#we got close during our senior year and we were good friends our relationship was built on mutual insulting (some insults vv unrealistic)

[brinconvenient]

This is a long tale, but I appreciate you taking the time to meet my friend Chris and help her out if you can.

TL;DR: my friend, an elderly queer woman I met when she was homeless just lost everything she owns in a fire at her first permanent home she had after becoming unhoused. Luckily, she and her cat were not home at the time. Please help if you can by donating or boosting.

This is a queer elder who needs our help. I'm hoping tumblr can come through for her

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fire-took-chris-baileys-home-they-need-help

Here's the long tale:

A friend of mine just lost everything except herself, her cat and the clothes on her back to a fire at her apartment (her first after being homeless for years) on Friday. We learned yesterday that nothing from her apartment is recoverable. Please help!

(Long post with cute cat pictures behind the readmore)

I met Chris one Sunday afternoon after driving past her three times as she sat on a bench outside our local library after closing. I stopped to ask if she needed a ride, and found out that she was homeless, staying in motels when her SSI came in and on the street when it ran out.

As the years have passed, I've learned a lot about her. Despite her parents kicking her out at 17 when she was outed to them as gay, she went back to school and became a social worker, working in several Chicago hospitals through the 80s and 90s, and, like a lot of queer women in the caring fields at that time, tended to and provided comfort and care for (among others) so many gay men, young and old, living with and dying from AIDS, from the earliest days of the disease through the availability of the triple cocktail and to the brighter days of hope.

Through it all, she had relationships with women in a time where that was something that wasn't always safe to do. Some were good, some bad, and some resulting in her losing nearly everything, but she struggled through. She quit social work in 99 or 2000 when her mom got sick and passed away, and then stayed out of the workforce to care for her dad until he passed in 2006. Those experiences impacted her deeply, and she became permanently disabled during that period, leaving her living on SSI, and struggling with her own mental health. She eventually lost her condo, and bounced in and out of apartments and motels.

When I met her in Sept 2019, I helped her get back into the motel she'd been staying at and bridging her to her next check and then making sure that she could stay there, and reliably get her maintenance meds and start rebuilding her life and credit.

This is her and everything she owned as we left her hotel room for the final time on Valentine's Day 2022.

The cat there is Bailey, her constant companion since they adopted each other in September 2021. They've both been through a lot and are absolutely the picture of "Who rescued whom?"

We started having biweekly dinners and I worked with her creditors and tried to get her credit score back into a good place, and helped her get banked and fixed up with access to the Internet and just help her feel more solid and stable in her life.

Just over 2 years later, in February 2022, we were finally able to get her into a senior independent living apartment, her first permanent home since about 2017. She had no furniture, but with some secondhand pickups and occasional pickups, we got her something resembling a home.

It wasn't perfect, and she had her grumbles, certainly, but it was her home. It was a place that she could launch from to recover and consider moving some place even better, if she chose.

However, Friday, July 14, Bailey had an afternoon vet appointment. Everything was fine when we left, but when we got home, with Bailey in a carrier in the backseat, we were shocked to see what looked like a million emergency vehicles & a whole lot of seniors sitting on the grass.

Chris and Bailey came with me to take my daughter into the city that evening, giving the situation 2 hours to develop and for us to get more information. We heard a few newsradio updates and saw this story on abc7, getting the sinking feeling that that balcony looked too familiar.

When we got back from the city, we were able to drive around the back of the building and confirm that this was her apartment.

We were able to get back to the building on Tuesday and get into the apartment to get her medications, but everything is water damaged from the sprinkler system (with all of its stagnant water) and the firehoses. All her furniture. All her clothes. Her bed. Her degrees. Gone.

Everything she owned is gone. She literally owns less now than when she was homeless. She's despairing and trying her best to keep it together, but she's lost so many homes in her life, going back to when she was 17 and her parents found out she is gay and kicked her out.

This all feels like too much. Please help. Please donate what you can, and share where you're able.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fire-took-chris-baileys-home-they-need-help

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for assuming my friend was single? (TW: small mention of suicidal ideation)

I (21FTM) have known Jake (22M) since we were in middle school. We became close friends early on during high school, and have had a good relationship ever since. When he and his long-term girlfriend broke up during our junior year, I was the person he turned to the most. The break-up was bad. Like, really bad. Bad to the point where I sometimes worry that he wouldn’t be here today if he hadn’t reached out to me. (Not in the sense that he was unhealthily dependent on me, or that I felt responsible for his mental health. He got a therapist and responsibly handled all that with her, but only at my insistence, and I fear that’s a step he never would’ve taken if I didn’t insist.) By senior year, he and became FWB. We weren’t worried about it messing with our friendship—he’s heteroromantic, i’m aro—and it continued for about a year until the both of us left for college. We’ve stayed friends and our relationship has remained close. We talk so often that it rarely feels like anything’s changed at all.

December of last year, he excitedly told me that he got a girlfriend again in Emily (21?F). I was ecstatic, of course. He’d struggled a lot with the idea of a romantic relationship after his last girlfriend, and I was happy he felt comfortable enough to open up again. As I said, his previous relationship really fucked him up. Anyways, because of the distance, I never got to actually talk to Emily much outside of when she was at his place during our video calls. She was super nice from the few times we did interact, and from the way he described her when she wasn’t around, you’d think she was a literal angel. Him gushing about her lasted up until early May. Suddenly, he didn’t mention her at all. It was like she never existed. I didn’t see her once at his place, and the few times I tried to ask about her, he instantly shut me down. He was more down than usual, not to the point of worry like I’d previously seen him, but to the point were it was notable. I asked him a few times if he was alright, and reminded him that I was there whenever he needed me, but he just said that he was going through something rough and that he’d be okay, but didn’t really want to talk about it. I didn’t want to push, and from the way he reacted whenever i brought up Emily’s name, and from his previous experience, I assumed she and him had broken up. I had no way to contact her to check, and even if I did, that’d feel like overstepping, considering I never talked to her when he wasn’t around. It was obviously a sensitive subject and stressing him out, so I followed his lead and just didn’t mention her at all. Their relationship wasn’t my business, after all, and if he didn’t want to tell me what happened, that was his right.

School got out for the summer, and shortly after both of us returned home, he asked if I wanted to rekindle our FWB relationship for the summer. It wasn’t like it was the first thing out of his mouth, and he seemed to be doing a lot better seeing him in person, so I agreed. That was in the beginning of June. Cut to two days ago, nearly two months later. Jake left for a family vacation a week prior, and will only be returning at the end of the month. Meanwhile, I meet up with one of our mutual friends who I haven’t been able to see until now due to our conflicting schedules. While talking, she makes some joke about Jake and Emily having “trouble in paradise.” My heart stops as I ask her what she means. Didn’t they break up months ago? She tells me no, they’ve been having relationship issues for a while, but they’re still very much together. She shows me a picture from Emily’s instagram (I don’t use instagram, for reference) that Emily had posted just a few hours ago of her and Jake kissing on the beach. What Jake conveniently forgot to tell me about his “family vacation” is that his girlfriend had *also* been invited.

I instantly tried messaging him that we need to talk, but either he isn’t checking his phone (unlikely) or he knows I know and is purposefully ignoring me. Logically, I know that he’s the bigger asshole in this situation. But I can’t help but feel slightly at fault. I feel like I should’ve questioned him more, or found some way to reach out to her, or even asked any of our other mutual friends about it, because obviously at least one (maybe even some) of them knew, and all of his could’ve been avoided. I also don’t know what to do regarding Emily. I have her instagram now, curtesy of my friend, but I’m afraid to message her. Not necessarily afraid to break the news, I’m already constructing a message to send to her (which I will be doing), but more afraid that she won’t believe me. I’ll have to make an account, and I’m afraid her being messaged by a blank account created only hours ago from a guy she talked to a few dozen times, max, may be sketchy. I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t believe me (I have a few messages from him, but no photos, and those screenshots could be easily faked), because there’s no other way for me to contact her. If she blocks me or ignores the message because of how sketchy it sounds, there’s nothing else I can do.

TLDR: I assumed my friend had broken up with his girlfriend due to him acting weird when I brought her up, became FWB, only to find out he was using me to cheat on her. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[matthiastalksalot]

what is being aromantic? what is being asexual?

an anecdotal explanation about what being aroace means to me. part 2. technically. both can be standalone. but you should read part one because i enjoy being a chatterbox.

this is not proofread.

so. i finally figure out that i am asexual. yipeee! once the sex aspect is out of the way, i can finally persue relationships without any expectations of sex, right? wrong.

i have a long and not too complicated dating history, featuring many e-relationships and two week infatuations.

going back to the early days of fifth grade. i attended a catholic school, and everyone was starting to reach the age where crushes are a new and fascinating occurrence. of course, i don’t know how many ten year olds had true crushes, but they CERTAINLY said they did.

and so, naturally, i needed one too. i picked a boy in my class, joesph, and told my classmates when i was asked. i did not know him well, and he knew i had this “crush” on him, but he didn’t like me and i never actually asked him out, so that was that.

i got my first boyfriend the summer before 7th grade. we attended a jewish sleep away camp, and were part of the same group for leading our unit’s shabbat service. we had the same hairstyle, the only difference being that the top of his hair was dyed red, the top of mine was dyed blue.

this was a preppy camp. we stood out, and thus our relationship was born. a girl approached me and asked if i would date “brendan”. i did not know who brendan was, we met two days before. she described him as “the boy with the red hair”.

it was middle school, and so i said yes. a day later, he asked me out. we dated for that summer until the next one.

the relationship was incredibly 7th grade of us. we hugged, had a pre-planned “kiss” under the fireworks on the last night of the camp session. it was gross, but short. i could now say i had had my first kiss.

he broke up with me due to bullying the next summer, but then after two days of drama, we started dating again. we broke up for good around december or january of 8th grade, over text. he wasn’t going to camp next summer, so we would not see each other again without planning it.

during our first break-up, i was upset, but mostly because i was insulted by the reason behind it. i did not have any strong feeling about break up #2.

i had more relationships between the end of 8th grade and my senior year of high school, but that would be the fastest way to send you all to sleep.

and so. i take you to my two most recent relationships. May 2022 - August 2022, and April 2023 - May 2023

the first one was a girl from a community theater show i was doing. she was snow white, and i was her prince. we became fast friends, and ended up dating. we were together for months, talked daily. we hugged, and sat in bed, holding each other while watching movies. we did not kiss. we did not even attempt to initiate anything more than hand holding.

she broke up with me in august. i was upset at the prospect of us not being together, but the only thing i remember thinking was “there is nothing we did that we cannot do as friends”. of course, it is difficult to rebound from dating, especially long distance as we were. we ended on good terms, but no longer speak to each other.

after her was my ex from the last post. we began dating after months of infatuation. he broke up with a girl for me, i magically made the “crush” that i thought i had on my best friend vanish the second i realized that he may actually show any form of interest in me.

eventually, that too ended. i enjoyed the hugging, cuddling, and closeness. i hated kissing, and the expectations of what i was supposed to be feeling within the relationship.

i did not immediately begin identifying as aromatic, but this is when i first began to entertain the idea.

life went on.

i started college, and met many amazing friends. as is usual for first semester freshman year, people began to get in relationships, and the whole question of “should i try for one?” comes up.

i decided against it, as none of my friends were romantic candidates for me. i know, i know. it’s weird to think of people that way. however, that’s how almost every other relationship i’ve had started.

we became fast friends, and happened to have compatible genders/sexualities to date. and so we did.

it started to dawn on me: what was the difference between my romantic partners and my close friends? the two largest factors are the duration of time we were close, and the amount of physical contact we had with each other.

in my prior romantic relationships, we became close quickly, or became much closer as we started to enter the “talking stage”. the longest i’ve known someone before getting into a relationship with them was a year and a half, and we were much more distant and did not hang out too often before the dating part.

as for physical intimacy: we started hugging/holding hands/being comfortable with each other before dating, but used it as a sign that we should start a relationship?

i suppose that is where i stand right now.

i am unsure of what the difference in my current best friends are, and what my relationships used to be. i am very physically affectionate, and i enjoy it. i also became close to people fast, thanks to meeting them at college. the biggest change? my two best friends are a lesbian and an arospec who is also out of my age range, dating wise.

there is no room for romantic interpretation.

once none of my friends could be potential partners, it felt like a relief. i don’t have to figure out if they like me or not, and if i “like” them back. we can just be friends.

i don’t want people to have crushes on me. all of mine were deliberately chosen, and that is not the way i feel “romance” should be.

looking back, i have lost many good friendships to the pitfall that is dating. and why? i never have found anything more fulfilling than my close platonic friendships. romantic relationships were always just adding a degree of exclusivity i never could live up to, since i cared for my closest friend and partners in the exact same way.

what is romance? i truly do not know.

however, i do know some things:

i love my friends

i enjoy spending time with my friends

i do not need exclusivity to be valued

not attempting to date has led to my platonic relationships being more fulfilling and wonderful than they were when i constantly had to compare them with what the “line” between romance and friendship was.

of course, i don’t speak for everyone. you may relate to my experience, and be alloromantic. you may understand me, but think this is some sort of polyamorous “i’m in love will all my friends but am in denial because i know they won’t like me back.”

it doesn’t matter, because i know who i am. despite having a dating history, i identify with the label that allows me to describe myself as clearly as possible.

this post is getting long, i’m sure i’ll be back shortly!

all the best,

mattisaroace

[sapphicflower-ao3]

this is gonna be a RANT; im devastated by your fic "in your dreams, nerd" rn. so a while back in high school i was in marching band and i had a friend who i made to be my co-section leader. we met through marching band, and i'm his senior by two years. we got really close because of band, despite him being a little mean to me sometimes.

anyways, i had been with a different person at tht time right (they were my first love; wasn't really the ideal relationship, was quite toxic actually).

when i was still with that person, i used to have consistent, amazingly realistic dreams about my co-section leader. it would all feel real; i would feel the way his arms would encircle around my waist. i would always wake up feeling conflicted

although i think i was in love with my (now ex) partner, i think i might have been in love with my co-section leader this whole time. this whole time i've literally just pushed the feelings away like ehh he's just a really good friend

but i genuinely cannot forget all of the times we've been the bestest of friends, and incredibly, TERRIBLY tender with each other. one time we sat knee to knee in the stands during an out-of-home competition and we shared a blanket and when i wanted to put vaseline on my face he did it for me; and that was the same competition where i asked for comfort and he knew exactly what to do

the time where the band was at disney and i helped him pick out a shirt; held it to his chest to see if it looked good, and it was just so DOMESTIC. and then because we fell out AT disney our friendship was never the same. but we made up months later and honestly our friendship breakup hurt WAY more than my breakup with my ex partner

the way we used to text all the time, send eachother memes, it wouldn't be the same if he wasn't there; i often wondered if he wondered about my absence too. i miss his friendship very much way more than the idea of even being romantically involved

there are so many other things i could say and i wish i could tell him how i felt but we literally never talk. it's been a really long time since we've had a proper conversation, how exactly do you tell someone you're barely friends with now that you love them?? i considered getting really inebriated to tell him so he can reject me, but idk it feels so stupid and i feel stupid and ugh

it feels like there will never be an opportunity for that kind of thing again tbh

oh that def sounds like a story of the one that got away!!! 🥺 and also sounds like such a devastating and heartbreaking experience, idk how you managed to get through that alive…

but uhhh i really am the worst person to give advice on anything given my lack of experience ;—;

i will say though that sometimes there’s ppl who we wish we could revive back into our lives, but we just can’t go back to the past. sometimes the only option is to forego closure and just move on.

but other times it’s possible to reconnect again. idk which of those categories you guys would fall in, but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to reach out and see how they’re doing? with a relationship so complex and close like that, maybe they even feel similarly abt you

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[fenimores-book-nook]

day 18 // a lil' life update :)

dates written : January 16th/17th - 2024, Tuesday/Wednesday

Well! It has been quite a while since I last wrote, hasn't it? Exactly two weeks, dang. So, I thought about just doing more of a life update for this one. ;) Which will probably, basically still be about self focusing.

!! WARNING !! I will be using a lot of photos. ;)))

Well, at the start of the month I had some friend hand outs I went to. My bestie since grade school and I hung out together finally, we don't see each other too often since she's still in school; senior year of high school, which is a very busy year. Or it was for me.

One of our favorite things to do that we've done since we became friends and "hangouts" were a thing for us, is dressing up to different, fun themes! So we did that again, bringing back old memories. :,) The theme above is: Going to a 1882 French Play. Very specific, I know. But that makes it more fun.

I had two more friend hangouts after, one was with some of my "once in a while friends." Like the friends you get together with once in a while. One of my close friends is involved in those hangouts, though, which I'm very grateful for since at times I feel like I don't completely fit with the group. But she helps. :) And I'm not saying my other friends are bad, they aren't, and I do like seeing them every now and then.

Speaking of that one close friend I mentioned:

Okay, okay, let me give context. At this group hangout, it was with my closer friends, for one friend's 19th birthday. One of the games we played was called "Stir the Pot." Which is a fun game, but it can be a little iffy sometimes. You just gotta remember it's a game. But me and another friend didn't want to be too mean, so we played more mellow cards.

Now, the photo context: one friend got this card to give to someone and during their time of debating who to give it to, Zainah and I (the one in the white dress) were being incredibly silly and laughing while Zainah was trying to pour some coca-cola into a cup. So the card ended up going to both of us which was probably the core highlight of the night, because we both absolutely lost it together.

Getting into the topic of all things books-of course-I got another bookshelf! I currently have three, but one of them is a very small one, and the other one is about half the size of the one in the photo, with less shelf room. So obviously, I need more book space. AND- I got this one for free! It used to be from someone my family knew that she was going to throw out. So with the help of my brother and virtual encouragement of my sister, we spent a day fixing it up and putting it in my room! The next day I shelved books and decorated it. :)

One of the books I'm making my way through is Live by Sadie Robertson. It's a really amazing book for me to read right now, it's helping with my faith and also gives me comfort! I really like Sadie's style of writing, so I'm enjoying this one. :) I have also been doing a study in Psalm too, I read at least one chapter a day, or at least, I try to. Focusing on myself has really helped me focus on my relationship with God too. It's been a rough time in the past, but it's better now. <3

Before I get too invested in talking more about my self focusing journey, some last minute things: it has been very cold here in good ol' Kansas. We've been getting a lot of snow and when, yes, it is so pretty and I love snow, I am SO ready for spring weather. But a cool thing that I was able to do, because it was so cold, is walk on a frozen lake! (or pond, my park ranger brother would know, haha) My parents and I visited my brother at his work where he's a park ranger and my brother and I walked along the edge of the lake! It was so cool to see all the frozen things beneath me. The little feather lookin' things on top of the water are frozen leaves! Even if it was freezing and I definitely should've worn boots, it was beautiful.

The other day, my mom and I went to one of our small town coffee shops; I can't remember exactly what drink I got but it was super good. I've come to really love that place and their drinks. :) When we got back home, Mom made a pot of tea and it was just a nice cozy day. It had started to snow and became very windy on the way home, so I'm glad we left when we did. It was a good day to just chill and hang out with my mom. :) <3

Back to some *new-ish* self focusing/discovery things!

(I hope you like my very well thought out title) ;p

So, a little bit of backstory: some people might remember, if you read my posts when I first joined tumblr, I would write some things about the Aspec/AroAce* community. Those posts are not up anymore, the reason being is that I stopped identifying as AroAce. But what I didn't realize until now is the real reason why I stopped identifying as AroAce. The reason I had thought why I stopped is, that I felt like I could/did (wanted to) experience romantic or sexual attraction. So, really, I was like: I was wrong (I was sad), I want a romantic relationship (do you, though? really think about it bro). I left the label behind, not wanting anything to do with it. I wanted to feel those attractions and when I thought about how I couldn't, I would feel really sad about it. How I would end up alone (which is not a bad thing) and my friends would all leave me behind to live lives with their romantic partners (my overthinking brain was telling me these things). I felt extremely lonely. That's when society's ideas and views on the Aspec community/labels started contorting my own. I started believing society's thoughts on it and thought that I just needed to stop being sad and how to do that was to ditch the AroAce label. (which, in some cases/for some people, ditching labels helps, but for me, labels can help me understand who I am and why I feel/think the way that I do)

Little did I know that the reason why I felt so sad every time I thought about being AroAce wasn't because I'm AroAce, but because of what society says about the Aspec community. I let those false ideas and thoughts into my head when I should've been kicking them to the curb. BUT! We all learn from mistakes and honestly, I think that it wasn't a complete mistake for me to stop identifying as AroAce. Because NOW, I have a much better understanding of myself and my identity, and some of it comes from me attempting to hide who I really am back then. (I say "back then," but it was really only a couple months ago)

Of course, I'm still working through my self acceptance and self discovery, but really, me realizing that I'm Aspec-again-couldn't come at a better time! It has helped me focus more on myself as well as help me discover more about myself. :) Earlier this week I had an amazing realization that God's timing really is perfect. If I wouldn't have been thinking about my Aspec identity, I probably would be struggling more to focus on myself. So it works out great!

*Aromantic Asexual - a person does not experience, or rarely experiences romantic or sexual attraction. There are many different kinds of AroAce and countless ways on how to be AroAce, and none of them are wrong! It just depends on the person and how they identify with their own Aspec identity. (Aspec definition in photo above)

(AroAce art from pinterest) The AroAce flag are those colors, if you didn't know. ;) (though, there are many different versions of the flag)

As you might've already gathered, I used to identify as "AroAce," now, I think I prefer "Aspec." I feel like Aspec is more broad than what AroAce is, in my own opinion. Honestly? I don't know exactly where I land on the Aromantic Asexual spectrum. And that's okay! I'm actually okay with that now. I'm fine with just doing my own research at my own pace, wanting to think about my Aspec identity as much as I want to. :) I had so much trouble accepting and loving my Aspec identity before and I'm not going to let that happen again. If later down the road, I decide it isn't a label for me, then okay! IDENTITY IS FLUID! Which can be very frustrating at times, but it's a beautiful thing too. :)

And now you see why I wanted to wait until the end to talk about my self focusing things: I have a LOT to say. So, don't be surprised if I have more Aspec-focused posts coming out! The world needs more Aspec representation!! Plus, I like writing about it. ;)

One last photo of my doggo, Charlie who got a haircut the other day and my mom brought him to our shop. He approves. ;)

I hope you enjoyed my life update! And if you didn't, well, no offense, but I don't really care. I do these writings for myself because I enjoy doing them. :)

And, if you are a fellow Aspec, remember that there is a place for you in this world! It is a wonderful and beautiful thing to be a part of this community. You and how you feel are valid, no matter who you are or how you identify.

Until next time,

Thalia <3

[midnightsslut]

a bit more context to the story: the reason why she was going through a lot in the summer after senior year is because she had a pretty shitty relationship. there’s a LOT to that story, but basically, before it happened, he courted her for like a year, she didn’t really like him but he ~came from a good family so everyone (especially the one person in our friend group she’s still close with) told her to get with him anyway, I told her that I felt like she didn’t really like him, but ofc I supported her when they eventually got together. she wouldn’t tell us anything about their relationship, because this person’s family is pretty well known and she received a lot of attention from people in our class for dating him. when they got together, their relationship went to shit pretty quickly, but I was basically a hermit at this point (like, I wasn’t seeing members of my own family. I was pretty severely anorexic for years, and that was when it came to a head and turned into a different ED), so I wouldn’t have known. she didn’t ever ask me how I was doing either, but I can’t blame her for that bc who knows how I would have reacted if. do think she blames me for not being there during this time. when we saw each other again over the holidays, my friend and I told her about some concerning stuff we’d heard about him, and she got really mad (that we hadn’t told her earlier, that we were telling her at the wrong time, that it felt like we’d talked about it before telling her). our reasoning was that we wanted to tell her in person, because it’s not something you say over text. she was mad if we asked and also mad if we didn’t ask. during our conversation this summer, I apologized for the way we handled that, but it felt like was no way to tell her or not tell her without upsetting her. she’s pretty much changed completely after this, because she’s clearly traumatized by what happened. I understand that, and I really do have a lot of empathy for her, which is why I’ve made an effort, but at some point, it just feels like she doesn’t want a friendship. and that’s fine, but it hurts.

[bachloretteliz]

Mistress for 3 years…

Welcome back sweetie pies! Buckle up because this contestant’s story is gonna be juicy. We’ll start by his nickname, Fitz. Now the nickname comes from the tv show, Scandal. President Fitzgerald, married to his wife, but has a mistress named Olivia Pope. But in this scenario I’m Olivia Pope and he is Fitz.

Honestly don’t remember how I met Fitz, I’ve just known him for so long. He was just that boy who was always there, and I didn’t acknowledge him till we were freshmen. His aunt was a teacher and worked with my mom, so we were close to her family. His other aunt I knew because her kids were always at the pool I worked at during the summer. And yea, we just always knew of each other. Fun fact, his aunt thought we’d be best friends when we were younger. LOL. NO.

But like I said we didn’t really acknowledge each other’s existence until we were freshmen. But he had a girlfriend, and I respected that and we stayed close friends. Until his girlfriend got between us, and I stopped talking to him because she was crazy. Like run me over with her car type crazy. But like I said, respected their relationship so we forgot each other and lived our lives. Well I thought we forgot about each other, but I guess he didn’t.

We rekindled our junior year. Me and my gal were bored so we went to another guy friends house for a fire one night. Well Fitz was there along with another guy. So 2 girls, 3 boys, but 1 boy and 1 girl had feelings for each other. Well silly kids we were, we played ghost in the graveyard. But Fitz needed to talk to Olivia about something, so they hid together to talk. He explained that his marriage is falling a part, and he needed me as a friend again. I said I didn’t know, his wife hated me, and I didn’t want to ruin his marriage. He kept reassuring me the marriage was over, and he just needed me for support. So I fell for it, and the support he needed? I stupidly gave him.

After that night we talked and talked. It was like our friendship didn’t take a break, and we were back to how we were. Until he got back with his ex-wife… yea ex-wifey knew we were texting and hanging out together (with our other friends) and hated me even more. I’m talking bout the DM’s threatening me, making tik toks about me, captioning her posts towards me, all of the above. I laid off Fitz again, and lived my happy life.

Well every time Fitz needed “support” for his broken marriage, I was there. For a whole year we hid our secret affair. To clarify every time we hung out him and his wife were on a “break” (found out they never were so I felt horrible). And then we hit senior year… Senior year started off great. Me, my gal, and our 2 guy friends were thriving. Late night McDonald runs, going to each others volleyball or football games together, it was lovely. Until Fitz would show up at me and my gals volleyball games with the other guys. I wanted to commit suicide in 10 different ways every time, it was so embarrassing. No one knew what we’ve been up to, except my gal. She knew all. But still, he and his wife were perfectly happy, why show up and drag me into your marriage when I don’t want to be?

The best part, his marriage ended at my volleyball game. There’s film evidence. She asked to meet up with him, and they broke up, and he came back to my game. Guess she was tired of being the wife? Well me and Fitz started talking again, but I told him that we’d never get into a relationship. This was all about support.

Yea Fitz went into a post-divorce hole, and looked for support in 10 other girls! WHAT?! Man was wilding… I left and said never again. Now he’s married to one of the 10 supporters, and they’re so happy. But like we say, once a cheater always a cheater. She actually stalked my instagram one night, liked my post, and then unliked it. Caught you girly pop! I know, it’s hard to be as good as me. I’m the girl Fitz always came back to after all… not a great moment in my life though.

Well that’s Fitz for ya. A cheating, lying, and non-athletic douche. I can’t wait for someone to humble him, because he needs it.

Until next time, I promise the next man is MUCH better. Only 2 men standing, who will get the final rose?

See you soon sweetie pies:)

[annieintheaair]

Don't worry about the damage done, just let those words roll off your tongue, even if you're lying

How you are raised has a huge effect on your life as an adult. I think my parents raised my siblings and me to be good, caring, respectful people. I know we aren't perfect but I know my parents did a good job.

Looking back on my life, and my childhood in particular, I have somewhat vague memories of going to therapy. I learned that you need to talk about things. I've never seen therapy as a bad thing but as a part of life, like going for yearly physicals, getting your teeth cleaned, or even just taking vitamins and living a healthy lifestyle. I've taken breaks from therapy, sometimes for months and sometimes for years but then I get back into going and it feels more like a preventative measure for me. Therapy has taught me a lot of things, like how to cope with different feelings and changes in my life.

When I was in middle school, my best friend, Laura, and I used to talk to our guidance counselor often. She taught us about "I statements" and we learned how to build a better friendship. Even though we had our issues, it was always nice to know that I had a friend who cared about our friendship as much as I did and was always willing to work on things. We stayed friends for a long time until we both moved away and went to separate schools. I learned a lot from that friendship though.

After middle school, I spent high school journaling more. I didn't have a guidance counselor to talk to anymore like I did in middle school and I remember plenty of days feeling alone in my new school and crying in my bedroom at night. I knew from the very beginning of my freshman year of high school that I would only be there for three years before going to college. I was determined and I made it happen.

I started seeing a therapist in college. I think it was during sophomore year. Maureen was my saving grace. When I felt abandoned and sad or had issues with Dan, Maureen was there. One session, she had me write down on paper a list of things I could do whenever I was sad. Some of those things included Rhode Island-specific things, such as go to the beach. She made a copy of my list and shrunk it down to the size of a credit card so that I could keep it in my wallet. I remember one day driving to school during my junior/senior year (they were combined because I finished college in 3 years, too) and when I got close to school, I instead got onto 95 and drove myself to my favorite little beach: Goddard State Park.

I've always believed in self-care and your mental health is just as important as your physical health. I saw something on Instagram that said something along the lines of how when someone is going through something and they're feeling depressed, we should treat them like we would someone with a broken leg. Wouldn't you take care of that person and be there for them? Just like you'd care for someone else, you should care for yourself.

For me, when my flights got delayed last night, I knew that I wasn't in the right place mentally to handle rolling delays. My eyes burned and I told my mom that I wanted to call work and tell them that I had an eye problem and couldn't see myself going to work. I ended up calling out sick, taking a shower, putting on my pajamas, and crawling up under a blanket to watch a movie with my dogs and eat Ben & Jerry's. Maybe I don't have anything contagious because I'm not "sick" by the standard that the world sees sick but I think that your mental health is just as important and if you're just not in the right place mentally, it's ok to call off from work or school.

After college, I didn't have a therapist for a long time. When I got injured at work in 2018, I started seeing a new therapist, April. April helped me through my transition back to work and eventually helped me navigate my relationship and breakup with James. When she stopped accepting my insurance, I moved on and found Shanna. I liked her fresh perspective and appreciated her help as I transitioned to a new place. Since she stopped accepting my insurance in December, I thought I was ok and had "graduated" from therapy. I also felt like I was withholding a lot from her and acted like everything was fine during my sessions, only to go home and cry.

I met with a new therapist yesterday, Jose. I originally was looking for a new female therapist but then an appointment was available with him and I thought, why not try something new. Surprisingly, I really liked talking to him and scheduled to meet with him again next week.

I don't think there's any shame in going to therapy or accepting help. I think the strongest thing you can do sometimes is get help when you need it. I've been wanting to read the book "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone," which is a book about a therapist who seeks therapy herself. I've said it before but I think we all could use therapy.

I feel bad for the adults who grew up thinking therapy was something to be ashamed of and never learned to talk through things. I think it's a parent's responsibility to raise their kids in such a way that they know that it's ok to not be ok but to get help. When kids go through divorces or any sort of trauma, their parents should really send them to therapy. I've seen what happens to adults when they didn't have that kind of support when they were younger and now can't handle anything.

Since I didn't fly last night, I was able to make it to the 9:30am yoga class this morning. It was a struggle getting myself out of bed but I made it. The class was a bit of a disappointment and my energy was so down that I felt like everything was super difficult. By the time we were finishing up the class and in pigeon pose, with my face lying on my mat, I couldn't help but cry. I was so thankful for the cold lavender towels that made me look like less of a mess leaving yoga.

I wished the people in my class had been more social and that yoga could have been more of a community like it was where I used to live. I wished I could have asked everyone if anyone wanted to go grab brunch at First Watch after but I felt silly asking a bunch of strangers. Instead, I drove home, tearing up again, wishing for a hug.

At home, I prepared for my job interview, and while I think it went well, I feel like I have a lot going on right now, and trying to start a new job might be too much.

I feel like this has been a super lazy week with lots of TV and cuddles with my dogs. I managed to get in a nap this afternoon so that I can hopefully make it through work tonight. I was originally looking forward to flying with one of my friends tonight but of course, she's pregnant and not feeling great. I'm just praying for nice passengers tonight.

Despite the clouds this weekend, it's supposed to get into the 80s, which hopefully makes for a nice weekend. Maybe tomorrow I'll finally put my life back together at home.

xoxo

Annie

[cla001]

“The technology you use impresses no one. The experience you create with it is everything.” — Sean Gerety

They say that distance can lessen the friendship or relationship between people; however, I don't see it this way. It's been years since I last saw my sisters, brothers, and friends. We move to other places to pursue our dreams and fulfill our passion. I left my hometown to study in Manila and have been away from my family since then. However, I have proved that distance is just a number through technology. Thousands of miles away from each other means so little because of how technology connects me to the people I love.

Before the pandemic, some of my family members had been away from home due to marriage and career. As a kid, I was a crybaby whenever they left the house. Growing up, I was still like that, but through technology, I could mend that longing for them. We would call each other and talk about how our day went, share our memorable experiences in life, and even our problems. The advancement of technology can indeed be dangerous, but as someone whose loved ones are away, it serves as a bridge that connects us despite the distance.

During the pandemic, everyone was forced to stay at home. It was halting the world from its activities. It was weeks away from my most awaited high school graduation when the government implemented the lockdown. I was devastated as I anticipated walking on the stage and receiving my high school diploma. However, things really know its ways. Online school graduation was utilized to continue what was put on hold. I might not have walked physically on stage, but still, I was given the proper recognition I deserved.

Spending time with friends despite the distance between us was something I wished for every day. Online platforms such as Discord, Messenger, and Instagram played a crucial role in my experience. I remember how my friends and I would spend half the day playing together online and watching films. Sometimes, we even sleep together on a video call and that was a routine during the pandemic. Despite the difficulty of those times, I found solace.

Furthermore, the presence of technology is not only visible in the personal aspect of our lives. As a student, I witnessed the transition from traditional to modern education. During my senior high school years, online platforms such as Google Meet and Google Classroom were the medium of communication in my past school. The challenge was there, but I got the hang of it later. I've been in a hybrid set-up — a mix of online and onsite classes — since my first year in college. I would use Canvas, Google Meet, and Zoom applications to meet my professors and submit my school requirements. Although I am mainly in an online set-up, I am happy to meet my classmates face to face.

Technology has been playing an essential role in our lives, whether social interaction, business, or education. It changed our lives in countless ways. It helps us stay connected despite circumstances, to stay close from a distance. As a user, we should be responsible for our actions. It has its negative aspects; however, if we know how to make good use of it, we can make wholesome experiences for everyone.

[beaversatemygrandma]

Gonna void post for a second here. It's not bad at all. Actually pretty good.

It's insane to think about the progression of my current relationship. It Really Really is. Like, it feels like the thing where you meet somebody at the wrong time and then years later suddenly it's the right one.

Back in high school, it was just this casual school friend. I knew damn well he had a crush on me by junior year, if it wasn't already obvious in sophomore year. In freshman, he was just a weird guy in my science class who eventually started sitting with me at the lab tables after i moved to sit there because our classmates were annoying me. He just kind of slid in, we started doing projects together, then eventually started having lunch together every day. Sophomore year, we managed to have the same lunch period and I'd actually start going to his path towards the nurse's office as he always did before lunch and just meeting him there. Carried on through junior year. Even emailed each other over the summer. Somehow we got lucky and every year, even during junior year when we didn't have a single class together, we always had the same lunch period. He'd start meeting me on my path out of class and I'd just walk with him on his daily routine. That was the year that so many of our classmates would start asking me if he was my boyfriend. He wasn't. He was just some guy that i was close to and we'd spend lunch together talking about random shit the entire time. But that was also when the crush was getting Even More Obvious. It didn't hit me honestly until i started getting asked that. But then I just noticed the way he looked at me and always let me just vent off at him. He was attentive and caring. Literally better than any boyfriend i ever had back then. Somehow, something in me back then just couldn't see that for what it was worth. I was too focused on "not being one of the nerds" (like shit, look at me. I am one of them. I want my old nerd friends back and I'll damn well get them.) I stuck with this abusive jackass who is honestly a waste of damn air. The one who essentially had the classic "If you leave me I'll kill myself"TM abusive tactic. And fuck, with how he literally quit his job because "he wasn't getting enough time with me", it didn't even feel like a stretch.

I was stuck with that piece of shit boyfriend through most of our friendship back then. Senior year, he went off to be fully at the local college in dual enrollment and i was stuck at our high school because i didn't drive and my mom would never give me a ride anywhere, even if it was for school. Literally the year where I was alone through most classes. I made a couple odd friends who lasted only that year never to be seen again. Then again, i was forced to take THREE freshman electives that year, again due to the lack of transportation even though i already had the credits needed to graduate. Apparently I met his younger sister in one of them. She apparently remembers me from school. I saw a picture of her and genuinely i have no idea who she was. I get the weird feeling she was one of the girls from that 3D art 1 class who just had so much drama and a weirdly active sex life for a freshman. Always talking about her 21yo bf and his bullshit, while i just kinda listened, did art, and held back on telling her that she should break up with him. (I should've. Maybe she wouldn't have had a kid at 17. God, his sister is a mess.)

Anyways, I didn't see him again until graduation. I had honestly missed him the entirety of that year. Wanted to send an email, try to get his number, but i could just never do that. I always had that piece of shit ex basically breathing down my shoulder and basically cutting me off from my friends. (Hell, drama club would go to chikfila after club meetings and i went one day when my ex was wanting to have me over, and he CAME TO CHIKFILA. Basically invited himself into the situation until another good friend of mine told him to fuck off. Same guy who tried to give me a reality check at graduation.) But at graduation, i was wanting to hunt him down, finally get his phone number, just catch up after a whole year. But my ex was there. He was already mad about me having been talking to the guy friend who told him to fuck off at chikfila, thinking he was a threat (he wasn't. he just saw the red flags Real Quick.) Either way, the plan failed. I couldn't find him in the crowd and my ex wouldn't give me enough space to go searching. Didn't talk to this guy for years. Went through it all just wondering how he was doing. In 2019, i heard news about a guy who has the same first name from high school. I didn't know him by that name, but the nickname used by the neighborhood kids. He committed suicide shortly after graduation. I PANICKED thinking it was my guy. I asked my friend for the link to the obituary and immediately relaxed. It was the guy from my neighborhood. Still felt bad, yeah, but So Damn Relieved. Soon after, i got a switch and noticed that your friends from 3ds could be carried over. The time I had spent with him playing pokemon back then paid off.

Apparently, we spent THREE YEARS watching each other's online status to check in, both just anxious about actually reaching out. I watched as he played his usual stuff, a new mario game, whatever else. And he noticed that i was playing pokemon still. Somehow, the thing i introduced him to made him even more curious. Turns out, when Scarlet and Violet came out, he saw the online features and thought it could be a way to get in contact. Maybe switch online voice chat connection (it does not). He got the game hoping it would give him something there. And I'm glad he did. I noticed he was playing it a few days after i got it. I spent a good while looking through my old email just SEARCHING for the emails we sent back then. Grabbed the email from them and sent one, hoping that it was still active. He fucking responded in 20 minutes with his number. Insanely fast. I was texting him that night. We had literally been thinking that we lost contact entirely for that damn long only to suddenly have contact again after just THAT.

Spent time catching up, just texting between each other, playing the game together. Just eventually working up to texting damn near every day, to basically sending texts when we got up and went to bed, to HOURS of calls. I can literally talk to him for HOURS. DAILY. This goes on for a couple months, drunk me on new years started flirting with him which brought back that somehow-not-dead crush. About a week later, he starts asking about all that finally, just having the guts to even address what drunk me was doing. Then I'm there having a whole "Am I doing this because I'm lonely or because I actually like him?" for a good few months. Eventually, I'm having a night where my back pain flared up SO Bad. He stayed there texting me, just comforting me and making that bout something i could be distracted from. I think that was the point where i had the realization that I actually do like him. I actually wanted something between us to happen. This managed to encourage me to force myself to get what i needed to done. I got my license, formed a plan with my mom to get back into town. I got everything done. I set myself up to finally get my life started back up down there. Just the thought of having him around again managed to do that.

And here i am after problem, after problem, after more problems, FINALLY having a set plan to get down there. And Holy FUCK. This is a full blown actual long-distance relationship now. I'm MOVING IN WITH HIM NEXT MONTH. We've got a nice one bedroom apartment set up. He's been getting it cleaned up and furnished and even offered to pay for the move down there because the only thing stopping me is money at this point.

Agh The whole point of this is that i reached out at Just The Right Time. We've been through our few years of getting a better grasp on ourselves and the world and not being the cringy little shits we were back then. Just having that out of the way, everything just fell together perfectly. If high school me heard that i was literally dating this guy, they would flip shit and not in a good way. But currently, I'm very happy with this relationship. He really is attentive and caring. He's giving and really just does put communication ahead of everything else. He's not a bad person at all. I don't know why i was so against this back then. He really could've been perfect. Even if that didn't happen, it's happening now and oh my god, he's amazing. I've literally told him all the weird stories of shit that I've gotten into, just as a test to see if it would scare him off because those stories Really Can do that. He's honestly just amazed that I've done all that. I've gotten a lot of random experiences in, a few good, a good amount honestly a little traumatic. He's just listened to all of that and I really want to give him some of those good ones. I know that we'll be doing that. There's just so much potential for good here. So yeah, I love him. It's hit. I actually do. So holy shit. Still just absolutely reeling over the history here. We've literally known each other since we were 14. A whole ass 9 years. Given, yeah, no contact from 2017-22, but NOW? Oh boy. Now sure is something.

God. I can't wait for next month. I really want to be down there with him already. A whole place to ourselves and finally having time together after so damn long.

[darspeaksout]

I Felt Nothing When You Died

You outed me in front of the whole class in high school. 

We had set up our chairs in a circle. There was an article we were assigned to read for homework the day before. I can’t remember what the article was about but during the class discussion, the topic of gay couples came up. One of our classmates asked the teacher how she should explain to her five-year-old niece that two men can be together romantically and that same-sex relationships were becoming more socially accepted. Before the teacher could respond, you took it upon yourself to announce, “Why don’t we ask Darwin. Maybe he would know.” I was shocked. Did I just hear that right? Yes, I did. You really just called me out. 

The bell rang and everyone returned their chairs to their desks. As I was putting mine away, I felt my face get hot with rage, my hands shaking. I wanted to punch the wall. My friends in that class who recognized I was upset were quick to approach me and ask if I was alright. Obviously I wasn’t but I was too stunned to respond. I grabbed my backpack and on my way out, stopped at your desk. You were in the running to be our grade’s representative and had even campaigned to me personally. Through tears, I told you with all the fight I could muster, “You just lost my vote.” That was the last exchange between us before you passed away.

I got on the bus to go home. I had a church event planned that evening, so I had a few hours to pull myself together. We’d usually begin events by sharing good news or things we would like prayers for, but I knew this wasn’t something I could share with them. Once the shock had subsided, my mind went straight to planning mode. If this had happened to me in ninth grade, I would’ve cried alone and said nothing. But because we were approaching senior year and I had developed somewhat of a spine, I felt empowered to speak up. I spent the ride home thinking about how I would handle this. I knew I was going to address you in a speech, one that I would write out as soon as I got home. But I didn’t know what to say and how far I was willing to go to hurt you back. Marginalized people tend to see it as their responsibility to educate those who have offended them. But I didn’t see it that way. It’s not my job to educate you, but it is my job to fight for myself, regardless of how you receive it. Whether or not it hurts your feelings, that’s the least of my concerns. It was a Friday, so I had the rest of the afternoon and the coming weekend to write out my speech. I went to my church event that night and spent the weekend trying to calm down.

When Monday came, the chaplain with whom I had established a friendship, and our teacher for that class, both screened the speech I was about to deliver. They advised me to remove some of the rather offensive and unproductive messages contained therein. When I told them about my plan to address the entire class, both were supportive of my decision. Both reassured me I can always approach them for any issues should there be any, going forward. The chaplain said she would provide moral support and be there at fourth period. And when the bell rang, it was my time to shine. And shine, I did.

I walked to the front, speech in hand, and took a moment to assess the classroom, my classmates, and you - looking petrified as you shuffled in your seat. What was going to happen, what will he say?, you probably wondered. You weighed significantly more than me, but I’ve never seen you look so small. The tension hung dead in the air you could cut it with a knife. I closed my eyes for a moment and told myself I wasn’t only delivering this speech to you. I was delivering it to you and to every other person who thought they were entitled to my identity. 

I talked about how alone and ostracized I felt for most of high school, I talked about suicide. I talked about how my extra-curricular activities saved me from jumping off a building or hanging myself in my room. I talked about my family, religion, bullies, and how when you’re gay you expect homophobia to come from any and all directions, it doesn’t matter the person, it doesn’t matter the age. I talked about self-acceptance and how on some days, it’s more difficult to practice. I talked about how you called me out on Friday and how you’re lucky I’m this strong. Because if I wasn’t, who knows what I would’ve done to myself over the weekend and where I would be right now. When I finished my speech, nobody clapped. Everybody stared. That was the first time I was able to silence an entire room.

For a moment while I was up there, I wondered what the reaction would be if I derailed from my plans, set down the paper I was holding, and called you out, cursed at you, embarrassed you with the gossip I’d heard about your family troubles, made you feel what you made me feel. But I decided against it.

Because of how things stood at that moment, you were the bully and I was the bullied. If there was someone to root for, it was me. And I wanted to keep it that way. For once, the gay guy is the protagonist. For once, the gay guy is the one people want to see succeed. I was tired of being the best friend, the accessory, the shopping partner, the punchline, the man who is never seen as a man but not seen as a woman either, the man who isn’t taken seriously because he loves other men. As far as perception was concerned, I had the clear advantage. You cast yourself as the villain in my story. You earned that role from how you decided to act towards me. And I kept you in that role because I found your performance convincing. Bravo to you. You outed me for being gay, so I outed you for your true character. I was just returning the favor, so no need to thank me. We’re both actors, if you think about it - one is pretending to be straight, the other is pretending to be a good person.

As promised, I didn’t vote for you and you didn’t become our senior year representative. For the rest of my time in high school, you never bothered me again. I would have another class in which you sat at the very back but you later switched it for another course. I never knew if it had to do with me or if you genuinely had a schedule conflict. Either way, you were no longer around me so I considered it a win. I passed by you in the hallway once and you kept your head down, looking ashamed, similar to my best friend’s cousin that day on the sidewalk after he had tried to interrogate my identity out of me. What both of you had in common was that you think that by simply being heterosexual, it’s suddenly your job to coach and to police the identity of gay people. If I didn’t have the courage to speak up to him, I spoke up to you. I had double the rage and double the angst. You had to bear his transgressions against me in addition to your own, so I thank you for your service. But where the two of you differ is that in your case, I can actually forgive.

Who is easier to forgive, the living or the dead? I think the reason I was able to forgive you is, I visibly saw that you felt remorse for your actions. You understood my message, you left me alone, you gave me space by switching classes regardless of whether you did it for me or for your own reasons. And when a mutual friend of ours was planning a graduation party and I told her I wouldn’t feel comfortable if you were there, she uninvited you and you respected my space enough not to attend. I felt your remorse even though you never said sorry. But in the case of my friend’s cousin, I never saw that he regretted how he treated me. And that’s why I can forgive you but not him. As far as I know, he’s still alive and has the rest of his life to feel remorse. But since you’ve passed away, so have our issues, and I feel like I got my closure.

Three years later when I heard the news of your death, I felt nothing. No sadness. No elation. Just nothing. I observed the news as how I would observe a cloudy day - neutral, devoid of emotion. I was told you had died in your sleep due to a complicated medical history. If there is a preferred way to die, sleep is probably one of the more peaceful ways, I can imagine. Since I made the decision not to kill myself that weekend after you outed me, I believe that God took your soul in my place.

If there was anything I felt, I felt at peace. Peace that you understood how you hurt me. Peace that you showed me, in quiet but poignant ways, that you were sorry. Peace that you can finally say goodbye to your family problems, to being in and out of your mother’s home, to having to constantly move schools before you could develop any solid friendships. I felt at peace that you no longer had to feel alone, because I, as someone who’s gay, feels that a lot of the time. And I felt at peace for myself, that while it’s true I felt nothing when you died, it hit me that finally, we can put this chapter behind the both of us. I’m no stranger to the pain of living, and if your life was too painful I hope that wherever you are right now, may you find solace in knowing that with time, I grew to understand you. I really did grow to forgive you.

To the girl who never became my senior year representative, may you rest in peace.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for not liking my brother's boyfriend?

I should preface this with the fact that I support my brother no matter what, I just have some concerns about his boyfriend.

My brother and I (m26, we're twins) have always been close. We've shared a small circle of friends for almost our whole lives, and in the past few years he's branched out. I don't have an issue with this at all, it's great that he's finding new friends, but I just really dislike his boyfriend(27).

I met my fiance (f27) in middle school, and she and my brother's boyfriend were close friends. My fiance and he started dating in high school and lasted until senior year when he started getting pushy, erratic, and sometimes physical. A little while after they broke up he got into some sort of accident, had to move in with his aunt, and we didn't see him for a while. My fiance still has lasting trauma from his behavior, which we now know was ptsd and trauma related in itself. Apparently he didn't have a very good home life- like multiple police calls levels.

A few years later he shows up again to try and make amends. My brother showed immediate interest, which concerned me, because we hadn't seen him in years and didn't know what he was like. He apologized to my fiance, explained his situation, and even congratulated us. (I'd like to mention that during the tail end of their relationship, he did NOT like me. He had asked her multiple times to stop being friends with me. So you can imagine how weird this is for me to hear.)

My brother could probably be considered a textbook gay stereotype, which, of course isn't a bad thing, but he likes to put himself out there. I don't see an issue with this and never really have, but it's when he started going on dates with the boyfriend is when I got concerned. My brother has a history of getting attached easily, along with periods of depression and even sometimes illness when things go wrong. Stress does wild shit to his physical health and its not fun for anyone.

My brother and his boyfriend have been dating for around a year now with no signs of stopping, and it's safe to say he's infatuated. They live together and everything. It looks like he's happy, but I know how well he is at hiding things, and will refuse to tell you if something is wrong. He says that his boyfriend has changed, gone through therapy, rehab, and the like, and even my fiance admits that she's seen a change.

My only concern is that this is some sort of repeat situation, where things start off fine and eventually get worse again

What are these acronyms?

[coghive]

The Kind of Heartbreak We Don’t Usually Talk About

In my second year in junior high school, I made a friend. No, actually, she made me. I was an introverted teen you see, still am but not as socially withdrawn as I used to be then. So, it was a Saturday morning and we needed to do laundry.  Somehow, we got talking about a drum to store water (it was a boarding school) and that was where we hit it off. She was a new kid in school that got recently transferred and she needed a friend; I did too. And boy was she a beautiful soul. She still is and I hope she gets to read this. Our dorm rooms were opposite each other and so we would do almost everything together. She would come to my room so we could observe our personal devotion together. We would go for classes together, the dining hall, the mini-mart, for sports, for prep, you name it. Heck, we even got to twin on our house wears sometimes. It was such a good time to be alive. She would make me laugh my stomach out. We laughed at the stupidest of things and we were happy. It was just one of the purest friendships I have ever experienced. But then it wasn’t always so rosy. The same way we could laugh at the stupidest of things was the same way we got into fights at the slightest irritation. Now, that I think of it, I can’t even remember anything in particular that made us fight but we did get into a lot of squabbles with each other.  Of course, we always made up but that didn’t guarantee that we wouldn’t fight again. Fights are a part of healthy relationships but what do you do when they get too much? So, one day, we had gotten into one of our usual squabbles. I had gone out of class during break time and when I got back, my friend said we needed to talk. Those words spelt doom; I should have known but my naïve mind just believed that we were going to work things out as usual.  We stood at a corner of the classroom and that day, I heard those cruel words for the first time in my life, “Blessing, we can’t be friends anymore. It’s over between us.” Right then, my heart broke. I heard a thud in my heart and I couldn’t believe my ears. What just happened? Did she just break our friendship up? I can’t express the pain I felt adequately in words but it hurt badly.  I mean we were so close that we had people coming up to us wanting to join our friendship circle. I had questions I wanted to ask. Like who was trying to sabotage what we had? Who had she been listening to? Who put her up to this? But there’s a little straight thinking you can do when you have just been rejected and your heart broken. I was eleven years old by the way. Things went downhill pretty much after that. By the third year of junior high, we were more like acquaintances. In senior high, we became friends again but things never went back to the way they were. Over the years, we’ve tried to keep communication open.  Now, we just wish each other happy birthdays and reply to funny memes once in a while. We haven’t seen each other in years even though we’re in the same city. And it is fine, I totally understand. We are all just swamped up with the challenges of adulthood. Some friendships are just for a season but that doesn’t make it hurt less when we lose them. I’m talking about quality friendships here. What I miss the most about this friendship is how free we were to bring out our inner child and how comfortable we were to just be each other.  It’s hard to find such pure, childlike, unadulterated friendships these days. This is the kind of heart break we rarely talk about. When our friends move to another state or relocate to another country and we lose them; we’re happy for them but it still breaks us to not have them be in our lives anymore.  When they know everything about us; our secrets, flaws, dreams, ambitions and all; and we just drift apart without warning, what do we do with the vacuum they leave? What do you do when the person you shared some of your most cherished moments with becomes a stranger to you? What happens when they die and leave you in this cruel world? The most important need of the human soul is genuine connection.  What do you do when you find a raw and deep connection with someone and it abruptly comes to an end? What do you do when you have news and you want to share it with them and you remember that y’all don’t vibe like that anymore? Friends come and friends go but some friendships are irreplaceable and when they end they leave the most debilitating effects. So, when are we going to start talking about the heart break of genuine platonic friendships? Read the full article

[hardskz]

to think that we wanted to make a toxic friendship work ahahahaha

[o3o-aya]

Can we see Yandere Douma Modern, who he's been trying to force a relationship with Y/N since high school?

hehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehe

tw: non-con

You had met Douma when you were looking for somewhere to eat during lunch. He let you sit with him and his friends, you made friends with the only girl there.

You were just a clueless little freshman, he was at least a Junior when he met you.

He tried everything to get with you but you refused everytime!

You were so easy to sway but either you knew his game or you were just stupid.

You were stupid.

You didn't understand, but you knew that his weird little hints made you uncomfortable.

But, when he asked you to prom, he asked you in front of all your friends so you couldn't be rude and say no!

So you said yes, and you went with him.

The entire night was weird, he kept grabbing your waist and touching you weirdly.

You just shrugged it off, when the night was over he drove you home.

He tried to kiss you, you dodged him.

He seemed very annoyed at you for that, so you apologized and just went home...

His senior year, you avoided him.

But you stayed friends with Ume.

Ume said he was angry you kept avoiding him but you kept doing so.

After it ended you never saw him again.

~~~~~~

Years later, you had graduated college.

You were about to start your dream job when Ume invited you to a class catch up.

You stupidly went.

When you got there, you saw all your friends and greeted them.

As the night progressed, the drunker you got.

Soon, you were so drunk that you couldn't see who was carrying you out.

~~~~~

You winced as you felt someone on top of you, whimpering as you felt rubbing on your clit.

You tried pushing the person away before your wrists were pinned above your head.

"No no my flower... Just relax and feel good...~" You heard the voice saying, your blurred eyes watching as this strange man made rough thrusts into you.

"It seems as if you were saving yourself... It was for me wasn't it?~"

His voice was distorted, you couldn't hear him well nor could you see him.

You couldn't comprehend what he was doing anyways, so you just slowly closed your eyes and fell asleep.

~~~~~

In the morning, you stirred a bit before wincing as you felt a soreness in your thighs.

You slowly sat up as you rubbed your eyes and yawned.

You looked around as you blinked.

Where were you...?

Why was your head pounding....?

You paused as you remembered the night before.

That's right....You were at a class catch up...

Does this mean you got so drunk you went home with a random man?! This wasn't good... At least you weren't dead!

"You're awake!~" You heard a voice say before you looked up at the door.

Your eyes widened a bit as you recognized him.

It was him....

It was Douma!

Did you come home with him!? You didn't seem to recall him there....

"I ordered you breakfast... I have to be at work soon so I didn't have time to make you some..." Douma said, a fake sad sigh.

"But we can have lunch together!" He said happily as he kissed your head.

"Wh-What...?" You muttered.

"This is confusing hm? Well... At work, I was telling one of my co-workers about you and our school days! And he gave me perfect advice!" He said as he clasped hands together.

"Huh...?" You asked as you placed your hand on your head, still feeling the affects of the alcohol from last night.

"And that was just to... Take what I want!" Douma said before he stroked your hair.

"I'll explain the rules when I come back for lunch... But... I have thirty minutes before I leave for work my sweet flower...~" Douma said as he grabbed the covers and pulled them off you.

"W-Wait no!" You said as you tried to grab them before Douma pushed you down.

"Just relax...~" Douma said as he spread your legs.

"Let me take care of you from now on...~"

[myrulia]

"You two are dating?" - Michikatsu x Reader

SECRET DATING HEADCANONS

COLLAB

.｡.:*✧Synopsis: You and Michikatsu are secretly dating in college, mainly to not attract attention from both his brother and a certain horny friend of his. How will you react when you are caught?

.｡.:*✧Warnings: Small smut

.｡.:*✧[A/N]: This is my part of the Secret/Fake dating collab by @httptamaki, a Modern!AU with our favorite Kimetsu No Yaiba twins!

➢ How you two started dating? Well you met back in High School and that’s where things started to prosper

➢ Michikatsu was a generally well known man with your classmates, and even had a few girls crushing on him and his twin brother, Yoriichi, due to their scarily good looks

➢ Both twins were scarily attractive and that intimidated you at first, especially during high school

`` Have you seen the Tsugikuni brothers today?! They look so good! I tried asking Yoriichi out today but his attention was else where! `` You were off somewhere in the corner of a class, speaking with a close friend of yours about something completely unrelated until all eyes were on you, for Michikatsu Tsugikuni approached you.

➢ Obviously, you were surprised - no, appalled at how a Tsugikuni wanted your attention

➢ That was the day he confessed his own little crush on you whilst being on the roof of the school. How could you not accept? You also had taken a liking to the attractive raven haired male and saying no would be similar to jumping off the same roof where you admitted your feelings

➢ That's when worry set in

➢ All types of girls, boys, and theys liked them both, and constantly thirsted over the two while claiming "they're mine!" It was immature to say the least, but entertaining to see their feelings not get reciprocated from one of them

`` What if by saying we are together, they would start attacking me on purpose? Or saying hurtful things out of spite? `` You inquired with worry laced in your tone. Michikatsu took your hand in his, expressing his own idea. `` I know this might not seem like the best idea, but we do not have to openly tell people we are together, it can be our secret. ``

➢ And that's how your secret relationship started

➢ Of course, you had your worries, but seeing as how your relationship even made it to college due to it starting in your senior year of high school, they all simply washed away

➢ It was actually not as hard as you made it out to be to hide your relationship. During your first year of college, you knew not to act too close, but instead as acquaintances who simply knew each other back in high school

➢ Yet, even though some females who also went to high school with you recognized you as the girl who got asked out by Michikatsu, they did not cause any problems surprisingly enough

➢ Now, you're probably asking how you got caught? Oh boy...

➢ During your second year of college, Yoriichi and Michikatsu started living off campus in their own home that you were excited to learn of from your lover who happily shared the news to you when you both were alone in your dorm

➢ Around that same time, Professor Muzan Kibutsuji, the one teacher you loath the most for always favoring other students and failing to hide it, assigned a group project of 5 for your classroom, and to your luck, you were put in a group with not only the twins, but Douma and Shinobu

➢ You were friends with Shinobu, but not so much with Douma. The male would constantly tease you, trying to get your number at any given second while you were put together at a different table to brainstorm ideas for said project

`` Sooo..~ What are we doing for the project hm? Maybe we should exchange numbers so that we can converse more afterwards. `` Douma's suggestion did not go unnoticed by everyone, who automatically knew what he meant by the wink he directed in your attention. Shinobu, who thankfully also hated the male, slapped him silly upside his head.

➢ Michikatsu, who absolutely despised him, always struggled to hide a specific vein that would pulse on his neck that hinted clear signs of aggravation, but unfortunately, you two were just not ready to openly express your relationship

➢ After the class and the slap hurricane Shinobu laid upon Douma, Yoriichi invited the group to their house, and you being excited that you could finally come over, said yes a little too quickly

➢ Thankfully, it did go unnoticed by everyone, so your nerves were relaxed

`` I'd love to, but I have plans with a special lady that weekend, so unfortunately I cannot make it, maybe Shinobu ca- `` ``I cannot make it either, but [Y/N] can and she'll text me the ideas anyways, have fun, `` was all the biology major female said before turning on her heel and leaving swiftly.

➢ Now having plans set in motion, you waited patiently for the weekend to arrive, and when it did, you were beyond ecstatic

➢ That's where everything went down hill

➢ Thanks to the directions messaged to you by Michikatsu, you made it to their estate with no issues. You were nervous and excited at the same time. It was impossible to not feel such ways when this is the first official time you would be in the private space of your boyfriend

➢ He had also given you a key to entering was not a problem, but what you did not expect to see was your boyfriend standing there and waiting for you

`` Yoriichi isn't going to be home this evening, so I figured we could come up with our own project instead, `` Michikatsu said with a fire ablaze in his eyes as he grew closer to you. The gaze itself caused shivers to emit from your spine once your brain registered at what he was suggesting, and you could not lie, the idea had you wet already.

➢ Obviously you and the raven haired male had slept together a plethora amount of times before, most times leaving you sore and having to suck it up and pretend nothing happened during classes while he sat proudly knowing he was the reason

➢ In a matter of seconds you both are now in his bedroom, you beneath him and him leaving butterfly kisses up and down your neck until his lips latch onto yours again, all the while getting you undressed

➢ Let's skip a little ahead because you know what happens here ;)

➢ By time Michikatsu is already balls deep within your wet depths and thrusting into you like no tomorrow, Yoriichi entered around that time with confusion plastered on his face upon hearing banging against a wall as well as another noise he could not quite decipher

➢ The confused twin trailed up the stairs until he knocked onto Michikatsu's room door, expecting an answer but instead all he heard was an audible moan of his brother's name

➢ The poor look on his face once he learns what his brother and his girlfriend is doing

➢ At that point he is fed up of being overheard so he bursts into the room, although he did not think the entire plan through because now he got the open sight of you having your legs wrapped around Michikatsu's waist, his hands interlocked with yours, as well as the evident sight of both your naked and sweaty bodies

➢ Needless to say, he was traumatized

`` Get out and knock!, `` your lover would say as he throws a pillow at the swiftfully exiting male who looked beyond apologetic. `` I did knock! You were too loud! `` At that point you were beyond red, trying to process the entire situation that just unfolded. Your relationship had finally been known.

➢ Michikatsu immediately pulled out of you, cleaning the both of your bodies of any mess (mainly cum and sweat but shh)

➢ Once you both were clean and fully dressed, your boyfriend carried you bridal style out of his bedroom to a certain twin brother that was waiting impatiently in the living room for an explanation as to why he just saw his partner and twin sleeping together

➢ Now, as the three of you were sitting in the living room, you and your lover being even redder than tomatoes, waited for whatever Yoriichi had to say

`` Now, I do not mind if two consenting adults are having one night stands, but can you explain to me as to why you decided to have such loud sex? `` You completely flushed at his explicit words, but also thankful for the fact that he was utterly clueless about your relationship, although it was about time to come clean. `` Yoriichi, I am sorry you had to come home and see that, but there is something we need to tell you..- `` `` You two are dating? ``

➢ Now at that point, you fully died

➢ Seeing as how you have been silent the entire time and left Michikatsu to say everything, you decided to speak up

`` Yes we're together Yoriichi. We have been together for a long time, since high school actually. We've been in a relationship since then and I apologize for not saying anything. ``

➢ Now that the news was out to the one who deserved to know the most, he was much more understanding and even excited about his older brother finding the love of his life

➢ But the next day, things were real embarrassing

➢ You and Michikatsu were extremely silent at your group table during Professor Kibutsuji's class. Obviously Shinobu's observant self took note of this, along with how you did not send her any of the "ideas" you came up with

➢ Shinobu, Douma, and Yoriichi all stared at the two of you, who were now sitting beside each other and being reddened messes at the news you are about to drop on the observers who were starting to get impatient

➢ You've been secretly dating for years and now that the truth is about to come out, it felt gut wrenching to say the least

`` My brother and [Y/N] have something they'd like to say, `` Yoriichi started so that the topic could get a move on and everyone could get a good grade by getting it over with and working on the project. `` Well..- `` said Michikatsu. `` [Y/N] and I are together, and we have been since high school. We were in a secret relationship. ``

➢ Douma being the fucker he is definitely busted out laughing, holding his stomach as tears formed in his eyes

➢ Shinobu on the other hand stared wide eyed, refusing to believe that she could not realize you both were together for such a long time

➢ Although Yoriichi had a proud smile on his face in view of the fact that the news was already out

➢ But due to the prying ears of many around you, some began staring at your table, the secret was now out and you couldn't do anything about it

➢ Even though, you both were happy knowing you no longer had to hide the happiness you two brought each other, as well as now Michikatsu does not have to worry about Yoriichi anymore, for now he will fuck you if he feels like it, give you attention if he feels like it, and get attention himself if he feels like it.

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