#what do you mean he saw the shrek shit hole

[phatcatphergus]

I love seeing posts about streams I can’t watch like “omg I can’t wait to be emotionally devastated later!!!!🥰💕”

[elizabeatrice]

Feeling Blue, Seeing Red (Chapter 69)

Let’s Talk About JSHK Manga #5

Updated: 19/8/2020 (more thoughts)

Bea is back with the lame punny titles~

Warning: !!! MANGA SPOILERS UP TO CHAPTER 69 !!! Duh.

Soooo I opened the raws this morning. Saw the spicy and went 'ohh shoot'. Then some of y'all say that some folks are hating Akane bc of this chap. I proceeded to panic, because fandom war is scary af. So I translated the chap for myself. And I just gotta say:

Aoi, Nene, your boyfriends are idiots. Y'all gonna be punching and headbutting the idiocy out of them for the rest of your lives and I'll be willing to pay for your karate classes.

The teen drama made me laugh so hard ahahahaha I guess this is what you get for hoping sensei will drop a bomb this month lmaoooo.

P.S. Teru you little shit

Man I don’t even know where to begin. This chapter is oozing doraaaaama and I can’t take it seriously no matter how much I try. I remember thinking, “Shoot, this is the ‘I hate you, I hate you too, proceed to make out’ trope in JSHK’s classic ‘oooh serious moment, eh? PSYCHE!’ style,” before bursting into laughter.

I swear I’m not making fun of it.

Because it’s already fun to begin with. Ahahahaha.

I do however, take seriously the long-awaited insight into Aoi’s mind. I hollered in joy, y’all. ‘Cause like ... finally!

(Also like ... ngl the development of Aoi and akaoi in this arc might come into play in my Shrek AU. Pls don’t ask. Yet. That’s not the official AU name I swear I just wanna confuse my readers ahahaha)

Back when chapter 64 came out I wrote something that was supposed to be the first of the Let’s Talk About JSHK Manga series but I ended up not posting it because I wasn’t sure about a bunch of things. Here’s an excerpt from that post, titled ‘Aoi and Her Blues’:

I mean, what did the minions do to her? ‘Remove unnecessary things’. Someone said they removed her inhibitions (I’m terribly sorry I forgot who said this because it’s been so long so I can’t put the link here, but if you know, feel free to send me the link).

But she has to be brainwashed, right?

She remembered enough about Nene. Enough to call her out on her feelings (that she still denies btw lol) and recognize Hanako from Nene’s wonderful description (or because Aoi could see him all this time and never said anything, who knows?).

Most importantly, she remembered Akane.

So apparently they weren’t unnecessary enough to be erased from her memory. Which I’d beg to differ if I were going to make this girl willingly sacrifice herself.

Would she let her best friend fall down into a pit full of giant insects, or let her childhood friend get impaled? I mean this is the same girl that cried when Akane and Yamabuki got together (by accident) and when Nene started talking to herself like a madwoman.

So yeah. Definitely brainwashed. Pretty sure now.

The one thing that bugged me is what she said though.

“I’ve always wanted to go somewhere far away.”

“Nothing will stop me from getting my wish.”

Btw these aren’t accurate word for word I’m just drawing from memory.

Is that a wish forced upon her by the brainwashing, or has Aoi been depressed all this time and ... y’know, therefore thought about ‘going far away’? I’m personally leaning more towards the first, but it still got me thinking.

Remember back in The Clock Keeper arc when she said there was something she wanted to tell Nene?

Can some creepy hands showing up in the gardening club’s album photos really warrant that kind of expression? Is it just me who got disappointed when the thing she wanted to tell Nene ended up being just that?

But if she did have such thoughts, why?

Maybe she was lonely? I mean Nene got so busy with supernatural shenanigans. Akane’s busy with student council stuff (and school wonder stuff). Though I don’t doubt for a second that he’d drop everything for Aoi, but Aoi’s not the kind of person to do that. And to be honest, I feel like so far Aoi hasn’t been shown having genuine interaction with anyone aside from Nene and Yamabuki without the other person being completely enamored by her. And even with Yamabuki that was just in that After School chapter.

So I guess my hunch wasn’t that far off. Still though. Still though. Is she or is she not brainwashed? Because as much as Aoi likes-but hates-but actually kinda likes Akane, I still don’t think she’s the type of person to stab her childhood friend until he’s got a hole through his fucking torso.

Throwing Nene into the bug pit I guess makes more sense if Aoi knew all along that the pit won’t lead anywhere too dangerous, and that Hanako wouldn’t leave Nene’s side. Nene’s perfectly safe with him. Sorta. She did get kidnapped and were about to be sacrificed after all. But heeey Hanako still showed up to save her in the end.

Stabbing Akane like that tho? Even if she knows he wouldn’t die in a boundary especially in his school wonder form? It just doesn’t feel like Aoi, man.

Then again she did say no one really knows her, and that anyone who does would end up being disappointed in her.

I’m really happy to know that she does not, in fact, appreciate all the attention given to her. Comedy framing aside, constantly having some random guy approach you to ask you out presumably every day is ... annoying at best. Kid deserves better.

So ya girl got some extreme trust issues. Strangers, even Akane and Nene, I could understand. But her dad tho? Is something going on in the Akane household? Bruh ....

How long has Aoi not been able to trust anyone enough to let them get close to her? Because if she’s been feeling like that about Nene all this time, Imma be super sad bruh. Nene is one of the most genuine kids ever (perhaps only second to Kou).

I understand that Aoi’s disappointed because Nene’s been keeping secrets, but honestly, who would believe you if you come up to them and say, “Hey so I summoned a toilet ghost and now I’m stuck as his assistant. The rumors about supernaturals are like, totally real, and can endanger everyone in this school for real, too. Also I turn into fish when I come in contact with water.”

Sensible best friends would either a) not believe you, or b) try to get you as far away from supernatural shit as possible ‘cause hello? Ya ain’t Miles Morales ya can’t just blast What’s Up Danger when monster of the week shows up.

Even if Aoi does let it continue, wouldn’t she wanna get involved? Would Nene let her get involved when Tsukasa’s still around? Ya girl got cursed, thrown off the top of a boundary, sent to literally nowhere and everywhere, almost got her body stolen by mirror monsters, kidnapped and taken into a fake world, and now trapped in literal Grim Reaper’s realm. Honestly, who would involve their best friend in this sort of shit?

It just makes me sad to think that all this time Akane and Nene have genuinely cared about her but she didn’t think they were. Aoi, my girl Nene literally threaded hell boundaries and high shallow water to save you!!!

Unrequited platonic love hurts just as much as romantic ones, y’all ....

Speaking of romantic love.

Hey, uh, Akane. For claiming to despise Hanako and calling him a slimy pervert, y’all kinda act the same way with your respective girlfriends when things get a bit heated up, huh? Even the teasing part.

Boy, you’re dumb af. You deserve that.

There it is y’all, it’s official. We got punches for akaoi and headbutts for hananene.

You deserve this too. But Teru’s face here is really annoying, I’ll give you that. Teru you little shit.

At least you’re finally gonna be useful. Let’s just see.

Hmm I guess I have to address the thing now.

Ahem. The thing. The pushing (pulling?) Aoi down, grabbing her neck thing.

Yeah I don’t get it either. Whether it was a creative choice taken in consideration to the actual character’s state or to just pander to the trope that seems to be marketable in Japan or both, I don’t really know.

I do however, have to remind you that none of these kids are in their right mind. One is possibly still recovering from the effects of brainwashing and dealing with not only extreme trust issues and insecurities, but also the sight of a gaping hole on her childhood friend and perhaps crush’s torso, not to mention having to deal with this in the middle of nowhere. The other one is the said person with a gaping hole on his torso, who almost lost his life-long crush, and even got stabbed by her in the first place.

They’re lost. They’re tired. They’re emotional. They’re frustrated. They’re two hormonal teens.

I think Akane thought Aoi wouldn’t listen to him unless he makes her. Which is why he went with exposing her by saying he hated her. Which is still a dumb move in my opinion. But Aoi rightfully got back at him. And honestly I didn’t think he really hurt her. I mean, it’s Akane after all. *shrugs*

The way I see it, the entire thing was a result from not only their current condition but also the uh ... not telling each other how they really feel all this time. Aoi with her issues, Akane with his secrets. They’re a ticking bomb. It’s horrible that they ended up hurting each other because of this (physically and emotionally), but I could see why it went like this. These two are flawed. Most importantly, they’re teenagers. They’re bound to fuck up in this equation.

Heck, I’ve fucked up worse in less endangering situations before.

But heeey once things get cleared between them they fall right back to each other. Sure things aren’t entirely resolved. But they’re gonna be okay. Teru’s there. Should be fine. Probably.

The thing is we as the audience who come into the story with a clear head can easily figure out the best, most sensible way to deal with the characters’ problems. But these problems affect the characters in (physical, physiological, psychological, emotional) ways most of us can’t immediately empathize with, which can make their bad decisions frustrating for us to see. We know it’s wrong. And when these characters have calmed down and healed, they’ll know that it’s wrong, too. If they’re not dicks, that is.

You know how it feels when you’re fighting with someone, and you know the best thing to do is to talk it out, but you just can’t bring yourself to? It makes things worse, right? And you’re frustrated, right? Unfortunately that’s just how humans are.

Even I let my emotions get the best of me when I judged the villagers’ actions back in chapter 68 hahaha (but I still think they’re awful).

It’s just my opinion tho.

And whooo everyone is officially here but Yamabuki (and Sakura and Tsukasa, but they’re bound to show up)! Catch up soon, my citrus child.

Lastly, I have the moral obligation to remind you that if akaoi’s confrontation ended up like this, imagine how hananene’s would be.

I’ll leave you to your deductions.

As always, feel free to discuss. Just ... don’t fight, onegaishimasu.

[aka-willow]

Against The Tide

gif

Words: 1569

Characters: Willow Wren, Mr. Fields, Kate Gray, Annabel Carson

Prompt/Tag:

“and where do i go?”

“What did you expect? For everything to just go back to normal?”

“why didn’t you tell me?”

Summary: Marty’s funeral

Timeline: December 2015

Song: Boats Against the Current - Craig Armstrong

A/N: this shit HURTED

—————————————————————————–

Marty’s funeral was held on a Tuesday. It snowed.

I returned to school the Monday after it all happened, trying to regain some sense of normalcy, but when I walked in alone that morning, I had never heard the halls that quiet. The teachers offered sympathetic smiles as students walked by, but no one talked, no one joked around at the lockers, and people moved from one class to the next as if we were in a trance. The soccer teams had shown up with blue ribbons pinned to their shirts, and when the morning announcements came, the vice-principal’s voice cracked as she read the news.

People seemed almost afraid to talk to me or make eye contact as if any gesture would cause me to break down. I sat with my head down in most classes, staring at the floor, just trying to make it through one class at a time. None of the teachers said anything when I turned in worksheets blank, my name written at the top.

Kate was not at school, and she never returned any of my texts. I didn’t see her until the funeral.

On that Tuesday, school buses took us to the funeral, which was public. The wake was for family members only—and I wasn’t invited.

We packed into St. Giles, all the students standing in the back of the church. His dad spoke, and I saw his mom crying in the front row. I had stayed at Jessica’s since that night and had hardly talked to Marty’s dad, beyond when I stopped at the apartment before school Monday morning. Detectives had the place marked up and I had to be escorted to get my school binders and my rats. It seemed there was nothing to say, and when I went into the living room to find a book, there was still blood on the floor and tarps covering the windows. Marty’s dad had been staying at a hotel.

Girls in my class were passing around the little packages of tissues and when I got handed one, I looked up to see it was Annabel handing it to me. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face blotchy. I took the tissue, but I realized that as hard as I wanted to, I couldn’t cry. I didn’t cry at Marty’s funeral.

Kate was standing alone at the end when we were milling around waiting for the buses. She had sunglasses clipped to the front of her jacket and bags under her eyes.

“Kate?” I asked. “Hey, I was worried when I didn’t hear from you.”

She looked up at me but didn’t smile. “Hey, Willow.”

“How are you?” I asked. “They said you got a concussion, I’m so sorry—”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she interrupted.

“Tell you…”

“You know what,” she hissed, her eyes darting around to make sure no one was listening. “What I saw that night… I don’t even know… I don’t even know if I know who you are. I mean… I saw what you can do.”

“Then why did you lie to the detectives? We should talk—”

“No, no, I don’t think… I don’t want to.” Kate said, and the tone of her voice made me sick. “I can’t do this.”

“Well, maybe we can hang once you’re feeling better and—”

“No,” she said firmly, and a few people turned around to look at us. “What did you expect? For everything to just go back to normal? I’m sorry, Willow. But I just can’t… I’m scared,” she said, her voice cracking. “So, please, just stay the fuck away from me.”

“You know me,” I said again.

“Do I?” She leaned in. “You know what I saw on his killer’s jacket? A fucking HYDRA patch. I’m not stupid, Willow. Marty sure as hell wasn’t involved with that shit, and what I saw you do?”

“I’m not HYDRA, if that’s what you think,” I said, my mind racing as I took in this new information.

“No,” Kate said quietly. “But it wasn’t that person that gave me this concussion. It was you.” She checked her phone. “I gotta go.”

“Kate!” She ignored me, walking away over the frozen ground, to a car waiting outside the church. “Kate!” I called again, and she turned around once more, shaking her head, before getting into the car. I sat down on the steps of the church, searching the crowd for Peter or Ned, but I thought better of it and instead of getting back on the bus, I left the church and walked for blocks and blocks, only stopping when it began to get dark.

I thought about what Kate had said and now it seemed to confirm what I had been told all along. They will never understand your abilities. Everywhere you go, chaos will follow. They were right. This is your fault. I went back to the apartment to grab a few things and tried to get a hold on things, continuing to text the Lab Rats as we scrambled to organize a meetup.

When I stepped inside, the lights were on, and Marty’s dad was sitting at the kitchen counter surveying the damage. It was freezing inside, and he was still wearing his winter coat.

“Hi Mr. Fields,” I said, quietly. He sighed and turned to look at me.

“I want you out by tomorrow morning.”

“Out… like back at Jessica’s?” I asked.

“Out,” he said, his voice raised. “I want you out of this apartment. Take your shit and get out.”

“And where do I go? I don’t have anywhere to—”

“I don’t care where you go!” he yelled. “I want you gone. Do you understand? My son is dead, my place is destroyed, and I should never have taken you in.” He took a sip of his drink. “Fucking Jeri.”

“I don’t have anywhere to go!”

“I DON’T CARE!” He turned away and looked back into the living room, where shards of glass still littered the floor. “My son is dead. Do you understand that?”

I rushed past him, into the guest bedroom and locked the door behind me. I could feel myself shaking and a breeze passed around the room as I grabbed my hands. Don’t lose it. Not now. I looked around the room, the first place I had been able to call home since I was six. At the pictures taped to the walls, the silly drawings Marty had made for me, the tech that Peter and I collected over the summer.

With a shuddering sigh, I dumped my backpack out onto the bed, surveying its contents, sorting through what I wanted to take with me. I don’t even know where I’m going yet. I didn’t want to go back to Jessica’s, I didn’t want to talk to Peter and Ned. I wanted to be alone. I had to be alone.

I sorted through my clothes, stuffed them into a trash bag, and packed the rest of my belongings back into my backpack. Stuffed elephant. Photos and drawings in a Ziploc bag. Laptop. The Shrek umbrella that Kate got me last Christmas. The binoculars from Jess. I found the flash drive from the night before and plugged it into my computer, planning to use it for back up.

However, when I opened up the drive, there was already a file on there. It was a giant text file, but when I opened it, there were only a few paragraphs written:

willow– i hid this in your bathroom drawer since you’ve never clean it and I don’t think anyone will find it. if you’re seeing this, you can just give it back to me. unless something happened to me.

if something happened to me, you should extract the files hidden in this notepad. the password is based on a book recommendation I gave you. no spaces, all lowercase. once you unzip it, it’s pretty self-explanatory.

ok now if you’re still reading this come bail me out of jail or whatever. use the shitton of cash i’ve been stealing from my dad and that’s in a bean can in the ceiling above the toilet. i was saving it for weed but whatvers. thx. xoxo MARTYY

I reread the last line several times over, trying not to let my heart break. xoxo MARTYY.

My heart pounding, I opened up WinRar and tried to extract the file, but I had no idea what the password would be. Book recommendation? When? I heard the apartment door shut and receding footsteps down the hall and I jumped off the bed and went into the bathroom while Marty’s dad was out of the apartment. I grabbed my toiletries and then I put the lid down on the toilet and stood on top of it, pushing the ceiling tile in and searching the space around the hole. My hand closed on a metal can and I pulled it down as dust fell into my face.

It was filled with cash.

Not wanting to see Marty’s dad anymore, I went back to the guest room and finished packing, tucking the drive and can into my backpack and slinging the trashbag of clothes over my shoulder. I surveyed the now-empty room and sighed. I would be going back to Jessica’s to get Nedward and Boxer Joe. And then I’d be leaving there, too. This part of my life was over.

[kaironlokethor]

WHAT DID HE DO

< LAST FIRST NEXT>

We have a Dragonborn Fighter (Dragon), a Tiefling Rogue (Kairon), a Half-Elf rogue (Shadow), and a Changling druid/warlock (Lucious).  We also have Bertha (Changling’s human wife) and Mur’deth, a Tiefling warlock we met during the Monk fight (she’s mute because her tongue got cut out. she can use awaken minds, and taught Kairon sign language) There is also Belathor, who is a chatacter from Kairon’s backstory, and a very close friend to him. So this is a double session we wanted this week. I was really excited and talking to DM about bringing Mur’deth back in, and accidentally mentioned Kairon was interested in her. DM revealed she was interested in him, and we began on a private quest to set them the fuck up.  Anyway, Kairon went to the market, met up with Mur’deth again, and she came back to Lucious’ house with us.

---

-We are trying to pull off a jail heist to break Lucious’ sister out of jail. She was being held there secretly and, as DM put it, she doesn’t technically exist. Kairon sets out an in depth plan, and Lucious is supposed to be following, but decided to go rogue- Lucious: (pretending to be a guard) I am going to go down to the basement where my sister is Kairon (OOC): LUCIOUS THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING Lucious: How many floors down is it? DM: About 99 floors Lucious: Oh this is gonna take a while Kairon (OOC): Just slide down the banister Dragon: Oooh that’s going to hurt

---

DM: So, you want to go down to the basement, but you’re on shift and supposed to be on floor 4. You need to tell them something Lucious: Uhh, my friend from Waterdeep is coming in and I wanted to go talk to him DM (as the other guard): Waterdeep? The fuck is waterdeep? Lucious: You don't know where Waterdeep is? Oh, no I mean Waterfront...the town we just came from, Waterfront

---

-So Lucious ends up fucking shit up. He gets caught going down to the basement, and that causes them to set off an alarm- DM: So on the way out of the prison, you get stopped by another guard. “Why the fuck were you down here? Kairon (OOC): Just say you fell down the stairs Dragon (OOC): Oooh, all those stairs? Shadow (OOC): Yes, all of them Kairon (OOC): BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM He fell down 99 flights of stairs Lucious: Uhhhh, I went to check on a prisoner who, doesn’t technically exist, if you know what I mean Kairon (OOC): WTF

---

-So some alarms are blaring from the jail. Kairon, Dragon, Shadow, Mur’deth and Bertha are still at his house- DM: So you guys no hear the sirens Kairon: WHAT THE FUCK DID HE DO -I get up and start pacing angrily- Dragon: Oh shit he dead Kairon: HE HAD ONE JOB! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE ONE FUCKING SHIFT TO GATHER INFORMATION Dragon: He got dragged into some cell somewhere and killed Kairon: HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GATHER INFORMATION, RETURN IT TO US, AND WAIT FOR OUR HELP WTF Dragon: I bet he died Kairon: WHAT DID HE DO!?

---

Lucious: -trying to run away from the prison- I want to beast form...I CAN BECOME A PONY!

---

-Lucious came back and told us about the 8 wolf spiders guarding his sister in the jail- Shadow: I want to go to the library [in Lucious’ house] and read about giant wolf spiders. Would that be under G or W? DM: Wtf? Shadow: Is it under G for “Giant Wolf Spider” or W for “Wolf Spider, Giant” Kairon: Are they using the Dewy Decimal System?

---

-In the Vault in Lucious’ house there are chains (think Addam’s family) that take you to different rooms but can only be used by one person at a time. Shadow and Lucious are in the library- Shadow: I want to go to the pool room! -I run over to the chains and pull the pool chain- DM: So.....You pull the chain, and leave with the chains. Lucious and the steward are now trapped in the library Shadow (OOC): Isn’t there a book in there that tells you how to get the chains back Lucious: -sarcastically- Yes. And it also tells me how to MURDER YOU

---

-DM is bored and just rolling dice as we squabble about whatever- Kairon: I want to take Mur’deth out to the city and walk around with her Shadow (OOC): I want to know why DM is rolling....is there an encounter...? DM: Oh, so the apocalypse happens. Sea monsters are falling from the sky Kairon: Oh, I grab one and blow it up like a balloon for Mur’deth DM: Oh, cause like Shrek, you breathe helium Dragon (OOC): Oh, I never thought about that before -This spurs a 10 minute OOC conversation about how Shrek breathes helium and how he managed to deal with the Dragon while breathing a hightly flamable gas-

---

-So we decide we will need to end up crawling through the gutter system to save her. We didn’t have to do this, but then Lucious fucked shit up so we couldn’t just walk through the front entrance- Kairon: Okay, so before we go, is there anything anyone needs in town? Shadow: I need pants that are big enough to go over MY pants Kairon: Wait, wtf why? Shadow: I don’t want to smell like shit! Kairon: Good point. Get enough for the party

---

-So to pull off this heist Mur’deth used a disguise kit to make Kairon look like a blue tiefling, since we are kind of wanted criminals for petty thief..... After getting home and washing up, Mur’deth confesses her feelings to Kairon, and Kairon confesses to her. Kairon then sneaks out to buy some stuff to propose to her with- Kairon: I want to walk to Belathor’s store and go in Belathor: Get in quickly and close the door. Kairon: I slide in and lock the door behind me.  Belathor: I saw all the commotion you and your friends caused Kairon: Hey hey, that wasn’t me! That was some blue tiefling Belathor: Oh, I am sure. You’re the reason I had a bunch of guards in my shop and drove my customers away Kairon: No no, like I said, a blue tiefling. -I look around the shop and buy a few things- Belathor: I also have rings if you need any. I saw your friend making eyes at you Kairon: Wha-- uh, no, like I uh like I said that was a...a blue tiefling

---

-Lucious went to a shop and found some tea called Happy tea, which “Tastes like your fondest childhood memory” according to the DM. Lucious bought 100 leaves and made the tea as a housewarming gift for when Mur’deth and Kairon bought their house after getting married- Kairon: Okay, I sip the tea DM: Mur’deth drinks it  Lucious: I sip it Dragon: So I just down it. I fucking down it in one gulp DM: So, you are all have a feeling of happiness wash over you Dragon: I’m just over on the floor having a good time. I’m just enjoying myself. Kairon: So yeah....Dragon is fucking high Dragon: I’m puffy the fucking magical dragon!

---

Lucious: Well, I’m going home. Come on, Bertha Kairon: Bertha, have a safe trip home. Lucious, I hope you step on a lego

---

-We begin travel to the next town. Mur’deth and I are riding on the back of my Warg, Lucious and his sister, Nox, are riding on his horse. Dragon and Shadow each have a horse. We make it to a small hole-in-the-wall town and find the tavern- Kairon: I get off my warg and walk in with her DM: Mur’deth is asleep on the back of the warg Kairon: Got any rooms? DM (as owner): Yes, we have 3 rooms for the night Kairon: How many do we have? Me and Mur’deth can share a room, You guys will have to double bunk it too Lucious: Well, Nox is sleeping in my room DM (as Nox): Wait? Me? No! I want to bunk with the dragonborn! Dragon: -laughs- Hear that, Lucious? -Lucious tries to put up a fight but Nox eventually wins and gets to bunk with Dragon- Kairon: You need contraceptive? -I offer some to him- Dragon: Eh, not right now Kairon: Well, you know where to find me if you do -We pay for the rooms and go up to go to sleep. Kairon and Mur’deth get all snuggled in and start falling asleep. Shadow and Lucious go up to the room and Shadow ends up sleeping in the corner on the floor. Dragon and Nox go up to their room and Nox starts getting handsy.- DM: What do you want to do, Dragon? Nox is now hugging you from behind Dragon: On second thought, I am going to knock on Kairon’s door DM: Kairon, this wakes Mur’deth up, and she shoves you out of bed to deal with it Kairon: I hardly open the door, a blanket wrapped around me Dragon: Heyyyyy... Kairon: -I hand him the contraception- Have fun -and I go the fuck back to bed- DM: So, Dragon, you and Nox go fucking wild all night.  Dragon: Oh I make sure Lucious hears. I hit the wall and stuff to keep him awake so he hears DM: So, you know that Dragon totally nailed your sister Lucious (OOC): Huh, good job, Dragon, you aren’t the last one of the party to get laid. Congrats Dragon: You gonna still feel that way in the morning? 

[astrofireworks]

ok so on Sunday my sister and I went to Universal Studios Singapore for her birthday and literally the first thing I thought of was theme park performer!Bin and visitor!Eunwoo so this spilled out 

happy 500 days with astro ~~~

Minion lover Cha Eunwoo

I'm cackling

So the new minion movie just came out and they're saying that the theme park near Eunwoo's place has minion-themed stuff to promote it

Including a giant inflatable minion !!!!!!

And so Eunwoo, our neighbourhood minion trash,

You know

Has to go

And so he wakes up on a Saturday morning, heads over to the theme park and enjoys the minion festivities

Unironically because he's lee dongminion

And because he's bought the ticket already he figures he might as well enjoy the entire theme park so he grabs lunch and goes around to the different attractions

Until he comes across a stage

Street performer Bin

Has a showtime every hour or so, depending on the crowd & depending on his boss

Performs on the main stage right near the entrance

Mostly does dance and damn he's good at it

He & his crew (Rocky, Hoshi, Dino, Chani) do a five minute routine every showtime and they get thunderous applause every single time & usually almost half the crowd is filming them

The other half being kids who scream and clap in delight

And a small handful of teenage girls who also scream and clap in delight

Gets hungry after every single show

Dino gets alarmed sometimes because "bin are you sure you can eat all this before the next show?"

Finished everything every single time & gets hungry right afterwards too

Basically a food black hole bless his soul

Rocky doesn't even get surprised anymore when he looks at bin's table and he's polishing off two full meals for lunch

Does extra shows after their own five minute segments just for fun

Steps off the main stage & just dances freestyle slightly to the right

Sing sometimes too or beatboxes so the rest of his friends can dance

You know how there are queues to take pictures with characters and stuff like shrek or the minions or stuff

Yeah people queue up to take photos with the dance crew

Most of them being young kids beaming in excitement and Chani also beaming in excitement because he is also a young child

I love him so much stop me

But also some of them being Smitten™ fangirls who giggle their way through the photos & press numbers into their palms

But Bin always palms them off to Hoshi and Rocky because there's really only one person he wants a phone number from

Every Saturday there's always this one guy who comes

It's always during his two o'clock show and again during his six o'clock show

And the first time he saw him Bin fumbled and missed a step

Essentially the first mistake he's ever made on stage so he sat down afterwards sweating over it

Even though literally nobody else noticed because Hoshi was in the centre being spectacular and he was exiting stage right

Like "why did I make that mistake omg" and "it was beCAUSE OF THAT G U Y" 

hold up Bin what

literally the first image replaying in his head after the stage is that guy's face

Bin didn't get a clear look because he's been spinning around stage and because said guy was half hidden behind a bunch of giggly girls but he got a short glimpse of clear bright eyes, a half smile and carefully ruffled hair in a white shirt

And it's that image of an angel that stays with Bin through his three, four, five o'clock shows because wow he has never seen someone who could make him mess up his steps like that

How annoying, Bin tells himself, what a terrible guy

Until he sees him again at his six o'clock show, this time in the front row, grinning, one hand on the strap of his backpack and the other in a pocket and a thin silver chain around his neck that disappears into the v of his collar

And wow his face is easily one of the best??? looking ????? ones ????????? Bin has ever seen ????????

And judging from the girls nudging and whispering beside him it's easily one of the best looking ones everyone and anyone has ever seen

And he nearly misses a beat staring but Dino brushes by him and he moves right back in place

But the whole dance he's staring at the angel and gets startled every time the angel meets his eyes and smiles

And dammit Bin is blushing

I mean everyone else thinks it's because of the heat and because Bin is dancing but Bin knows

And his face is flushing and dammit Bin shouldn't be affected !!!!!! because he's on stage and dancing and shouldn't be distracted !!!!!

But two can play at this game bitxh

So he throws a wink and a grin in the angel's general direction when he's in the centre

You know

This one 

And watches the man flush and bite his lip and look down

And also hears the very audible swooning of the girls next to him because they think it's meant for them

But yes the man leaves right after even though Bin was keeping an eye out for him so he could catch him after the show

And so Bin resigns himself to seeing that beautiful smile in his dreams and only in his dreams

Because ??? Literally there's probably no chance he'll ever see this beautiful man again

Until the next Saturday at two o'clock when he shows up again

Bin truly wants to scream

He's in a soft blue button up this time, thin and light enough for the weather in a theme park but somehow structured enough to make his broad shoulders seem endless and for him to look soft and boyfriend and he's smiling gently waiting for Bin to start his stage

Wait

Boyfriend

What

Bin, stOP IT

But as usual he disappears before Bin can get off the stage to talk to him so Bin just cries internally in despair

I mean there's always the six o'clock show right

But the moment Bin finishes his stage he sees a soft blue shirt detach itself from the crowd and drift off towards the theme park exit and he feels his heart sink in disappointment

And so Bin goes through the motions of pictures and smiling and thanking people for their support then flops over to the closest refreshment stand because boy he needs a drink

Because wow chances are that if that man's already come two weeks in a row to enjoy the theme park it's unlikely he'll ever come again

He'll never see that man again

Oh well

And our son just looks so mopey that MJ hands him a turkey leg and a Coke and pats him on the head

And because this is MJ he obviously asks about it

what a sweet caring bean

But when Bin refuses to speak about it MJ just sagely nods and whacks his friend on the head

MJ: "is it boy trouble or"

Bin, muffled through a mouthful of meat: "shussup"

MJ, loudly cackling because if anything that's a sure confirmation

Sanha sticking his head out from where he's manning the minion booth beside MJ's food cart

"HYUNG HAS A CRUSH???"

Cue teasing-fodder-hyenas Hoshi, Rocky, Dino and Chani leaping into Bin and Sanha and yelling at Bin to spill

Bin sensibly yelling back that he'll probably never see that guy ever again because this is a theme park, dammit, nobody comes more than twice a month because the tickets are too bloody expensive

MJ whining sadly about lost love and the boys all awwing at Bin

And so they all go back to their daily lives, Bin quickly forgetting the man in favour of focussing on dance routine and new pranks to pull on his crewmates

Until

You guessed it

Eunwoo makes an appearance for the third Saturday in a row

And when Bin steps on stage his eyes are caught by a small silver flicker and large bright eyes curved in a smile

And so he grins brightly at the angel because goddammit he isn't letting this angel fly away again because third time lucky right?

Wrong

Right after the performance comes to a close Bin slips off the stage and towards the angel

Who has his arm around the shoulders of another guy

Bin

Is

Crushed

He has never once entertained the idea that angel boy might be taken, that someone else might have been wowed the same way he is, that someone else might have courted this man first

And now that he does, he feels disappointment and a vague sense of despair welling up in his heart and elbows and eyebrows and everywhere

He truly thought he was going to talk to that man today

But I guess not

And so he skips his post-performance snack and sits, huddled in a corner of a room looking in the mirror because that man the angel had his arm around?

He was beautiful

Large brown eyes with beautiful eyesmiles, bright grin, sharp jawline, sun that could power a village for five years (MJ claims this one though, Bin thinks his smile could power one for at least seven years), cute mole beneath his lip and matching silver chain

Bin might have the body honed by dancing endlessly daily for more than half his life but

Wow this boy is truly beautiful too

The both of them are

and MJ and Rocky are waiting at MJ's refreshment stand, waiting for Bin to come out and claim a bag of potato chips

But he doesn't

And it’s when Rocky walks into their shared prep room with a bag of chips to dangle in Bin's face he sees Bin staring despondently at a mirror

"It was a dumb crush anyway it wasn't going anywhere"

"Wait hyung what"

Bin, startling: "wAIT"

Rocky: "YOU MEAN ANGEL BOY CAME AGAIN????"

Bin, sulking: "yeah? Him and his boyfriend?"

Rocky:

Rocky:

Rocky:

Rocky: "Oh my god you're jealous"

"Ur jealous aren't u"

"Oh my gOD HAHAHHA" (loud smiley park minhyuk laughter)

Ok but rocky isn't an entire lil shit he hugs Bin, pats him on the head and tells him it's alright

But he's still a lil shit so he opens Bin's bag of chips and eats that

And Bin gets up and chases Rocky around the room and suddenly just like that, with Bin running after Rocky and Rocky cackling and trying to stuff as many chips in his mouth as humanely possible, the atmosphere is alright again

Bin performing at all his shows with a lighter heart because screw that beautiful human he doesn't need to see his beautiful face and beautiful smile every day to be happy

And right at six o'clock he sees angel in the crowd waiting and bin makes sure he does extra good !!!!

And because he's not a little bitter or anything he totally doesn't wink in the angel's general direction

And keep his eyes trained on the angel's just to see how much he can make him blush

Nope

Not at all

Eunwoo blushes a lot

Eunwoo, for once, not disappearing after the performance

Because goddamn he got a season ticket to come to the theme park for a reason and that reason was to enjoy the dance performances (and also the minion parades)

And to talk to Dance Boy !!!!

And Jinjin wouldn't let him disappear anyway

Jinjin didn't buy a ticket to not see the boy eunwoo's been moping over for the past two weeks

"his smile is so bright jinjin"

"he wore a sleeveless black tank today his arms were amazing jinjin"

"his eyes are the shiniest jinji-"

Jinjin @ eunwoo: O MY GOD SHUT UP EUNWOO IF YOU WANT TO DATE HIM JUST ASK

"but he's beautiful, jinjin, you have to see him when he dances, I'm like nothing compared to him I'll never stand a chance" 

yeah right Eunwoo jinjin doesn’t believe you he's going to see for himself

and so jinjin: ok fine I'll buy a ticket and suffer through the minioning to see this angel myself

But in the mean time shUT UP ABOUT DANCE BOY OR I'LL STUFF UR FACE W SO MANY MARSHMALLOWS SO YOU'LL NEVER SPEAK AGAIN

Eunwoo shaking nervously and Jinjin squeezing his hand supportively before letting go quickly

He's pretty sure the reason why Dance Boy disappeared so fast from the stage was the fact that he saw Eunwoo's arm around his neck

I mean, Eunwoo was trying to keep him from yelling out Eunwoo's number at Dance Boy but Dance Boy probably doesn't know that

And so he doesn't want to give Dance Boy the wrong idea !! Because no matter how much Eunwoo whines Jinjin is a Good Friend !!

And so Jinjin gently pushes Eunwoo towards Dance Boy when the stage nears its end because there's no way he's wasting his ticket without a result

And so after the last beat ends Bin finds himself thanking the audience and coming off the stage

To run right into Eunwoo

"Um"

Wow Jinjin was right Dance Boy really looks like a cat up close

Beautiful, Eunwoo thinks

He watches Bin's cautious smile morph into one with slight worry and remembers that ???? He gotta respond

What a dude

"Um, hi."

Wow what ????? Angel Boy has ???? An angel voice ?????

A voice ???? He wouldn't mind hearing every day?????

first thing when he wakes up in the morning, last thing at night before he sleeps ?????

Dammit Bin sTOP

"I think you dance really w-"

"Thanks for coming every we-"

Both of them stopping flustered because wow what

Eunwoo being horrified because wow #EunwooExposed Dance Boy knows he's been coming every week so much for being "unremarkable" Eunwoo

Bin blushing because wow the angel thinks he dances well??????

Rocky hysterically laughing in the background

"Yeah I come every week to watch y-"

"I think your face is really nice to-"

Someone save Rocky he's wheezing on the ground

Chani hugging his stomach because ‘your face is really nice’ incredible, Bin, 

Jinjin torn between eavesdropping and wanting to hide himself in the ground because holy heck eunwoo's so embARRASSING

Hoshi finally stepping in because while he loves Bin Hoshi truly has no sense of self preservation whatsoever

"Hi I suggest you two fuck"

Brb gotta save Dino he's on the floor wheezing too

Bin spluttering "hyUNG"

Jinjin adding "well I don't disaGREE EUNWOO WHAT DO YOU SAY"

Eunwoo coughing and blushing and being slightly scandalised and planning ten thousand ways to kill Jinjin in his head 

and finally responding "well, perhaps a date first? or perhaps i should know your name first????"

Bin, shaking,

Chani helpfully supplying, "his name is Bin and his shaking means yes”

thanks Chani son 

Jinjin slightly panicking and going “WAIT BIN”

everyone turning to Jinjin 

“THERE’S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE THIS CONTINUES”

baby Bin’s eyes widening in alarm because what if this ‘thing’ is that Eunwoo is actually a serial murderer and is secretly our to kidnap dance crew members and 

ok bin firstly he wouldn’t tell you if he was a murderer

“the real reason why eunwoo got a ticket to the park was because he has a min-”

eunwoo, eyes widening lunging to cover jinjin’s cackle: “OH MY GOD SHUT UP” 

jinjin, screaming at the top of his lungs: “A MINION OBSESSION”

bin, mildly terrified,

but yes fast forward two months into the future,

Bin and Eunwoo going on dates that don’t involve the theme park 

Bin still performing his heart out every Saturday for Eunwoo

Eunwoo making good use of his one-year season pass and visiting his boyfriend 

Eunwoo sitting near his boyfriend’s stage with a cup of coffee and a book and whiling his day away people watching and Bin-watching 

and well, minion-watching 

Eunwoo defending his boyfriend from overly enthusiastic stans by appearing almost silently with a hand on Bin’s elbow, smiling slightly coldly 

Bin appearing in between shows to surprise Eunwoo (read: steal his coffee & steal kisses) and generally reminding other staring theme park visitors that Eunwoo is his and not a theme park attraction thank you very much

(hisses) i never want to see another minion in my life 

[koala-monster]

Get To Know Me (Tag)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

I was tagged by @luddlebubble again (I love these btw)

LAST:

1. Drink: Coffee

2. Phone Call: My Sister Called Me

3. Text Message: To My Mom

4. Song You Listened To: Novocaine by Fall Out Boy

5. Time You Cried: I'm Crying All The Time WTF

 HAVE YOU:

6. Dated Someone Twice: Yes and He Was Shit

7. Kissed Someone and Regretted It: No

8. Been Cheated On: No

9. Lost Someone Special: Yeah

10. Gotten Depressed: Buddy, I Am Depression (yes)

11. Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: No, I Don't Drink

 LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14. Blue, Black, Pink

 IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made New Friends: Yes

16. Fallen Out Of Love: Wasn't In It

17. Laughed Until You Cried: Yesterday

18. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: If This Means Shit Talking Then Yes, My Sisters (if not, no)

19. (there isn't one?)

20. Found Out Who Your Friends Are: Yes

21. Kissed Someone On Your Facebook List: No

 GENERAL

22. How Many Of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know In Real Life: Just The People From My School(s) and My Family

23. Do You Have Any Pets: I Do, 1 Dog and 6 Cats (I know)

24. Do You Want To Change Your Name: No

25. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: I Went To The Ram With My Parents

26. What Time Do You Wake Up: I Have a 7am, 7:15am and 7:30am Alarm T0 Make Sure I'm Up At 7:30am

27.  What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night: Watching Food Videos On My Phone

28. Name Something You Cant Wait For: To Move Out Of This Hell Hole Of A House

29. When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mom: 1:30am, Raccoons Nocked Something Over In The Garage

30. What Is One Thing You Wish You Could Change In Your Life: My Dads Shitty Behavior

31. What Are You Listening To Right Now: Nothing

32. Have You Ever Talked To A Person Named Tom: No

33. Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves: I Haven't Been Getting Up To Take My Anxiety Meds For Like 4 Days

34. Most Visited Website: Tumblr

35. Mole(s): One On My Back

36. Mark(s): A Shit Ton Of Scars From Cat Scratches

37. Childhood Dream: Don't Remember

38. Hair Color: Dark Brown

39. Long or Short Hair: Long

40. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Unfortunately

41. What Do You Really Like About Yourself: My Boobs (I hope that doesn't sound weird)

42. Piercings: My Ears, Nostril, and Septum

43. Blood Type: No Idea

44. Nickname:  Dehydration Station

45. Relationship Status: Single

46. Zodiac: Taurus

47. Pronouns: She/Her

48. Favorite TV Show: Criminal Minds

49. (there isn't one?)

50. Right or Left Hand: Right

51. Surgery: Two On The Same Toe For An Ingrown Toenail (gross I know)

52. Hair Dyed Different Color: Yes, Blonde, Neon Pink (Then Blue If I get to it)

53. Sport: Your Funny (no)

54. (there isn't one?)

55. Vacation: 2 Up To My Uncles, Disneyland, Multiple To Ocean Shores, Westport, Pasco

56. Pair of Trainers: Sketchers

 MORE GENERAL

57. Eating: My Favorite Past Time

58. Drinking: Water and Coffee

59. I'm About To: Play Solitaire When I'm Done Answering These Questions

60-61. (there isn't)

62. Want: Cheese Stuffed Pretzel Crust Cheese Pizza From Pizza Hut (It really good I recommend ya'll try it)

63. Get Married: Doesn't Really Matter To Me

64. Career: Baker or Marine Biologist

65. Hugs or Kisses: I Don't Like Hugs But Since I've Never Been Kissed I Guess Hugs

66. Lips or Eyes: Eyes

67. Shorter or Taller: Shorter

68. Older or Younger: Younger (I guess 17 is technically young)

69. (there isn't one?)

70. Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: Nice Personality

71. Sensitive or Loud: I'm Both

72. Hook Up or Relationship: Relationship

73. Troublemaker or Hesitant: I Guess I'm Both But I'm More Hesitant

 HAVE YOU EVER

 74. Kissed A Stranger: No

75. Drank Hard Liquor: We've Gone Over This

76. Lost My Glasses/Contact Lenses: No

77. Turned Someone Down: Yes, He Was Overly Persistent

78. Sex On The First Date: NO

79. Broke Someone's Heart: No

80. Had Your Heart Broken: Yes

81. Been Arrested: No

82. Cried When Someone Died: No

83. Fallen For A Friend: No

 DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84. Yourself: Never

85. Miracles: No

86. Love At First Sight: No

87. Santa Claus: No

88. Kiss On The First Date: Depends

89. (there isn't one?)

 OTHER

90. Current Bestfriends Name: Colleen

91. Eye Color: Green But They Change to Blue Sometimes

92. Favorite Movie: Every Shrek Movie

 I Tag: @teenage-fandomqueen @datsparklez @callmecowchop @sneeb @gahfortweektweak @panicatthenipples @prettyboypenguin

You Can Still Do This If You Aren't Tagged, If You Are Tagged You Don't Have To Do This If You Don't Want To

[micaramel]

Artist: Laura Langer

Venue: Portikus, Frankfurt am Main

Exhibition Title: Liberty

Date: February 15 – April 12, 2020

Click here to view slideshow

Full gallery of images, press release and link available after the jump.

Images:

Images courtesy of the artist and Weiss Falk, Basel. Photos by Diana Pfammatter.

Press Release:

Laughing at the universe liberated my life. I escape its weight by laughing. I refuse any intellectual translations of this laughter, since my slavery would commence from that point on. ―Georges Bataille, Guilty

  Portikus is pleased to announce Liberty, Laura Langer’s first institutional solo exhibition. The exhibition presents a new series of seven paintings , which are site-specific to Portikus. Liberty talks about limitations, their impact and the desire beyond.

A conversation between Laura Langer, Christina Lehnert and Person Three

CL (Christina Lehnert): This exhibition consists of two separate situations: one painting displayed in the usual exhibition space, and six paintings in the attic. The large painting in the main exhibition space is the bell of a trumpet, a deep, almost abstract opening, which appears to be made of highly reflective brass. The material, as it is rendered in paint, creates the illusion of a reflection. But the white cube we are standing in, bears no resemblance to the space reflected in the trumpet, so the illusion of the trumpet fights with what we know to be true. It contains the potential for both taking in and giving out, through imagery and the suggestion of sound.

PT (Person Three): The trumpet is an analogical object… the trumpet exists to be listened to. It’s loud. It’s an instrument that can very easily be identified in an orchestra. When played, it has expressivity, modulation and tenderness, and sometimes the capacity to laugh and scream and even cause harm. It imposes respect, it is strict, and it makes clear that there is something that must be heard. This open mouth is not like that of Munch’s Scream. It is less deteriorated, less desperate and disorganised. This scream is a more discursive one, clean and articulate. Seems easier to be transferred into words. The trumpet has authority. It is from a military order and it gives an order: a type of order makes everybody impotent.

CL: The paintings in the attic all bear the words “Und Ihr?” (And you?). Where did this come from?

LL (Laura Langer): I found the phrase on an Austrian propaganda poster from the First World War. I don’t know what I was looking for, but when I saw it, it attracted me. I liked the colors, and I liked the position of the soldier, the poster in general. There’s something funny about it. The soldier takes up basically most of the image, he’s laying in the trenches, and we see him almost from behind but his face is turning towards us. It’s as if he were in front of a TV camera: he’s looking at the camera, he knows there is an audience, and he wants to be pitied. “Oh I’m here at war alone but I know you’re watching me, look at me, I am suffering for you.” It’s a kind of perverse glance we get from him, like the cat in Shrek attitude.Then this phrase in one corner Und Ihr?, is as if the face of the soldier wasn’t enough. It is so mean. It works with the psychology of people (like all propaganda or advertisement), and that’s why it becomes mean. Because it uses our sense of duty to make us feel guilt in order to get us to do something, to join the war game. The idea is so simple and so direct, almost rude, patronizing. It touches us at our very low points. And it’s a question we don’t need anyone to ask us because it is anyways inside us as members of society. And you? What about you? What are you doing for this or that? I’ve found it often in my head and I believe that other people do too. I want to believe that I am not alone in this.

CL: So it is a question of the individual and society? Inside and outside?

LL: Or that the voices from the outside actually become yours. It is hard to differentiate. That’s the work one has to do all the time, I believe, just to understand how to go on. Figure out: What is from my parents, what is from society, what is from my friends… you know? What do I want to keep from my family or my culture, to incorporate into myself, and what do I want to throw away? It is this cleaning up of voices that one is doing all the time. And when you don’t do it, you find yourself confused.

CL: And in relation to the messy room that is shown in all of the paintings, it becomes a metaphor for the many voices?

LL:  Could be. Or it could very simply be a metaphor for the inner trouble. What I struggle with when I see the messy room is: you know that it’s easy to start to clean up, but this precise moment of starting is the most difficult thing to do. It is a moment of paralysis between thought and movement—not even being able to start doing an action that is so simple to do. At that moment of paralysis, you almost give up and say, “The mess is ok.” But then actually, it’s not ok, the mess, you know? You may try to be ok with it, but actually you have to start, and do it, clean it up. I think that the Und Ihr? is a little bit this wake-up call like: “What are you doing with yourself that your room looks like that?” Und Ihr? is this kind of voice—that might be able to make your action start. As if the guilt this question brings up will force you to finally do something.

PT: This is ironic because nobody does anything through guilt.

CL: No. I think that’s not true. I think there are a lot of things you may do from guilt… I mean many religions are based on the feeling of guilt.

LL: Guilt comes because there is judgment. I think religion has similar mechanisms as the state: it conditions and controls what we think through guilt. This is how they access our brains and how they construct subjects.

PT: You may react to something, you may perform, but you may not do things out of guilt. What makes you fully do something is desire. If you are not convinced of what you do, if you do not desire it, you will make mistakes or you will hurt yourself. Now thinking about the problem that Laura talks about—action and the messy room—of course they are obstacles. We tend to bind pleasure with desire and that is not always true. Pleasure and desire can be divergent. To conquer desire, we sometimes need to go through displeasures and efforts, but at the end, when a desire is fulfilled, pleasure is reached on a higher level. Clearly if there is no basis of desire, we wouldn’t give a shit about anything, and we would instead be beings of pure duty. A happy world is not a duty-filled—that is to say scientifically regulated—world… it would be a very terrible world, a very dark uchronia. The order of desire is the only one that really counts: to subordinate everything to the desire. The indeclinable quality of desire is the only authority and orientation that is not mistaken.

LL: I think you have a point. For example, instead of “Uhh, what am I doing?” or “I should clean up. Look at me, I am a mess, I should start to clean up.” Instead of that, you could think: “I want to have a clean room!” It is another way of engaging with it. The problem with guilt is it lasts only five seconds, it will not give you the material you need to actually follow through and do it nicely and feel good about it. I think desire, it’s “authority and orientation,” has a lot to do with the show.

CL: What about the authority of the building, its orientation? How is that influencing the exhibition?

LL: I think I am using the building to accentuate what happens in the paintings. The formal decisions mostly have to do with the building. The paintings series upstairs, all hung vertically, work like false reinforcing columns for the building. They don’t carry structural weight, but in a metaphorical way they occupy the position of a column that bears the weight of the roof. There is certainly a sort of poetry there: to carry the weight of a roof. What is holding the roof? Is it actually the mess that holds everything in place? On the other hand, the trumpet painting does not touch the building. It obstructs the window, and partially blocks the light that comes through, but you can walk behind the painting, if you want to, and find the window (it is not hidden).  The painting accentuates the fact that there is a window by covering it. When the sun shines through the painting’s structure (the stretcher bars) it’s like we see it naked, its materiality is put into evidence and the imperative power of the trumpet dissolves. The arrogance of the object makes it look like a fool. How does it dare to even try to block the sun? It makes me think of the story of Alexander the Great and Diogenes. Then, the trumpet’s hole sort of echoes the opening of the window of the exhibition space. It is so large that you could walk through it, so, in theory, you could go out of the building by walking through the hole in the trumpet. I want to keep that imaginary line not broken: if you wanted to shoot a bullet from the Alte Brücke to the Portikus bridge towards the painting through the window and across the island, you could do it…

CL: So the painting is informed by the architecture and vice versa?

LL: The painting uses architecture to become an object. That being said, I think the paintings could have worked somewhere else as well, even though they are in a way site-specific. They have everything inside them. They are not an absolute abstraction that can only give a feeling. They contain more information than that. So in a different space, it would do something different to the space, it would relate in another way.

CL: How did you think about the relationship between the paintings in the attic and the one in the exhibition space?

LL: The whole show it’s sort of doubled. I consider the paintings in the attic also to have the theme of the trumpet, because the phrase Und Ihr? is something that points at you and demands something. The two rooms are complementary or symmetrical opposites, both this big painting downstairs and the series of paintings upstairs are the “same” painting, but painted in two different ways, so to say. Two ways of painting for two different kinds of spaces. The “trumpet” is present in both cases, but the sizes are inverted: in the painting upstairs, the room takes up most of the canvas and the Und Ihr? (trumpet) is very small and sometimes not that visible. Downstairs the trumpet (Und Ihr?) is very big and the room is smaller and hard to decipher.

CL:. The way you talk about the building, to see it as a whole with all its functions, makes me think about Land Art, or Gordon Matta Clark. For example, yesterday we built a whole new room in the attic just out of light. I think this piercing through many levels and corners of the building is very strong.  You do not use the exhibition space as a white cube, but you perceive it as such, and you ask yourself, what can I do with that?

LL: Yes, exactly. I have an anecdote that isn’t directly related, but which might take you somewhere, and which I think makes sense for what we are talking about. This summer, in Mexico City, I met this woman who told me about her experience of the very bad earthquakes in 2017.  She told me the story of how she was with two people at the moment that the big shake took place, in her apartment, which is on the sixth floor out of seven. She was with a Greek woman, and an Israeli young man, and she is Mexican, so she was the only one who had experience with earthquakes and so on. Well, if you are in an earthquake, you have to go upstairs (if you are near a terrace), or you go downstairs and leave at the ground level, but either way the mission is to get out. The three of them were going up the stairs to get to the terrace, which she said took ages since the building was really moving hard, and the girl from Greece was absolutely in a panic while the guy was rolling a cigarette. Anyway, they arrived at the terrace safely, and the earthquake passed. Afterwards, the guy went on with his life as if nothing had happened whatsoever, whereas the Greek girl took a plane back home immediately, super traumatised. The Mexican girl meanwhile started to help in this ad hoc organization for saving people still trapped in the debris. It’s quite tough work, because you have to call your family and say, “Hey I won’t be accessible by phone for the next 6 hours. I will be inside a collapsed building.” So you write down your telephone number and your blood type on your forearm and you go in, and hopefully you come back out. After the quake, the city itself goes into a state of paralysis, and either you help, or you stay at home with your family. For weeks, she was looking at all this happening, and then some time later she had a crisis. The earthquake was far in the past, but it was at that point that she collapsed. She realised that people react to the earthquake the same way that buildings do: some buildings collapse immediately, like the greek girl, some buildings behave as if nothing’s happened, like the Israeli boy, some buildings get cracks that stay forever, and some buildings stay standing, but collapse some weeks or months later. The buildings are built as a body, it has bones (beams), windows, doors, orifices, a skin, pipes, they have all these things… the building suffers the shake as the body suffers it.

CL: I think that your works express these physical and emotional aspects of a building. It seems to me that there is a very straight forward exhibition space, and then a very intimate one in the attic.

LL: The “attic” of this building becomes somehow a head. I like to think that by opening or allowing the public to go there we are surgically opening the building’s head. But, as you say, in an emotional or psychological way—opening it up in order to see what’s inside. To confront oneself with oneself.

PT: That’s right. The attic is a very straight-forward metaphor for the head. The attic is usually a dark space, where you put things that are important, but which maybe you will forget about, or lose track of. Like memories, old things, new things which you don’t really use. There are always some valuables and some trash, and it’s all mixed up. It’s messy and it allows mess because nobody really goes there so much. It is a storage. It’s a cerebral space. To be heard, thinking about the trumpet, also means to occupy the attic, the head. You occupy it, and you take care of it, and you find a mess there. A mess that you say can be easily solved, and yet…

LL: It’s funny. It’s a triangle upstairs, and two sides of the triangle are glass—the ceiling and the wall. And the third surface (the floor) is not glass, but wood. It’s a lamp if you look at it as an object, it is totally a lamp. That is also why there is so much glass, glass is on two sides, it is definitely a lamp. You can light the space downstairs from the attic and you can light the bridge at the same time. And this is why you cannot have things stored there, because it would be visible from the big exhibition space. It’s not an attic, it’s a lamp.

CL: So what does having access to the attic, or lamp, mean for the exhibition?

LL: To give access to a new part of a building is a very beautiful thing. Think about every time you’ve been to the roof terrace of a building, and it was like: “Ah, I feel good!” You feel that you own it somehow. Or even if you were in a shopping center and you took the wrong staircase and found yourself in the parking lot, you think “Oh, that’s a strange place!” Places are there, they are in the city, and we don’t have access. It’s nice to access, it’s a gift, and it reconfigures the brain map that we have of the cities we live in or visit. It’s a sort of reconfiguration of memory.

CL: The staircase seems to be a key element to change the perception of the whole space. It came from the desire to access the attic, and a need to connect the upper floor with the ground floor.  But how do the paintings, as images, reconfigure the space in their settings?

LL: Putting the picture of a messy room upstairs perhaps makes us think about the idea of a house attic space. And that’s a magical thing. When you put two eyes on a fork it becomes a toy, like in Toy Story 4. There is this simple thing, you can transform things with images. You can reconfigure the building towards images.

CL: It is a simple gesture, just through placing an image in a space, you can create new meaning. It is also about the potential something has in its location. It is what it is, but it can be different things in different places or define different places with what it is. I think it’s important to remind ourselves how things are defined through settings, and those settings have histories that define them. “Forbidden”, for example, has taken on a new meaning for me since this exhibition.

LL: Of course! It’s words. Words make it happen or not happen. But it’s not only words. Of course it wasn’t allowed to go to the attic before, but it’s only once you open the door that you realize something was being kept from you. It’s those small actions, they let the air come in. Maybe also then some heat will come in. It is like blood that flows to organs or parts of the building. The heating, the blood makes it alive.

CL: What about the word “Liberty”? You have chosen Liberty as the title of the exhibition. There is the liberty that is achieved through physical, political or social freedoms, such as human rights liberty. Then there is the liberty that assumes that humans are self determining, are autonomous, that their choices matter. Then, Liberty became a brand, a monument, and a cliché. Liberty stands for promises and revolutions, but can also be a company name. How did this title come about for you?

LL: Liberty resonates in different ways thinking about the show. It has a positive reputation, but it’s pretty dark to me.

PT: “Liberty implies a system of rules, a ‘network of restraint and order’ (…)” Hanna Fenichel Pitkin. Liberty entails the responsible use of freedom under the rule of law without depriving anyone else of their freedom. Liberty implies/contains its own limits. Liberty is not that liberty. It is a delimited playground that makes you feel that that’s all there is. A circle or a square within which to play. As if there was a limit to imagination. Liberty resonates with the idea of the separation of one’s outside voice and one’s inside voice. The limits of the self. Liberty is opening the upstairs and, engendered by desire, breaking the boundary of the limits imposed by liberty itself.

Laura Langer ( *1986, Buenos Aires) lives and works in Berlin. In 2017 she graduated from Städelschule. Her works have been shown at Piper Keys, London (2018) and Weiss Falk, Basel (2017.)

Link: Laura Langer at Portikus

from Contemporary Art Daily https://bit.ly/3dKKT8E