#we shared that humor y'know but his was a tad more extreme ig
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to think that we wanted to make a toxic friendship work ahahahaha
#long tags ahead dont open#for those whove been following me since june-ish might still remember my breakdown with this one guy friend#we got close during our senior year and we were good friends our relationship was built on mutual insulting (some insults vv unrealistic)#we shared that humor y'know but his was a tad more extreme ig#if i recall correctly he sent me some meme with the ch*** slur and me being asian and also used to be called that when i was younger#uh it didnt sit well so i told him yea could he not im offended could I get an apology#he goes on saying he wont apologize bc he didnt know i had such trauma and why should he apologize for something he didnt know#and i should sToP TryiNg to be politically correct bc it's just a meme#may i add this went down during finals week and i had a mental breakdown and even cried on the phone w my other friend#idk why i was even so invested but yea it was weird and then one night i texted him we kinda made up#oh and he also liked to 'flirt' w me but i guess he only meant it as a joke#until he said he found me cute no cap and would be alright if we stayed friends but wouldn't mind being exclusive#in the end we only stayed friends bc i was going abroad fma few weeks later and came back on christmas#and considering we only got to talking six months before is a lil concerning#we didnt talk bc the time difference made things hard to schedule and then he had his exams sometimes in october i think#in january once i was back i wanted to meet up w him but he rejected both times bc he didnt like meeting up in person and preferred texting#well everyone knows im a bad fucking texter and yes i ghost people sometimes for weeks bc i simply forget to reply them#and when i read the text im very likely busy so theres that#i was staying over at a friend's when he started a massive guilt trip saying how only he makes the effort to stay in contact once AGAIN but#but somehow we magically made up and i told him lmao we are such toxic friends but he didnt think so lmao#anyhow so uh perhaps i ghosted him for a month straight (so i am at fault too)#and today was the confrontation and i told him things from my view#it escalated into *surprise* another fight#and i think now we're done for good#now that we fknally agreed to go no contact and go our seperate ways i feel... relieved#i gotta admit my stay abroad did change me and im more aware abt my flawed personality too#and ig back then half a year ago i just didnt want to let go of him yet#not only bc we talked comfortably and perhaps i indulged too much in our platonic flirting#but he was the 2nd guy i considered an actual friend#did i make the right choice by cutting him off? i like to believe so i think it's best for my emotional stabilty too
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