#what WILLL i DOOOO

[jondalars]

movies, tv shows, and books of 2021

((* is a rewatch/reread; currently watching; can’t get through))

Survivor (s17, s18, s19, s20 & *, s21, s22, s23, s24, 25, 26, 27, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, s34, s35, s36, s37, s38, s39, s40)

Bridgerton (s1)

Klaus (2019)

The Year of Spectacular Men (2017)

After We Collided (2020)

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier *

Flower (2017)

The Queen’s Gambit (s1)

Signs Preceding the End of the World by Yuri Herrera

Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol

Fjords Vol. 1 by Zachary Schomburg

Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!  (s1)

Night Stalker: The Hunt for a Serial Killer (s1)

Mr. Sunshine (s1)

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)

What We Do In the Shadows (s1*, s2)

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson *

One More Time (s1)

To All the Boys: Always and Forever (2021)

Party Down (s1, s2)

We the Living by Ayn Rand *

Lost (s1*)

Love Island (s1)

I Care A Lot (2020)

Space Sweepers (2021)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller *

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo *

How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer *

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo *

Exhalation: Stories by Ted Chiang

No One is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherynne M. Valente

The Duke and I by Julia Quinn

We Were Liars by E. Lockhart

Troy: Fall of a City (s1*)

Two Weeks Notice (2002) *

Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo *

Love Alarm (s1*, s2)

Eating Fire: Selected Poetry 1965-1995 by Margaret Atwood

Force Majeure (2014)

Nathan for You (s1, s2, s3, s4)

The Way of the Househusband (s1 & LA shorts)

Heaven Official’s Blessing (s1 & **)

Unreal (s1)

Why Did You Kill Me? (2021)

Modern Persuasion (2020)

Lords of Dogtown (2005*)

The Circle (s1, s2, s3)

Too Hot to Handle (s1)

Cheer (s1*)

Shadow and Bone (s1)

Strangers from Hell (s1)

Dawson’s Creek (s1)

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo *

Fake Accounts by Lauren Oyler

Next in Fashion (s1)

Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Saint Maud (2021)

500 Days of Summer (2009) *

Are You the One? (s1, s2)

Tale of the Nine-Tailed (s1)

The Woman in the Window (2021)

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo *

I Told Sunset About You / I Promised You the Moon (s1, s2)

Ragnarok (s2)

Ultimate Beastmaster (s1)

Bo Burnham: Inside (2021)

Word of Honor (s1 & *)

Bo Burnham: what. (2013) *

Dune by Frank Herbert

Because This is My First Life (s1)

Siddartha by Hermann Hesse *

Guardian: The Lonely and Great God (s1 & *)

The Water Cure by Sophie Mackintosh

I May Destroy You (s1)

The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden *

Vampire Academy (2014) *

Guardian (s1)

The Girl in the Tower by Katherine Arden *

This Is Pop (s1)

The Winter of the Witch by Katherine Arden

Good on Paper (2021)

Broken English (2007)

Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson (s2)

Santa Clarita Diet (s1, s2, s3)

Silver Skates (2020)

Love O2O (s1)

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis *

The Wife by Meg Wolitzer

Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon

Beast (2017)

Bad Trip (2020)

We’ll Take Manhattan (2012)

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat

Prince’s Gambit by C.S. Pacat

Kings Rising by C.S. Pacat

American Royals by Katharine McGee

Majesty by Katharine McGee

Advance Bravely (s1)

The Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis *

Fear Street Part One: 1994 (2021)

Fear Street Part Two: 1978 (2021)

Fear Street Part Three: 1666 (2021)

Major Grom: Plague Doctor (2021)

Mo Dao Zu Shi by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu *

The Mole (s1)

Blood Red Sky (2021)

Deep (2021)

Tian Guan Ci Fu by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (2019)

Clickbait (s1)

Touch Your Heart (s1)

What If (2013) *

Two Night Stand (2014) *

Detroit (2017)

French Exit (2020)

School of Rock (2003) *

Level 16 (2018)

An Education (2009) *

Catch Me If You Can (2002) *

Ashes of Love (s1)

Kolyma Stories by Varlam Shalamov trans. Donald Rayfield

The Possessed: Adventures With Russian Books and the People Who Read Them by Elif Batuman

Squid Game (s1)

Death and the Penguin by Andrey Kurkov

Fire on the Mountain by Terry Bisson

The Circle France (s1)

Frisk by Dennis Cooper

The Circle Brazil (s1)

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy trans. Anthony Briggs

Paradise Hills (2019)

The Guilty (2021)

Fleabag (s1*, s2*)

All Good Things (2010)

Instead of Tipsy Why Not Get Drunk (s1)

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion *

The Sundial by Shirley Jackson *

Nirvana in Fire (s1)

Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson *

Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton *

10 Things I Hate About You (1999) *

The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin *

Insiders (s1)

Persuasion by Jane Austen *

You (s3)

A Swim in a Pond in the Rain: In Which Four Russians Give a Master Class on Writing, Reading, and Life by George Saunders

Nox by Anne Carson *

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie

The New Guy (2002) *

Knives Out (2019) *

Midnight Mass (s1)

The Three-Body Problem by Liu Cixin

Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman

What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim (s1)

21 Jump Street (2012) *

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Love Hard (2021)

Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach *

Death on the Nile by Agatha Christie

You by Caroline Kepnes

Train to Busan (2016) *

Community (s1*, s2*, s3*, s4*)

The Martian by Andy Weir

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert *

City of Stairs by Robert Jackson Bennett

Mine (s1)

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood *

The Testaments by Margaret Atwood

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

Cannery Row by John Steinbeck

The Dark Forest by Liu Cixin

A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking

The Princess Switch 3: Romancing the Star (2021)

The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pynchon *

Jingle All the Way (1996) *

Elf (2003) *

Death’s End by Liu Cixin

The Scum Villain’s Self-saving System (vol 1) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Ren Zha Fanpai Zijiu Xitong by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Mo Dao Zu Shi (s1*, s2*)

Single All the Way (2021)

[beepathan]

ok ive decided to just dump every thought i have on this post. buffoonery under the cut

ONE! AND HERE COMES THE TWO TO THE THREE BROS IN THE PLACE TO BE ICHIBANTTE DOUBLE B I shit i forgot the rest DOO DO DO DOOOO DO DO DO DO DOOOOO DOD OOOOO DO DOOOOOOOOOOO DOOOO DOOOOOD OOOOOD OOOOOD ODDOODOOOO i doubt thatd register as the pattern i intended it to to any one who read it. goddddd i need to yell and make noise but i CANTTTTTT flowers that bloom in the darkness its a sighting that is rare to come across nobody seems to have noticdd thay the power that has been bestowed is lust riding through the twilight this armory. protects my HEATRRRTT BADBADBABBDBADBABDBABBABBABDBDBBBBDBADBABDBABDBADBBADBABDBADBABDBADBABDABBBDBBADBANDBADBANDNAbDNABd cfnfn OFO GOD I WISH I COULD MAKE DUBSTEP NOISES OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yeah being a scientist is gonna be cool and all but i really wish i could go into music or visual art or something like. i want to make things creatively i want to create sounds and colors and characters and words i dont want to spend my days in a lab or teaching biology to high schoolers who couldnt care less. i mean ok actually being in a lab would be cool hypothetically depending on what sort of science specifically i would do. ive been biting the insides of my cheeks a lt lately and i cant move my face without feeling the places where my cheeks have become thinner even just in the slightest amount. im worried about the message my sister and i’s comic might accidentally send because theres a lot of moral ambiguity and the “good guys” arent really good at all. there arent really any good guys in our story just people the narrative follows. ill take you baaaaack my valkyrieeeeeee youre coming HOOOOOMe i wont lose. hope. bBABBAAAAAAAAADADAADBABBABABA shit how longs that empty drink been there. since this morning ok. i really cant envision a realistic future for myself where im happy and fulfilled. its not very fun to think about and im worried about the state of the world becasue it doesnt look like its going to get better. like the actions everyday people can take willl never be enough and we just have to hope the people with the power to start fixing things will actually do so. but we all know they wont and thats scary. it really does feel like humanity is rushing headfirst into its self-made doom and its all because of a few people. which fucking sucks i mean like. can someone ping the mods on earth and get the fuckers permabanned or something. establish a unified planet where we help each other instead of trying to destroy each other at the cost of destroying ourselves. id go to therapy but these arent issues i can overcome, its genuinely how it is and theres realistically nothing to be done except try to cope with it while the people causing this dont bat an eye at what theyve done. every single day the people with power CHOOSE not to make things better. and for WHAT? im not religious but i hope to fuck theres an afterlife and theres justice because. god whats even the point otherwise? shit im about to start spiralling. ok ill try to think about something else. really the only way to get things done is to Do them and it seems obvious even to those who dont get things done but like. it truly is an ordeal because Doing things ends up being a more complicated process than youd think. we really are what we do and not what we feel but i think for mentos illness its kinda the opposite. even if you can hide your symptoms its about whats going on inside, and that inside stuff directly contradicts a lot of the efforts you try to make externally somehow. mind over matter, but what if the mind is deliberately trying to sabotage your efforts? then again, it isnt malicious in nature. just as much as you Are your mind, you are also a creature, acting on instinct, even if that instinct is thought through and rationalized so that you do not view it as such. in the end all that separates me from a cell is how much of me there is. how much of the world i can interact with. a cell can only interact with as much as it is a part of, but i interact with so much more than i will ever know or perceieve. countless cells, microbes and shit, ive changed and moved and killed and created more of those than ill ever know, because just as i can not perceive the infinite wonder of the universe, i can not perceieve the life that goes on at a certain level smaller than me. where does the line get drawn, for the life i perceieve? will i ever spell perceieve right? no. i have the power to spell it right, but i choose not to correct myself, because i have deemed that action worthless. is that why the people in power refuse to make things better? do they deem the safety of those controlled by their systems worthless? in the grand scheme of things, i suppose theyd be correct. someday we will all cease to exist, and none of our actions, our thoughts and feelings, the things weve seen and loved and feared and been apathetic to, will matter, because at the end of the day, we are a speck in the infinite expanse of the universe. but what if we werent? what if my actions have meaning, outside this room, outside this country, outside this galaxy? just because i think it is worthless to correct my spelling mistakes on a post no one will ever see does not make it so. the cells in my body dont find it worthless when i breathe, when i eat and drink and live and die. i think my laundry might be done drying soon