#when they are finally casted together again in another film PREPARE TO BE ABSOLUTELY SICK OF ME YALL

[namor-shuri]

x

[vendettaparker]

Peanut Butter and Extra Jelly [T.H]

Summary: Tom’s long time crush on you becomes painful when you and Harrison are cast as love interests in a movie. 

Paring: Tom Holland x Actress!Reader 

Word Count: 5.8k

Warning: Suggestive themes, fake smut (very light), jealousy, probably some typos, swearing 

a/n: i have no idea how filming a movie, or auditioning for one actually goes so don’t crucify me for this. i’m pretty happy with how this turned out, especially considering that this is the most i’ve ever written for a fic. also, Burt Kreisher is one of my fav comedians in real life, he has 3 shows on neflix and a mini series.  

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     Tom was not a jealous person. At least, that's what he always told himself. He prided himself in thinking he was a very level headed individual who didn’t let his emotions get the best of him. That worked best for his job anyways; always being able to control his emotions and not get in his own head. That simple, pacifistic mindset seemed to change when it came to you. 

      You were one of the many actors Tom got the pleasure to help hone their technique and work closely with. You were new to the lifestyle of Hollywood and the only roles you had before were in small indie films that never garnered too much attention. The first major role that you landed, which also happened to help kickstart your career, was in the MCU. You played the secondary villain in the third Spider-man movie. 

     Meeting the cast was a dream come true; they were all extremely helpful and they provided tons of tips and tricks in navigating the hectic schedule required for such a huge production. By the time filming wrapped up, you were considered part of their little Spider-man family. 

     Tom was easily the most helpful. Whenever he saw you struggling with anything, he offered to help. You two spent hours upon hours together in his trailer, ordering take out and practicing lines. Some nights you two planned to work through your script, but inevitably ended up falling asleep binge watching The Office, and laughing about crazy shit that happened on set that day. 

     When the movie wrapped up and you went home for a month before the press tour, you were completely unsure and nervous about what direction your career was going in. You auditioned for a few new movies, but had yet to hear from any of the directors about casting decisions. You kept in touch Tom during the month you were apart and expressed your concerns. 

     “I don’t know, Tom. I’m just so sick of waiting around and hoping that some director out there throws me a bone, ya know’?” You said on facetime, while making cookies. 

     “Yeah, I totally understand that, (Y/N/N). I had that issue a couple years ago before the Marvel movies. Trust me, you did outstanding in that role and once it gets noticed I’m positive you’ll have directors calling you, begging for you to audition.” Tom smiled warmly into the camera as he walked around his apartment in London. 

      “Yeah, easy for you to say, movie-star.” You giggled, turning your face away from the camera in hopes that Tom wouldn’t notice the blush his compliments painted onto your cheeks 

     “I’m serious! You were outstanding! Like in that one scene where you—” 

      “Tom! Tessa chewed a hole in my trousers again!” A voice came from outside of the frame, “Mate, you gotta get her to stop doing that somehow.” 

     Tom sighed, and waved his hand dismissively at the figure, “Okay, sure. I’m busy right now.” Tom looked back to the camera, “anyways, as I was saying, don’t stress about not having a new project yet, (Y/N)—” 

     “(Y/N)?” The other voice whisper-yelled. “Let me say hi!”, suddenly the phone was yanked out of Tom's hands and the video shook around a bit as Tom wrestled to get it back. Finally, the camera stilled and Harrison was on the other end smiling. “Hi, (Y/N)!” 

     “Oh, hi Harrison!” You smiled back, laughing. You'd met Harrison a few times when he visited Tom on set. “How are you?” 

     The camera started moving around more as the background behind Harrsion whizzed past. You assumed Tom must’ve been chasing him to get the phone back. 

     “I’m good! I just auditioned for a new movie. You should audition too! The main female lead’s description looks just like you.” He exclaimed, running past the kitchen to his room. 

     “Oi! Give me my phone back you div!” You heard Tom yelling in the background, no doubt in hot pursuit of Harrison. 

     “I don’t know, I'm not sure I’m prepared for a lead role.” You sighed, “What’s the movie called? I’ll look into it.” 

     “It’s called ‘Collateral Damage’, it’s a spy movie.” Harrison said, shutting the door to his room, while Tom pounded on it from the other side. “Yeah, it’d be really fun working with you. Tom constantly talks about how much fun you are on set.” Harrison wheezed out, trying to catch his breath. 

      “Aw, that’s sweet of him.” You laughed. “Well I’ve got to go. Just tell Tom he can call me tomorrow or something.” You waved at the camera. “Bye!”

     “Yup, bye.” Harrison said right before the video cut out. 

      Harrison finally opened the door to a seething Tom. Tom grabbed the phone back from Harrison and noticed that the call had ended. 

     “Dude! Why would you do that?” Tom whined. 

     Harrison just patted Tom’s back, “Sorry, mate. She said she had to go, though. I was about to give the phone back.” 

     Tom huffed and sulked for a moment. “Whatever, I’ll just call her later, I guess.” 

     Harrison nodded and smirked at how whipped Tom was. “You should just ask her out if you’re so desperate for her attention.” Harrison teased. 

     “Shut up. I’m not desperate for her attention, I just like her voice and her personality, and the way she talks, and her funny sayings, and how her hair looks when she just woke up.” 

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     It was only a few days later when you received an email from the director of the movie Harrison told you about, asking for you to audition. You were ecstatic, Harrison must’ve already sent in some things about you since the director seemed adamant that you were of high interest for the role. 

     You called Tom immediately to share the good news. 

     He picked up after the third ring, “Hello, darling! How are you?” he beamed when he answered your call. He usually was the one to call you so he felt a sense of pride knowing that you were calling him for once. 

     “Tom! The director of the movie Harrison auditioned for just emailed me asking for me to audition!” You squealed excitedly. 

     “Really? That’s wonderful, love! Harrison just got the part of the lead too, so you’d be filming with him if you got it.” 

     “That’s so exciting, I’m flying to London for the audition in two days. Are you still there?” You pulled the phone away from your ear and switched it to speaker. “I’m booking the flight right now.” 

     “Yeah, I’ll be in London for another week and a half. Then we have the press tour starting in Japan.” Tom said, also switching to speaker phone to look at his calendar. “You can stay with Harrison and I while you’re here. Since we have to go to Japan together anyways.” Tom offered nervously. He really wanted you to stay in his flat with him. It’d be all cute and domestic, and maybe, just maybe, he’d spend enough time with you to not feel nervous about asking you on a date. If he was lucky, that is, but awaiting your reply he was a jittery ball of nerves. 

     “Yeah, that sounds wonderful. I won't be intruding though, right?” You said, smiling from ear to ear. Thank god you weren’t on facetime and Tom couldn’t see the stupid smile adoring your features. 

     “No, of course not. Harry will be so excited to see you. And Tessa too, she really misses you.” Tom shuffled around with his phone, shooting a quick text to Harrison letting him know you were coming to stay for a week. 

     “Ok, thanks so much, this is really thoughtful of you. I absolutely can’t wait to see you!” You gushed, finalizing your purchase of a one-way ticket to London. “K, the flight is at 2:30 pm here, it’s about 9 and a half hours, but you’re also ahead of me, so I’ll be in around..5?”

     “Yeah, that sounds right to me,” Tom chuckled, “I’ll come pick you up. I’ll wear my incognito disguise.” 

     “If you mean that stupid t-shirt you got that says ‘I’M NOT A CELEBRITY’, then maybe I’ll ask Harrison to come pick me up…”

     “That’s cold (Y/L/N).” 

     You giggled softly, “I’m sorry, Tommy. If it makes you feel better, that shirt isn’t as bad as that stupid blue beanie that you never wear correctly.”

     “How the fuck would that make me feel better? You’re killing me, (Y/N/N).” 

     You laughed at his over dramatic reaction, “Sorry that you’re a sensitive babe. I gotta go now, see you soon!” You hung up before Tom could respond with a sassy quip. Then immediately after you received a text:

Tommy: The second you get here I’m bout to 👊 

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     Tom called Harrison up after you got off the phone, he needed to make sure his best friend wouldn’t say or do anything to embarrass him in front of you. 

     “Tom, don’t you think this is a bit obsessive? I mean, she’s only staying with us for a week and you already know her so well from spending all that time filming with her.” Harrison sighed, sick of listening to Tom ramble about every possible embarrassing situation he could be put in, in the coming week. 

     “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. It's no big deal. But don’t mention that time I accidentally shit my pants at the club, or that time I got hit in the head with a golf ball ‘cus I got distracted by a flock of geese, or that time a got chased by a flock of geese, or—”

     “Geez, mate. At this point we might as well not even talk to her.” Harrison chuckled, thinking of all the stories he could bring up about Tom around the dinner table with you. Tom really was just a walking ball of embarrassing moments. 

     “Stoppp ittt,” Tom whined, “when we were on set it was usually just the cast and Harry around, but you? You could do some real fucking damage to my love life, Haz.” 

     “What love life?” Harrison barked out, laughing. 

     Tom then hung up and began praying to whatever god was out there that this week could go by without a hitch, and then you and him would be on your way, together, to Japan. 

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     The whole week spent in London actually went really well, especially the audition. Tom and Harrison both accompanied you for moral support, well Harrison actually had to be there to be your scene partner, but it was still nice knowing he supported you. 

     The director shook your hand and you went through the normal formalities before beginning your scene with Harrison. It was a quick scene with a monologue in it. The main premise of the movie was all about choosing love over work, especially in dangerous, life-threatening scenarios. The scene you used to audition with Harrison was the scene where the main character, Lincoln, and his lover interest, Mallory, were arguing, trying to push each other away to keep each other safe. The scene had a lot of raw emotion that you were able to tap into, and the directors gave your performance a standing ovation once the scene concluded. 

     They said that they’d get back to you within the next few days, but they also mentioned how the chemistry between you and Harrison was off the charts, leaving you hopeful. Tom and Harrison both gave you hugs and pats on the back. Tom had watched the whole scene unfold and he was in complete and utter awe of your talent. Part of him was annoyed that he didn’t audition for the movie and a chance as your love interest. But Harrison deserved this big break and so did you, so he was hopeful of the outcome being something that benefitted both of his best friends. 

    After the audition the rest of the week went by nearly perfectly. The real kicker was when Tom’s family invited you and Harrison to join them for dinner. Tom had not anticipated his mom asking you to come to family dinner, so he wasn’t able to stop the embarrassing anecdotes his mom told on his behalf. 

     “Tom had the cutest little tush,” Nikki exclaimed, placing the old homemade scrapbook in your lap and flipping through a couple of pages. “See look,” she happily pointed to a picture of Tom as a toddler in a bath, surrounded by bubbles, his little bum poking through them. 

     Tom sat uncomfortably on the sofa next to you, cringing at the now 21 year old photo of him. He expected you to also cringe along, or worse case scenario, get up and make a flimsy excuse to leave his crazy family, but you just chuckled along with Nikki and continued making your way through the scrapbook, making little comments here and there. 

     “Oh, and this one,” Nikki said, pointing to a photo of Tom crying and Sam holding up a superhero action figure triumphantly, “that was Tom’s favorite toy, but when Sam saw how much Tom liked it, he made an effort to always be playing with it when Tom came into the room and he wouldn’t share.”

     You giggled at the little whiny face Tom made in the picture, and turned to him, replicating it on your face, making fun of him. Tom laughed along and playfully shoved you. He adored how well you seemed to fit in with his family and his feelings for you only multiplied. 

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     The week in London was one of the best in your life. You didn’t realize how much you missed Tom until you got to the airport and he was there waiting for you, unfortunately in his stupid blue beanie, and no, it wasn’t on right, his big ears poked out of it horrendously. 

     The last day you had in London before you and Tom went to Japan, you finally received a call about the audition. The director called you to congratulate you on getting the part, and he sent you numerous emails about scheduling, where to be, and when. Harrison was elated to have a familiar face playing his love interest on screen, and Tom was over the moon excited for you, this on top of the Spider-man movie coming out, you were certainly becoming a force to be reckoned with. 

     You spent the night celebrating at a club, Harry and Sam also showed up to party with you. The night was still young and the club was already packed and in full swing. Tom ordered two shots for each of you to start off the night before he was whisked away by a few fans to sign autographs. When he didn’t return you took it upon yourself to have his shots, giving you an extra edge to help spice up your night. 

     Harrison found Tom in the corner of the club talking to some fans. But throughout his whole time taking pictures with them, he couldn’t help but glance at you every once and a while. You looked so carefree and beautiful, dancing around in your shiny silver top and leather leggings. 

      “Tom.” Harrison interrupted Tom’s gawking and directed his attention to the small group of fans Tom was with. 

     Tom nodded and finished up his pictures and autographs before wishing them all a good and safe night. Once he reached you, you engulfed him in a bone crushing hug. 

     “Thank you for such a great time in London, Tommy.” you slurred, already feeling the impact of the four shots you took. “I had the best time of my whole life.” You pecked his cheek and pulled him close to dance with you. 

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     The following month or so on the press tour was a once in a lifetime experience. You travelled to more cities than you even knew the name of and you had all of your friends by your side. More so, you had motivation to remain approachable and well liked by fans considering that you were moving up in the industry. Some interviews were mostly for Tom, Zendaya, and Jacob. Your role in the movie was big enough for you to be needed for some interviews, and most people were genuinely interested in getting to know you, but there were also a handful of press activities that you weren’t included in, which you didn’t mind. 

     When you didn’t have anything to do for an hour or so, you would text Harrison and send him funny memes. He was quickly becoming one of your closest friends; you had already created a surplus of inside jokes with him just over the phone. 

     Tom noticed how you were always laughing at your phone or rapid fire texting. Even when you were being interviewed, Tom could faintly hear the buzz of your text message notifications going off. 

     “Tom,” you snapped in front of his eyes, “did you need something?” 

     “Huh?” Tom blinked a few times, “Uh—no, sorry.” Tom’s cheeks flushed pink, embarrassed for having been caught staring at you. He couldn’t help it though, you were dressed so pretty that day. You had your hair done up in two bubble braids and you wore his pink sweatshirt over your yellow sundress. 

     “Okay then.” You smiled at him. You went back to your phone, reading what Harrison had just texted you. “What was the name of that comedian we watched the other night?” 

     “The one on Netflix?” 

     You hummed out a yes, tapping away at your phone. 

     “Burt Kreisher, why?” Tom asked, leaning over to your chair to try and catch a glimpse of who you were texting. When he saw the contact name “Hazzy”, he couldn't stop the little angry pit of jealousy that started in his stomach. Sure, you were here with him now, not with Harrison, but when you two were apart you also texted him nonstop, and the texts seemed to all be inside jokes, which was something you also shared with him that he held near and dear.

     “I made a joke referencing him to Harrison and he didn’t get it. Fucking nerd.” You chuckled, texting Harrison a link to the skit you were referring to. 

     Tom chuckled along, but he couldn’t help but frown slightly at how bright your smile was when Harrison replied. 

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     The press tour and premiere of the movie seemed to go by lighting fast. You’d never been to a premiere for a production this big, and your nerves for the red carpet were starting to get to you. 

     You and Zendaya were stuffed into a hotel room with both of your respective teams, both trying to rapidly get both of you ready for the event. 

     “So when do you start filming for your next project?” Zendaya asked, she sat in front of a broadway-equse mirror, bright bulbs of light giving a luminescent glow to her already near flawless complexion. She hadn’t even finished her makeup yet and she was so pretty.  

     “In a month, I have to go back to London next week.” You said, sifting through the opinions you brought for dresses. You brought three options, just in case you changed your mind after seeing yourself in the dress. “Harrison and I are going to go over the scripts together and we were also told to go out in public a few times; for press and whatnot.” 

      “That’s exciting!” Zendaya mused, she glanced at the clock and gave her hairdresser some instructions about how much time she had to do hair. “It’s a good thing you guys are already friends. I remember when I filmed ‘The Greatest Showman’ I didn’t know many of the actors personally, so we had to go out together and do press all while being almost strangers. It was a bit nerve wracking.” Zendaya smiled at you fondly, she was like an older sister to you during this whole movie-making process, she constantly had your back. 

     “Yeah, I mean I’ll probably be in a situation like that at some point, but for my first lead role it’s nice to be working opposite a friend.” You smiled back, finally deciding on the red, sequined dress. 

     You both sat and worked through the makeup process in comfortable silence. 

     “So you and Tom…” Zendaya broke the silence and looked at you with a smirk on her face. 

     “What?” You looked at her with a dumbfounded look, before nervously laughing, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

     “Don’t play dumb, (Y/N/N).” She poked your arm and laughed, “He’s literally obsessed with you.” 

     You laughed at how ridiculous that sounded. A movie star, and very famous movie star at that, obsessed with you? You? Impossible. 

     “Yeah no, sorry but you got the wrong girl, babe.” You sighed, pulling out your phone to snap and selfie with her for your instagram story. You quickly snapped a pic of the two of you, her kissing your cheek, leaving a small, faint lipstick mark. “I mean it’d be nice,” you back tracked, “but I’m sure that’s just my wishful thinking.” 

     “What wishful thinking? I thought you were a pessimist?” Zendaya chuckled, taking her own photo with you to post later. 

     “I am, but I can’t help but indulge a bit.” 

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     Before you knew it, you were back in London, staying in a rented out flat for the next three to four months. Harrison was kind enough to come over to help you set up a work space, but he also offered you to spend most of your time at his place. Since Tom was in New York, doing interviews about the new Spider-man movie and having meetings with the Marvel Cinematic Universe team to try and gauge his future in the MCU, he wouldn’t be around for almost a month, so Harrison offered up Tom’s office when you needed to go over a scene by yourself and wanted a place that was already set up. 

     The days of filming seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. Most of your scenes were with Harrison, and he was the perfect scene partner. He rarely messed up, but if he did then he was quick to use it as an opportunity to improvise. His skills weren’t as well honed in like Tom’s, but it was obvious that their style ranged from a similar source. 

     The main thing about this movie that you were excited, but extremely nervous for, were the two sex scenes. The first one is at the beginning, where the two leads give in to each other for a night, then there's some implied stuff in between, and the last one is when the two leads part ways for the final time at the end of the movie. The first one had to be rough, fast, and needy, whereas the second one was direct to be more slow, thought out, and sensual. 

      Both were extremely stress-inducing to film. Harrison had also never done any scenes like this before, so he was on the same boat as you. Thankfully you had an amazing director and stunt coordinator to work with and with the help of other crew members, the scenes were mapped out so that it wasn’t too much improv or guessing on your part. 

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     The first intimate scene you shot actually happened to be the one at the end of the movie. That scene was more tame and dealt with more emotional subtexts than physical. Since you filmed that one first, you went into filming the next one with more confidence. It only took a few days to get the first scene down to perfection, so with this newfound confidence, it shouldn’t take too long to get the next one done. 

     On the days you shot intimate scenes, you only needed to wear the costume you wore before the scene and then you changed into a robe with nude underwear underneath. The bits with the outfit on before were already shot, so the director called a 30 minute break until you could begin shooting the actual sex part. 

     You were standing by the snack table, eyes scanning the table for any more muffins leftover from breakfast. The robe you wore made your skin prickle whenever a draft came onto set. 

     Just as you had found the muffin you were looking for, a pair of warm hands covered your eyes. 

     “Guess who!” An all too familiar warm, British accentuated, voice called. 

      You turned around in his arms, effectively nudging his hands from your face, and soon you were met with the warmest hazel eyes. Eyes that you missed so much this past month. 

      “Tommy!” You squealed and thrusted yourself into him in a hug. He immediately reciprocated it and wrapped your body in warmth. “What’re you doing here?” You asked once you let go of him. 

      “Harrison gave me the location so I could come watch you film. I just got home, like, two days ago.” Tom eyed you up and down, not realizing what little you had on. “Um—are you wearing anything under that?” He pointed up and down your figure. 

     “Nope, today and tomorrow we’re scheduled to film the sex scene.” You said casually, doing a silly twirl. Tom gulped. 

     “A s-sex scene?” He choked, “I didn’t know you guys had one.” 

     “Yup,” you smirked, “two actually, this is my first one ever, Haz’s too, I think. Well actually, we filmed the sex scene at the end of the movie last week.” 

     “Yeah… t-that’s cool.” Tom smiled weakly. 

     Right as you were about to continue your conversation with Tom, an arm swung over your shoulder and pulled you close. Harrison smiled at the both of you. He wore a similar robe to yours, except he left the front open. His plaid boxers on full display. 

     “Don’t listen to her, Tom. She’s a natural.” Harrison pinched your cheeks. Tom clenched his jaw at the comment. He knew Harrison hadn't meant to imply anything with it, but he couldn't help but hear the hidden meaning behind the otherwise innocent compliment. 

      You giggled and pushed his hand away, “Only ‘cus my scene partner is so darn cute.” You retaliated, poking and tickling his pecs. 

      This kind of goofy banter was normal between you and Harrison, but Tom hadn’t seen either of you in so long. He also had never seen you two interact so fluently with each other. He watched the interaction with a tight-lipped smile, nodding along and shrugging every once in a while to seem like he was paying attention. In reality though, he couldn’t pry his thoughts away from how close you were to Harrison. 

     “Ok everyone! Places! Let’s wrap this scene up and put it to rest today!” Your director called. You and Harrison smiled and waved goodbye to Tom. Harrison pointed to a chair in the room that had a nice view of the set where Tom could watch. Tom nodded and walked over to the chair, enthusiasm for watching you work completely dissipating. 

     The scene started off rough right off the bat. The second the director said ‘Action!’ you and Harrison were practically pouncing on each other. Harrison had you pressed up against the wall and you were both breathing heavily. He was leaving sloppy, wet kisses down your neck, then across your collar bones. Your moans, which Tom always imagined to sound like music to his ears, sounded too real for his liking. But no matter how much he tried to look away, his eyes were glued to the two bodies moving fluidly with one another. 

     “Cut! Cut!” The director yelled, effectively ending the scene. You and Harrison pulled apart and he gave you a peck on the cheek, as in saying ‘good job’. “That was good, but Harrison,” The blonde nodded, awaiting further instruction. “You gotta be a little rougher, hm?” 

     Harrison nodded along with the critique. “(Y/N)?” the director moved his attention to you, “would it be okay if Harrison marked you up? Just a few hickeys to really sell the illusion. We can do without, though, if you feel uncomfortable.” 

     Tom overheard the interaction and internally hoped that you were too uncomfortable for that, but deep down he knew you would do it. You were never the type to stray away from a challenge. 

     “Yeah, that’s fine.” You nodded, chest still heaving from the scene. You looked at Harrison. “Is that okay with you?” 

     Harrison nodded, a shy smile tugging at his lips. Yeah, you guys have been working at this scene for days now, but he’d never been rough enough to leave marks. He’d be lying if he said the thought didn’t invigorate him. 

     So the scene started from the top, you pressed up against the wall, all your weight shoved between the flimsy wall of the set and Harrison’s strong arms. Harrison did exactly as the director required, leaving noticeable dark spots across the top of your chest. Unlike your previous moans, which had just been for show, this new roughness in his actions tore real moans from your lips. 

     Tom sat uncomfortably in his chair, wishing he picked a different day to visit you on set. He shifted around, watching twin moans pull from both you and Harrison’s throat. He watched as you nipped at Harrison's ear as he faux thrusted into you. The jealousy that had pitted itself in his stomach soon turned to self-loathing. You looked really into the scene, he couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding. He knew you were a great actress, but he couldn’t believe that this was all acting. In his eyes, he believed that some part of you must wish that this was real. And part of you did like this scenario, but you wouldn’t have picked Harrison to be opposite you in this little fantasy. 

     Your moans and Harrisons both grew louder, leading up to the climax as scripted. Tom, not wanting to watch anymore exited the set quickly before he could watch the scene end. 

     You and Harrison finished up, gaining applause and praise afterwards from the director and crew members on set. 

     “Where’s Tom?” You asked, scrambling back into your robe and smoothing out your now roughed up hair. 

     Harrison, now noticing the absence of his best friend, began to feel a bit guilty. He knew Tom had a thing for you, maybe he should’ve told Tom not to visit set today. 

     “Um, (Y/N)?” He mumbled, pulling you aside slightly. 

     “Yeah?” You still looked around for Tom a bit, heart sinking when you realized that he must've left without saying goodbye. 

      “I shouldn’t be the one telling you this,” Harrison began, drawing your full attention, “but Tom really likes you. He always downplayed it, so I didn’t realize how much, but I think watching this scene might’ve upset him a bit.” Harrison looked towards the exit, no doubtedly where Tom left through, out into the parking lot. 

     “Oh—oh!” You gasped, feeling terribly for having put Tom in such an awkward position. “I didn’t know he felt the same.” You whispered, smiling softly to yourself. Guess Z was right after all. You pulled away from Harrison, “I’ll go talk to him.” 

                                 ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

      Tom didn’t go far. He still wanted to be there to support you; he didn’t want to come off as a jealous prick, but he couldn’t keep watching that intimacy between you and his best friend. He sat on the curb outside of the building the set was built in. A few people passed him going to their designated buildings on the lot, but he didn’t pay any mind to them, too lost in his thoughts. He needed to tell you sooner rather than later how he felt. No time to be a pussy anymore. 

     “Tom?” You walked up next to his sitting figure, still only in a robe, tightly wrapped around you. He looked up to acknowledge you, mumbling a soft ‘Hey.’ before looking back down, trying to collect his thoughts and courage. It’s now or never. 

     You sat beside him and rested your head on his shoulder. “Harrison told me something interesting in there,” You paused for a moment before continuing, “about you.” 

     Tom’s head shot up, and he looked at you with frantic eyes, only imagining the worse. There were too many things Harrison could’ve told you about Tom to sully your image of him. 

     “Whatever it was, he's a lying prick!” Tom rushed out. 

     You giggled, lifting your head up to look him in the eyes, his dark hazel eyes boring into yours. 

     “That’s a shame then,” You shrugged, “considering I like you too.” 

     Tom breathed out a sigh of relief, before looking back at you, doing a double take. 

    “Wait, what?” 

     “Mhm, yeah.” You said casually, standing up. “But since Harrison’s a liar then I suppose he was wrong.” You teased. 

     “No!” Tom grabbed your wrist and pulled you back next to him, but his aim was a bit off and you ended up in his lap. “He lies about a lot, but not about this.”

     You smiled at him, “I should hope not, considering I’m crazy about you.” 

     Tom couldn’t help the smile that beamed across his face, but then he noticed the marks left on you by Harrison. Remembering why he was insecure in the first place, he looked away. 

     “What about Harrison?” He asked. You looked at him utterly confused. Tom caught on and explained further. “You looked like you were really into that scene with him.” 

     You giggled and pinched Tom’s cheek, turning it red. “I’m an actress, you idiot.”

     Tom scoffed, “I know that. It’s just— I didn’t realize you could fake that kind of love.” 

     You looked at Tom’s downcast face. You leaned in and kissed his neck, just under his jaw. You nipped and sucked softly, leaving a nice, dark pink blotch that would go away in a few days under his jaw and he whimpered softly.

     “I’d never fake that kind of love with you.” You grabbed his face, holding it gently in your hands. “I’d never have to.” You whispered, pulling him in for a kiss, soft and sweet. 

     Tom pulled you closer, resting a hand on the small of your back, kissing back fervently. 

     The short make-out session being cut short by the door to the set bursting opened. Harrison rushing out, now dressed in slacks and a white button up for the next scene you needed to shoot that day. 

     “(Y/N)! Hair and makeup need you.” You lugged yourself off of Tom’s lap, promising to talk to him after you finished for the day. You went back inside, jokingly blowing a kiss to Harrison on your way. 

     Harrison stayed outside and sat next to Tom. 

     “Did she confess first?” He asked after a moment of silence. 

     “Yup.” Tom smiled happily, licking his lips, tasting the strawberry chapstick he saw you put on earlier. 

     “You owe me 10 pounds then, you wimp.” 

     “Oh, fuck off.” Tom groaned, promptly pulling ten pounds out of his wallet and handing it to Haz. 

[keanureevesisbae]

The alluring charm of Henry Cavill - Epilogue

Summary: A few months have passed. How are Adelaide and Henry holding up? 

Henry Cavill x Adelaide Park (ofc)

Wordcount: 2k

Warnings: None

Masterlist // Previous chapter //

‘Hello everybody,’ Henry says into the camera.

His beautiful girlfriend sits next to him on a chair, but since she is so short, her legs are dangling off the chair, while he has planted both of his feet on the floor. He looks to the side, simply to take in her beauty, even if it’s just for a short time. ‘My name is Adelaide Park.’

‘And I am Henry Cavill and we are doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview.’

Henry watches these types of interviews religiously and he always wanted to do this. And now he gets to do it with his gorgeous Adelaide.

They recently starred in a new romantic comedy: I’m sorry I hit you with my car. It’s about a woman named Jazz Mitchells, who accidentally hits one of the top attorneys in the country Declan Stanford with her car.  Because of the impact, Declan permanently loses his vision. Jazz feels so guilty, she decides she should become his assistent, since she has a law degree, but due to personal matter hasn’t used it. Obviously—it’s a romantic comedy—they fall in love with one another, though Declan has never seen Jazz. It’s hard on him, since he—surprise surprise—is extremely superficial and only cares about looks.

When Henry read the script, he was slightly intrigued, however when Adelaide was sent the script as well, because the director wanted her as Jazz Mitchels, he was more than intrigued. Starring alongside his crazily talented girlfriend made the experience worth while. People already speculated they are dating again, however they have yet to go public. They made up nine months ago, but keep their relationship pretty under the radar. They started out in the public eye and that went south. Despite the two of them not being involved in reality tv, they wanted to take it slow, without the hot and demanding breaths of the fans and paparazzi in their necks.

Henry holds the board for Adelaide, as she peels off the sticker to reveal the first question. ‘Is Adelaide Park Korean?’ She nods as she looks into the camera. ‘One hundred percent.’

Henry can’t help but stare at her and when her eyes meet his, she flashes him a lovely smile. He’ll never get tired of seeing that smile.

‘Is Adelaide Park related to Park Jimin from BTS?’ She starts to chuckle. ‘No, but I wish. Wouldn’t that be super awesome? If that were the case though, I’d rub that fact into people’s faces everywhere I go. Okay, next one: is Adelaide Park tall?’

Henry can’t help but snort. ‘She is everything but tall,’ he says, before she gets the chance to answer it.

She pouts as she looks his way and his heart swells at the sight. ‘No?’

‘Sorry, Addy.’ He bumps his knee against hers.

‘Is Adelaide Park Lara Croft?’ Adelaide’s smile becomes brighter and brighter. ‘Well, I’m going to portray her very very soon. I’m so excited, because this will be my first action packed movie.’

Henry looks to the side again, as he watches her beam with pride. When she got the dreading phone call she had been waiting for and the director told her she got the part, she kept it very professional over the phone. However, the second she hung up, tears filled her eyes and she stood in the middle of the kitchen, as she cried with happiness. For the first time she was going to broaden her movie horizon, something she wanted to do so for such a long time. Adelaide is already training pretty hard, so she’s got a more athletic appearance.

He loves the way she is, but the determination she has for this movie, is something he recognizes instantly. Besides, he loves spending even more time with her, as he goes to the same gym as her and together they work out. He even came to the point where he threw everything remotely unhealthy out, so he can eat healthy with her. It’s hard enough already to eat healthy, let alone when he is going to eat his usual snacks right under her nose.

Adelaide has reached the end of the board already and Henry hands it to the woman who gives him the next board. His girlfriend pries the board out of his hands, so she can hold it for him, just like he did for her.

‘Okay, let’s see,’ he says, as he peels off the top sticker. ‘Is Henry Cavill Superman?’ He looks to Adelaide. ‘Am I? I’ve heard I look like the actor, but I don’t really see it.’

She studies his face. ‘Hmm… No, Superman is way hotter than you.’

He spots the mischievous smile on her face that he has come to love. She sticks out her tongue and he can’t help but smile at her.

‘Is Henry Cavill a nerd? I think I qualify as a nerd.’

Adelaide’s eyes widen. ‘You think? You are the biggest nerd I have ever encountered, you dork.’

Henry bumps his shoulder against hers. ‘Is Henry Cavill dating Adelaide Park?’

After they talked about it over coffee and took a swim, they have been on multiple dates and it didn’t take long before they simply fell into their trusted routines. He moved into her apartment when filming and promoting became a daily routine for awhile and the second he stepped in, he realized he was home.

Not long after that, he met her parents. Adelaide is a copy of her dad, look wise and personality wise.They have the same smile and share the same adorable traits; when they eat, they pout, when they watch a movie, they frown. Her mother on the other hand, is a lot more serious and continued to threaten him. She told him multiple times in an ice cold way how she’ll run him over multiple times with her electrical wheelchair if he ever hurts her again.

He is not doubting her at all, but he can guarantee he’ll never do something that idiotic again. He loves Adelaide more than anything in the world and he would be an absolute moron if he ever let her go.

When they were casted for this romantic comedy together, it was such a magical moment. Despite him playing a blind man for seventy five percent of the movie (minus the beginning and the multiple flashbacks), during certain scenes he couldn’t stop staring at Adelaide. Taking in her beauty was becoming so normal for him, that not doing that felt wrong.

During their sex scene, the director wanted to put the focus on him taking in her beauty with his touch, instead with his sight. Touching her wasn’t a problem for him, because he loved touching her, but not getting turned on by her was the hardest part of it all and let’s just say he had to drag her to his trailer afterwards.

‘I am dating Adelaide Park,’ Henry finally says with a disgusting grin on his face. ‘I know a lot of people have been suspecting it for awhile now, but I can confirm that as a matter of fact, we are indeed dating.’ He holds her hand and she starts to blush, because he looks at her, probably with heart eyes, since that always makes her blush. ‘And I’m so incredibly lucky.’

◎ ◎ ◎

When they are home, Adelaide kicks off her shoes and rushes to the couch. With her eyes closed, she is sprawled out on the cushions. ‘Henry,’ she calls out for him, causing him to walk over to her. He sits on the edge of the couch and she holds out her hands for him. ‘Can I have a hug?’ she asks with a slight pout. ‘I don’t feel too good.’

‘Why, love? What’s wrong?’ Henry asks, placing her hand on her cheek.

‘I think I’ve got that nasty flu,’ she says. ‘I felt a little funny during the interview, but now I can finally relax and I feel even worse than before.’ Adelaide sighs and closes her eyes again. ‘Please? That hug?’

He gets on the couch with her, lifting her on his chest and wraps his arms tightly around her. When Henry gently kisses her forehead, he notices she is already heating up a bit. ‘Ah, my love, I think you might be right. Good thing I love taking care of you. You’ll be better in no time.’

‘We need to cancel my parents,’ she mentions. They were supposed to meet them tomorrow, but knowing Adelaide she doesn’t want her mother coming down with this, something that he completely understands, though he is a bit disappointed they are not going to her parents. Spending time with the Parks, is always nice and he loves her parents as if they were his own. Hearing their stories from pre-actress Adelaide are both heartbreaking and encouraging. They love one another in a way they’ll know they can rely on each other. ‘How about we’ll prepare the couch, so it’s a bit more comfortable for us and I’ll make you some chicken broth? You want to watch some tv or a movie?’

She looks up at him with glassy eyes, a clear sign she is indeed coming down with something. ‘I know you wanted to hang out with David tonight and you can still do that. I’m a big girl, I can manage.’

He was jealous of what Adelaide and David had. They were very close friends and a simply look was enough for them to tell each other a lot. Now David Castañeda is one of his best friends and he loves it when they can hang out together. ‘Not when you’re sick. David will understand.’ He lets his hand run over her cheek. ‘I’m sorry you feel like this.’

She shrugs. ‘There have been plenty of moments where I was all alone when I was sick. Now you are here with me, that makes it more doable. Besides, I took care of you and your upset stomach a few weeks ago. It’s only fair that you take care of me right now.’

He chuckles. ‘It’s my absolute pleasure, love.’

After he prepared the couch for her, even helped her changing into something more comfortable and removed her make-up, he heats up some soup for her, as she is watching television. He has already called off David, who actually has come down with a bit of a sore throat himself and rather hangs on his mother’s couch, so they’ll simply reschedule.

Henry plops on the couch again and Adelaide maneuvers herself between his legs, her back against his chest, as she eats her soup.

Henry prizes himself lucky every single day that he is dating this wonderful woman, who has shown him so much. He fucked it up once, but that is not going to happen again. They are in this together and they are going to stay in this together. The movie industry can be a tough one and at first he dreaded the times that he would be in LA, missing his family dearly. However, now he is with Adelaide and no matter where they are, as long as they are together, they are home.

His phone vibrates and he sees he has a message from his brother. He quickly opens it, discretely so Adelaide won’t see it.

Piers: I can finally officially tell you: the arrangements are made. Good thing you told me this far ahead, because that place is booked when it comes to proposals.

Piers: You sure you can wait nine months before you propose to her?

Henry smiles at his phone, before he presses a kiss in Adelaide’s nape. ‘I love you, Addy,’ he whispers to her. ‘You do know that right?’

‘Of course I know that,’ she says as she looks to the side. ‘I love you too.’ When she focuses back on the movie again, he quickly types back a message.

Henry: I can wait, no matter how hard it may seem. I love her a lot, Piers and I’m not letting her go.

Piers: I know you do. Now when are we going ring shopping?

◎ ◎ ◎

A/N: I can’t believe this is the end of this fic 😭😭 Adelaide and Henry are amazing, but I think this is a good place to end the story. I wanna say thank you to everyone who read this. You are fantastic and thank you for the kind words 😘

[findtheloveofmylife]

it won’t be long

Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Female Reader

Summary: You both promised it wouldn’t be long until you were back together, but it’s been a year and that doesn’t seem to be happening. Maybe the award season will either push back together or be your final goodbye.

Author’s Note: Okay, so I have had this in the time for a really long time, as you will since this based on the Golden Globes and that has been a while. But I am super excited about today, the Oscars and decided to just fuck it, and post it.

Hope you like it!

Who knew dating could be so difficult? Well, Joe soon discovered after he broke up with his first girlfriend. He wished that his first heartbreak prepared him for his future relationships but no such thing. Honestly, nothing can really prepare someone when it came to love and relationships. You will always make mistake and have regrets along the way. But if there was one of the of Joe’s biggest regrets when it came to relationships was breaking up with you.

It wasn’t a bitter breakup, but it was bittersweet. You know when those couples that often state the reason of their breakup was because of their busy schedule when in reality it was for other reasons, well, that was the actual reason why you two broke up. The problem simply was that you and Joe were just so busy.

When you weren’t filming for a mini-series, Joe was filming for a movie. When you had finished your press tour, it was his turn to go on one. You never seemed to have the timing right. And when you saw each other, it would be less than two weeks and when you did see each other the two of you were so exhausted with your hectic schedule, that you didn’t really do much. You two loved each other and were always happy to be together, there was no denying that, but you two knew that wasn’t the best way to live.

So after a long discussion (which may have lead to some tears of frustration and anger), you decided that it was best you two took some time off.

“Don’t worry,” you had whispered to him, your face inches from him as you both laid down on the bed, facing each other. “It won’t be long until we’re together again.”

“I’m pretty sure you just quoted a song to me,” Joe said, trying to make it light, but failing. “But you’re right, it won’t be long, I promise.”

Well, that time off lead to an official break up five months later. It sucked, to say the least, but it was for the best if you thought about it. It was better to end things in good terms than in bad.

After your break up, you would see each other at times, but it was either in parties of mutual friends or award shows. Your interactions were brief, catching up on your life and always making empty promises of seeing each other soon. As time passed, you saw each other less, but Joe always knew he would run into you again. After all, Hollywood was a small world.

—=—

A new year began, which meant award season was beginning. That year, you had your first nomination which was something you were beyond excited about. You couldn’t stop talking about and you were pretty sure you had annoyed everyone around you but you didn’t care. You were finally nominated for something that wasn’t for best picture or assembled cast or another award that you were grouped into. This was your moment, and you were going to enjoy it.

After so much anticipation, the night of the Golden Globes finally came and you were so excited. While, you didn’t have a date for that event, which was a little disappointing, it didn’t bother you too much. You weren’t seeing anybody, and bringing a date to an award show basically meant you were serious. Besides, you had your castmates by your side.

The red carpet felt like a blur, people shouting your name, cameras flashing around, too much smiling, and before you knew it, you were sitting down on a table, next to one of your co-stars, Evan. Opposite of the red carpet, the award show felt like it was being dragged forever. When your category finally came up, you had to dig your nails into your palms from stopping yourself from losing your control.

To utter your shock, the presenters, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Emily Blunt said your name.

“Holy fuck,” you said under your breath.

“Damn right,” Evan, one of your co-stars said, grabbing your face, ready to kiss your cheek but that moment you moved slightly, so he got the corner of your mouth. “Ha, sorry about that, but congratulations.”

“Thank you,” you said, still feeling slightly dazed and accepted other congratulatory hugs from the people around. Somehow, you made your way to the stage and accepted your award, receiving hugs from both presenters. You thanked them and got in front of the mike, your cheeks hurting at how big your smile was.

“Well, it turns out my mom was wrong. Crying can take me far in life,” you said, making the audience laugh. “So, jokes on you Mom. I’m going to keep crying. Maybe that will get me an Oscar.”

Going through your speech was a little overwhelming, but you managed to make it through without embarrassing yourself. It did help a little that you made the audience laugh with your jokes. Once you finished your speech and walked out of the stage, your mind kept going back to that you had won an award for best supporting actress for a movie that you had to go through a tedious audition process and filming under the worst conditions which lead to you getting sick for a month, but it had been worth it.

You honestly had not expected to win, and you had also not expected for your former boyfriend to be watching the show.

—=—

“Oh, my God! Look, there’s Y/N,” Joe said excitedly when he saw actors name be called out and yours appeared in the screen. The camera then panned to you and Joe felt himself forgetting everything. Fuck, he forgot how beautiful you looked dressed up. He remembered the first time you went to a movie premiere and you had worn this beautiful red dress. He had such a hard time keeping his hands to himself. Well, he won't be having a hard time that night, he thought, a little miserably if he was honest.

“You think Y/N’s going to win?” Ben asked him, making Joe snap out of his trance and looked over at his friend.

“What? Of course, she’s going to win. Those other actresses don’t hold anything against her. I honestly feel sorry for them to be in the same category as her.”

“You don't think you're being a little biased?” Gwilym said doubtful but backtracked when he saw the dirty look Joe gave him. “Just a suggestion.”

“No, she’ll win,” he said confidently and to himself, She has to win or else what was the whole point of breaking up?

To say that Joe cheered loudly when your name was called, was an understatement. He almost left Ben and Allen deaf.

“I know her!” Joe shouted proudly to everyone around him. “Woohoo! Go, Y/N!”

Ben had to pull him back down to his seat, but that didn’t stop Joe from continuing his celebration. That was until he saw something he wished he hadn’t.

“Oh,” Joe said, his excitement for you dampening a little when he saw you get kissed by one of your male co-stars. He had seen him in quite a few of your stories, but he always assumed you two were just friends from your interactions.

Ben didn’t miss Joe faltered slightly. “You okay?”

“Of course,” Joe dismissed him and then gave him a big grin. “Told you she was going to win.”

Joe didn’t miss that you didn’t thank your male co-star, the one that kissed you, during your speech. So, it had to mean that, even if he was your date or boyfriend, it wasn’t that serious because you didn’t bother to acknowledge him. That time, Joe couldn’t hide his slight relief he felt for that. It was stupid for him to feel like that. You two had been broken up for over a year and of course, had been on a few dates with other people.

After your speech, Gwilym joked at Joe, “Maybe, at the after party you can give her a congratulatory kiss.”

“Maybe,” Joe laughed good naturally. He doubted that would happen with what he had seen on the screen.

“I think someone beat you to that,” Allen said, grinning, thinking the same thing. “I didn’t know she brought a date.”

Joe smiled slipped slightly, not happy that they were talking about you and your co-star.

“Did she mention anything to you?” Gwilym asked him.

“No, she did not,” Joe said because you two only talked if you ran to each other and the last time had been four months ago. He then clapped his hands. “Guy’s we’re being rude. Someone new is giving a speech.”

It wasn’t the most subtle change of topic but it worked since no one questioned him and did go back to paying attention to what was going on the screen. Joe wasn’t even paying attention, his mind kept going back to that kiss.

Something Joe would never admit to anyone, not even his new soulmate Ben, he always figured that you two would get back together at one point. That this was just a passing phase and that once you both got your shit together, you would get back together. But of course, that wasn’t realistic. 

So, Joe should not be as bothered as he was. He had said it before, but he was well aware you would go out on dates with guys, he’s seen some paparazzi photos. But, that little goblins inside of his head, kept pointing out there’s a difference to going out with someone for lunch to taking someone to an award show, where there were hundreds of cameras and people.

Stop it, he told himself. Don’t go there. Even if Y/N got into a serious relationship, she is not obligated to tell you.

But it would have been nice to hear from her and not find out through national TV, he thought slightly bitterly. And he went there. He looked around, really needing something strong to drink.

—=—

You were easy to spot. You had chosen to wear a bright yellow dress for that evening. You looked absolutely stunning and honestly, it made Joe a little nervous to go up to you. He had lost his train of thought when he had seen you first appear in the screen, he couldn’t imagine how he would react when he saw you in person and receive one of your warm smiles.

Unfortunately, avoiding you was not an option. It was just rude and also, he just really wanted to talk to you. You probably knew that he was there and he wouldn’t be surprised if you tried to find him if only to say hello.

So, his plan was that he would be able to put it off talking to you but no such luck. The second he stepped into the room, there you were, talking to Darren Criss. Joe felt a flash of annoyance when he saw your male co-star by your side, too close for it to be friendly.

“Maybe I should stick with you guys,” Joe said.

“Don't you want to find Y/N and congratulate her?” Ben said, who had seen her too.

“Later,” Joe waved him off. “She's probably busy talking to the press and then being praised by her co-stars.”

Ben looked at him doubtfully. “This isn’t about Even, right?”

“Who?”

Ben sighed in exasperation. “The guy that made out with her in national tv.”

“They did not make out,” Joe almost hissed. He then cleared his throat and gave Ben an innocent smile. “I will say hi. I'm not a jerk. I just want her to have her moment.”

Joe did end up saying hi to you much earlier than he expected because of course, you had to be with the people he had spent the majority of the night.

—=—

You would be lying if you didn't love the attention you were being given. All the congratulations and praises were really doing something to your ego. You probably won't be able to walk properly at the end of the night at how big it got.

Someone said your name from your left and you turned, smiling brightly when you saw that it was Rami and Lucy.

“Hi,” you said excitedly as if you hadn't seen Rami at backstage less than an hour ago. “Hi, Lucy,” you said, hugging her and letting her go to admire her dress. “You look gorgeous.”

“Oh, my God, Y/N,” she said, waving you off. “You're so kind, thank you. But look at you! You are stunning! And with that award, I've never seen you happier. Oh, and congratulations.”

While you were happy to see Rami and Lucy at the after party, you were a little disappointed that you still hadn't seen Joe. You had expected to find him easily, seeing that you had run into half of his Bohemian Rhapsody co-stars. If you didn’t know any better, you would think that he was avoiding. But why would he? The last time you spoke, you had parted in good terms (and even made an empty promise to see each other again).

“So, is Joe with you guys?” you asked, not bothering to be subtle about it.

“You haven’t seen him, yet?” Lucy frowned. “I thought you would have by now. I know he was super excited for you.”

“Well, nope, I haven’t seen him,” you said, not sure how you felt about that.

“Oh, look, there's Joe,” Lucy said, spotting him and called out his name. She had to do it a few times before she got his attention. He turned over to them, looking like a reindeer in headlights.

“I’ll leave you two,” Lucy said, giving you a quick hug and went off in the opposite direction.

“Hey there, stranger,” he said, making his way towards you. “Long time no see.”

“Joe,” you almost shouted, thrilled to see your former boyfriend and not so gently pushed some people to the side to reach Joe. Once you were at his proximity, there was a fraction of hesitation from your side, before you pulled him in a tight hug. He quickly reciprocated the action and wrapped his arms around your waist. You did your best to hug him but it was nearly impossible as you held your award.

God, you had missed him so much. You had no idea how happy you were to see him. Joe being there made the night even better.

“Congratulations,” he said to your hair making you laugh.

“Thank you,” you said and pulled away from the embrace but didn't let him go. “And congratulations to you too. Best Drama Picture and Best Actor.”

“Well, you should be congratulated Rami for the best actor...”

“Actually, I did,” you interrupted him. “When I was backstage I saw him and he was with me right now too.”

“Oh, right. But I will take Best Picture.”

“You know you shouldn't you sell yourself short. This wasn't a one man's show, it was a team effort. Without you guys, Rami wouldn't have had anything to work with. Just like Queen, every member is important and shouldn't be overlooked for the lead singer, or actor in your case.”

Joe smiled fondly at you.

“What?”

“You do realize we're arguing about an award that I didn't even win, when you, Y/N, won your first award ever? Unbelievable.”

“I know,” you said in disbelief, letting go of Joe and stared at your shiny award in wonder. “I know I would always joke that I was going win one of these one days, but I never really took it too seriously.”

“It’s like me when I would say I would go work out and never did.”

“Exactly, or like you always promised me that you were going to stop leaving your clothes on the floor of the bedroom and you never did.”

“Uh, no, I did stop doing that for like a month,” he defended himself but you weren't listening to him.

“And now, I have it and I have no clue what to do. Do you remember what I always said I would do after I one? Now that I have it, I can't remember my last name, let alone my plans of celebration.”

Joe coughed, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “Um, you had a few plans that involved us, or now just you and I guess someone else during the night.”

“Ah,” you said, catching his drift. “I guess I have to celebrate by myself.” You then smiled slyly at Joe. “Unless I can convince Ben to come home with me tonight.”

Joe scoffed. “Excuse me, Ben is coming with me tonight. Get your own man.”

You missed the look of instant regret on Joe's face at his choice of words as you were looking over to where Ben was with Gwilym.

“That's too bad,” you said in faux wistfulness. “Another night alone.”

Joe laughed. “Well, not that alone. You have a shiny award to keep you warm at night. But I have some good news.”

“What more can you make my day?”

“Um, another thing was that l I always promised that if you won your first award that I would take you out for burgers,” he said lightly.

“What do you mean? You’re still doing that,” you told him. “It was a pinky promise and you said those things are sacred. Are you backing out on our sacred oath?”

“I would never do that,” he said, smiling at you. “But I bet you have other people wanting to take you out. Friends, family, co-stars, lovers.” He raised his eyebrows and proceeded to give you an exaggerated wink.

“You forgot former lovers,” you reminded him, smiling.

“Wait. Am I a former lover?” Joe gasped.

“No, you were my long term booty call that I liked to spoon with sometimes.”

“Sometimes? I'm pretty sure you're talking about someone else because I recall that someone would get vicious when I didn't spoon them every night. I can't go out in public without shirt anymore because it will expose my battle scars.”

You laughed, unable to keep the charade anymore. “Okay, whatever, Joe. But the point is you made a sacred oath with me and I expect to have it done, or else I will take your first born, that was our deal.”

“Damn, I forgot about that part. What were thinking when we did that oath?”

“I’m pretty sure we were drunk,” you recalled.

“You really want to spend time with me? An average joe?” he asked teasingly.

“Oh my God,” you groaned, burying your free hand in your face. “You know what, I don’t want to anymore. I think I know why we broke up.”

“Because you don’t have a sense of humor?”

“Because of your shitty sense of humor,” you corrected him, poking his shoulder, making him laugh.

“I recall you loving me humor, especially when we were getting it on,” Joe teased you, which made your cheeks heat up. He laughed and shook his hand. “I'm kidding, I'm kidding.”

“Oh, come on, Joe. I know we haven’t really talked lately, but I mean, I’ll always make time for you,” you said, trying not to sound pushy. You were disappointed that he didn’t seem to want to have lunch with you. Maybe that was it. All your friendliness had disappeared with all that time apart and what was left was just old memories between the two of you.

“Listen, I feel bad for taking all your time. You should go and be with your date.”

“Date?” You frowned and looked around them as if your date would appear out of thin air. “What date? I didn’t bring a date tonight. I went stag tonight. I couldn’t even get my brother to be my date.”

“Oh,” Joe said, looking confused and slightly uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I just assumed, he was your date.” He pointed to Evan. “I mean, he kinda kissed you in live television.”

“Oh my God. You saw that?” you said, feeling slightly mortified. “No, way. Oh my God, I am going to get an earful from my mom and Amy. I’ve been telling them that he and I are just friends so that is not going to help.”

“Yeah,” Joe said, feeling slightly awkward. “I would find it hard to believe it too since some people don’t think to go kissing their friends.”

“But he didn’t kiss me,” you said quickly, realizing you hadn’t clarified the situation.

“Really?” Joe didn't seem to believe you but seemed to be shrugging it off as if it was no big deal. “It doesn't matter. Hell, I would’ve kissed Rami if I had been there.”

“It looked like he kissed me but he didn't. He was going to kiss my cheek but then I moved so he kissed the corner of my mouth.” You tried to laugh it off, but you cringed at how forced it was.

“Oh,” Joe said and then laughed, probably more for your expense.

“So how’s your date?” you asked jokingly, trying to move on from the weirdness you created.

“No, I didn’t bring a date,” Joe said seriously. “Just like you, I went stag.”

“No, I know that,” you said and suddenly felt stupid for making the joke in the first place. God, why were you being like this with Joe right now? It was Joe, you’ve done really stupid things in front of him and never got as tongue-tied like you were right now. “I meant, like where’s Ben, you know, your date? Cause you’re in a committed relationship with him right now?”

“Oh,” Joe said, finally getting it and laughing. “Ben, of course. No, he, unfortunately, didn’t want to be my date. He said that he felt like we needed space. Which is ridiculous. How much space does he need than when I was in Japan and he was off in Europe?”

“Well, don’t give him too much space or else you’ll end up breaking up like us,” you joked which lead to you and Joe fall in an awkward silence. Great, this was the second time you made it awkward. You shouldn’t be allowed to speak anymore.

“God, this is weird, right?” Joe said, deciding to be honest. You and Joe had always been honest with each other, even before you started dating, so why stop now?

“Yeah, it is,” you agreed, relieved that you weren’t the only one that felt like that. “Why is this weird? Like we need to keep talking or else it just gets weird. Why?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted. “Maybe its because it has been a while and I don't know, I guess it's expected for exes to not get along as well as we do. I mean, should we start fighting? Should I point out all the things annoyed me of you when we were together?”

“I really don't think that's going to make things better,” you said, frowning but then laughed. “Although you now peaked my interest on your last sentence. What did you find annoying about me?”

Joe looked like he regretted talking, and not so smoothly said, “How beautiful you were when you woke up in the morning. It just annoyed me because I looked like an insane person with hair all over the place while you looked red carpet ready. Honestly, it wasn't fair.”

“Mhm,” you humored him. “Poor you having to deal with me.”

“The things we do when we’re in love,” he said dramatically.

“Yeah,” you said sadly. “The very stupid things we do when we’re in love.”

That time when you fell silent, it wasn’t awkward. It was bittersweet. You had no idea what Joe was thinking, he wore a deep look of concentration and when you were about to say something, he spoke first.

“Screw being bitter exes,” he said. “I like this thing we have. And if we’re awkward at times? That’s fine. Better that than us hating each other.”

“Yeah, no, I mean, yes, I agree,” you said enthusiastically.

“Great, so are you free tomorrow around one o’clock?”

“Um, I think so,” you said, thinking of any plans that you had for the next day. “Yes, yes I am free.”

“Great. I happen to owe you a cheeseburger with avocado and I would like to cash it in tomorrow.”

You laughed and nodded. “Great, then it's a date.”

Joe knew you mean it platonically but he felt a little pleasure of hearing you say that. Didn’t matter if was just you two getting together for a celebratory burger, there was no denying you two had really missed each other.

For the rest of the night, you two didn’t interact, both occupied with your group of friends, but that was alright. You were going to see each other the next day and hopefully, things wouldn’t be as awkward as it was tonight and it wouldn’t be long for you two to get back in your old rhythm.

Like Joe had learned a long time ago, you never really knew what to expect when it came to love and relationships.

[thotyssey]

On Point With: Blake McIver

Beginning his career as a child star with memorable roles in “Full House” and “The Little Rascals” reboot, this actor / writer / producer / director / singer / songwriter / ex-gogo boy has definitely sashayed his way into our hearts and minds. New Yorkers can enjoy a pair of performances from him this week at the Laurie Beechman Theatre: first covering a legend’s songbook in a solo show, then as a supporting player of a drag queen’s showcase that he’s directed. It’s the charming and talented Blake McIver Ewing!

Thotyssey: Hi Blake, thanks for talking to us! So, are you mad busy now with rehearsals and finishing touches on your two shows (Blake Sings Barbra and I Dream of Jackie), or are you comfortable with what you have down now for both of them?

Blake McIver: Well, I am admittedly a rehearsal addict, but I had to come back to LA for another show. So, we'll do a couple quick clean-ups before next weekend!

You've certainly been performing for nearly all of your life... have producing, writing and directing always been part of the equation as well? I've actually been directing for over a decade! I started a theatre company in Southern California at 19, and cut my teeth as a producing major during my time at UCLA. Writing came shortly thereafter, first with songwriting, and then it expanded from there! So are you pretty much open to a variety of projects, or do you have a pretty specific wheelhouse? I like wearing many different hats. It keeps my passion alive, and keeps me learning and constantly refining my skill set.

Are you still basically based out of California? I am still based out of LA. As much as I love my time in NYC, the West Coast is always home. I was born and raised in the heart of LA, which is very rare. I consider myself a unicorn, haha!

Unicorn indeed! You've had a long and amazing career as an actor, beginning with some choice gigs as a child star... including Derek from Full House, Michelle's adorable friend who slayed “Yankee Doodle Dandy” in his debut episode! When you're that young and that famous/successful, can you even fully understand what is going on... or is it just normal because that's all you know?

For me, it was just going into the family business at a young age. Both my parents have lifelong careers in entertainment, which meant that many of their friends were in the business as well. I went to regular school, with non-working kids in between gigs, so I was aware that my life wasn't exactly typical. But I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

Nor would your fans! I understand Derek was meant to be a one-time-only appearance, but that evolved into a beloved recurring role for several seasons.

You're right! Derek was supposed to be a one episode thing, that turned out to be three seasons of the show until it ended. It was a joy to be on that set every single time. It really was a cohesive family by the time I entered the cast, and they all made me feel right at home.

One fun part of Fuller House is seeing many of these supporting characters and their actors from the original show return as adults for cute cameos. It would be difficult without the Olsen Twins on board for this version, but would Derek stop by Fuller House if it were up to you?

YES! If it were up to me, Derek would definitely be the flamboyant show choir director at the School of the "new generation" kids! Have you noticed the show is so gay now? DJ and Stephanie are hitting on gay guys, and Kimmy's ex-husband is basically the New Trade. It's wonderful! Haha! That's awesome to hear. I have to be totally honest and tell you I haven't actually watched any of the reboot past the first episode! I know, sacrilegious! There's just only so many hours in the day, and I have so many Real Housewives franchises to keep up with! But I'm so glad people are loving it, and I hope it goes on and on.

Speaking of Housewives, you made appearances on a Bravo show a few years ago, "The People's Couch!" What was that experience like?

Well I have to say, when they pitched the show to us I thought, "Okay, we've officially reached the end of entertainment! You're making a show about people watching other shows on TV." Of course I hadn't yet seen the brilliant original British version, Gogglebox. And then when I saw the rough cut of the pilot, I was blown away with how fresh and funny it was. 

We really had the opportunity to engage in social commentary in a way I couldn't have predicted. Of course there was plenty of silliness along the way, but we did get to talk about some real issues on Bravo primetime, which I'm proud of.

Your album The Time Manipulator was such a diverse collection of songs and styles. 

Indeed! The Time Manipulator was intentionally stylistically diverse. It wasn't until I began writing music that I realized the diversity of my musical influences. Each track on that album represents a story from a moment in my life; some happy, painful, frustrating, etc. The narrative is quite dramatic, and I felt the genres really needed to serve the narrative. 

Of course, that's the last thing any record label wants to hear... which is why it was important for me to self produce / release the first one so that my un-diluted musical story is there.

That's the way to do it! Who would you consider some musical influences?

I'm inspired by everyone from The Beatles and Queen to Diana Ross, Carole King, Elton John, Antonio Carlos Jobim, to Gaga and Beyonce. I'm a real music nerd so if the melody and lyric meet a pure emotional intention, I'M IN! Do you have any plans for another recording? I do! I'm in the middle of a (much more musically cohesive) new EP that is inspired by my love of Motown, Blues, and Soul.

Right before recording The Time Manipulator, the internet-browsing public was alerted (thanks to Perez Hilton, I think) to the fact that you--a former child star!--were gogo dancing to fund its production, and the Thirst Pics were abound. You've already talked a lot about that experience with honest candor and charm, but I was wondering.. does being a stage and screen performer prepare you for gogo dancing at all, or is it a completely different animal?

The performative aspect of it definitely felt familiar to me. Performing for an audience has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. But does anything truly prepare you for shaking your moneymaker in a jock on a box? Not sure, lol! 

It was like playing a role to a degree. I had a character / persona in my head. He had a name and a personality that was admittedly bolder than my own. So I guess it kind of was like a fun acting gig. Def, and it paid! Is that also how you got to know people in nightlife, like promoters and drag queens, or did you already kinda know that crowd from just being a gay entertainer in LA? It all sort of happened simultaneously, in a beautiful way. Just as I was becoming more comfortable and free in my queer identity and expression, I was meeting wonderful queer artists and brilliant performers who challenged me artistically and mentally, which was really wonderful.

What's been your history as a stage performer in NYC?

Well, my NYC stage debut was as an honorary member of "The Broadway Kids" in the early 90s. I believe a Gavroche got sick before one of their big shows, and my friend Kathryn Zaremba (who was Lisa on Full House) was Annie Warbucks on Broadway. She said to the director, “my friend can learn this show in four days.” Before I knew it, I was singing and dancing alongside all these young Broadway vets who were very gracious to let the TV / Film brat come play with them! What's a dream role for you, as far as Broadway is concerned? Deena Jones in Dreamgirls. Which I realize is extremely problematic on every level, and will never and should NEVER, EVER happen.  

I wish that Disney could get it together and put Hunchback on Broadway. I would do just about anything to bring Quasi to the Broadway stage. Oh God that would be incredible!  

So I saw I Dream of Jackie during its initial run at the Laurie Beechman Theatre, starring NYC queen Jackie Cox, which you directed and also co-starred in. I absolutely loved it, it was cute and very funny, and even had sincere moments! How did you get involved with that show, which I’m happy to see returns to the Beechman on Sunday, August 20th?

I'm so glad you enjoyed IDOJ! It was such a joy bringing it to life. Jackie (aka Darius) has been my best friend since we met on day one of college at UCLA. We actually came up with the character of Jackie together, which is why I am referred to as her "Drag Father," hahaha! 

It worked out that my schedule opened up enough for me to be in NYC for the month of July, and I jumped at the chance to direct and choreograph the show. Can't wait to do it again next Sunday!

Amazing! Have you / would you ever try drag yourself, by the way?

I have very strong, angular features. Me in drag just looks like Idina MANzel.

Ha! Well, the night before IDOJ returns, the Beechman will see you solo on the stage for the return of your own hit cabaret revue, Blake Sings Barbra: The Concert! What role does Barbra Streisand's music play in your life, and what made you want to bring this show to the stage?

I've been captivated by Barbra since I first saw Funny Girl at 7 years old. But it wasn't until her 1994 comeback concert that I became completely obsessed. It was a crazy year for me: I was in my second season of Full House, I filmed The Little Rascals, and my parents’ house was destroyed in the Northridge earthquake. In the show, I take you through all these things via The Concert, which basically taught me everything I know about being a performer.

I've wanted to do this tribute show for many years, and finally sat down one day last year, during the tumult of election season, and wrote it all down.

Now that you mentioned The Little Rascals--where you play spoiled villain Waldo-- and the election, I have to quickly ask about how surreal it is that Donald Trump plays your Dad on the other end of a phone conversation in a brief cameo. That must be so surreal to process, nowadays.

It really is! And I tell the extended version of the story in my show. It becomes relevant at a certain point in the concert!  Intriguing! What's your favorite song to do in the show? I love the setlist from the concert so much, so it really changes with every audience. Last month I had some true 94 concert superfans in the audience, so during "The Way We Were" they were quoting her ad libs at me, then I quoted some back at them during the interlude, and we all screamed and it was a fabulous moment. I explained it all to the rest of the crowd after the song, haha!

Sounds like a remarkable experience, congratulations! Anything else coming up for you? Yes, in September I am directing and choreographing a tour for the wonderful cabaret and burlesque artist Ariana Savalas (of Postmodern Jukebox fame). I built the first version of her show last summer, and now it's expanding into a full Caburlesque extravaganza, which is so fun! And then I'll be back at the Beechman in October with two more shows! Excellent! So, lastly: what do you think The Little Rascals’ Waldo would be doing today, as an adult?

I feel like he'd be on a yacht in the South of France, spending his father's money as rapidly as humanly possible!

Sounds about right. Thanks, Blake!

Check Thotyssey’s calendar for Blake McIver’s scheduled NYC appearances. Follow him on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube and his own website.

On Point Archives

[i-luff-wilhuff]

// *screeches* I have a request for anything to do with his experience on in the Carrion Plateau tbh. Also, I love the fact you used screencaps from The Curse of Frankenstein. It's my absolute favourite Hammer Horror film.

Souvenir

For the first time in his life, Wilhuff stared death in the face.And it stared back with moonglow eyes. He did not recognize the large cat, but then, this was only his second day in the Eriadu wilds. It did not take experience to know the cat was hunting him. Its ears were laid back against a triangular head covered in spots. A deep growl rumbled in its throat. Its tan fur nearly blended into the tall dead grass as it moved. Every muscle working visibly to keep its body low and taut like a coiled spring. Wilhuff dared not breathe. He knew not to run. Jova had taught him that much.Where is Jova?It did not matter. Uncle Jova was not here, and this cat was.It was so close now. Then it stopped. It sunk lower in the grass. It stilled.This is it. I am going to die.Wilhuff was on his back before his brain registered the beast had leapt. Instinctively, he raised his arm a half second before the cat had a chance to rip out his jugular. Mesmerized, the boy watched his forearm disappear under yellowed teeth. His skin screamed with pain, his bones strained under the pressure of unrelenting jaws. He was mere seconds away from the scrawny limb breaking in two like a brittle twig.A shadow appeared over the beast. A flash of blue lightning followed. The cat received the majority of the shock, but the electric current seized Wilhuff’s body for an agonizing few seconds.The cat released the boy’s arm and whipped its head around to the new assailant.Another crackle of electricity. Another mild shock of pain. Wilhuff was crying out now, scrambling to get away with one good arm and frantically kicking legs.Round-eyed, he watched his uncle zap the beast backwards with his spear, positioning himself between the boy and the cat, the golden rays of the setting sun cast down on him like some sort of angelic warrior from a holodrama. “Get up,” Jova ordered, snapping Wilhuff out of his amazement. Wilhuff got to his feet and ran over to grab his own spear, but by the time he figured out a way to activate its electrical charge one-handed, Jova had already ran the beast off.Wilhuff watched the cat lumber into the tall grass, vanishing from sight far too early for the boy’s comfort. “It might come back.” He said as Jova put away his staff.“Correct,” Jova replied, turning to the boy, eyeing the wound without concern. “And if it does, you will be better prepared, yes?”Wilhuff nodded, but the gesture seemed to continue even as he ceased moving. The world around him seemed to still nodand…nod…and nod…and…When Wilhuff woke up it was night.They were at camp now. A roaring fire licked at a skewered deer with tusks for teeth. Jova and his fellow hunters sat around chatting amongst themselves and carving off chunks of meet from the smoking carcass. “Hold still,” Jova said. The order suddenly brought Wilhuff’s attention to his ghastly injury. Skin hung in ribbons and Wilhuff thought he saw a flash of white bone. He felt sick, the world begin to spin again. “Oi, none of that,” Jova warned, slapping a sticky, wet hand against Wilhuff’s cheek. “Stay awake.”Wilhuff grunted in agreement. He looked out into the dead grass surrounding their camp and wondered where the cat had gone. He wondered and tried not to focus on the fact his uncle was piecing his forearm back together with a needle, thread and thin strips of bacta-soaked bandages.When Jova was finished, Wilhuff took his place in front of the campfire, favoring his bandaged arm which had quieted from a searing pain to an intense throbbing.“Have a drink. You’re gonna need to eat somethin’ soon too.” Jova nodded to another hunter, a rough, bald-headed man with deep leather for skin whose name Wilhuff yet to learn. The man sat next to Wilhuff and handed him a flask. “For the pain, and celebratin’ your first souvenir in the Wilds.” The other hunters grunted in affirmation, raising flasks and wooden cups in toast.Wilhuff put tentative lips to the rim of the flask, but the man tipped up the bottom of the flask quickly, sending thick liquid down Wilhuff’s throat. It tasted like honey, cloves and lighter fluid. He swallowed, sputtered, coughed, gasped. The camp dissolved into chuckles. The man patted Wilhuff’s back until the boy stopped coughing. His head was beginning to fuzz, but his arm was feeling a bit better. A slice of red meat was pushed in front of his face when he was able to breathe once again. He took the slab and shakily began to eat. The moment his teeth sank into the juicy hunk of deer meat, some of hjis tension began to slip away. He took another bite, and another, before finally processing the man’s words.“Souvenir?” he asked. “What souvenir? The cat got away.”Jova leaned into the light of the fire, scars that crisscrossed deepened in the firelight. “Souvenir,” he said, tapping a few of the scars.“Souvenirs,” the other men all said as if repeating a mantra, and they all tapped a different part of their body showing their own battle markings.“This is the first of many,” Jova said, clapping a hand on Wilhuff’s free shoulder. “This won’t be the last time you face death. And every scar you gain is another reminder that you’re alive. You survived and your souvenirs are going to teach you another lesson to help you survive the next time and the next.”Souvenir…Wilhuff looked down at his bandaged arm. He wondered if his scar would look as formidable as the other men’s. He hoped so. Decades later, Wilhuff Tarkin caught himself running his fingers over the messy web of scarring along his forearm. His skin was older now, looser and freckled, but the scarred skin was smooth and pale, if not unevenly distributed along his limb. In his later years, the markings were more than souvenirs of lessons learned. They were reminders that he had survived impossible odds many times over, and until this galaxy was done with him, he was going to continue to face those odds and continue to survive them.“Sir?” voiced an officer through his commlink. “We are approaching Yavin IV.”“Thank you, captain,” Tarkin replied.Tarkin slipped on his tunic, the scars disappearing under a uniform worthy of a Grand Moff. Until this galaxy is done with me…I will continue to fight to survive.He lingered on that thought a moment, before making his way to the bridge.

Thank you so much for this prompt @txrkin and yessss I love that movie too! The ultimate comfort movie for me!

(Sorry for the format issues. Did this on my phone ill fix it later!)

[izloveshorses]

Alrighty so while I’m thinking about it here’s basically every element from Beauty and the Beast that I adored

can I say how surreal it was to be in a theater packed with young girls of all ages wearing yellow dresses with their Belle barbies 

not to mention all the adults and people my age who’ve been singing Be Our Guest for eternity were all so excited 

it was almost like when The Force Awakens came out and Star Wars was alive again and everyone, old and new generations of fans, gathered together.... ya know what I’m talking about? where everyone in the room is buzzing with anticipation

the CGI wasn’t as terrible as y’all thought, y’all need to have a little faith sometimes lol

the casting was excellent!!

i know people have mixed feelings about Emma Watson playing Belle but I honestly wouldn’t have casted it any other way. She’s always been a women’s rights activist, a bookworm and a thinker, and a strong role model for young girls. and her favorite princess was always Belle I mean come on. and her singing voice was so incredible!! that was what I was most looking forward to in this movie and it did not disappoint

she also said in a buzzfeed interview that she imagines Belle would open the Beast’s library to the public and start a school!!! How rad is that?? HEADCANON ACCEPTED 

shout out to Dan Stevens for waltzing in 10 inch stilts while wearing a 40 pound body suit 

ok Luke Evans and Josh Gad must’ve thought they were in Dirty Dancing because they had the time of their lives

and Luke was pretty attractive. just sayin

overall, the cast was really diverse! not one but two interracial couples! and in general there were a lot of poc in the village featuring a wonderfully sweet librarian dude

Everything about Belle’s character was fantastic I’m not kidding

i think the town had such a consistent routine that she could precisely time when the morning rush started?

despite the village blatantly gossiping about her she was still so nice and polite to everyone

so??? much??? sass??? it was unreal??? When Gaston asked why she wouldn’t go out to dinner with him he assumed she had plans but she was just like “No...” and she didn’t even explain further how freakin savage she shot that boy down

(a few more examples bc this girl was on fire) “Why would I be startled? I’m talking to a candle” and “Is that a joke? are you making jokes now?” and my fav “’Maybe you just haven’t met the right man?’ ‘It’s a small village Gaston, I’ve met them all’”

this is Elizabeth Bennet level Jane Austen would be proud

they touched on how women were expected to have kids in their late teens/early 20s and she’s like “screw that” yeah girl smash that patriarchy

how on earth did it take me 17 years to realize she’s considered odd because she’s the only literate girl in the whole village???????? how did I, a history buff obsessed with the French Revolution, never make that connection before???? this isn’t specific to the new film but still I applaud it good job disney

she was an inventor!!! i don’t know if i’ve ever been happier than when i saw her solving equations and tinkering and making a washing machine so she can read and get chores done simultaneously. emma totally had something to do with this decision absolutely no doubt

she doesn’t ride her horse sidesaddle and that was like a huge faux pas for ladies back then (again, smashing the patriarchy one step at a time)

SHE WAS TEACHING ANOTHER SMOL GIRL HOW TO READ!!! THAT’S SO IMPORTANT AND PRECIOUS I’VE BEEN UNABLE TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE SINCE THAT MOMENT

she planned to escape the castle from the beginning and was really creative about it, and no matter what she always found some sort of weapon lying around lol (a random stick, a chair, a pitcher Belle what would you do with that) but she was always prepared to defend herself with somewhat of a plan and attempt at thinking ahead

She was really curious about the curse and asked questions about it to figure out this mystery herself

she was always problem-solving and trying to find a solution to situations and that was so cool girls need to see that strong female leads aren’t always the ones that can fight, but girls with wit and bravery

there was lots of nice background info on characters that otherwise wouldn’t exist, like Belle’s mom’s death, why Maurice chose to stay in that boring village and Adam’s dad being a jerk and turning him into a monster (no pun intended)

Mrs Potts giving us a reason why the entire castle was cursed, not just Adam. They didn’t do anything to stop Adam’s dad from corrupting him and man that’s some heavy stuff

I feel like each character, especially the servants, were so much richer and stronger and more complex, and the stakes were higher bc each time a rose petal fell they became less and less human

even the enchantress had a name and she was gorgeous?

they went pretty dark in this one... like something caused that tree to fall in Maurice’s path and back into an upright position. the wolves wouldn’t cross the gates because of some boundary. the way the whole castle shuddered with each drop of a pedal. i could go on... and the added character depth really helped that dark stuff too

THE MUSIC!!!! WAS SO GOOD!!! I’ve had the album on repeat for.... four days now and I’m not sick of it yet?? please send help

seriously, they did an amazing job. it was perfectly balanced w both old an new songs, and neither of them overshadowed the other. each song got it’s spotlight, they honored the old ones while including new original ones that were awesome (cough forevermore cough cough)

Gaaaaaastonnnnnnnnnnnn omg that sequence was awesome. honestly i think everyone in the theater tapped their foot when he was stomping and dancing on the tabletops

Belle was really good too to me because i’m a nerd for that set design

Days in the Sun is extremely underrated!! but yes, Forevermore is breathtaking it’s growing on me more and more each day

lots of rotating cinematography and spinning i’m a nerd i love it

the costume and set design.... holy crAP it’s stunning

i read somewhere that Belle’s casual getup has large pockets for her books and she has part of her skirt pinned up so she can ride Philipe easier and that’s beautiful

each scene was packed with tiny details that most movie makers overlook and I’m so impressed???? not just visually but there were so many sounds that truly made it feel real like in the village I’d occasionally hear a crying baby or a dog barking or just constant chatter and that’s stuff you’d expect to hear in a crowded village square

the little twinkling lights during the ballroom dance was probably my favorite i may have cried

No one ever say anything bad about Belle’s dress again IT WAS SO GORGEOUS it floated across the floor like a bundle of sunshine

and there were so many details in that scene? did anybody notice her gold earrings she wore they were wonderful

her hairstyles throughout the whole movie were so cute (esp at the end with that updo!! and that pretty flower dress I need it)

the historical accuracies??? unreal??

so much baroque architecture with all of the elaborate gold designs ahhh i love it

half of it looked like a rococo painting, the other half a neoclassicism painting

girls weren’t allowed to be educated so that’s why Belle was hated so much--and so cool--and ohhhh my mind is blown why did i not understand this until now

lol a giant chunk of France was illiterate at the time too so LeFou realizing that halfway through trying to spell Gaston was hilarious

actually the mob song in general is scarily accurate. what starts with a small discomfort turns into irrational fear which turns into extremism in crowds and they did the stupidest things like “hey there’s a monster that we’ve never seen or heard of and it’s never attacked us before but LETS KILL IT” seriously the French loved mobs

they included a lot more intimate moments w Belle and the Beast to build up their relationship more carefully 

Belle almost in tears when she was in that library because honestly same girl

my favorite moment in the entire movie, although small, was when they were in the library during “Something There” and she just kept grabbing book after book and he was walking behind her holding this massive stack that was so cute

honorable mentions: when the Beast shook his head like the horse omg. and I freaking cackled when he threw that giant snowball at her face

when they were in Paris, and Belle figured out that her mother died of the plague and she said “let’s go home”

she just rode off while still wearing her ball dress

“no time to change gotta go save my pa i’m keeping this btw”

and then she strips down to her undergarments because they’re about to go after Adam and that’s the final straw nobody messes with him under her watch she has to save him and, sorry, but she won’t let a big bulky dress get in the way of that despite how beautiful it is

Belle participated in the climax fight scene she was not taking any of Gaston’s crap

and then Adam was like “stay there I’m coming” and she completely ignored him so she could step in if he needed her

“I am not a Beast”

the transformation scenes were amazing

LeFou’s character arc was surprisingly great! and I support him and his boyfriend

that one growl at the end... you know the one... I’m very confused why was that so sexy is that bad

there were so many moments where i got goosebumps and sudden tears from the swelling of the orchestra or a certain chilling line and i was just so moved by this movie

in every showing that i went to there was a massive applause from the crowd and i love it you deserve it disney

I'm running out of adjectives

There was hardly an aspect that I disliked. Maybe more of Mrs Potts would’ve been nice, maybe Belle asking Adam to grow a beard was a little strange, maybe Ewan could work on his French accent a little more (don’t get me wrong I love this man but it could use a little more work... other than that his acting was superb). my complaints stop there! I honestly loved this film so much and I’d been pumped since I first heard about it back in 2015. It didn’t disappoint! that means a lot coming from a person who had insanely high expectations for it.

[rilenerocks]

*This is a continuation of Chapter 11 – Be 278, my story of living through an orphan cancer with my husband who died in May, 2017. All previous chapters can be found on this site. They’re hard to write so there are time lapses between them. 

The beginning of 2016. After the ravages of 2015, the devolution of Michael’s health from his excellent status at the beginning of the year, to his rejection from a crucial clinical trial, to his coming close to death before receiving the immunological drug Keytruda off-trial, we are astonished that he is still breathing. Somewhere in the midst of the terror, my brother, my mother and my treasured dog died. A long intimate friendship between our family and another came apart. I haven’t had any real time to process all those events. I am intensely focused on Michael and anything I can unearth to keep him alive. The winter holidays were so unexpected. Michael met with many of his former students who were home visiting, on winter break from college. He had lunch with his school colleagues and arranged some guest teaching days. He was still suffering from the toothache that had been haunting him since the previous September. He’d been on antibiotics several times in an effort to avoid any invasive procedures. Our friend Peg came from Denver for a visit.  After a whirl of events, Michael, a master of understatement, said he didn’t feel 100% and collapsed with fatigue. We were expecting yet another visitor, our dear friend Brian from New Mexico. Six months earlier, Michael’s body was carrying a huge cancer load. How much is still cruising around inside of him is our daily question. Between scans, there’s plenty of time to bounce between hope and fear.

Our son was temporarily home, soon to be departing for his field work in Panama, a critical part of his biology Phd. Michael has made a wish list of things he’d like to see before he dies. Having our kid finish his doctorate is right at the top of it. I’m trying to practice living one day at a time. Shutting my brain down is hugely challenging for me. I’m constantly reading all the latest Merkel cell research, trying to stay current in case things quickly go south. I haven’t gotten over my bitterness about Michael having been denied access to the clinical trial in St. Louis, which was  testing a drug essentially quite like Keytruda. The Barnes principal investigator was disinterested in us and his nurse was absolutely cold and detached, telling Michael to go back home to get sicker and return another day. On the anniversary of that rejection, I finally wrote to that doctor and his supervisor, unleashing the hostility that had been eating away at me during the last painful year. Here are a couple of excerpts from that letter. The following year I looked up the trial and found that this doctor had disappeared as the principal investigator. I hope I had something to do with that.

To add to our worries, Dr. Zhang, our second oncologist in a year, informs us that he will be departing our cancer clinic in the next couple of months. He recommends that we continue with his old friend and colleague, Dr. Zhao. We hear this news with a mixture of sadness, fear and trepidation. Zhang has proven to be smart, a positive collaborator and a risk-taker, an important combination for a patient dealing with a little understood disease.

His help in getting Keytruda off-trial in 2015 was daring. I thought of him as kind of a medical gunslinger. More adjustments ahead for us. As a pre-emptive move, I dash off letters of inquiry to other principal investigators of Merkel cell clinical trials to see what’s possible in case we run into trouble. I can scarcely believe my audacity in reaching out to these people. I tell myself that as the saying goes, necessity is the mother of invention. We move forward to the next appointment, living as well as we can in the spaces between blood tests and scans.

On January 15th, 2016, Michael and I went to Dr. Zhang’s office to be greeted with the bad news that his latest blood work showed that all three of Michael’s liver enzymes were astronomically elevated and that there would be no Keytruda treatment that day. Instead he was placed on a big dose of steroids to try to reduce the liver inflammation. Two more blood tests were scheduled along with another meeting with Zhang at the end of the week. We were completely baffled. Michael was taking antibiotics and pain meds for his toothache. Why was the doctor’s assumption that it had to be the life-saving Keytruda that was the culprit for the liver flare, rather than the other meds or a synergistic relationship between all of them? All the positive feelings about Michael’s incredible rebound seemed to fizzle away. I was filled with questions. What was certain was that steroids suppress the immune system, allowing an opportunity for the cancer to reassert itself. A nerve wracking time, to say the least. Dr. Zhang is not available for the next appointment so we meet with his colleague and our next oncologist, Dr. Zhao. The liver enzymes improved but she is convinced that Keytruda is too dangerous to administer again. My immediate sense of her is that she is a strictly “between the lines” type of doctor, which I view as a problem.

We move into a waiting period. On February 1st, Michael develops a cold and cough. What was once an average illness now carries the weight of a terrifying episode. Normal, whatever that was, has disappeared. Dr. Zhang orders a liver scan for mid-month. When Michael’s cold happily resolves, we hit the road to Chicago to just feel like we are taking advantage of the fact that despite all the uncertainty, we are still together, alive. The rhythm of our comfortability and love kick in and we shove away the fears for a few days.

Mid-February brings the liver scan. Tapered off the steroids, Michael’s his enzymes are almost normal but the scan shows a mild diffuse fatty liver. His primary doctor has weighed in with the opinion that a liver which has a hard time metabolizing drugs can mean anything is a problem. We meet for the last time with Dr. Zhang who is afraid administering more Keytruda will bring on liver failure. With the virtual certainty of cancer returning, we argue for a moderate approach – trying a half dose of the drug, monitoring carefully for enzyme problems and quickly restarting steroids if there is a flare. Zhang agrees to this, provided we wait for a month to let Michael’s body rest. We agree and prepare for another trip in our quickly devised retirement. Off we go to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico in the beginning of March.

For what seems like an eon, I’ve been feeling as if I’m living in the Mel Brooks film High Anxiety. The tension of the past year has been unrelenting. In addition to the tremendous pressure of Michael’s condition and treatment, I’ve been trying to pay attention to my own health. A visit to my doctor brings the news that thyroid nodules which she’s been monitoring in me have changed in size and now require a biopsy. As my mom had thyroid cancer, this feels unnerving to me. In addition, my knees are incredibly painful with intermittent swelling in both the front and backs of them. I think everything is cancer. I terrify myself trying to imagine that Michael and I are simultaneously sick and in need of treatment. That actually happened to my parents in 1989 when they were both diagnosed with cancer within five weeks of each other. All my childhood fears associated with my mother’s constant health problems are being exacerbated by our current situation. I am trying hard to push all the negative thoughts away so we can live in the moments we have, yanking every second of intimacy and comfort out of them. I cast money anxieties away too, knowing that this accelerated and brief retirement is likely all we’re going to have together. Stoically we board a United Airlines jet in Chicago and fly southwest in early March.

We’ve chosen the type of resort where relaxation is effortless. The place is beautiful as is our room. We intend to do nothing but stay in bed, make love, read, eat, sleep, swim and repeat the same every day. We throw in a little sightseeing but mostly this time is to restore our drained energy and forget all things medical. Michael has a sore shoulder from too much baseball and volleyball and his achy tooth. I have my bad knees. But the forgiving water helps. We lounge by the pool, ordering drinks and lunch. I lie in the water, staring up at the frigate birds which cruise overhead. Michael reads and dozes. He looks healthy, regardless of what may be happening below the surface. We soak ourselves in the hot tub. For a week, we live in a fantasy.

Then it’s over. We are back home. Together we are solid and reenergized, but indeed, back we are looking at the realities before us. I have my biopsy which is thankfully negative. Michael takes advantage of being off treatment to have his teeth fixed. He also sees an orthopedic person about his shoulder and gets a cortisone shot which provides relief. We are approaching the end of March with blood tests and a scan ahead. Michael goes for long bike rides and looks like himself.  I am reading books and planning my garden. Soon our son will return from his field work in Panama and present his exit seminar for his PhD. He’s told me he’s dedicating it to Michael who will cry when he hears that. One of his goals was to live long enough to see Henry finish. Both of our kids have exceeded our accomplishments. Sharing in that together is priceless. Michael’s blood is essentially normal and remarkably, his scan shows what seem to be two potentially cancerous spots that are tiny. Conservative Dr. Zhao doesn’t want to re-challenge him with Keytruda until there is more disease. I am uncertain about this approach but decide to go with the flow. I am writing constantly in my journal. “Life is filled with such elevating joy and crushing pain. The poignance is too much.”

The exit seminar is a success. We couldn’t be prouder of our kid. It’s the end of April. Our wedding anniversary is May 1st. It’s our fifth “last anniversary” which we count from Michael’s diagnosis. Will it be our last? Michael writes me a note to go with my flowers which says he’ll do anything to get another one. He’s already gone through so much. Watching him eat a hearty anniversary surf and turf dinner gives me such pleasure and satisfaction. He gives me a ridiculous Roger Federer satin pillow case as a gift. We’ve had a few great months. Next up is a trip to Memphis to visit the Civil Rights Museum and Graceland. Describing the reality of taking our very deliberately chosen trips is complicated. Always just below the surface is the awareness that we’re not going to live to a ripe old age together. I can’t say we are entirely without hope but that hope has small dimensions instead of unlimited vistas. As Michael needs consistent monitoring we can’t go too far away for too long. Choosing our destinations means evaluating what has been important in our lives, both as individuals and partners. We made it to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the National Baseball Hall of Fame. We made it to presidential homesites and libraries, battlefields and major historic sites. We visited art galleries and oceans. The main thing now is to make sure that we see what we only want to share with each other. Every one of those places is obviously impossible. But in Memphis, the Civil Rights Museum is essential for us who’ve shared a lifetime of activism and belief in civil rights. And then there’s Elvis, Sun Records and the famous Memphis Recording Studio, another must for music lovers like us. There’s BB King and barbecue and a manageable drive. “We are excellent travel partners. Yesterday Michael said he felt like we were the only two people in the world sometimes, in a rhythm that isn’t shared with anyone else. We still have a glorious intimacy on every level, especially amazing given all his treatments.”

We both cry at the pain and power of the museum. So much dreadful history that we grew up with, watching on our televisions while we were kids and then the history of all the horror that came before we were alive. We cried at Graceland too, thinking of how this innocent gifted singer was basically eaten alive by greedy manipulators and a ravenous, insatiable public. We spent some time at the studios where so many young rock and rollers got their big breaks, rode a riverboat on the Mississippi, listened to live music and ate at Gus’s Famous Fried Chicken restaurant. Then as fast as it came, vacation is over and we are in scan week. I am working on managing anticipatory grief. A tall order for me. Michael is working his way through a list of life goals, some small and manageable, others daunting. Some days, he’s quiet and dark. He always had days like that. I try imagining the alienation he feels from his own body and bearing the constant weight of imminent death. We know other people who’ve died recently or who are in hospice. One minute at a time. Miraculously the mid-May scan is NED, negative for disease. Michael hasn’t had treatment since December. Maybe his immune system is still amped up from Keytruda. We’ll take it.

During this health reprieve, we decide that we may finally have the time to adopt a dog. Flash had been gone almost a year. A shelter was having an adoption event at a local pet store. I went to look around and instantly fell in love with a tiny black puppy whose older, larger and beautiful sister had been adopted in advance. I called Michael who was annoyed that I’d picked out a dog without him but he came to meet her and could feel my happiness. So he agreed. We named her Gracie and brought her home. She seemed smart and easy to be with but by the next day, I could see she wasn’t healthy. The shelter had arranged a first free vet appointment with someone with whom they had a contractual arrangement. We took her in Monday morning and were given antibiotics for a respiratory infection. I felt like there was something more and arranged for her to see our own vet the next day. After her exam, the our doctor said she thought that Gracie had a neurological problem and that it didn’t bode well, especially considering Michael’s situation. We had to relinquish her the next day, after a difficult battle with the original shelter. I think that episode drained away all my reserves of love for a pet. I’ve never felt the energy of real pet love since that puppy. But we still had our little window of opportunity. There was a black cocker spaniel at the Humane Society. When Michael was a kid he had one that looked almost exactly the same, Pudding, who was hit by a car and left a hole in Michael’s heart. I was neutral but wanted him to be happy. We were chosen as her new family and so we had Rosie. Michael was in bliss despite the fact that the Humane Society said she was five when she was actually eleven. He was in love. A day later, he developed a terrible case of shingles. I was immediately terrified. You get shingles when your immune system is suppressed. Was cancer coming right behind this painful condition?

The June scans happen. It feels like there’s not enough time between them but Michael is still stable, no change in disease load. No one on his care team understands this – the facility tumor board says, “more power to him.” I have convinced Michael to sell his music collection. We sold some collectibles when he’d gone back to school but we still had over 7500 pieces of vinyl and CD’s. I knew I couldn’t face the task of unloading them when he was gone. He entertained several offers and finally chose a buyer who owned an independent store in St. Louis. Our music room would be emptied in a day, come August. That was one of the most sobering acknowledgements of the future that we faced together. Tempering the moment however, was his announcement that he really wanted to buy a motorcycle with some of the cash. I’d made him sell his first one once I became pregnant so many years before, hoping to shrink the odds of my becoming a single parent. So I said, no, don’t be absurd. Then I forgot about it. The July scan came rolling around and was again clean. Impossible to fathom but we moved forward, spending time with our kids and grandkids, taking a day trip to Indianapolis and trying to feel normal. I spend time trying not to focus on thinking about everything Michael is likely to miss in the future. I watched my mom attend my kids’ events without my dad. I can hear her wistful voice saying how much he would have loved watching them play basketball, dad’s favorite sport. I push those thoughts away.

In August, we get back to our place in Lakeside, Michigan which is brief but wonderful. Before the next scan, we squeeze in a long weekend with dear old friends in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin. So much lake time. We feel otherworldly, living our best lives under the onus of his mysterious Merkel cell which is in a deep snooze. But we’re managing to enjoy ourselves except for the occasional times when we look too far ahead. Staying in the present must be easier for people who are more Zen than me.

Another clean scan in August. We decide to go for another big trip in September. I am obsessed with seeing the National Parks of Utah. And I want to share their majesty with Michael. So I make the plans, a flight to Denver, a car rental and then a big push through Arches, Canyonlands, Zion and Bryce. I feel nervous that it may be too big a stretch for us but how do I know if there’ll be another chance? The trip is set. Meanwhile, I get furious when Michael sheepishly sits me down to give me what he says is both bad and good news. I brace myself for hearing he’s found a new lump. Instead he tells me that he sold the music collection for more than he told me and has bought himself a used Harley. The good news is that he has money left over to give me. I try remembering that I shouldn’t want to kill someone who’s got cancer. Given the circumstances, I manage to put aside my anger, knowing that his need to feel this thrill again may be the last time he has for it. A Harley. Unreal.

We head west. The Utah trip is magnificent and grueling. Michael develops gout and a cough. I waver between awe at what we’re experiencing and anxiety about his health. Both of us are glad we did it.

Michael recovers from the respiratory infection slowly through October. We have a big event that month – our daughter is being inducted into her university’s athletic hall of fame. The whole family attends that event. A few weeks later, the Chicago Cubs, Michael’s beloved sports team finally win the World Series. Ticking that long-hoped for event off his list is a huge deal for him.

The national election happens and our whole family is stunned and grieving about Trump being president. Our son is getting ready to leave for a postdoc in Guam. But first there is another Thanksgiving and another scan. We get through the holiday, amazed that it’s our fourth since Michael was given only a few months to live without treatment which might buy a year. What a road we’ve traveled. The November scan is negative. December brings departures and family going in different directions for the holidays. Michael and I zip off to Starved Rock on our own for two days. Always magical, I take this happy photo of Michael at breakfast.

I am a little worried because he’s gotten sick to his stomach twice after eating his favorite seafood dish in the past few weeks. Maybe he’s suddenly allergic? Who knows? We are navigating the political situation, bumps in our kids’ lives and our own anxieties about his disease. Michael is featured in an article in our local newspaper which follows the course of his cancer journey. Both of us feel awkward about it. On December 31st, we have our New Year’s dinner at our favorite restaurant alone for the first time in years. Our family and friends are all dispersed. The service is unusually lousy and the food disappointing. We’re both somewhat disgruntled but we go home happy to be together to ring in a new year, even though it is fraught with unknown but expected challenges. Goodbye, 2016, the year of nerve wracking remission and joy. Just like life.

The Realities of Remission – Part 2 – Chapter 11 – Be 278 *This is a continuation of Chapter 11 - Be 278, my story of living through an orphan cancer with my husband who died in May, 2017.