#we were gunna be the greatest love story this world had ever seen

[youonlyzingonce]

Watch "Tracy Lawrence - Don't Drink Whiskey - Official Video" on YouTube

[revelaare]

Shit said in the Crimson Discord & VC, taken out of context part 2, (the sequel)

Big NSFW warning, probably

his meat slid off and then slid right back on

[PRONOUN] can punch me in my uterus and make a hammock out of my ovaries

it’s one of the worst fucking things i’ve ever heard, and i’ve heard someone literally shit their pants

they tagged me and my ass clenched

this man just said “I want to eat ur ass and then kiss you” ok buddy

a man with a plan

my grandpa is texting his hoes from his flip phone

god my lawyer was a hit but idk if she will be the chosen one or not

hello give me your toenails

i'll touch you in a non-weird way

he was in that movie with the people, he was the human.

i want her to brush my hair

If we have dick glasses they have to be of the highest quality for the best experience

i don't wanna watch that white nonsense

i would throat him like a fine wine

these millenials can't live without ac? back in my day we lived on the sun

yall better put those goats on a wheel, tell them to start running

he looks like a bitch

yes or no, u wud punch the light bulb out of thomas edisons wrinkly pruned hand and asked him if he believed in god

still has skin and a working body

i needed to wait until my voice changes

you thought i was snacking on joe biden’s savory meat stick

barack guckin oglizzy, oguckma, barack osugma, Joe choden, OglchnnngggHHHYynnUUUnnghhma

why did i have a dream that i was taking the lid off my car

false gods require wine, real gods require coochiefice

fettucine wet ass pussy

that was all you sent me. the picture of a raccoon and then nothing

it isn’t hate, it is ‘continuously let down by’.

i never went to school who science

i’m gunna go peer pressure my mum into a shot

thank you for furthering my career at hot topic

i will suck the ingrown hair off of him

it has huge jackman in it

i chomped on this eggshell, got my calcium in for the day

i will take you to touch the mango

i want to see all the big things

[PRONOUN] has collar bones so deep you could hook a clothing hanger into it

no asscheeks in fucking family chat you animals

he will eat you alive and suck out your intestines like its a spaghetti noodle

[NAMES]’s Tiggle Biddie’s

dropped acid, cried the whole night.

my stomach is hooping and hollering, i’m about to eat some sleep

you want my throatsac ??

please dont know me as the toenail eater

you have to keep the skin on one side while you eat the other, thats basic mango physics

i mean he is some good sasuage

calm down dick Hannibal

respectfully, what the fuck is this

tbf i only eat my steaks where they need tampons

you committed acts of culinary terrorism

does your refrigerator whimper and cower in the corner when you approach it. that's your fridge trying to use echo location to locate a safe space

thundercuck

i almost met Jesus, I almost got an autograph. Almost got a greatest hits signed album.

respectfully, are you smoking fucking crack?

my left testicle could play better than you

i’ll eat him with ketchup

son of a biscuit eating bulldog!

now it’s back to me sucking, all is right in the world.

holy fuck weasels.

holy fuck, weasels!

why does the bad guy look like the Statue of Liberty?

this is a man that sometimes willingly dresses like a lumberjack

and me, being an emotional cripple, must make jokes about this.

hey my name is [NAME] i'm **definitely** who i say i am

[NAME OR PRONOUN] offered a back massage by calling it the “tickle thing”

i love a man who puts his parents in a nursing home.

my brain is going to take a hot shower

wait have u seen steve harvey's coochie

if it were me i would simply not be pregnant

look im not about to be out here saying i love [NAME OR PRONOUN] feet, but i am about to be out here saying that their feet are some of the nicest feet i've seen in a long time

i named my cloyster renesmee

[NAME] was texting me from the bathtub

you’re pregnant? That’s unfortunate.

do I say dumb shit? Perhaps. Do I take ownership? Perhaps.

i pay for things in blissful ignorance

i am an emotional vagrant

i am an emotional fragrance

to make a long motherfucking story short...

this enchilada tastes like asshole and sadness

you are not an ugly bitch, you’re just a bitch

that’s not a nut shot, buddy.

i’m sad because i sucked the meat off of this pumpkin spice latte

i want to make a blanket out of his eyebrows

what are you disgracing my Christian eyes for?

he be looking at that dick like why does it go so much to the left?

I want her to record an audio book for me so I can fall asleep listening to her voice.

Can I lick you like an ice cream cone? Asking for science.

like you're out to lunch with your bromie and you're eating some rubens or something and you wistfully look over the rim of your sunglasses and just: You ever buss 2 fast

my accent is flaccid

timotay chalamaymay’s sweet ass

on the bright side mcallister’s gave me 3 pickle spears. Almost enough to make a whole pickle.

you think they came from the same mommy pickle?

HIS DOODLE IS OUT

i thot that meant [NAME] wanted to...doodle his noodle

i don’t use commas, i don't respect u enough, fuck ur reading comprehension.

does australia have seasons

i want someone to embalm my body with mcdonalds sprite

his hermione grangina

purrrr my last email

its lore locked beneath 30 layers. u can only understand it if uve had a near death experience

LET'S GET FUCKY

i wanna have the heart of a stoner

his man titties look like little tattooed pillows

SWIGGITY SWOOTY COMIN FOR THAT BOOTY

there were no cheeks to shake. nothing to clap. no noise to be had from her literal slices of wonderbread

u ever just fuck around and ur tits fart

put a lil mint leaf on it for authenticity

alright brother god bless may u be fertile

i feel like im being advocated for something i shouldnt be advocating for

and i am adam with my fat pendulous balls lol

i’m making whuppie with whoopie godberg

theodore tits fart rex

yeah man do u also have the third toe on ur shoulder

the green spaghetti monster is coming for me and i can't blame him

today i learned starfish do not poop

that was nothing compared to some other things I saw

listen I'd willingly watch [NAME/PRONOUN] in a cell for 24 hours. Imagine that sounded less creepy

i'd lick a dirty flip flop off her abs

i’m tempted to show you all the gravity defining boobs, maybe tomorrow

my brain is on vacation

good morning! i ate breakfast and im ready to go to bed

tape the titty in

ive unironically had nightmares with [NAME] in them

the peanut in the auditory canal

so far this feel all comfortable, does this all make sense?

i know it's kind of a schlep to get through

nail polish or no nail polish for the shower?

and then he saw those big tt honkerz... and it all went down hill from there

can y’all stop chanting curses in the chat my furniture is stuck on the ceiling

EH?! CIAO? HELLO??

in Russia this is not ok 

i can’t buy pants here on Sunday either

IT'S LIKE TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS TO EAT ON A SOGGY PANCAKE

imagine me going up to [NAME/PRONOUN] and being like i love the way ur flesh smells

in a supermarket. The sickly blue light where humans congregate. Animal human masses. Nameless faces. Whole lives boiled into generalized categories like "asshole who definitely does need 4 boxes of cheerios". Yout hink and realize while stabding in line u didnt grab the bag of frozen peas...but its 2 late

its truly the only picture that gives me pure joy

are weasels real

my work mum just messaged me the phrase "use your booty call wisely" with no context

"let's bring u to the mustache chair"

If you’re not doing coke under the coke sign what is the point?

[youonlyzingonce]

[youonlyzingonce]

I was your absolute biggest cheerleader! The only person that wanted to come a veterinarian and believed in you more than yourself was me. I believe in you and wanted this for you so much that I started learning about veterinarian things in order to help you achieve your dreams by helping you study, to quiz you and help you understand things better.

I hope you don't ever give up on this goal & dream of yours

[youonlyzingonce]

Happy birthday son,

Time is a remarkable thing. In the moment, It can seem like it takes forever & will never come to pass.

Whereas the opposite is true after an event has happened & it seems as if the time just came & went as if evaporated from thin air.

... Time is something you cannot buy or ever get back once gone.

....Yesterday is history. A tool that we can use to learn from as we become better than the person we were the day before

... Tomorrow is a mystery.... that is NEVER guaranteed.

.... Today is a gift, thats why its called the present.

We must remember that everyday we must carpe diem we must seize the day. We must make the most out of & take advantage of all opportunities presented to us. For they may never be presented to us again. We must do our best to not be better than other people but to only be better than the person we were the day before always seeking to improve and better ourselves intellectually, physically & spiritually. We must live for today while still planning for tomorrow.

Remember it may be the early bird who gets the worm but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese. In some instances in life it pays to be the first well in others you'll be glad that you went second, My Hope is that you are wise enough to decipher which you should choose in different instances and opportunities presented.

Happy birthday my son. Please know how much I truly love you with all my heart & how I wish things were different & I was there with you to celebrate your birthday today like I was blessed to have for your 1st & 2nd birthday"s. There was nothing I wouldn't do to have been able to continue being your father and being there for you and teaching you new things as you grow up. I'm sorry for choices that were made by your mother that have kept us apart all these years now. It truly breaks my heart, not being able to be there for you and to be there with you. I pray about you every single day. I love you son, happy birthday

[youonlyzingonce]

Halloween 2016 was my best Halloween I've ever had. Being up at the cabin with you & our son. Going to pick out pumpkins together & buying Halloween decorations. Then coming back to the cabin setting them all up & carving the pumpkins as a family with a movie playing as we sat in front of the fireplace.

Then the three of us dressing up. Me as a caveman, you as a cave woman & our son as Bam Bam. Going into town so our son could trick or treat. Then coming back to the cabin with the Halloween candy sprawled out in front of us.

[youonlyzingonce]

[youonlyzingonce]

[youonlyzingonce]

[youonlyzingonce]

[youonlyzingonce]

[youonlyzingonce]

Every new place I go. EVERY concert I attend. EVERY event. EVERY activity. EVERY family gathering. EVERY holiday that passes. EVERY road trip.

....EVERYDAY......

I always imagine your right there with me. Because no matter the distance that separates us or the time that we've been apart.... A part of you & Riker is & always will be, right there with me.

😩😩😩 You should be here & it kills me that your not😭

[youonlyzingonce]

I’m afraid that you’ll be the only person I'll ever actually want. I’m afraid that my one and only chance at possible happiness has passed me by. What if all the people I meet after you aren’t good enough? I'm so afraid I'll close myself off to everyone with the excuse that no one will ever be as good as you, no one will ever make me feel the way you did. So what’s the point in trying if I already know that no one will ever measure up? But I don’t want to be this way. I want to love freely, to fall without hesitation. I want to have hope in the people around me and in myself but it all seems so pointless.

[youonlyzingonce]

You were my best friend, the love of my life, my soulmate, i gave you my whole heart, you were supposed to be my forever & always. And I wish you nothing but the best because when you love someone, their happiness makes you happy.

But I hope God reminds you always how perfect we were together, how easy we worked & that you just threw us away

I truly hope every single day God reminds you, of ME!!!

...Like HE does for me.

I hope GOD makes you come across my name everyday!!!

...Like HE does for me.

I hope every single night God puts me in your dreams!!!

...Like HE does for me.

I hope God reminds you of great memories that we shared and made together!!!!

...Like HE does for me.

[youonlyzingonce]

How spot on every single one of these that I read are as they are absolutely applicable and are exactly pretty much what happened and how things played out