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alteredsilicone · 4 months

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Nightmares

Albrecht looked down at him, his face contorted in a scowl of endless disappointment.

“Loid, I will have to relieve you of your duties.”

Loid’s body felt like lead, he wanted to get up, to run, to prove his worth. He couldn’t, his body was sinking into the abyss.

“Al– Master Entrati, I will make it up to you. I can be of use. I can be a test subject!” desperate, empty pleas.

“Test subjects have utility. You do not.”

—

Warm tears trailed down his cheeks as Loid slowly shifted awake. The knot of anxiety in his stomach loosened as his body adjusted to lucidity. Just a bad dream. He no longer felt afraid, but a little ashamed. Loid adjusted himself and wiped his tears on the silk pillow. Embarrassed, he pushed himself up, turned the pillow around and plopped down on it again. This was the third night in a row he was roused by a nightmare. He felt miserable, his body unrested. Even if he knew what he saw was a dream, a vestige of anxiety still swirled in the pits of his stomach. He should get up and get to his morning routine, but he simply did not want to. Loid allowed himself five more minutes in bed. Hollow comfort.

Fate was gracious and there was no breach in the Sanctum, whatever horrors pestered Loid, they were simply in his head. Bird 3 was excited to see him, greeting Loid with a “Good morning, crew!” he had enthusiastically copied from Virgo. Loid answered by urging the bird to his feeding station. Tagfer was less irate today than he was the previous days, another little blessing. Loid lingered and watched the cervulite ravage a pomegranate, seeds and juice flying everywhere. Good thing the Necramites were here to clean things up.

“Good morning Loid.”

“Good morning, Fibonacci.”

The fish insisted on being treated like a person, that is, he demanded a little bit of conversation before Loid offered him his breakfast. Unlike the other two, Fibonacci lived where he ate, perhaps the norg felt undignified as he chomped on the small crustaceans Loid dropped in his tank. Loid had thought about expanding Fibonacci’s tank, adding new segments to it. An apartment for a fish? Ridiculous, but not the worst of thoughts that managed to worm its way into Loid’s mind as of late. Might as well start building an apartment complex for a talking norg.

“You look a little unwell, I hope you are not sick again,” the fish tried his best at sounding compassionate.

“Don’t worry, I just didn’t sleep too well,” Loid waved him away. “Freshwater or saltwater?”

“I feel a little salty today.”

Loid retrieved a packet of dried crayfish and poured out the contents in Fibonacci’s tank. The norg circled the crustaceans, imitating a hunting maneuver and then quickly devoured them. Loid watched as a solitary claw sunk to the bottom of the tank.

“Missed one,” he pointed at it.

“Why thank you,” the norg used one of his feelers to prod the claw and whip it up in a current, then swallowed it whole.

Fibonacci was entertaining to watch at times, but Loid knew better than to tell that to him. Bird 3 and Tagfer were messy eaters, whereas the norg would gallantly swim around his prey and always made sure to leave no crumbs behind. Maybe that was his way of mimicking human behavior - an idea of a sophisticated, gentlemanly dinner. Despite his persona of genius and sophistication, his actual understanding of human customs was entertainingly naive.

Loid sat down with a cup of tea and toasted bread. He always relied on routine to get his mind off things, but it was obvious that three nights of nightmares had left him weaker, focusing was much harder. He did not want to work, he ate his breakfast so slowly the tea went cold. Time was dragging on. Something clawed at the back of his mind.

“Test subjects have utility. You do not.”

The phantom of Albrecht was watching over him, Loid could feel that. He now knew it was the Indifference, amalgamating a homunculus of his fears and dressing it up in the face of the one whom he would fear hearing those words from the most.

Even at his worst, Albrecht never berated him. Loid reminisced on his time as a fresh recruit in the labs: when there was a particularly troublesome problem, Albrecht would call out the new lab hands one by one and demand an answer. Still, the ordeal never felt like a humiliation ritual, it was more like a frustrated teacher dealing with a bunch of under-studied students. He never singled anyone out, never made an example out of anyone. Albrecht made it clear that if everyone was on the same page and collaborated, work would flow better. It was in his interest that everyone pulled their weight or at least made an honest attempt to do so, all in the name of science.

Loid had seen his fair share of Orokin masters while at Albrecht’s side, screaming at their assistants and labhands and servants, some even raising a long, clawed arm. Loid would usually avert his eyes when that happened, unlike Albrecht, who faced his Orokin contemporaries with stony silence. The screams and pleas for mercy, however, could not escape Loid’s ears.

Despite all he had seen, despite all the scorn and judgment other Orokin had shown to him, it was Albrecht whom Loid feared the most. Why? What made him feel like a small prey animal in the jaws of a predator?

“Loid.”

Albrecht’s voice called out to him, somewhere out there, beyond the Vessels. Yet it was also inside his head, rattling around his skull. Loid ignored it.

“I need your help.”

Loid took a deep breath, he had to pull himself together. He could not afford distractions.Yet the voice kept clinging to him. Let it cling, Loid thought and finally got to work.

The Cavia had long finished their first meal and were antsy to receive today’s agenda. Fortunately for Loid but unfortunately for the adventure-hungry creatures, nothing dire had happened during sleep hours. The murmur had not overloaded any systems, Culverin and Arcocanid numbers were within optimal range and no Necramechs had been summoned. Loid finished checking the systems awfully quickly. Everything seemed alright. That was suspicious. Loid knew that his nightmares and the voice in his head did not come from thin air - it was the Indifference’s influence. Yet the murmur seemed to be more quiet than usual, three days of nightmares for Loid should mean that the void-cursed fragments would be all over the labs, yet, nothing. All systems were green.

“Loid.”

The voice was everywhere now.

Did the Cavia hear it too? No, they would have started complaining long ago. This was just another trick - make it sound like whatever was inside Loid’s head was in fact, everywhere. Everywhere and nowhere. Nowhere and everywhere. Everywhere and nowhere. Nowhere and everywhere. Everywhere and nowhere. Nowhere and everywhere. Everywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeverywhereandnowherenowhereandeverywhereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

“LOID!”

That was not the phantom’s voice. That was his own voice. Loid blinked.

“Loid?! Do you hear me?!”

Loid was standing at the edge of the Sanctum, the vastness of the Void waiting on him. Unseen beasts bellowing from the deep below.

Loid opened his mouth, but only a stupid sound stumbled out: “Ya..?”

“By the Void, get away from the edge!”

Loid obliged and took an unsteady step back, then another. He turned his head, looking for the voice. The Construct was floating nearby, its lights flickering erratically.

“Loid! I ask again - do you hear me?!”

“Yes. Yes I hear you,” finally, a coherent thought. A heavy fog was slowly lifting from Loid’s mind. He did not remember how he had arrived at the edge of the Sanctum, he didn't even notice the Construct approaching.

“What did I just tell you?”

“You asked if I could hear you.”

“Good. Seven Emperors, what has gotten into you?” The Construct berated him.

“I… I heard a voice, and then…”

“Understood. I am calling the Tenno,” the Construct flew off without even waiting for an answer from Loid. Loid sheepishly followed it, not in the mood to fight back.

Graciously, Eir answered the call and not even an hour passed when he arrived at the Sanctum. The Drifter jumped out of his Xaku and approached the Loids.

“Necraloid told me you almost jumped off the ledge, is that true?” there was concern in Eir’s voice. Loid felt a tinge of shame.

Knowing the Construct, it had probably conjured a situation of life and death, and would have probably told the Tenno that Loid was bleeding out on the cold stone floor if it meant Eir would arrive faster. Eir looked concerned, but not in a hurry, so perhaps the Construct had dignified Loid with a story that was more truth than lies.

“I heard a voice and then the voice was everywhere and then I found myself at the edge of the Sanctum,” Loid recalled the events of the early morning as clearly as he could.

“Heightened Void exposure,” Eir concluded. “How long have you been here alone?”

“A week or so,” Loid said.

“That’s a long time.”

“Why didn’t you call for me sooner?” the Construct chimed in.

“Virgo told me that I was not in danger until I started seeing things. I thought I could simply… will the voice away,” Loid answered the inquisition.

“Clearly the Tenno underestimated your abilities! How can you kee–”

“Necraloid, please calm down,” Eir cut the Construct off. “All that matters is that Loid is safe now.”

The Construct relented. Loid could tell it was still displeased with the situation, but, after whispering something to Eir, it decided that it was far too busy to keep “babysitting Loid” and retreated upstairs.

Eir offered to have a walk around the Sanctum and talk to the Cavia. That’s how Loid discovered that Bird 3 had noticed him wandering off into the sandy landscape and promptly started pestering Tagfer about it, who in turn went to Fibonacci and it was the fish who called the Construct down to the basement. The Construct took it upon itself to check on Loid and found him unresponsive, standing at the edge of the Sanctum, staring off into the distance.

“You said you heard a voice. Only one?” Eir quizzed him. “Who was it?”

“Albrecht.”

Eir nodded and said nothing.

Loid was happy that it was him who answered the impromptu call. Virgo would have already staged an intervention and talked off his ear. Eir was much more reserved, definitely not used to offering comfort to other people, yet in this situation, Loid was grateful for a more introverted approach.

“Did he ask anything of you?”

“He just asked for help.”

“It was just a voice right, he didn’t actually appear? He didn’t lead you to the edge?”

The idea of an apparition of Albrecht appearing in the lab terrified Loid. He knew that the Indifference could wear his skin, and Loid had been warned by the Tenno to call for help immediately if the entity appeared in the labs. Yet, as far as Loid knew, he went to the edge on his own free will, however compromised it may have been.

“No. It was just a voice. In my head, but also not.” Everywhere and nowhere. A strange echo of words. “Sorry, Eir, I think I am not feeling too good after all.”

“I understand, perhaps we should sit down and eat something. If you are hungry, that is,” Eir tried his best to be accommodating. He did not have Virgo’s extensive personnel training or cutesy charisma, but Loid appreciated his efforts all the same.

The two retreated to the lounge area and Loid prepared some tea and pulled out a box of eclairs Virgo had brought him the other day. Usually saved for special occasions, but Loid decided that surviving a near death experience was special enough. He prepared them both some chamomile tea with wildflower honey and the two enjoyed their drinks and snacks in quiet peace. No more voices. After three nights of nightmares and tears, Loid finally remembered what a sliver of peace felt like.

Loid knew the Tenno worked like lightning rods - they could accumulate excess Void energy and redirect it somewhere, presumably their own bodies, and distill it in a way that brought no harm to others around them. Loid’s newfound calmness was all due to Eir’s presence. This is why he and the Tenno had an arrangement - the Tenno would visit Loid every other day to maintain optimal Void density in the labs, as well as to clean up any errant murmur. Virgo had warned Loid that, if he were to start seeing things, he should immediately call an alarm. Alas, things worked out differently this time. Worse - this wasn’t the first time Loid stayed alone for a longer while. He thought he could easily manage a week, he knew how to maintain his emotions, he knew how to manage Void exposure. Perhaps something was shifting, it was the nature of the Void after all. Ever-changing.

Loid took a sip of his tea and let the flavor linger. “I think we'll need to work on long term Void protection. I can't endlessly rely on you three,” he studied the contents of his cup as he mused.

“You're right. I have something in mind. I'm not entirely sure it will work, but it can't make things worse that's for sure,” Eir’s answer didn’t instill confidence in Loid, but he was willing to hear the Tenno out.

“Anything that will keep me from jumping down into the abyss,” Loid said.

Eir put down his cup and took off his gloves. He stretched his fingers and Loid couldn't help but notice that silver, void metal scars covered Eir’s fingers. He made a gesture in the air, whispered something and summoned a shawzin out of thin air. Its design was nothing like Loid had seen before - rounded shapes, green and white and gold colors, with void scarring littered here and there.

“It's been a while since I last played,” Eir picked at the strings. “Good that this thing is never out of tune.”

Loid smiled and answered with a slight nod.

“Close your eyes, please,” Eir settled in his chair so that he could hold the shawzin comfortably.

“Stage fright?”

“Not at all, trust me.”

Loid set down his cup and closed his eyes. Eir started playing.

Loid sunk into his chair, he relaxed his muscles and let the music wash over him. He had never heard anything this beautiful in his life. The music was everywhere, it echoed through the Sanctum, filling the vast space with a gentle dance of notes.

—

The afternoon sun dipped diagonally towards the horizon. Loid sat by the windowsill and looked over Deimos. The family had gathered in the living room after dinner, each lost in their own little world. Kaelli was practicing piano, filling the room with a familiar tune. Kermerros was surrounded by a pile of books, preparing for his next exam. Loid glanced over at Albrecht, who was diligently editing a manuscript, his pen moving with swift determination. Grandmother just as diligently was working on a new embroidery. Euleria and Vilcor had found a cozy spot on the couch and were simply enjoying their daughter’s chamber concerto. Everyone was in their place. Loid was happy.

—

The nightmares stopped. Loid finally slept well. Whatever Eir played on his shawzin not only stopped the voices and the phantoms but left Loid feeling content. Even the Cavia seemed happier than usual. Work improved. The Tenno brought him new materials and the Vessel project moved forward.

Hope.

Loid hoped that soon Virgo would step into the Vessel and go back to 1999.

And then.

He might see him again.

#my writing #viriverse #spoiler: this has a happy ending #methinks #wf eir

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