#what I feared may be coming true and that’s due to a multitude of factors we may be entering a horrid harvest season | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spacemilkies · 4 years

Note

Hello there! Since you said I could send in requests here we go! I was wondering if you could do a a Cal fic where you were friends before Order 66 happened but after you two were separated due to being in hiding and Order 66. Then on one of his adventures Cal finds you and it’s like an adorable reunion for the two of you and then you two kiss and it’s kinda like “I’ve wanted to do that for the longest time” thanks I hope this works!

pairing: cal kestis x reader

word count: 6k+ (phew)

summary: “ all that mattered was each other “

a/n: it feels good to finally complete a request after a good drought. i hope you enjoy! thanks for requesting c:

_______________________

It was really something to say that you were a Jedi. Not just to boast about the otherworldly powers and the connection it threaded you with the Force. For you, it was a feeling like no other. To have the ability to not only protect yourself but to bring some sort of salvation to the rest of the galaxy against the First Order.

It was a grand feeling for someone as young as yourself at the time.

It was also a short lived one.

You were still at the Temple, fresh into your abilities as a Jedi when the Clone Wars began. After living years under the safety of known peace it was jarring to suddenly be thrust into the fierce uncertainty of war. The news began as distant stories, brief recalling of your brethren fighting the good fight with Clone allies.

For the first time in your life since discovering your sensitivity with the Force as an infant the Temple suddenly felt like less of a covenant and more of a fortress. A wall of defense to protect the rising Jedi so they may soon bring hope to the failing war and draw it to a close.

As one of the older students, it wouldn’t be long before you would soon find yourself on the opposite side of the barrier.

It was natural to feel fear, a necessary emotion to show that you were thoughtful about what the future held and how your impact could change it. It bred into cautiousness and prompted the call for consciousness so that one did not fall short of their expectations.

A commandment of the Jedi Code fortifies that mindset by reminding one that there is no ignorance, there is knowledge. To only move forward, a young Jedi must first know its surroundings so that they can make the right step forward.

Still it didn’t make it any less jarring.

“Master Udu told me I might find you up here.”

You stiffen briefly, your arms tightening around the legs drawn to your chest as your shaken out of your thoughts. For the longest it has just been you and the two moons above you on your place of meditation on the hillside. It goes without saying that you had not exactly relayed such information before departing but very few masters were unable to keep up with their apprentices.

From here you can see into the villages below. There is a multitude of individuals milling about on the streets, carting their belongings too and fro. Hardly any of their movements are rushed, not one gait altered by the implications of terror.

By now everyone is aware of the war and its progress, yet for this village its as if the very possibility of it affecting their lifestyle doesn’t even factor as a possibility. You know their proximity to the Temple and assurance of several Jedi backing it up has something to do with it. But those Jedi are you.

You and all your classmates who have their own doubts.

All these people. The galaxy. Are all relying on you.

And that’s enough to ignite true horror.

The footsteps behind you are slow and even as your current state of mind is vocalized and in need of caution. An impossibly warm body eventually settles beside you, long legs curling under them as they lean back. It’s unnecessary, but the sight of bright ginger hair accented by the moonlight gives you all the identification you need.

“And you took that as an invitation?”

If he takes your words to be crude, he doesn’t show it. Instead he too takes the time to observe the bodies moving below. “I didn’t realize it was a private party.”

It was determined rather early after your initial meeting that Cal Kestis would become your best friend. As most codes were written into the stars, it was just another predestined thing for two likened souls. Attracted by your mutual ambitions and pinchent for trouble, most of your years were just naturally spent together.

Some of it was sort of due to the fact that your masters had also been acquainted since the coming of time.

For that reason, and many like it, you knew that he was no more offended by your words than you meant for them to be. To make a point, rather than be pushed away, he only leaned in closer.

Your body rocked softly as his shoulder nudged yours upon impact. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly you give up your resolve and turn to hide your face into his neck.

Cal doesn’t speak just yet, instead bringing an arm around to draw you in closer. Yoo many minutes pass for you too keep count before you finally break the silence.

Your fingers fumble in your lap, nimble limbs entangling with each other without purpose. “Are you scared?”

Cal lets out a puff of air that curls outward from the cold. His gaze has lifted to the sky now, distracted by something flicking across in the infinite darkness. He knows what you’re referring to but he makes the jest anyway. “ Of Madam N’lie catching us out after hours? I would be stupid not too.”

As expected, you don’t take the joke lightly and his hands dart to catch yours before you can retaliate. What you don’t expect is for him to hold onto them tighter when you try to separate from the grasp.

You watch, enraptured as his larger calloused hands tease apart your fist to give his own fingers room to weave between the gaps of yours. He brings them both to his mouth, offering a few heated pants to warm them up.

“It’s okay to be scared. Hell, we all are regardless of what Deaton says.”

If you and Cal were mischievous, the absent mentioned party could only be described as callous. Fueled by his own pride, he was one of the more confident apprentices in his own abilities. He often spoke the loudest and provided the most opinions when it came to strategies. When the time came he would run headfirst into battle.

As first, you found the notion too headstrong and ignorant. But in the face of fear, what wasn’t better to be blinded by boldness?

Especially if you were going to get killed anyway?

“It’s going to be tough, yeah. There is no doubt that the war will be at its peak when we arrive. People will die-” Your breath hitches and he responded swiftly with a kiss to your crown. “But you will live on. I promise you that.”

The way he’s twisting your fingers is awkward, but you realize what he’s attempting to manipulate and your pinky aids the struggle by wrapping around his. A childish gesture but a lifelong commitment.

You couldn’t admit it, but in that moment, for the briefest of time, your heart felt like it might burst. And you were okay with it. Because if it did come a time for you to finally pass on. If it could be done at your best friend’s side, maybe it wouldn’t be so scary after all.

_______________________

You’re in pain. So much pain. But you’ll soon meet death if you don’t wisen up quick. Because you’re alone and you don’t know where your allies are- where he is- and you would not accept defeat until you were certain.

The ground is scorched and scarred by the wrath of the lightsabers, many battles before your own. Now you’ve officially made your mark in the war. Not only by the burned line in the ground but equally by the bodies covering them.

The rendezvous point isn’t far, but communications are down and you’re not sure if its even safe anymore. No one wanted to admit it, but they were losing. Terribly. In the many numbers you’d lost, too many faces were familiar and the ache was growing in your heart.

Order 66 was the reckoning of the very Jedi populace and its unrelenting force would draw the conflict to a close just by sheer annihilation.

The crunch of incoming infantry men fatigues you more than it drives your fire for survival, yet you ignite your lightsaber regardless. It’s a brutal fight. They all are. It’s an endless cycle as you parry, roll away and come back just a little bit weaker than before.

You Are littered with contusions and lacerations deep enough to scar if you lived long enough for them to heal properly. You’re past the bring of exhaustion now, saber piecing the ground as you lean against its handle. Breathing in and out harshly, you inhale a mixture of earth and blood. A familiar taste to you now.

By the time your ears catch up to the quickened pace heading your way, you’re too late to react in time. Your body nearly gives away as you stumble to your feet.

“I’m so glad I found you! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

It sounds like Cal but you’re unable to differentiate between between now and the last time you spoke to him. It seems right that you would hear him now, so close to death. Your gaze is dull and heavy, unable to fully raise high enough to see his face- you think you see a wisp of red though. It’s enough you think.

Who cares if the Force is playing tricks on you, as long as its him.

“Hey, Cal … I think.” the cough that racks your body hurts. It hurts so bad as it rattles your lungs and threatens your bruised ribs that might even be broken. Your head spins as you feel your body being lifted and you know this is it. You’re finally ascending.

“No, no no! Hey, stay with me okay.”

The Force really had a grasp on your memories of him. He sounds as determined as always, stubborn to a fault. You want him to know that you’re okay with this. Happy to at least be given this moment, even if its not real.

You wish you had enough strength to touch his face. Would your hand connect or just fall through the vision?

You try anyway, pleased when it grants you this much. The hand finds the cut of his jaw, slick with sweat or blood you don’t know. It guides his face down- not as close as you want- but enough to catch the turn of his lips. You wish they would flip the other way. Grace you with one last smile.

“I really hope … that the Force lets you hear this one day because I-”

There are more voices now, way too many of them as they swarm you from all angles. Your ‘Cal’ curses vulgarly and you wonder why he’s worried at all, it’s all over now. He draws away from your touch before you can protest and you hear the tell tale sound of a lightsaber activating.

This was it then.

But not before you-

He calls your name one last time, desperate with an emotion you weren’t aware that you had stored in your memories.

Then it all went black. And you’re left to float in the abyss.

‘I think I love you.’

_______________________

“Phew, I don’t know what we would do without those Jedi mind tricks of yours.”

Well for one, you’d all be dead. You certainly should have been all those years prior. Staying back briefly, you take the opportunity to catch your breath as your companions leaf through the newly revealed ruins.

It had taken a lot of planning to make it here before the Order a feat that thad been evading most of the galaxy for quite some time. Even then, you wouldn’t be surprised to find the entire planet littered with their white uniforms by the time you made it out.

It was a pretty good indicator that if you managed to tire yourself out by testing your connection with the Force, it was likely that you would be discovered by it. Fortunately, it seemed that these archives favored Jedi and your enemies would have to wait until you emerge or risk falling prey to the various traps and puzzles. You just hoped you would get a nice enough break before tackling that conflict.

In order to survive, however, these conquest often required more on your part than most. When you first come across the band of scavengers and their rickety ship, it hadn’t been the most gracious meeting. That day was still hazy, some odd five years ago, but from your best knowledge and your recognition they had just found you.

Badly patched up and barely breathing just short of the next village. The worrying part was that you were found on a planet far from the last one you remembered fighting on. From what they could tell you, the war was just about done by that point. Not that it surprised you.

What hurt was knowing that the Jedi had all but vanished with it.

For years you’d scoured the networks for any indication of your brethren surviving- of him still being alive. But all clues lead to the complete purge of the order.

In the beginning of your time together, they had been doubtful of your heritage. Likely for the best as you were injured and in the midst of strangers. It was very apparent at the beginning that they had a habit of selling things off to the highest bidder. Your life alone would have made them richer than most of the galaxy. Still could.

You suppose the truth eventually came at the trade of saving one of their lives by utilizing stasis to pause a beam in its tracks. It became a test of trust in that moment when their gratitude overcame their greed.

That had really been it after that.

Once a Jedi apprentice, you were reduced to a mere pirate that used the Force for cheap tricks to rob the departed.

Wouldn’t your late master be proud.

Still deflated by your exertion, you laughed humorlessly as the Twi'lek, Gran and human trio that made up the bandits of four pillaged through the remains. Previous trials had taught you to limit greed over time.

While you couldn’t hide your presence, you were all fortunate enough to keep your faces hidden. The feat only possible by getting out before the enemy got in. And that timers was quickly counting down.

“Oh, isn’t this just gorgeous?”

Ashi’ti, the ever eccentric Twi”lek, bounded over to you boasting an agreeably pretty piece of jewelry. You didn’t fight her as she draped the golden necklace over you. It would certainly earn you decent credits.

Hosting a burst bag of his own, your Gran friend seems to share your eagerness to depart, “This terrain didn’t give us the opportunity to hide our ship as well as it should be. We need to get moving.”

Staring for longingly at all she couldn’t carry, you briefly wondered if you would have to drag Ash’ti out again. There is a familiar pout on her lips but to everyone relief she snatches a few more trinkets before shouldering her own bag. “Tsk. Always interrupting a woman’s shopping time, Blague. “

The Gran can only roll his eyes as she flounces by, not missing the opportunity to brush against him as she does so. He shares a look with you and you hope your smile doesn’t resemble a grimace too much. By the mirror you receive, it’s unlikely.

“Alright, let’s move out. Hoods up, masks on.”

Taking one last unhindered breath, you obediently go through the motions of disguising your appearance. From a glance, they would be able to make out your differing species but as some of the more common ones in the galaxy it wasn’t much to go by if you haven’t given them too long to observe.

Fortunately, the way out was easier than the way in and required significantly less of your abilities. The intricate puzzles were apparently more for those entering and rewards those who leave.

Blague speaks up again as you near the exit.

“Keep confrontations to a minimum. I’d rather take the time for stealth than direct conflict.”

Blowing out an airy breath beside you, Ash’ti fails to refrain from commenting,” No bravery for the wicked.”

“Or the living,” you shoot back under your breath. She doesn’t make any indication of hearing you.

Just before you reach the final chamber, Blague brings everyone to a halt and you all tense in anticipation. The shortcut had led you back to the entrance, one of the less hindered rooms. Anyone without utility of the Force could make it that far, certainly a few stormtroopers.

Readying her blaster, Ash’ti lines herself with the nearest wall. Battle partners aside, when it came to protecting her cash-out, no one was fiercer,” Are they getting that much better at tracking?”

There was an odd look on Brague’s face as he stalled as if questioning his own intuition. His lips parted at the cusp of words but never managed to form them.

You realize late that he didn’t need to.

The feeling doused you like a dip in an icy river, paralyzing you by the veins. The pressure was indescribable despite how much you didn’t want to believe it. It probed at your consciousness, first demanding then hesitant as if it realized just what it was sensing.

All signs led to what you’d been trained to know and yet.

“Alright, enough of this.”

“Ash’ti, no!”

The fire of her blaster just missed Brague’s intervention but did not miss its intended target. The return fire came from more than direction as various white suits made their appearance known, shouting commands over the increasing chaos as you all readied for battle.

The lack of witnesses that you would leave behind meant that you could use your Force more freely but there was a sense of hesitation as you couldn’t quite shake off the second strand connecting another soul nearby.

Had they lead them here? Or was it just another squad following your trail?

More importantly, were they alone?

The shout of your third companion came as a late warning as the earth above you crumbled from a stray blast. Your eyes went wide as a slab of rock broke from the ceiling. Thrusting your hand up you immediately called upon stasis only to be beaten to the command.

All suspicions were confirmed, you found yourself dumbfounded under the impending fall as you stared up in wonder. After all this time, in all the moments you could reunited. There was finally a voice beneath the weight of the purge.

A voice gruff with aggravation growled just before it collided with your body, throwing you both aside to safety.

Groaning, your head spun from the impact. When you tried to roll over, you found yourself pinned still by your savior.

Your savior.

A Jedi.

Kicking back as you in your attempt to crawl backwards, you boot collided none too kindly with their side. A cry of pain left them as they curled into their injury with grumbling complaint.

From the opposite side of the rubble, your friends called out worriedly. The lack of gun fire meant that you were all safe for now but that wouldn’t last for very long. For any of you.

Kriffing! An actual Jedi.

Where did you even begin? What faction were they part of? Where did they serve? How had they escaped?

“That is not how you thank your savior.”

You were thankful for your mask as the figure slowly unraveled itself as the phantom of pain faded. It was a man, lean and lithe. But that wasn’t the defining feature that caught your breath in your throat.

His hair mimicked a dim flame that you thought had extinguished years ago and yet.

“Woah, woah!”

Showing his hands first, his attention completely left you as it focused instead on your approaching teammate. Still primed for a fight, Ash’ti kept her blaster leveled and prepared.

“And who the hell are you?’

You didn’t waste a second scrambling to your feet, hand already going for your mask to free your face.

“Ash, no its fine. I know him.”

She hesitated, but she didn’t look convinced. “You just happen to know every Jedi that you come across?”

But her mitrustful nature couldn’t phase you as you were already enraptured by his wide eyed gaze as he turned to face you fully. The years had done him kindly but not without a few scars from the past. The most prominent stark against the bridge of his nose.

It was still undeniably your best friend.

Pure elation took hold of every note in your voice, “Cal!”

The distance was short, but you crossed it with the gusto of a preemptive sprint into battle. All your strength darted to your legs as you jumped, feet pushing off the ground as you launch yourself. And his arms were waiting to catch you with ease.

Your heart hurt from the way it hammered against your chest. The sharp throb pounding in your ears as a smile split your face. He stumbled briefly, not having to counter your weight in years and sorely out of practice.

He managed to counter well, however, as your legs clamped around his middle. Cal’s arm steadies you round the waist, only having to take a single step back to adjust for the impact. Your hands were already proding at his face, combing through his auburn locks and inspecting his scars and-

You wanted to laugh until you were delirious. For years all you wanted was a sign and you got this.

“That night- I thought I died. I thought you died. I-” Happiness had weakened the damn and the first trickle of wetness began to trail down your cheeks. His free hand came around, moving away the strands of hair already sticking to your face and cupping your cheek to tip it toward him.

“I’ve missed you so much, starfly.”

The joy seeping through your bones could bring life to a garden.

“Okay, what the hell?”

Jerking around, the two of you stared at the forgotten group with a mutual flush.

Brague looked like he was ready for the day to be over, twenty four hours ago, no doubt not prepared to factor in a second Jedi to his plans. Ash’ti looked an interesting mix of distrustful and amused, turning her pretty skin an interesting shade. Lark, your ever quiet human companion, was already making his way toward the exit.

Cal was reluctant, but eased his grip to allow you to slide to your feet. However, his arm remained around your waist. Still reeling from the shock, you continued to stare up at him with glee, feeling lighter than air for the first time in a very long time.

Reaching for his hand, you curled your pinky securely with his own.

“Guys, this is my best friend.”

_______________________

To say things went smoothly was an understatement. Naturally everyone had questions, but the pressing matter of reinforcements weighed down everything else. Apparently, Cal had come to the tombs for a reason but seemed reluctant to continue on with his quest. The threat what ultimately got everyone to move.

The conflict of transportation came next.

Your own vessel was tucked away in the forestry while Cal insisted that his companions were waiting for him on the ledge. It was obvious that neither of you wanted to part but it eventually came down to who would pull whom.

Brague ultimately made the decision for you, dragging off a sputtering Ash’ti while Cal dragged you toward his own ship. For now the two of you would part ways to confuse the enemy and meet back up when it was safe.

Warm fingers touched your wrist before squeezing reassuringly. Less than half an hour later after an impromptu meeting with his skeleton crew, Cal had you holed up in a cabin for a proper reunion. One that didn’t come too easily.

You eyes hesitated for a moment before flickering upward. You didn’t trust your words just yet but the silence was slowly building an ache within you.

It did give you the chance to check out his room. He didn’t exactly style it to his taste, or at least the ones you remember from all those years ago. Cal did have a few knick knacks of his own, however. You wondered how long he’s been with this crew. Had he been scouring the galaxy all this time?

You swallowed all the greedy questions, not wanting to bombard him all at once when he certainly had his own.

“I thought you were dead!” You blurted, a reoccurring theme between you. There was no reason for either of you to believe the other survived. You had less of a recount than he did, only remembering that last fated battle.

Settled side by side on his bed, Cal still kept your hands securely in his own. His thumb brushed slowly over your knuckles as he spoke. “I found you in the forest that night. You were so overrun and then more came. I tried to fight them off. We- got separated and when i managed to come back you were gone. “

His eyes searched yours pleadingly, hopeful that you could fill the gaps. But you honestly didn’t have much to offer.

Your trapped hands only offered a stiff shrug,” I don’t really remember much after that. Somehow I got off that planet.” Over the years, you theorized about another Jedi or Clone who might have escaped with you only to ultimately get separated in the end. After awhile, you just gave up probing for the truth. You were alive but at the cost of everyone you loved; what was worth remembering?

His chin came to rest on the crown of your head, voice raw with emotion,” I was so convinced- I shouldn’t have given up.”

Immediately you protest, words muffled by his clothes as you pressed into them. “We didn’t know. But we survived. That’s what’s important.”

His fingers ghost along the side of your face, sliding underneath your jaw. Just when you think he’s going to tilt your face up it falls away to rest at the nape of your neck as his body shudders.

You find yourself recalling your life up until now. Before you’d been content- not happy with your choices- but alive and well rested with your choices that kept you that way. Now that you spoke them aloud to your closest confidant, you almost felt ashamed.

At the end of the day, you were a thief that stole and sold what you could to survivor. It didn’t make it any better just because you made a living off of it.

But he didn’t judge you or make any indication of ill thoughts towards your lifestyle. In fact, he did the opposite, laughing sheepishly as he told you about his life as a rigger. Told tales of extra metals and ores he would steal off old ships and sell off market. A lot of his stories revolve around a single figure. Prauf, he called him.

When you asked about him he stilled.

“He died before I escaped trying to protect me.”

Startled, your face flicked between remorse and uncertainty, unsure of how to progress. The death seemed fresh on his mind and still painful in his voice.

“I’m sorry.”

From this position, you couldn’t see his face, but he pulled you closer in response.

He continued on about how he was rescued by Cere and the short span of adventures he explored before he met you. What it all summed up to was what had you drawing away in surprise.

“You want to revive the Order?”

The idea had never crossed your mind as a possibility. Why would it? Everyone had been obliterated. And now, not only were they outnumbered but they wanted to try it again.

You found yourself rescinding any compliment you had for his new companions that had saved his life. They were selfishly making him repay a debt that would get him killed.

Before you could get to your feet, prepared to contact Brague he was drawing you back in. There was a new pull to his lips, a childish turn that aged from your appreciation days.

“I know it sounds crazy but we have to do something.”

No. You didn’t have to do anything. You were lingering fragments of a broken organization. The cards had already fallen and now you would deal with them. Not pick them up and challenge the table again.

“Cal, it’s not that easy. You can’t just-”

You hated that. The determination storming in his blue gaze. You were already too late. He’s made up his mind a long time ago and you could only accept his decision or cut ties…

As if you’d even consider the later.

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you tried fruitlessly to fight the grin tugging at your lips when his lips pressed firmly into your cheek.

“You don’t have to decide now. I’m just happy having you here.”

_______________________

You end up sort of just lingering on the Mantis. Partly your reluctance to leave Cal’s side and his own persistence to keep you there. For the time being, the expeditions have been suspended as Cere suspects that they should wait for Empire activity to settle.

Apparently, your combined presence brought more attention than intended. As Cere planned to eventually introduce more Jedi as they were found to their cause this wasn’t unexpected but sooner than planned.

She saw it more as a chance for everyone to get their bearings and an opportunity for the two of you to properly catch up. And that you did.

In the meadows of Bogano, Cal excitedly introduced you to a vocal BD-1. His reliable companion that followed him into every skirmish and saved him more than once. You of course found the little robot utterly adorable.

It continued to bounce around the two of you as you lounged in the grass.

“Man, remember when Eli tried practicing his stasis by pranking Madam Lou. I’ll never forget her face when the bucket toppled over on her.” His laughter was infectious as he recalled the memories of the past.

You were resting comfortably with your head on his chest as his fingers card idly through your hair. The way you resumed your relationship come at no surprise to you. Nothing was left unsaid between you, leaving no barrier to impede your reconnection.

Reaching your hand up towards the sky, you grinned unabashedly when his immediately sought it out and tangled them together. There were few moments where you weren’t attached at some form, bringing up the embarrassing question from Greez as to watch your relationship was.

‘They’re my best friend.’

Which was true in every sense of the world and yet.

Maybe if you hadn’t lived the life you had maybe things would have been different.

No.

That’s a lie. You know explicit in every lifetime you would fall in love with this same boy. The one whose mere existence was enough to teeter you off balance when he smiled in your direction. He was as charismatic and enigmatic now, all these years later; a systematic habit for you to relish in. Just when you thought it was all over and you would have to scrap from the leftovers of the world, he plowed right back into your life to break the darkest days into light.

He was a hero to every arc of your story. And you just lo-

“Hey, you listening to me?”

The poke between your brows startles you. You lift your head and meet the brilliant blue somehow managing to smile at you from the seas. Still lost in your thoughts you wonder how easy it would be to just lean in. Would he reciprocate?

Remembering your place, you ask him to repeat himself with nervous laughter on your lips. But he doesn’t. Instead he continues to meet your gaze with a new intensity you can’t fathom.

His lashes are longer than you remember or perhaps you’d just never been this close. Lips, soft and pink, you speculate what the pressure would feel like against yours. You try to swallow but there isn’t enough saliva on your tongue to justify the attempt leaving you to embarrassingly clear your throat.

“We should-”

“The night I lost you. When I had you clutched in my arms while I fought off the Empire. You told me something.”

Almost immediately you know where this is going. There is no doubt in your mind. But Cal is quicker, is arm preventing escape.

“I carried it with me all this time. Even when I gave up on the idea-” he pauses to swallow down the memory. The regret. “It was just enough to live by to know that.”

You close your eyes because it’s the only way you can briefly escape. The entire mood has changed, the air thick with so much promise yet your scared. It’s Cal. You know him almost as much as you know yourself. Even as he brushes against the topic, you know where it will lead.

At least for the moment.Nothing about the future is certain anymore. The realization of that apparent all those years ago. And still prior to that, he’d made a promise. And he remained here to this day to hold it true.

His hands seems to have made a new home at your cheek. It tends to reside there in the off chance it’s not clutching your hand or hanging from your pinky finger. There is a light pressure at the nape of your neck, urging you closer but not pushing. You close the distance upon your own inhibition.

“Will you tell me again?” he whispers, lips inches from your own.

“I love-”

He silences you with a kiss before you could complete his request, always too ambitious and headstrong. Pent up nervous energy on both parts keeps it chaste. There is a pretty flush against his cheeks as he realizes his error.

“Oh, sorry- you hadn’t-”

Rolling your eyes with a huff, you lean in for a more proper kiss this time around. Cal whines against you, pulling you tighter still. Oh to finally really kiss him. The feeling washes over how desperately you’d been waiting for this moment even before the downfall. While your relationship had always remained within friendly limits, the love had never lost its potency. It was fierce and bright, immersive in a way only the two of you could create.

This was your first honest taste and you were already starved for it. Teats bubble from the corners of your eyes unbidden as you down in the affection. He spots them when he finally breaks the kiss.

His gaze is knowing as a thumb swipes at your cheek. Those blue eyes look as though they wished they could communicate how right everything was with the world even despite the turmoil.

Burying your face in his poncho, you wipe away the rest of the tears.

“I love you, Cal.”

His chest shakes with relief and rises with laughter as his hand runs along the length of your spine.

“I love you too.”

#cal kestis x reader #cal kestis #star wars jedi fallen order #star wars imagine #star wars writing #milleniumxhan #back at it again with that 1am inspiration #trash panda strikes again

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zirable · 4 years

Text

character study 05 .

as many of us know, envy is the personification of father’s dual feelings toward humanity: his self-proclaimed superiority over them, as well as his own longing for the emotional bonds they’re able to cultivate and maintain. the latter is something he hopes to obscure, for fear of being it seen as a weakness, and because of this, his creation of envy, as well as envy’s own actions, intends to do just that. this objective is, in my eyes, primarily achieved through the use of depriving envy of attention, whether that attention be real or imagined.

my preliminary reasoning for seeing “attention” as such a prominent theme, both with father and envy’s characters, is that father started off as “the dwarf in the flask”. aside from the creepy eye, sharp teeth, and sentience, there isn’t much that he’d be able to accomplish on his own aside from annoy people, perhaps. obviously, this is why his manipulation of hohenheim was necessary for him, otherwise he would be nothing. people would perhaps be curious upon first seeing him, this strange creature in a container, but eventually grow bored and stop paying attention to him. not only does he have an unlikable personality after some time, but the average person won’t want to befriend him or have any sort of meaningful relationship with him. thus, he’s nothing without the attention and collaboration of a more able being. but if he has that, along with patience and resolve, he has the potential to become, even supersede, a god, not only wielding tremendous power but also maintaining the attention of everyone below him - a shallow, selfish compensation for his lack of emotional companionship.

anyway, i digress...envy, by definition, can denote to any mosaic of negative emotions ( e.g. sadness, resentment, insecurity ) that ultimately stem from 1.) a lack of attention to what an individual already has and 2.) too much attention to what an individual does not have. this can be observed in the homunculus themselves in a multitude of ways. their origin, for example, already toes this line.

firstly, it’s interesting to note the birth order of the homunculi. of the seven, envy was the fourth to be created. they are the “middle child”. throughout the years, birth orders in families have been extensively researched by developmental psychologists in order the deduce the environmental effects they could feasibly render on an individual. many studies point to a correlational existence of universal personality differences that abides by birth order, and middle children have been found to feel the most neglected, overlooked, and attention-starved ( middle child syndrome ). we as an audience have limited insight into the canonical homunculi / father family dynamics, but based on this alone, it can be assumed that envy may have felt, or was intended to feel, similarly. it’s highly likely that they didn’t feel familial closeness toward any of their siblings or father ( aside from lust and previously greed, but those are studies for another day ), but due to father’s projection, as well as their namesake, it’s something that they crave. genuine, loving, emotional attention from others. this, of course, marks the beginning of their jealousy toward humans.

as an extension of this, envy’s true form is that of a small, wormlike parasite: one that wields no remarkable strength and can be easily overlooked (*). for them to have true access to their abilities, they are required to “leech off” a “host”, or another, stronger body: something capable of both housing and utilizing the philosopher stone’s power - something that is worthy of both capturing and maintaining a victim or sacrifice’s attention. even so, envy’s strongest and most prevalent ability is shapeshifting, which allows them to blend in amongst humankind. lust claims this is why they serve as one of father’s instigators, despite their signature brashness: shapeshifting is ideal for stealth - ideal for soliciting information at the expense of going unnoticed.

speaking of “brashness”, i also strongly believe envy’s deprivation of attention may be linked to that. granted, several other factors play a role in why this homunculus is emotionally immature ( e.g. father’s projection, father’s abusive conditioning of them and their siblings, a counter against their jealousy toward humans, etc. ), but at the same time, it’s likely that envy is prone to tantrums and dramatics because it catches the eye - compensation for the neglect they feel. they’re able to seize a fair amount of attention by screaming, yelling, overreacting, and making, as well as milking, overdrawn speeches about humans.

lastly, the other hallmark of envy’s personality is their arrogance. this trait is something that often works hand in hand with their brashness ( and what usually gets them into deep shit ). similarly to what i was saying earlier, envy’s arrogance is partly a defense mechanism against their jealousy toward humans ( if they claim to be superior to humans, their feelings of jealousy can remain under wraps...and maybe they’ll even believe it, too ), but again, it may also be to compensate for how overlooked they feel by others. envy can give themselves as much attention as they please in the form of toxic, feigned self-confidence; they may as well be their own number one fan - even if it means an inflated, albeit frail, ego - if there is nobody else who can genuinely notice or come to love them.

i might add onto this, or i might write up another post. i’m running on a few hours of sleep, and i’ve been talking in my mother tongue all day, so this might not make sense?? idk, if you’d like clarification or have any follow-up questions, let me know!!

* just a sidenote, i think it’s really cool that this appears to mirror this quote by father: “when you notice an insect on the ground,do you stop to consider it a fool? the life of an insect is so beneath you, that it would be a waste of your time to even consider judging it. that would be a accurate summation on my feelings towards these humans”.

#ah yes my...magnum opus #this ho a little long i'm sorry #❪ a history composed in dry blood / annihilation is all i have to my name ❫ CHARACTER STUDY .

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primary-colour-hair · 5 years

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Strength of Colour

I have often heard hairdressers say “Colour is Colour” when it comes to colour brands available and while this may have a ring of authenticity it is not completely true. Colour is different from brand to brand and although the universal numbering system provides a generic blueprint for level & tone and identifies differences within the product line it is not completely translatable. For example: a level 6 in Wella Koleston Perfect is equivalent to a Level 5 in Goldwell Top Chic and a Red (.4) Tone in L’Oreal Majirel is more orange based as opposed to an Red (R) Tone in Goldwell which is more violet based. Therefore to be a great colourist is to use, trust and blend one complete product line in order to know the strength of the brands and level & tones within it.

Most brands make a multitude of strengths of colour products within their colour lines and continue to grow blurring the lines. Permanent, Demi Permanent, Semi Permanent and Temporary are the official categories a colour product will fall into however many brands now have multiple strengths within one or more of these lines due to several different developers which affect their results or interim lines that are inbetween 2 lines in strength.

Permanent Colour - Strongest - Lift, Deposit, Up to 100% Grey Coverage

Demi-Permanent - Moderate strength - Deposit, 70% to 100% Grey Blending

Semi Permanent - Mild strength - Deposit, Up to to 25% Grey Blending

Temporary - Mildest - Deposit, 0% Grey Blending

For example: Wella Demi Permanent Colour is called “Colour Touch” and it has a 1.9% developer for glazing, toning and refreshing, it also has a 4% developer for 70% - 100% grey blending and fashion toning. There is also a “Colour Touch Plus” Line which is a double base level (66/07) and therefore a stronger version of Colour Touch to provide up to 70% grey coverage as opposed to grey blending. Meanwhile a Permanent Colour from the Koleston Perfect Line provides up to 100% grey coverage depending upon the level and tone used and the hair analysis results.

These lines give colourists a variety of choices depending upon influencing factors such as level, tone, condition, porosity, elasticity, length, longevity and desired results.

Side note, a demi permanent and permanent colour should be priced the same for a root retouch or full head colour service as the application method & time taken should be the same. A glaze at the back wash may be an add-on or stand alone service and so priced accordingly.

So what exactly do the different strengths of colour do to the hair?

Temporary Colour

Temporary colour deposits tone onto the cuticle of the hair to last approximately 1 shampoo. They are not mixed with any additional items for application and activation. When removed the hair will be classed as natural, virgin hair again and no residue or demarcation line will remain. Most popular temporary colours are coloured chalk, hairspray, water rinse colours, coloured mousse etc. Water rinse temporary colours can be used as an additional bonding/layering step in the colour correction process to add pigment & tone or to seal a colour or both.

They can be applied to pre shampooed or dry hair as per MFI and Temporary colour has medium sized colour molecules, think of it as beach ball size.

Semi Permanent Colour

Semi permanent colour deposits level & tone temporarily into the cuticle of the hair to last approximately 6-8 shampoo’s. They are not mixed with any additional items for application and activation and are always applied to pre shampooed & towel dried hair. These are popular for refreshing colour after a chemical service, for introduction of hair colour to a new client or for a short term effect to add level and/or tone for an event, effect, photo shoot etc. When removed the hair will be classed as natural, virgin hair again and no residue or demarcation line will remain. Most popular semi colours are gel type products.

Crazy colours can also be classes as semi permanent due to their application method however these products contain direct dyes for effect & longevity.

Semi permanent colours are applied to pre shampooed hair and has large colour molecules that sit inside/within the cuticle layers: think of it as football/basketball ball size.

Demi Permanent Colour

Demi permanent colour deposits level & tone into the cuticle of the hair to last approximately 12-18 shampoo’s. It is mixed with a mild developer (usually 1.9% - 4% strength) for application and is usually always applied to pre shampooed & towel dried hair. It is popular for refreshing tonal colour inbetween a permanent colour service or highlights or as a stand alone service.It is a popular choice for fashion tones such as reds, copper, golds on natural hair for clients ho like to change their tone several times a year and do not need to maintain grey coverage. When the product has faded the hair will not be classed as natural, virgin hair again as a slight residue or demarcation line will remain.

Demi Permanent Colour, in its true sense, is applied to pre shampooed, towel dried hair for a demi permanent result however it can be used on dry hair for fine hair, damaged hair or grey blending as a root retouch with the relevant matching developer. Think of it as tennis ball size to enter the hair growing to basketball size during the oxidation process.

The processing time is 20-30 minutes and the product will eventually slow down and stop processing. Be aware of over processing on fine or porous hair.

Requires a skin test 48 hours prior to use to check for allergies.

Permanent Colour

Permanent colour is defined by levels 1-10 (depending upon the manufacturer), it lifts up to 3 levels or deposits level & deposits tone into the cuticle of the hair to last permanently until it grows out. It is mixed with a chosen developer (3%-12% strength) for application and is always applied to dry hair. While the tone may fade the hair will not be classed as natural, virgin hair again as a demarcation line will always remain.

Permanent Colour is used to lighten up to 3 levels depending upon the chosen colour product formula (level, tone) & developer or to darken the hair or add tone. Think of it as golf ball size to enter the hair growing to beach or basketball size during the oxidation process.

10 volume (3%) Tone on tone colour deposit, grey blending, use as a refresher through mid lengths & ends

20 volume (6%) Grey coverage, maximum tone on tone, up to 1 level of lift

30 volume (9%) Up to 2 levels of lift

40 volume (12%) up to 3 levels of lift

The processing time is 35-40 minutes and the product will eventually slow down and stop processing. Be aware of over processing on fine or porous hair.

Requires a skin test 48 hours prior to use to check for allergies.

High Lift Tint

High Lift Tint is defined as levels 11-12 depending upon the manufacturer. it is a permanent colour that lifts up to 4 levels and deposits tone to deposit or neutralise tones lifted. It is always mixed with 9% or 12% depending upon influencing factors. It is mixed 2 parts developer to 1 part colour which gives it the extra lifting properties to lighten hair, primarily it is used on blondes level 6-8 to achieve a sunny blonde result all over or used as a “mid” light alongside lightener for dimensional highlighting.

Due to the chemical make up of high lift tint the processing time is always 50-60 minutes where 1-30 minutes achieves lift and 31-60 deposits tone. To achieve the required result always process for the recommended processing time.

Requires a skin test 48 hours prior to use to check for allergies if used on the scalp.

Lightener

Lightener is a fast acting product that lightens the level of the hair and removes tone at the same time. It starts working immediately by removing colour molecules from the hair starting with the darkest/largest red molecules working through orange to yellow until it is removed at the backwash. There is no specific processing time it is a visual processed service however each section should should have fresh product remixed with the same developer and equally timed for consistency.

It can be used to achieve up to 7 levels of lift in foils for highlights, on mid lengths and ends for hair painting or on the scalp for bleach & tone service (some product manufacturers make a stand alone on the scalp product that is milder or includes additional buffers conditioners or calming agents)

It is usually used as the first part in a two part process where a glaze or toner closes down the cuticle and adds tone & shine.

It is the strongest of all hair products and while it is not to be feared it should always be respected.

For further Hair Colour reading see:

The basics of colour theory

The endless possibilities of proportion

Why do clients colour their hair

Grey coverage, the perfect formula

Refreshing Techniques

Strength of Colour

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cum-om-me · 4 years

Text

Personal Entry:

Otter here, first i guess itd be fair to explain a few things up top.

Firstly Otter is a metaphorical alter ego which was created based of a nick name given to me in highh school.

I was coined as "the nomadic Otter" due to my well known history of drifting continuously through this existence being born in a foreign land not to many continents away,but like a gracious river otter flowing with the rivers which eventually reach the seas, i was always stoned more naive, but ironically zen. I was brought here by my single mother at four yrs old, my father was never in the picture nor was i allowed to speak about him or inquire about him to my family and those who may have any information regarding the history of my own coming into being.

We became permanent residents four years later and im currently going through the process of naturalization. I went through the american education system since pre kindergarten so naturalization has occured as an outcome, but just isn't finalized and paid for so i am now going through that initiation. Ive paid and gone through the preliminary round.

We landed in a small town in texas, age four. Came to california at fifteen, twenty years id moved one year to, year and a half due to my mothers profession In the medical field, sometimes, or i guess i should say almost always, we would have to go to where the work was most needed in order to sustain our basic living, taking us all over texas and parts of southern california. After eighteen yrs of age, i left home with duffel bag and a guitar because i wanted to escape the conventual fate planned for me by my elders.

Nature loves courage.... And it is Apparently so.

Of course there are so many factors and so much information to divulge to add the proper context to the point im trying to get to in the conclusion of this story. Im afraid id diverge so ill have to return to all that some other day.

Now that you understand where the otter ego within me (pun intended) was teased and entertained as an ideal character for the person i am, its seeds didnt really start sprouting till last year (2019) and its peaked above the mud, i can explain my newly found understanding of the purpose of using this "alter ego" "character" "avatar" to be able to dissolve the borders of my own limitations as a person creating art. To be able to truly entertain these thoughts through the medium of the otter avatar and not as the man, for it has been increasingly difficult for me to be able to contemplate and philosophize with my peers and the community of souls i once accepted as my tribe, in a way of intellectual taste and progress.. Now it seems the bridges between me and the village are dissolving and im trying to understand why. I stand on the side which i believe to be that of the importance of knowledge of self, critical thinking, and responsible skepticism in order to be able maintain reason within the tribe, to perserve that which is most human in our nature, in comparison to the madness we have seen over and over throughout history displaying itself in obvious patterns of repetition that consumed mobs rabidly, making itself its own enemy. Lets use a symbolic metaphor. The snake eats its own tail in the delusions of unity to find when its finished nothing remains but its mind left exposed, and without protection from even the weakest but competent prey.

You see the metaphors are simply the inner poet, using symbolic visual linguistic tools to paint a clearer picture.

We are a story driven organism, just ask the keepers of morality and the stories of god which has defined the basis of our now hypocritical society using it like a crutch too old to withstand the withering of time, frail and ready to snap like a twig beneath ones feet.

As george carlin once said "no one seems to notice, no one seems to care" and every debate that has naturally transpired in my social structures as of late has lead to a point where logical conclusions, non threatening ones at that, lead to the opposing side raising their white flag and settling for mediocrity. "I dont care, leave me alone"

Then the attack on personality and character are used as a defenses to preserve the beliefs already founded due to the uncomfortable nature of growth.

I sit and watch as i always have the flicker, flame and smell of the bridge burning in blazes right before my teary eyed soul.

Am I no longer included, wanted by the collective community? Has my own pursuit for knowledge, understanding, truth and the inner rapture of personal discovery lead me to ruins door? Am i incapable of getting out of my own way? Can you even go to far within yourself?

No one wants me to feel but its not ok to feel nothing at all

To think but, only on the agreeable subjects of status quo

To speak when spoken to but to only speak what is conveniently easy to digest by a still watered mind threatened by the chaos of waves beating on the shores of its shared sands.

Has erosion driven us mad. Have the corrupted springs poisoned our waters too far beyond repair.

Must i reluctantly recluse amidst the tides and hide underneath lonely currents that travel vast desserts beneath oceans.

Pandemics, parks closed, beaches are now illegal to its native children, by a seemingly upset stepdad whos love is equal to obedience and incapable of parenting,it seems theyre now gunning for the fringe, the free, the open, the love expressed through physical incarnation as its own self love for its own existence, through the odd, differnt, freaks, weirdos, mutants, prophets, and visionaries

Why should i fight for those who dont care about their own person their, own freedom.

Why stand for those who wouldnt even stand with you, nor for you.

"Those who trade freedom for security deserve neither"

-Benjamin Franklin

Yet who am i to claim that anyone deserves anything or doesnt. So regardless of the I Dont Care Generation emerging. I choose to care for not what is principles of good or evil but what i intuitively feel is sincere and right. So I must begin with myself and only in following intention will i be able to incite any real change. By making a difficult choice and knowing that it feels as though the risk is worth the gamble.

So now ive heard loud and clear and i have nothing else to let go of but this. So ill hold my tongue and wish for the best. For the eutopia not the the sneaky slip into distopia.

There's nothing further i can do other than create, experiance, enjoy, let go, and face the music, To put it as Alan Watts did, " this doesnt mean you wont jump when you hear the bang, or that you wont feel fear, but youll accept it, and the person who understands the tao in the morning my sleep peacefully at night"

"Once the mind has been extended it cant ever go back"

-Terrence Mckenna

I hope that you know ive accepted the multitudes of possible outcomes for our future, i may be optimistic but i feel prepared, oddly prepared. This isnt a statement or message based on fear but something none the lesse my heart cannot hold in.

So Otter is born so to speak to embody the imagination im trying to let out without it being taken seriously, but sincerely and within the temple of the timeless. Art.

Without it having to be the me, the person, that funny feeling between the eyes that screams out I, who finds himself walking away from flames due to trial and failure in channeling its own expression. I will not desist i just must evolve and create the platform on which i may rebuild. The system updated and the restart brought about change. Now we begin again. Full of breath, with new found vision, i forgive myself for my failures but i wouldnt ever be able to look at my own reflection if i didnt try until i got it right. I vow to myself and olny to myself for thats the only source of validation needed to exist freely, sovereign, that i will do my best to be who i am meant to be, the being and self of my choosing.

"Most people spend their lives trying to find themselves, lifes about creating yourself"

-Bob Dylan

So in conclusion i know im different, and it may be intimidating but you cant just get rid of it, turns out you must overcome it, and the only way out is through and for me that began when i went within.

I am all for the rules, and being apart of this country and its society and obeying social order but as John Locke wrote in "Common Sense" that this is an unspoken agreement between the govenrment and its people that so long as they are just in ruling us" we will have to obey the law but there must be a way for its people to regain its country when tyranny and injustice is getting in the way of democratic processes and this is coming from a almost fully naturalized immigrant that came here to seek safe haven from a Democratic country plagued by unfairness. It would be a pitty to see it happen to a promise land founded of rich ideals. To those ive come to see as my own brothers and sisters, i love the ideal of true patriotism but where has it gone? If i need to be more protective of my personal privacy so that i may be able to practice my philosophical self studies, music, and comedy, to persue basic creative thinking methods openly. Then i choose this mask nit the one i was told to wear since birth. Theres always an person beneath the mask playing into the drama of this darma and we get into yoga with its fun to preten that we loose ourselves and assume the identity of the character portrayed in the scene in order to truly bring the crowd to the edge of its seat in awe and anticipation of the beauty of its poetry that at the end when the play is concluded both protagonist and antagonist join hands and the audience cheers for both equally for the dazzling deception and its cleverness for playing on the emotions of the observer.

Then the cast returns to the green room and become again who they were naturally.

Im 26 and ive found my character and im ready to submerse myself in its divine play and get involved participate, get lost in the mask of the person which is temporary but the spark behind conciousness seems to be the driving energy of existence benevolent, and eternel. Worth gambling so, now we roll the dice and hit the mystery button, just like the amnesia serum we gave ourselves before conception, into the womb we went. Only when you awaken your consciousness in the dream do you get to control the avatar, lucidly.

It doesnt seem to be a requirement, more like an EXPERIANCE badge rewarded for interesting work in the feild.

These again are ideals, not truths, thoughts and patterns worth examining and if capable entertaining till the conclusions and realizations of truth or delusion run their course. If you havent reached that point you havent really thought it through logistically right?

Lets discuss this comment below.

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alicemccombs · 5 years

Text

I Ching for the Day

1 Ch'ien / The Creative Changing to 53 Chien / Development (Gradual Progress)

February 23, 2019 Sunrise Waning Moon

Question: What does Earth need most to be healed at this time? 1 Ch'ien / The Creative Changing to 53 Chien / Development (Gradual Progress) Cast Hexagram

1 Ch'ien / The Creative https://ichingfortune.com/hexagrams/1.php Above Ch'ien the Creative, Heaven Below Ch'ien the Creative, Heaven Introduction The first hexagram is made up of six unbroken lines. These unbroken lines stand for the primal power, which is light-giving, active, strong, and of the spirit. The hexagram is consistently strong in character, and since it is without weakness, its essence is power or energy. Its image is heaven. Its energy is represented as unrestricted by any fixed conditions in space and is therefore conceived of as motion. Time is regarded as the basis of this motion. Thus the hexagram includes also the power of time and the power of persisting in time, that is, duration. The power represented by the hexagram is to be interpreted in a dual sense in terms of its action on the universe and of its action on the world of men. In relation to the universe, the hexagram expresses the strong, creative action of the Deity. In relation to the human world, it denotes the creative action of the holy man or sage, of the ruler or leader of men, who through his power awakens and develops their higher nature. Judgement The Creative works sublime success, Furthering through perseverance. Judgement Commentary According to the original meaning, the attributes [sublimity, potentiality of success, power to further, perseverance] are paired. When an individual draws this oracle, it means that success will come to him from the primal depths of the universe and that everything depends upon his seeking his happiness and that of others in one way only, that is, by perseverance in what is right. The specific meanings of the four attributes became the subject of speculation at an early date. The Chinese word here rendered by 'sublime' means literally 'head,' 'origin,' 'great.' This is why Confucius says in explaining it: 'Great indeed is the generating power of the Creative; all beings owe their beginning to it. This power permeates all heaven.' For this attribute inheres in the other three as well. The beginning of all things lies still in the beyond in the form of ideas that have yet to become real. But the Creative furthermore has power to lend form to these archetypes of ideas. This is indicated in the word success, and the process is represented by an image from nature: 'The clouds pass and the rain does its work, and all individual beings flow into their forms.' Applies to the human world, these attributes show the great man the way to notable success: 'Because he sees with great clarity and cause and effects, he completes the six steps at the right time and mounts toward heaven on them at the right time, as though on six dragons.' The six steps are the six different positions given in the hexagram, which are represented later by the dragon symbol. Here it is shown that the way to success lies in apprehending and giving actuality to the way of the universe [Tao], which, as a law running through end and beginning, brings about all phenomena in time. Thus each step attained forthwith becomes a preparation for the next. Time is no longer a hindrance but the means of making actual what is potential. The act of creation having found expression in the two attributes sublimity and success, the work of conservation is shown to be a continuous actualization and differentiation of form. This is expressed in the two terms 'furthering' (literally, 'creating that which accords with the nature of a given being') and 'persevering' (literally, 'correct and firm'). The course of the Creative alters and shapes beings until each attains its true, specific nature, then it keeps them in conformity with the Great Harmony. Thus does it show itself to further through perseverance.' In relation to the human sphere, this shows how the great man brings peace and security to the world through his activity in creating order: 'He towers high above the multitude of beings, and all lands are united in peace.' Another line of speculation goes still further in separating the words sublime, success, furthering, perseverance, and parallels them with the four cardinal virtues in humanity. To sublimity, which, as the fundamental principle, embraces all the other attributes, it links love. To the attribute success are linked the morals, which regulate and organize expressions of love and thereby make them successful. The attribute furthering is correlated with justice, which creates the conditions in which each receives that which accords with his being, that which is due him and which constitutes his happiness. The attribute perseverance is correlated with wisdom, which discerns the immutable laws of all that happens and can therefore bring about enduring conditions. These speculations, already broached in the commentary called Wen Yen , later formed the bridge connecting the philosophy of the five stages (elements) of change, as laid down in the Book of History (Shu Ching) with the philosophy of the Book of Changes, which is based solely on the polarity of positive and negative principles. In the course of time this combination of the two systems of thought opened the way for an increasingly intricate number symbolism. The Image The movement of heaven is full of power. Thus the superior man makes himself strong and untiring. Image Commentary Since there is only one heaven, the doubling of the trigram Ch'ien, of which heaven is the image, indicates the movement of heaven. One complete revolution of heaven makes a day, and the repetition of the trigram means that each day is followed by another. This creates the idea of time. Since it is the same heaven moving with untiring power, there is also created the idea of duration both in and beyond time, a movement that never stops nor slackens, just as one day follows another in an unending course. This duration in time is the image of the power inherent in the Creative. With this image as a model, the sage learns how best to develop himself so that his influence may endure. He must make himself strong in every way, by consciously casting out all that is inferior and degrading. Thus he attains that tirelessness which depends upon consciously limiting the fields of his activity. Changing Lines (1, 2, 4) Nine at the beginning means: Hidden dragon. Do not act. In China the dragon has a meaning altogether different from that given it in the Western world. The dragon is a symbol of the electrically charged, dynamic, arousing force that manifests itself in the thunderstorm. In winter this energy withdraws into the earth; in the early summer it becomes active again, appearing in the sky as thunder and lightning. As a result the creative forces on earth begin to stir again. Here this creative force is still hidden beneath the earth and therefore has no effect. In terms of human affairs, this symbolizes a great man who is still unrecognized. Nonetheless he remains true to himself. He does not allow himself to be influenced by outward success or failure, but confident in his strength, he bides his time. Hence it is wise for the man who consults the oracle and draws this line to wait in the calm strength of patience. The time will fulfill itself. One need not fear least strong will should not prevail the main thing is not to expend one's powers prematurely in an attempt to obtain by force something for which the time is not yet ripe. Nine in the second place means: Dragon appearing in the field. It furthers one to see the great man. Here the effects of the light-giving power begin to manifest themselves. In terms of human affairs, this means that the great man makes his appearance in his chosen field of activity. As yet he has no commanding position but is still with his peers. However, what distinguishes him from the others is his seriousness of purpose, his unqualified reliability, and the influence he exerts on his environment with out conscious effort. Such a man is destined to gain great influence and to set the world in order. Therefore it is favorable to see him. Nine in the fourth place means: Wavering flight over the depths. No blame. A place of transition has been reached, and free choice can enter in. A twofold possibility is presented to the great man he can soar to the heights and play an important part in the world, or he can withdraw into solitude and develop himself. He can go the way of the hero or that of the holy sage who seeks seclusion. There is no general law of his being. If the individual acts consistently and is true to himself, he will find the way that is appropriate for him. This way is right for him and without blame.

Transformed Hexagram

53 Chien / Development (Gradual Progress) https://ichingfortune.com/hexagrams/53.php

Above Sun the Gentle, Wind, Wood

Below Ken Keeping Still, Mountain

Judgement

Development. The maiden Is given in marriage. Good fortune. Perseverance furthers.

Judgement Commentary

The development of events that leads to a girl's following a man to his home proceeds slowly. The various formalities must be disposed of before the marriage takes place. This principle of gradual development can be applied to other situations as well; it is always applicable where it is a matter of correct relationships of co-operation, as for instance in the appointment of an official. The development must be allowed to take its proper course. Hasty action would not be wise. This is also true, finally, of any effort to exert influence on others, for here too the essential factor is a correct way of development through cultivation of one's own personality. No influence such as that exerted by agitators has a lasting effect. Within the personality too, development must follow the same course if lasting results are to be achieved. Gentleness that is adaptable, but at the same time penetrating, is the outer form that should proceed from inner calm. The very gradualness of the development makes it necessary to have perseverance, for perseverance alone prevents slow progress from dwindling to nothing.

The Image

On the mountain, a tree: The image of Development. Thus the superior man abides in dignity and virtue in order to improve the mores.

Image Commentary

The tree on the mountain is visible from afar, and its development influences the landscape of the entire region. It does not shoot up like a swamp plant; its growth proceeds gradually. Thus also the work of influencing people can be only gradual. No sudden influence or awakening is of lasting effect. Progress must be quite gradual, and in order to obtain such progress in public opinion and in the mores of the people, it is necessary for the personality to acquire influence and weight. This comes about through careful and constant work on one's own moral development.

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sgonzo-blog1 · 5 years

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The Reproductive Health Act

New York’s Reproductive Health Act (RHA) was signed by Governor Andrew Cuomo on January 22, the 46th anniversary of the landmark Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision that guaranteed a woman’s right to an abortion.

Advocates long sought to pass the bill but struggled due to a Republican controlled state senate. The bill, passed now that Democrats control both chambers of the legislature, has gained a lot of media attention and is an issue that is highly polarized on both sides of the political spectrum.

There’s a lot of misinformation as to what this law entails and the question that appears to come up over and over again seems to be “Does the law allow full term abortions?”

In an effort to unpack various articles circulating which claim babies are being murdered at full term, I figured I would do what we should all aim to do in a time where it’s increasingly easy to disseminate false information…I read the law.

The RHA states that a Health care practitioner licensed, certified, or authorized under title eight of the education law, acting within his or her lawful scope of practice, may perform an abortion when, according to the practitioner’s reasonable and good faith professional judgment based on the facts of the patient’s case: the patient is within 24 weeks from the commencement of pregnancy, or there is an absence of fetal viability, or the abortion is necessary to protect the patient’s life or health.

So what exactly is fetal viability and what defines a patient’s health?

According to Roe v. Wade, fetal viability was defined as being the point when a fetus was “potentially able to live outside the mother’s womb, albeit with artificial aid.”

When it comes to a patient’s health, Doe v. Bolton determined that “medical judgment may be exercised in the light of all factors – physical, emotional, psychological, familial, and the woman’s age – relevant to the well-being of the patient. All these factors may relate to health. This allows the attending physician the room he needs to make his best medical judgment”

Pro-life proponents and activists seem to think that all medical professionals are left-wing radicals who will easily decide that it is within their medical opinion to abort fetuses past the 24 weeks of pregnancy if the woman seeking an abortion simply changes her mind. This is not the case.

The RHA also amended and repealed portions of the public health code and penal code in order to do the following: remove abortions from the penal code in an effort to decriminalize abortions and eliminate certain sections within the public health law that were redundant or unnecessary.

A majority of the articles I’ve encountered online use fear mongering tactics that wrongfully state the law allows for infanticide and that it removes protections for babies who accidentally survive an abortion procedure. There are a multitude of op-eds that claim living, breathing babies can legally be killed by one mean or another after being born and that the law prevents pregnant women whose babies are killed in an attack on the mother from seeking justice.

Again, none of this is true.

In an article by Angelo Fichera on Fact Check.org, a spokesman for New York State Senator Liz Krueger, who sponsored the new law, stated:

“Modern abortion techniques do not result in live birth; however, in the great unlikelihood that a baby was born alive, the medical provider and team of medical support staff would provide all necessary medical care, as they would in the case of any live birth,” he wrote in an email. “The RHA does not change standard medical practices. To reiterate, any baby born alive in New York State would be treated like any other live birth, and given appropriate medical care. This was the case before the RHA, and it remains the case now.”

Additionally, those who attack pregnant women are still able to be penalized and charges including assault, aggravated assault and attempted murder can still be sought.

Simply put, the RHA is intended to protect women’s reproductive rights should Roe v. Wade be overturned.

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raymondleonora1993 · 4 years

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Whats Considered Premature Ejaculation Awesome Ideas

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Premature Ejaculation Refers To A Males Inability To Quizlet

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Can Lemon Cure Premature Ejaculation

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#Whats Considered Premature Ejaculation Awesome Ideas #What Should I Take For Premature Ejaculation

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anxietyinsociety301-blog · 6 years

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Mental illness doesn’t discriminate. Mental illness is not something you catch from being outside in the cold, or from a shopping cart like a flu, it does not have an expiration date or a magic cure and it certainly does not care whether you’re prepared for it or not. While women are more likely than men to suffer from anxiety, that does not mean that men do not suffer at all. Along with adults, (18.1%) and young adults, 25.1% of kids between 13-18 years old have some kind of anxiety disorder. This number really stood out to me but after looking at it more and relating to it on a personal level, it makes more sense why children are more anxious than I previously thought. The number that really surprised me however, was that with numbers this staggering, only 36.9% are receiving some sort of treatments whether it be medicine or therapy of some sort and there are many reasons why this could be. (https://adaa.org)

Looking at some articles, I found a lot of things I did not already know and was intrigued to learn more about as I kept reading. In the first scholarly article I read, I delved deeper into what anxiety is and why it occurs. SSRI’s are what a person suffering with anxiety and or depression could be prescribed (Craske, M. & Stein,M. (2017) Anxiety. The Lancet,) Anxiety. The Lancet). I know because I had heard this abbreviation thrown around many times while at the doctor's office discussing treatment options for my own anxiety and depression. Never really knowing what this meant before reading this article I learned that it stands for selective serotonin-reuptake inhibitors or serotonin–noradrenaline-reuptake inhibitors. Your brain limits serotonin and when you are anxious or depressed, usually a combination most suffer from, it is possible your brain’s neurotransmitters are not catching the right amount of serotonin. It is believed that with these SSRI drugs that your brain will do a little better at this and thus alleviate or cure your anxiety and or depression.

One specific thing I enjoyed learning about was the idea that depression and anxiety often come together in terms of mental illness. With this being said, a disorder often referred to as “winter blues” or even being “under the weather” really refers to SAD or seasonal affective disorder which affects nearly 20% of the population once it starts getting cooler out (https://www.everydayhealth.com). Having struggled with this myself, I can relate to feeling especially glum around this winter months. In my case, like many others, it occurs when a person lacks enough vitamin D in their body. There are many factors that go into lack of vitamin d such as where you live, how much melanin you have in your skin to absorb vitamin D and how much sunlight you actually get. Growing up in Rochester, you may think it’s a sunny day and you’re getting a lot of sun but in reality you're not and it’s actually suggested that you take vitamin D if you live in a climate where you can relate to that statement. SAD is known to be the inter blues and often occurs in many adults and young adults. Treatment often includes UV light exposure, known as light exposure, SSRI’s, therapy and even going somewhere warm and sunny is a suggestion.( Bidel, D. & Turner, S. (2009) Shy Children, Phobic Adults: Nature and Treatment of Social Anxiety DIsorder, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Book Reviews)

Many times, it is hard to diagnose anxiety disorders. Healthcare professionals use a rating scale called the DSM-5. “The DSM-5 uses the term panic attack to describe the hallmark features associated with the condition known as panic disorder. However, panic attacks may occur in other psychiatric disorders”(https://www.verywell.com). In contrast, anxiety is not on the DSM-5. This is because it is considered more of an umbrella. Rather, encompassing many disorders such as obsessive compulsive disorders and trauma and stress related disorders. The most common disorders that fall under this heading are: obsessive compulsive disorder, agoraphobia, separation anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and specific phobia, to name a few. The DSM-5 looks deeper into the severity of the condition to better rule the disorder and put a name to symptoms.

Anxiety and panic disorder have similarities and at times, often confused. Tools like the DSM-5 help determine what is a good plan of action and also rule out other possible conditions and disorders. Panic disorder varies and differs from anxiety in many ways. One way being that panic comes on quick, without warning and is generally severe in nature. Symptoms peak anywhere from 10-15 minutes and can be accompanied by a multitude of physical symptoms. Anxiety, on the other hand, is in relation to excessive worry about a potential danger. Another difference between these two disorders is that panic goes as quick as it comes whereas anxiety is persistent and can last up to many months.

Symptoms of anxiety can be breathing difficulties, chest pain, dizziness, digestion issues, fear, feeling ill, headaches, insomnia, tiredness, nervousness and nausea. “There are still thousands of anxiety symptoms that millions of people all over the world experience” (https://www.calmclinic.com). While many people suffer the same symptoms, the combinations can vary greatly person to person.

This graphic (http://cognitive-behavior-therapy.com) illustrates at what point excessive worry, rumination and avoidance turns into a panic attack. There is a panic threshold which once over, triggers a panic attack. Ironically enough, once you have your first panic attack the fear alone makes it so you are more likely to have another one just because you are closer to your panic threshold due to your most recent first attack.

One thing I have always noticed is the lack of realization that anxiety and panic disorder affect everyday life much like a physical disease or disorder. According to the article, “Effective Recognition and Treatment of Generalized Anxiety Disorder in Primary Care”, nearly 10% of people sitting in clinic waiting rooms suffer from unrecognized or untreated anxiety. “patients with GAD (Generalized personality disorder), demonstrated more severe to comparable physical and psychosocial impairment compared with subjects who were diagnosed with severe medical conditions such as diabetes, hypertension, and recent myocardial infarction”. It is not hard to agree that mental illness is looked at differently in terms of the media either and this affects how we see mental illness as a whole. “Other previous research has shown that those who treat mental illness are often depicted as unprofessional and untrustworthy by the media, creating a strong negative stigma surrounding treatment seeking” (Mental Illness Stigma in the Media, Brandon Smith). Also, people who have high levels of “self-stigma” are often less likely to seek treatment or help for a mental disorder. “ A small amount of research has shown that the media can directly impact negative views of mental health professionals and create a sense of self-stigma.” This just means that not a lot of research has even been done to prove this idea. Hopefully. Moving forward more is done to support this idea that the media has a lot to do with who gets help and treatment and for what reasons. If it is true that professionals themselves are under this idea of “self-stigma” is isn’t good to be the ones prescribing medicine and coming up with possible treatment options for these individuals.

The good news however, for people suffering from anxiety and or panic disorder is that there are many things you can do to lessen the affects you feel on a day to day basis and keep symptoms at bay. “Lawson,k. (2016) What Lifestyle Changes are Recommended for Anxiety and Depression?” did a great job at outlining some of these things. Such as, having mindful moments, either practicing yoga, meditation or just taking a second to be in the present. Thinking ahead and worrying about the future is usually a problem people who suffer from anxiety deal with but it is something that can be managed, controlled and better organized rather than a bunch of swarming thoughts on a daily basis.Another thing that is proven to be very helpful for patients is exercise and a well-balanced diet. This includes avoiding sugar and caffeine as well as any other drug use. Getting enough sleep is also highly beneficial and can make a world of difference, just allowing your brain to think more clearly throughout the day and less room to wander off into thoughts of worry or danger.

Craske, M. & Stein,M. (2017) Anxiety. The Lancet, 388 (10063), 3048-3059

Bidel, D. & Turner, S. (2009) Shy Children, Phobic Adults: Nature and Treatment of Social Anxiety DIsorder, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Book Reviews, 5 (5), 398

Folk, K., Folk, M. (2017) Panic Attack Symptoms, Causes, Treatment, Statistics. Retrieved (December, 1, 2017) from (http://www.anxietycentre.com/panic-attack-symptoms.shtml)

https://adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics

Ankron, S. Anxiety Attacks vs. Panic Attacks: Differences include intensity and how long the attack lasts Retrieved (December, 11, 2017) from

(https://www.verywell.com/anxiety-attacks-versus-panic-attacks-2584396)

Hubard, B. (2016) Anxiety and Panic Living in NYC. Retrieved (December, 11, 2017) from (http://cognitive-behavior-therapy.com/anxiety-and-panic-living-in-new-york-city/)

Folk, J., Folk, M. Panic Attack Symptoms, Causes, Treatment and Statistics.(2017) Retrieved (December, 11, 2017) from (http://www.anxietycentre.com/panic-attack-symptoms.shtml)

Smith, B. Mental Illness Stigma in the Media. (2015) Retrieved on (December, 11, 2017) from (https://fisherpub.sjfc.edu/ur/vol16/iss1/10/)

https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety-guide/symptoms

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webpostingpro-blog · 7 years

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New Post has been published on Webpostingpro

New Post has been published on https://webpostingpro.com/amd-radeon-rx-550-review-a-thrilling-budget-graphics-card/

AMD Radeon RX 550 review: A thrilling budget graphics card

The maximum famous video games within the international don’t want a beefy photographs card.

Yes, I’m speaking approximately e-sports. The likes of League of Legends, Dota 2, and Counter-Strike: Worldwide Offensive dominate Twitch and Steam charts alike. There are lots of reasons for their achievement, but the reality that they run on honestly any Laptop doesn’t hurt. Heck, you could even run e-sports games—together with Overwatch—on an AMD APU’s included portraits if you’re k with modest frame costs at decrease resolutions.

AMD’s cheap new Radeon RX 550 is designed for individuals who need extra e

Sports activities eye candy without breaking the financial institution, at $80 on Newegg.

Higher frame charges and resolutions mean you may see greater, quicker, and that extra overall performance can spell the distinction among triumphing and losing in the global of competitive gaming. AMD’s trendy Radeon helps you to crank the one’s pictures settings, and it consists of all the useful environment conveniences located in the relaxation of the Radeon RX 500-collection, together with native broadcasting assist with Radeon Red ReLive, FreeSync reveal compatibility, and contemporary media technology that would make the Radeon RX 550 a success with home theater Pc lovers.

We haven’t visible a photos card serve the ultra-finances market in years. But is a pics card this cut-down worthwhile? Yes…And no.

Meet the Radeon RX 550

You’ll locate all the hardcore technical specs for the Radeon RX 550 within the chart underneath, But in sum, they’re half of that of the already modest $one hundred RX 560, that’s launching in early May because of the final release in AMD’s new Radeon RX 500 series. It’s one-zone the GPU in the $one hundred seventy Radeon RX 570.

Accelerated Muscular Development Review – Does AMD 2.0 Really Work

Improved Muscular Development (additionally referred to as the AMD 2.zero) is a very famous muscle-constructing system in recent times.

On this Accelerated Muscular Improvement evaluate we can check the professionals and cons of this program and notice if this muscle-constructing device is absolutely for you or no longer.

Extended Muscular Development assessment – What Precisely Is It?

Created and written by means of Jim Smith, power and health teach and additionally a member of the Elite fitness Professional workforce, the Multiplied Muscular Improvement is a complete muscle-building gadget this is built around the four-month progression of workout routines.

All the workouts in the software are based on an unmarried template, which has 3 classes (higher body workouts, complete frame workout routines, and decrease frame workouts) and each one of the categories is divided into four sections.

Anyways, the AMD 2.0 gadget is greater than just a workout program and in reality this system carries extra than ten distinct eBooks and guides, and also dozens of step-by-step video tutorials that in keeping with the writer, Jim Smith, will teach you the whole lot you must know to build massive amounts of muscle and to get more potent faster and in a safe way.

To study if it is simply actual and to understand higher what you can expect from the AMD 2.0 software let’s communicate about some of the pros and cons of this product.

Multiplied Muscular Improvement overview – the professionals And Cons

The pros

Customizable application

One top element approximately the Elevated Muscular Improvement program is that it isn’t always “one size fits all” kind of gadget.

Within the AMD 2.0 software, Jim Smith would not simplest display the customers his step-by-step workout plan however also offers them the information they should realize to get the high-quality results and to customize this system for his or her precise situation.

This kind of advice is very crucial and might sincerely assist each user to get an awful lot better consequences from any form of “one length fits all” applications.

Very Beneficial Bonus Objects

Jim Smith protected six very useful bonus Gadgets in his AMD 2.zero application and maximum of the customers will locate at the least few of the bonuses to be Useful for them. One correct example is the Deadlift 101 Guide that contains very beneficial facts on All the strategies, strategies and methods for doing deadlift right.

Build Your Startup Business Infrastructure on a Budget

There are pretty some steps to take when constructing a business from the floor up. This newsletter assumes you have got already won a simple knowledge of those steps and are at a factor where you’ve got some investment and you’re equipped to put the constructing blocks of your enterprise in location. If you aren’t familiar with the basic steps to construct a business, I inspire you to move test out the multitude of courses you could locate on the internet after which come lower back and revisit This article.

In maximum instances, it’s miles paramount to construct your commercial enterprise in steps, being very cautious the way you spend the precious budget which can be available to you, regardless of the source of your capital. By now you should have a list of additives that need to be put in place, which includes the IT infrastructure, inclusive of but now not restricted to electronic mail money owed, a website, internal software program systems (both “canned” programs in addition to custom software) and more. at the creative facet, you will want to decide for your branding (emblem and color topic). Then maximum in all likelihood you may need enterprise playing cards, brochures, letterhead, fliers, signage and so on.

building a business in steps (or increments) can be executed

But you want to search for the proper expertise. At the start, you will be plenty higher off locating people that are able in several exceptional areas. The much fewer assets you need to rent, in maximum cases, the decrease your spending outlay could be. If one individual can perform the responsibilities of six or eight humans, your budgetary financial savings should be extensive. In a while, while things are starting off, you can replace these multi-proficient individuals with devoted sources, as each responsibility will likely turn out to be a complete-time task. Over-staffing too quickly can position you out of business in a rush or positioned undue pressure on your business to perform earlier than it’s far capable of.

Permit flip the clock forward and count on your enterprise is gaining traction.

Let’s say your multi-gifted people simply helped you get your business off the floor and now you’ll update them with employees devoted to unique business segments, or departments. It is going to be painless to replace them because they may expect it. Why? due to the fact, you added them in as contractors. you’ve got lots of flexibility with contractors. If it is your hobby, and the contractor’s hobby, you can suggest a settlement lease arrangement. Then if matters workout properly, you may carry them in as a part of your senior body of workers considering the fact that they will have this kind of good information of your enterprise.

Overcoming Adversity – Another Way of Looking at the World

Overcoming adversity can be a no-brainer while we trust. We’ve all misplaced our desire and aims sooner or later in our life.

We regularly seem to be running out of steam while we needed it the maximum-then feeling greater depressing over our loss of motive or electricity. Then even more depressing taking into account the attempt we see in advance folks just looking to get returned on our toes and triumph over adversity.

You, like me, can also have been taught to agree with your self.

We’ve heard it earlier than: “simply tell yourself you can do it” or “you may do something you place your mind to.” And my favored, “Paintings a little bit tougher and you’ll make it.”

Permit’s take those loving and well-supposed classes to any other degree-to the level in which our real thoughts and our real self can overcome adversity.

If you are trusting in energy for your personal, you have got every cause to be frightened, traumatic, apprehensive, and lonely.

What is there in yourself you can expect or manage? What is there in you that can be counted on? What is in you that offers you the popularity of the right solution, and the assure that you could climb out of that seemingly tough hole and triumph over adversity, and attain the existence you deserve?

Your ego-primarily based self can do none of this stuff. To accept as true with that you can is to put your accept as true with wherein agree with is unwarranted. It’s far to justify your fear, tension, despair, sorrow, and anger.

Who can positioned their faith in weak spot and sense secure?

At the flip aspect of the coin, who can put their religion in power and feel weak? God is your protection in each situation, and is how you may conquer adversity.

He’s in you, and the Holy Spirit-your natural internal Guide, does the speaking. Consider, His Voice speaks for Him in all conditions, telling you exactly what to do so as to name upon His energy.

His safety is guaranteed. There are no exceptions due to the fact God has no exceptions, and the Voice that speaks for Him is aware of all of this.

Here’s a tremendous workout while up in opposition to overcoming adversity: