#we have like 5 meters deep snow and have to go to work school anyways even when the roads are not plowed

[famousblueraincoatmp3]

im crazy cus there has been snow here since late october. that is why i am the way i am

[the--sad--hatter]

Frozen Heart-5 (Bucky x Reader)

Frozen Heart Masterlist

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU, DEADPOOL & X-MEN

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION -  

When Nick Fury finally catches the Ex-Shield Agent knowns Black Ice, The Thief with a Frozen Heart he puts her where she belongs. With The Avengers.

You’re not happy about that decision but you’re the only one who’s kicking up a fuss.

Natasha and Clint are happy to have you back in their lives, Sam Wilson is a big fan, Tony Stark just wants you to keep your hands off his stuff and Steve finds out that not only do you have a connection but you were there for him when nobody else was.

Bucky Barnes is one of the few people who doesn’t have a connection with you but he’d really really like one.

** Everything in Italics is being signed, not said out loud.**

Current Word Count -  21,589k       Ao3 Link

Chapter Five - A Memorable Frost 

“Again!” You insisted, shaking your body loose and taking a deep breath.

 “NO!” Clint yelled from behind the tree.

 “Please? Just one more.” You pleaded.

“You said that on the last arrow. And the one before that. And the one before that.” Clint shouted.

“I’m getting better though.” You whined.

 “You’re fucking not. You’re getting worse.” He grumbled, poking his head out from behind the tree to glare pointedly at the chunks of ice and freeze burned grass.

 “I froze the last arrow!” You said indignantly, putting your hands on your hips.

 “And half the lawn and two trees. The one before that got a cool breeze.” He grumbled, nocking another arrow anyway.

 You planted your feet firmly on the ground and raised your hands, readying yourself.

 “PULL!” You called.

 Clint let the arrow fly and you summoned the icy power that was a part of you, blasting it at the arrow sailing towards you. Nothing happened.

 “Ahhh!” You yelped, throwing yourself to the side to avoid it.

 “Useless!”

 “I hate you!” You signed at your brother from your ungraceful heap on the ground.

 He scoffed and put his bow down, regarding you thoughtfully.

 “Maybe it’s time you called for some help from the experts.” He suggested tentatively.

 “Are you joking? You know they still haven’t forgiven me!” You said in disbelief.

 “That’s not true, The Professor isn’t one to hold grudges.” Clint argued.

 “Because I’m going to go near the mind reading professor while I know what I know.” You scoffed.

 “Well there’s always…”  He started to suggest.

 “No! He still hates me anyway.” You said grumpily.

 “It’s been years, I’m sure he’s over it.” He tried to contend.

 “Not happening.” You asserted.

 “Suit yourself but I’m done. Me and my arrows have suffered enough.” He huffed, stomping away.

 You groaned and threw yourself back onto the grass, looking up at the sky.

 “Hi.” Bucky said softly, walking over slowly with an air that was part curiosity, part concern.

 You tilted your head to look up at him, watching as he cautiously made his way over to you, avoiding the larger ice chunks. There was a look of wonder and awe in his eyes, especially for the ice boulder than was twice the size of him. He was dressed for working out and you guessed he’d been running when he saw you and probably come over to make sure you hadn’t accidentally knocked yourself out with an Ice missile.

 “Hey.” You said, waving to him.

 His shadow blocked the sunlight as he stood over you, looking torn.

 “Do you need help getting up?” He offered.

 “Or, you could sit down.” You countered.

 There was a light thump as he took you up on the offer and settled onto the grass next to you.

 “You know… I have ice powers, and I was in the army.” You told him.

 “Yeah, I heard.” He smirked.

 “So…” You said.

 “So?” he asked, clearly lost as to where you were going with this.

 “One could argue that I am The Winter Soldier.” You explained, grinning.

 He let out a huff of laughter.

 “I’ll tell Hydra they infringed on your copyright.” He chuckled and you immediately sobered.

 He hadn’t picked the damn name, you knew that. What had possessed you to say something so insensitive you had no idea. Actually, you did know. It was your brain and it was an asshole.

 “I’m sorry. It’s bad enough I’m flaunting my freezy stuff around and then I go and say something like that. I don’t know why you even talk to me.” You groaned.

 “You’re pretty nice. At least when you aren’t talking anyway.” He said and you squawked indignantly.

 “No, the Ice doesn’t bother me that much though. My memories are intact, so I just try and think of good snow related memories.” He admitted.

 “You do?” You asked gently, leaving it open for him to divulge or change the subject.

 “Yeah. When I was a kid, I loved the snow, meant less school and more playing. As soon as the first flakes fell every year, I’d bundle Stevie up in every coat we owned, his, mine, his mother’s… I’d drag him outside to watch it fall. I loved the way it would settle on the ground you know. It was like watching the world become a blank canvass, the pavements and grass just slowly turning white until they were untouched. It was beautiful.” He said wistfully.

 You got lost in his voice, the bittersweet pain behind the memory.

 “Sounds amazing.” You whispered.

 “It was. Kind of like now….” He said, grinning at you like he knew something you didn’t and pushing you to a sitting position.

 Spreading outwards from you there was a radius of pure white snow blanketing the ground. Exactly as you’d been picturing in your mind.

 “I did it!” You breathed out in shock.

 “Yeah doll, you did.” He said gently, proudly.

 “I did it!” You exclaimed.

 And before you could think about it you launched yourself at him, throwing your arms around his neck and landing on his lap. His arms automatically caught you and he hesitated for barely a moment before wrapping them around your torso. You stilled as you realized what you’d just done and pulled back abruptly, blushing like mad.

 You’d just launched yourself at him… You’d be lucky if he didn’t file a sexual harassment claim.

 “I’m so sorry! I just got caught up in the excitement, I didn’t mean to offend you.” You said in a rush.

 He looked stricken and guilt twisted at your gut. Then his arm snaked around your waist and pulled you back in.

 “You did good Ice; you deserve a hug.” He quipped, enclosing you in the warm embrace.

 Your mind sat back and refused to interfere as your head rested itself on his shoulder and you wrapped your arms around him.

 “I… Thank you Bucky. Thank you.” You sighed happily, nuzzling into him.

 He was sure you were going to notice the erratic hammering of his heart in his chest and regretfully pulled away before he lost any more sense.

 “Well, you should probably get inside now that’s the weathers taken a turn.” He suggested nervously.

 “I have to tell Clint!” You said excitedly jumping to your feet and running off.

 You got a few meters before you turned, jogging backwards so you could smile at him.

 “Seriously, thank you.” You said again.

 “Anytime doll.”

 You raced back inside to gloat to your brother but along the way you were brought to a screeching halt by a text message.

 A very intriguing text message.

 ~~~~~Two Hours Later~~~~~

 You stepped out of your room, satisfied with your appearance and headed for the elevator when your phone buzzed again.

 Big (Brother) Bird: Where are you going?

 You read the text from Clint and scoffed, shoving the phone back in your pocket when it buzzed again.

 Big (Brother) Bird: Don’t ignore me you ‘lil shit.

 You looked around and backed up a few steps, looking at the ceiling.

 “I know you’re up there!” You called loudly.

 There was a banging noise and you jumped out of the way, barely avoiding being smacked in the head with the vent covering as Clint lithely dropped onto the floor in front of you.

 “Where are you going?” He asked again.

 “Out.” You informed him helpfully.

 “Where?” He pressed.

 “Church, can’t you tell from my outfit?” You sassed, gesturing at the little black dress.

 “Is that why you’re dressed like a sinner?” He said, giving the dress a dirty look.

 “I’m taking that as a compliment.” You decided.

 “You shouldn’t. Have you got a date?” He demanded.  

 “Ask me again after I get to the bar.” You said.

 “Let me guess, you’re going to the bar without your wallet?” He guessed.

 “See, I knew all those people who called you stupid were wrong.” You told him, smiling sweetly.

 “At least I’m not a slut.” He said childishly.  

 “Slut shaming is so last decade.” You told him.  

 “Your face is so last decade.” He retorted.

 “I’m leaving now, before you embarrass yourself any further.” You scoffed.

 ” Wait, just let me fix that stray hair.” He said and reached out, mussing your hair as much as he could before you rabbit punched him in the ribs and leaned away, spluttering.

 He cackled loudly and jumped back into the vents before you could stop him.

 “Jackass.” You muttered under your breath, stomping away and fixing your hair up as much as you could.

 You were still muttering obscenities when the elevator doors swooshed open and in your eagerness to escape you walked into something very hard.

 “Oooft.” You gasped, nearly landing on your ass due to the violent rebound.

 “Shit, doll, are you ok?”

 You looked up at the very concerned face of Bucky Barnes who had his arms outstretched like he was getting ready to catch you.

 “Is your entire chest made of metal as well?” You asked him, gesturing at his pecs.

 “No? Just the arm.” He said, going pink.

 “Bucky, you’re fucking solid!” You exclaimed.

 “I’m so sorry.” He said, like it was a problem.

 “Was not a complaint.” You assured.

 “What?” He asked and you realized what you’d just said.

 “What?” You asked in an embarrassed panic.

 “You just said…” He trailed off, frowning.

 “I have a concussion or something. Ignore me.” You blurted.

 “Are you sure you’re ok?” He checked.

 “Really, I’m fine. I swear.” You said.

 It was at this point Bucky seemed to notice what you were wearing, his eyes actually moving down your body so slowly that you started to blush.

 “You look nice.” He said.

 You were probably reading into things; it was more than likely nothing but… he sounded almost sad about the fact that you didn’t look like a mess.

 “Uh, thanks. I have stuff, a bar, meeting friends. That kinda thing.” You stammered.

 “Right. Well, have fun.” He said, stepping away to let you in the elevator.

 “Yes sir.” You said, immediately wanting to bash yourself on the head for it.

 You stepped into the elevator and just before the doors closed his hand snaked out to stop them.

 “Ice? You, well you look really pretty.” He said softly.

 “Thanks, you too.” You whispered.

 Would it be possible to bang your head on the elevator wall hard enough to knock yourself out? Nah, he’d probably try and stop you. Mercifully he didn’t point out your awkward faux pas and let the door close on you.

 When you were gone, he ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. You didn’t have any friends; you were legally dead. And the dress… He knew the vision of you in that dress was going to haunt him for a long time, because he knew what you were wearing it for, he wasn’t stupid. He shouldn’t be jealous, shouldn’t feel so ill at the thought of what you were doing. You weren’t his to covet and he had decided to be your friend. But still, there was the awful voice in his head egging on his forbidden desires. Imagining you wearing something like that for him, him being the one to get you out of the dress.

 The thrilling mental image had two effects on his body, making him feel nauseous at the idea of sleeping with you because he wanted so much more than just your body but at the same time, the primal urge he had to rip the dress of and bury his cock deep inside you was making him uncomfortably hard.

 “Friends. Just friends.” He whispered to himself, shaking off the traitorous desire.

 Or trying to shake it off and failing miserably.

   You slipped a twenty from under your dress and paid the cab driver before you got out of the car, looking up at the large building you’d been dropped off at. Throwing your shoulders back and raising your chin, you walked into the lobby with confidence. It was slightly false confidence, but only slight. You weren’t that nervous about why you were here and what you were here for, it was remarkably simple actually. The elevator took you up and as soon as you stepped off, there he was.

 “I’ve gotta admit, even when you accepted my invitation, I didn’t think you’d actually show.”

 “You get stood up a lot hot stuff, got a complex about it?” You smirked.

 “Nobody stands me up, but not every woman is as mysterious and cold hearted as you.”

 “I’m not that mysterious. If you really want to know, you could ask. I don’t see a lot of talking in our future though.” You said coyly.

 “After I went to all that effort of ordering Chinese and turns out, you just want me for my body.” He pouted.

 “If I’ve offended you, maybe I should just leave.” You tutted, turning back towards the elevator.

 His arm circled your waist, pulling you back.

 “Not until I’ve gotten what you came for.” He whispered, his lips ghosting across your shoulder.

 It was obvious really; Johnny Storm was a notorious playboy and you were emotionally unavailable. That didn’t mean that you were a nun, you still had physical needs, and who could satisfy them better than the man of fire? You spun around in his hold and he didn’t hesitate to capture you in a scorching kiss. It was everything you had hoped for, hot and passionate and completely unemotional.

 You pushed your body into his, gasping in surprise when an image of beautiful grey blue eyes flitted through your mind.

 Your fingers grazed the back of his neck, brushing his hair and you frowned when your fingers itched to tug at longer, brunette locks.

 His hands ran across your body and you shivered, wondering what it would feel like to have metal caress you with skin.

 “Godfuckingdamnit.” You swore.

 You hadn’t had to work this hard to get a man out of your mind since… since Daniel.

 “Everything ok?” Johnny frowned.

 “No. I can’t do this.” You sighed, butting your head against his shoulder.

 “Whoever he is, he’s an idiot.” Johnny scoffed.

 “Pardon?”

 “Whoever you’re thinking about? You’re here with me, thinking about him instead of being with him. So, he’s an idiot for not grabbing hold of this opportunity.” He explained.

 “He’s not the idiot. He’s, well he’s not what I want. My brain just hasn’t got the memo.” You sighed.

 “Look, you’re clearly dealing with some issues. I don’t mind you working them out on me.” He said, raising his eyebrow to make it clear exactly what he meant.

 You were not going to sit around and pine for somebody. Anybody.

 “Good.” You said, pushing him backwards and sending him sprawling onto a chair.    

 He smirked as you hiked your dress over your thighs so you could straddle his waist and pulled him into another scorching kiss.

A/N - I painstakingly recreated all the notes I lost when my laptop broke so I could restart this baby... So Ice is back!I'm undecided as to whether I will actually write the Johnny Storm smut, I guess it's up to you. Other than that, what did you think of this chapter?

@shirukitsune @thelostallycat@jsmith509@buckitybarnes@aw-shit-nuggets @pleasefollowmeuwu @nerdy-bookworm-1998@boxofteenageideas@jaynnanadrews@psychoredpanda@marbleowl @l0kisbitch@brownlee-22@fluffeh-kitty @mywinterwolf@poppunkassbitch@angieptt @muggleborngirl@markusstraya @tarastudiesalot@pinkisokay @buckitybarnes@firefly-in-darkness@chipilerendi @psychoredpanda@littledeadrottinghood@boxofteenageideas@pleasefollowmeuwu @aw-shit-nuggets @brownlee-22@deathofmissjackson @yourwonderbelle @firefly-in-darkness@hiddles-rose @myfandomlife-blog @thosesexytexasboys@liveonce-sodoitright @spnrvt @dilaila95 @dahkness@sexyvixen7

[l-a-scarlett]

Misunderstanding

1322 words

They used to be in love with each other,

Now they avoid each other .

They used to be so close that they need others to rip them apart,

Now they can't even stay in the same place with 10 meters away.

They used to be one of those sweet loving couple,

Now they act like they don't even exist in each others life.

They used to be so happy, strong, lovely, and loyal couple,

Now they're nothing but strangers.

That's what they think, At least both of them think.

.....

Alex was walking home, just finished her paper works from her office.

Walking home, she found herself walking around a familiar path towards the park, already walking and needing some fresh air, she decided to go along.

Nothing would go wrong if she choose to take that path on her way home right? Nothing can go wrong in the middle of the Christmas Eve

But then Alex bump into someone

"Sorry"

"No, I'm sorry"

Time stop as their eyes meet

"Hey" He said, The first one to recover

"he.... Hey"

Alex face (forced) lit up

"It's been a while since we last saw each other right? " They decided to take a short break by sitting down on one of the bench.

Just like that, the snow suddenly fall over

"yeah,  the last time was... Full of screaming, crying.. " She didn't continue but she stare at her lap looking at the snowflakes that falls on her lap

"How are you Alex " He smile at her

How could he smile like that?

"I'm good, I guess, Much better without you? " She make sure that it doesn't sound so bitter that she laugh it off

Quit pretending to be okay.

"Good to hear" He smile

But it feels like there's something wrong with his smile

But she shrug it off. So on with the pain sensation on her chest

"You, how are you Lance? "

"I'm good. Just like you"

But I lied. And you didn't

"how..... " She hesitate for a moment but continue as she watch the snowflakes fall into both on them

" How is she, Lance? " He look at her for a moment then smile

He never smile like that back then when were together, he never smile like that.

Maybe because he never loved me.

Oh how he wish he never love Her

"She's fi---"

"Lance! "

There she is.

The girl that stole away the man of her life.

The used to be man of her life

"Babe! " Then in front of Alex, their they stood, she watch them as they both close the gap in between there lips.As they make a casual conversation in-front of her. Just like she was never there.

Oh how they both wish she never saw that.

Gripping through her scarf, when she notice something

The baby bump, she looks like she was 6 months pregnant,  and it's been 5 months since you found out that Lance was cheating on you with the same girl right in front of her. Now.

So something really happened between the two of them

letting out a deep breath.

"Sorry I'm leaving" I hope you're happy

With that she run away, not even realizing something fell out of her pocket

It hurts so bad for her to realize that her phone has been fallen out of her pocket, she continue her way out of the park, tears in her eyes threatening to fall, leaving her heart broken by the man she thought she was finally over with

'Oh how clueless she is'

.....

He watched Alex as she walk away, he pull himself away from the girl he just show an affection with, he stare at her showing no emotion

" I told you to stay in the apartment! Why did you come out? " Giving no care about her excuses he picks up Alex phone

"hey! " He called the guy who just walk past him

"give this to the girl who just run away" He stated, at first the guy just look at Lance, but nodding, he decided to follow Alex with her phone

Lamce who just sigh in relief and heartbreak, Just stare at the ground He didn't mean to hurt Alex. Oh god, he fucking love her. It's just mistakes happen and boom, this girl in front of him was now carrying his child, leaving Alex heart broken and him not satisfied,

It's his fault for not using any protection that night. And his fault for getting drunk that night.

It's his fault for breaking his own heart.

.....

"Who's the father? "

"wha... What kind of question is that Lance? "

"Don't play shit with me! We both know I have blue eyes and you have brown! So what is it? , it just happened that that child has a fucking Green eyes and hair that doesn’t even match ours!? Seriously Mitch seriously !? "

By the time the child came out, he simply decided to confront her right after the discharge and when they finally reach the apartment just like what's happening now.

"Answer m-"

"It's James! Okay?! I just love you so much! " With that Lance walk past her, and started to pack his thing

"Whe-where are you going? " Mitch question

"leaving you, wasn't that obvious? " His voice has cold

"You can't leave me! Our wedding was 5 days away! "

" Go marry that bastard. He's the father of your child anyways, I never love you. Never. " Then the baby starts to cry.

"Still her. You still love her. Don't you"

"maybe if you ain't a bitch you'll have the chance of winning my love, but this? " he smile but that was the most scariest smile.

"Go fuck yourself I'm leaving. "

"Please. Don't leave me. I love you" He didn't even give her a second glance as he slam the apartment door behind his back.

This is all his fault.

.....

4 years later.

.....

"Damn, It's so cold here in London" Lance rub his right had as he look at his phone, snow falling

'My teammates should be here' He thought as he shove his phone in his pocket

Sighing he started to find a bench to sit in, being an professional volleyball player that represents a country can be hard sometime.

'Seriously, Where are they?' He thought as he look in front of him to see a bench

But then he stop mid ways. He saw her. Sitting there.

The girl he kept on finding for the past few years was right in front of him.

Alex was on her phone, as if she were texting someone.He watch her as she place it on her bag as he eyed Alex carefully

Then he saw her looking at him and wave her hand smiling

He was stun for a moment but smile and started to jog towards Alex only to stop when someone bump into him

"Oh sorry bro" He was then stun in place as he watch the guy

The guy he ask to return her phone, now hugging the girl he always love.

He stood there speechless.

"Lance!" He hear his teammates called him

"Sorry were late, we get lost" They laugh.

Clenching his teeth, the glance at her laughing form,

At least your happy  He thought and turn around

"let's go" Lance said, back facing Alex.

I love you

I never stop loving you.

.....

Alex place her phone inside her bag, then look in front of her as she watch the snow fall. London is extremely beautiful

"Alex! "

Huh?

Alex look at the guy in front of her

"Andrei!  What are you doing here?! " She laugh as she hug him

"You!  What are you doing here? " Andrei laugh

"It's been almost 3 years since we last saw each other! " She tap the vacant spot beside her the bench to make him sit

"4 years actually " He correct

"whateve--"

"Lance! " Automatically you faced the direction where you hear his name

Lance.

she saw him chatting with his teammates. She always thought he would be a good player, He’s always the MVP back then in high school

He look so professional right now.

'I wonder if he's happy now' she smile bitterly

It's been 4 years Lance, I wonder how your family look like.

"uhm, Alex? "

"hmm? "

"You okay? "

"Yeah, I'm fine" Not okay You said looking at Lance back

At least your happy  she thought as she keep looking at his form

Alex watch him as he finally vanished from her sight

I'm proud of what you've become Lance, With or without me I'm so proud of you I love you.

.....

The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding

[calvinlepesh]

Purpose? Purpose.

My life was perfect til that day. I didn't even have a clue of how good off I was. Disrespectful, ungrateful, angry, but truly, sad. "From the beginning of my time or from the realization of the universe?" Very bold question I ask myself currently. How do I want to convey my knowledge? How do I want people to percieve what i will tell them? How will I word my stories and thoughts in a way that is too hard for normal people to understand? Can I? From the beginning it is! Now, Born Valentines day 1999 was chubby cheeked enthusiastically loved and cherished Lepesh. Born in Minnesota cold. Raised in Minnesota cold. Lepesh knew hot summer fun, running through the sprinklers, water balloon fights, Football, Basketball, Ice cream trucks, Chalk on the side walk/driveway, Biking with neighbors around our nitche. Biking by myself to the gasstation for candy. Waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement, Getting caught waking up in the middle of the night to play video games in the basement. Lepesh knew winter fun. Snowboarding, Snowfuckingshoeing, Sleding, Snow tubing, Snowball fights, Huge snowmen, Snow forts along the cul-de-sac snowwall created by the huge cool snow plow! Wow! I thought to myself  mouth wide open with a smile, as the large plow on the front of the truck bursted through large mountainous snow mounds with ease. Creating wonderous mounds of snow in every frontyard across the neighborhood. Building snow forts and then having a war with snow balls. The point is my childhood was filled with fucking joy and happiness. It rocked man and Im super happy that it happened. I couldn't imagine this shit happening to me before.. Well before it happened. Its 2008. Its december as I sit on the couch with my brother and my parents..... well wait here theres a little more first. February 14th 2008 Im nine years old today. Im in Mr.Larsons fourth grade class. I enjoy creative writing, recess and lunch. although I didn't write much. I really love football and sports around this time. I decided to be a cowboys football fan when my dad said I could choose cause hes too nice to force me into being a Vikings fan. My parents especially my mom but definitely my dad aswell. Let us choose what we wanted. Which I disagree with now and will certainly not allow my childeren to decide what is right. Although Im sure I will at some point definitely not in elementary what the fuck?! Anyways. Decieded to be a cowboys fan cause my dad hates them and loves the Vikings. Which I now love today. Anyways. Im in the car with my whole immediate family driving. I ask where we're going or what we're doing. While heading west in the car my dad tells me we're going to Wisconsin and we're gonna stay the night at a hotel. The entire car ride their my dad is messing with me and im furious. Im certain today if I was in the passenger seat during the exchanges between my father and I I'd be laughing my ass off. But almost at the same time sad and angry of how ungrateful and disrespectful I probably was to my father. Idk maybe I just pouted, which I did alot lol.. anyways We finally arrive after probably an hour or so drive west, not infact in the direction of Wisconsin to a large farm in eastern Minnesota. 'There's nothing here' I thought to myself. It wasn't a desolate farm but damn near close. Large housing for live stock aswell as people. My father then reveals that im going to be getting my own dog for my birthday. I immediately light with excitement and smiles. Joy pulsing in my heart. Ive always wanted a dOG' i think to myself as I turn to my brother with excitement. I can only imagine how wide and big my smile and cheeks were to this day. Entering into the large barn with my family. Me, my brother, mother , and father all enter the barn to the amazement of dogs and insulation lol. From the outside it almost looks like a overly large stereotypical red barn, however the inside has another side to the story. Carpeted floors off to the left held the petting area with already free roaming dogs. while the right side of the room looked as if they did paper work and forms and whatnot. Going right wasn't even a thought in my head. LEFT. Headed for the dogs im stopped by my mom who is greeted by the worker/farmer. Im not even listening to her. I want a fucking dog. Moments go and my patience already thin is thinner. It takes alot for me to blow up even as a child. The problem was the things building up my 'meter of rage' as a child shouldn't have been. Anyway. Finally I head over to the dogs climbing the little fence even a little small for me already tall for my age. Immediately I spot an adorable smaller black dog. I kneel down to sit with it and attempt to hold it. Only to kneel right into a huge carpet puddle newly accompanied by its main ingredient dog piss. Nice. As i tell my mom she just laughs and tells me to be careful. Its what I did worst and least often. Unfortunately that was one of my biggest issues. After looking for awhile. I now realize my dad was probably ready to leave after 10-15 minutes definitely longer than that but Understandable nonetheless. After probably 35-45 minutes of trying to find a dog that didnt shed and was actually good looking. My mom had been carrying this one dog in paticular for a decent amount of time. Asleep in her arms as if a child beautifully sleeps my savior..... The car ride home Hank held the dog the entire time. Almost sinisterly which him being an older brother. acceptable, however frowned upon. Uncharacteristically careful I am as I hold my new dog. Smile from cheek to cheek and thats a long distance lol. Still carefully holding her i slowly bring her and a blanket along with hank to the basement. Where I lay out the fluffy green blanket and set Katy ever so gentely down. Standing next to my brother stareing almost in a daze like trance. We have a dog!' We were so happy. Hank and Lep happy? Together? very rare nowadays. I would certainly come to forget of such times even now almost a foriegn concept of us being so happy together. Now back to the OG storayyy............ Holding katy close weilding her support almost as a weapon to defend myself from such an awful thing. Its happening' I feel it' i just know' its happening' We are able to create our own reality because we (humans) designed a very primitive (in comparison to the universe) way to communicate how we feel. Speech. Speech is very important. Its our first amendment here in the US. say whatever u want. Pretty much. our speech is primitive because it doesn't describe things that we are uncertain of. We have to choose in our speech whether to Have no Idea Agree disagree yes no. Now of course there are exceptions to that. But not to normal people. Normal people can't understand this. If you are reading this right now and are lost for words but think you're 'awake' so to speak. just listen. This is a huge secret to life. Huge. It may change ur life over night. The best part about it is you get to decide. Ask yourself. Am I going to be open minded to what this man has to say? Ask yourself do I want whatever he says to be true in my life?... Just so I can touch as many people as possible and help the (working class which im apart of} hear me out. You may think im fucking crazy or that idk what life even is either and you're right I don't but all you have to do IS ACCEPT THAT WHATEVER IS/WILL/HAS EVER HAPPENED, Happened because you decided it was going to happen. Before you were even born. Before anybody way born. The best part about it. Is that it is unpredictable and it is fueled and directed DIRECTLY from our speech. Whatever you speak out loud for example say I said and I have. I want to fucking die. and I meant it. I really mean it. If you don't mean what you say then learn to do that before anything. Before u start this really take the time to realize ur worth not as a person but as you. Cause you created everything in your world. The best part you created it that way cause thats the way it turns out best for you. I hope atleast. Think about it. You get through everything. most things people kill themselves over. You're trying to make yourself strong for some reason possibly? or maybe catching myself up to everyone else cause I had such a nice and spoiled childhood? Past karma current karma. Thats what gets me. Theres no way a god created this world. But i could've created this world. Maybe im evil just like the world a little bit deep down. I am. Definitely a little evil. Its apart of my soul. Its apart of everyones soul in my world maybe not as much on some people and Ill never know why that is and I don't need to cause, I trust my judgement. It may be wrong sometimes but im still alive today for some reason that I decieded. thats the beauty of myself I truly never know what im gonna do each day specifically. Ill know if im gonna be tired or up for another 5 hours. Cause I will be and Ill feel it. Ill know when i need to fucking pee. But I never know what mindset is right or true for me. partially cause i have shitty short term memory and bad hearing and vision and a bad liver. im 19 lol. Anyway. Basically the secret is speak what you want and mean it everyday. You'll know if you dont want it as badly some days. you might even miss a day. All you're trying to do for yourself by doing this is getting yourself into a routine where you put those '(vibes) or Speech and words/ Communication. Communicate with your universe. Speak how you feel. Speak what you want. Speak how you're going to get it. Even if you're thinking theres no fucking way thatll happen. Theres no fucking way im ever going to pass through college. theres no fucking way id be able to get through law school. I can't be a chef I've hardly cooked. are my common misfires. Misfires however very common after the first few days to weeks will disapate if you PUSH ON! Just like you always have! This is what you were waiting to find. You created the world it is today for yourself today to see this and reconize for yourself today. That you're doing this wrong. Since starting my program I live with partial contentment as a human being. However I personally keep myself open to negative thoughts and wishes periodically to balance my life. However as for most of u assume this is rather stupid but selfless nonetheless. The reason I hold dark as I hold light is because this is what I decieded and this was meant to happen. The decision made by the creator of my universe which is me to write this to you and share what I have learned to help better your lifes for the benefit of them I do not know what I or they gain from this because it is beyond my comprehension aswell as yours. It could be for something of the lines of in 200 years cause I told you these secrets and my experiences and helped you better your life over time and you benefitted and you passed onto your childeren. that no your family lives on in the future 200 years from now. and they're good people. maybe not all. But if taught correctly and this isnt a cureall for everybody. But it significantly helps better improve overall mood and life tolerance in your life. It doesn't work immediately. It isn't gonna take it easy on you just cause you know now. In fact. If you are not open minded currently do not read because this idea sent and recieved and read and processed by a closed mind. Blocks the process from ever having the ability for your mind to hear and read properly as an openminded individual would.

[overthinkersguidetotheunive-blog]

life is a verb/50 lessons learned

1. Life is not a gift we simply receive. It is like a bicycle. We must learn to ride it and enjoy collecting miles or else it will simply lay abandoned collecting dust.

2. Mirrors are our worst enemies. We cannot ever see past our appearances, while our essence is what we must truly see. Close your eyes and turn inward. See whats inside not outside first. Then you never need a mirror. You look fabulous anyways.

3. Drink water. You’ll feel better. Eat enough. Starving and leaving yourself hungry is not natural. Weight loss or a pair of jeans does not define you. How you take care of yourself does. Teach people how to treat you by first treating yourself with the same kindness you seek.

4. Self care is not selfish, it is necessary. Selflessness is not possible if you cannot even go the extra mile for you. Do the face mask, take the nap, eat the cookie, see that counselor, check in with your doctor, call home. 

5. Do not love someone so much that they have control over your emotions and state of mind. Do not let them do the same with you either. Love is honest. Love is protecting truth and reality in order to benefit each others individual futures before dreaming of your own together. Do not ever become a runaway train with love. Friends either. 

6. Speak up if something does not feel right. Your intuition is usually right. 

7. Truth hurts sometimes. Take a deep breath. Get a cup of coffee. Go on a walk. Let the sting fade and then approach the situation with a clear head. You will hurt more people if you explode outwards immediately. Soak it in even though it burns. 

8. Always think of the other side of the fence. You are not always right. You do have to hear other people. Your perception is one of many. 

9. Do not let nervousness or anxiety talk you out of a situation. Sometimes it pays you to go dancing with your friends or to go out of your comfort zone even though its scary. Have fun. It is not a sin. 

10. Masks are for Halloween parties, not emotions. Admit when you are feeling down. People who love you will support you. Not everyone is at their 100 percent all the time. Its real and human to feel off.

11. If you really love someone, it does not go away overnight. Heali after a heartbreak in ways that are best for you and go at your own pace. If that means going on a date in a week or focusing on yourself for awhile - so be it! No one writes a timetable for you but YOU!

12. Moms like when you tell them they have been good moms. Dads like when you do for them it too. 

13. Cry. Alone, in the public, in the movies, when songs come on. Happy tears. Sad tears. Emotional tears. If they want to come say hello- let them. 

14. People change. Do not hold them to their past standards in the present. Grow up together, not against. 

15. Teachers define what students believe of themselves. Do not give up on them even if they SEEM like they are disinterested. They do not have to like English or Math to benefit from an older and wiser role model believing in their success. AP students are not the only ones capable of great things. 

16. You do not have to do what every other 20 something does for fun to enjoy your life. Seltzer water at the bar doesn't mean you can't dance like a fool and sing Nirvana covers like a superfan. Friday nights can mean early bedtime and you're still doing your 20s right. Same if you took that tequila shot and kissed that stranger. To each their own, but to all a good life.

17. Bridges freeze before roads. Certain washer fluid freezes. You always need snow tools in your car. Let your parents yell that at you repeatedly when you move up North, because something will happen that first snowy drive.

18. Being strong does not mean you are always doing NPC competitions. Being fit does not mean you're a size two. Your fitness goals are not other peoples’. You VS you is the only worthwhile competition. But fitness cures all doubts about your limits. 

19. Love is scary. Infatuation is short lived. Love will hit you in the overlooked moments while other interests rests in cliches and whats easy. Abandon infatuation and cling to what seems real.

20. If you break up with someone that does not mean you have to hate them or be mean or be strangers. People are friends with their exes. It is perfectly fine. 

21. Great first dates don't always make great second ones. Live in the moment. Take them piece by piece. Don't hear wedding bells because they treated you with respect. 

22. Salem, MA is amazing, but learn the history too. Do not just go for the Halloween stigma. 

23. Stay true to yourself even if that means being alone for awhile. You do not need an audience to guide you for everything. 

24. You never know when the last time together is the last time. Do not take people or moments for granted. 

25. Don’t let a kiss fool you or a fool kiss you. Do not let false flattery in your life. People who truly love and respect you will withstand the test of time, not verbal confirmation of their “loyalty”.

26. If you do not watch or like movies, do not lie to cover for that fact because people will judge you. Let em judge. Be you.

27. Listen to good music that speaks to your mind and soul. If thats Grateful Dead or Smash Mouth or Skrillex, it does not matter. Just listen to something. 

28. Do not judge a book by its cover. 

29. Give hugs to those who need them. Ask for them too. The human touch is a magical thing. 

30. Laugh. A lot. At yourself is the best type of laugh. 

31. Studying hard does not always get you an A. Your effort and quality of work gets a grade academically, but you also have to be honest with yourself. If your best got you a C thats ok! Breathe.

32. Do not judge a person by the color of their skin, the language they speak, the person they love, the gender they identify as, their pronouns, their life plans etc etc. Being open to your lived experiences and the world around you is the most informative class you could enroll in.

33. Age is a number. You can be friends with a 30 something year old and a Freshman in college. Everyone can teach you different things. Be open to it. 

34. New places can remind you of old things. Old places can be rewritten as new. Do not limit yourself to past instances. 

35. You can like many different things and have many different personalities. It is ok to experiment or realign yourself as you learn more and age more. Change is not a bad thing. Do not take it as an insult if someone says you have changed a lot. 

36. Dance in the grocery store if a good song comes on. You never know who needed that extra laugh. Maybe it was just you. Blame it on the boogie!

37. Visit your grandparents. Family is important even if they don't always understand the situation. 

38. Dementia/Alzheimer's tests your patience, but it teaches you the definition of and persistent need for love, kindness and understanding. Never forget to say I love you even when they do. 

39. Finding humor in otherwise sad situations is ok. Sometimes if you do not laugh you will cry. 

40. Parking meters in Boston are highly monitored. Show up early or else you'll be greeted with a nice ticket. (Brookline- I love you, but I will be taking the T from now on)

41. Saying sorry is strong. Realizing you make mistakes and owning up to them is mature. 

42. If you can say it online, you can say it to someones face. Do not be petty or shady. Just own up to things or have a discussion. 

43. Friendzoning is stupid. Don't ghost people or skirt the truth. Appreciate someone and understand their emotions. It is okay to want different things. Handle hearts with care. Some peoples’ are titanium while other people’s are delicate china. You never know what someone has gone through. 

44. Sometimes that cashier who says “good morning!” is having a bad day. Sometimes that silent kid playing Pokemon is the sweetest soul with the funniest jokes. The man who collects your trash may share the same sports teams. Always say hello and treat people with respect despite what they may appear to be against the societal “rating chart”. Screw stereotypes. Always ask “how are you?” back. 

45. If you get back with your ex 50 times over it doesn't make you a weak person. If you date someone who everyone thinks is not for you, it doesn't make you stupid. You have to be happy with who you are with, not them. True friends support your HAPPINESS, not your individual DECISIONS. If you are safe, supported and happy that is all the true ones will recognize. 

46. If two of your friends fall in love, do not be selfish and prevent that from happening. Be a supportive friend at all stages and try not to be an overly invasive third wheel. They will remain your friends together, apart and all around. 

47. You can lose touch and still pick up where you left off and be just as close. Connection does not mean consistent or constant contact. 

48. Be proud of your friends successes just as you should be of your own. Aging creates anxiety. Just because you chose to go through more school instead of into the job market doesn't mean you’re more right/wrong or intelligent/dumb. If you have a have a ring on your left hand or if you have never been in a relationship, that does not mean you’re less of a person. If you like to wear all black and cover up or if you like to wear slinky sequin dresses it does not mean youre less of a woman or not sexy. Be yourself. Do as you please. Express your shade of awesome. The world needs it. 

49. Be proud of who you are and who you have in your life. Love hard. Be smart. Read. Be aware and critical of what is popularly defined as truth. Be authentic. Let your vibe attract your tribe. Trust that everything is happening for a reason. People come into your life for one of three reasons - to teach you, to learn from you or both. Many of times that means they are a temporary presence with a permanent mark. Do not take offense to the changing paths of those around you. 

50. Peace cannot happen in the world if you are waring in your mind and heart. Love yourself. Triage yourself. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and appreciate the level you are at. We can look at where our feet have traveled and worry over where they will go. The only important place to focus your attention is where your feet are firmly planted in the current moment. Take the second to soak in the instant, take a step forward and repeat. Each place is different and you can feel different at each one. The individual places do not define you. Let the journey make you stronger with its easy downhill rolls, its falls and scrapes, its endless uphill battles and everything in between.