Tricia omg I need MOAR Uncle Hol and Werewolf!Mista please 😂😂 and Formaggio!! And the kiddos!! Aaaaahhh, that Halloween special, hhhhhh, a blessing :’) As usual, hcs/scenarios.. anything is fine :3 Ma soprattutto ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
Esteeeeeee ლ(´ ❥ `ლ) ლ(´ ❥ `ლ) Ah!! That special :,) and YESSSS, I’d love to write more about that AU >:3 Sooo, here we go!! I hope you’ll like that :3
Here is the mentioned special, if you want some lore and contest! And, also, Valerio is the “blog” name for Formaggio, by now!
The Big Kaboom
(Under the cut for length!)
“Uncle Hol! Uncle Hol!” the tall man turned, hearing a choir of kids’ voices calling him, and brightly smiled, when his eyes landed on the small platoon of baby-werewolves. Here his nephews and nieces were!
“What’s up, puppies?” he asked, picking up the smallest of them, a boy and a girl, and bouncing them in his arms, making them laugh. The boy picked Hol’s hat and wore it, but it was too big and fell on his nose, making Hol laugh, amused. The puppies were so cute!
“What about giving it to Michi, hm?” the little one nodded, and the tallest of them, a boy who was more or less thirteen years old, picked the hat and put in on his head, with a bright and happy smile on his tanned face.
“So, kids? Did you want just my hat?” he asked, playful. The kids shook their heads, and the older ones pulled him on the couch, sitting then next to him, an excited expression on their faces.
“We want to know what happened during the Big Kaboom!” Hol laughed, already amused just by the memory of it. What a memorable night it had been…!
“Sure! But we’ll need also uncle Guido and uncle Valerio’s help. Mind to go to drag them here?” three of them, one girl and two boys, sprinted to go to catch their uncles, like the little wolves they were. After a couple of minutes, the two arrived, letting the kids pulling them by their hands, rolling their eyes and faking resistance, even if the smile on their faces betrayed their real amusement.
“So? What do you want, little feral monsters?” Formaggio asked, mischievously grinning when the little ones loudly complained, throwing themselves on him, in a wrestlemania-like move that did nothing to the assassin, if not to make him laugh more, while he was ruffling their hair.
“We want to know what happened during the Big Kaboom!” the boy still nestled on Hol’s lap declared, immediately backed by his cousins. Formaggio dramatically sighed, ignoring his nephews and nieces’ puppy eyes that, they knew so well, always undid him.
“Uhm, what do you say, Guido, uncle? Should we?” he teased, grinning at the kids’ protests. They were so easy to nettle!
After a little time when they faked to think about it and seriously ponder on it, all framed by the continuous kids’ complaints and rolls on their laps, the three looked at them. Their grins told everything and the kids exulted with loud cheers; they were going to receive their so wanted story!!
“Alright, alright, we’re tell it. Sit comfortably, kids; it’s a particular story…”
-
“Where should we taking him?!” Fugo, supporting a half-unconscious and wheezing Formaggio, looked at Mista, who was, with Trish and Hol Horse, his uncle, supporting the other vampires of the group. Shit, what kind of damn New Year Eve was that?!
“What do you mean, we have to take him where they could help!” Mista barked back, giving to Bruno and Narancia, the two he was supporting, little slaps on their cheeks, to help them to recover. They only groaned in response, mumbling something about a so delicious blood, more delicious than any wine they had ever tasted when they were human. Sure, Guido thought, grumbling, that damn blood they had drunk was from someone who had really high blood alcohol level, so high that it ended up getting them drunk!!
“I fucking know it, Mista, but who?! A veterinary or a doctor?!” this made Mista stop for a second from his umpteenth sequence of slaps on his friends’ cheeks. Damn, that was a legit question…
“Whatever, he has to spit that hellish fur ball! Veterinary will be!” he declared, picking up Narancia on his shoulders, carrying Bruno with his free arm and marching towards the nearest veterinary clinic. He just hoped it was open, even on New Year Eve!
Finally, he saw it. Because both of them were in part animal, sometimes Formaggio and Guido got “animal” problems, and one or the other had to carry the other to the veterinary, so they perfectly knew where every clinic or ambulatory was. More than one time, also, it had been a perfect excuse to know and even flirt with a doctor…
“Mista- Mista!” Mista, who was deep in his thoughts, felt his body being blocked by something, right on the doorsteps of the clinic. What the-
“Have you forgot that we are vampires? We have to be invited to come in!” Fugo hissed, feeling on himself a repellent force that didn’t allow him to enter. Mista groaned, throwing at his uncle and Fugo, respectively, Bruno and Narancia and picking up Formaggio, shaking him to make him regain a little consciousness.
“Ohi, Vale! You have to turn into a cat, yeah? C’mon, do it for me. C’mon, furball!” Formaggio groaned, glancing at him, but did as he was ordered, turning into a big, fluffy and wheezing red cat. Mista picked him up and ran inside, to make him be finally cured.
Fugo sighed, flopping down on the sidewalk, with Narancia’s head on his shoulder. The boy was mumbling something about math and, to Fugo’s surprise, he was doing additions, multiplications and even fractions, and every result was right. The man sighed, rubbing his temple. Years spent trying to teach him something, and now that he was drunk he could do every single calculation…
“Guys- guys, what are we doing here- it’s New Years Eveeee, c’moooon! What are those looong faces? We have to celebrate! Sooo, let’s go to, uhm… a bar! A karaoke!” Giorno, unusually lively, dragged Trish with him, laughing and cheering, when also his drunk pals agreed, trying to follow him without falling or stumbling one on each other. Every attempt to stop them had been vain, as they turned into bats and flew away.
Then, Fugo just sighed, eating down a deafening scream, and turned into a bat as well, following those idiots, with Trish, while, on the ground, Hol Horse was running at really high speed.-
“Please tell me again what is happening.”
“We’re at a karaoke bar, Bucciarati and Abbacchio are about to make out on the bar counter, Giorno’s crying his eyes out and telling to some stranger about his evil vampire dad and Narancia is singing The Piña Colada Song on the karaoke.” Trish tiredly listed once again. From the other side, Mista stayed silent for few seconds, deadly silent, to the point that Trish could hear cat-Formaggio choking and coughing while meowling in protest.
“What the hell are Fugo and my uncle doing?” Mista voice was forcibly calm; Trish had learnt that this meant that he was about to snap. And he had snapped just once or twice in all those years.
“Fugo’s trying not to kill Narancia and your uncle is consoling Giorno; I’m making sure Bucciarati and Abbacchio don’t actually start to make out for real. I don’t want to be arrested.” Mista sighed, rubbing for the umpteenth time his forehead. That was crazy…
“Hold up, I’m coming. Formaggio’s almost done with the fur.” Trish grimaced, hearing another wheezing sound from nearby and the vet voice that was encouraging Formaggio to spit, just another little spit!
Disgusting.
“Alright… not like we could go anywhere, in any case. We’ll wait here.” With that, Trish hung up the phone, grabbing once again Bruno from the collar, to keep him at a safe distance from his, apparently, lover. On the background, Narancia had started to sing Mr. Blue Sky and Giorno, who, when drunk, apparently had heavy mood swings, crawled on the stage to join him in the song, while Hol was marching to pick them both and finally end that torture. That was really an explosive end of the year…
-
“And so, kids, that’s how your uncles spent the last hours of 2010 and the first of 2011 in a vet clinic, and how I and the vampire clan end up in a squalid karaoke bar!” Hol concluded, with an amused smile. Saying that the kids were shocked was an understatement. What the heck…
“But why you call it The Big Kaboom? Had something exploded?” the little girl asked, throwing her head back to look at her uncle. Hol chuckled, patting her on the hair, while Mista and Formaggio cleared their throat.
“This is a story for another time. Now go to do your homework, hop hop hop! Or I’ll call uncle Abbacchio!” the children rushed upstair without protesting; they didn’t want to make uncle Abbacchio angry! Mista sighed, spreading on the couch, grumbling under his breath.
“Should we tell them that that night we actually made a shop of fireworks explode to avoid Narancia to be sent in orbit tied to one of them?” Formaggio asked, making both his cousin and uncle groan.
“Maybe, one day… when we are sure they won’t go to spill it to the group. After all, they were drunk… they don’t remember a shit.” Mista answered, lowering his hat on his eyes, sighing. Jeez, what a night it had been…
Never again.
Or maybe not?
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You know one of those RPG game where you're a knight and go off to fight monsters? Imagine that, but with out monster bfs(Basically if ya wanna live ya gotta breed)
each new monster you meet is very different! there’s those who aren’t interested in sex and are just playful - perhaps willing to give you information for friendly company, like dryad!giorno and the elves who live in the forest around him, fugo and narancia. if you meet her approval, fairy!trish might appear.
but once you get past them... you’re in for quite a time. it’s likely the only truly friendly monsters you run into will be drider!bruno and werewolf!mista - but they still want more from you. if you give them their wish, they’ll be more than happy to share info with you. best watch out for medusa!abbacchio, though - he’s not known to be kind to strangers.
it gets even more treacherous from there, although... offering them your body is a sure way for a little kindness to be thrown your way. there’s rumors of naga!risotto who has the same powers as a basilisk. in the shadows near him, werecat!formaggio and harpy!illuso lurk. two vampires, prosciutto and pesci, have a keen awareness of you, as their newest target. drider!melone is much different than bruno... be careful around him. yuki onna!ghiaccio is vicious and unrelenting in his search for a mate. it’s best you find information to avoid him, lest you want to be stuck with him for a long time. stay away from incubus!gelato and demon!sorbet unless you want certain death - they like to play with their food, too.
along they way, although it’s best to avoid them, you may see wendigo!cioccolata and zombie!secco. run far and fast from these two.
if you go near the waters, you may run into merman!squalo and siren!tiziano, who are never too far apart. they may help or hurt you, depending on what you say.
if you’re unlucky (or perhaps lucky, depending on what your goal was), you’ll almost certainly find doppio, who claims to be a human, but there’s something off about him...
he’ll lead you right into dragon!diavolo’s lair, who rules all the monsters in the area and is looking for a human mate. well, i hope you’re ready...
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