#well it's more comparable to a human just being bald. but still lol

[funkbun]

ythink they got grumpus versions of sphynx cats. absolute naked gang

yes. absolutely

some type of mole rat

[imbellarosa]

Let’s Talk Calm-ly about Two Loves

OR: When you’re a grown man who writes stories for a living, you definitely wrote your own weird bedtime story, too. 

The TLDR here is that H has taken one specific listener around the globe, notably to Tokyo and Jamaica. He quotes an old Victorian Poet who was an awful human but who’s lasting legacy is the phrase “a love that dare not speak its name” which is - you guessed it - a reference to queer love. He also is super excited to spend what seems like the foreseeable future with this listener and has bought a little house with a garden of daisies with them and it’s very sweet and domestic. Anyways this is a wild time and it’s all under a cut because it’s...really a lot. 

Anyways I think the people I owe thank yous this times around to are @queenlokibeth​ who had to listen to me scream about this for a while, Astrid, who screamed with me when this came out, and “M” who convinced me to finally get to work in this fandom. And, of course, all of the lovely people tagged below who’s work I used to build my argument. 

1.) Who Wrote “Dream With Me”? 

Well, not H, or so the story goes. Two other people (Steve Cleverly and Sanj Sen) did! I mean, right, okay, for a while I was like...that seems like an odd choice for a man who didn’t want to hand Two Ghosts over to his own band because it seemed too personal. He wrote on every song in both albums’ he’s released thus far, because he seems to be passionate about telling the stories he wants to tell (even if he won’t tell you explicitly what they’re about). But for a while, I was totally going with the flow there, and the rest of this analysis would still stand: the writer of this story definitely referenced a poem by Lord Alfred Douglas and Harry’s own songs. 

However, I then read this fun quote from the Co-founder and CEO of Calm: 

“Well,” he said, “The the Harry Styles one is interesting because that came purely from Harry Styles himself...we took the approach of creating a sort of musical epic poem – he doesn’t sing, it’s spoken with poetry, but there’s a sort of musical sound bed to it and it’s pulling on things and themes that Harry’s fans really adore about him and associate with him. So his story was driven really by him – we really created a concept around him.” 

-  Chris Advansun, July 7th, 2020 via @hlupdate​

And I thought, hmmm. This does not sound like a project that he was not involved in creating. From this point on (July, 7th 2020), I began to think of it as a three way co-collaboration between him and the other two authors. But this confused me a bit, because there was largely a nonreaction from the fandom. I was waiting for an actual transcript, because I always fall asleep to these meditation stories, but it was being referenced to as some sort of Y/N fic, which was...honestly not what I expected, but also not implausible, thanks to the ~lovely~ image this man has had since the age of sixteen. But also, twitter seemed to be concerned by other things at the moment, and no one was analyzing the story. . 

In fact, I messaged a friend the day that this story dropped, because it had been kind of a shit show day on Twitter. Rumors were sort of flying about everyone and everything: had Liam shaved his head? Was he engaged? Had he and Maya broken up? Were Zayn and Gigi engaged? Had they broken up? Did Niall have a girlfriend? (this one was true lol). Were Elounor engaged? Were they pregnant? Had they broken up??? My personal fav was the bald Liam rumor, which he promptly put to rest in LP Act 1 by...having a huge mane of hair. 

So then I thought - huh. Why has today looked like this? I’m not saying that there aren’t days that twitter goes wild because of boredom, because there definitely is - the articles about secret meetings in Italy that are coming out this week (8/12/2020) are proof positive. So that definitely does happen, but it doesn’t usually happen on the days that there’s a lot of content. And maybe I’ve just been starved for content in this fandom, but I would consider a 40 minute video quite a bit of content. 

Then the transcript dropped. I’m using two as references - this one on Wattpad and also @carl-and-pearl ‘s version here (thank you so much for the transcript!!). We’re going to get into a more detailed description of what’s going on in the story, but the first thing I recognized immediately is that it was first person POV. I knew that going in, based on the number of Y/N jokes going around on twitter. Then I read it aloud, and I realized that it read like a letter. Like an experience specific to the writer and the reader. And while that’s not super uncommon to write about an experience from the author’s POV - I listen to a podcast called Nothing Much Happens: bedtime stories for adults which has a similar concept - I thought it was odd that they were trying to include both the author and the listener. I completely understood why the y/n jokes were pertinent. But at the same time, it felt like something had snagged in my mind - like a particularly annoying splinter. 

The conversations I was having around this story - completely based on the content, concept, and my own instinct - was that this story contained specific references to one person. I thought that it did read like a love letter, and that most identifying features would have been taken out, but the essence remained. Which, once I thought about it, was something that H excelled at doing. Think about Sunflower Vol 6 and Adore You and Canyon Moon and even Watermelon Sugar and Golden.  Ask yourself, What do I know about the person they are about? They have skin that browns, they have a secret, they have mesmerizing eyes, they’re willing to dance in the kitchen with him (to dancehall), they have a belly, they’ve been through hard times, they’re witty, they have an accent, and they have lips. I know - super specific right?

So the splinter grew into a thorn - what was I missing? And then - when I was looking for something completely different - I stumbled upon this old interview Harry did with Zach Sang and the Gang Show back in 2017.  For context, he was being asked about Sweet Creature. As you can imagine, it’s hard for people to believe he wrote such a beautiful love song when he hadn’t ever really had a long term relationship (two hearts in one home?? Who did you move in with, you can imagine them asking. When did you have time?). So what did he have to say about this?

"In my opinion,” he explained, “I think most songs are written for one listener. Maybe there's one thing in there that only they'll notice about them.... It's so much easier to say something in a song than it is to say it to someone and I think it's really amazing to be able to communicate through that and be able to wrap up everything that you want to say in three and a half minutes and say it in a song."

- HS, May 3 2017

By this time, please believe that I was screeching. Seeing this felt like he put into words the exact feeling I had about “Dream With Me”. It felt like a nod to someone that I didn’t know, which made the story hard to listen to, tbh. Although, I will say that when I did finally listen to it, it knocked me out and gave me odd dreams so. Once was enough for me haha! 

So my new operating theory is exactly what Advansun said: I think that H was the primary writer/the driving force behind the story. Because of the references I’m about to run through, because it feels like the way he tells stories, and because they admitted to him being more involved than they originally claimed. That’s going to be how I write the rest of the analysis - under the impression that H had a direct hand in the story that was being put forth. However, I think that the analysis itself would stand whether or not he wrote any of it. It would just be a more tenuous reflection of him than I believe it to be. 

2.) How Do I Love Thee? In Two Ways. 

Before I jump into the story, let’s talk a little about the poem that I want to compare it to: Two Loves, by Lord Alfred Douglas.  Let’s be clear this is not at all a defense of who Bosie was - he was a terrible person, particularly in his later years, when he’d converted to Catholicism and turned his back on his younger self, and his partner, Oscar Wilde. He was violently anti-Semitic, and turned his back on his own community. I want to get this out of the way because I very much believe that we should examine artists for who they are. That is, after all, what I am trying to do here. 

But his poem Two Loves has often been used - much to his disappointment, I’m sure - as an exploration of queer love in Victorian times. A line that I will be exploring more deeply in a second was in fact used against Oscar Wilde in his trail for indecency . He attempted - unsuccessfully - to explain it away, but it was too blatantly about their relationship for even the British Victorian society to ignore. I really, really recommend a read of this poem, because it is - despite it’s author - a good piece of work, which explores the themes of shame and love and longing between two men in that time. 

I’m going to start with my own background, as someone who’s analyzed fandoms before. I first came across this poem in the Sherlock fandom, with this analysis by @the-7-percent-solution​, when I was running in that fandom, and she explains the poem brilliantly in just a few lines. I’m going to take a little longer to run through it, but if you want a concise explanation and a brilliant meta, I encourage you to run to their blog and check it out. That fandom taught me most everything I know about catching symbols and recurring themes and “clueing for looks” and I love it desperately, still. 

But we’re here to talk about this fandom, so on with the poem! Essentially, the poem outlines a dream the speaker had: In his dream, he’s standing in a field with flowers - beautiful ones of all kind - and he meets this young man with clear blue eyes and bright red lips and they kiss a bit and have a picnic, and it’s all lovely. If you think I’m kidding, I’m really not. Please, read it for yourself. 

Anyways, after they did they did the whole picnic thing, the speaker and his date go on a walk in this field, where they come across two figures. The first is described as, 

“...fair and blooming, and a sweet refrain Came from his lips; he sang of pretty maids And joyous love of comely girl and boy, His eyes were bright, and 'mid the dancing blades Of golden grass his feet did trip for joy; And in his hand he held an ivory lute With strings of gold that were as maidens' hair, And sang with voice as tuneful as a flute, And round his neck three chains of roses were.” 

- Two Loves, 1894

The speaker, however, was drawn to the second figure: 

“He was full sad and sweet, and his large eyes Were strange with wondrous brightness, staring wide With gazing; and he sighed with many sighs That moved me, and his cheeks were wan and white Like pallid lilies, and his lips were red Like poppies, and his hands he clenched tight, And yet again unclenched, and his head Was wreathed with moon-flowers pale as lips of death. A purple robe he wore, o'erwrought in gold With the device of a great snake, whose breath Was fiery flame..”

- Two Loves, 1984

Of course, the speaker immediately asks the second man who he is. The second man says, “My name is Love”. The first man corrects him quickly: 

“ He lieth, for his name is Shame, But I am Love, and I was wont to be Alone in this fair garden, till he came Unasked by night; I am true Love, I fill The hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame.”

-Two Loves, 1984

The second man sighs and acquiesces, “Have thy will. I am the love that dare not speak its name.” 

It was, of course, this last line that really gave the meaning of the poem away. It was the line that was put to Oscar Wilde as proof of a romantic relationship, it was the line that went down in history as a way to refer to queer love, and it was the line that first stuck out to me when I was reading “Dream With Me”. 

The reading here is clearly that “Love” is the love that is acceptable to society - easy, sweet, and cherished. “Shame” is the love that happens in secret - beautiful, alluring to the speaker, passionate, anxious ( as can be seen in the clenching and unclenching of his hands), and proud. He refuses to call himself as anything but what he is. The first man may call him Shame, but he refuses the name, and instead, offers a qualifier to his own descriptor. He is still love, he is just the love that can’t be spoken about. 

3.) Walking in Golden Fields of Sunflowers

Now let’s talk about “Dream With Me”. I’m ignoring the first few stanzas (from the line “Have you ever wondered” to “What the two of us can find”.) because those are pretty standard introductory paragraphs to a guided meditation. So we start with the line “Let’s travel now to moonlit valleys...”. 

I’m going to do the same thing I did with “Two Loves” first. I am going to describe literally, in general terms, what happens in the story. Warning, I change pronouns from “they” to “you” because the whole thing confuses me, but note that I’m always talking about the speaker and the listener: 

So after doing the standard intro, the speaker and the listener take a walk through the woods enjoying nature, particularly the grass, the trees, and the blue sky above. You’re already clearly in love. Then you’re magically on a raft, with cherry blossoms all around you. If you want a good visual for that, here’s a site that has pictures from a boat rental in Tokyo where you can snuggle on a raft in the  Chidorigafuchi moat. And then suddenly it starts raining, and they (you) watch the rain for a hot second, and then the scene magically shifts again, and you’re under a porch (although I guess it could be the boat rental’s porch. They do usually have covered areas). 

Kind of furthering that theory, they then lounge by the shoreline, skipping stones and hanging out, looking at the snow capped mountains. In case you’re curious, because at this point I sure was, you can see mountains from certain areas in the city of Tokyo. 

Anyways, then it’s snowing, and you’re magically in a cabin, just chilling by the fire, and you fall asleep again. You wake up somewhere else.

Where are you now? Well, you’re on a tropical island filled with palm trees. As an American, my mind immediately jumps to the Caribbean, but I suppose it could absolutely be in the Mediterranean as well. The island has white beaches, mangroves, a turquoise ocean, and a gorgeous, peaceful atmosphere. 

If you’re curious as to what a mangrove looks like - and I certainly was - they are a group of trees and shrubs that live in the coastal intertidal zone and Jamaica is doing a massive restoration project involving primary school children to regrow this vital part of their ecosystem. More interestingly, there currently exist no mangrove forests in the Mediterranean, so my initial feeling that this scene would take place in the Caribbean was correct. On that note - again, because I was curious - Jamaica has gorgeous white sand beaches with turquoise oceans. 

But I’ve gone off topic again! After you’re minds are “in tune” once more (trying to find a heartbeat, anyone?), you reappear in a meadow, with beautiful flowers of all kind, where you are now walking hand in hand through a field of sunflowers, which give the feeling a “warm and golden hue”. Then you come across a little farmhouse with daisies poking out (clearly I have no way of locating this anywhere in the world, but I assume that the UK has both sunflowers and daisies). It’s an empty house which was loved and left because of the passage of time, which inspires my favorite line in the poem: “ The thought of passing time inspires/A feeling that grows stronger”. It’s just...really sweet to me. 

So, of course, they do what anyone would do when they come across an empty farmhouse, they go inside. And there, they begin to fall asleep, reflecting on all they have just seen, referencing other scenes of the poem: “ Moonlit valleys, Burdened forests, Gazing at the ocean. Summer meadows, Tranquil sunsets steeped in emotion”. 

The next few stanzas are just going to be copy-pasted, and then I’ll go into them a bit, but this is the end of the poem, so they’re the final reflections;

“The tenderness we feel When we are close Two minds as one Surrounds us and connects us But we’ve only just begun.

For now we dream together Of all there is to follow. And know that sleep will keep us safe From now until tomorrow.

Maybe all the memories That we’ve gathered here tonight Are all dreams now remembered Or wishes in plain sight.

No matter what They’re with us now. For this night and forever. And every time we close our eyes They’re yours and mine to treasure.” 

- HS, Dream With Me, via @carl-and-pearl​

And that’s it! The literal story, in short, is that you started in a forest, then went to Tokyo (maybe) and then Jamaica (perhaps) and then back to a field of sunflowers and daisies in the UK (which is also a guess, it could be Italy or France or Idaho for all I know, but let’s call it an educated guess). 

4.) My Dream Journal

So now that we know what happens in the story, how do we interpret this? Well, There are a few lines in the poem that I want to draw your attention to: the first takes place in the first part of this story, when you’re still in the forest. This is, I must say, the most direct reference to Two Loves in the whole poem/song/story. Both works are describing a walk in the woods with your loved one, and, in a fun reference in the middle of the story, Dream With Me says

The shimmering reflection Shows us smiling from above. But what we think But dare not speak is L-O-V-E love.

-Dream With Me, 2020

Remember that line I mentioned before? I am the love that dare not speak its name. Right, so that’s almost a direct quote. It also has a really fun nod to “I Would” (Would he say he’s in L-O-V-E?/Well if it was me then I would), but I digress. 

This first part of the narrative, I feel, really sets up what the rest of it will look and feel like, in the same way that “Golden” sets the tone for Fine Line. (You didn’t think I was going to make a post about Harry and NOT mention Golden, did you?? If you did, I’m disappointed!!). So  let’s take a look at what’s happening, and the language he’s using to describe it. 

One of the best things about this poem is how vivid it feels. Of course, I’m about to argue that it’s vivid because it was based in reality, but let’s talk about the sheer amount of detail he uses to describe the place he’s walking through. The valley (canyon lmao) is moonlit, the grass and the leaves make mosaics of green, you’re walking by the heather (the symbolism of heather is good luck, admiration, and protection), the sepia sunlight breaks through the trees. 

You know what it kind of sounds like? Sweet Creature. You’re about to roll your eyes at me! I can feel it! But listen, okay?  

“Sweet creature Running through the garden Oh, where nothing bothered us But we're still young I always think about you and how we don't speak enough”

Which, to be honest, sounds like what they’re doing. They’re walking through the garden in the sun, not daring to speak about the Love that he (they both) feel, and instead refering to it in veiled Victorian terms. 

And then we head to Tokyo! I know that you’re about to ask me why I think it’s Tokyo versus...idk, anywhere else? Well, for one, he went to Tokyo (to let it go) publicly in 2019. He was there for a few months, and there are some great pictures of that time: 

Look! Here he is with his club owner friend and his dog, and a fun red bandanna! But let’s be honest, the dog really steals the show here. But wait! there’s more! More dog content, too!

This was on Jan 31st, 2019, and he’s taking the dog for a walk! Very cute! If nothing else, he spent a lot of time with dogs in Tokyo! And the city fits the description of the story. So I feel rather comfortable with my interpretation that this first date is a memory of this trip - or another - to Tokyo. 

So what did “you both”do in Tokyo? Well, chill on a raft while the cherry blossoms flutter around you, clearly. You also refocused your purpose. What did he do in Tokyo in 2019? Well, he took time to think about and write songs for the album he was about to go record. Kind of like refocusing on what’s next, right? And then, in the story when “you both” had time to think amongst the lake and the water and the rain and the moon, and you’d come to the conclusions you needed to, you left. What did he do when he did the things he needed to? Well, he left, too. 

And where did he go? Well, in real life, I suppose he went to do his job. But, in the story, you’re meant to be falling deeper and deeper into sleep, so it’s sort of like traveling backwards, you see? Like counting down to one. So you end up on this island with turquoise ocean and mangrove forests. I’m calling this Jamaica. Why? Well, the description fits, for one, down to the four types of mangroves that exists within its ecosystem. 

And - probably the biggest reason - I can place him there, too. Here’s him in 2017:

I added this picture because the water around him....looks rather turquoise, doesn’t it? Kind of like he’s enjoying his time on a tropical island by the beach?? Oh, and here’s another one!: 

The red bandanna makes a comeback! 

So what are you doing in Jamaica, according to the story? Well, you’re hanging out, basically. Enjoying the beach and each other, of course!  What else? To be exact, “[Your] thoughts dovetail and unify/ In tune two minds together”. I’m so glad that you’re tuned like an old guitar now! Congrats! Really happy for you! 

What was he doing in Jamaica three years ago? Why, he was recording his first album, or so the story goes. I’ll tell you something: finding press for that album was literally the most difficult part of this whole analysis. I got a fair bit of the tattoo roulette with Kendall Jenner, and some things about Carolina, but the interview with Zach Sang took me like an hour and a half to find again to link. The fact that a lot of it has been buried is...not great, for posterity purposes. He’s going to want that one day. 

But I’ve gotten off track again! We gotta go back and finish our story, right? What happens now? Well, this does: 

hahahaha okay, I’m really sorry, but I had to. I’m not, actually, making it up though! According to the story: 

“ As minutes turn to hours We drift off somewhere new. And visualize a stairway To a door we now walk through”

- Dream With Me, 2020

So maybe Louis was just...demonstrating for you. 

Anyways! Where do you walk out to? A golden field full of sunflowers. You walk for a minute, then come across an old house with daisies popping up out of the garden. And that’s where the story ends. I guess you’ve made that farmhouse feel like home. 

Now to the little reflection he does on the outro. The lines I want to bring your attention are: “The tenderness we feel when we are close two minds as one surrounds us and connects us but we’ve only just begun” and “Maybe all the memories that we’ve gathered here tonight are all dreams now remembered or wishes in plain sight.”

Let’s talk about the first sentence first. In the context of finding a home that could be a shared home, and a future, this is very much an “end of the story, beginning of our lives” sort of thing. You’re back from all over, and it’s time to settle down, and see what’s next. 

And now the second sentence. I think this is the one that really drives my point about this story being a collection of memories he has - that’s what he calls it. The story is “gathered memories” that might also be called “remembered dreams” (think of how people say of vacations, “oh it was a dream!”) or you might call it “wishes in plain sight”. This feels in line with the rest of the story. In this stanza, he’s sort of letting you in a bit. If I’ve read this right - and I really think that I have - he’s giving the larger context for the story. It’s a collection of memories he’s had with someone he loves. 

5.) Cool! Can you prove it? 

I mean, I’d argue that if you read this far, I have proved it, but let’s make some more links, shall we? This was called a “muscial epic” that was “driven by him”. I’d argue that if I know my Victorian literature (thank you, Sherlock!), then he definitely does. Then there’s the fact that he quoted it, so. That did happen. And he knows what it means. And even if he didn’t, there were two other people on the story. Someone was more than capable of catching that one, and the fact that they didn’t speaks to intent. They want you to think of that phrase when you read this poem. They want you to think of that walk in the woods while you’re going on this one. 

And, as for my assumption that this is for and about one person, well. Think about it. He said that he writes his songs for a single listener. I’m not saying it’s the same listener each time, let’s get that right, but it is always just for one person. With that, and with the assumption that he’s been involved in the writing of this story, I’d say that the same rule applies. He went with someone to Japan and Jamaica (J^2 haha). And, if I had to guess, it was the same person. 

Why, you ask? Well, for one, if that weren’t the case, then this poem would no longer be for one listener, it would be for multiple. And, for another, imagine how awkward it would be to listen to it with his current partner and have to explain “oh, yeah that was the super romantic vacation I took with someone else” . And, I suppose that because I think that attitude of “refocusing” and “dovetailing” and “tuning” and getting excited about imagining all of the tomorrows with your partner speaks to a long term relationship breathing easily, you know? 

I’m also going to argue that describing the aura around the house as “golden” was intentional, especially when paired with the location - in the middle of a field of sunflowers. Those are both direct references to his songs. And those two songs are particularly linked by the number 28. The third song that features 28 is Fine Line the song, but that’s a different story. Anywho! “Golden”’s bridge just repeats the word ‘golden’ twenty eight times (if you go here , you can count the bridge) and “Sunflower Vol. 6″ ends the song with 28 “boops” (believe me, I wish I was making this up. I’m not.). So then, once again, you’ve linked a story to two already linked songs. 

And, even if you don’t buy the intentional repetition, they’re linked another way, aren’t they? The color scheme and the sun symbol. Sunflowers were named because of their sun-like appearance. They turn to face it. They symbolize loyalty and adoration. And then, of course, the sun is - say it with me - golden. And it - like the person in golden - waits in the sky, beautiful and dangerous and constant. And here that symbol is, in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. At home. 

This whole story feels like you’re taking the time to find that heartbeat that you think you might have lost, and sort of coming back to a space where you understand that this is what you want, now and forever. It feels like finding a home that could be yours forever, and it feels like walking through some of the moments that remind him of that. 

It really is rather lovely, if you think about it, especially since he has a tendency to attribute “home” to people rather than place, in his songs. So it’s like. Going all around the world and always being at home. 

[fizzingwizard]

OK gang here we go, episode 33!

It was better than last week, which was better than the week before, so... make of that what you will.

Pic of the week!

A look of steely Dan determination.

More below!

Like I said, this episode is an improvement on the last one, by virtue of plot stuff actually happening, a few big happenings, and references to the other kids that suggest they haven’t been completely forgotten about (only mostly). Don’t get excited though - it still leaves much to be desired. I cry endlessly for the animation budget. But let’s get into it...

Taichi and friends are still in pursuit of SkullKnightmon and Hikari. We found our for sure last week that the creature in the little crystal is, indeed, Millenniumon, or rather a fragment of him, and his fragments fell all around the Digital World at the end of the great war or whatever it’s called and they’re the source of the miasma and they absorb energy from the human world etc etc...

So we find this big ass crystal which seems to be the central one, I guess? because it’s the biggest? and several creepy looking acolytes (dun dun DUN it’s VADEMON my FAVORITE DIGIMON) surrounding it and chanting...

Vademon: Find the horcux, kill Harry Potter, find the horcrux, kill Harry Potter,

In other news, there’s a lot of doom and gloom happening with Jou, who, bereft of his underwear, is forced to censor himself with his partners head. Gomamon you don’t deserve this

Jou: I need to get away from these Nanimon before I go prematurely bald too!!

Mimi, meanwhile, is Boxing Champion of the World.

Koushirou is the only one working. He’s on his way to pick up Jou, so I guess that means Yamato will get Mimi? That’ll be fun lol. We saw Yamato for half a second but it was the same frame of him riding Garurumon we’ve seen five times already so why bother capping it.

Koushirou is also keeping an eye on the satellite situation but doesn’t know what to do about it yet. Kabuterimon asks if he shouldn’t take a break about now and Koushirou says “I’m okay, besides, this is the only thing I’m good for” T___T you know this would be heart-breaking if I really believed the writers have ACTUAL PLANS to make good on Koushirou-related character development.... >:[

no this honestly pisses me off so much but I STILL do believe we will get SOMETHING for him and the others and probably not too far in the future... I think... I hope ugh

Back to Team A, they see lots of Digimon coming at them. Taichi’s like “it’s an attack!” but Sora, whose Fight Mode unlike Taichi’s has an actual Off switch, is about to figure out that they are in fact not interested in the kids at all and are running away from something.

Taichi: I can’t believe they didn’t want to kill us. Doesn’t everything in this world want to kill us?

The Digimon are fleeing from a suspicious crater with a familiar stone in the center. SkullKnightmon raises his own crystal fragment into the air and stuff happens.

By stuff I mean black lightning and purple-blue light which is meant to signify Evil which is mega DUMB because blue and purple are the most awesome color combo EVER I mean it throw some turquoise in there too and I will buy it whatever it is a necklace a shawl a codpiece

There are eight crystals that rise from the ground surrounding the central crystal and share energy with it. I thought the number eight might be significant you know for obvious reasons but it doesn’t appear to matter in this episode.

Evil crystals or not, Taichi’s on his way to save Hikari once and for all!

Hikari: Thanks, but no thanks, oniichan.

Taichi: H-Hikari! You don’t understand! You’re too young to go off with a strange man!

Hikari: But oniichan I love him

Taichi: Who do you think I am, Tevye!? You’re not marrying him and that’s final!

Hikari: waaah why don’t you understand me!!

ok back to the story...

Hikari abandons her brother for his muscular studly lover SkullKnightmon.

... >_>

Using Hikari’s powers, SkullKnightmon evolves to Gundamon DarkKnightmon. Meanwhile there’s lots of chanting and stuff about this being SkullKnightmon’s purpose or some such. I still kinda hope we get a redemption arc for SkullKnightmon or that he has something more to do with the story...

Agumon stops Taichi from wigging out and they go to save Hikari together, but before they can they are beset from all angles by henchmen.

Sora: Hey, you take care of Tweedle Dee and I’ll get Tweedle Dum!

Birdramon: *gets punched in the head* I hope you brought enough aspirin...

Then these guys appear. I’ve forgotten their names but evil as they look they literally just stand there till they get blown up and then more appear... I guess that’s a kind of talent

Takeru: Leave the small fry to me!

Pegasusmon: Takeru when I said I wanted a Happy Meal this isn’t what I meant

Hikari begins to be absorbed into a dark pocket dimension of DarkKnightmon’s or something like that. It seems like a very chill experience.

Taichi: I’ll save you! Take my hand!

Hikari: O... nii... chan... Fuck you...

ok so here’s my problem here.

This is meant to be all emotional and stuff right?? Hikari’s been blowing off her brother for an unknown reason (we all figured out what it was but look the main characters don’t know and that’s what counts) and he’s finally managed to catch up with her. His hand is inches away from catching hers and pulling her to safety. She’s got creepy glowing eyes. She mouths “o..nii...chan...” with a creepy smile before being pulled into darkness.

I know it’s for kids so it’s not going to be too scary or anything but there ‘just like... no build up here. The storytelling style is too mathematical. “We go from Plot Point A to Plot Boint B via Battles 1 2 and 3...” There’s nothing happening in between to make us feel Taichi’s desperation, or even to know what Hikari’s feeling in this moment. Is she really okay with this? Is she having second thoughts? It doesn’t make any sense for her not to be scared. I fully expected her to go through with it, but she can be scared and still go through with it... come on...

It’s like that scene from Utena except sapped of any and all emotional impact.

I don’t really remember how Greymon got up there in the first place since he can’t fly but at least we get a scene of him and Taichi plummeting to the earth after failing to save Hikari. The kind of thing that would be dramatic if there were any kind of animation budget at all.

The one thing the show is sure to do is show us Taichi’s expressions, which I guess is something... It’s just so rushed and the accompanying dialogue leaves something to be desired.

Greymon: Don’t give up, Taichi... Taichi... um. what are you doing...

Taichi: stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself

Anyway, Taichi is Big Mad. I thought (hoped, to be honest) that we might get a glimpse of him going wild with dark energy like in the Devimon episode again... Or at least a hint that that was a possibility in the heat of the moment before Agumon snapped him out of it. But nope.

He takes a moment to be upset and then says “There’s no time to worry about what to do” and goes to save Hikari... from inside DarkKnightmon somehow :P

This does not go well.

Meanwhile Hikari is surprisingly okay for someone who was just eaten alive by sentient VantaBlack. She discovers a peculiar light inside... DarkKnightmon’s intestine??? Is that where we are now??? lmao

She recognizes the light as the voice that has been calling her and tries to head towards it, but is blocked by some purple jello.

There’s a kind of cool thing that happens here... We just had a scene where Taichi desperately tries to grab his sister’s hand and yank her out of the clutches of evil, but fails, mostly because she doesn’t do anything to help him since she is weirdly okay with the situation. Now we get a mirror of that moment with Hikari bursting out of the jello with her arm outstretched to grab what is clearly Tailmon’s paw.

Only Tailmon does take Hikari’s hand.

It was really cool to see the brother and sister paralleling each other this much. It shows the ways they’re both courageous and determined and caring.

Meanwhile Taichi finally whips out WarGreymon. Honestly, I feel like this should have been WarGreymon’s intro episode. This would have been a good time for a new evolution, rather than in a fight with a nobody that I’ve already forgotten. Idk. WarGreymon uses Brave Tornado to knock DarkKnightmon’s lances away and burrow into his armor. So, yeah, Hikari’s in his intestines, lmao.

Hikari is being chased by a two-headed monster who is in for the migraine of its (their?) life when the tornado crashes into it.

Hikari: Big brother! You look so cool!

Taichi: Promise me that no matter how many men come into your life, I’ll always be number one.

Hikari: okay that is creepy

WarGreymon explodes DarkKnightmon from the inside out x’D and Taichi gets a redo of his hand-reaching scene. First he berates Hikari for running off on her own and then smiles.

Hikari says she always believed he’d rescue her. Aww.

Sweet sibling love.

Then there’s this really hilarious sound which turns out to be the Vademon hivemind giving a collective cry of distress x’D it’s lmfao amazing. Then they start chanting “Next time next time next time” just in case you thought Millennium was defeated and we can go home now.

Taichi: Sora, do you know where I can buy a leash for this kid? I can’t keep chasing her like this. Aren’t kids today supposed to be glued to their phones and never go outside?

Patamon’s Girlfriend Radar piques at the bundle in Hikari’s arms.

And it is indeed Tailmon, and she’s been waiting for Hikari all this time.

Tailmon: I am Tailmon, a Holy Digimon.

Patamon: oh my god you can’t just call yourself holy ugh you’re so self-centered

D’awww.

They’re both sooooo cute. I’m annoyed they didn’t get a cool ending card like Takeru and Patamon did last week though. But still, this is a sweet moment.

So, there’s not a lot to complain about in this episode, comparatively speaking. I wish we had more dialogue and understood the value of a dramatic pause etc. Also wish Sora and Takeru had more to do than fight the henchmen. Like, if you can just erase an entire part of an episode and it still works fine, you clearly didn’t need that part so why waste time on it.

But at least we do get reactions from Taichi, and at least we got plot development. The Taichi/Hikari parallels were cool. And even though I had other hopes for how this arc would turn out, I’m glad it’s over because maybe we can finally do some other stuff now. Maybe. I want to get back to Koushirou SOOO bad but more than anything I am still gobsmacked by how long it’s been since Yamato’s had anything to do but ride on Garurumon. That is WEIRD. He’s YAMATO.

Next week...

... Looks like it’ll be a light-hearted undersea episode. I’m cool with that. The preview clips had a “Sebastian’s Calypso” vibe that I dig. It’s still about Taichi’s group but I think that’s to do more actual face time with Tailmon and Hikari. I hope we see the others as well and if not maybe the week after. I will be happy if this episode has some personality to it.

[husbandohunter]

LMAO that’s why she’s called Kat. She’s not exactly the same as her brother. In terms of being very deadly in combat they’re both pretty similar, yes, they spar often, but Kat won’t go as far as mastering all weapons and picking a fight with strong looking people. Before Ajax fell into the abyss, his desire is to be an adventurer, explore the world and what not. But after the abyss, well things change. Kat knew that the minute she stare in her brother’s eyes, she knew she lost a part of him.

Her going on her merry way, exploring entire nations, meeting interesting people and over all just having a grand adventure was her way of fulfilling a part of Ajax that she thought she lost. She still loves her brother but she doesn’t know how to confront him with the past and the fatui. Speaking of the fatui, it’s not exactly hard to not suspect a few things. Honestly she doesn’t want to know, hopefully it won’t cause her too much in the long run.

For the most part she lived up to her Anemo Vision. She does what she wants with no regrets. Except on the topic of Ajax and his very questionable life choices. And you were right to assume that their parents have their hands full. Ajax likes adventure + Kat likes adventure = sneaking out a lot to have their own little adventures. Never mind the bone chilling climate of Snezhnaya or the fact this twins are getting pretty adept at climbing houses. Nothing stops them from rescuing a dragon and fighting a princess— no wait that doesn’t sound right.

In terms of sending souvenirs she actually doesn’t do that. Unless she’s going home then she’s sending the souvenirs in bulk. But if she’s still in her conquest of 100% exploration, one nation at a time, she’s only sending letters and recipes and for the sake of trolling her brother her will. Alright now for how she met Xiao. It’s actually pretty funny, after befriending Smiley by buttering him up with compliments he agreed to give her tips on cooking and teach her how to make their specialty dish. When she mastered that, it’s obviously going to lead with her making a few modifications here and there.

Once she’s finish with her version of Almond Tofu, she left it at one of the tables that give the best view on the balcony and went to fetch her Kamera. She’s planning on sending a photo to her family and the recipe. She went back to the balcony only to find her that her food is missing. It obviously piss her off that someone had the AUDACITY to steal from under her nose, her room was close to the balcony she would have caught them red handed!

At this point in time, she’s already a regular and a friendly face in Wangshu Inn. She stayed there whenever she investigate Sal Terrae and to collect horsetail for rice buns. So she’s comfortable whining like a child at Verr about how some punk stole her dinner last night. A very amused Verr told her about the Inn’s secret and Kat just dismissed it “Adeptus or not, won’t change the fact that they stole my food. They should learn some manners or something.”

She woke up the next day with an empty plate on her nightstand and a qingxin flower on it. All Kat could think at that moment was ‘Is this an apology or an insult?’ So that night she made an Almond Tofu. Her Almond Tofu. And she meet the adeptus that night as well. An unlikely friendship was born from this. I’m not gonna go into details because it’ll turn into a fic.

In summary though, their friendship dynamic consist of, a very free spirited woman with a Guardian Yaksha for a guard dog best non human friend. When the traveler arrived and also befriend the yaksha Kat wouldn’t help but feel possessive. They befriended him the same way she unintentionally did. So she cooly challenge them to a chess game, because fighting is her brother’s thunder and unlike some people she doesn’t steal anyone’s thunder. Also chess fights is what cool and sophisticated people do.

They were good, more than that! The traveler actually made things challenging and interesting. Before she or the traveler knew it, quite a few hours had pass already. The traveler was close to dozing off but Kat still wants to play. Despite that, her big sister instinct kicking in, she gently coaxed the traveler to rest. She comfort herself that there’s still tomorrow to continue the game.

Uggghhhh I knew I was gonna word vomit about this. Things might get funky in my ‘descriptions’ because it’s honestly getting dangerously close to being a fic.

-Birdie

Yeaaahh these two would totally make their mom go bald and their dad constantly scolding them for their behaviour or something 😭😭 but you know I think its nice that Childe can have a sibling who is similar to him rather than protecting them 24/7 while hiding his secret life. I think they would share each other's burdens from time to time due to how close they are, at least thats the vibe I'm getting at xP Knowing that Kat isn't as extreme as her brother tells me shes probably the one who has to look out for him the most.

Oh would you look at that, now theres two cooks in the family (the moment I found out that Childe can cook was canon had me melt and vaporize 🥺) Maybe both of them would also have cooking sessions than just fighting ones? Thats some wholesome family moments uwu. Your OC kind of reminds me of a mix with Xiangling and Hu Tao because of their cheery vibes, but compared to their bold attitude, Kat sounds more brave (I guess its cuz she grew up with Childe). Xiao is a scary looking guy whom barely anyone goes near, unless they brushed off that glare like dust and just continue being their cheery self (I honestly love that dynamic as you can see xD). But truthfully, Xiao needs someone who is like that because obviously he's too secluded to do it himself ._.

I think his first impressions of her would be "presumptuous" but later he gets used to her company and it even grows on him. Maybe I'm just over analyzing this, the fact they both have anemo visions show how different they handle it's meaning. One wants freedom and the other knows how to live in it (eeek! Okok i stop before this gets off topic). In addition to the traveler coming into the scene, I bet they'll also become good friends too! After all, they both share the burden of loving their siblings too much (perhaps traveler would find some familiarity in her presence).

Hehe this was a fun read tho \(^0^)/ thank you for sharing! Honestly even if I said this many times, I really love reading people's ideas since it helps me get my inspiration back >_< The word vomit had just begun my friend, you might wanna keep it in a notebook LOL.

[scarlettlawyer]

Part 10 of my reaction/commentary to the Phantoms & Mirages fanfic series by @renegadewangs

(Chasing Phantoms): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

(Haunted Specters): Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

(Vanquishing Mirages): Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

So moving forward, as I continued to read on, there was a backdrop of salt, apathy & hurt overshadowing everything as established in the previous post. But I was still reading on because “might as well see what happens I guess”. Starting Vanquishing Mirages chapter 20, I was also nervous & intrigued. Nervous about how the narrative was going to go about this and what the result was going to be… So I read on kind of with bated breath.

And it just remains in that interesting stage for a little while, the uncertainty stage where I don’t really know where it’s gonna go, for those first few paragraphs, as I’m waiting and reading on to see how it turns out… and then it takes a downturn when the negative emotions just start POURING in tsunami style and everything just starts crashing down horribly. I go quickly from nervous/intrigued to kind of horrified as it strikes me just. How. Traumatic and overwhelming the entire experience would be for someone who has never really had to deal with emotions of much severity their entire life. I’m just oh no… oh no…….. oh nooooo….. I didn’t foresee this at all, so distracted by so many things up until this point, and yet it makes perfect sense. But it was a real punch huh. This was awful, what a disaster. This was not good… Which is basically what Simon says:

What a mess. What a complete, total and utter mess. […] Perhaps this was punishment for playing god. Perhaps they’d flown too close to the sun. Perhaps they were Frankenstein, responsible for giving birth to a failed creation.

Me:

[hides away in a corner because I think we broke him lads]

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 21

The Phantom blinked, shedding a few more tears as he did so. Perhaps he hadn’t quite processed Simon’s words. Perhaps he hadn’t quite processed the situation in general. He swallowed and sniffed, then tilted his head backwards.

Am I meant to be picturing this in anything less than stunningly beautiful and fluid animation? Because I am not picturing this in anything less than gorgeously rendered animation.

Whatever it was that’d held Bobby back from touching the Phantom before, it was gone now. He placed a hand atop the Phantom’s clenched fist, hoping it might soothe him. “Whoah, it’s okay. It’s fine.” “It’s not fine! How dare you claim that it’s fine?! YOU did this to me!”

AAAAAAND WE’RE BACK LADIESANDGENTLEMAN HELLO THERE NARRATIVE FRAMING OF HIM AS A CHILD: ACTIVATE

HELLO! this is exciting and new!

“Calm yourself.” “I can’t! I CAN’T!”

He really wouldn’t know how to or be able to!

AND THEN AT THIS POINT IT JUST HIT ME

THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE

HE ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE THE EMOTIONAL MATURITY OF A CHILD BECAUSE HE’S NEVER HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO MATURE EMOTIONALLY, DUH, CAUSE HE LACKED EMOTIONS SO MUCH, THIS IS BRAND NEW TO HIM H

Narrative framing of him as a child during Haunted Specters REALLY paying off even more right now! We’ve already reaped so much from those seeds. But now! Oh boy!

“We would not honor such a request even if it were within our capabilities. Congratulations, Phantom. You are now free to tussle with emotions just like every other human.”

MY FEELINGS/REACTION TOWARDS THIS WHOLE SITUATION CHANGED SO FAST IT WAS LIKE:

“Oh noooo… this is so awful and terrible for him this is too much I can’t handle th… W-wait. Phphhw. Heh. Hah. HahahaHAHAHA MUAHAHA YEEEES ONE OF US ONE OF US DEEEEEEEAL WITH IT HAHAHA SUCKERRRRRRRR!”

The Phantom’s wide eyes followed Fulbright out the room. Apparently, his departure served to rile the man up even further. “Get back here! Bobby Fulbright! You get back here and end my suffering RIGHT NOW!”

This is just so good this is just so good hohoooh!

The Phantom sniffed and huffed. Flinched and scrunched his eyes shut, his breathing turning to more helpless sobs. Tears continued to run down the side of his face, disappearing into locks of hair just above his ears.

Hey yeah just saying it again. This is nothing but pure unadulterated animation mode for me. With REALLY GOOD animation. A really gorgeous 2D anime style.

Simon hesitated for a moment, then placed a careful hand atop the Phantom’s closed eyes. They felt soggy and unpleasant to touch. “Focus on the sound of my voice and nothing else. Focus on my voice and breathe.”

IT’S WEIRD CAUSE LIKE. I HAD VERY FRESH PHANTOMQUILL WOUNDS AT THIS POINT OF READING BUT. Right up until The Kiss prior to the surgery I had been very firmly in the parental-child dynamic mindset camp and thoroughly enjoying myself. It was the kiss and stuff that I found jarring at first BECAUSE of that before getting up and moving over to phantomquill mode, only for it to turn out to be fake phantomquill. You’d think it might actually be hard for me to go back to “Oh the phantom is a child and Bobby and Simon are his parents” after the phantomquill fiasco but in terms of mindset, it really wasn’t difficult because I’d only been in Phantomquill mode comparatively VERY briefly before it got destroyed. I was already thoroughly versed in the ways of the parent-child dynamic heh and had spent waaaay longer enjoying that lens. Being so used to it, it was easy enough to switch back over to it.

Do NOT get me wrong, I was still VERY upset over it, yet somehow I could still deeply enjoy the familial dynamic between Simon and the phantom in this moment.

So I basically was still grumbling angrily about phantomquill under my breath while somehow simultaneously excitedly going “OMG SUPPORTIVE DAD SIMON!!!”

Me: yeah. Yeah. You’re really just Piling On that family dynamic after that huge mess with the kiss and the baiting??? Just showing me blatantly to my face how wrong I was to ever read romance into anything? You have the gall to?

Also me: …I still love the parent-child dynamics from this series so FIIINE I do appreciate this scene. I appreciate it a lot, actually. HMPH

Talk about being of a conflicted mind. But there’ll be more mention of that to come.

…Oh, and yeah, I have still been referring to him as the phantom, haven’t I? Well that’s simple: it’s what the narrative is still calling him, so I continue to call him by that title until it is dropped by the narrative itself

Besiiides, for all intents and purposes, during this small gap of time until it changes, he is NOT quite Lex yet, because he has not yet accepted the name and nor has the narrative itself.

So we get this awesome little window which is just, he’s still “the phantom” if that’s the only title we have before “Lex” is accepted and taken on. Pure, unfiltered “Phantom” + Emotion and it’s sooo special. Which… yes… Phantom + Emotions = becomes Lex but… argh, it gets confusing very quickly for me. :P

The question seemed to startle the Phantom for some reason. … No, not the Phantom. It was Lex, now. That notion still felt foreign. Perhaps Alexander would be more suitable. More formal. Less personal.

I WAS SOOO THANKFUL FOR THIS ON FIRST READTHROUGH. I was thankful for how jarring Simon was finding it too (because in that respect he certainly wasn’t alone lol – I wasn’t alone). I was thankful that the narrative hadn’t immediately switched over to saying “Lex” after he woke up from surgery. Oh, and I’d even been thankful waaay back when his name being Alexander Luster Jr was first revealed that the narrative switch hadn’t been made then either. I mean, it wasn’t for OBVIOUS reasons but like… Technically that’s his name. So the narrative could have tried making an attempt at it and I was just glad he was still always “the Phantom” even when we knew what his name was when he was born. Cause he sure as hell didn’t accept the name back then.

But I was SUPER thankful for Simon deciding to call him “Alexander” too. It was kind of a real godsend BECAUSE LIKE. The name “Lex” was so heavily entrenched and still attached in my mind to that super mean bald dude that got killed off. It was a name that therefore felt “ugly” that had been attached to a man with an “ugly” personality. And whoever this man was that woke up from the surgery, it sure as HELL didn’t feel like his name. I was kinda like “buddy. If you want me to start calling this character “Lex” you’ve got another thing coming.” So having “Alexander” instead was a relief that helped A LOT at the time lol. It was sooo much easier to switch to. And Simon going for the more formal variant is such a Simon thing to do anyway. XD

Also???? Alexander… Alexander Luster… felt like such a pretty name actually???? BUT I MEAN. I am the first to admit that I am probably extremely biased on that front. And that I’d probably just. End up thinking just about any name applied to him was “pretty”. LOL.

But yeaaahhh although I kinda had a hard time with the “Lex” business at first, after a little bit of time it became easy to accept, as it usually goes with these things. Now I’ve got 0 problems with it. Lex is Lex!

“That makes you nothing more than an ungrateful child,” Simon grumbled, finally stepping away from the window to take his own seat.

Every time the narrative makes a DIRECT reference or draws a DIRECT parallel to him being a child it feels like it adds another 3 years to my lifespan.

“Ahahahah! I-I c-can’t! Hahahahah! Ahahahahah! Irony!~”

…

MEOWZY. YOU. YOU. DID THIS. YOU MADE THE CONSCIOUS DECISION TO PUT A TILDE THERE. H.

I.

TH

You did that. You did that on purpose. What did you doooooo. What’s HAPPENING

I can’t… I… just needed to point this out and take you to task over it. GOSH

The i-intent… the intent of this in the narrative

As if to say,

Look… Look at how… endearing

As if to say,

“Yes, you not only can, but SHOULD find this endearing”…………

Ohooooh it’s too much IT’S.

It’s death by tilde is what it is. You didn’t. Need to. You could have just left the words and such as it was. But you threw it in, intentionally showing off how we’re supposed to take this just in case there’s any mistake.

You’re under arrest.

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 22: Epilogue

Still, as he raised the headphones to his ear, he heard enough. It was indeed playing music- and what horrid music it was. “-When skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.” “Where the devil did you get this?” he demanded, virtually throwing it into Alexander’s lap.

BRO THIS IS SO UNREAL.

The sheer image of the (former) phantom listening to music was so wild and then it jUST

Alexander’s fingers began to play with the headphones, twirling them around in his hands as he spoke. “You know, it’s funny. I’ve listened to music before, but it’s like I’ve never really heard it. …Does that make sense?”

OH MY GOOOOOSH. THIS REALISATION HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK. THIS HAD NOT OCCURRED TO ME… AT ALL! BUT IT’S SO…! :D HE CAN LISTEN TO AND ENJOY MUSIC NOW. Get immersed in it. That was the most fantastic realisation to me. No, you don’t understaaaand, you see, as a child, getting immersed in listening to music was so central to me that as a kid I’d come up with a bunch of story ideas involving things like other planets/alien creatures that would revolve their entire society around music, or alien creatures that have no concept of music and get introduced to it and subsequently immersed in it for the first time. This just hit so close to hoooome, oh my goodness, I hadn’t remembered or thought about those memories/story ideas that kid me had for maybe a good ten years, and this fic suddenly reminded me with the headphones business. It’s really not related to the fic to mention but I’d looong forgotten about all those scenarios I’d thought about and it was so cool to be reminded. :’D

BUT ANYWAY BACK TO THE FIC-

Me like three chapters ago: WAAAAH, NOTHING THIS SERIES COULD EVER DO COULD EVER MAKE ME HAPPY AGAIN!

Me reading this chapter not too long afterwards: HMMM OKAY I AM KIND OF VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

Oh and it just occurred to me: my guess is the person who “overslept her own execution” was Cammy Meele!

And now, I’m gonna start talking about Lifting Spirits! But at least just for this post, I’m gonna change things up a little and not segment my comments chapter-wise or comment on little things, but rather talk about stuff pertaining to the earlier parts of the fic as a whole. This is necessary because my thoughts were an unbelievable mess and were so terribly bunched together – that is, thanks to reading through it relatively fast, I guess everything got kind of mixed together, so individual reactions to individual parts of it are a little less well-“defined” than was the case with the prior fics at the point of reading.

...I don't know if I could ever do Lifting Spirits justice. I CERTAINLY don't do it justice in this post. Believe me, I want nothing more than to just sit down and gush endlessly about it because that's what it warrants, but for the time being this post seems to be too busy trying to outline just how much my own disposition threatened to botch and ruin it for myself. XD 

But it will get better in future review posts, I promise!

Yeah, my thoughts were a contradictory, convoluted, conflicting mess. There was SO much going on at once for me with regards to how I was responding to the text on first readthrough. It’s hard to know even where to begin. So let’s try and tackle some things in Lifting Spirits:

1 - The Transition from The Phantom to Lex

…It does such a number on my brain on multiple levels. XD. IT MESSES WITH ME SO MUCH, it’s a straightforward concept enough in theory but my brain overloads and threatens to shut down when I try to wrap my head around it. XD

I love the phantom, so my instinctive bias at first was to try and cling to the label of “the phantom” as long as I could until it’s finally surrendered.

So, I’ve said already that I was kinda nervous about how this transition was gonna be pulled off. There’s always SORT OF a risk involved when going ahead and giving the phantom an identity and making them no longer the phantom – it kind of wanders straight into the Original Character zone. This New Character who used to be the phantom, in such cases, does get a bit of a complimentary “boost” of my investment in them by virtue of having been the phantom, but beyond that, the new character in the phantom’s place must learn to pull their own weight in the story. They cannot purely rely on having been the phantom – they must develop on their own and give the audience due reason to be invested in the new character. And/or, they must still have some ties connecting them back to having been the phantom too, even with their new characterisation and personality.

So yeah, I had literally no reason to be even remotely nervous. Lex is fantastic. And can very VERY easily stand up in the narrative on his own accord. Not only that, but it’s just… genius… the extremity of his emotions is, ironically, the very thing that connects him back to having been the emotionless phantom…! Because it drives home repeatedly that he really has had NO experience with this level of feeling due to his past. It’s a total pendulum swing to the other end of the spectrum and I love it SO damn much.

Regardless of whether he’s Lex or the phantom, he’s still my favourite character.

1.1 – The phantom as Lex/the phantom becoming Lex

Man, this fic.

I swear to god.

I keep trying to type out my thoughts and it’s so hard to be coherent about it.

Lex is… “the (former) phantom”. So I’ll use this phrasing to really drive the point home. Because such a huge amount of what happens, of what’s going on… derives its impact from this very important fact. From the unbelievable contrast. The seeming absurdity of EVERYTHING given who he was.

The former phantom laughs at stupid jokes, gets given a stash of sweets and a Jokes & Riddles book thanks to Bobby, gets goofily absorbed in a phone game………… The list just goes on.

You are doing this. You are making me read all this stuff involving the former phantom with my own two eyes, I… I…… This flippin’ portrayal. Almost feels like it should be illegal xDDDD

1.1a - YOU ARE WHAT IS KNOWN AS AN ENABLER

I have been… a fan of the character known as the phantom for many years now… I started playing through the Ace Attorney games in December 2014, and played Dual Destinies in the first half of 2015. I’ve had years to jokingly talk about the phantom ironically in an “awwww just look at them, awwww how innocent/”cute”” way, obviously knowing damn well they’re not.

And I basically went into Chasing Phantoms with, on some level, an attitude of “haha you can TRY to make me hate the phantom, I know you will, but I won’t let you”

Big mistake, to head into this series stubbornly guarding a totally opposite area of phantom perception compared to what I SHOULD have been guarding against.

And then you just

Came along and took the character

And did this.

It was fine at first in like, Haunted Specters and then Vanquishing Mirages. It was a big joke that everyone was in on. It was a joke and it was funny and I was laughing along with it. Albeit. An evolving joke.

And then Lifting Spirits just

It jUST

All of a sudden I had to be like wait a minute. I was just like whoa, whoa. Hold up. You can’t – WAIT a minute. No WAIT

I walked into this trap with no defences prepared. I’d walked into this series going “I’d like to see you try and make me truly hate this man, but it won’t work, I’ll make sure it doesn’t work out of spite” and now all of a sudden this was all happening at once and I had to suddenly try and backpedal dramatically out of the trap and be like wait wait wait no this is, this is, he was?? A bad guy was he not? Wait what are we-

The scales were tipping too far for my liking – too far in a direction I was ALREADY biased and predisposed towards and I wanted to stop it but what defence did I haaave

It’s like the narrative was poking me and going “Hey. So. Your favourite character. He’s pretty great, right? Right?” and I’d shake my head and try my best to go, “No… No! He isn’t – this isn’t right! What! There has to be some kind of mistake! This is a thirty-seven year old man who has killed people WHAT IS GOING ON”

And this is also, at the same time, set against a backdrop of me still stubbornly trying to cling to a mindset of not wanting this man to be able to cheat death or the finality of execution.

So here’s the first of many contradictory feelings I was having at once:

“This man must be punished and therefore I can’t abide by such a lighthearted portrayal” vs “I love this man so much and every single moment of this lighthearted portrayal is GOLD and I love it sooo much”

2- The Phantom VS Lex

The portrayal of my favourite character was making me rather pleased, but it felt way too good to be true on three different fronts. Firstly, the amusing absurdity in and of itself made it hard to process this was Really Happening, the levels of it feeling “unreal” were so much and I was so stunned and I was sincerely struggling to process it at first. Secondly, it just felt so catered to me (LOL) and “too good to be true” that I felt like. Like. The narrative surely couldn’t be doing something so great. A similar kind of inability to believe this was “really happening” which had cropped up during Haunted Specters. And this was heavily fuelled by, THREE… My pesky little reactions to our old friend, Fake Phantomquill.

The hurt that I was feeling over the phantomquill unfortunately seeped into and tainted my perception of other parts of the story and caused me to get irrationally defensive in many respects at the time. See, as I’ve implied, part of what was so very appealing to me about Legit one-sided phantomquill coming to fruition just before the surgery is that it felt like the final step in taking the phantom further down from his pedestal and that much closer to “joining the ranks of humanity” just in time for surgery that would have “the phantom” cease to be altogether and allow him to make the full transformation. It wasn’t so much about phantomquill itself as it was about the notion of the phantom being attracted to someone and causing such a big, stupid mess as a result, of being a fundamentally flawed human being but flawed in a vulnerable-

who claimed to be made of nothing but pure logic only to, in his final moments as the phantom act in the most illogical-

It’s silly, I know. First of all, if anything, it can be kind of arophobic, depending on how it’s done, to use “attraction to another person” as a proof or demonstration of a character’s core humanity. It’s just… That’s what I’d tricked myself into thinking the set-up was for, I guess. So when the set-up got so thoroughly negated and didn’t come to fruition, it felt like it had intentionally done the opposite with a bait and switch, and that instead of showing that even the phantom can fall from his pedestal in his final moments before “the phantom” ceases to be, it then seemed the goal was to demonstrate with a great sense of finality that actually, he is despicable and will never be anything but despicable and that we never should have expected anything more up until the very end.

Except… it was silly of me to feel like this first of all seeing as the phantom had already demonstrated during the narrative plenty that he very much does have the capacity to care about other people in his own very odd way. He DID go through character development. Just because none of the feelings he demonstrated were based on attraction doesn’t diminish what he did demonstrate. The Fake Phantomquill Kiss in and of itself is proof of caring because he was ultimately trying to protect Bobby.

But at the time it was hard for me to see that through my hurt. It’s an irrational perspective to take but I wasn’t being rational because of that hurt, and I was distrusting as a result. So, strangely enough, the phantom “dying” as the “filthy criminal he is” after the little show he put on, and then becoming Lex and waking up from the surgery with all these emotions kinda felt to me almost like it was throwing “the phantom” and all the progress as a character he’d made under the bus – of all the potential he’d shown prior to surgical interference.

There was just so much emphasis in the narrative on separating “the phantom” from “Lex” which was fair enough, but it felt to my irrational wounded self like “the phantom” was suddenly being characterised as “Pure Evil” in order to further the ends to which Lex could then be set up as “good”, when we’d previously spent around 2 fics delving into how, while the phantom is very much a villain and none of his crimes can be negated, there is more to him, and he’s, at the very least, not Evil 24/7. Almost like “the phantom” and “Lex” were being pitted against each other which I realise is stupid because c’mon, how can Lex as a character throw the phantom under the bus when Lex was the phantom? When he is merely another huge step – leap – in the character’s evolution? The transformation into Lex can’t negate any of the character development HE made prior to that point, prior to the surgery.

Another important thing to note, which I am extremely grateful to the narrative for, is that Bobby cared about the phantom not only before the surgery, but before the bone sliver was even discovered in the first place. And Simon had also been slipping back then, although he was not nearly as far-gone as Bobby was. But such a thing really helps acknowledge the phantom as a character… and does help reiterate that he wasn’t completely worthless and/or “not worthy of anything” prior to becoming Lex.

I did come to realise that I was, in fact, just needlessly worrying over pure semantics and that there was no point in doing such a thing. Regardless of how one might construe it, this man, Lex, was the same person in the sense that he has all the same memories. There is still a continuity of existence. The "death" of the phantom was only the death of the label itself, the mindset, but the man who had carried the title had still lived on. It allowed, helped that man to shed the worst of what had been part of him before and opened up so much for him.

It's just, the notion of a character actively striving to be good and overcoming themselves vs a sudden fix that gets externally applied, and it felt like any previous striving, however miniscule, threatened to be rendered obsolete by it.

But this was a misplaced notion of mine if there ever was one because not only does it not override previous character development, but the previous character development was necessary for not only making the surgery and its outcome possible, but also a crucial part of the character's arc that can't be overlooked narratively speaking. It is not Lex that characters like Bobby and Athena abruptly start believing in. They'd already believed in him before he was Lex, and they are who campaign for the surgery in the first place. And it is the phantom himself to give the final push and the go-ahead to make it happen through his consent, a vital component to it being made possible. It wasn't erasure, it was never about erasure. It was about continuity and expanding and developing on what was already there. (And I know as well as anyone that the extent of the outcome, and this progress wouldn't have been possible without some form of external interference. It was necessary.)

Whenever I did manage to reconcile it, it was just about the best thing in the world haha.

So yeah, most of this was basically me outlining my distortion of the text and then debunking myself…

I swear my opinions/thoughts/feelings had just about splintered in a million different directions mostly thanks to the shadow cast by my stupid phantomquill pain. XD. My mindset almost threatened to regress to harbouring that foolish unfounded sense that the author didn’t truly care about “the phantom”, and only cared about the person who woke up after that surgery instead. Which is nonsense because Haunted Specters & Vanquishing Mirages clearly indicate otherwise. Why bother spending two entire fics focusing on the phantom so much if the author didn’t care about the phantom? If they wanted to just do away with the phantom and replace him with someone new that they did care about, there were way shorter ways to go about it. I mean, I knew that it was the dumbest concern and that it was incorrect to even consider at this point, but that didn’t stop me from foolishly wasting time on it. It was so hard to believe & trust the story was so attuned to me after being “betrayed” that I semi-adopted/saw the more “hurtful” interpretation as the more “realistic” one.

But reading Lifting Spirits over again so far only reiterates what I realise was the case back then: I only had myself to blame, I was the one vastly exaggerating the perceived distinctions that were being made between Lex and the phantom in the text not only because of my own latent concerns but because of how personally mindboggling I was finding it.

And all the while, I’m SIMULTANEOUSLY borderline scolding the text for how seemingly soft it’s being on the (former) phantom and thinking that the author’s phantom bias is showing. Talk about doublethink!

I had been thinking this entire series that I was perfectly safe to “gush” over this man, because at least the author knew what was what, at least the author still had her senses about her and wouldn’t let it go too astray or let it get out of hand. IF THE AUTHOR IS TREATING HIM LIKE THIS AND I’M TREATING HIM LIKE THIS… THEN WHO’S DRIVING THE PLANE?!

And keep in mind too that I read through Lifting Spirits… Rather quickly. So I’ve got all of these tangled thoughts I’m trying to process at once meanwhile I’m just breezing through the chapters, not really giving myself any real chance to sort through my thoughts and untangle the messes that had formed.

I was somehow managing to feel overwhelmingly thrilled and yet hurt by the narrative at the same time. AAAAALLL the contradictory thoughts and feelings. Contrarian mode was on, it seemed, as I tried to juggle so many opinionated stances and arguments at once that cancelled each other out:

“The phantom was a human being too, with his own issues and he ALSO had (limited) feelings DON’T IGNORE THIS” vs “how dare you portray someone who used to be the phantom, a remorseless killer unworthy of a second thought, in such an endearing manner” vs “ohhhh I love this endearing portrayal so much it’s pure SUSTENANCE to me it’s so entertaining & amazing & makes me so happy” vs stubborn attempts to still cling to “make sure that execution goes ahead, this man still isn’t allowed to escape death” with a slight backdrop of that phantomquill salt-fueled apathy & denial. I was somehow now on the defensive and trying to argue that the phantom hadn’t been 100% despicable and yet also trying to retain the stance that the man in his place still needed to die because the phantom had been 100% despicable. YEP. Walking contradiction. Absolutely wild.

Oh also I just loved Lex in his own right too on top of all this, not just because he used to be the phantom. But because he’s LEX.

It’s all very confusing, I hope I didn’t confuse you too much. XD

Oh, also:

When it came to me feeling that the phantom – or rather, the person who used to be him – was being portrayed too lightly by the narrative given his history – Chasing Phantoms renders completely obsolete any possible argument about the series “skewering one’s perception of the phantom too far off-base”. It renders completely obsolete any possibility that the author was not “aware” of the true depths of his despicableness when going for this angle.

Chasing Phantoms’ existence, to me, makes Lifting Spirits all the more awesome, and strengthens its power. “The Phantom that Lex used to be was ruthless and terrible and awful and caused so much damage and destruction” is not just an offhand acknowledgement that gets referenced back to – it was portrayed firsthand in the first fic, in the series itself. It’s like it goes out of its way to drive home that undeniable fact that the phantom REALLY sucks, and yet Lifting Spirits exists anyway, even with FULL acknowledgement of that. I love that sooo much. It just straight up embraces it and doesn’t try to hide a damn thing. This was who he used to be. This is who he is now. That’s just how it is.

As already established, Chasing Phantoms felt like another universe when I read Lifting Spirits – way before then, even. It was SO hard for me to remember that, he was in fact, actually portrayed in a negative light. It’s actually really great to me that the series didn’t start with Haunted Specters – it did not seek to make the phantom sympathetic or whatnot from the start. He gets to clown around as the villain he truly is for an entire fic before any transition over to protagonist even begins to take place. The story doesn’t briefly go “yeah so we all know the phantom is bad and all obviously but…” and moves straight on, it spends a LONG time elaborating on HOW bad the phantom is back at the very start before proceeding on to anything else.

By the way, I’m aware it would be stupid to make arguments about “not knowing the full extent of how sucky the phantom is” purely on the basis of it not being demonstrated firsthand if that was the case, because like, everyone already knows, so we don’t need to be shown. But I’m merely pointing out how cool I find it that this series does demonstrate it firsthand anyway, because it just further crushes such potential arguments.

If Chasing Phantoms did not exist it would be almost easy to trick oneself into thinking that the full extent of the phantom’s villainy was not truly being acknowledged by the story, given Lex’s portrayal by the narrative (despite him being a “new person”, the fact remains that he was the phantom.) The Phantom is – was - very much a villain, and we know very clearly that the current portrayal of that man who used to be him doesn’t minimise that.

There was another big thing I wanted to talk about connected to much I’ve discussed in this post, but I’ll have to leave it for the next one! I had to cut sooo much from this I’m sorry, I actually did have a bunch of small comments from the beginning of Lifting Spirits. Well, until the next post, which will also get to the middle of the fic too. ^_^

[lovethatweebshit]

AOT SPOILER WARNING

ok, so as i was in the middle of my 2am-attack on titan season two rewatch-session, a thought crossed my mind.

so, if you’re caught up, then you’d know that there are a few titan shifters. who the shifters are, more or so what they look like, makes sense tho. like, for instance, annie and reiner.

for annie, it’s easy to see the similarity due to the hair and shape of face

same applies to reiner

but what i don’t get is berholdt being the colossal titan. allow me to explain

you see, compared to annie and reiner’s forms, this one doesn’t make the most sense. there just isn’t much that strikes me as similar, unlike the other examples where it was almost uncanny (at least to me)

i mean, eren in both forms aren’t that alike either, but to my understanding and current knowledge (not reading the manga and only on episode 10 of the second season), it may have to do with the possibility of eren being borna human first and then made into a titan? i’m not so sure with these facts, but regardless if i’m right or wrong, they still look the same enough to pass by, so i’ll let that drop for now

but berholdt the coloassal titan? i just think there was someone else who could have been more suitable. someone who not only looked the same, but matched the role of the titan as well.

and that, dear comrades, is ol pixis himself. besides the obvious baldness between the two forms, i feel like the coloassal titan has an important, more authoritative role, just like pixis. both are superior in someway, and seem to act as some kind of leader. i just think the colossal titan being pixis would just make alot more sense, AND be more interesting. 

although, something does seem to be missing.....

lol sorry not sorry

[canaryatlaw]

alright, so today was ok. for some reason I couldn’t make myself get out of bed for church which I know is bad but I just couldn’t and oh well there’s nothing I can do about it now. I woke up at like 12:30ish and messaged Jess to see how dead she was (the answer was super dead) but still up for getting brunch so we went to the regular place which was good. Went back home after because I was supposed to get “coffee” with a guy at 3 so I got ready for that, did my makeup and everything then met up with him at this little bakery/coffee shop on main street that I’d never actually been to, I was still pretty full from brunch so I just got some hot apple cider that was very good. so we sat and talked there for a while, just normal stuff, he’s gonna be at the con next weekend so I’ll probably see him there, though the con is massive and there will be a million people there lol we’ll see how it goes. Once we finished since it was pretty nice out we decided to go for a walk, so we went down a few blocks and then crossed the street and went back up, then back down to where I actually live (I let him “walk me home” but not to my actual house, just the block because you never know when might be guys are sketchy about knowing where you live). And yeah, we kinda just left off planning on seeing each other at the con next weekend, so that was good. I got home and did some podcast listening and reading Batwoman comics since we’re gonna try to record an episode tomorrow for a while before Supergirl was on. I still haven’t watched the episodes from the last two weeks since I just haven’t gotten around to it, but given the special people who were coming in this episode I decided to watch it anyway. I was a bit confused as to just how we got to where we were but I did alright managing it all. The first person I wanted to see was of course Lex Luthor, a character I have rather strong feelings about (mostly thanks to Michael Rosenbaum’s stunning and humanizing portrayal of him on Smallville) and it just so happened that he was being played by Jon Cryer, which I’m sure is of no significance to just about anybody else, but he actually happens to be involved In one of my favorite podcasts so I’ve been very used to listening to his voice over the past few years, so I tried my best to vouch for him when people were questioning his casting and praying he would live up to it (though I have to say, I’m 100% convinced that this casting happened because they were like “we like legacy casting, who’s been involved in something Superman related and is now bald? Jon Cryer, perfect let’s cast him” and that’s exactly how that occurred). It was a very different Lex we’re used to seeing for sure, I can’t really remember a portrayal of Lex that is after he has been imprisoned for years and is actually dying at this point, so it was a very different portrayal of an older man who’s gone through a lot more than some of his younger incarnations. Overall I liked it, definitely true to the character and picking up on some of the bitterness that we’ve seen in a younger version except now magnified significantly due to everything that’s happened to him. I did very much enjoy the touching moment between him and Lena when he told her about his interactions with her mother, it reminded me of a much more humanized version of him very much like that we had on Smallville (I really love Michael Rosenbaum’s Lex okay?). And then of course there was the end where it was revealed he’s still a massive douche (no surprise there) and then he just pulls a whole escape plan that I mean honestly they should’ve been better prepared for so I mean honestly that’s on the security that was supposed to be guarding him. So it’ll be interesting to see where his plot line goes from here. The second person I wanted to see was the addition of Jimmy’s sister, especially with the news in the past week that she had been promoted to a season regular for the next season. This was of course the character that was supposedly going to become a love interest for Alex, so of course i wanted to see how that went. It was pretty mellow, it’s an introduction of course so I wasn’t expecting anything crazy, but I thought it was a good establishment of a friendship/relationship where they had to endure some traumatizing events together and forged a fairly strong bond through that. So i thought that was good. I know I have friends who very much still ship Sanvers, but at this point I think the healthy thing to do is acknowledge that it’s gone, even though I know how painful that can be (believe me, I spent two seasons of Legends anxious for Leonard to come back and get fulfillment on my strong Captain Canary feelings, but at the end I had to accept it wasn't happening, and that sucked but it was for the best). And I mean, Alex is a great character and I think we should want her to be happy. So that’s my feelings on the matter anyway. Overall I thought it was a pretty strong episode, especially compared to the others this season that I’ve found rather mediocre and sometimes disappointing. From there I went back to watching Reign, getting into their second season now, and the main conflict has been infighting between Protestants and Catholics and how much violence there has been because of it. And I’m just sitting here in my 21st century Christianity thinking about this and just how insane it was that people were literally hunted and down and killed because they wanted to worship God in a way that wasn’t controlled by the Catholic church?? Like were they really that desperate for power?? (I mean I know the answer to that is yes, but still.) It’s just so hard for me to wrap my mind around. I know it was a very different world obviously but like....why would you give a fuck about how someone else chooses to worship God, if they’d like to run their own church services instead of attending one with organized religion and government? Why would this be such a ridiculously huge deal that you’d literally go around killing your neighbors because they didn’t want to go to the same church as you and challenge some of the beliefs of the Catholic church? Maybe I’m somewhat biased as someone raised as a Protestant, and in the religion I was raised in there was definitely somewhat of an anti-Catholic vibe (some even going so far as to suggest they’re not actually Christians) but I’ve since come to fully appreciate my Catholic brothers and sisters and hold absolutely nothing against them for believing somewhat different than me. I think it’s incredibly narcissistic to believe that you are right on every single tiny matter of doctrine or tradition or what else over the hundred and hundreds of positions that have to be taken over these things, are you really saying you have it right and literally every other person has it wrong? that doesn't sound very Christ-like to me, and I believe that we should extend grace in these matters (especially as Christians) and not allow superficial differences to divide us. I’m ranting now and have gone completely off subject I know, so I’ll end that little diatribe there. But yeah, I’m really enjoying the show so far. And yeah, I watched that for the rest of the night before starting to get ready for bed and now I am here. I don’t have like, much of anything to do this week currently, I’ll probably make a short grocery run tomorrow mostly because we’re almost out of toilet paper and obviously running out of that would be a problem. So we’ll see what happens. It’s just turned 2 am now and I am tired so I think I will be retiring to bed now. Goodnight dears. Be well.