,” Tom said.

“How do you know it's…?” Frankie asked.

“First floor,” Veronica said, backing Tom up.

“Right,” Manny said.

Tom broke down the tripod, pulling the camera free after a second and began to head for the first floor, taking the stairs down. Veronica was already ahead of him, but he figured he would be second to reach –

Manny passed him, carrying his camera by the tripod, and Tom cursed under his waning breath.

In the lobby, Veronica was filming the woman from behind a planter, peeking the lens of the camera out around the planter.  Manny was crouched next to her behind the same planter, completely hidden from the woman's view.

Tom walked right past them, and began to film the woman, walking around her slowly and steadily.  Her black jumper dress was worn over a cream-colored blouse, all of which fit well enough that someone more knowledgeable than Tom would assume that it had been tailored to fit her.  She was about as tall as Tom was, with most of her height in her legs.  The cold white smoke around her feet began to dissipate, revealing that she was wearing flats.  Tom wondered if Manny would want to explain the difference to him.

She noticed the movement, and turned to look at him.

“What was that about?” she asked.  “Do you know?”

She had a pronounced accent, but spoke confidently and clearly. English might not be her first language, but she had been speaking it long enough to have a firm command of the language, Tom assumed.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Tom said, training his camera on her.

She looked at him, down at the camera, then back up at him.

“You're filming me?” she asked, confused and dismayed.

“You bet your ass.  Our friend just disappeared and you stepped out of the elevator he was in.  So unless the Elevator Game is some elaborate gender-swap ritual and you're Jules – in which case, you look a lot better as a girl than as a guy, I mean, just saying – then – ”

Veronica, having set down her camera, stepped in and cut Tom off.

“Tom?  Shut up.  How many times do we have to tell you to be more careful?”

Tom turned to look at her, uncomprehenidng.

She stepped between Tom and the woman, almost blocking his view with the camera lens.  Tom tried to correct, Veronica grimaced at him, and then used one finger to push the camera away to not record the woman.

“I'm sorry about him,” she said.  “He was never the same after he stopped huffing glue, you know?”

“I never – !” Tom began to protest.

Manny took Tom by the shoulders and pulled him back a step.

The woman nodded slowly, and her posture relaxed.  Veronica took a step closer, but didn't invade her personal space.

“If you could return our friend,” Veronica said, “we would be very grateful.”

The woman cocked her head to the side.

“Your friend?  Oh!  The man from the elevator.  He slipped away, I won't be able to find him.”

Veronica slumped slightly.

“Oh.  Right.  Sorry to bother you.”

“It's okay,” the woman said.  “I'm just a bit turned around. I think I got into a liminality without realizing it.”

“Liminality?”

“Liminality.  Heterotopos.  Thin place.”

Veronica nodded slowly.

“A place that is part of two or more spaces.  A...crosshatch?”

“I think I understand.”

The woman looked at Veronica appraisingly.  Her large, dark eyes put Veronica in mind of a cenote, an unexpected yawning well in the surface of the earth.

“You seem like you might,” was all the woman said.

“Can I ask who you are?” Veronica asked.

“Forgive me,” the woman said.  “I don't really give out my real name lightly.  To explain myself simply, I'm a...hmm...a traveler, a seeker.”

She reached into a pocket sewn into the side of her dress, and pulled out something that looked like a cigarette case: aluminum-shiny, with an embossed bit of cursive text on it – “CABIN FILTERS” – and opened it up.  She pulled a business card out of it, on which was written:

Ms. 5

SEANCES * CARTOMANCY * PALMISTRY

KC-0057-665-93

“Is this a phone number?”

“What?  Of course it is.”

“What are you searching for?” Tom asked, cutting in.

“Something I don't think I can find here,” she said regretfully.

“You're being awful evasive,” Tom muttered.

“And you're prying,” the woman said, an oddly satisfied smile on her face.  “So in the Prisoner's Dilemma of politeness, let us both defect.”

Tom blinked.

“...What?”

“I must get back to my search.  This is a dead end.”

Franklin rounded his corner and raised his camera just as the woman climbed back aboard the elevator.  She bent down, studied the panel, and held down two buttons while pressing a series of others  in a particular sequence.

She looked back at the group.  Frankie zoomed in on her face.

“Be seeing you,” she said with a smile.

The door closed.  The lights flickered.  A strange, pungent smell wafted in cold waves from the elevator doors before the car rose with a pained shriek.

“What the hell is that?” Tom said, coughing.

“I don't know,” Veronica said, waving the air in front of her face.

“Kind of like...it smells like how it would smell if cinnamon could rot,” Manny said.

“Seriously, what the hell was that?” Tom asked.

Veronica sighed.

“The first confirmed incident in like...a decade?”

“Guys?” Franklin said, holding his nose.

“What?” Tom said.

“Where's Jules?”

A moment of silence followed.

“Fuck,” Tom said, quietly.

[healthywealthywiselife]

Natural Solutions For Colicky Babies

New moms are extremely resourceful, because they have to be. It's why moms lean so heavily on each other for information and support.

Many moms nowadays are looking to natural infant care to complement traditional medicine.

There are many different reasons for this. One we sometimes hear from our patients is that they would prefer non-pharmaceutical strategies to help their babies and their symptoms.

Colic is one of those afflictions where parents are often presented with pharmaceuticals by their medical doctor. As a result, we have many parents turn to us for help finding alternatives to this recommendation.

One of these strategies includes finding out the reason WHY the baby is colicky.

Where does colic come from? Is a crying baby necessarily colicky? And what can you do about it?

Keep reading to find out more.

What Is Colic?

Everybody knows babies cry when they're upset. Whether they're cold, hungry, need their diaper changed, or just need some attention, babies cry. It's what they do.

Colic is the name given to an infant who cries despite there being no obvious reason.

Sometimes, usually in the first few months of life, a baby will cry furiously, despite being well taken care of.

Some people think that it can be a response to the unfamiliarity and overly-stimulating “outside” world. Often, they grow out of it as they acclimatize to life outside the womb.

However, there is no real evidence to measure this effect.

Is A Crying Baby Necessarily Colicky?

Not necessarily. It could be that they need a visit to the doctor to establish if there’s an internal issue. This could be a blockage, an internal injury, or another issue that isn’t readily observable.

However, if your doctor runs tests and can't find anything wrong, they may diagnose colic.

But just because they are crying without obvious reason doesn’t mean there isn’t something to cry about.

It could be that they are experiencing acid reflux (GERD), or gas that refuses to pass, making them feel bloated and exerting painful pressure on their little bodies.

Symptoms Of Infant Colic

A baby who is colicky is one who will cry loudly, ferociously, and often for quite some time.

Bouts of crying often happen in the latter half of the day and evening.

Infants with colic will cry so hard their faces may get red and flushed. They may also ball their hands into fists that shake as they exert themselves.

As well, their bodies can go quite rigid, with a tense stomach, and often their legs will be fully extended and locked straight.

What Causes Colic?

Because colic is the absence of recognizable symptoms, it’s hard to say what causes colic.

It's likely discomfort or pain in the gastro-intestinal system. But since your infant can’t describe it or tell you, they cry instead.

Don’t panic though: colic usually only lasts a few weeks, so you won’t have to deal with this forever.

Stay focused on finding out what the triggers are, trying different treatment options, take note of what works, and build a plan around that.

Natural Solutions For Colic

To help you out, since you may be reading this at 2am after hours of dealing with such a situation, we’ve put together some things you can do.

Some of these are quick solutions, and some are long-term, but knowing about them can help you understand what might be the problem.

1. An Elimination Diet

Moms who breastfeed are well aware that what they eat ends up in their breast milk.

That’s true for the coffee you finally caved and ordered, but also the milk in that extra-hot, no-foam latte.

Lactose intolerance is fairly common in infants, which means every time you cut another slice of brie, baby is more likely to feel it later.

By starting an elimination diet, you can cut out all possible allergens. From there, you can slowly reintroduce them to figure out which one is causing the problem.

Some new moms discover they need to go dairy-free for the duration. This may be a drag if you're a cheese lover, but it's worth the extra sleep and reduced stress.

One warning about this solution: make sure you speak to your naturopathic doctor before starting. Altering your diet and caloric intake as a breastfeeding mom can be problematic without the proper guidance.

As well, your infant depends on the nutrients delivered through your diet, so you need to make sure you're eating a well-balanced diet.

2. Hold Them Upright After You Feed Them

Holding babies upright in general seems to be favourable, but this is especially important after a feeding.

During feeding, babies tend to swallow less air if they're upright versus lying down. However, this position while feeding can be difficult to manage.

After they finish, hold them upright and help them burp. The easiest way to do this is usually by holding them against your chest with their chin on your shoulder.

Rubbing their back in a gentle motion with the occasional gentle tap will help to release the gas from their tummies.

They may need more than one burp, so if your baby is prone to colic, keep going until you’re sure they’re done.

3. Use A White Noise Machine

White noise machines are great for infants and adults alike, especially when it comes time to fall asleep.

However, for babies, a white noise machine can produce sounds that mimic what they heard inside the womb. This includes waves, which sound like the muffled noise from outside, and mama’s heartbeat.

For an immediate solution, you can always ‘shush’ into your baby’s ear gently, in a rhythmic fashion. This mimics the sound of your heart pumping blood through your body, which baby would have heard.

There are some great YouTube videos for white noise as well. Take a look at this one below - it's 10 hours straight of white noise.

Peep the comments while you're at it. There are loads of parents chatting with each other while they're awake at 3 am because they can't fall asleep and they can't close the video.

Maybe you’ll join in on their chat?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oewj_XEM1js

4. Try A Different Formula

If you’re using formula to feed your infant, then the problem could be the brand and its ingredients.

Try picking up a lactose-free formula, an elemental formula, or one with a different protein source.

Keep in mind that it will take at least two days to notice a change, so you’ll have to have patience to determine success for this remedy.

Another formula trick is to add a little bit of cereal to thicken the formula. This can prevent acid reflux. However you may then need a nipple with a larger hole for the thicker liquid.

Take note that this tip comes with a caveat: speak to your doctor first.

Giving infants cereal too early can cause them to get full too fast and not get enough of the nutrients in the formula that they need to grow.

There will be a delicate balance, and your doctor should first check out your child to ensure they’re healthy enough to proceed with this option.

5. Hold Them Close

Babies love to be held, for the most part. They're almost always happier when snuggled in someone’s arms than when they’re left alone.

It’s part of how they become socialized, develop emotions and learn.

However, some babies are born with a natural separation anxiety. This means if you put them down, they get uncomfortable with being alone.

If your baby is being particularly colicky, try holding them to stop the crying.

As well, anecdotal reports suggest that spending more time holding a baby in the early part of the day can help them be more settled at night.

Contact Annex Naturopathic

We know that being a new mom is a trying, exhausting, wonderful affair that can bring unusual challenges such as colic.

Call now to book a consultation with Annex Naturopathic to discuss your diet, how it’s affecting your infant, and how we can help.

If you’re curious to learn more about this subject or would like to consult with one of our NDs feel free to book a visit or contact us.

Yours in Health,

Dr. Marnie Luck, N.D

Annex Naturopathic Clinic 572 Bloor St W #201, Toronto, ON M6G 1K1 -https://goo.gl/maps/uVRBvcyoUa62

Annex Naturopathic Clinic is a clinic in Toronto that offers integrative healthcare solutions from Drs. Marnie Luck, ND, and Tanya Lee, ND

See additional info on health, wellness, naturopathy, and medicine at: naturopath Toronto