#we didnt have uber expensive wine

[colorisbyshe]

i rly did go to a wine tasting class to... idk... develop more mature tastes and knowledge just to discover barefoot moscato IS my best friend, to hear someone make a steven universe joke, and for me to steal more complimentary chocolate squares than i was expected to take... really just made the entire thing a classless affair

like you can't put lipstick on this pig

[this-brownie]

04.03.20

not feeling super inspired right now to talk about anything so ill talk about my past birthdays. when I was younger, the apartment I used to live in was filled with not only Bengalis but children that were mine and my brothers’ age. we always had people to play with whether that was going to the park, going to each others houses, or simply playing on our block or backyard. we also always celebrated our birthdays together— I remember the first time I had my very first Big Mac was during my 9th birthday. in middle school, the birthdays got a little more sophisticated because we would go out to Thai restaurants instead of mcdonalds. in 8th grade, my family moved to a new house, a block away from the old apartment. the next year we all started attending different high schools and I don't rmmbr much, my feelings from the day at all except that we called it early that night and my mom and I slept on the living room sofa, lights off and everything. two of my neighbors came over to my house expecting that we were gonna go out to eat— i opened the door to see them dressed up and all they saw were me in my pjs, house dark and their faces fell. one of them said ‘we always do something for your birthday, we thought we were going to do something this year’ and I said no..not this year and kind of awkwardly sent them on their way. side note, I didnt really have social skills because I was extremely shy and super uncomfortable about being confrontational. 

the next few years in highschool my birthdays were okay—I had more School friends to celebrate with and we always went out to eat. but I never had the money or enough friends to have a huge bash like the way I always fantasized. I rmmbr in 10th grade, a few of my friends pitched in to buy me balloons and delivered them to me before first period— I had to carry them around all day and I felt embarrassed but also incredibly special and happy. I eventually became close with Fariha and we spent the next two birthdays together, always Thai food--Jen joined me for one of those outings— Fariha always took care of my bill but I realized I never extended the same courtesy to her. 

a certain pattern started developing over the years— my mom started picking fights with me and would always have me feelings miserable on the day of or very near my birthday. In 12th grade, we had a massive fight that I wasn't expecting her to remember it was my birthday or do anything about it. but near the end of the night she designed the living room with tea lights and bought me cake and dressed me up in a beautiful sari. looking back, its fucking manipulative to put me in a bad mood on a special day, and then expect those feelings to be wiped just because im presented with gifts. yes I was *eventually* showered with love but at the cost of feeling gaslighted and having to hide my negative emotions because they were considered disrespectful. my next birthday, I turned 18 but I can't rmmbr it at all. for my 19th, I was living in Toronto but I had visited Levi in Boston and for the first time ever I spent an entire week with him. I had recently gotten a credit card so I decided to buy myself expensive lingerie. that was a lot of fun.

my 20th birthday was one of the worst because I remember it had been a few months since I moved back from Toronto and my mom was especially untrusting. she completely disregarded that it was my birthday so that was a very lovely day. I remember I was working at magnolia that day but I can't rmmbr why I didnt go out with my friends…I don't rmmbr but it was a shitty day.

for my 21st, I had already been living in Boston for a little less than a year and Levi insisted I go out with my friends since I always stay in with him, I went out with two girls from the restaurant I used to work at, and another girl who I used t work at bebe with. regina (bebe) and I arrived earl/on time and decided to grab something to eat while we waited for the other two girls. we went to a Chinese hotpot place and it was a lot of fun trying something new to eat. the other two girls came and we went to a hookah place which was kind of ratchet but I remember my mindset at the time was to not plan everything out so meticulously because nothing goes to plan. however, I was TOO flowy because I was underdressed (it was fucking freezing that day) and the wait line for the hookah place without a reservation was ridiculous. I also didnt like the fact that the girls didnt dress up to the 9s like the way I did. they also didnt drink the vodka I snuck in so that was another bummer. the last annoying thing was that regina had to leave early because she used to Dorm, and the campus closed at a certain hour. even though I had more fun than usual, it wasn't the huge birthday bash one expects for their 21st.

the next year, 2015 at this point, I had moved back to New York but I can't rmmbr what I did that year. the next birthday was one of my favorites. I had finally planned out and executed an amazing girls night out. the day started off with me picking up a delicious tiramisu cake from a local bakery and heading over to nadiyas house in Astoria where Jenifer and Syndee also joined. we pregamed while getting ready. the dress code was black only— I had gotten an amazing sheer black maxi dress imprinted with gold stars from urban outfitters. all my girls looked amazing that night. we did our makeup and curled hair and even just getting ready was such fun. nadiya also put out snacks for us which was super cute. our first stop of the night was dinner at “beauty and Essex” where we had tapas like: tomato soup with a block of fried cheese in it; bone marrow with grilled bread, mini tuna tartare tacos, and shots of soup. the place was fucking fancy— they served us champagne in the ladies room, so extra haha. I knew the bill would be expensive so I covered a good portion of it which I didnt mind because I wanted to have FUN without being hindered at all. it was also a good amount of food where we were satisfied, but not too full that we felt bloated or couldn't continue drinking. we took an uber to the next stop to a placed called “beauty bar” which was a nail salon mixed with a club, that also served drinks. we each got ourselves a manicure and a drink. we danced for a little bit but didnt love the music so headed over to our last stop of the night, a nightclub called Cielo. this is where I made a mistake — I got us there a little after 11 and had to pay a $30 fee. if we had gotten there before 11pm, it would have been half the price. I remember sneaking a bottle of wine in, by squeezing it between my thighs, but it ended up being such a waste because we didnt have a bottle opener to even open it with. I ended up leaving it in the bathroom.  second thing wasn't really a mistake but it took points off from the overall day— the thing about nyc clubs is that there is SO many that they have to be different to stand out, meaning they don't play popular music or top 40. they will play what they think is cool. when you're drunk its fine, but if you're sober (like jen was), its less enjoyable. however because I was super drunk, I did enjoy dancing even tho I didnt act totally ratchet. maybe it worked out haha. I also met a very charming and handsome man that night. apparently he checked me out the minute he looked at me (according to Jen) and came up to me and…I can't rmmbr now what he asked but he offered to buy me a drink and I jokingly said back “haha I think my friends are going to be jealous if I drink without them” and then he actually bought me nadiya and Syndee drinks. I didnt expect that— afterwards we all split up and the girls danced with other people. I danced with this guy, whose name I don't even remember, but he was tall, genuine, and very charming. I met his friends and we went out for a smoke and I remember enjoying his company. I remember telling him I had a boyfriend and he will still ver pleasant and sweet, which I appreciated. afterwards us 4 girls and he, his friend and girlfriend all squished into this tiny car to grab pizza. it started raining heavy at that point and I was super drunk - on our way back to nadiyas place, we ended up having a sleepover that night, I dropped my phone into the water and it went blank. I felt horrible after because I never got the chance to thank him for the night— in his mind, I just became another girl that used him for drinks and then took flight. theres no way to change that unfortunately.

the issue with me is that I really want to execute the way I envision things, and when they don't turn out like that I become very unhappy. I started fantasizing, and still do sometimes, about having a perfect girls group thats made up of pretty girls of different ethnicities. for my next birthday I invited Syndee (Thai but can pass for Latina), Lilian (chinese), and a coworker of mine who I had never hung out with before (Mexican, but extremely pale- looks exotic white) to have a birthday brunch. this was the first time hanging out with Lilian after maybe 7-8 years so it was a bit of a reunion. we went out for drinks to a speakeasy after which was really cool too. even though the group of us looked beautiful in photos, the aesthetics of the restaurant was lovely, the food itself was amazing, and the drinks were strong-- the dynamic between all of us wasn't flowing 100%. I wanted so badly for things to look good that I didnt realize the coworker would feel out of place amongst the rest of us who had known each other for a while. so, while the day was nice and nothing bad had happened, it still didnt feel extremely memorable. thats the last time I hung out with that coworker, and the last time I tried to force things together to make them fit.

the next year I was pretty down about and around my birthday— this was the first birthday after being married. I remember Levi asking me what I wanted to do and what gift I wanted. im not super materialistic anymore so I don't like receiving gifts. we did go out to Indochine for dinner which was nice but not as great as it was the previous time we had gone. instead, we went out to see Jim Jeffereys in Madison sq garden. it was okay— he made a joke about taking a shit which lasted 15 minutes. it was annoying. also Levi got mad at me because I went out to get a drink and missed an entire segment. wooh. I am weird because I want people to show me a lot of love— it doesn't have to constant, or grand gestures but I like when its thoughtful. I hate having to ask for attention or affection, it makes it less special if I receive it after that. even though Jen is my best friend, I have celebrated most of my birthdays without her. she's usually unable to come see me during the school term. this year she was at med school and wasn't able to make it because she was busy studying. she's missed out on a lot of them and it hurts because not only is she my best friend and should do things to make me special, but that I always go out of my way for her to make her feel amazing on her day (I will make a separate post for HER  birthdays). I am relatively low key about my birthday too, ever since 10th grade it hasn't been on facebook profile. I don't tell people about it, if they ask for the date I try to evade their questions. I know its strange, but its because I don't like revealing personal info, or things that are meaningful to me, and have others disregard or forget them. most of my friends didnt remember to wish me but I don't hold it against them because I don't make their birthdays special. I only do that with Jen, so I only expect it from her. however, fimo did make me feel special. we went out to eat at a Sri Lankan restaurant and then got ice cream after from a different place. she printed me a cute celebratory card with a picture of me on it and got a beautiful vase (I told her not to get me anything tho!). she gave me black and white triangular shaped earrings and said, I noticed you like geometrical shapes so I thought you would like these (I did like them a lot). she also did something very sweet and unique- she cut out scraps of paper and wrote little compliments and inside jokes we shared on the. that was my favorite because it showed that there are little moments of me that she remembers, and that she has taken time to think of me and what would make me happy. 

out of all my birthdays, the last one where I turned 26 has been my favorite. im not always moody and a downer! this was one of the first birthdays that I actually DID get to spend with Jen. I become very moody around my birthday- in the past because my mom would pick fights with me..these days because I prefer to isolate myself rather than be happy, or optimistic, and then be disappointed. I would want someone to do for me what I do for them. is that selfish of me? maybe. which is why I like to keep my expectations extremely low. Jen had recently broken up with her boyfriend of a long time and she was actually available to come see me, without being hindered or guilted into spending a part of the weekend with him. she asked what I wanted to do and if I wanted anything for my birthday. I feel embarrassed and shy about being given gifts so I always say no to that— I like to have special experiences instead. I gave her an ambivalent answer, showing my hesitation and hinting that ill be working and ill be pretty busy that weekend. the reason I do this is because 1. im manipulative and 2. I'm an asshole. id rather exaggerate to her and make it seem like *IM* the one whose busy and can't make time for her, rather than have her say yes and hope that she's coming and be let down if she can't make it (which has happened in the past before). I also am…apparently unsatisfied by how people show me love. im a scorpio… meaning I am excessive, intense, and “relentless” (according to levi). when I do something, I do it big and I try my best to make it perfect. when people are very lax, like the way Jen is, about certain things it conveys to me that they are not as serious about me. its not necessarily true but thats how I feel. so I tell her im busy, to test her and see whether she will still come to see me for my birthday even tho it may be inconvenient for her. I was wishy washy, but I wasn't completely adamant about her not coming so she decided to ignore my hesitance and come anyway. good decision.

several days before my mom hinted that she would throw a surprise party for me— she tried to be clever about it, in her defense, but when she asked me for fimos number I knew something was up. I played along— I found it very endearing that my mom would do something like this for me. this was part of the reason I decided Jen should come anyway, it would be more fun with her there after all. she came Friday night and we had dinner and talked for a little bit before heading to bed. I had work the next morning; after I came come we both got ready to go to my moms place. she made it seem like we were going to a wedding so I had to get there, get dressed and then we would all head out together. I knew it was gonna be a party so I tried to get Levi to come but he didn't think it was appropriate. once we got there and opened the curtains, I was greeted loudly with “HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY!!!” it was my two brothers, a couple of my little brothers friends, fimo and her bf, my aunt, and my cousin and his parents. it was very sweet, I was honestly touched to see a room of happy faces all leathered around because of me. my mom was elated, it was so fucking cute. she spent all day cooking a ton of food— making all my favorites ofc— and got this delicious cake adorned with a picture of me. the room was designed with HBD banners and streamers, confetti balloons, and pretty fairy lights. my brothers even got a disco light that displayed different colored lights all over the walls, and champagne candles (the ones that shoot out that pretend fire until they die out). I felt so fucking loved— I feel happy right now thinking back to that night. 

the next morning I had planned to go to the spa with just Levi but Jenifer wanted to join us. I didnt want to at first because I wanted to spend some alone time, but thankfully it ended up being a great time. Levi rented a car and we drove to this luxe spa in New Jersey. it was three floors filled with different temperature jacuzzis, pools, saunas, and steam rooms. the pool on the rooftop was an infinity pool, filled with a ton of instagrammers, but the view was stunning and we caught a delightful sunset. Jenifer being there added a lot to my pleasure and peace— I got to take as many photos as I wanted without being judged and I had fun running around to all the different areas instead of being told to sit quiet. I really do love that girl, but any actions of me being distant or cold are a result of being let down so many times, intentional or not, that I always expect only the worst now. however, her being there that weekend solidified our bond greatly and I appreciated that. we got pizza afterwards which was tasty but not so great. we drove back home and Levi let us off at st marks so that Jen and I could spend the last hour before she had to leave back to Philly. she spontaneously told me she wanted to get a belly piercing, and if I was down. we had gotten one together a long time ago but it fell out and we didnt have it re pierced. I didnt care either way so I went for it. now we have matching bffl belly rings all over again. nice end to a great weekend.

a few days later I met fimo for brunch at an Italian place in Brooklyn, that happened to be near the movie theaters where we planned on going after. brunch was whatever but she got me a fucking $100 Chanel perfume even though I demanded that she not get me anything. the perfume smells heavenly, and I only wear it on special occasions now. but it was too expensive, and I really didnt want that from her. later, we watched ‘Parasite’ at this theatre called Nitehawk Cinema which allows you to eat and drink right while you're watching the movie. we munched on popcorn and drank wine and felt like badasses. Parasite was absolutely amazing and thrilling- a Korean horror/thriller about a family that trick, and uses, a richer family into employing them. the name of the movie makes it seem like THEY are the parasites, but the crazy plot twist is that the rich family’s former employees were doing the same thing. but worse. they were secretly living/hiding out in the rich family basement/bunker. shit gets crazy when current employees find the ex employees. we both really enjoyed the movie, and didnt expect to like it as much as we did. it got nominated for several awards, so we were not the only ones who thought so.

the last person I saw for my birthday was Syndee but it wasn't really a bday hangout. I recently had a falling out with Ivan (more on that on a different post), and had reached out to all my closest friends. Sydnee and I see each other once every couple months so it was time. we got Detroit style pizza at this famous place near my work/home. the food was pretty good and it was nice to catch up with her. I let her know that I would be less busy in the future and that maybe we should start calling each other so that the stretches in person wouldn't feel as long. she agreed, and it was interesting as were catching up that for the first time I had only good news to share and she had not so good news. I told her that I had gotten a new job where I was planning to get promoted, had very recently gotten my green card, and that my mom was finally coming to terms with my marriage. I talked about my birthday, and she casually got the date for my birthday wrong (she was off by two days)— so I guess it really has been a while since we've been thorough with each other. she lamented about having to move out soon from her apt because she and her bf (who pays most of the rent) might be splitting up. she also said she wasn't doing as well at her new job as she had hoped. It was unfortunate that she was going through a tough time but I told her that she wasn't completely helpless, and that she still had options. its difficult for me to hear about people going through a tough time because I want to be able to change that, even if im not always in the position to do so. we did end on a good note and she seemed happy about seeing me which was nice. I am happy and grateful for the friends and the freedom I have. they don't always show me affection in the way I want but they do show it how they can, which I acknowledge and cherish.

[pockyandmash-blog]

and so the adventure begins

hello friends! today marks my FIRST morning waking up in London in my new home. and boyyy was it an adventure getting here. so i’m just going to give you the full run down (it’s quite long so nobody will probably read it but idc):

so sept. 12th was the day that i officially left. my friend pedro and I had a flight that took off from DFW at 6:15 PM. So that means we had the ENTIRE DAY to stress about this upcoming adventure. And stress we did. (You can ask Amber, I sent her many texts) i started my morning off by having cinnamon coffee (my familys STAPLE) in my most favorite place in my house (because i think my fam is moving so idk if they’ll be there when i get back). Then I went on to cook some breakfast. This included an ENTIRE pack of bacon because lets be real - i’m hype to try this english bacon, but american bacon will forever have a place in my heart. 

from here i finished packing which btw i was gonna post this cute post with like pictures and all the stuff i packed so that i could be cool or whatever. but honestly my aunt packed my suitcase because i had no idae what the heck i was doing so im sorry :D either way, from there we moved on to get our LAST AMERICAN MEAL which ended up being in-n-out burger. Yeah i know i live in texas and my last meal wasnt whataburger. SO WHAT. okay. that aside, finally it was time to leave which was like very surreal and insane.

I said goodbye to my little cousin Zach (i sobbed and he didn’t shed a tear). I said goodbye to my grandma. And then we were off. We road with my aunt who proceeded to tell us how amazing this was going to be and i proceeded to cry because seriously i love my family haha i am a mess. so at the airport we went through security relatively quick. I had to say goodbye to my aunt (which was hard) but we made it. And finally we found our gate! we had some time to spare...so pedro and i got a margarita before we left. who knows if we’ll find good ones in London!? 

so we sat around and finally boarded. pedro and i were on the back of the plane, however like our seats were so roomy and comfortable i was SHOOK. it was a huge plane, the biggest i’d ever been on before (three seats, four seats, three seats). however i must say the flight was fairly uneventful. We watched movies and attempted to sleep and had crappy airplane food and lots of wine. so in my eyes it was a pretty good time.

finally we landed in London. Which was insane to us, it felt so surreal! customs went by fast which was AWESOME and finally it was time to get our uber to where we were going. except. well. for some reason the uber app wouldn’t accept ANY form of payment (i have my cards set that im going to london, i promise that wasn’t it). Like even paypal? or pedros card? so here we are at heathrow airport trying to figure out how to get to about 45 minutes south of london with no car. i know you’re all thinking ‘oh kara why didnt u take the tube london is all about public transportation!?’ YES I KNOW BUT LOOK WE HAD SO MUCH LUGGAGE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO HARD AND WE WERE SO TIRED. so we took a taxi to the train station. which was pretty cool minus the traffic and the price. we got to see some of London! particularly trafalgar square and the london eye! well either way, after a two hour taxi ride, we finally make it to the station. TURNS OUT THERE ARE TRAIN DELAYS due to some signaling issue. So we get an oyster card since we have time to kill anyway and we sit and wait. the scariest thing was that there was no guarantee that our train would actually show up or not. like they had no idea. BUT IT DID.

on the trian we met the sweetest girl who helped us carry luggage to our dorm. and let me just say SIDCUP IS THE CUTEST TOWN OH MY GOD. i promise to upload plenty of pics because this place is precious. wow. either way finally we MAKE IT to our rooms and get to set all our stuff down. and from here pedro and i are like AHHH WHAT NOW. honestly we wanted to go to sleep but we had to fight off that jetlag so we decided to go adventure! we went to find where our college was. we got a bit lost, but found our way eventually. its about a 15 minute walk from where we live which isnt so bad! and then we headed off to Bexelyheath which is about 30 minutes via train from where we are at to get me a phone plan. (that international shit is too expensive).

so after getting ripped off and told many lies about how all the plans work and also being asked for a credit check (but i didnt do it so its okay), we finally found a pay as you go plan that offered data so i could still talk to my family back home. (thank god). from here we headed off to my F A V O R I T E part of the day (i know that sarcasm doesnt work via text so i am here to tell you i am being VERY sarcastic about that favorite bit).

so pedro and i didnt prepare anything for our beds or dorms because we were told by our friends over here that had done this program in the past that they were leaving behind items for us to use! (wow so helpful so nice) well turns out they couldnt find them and so we were in essential limbo all day. until we go to meet up with our friend who was helping us out. she was super duper awesome and gave us many hints on how to survive and also glasses of champagne. however, she didn’t really come through on our bedding. Pedro and I had to wait up until 10 PM (keep in mind weve been awake well past 24 hours by now) to get the stuff. and FINALLY IT ARRIVES. except it is disgusting. like literally bugs were in it. they were all stained. they had been in a garage for months.

so here it is. 10 pm. we have no bedding. no towels. nothing. and everything is closed. so. naturally i showered and used my cardigan as a towel and stuffed my sweaters up to make a pillow to sleep. which was pretty damn awful and my neck is feeling it todayyyy but i still awoke to the beautiful town of Sidcup and Pedro and I are ready to take on the rest of the day.

so thats it folks. i’ll update you soon on the actual adventure to get bedding. and maybe some feelings that im feeling about this big move (because honestly im a mess lol) but stay cool kids.

[floricimientto]

EUROPE

holy shit where do i start?

in a fucking gaming cafe right now in croatia (lol)

the keyboard is croatian so i keep on typing z instead of y. punish.

i dont even know how to structure this because i am up to week 6 and i havent slept in 2 days. i am also still covered in glitter from ultra. god help me.

FIRST WEEK.

Paris, France

Met the lovely Emma who let me stay in her apartment for 1-2 nights.

Got lunch in a lovely, little cafe where we drank French goblets of beer! 

Apartments in Paris are so tiny!!

1st night - Jet lagged so couldn’t sleep so went on tinder at Midnight.

Was slightly worried about meeting a stranger off tinder at midnight but what a night. Went to a bar where we drank whiskey shots followed by beer, went to a french nightclub where we got to party with Parisian locals. cute polaroids, drunk hotdogs and crazy french girl who wouldn’t let me on the podium.

wandered out at 4 or 5am when the sky was a bright royal blue as the light was beginning to break. the streets were quiet and beautiful. seeing Paris at that time was magical. We then got high and went to a french patisserie where i got to try one of each. we then went home and good lord, the french can fuck.

he then offered for me to stay another night. 

we went and saw the eiffel tower together and went for a fancy french lunch where we got a charcuterie board with assorted cheeses and meats, and french wine! amazing. That night I went and saw a show at the Moulin Rouge which was phenomenal. 

we then went to a bar near moulin rouge called Dirty Dick.cool bar, all about sustainability. they use recycled fruit scraps and turn them into liquors, cocktails. they left pineapple in a bucket to ferment and turned it into pineapple cider!! 

got very wasted that night. whoops.

next i went to Versailles

Versailles

,stayed in a fancy hotel to treat myself. Had a bubble bath whilst i listened to Nina simone. Jazz sounds better when you’re having a bubble bath in france... ummm and the continental breakfast, holy shit. there was a section just dedicated to cheese. you could just take huge chunks of brie. France, I love you.

Went to the palace of Versailles. Absolutely incredible. Its the chateu where all of the Louis and Marie Antoinette once lived. All of the room settings were still the way they were. Everything was covered in gold and all of the ceilings were ornately painted. all of the furniture was unreal and the gardens were the biggest and most beautiful gardens i have ever seen. 

wandered through the beautiful (and very fancy streets of Versailles), bought some jacket patches because i put my denim jacket on a candle in a bathroom in paris and it caught on fire haha. funny but v sad.

Next, I visited  Lyon(where emma is originally from) which i wasn’t overly phased by but met some super lovely people, especially these canadian boys! it was a very beautiful, modern city though. highlight of lyon was getting lunch where we got to cook our own meat on a hot stone and visitedamuseum where we saw all these amazing weapsons from ancient empire wars, like shields with renaissance paintings on them, swords that were ornately carved and covered in precious stones, armour and helmets. so cool.

Next, Grenoble and Lac Peladru! Camping was amazing.

and seeing the mountains of grenoble where the old village once was, was incredible and a park with the castle. where two weddings were taking place.

next, Marseilles - i loved marseilles. met some incredible people there too. cooked a hostel dinner with everyone. explored lake calanques with two lovely finnish girls and an american boy. long hike but sooo beautiful

it was so lovely being near the port, super magical city. men painting and playing violins and accordions near the water. 

Next, Cannes

very ritzy, stayed in a lovely airbnb right in the heart of it. lots of super yachts everywhere. got lunch with this hot half russian and half french girl.

hottest girl ever, hot blonde with tig ol bitties, kind of looked like tara reid.

caught up for drinks later that night with her and one of her friends but i got too wasted, ruined my chances and her friend had to put me into an uber (lol tragic)

fun night though, went for drinks at a bar where they gave you lolly bags and then went to a drag show.

then visited the absolute angel, Flavie, in Nice.

Such a lovely time with her and her friends. Yoga, singalongs, cookups, stories, breakdowns and cuddles, and some wisdom about energy!

then took a day trip to St Tropez - sooo fancy. really beautiful place to visit. everything was so expensive though. explored the streets then relaxed at the beach with a giant glass of Rose. Uber in St tropez even had a helicopter option. 

Next, caught a train or bus (??) to Italy. Stayed in Genoa for 2 nights with the lovely Michele and Juliano. two lovely, italian boys.

authentic dinner at trattoria, went to acquarium and african market. lots of africans in italian. genoa was very diverse. really liked it.

next, florence, too crowded and touristy but still beautiful architecture and a cool city to explore. didnt like the fuzzi museum. and only saw all landmarks from the outside because the lines were too long.

visited a pool bar with michael from LA (guy from my hostel)

and did a wine tour in Tuscany! best wine i have ever had. 

then met up with a boy i met in Florence in a seaside town called Livorno.

then Riccione/Rimini, another seaside town. then Padua! which was beautiful. 

Then from Padua to Ljubjiana.

beau

i fell absolutely in love with slovenia. stayed in Ljubjiana for 5 days. one of my favourite cities of the 6 week leg after france!!

 turquoise lakes with islands you could only get to by wooden boat. ancient castles at the top of mountains amongst beautiful, colourful buildings. quiet, cobble stoned streets. triple bridges with various rivers running all throughout the city. people leisurely riding bicycles through the streets. such a beautiful, quiet city. definitely needed after italy. 

delicious food (even though they eat horse - culture relativism though, am i right?)  

stayed in the most amazing hostel. the girls were so lovely and helpful. 

walked the streets, went to lake bled and went and saw the castle. 

met various people, such as a guy that was walking europe!! he had been walking since january. met 2 sweet aussie boys. explored this abandoned army base covered in graffiti and various art installations. super cool. it was called Metalkov

also had nightlife. we went out one night and ended up in a karaoke bar.

such a laugh when there are so many different nationalities. 

dutch girls singing bizarre dutch songs, tragic euros singing oasis, some norwegian girl singing death metal hahaha.

i then got wasted on cheap slovenian beer and did a duet of lets dance by bowie. followed by a solo rendition of say my name by beyonce (coupla slut drops)

NEXT STOP - caught an 8 hour bus to Split in Croatia where i started Yacht week. Stayed on the most beautiful, luxury yacht. Sailed around Croatia for a week. Explored Split, Makarsa, Hvar and Dubrovnik.

Highlights: floating around in the very salty Adriatic sea in my inflatable donut, visiting the set of Game of thrones, exploring all the beautiful old towns, eating the best pizza ever, ringing the bell, getting 3 course lunches every day, getting to visit Montenegro!! 

[420710ge-blog]

my first entry

all of these entries will be more or less stream of consciousness

Im watching queer eye. SO I felt like writing a blog and starting a blog bc im emotional and severely depressed. ( if the fab 5 could re vamp me and my life omg)

I'm trying to grasp this concept that i am 28 years old

and i STILL have no idea who the fuck I am or what the fuck am i gonna do.

what i do know is I am a single. I am straight-ish haha (no one is straight these days eff lables and gender norms) I live in a basement. The neighborhood I live in isnt the best in my opinion for me. I know I enjoy cities and hustle and bustle and noise. this area is not where i want to spend a long period of time in. I have my drivers license but dont have a car. I'm on a fixed income. I am very very poor. I've been struggling with money my whole life. My mother was struggling with money and work my whole childhood ive come to learn. i feel like my mom maybe didn't give me all the right tools i needed to make it in this world.

I'm not a good cook, but i enjoy cooking and wish I was good. I eat very unhealthy. I dont know how to shop for groceries or clothes. i eat fast food,microwaves meals and snacks, cheese and crackers, cereal, deli sandwhiches, pb & j, fruit snacks, ice tea, juice and water. (thats basically it unless i go out to eat which is bad bc i have no money for it.)

i cannot grasp the concept of money i dont know how to budget or balance a check book or keep track of spending. i need to put money a side and save and i just cant seem to do it. The money is always being used. i feel like im always in debt or owing money that i never get in front of this wave to start earning actual income every dollar i make is always spoken for and the $1 to 80 dollars that i actually get left over is for cleaning supplies hair products medication condoms tampons pads basically things i need. and im honest in saying i do spend money on food and great craft beer bc its my way of treating myself for actually making a payment or actually getting out of bed, for going hungry for a few days or for having a good mental health day.

My hobbies include filling out job applications, fighting with doctors and secretaries, bill collectors debt collect companies and creditors, watching youtube videos, vloggers and youtubers on my phone and my freinds old old laptop the basement has pretty difficult internet connection and it is freezing cold but other than that its nice it works its a place to sleep and shelter, other hobbies are watching movies and tv, and lastly SLEEP. i sleep 10-14 hours most days or i go 2 days without sleep. i am always over sleeping or i just cant turn my brain and stress and anxiety off just to shut my eyes and sleep. I almost never talk with friends or see other people or go out and hang with friends. the only times i do go out is if someone offers to pay for me or otherwise i cant.

i am addicted to social media. i cant go for more than 15 seconds without checking instrgram or snap chat or youtube or facebook. i can easily spend 11 hours going back and forth between those 4 sites. it is very bad for my mental health and its stunted my success bc i cant help but compare myself. and its vicious negative cycle that i cant seem to break.

i have to walk or use uber or lyft or public transit to get around which gets very expensive over time. walking and being out waiting for the bus or train is very triggering for my mental health. People who are fortunate to have the luxury to own or lease a car please realize the people who cannot afford a car or cannot drive for whatever reason are not second class citizens. People and humans are very nasty and rude and more terrible than youd imagine. having to walk everywhere and be in with the public as much as i have turns you into a cynical abrasive aggresive hateful and rageful person. for example a few weeks ago a car turned on the street that i was walking on and the walk sign was lit and he had a yellow switching to a red, her turned quickly to beat the light that he didnt see me or the walk sign and was inches away from me so i ran after his car and punched the shit out of the passenger window. i spazed out like that bc i had a week of walking in the freezing cold (and living in a super cold place) being rained on and splashed by the puddles being ran thru by cars, teenagers on busses making fun of me throwing things at me, people in cars yelling shit at me and the others standing at a bus bc we dont have a car and we have to wait in the cold assuming that we were all bums or homeless.

I am not happy or passionate about things i use to be obsessed with. I grew up loving comedy. stand up sketch improv.

i use to perform. i would go see it all the time it meant the world to me it is what i wanted t0 do with my life.

but now I dont and i think its was stupid. and a waste of time. same with college it was a waste of time and money to get a degree in something i have no passion about anymore. and a degree in something in which there are no jobs for you.it was terrible decision i made. one of the billions of terrible decisions i ahve made in my life

I have zero self confidence and i barely care what my appearance looks like anymore. i glance in mirrors but never really look at myself. I dont look people in the eyes anymore. I think so hard about what i am saying for i say that it comes out more often that not weird or incorrect bc i am so worried about what others are thinking about me so then that leads to me getting made fun of for how i talk or how i say things. I am always the butt of my friends jokes im always being poked fun at or pranked or messed with.

I dress like 15 year old skate kid. i have nothing that is appropriate for like an office or an audition  or job interview or business meeting or family event or a formal event or cocktail party. i dont know how to dress for my age or for my gender. 

I am super lazy and messy but i have been working on it.

i use cannabis recreationally not everyday but definitely multiple times a week. when i can afford it. it helps clear my head and use the same way a person uses a nice glass of wine at the end of a long day. i dont think its wrong or inhibiting me as a person. sometimes it even helps with motivation and helps get me out of a depressive funk.

I am severely depressed and have an anxiety disorder.

I over think about everything. i make plans and lists for every scenario that i am going to encounter on a daily basis its almost obsessive. my train of thought before entering a conversation with anyone is “do not say anything weird dont look at them for to long, dont fidget, omg what are they thining about when they are looking at me, am i ugly and i coming off as weird or immature or nervous.” 

I lost alot of very important people in my life bc of death or from people and friends and family just cutting me off and people to live the rest of their lives without me. it makes me judge and hate everyone.

I am constantly worried that i am gonna become homeless live on the streets and become a junkie. I actually think about this so so so much. i actually shocked from what i have been thru that i havent become a junkie yet.

I dont want what most white women in their late twenties want and crave. i dont relate or most girls in my age range. its hard for me to find things in common with my peers.

I dont want to buy or own a house. renting forever is fine by me

I do want to buy and own a car preferably a truck but a small suv could work too.

I dont want a family. I dont want children my own or adoptive. I dont want to live in the suburbs or in a neighborhood with tons or old people and families.

i dont want marriage i think its problematic and dumb thing to subject yourself to.

i enjoy soccer and skateboarding and true crime movies and tv shows and horror movies and tv shows.i like some funny things but its selective. i love the sims.

i want to try out living in other states in the us and maybe even try living in the uk.

if i was rich i would want 2 small apartments in central city locations on both coasts of the us one on one and one on the other. and ill use my money to travel. i am craving to travel so badly its all i have been thinking about lately. but again no funds

i want to meet someone who just totally sweeps me off my feet. somone who knows how to be a real man and real boyfriend im tired iof these boys i need a guy who calls me out on my bs, gives constructive criticism, incredibly supportive and KIND. i want our respectfulness to be at an 100%. i want to feel worshipped and adored. i want them to be succesful and be able to bring me up and boost me forward. great listener. not sleepy or annoyed very easily. insane dark weird goofy sense of humor. id love them to be outgoing and be able to command a room and be comfortable around people new and old. great sex and adventures. currently im giving my ex a chance and its prolly a terrible idea.

i want a makeover i want to learn how to dress myself correctly and figure what my style is, make money and keep money, how to cook, how to skateboard, how to surf, how to take care of my skin and my hair. I want to learn how to work out where i wont make my current ailments and injuries and medical issues flare up and put me out of business for few days. id like to have toned arms back shoulders and legs and to not be winded dont everyday tasks.

if i had to make a dream cocktail. and the final result would be the new me i would throw in the blender: confidence of a drag queen, the wit and sharp tongue of joan rivers, the comedic timing of sean hayes, riley reids sex skills, the intelligence and maturity of michelle obama, pinks hair and singing skills, kat dennings body and dgaf attitude. that would be the perfect me in my eyes.

I want to make everyone proud of me. and I want to be proud of myself. 

idk what this was but its on the internet

-GE

[madpicks]

New Post has been published on https://www.madpicks.com/sports/nhl/15-nhl-stars-you-didnt-know-had-famous-wives/

15 NHL Stars You Didn’t Know Had Famous Wives

Alexander Ovechkin: Married to Nastya Shubskaya

After dating for three years, Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin got engaged to his then-girlfriend, Russian tennis pro Maria Kirilenko, in December 2012. By July of 2014, the engagement was off, but Ovechkin wasn’t back on the market for long. He was engaged again, this time to Russian model and actress Nastya Shubskaya, in September the following year.

The two got married in a small wedding in Russia last summer, which sent both the Russian tabloids and the hockey community as a whole into a frenzy. And while Shubskaya is well-known for her modeling work, her parents are probably even more famous. Her mother, Vera Glagoleva is a film star who has appeared in 33 movies and has directed a handful of others, and her dad, Kirill Shubsky, is a prominent ship-builder, well known within the industry.

Sean Avery: Married to Hilary Rhoda

Apparently former NHL bad boy Sean Avery finally found a celebrity who could put up with him long enough to marry him, and her name is Hilary Rhoda, a dark-haired, knockout, 30-year-old supermodel from Maryland.

Perhaps best known for her work with Estee Lauder, Rhoda has made appearances in Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issues from 2009 to 2011 and has also appeared in advertising for Abercrombie and Fitch, Dolce & Gabbana, Gucci, Gap, Ralph Lauren and Victoria’s Secret, among others. She’s also been featured prominently on the covers of Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, Time and W.

Avery met the blue-eyed stunner at the opening party for a restaurant that he and some former teammates had invested in. At the time, she was dating NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez, but Avery was able to win her over, and the pair eventually married at the Parrish Art Museum on Long Island in October 2015.

Tomas Plekanec: Married to Lucie Vondrackova

You may not recognize her name on this side of the pond, but Lucie Vondrackova’s fawning fans in her native Czech Republic definitely do. Vondrackova is an uber-popular singer and actress over there and one of the most successful cultural icons in her country.

When she married star Canadiens forward and fellow Czech Republic compatriot Tomas Plekanec in June 2011, the couple dominated the Czech tabloids like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie used to in the U.S., so that sort-of gives you an idea of her social impact in their country.

Plekanec reportedly proposed to Vondrackova over a dinner in Montreal, and the couple was already expecting when she said yes. Nowadays, they live in Montreal with their two sons, Matyas and Adam.

Henrik Zetterberg: Married to Emma Andersson

Henrik Zetterberg met Swede Emma Andersson in 2007, and the couple basically became Swedish royalty when they wed in 2010 in what’s considered one of the largest and most expensive ceremonies in the country’s history.

Andersson first came onto the scene in 2001 when she appeared as a contestant on a Survivor-like show in Sweden called Expedition Robinson. A year after that, she started her singing career and released her first album, Who Am I, though it didn’t ever sell very well.

She appeared on an all-star version of “Expedition Robinson” in 2003 and won it, which helped her land later gigs as a TV show host, but she then ended up moving to the U.S. to be with Zetterberg, and the couple now lives in Detroit with their son, Love.

Brandon Prust: Engaged to Maripier Morin

French TV personality Maripier Morin caught the eye of former NHL winger Brandon Prust during his time in New York with the Rangers. They turned into a Quebec power couple later when Prust was traded to the Canadiens, allowing them to spend more time together, before he eventually asked her to marry him.

Making her television debut in 2006 on Canadian reality show Double Occupancy, Morin has appeared on several shows and has since built up quite the following in Quebec.

Most notably, she has been a mainstay on the W Network’s reality show Hockey Wives, where she bears all on her relationship with Prust and the challenges of maintaining a long-distance relationship as he follows his career around the world.

Prust and Morin got engaged in Italy in 2015, and nuptials are reportedly coming soon.

Bret Hedican: Married to Kristi Yamaguchi

Bret Hedican’s Team USA lost to Czechoslovakia in the bronze medal game of the men’s ice hockey tournament at the 1992 Winter Olympics in Albertville, France, but Hedican went home a winner anyways.

Those Games were the place not only where Hedican met his eventual wife, decorated U.S. figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi, but also the place in which Yamaguchi became a household name in America.

Yamaguchi won Olympic gold in the women’s singles figure skating that year, capping off an amateur career in style before turning pro and joining Stars on Ice while also touring on the pro circuit.

Hedican and Yamaguchi eventually got married in 2000 while Hedican was playing for the Panthers. Nowadays, they live with their two daughters in northern California and oftentimes work together on charities and other public events.

Evgeni Malkin: Married to Anna Kasterova

Evgeni Malkin himself actually alluded to his laissez-faire approach to marriage in favor of kids, but he eventually legally wed the beautiful fellow Russian Anna Kasterova last year, just days before they welcomed their first child, Nikita.

Born in Moscow, Kasterova is a 32-year-old Russian television personality. She graduated from Moscow State pedagogical University with a degree in psychology and got her start in TV at 22. She has worked for a number of different channels, among them BBC News and other entertainment programs.

After dating for two years, the couple got engaged in November of 2015 and applied for a marriage license in Pennsylvania last May. No word yet on the actual ceremony for these two, but then again, they’re a fairly private couple.

Valeri Bure: Married to Candace Cameron

Former NHL All-Star and brother to “Russian Rocket” Pavel Bure, Valeri Bure married Full House actress Candace Cameron, who played DJ Tanner on the popular ‘90s TV show, in June of 1996 as a young 22-year-old following his rookie NHL season with the Montreal Canadiens. They were introduced at a charity hockey game by one of Cameron’s then-co-stars, Dave Coulier, who was playing in the event alongside Bure.

After her stint on Full House, Cameron starred in family comedy Make it or Break it and made appearances on other shows like Cybill, Boy Meets World, That’s So Raven, Dancing with the Stars, and Fuller House, among others.

Bure and Cameron now operate a Napa Valley winery called Bure Family Wines and have three children together.

Brooks Laich: Engaged to Julianne Hough

Smoking hot dancer, country music star and actress Julianne Hough is officially the arm-candy of former Washington Capital and current AHL Toronto Marlies forward Brooks Laich. Now that’s a good-looking couple.

Hough’s celebrity began to rise when she was became a pro dancer on Dancing with the Stars in the mid-2000s. She then rose to country music fame with her self-titled debut album in 2007, which featured the popular single “That Song in my Head” and has since won multiple awards for her music.

Her acting accolades include appearances in the films Burlesque, Footloose, Rock of Ages and Safe Haven, and she’s made several appearances in television roles as well.

Laich and Hough bean dating in 2014 after Hough broke it off with Ryan Seacrest, and they got engaged in August of the following year. They were supposed to get married last summer, but they postponed the ceremony, citing relationship issues. It sounds like things are back on track for this summer, though, so stay tuned.

Sheldon Souray: Married to Barbie Blank

Former NHLer and 2004 hardest-shot winner Sheldon Souray walked down the aisle with model and former WWE Diva Barbie Blank (or should we call her by her ring name, Kelly Kelly?) just last year in a “fairytale” wedding in Cabo. The location had meaning; it’s where they took their first trip together when they started dating.

Blank’s background was in gymnastics and cheerleading, and she studied broadcast journalism with hopes of becoming a TV anchor in her professional career. She ended up signing with WWE in 2006 and debuted in the ECW later that year as “Kelly Kelly,” performing as a salacious exhibitionist.

Along the way, she got into various feuds and won her first Divas championship in 2011. She has also appeared in music videos, TV shows and magazine spreads and currently stars on reality TV show WAGS.

Souray himself retired from hockey in 2013 before the pair got engaged the next year.

Wayne Gretzky: Married to Janet Jones

I don’t know if Wayne Gretzky was the first superstar athlete to marry a supermodel, but he definitely set the bar for guys like Tom Brady to follow later.

Gretzky and Janet Jones first met in 1983 when they were both 22 and engaged to other people. They met again four years later at an L.A. Lakers game when both were single again, started dating, and were engaged within six months.

Prior to that point, Jones had a resume with both modeling and acting jobs, appearing in several movies like Flamingo Kid, A Chorus Line, and Police Academy V. She also appeared in Playboy in 1987, so you can understand The Great One’s attraction.

They wed in Edmonton in July of 1988 in what was dubbed “Canada’s Royal Wedding,” and she shortly thereafter put her career on hold to raise their kids while Gretzky did his thing in the NHL.

Cale Hulse: Married to Gena Lee Nolin

I’m sure you remember former NHL defenseman Cale Hulse’s wife, Gena Lee Nolin. She was the busty blonde who starred as Neely Capshaw in the television series Baywatch alongside David Hasselhoff for a few years in the ‘90s.

After that, she used her assets to do some modeling, appearing in Maxim, Stuff, Playboy and FHM, as well as various other TV projects, including her own show, “Sheena,” between 2000 and 2002.

Previously married to Greg Fahlman, Nolin divorced him in 2001 and married Hulse in Phoenix three years later in 2004, during the lockout-cancelled 2004-05 NHL season. These days, they live in Phoenix, where Hulse works in the front office for the Arizona Coyotes, the team he played for in 2003-04, while Nolin continues acting part time, most recently in Sharknado 4.

Ryan Miller: Married to Noureen DeWulf

Vancouver Canucks goaltender Ryan Miller married Indian-American stunner Noureen DeWulf over Labor Day Weekend in 2011 while Miller was playing for the Buffalo Sabres, immediately and forever raising the bar for future hockey WAGs with her red-hot, exotic beauty.

You probably know DeWulf best for her acting role alongside Charlie Sheen on the FX comedy Anger Management, as well as her film projects West Bank Story, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and The Back-up Plan.

She was born in New York but grew up in Georgia before attending Boston University, and her other works include drool-inducing appearances in Maxim, Nylon Magazine and Playboy, as well as her recent role on reality show Hockey Wives on the W Network.

The couple now has one child together and lives in Vancouver during the season.

Dion Phaneuf: Married to Elisha Cuthbert

Is Dion Phaneuf the luckiest guy on this list, or what? He somehow managed to put a ring on blazingly hot actress Elisha Cuthbert, making basically every single male in North America, including the aforementioned Sean Avery, very jealous.

After Cuthbert and Avery broke up from their previous relationship, Phaneuf stepped into the picture in 2008, and they pair began dating amid controversy surrounding Avery’s nasty comments. Nonetheless, they trudged forward and got engaged four years later before marrying in July of 2013 on Prince Edward Island.

Cuthbert is a Canadian actress and model from Calgary and had her first hit role playing Kim Bauer on the TV series 24. She has also had roles in films Old School, The Girl Next Door, and House of Wax, as well as on TV as the quirky, cute Alex in Happy Endings, which aired on ABC.

Phaneuf, a three-time All-Star and former first-rounder, is currently in his second season with the playoff-bound Senators and will look to win his first Cup with his lovely, hockey-loving wife undoubtedly watching from the stands.

Mike Fisher: Married to Carrie Underwood

And finally, we have the ultimate NHL power couple. Carrie Underwood is a country-music superstar at the top of her industry, and Mike Fisher is the captain of the hometown Nashville Predators. Together they are perhaps the best-looking, most successful couple on this list.

Underwood got her start in music when she won the fourth season of reality singing talent show American Idol in 2005, and the rest is history. She’s not only a beautiful, popular and prominent star on the country-music scene, she’s also one of the most successful artists of any musical genre, period.

She’s sold more than 65 million records, won numerous awards and is commonly referred to as country music’s reigning queen. I could go on and on about Underwood, but you probably need to get on with your life, so here are the deets on their nuptials.

Fisher and Underwood met at one of her concerts in 2008, and they got engaged the following December. They got married at the Ritz-Carlton Lodge, Reynolds Plantation in Greensboro, Georgia during the summer of 2010, and they have one son together.

Underwood is commonly sighted at Bridgestone arena when her hubby’s team plays at home, and she’s reportedly become quite the hockey fan.

Well, I’d sure hope so.

[td_smart_list_end]