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#what bothers me is that if it had been a brick i probably would've thrown it all the same.
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I am in dire need of cat pictures
#tw vent#which means i really want to kill myself#i had an argument with my sister. she was there for three days. Three days.#and i managed to get into an argument with her in three days.#i had a pillow in my hand and i threw it at her#what bothers me is that if it had been a brick i probably would've thrown it all the same.#i don't want the mari incident to happen again.#i almost threw a sculpture of basil i made down the stairs while she was extremely stressed about cleaning.#i'm only good at doing the same mistakes all over again aren't i#she told me the reason why my mom was sick was because of all the stress i put her under#and i know it's true. because they talk more than my mom and i talk. they've always gotten along together much better than with me#my sister threw everything that belonged to me that was downstairs in my room#and my mom saw it - that my room's the only room in the house to be messy. again. and i know how stressed it makes her#they're all downstairs and my mom's boyfriend is there and i don't like him#and i can't come down because i've been crying for an hour straight and the last thing i want is to ruin my mom's mood#she just came back from a three days trip with her boyfriend. she's happy. i know she hages being with me so i'll just stay up here#i need a shower. i want to die so bad#but i can't even do that because i don't have anything to do that with#and i'm too much of a coward to stab myself.#i wish i could just disappear#it'd be better for everyone. and my mom would be so much happier.#i know she'd feel better if i wasn't there. she's told me that before.#i asked. it's alright. i know she's right anyway.#i wish i could do something#my sister broke the sculpture of basil i'm trying to make while throwing wverything in my room.#it's fine. i can fix it.#it just sucks.#maybe i should just throw it all away#it's ugly anyway#sunny
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