#well im terrible at conflict so i cant tell these freaks to leave me alone but while it was

[bearemiah]

same guy that continuously told me about the sexual desires and behavior of his teenage characters [and the fact that it was inspired by his own sex life as a teen] when he was 24/25 and i was 16/17 despite my repeated expressions of discomfort and boundary of "please don't talk about sexual things around me i am super uncomfortable with that" is moralizing on twitter again.

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:

Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”

EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.

IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.

(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)

The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.

/gunshot oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.

Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.

man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.

It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.

in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.

The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.

h

She chose not to dwell on it.

h

i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue

Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”

THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)

 We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.

them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.

im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.

“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”

For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.

GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.

“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”

“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.

im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”

“We’re fine.”

“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”

“Just hurry up.”

The line went dead.

this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING

Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in. 

[...] 

She recognized this now.

Glynda.

stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…

Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.

god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The front door clicked open.

Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.

There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.

offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are. 

Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”

with my son

with my son

with my son

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im like sweating rn

Glynda said, “I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

I SAID IM SWEATING

Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”

And Cinder said, “What?”

“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”

I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G

“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”

Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”

so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND

I

AM

so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.

The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.

it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.

a small intermission for a mood:

“Get fucked.”

back to regularly scheduled hell

Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke. 

i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help

Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.” 

cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :) cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,

Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.

this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.

“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”

NOT NOW

Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.

It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.

They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.

She’d burn them black.

never mind! you are already dead,

She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.

She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?

Yeah, fuck that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.

[withallthingslove]

the handmaid’s tale s2ep11 thoughts

under the cut because spoilers

overall a pretty decent episode. it felt very much like old handmaids tale which was nice

this show’s pattern seems to be very slow start and then everything happening at the end

eleanor is quickly adding to my list of favorite characters in this show. Even if she is unstable i love that she sees through the bullshit and knows that even though lawrence was raped in this situation as well that june was raped because of him and the society he created. eleanor sees through everything in gilead and i love it

june saying she wants to kill him too you go queen

the scene with lawrence and june drinking.... while june is a motherfucking badass and she has bounced back from hitting rock bottom i dont think she’s well. and lawrence knows that too which is why he made the mental health comment. this season is definitely about changing june. there have been hints of it in previous seasons but this is when she goes through more of a personality transformation

wow the marthas really run gilead we stan

i think it’s pretty obvious from the start that serena is setting up fred. the way she said goodbye to rita, she knew she wasnt coming back. and I think her beginning nerves were because she was nervous about what would happen to fred not really tuello betraying her

and of course fred is his cocky normal self but its heightened even more when they are alone. I’m conflicted on how serena acted with fred... part of me thinks she still loves him. Because they’ve always been this delusional power-hungry team that have a connection. But then part of me viewed it like the end of the wolf of wall street where margot robbie’s character gets leo’s character to fuck her one last time and butters him up and then shes like “i want a divorce”

the scene in the woods with them at the econo family’s house was beautifully shot. the scenery, the camera work. beautiful. The conversation that took place... solidified more to me serena was setting him up. It seemed like she was saying goodbye in a way. She brought up what she was unhappy with and reminisced with him, and when he said he didnt need to live in dc i didnt believe him and i dont think she did either

but fred admitting he was sterile..... um wow if he wasnt such a terrible human i would be proud of his character development

more proof serena was planning to cross him though is that her reaction was very sad instead of like rushing to comfort him

glad they didnt show the waterfords having sex because honestly dont need that in my life and any scene of them doing it is a waste of time to me 

for a second i freaked out when it looked like lawrence had abandoned them because i hadn’t read that in the spoilers for the episode

are they coming after lawrence because of his liberal tendencies? or because he wasn’t performing the ceremony?

june walking through jezebels like she owns the place. i love her confidence

the bartender being concerned about beth made me happy i feel like she’s really well liked and i hope nothing bad happens to her

also the bartender knowing about lawrence robbing all the museums is another good way of showing he isnt really that much better than the other commanders considering fred and serena did the same thing

ugh winslow.... 

june trying to give herself the speech and then snapping. It’s interesting because in one way it shows she has lost her humanity the way emily and moira had. one thing about june in the book was that she always “kept her humanity” and that was shown in the second season when june couldnt bring herself to kill the waterfords. But the longer june stays in gilead the more unhinged she becomes. BUT I would also argue she has more humanity now because she cant suppress her disgust anymore and so she reacts. So while its more unhinged I think its also more like a new aspect of her personality being born

love that the martha helped her and that the marthas literally cleaned up the entire scene they really are bomb ass bitches. QUEENS

lawrence giving june the gun.... what are they gonna do shoot off whoever comes to the house? or is that for when they try to escape

if june is staying and not escaping after this season i could see her truly going underground/on the run at the end of the season and not going to someone’s house to be a handmaid

mmmmmm tuello is fine and still stand by the idea that he and serena will fuck 

fred immediatly doesnt trust him which is actually smart of fred but i also think that it was more fred was insecure about himself and projected. not that he felt something was up. just my personal opinion

fred is such a dick the way he yelled at tuello once they parked but its the way ive seen every privileged white man get mad about anything small so it was perfect delivery

when tuello said they had crossed into canada and all the soldiers came out... YESS WE STAN A KING

It was so satisfying for tuello to say what fred was being arrested for as the americans looked on. SOOOO satisfying

As for Serena.... I think my question from earlier was answered in how she looked at him. She does still love him and so part of her felt terribly guilty for playing him. So the way she was treating fred earlier was because she does love him still but also knew she was betraying him

For the next few episodes... im guessing serena defected and gave fred up or gave them both up hoping doing so would let her see holly. Which ugh. If this season ends with serena in hawaii with holly instead of nick and june in hawaii with holly im gonna fucking riot. 

anyway based on the preview moira, luke and holly visit fred and serena and fred is in a jail cell and its said serena betrayed him. but I couldn’t tell if serena was in a jail cell too. My guess is kind of what i predicted earlier in the season and that serena’s long term plan when she left canada was not to get holly back to gilead but was to find a way to leave gilead and take holly with her so i imagine she will try to get custody of holly ughhhhh. 

If nick and june can’t be there to parent her then luke and moira should. not serena

im interested to see what happens in the next few episodes because so far this season has been all over the place and so who knows how it will end (i know some of what will happen but not everything and i want more spoilers)