#we didnt talk bc the time difference made things hard to schedule and then he had his exams sometimes in october i think

[hardskz]

to think that we wanted to make a toxic friendship work ahahahaha

[emsvegetables]

Hello!! first, I wanted to tell you that your med student hcs were literally SO good they really hit home for me. I I was also wondering if I could ask for hcs of Kuroo, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki who are stuck at home with their s/o? Like, who goes insane first? How do they pass time? Also, if they're in college, how many times do they also go to class online? Thank you so much!!!

omg anon this request WAS SO FUN TO WRITE thank you for requesting this :-)!!!!!

Kuroo:

* STUCK IN QUARANTINE WITH THIS MAN???

* That’s my dream lmaoooo

* N E WAYS

* He’s so EXCITED he gets to be in quarantine with you!!!!

* Like, even though the both of you share the apartment and are dating, it’s very hard to actually spend time with you, with the both of you being in different courses in college after all.

* So spending time with you??? He’s so happy.

* Before the quarantine really goes into effect, he’s insisting that the both of you have to go get some groceries.

* BC HE KNOWS THAT YOUR LAZY ASS WONT LEAVE THE HOUSE ONCE THE QUARANTINE STARTS LMAOOOO

* He’s always making breakfast for you in the morning!!!! LIKE???? This man is husband material 10/10.

* If you aren’t awake by the time he’s plated the food, he runs into the room and carries you out.

* There was once he dropped you on the floor but we don’t talk about that.

* When you guys have lessons on???? The both of you are in separate rooms bc you’re too distracting to him.

* But you bet that if you have a call going on and he doesn’t, he’s creeping beside you and saying some weird ass stuff to distract YOU.

* There was one time this asshole came into the room saying,” are you made of Fluorine, Iodine and Neon? Cause you’re F-I-Ne!” while your mike was on.

* BRUH your whole class literally started laughing at you.

* Even the professor GIGGLED.

* At this point Kuroo’s face is the shocked pikachu one.

* BC HE DIDNT KNOW YOUR MIKE WAS ON ORIRIIFIDIFJFJDIOW

* And ofc you get back at him during one of his lessons later on during that day.

* He’s focusing on the teacher and writing down notes onto his notebook when you hear the teacher ask him a question.

* You’re like: ITS GO TIME BABY.

* When Kuroo unmutes himself to answer the question, you’re pressing a quick kiss onto his neck and biting down on it.

* “The answer to the question is—ah shit baby it’s going to be like that?”

* RIRKFKFK THE WHOLE CLASS GOES SILENT THEN.

* Then Kuroo realises what just came out of his mouth and YOU bet this is the first time you’ve seen him so embarrassed.

* HAHAHAHAHA

* His teacher just keeps quiet for a moment; before asking another student the same question and completely ignoring Kuroo for the rest of the call.

* REIOFDO YOU BET HE’S GOING TO TICKLE YOU UNTIL YOU CRY FOR THAT and maybe do something else that’ll make you REALLY CRY.

* Tbh the both of you love each other so much, and there’s never a boring moment with Kuroo in quarantine.

* He keeps you on your toes, and you keep him on his, so you’re actually not bored or tired of him in quarantine!!!!

* But when he sees that you’re getting a little fidgety and tense, he’s immediately suggesting something that the both of you don’t do usually.

* Like BAKING???? He’s happily making cinnamon rolls with you and dancing with you in the kitchen to some weird song.

* Or he’s playing WII with you, and the both of you make so much noise the neighbours come over and ask you politely if you could...”make love a little quieter” DOROFOFIFIFIEIEI

* So none of you go insane because this man just KNOWS how to handle you!!!

Matsukawa:

* AHHH THIS IS PT 2 OF MY DREAM

* ANYWAYS

* This guy??? He’s such a sweet man.

* When he realises quarantine is going to go into effect, he’s dragging you out to buy some essentials for your lockdown.

* He’s making sure to buy at least some healthy snacks and vegetables to make sure you stay healthy during this time period!!!!!

* OKAY LETS BE REAL this guy is the one that takes care of the other in the relationship.

* He’s making sure you go to sleep at the time you should be in bed, and hauls your ass to bed if you refuse to do so.

* But his cuddles are very soothing so you fall asleep VERY quickly.

* But if you really can’t sleep??? He’s staying up to talk to you about anything that comes into your mind.

* He’s also making sure you eat!!!! He’ll make lunch for you if he sees that you overslept and missed breakfast.

* If you want to bake, he’s trying his best to help you, but this man can only give you the ingredients bc for some reason he SUCKS at baking.

* He tries baking cupcakes for you in the middle of your lessons one day and the cupcakes were all droopy and uncooked. SO LESSON LEARNT.

* SPEAKING OF LESSONS:

* Tbh he knows not to distract you in the middle of lessons, so he’s either in another room during your lessons or he’s quietly resting his head on your thighs.

* BUT.

* You’re totally different.

* You make it a point to disrupt his lessons all the time, always asking for cuddles in the middle of his lessons and asking for kisses as well!!!

* He just sighs at you when you come crawling towards him while he’s writing down notes, and just opens his arms to allow you to crawl into his lap.

* THERE WAS ONCE where you were cuddling him and the teacher asked him to answer a question, so he turned on his mike and camera, and then he hears a loud gasp.

* “Matsukawa! What are you doing?”

* YOU WERE SITTING ON HIS LAP AND FACING THE BACK WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE YOU WERE DOING

* “IM SORRY MISS!”

* DIORIRRIRKRK when he hears you laugh, you bet he’s going to punish you later 👀😎

* But as much as the both of you love to spend time with each other...do you know who goes insane first??

* YOU.

* You need to go outside!!!!!

* Mattsun notices how you’re getting all tense, and he’s trying his best to take your mind out of it.

* He’s asking you to exercise with him, and it often leads to OTHER THINGS HAHAHA

* And he plays some random two player online games with you!!!!!!

* “(Y/N) NO FAIR YOU HIT ME!”

* In other words, being stuck with Mattsun in quarantine is a fun thing!!!

* You go insane but he’s there to perk you up!!!!!

Hanamaki:

* PART THREE OF MY DREAM!!!!

* This man :””)

* Tbh you’re 90% of his impulse control, so when the both of you split up to buy the essentials you need during quarantine, this boy comes back with potato chips and all the unhealthy snacks.

* But you can never say no to him so you buy those in the end :(

* This guy is amazing to be with, but it’s pretty obvious YOU’RE going to be the one taking care of him during quarantine.

* You’ll have to tell him it’s 12am and it’s time to sleep and to stop watching Rosemarie being disgusted with Ed.

* You’ll have to tell him, no, eating potato chips does NOT count as lunch.

* But sometimes he’s so damn convincing he’s pulling you into his lap to continue watching 90 day fiancé, and he’s feeding you the chips with a kiss to your lips.

* He’s trying out all those weird quarantine things that he saw on youtube with you LOLOLOL

* He got so bored that at one point he got into tiktok and made a video that went viral.

* But then he logged out bc he was BORED of Tiktok so...

* N E WAYS

* He goes to sleep late every night, but he somehow wakes up entirely refreshed for his lessons the next morning?????

* And you don’t disrupt him during his lessons, usually just reading quietly beside him or watching the television in the living room.

* But this little shit loves to bother you in the middle of lessons.

* BRUH HE SCARED YOU while you were trying to answer the question the teacher asked.

* You screamed into the mike and the teacher jumped.

* “(Y/N)! I asked you to answer a question, not murder my ears!”

* “Sorry miss!!!!!!”

* And when you hear Makki laugh after you mute yourself again, you instantly formulate a plan to murder him.

* But then, you thought, LETS MESS WITH THIS SHIT.

* So the next time he has lessons, you’re quietly reading beside him, and you casually place a hand on his thigh, which slowly moves up as the lesson goes on.

* He doesn’t notice at first, but when your hands brush dangerously close to where mini Makki is, he’s groaning.

* When the teacher calls Makki to answer a question, you grin.

* ITS YOUR TURN SUCKA

* You’re softly pressing against it when he unmutes himself, and he lets out a low, guttural groan, which the entire class hears.

* “Hanamaki, are you alright?”

* “Yes, Miss—“

* He GROANS again when you press a little harder.

* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT.

* Iwaizumi’s in this zoom call, and you know he KNOWS what’s going on, based on the disgusted look on his face.

* Hanamaki somehow manages to answer the question, and when he mutes himself, he’s shooting you a smile and telling you that you’re in trouble.

* YOU REALLY WERE RIFIFIFKRK

* In the end, you’re the one going insane.

* BC YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH MAKKI’s shit every day.

* Not that you don’t love him, but caring for this man who doesn’t know what a healthy sleeping schedule is making you MAD.

* But he’s a GOD in the kitchen, and he’s making you these exquisite meals with the little groceries you have that you ALWAYS forget about how you’re slowly spiraling into insanity whenever you take a bite into the food.

* HES THAT GOOD.

* He makes you forget about all your troubles with a nice massage on the couch while the both of you watch 90 day fiancé together! :)!!!

hope you like, anon!!!!! :-)

[vic-chaos]

ok on the special.... I’ve only seen it once and some bits cut out from bad connection, so I might have more to say tomorrow when I've rewatched and been able to pay closer attention. But here is my jumble of thoughts so far (under cut for spoilers):

okay.......... the ending fucked me up so badly that its hard for me to focus on anything else jsjdsjdjsd.... so i’ll talk about that first 😭

my main issue is that I don’t really understand why they broke them up at the end despite everything, especially after it seemed they had reunited??? like when they finally got the vaccines to the teachers and Cartman had that line about how “their broship could survive anything”.... it felt so much like that was the resolution and they were back together. But then the final scene came out nowhere anyway, why?? 😭 it makes no sense to resolve something then unresolve it at the last second?

I don’t think they will stay split up though... I’m sure it will get fixed eventually. It’s too sad, and also wouldn’t make sense for the show in general to keep them apart??? My first guess is that the next season (hopefully a season and not another special) will be beginning the process to get them back together. I think one possibility might be that as soon as they start going off with different friend groups they will realise it’s not the same and that they miss each other too much....... or another possibility might be Kenny intervening? Because even though they were trying to do everything for whats best for him, they never actually consulted him about any of it?? Plus even though they were putting him in the role of their child for the sake of the joke, he is actually the most emotionally mature of the boys. So I wonder...

That said though the stylennyman content is still making me scream, Cartman bringing his boyfriends to couples therapy.......... and (even if they got “divorced” by the end ;_; ) the way it was framed as if Stan/Kyle/Cartman were married is gonna be making me crazy for weeks jsdsjdjsdjsjdjs, all of Cartman’s dad/husband behaviour with the custody schedules PLEASE lmao.....

And the kenman at the beginning with them being little shits together jsdnsdsdjsd I love them so much aaaaaah.... I need to add that scene to my compilation video of kenman laughing super hard at each other’s jokes while everyone else is like 😐 lmaooo

Ok I have been complaining a lot, but OVERALL I thought it was actually really good and I loved it actually. The very last scene like obliterated my heart, but everything before that was so good, and we got SO MUCH good main 4 content fucking finally 🥺 I’m so happy to see them joining forces again and being adventurous. And we even got more Kenny screentime too!!

The jokes were legit funny and I think it made me laugh more and was just generally better written and just overall better than SP has been in a while. I’m relieved they didn’t depict qanon as being sympathetic in any way (since I made some posts before worried abt that lmao... and I forgive Butters for being part of it bc all he wanted was be out of his house/away from his dad and didn't care what they believed as long as he could escape, so it didn’t mean anything jsjdsmdsdsd) I’m also glad we have confirmation that Cartman would never believe in like the alt right or any of that garbage, so please no more depicting him as any kind of n*zi in fics ever again thanks 🙏

The scene with the 4th wall break and all of the animation stuff was really good too, it was wild omg.... also all of the little cameos and stuff at the end, I’m weirdly so happy to see background visitors again omg!!! It reminds me of old school SP 🥺 I did straight up think Stuart and Kanye were gonna make out for a second though LMAO

UHHHHH a few other things:

There were some scenes from the trailer that didnt appear in the special??? Cartman threatening Stephen and him giving that speech in the boy’s bathroom..... I wonder what happened to those, cut for time maybe? Give me the buttman content 😭 they better release that as a deleted scene 😤

Garrison..... IDK........ I know some people are happy to see him back but I hate him so I’m kind of 🥴 about it, though he was more tolerable in this ep than normal so maybe he’ll be ok in the future lmfao.

And finally...................................... NO RANDY!! 🎉 We did it guys. I’m actually kind of surprised they didn’t try to resolve any of his storylines that were left open or anything lmao, but I also don’t care about him at all so god bless.... we finally got a break 😔🙏

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

[selfcareparker]

okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

[letsfluxshitup]

Okay I have slept and am signifcantly more coherent so! I do have more thoughts on the fic :] ik I should probably just comment these.... ON the fic.... but you know I’m already in this ask box so really I might as well just chill out here

I forgot to talk about it last night but I do like the mentioning of the whole Schlatt resurrection arc thing and the way it’s handled with these specific characters? Narratively you could have made Techno like ‘wait what no. don’t do that’ but in reality he WOULDN’T. It’s true that all everyone (w/ a couple exceptions) does is dictate what he’s supposed to do for them, or he gets manipulated into it, and I imagine that would be exhausting after awhile! And even IF resurrecting a dictator is, like, an objectively bad decision on Quacks’ part, it’s still his decision, isn’t it? Techno going off w/ Phil and not really siding with anyone else is a conscious decision on his part, and while it’s not like. Super explored in the fic I imagine Quackity has issues w/ his own level of control as well? Like, clearly he’s used to being bossed around for everything he does, and he wants Techno to be like Schlatt in the sense that he tells him exactly what he’s *supposed* to do, but the fact that Big Q is under the assumption that there’s an action he’s ‘supposed’ to take is flawed in the first place. This ramble got out of hand sorry I just LOVE how u portrayed this

‘“Oh? Quackity?” Philza paused, before whispering, “ The loud one with the messy wings? ”’ MDNDKDKD I LOVE U PHIL..... honestly the fact that Techno actively talks about Quackity to his dad is <3 but the fact that his biggest takeaway FROM Techno talking abt him is that he’s loud and his wings are a mess is even BIGGER <333 Techno why would you do Quackity like that

I’d LOVE to see more Philza and Quackity moments,, their dynamic is so fun (tho in a different way than Techno n Quackity’s) is and it makes me smile to read back over their stuff :] I love how Phil does get a significant amt of fun in fucking with Big Q (truly, like father like son) but still very clearly approves of him as a person? Like, I imagine Quackity isn’t really all that sure how Phil feels about him. ‘I’m pretty sure your dad hates me, dude.’ ‘What are you talking about?’ Techno asks, bewildered, ‘I’ve never seen him obviously like anyone this fast.’ Like, Phil would make it pretty obvious if he didn’t, I think? The man can be much scarier than what Quackers got rly it’s a blessing. I could probably rant abt their dynamic more but I’m a sane person I promise lol </3

Small thing but honestly with the way Techno clearly constantly takes care of Big Q’s wings for him bc he’d prefer to do it himself and then PHIL doing it I’m starting 2 think Quackity just. Doesn’t know how to groom his own wings. Like Techno he’s not a baby bird he should do it himself. But also... I care them :,] the fact that Techno can take care of Q’s wings and Quackity can braid Techno’s hair and they trust each other w/ that... I know the reasons for it are obvious bc Quackity trusts easily and Techno clearly doesn’t see Big Q as someone who could be a threat but it’s still making me soft,,

The little impromptu therapy make-up session was a rly good display of both of their characters :] Quackity’s awful at handling like, any tension whatsoever with anyone so him taking way less than a day to go ‘hhhrhdh can we talk it out’ even tho he hates talking about feelings? Like he’s making an attempt at maturity and Techno’s going w/ it even thi neither of them are really comfortable with all that :] they value their friendship sm no one talk to me

Also I agree w/ u on the Techno characterization thing! Techno can definitely do jokes and drop the serious murder man act every once in awhile but the way he plays his character is v like. Blunt in everything. He doesn’t rly lash out, his ideals are consistent, and even when he’s planning chaotic attacks on other people nothing abt the way he acts really changes it’s just,, Techno but you should probably run away rn. His personality rly should be given more kudos it’s lovely

This didn’t rly fit anywhere else in the ramble but I do love how clearly nervous the ppl in Techno’s family make Quackity. Like, it’s a little different w/ Tommy n Tubbo but they’re also? Literal children? And even Tommy has that ‘tall scary child’ vibe abt him whenever he gets worked up LMAO Like, you have Mr. Blade, who is very strong and could DEFINITELY kill you if he wanted to, Wilbur, who is a dramatic theatre kid but once he goes off the deep end it’s like. You might be able to take him in a fight but if he wants you dead he REALLY wants you dead, and Phil, who the other two clearly got the feral part of their personalities from and somehow manages to be even scarier despite the fact that he’s an all-around polite guy. Quackity is just a normal anxious dude can he please go five minutes w/o coming face-to-face with another generally terrifying figure in his life who could kill him easily but won’t bc he’s so small?? I love them :] u rly do have a good eye for dynamics!

Also I’m proud of u for sleeping the normal 8 hours!! But Xena :pensive: ma’am please get some rest it’s very important >:[

- Saturn 🪐

,mjxcnvm,vxnvfkdjf ilysm i love getting your thoughts heart FULL

- IM GLAD THE ‘BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO’ PART CAME ACROSS WELL I WAS REALLY WORRIED I DIDNT ARTICULATE IT GOOD ENOUGH :D

- noone: -- Techno: is anyone gonna bully quackity-;; i didnt consider the implications of philza knowing quackity bc hes loud and needs his wings groomed but now that youve brought this to light im KDSFKJDSFDLSKFJDSLKJFDS

- ALSO I WAS REALLY WORRIED ABT THE PHILZA PARTS IDK IF I SAID THAT BEFORE ADDING HIM TO THE STORY WAS KIND OF A RANDOM DECISION ALSKDJFLKSDJ

xenas last comment was the nail in the coffin when it came to adding phil oh my god alsdjkflsdkjfslkdfj

- “ they value their friendship sm no one talk to me “ Y E S;;; idk im really into character dynamics thats like “listen we need to figure it out i cant live like this ok” also characters who are just Bad at talking about their feelings are Good and Important To Me LKDJFLSKJFDSLKJF

- “ his didn’t rly fit anywhere else in the ramble but I do love how clearly nervous the ppl in Techno’s family make Quackity. “ YOURE MAKING ME WANT TO WRITE MORE SBI FAMILY DYNAMICS WITH QUACKITY IM ALSKJFASLDKFSDLKFJSDFK IF YOU (or anyone) HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OR PROMPTS HIT ME THE FUCK UP

- “ u rly do have a good eye for dynamics! “

I TRY REALLY HARD OK;;; character relationships are like . priority number one for me and it makes my heart so incredibly full when people point out that they like my dynamics ok i try so hard--

also im devastated to announce that for some reason last night me and xena apparently switched sleep schedules, she slept for a reasonable amount of time and i slept for like four hours lkajdflksjfdlksdfjsdlkjf sometimes i wake up at 5am and my brain refuses to let me sleep again </3

[yyxgin]

as quick as love alarm was progressing compared to other dramas i’ve seen (usually wait ten eps for the first kiss and that’s it) it still seemed,, idk important for the story? n e way.

meteor garden is insanely messy like in the final episode daoming si just mentions everything dong shancai did that makes her so amazing and i honestly forgot they even did some of their things 😳 at one point they went to london and filmed in china town and i was just like ‘oh. i know that place’ and didn’t clock after that 😭

I GOT PEN ON THE BACK OF IT IM SO MAD AT MYSELF ✋✋✋✋✋ but come find me anyway lmao i got a changbin & minho film strip 🤪 can’t have anything nice around here and i learned my lesson the hard way.

i went through a phase when whenever i watched english tv i was like ‘why does this make sense without subs..’ and would be like squinting at the screen until it occurred to me that it was in english.

oh bruh i remember making a bank account the second summer bc my employer was like why tf do you not have a bank account ,, yeesh people had been paying by card for meals and stuff and not cash like the year before. so i made one and then she paid me in cash bc people started paying w cash 😐😑😐😑 i waitress so even though i get anxious about other things, i’m comfortable about waitressing so i am super nice to everyone. i am the designated person who orders for everyone (as long as you point at what you want in case i can’t remember everything i will say it). i know how important it is to be articulated to your server bc if they f up you get mad and they get mad bc ur mad and the chef gets mad bc the server f-ed up and the chef has to cook again and it’s a never ending circle of wishing you’d just gone somewhere else and i hate that. i also get mad at my fam when we go out bc the last time we went out (literally like two years ago now bc covid) there was a guy serving at this place we’re fairly frequent at and i was like maybe he’s training don’t be so mad at him for forgetting things just gently remind him! don’t cuss him out behind his back! there’s so much pressure about not pissing off your colleagues bc there’s a groove they’ve got and you’re just there not wanting to ruin it whilst also meeting customers needs!!

ive been waiting to pass my drivers test for over a year now bc covid has pushed it back and back and back again 😐 i finally get my next test date and i have to ask a different instructor for their car bc my instructor is on annual leave when my test is scheduled. i’m holding it together so i can ask an instructor, buy a car and yeet. the bus is okay but i need my own space sometimes.

i am good w my money im the jungkook of the working class. if there are pots and pans on the go i will take them. free food? count me in. i do have that broke b*tch mindset. although i don’t buy $300 white tshirts i will spend $200 on a day out 😃 and sis,, buy whichever one you like bc of the concept!! it’s always fun seeing the posters (personally i don’t put them up bc how am i gonna have sir johnny suh STARING at me while i get changed,, no THANK YOU) i’ll cry if i ever pull a yuta card bc he looks ✨spicy✨ in all of them.

i think i get what you’re saying about gg’s! boy groups have a wider range. eg, haechan hits those high notes and jeno/mark rap/sing quite low but girl groups can’t. unfortunately i feel like they rely on visuals heavier bc they don’t have the same range bg’s do. itzy are good!! i personally haven’t listen to a lot/watched a lot of their mv’s. i’m more into red velvet for their mv’s. im terrible at watching content so i am slowly working through bts’ content, monsta x’s content and ocassionally nct’s content. im gonna work on mamamoo next 🤞fake fans unite 😔✊✨

it’s so easy to feel invisible here. don’t worry. i’m here to brighten your day! much like a sunflower ~ 🌻

I cant really speak about the importance of the kiss in love alarm since i didnt watch more than the first ep, but i will trust you if you really say so ?? 😳 I WANNA WATCH METEOR GARDEN JUST FOR THE DRAMA DHSNSK

dude dont fucking test me i WILL find your address and i WILL visit you in your sleep and steal all your kpop stuff. MINHO FILM STRIP ??????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

i still watch english things w eng subtitles sometimes bc my first language isn't english so just in case i dont hear something i can always read it you know djsksk

this is my first job so i didnt have to have bank account before but now that i have it i feel very adult😩✋i am so old. i dont like it.

oh no i hate people that arent polite to waitresses like they are just doing their job and its so hard and stressful and i dont want to make their life harder so im just really anxious abt everything in my life ever.

i'm rooting for you on your driving test !! lets hope you make it after such a long time <3

JUNGKOOK OF THE WORKING CLASS NO- thats actually me. also free samples. give me all of them. also i think its completely justified to spend so much on a night out since its for the memories !! #yolo am i right

I AM SO TEMPTED TO ORDER THE ALBUM NOW 😭💔😭 i actually have my posters on my closet and i change inside the actual closet at all times bc me and my brother share a room, so no one's looking at me thankfully haha. well, i do have bts pics on the warderobe next to my bed as well so they watch me sleep every night but we dont talk about that. YUTA CARD i would cry. he for sure does look spicy half the time of his life.

i dont know that many rv songs (the audacity, i know) but seulgi... ah. i watched the sm new years concert and when she appeared i couldnt keep my eyes off her. i should really listen to more of their songs so if u have any recs i am all ears

thank you for brightening up my day sunflower ily mwah😔❤

[heir-of-the-founders]

I dont give a fuck anymore jesus christ i need yall to see this

Asdfghjkl its so hard to explain the amount of fucking hypocrisy in this video jesus.

Dont let the cleanliness fool you. Its a shithole.

The gym doesnt have an ac system but we can afford a giant (and by giant i mean ive never seen one this size before) touchscreen tv next to the auditorium and to have the 30 (that's not an exaggeration) tvs playing the fucking school news 7 times an hour every hour (they gloat about it but also gloat that we're the most watched student news in the state)(like no dip dumb dumb you play it 4800 times a damn day) and decals on the stairs and to completely revamp the auditorium.

They also cant be bothered to actually clean the fucking music wing. Theres these weird box couch things in there. Someone spilled a drink behind one. It took them a month AND being notified by other teachers bc students literally cant get a hold of janitorial at all ever. Fuck, freshman year a bird got inside and fucking died on the stairwell. Took 2 hours for the bird to be gone and 2 fucking weeks for the blood to be cleaned up. There was literally fucking blood on the windows and floor. Someone put notebook paper down so we didnt get blood on our shoes.

Oh! And when the band teacher mr swenson left he got replaced with henson and instead of giving him a new plaque they literally just taped an h over the sw with printer paper.

The head of the school board for my county literally got caught using the school credit card to go to hooters and buy alchohol but i guess nobody reported him bc that was freshman year and im a sr now and hes still head of the board.

Also, a few years ago (maybe it was only last yr i dont remember) during the march for our lives thing, a girl was organizing a protest and the hicks (for the people who dont know, those are the people that like,, kin the south. They literally wear plaid button ups and tuck their shirts into their too high jeans with giant belt buckles and wear cowboy boots and have confederate flags on their trucks, its ridiculous) the hicks literally kicked her and pushed her and spit on her in the halls for so long and it was so bad that she ended up not coming to school for like two weeks. But nobody got in trouble even though we have cameras literally everywhere.

My math teacher doesnt have a math degree. Well, shes not my math teacher anymore but like. She admitted to our class that she has no idea what shes doing. She yells at kids when they correct her. I literally transferred from algebra 2 to the algebra 2/ trigonometry mixed course in the middle of the year because it was taught by a different teacher and it made more fucking sense.

My english teacher sophomore year didnt have an english degree. He had a math degree. He also taught statistics. But that course was dropped when he retired jr yr. We literally didnt even read anything the whole thing was bullshit. He also had us say ubuntu (taken from wiki- Ubuntu (Zulu pronunciation: [ùɓúntʼù]) is a Nguni Bantu term meaning "humanity." It is often translated as "I am because we are," ) every day before class. it was weird.

Also the theater heads (the special ed teacher and 2 sports coaches) would like constantly yell at the theater kids to not bring any food or drink into the theater bc of like mice and shit but would then eat a pizza and drink coffee

Oh! Speaking of mice. The STEM classroom had this weird ass ceiling where it was like a platform of tiles hanging from the real ceiling and like it wasnt over the whole thing and we had a mouse problem in the school and sometimes the mice would get up there and sometimes you could hear them crawling around in the middle of class. There were also just like. Mouse traps. All over a lot of rooms.

One of the english rooms had a window thats inside and faces under a stairwell.

Oh and all that glass? Yeah, theres more and none of its bulletproof.

The pe teacher has a record of calling students whores and telling them theyre not going anywhere in life in front of the entire class bc the student didnt bring pe clothes. Its happened to both of my sisters and also a few friends. Ive seen it happen too. Amongst other things. Also, her office connects to the girls changing room and theres a window into it? And like the window is kinda covered up but with this weird material that has holes all over it. I dunno its just really creepy.

And like i guess last year the special ed teacher (one of the theater heads) got caught cheating on her husband (the freshman spanish teacher) with the (recently) retired freshman american history teacher. Mr s (the husband) and mr b (the side hoe) had rooms across from eachother. And now mrs s lives in Florida and mr s is just. Gone.

The excel head (like the head of the gifted kids program i guess?) Broke one of the 3d printers bc she was messing with it and then blamed it on a student and got the entire excel programs 3d printer privileges revoked. They even caught it in camera and she didnt get in trouble.

Sophomore year everyone called the science teacher daddy to the point that he just left.

The school has 3 elevators (required by law) and theyre kinda fucked up but i didnt realise it until i started using them regularly. First, there is a single thing in one if the elevators that says the last time they were inspected was 2014. Theres the main building elevator, the freshman building elevator, and the okd elevator, which is the only one that goes to the 3rd floor.

The old elevator is like. Really old. Like. Its manual. And you can touch the walls of the elevator shaft when yr moving. Also like. One half of the elevator just. Isnt covered. You also need a key to operate it and they dont give the keys out to the students so you either need to talk to the nurse before hand (and she always forgets) or try to find a janitor. Which. Only way to the 3rd floor. Elevator wise anyway. Which sucked wheb i had win time (like a mandatory study hall where you sign up for different teachers every day depending on 'What I Need', hence the name) on the 3rd floor bc sometimes mandatory stuff was scheduled up there. Which. Yay.

And the freshman building elevator fuckin,, it fuckin shakes. Like. Just. Its like turbulence. Its terrifying and ive genuinely thought i was about to die a few times.

People also use the elevators to vape bc the only one you need an adult for is the old one. This is evident by the smell.

Thats all that i can think of atm bc its 3am and i might delete this later but yea fuck my school

[dragonpiango]

My review of 2019

January:

So I recently graduated from community college in the previous December, and I started university at HT with a scholarship for piano performance. Honestly I thought going to a HBCU was going to be weird, but turns out I’m not much of an outcast. It was a nice transition to a new setting and new people and a breath of fresh air! It was amazing having a practice room to myself and the mental thought of “getting to know my music” became a reality although my first piano lesson with my new professor was strange. His impression of me was way different than what I thought. Although he is a outstanding teacher, he might have overthought what I was capable of.... him assigning me my pieces and they consisted of Bach French suite No. 5 in G Major, Mozart sonata K.332 in F Major, Chopin Nocturne in D-flat Major, Chopin Scherzo No.2 in b-flat minor, and the most memorable piece IMHO Ravel’s Une Barque Sur L’Ocean from Miroirs.

February:

So still settling into a new university and meeting new people (although I just stayed in the music building bc that’s where all my classes were) it was Black History Month. Being apart of the choir at school and the only ensemble they offered, we were pretty busy with a lot of performances BUT it was enlightening too. Everyone has been so welcoming and coming from a background in classical music I’ve been introduced to Gospel music not only for voice, but piano. From accompanying spirituals to gospel it really has opened my eyes that music doesn’t have to be so strict. It is a way of expressing emotions and from then on I took my repertoire more seriously in the sense each piece had its own “character.”

March:

This month is a crucial one, not only did I find my “clique” at school, but they only consisted of two people. Ant and KayP. Not going to use their names but these two were the only two that understood who I was and I understood who they were. We might have drifted a little bit since one has graduated but in the mean time, during these few months, have been my shoulder to cry on. They were very talented vocalist who taught me a lot in the sense of accompanying and vice versa. Since our school is small, our “accompanist” was my piano teacher, so every rehearsal was around his schedule, until I came into the picture. They really pushed me to get out of my comfort zone and really get me to where I need to be. During this time, I was still working retail and I have a true appreciation for those who commit full time to retail because lemme tell y’all. That shit is a lot of work. Especially around holidays. Balancing out school and work was a struggle, but I managed through especially when I don’t have a piano at home. I have to go to school to practice and with retail, all my extra time would be working.

April:

By this time, everyone is stressing because of finals, but luckily since I grabbed an associates degree from COmmunity college, I didn’t have to take my core classes and cry. Music classes were all my focuses were on especially performance. I had a few performances in between for our seminar where we perform in front of all the music students, and for me, being a pianist, I didn’t have to rely on my teacher for rehearsals and accompanying. I just focused on me and this got me ready for our benefit concert that I was honored to be a part of. KayP being the current Miss HBCU and queen of the school, decided to raise money for students of troubled pasts who have really turned their lives around in college and made a great GPA would be rewarded with scholarship money that we raised. I was the one who got to close the whole show out and it truly was an amazing experience. Being able to perform for a great cause is always heart warming and I will cherish that moment forever.

May:

So the semester comes to an end and I have juries (where we perform our pieces in front of the faculty and get graded ) what I did not know is that since our school is so small, they invite and pay other professors from the biggest university next to us UT Austin and have them come sit and grade us as well. That to me was a shock moment, because coming from a university in a small town before we had enough people and knew everyone. Community college DIDNT have juries for piano which was odd, but this was a perfect opportunity to really put my hard work into good use. After juries, I did splendid with a few mistakes that I was able to recover from, and lemme tell y’all. No performance is perfect. And I have accepted that. My piano teacher hooked me up with one of his good friends who owns and directs her own music school and I became a piano teacher there. Oddly, I’m the youngest teacher there with no doctoral degree and am working on a BA still..... but none the less, this transition really opened my eyes.

June:

School is finally out, and I reduced my retail job to just Saturday. I finally got my reputation as a teacher at my new job and gained students rather quickly to where I was almost booked up Monday through Friday. With little to no teaching experience it was a trial and error process. I was taking over a studio of a former teacher who had visa issues. So all his students were a tad skeptical with me more so their parents. But after observing lessons and learning their names it was only a matter of time that I was teaching them and really became someone they look up to. It started off rocky because I wasn’t used to a build your own schedule, from what I’ve experienced with teaching at a music school is that someone does the schedule for you. Not in this case, so having to communicate and try to accommodate every students schedule was a tough start, but once I got used to it, the ride was easy from there. Unfortunately, most students were gone on vacation so I had to work with only a few who stayed in town and accommodate those who were in town for that week. That aside, my communication improved after constantly talking with parents 24/7.

July:

This is where life gets exciting. My boyfriend had surprised me with tickets to go to Chicago. I would go back because the city is amazing and food is delicious and it’s easy to get around in Chicago. It was a nice break from work and really helped me bond with my partner. During this time we had two cats. One names Roger and the other Gladys. So a little back story, when I moved in with my partner, his cats basically adopted me. Gladys was a daddy’s girl and kept to Todd mostly but she was very seeet with me and made adorable monkey noises when you picked her up and cuddled with her. She was diagnosed with cancer and the year before that we made the decision to remove her tumor and hope that she would live a healthy life. Well this is where the tumor came back full force and in Chicago, I was a wreck because I felt bad enjoying my time away and leaving her at home. My partner (who is the mature one in our relationship) had a sit down with me about what to do with her and I lost it. He didn’t want to put her down either, but it was for the best. We agreed to keep her comfortable until we knew it was time. Before the month ends tho, we are back home and my sisters boyfriend sends me a text saying he is serious about her and wants to marry her. The retail I work for is a jewelry store and he had asked me to help pick out a diamond for my sister since he knew what she wanted. So this was the good news. We find the diamond, and have it set in her favorite setting and my boyfriend who is full of surprises gets me a ticket to visit her in LA.

August:

So my birthday month is here, and I fly out to LA to deliver the ring to my now sisters fiancé and they fly out to Italy and he does the deed and she says yes. Happy note. But as school starts back up for the new semester, my partner had a issue to where he would be in a state to where he couldn’t move much due to a unusual circumstance. And before that we decided to put Gladys down. It was a tough decision but we gave her the best life we could ever had hoped for her and I was emotionally drained from everything. Having to keep a positive attitude for my students and going to school and being an adult in general. The only way I got thru this period is from my best friend and coworker who knows what it’s like to go through life and it’s always better to have an open mind and ear to talk to. I call her my mamma because she’s like a mother figure to me but also a amazing friend. Without her, I probably wouldn’t have been mentally there at all for anyone. In the time of summer until now I haven’t had a chance to practice because I forgot to mention that i had a Jr recital coming up which is why my repertoire was so big.

September:

After everything passed and I’m in a better mental state, I proceed to my schedule of school and work and find a time to practice in between. What’s great about this month is that since the semester just started, I had plenty of time to catch up on my practice and really get my lessons to become productive in shaping and understanding different musical styles. My partner is all better and life is great because I was in the best part of my life. Doing well in school, amazing texting job, and a best friend who is there for me and most importantly my partner. He’s been my rock since we first met and I can always rely on him and vice versa. He understood that with my free day off that I needed to spend it practicing and told me to go for it and be as productive as I can. I honestly wasn’t used to that kind of support but I am grateful.

October:

This is where reality hits and my recital is next month. I get very crazy about everything. I had all my music learned but because of my indecisiveness, I kept changing how I shaped everything and my mind goes blank. Probably a dark time for me because I didn’t know how to handle this kind of stress. I’ve put on hour long recitals before and the only thing different this time is that I’m getting graded and want to make such a great impression to further my education to a dictator degree. The dress was eating me alive and on top of that, one of my students decided he wants to enter in a competition and I say why not. Let’s do it. Getting him ready for that and keeping my sanity was hard to do but I managed. He did well, but not well enough to get a medal but his parents were very impressed with how quickly he progressed with me. That’s always a plus, right?

November:

The month has come for me to have my big recital and I invited all my friends and coworkers and they all made it. I was truly nervous but if you don’t get nervous, are you even human? It turned out wonderful although the first piece (Bach French suite) was shaky, I had to tell my self that I was having fun and everyone here is here to support me and want me to do well. That little talk was a confidence booster and ended the recital flawlessly. After my recital, my job has their student recitals so my focus was all on my students doing the best they can and having fun. This month was fun because I was selected to do masterclasses for piano students through out my job and it was very enlightening to see how talented the new generation of musicians are! Only positive comments because I couldn’t honestly find anything wrong with any of the students performances and their teachers are amazing.

December:

So getting all my students ready for their recital was a big time investment but totally worth it because they all performed so well and I honestly cried bc I felt like a proud parent LOL. But after that was time for the semester to end up and one class was making me go crazy. Everything ended well and I had ALL A’s and one B but I know what to expect for next semester and everything will be great. Honestly this year has me all sorts of fucked up with emotions and I proved to myself that when I stay committed, I can really achieve what I want. This year was a great year for me and a way to end a decade because when 2020 starts, I know what I need to do and where I need to be.

[kataracy]

My job just does not care that rent is like 400+ huh cool cool im about to go awf under this read more if yall dont mind

FREGIURGTTKJLKKSAKDSFKAFSLJL GOD FUCKING FUCK?WHAT IS THE DEAL FFFFFFF ok story time:

So I work at corner bakery cafe its a weird fusion fast casual place where i make $9/hr, less than what i’ve made from my  last jobs but incredibly close to where i live like deadass across the street. So I have a manager that I steadily don’t get along with, he’s a blowhard. He picks a person to be mad at for the day, he hovers, he treats the girls there like his personal punching bags and I noticed all of that and started to dislike him to the point where I just couldn’t work with him. 

I would go in on days where he would close, because i work the night shift (my job favors the day shift btw. They only care about having people work in the day shift the dont give a fuck about night crew is ridiculous how much the dont clean up after their shifts and we have to pick up behind these grown ass women) and i would noticeably make little o no effort to converse with him, I just went in, did my job and went home. 

He would write me up for not saying hi to him. He would constantly start telling the GM I was being insubordinate when i was literally doing everything good at my job except talking to his sensitive ass. So I complained to the GM. I begged him to not put me on any more shifts with this manager because i was Tired of getting written u for nothing and I was tired of not having fun at my job. I was getting anxiety attacks while working with this dude it was so bad because again, he HOVERS. HE STANDS IN THE FRONT WHEN THERE IS OTHER STUFF TO DO AND JUST FUCKING HOVERS LIKE CAN YOU GO FIND SOMETHING TO DO and my GM said ok its fine we know (BECAUSE THE DONT LIKE HIM EITHER WE LITERALLY WOULD TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH WE DID NOT LIKE THIS DUDE OK NONE OF THE MANAGERS LIKE HIM) we will try not to put you on the same shift, we’ll let Z (the scheduling manager) know and if u do have to be scheduled with him make sure you find a cover and we’ll tell him to leave you alone because we know you know how to do your job.

So. That was a fucking lie.

They keep scheduling him with me. I tell another manager I don’t like him and why and he says I get it I’ll let B (GM) know. 

So I keep getting scheduled with him. And how the hell am I supposed to know when because, the managers have an entirely different schedule thats just their shifts and its fucking private. They end up scheduling me with him again and again and I just don’t show up one day I let the night manager know hey im not coming in on these 2 days, i found someone for this day but not this one so i hope yall find someone.

And then the next day, im getting called by a coworker like hey where are you are you coming in and i say no. no im not. i gave the managers plenty of time ( a whole fucking day) to find someone else bc they know i dont like working with this man. i said im not coming in repeatedly. im not coming in. but the coworker keeps fucking picking at me and saying hey they dont have anyone can you please come and then i get so pissed off i say im on my way and when i get there the fucking manager says you can go home i found someone.

I get so pissed. Why did you keep calling me then?

I didn;t call you they called you.

and the coworker that kept calling me and making me feel guilty for not wanting to work with this man who makes me uncomfortable and pissed and anxious, is my boyfriend. My fucking boyfriend decided this job was more important than my feelings that day and it was beyond hurtful dude im tearing up just talking about it because god it hurt, it was like a dramatic ass betrayal (AND THAT JOB IS SO DRAMATIC BY THE WAY THEY WILL GET SO FUCKING UNCOORDINATED OVER A SMALL RUSH ITS THE STUPIDEST SHIT)

So I go back there and im so angry now. Why have you been blowing up my phone to tell me to come in and being so dramatic. There arent even any customers in here. Why did you keep calling me asking me to come in when they already found somebody.

They just found somebody.

So you could call me and even come back home to fucking say they asked you to come get me> But you cant find the time to pick up the phone again and send a quick nvm?

The next day im scheduled. Another write up from the manager who loves writing me up. because he couldn’t be a fucking manager and just find a replacement no, he had to call and tattle-tell on me to the GM for nothing. I get called in to office by the scheduling manager.

So GM asked me to have you read this, its a warning. I heard you have problems with B and I din’t know that.

I find out they never fucking told the scheduling manager. they lied to me to just keep me coming in.

And... listen. look. I get that everyone in that place must have a complaint. I get that the managers must hear complaints all the time but. just because they do, does not mean my complaint matters less. Im a young woman who is uncomfortable working with an older male manager, how about yall give a shit about that at least. This job didnt care about me the entire time and that hurts even fucking more.

So now, im only getting two days. Because instead of the other managers just stepping up and working the easy night shift, instead of being accommodating and considerate, they decide to just shit on my feelings like this. 

The last time I went in. the manager is fucking talking to me because thats what fucking happens. The more you work with someone like that, the more they get use to you not liking them and being uncomfortable with them and they decide they dont fucking care, that they dont have o be accountable. that they can just keep messing with you. My last shift was so anxiety riddled I had to excuse myself 5 times (I counted the tissues) to go fucking cry because of how awful it felt to just, be surrounded by so many people who have the power to do something and yet, decide they just dont feel like it. 

He keeps his shifts and i have to deal with having 2.

He works on salary, I have  9 dollars an hour.

my bf and i had to move out of our 1 bedroom that we share with his dad because we needed the space and rent is an extra $100. I broke my glasses last month and cant afford to get replacements so i have been straining my eyes faily. I have to pay a full internet bill from my account and my bf gives me half of that. the dog wont stop fucking barking and giving the cat fleas. My mother and I dont speak, we have no relationship. I dont want to ask my aunts for money any more than i already do, i have no family out here, i only have like 3 friends that are close enough to visit and even then, i dont have a car and “close” equals driving distance and... i’m just

I am so exhausted haha. its been such a long few months. The ups and downs are there but, the downs have been so much more amplified lately its hard to see a silver lining so i just, idk, I dont know. I do not know.

I got our new schedule today. Only two days. This ko-fi stuff and this commission stuff guys its what i have right now. Its what i need to work because nothing else is. lol im not a begging person, im not like... this. Im not so open but, i could really use any help right now, please. Just share the links, if u dont see something u like maybe someone else will, and that hope is the only thing i can look forward to right now. thanks for reading this far if u did. thanks for listening to me yell about avatar for all these years thanks for following me and giving me notes and making me laugh and making me smile and im burned out after all of this so, take care guys.

[icharchivist]

perso-rant underneath and at first i intended it to be more light hearted but welp cant dive into myself without digging the bad stuff so just ignore this as rambling.

(idk if the cut works on mobile so as usual blacklist #ichapersonal to skip it , its quite long)

its night and im noisy and all but yknow part of the reason m/lb is such a healing show for me and i rewatch it every couple of days?

i cry everytime M.arinette's family is on screen pretty badly bc i get so envious all the time. i hate my shitty family (and often can relate to A.drien's ressentment) so just seeing such a /healthy/ family being often shown litterally brings me to tears. im like C.hat in the animan episode when he stares at the family picture with a sweet smile (another detail that stupidly make me cry who allowed th i s)

like. i dont relate to A.drien's relation to his family but some of the emotional effects is often a moment of "welp. mood." and being kinda sad /for him/ even if i can feel it for myself too. but then with M.arinette's family everytime they get to be on screen i realize how happy this sort of dynamic makes me and it makes me /so envious/.

like my mom is an artist and an excellent cook but she always barred those interests from me bc it was /hers/ and it was for /her ego/ and this attitude just killed every curiosity i had and remplaced it with a complete unability to care.

i used to bake as a kid but my mom was always shutting down everything i was doing, and if i was asking for help or recieps she would just tell le "it's a secret just watch " and never letting me know tf she was doing so i stopped lmao. everytime ive tried meals since it was only for myself and with a hard mocking from family and mom saying she had a better recieps and i should just let her do so i dont even try it often. (moreeven now that the kitchen is opened to the living room and they're super judgemental when im in it)

i was messing with drawings and paints in her workshop when i was a kid but she would always point out flaws and take my tools to correct it without telling nor showing me how and it killed it, it took me until my 14yo to start doing mindless doodles and then my breakdown when i was about 20 to seriously try back to draw and do art and try different tools (until my right hand made it impossible for me to hold a tool and the failure still feels yknow)

i wanted to sew things and make clothes (at the time for my dolls) but my mom was never letting me touch the tools (that we HAD since not only she made clothes but her mom actually had a fabrique shop. like. right next door. i think it became part of my mom's trauma hating her mom and refusing us to connect with her, more so with what happened when i was 7 and we lost contact with them but still, the damn irony. and i cant remember if my grandma ever let me close her sewing material but i was a damn kid after all) so this is another thing i didnt pursue

i wanted to pick up music (piano mostly) bc my uncle is a musician but my parents never wanted to invest in that because they already gave a piano to my sister (that i wasnt allowed to use) so ye that was dropped lmao

and i started to write when i was about 11 and it was that /one thing/ i didnt need help for from anyone, completely self taught, with my own ways and tools, and my parents were always dismissive of it, never listening to me, always telling me it wasnt important, that i should focus on something else, and after other circumstances that added to that i dropped writting around my 17/18yo and it had been painful to even try to write again since.(i came back to writing around my 20yo a bit before my breakdown but after it happened it started to die out and i felt exhausted and stopped after a few months and since then i've never been able to pick up writing again ay.)

(and im not touching the obsessive elements bc like- the fact she does it for her crush makes it different, but the sort of things she does? taking pictures and putting them everywhere in her room when she hyperfixates, making overcomplicated schedules and such? i litteraly do that with fiction. i made a freaking timeline for this show. i am currently working on organizing codex from d.a and an approval guide for christ sake. and im not talking about my multiple fandom shrines in my room and the fact i legit have one for m/lb made from pictures found on merchs.

or also the fact i have a lot of passions i'd love to share and seeing M. play video games with her dad for exemple makes me so bitter when all i get is backhanded insults from my parents when i bring it up.)

So sometimes i see M. and part of me is just in awe, loving everything about her. the other part of me tho... i feel... a bit robbed? like she's such a creative kid, she's incredible and she inspires me everyday, and i cant help but think how i would have adored her when i was a kid. (im not even kidding, as a kid i requested my mom a costume of black cat for h.alloween and a l.adybug costume for the carnaval. i have pictures of that at my dad's place sadly it kills me. also my room when i was a kid used to be covered with l.adybug stickers like. HELL my mom doesnt care about my interests but last year she bought me a M/LB winter callendar (bc its been years i was mentioning i wanted one, a selfish whim but oh well) and i had a huge double take bc i was certain she didnt remember me talking about this show- and she did not. when i asked her why, she legit told me "because she reminded me of you as a kid with your pigtails your obsession for l.adybugs". like!! i cant even stress how kid!me would have adored this show and especially LB./M.) (the pigtails too this time i have proofs around there i used to carry them all the time until i was bullied for it at school. (bullying at school instead of good friends also adds to the difference in question tbh lmao))

there is something so... weird into seeing the parts of yourself that you cut yourself from in a character, and see that the main difference is because of how the family (and bullies) treated those elements so drastically differently.

my family was always neglectful but differently than A.. the things i relate to with him is how he specifically still holds on hope that his father will do better at least just for one day and his reaction when he's left down saying he's just used to it. and like normal, not every kind of abuse are the same and all but i still relate enough to feel sad.

but M. is always a whiplash of feelings like i could have been this sort of girl in a better environment.

at 13/14yo she was already making stuff up, baking, designing clothes, doing art, she was doing so many things, even forgetting the superhero part. she was being happy being a creator at her pace and with encouragement. at 13/14yo i was starting to show concerning signs of d.epression because i was trying to handle my parents's divorces and the multiple trials that followed that /i/ had to handle by finding middle grounds, allowing some of my father's blackmail to avoid worse, and by litterally having to collect infos from mails everytime to prove against some of his arguments to the judges. and my sister refusing to talk to us for a year, which caused us basically to feel very bad thinking of the eldest sister who ran away from home, and having to handle my father's harrasment and emotional abuse of constantly belittling me (fuck this was the age he legit told me i would probably end up a p.rostitute so ye!!! fuck that!!!) andd the fact my mom was also falling apart from all of it on me and i was always supposed to cheer her up while i was having a hard time in a new school and new environment away from the very few friends i had and again feeling abandonned by my sister which freaking sucks after already had suffered that from our eldest one.

but M. makes me cry every. goddam. rewatch. its like maybe the ultimate wish fufilling story of just how i would have loved my family to be. of how i think i could have turned up.

and that realization hits so badly everytime.

there's a thing with my hyperfixations where i'll always find a way to tie it back to my traumas. i dont know if im pulling straws, or if the things are there. for having watched m.lb when it came out unfazed and only got hit with that realization upon rewatching- i feel it was more me realizing "there is something there that is touching me more than before" and having an introspection to get it.

and i think the difference is that- before my breakdown the characters and stories i related to where the eternal optimistic-yet-damaged "never give up!" type of characters. When things started to go downhill to my breakdown and since then the fictions that talked to me the most were all dealing with guilt coming from toxic environment that werent your fault per se but you pierceved that way. my way to relate were to characters who felt deeply connected to their guilt (peak being c.loud of f.f7 that even topped it with the deadly skin disease making him lose will to live (because ye that happened. still hate to watch out for that so ye), and memories issues, you would have told me at 13yo when i first watched that movie that this would be what i would relate to him about 7 years later i would have laughed at your face.), which translated with pushing people away and self destructing habits.

and i know i watched m.lb the first time around that time, when i was 20/21. and that may be why i didnt feel that. that my concerns were too elsewhere to realize that. That i was too focalized on how i felt like i failed by suddenly breaking under the pressure, having all the things i've kept burried kicking me out at once, and that i couldnt afford to be a burden to anyone. and it translated with me loving characters like that because in most cases their friends ended up reminding them of what was important - and sometimes just getting frustrated about your fav being as dumb as it forces you to pull yourself back together lmao. not always working but it was there.

now im 23. i cut ties with my father for about 3/4 years now, with all the shitty things that ensued out of the last trial where he sued me and his still-happening harrasment (sometimes silly sometimes scary). My mom and step dad are suffocating me more and more everyday. my health had become so disastrous i cant even manage to go school or find a job. And more than ever im frustrated and angry.

and i think it may be a shown of recovery? perhaps linked to therapy? of while i still have guilt of falling apart- /they/ are the reason i fell apart. and I'm yet to have proper apologizes for it. i grew furious at my family. of how much i feel robbed.

lately im so angry at everything i lost, was taken of, stolen childhood all of that- because of my parents, mainly. (hell even the bullying at school - in primary school it apparently started bc of gossips about why my eldest sister ran away from home, and in middle school it was first bc my parents insisted on sending me to private school where i was an outcast. which then had me truly embrassing the outcast persona that had made it impossible for me to be at peace in the two others middle schools i went to. highschool saved my social life tbh).

i think it's therapy and recovery that is making me shift the blame and feel so angry at them. so bitter. and suddenly i see in an innocent kid show a "what could have been". same starting personality, different people to channel this.

and this is. frustrating.

but it makes me love it even more. idk if its driving anything else than ressentment but at least for the time of an episode I'm in a bubble of a.lternative universe where i can forget about my life and feel satisfied at once.

like finding a piece of myself that i deliberately broke and burried to never think about it again, and realize far later how it missed to the whole, and how damaged this piece is now, but still is.

and there is something incredibly healing about that. i would never have thought there would be this much healing out of this anger and yet satisfaction. what a strange feeling.

fiction is funny that way. the things people can get out of it to deal with their own psyche are so different one person to the next.

it's just so weird for me to go from "i relate to the horrors this character went through" to "and fuck those horrors. let me think about what could have been if this didnt happen."

even moreso knowing i had this piece of fiction before and didnt approach it that way. there's a time and a mindset for everything. apparently now was the best mindset for me huh

.......

so ye apparently i cant like something like a normal person and have to go on about how it connects to my deeply rooted traumas lmao.

anyway it's been eating me up for weeks now and it's 4:45am i have absolutly no impulse holding me back. if you sat through this piece of work im sorry. just needed it to get it out of my chest.

i'll go back to hugging my cheap-yet-lifesaving c.laire's l.adybug pillow now

good night o/

[foreverinfinitex]

July 6, 2018

GOT7 Eyes On You World Tour 2018 #EYESONYOUinLA

When my friend and I first found out about GOT7 having a world tour and having a concert in LA, we immediately said “let’s go” “bet” and we waited for the day of the ticket sale and that was already a struggle bc it was so hard to get tickets and my friend was in New York at the time. When we finally snagged tickets (we wanted P3, but got P4), we were so excited and started looking at flights. It was relatively average for HI✈️LA, but we had to wait for my friend’s mom to buy it. When we finally bought it, we were so excited. I can’t explain how happy I was, it was something that motivated me to keep going through the struggles I was facing and motivated me to get a better job and kept me going during school and a new job.

We flew to LA on the 5th 9PM HST and landed on the 6th 6AM PT and let me tell you, my sleeping schedule was really bad already, but the flight made it worse. That flight was one of the most uncomfortable flights I’ve ever had bc the limited space and I could not sleep at all. BUT ISSOK because I was BEYOND excited for the concert later in the day. I kept irritating my friend bc of how eager and excited I was 😂

When we got to the venue, The Forum was really quick and easy with security and tickets, so I was really grateful. The only thing that was difficult was the heat, but it was bearable. (I hope the people who fell ill is feeling bette now!!) The Forum provided games and places to take pictures for the fans, it was really nice and considerate of them! They had big versions of connect four, jenga, peer pong, etc. it was a really great atmosphere with lots of friendly and outgoing ahgases ~

The concert itself. Wow. It’s unbelievable and beautiful and amazing and indescribable. But I’ll try to describe it. While going to our seats, it was 7:56 and the concert starts at 8, so we’re rushing to get to our seats so we don’t miss anything and while going to our seat, we see Joey, Mark’s younger brother, and it was weird to see him so casually like that? I dunno it was a lil funny, but we didn’t bother him, he looked busy and we had to get to our seats. Once we sat down, we got our ahgabongs and phones ready and it STARTED. The opening VCR the Hard Carry Remix and then the rest of the Setlist. It was amazing to be in the same room as them, however big it may have been. They were performing so passionately and so talentfully and it was incredible watching them. The boys were doing what they love surrounded by unconditional love. It was a great feeling to have. It felt so unreal. When I was looking at the big screens, it was like looking through my computer/phone, but then looking at the stage where the boys are actually made me speechless. I couldn’t record the beginning songs like Hard Carry Remix, Skyway, OUT. But I recorded most of it which I was so grateful to. But I made sure I kept my eyes on the stage and the big screen so I wouldn’t miss out the experience and damn I DIDNT. Seeing them in real life and having them in front of us, performing for us, it was so special and so so memorable. We were singing along so much, screaming, loving them so much, talking, discussing, SCREAMING SOME MORE, SINGING MORE, it was amazing. My throat is so sore now. Honestly, I’ll never forget this moment. This concert was worth every penny. I wreally want to get P1 tickets next time and see them up close. I’m so willing and wanting to go to their next tour!!

All the boys are such blessings. Seeing them enjoying the company and performing with so much feeling, it was amazing to witness. They were all so sweet and dorky and just so GOT7, it was such special to see it in person. All the boys were enjoying their time in LA, being happy, they were teasing and playing around with each other, and I really felt like a family in there with strangers surrounding me. I was breathless again when i looked around and saw the green galaxy. It was so beautiful and breathtaking. I started tearing up when the boys started to perform Thank You. Their ending ments were so pure and soft and it was so nice hearing them. Hearing their voices, their singing, them speaking directly from them. Not through a screen or a recording, but really from them and wow their voices are really something. It’s so beautiful and soulful and something I wish I could hear forever. They look so beautiful. It’s like through a screen they look perfect bc it’s a screen, but seeing them in person like that, they are so beautiful. I am most definitely rambling, but I can’t help it. Those past 3.5 hours were the best 3.5 hours of my life. I kept smiling and laughing and screaming and singing. It felt so right being there and singing along with the boys and the other ahgases. Even tho I don’t know Korean, singing the songs was something that just came to me so quickly and naturally. This is the night I want to relive for the rest of my life.

Thank you, Mark, Jaebeom, Jackson, Jinyoung, Youngjae, BamBam, Yugyeom. For everything you’ve done. All the things you guys had to go through, sacrifice, endure, and struggle to get where you are now. To be the people you are today. I can’t imagine how being a kpop idol trainee is, the struggles you faced everyday; mentally, physically, financially, physiologically. I’m so grateful for all seven of you to be here. I know some people think we’re delusional and that we’re putting you on a pedestal, but we’re not and we don’t. We know who you are, or at least what you want to show us, and we try our best to be the most respectful and loving fans. We try to being understanding and supportive and do our very best to make you proud. We know that you’re not perfect and that there are screw ups and mistakes, and that’s okay. You guys are human beings who deal with human being problems and feelings and struggles. The fact that you seven are here, doing what you love, sharing it with us and being the most genuine you’re willing and able to do, means the world to us. We’re grateful for you and everything you do for ahgases. So much could have happened the past 10 years to each of you guys that could have led a different journey than the journey you’re in right now and I’m so eternally glad that you guys have stumbled upon each other’s lives and have become GOT7. I know GOT7 will end eventually bc not everything stays the same forever, but you guys are legends. You will stay in my heart, my mind, my brain forever. Your songs have been instilled in my heart and head and your kindness and love and talent has been ingrained in my brain. I can’t thank you guys enough. You guys have done so much for me and I’m pretty sure for a lot more people as well. This is just the beginning. We’re starting to pave the way and we’re going higher and higher and I’m so proud of you boys. Let’s be by each other’s sides and support each other through everything. I love you. Thank you.

[trauma-genic]

hahaha oops, we stayed super late after work to talk with the guy that has feeling for us and we were just chilling in our car and just casually looking thru pics on our phone only to have our nudes pop up not once, not twice, but like 4 different times.... we are an adult and can take pictures of our body but man is it a different thing accidentally showing someone else, especially considering he has made it very obvious he has taken interest in me (which we dont mind, it has been too long since weve gotten positive affection from a singular person)

anyway long story short he made it even by showing us his nudes lol, and im not going to lie he is attractive (and also a cisguy which is our biggest preference tbh) and then said that he will probably have another dream about me and that he was suprised that he didnt dream of me last night ;;; we are getting so many butterflies in the stomach but its hard to tell if its excitement or anxiety

also vivian reeeaaaallly wants to fuck him if we are going to be honest, shes a horny moody mess because she is going to have to wait til he messages us first letting me know whats happening with his potentially exfiancé, we just hope he gets scheduled to work with us next weekend bc its almost the end of the season and then ill have to find a new job ;3;

[dreamerology]

anon its Late but.....heres pt 2 aka my kihyun love post

i meant to do this for his bday but never managed to get around to it :( anyways here i am now….back on my kihyun bullshit. i never left but…...I’m Back and more in L*ve than ever. again i dont even know where to start dfjshjfhs icb i didnt used to like him???????? past me was fuckgin dumb! not that i hated him he was just like……..one of my least fave members and now???? dont tell minhyuk but…..Yeah i have so much love in my heart for kihyun :( idek how it started one day i just woke up loving yoo kihyun…...like it wasnt even gradual just one day Bam heart eyes motherfucker nd the rest was history

ANYWAYS  UH i love love love love love love looooooooove how genuine he is in everythign he does???? like the two most recent example are his letter in the fancafe nd his little photography signature….did he have to actually handwrite the letter to post it????? NO. but did he??? YOU BET. idk just!!!! its rly sweet bc u could clearly see how much it meant to him that he would go out of his way to write us an actual letter rather than just typing it up nd making a post. and how he said he hand draws his initials on his photography so sorry if theyre a little different every time bicshjd???????/ thats so fuckign cute!!!!!!!!!! he rly loves mbbs so so much and its really clear bc he does little things that add his personal touch to it and idk it just makes me so warm like….hes rly thinking of us sjkhfsjhf we love a caring man :(( o also sorta unrelated but the amount of exclamation points he uses when posting is so cute, bich me too!!!!! like u can always tell its him if theres “!!!” at the end of the message it’s :(( such a cute habit idk it makes me rly happie to see dsjfhkajh

speaking of his initials  on his photography!!!! i love his photography!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh it makes me so happy to see him out there just having a good time enjoying his hobby??? like their lives are so busy im so glad hes found something that he enjoys and that he can spend time on while still keeping up w his busy schedule. also hes just rly fuckign good at it!!!!!!! im gonna make a whole museum dedicated to pictures ur all welcome to come visit once its done, people are gonna come from across the world to see it nd all the proceeds will b donated to The Monstas. ANYWAYS hes rly good!!!!!!!! like i only kno The Basics abt photography but he’s rly out there u kno! im in awe! and he just loves talking abt it and sharing it and i can see how much he likes it and how passionate he is!!! i could listen to him talk abt it forever he just sorta...Lights Up its so sweet

also ok one of the first things i started noticing that i found rly cute was like how whenever he gets rly embarrassed he’ll make that scrunched up face or he’ll just like…….Jump fkjsdhfjd its so cute????? like his face during this dsfhkdjhf or jumping at the end of this when he tries to act sexy dsfhjkdsh i love a whole dork hes so funny. he knows hes gonna get embarrassed but he does it anyways!!! i wish i was the care free dsjfhskjdh

AND HIS SMILE FUCK! its the most precious thing ive ever seen wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! his smile is so bright and warm it makes me sososososoooooo happy!!!!! not 2 b sappy but i rly get the biggest butterflies whenevr i see his smile thats the number one source of my happiness right there folks! a the lil dimples he gets on his cheeks when he smiles rly big :( they’re so cute i’ve never rly noticed anyone else that had them before. i just! his smile is so precious idk what else to say!!! when he smiles rly big nd u can see his teeth….cute :( AND HIS LAUGH FUCK! its so cute when he laughs so hard he just drops out of the frame dksjfksjdh hes got one of the best whole body laughs he just collapses in on himself its so adorbale jhkdjssjfk the sound of his laugh? music to my ears!!! i hope hes always that happie :(((

o another point is his freckles :(( i hate how half the time theyre covered up by makeup but whenever i see them im like HELLO! I LOVE U!!!!!!! NICE TO SEE U!! the one on the corner of his mouth is my best friend but also the hes got one on his finger too dskfhkjhf also in this pic u can see them all rly closely, i look at this at least once daily & just cry. and the one near his temple too :(( cute!!! if u take anyway anythign from this post kno im the #1 kihyun freckle enthusiast

not 2 forget how hardworking and caring he is!!!!!!! and how his voice is one of the most calming things to listen to! i know i say that abt everyone but i looooove listening to him talk so much, his voice is so soft. thats not even including his vocals…...theres a reason hes the main vocal singer!!!! sometimes i remember that you and i exists nd he rapped in it and i instantly go bald….what a talented man is there anything he cant do?? and how his eyes are probably the prettiest ive ever seen i swear theyre made from pure honey…….and his hands!!!!! everyone always teases me for having tiny ass baby hands but jokes on them bc they were made 2 hold kihyuns hands :( everything he does is so endearing hes so cute!!!! oh and his confidence!!!! idk how much of it is for show but if i had even 2% of his confidence levels i feel like i’d be a better person dskjfhkjhf

unrelated to the love post but hes been looking So Good lately and he knows it and its dangerous for my health. every morning i wake up and yoo kihyun tells me to go choke and i say gladly! when is he gonna come to canada and finally end my life on thsi plane of existence please im Tired

[thoughtsandeverythingelse]

21st.

i found myself bawling at the end of the night by one letter (and only) i received - which was actually just sufficient for me. 

for someone that has been stressed out and annoyed by this entire situation, i’d say i had a pretty good time. 

i didnt have much - but i had friends from school who bothered to celebrate right after our exams ended, i had friends from church in the vastly different communities having fun ideas and thinking of how they can make this celebration special. i had a bouquet of flowers, dinner at a v nice restaurant with amazing ambience (which was also very romantic). besides all the cake i received, i am left with three gifts. one starbucks card, an angpao and one letter. i received text messages from people who remembered (like its been months since we had conversations, but they actually dropped a text like wow), and still bothered to text me about it. 

but yet, my heart feels so full. i dont have much, in fact it can be considered nothing compared to the extensive list i can pull out of my head. but i bawled so hard at the realisation that im so loved, and i feel like i dont deserve it. its not about how well the surprised turned out, or how much a gift can cost, but the fact that someone took the time out to think about my needs, to think about me, and how they love me in my best and my worst times - that is enough. 

i bawled at the realisation that this love is so undeserving and privileged, but yet here am i, a recipient of the things that i can so freely give, but yet struggled to receive. 

i am unsure why i feel this way, but God - this life i thank you for the overwhelming love that i receive. i have nothing much to offer, because this is literally all that i have - with two hands raised, knees kneeling and head bowed, God i want to say that this all belongs to You. You fill me and give me so much more than i can imagine. 

i am getting choked up as this is being written, because the reality of emotions is so very real - but acknowledging it and accepting it is a whole other issue. i am also not sure if its the hormones speaking, so we’d see about that. 

part 2:  this is a continuation of the 21st celebration which i deem is noteworthy hahaha - for memory’s sake. 

old time pals decided to bring me out for dinner, by initiating a date and picking a location. to be honest, i never really thought about anything simply bc it was so caught up with school, but they took the time out between their busy schedules to celebrate me. 

it wasnt much - they brought gave me a soft toy, brought me to a place where they deem the food was good, and hung out with me. 

they followed me into a store as i contemplated to get a dress that was on my mind for a few days, and ended up paying for it - like a boss ass bitch lol. 

i nearly cried at that moment, because it wasnt about the crazy commitment to friendships that we placed on ourselves. heck, they’re all in commited relationships, things to study, jobs to work for and dreams to pursue. but the fact that they thought about what i’d like, thought about the things that reminded them of me, thought about how i would appreciate it - that made me feeling like i was so undeserving of the love that they gave. 

i wasnt the best friend in the whole world, i move as my seasons pass, while attempting my best in keeping up with the relationships in my life. i segrete them by seasons, by long term, in my very very selfish ways. they’ve stuck through it, seen through the uglist in secondary school, had fun with the wildest side, patient with the negligent side. over all these years, they have been quite consistent with their nature (although one can debate if its a good thing or not haha) but the idea of having people coming together from previous seasons and still sticking through it, makes my heart a lot feels things. 

part 3: 

the more i journal these things, the more i find myself being so blessed.

kingdom friend asked me out for a “girls night out” but haha it was clearly getting suspicious as the days were nearing, bc of the text i was receiving haha. it was a simple dinner, investing in each others’ lives, then it led to a surprise fun activity with the people that love me. 

these are kingdom friends, which can lead to this being lifelong. perhaps with that perspective, 21 years doesnt make a whole lot of difference. its literally the first 21, what more the next 40? the night ended with good drinks, fun conversations and intense mahjong lol. 

part 4:  besides the awkward cake we had in school after our intense papers, we decided to head to jb for our post exam activity and they actually got a pair of earrings i casually mentioned was cute. the best part could have been how he remembered what i liked. like he was actually noticing and he remembered after all that smack i talk haha.  with the idea of having people love me, think about me (without me knowing), trying to make something nice happen for me - still feels all so biazzre. to have people love me for me, and after me knowing, i’d still have to receive and say yes, i want this. it almost feels so shameless, which makes me feel so undeserving, unworthy almost. 

after this entire celebration thing, what i concluded is that its not about the amount of gifts one can receive, but i saw how people valued me for me, how they loved me because they wanted to, the thought process that they went through to make something happen - be it a card, a surprise, or even a simple decision on the cake that they should get. 

for that, i am thankful. the thoughts of unworthiness is ungodly, but i am thankful that He brings people into my life, to show me what love can look like, through them.  

[survivor-kuwait]

ROP

In preparation for Final Tribal Council, the final 3 reflect on those who have fallen...

Matt:

I can’t say I know much about Brandon, but I can say it’s pretty fucked up that a Sagittarius was the first elimination in a Zodiac themed game

Madison:

We didn’t really play together, but you’re a sweetheart and I’m sure if I knew you I’d believe you were robbed too soon!

Maynor:

I’m not sure if I got a message from you or not. I wanted to get to know you but Warzone twist was very nerve wracking twist.

Matt:

Willow! My Solomon Islands friend/betrayer. I was very excited by the prospect of getting the chance to reconnect with Willow and I was so bummed we only spent one Oasis together. At first I was worried that maybe she would think I was out for revenge, but I have only good blood with Willow and I absolutely wish her so much luck in Montenegro.

Madison:

MY NORTH CAROLINA KWEEN! I was SO sad to see you voted out. You were so kind to me, and I really appreciate the time we did get to spend together!

Maynor:

You were very nice. And we worked together in warzone for a vote or two. I was hoping that we could have worked together in this game.

Matt:

This game definitely would have gone a lot differently if we didn’t get Nehe out when we did. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know Nehe even though I already had the preconceived notion that he would be a schemer. Also, by far the best Tik Tok that anyone made was Nehe’s solo piece. It was so *Chef’s Kiss*

Madison:

Oml Nehe! I’m so sorry we blindsided you so hard but it had to be done and I think you know that. But I love you you crackedt legend.

Maynor:

oh Nehe. You were a blast to talk to. Game wise I never really knew where your head was at. At our first tribal you lied to me and voted Renee. Would love to talk to you though and get to know you more.

Matt:

I’m sorry I never got the chance to meet Taylor, because I will always have a good impression of someone with Gillian as their avi.

Madison:

Didn’t really communicate with you too much, and I think this warzone I wasn’t present for, but I’m sure you’re lovely!

Maynor:

You were someone I could have see  playing this game with. I still feel like maybe there was a way to save you but everyone seemed set on you.

Matt:

Jacob was a sweetheart, we share a lot of similar tastes in games and music and I definitely could have seen myself working more closely with Jacob if things didn’t go down the way they did. Nothing was more pure than trying and failing to explain moon phases with Kait to Jacob because I realized about halfway through I didn’t know nearly enough about them either.

Madison:

MY FELLOW CANCER CRUSTACEAN CWEEN. I love you..so much. You had to fall so I could sprint to where I am now I suppose, and I hope I represent our emotional mess of a sign well here at the end. I miss u.

Maynor:

I hope one time we are able to play a game  and work together. I really want to get to know you more, we dont really talk a lot during these games. So lets talk hopefully you want to.

Matt:

Adrian my Aquarius pal, sorry I had sacrifice you to the Survivor Gods when I heard people were targeting sign partners. We absolutely slayed the sign partner stage of the game, not going to any Warzones and it certainly was in no small part thanks to Adrian.

Madison:

I was truly really sad to see you go. you always brought such a good energy to every conversation we had, and I love that so much. BUT OUR SEASON IS GONNA BE SO GOOD EVERYONE APPLY TO OUR SEASON!

Maynor:

ugh. You were gone too soon. We worked together with Nehe vote and then taken out couple rounds later. I wished we could have worked together more. You were awesome and really nice.

Matt:

Stevie and I chatted a whole bunch when we got the chance and I can’t think of a bad thing to say about him, although I can apologize that I never answered the message he sent me after he got eliminated saying “How’s it going?”. It was going good but I didn’t wanna cheat. I’ll answer it soon I promise.

Madison:

YOU’RE SO SWEET OML. I just miss talking to you.

Maynor:

I didnt get to talk to you much in this game. We were kinda not in many warzones together. But your awesome.

Matt:

I think I inherited Chloe’s cockroach energy after she was eliminated. Truly everyone was constantly throwing Chloe’s name out there and I was NEVA happy about it, and I was even sadder about voting her out. Chloe and I had a very underrated and secret friendship and we voted together about every time until she was eliminated. I literally hope she’s finally feeling better because she was so sick and sleepy for the whole game and people didn’t get the chance to know her like I did.  

Madison:

The odds were truly stacked against us women and I was NOT a feminist player bc I vote for you..several times. Also really sad that we bonded right before you left. but you have bomb taste in music and I’d truly love to talk to you after the season is over.

Maynor:

We never got to talk much. There were a few times we did but it was mostly just hi and then convo died. He seemed really nice.

Matt:

Although I only know Matt B as the reason I still have to use my last initial in my confessionals, I have heard from everyone else that Matt B is a great guy. I hope that if I do win, nobody is disappointed to find out that it was me and not you.

Madison:

we didn’t interact too much honestly! would love to chat after the season, but unfortunately I don’t have a ton to reference right now!

Maynor:

I was extremely sad when I found out you were voted off. You didnt deserve that. I think you were one of the few people from first impressions that I wanted to work with. I really wanted to play this game with you after you co-hosted me. It was nice getting to know you during the first warzone.

Matt:

Renee was the vote that started it all for me. My very first Warzone that really taught me how much of a fucking warzone it actually was. I felt bad about betraying Renee, but it absolutely kick started the relationship I had with Maynor and Madison because we bonded over missing her and were really pulling for her to come back from Lagoon.

Madison:

my actual fucking queen oh my GOD. your vote was the ONLY one I didn’t know what was happening. I had no idea you were leaving and it honestly broke my heart.

Maynor:

My heart. RENEE playing with you in the beginning of this game was so awesome. Talking and us planning on making it to the end. I would have gone to the end with you. I was rooting for you to come back. But I was happy to meet you and I hope we can continue to talk after. ❤️

Matt:

Stephen was a super nice guy, and I always appreciate the Aussies who are playing on an entirely different sleep schedule than the rest of us.

Madison:

I feel..SO BAD FHJSJDJS. I’ve robbed you from so many games and I SWEAR IT’S NOT PERSONAL! I truly love you as a person! we just ALWAYS end up on opposite sides. you also terrify me though bc you’re SUCH a good player. I always have to have an open eye on you, and I really respect that. you’re a gem, never change.

Maynor:

ooo Stephen  this vote was sad but it was everyone saying your name. In this game we talked but it was as good communication like our other game. You know you mean a lot to me because we been through a game n you hosting me.

Matt:

Trace and I played Maluku together like 100 years ago and when I look back at the games we played then and the games we played now I’m very proud of the growth. I had some very nice genuine conversations with Trace about relationships and life and Survivor and I never thought that back in Maluku when I was dumb and petty that I would end up saying I found a friend in Trace. I’m sorry our Queer Eye alliance fell apart almost immediately but I realized he was such a big threat.

Madison:

Trace omg. I loved playing with you and working together while we did! Our alliance was SO cute. I’m sorry if you hold me voting you against me, but you scared me so much, and I feel like our games would’ve inevitably ended before FTC if we’d both stayed in the game. But I have so much respect for you as a player and a person. queer eye til we die.

Maynor:

I was working with you in this game and I was glad to have met you. You were like a very scary player to me for some reason. Your vote off was the start of the game really starting to be more strategic.

Matt:

Corey was one of my favorite people to talk to in the game because I felt like we could literally gab about absolutely anything. We bonded almost immediately at the very first Oasis, and had emotional motion sickness ™ ever since then. It was a sad day when I had to do Corey in the revote after that nutty partner tribal and even sadder when I found out he wasn’t coming back. Genuinely to this day Madison and I talk about how Corey would have hands down won the game if it was judged on music taste alone.

Madison:

my FATHER/SON. voting you out made me legitimately cry! I LOVED working with you and you were truly my ride or die until there was nothing I could do. trying to save you that night is probably one of my worst moves this game but I don’t regret it for a second. I love you so much and I’m so glad we got to play together again and be the cutest alliance..ever. queer eye til we die.

Maynor:

Your vote off was one of the sad ones. You coming to me to try and save you was really heartbreaking. I wanted to save you but during that time there was an alliance and wanted to be in good terms  with them until there was a time for a move. Also timmy and I were really nervous we were getting votes. Im sorry  ❤️ stay in contact. I went to lush andnit was amazing.

Matt:

Thomas went out in a blaze of glory and it was a lot of fun to watch. Anyone that Kait vouches for so vehemently is good in my book. “Fuck you Timmy” is our “Fuck you Brad Culpepper”.

Madison:

THOMAS U SWEETIE! I feel like I’ve said this a lot but there are truly so many kind, genuine people in this cast and I’m so grateful to have been a part of this season with all of you. you made me mad nervous in this game because I never quite knew what you were doing, and we weren’t close, but I felt like we were pretty chill until your vote. you may disagree ofc, but that’s how I see it! I can’t wait to talk after this season omg.

Maynor:

i really liked talking to you and you were an awesome person. I want to get to know you more so lets talk after the game. That twist was kinda an oof one. Im sorry that was how you went. Hopefully we can play another game together.

Matt:

KAIT is honestly the LOML. I absolutely would have gone to the final 3 with Kait even though I probably would have lost. I’m just excited to finally be able to play Smash and Pokemon Sword and Shield with the Paradise Hotel alliance. Besides doing the Logic Puzzle with Kait and having the WRONG clues, having to let Kait go was the hardest thing I had to do in the game but at the same time it really catapulted me to play the rest of the season without the comfort of having someone I trusted so implicitly.

Madison:

love. of. my. fucking. life. there are 2 people I made a conscious choice to not vote for despite knowing I’d be in the minority, and you’re one of them. I knew you were going and that there was nothing I could do without risking my game, and you knew that too, but we had each other’s backs from day 1 and I’m so so so glad I got to play with you. you’re also just a fucking dope person. I just wanna be ur friend after this no matter what you’re so fun.

Maynor:

You were super nice. We mainly talked in our alliance chat. You were a threat in my eyes because you were really tight with Owen. I really want to talk more as well after the game.

Matt:

Owen was the other ⅓ of the Paradise Hotel alliance and my Chicago friend and I think was the only person besides Chips who everyone agreed would absolutely win in a Final 3. I should’ve been mad that Owen sunk ⅔ of the advantages that I had original hit, but I knew they were with someone I could trust.

Madison:

WE FINALLY GOT TO WORK TOGETHER! you’re the other person I consciously didn’t vote for despite knowing you were going. I knew you had to leave when you did for me to slip through the cracks to get to where I am now, and no one would’ve let you make it to the end, but I’m so grateful for our alliance and for you as a person and that emily wasn’t here to fuck us up!

Maynor:

ily. You were one of the people I talked to the most in this game. It was really hard to write down your name twice. I realized and so did everyone else that you were a huge threat in this game and if we didnt take the opportunity to take you out, you were would have been winning this game. Lets continue talking after this game because I really miss talking to you.

Matt:

Ian and I were both great pals and bitter rivals. There was a point after the double idol play at the partner tribal where the two of us really aired all of our differences and talked about how we could move forward in the game with a mutual respect for each other and a mutual love of writing graphic novels, and naturally it came down to another tiebreaker between us, and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Madison:

literally the happiest we got to play together again. we were never QUITE on the same page, but never QUITE on different ones either. you’re so intelligent and that..scares me!

Maynor:

I loved talking to you as well. Me you and corey talking about how we all loved each diff starter. It was very difficult to right down your name but you were also a big person that could have won this game if they reached the end. We also need to stay in contact after the season. ❤️

Matt:

Cullan is like 18 years old and I was absolutely terrified of him as a player. We got along fairly well in the beginning and it was a shame that we ended up at odds with one another in the game.  I told Madison I chose to vote Cullan over Chips because I was afraid she was gonna self vote at Live Tribal, but truly I knew the only way for me to advance was to get rid of the guy I knew was a threat with advantages, challenges, AND jury votes.

Madison:

omg you’re so nice. I’m so glad we got to play together, and although it had to happen, I was sad to see you go. (Im running out of time typing my ROP’s but I hope you know I love you)

Maynor:

you were soo nice and very precious. We had a working relationship with each other but towards the end or some votes I couldnt let you in on which felt really bad. You are an awesome person and I hope we can talk more after the game.

Matt:

I started out very wary of Timmy during that isolation twist and after the Owen/Kait blindside, and especially when we had an actual polite disagreement about voting Owen out instead of Ian, but Timmy really came through for me in voting for Ian instead of me and I ended up actually really bummed that we cut him at final six. He was an undeniably good player.

Madison:

TIMMY. WE DID IT. sort of? we talked more than we have in any other game I think? and we actually worked together on some votes! also I’m gonna say that me flipping the vote onto you was claiming my IOU for not voting against you during the Corey round.

Maynor:

❤️❤️❤️❤️ i was sooooo sad when you went home. Like i didnt talk to anyone that night because i was so heartbroken. You were my longest ride or die in this game and im sad we didnt get to make it to the end together. You know i love you and your the best person and im glad i have had the honor to play 3 games now with you. We gotteb way closer since my first org were we first meet. And i hope our friendship growers more.

Matt:

Sweet sweet Chips. Thank you for sharing pictures and stories of your actually adorable baby Calvin, and even more so for saving me at the Ian vote. I like Chips and trusted him so much that I was willing to take the risk of bringing him to Final 4, and even Final 3, but eventually I had to take off the rose colored glasses and realize that everyone liked Chips way too much.

Madison:

that first boot to FTC character development could NOT happen and I know you know that, but I’m so impressed by the game you played and I hope you are too. you crushed it. I can’t wait for our best duo award.

Maynor:

i am happy that I got to meet you. I was sad when you left in the beginning. We also had a working relationship together but never a solid thing. Im was glad to talk with you about baking and I will let u know when i try to make the tie dye cookies. You are very nice and just plan great.

Matt:

Going against Devon in that tiebreaker was very poetic, because we truly made for a great pair of “frenemies”. I admire Devon’s resilience and the way he sticks to his own guns, and the fact that a man over 10 years older than me slayed me in a balance challenge was pretty hardcore.

Madison:

oh..my gosh. our alliance was a ROLLERCOASTER! like we were chill during the warzone phase, and then we weren’t, and then we really pulled it through at the end for BOTH OF US. you really turned the tables for your game after losing Ian, and I’m really impressed. I really hope we can talk after this season because I love you as a person.

Maynor: 

i dont know where to begin. We gotten really close since the merge started. It was never easy writing your name down and I wish I could have taken you to the f3 but in my eyes you were a threat based on your relationships with the jury. It may be a mess because Matt might win but the fire was like the best chance to give it a fair shot between you two. I hope you understand the game move. But we need to stay in contact after the game.