#whatever whatever she gave me the referral I wanted for a more thorough screening so it doesn't matter

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

this time, I told myself, this time I'd do it right, I'd actually make a plan for my week off and I’d get a lot of things done, or at least I’d get some of the things done that are either urgent or that I’ve been needing to do for months or even years, and not just come to the end of the week hating myself more for having had all that time and wasted it

reader, you'll never guess what happened next

I mean, I did get some stuff done! Several things, in fact, but I didn't even finish all the urgent things or get to any of the things I've been meaning to do for months/years, and I barely made a dent in the list of stuff I felt like I should have been able to do during an entire week, so now I feel way worse about it than if I hadn't taken the time off to begin with. and in fact instead of trying to get through at least a couple more things on my list today, I spent most of it basically just trying to distract myself from the spiral of self-loathing...which is to say, not doing any of the things I actually needed to be doing, because that would first require me to choose one of them, which would require me to think about all of them and choose others to give up on doing...which of course also means getting to the end of the day with more panic and self-loathing about the things I could have done and didn’t, and feeling like I should stay up late to do something but I can’t fucking choose because it’s too late to do everything now because I fucked it all up again, and choosing one thing means acknowledging I already failed, is that the problem? when I’m still scrambling for a way to make that not be true even though it’s not possible because, you know, the week’s already over?

but, okay, I did some things, it wasn’t enough but I did some things

made some appointments

got my updated covid booster

did a ton of playtesting, proofreading, and bug reporting in the VN I’m helping test (this admittedly took up way more time than I expected)

wrote and mailed like...35 postcards to voters, which would feel like more of an accomplishment if I didn’t have at least 50 more that should go out on Monday

tentatively arranged some pin trades, mailed another one

bought postcard stamps

hung the biggest of my new pin boards so it doesn’t get knocked over again (there’s nothing on it yet, it’s just out of the way now)

took Hazy to get her nails trimmed

bought...some stuff...from some small business...there were sales, okay, don’t judge me

left some comments on some fics

also left a bunch of Etsy reviews

made a super simple custom Lego minifig Loki, although I’m probably still going to change it; also ordered additional Loki minifigs to do so

took some pictures for eBay

which doesn’t look at all bad when you list it like that, except when you consider I could have probably done most of this stuff in a normal week while working, and the list of things I really, really meant to do was not all that long but the things on it were significant, so...I don’t fucking know.