#whats with these series (plural) and their over explanation of shit that did not need explaining

[shummthechumm]

seeing fnaf continuing still hurts my soul as much as seeing warrior cats contuing do you feel the same

oh boy do i love it when two longstanding franchises i've been invested in childhood suddenly go off the fucking deepend because the creators constantly write themselves into corners.

oh man isnt it swell being blind sighted by retcons to the point of loosing most--if not all--emotional investment in something that brought you so much joy?? I LOVE IT WHEN CREATORS RESPOND TO AUDIENCE FEEDBACK BY CONSTANTLY TRYING TO ONE-UP THEM WITH NONSCENSICAL ADDITIONS EVEN IF IT PREVIOUSLY CONTRADICTS PREVIOUS MEDIA WITHIN THAT VERY SAME FRANCHISE.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episodes 73 & 74 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 44 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

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RATE EPISODE 73: SAVAGERY 42 responses

The rating for episode 14 was notably positive, with 97.6% of respondents giving the episode a 4 or 5 (majority being 5s). And just a single 3! 

this shit was so good, I love you mappa <3

Best anime ever

RATE EPISODE 74: SOLE SALVATION 43 responses

The subsequent episode garnered a bit of more muted response, although there was an equal amount of 5s given out. Overall, 86% gave the episode either a 4 or a 5. There were also six 3s. 

Masterpiece

zook

WHICH WAS THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT OF EPISODE 73? 43 responses

The pie for episode 73 was rather colorful! 23.3% most enjoyed the much anticipated Levi vs. Zeke 2.0. 20.9% thought seeing Levi having to fight his own comrades in titan form was the most memorable moment of the episode. At a tie for 14% people thought Eren disparaging his friends and Eren beating up Armin had the biggest impact in this episode. 9.3% felt the biggest impact by seeing Armin punch Eren in the face, while another 7% were most impacted by Levi’s brutality against Zeke as he filleted his legs.

WHICH WAS THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT OF EPISODE 74? 43 responses

The scene that stuck most with anime watchers was Zeke detonating the thunder spear and sending Levi flying, with 51.2% of respondents giving their vote to the closing scene of the episode. 11.6% felt the most impacted by the scene of Zeke listening to Grisha yelling at Dina through the door, and another 11.6% felt the reveal of Zeke’s euthanasia plan is the detail that stuck out the most. 7% seemed most affected by the Yeager Brothers’ secret conversation.

EPISODE 73 IS TITLED, “SAVAGERY.” OF THE OPTIONS BELOW, WHICH CHARACTER DO YOU THINK BEST EXEMPLIFIED THIS WORD? 42 responses

The episode’s title, “Savagery” can most certainly be attributed to one of the characters on screen, so it’s no surprise that there was differing opinion on which character exemplified that. The plurality (47.6%) chose to go with Levi, perhaps due to his arguably cruel treatment of Zeke after his victory. Eren was the runner up with 31%, probably due to the cruel nature of his words to Mikasa and Armin. The rest of the votes went to Shadis’ nemesis, Floch and a few to Zeke himself (Titanization Man).

HOW BADLY DID YOU FEEL ABOUT LEVI HAVING TO KILL HIS OWN SQUAD? 43 responses

Although there were some people who didn’t really seem to care, most of the respondents (88.3%) seemed to feel for Levi’s struggles. Poor guy needs a break!

poor levi he through some shit:(

ON A SCALE OF 105, HOW WOULD YOU RATE LEVI VS. ZEKE 2.0? 43 responses

Levi vs Zeke 2.0 garnered a lot of praise from the responses gathered. 90.7% gave the showdown a 4 or a 5 (mostly 5s) and no one gave it a score lower than 3. Very nice!

WHY DO YOU THINK FLOCH MADE THE RECRUITS BATTER INSTRUCTOR SHADIS? 43 responses

Floch’s actions in Episode 73 focused on Instructor Shadis and the takeover of the Training Facility, culminating in Keith’s beatdown. We asked you why you believe Floch made the cadets do so. 34.9% of respondents thought that it was due to Floch having an ego trip, as Shadis said himself. 14% thought that it truly was due to Floch believing in Shadis representing the old order, necessary to “purge”. Finally, some select folks believed that Floch wanted to make an example out of the Instructor. Finally, another 34.9% of respondents said that all of the aforementioned reasons were valid to a degree.

HOW CUTE WAS BITTY ZEKE? 42 responses

Little Zeke has appeared multiple times in Episode 15 and what better way to make one feel sympathy for someone than portraying them as a cute kid? 78.6% thought Zeke was exceptionally cute, giving a score of 4 or 5 (mostly 5s). The rest were less thrilled, though there were only two 1s.

lil baby zeke is so cute

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GRISHA’S TREATMENT OF ZEKE? 43 responses

Grisha’s treatment of Zeke during his childhood is perhaps one of the most important events when it comes to shaping Yeager Junior’s view on the world. We asked how you felt about that. 27.9% stated that they felt much sympathy for Zeke and believed he deserved none of it. Another 27.9% sympathized with Zeke, but didn’t hold too much blame over Grisha due to his precarious position. A little over 25% went even further called Grisha the worst parent in the series. Quite a lot of those in AoT/SnK. 11.6% were more mild and simply chastised Grisha for his treatment. One person said that they didn’t care for Zeke’s struggles at all and we also received 2 write-ins.

Grisha's intentions were good, but the way he treated Zeke was not

I get that he doesn't want anyone else to suffer the same tragic and horrific fate that Fay did, but I still wanted to reach through the TV screen and smack the life outta Grisha

DO YOU FEEL THAT ZEKE WOULD HAVE GROWN INTO AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT KIND OF PERSON IF GRISHA HAD TREATED HIM BETTER? 43 responses

An interesting what-if comes when asked about the possibility of Zeke being treated differently by his father in his childhood and how that would affect Zeke’s view of the world. 53.5% believe that even if Grisha treated Zeke differently, it’s not possible to say if Yeager Junior’s worldview would be completely different since there were other factors. In contrast, 32.6% think that his perspective would have been totally divergent from the one we’ve seen. 9.3% weren’t sure and we also received 2 write-ins.

Zeke is who he is because of his childhood, it includes Grsiha's treatment but also his grand parents and Ksaver. If we take off one piece of hid childhood, he would have been another person. 

If the circumstances were right, possibly. But that would take a hell of a lot of trauma.

WHO DO YOU THINK HAD A BIGGER IMPACT IN SHAPING ZEKE’S WORLDVIEW? 43 responses

Just under 70% believe Ksaver had a bigger impact on shaping Zeke’s viewpoint on existence, in contrast to a little over 30% who think Grisha was the bigger pull here.

WHO TURNED OUT MORE LIKE GRISHA, IN YOUR OPINION? 42 responses

It is also interesting to note the comparison between the two Yeager Brothers and how much influence their father had on them. Overwhelmingly, 81% believe that Eren turned out to be more like Grisha in his nature versus 19% who think that Zeke received such honor (or dishonor, if you so choose to believe). 

WHO WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO PUNCH IN THE FACE AFTER THESE EPISODES? 42 responses

We decided to give the respondents an out for their frustrations by allowing them to choose a person to a punch! The “golden” dishonor went to Floch, with 35.7%, which was followed by Eren with 16.7% and the author of the original work himself, Isayama Hajime, also with 16.7%. Geisha received the bronze and 14.3% of the vote. Zeke and especially Levi were less popular options. In contrast, 7.1% stated that they had no interest in punching anyone. Also, no one expressed a desire to physically assault us, the pollsters. Thanks!

HAVE THE EVENTS THAT HAVE TRANSPIRED CHANGED YOUR OPINION ON EREN? 42 responses

Was Eren’s shocking behavior enough to change some opinions about his overall character? 31% of viewers stand firm in their love and support for Eren and agree that his actions haven’t changed their feelings at all. 26.2% are feeling a little more dicey, wanting to see more of his development before deciding if he’s really worthy of their support or not. 9.5% have changed their opinion on him and see him more negatively, though on the flipside… 7.1% feel the opposite, stating they didn’t like him before but are now watching with curiosity. 

I dont know

I’m mad about what’s happening HOWEVER, that is my man ✨😌

I like him increasingly since the beginning of the story. His development is fantastic. Best character.

I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but not anymore. This ain't it chief

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE EMA TALK? 42 responses

The majority of viewers were genuinely shaken by this scene, with 38.1% feeling that there is nothing but pain on the road ahead, while another 23.8% are already actively wailing at the apparent death of EMA’s bond. 21.4% are simply in disbelief at Eren’s treatment of his friends. A small handful actually enjoyed Eren eviscerating his friends, while another handful didn’t really have an opinion either way. 

It was awesome. Isayama lets us build our opinion without any sign of "look, that's the good way to think"

I can excuse the whole raid of Liberio and mass murder thing, but beating up Armin? Telling Mikasa he hates her? That's where I draw the line

I am soulless. For Eren to go from sharing his dreams of the future with Armin and Mikasa to threatening them like enemies broke me. Easily the hardest part of the anime to watch to date.

DO YOU THINK THAT EREN IS CORRECT ABOUT ARMIN BEING MANIPULATED BY BERTOLT? 41 responses

More than half of respondents believe that there is some truth to what Eren is saying, but that he’s not wholly correct. 26.8% feel that Eren is dead wrong about Bertolt affecting Armin. In equal parts of 9.8%, fans either feel that Eren knows what he’s talking about, or aren’t sure what to think.

DO YOU THINK EREN IS RIGHT ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE ACKERMAN CLAN? 42 responses

Similarly to the previous question, more than half of respondents feel that there is only some truth in what Eren is saying about the Ackerman clan. Though, the opposite of people’s views on his words to Armin, 28.6% actually think what Eren said about the Ackerman clan is the whole truth. 9.5% think he’s full of it, and 7.1% aren’t sure. 

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT EREN’S EXPLANATION OF THE ACKERMANS’ POWERS? 42 responses

45.2% of viewers feel that Eren’s explanation of the Ackerman power is a somewhat positive thing, and that it adds more layers onto the relationships that our Ackerman characters have with others. 16.7% are just happy to have any kind of explanation at all and think it makes perfect sense. On the flipside, another 16.7% feel that everything Eren said wasn’t true and are reserving judgement for further story development. 14.3% absolutely hate Eren’s explanation of the Ackerman power and feel it cheapens the bond characters like Mikasa and Levi have with others. 

Kenny said it : "Everyone was a slave to something". It makes perfect sense. 💯

DOES EREN BELIEVE THE CRUEL WORDS HE SAID TO ARMIN AND MIKASA? 42 responses

More than half of respondents still have some faith in Eren and believe that he wasn’t being his true self when talking with Armin and Mikasa. 23.8% don’t want to say either way for sure if these feelings are genuine. 19% think that Eren believes every word he said and truly feels his way toward his friends now.

EREN SAYS HE IS FREE. ARMIN SAYS EREN IS A SLAVE. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 42 responses

When it comes to whether Eren is truly free, or if he’s actually enslaved by something or someone else, 33.3% feel that it’s a combination of the two options. 19% believe that he’s somehow being controlled by previous holders of the titan powers he possesses, while another 19% aren’t sure what to think. 16.7% believe Eren is free, and that when he says everything he does is of his own will, that he is right.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN TO MIKASA NOW? 42 responses

Eren was particularly hurtful to Mikasa, a character who has been nothing but loyal and caring toward him for the entire duration of their friendship. Many fans would like to see her develop away from him, but is this moment the catalyst for such development? 57.1% seem to feel that she will grow from this experience, though it would be impossible for her to stop caring about Eren despite his poor treatment of her. 11.9% feel the opposite, and think that she won’t grow from this experience, but rather that it will hinder her, and she will be forever broken. 9.5% believe that despite Eren’s cruelty, she will continue to have unwavering faith in him. Small handfuls either felt she will move past this and become her own person without Eren impacting her anymore, or that she will grow to deeply resent Eren as a result of his actions toward her.

EREN TALKS ABOUT HOW MIKASA’S HEADACHES ARE A SIDE EFFECT OF HER ACKERMAN GENES. LEVI IS SEEN GRABBING HIS HEAD IN THE EPISODE PRIOR. DO YOU THINK HE’S ALSO HAVING AN ACKER-HEADACHE AT THAT MOMENT? 42 responses

Levi is seen grabbing his head for the first time in the series just before Eren mentions Acker-headaches are a thing. 57.1% believe that Levi is, indeed, having a headache, giving more credibility to Eren’s words. Versus 42.9% who believe that Levi wasn’t having a headache in that scene, and was simply just grabbing his head.

HANGE AND PIXIS HAVEN’T SPOKEN SINCE THE WINE PLOT WAS REVEALED, SO HOW DOES PIXIS KNOW ABOUT THE WINE? 41 responses

39% of viewers feel that Pixis couldn’t have been aware of the wine, but that he was sure that Zeke would somehow try to pull a stunt like turning the people of Paradis into titans. 24.4% think it’s possible that Yelena had already confessed about the wine plot to him during their earlier conversation. 22% think he just doesn’t know about the wine and didn’t know Zeke could even do such a thing. 

I have no idea. I didn’t even consider this.

DO YOU THINK THAT PIXIS AND NILE ARE DESTINED TO BECOME PURE TITANS, NOW THAT WE KNOW THEY INGESTED THE WINE? 41 responses

Now that we have confirmation that Pixis and Nile both drank the spiked wine, more than half of respondents believe that they are destined to become titans in the near future. 29.3% feel the opposite, and believe that they will be able to avoid this fate.

DID SHADIS GOAD THE NEW RECRUITS IN AN EFFORT TO PROTECT THEM? 40 responses

60% believe that Shadis was looking out for the trainee cadets when he goaded them into trying to beat him up, ensuring that they wouldn’t have to become a victim to the Yeagerists’ violence. 32.5% aren’t sure what his intentions were, and a small handful felt it was a hard no.

YOUR THOUGHTS ON FLOCH? 42 responses

Floch doesn’t seem to be netting many positive opinions so far, with 38.1% of respondents stating that they “absolutely loathe him.” 26.2% aren’t in support of Floch, but are still willing to throw their faith behind Eren. 14.3% hate him, but are having a good time doing so, and 11.9% are actually in support of Floch’s actions despite some missteps along the way. 

Everyone's saying 'Fuck Gabi' but I've been screaming 'Fuck Floch' with my whole chest since the end of season 3...he receives all of my hate LMAO

FUCK FLOCH

I have fostered an visceral hatred for him since the moment he was introduced and honestly now I'm just glad it's justified

WE’LL ASK AGAIN, DO YOU THINK EREN IS TRULY WORKING WITH THE YEAGERISTS? 42 responses

40.5% believe that Eren is working with the Yeagerists, but with a different goal than the one they think he has. 16.7% don’t think he’s working with them at all and that it’s just a narrative ruse. 14.3% don’t know what to make of this connection just yet, and 9.5% refuse to believe anything until they see Eren giving orders to the Yeagerists directly.

HISTORIA HAS REMAINED OUT OF THE PICTURE IN THE CURRENT TIMELINE. WHERE DO YOU THINK HER LOYALTIES MAY LIE? 41 responses

Historia hasn’t been able to speak for herself yet, so we were curious where you thought her loyalties may lie in this whole conflict. 31.7% believe that she is only looking out for herself at this point. 22% believe that her loyalties are with Eren - but not the Yeagerists, and another 22% believe that her loyalties are with someone else who we haven’t been able to deduce yet. 12.2% believe that she is all in with the Survey Corps.

IF ZEKE HAD EXPLAINED HIS PLAN TO LEVI, DO YOU THINK THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER OPPORTUNITY FOR THEM TO HAVE A DIALOGUE, RATHER THAN JUST OPPOSE EACH OTHER? 42 responses

A solid 50% of viewers think that there is no way Zeke and Levi would ever be able to share a dialogue about the solution to Eldia’s problems. 31% are less sure, thinking it’s possible it could go either way, while 16.7% believe that they could have talked out their problems if only they had chosen to try and trust one another.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT LEVI SLICING ZEKE UP? 42 responses

A total of 64.3% of respondents seem to enthusiastically support Levi’s treatment toward Zeke, with 33.3% specifically agreeing with the sentiment of “Good for him!” While another 31% feel that Zeke absolutely had this coming and can’t fault Levi for his actions. 26.2% are still in support of Levi’s decision to fillet Zeke’s legs, though they do agree the action was a bit on the cruel side. Only a small handful either felt disappointed in Levi or supported Zeke in setting off the thunderspear. 

very very satisfying

He did it for Erwin<3

HOW HAS LEARNING ZEKE’S BACKSTORY AFFECTED YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT HIM? 42 responses

With more context on Zeke’s actions, thought process, and the reveal of his true plans, we were curious how opinions may have changed on his character. 38.1% simply just feel sorry for him after seeing how hard his childhood was. 26.2% agree that his backstory is indeed tragic, but that it doesn’t excuse his behavior or his plan. 9.5% feel positively about Zeke, saying they want to love and protect him forever, while 7.1% just aren’t sure how to feel about Zeke now.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE REVEAL FROM ZEKE’S MEMORIES? 42 responses

31% of viewers felt the biggest takeaway from Zeke’s memories was the reveal that the Founding Titan has the ability to manipulate Eldian DNA. 26.2% most enjoyed learning what the true nature of Zeke’s plan was. 19% were happy to understand the reason why Grisha sold out his parents to Marley, and another 11.9% were happy to see how Zeke learned about Grisha’s survival and Eren’s existence (though for some, maybe it was because of the Bertolt crumbs?).

WAS ZEKE’S CHOICE TO TURN IN HIS PARENTS JUSTIFIED? 41 responses

41.5% believe that Zeke was justified in turning in his parents as it was able to protect himself and his grandparents - innocent parties that would have otherwise been in trouble - from going down with Grisha, Dina and the restorationists. 22% believe that he was justified because his parents’ poor treatment toward them deserved some kind of consequence. 19.5% feel the other way, however, and believe that Zeke should have let his parents know Marley was closing in on them. Another 14.6% believe that Zeke could have figured out another way to prevent his parents from being sent to Paradis. 

Mixed feelings.

IN A STORY FILLED WITH TRAGIC CHILDHOOD BACKSTORIES, WHERE DOES ZEKE’S RANK? 41 responses

Nearly half of the fandom agree that Zeke’s childhood backstory is toward the top of the list of the most tragic ones in this series, but not quite enough to claim the title of “the absolute worst.” 26.8% agree that his backstory was pretty bad, but still can’t empathize with his current actions or his goal. 22% believe that he didn’t have it any better or worse than anyone else in the series, and only a small sliver feel that Zeke is truly deserving of the “most tragic character” award.

KSAVER TELLS ZEKE THAT DINA AND GRISHA NEVER LOVED HIM. THOUGHTS? 42 responses

When it comes to the matter of whether Grisha and Dina actually loved Zeke, nearly 60% felt that they did love him, but their love for him didn’t supersede their commitment to their mission to restore the Eldian Empire. 21.4% feel that their love for Zeke and commitment to their mission were equal in strength. 16.7% agree with Ksaver, and believe that Grisha and Dina didn’t love Zeke at all.

DO YOU THINK KSAVER WAS A GOOD PERSON? 42 responses

While we only see Ksaver for one episode, we were curious about your judgement of his character. 35.7% believe that he was a good person, even if he may have made some bad decisions at certain points. 28.6% believe he truly was a good person, and genuinely cared for Zeke as if he was his own son. 19% feel the opposite, and believe he wasn’t a good person, feeling that he manipulated Zeke and disapprove of him lying to his wife and son about his Eldian genetics. 11.9% aren’t sure what to think, but feel there’s more to Ksaver’s story than meets the eye.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE REVEAL OF ZEKE’S PLAN? 42 responses

In general, respondents seem to be shocked at the reveal of Zeke’s true plan, with most of them ranking it a 4 or 5 in its shock factor. One voter leaned more in the direction of the reveal of his real plan being a bit underwhelming.

DO YOU THINK EREN TRULY AGREES WITH ZEKE’S PLAN? 42 responses

33.3% are firm in their belief that Eren would never get on board with Zeke’s euthanasia plan, and that he’s “playing Zeke like a fiddle” right now. 31% believe that Eren does agree with Zeke partially, but still likely has his own separate goal from Zeke. 16.7% aren’t sure, and another 7.1% believe that Eren is truly on board with Zeke’s plan.

DOES ZEKE’S RATIONALE FOR KILLING PEOPLE HELP JUSTIFY IT? 41 responses

43.9% are somewhat understanding of Zeke’s plight, believing that Zeke’s intentions aren’t necessarily unjustified, but that he has still been unnecessarily cruel about his approach to it thus far. 39% don’t see any justification in his actions and think he’s just full of crap. On the flipside, 17.1% believe that Zeke truly feels he is doing the right thing and as a result they are able to empathize with his actions.

IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE, WHICH IS THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS? 40 responses

When it comes down to being forced to choose one evil or the other, 62.5% believe that if their hands were tied, bringing an end to the Eldian race (whether by Zeke’s plan or by other means) is the lesser of the two evils. 37.5% feel the opposite, and believe that the liberation of Eldians is more important than the survival of the rest of the world who wants to destroy them.

WHAT CONDITION DO YOU THINK LEVI IS IN PHYSICALLY? 42 responses

So MAPPA really left us in the dark on this one. With lots of time to speculate, we were curious what you thought about his physical condition after the explosion. 33.3% believe that he is likely missing a part, or parts, of his body after the impact. 19% think it isn’t as bad, with just some scratches or scrapes. 11.9% believe that Levi is going to be just fine (he’s an Ackerman after all, right?!), while a smaller handful have assumed the worst and believe when we see him next, he will be confirmed as dead. 

He’s FINE everything’s FINE

HOW DID THESE EPISODES MAKE YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERS?

The 5 characters that we listed had the biggest focus in these episodes (typically in a controversial light) so we wanted to see how opinions may have changed.

The characters who seem to have received more negative backlash were Grisha and Floch, with Eren trailing behind them. Zeke and Levi were viewed more favorably when all was said and done. Though for unchanged opinions, Eren and Levi seem to have hit more in the middle than the other characters did. Grisha appears to have netted no positive feelings.

WE’VE ONLY GOT ONE EPISODE LEFT FOR THIS RUN! HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT IT? 42 responses

When it comes to the feelings of respondents about the anime ending, we’ve gotten a multitude of responses. A plurality, 45.2% had a more positive view, looking forward to the Part 2 announcement. Close behind were 42.9% who expressed their frustration at the loss of a source of entertainment on Sundays. Less popular responses focused on open despair (due to the anime ending) and in contrast to the rest of the respondents, one person expressed disappointment in this entire season. We’ve also received one write-in. 

I’ve already started up the manga, I couldn’t wait for the last episode and I certainly can’t wait for part 2 lol

DO YOU THINK WE WILL GET AN ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT THE NEXT ANIME INSTALLMENT NEXT WEEK? 43 responses

We’ve asked the respondents whether they believed we were going to get a Part 2 announcement the week of the final episode. Now we know that to be the case, it is interesting to look back. 67.5% expressed hope in seeing that announcement with 41.9% (overall) feeling a bit cautiously optimistic, in contrast to the 25.6% (overall) seeing conviction. In contrast, 30.2% were not so sure, with 20.9% (also overall) not feeling too hopeful and 9.3% (again, overall) were lacking any expectations at all. Now we know that the former folks were pessimistic for no reason. Yay. 

Please MAPPA I need this :,(

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODES?

Tears

The reveal of Zeke's backstory has shown us once again that in AoT, there is no black and white but multiple shades of gray and that people like Zeke and Levi can be savage despite having noble intentions. It's sad that Eren and Armin would have to fight like that and I'm annoyed that Mikasa chose to hurt Armin when he punched Eren for her. It's like she has shown that what Eren was saying about her is true.

No other thoughts just sad :(

Pain.

I know Zeke is no ordinary Man. Everyone thinking"oh Zeke boy evil, cruel, throwing something" ı think always not Just that simple. Because ı saw, he sells patents, its really Hard choice for 7 8 years old boy. 

the recent episodes have been amazing and Isayama has by far the sexiest brain out of all creators, period

I was shocked to find out that Ksaver told Zeke to turn in his parents. I honestly thought Zeke was just feeling bold that day LOL but ya excellent episodes, 5/5 for both! As always, thank you MAPPA for the food<3

I am Scared and Sad and I can't wait for the next one

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 43 responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated! We will post the poll for episode 75 soon!

In the meantime, please feel free to send us up to 5 of your favorite characters via ask or submission for our ongoing popularity poll - that poll will close on the 10th of April! :D

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

Spoilers.

Okay I can’t hold it in anymore, I need to yell about Star Trek. 

SO.

In light of the revelations we got from Picard ep8 and ep9, I have come to the conclusion that the plot is a giant fucking mess. Lemme explain.  (Buckle up, it’s long and VERY spoilery).  First, a recap: 300 000 years ago, synthetic lifeforms from another galaxy dragged eight suns together (or maybe created them) and put a sign on the planet in the middle, saying “hey synth pals, when the organics decide to destroy you, give us a call, we’ll destroy them.” The Romulans stumbled upon it, understood only the “synth, organics, destroy” part and decided to hunt and kill robots before they evolved. So far, the robotic higher beings have only succeeded in making the organics hate the synths, so good job. Using the Romulan rescue, Oh makes synths illegal through the attack on Mars, causing the death of most of her people (and incidentally, of the entire Vulcan race in another timeline. Thanks, Oh!). I’ll give her points for dedication, at least this isn’t a “save my people and screw the rest of the Federation” scenario. She’s actually willing to sacrifice her planet to save the whole galaxy. (Doesn’t make it moral, but still, pretty selfless, in a dark a twisted way.) Again, this is the robotic higher beings’ fault. 

Moving on, The surviving synths try to make first contact with Starfleet, resulting in the death of Jana, Beautiful Flower and Vandermeer, which has overall very little consequence on the bigger plot. AGAIN, this is indirectly the robotic higher beings’ fault. (Maybe losing her sister is what makes Sutra such a bitch? Don’t think so though, we’ll get to that.) Maddox, learning nothing from the Ibn Majid, decides to learn the truth about the ban and sends two synthetic girls that look exactly like Jana to investigate (my god is he stupid), while not actually telling them what it is they’re supposed to find (oh, Bruce. Oh my god). It leads to the Romulans realizing that there’s an entire planet of synths. Outstanding work, dumbass. 

Picard does his thing and decides to save the synths and advocate for their lives, Sutra realizes what the Admonition actually meant, and decides that killing all the organics sounds like a great idea. She doesn’t hesitate to let Narek kill one of her sisters to unite her people, showing that she’s exactly the same kind of psycho bitch as Oh. The problem is: SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES. The robotic higher beings are fucking IDIOTS!! They’re supposed to have seen many civilisations rise and fall, so they should know what to do and what not to do, and their rational still is “organics will kill us anyway, so let’s kill them,” leading to the organics being like “oh shit, the synths want to kill us, let’s stop making them,” leading to Sutra being like “welp they’ve already started hating us, our robot overlords were right, let’s kill organics.”  OH. MY. GOD!!!

I get that the lesson is that fear is the great enemy, and in this case it’s really well demonstrated (gotta give credit where it’s due), but still! It’s so frustrating!! 

My biggest problem with that convoluted plot is that we (the viewers) are supposed to see the synths as the organics’ equals. Their plight is supposed to be equal to the Federation’s. Except NO. I’m sorry, NO. 

(More on in-universe morality and out-of-universe viewer experience under the cut, because I took pity on your dashboards.)

I get wanting to survive from the Romulan attack, okay. (There is la Sirena for that, just as a reminder.) But Sutra saying that the Federation banning them was essentially genocide? NO. They are made. They aren’t born naturally. A government telling its people to stop making procreating isn’t the same thing as a government killing every kid younger that ten! Parents refusing to conceive isn’t the same as murdering their children (I won’t open the can of worms that is the abortion debate, the point stands). 

We as an audience are still supposed to see the Zhat Vash as the bad guys, because Oh, Narissa and Narek are villains, and because they have caused untold suffering. (By the way, linking Cris’ personal tragedy to the synth crisis is a massive plot contrivance to make us hate the Zhat Vash more, which I found frustrating watching ep8. Losing people in a horrible way happens even without grand global conspiracies, and Cris had already been established as going out of his way to help people even when there was nothing in it for him. We didn’t need the connection to empathise with his pain, and he didn’t need the added incentive. Seriously, how small is that galaxy? Are everybody’s demons linked to Picard’s heroic quest? How convenient.)

But are the Zhat Vash really the bad guys? (Even Cris questions that despite arguably being the Sirena crewmember who as per ep8 had lost the most because of them, along with Elnor.) I’m sorry, if Sutra does try to call the robotic overlords, I say burn Cappelius to the ground. Lemme continue to explain. There are what, 50 synths? 50 robots. And the show tries to make me (again, the viewer) accept that risking the survival of the entire Federation (trillions of people) to save them is actually a question worth asking? From an in-universe moral standpoint, perhaps. 

From an outsider’s perspective (the audience), not even close. Robots having souls and being equal to humans isn’t even a discussion we’re having in real life. I don’t believe androids will ever be self-aware, and capable of emotion and love. Sure, in the Star Trek universe they apparently are. So what? Suspension of disbelief only goes so far. The show can’t expect me to accept that many IFs. I get the very one-the-nose “fear of the Other,” “make love not war,” “different races have equal rights to life” analogy. The message is very much worthy, the show’s depiction of it really pisses me off. The show isn’t asking me to decide whether or not it would be moral to kill the last survivors of a human (or even alien) tribe to save the world, it’s asking “but what if we were basically God and we fucked up, how would we fix it? What if the stuff we made eventually had feelings? Then it’d be bad to destroy it, right?” 

Aside from the sheer hubris of that premise, I don’t know that the robots have feelings. I know it looks like they do, and that they believe that they do, but again, how am I to know? From a biological viewpoint, they’re certainly not alive:

“Life” (biological def taken from the web) Definition. noun, plural: lives. noun, plural: lives. (1) A distinctive characteristic of a living organism from dead organism or non-living thing, as specifically distinguished by the capacity to grow, metabolize, respond (to stimuli), adapt, and reproduce. 

Do the synths grow? Nah. Do they metabolize? Yes. Respond to stimuli? Yes but debatable as it’s programmed. Adapt? Yes. Reproduce? NOPE. 2.5/5 on the living scale lol. That’s not that great. (From an in-universe moral perspective, this time. I know, TNG did an ep on that, sorry.)

Still the show tries reaaaally hard to sell their sentience, and the one time that really didn’t sit well with me was that “robotic finger touching the human finger” image. WOW, last place where I expected to find religious imagery, a show that questions what it means to be human and what creating beings in our image would entail *sarcasm*. 

Except they twist the imagery. In the Bible, human lives are sacred because they are in the image of the perfect God, and He values us (=> so human worth come directly from God attributing worth to us because we’re meant to reflect His goodness). Humans being imperfect due to their fall, creating something in their own image is called an idol - it’s a false god, it’s not sentient, it’s even more imperfect, and it’s wrong. And if humans don’t value it and and it doesn’t reflect who they are anymore, well, it would make the idol even more worthless, right? (clearer explanation because my arguing skills suck => drawing on the Bible’s imagery, either humans are not gods and the images they created are worthless, or the series means for them to have God’s place, in which case refusing to attribute worth to their images makes those worthless. That invalidates the question that I previously said the show was asking.) So all in all, reminding us of the Christian take on the issue right in the middle of the Admonition claiming that synths are perfect is thus completely counterproductive, both in universe and from a viewer’s pov.

But but but, I hear you protest, what about Data? He had worth! 

This may be controversial, but Data mattered to us because of the character he was, not because he was supposed to be human. He was adorable and losing him meant losing an interesting and enjoyable element in the show, which would make us sad. I love him like I love Cris’ holos, the Voyager Doctor, Wall-E and Eve, R2-D2, Jarvis and Chappie. They’re (very) likeable fictional creatures that can be used as metaphors for real life issues, nothing more. In any show/movie I’d be really sad if one of them had to be sacrificed to save the world, but I’d accept it (looking at you, Infinity War Captain America). If the question arose in real life, would I question the morality of it? No. 

So, are the new synths the same? I already tackled the metaphor thing, it’s not handled that well and Detroit Become Human did it first. (Again, it’s hard to portray the otherness of other real life-cultures that we may unjustly fear by using things whose living status is so easily questionable!!)  Is killing off the synths wrong from an out-of-universe perspective because the audience loves them? Let’s see... Are the new synths adorable/likeable? Heck no, give me Emil and Enoch over them any day. Would we lose something in the show if they died? Nah. We didn’t even know they existed until one episode ago. Picard would get angsty and Agnes would get upset, but it’s nothing a few fluffy fics wouldn’t fix. Do we know the synths as characters? We know that Sutra is crazy, violent and bloodthirsty, Jana was probably nice (?), Dahj had a cute boyfriend (outstanding characterization) and Soji... Welp... *sigh* I guess Soji is okay, even though she’s the least relatable and interesting character of the whole Sirena crew?  We know that their creators and biggest advocates, Soong Jr and Maddox, are(/were) creepy old dudes with warped ethics, half a brain between the two of them, really toxic interactions with Agnes, and enough hubris to bring the entire greek demigod population to shame. They would race Icarus to the sun, seriously.  We know that Captain Vendermeer killed himself over two robots, permanently damaging one of the nicest and most beloved characters of the series. Yeah, real incentive for me wanting to see the Federation risk destruction for the androids, guys.

But seriously, the last time a psycho AI tried to destroy the galaxy and make it in its image (*cough* Control) the protagonists spent a season trying to destroy the thing, and they were right! Future-control was self-aware and demonstrated anger and fear! Make up your mind, CBS!! 

And by the way? THE SYNTHS HAVE A MEANS OF ESCAPE!! No, I’m sorry, if they don’t decide to go aboard la Sirena and choose to endanger the Federation instead, then for all plot issues I’m siding with the Zhat Vash. Go on, destroy the synths. As part of the audience, I don’t care, and the show attempts at making me care by trying to make it a moral issue feel clumsy and forced. 

Also. Q exists in the Star Trek universe! He’s a deus ex-machina machine!! (Pun intended.) It’s hard to take big issues like that seriously when he could just swoop in and teleport the synths out of the galaxy/destroy the Romulan armada/put the robotic overlords in their place. JL, please, give Q a call. Yeah, yeah, it’d take away from the moral stakes because you can’t solve your irl problem with a snap of your fingers and you have to make actual decisions - but as I already said, I feel like the moral stakes are dumb and contrived. Give me the deus ex-machina, please. 

This has been a Star Trek rant. I know that I tackled two separate issues here: the in-universe morality of the synths’ death (I will admit that from the crew’s perspective it’s not right, because they can’t know if the synths are alive or not for sure) and the out-of-universe viewer experience. I apologize if it came across as really confused and complicated. 

I still like the show and love the actual characters (meaning, la Sirena’s colorful crew), and the show writers are not incompetent, or stupid, or wrong for writing their show how they want. They are really skilled and talented and they have created mostly compelling characters - I’m just unhappy with the direction taken by the story.

[dogbearinggifts]

Brothers in Arms, Part One

Umbrella Academy

Author’s note: This is Part One of the fifth installment of my Sheepdogs series. If this is the first time you’re seeing it on your dash, you can start with Part One, He Saw the Ghosts, a slight AU exploring what could have happened if a kinder vet had approached Klaus at the VFW. Dead Ringer, Tattoos with Better Stories, and Missing in Action follow the vets Klaus meets as they try to unravel the mystery surrounding his photograph hanging on their memorial wall. All installments are available on my AO3 account.

A quick warning: This installment features a character expressing homophobic attitudes typical of the era. 

1968

Humid air, heavy with rain, wrapped around Art’s skin as he sighted his target. 

Klaus never strayed too far, when he wandered, never went too near the edges of camp, but that didn’t make him easy to track down. For how high he could raise his voice and how loudly he could laugh, the guy could be quieter than Spurlock when he wanted to sneak around. 

Speak of the devil….

Art went over the story in his mind. His latest contribution to the Spurlock canon had brought laughter, sure, but most of those stories earned at least a chuckle. This one, though—this one had garnered a piece of advice, echoed and approved by every man who heard it: “You’ve gotta tell Klaus.” Being encouraged to share a joke with the rest of the group was one thing, but to hear your joke should be brought to the man who could make an entire tent laugh with a quip and a scowl? Well. There were greater achievements, higher honors, but none sent Art out in search of them. 

A few steps took him close enough to see Klaus wasn’t smiling. Nothing Art hadn’t seen before, but that just made him quicken his pace. The second he heard what Art had in store, that frown would disappear and he’d—

It was the finer nuances in the look Klaus wore that stopped him first. He’d seen Klaus upset before, of course, seen him distraught and nervous and plain old scared. He knew of no man who could make it through a war zone without having to fight through any of those things, and if one existed, Art wasn’t sure he’d like to meet him. 

But there was no gunfire nearby. There was only Dave, standing across and shaking his head as Klaus spoke. 

For a few seconds, Art could only watch. Klaus spoke at full tilt, hands upturned in a gesture resembling a plea, words inaudible from that distance. His lips moved too quickly for Art to read much of what he said, but any bozo could tell this was not the sort of conversation Klaus usually involved himself in. 

“That’s a sin, you know.” The warning came to mind with such speed and clarity that Art’s grandmother might as well have spoken directly in his ear. He could hear the rest of her lecture, too: Eavesdropping had no purpose aside from gathering information that was never yours to hear, and the only reason why one might want that information was to spread gossip, which was a big enough sin that Art’s grandmother had always pursed her lips and pointedly changed the subject whenever something resembling gossip entered her home or church. She might tell a white lie now and then, down one too many glasses of wine on occasion, but gossip was the one sin on which she never compromised. 

Art pressed his back against a nearby tree, trying to ignore that old pang of guilt. Even separated from notions of sin and damnation, even stripped of its connotations to old biddies quilting and shooting the shit, his grandmother’s disdain for gossip was far from baseless. Rumors never did anyone a bit of good, and he couldn’t recall a time when they didn’t do the opposite. 

But then, it was only gossip if you shared what you knew. 

Klaus was still speaking, words tumbling over each other in a rush too fast for Art to read. Dave shook his head, and Klaus spoke again, more briefly this time. 

Dave cupped a hand to Klaus’ cheek. Words followed, words so slow and clear Art would have needed to look away had he wanted to miss them. 

“I love you.” 

Klaus didn’t gasp. No confusion twisted his features, no apprehension made him take a step back. The statement was expected—and so was something else, something that didn’t follow even after a moment’s pause. “But?” 

Hurt and confusion, disbelief and heartbreak crossed Dave’s face, not warring for dominance so much as gathering into a force of their own, blending together and becoming something new. Without a word, Dave pulled Klaus into his arms. 

Neither spoke after that. 

“One tat doesn’t prove a thing.” 

“They share more than one tattoo,” Richard said. “You know that.” 

Art did know that. And a part of him wanted to be content with it, to take that fact and turn it into something resembling closure. “Look, Klaus—the Klaus I knew—he had ‘em on his hands, too. Hello on one, Good Bye on the other.” 

Richard and Jim traded glances, and Art knew what he’d hear before they spoke. “Our Klaus had those, too,” Jim said. 

There was no point in asking whether the locations matched; as best he could recall, the tattoos on their Klaus and the tattoos on the Klaus he’d served with were in the same places. Klaus, his Klaus, hadn’t been the only man to wear that Sky Soldiers tattoo—Art was living proof of that—but he knew of only one with an umbrella on his arm and pleasantries on his palms. 

“You said he looked like that picture.” 

“Just like it,” Jim said. 

“Like he’d stepped right out of the frame,” Richard added. 

Art drew a breath, but the small sip of oxygen did little to ease the dizziness threatening to tip him out of his chair and onto the floor. “So what are you saying? That they’re the same damn guy?” 

Again they traded glances. Art waited for one to speak, waited for some statement he could shoot down, but Jim looked at the table and Richard looked to the photo again. 

Art got to his feet so quickly the dizziness overtook him a moment, and he clutched the table for support. When his vision returned, he crossed to the photo and found Klaus in a second. 

“Fifty years.” He heard the scraping of chairs against the floor but didn’t turn from the photo. “It’s been fifty years since that photo, and you’re telling me he looks exactly the same?” 

“As best we can tell.” Richard’s words carried a sigh. “That picture’s not the clearest.” 

He hadn’t recanted what he’d said, but he hadn’t backed it up unequivocally, either. Art’s mind went frantically over the details he’d been given, the details he’d handed over, searching for any inconsistencies or alternate interpretations that might end this bizarre charade before he started to believe it himself. Yet all that came to mind were moments fifty years past. The time he’d heard Klaus humming to himself and recognized the tune, years later, in a Disney movie. The way he’d simply appeared one day, with no dog tags and no apparent memory of the training he would have received….

“You saw him crying over this picture?” 

Jim nodded, joining Art at the wall. Before Art could think of another question that might cut whatever Jim might say short, Jim pointed to the man beside Klaus, a man at the edge of the group. “Over this guy right here.” 

Dave.

“You sure?” 

“He was wearing Katz’s dog tags, too.” 

Another wash of dizziness threatened to take him, but this time Art steadied himself with a deeper breath. There was an explanation. There had to be. A logical, rational explanation. “Maybe—look, assholes pretend to be vets all the time. Maybe he just put more thought into it than most of ‘em do.” 

“Yeah, vets,” Jim said, leaning on the plural. “Not one vet in one picture.” 

“We didn’t even know that guy’s name until you came in.” He sensed, more than saw, Richard approach the wall. “And you can’t see his tattoos in the photo.” 

It was true, Art had known it was true, and yet hearing it made him want to whip out some fact that would bring the whole illusion crashing down in a second. He settled for pacing toward the nearest table and back again instead. “He tell you his surname?” 

“No.” 

“Did you ask?” 

“Didn’t get much chance,” Jim said. 

Bullshit. Art stopped short of saying it. He didn’t know if they’d had time to ask, how many chances they’d gotten or whether or not their conversations—if they’d happened at all—made such questions impolite and insensitive. Better not to assume. 

“Look.” Art wasn’t sure of exactly what he was about to say, but he plunged ahead, snatching up whatever words came to mind. “He went MIA fifty years ago. If he popped in here, there’s no way in hell he’d look just like that picture, unless time travel’s involved.” 

No derisive snorts followed those words. No chuckles, no rolled eyes, not so much as a smirk. It wasn’t until the silence settled over them, until Jim frowned thoughtfully at the photo and Richard opened his mouth as if to speak and shut it again, that Art realized he hadn’t simply expected them to scoff. 

He’d wanted them to. 

1968

Art’s instincts screamed for him to run for the first person he saw and spill everything. It would all tumble out in a flurry of words that might not swing anywhere near coherence, but it would be out and someone else would know, someone who could judge what to do with it better than he could. The secret would no longer be his; it would belong to whoever he found, and the decision would be in their hands. Knowledge would remain, but responsibility would not. 

It didn’t take him long to find someone, or for someone to find him. He wasn’t sure which and didn’t much care. He only knew George crossed his path, smile disappearing at the look Art couldn’t shake. 

“You okay, man? Look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

Seen a ghost. That was more than an idiom—or it was now, anyway, now that Klaus was a part of their unit. Art was free to respond with some generic brush-off, but a failure to follow up an invite like that with a Spurlock story would be a greater indicator that something was wrong than any sort of honest answer. 

Art knew what he had to say, knew what he had to share, but the words wouldn’t surface. He forced a smile instead. “Yeah, Spurlock’s out there, edge of camp. Took the biggest shit I’ve ever seen, wiped his ass on a baguette.” 

George sighed. “Shit sandwiches again?” 

“C’mon, you try cooking with those hooves.” 

George’s snort wasn’t quite a laugh—nowhere near one, in fact. After the resounding approval Art’s last joke had earned, this reaction stung less like disappointment and more like failure. Then again, he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to come up with a better quip even if he’d had more than two seconds to prepare. 

“You seen Dave?” 

For one awful second, Art was certain the truth had bloomed on his face. Heat rushed to his cheeks; he had to remind himself to draw a breath in and let it out. “I know when you’re lying,” Grandmother had said on more than one occasion. That she’d said it when his lies were all in her head and the truth was all he’d given her had eroded his faith in her ability to pluck out his falsehoods on sight, but that didn’t make others blind to them. 

The second passed, and George did not react. No narrowed eyes. No concern. No questions. 

“Nope. Haven’t seen him.” 

George sighed again and continued on his way. His chosen direction took him toward the pair, technically speaking, though they’d have the advantage of a few minutes’ lead. 

Art had time to call after and steer George in the right direction. He had time to think of a way to mask it, to make the truth covert enough to fit with his earlier lie. He could do it. He should do it. 

Instead, he watched in silence as George moved out of earshot and out of sight. 

“Klaus Hargreeves.” Jim’s emphasis was not lost on Art. “Means he’s Reginald’s son.” 

“If he’s the same guy.” 

“If he is,” Richard said slowly, as though mulling it over as he spoke, “then it might explain some things.” 

“Like what?” Art spent a second resisting the urge to pace before walking the length of the memorial wall and back again. It wasn’t near enough to clear his head—but then, he doubted a jog around the city block would manage that. “All that explains is how he got the same name as the Academy kid.” 

“You read his sister’s book.” 

It wasn’t a question. When first published, Did you read it? had been the question on everyone’s lips. The book was mentioned by name only at first; before the publication passed its first anniversary, inquiries as to whether or not a friend or acquaintance had read it had become common enough that most anyone listening understood that it meant Vanya Hargreeves’ autobiography. The question wasn't asked so much anymore. Asking was pointless when you knew the answer would be Yes. 

“Yeah. I read it.” Parts of it, at least. As he read, the sense of discomfort had progressed from nagging to grating, and the cause went beyond the psychological torture that had been Vanya Hargreeves’ childhood. Something about the way she included no contemporary quotes from her siblings, no insight from their adult selves that he could see, had left him with the sensation that he was peering into their lives through the lens of assumption and hearsay, seeing moments and hearing conversations that they would have kept to themselves. No matter how he tried to shake it, no matter how he told himself that she must have consulted her siblings before publication or that she could tell her own story without their input, he’d eventually set the book down, removed his bookmark, and returned it to the library. 

“So you know what he’d do to those kids.” 

A pit formed in his stomach, not unlike the one that had been his companion while reading Vanya’s autobiography. She hadn’t known all the details, hadn’t been privy to them—and that was just as well. The word experiments only belonged in talk about children when the conversation centered on the project you were helping them build for the school science fair. “I figured he hadn’t seen his dad in years.” 

“Could’ve lured him back,” Jim said. “Hunted him down, sprung it on him out of the blue.” 

If Vanya Hargreeves’ account was remotely accurate, than what Jim proposed was a possibility, albeit one that came with a laundry list of assumptions. That time travel was real. That it had happened. That it could happen again, that it could snatch anyone from their life in the present and drop them in the past, or the future, or some unholy combination of the two, if those old cliches about tearing holes in space and time had any validity. 

But more than anything, it assumed Klaus Hargreeves—the one he knew—was alive. 

1968

Maybe he’d jumped to conclusions. 

Art had only seen a hug, after all. A hug prefixed by a cupped cheek and a rather unambiguous phrase, if nothing more. The notion they were only friends crumbled beneath the sheer weight of what he’d witnessed, but he entertained it nonetheless. Best to be sure before he leaped to action. 

He could see Dave from where he stood, offering Lawrence a smile and a few words—inaudible from where he stood, but knowing Dave, they weren’t the sort to leave the other man angry or despairing for the next hour or so. Sure enough, Lawrence’s frown became a smile before Dave clapped him on the shoulder and turned away. 

Art didn’t know  a man who wasn’t Dave’s friend. Even those he didn’t see every day, even those he’d only met in passing, were treated to the same smiles and warmth. Give him half a minute and he’d pull you into a quick conversation about things back home, things you’d forgotten you’d mentioned; give him longer and he’d make the worst snafu look solvable. 

He’d heard of men like that, from the stories his Dad sometimes dusted off and brought out for company, but he’d never understood what it was to serve with one until Dave had walked right up, chatting away as if they’d known each other since first grade. Never appreciated it until Dave had found him after their first firefight, brushed some lingering dust and rubble away with a shaking hand, and asked if he was okay. Herman, weaving in and out of Dad’s time in France, had been a favorite character, one who brought a smile to teller and listener alike each time he entered the story. Art wasn’t certain he had the proper word to describe what Dave was and didn’t want to seek it out at the risk of sounding too sentimental. 

Klaus wandered over. If he wasn’t marching, he didn’t walk or run. He wandered and ambled. The sight of Charlie sent a smile to his lips, and whatever he said brought a laugh and a response in kind. Dad had served with men like that too, men who could find a joke nearly anywhere they looked, but none like Klaus. None who would begin a meandering story, drop it at the first distraction, and deliver the punchline hours later, all the funnier for having been delayed. None who could turn a simple question about the mail into a humorously suggestive one. It was a different sort of gift Klaus possessed, one that brought laughter to a war in the business of silencing it. 

The image of that embrace, that cupped cheek and those words, resurfaced in Art’s mind. 

A part of him found a certain amount of sense in it. The way they always seemed to be together, when excuses aligned. The little smile Dave wore when Klaus spoke, the smile he never brought out for anyone else. The way neither seemed bothered by a brush of the skin, a chance moment that brought their faces too close. 

Another part of him, a larger part, would have cheered their match, had one been a woman. 

He didn’t have to tell someone. Just them. Find Dave or Klaus alone—probably Dave, he knew Dave better—tell him what he’d seen and watch his reaction. He wouldn’t need a renunciation, or an apology, or anything of the like; he only needed to let Dave know the cat had put a paw out of the bag. Let him know he’d been spotted, let him know he was accountable to someone, and the problem would solve itself. 

The impromptu battle of wits between Klaus and Charlie ended with chuckles on both sides. Klaus looked off in the opposite direction, then back to Dave; he didn’t begin walking until Dave did and then he fell in step. Art didn’t try to read their lips, but their easy smiles had returned. Whatever had led to Klaus’ impassioned pleading earlier seemed to have been, for the moment, resolved. 

“I love you.” 

“But?” 

Art tried to keep the moment from resurfacing yet again, but it bubbled up for the umpteenth time. He’d heard of people who witnessed things like that, secrets that could destroy the one who held it and everyone around them. People who had come forward, who addressed what they saw and made sure help was received and all was put to rights. He’d heard the glowing terms with which they were described, of the humble quiet with which they received whatever accolades were due them. “It was nothing,” they tended to say, with a modesty betraying the warm glow of satisfaction from within. “I was just doing my part, that’s all.” 

When Art thought back to what he’d seen, when he made up his mind to do what needed done, he felt none of the steely resolve such responsibility was said to provide. He only felt sick. 

He shouldn’t have been watching in the first place. 

Dave, Klaus—they were his friends. Brothers, even. Spying on siblings might be a time-honored tradition in families fortunate and unfortunate enough to have more than one child, but there came a point when things left the realm of friendly teasing. He wasn’t sure exactly where that line might be, but he knew he’d crossed it.

Even so, what he’d seen couldn’t remain in the dark. They were his friends, and they needed help. He could bring it up with Dave, word the question to offer him as many loopholes and escape routes and possible, and then never address it again. Pretend he’d seen nothing and move on. 

Yet the moment he revealed what he’d seen, even to Dave and no one else with nobody around, he’d acknowledge that something had happened. Something had happened, he’d seen it happen, and all the trust he’d placed in Dave and the trust Dave had placed in him meant nothing next to the chance to lurk in hopes of seeing something worth pouncing on. 

Klaus came back around. No Dave, but that was just as well. He raised a hand in greeting, Klaus returned it, and they met in the middle.

“Hey.” Klaus drew out the word. “Somebody said you were looking for me for something?” 

He’d made a decision, loosely speaking, but it lacked the peace and surety of a resolution. It felt like cowardice, like surrender. 

But he still had a good joke to tell. That was something. 

Art cracked a smile. “You hear why Spurlock never goes up on mountains?” 

They said Klaus Hargreeves was alive. 

Alive and talking and knitting and here, in the city, looking near identical to his photographic double. 

It was impossible. Art knew he shouldn’t believe it until he saw it with his own eyes, yet here he was entertaining the possibility on the word of two men who had been unknown to him days before. 

Two men who had gone out of their way to find him because of the soldier in the photograph. 

Because of Klaus. 

A dozen half-formed questions swam through his mind, circled him and fell away before he could snatch them out of the air. None of the theories or possibilities quite fell into place, but Art thought he could spot where they might fit; there were holes, of course, but the picture remained, incomplete but comprehensible. 

Klaus. 

Alive. 

In the city. 

Art tried to wrap his head around it. For as long as he’d held out hope, for as long as he’d waited for news and excused Klaus’ continued absence and clung to stories of soldiers who’d gone missing and resurfaced decades later, now that he had what he’d sought, it kept slipping through his fingers. He tried to picture Klaus ambling into the same VFW bar in which he sat, tried to imagine him wandering down the streets, but his memory remained tied to the A Shau Valley. Try as he might, Art couldn’t separate Klaus from Vietnam. 

He had to see it for himself. 

A question at last burst through the flurry in his mind, and Art knew before he voiced it that it was the only one that mattered. 

“Where is he?” 

[immagettinmyshittogether]

Worthwhile distractions

So I’ve been having a little trouble keeping up with some shit lately. A couple weeks ago I got hit with a MASSIVE cold/flu/something. So my diet went out the window in favor of chicken noodle soup and spicy food to clear my sinuses and whatever the heck comfort food I needed to get through the day. Considering how sick I was, honestly, I suspect that my body was burning more calories than normal anyway just to fight it off. And I don’t seem to have gained or lost much weight in the last few weeks, so I think my hypothesis is probably pretty close to true. But I was so sick that I honestly couldn’t think straight for several days. Of course, the days that I was the most sick were Friday through Sunday. So I didn’t miss any work. I just spend the entire next week sniffling and taking dayquil.

Needless to say, for the second time, I missed a writing deadline. My writing income has dropped considerably (which thanks to the two month delay in Amazon sales, I won’t notice until the end of January). Partly because of missed deadlines, I’m sure, but also partly because I think the series I’ve been working on just doesn’t have as big an audience as I thought it would. I was trying to shift from straight up smut to smutty romantic smut. It appears that for short-term and short story/serial publishing, the lowest common denominator might be a better thing to aim for. My sales have been practically nil, and my Kindle Unlimited reads have been a little below average. I haven’t had the heart to check my book rankings, but I know they’re lower than they were the last few months.

Author’s note/edit after posting - I realized that I hadn’t updated anything about last month’s sales. Last month jumped up to over 150. It was on target to hit 200 until Thanksgiving came around and I missed my first deadline.... then it kind of hit a stasis that week, and I basically didn’t earn hardly anything for the entire last week of the month. Still, I’m afraid to look at my current projected monthly income based on what I’ve made so far this month. It ain’t gonna be pretty.)

Then the shit kind of hit the fan at work. I work on a college campus, so these last few weeks of the semester are just kind of a run-up to the end. Always busier than usual, often with higher stakes in order to make sure shit gets done in time. So the next week after being sick has been one of the busiest and most stressful weeks of the semester. I’ll explain the details under the ‘keep reading’ line if you’re curious.

I did manage to get the story out late. So I still managed to publish once my brain was functioning. Unfortunately, I’m finding that at the moment, my usual after-day-job home environment isn’t really conducive to my current writing. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m writing smut, and I have trouble focusing on that with my spouse in the room. Or, more likely, it’s because my spouse has ADD and needs constant background things going on, like youtube videos or something, in order to concentrate. Whereas I don’t, and those things are distractions for me.

I’m wondering if I should just wrap up the various series that I have going now and call this experiment in writing a minimum of a short a week what is was: an experiment. But with winter vacation coming up for me, I will have the chance to sit at home and write without distraction for a few weeks. So I’ll at least try to catch up on my work then and get a good backlog to keep posting.

The pen name I was using for this smut is not one I ever planning on using to make a living. I was just using it to force myself to write something out of my comfort zone, get some experience writing on a long-term repeated deadline, and get a feel for online publishing.

I have learned a bit about serial publishing. And I’m starting to understand why all the old classic serial publishers tried to make things as salacious as they did. In the fast-paced world of publishing, the most important thing is just to grab people’s attention. After that you can worry about quality.

I also had another pen name that focused more on the romance side of things rather than the smut side of things... but that’s an entirely different market, and it generally requires a longer time investment and longer stories. And when all I can do at the moment while I’ve got my day job is about 5k words per week, the smut seemed to be the better option to focus on.

So this winter break might be a turnaround. A chance to try something else. Or a chance to at least finish up my work on one pen name.

But back to the now. this week, since the series I was working on was doing so badly, I decided to put it on hiatus and go back to one that I’d wrapped up the first arc and put on hiatus. The one that had caused my numbers to kinda explode last month. I had an idea for a nice little intro story that was not only holiday-themed, but would be able to stand alone months from now, and would work as a good introduction to the second arc. So I started churning along. I had a lot of stuff to do around the house to start getting ready for the holidays, but my spouse was going to be out of the house for about five hours on Saturday, so I decided to pace myself. Get half of it written Friday, half Saturday. And I was on track. I was about 3.8k words in on the  ≈5k story. And I’d already found a suitable image to photomanip into a decent cover for publishing. (Something that often takes a while, sorting through image sites, finding something that fits what I need, but doesn’t run afoul of Amazon’s fear of butts on cover art. Just once, I want to find a picture of a sexy model who would look good on a smutty book cover who’s wearing regular underwear, and not a nigh-invisible thong. The problems of a smut writer.)

And then I got a message from a friend in need. I won’t go into too much detail, but it is someone who had just lost their job, suffers from severe anxiety and depression, and even if the big S word that so often goes along with situations like that hadn’t come up, I still would have done the same thing. I had pants on, brushed my teeth, and ran out the door in record time. (Even if said friend could afford a car, the anxiety issues are bad enough to make driving unhealthy and unsafe) And my spouse got home right around the same time we got back to our house. So we spent the night helping a friend in need. Needless to say, I really don’t feel too bad about missing the third deadline. Some shit is more important. My spouse and I may be super introverts who are terrible at most socialization related things... but even if we’re crap at helping a friend in need, we’re still going to try.

Right now, my spouse and I aren’t in the best place financially. I’m not in the best place health-wise. But I’m still working at it. I’m still getting my shit together. And as I was just reminded on Saturday, I’m not the only one. For everybody out there... if you have too much shit to handle, call a friend. Somebody. Anybody. As I mentioned, my spouse and I are NOT great at being sociable and helping people. We’re actually pretty terrible at keeping in touch. We hadn’t talked to this friend in a few months. But even we were able to help, just by being there and hanging out with someone who wasn’t safe to be alone.

Sometimes we can’t keep our shit together. And that’s nothing to be ashamed about. Sometimes all we can do is try to keep afloat and look for something to hold onto. And sometimes, we can be that something to hold onto for someone else.

... I still have a lot of shit to get done this week, though. After two weeks of neglect when I should have been preparing for holiday visitor (I was hoping for visitors plural, but c’est la guerre. Siblings are all on various coasts, and we can’t always find a way to get together. Especially since only two of the five of my generation can really AFFORD to travel), my house is a MESS. And I still have that story to finish.

Day job explanation time. My official job title on campus is ‘proctor’. Basically, it means two things: I administer makeup and online tests in my office/testing lab, and I keep copies of certain paper tests for a few departments on the smaller satellite campus where I work. There are two main departments that I mostly proctor tests for, one uses the computers in my lab, so all I have to do is check students in. But the other uses paper tests, and I proctor makeups for that department as well as provide the paper tests for the teachers to use in their class.

Unfortunately, the copier on my floor is showing signs of wear and tear. Once you get over about 50 pages in one sitting, it starts to overheat and jam. So this year, they decided to limit the number of pages per copy job to 50. And with good reason. Unfortunately for me, I need to copy rather large batches of tests. And I can’t go to the other copier several floors down, because 1) I can’t leave my lab for more than a few minutes at a time, in case a student comes by with a narrow time window before their next class to take a test, and 2) I’m only scheduled/paid/officially on duty during the lab hours, so I can’t stay late or come in early to do copies.

Needless to say, my first thought was to see if I could just send my print jobs off to the print shop on campus and have them do them all and deliver them. Unfortunately, I need a digital copy to send to them for that. And in spite of the fact that I requested this at the beginning of the semester... all I’ve gotten from that department are the practice tests, not the actual tests. And of course, the practice tests are small enough that I can copy those just fine.

So I’ve been breaking the rules and doing batches of 60-75 pages whenever I can. But that’s still only 15 copies at a time, and I need something like 400 copies of each test. And the copier is occasionally down for a day or so when something breaks and they have to wait to get the part to fix it. And Murphy’s law seems to be in full force, because when I need to refill my inventory, it’s always fine on the days that I have a steady stream of students in my lab, and down the days that I have a trickle and therefore plenty of time with no students so I can close up the lab for five minutes.

The finals, of course, are 8-10 pages each, depending on the class. Which means that I can literally only do 5 copies at a time if I follow the rules. And there’s a hard deadline as to when I need to make sure that I have enough for every teacher. That deadline, of course, being after the last few weeks of classes, when students realize that they REALLY need to get in to take that makeup test and raise their grade before it’s too late.

Thankfully, the department actually got around to sending me a digital version of the finals. So I sent those off to the print shop, several weeks ahead of the due date, and I set the deliver due date as last Thursday at the latest, since I don’t work Friday, and I knew some teachers were letting students who couldn’t be there for the final take their test on Thursday or Friday before finals week. I gave them explicit instructions to deliver it to my lab, warned them that the lab is locked for test security reasons while I’m not there, told them where to get the key, and asked them to email me if, for any reason, they couldn’t deliver the tests.

I got to my lab in the morning to find... no delivery. I checked the support ticket. It said that they were finished 9 days ago... but neither one actually had a digital signature of who finished it. That day just so happened to also be the busiest test day of the semester. The department that uses computer tests in my lab had a final due date for the last chapter that day, so every semester that is always my busiest day. So as soon as I was relieved for my fifteen minute break, instead of taking my break, I ran downstairs to see if perhaps they simply didn’t read the delivery instructions and left the tests in the (thankfully locked) employee mailroom. (Which, coincidentally, is where the good copier is. This will be important later.)

So when I got back from break, the first thing I did was look up how to contact the print shop. Other than submitting a print request... there was nothing. I could look up the employees and email them, but there was no formal support ticket. Only a print request ticket. So I emailed the supervisor of the department.

An hour later, I finally had a moment with no students in the room, so I could make a phone call without worrying about disturbing people testing. So I called the print department. It rang four times... and went to voice mail.

I waited a minute, tried again, just to see if I got unlucky and just missed someone. Still voicemail. So, even though I hate using the phone because that means they’ll call me back instead of emailing, and I can’t really talk when there are students testing, I left a message.

By the end of my shift... still nothing. Nothing at all. And I knew that at least one teacher needed a few copies BY THE NEXT MORNING because he had students who couldn’t be there during finals week. And, just to add insult to injury, because of the holiday coming up, we had to submit our time sheet early this week. So I had no way to report extra time spent staying late to deal with this issue. But the teachers all depend on me, so I printed out  a copy of each of the tests, and I was in the middle of composing an email to let the teachers know that I would drop off an unstapled copy and a copy of the answer key in their mailboxes, so that if they desperately needed it, at least they could use the copier right next to their mailbox to make as many as they need for class.

While I was doing that... the phone rang. It was the print shop. Apparently they had finished my print job early, and set it aside and forgotten about it. It was just sitting in a corner of the room, on the main campus several miles away from the satellite campus. She apologized for forgetting about it, said that it was loaded in the delivery vehicle trunk, and as soon as the delivery person got there the next morning he would head over.

Since I didn’t know when he would actually get there, and when teachers would start needing the tests, that still didn’t change much for me. I thanked her for getting back to me, told her that if that should be fine, and just amended the email I was sending out to let them know that the tests SHOULD be there by the morning. But just in case, I was still going to drop off the unstapled copies. (Plus two stapled ones for the teacher who mentioned needing a couple by Friday morning) I’m still not sure how I can report the extra 37 minutes of overtime I had to spend doing that, since the time sheets are already in... and I can’t just add it to next week, because I won’t be working next week.

But I got to work today and... the tests were here. And things have been slow enough that I’ve been able to write this huge freaking post with only a few interruptions here and there. (Okay, now that I’m done helping someone, interruptions here, there, and the one while I was trying to hit post.)

[soundonreadings]

Sound On InstaReadings Series Volume 1 with David Ly & Corinne Manning

Welcome to Sound on InstaReadings Series. Our first installment features  readers David Ly and Corinne Manning and is hosted by Dina Del Bucchia. Posted here for your enjoyment are the bios of our fine readers and the text of their readings.  Thanks! Corinne Manning is a prose writer and literary organizer. Their stories and essays have been published widely, including in Toward an Ethics of Activism and Shadow Map: An Anthology of Survivors of Sexual Assault. Corinne founded The James Franco Review, a project that sought to address implicit bias in the publishing industry. Their debut short story collection We Had No Rules is out with Arsenal Pulp Press this spring.

Ninety Days 

“Were you having trouble breathing last night or something?” It was early. Denise and I were still in bed. I gave a little half shrug that I often thought was adorable, but there was no indication that it was received that way. I tried to stop looking cute and speak in an adult-sounding voice—not the childlike voice I habitually used with Denise.

         “Not that I noticed. Why?”

         Denise sat up and pulled on a T-shirt. I watched breasts disappear and was  disappointed, even though those breasts had become like strangers to me. For the past year, in addition to avoiding pronouns, or using “they” instead of “he” or “she,” Denise had asked me to pretend they—the breasts in this case—didn’t exist, to not touch them anymore, to not sexualize them, because they were confusing. I obeyed because I loved and respected Denise, and also because it felt sexy to have something that I couldn’t do. But by putting that shirt on, Denise had shut the door to sex.

         “You were doing that thing where you kind of chortle and breathe through your mouth again. It sounds like you’re choking.” They slammed the covers to the side and roughly got out of bed, and in the process their fist sort of hit my hip bone. It hurt a little, but I decided not to feel it since Denise hadn’t noticed they’d done anything.

         “Sorry about that,” I said. I put on a T-shirt and covered my own breasts, aware that no one was sad to see them go. At the end of the bed, Denise stopped moving abruptly.

         “I can’t imagine living with that sound for the rest of my life.” There was no sense of remorse in that face, probably because it was so full of truth. I do make a weird sound at night, and what I wasn’t brave enough to ask Denise was: Isn’t it worse during the day when my nose makes a fairly regular whistle on my exhale? When I came out at twenty-one, my mom—overcome by shock or rage or what she thought she was supposed to do—popped me quickly in the nose. A snap of the wrist. And I remember that as I covered my face, her hands went to her mouth. She let out one sob, then

said, “I don’t know why I did that. I’m totally fine with this.”

         “Do you want to help pay for a surgery to fix it?” I asked.

         “I got my own body to worry about,” Denise said sharply, and it was so early in the morning, it sounded like a shout. I slipped out of bed and stood on my tiptoes. I was expecting a long fight, and I wanted us to be on equal footing. I wanted Denise to look into my eyes, which didn’t happen. In an instant, Denise broke up with me.

         “I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” they said.          

         “But I haven’t.” We let that statement in its powerlessness hang in the air before it dissolved under the high-pitched hiss that escaped my nose, which I wished I could tear off and throw at Denise, who wouldn’t even talk to me. They said I was being petty—wanting closure, wanting an explanation. It was capitalist, they said, of

me to want a reason. Denise had this ability to be so stoic no matter how upset I got.

I screamed, “What do I need to do to get you to respond to me? Do I need to, like, shit right here in front of you? Right on the rug? Like an animal?” I moved like I was going to pull my pants down, and even though Denise was looking at me, it wasn’t like they were seeing me.

         Obviously, I didn’t do it.

         Denise’s best friend, Del, came by with a truck and by the evening had carted them and all their things away. The last bit of communication I received was a postcard (a

picture of our town’s waterfront) asking me not to reach out. Denise said we needed to take ninety days of no contact. The only soft thing written on this card was that they thought the ninety days would help me let go and heal.

         The pronoun thing wasn’t that hard for me. But what’s hard about telling this story, with using “they” right now, is that it puts Denise even further away from me. That sense of plurality, that singular they, asserts that Denise doesn’t belong to me anymore and never did. This is capitalist. I know this.

I’m sensitive about being recognized as queer or radical. As someone assigned female at birth who presents as femme I have to make a series of conscious decisions to be visible as queer, and I still have to come out, multiple times a day. So I don’t just wear the barrette, I attach the turquoise giraffe-shaped fascinator and smudge my mascara. Once, just to go to the coffee shop, I spent hours working my hair into a beehive. I wrap fur around my shoulders in the grocery store. I flirt with all the butches and the studs and the ones who prefer to be called masculine-of-centre, even when I don’t really want them, because there is little that is more satisfying than watching another queer’s shoulders soften as they smile at me excitedly in that open-mouthed way once they know.

David Ly is the author of Mythical Man (Anstruther Books, 2020) and the chapbook Stubble Burn (Anstruther Press, 2018). His poems have appeared in Plenitude, The /temz/ Review, PRISM and others. He is the Poetry Editor of This Magazine and sits on the Editorial Collective of Anstruther Press.

Evil

is a warm tongue on a first date

 Evil smells like grass that shouldn’t be cut

an over-chlorinated pool

 Evil sweats

while sleeping through the day as its pills expire

 wakes to be danced

through the night as if it were a demigod

 Evil feels like a chain link fence pressing into shoulder blades

 Evil bites your bottom lip

 leaves you standing at dusk raging and swearing that you won’t give in

 but the craving for it comes on like an orgasm

  Evil eats you out when you should be looking for a cure

  Evil takes your virginity

 with the beat dropping in the song you forgot was playing in the background

 it honeys sweet tea the morning after

 drinks it in front of you

  Evil won’t break eye contact

 says it’s just the way I’ve always been

 leaving its shirts in your drawer

 blaming its confusion and crying

 can’t deal, can’t deal, can’t deal

  Evil knows it will always exist

 that you’ll always come back to it

 it stares into your feeble will while you imagine it

 French kissing new lovers

 Where Are You Really From?

  Sent to ESL class in fifth grade

          Went home to finish Harry Potter on the loveseat

 Told to learn about the Irish potato famine through an early-readers book

          Read about red-eared slider turtles in bed out of curiosity

 Failed math tests to everyone’s surprise

          Finished spelling tests the quickest

 Memories recalled because they cease to mummify

          Ice melts in the champagne bucket while he waits

 Mythical Man (II)

 We press against each other

              so hard

         that I should just admit

I want to be

    absorbed into you,

               our atoms

amalgamating

until we become a hydra

         writhing

   with one hundred hissing

     heads poised

                           to strike.

But the harder I try

  to inhabit this idea

the more I know

of its futility –

         eventually, each head

      will be sliced off,

tar-black blood

         kissing the hilt

     of my sword.

I’ll need to cauterize

each wound

to prevent

        our dreams

              from regrowing,

distractions

         from the real magic

         that make us

powerful

on our own.

 Hunt

  Have you noticed how sharp and sparkly

your talons are in the starlight?

Let me lick them clean once you’ve finished

stirring up my sweetest and most tender parts.

Pupils dilated, I see hunters

who’ve been stalking this forest for you

the moment you entered to seek me out.

Clutch me in the dark – together we’ll stay

silent as I brush the vertebrae

protruding from your charcoal-flecked skin.

 Finally

  The salt on your cheeks

needs to be wiped away. To be honest,

the devil should not be remembered

only when he wants to be.

 He’s there when you slip, lacerating

the bottoms of your toes

on barnacles, and he’s there

when you slurp back ice-cold oysters

 on the shoreline, golden and hot

with citrus

running down your stubbled chin,

speckling the sand’s darkness.

 Before you leave, be sure to stand

and limp over if you have to.

Find where the devil stands

in the water, a wading merman

 from the waist up. He’ll bow,

patient and understanding,

forgiving and waiting

to kiss the tears from your cheeks.