#we’re driving to campus and im using cellular data which i shouldn’t be so i need to post this and get in the headspace to fight desperately

[pepprs]

double posting lol but i truly cannot articulate the psychic damage of feeling unloved by your own mom and knowing that she will never take responsibility for the ways she’s hurt me (even if she didn’t mean to or had good intentions or whatever). can’t articulate the damage of walking around every day knowing there is this emptiness in me that will never ever ever be filled despite the hopeful part of myself that keeps throwing itself against the wall trying to get her to understand in whatever way i can (whether it’s outright aggression or trying to see eye to eye with her or whatever). she knows i post about her online and ive said it in a bitter mean way in the heat of some of our fights that ive liveposted abt but i do genuinely wish she would read my blog sometimes. i wish she understood how deeply sad i am that our relationship is the way it is and that i think about it a lot and it informs everything i say and do. idk