#where leo reveals in the heat of the moment the burden he feels as leo especially without splinter to guide him

[forgetful-nerd]

The intense need I have to write a fanfic and sort of recreate this lotr scene with 2012!Raph saying this line to an injured 2012! Leo is unreal:

Oof this would be so good line for a fanfic about the burdens Leo feels as a leader and how he can (and should) lean on his family.

(Clearly, Learning that Sean Astin voices 2012! Raph has not been great for my sanity or attention span)

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

[SPOILERS FOR LEO’S ROUTE❗️] okay so i just got to the bit after leo reveals what he is, and mc and comte are talking on the balcony & comte offers to turn her into a vampire if she would like. obviously mc declines but i guess my question is, how do you think leonardo would react if mc DID agree to that offer? i am enjoying his route, but i kinda get the feeling he mostly/only loves mc because she is human :/ im interested abt what might happen if she didn’t say no? thank you v much💖💖ly lots

Aww, ily3 hun tyty 💕💕💕I’ll offer my thoughts below, I hope I can answer your questions to satisfaction! 

Ah yes, the point in Leo's route where I essentially get shot in the leg and limp through my walk of shame

Jk jk, but I think there has been a considerable degree of displeasure associated with Leonardo's line in the proverbial sand. No life with him can be spent as a vampire, MC must remain human. Despite his easygoing nature, he remains stalwart in his opposition no matter what the MC or Comte has to say. To summarize it quickly, Comte’s relieved exasperation at the end of Leo’s MS gets more across than I think any of my analysis can convey “Thank heavens one of you has good sense.” It offers the implication that he has tried to broach the topic with Leonardo out of concern, only to be met by a brick wall--or doesn’t try at all for fear that he’ll only ensconce Leonardo further into rejecting a greater future for him and MC.

As to how he would react I......really don’t think it would go well? Only because I think it would serve to reinforce the rifts that already exist in Leonardo’s self-perception. He would believe it was his own fault for pushing her in that direction, and while I don’t think he would hate Comte, he would definitely become estranged from one of his only close friends in life. (What GUTS ME about Comte offering to turn MC is that he is probably well aware Leo might beat the shit out of him, never talk to him again, or both--and he still fully accepts that he could lose his best friend to guarantee a future for both of them. Excuse me while I bawl in the corner) He probably wouldn’t hold it against Comte for too long, but he wouldn’t be any less aggrieved and hurt. And when Leonardo is vulnerable, he will hide and nurse his wounds until he can behave with some level of calm--or at the very least until he can pretend he’s okay after an initial explosion. He doesn’t feel comfortable troubling people with his own problems, so he tends to fall into silence when personal things come up. This doesn’t necessarily mean he resolves all of his emotional turmoil, or heals that fast; it only means that he wallows in those feelings alone unless they’re tugged out of him and worked through forcibly.

Basically, I see only one of two possibilities coming to fruition. The first is that he and MC would wobble only to completely fall apart if some kind of resolution could never be found. He’d continue to blame himself and start sabotaging his own happiness, and that would likely mean some level of selfishness directed at MC--resulting in anguish for the both of them. If MC takes on too much without complaint or Leonardo goes too far...I get the feeling that relationship would either end in shambles immediately, or result in a kind of twisted union in which both feel responsible for the other’s hurt but neither one can relieve it (until they’d be forced to split up before someone gets seriously hurt). They would be the source of each other’s suffering, so much so that the walls climbing between them might never again lower. 

This might sound odd, but if there’s one thing that Leonardo needs it’s control when it comes to his relationships with others. It is a subtle, but acute trait that might not seem obvious knowing his magnanimous disposition. He decides if MC gets to be a vampire, he bargains with Sebastian because he refuses to be a test subject, he refuses to validate Comte’s conclusions (despite knowing he’s right) because he doesn’t want to cede the power silence/smokescreens offer his emotional vulnerabilities. Even around villains like Shakespeare and the final serial killer, pay close attention. Shakespeare begins revealing deeply personal information and wishes that Leonardo holds close to his heart on purpose, snatching Leonardo’s agency and ability to control how his feelings are being conveyed. How does Leonardo respond? With explosive, forbidding anger--instantaneous and barely contained, nothing at all like his breezy attitude and calm.

If you think about it, it’s a fairly obvious extension of the humiliating powerlessness by which he was raised (he needs to be in control; he needs to be the one who decides who gets to walk away and who doesn’t. He doesn’t come on to MC because he wants to, he does it for the sole purpose of scaring her out of wanting to be a vampire. He doesn’t even attempt to explain where he’s coming from because he falls into whole-scale panic. When he loses control of the trajectory of others--of how they perceive certain things about him--all of his charisma fails him. If he can’t explain or justify where he is mentally, when he’s too afraid they won’t hear him or care, then he needs to redirect the opposing party). Additionally, he feels responsible; that he can better adjust the outcome with his experience--and while that may be true for some things, sometimes he gets ahead of himself. Only an individual can decide their own future and their own happiness, the most others can do is enhance or worsen aspects of life. He doesn’t have enough faith that his presence is positive or worthwhile enough to guarantee his spouse’s happiness ;-;

The other possibility I see is MC coaxing him as best she can into reassurance that she’s happy with her new life. While he may have doubts, there is absolutely room for her to help him approach those fears little by little. If Leonardo has even a hint of doubt in regards to his dismal feelings about her being turned, a potential for acceptance may be nurtured. I don’t think his uncertainty would ever fully vanish; there will always be a lurking fear that a fate tied to his can only mean suffering and disappointment. Prove his worth and compassion with time, and this man will be unable to remember how life was lived before her. It would take a great deal of patience and a sizable obstacle, but it wouldn’t be impossible. His heart is much too big for that, I think.

I don’t think happiness with a turned MC is impossible, only that it would take a lot of work to swing it after a heated moment of decision. I think the way to go with Leonardo is a more enduring effort. He shows much more receptivity after years of being together. I think time, ironically, helps him relax into the possibility of forever as a couple. I think he cannot conceptualize a world in which he is in love, and that this love is not conditional--not dependent on his ability to be the perfect companion, the brilliant inventor, the equanimous mentor. I think he needs to see for himself that love can be gentle and real and whole even when he’s at his worst (by his self-perception). 

Also I put some extra meta under the cut because I have brainworms and just can’t stop thinking about Leonardo rn so read if you like, but it’s more related to why he feels this way abt turning MC than necessarily about the outcome. 

That being said, I'm conflicted because I don't necessarily think Leonardo only loves MC because she's human? (Rather, I think it’s more a result of his history and the values he’s developed in response to that upbringing. But I’ll loop back to this in a bit, so stay tuned)

I say this for two reasons. Firstly, I don't want to say that no person in this period shared his values (I mean look at Comte)--this would be an overstatement, even if it was rare. But it does appear that Comte and Leonardo are acute exceptions within vampire society in elevating human beings to an equal status among vampires (if not a higher status at points or depending on the person). As such, a vampire partner he’d be comfortable living with is unlikely. Human beings are more optimal in some regards (more adaptable and more egalitarian than vampires, most likely), but he also knows that he’s more susceptible to falling in love with a human; so he makes sure to squash his feelings or remove himself when his feelings become too intense. 

Secondly, he's in close quarters with MC by necessity, and reacts to her isolation by virtue of the situation. That's probably half the reason they get together at all; he was fully intending to keep his distance despite his initial curiosity. One thing this signals to me is that even when Leonardo did feel attraction to any person he was in contact with, he would avoid them until they were removed from his presence--or he deflected their romantic approaches enough times for them to give up. With this in mind, it can come as no surprise that Leonardo has kept to himself for nearly five hundred years now. If it was another vampire hitting on him (especially a pureblood), he would be playing into his parents' expectations and would approach the vampire social hierarchy he was working so hard to escape. If they were human, he would deem himself a burden; he could never love them within the normal expectations of a human couple (growing old together, raising a family, etc etc). So ultimately I think it's less her being human, and more their compatibility and context.

As such, I think he just locks himself into a kind of Catch-22? Because in the end I think this is more about his own fears and insecurities--that he can never make someone happy, that he himself will never be enough (hello child of abusive home). Not to oversimplify his character, but one crucial element of his upbringing must be considered if he is to be analyzed properly.

There's something I often think about:

Comte, quoting Leonardo: "‘Not all parents love their children, or even think of them as such.’"  [Though he got away and was able to make a life for himself, he had to do it alone.]

There is. A LOT to unpack here. While we may not have evidence of what his familia is like firsthand, this description tells us...so many heartbreaking things. It tells us that Leonardo never once felt like anything more than a child intended to carry on a legacy. The likelihood that his insights, his feelings, or his entire self-hood were acknowledged is pretty much at a hardcore negative three. While it's been a good number of years since he was the problem child/family disappointment, I feel like so many of those experiences seep into his capacity to properly accept the love of another person. It's a good portion of the reason he struggles so intensely with being loved despite his unfathomable wealth of affection for other people. When a person is diagnosed with unlovable and cringe for having positive feelings for others, it's not really surprising that a person might have trouble accepting a commitment or attraction to another person. There is...a kind of Sisyphus dilemma that surfaces in the wake of that kind of life, a constant push + pull between craving acceptance and either expecting it’s loss and/or fearing it’s disappointment. Though he shows signs of healing from it, there are still portions that linger. (Jean-Paul shakes him from this self-berating in his MS, but after four hundred years he still struggles to overcome those instincts. I wish there were words for the extent to which that knowledge breaks my heart...Many say time heals all wounds, but sometimes I think only others can heal them.)

Keep in mind, I don't think his enduring fallacy that "human beings are the epitome of untainted purpose and vitality" is irrelevant or less problematic here. I just think it's a reflection of a deeper disturbance and loss. It's a reflection of his parents' unilateral rejection of the kinder parts of him; his devotion to patience and understanding. It's a kind of reiteration or what he's already known: he's doing exactly what his parents did in an odd way, he's rejecting vampirism whole-scale despite evidence of both pros and cons (just as it is for humanity). I will always offer that his fear of something going wrong during the change is completely valid--but it does feel more like a fear of admitting that vampires (and eternity for that matter) aren't inherently awful. He ran away from his parents for good reason of course, but for all his running he didn’t escape their black and white logic.

It’s funny too, because his absolutism is kind of reflected in his inability to commit to a single discipline in some ways; while part of it is that he probably exhausts study, I have to wonder how much of him oscillating is a fear of eventual failure. (Think his reaction to MC’s knowledge that he can’t dance, his mortification and utter...shock that she wouldn’t use it as a way to make him feel terrible about himself). He probably prefers to hone his skills helping people because the motivation of providing relief is a much more powerful motivator than knowledge for knowledge’s own sake. He needs the impetus, that drive to move him.

Granted, I won't fault anyone for feeling like Leonardo only loves MC for her humanity. At first glance it really did feel that way! But the more I think about it, the more I feel it has more to do with the weight of his life's experience, and the parts of himself he hasn’t been able to reconcile.

Sometimes, with Leonardo, I urge gentleness. So much of who he is disguises all the ways in which he has been hurt. While his decision is selfish and foolish, it comes from a broken place. My unhappiness will always lie predominantly with the fact that he believes to his core that happiness and self-respect is something he doesn’t deserve. 

[twinkleallnight]

Without a trace.

This was an ask by @anjanettexcordonia. She gave me this mysterious title to write a fic upon.

Book: The Royal Romance AU

Word count: 1820.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to pixelberry.

Rating: Teen/ PG

Warning : None.

It’s the annual Beaumont Bash. I see so many guests circling in the hall. And then I see her. My heart skips a beat when our eyes connect.

She is walking in, her hand curled around her brother’s arm. She has pulled back her lustrous brown hair in a bun today but those side bangs touching her temples are alluring me. I want to push them back with my palm and gently place a kiss there.

When her eyes meet mine, I feel a surge of heat building up my body and I try hard to hide the blush I feel on my cheeks. She beams at the effect she has on me.

I love drowning myself into those dark grey eyes. They feel like a shadow of my light grey eyes. I enjoy watching my reflection dancing in her greys.

 I want to cup my hands around those dusky cheeks. I adore the way they rise up with her smile. I wish I can move my thumb over her lips that she has done up in wine shade. I am going to tell her how much I love that colour on those lips and then I want to taste them as if I am drinking my favourite wine.

 I will let my fingers linger for a moment on her slender neck, long enough till I feel her shiver under my touch.  I will let my hands roam over her shoulders and travel down her bare arms feeling the goose bumps my touch causes.

 I will hold her at her waist and pull her into me, till there is no scope for even the air to be between us. I will embrace her and let my worries wash away in all the love she showers on me.

 I promise myself, I will tell her how much she means to me. Yes I promise, I will tell her how much I love her. Today. It doesn’t need to wait anymore.

“Bertrand” I hear someone calling me, shaking my shoulder. I come out of my reverie to meet Leo’s gaze.

He is my friend, may be the only friend I have.

“Yes?” he is giving me a questioning look. “ Sorry I got carried away in some thoughts.”

“ Always told you, you think too much. Take actions instead of just playing things in your heavy brains.” Leo smiles. “Come we need to talk.”

He pulls me out of the main hall. Before leaving I glance back at her. She is glowing today more than ever. I pacify my mind with the plan to sneak out with her later.    

I shake my head to get rid of her thoughts and walk to the study. Leo closes the doors behind us. He takes a chair and sprawls on it carelessly. I never liked this but who can question the crown prince.

“I am abdicating.” He blurts out.

“Excuse me?”

“I said, I have decided. It’s too much to handle. I am not cut out for it.”

Leo kept on saying things like that earlier too but he seems to be speaking with conviction today. “But what about Cordonia? What about Madeleine?”

“That is for the king to decide. Besides, he has Liam- the perfectionist” he air quotes. “Madeleine and I, we sorted it out.”

“What do you mean you sorted out? You are engaged to her.” I am irritated with his irrational behaviour.

“She also blabbers something like you about obligations and responsibilities. She seems to be least interested in our relationship. She chose Cordonia over me. So, she stays back.”

“Did you speak to your father?”

“Yes, I had a discussion with Liam and then I told the king.”

“Your father, you mean...” I try correcting him.

“The. King.” Leo scowls. “He is all professional and so am I. I will call him father when and if he ever treats me like a son.”

“You are making a hasty decision. You can take a holiday, rejuvenate yourself and then come back for your duties.” I try to reason with him.

“To hell with the duties Bert. I cannot ruin my life. I get to live only once. I don’t want to live under the constant pressure.”

“There are people dependent on you. You can’t just abandon them.”

“No one is indispensable Bert.”

“Hmm” I respond thinking about where this is going and the repercussions.

There is a knock on the door. I turn and open the door to just a slit to see who is it. “Maxwell?” I question him for his purpose of intervention.

“The king and queen will be here any moment.” Max bounces up and down in excitement. I wonder when will he stabilise and understand the importance of a decent behaviour.

“I am right behind you. Give me a minute.”

I close the door again to address Leo. “Can we talk about this after some time? I am required to be out there right now.” Leo nods and we both walk out to reach the entrance just in time.

King Constantine struts in as I bow down in curtsy. “Your majesty, it’s my honour to welcome you to the Beaumont’s humble abode.”

The king surveys the hall and the enjoying crowd. He gives me a pleased smile. “You have always impressed me with your passion and sincerity towards your work.” He gives a glance behind my shoulder where Leo stands and then he continues with a sneer. “Unlike few thankless people who shun their responsibilities at the first given opportunity.”

I maintain the smile on my face while I try to ignore the snarky comments that he utters against his son. Finally, he gives me a nod and I usher him in.

The evening continues, keeping me on my toes. I greet and meet all the guests one after another. I keep glancing at her in between the conversations. I suddenly have so many doubts creating a wall of thoughts around me.

I lost my mother when I was young. Father has been in coma since past few years. I had to shoulder all the responsibilities of the duchy alone as my younger brother refuses to grow up to act like an adult. Leo, the only friend I have, is leaving. Who else do I have in my glum life?  May be her? Can I walk that line? I love her. Maybe I love her. But am I doing the right thing? Do I want to burden her with all that I have? I wish I could leave everything like Leo and runaway with her to a far distant place from here.

I scan the room again and find her standing there, looking up at her brother with a grin. He pats her cheek playfully. She side-hugs him resting her head on his shoulder. He is gazing affectionately at his only family, his little sister.

No, this is a mistake. She deserves better. I can’t be selfish pulling her into my grinding life. She needs a better chance. She needs someone who can give the world to her.

After the official dinner and formalities, it’s time to bid farewell to the king. I glance at her one last time before turning to the king. He says with enthusiasm, “I have enjoyed a delicious meal in an exquisite ambience. Your house always puts the best foot forward Duke Ramsford.”

“It’s kind of you to say that Sir.”

“We will take your leave now. Keep up the good work. You need more finances? The crown is there to help you to restore the previous years glory to your house. Just try staying away from distractions.” He clasps my shoulder while giving a side glance to her. I lower my eyes to the floor. “ Your father will be so proud of you.”

The royal couple gone, the after party starts in full swing. Maxwell is better at handling this wild part. I excuse myself and settle down in the study, brooding over the events. My promises melting away, I make new resolutions. A knock on the door brings me to ground.

“Come in.” I straighten up.

The door opens to reveal her full form. I start feeling the rush through my veins. This is it.

Her face brightens up. She rushes in towards me with eager steps and hugs me. “I have been waiting for a moment alone with you. I wanted to tell you something.”

I know my face bears a serious look that must have stopped her. She suddenly takes a step back. “What’s the matter? You have been distant all evening.”

“We… we… I am afraid we cannot continue.”

She gives me a puzzled look. “Cannot continue? What do you mean?”

“I have more pressing issues at hand and I cannot waste time in some flirtatious affair right now.”

“Was is it just a passing affair for you all this time?” she says in a hurtful voice.

“ You can have a better life outside these walls. I think I have made myself clear enough. You may leave unless you have anything else to discuss.”

“I never expected this from you Bertrand.” She says retrieving away.

Her eyes sadly look at the walls and the furniture around as if absorbing the warmth of the room for one last time. We have shared precious moments here. My heart feels her pain and I want to hold her tight, one last time. But I keep standing stiffly, till she walks out and shuts the door.

“ Your father will be so proud of you.” The kings voice echoes in my ears.

I plop down into my chair with a thud. I feel the energy in my body draining out. I hold my head in my hands. This was the only way, I try to console myself.

*************

Leo leaves for a stupid cruise after few days. The king is hoping that he will come back and the plan of his abdication has been put under the rugs for now. I return to the manor after saying my good byes to him.

I see Maxwell rushing out somewhere.

“Where are you going?” I ask him.

“Uh...” he fumbles giving me an inkling that he is again trying to hide something crazy he has done.

“What have you done now?” I raise my voice.

“Nothing. I didn’t do anything. It’s Drake.” He still tries to cover up.

“What did he do?”

“Actually it’s not about him. It’s Savannah.”

“What about her?” I start getting anxious.

“She went missing two days ago with only a handwritten note for Drake, saying not to search for her. She is leaving for a better life. We have been searching everywhere but no luck.” Max fills in quickly. “Can I leave now?”

“Uh… yes… yes. Go help him.” I wave my hand.

Better life. I said that to her. But I never thought she will leave everyone. What have I done?

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[renaroo]

The Dark Half (2/20)

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were created by Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird and are owned by Viacom. Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Psychological horror, Character death Rating: T   Summary: For years Leonardo has vowed to protect his family, but how is one supposed to protect their family from something that no one can see? And how can you tell whether or not the worst danger to your family is yourself? [TMNT 2k3]

A/N:  So back forever ago when I rewrote the first chapter of this fic I wanted to state it was kind of a side activity, for me, to rewrite story at all. Something to work with on the backburner because it’s already complete and available on my ffn account. But if it wasn’t obvious by the amount of time between updates, this is not a super high priority for me and, worse than that, rewriting something I did when I was 12, as it turns out, takes a LOT more effort and work than I initially thought it would. But good lord lol 

Like most people, I have some unexpected time on my hands recently, so that gave me time for a new swing at chapter 2 and I had a decently good time working on it, so here it is in its glory. 

[[Original Author’s Notes circa 2005] Turtlefreak121: Ah...the smell of a new story fresh out of the oven - gives me that calming sense of accomplishment...like a banana split on Christmas Eve. (crowd looks strangely at TF) Ahem...alright, maybe it's not that big of a deal, but this is my first 'pure' turtle story. Heh heh...nice to lay out the facts. I may sound a little jumpy - that's because I'm probably going to get mauled by an angry reader of Baby Bro for leaving them on such a sour note... (shrugs) What can ya do? Anyway, back to the present!Thanks to: coldsunshin, Scottenkainen, Lunar-ninja, jaunt, and kinguofdoragons.]

Chapter Two: Restless Night

When they made it home, Master Splinter was awake and waiting for them. In some ways, it felt infantilizing, but in other ways, the ways Leonardo usually chose to examine these things, there was a genuine comfort in their father’s persistent guidance.

Usually, anyway.

That night, Leonardo led the explanation of the night’s events with inserted commentary from his brothers which ran the usual gambit from helpful to utterly unhelpful. But the concern for the incident didn’t seem to go anywhere.

“It sounds as though you have done everything within your power to do what is good and correct, my sons,” Splinter had said. “You deserve to rest.”

And that is exactly the advice that everyone followed.

Leonardo had watched as his brothers and even his father packed up and moved to the bed. Everyone in the entire lair other than him.

He tried to follow their leads eventually. There was, after all, nothing from his nighttime routine left. His swords were cleaned and purified. His body was loosened with his warm down exercises. He drank water to hydrate, his alarm was set, his sheets were turned down.

But his aura, it seemed to him, was weakened and unsettled. Unfocused. Unnerved.

There was something more to the night than what had happened even in the playbacks of his mind. Something off and unnatural to the events which haunted him without making themselves so obvious as to be known.

He paced his room, he went through his sleeping routine a second time, and he made a point of checking the lair, just to settle his nerves with the reminded security of their home.

When his head hit his pillow, however, Leonardo was left starring at his brick ceiling once more.

Giving in to the sinking feeling in his stomach, Leo got up again and headed for the stairs.

There was only one person in the family he knew for certain would keep the curious and, quite frankly, embarrassing feelings Leonardo had quiet.

Each step Leonardo took seemed to stretch the walk to Master Splinter’s room even more. It was like trying to reach the light at the end of a never-ending tunnel.

He could always see the light and could almost reach out and touch it, but Leonardo could never quite get there.

After a few moments of dragging his feet, Leonardo stood in the rare silence of his home and put a hand to his head. He screwed his eyes closed and thought to himself, wondering, what exactly it was he was wanting to discuss with his father? What was it that he wanted to accomplish? What was keeping him up late at night?

Compared to so many strange and unusual things in their lives, this was nothing. This was completely useless. A waste of time.

He was upset by the death of two men who had meant less than nothing to him before. Whose lives were arguably not worth the thought, all things considering. At most, they would be footnotes in a territory grab between other fractions in the city.

That aspect was worrisome, especially when the city had been in an all-out war not terribly long before, but it was manageable. It wasn’t something that would affect Leonardo’s family directly soon.

But he was sickened all the same. He just couldn’t figure out why.

Leonardo wasn’t sure what to do when he heard rustling from Splinter’s room. Through the paper walls, he could see a light come on and be carried from one side to the next.

Mind racing, Leo tried to think of a concise explanation to his father why he was standing in the dark, staring at his door, but it was too late by the time Splinter opened his sliding door.

The old rat stood at the entrance of his room, holding a single candle as he looked through the darkness and at Leo directly.

Then, so very peculiarly, Splinter looked from left to right, checking the area. He swung his candle in each direction, never stopping directly on Leonardo again.

Leo couldn’t help himself, he blinked and opened his mouth, but no words came out.

When Splinter stopped his check and faced forward toward Leonardo again, his eyes did not focus on anything in particular. Let alone on Leo. More clearly than ever before, Leo could see that his father had been looking through him somehow before.

It was as if there was no Leo there. Only the darkness of the lair.

Uncertain of how to process the information, Leonardo shuffled back and away from Master Splinter. Away from the light, even if it had done nothing to reveal Leo yet.

When he worked up the energy to at last turn back toward his room, however, he was met with something different. Something frightfully dark, putrid. There was a muskiness to the air as shadows gave way to sharp and moving coiling darkness. The hall led not to bedrooms but onward to endless, caverns and consuming umbrae.

The world disappeared and in its place stood frightfully familiar forgotten passages.

“What is going on?” Leo asked out loud, voice returned in the nothingness.

He turned again, back toward Master Splinter and the home he had just seen with his own eyes, but it was eaten up by disturbing darkness as well.

Heart racing, Leo tried to square himself, ready for attack in the uncertainty.

In the confusion of the moment, he wasn’t sure where he needed to go but he knew movement was his only possible salvation. So he moved, he climbed, he ventured through gnawing and echoing blackness until he could no longer tell when his eyes were open or closed.

Leo had stared so long into the darkness that he felt truly blind.

“This is a dream,” he finally concluded, stopping his stride and taking a breath.

The realization was immediately soothing. He felt as though a great burden had been lifted from him. Dreaming — of course, it had to be dreaming. There was no logic to the fright, to the sights. He was lucid enough to catch the disturbing nature.

And, surely, if he was lucid enough to make the realization, he was more than enough awake to pull himself from a strange nightmare.

Standing still, Leonardo continued his breathing then closed his eyes tightly. As before, there was no difference between the darkness of his dream and the blackness hidden behind his own eyes.

It all changed the moment his eyes were reopened.

But not how Leonardo expected.

He looked at the alley before him. It was nighttime, but the light trickled down to him from the tops of the buildings and from the corner of the alley’s opening. There were bricks and mortar, even a trash bin near him. He could see a manhole cover and the fire escape positioned exactly where he knew they should have been for April’s building.

“What the,” he muttered, backing up and away until there was the soft click of his shell against a hard surface behind him.

Turning around, Leonardo could see the flutter of his mask’s tails fly past him. It was enough to urge him to look down to his person, see that he was fully dressed as if he was out for a patrol. He blinked, head throbbing, and reached with one hand for his aching temple.

His other hand found purchase just over his shoulder, gripping onto the familiar handle of his katana.

When he looked back to what his shell had hit earlier, he saw that it was the backdoor to Second Time Around. And, more than that, it was creaked open.

Considering how late it was, Leo knew it was wrong for the door to be open at all.

Deep within him, something stirred. Coiling angrily around his heart was heat and it wasn’t entirely unwanted.

If there was something wrong with April’s shop, that meant that there was trouble. And where there was trouble, well, dream or no, Leonardo had more than enough reason to unleash on it.

No more hesitation, Leo unsheathed his blades and kicked the door open with a swift, singular motion.

The heat around his chest moved and churned in him, hungry and ready for something Leonardo wasn’t ready to give voice.

He stepped onto the hardwood floors with ferocity in his spirit. It was wrong, everything that was happening was wrong, but Leonardo felt why exactly it was wrong was intangible.

The intangible feeling grew as the slithering, hissing claws of darkness began to warp the vision of April’s store again. The darkness chewed away at the scenery, the silence breaking into a ring of deafening noise.

He rushed in, the heat in his chest much more preferable to the terrifying unknowing he had felt from before.

It was anger, it was thrill, stepping into nauseating satisfaction of breaking and busting and hurting the familiar setting around him.

When he came across the junk on display, watching as it stuck out from the tendrils of blackness like a sore thumb, he smashed and broke it.

Glass clashed against his fists and dresses ripped jaggedly with the edges of his swords.

It felt good. It felt right.

When he came across the large glass central display, he mindlessly used the edge of his sword to scratch into the glass.

The sound of scraping glass momentarily disoriented him and Leo sat back on his haunches.

“Stop,” he said to himself. “Why are you doing this?”

But the darkness never stopped growing. A dream, it had to be.

And if it was a dream, then what was the harm? It was as simple as that.

“Who’s going to stop me?” his voice asked, his lips unmoving. “You?”

It was a ridiculous question to ask oneself. So ridiculous, especially, when it felt as though — when he knew — he had been the one to ask himself. He laughed at it, at the pure insanity of it all, and continued on with his mindless destruction.

And it did feel good. He watched things shatter and break — objects that were no doubt considered priceless to a former owner. He crushed an old collectible figurine then knocked over a dusty coat wrack. He brought a hanging bike down crashing onto the register and felt the glee of it.

“This is wrong,” Leo reminded himself. “If I was awake, it would be so, so wrong to do this.”

He paused and smirked as the shop began to come out of focus, like eyes blearily opening awake. “Yes, it’d be terrible to do this if I was awake.”

Even though Leo was watching himself in motion, he knew where his body was going almost immediately. Toward the back of the store, clear for all customers to see when they first entered, was the prized picture of April’s family hung for all to see. It was there as a testament to the store’s history. Even though it had been burned down and lost once before, it was still something old and handed down. Just like the store’s stock.

Family, history — it meant something.

“It’d be terrible if I was doing this. Wouldn’t it?” Leo asked himself.

He looked down at his forearm taking in the familiar sight of his own green flesh and the definition of his tense muscle. Leo sheathed one katana, then rested the flat side of the blade against his arm.

With a swift motion, Leo cut through the top layer of skin. He could feel the sensation for only an instant — the searing heat that had been fueling him since he entered leaving with a sickening, oozing sensation across his arm. Then he went numb and painfully, painfully cold.

Mesmerized, he watched the trickle of red escaping him, so bright and contrasting to his dark green skin.

Then his body, never seeming to give him time, moved again. He mashed his thumb into the painful wound, searing pain hissing through his body.

When his body strode over to the family portrait, Leo used that red soaked hand to begin pressing and pawing and destroying the image in front of him.

When that wasn’t enough, he began writing.

The longer it went, the less real it began to feel, and Leonardo felt his mind begin to teeter back away from the dark visage that had unfolded before him. The image clouded, the gnawing darkness that had been ever-present in the dream finally eating up the little light he could see.

A whisper followed him into the bleariness halfway between waking and sleeping.

An old voice, more ancient than any Leonardo had once known, whispered into his mind fervently. And together, I said to you once. And together, I say to you again. And together we shall rule the world. All you need, all I need, is for you to sleep. Sleep and I will let you have so much fun. It will be like living in a dream.

Leonardo didn’t wake with a start, didn’t jolt out of his bed.

He opened his eyes and stared into the quiet nothing of his room. It wasn’t the blackness of nothing he had been staring into like the void. It was his room, in the dark. A familiar and not altogether unwelcoming sight.

There was some sweat at his brow which he wiped at with one arm, flinching slightly at a sting he felt when he did so. But he didn’t do much else.

He laid in bed and tossed to his other side, vaguely uncomfortable. Despite having only just woke up, he was exhausted. So he closed his eyes and drifted off again.

***

With a turn of her keys, April unlocked the front door of the shop. She turned and faced Casey, pushing the door open so they could walk in together.

It had been a rare, quiet night for them, kept far away from the noise and nonsense that usually followed their unusual lives and, especially, their unusual adopted family. And she would have never had such a night to herself had it not been for Casey’s encouragement, if not full insistence that they do so.

“Thanks, Casey,” she said as she looked down at her shoes. Despite herself, she always managed to go slightly pigeon-toed in her nervousness, the points of her red heels nearly touching. “I mean it, for everything.” When she dared to look up, she found her date smiling back.

He always managed to put a smile on her face more easily than anyone else.

Fishing in her purse for her favored pocket, April began to deposit her keys securely.

Casey slicked back his hair again, in that nervous way he seemed to do. His smile dropped into unadulterated nervousness. “It was the dinner,” he concluded from nothing. “Man, I knew I shoulda made reservations at that stupid Chinese—“

“No, really, Casey,” April laughed. “I’m not being sarcastic. I really had a good time. I like Italian, and the movie was great. The park was great.”

Before April could walk much further into her shop, however, Casey’s large hands grabbed her shoulders and held her back. April felt herself be pulled flush to his chest and she was momentarily confused.

“Did you leave the backdoor open?” Casey asked in hushed tones, nodding to the other side of the shop.

“Of course not,” April whispered back. But, of course, the door to the alley was open, letting in the pale moonlight and illuminating reflective glass on the floor. “Oh, god, my shop.”

“Maybe it’s the guys,” Casey muttered, twisting himself around April and putting her between him and the known safe door they had come through. He groped around in the darkness until his hands found purchase on something hardwood and he pulled it up like a bat. “Just in case, though.”

“That’s an umbrella, Casey,” April informed him before securely walking over to the wall and pulling off an antique cavalry sword she had hung up only a few days prior.

“Hey, you’ve heard Master Splinter,” Casey shrugged. “Anything’s a weapon in the hands of a monster.”

“Master,” April corrected. She sighed and shook her head. “Okay, if there was an element of surprise we’ve lost it, I’m turning on the lights.”

She reached for the switch and flipped it, only to receive an ominous click. She frowned and attempted again — off then on — and received the same lightless response. “That’s funny,” April muttered. “The power must be out.”

“Or cut,” Casey offered.

When April turned to face Casey, she saw from the corner of her eye something darker than even the shadows of the store move. It nearly made her jump and, considering Casey did jump, he must have seen it as well.

The couple looked at each other curiously, but silent. They knew that the turtles had enemies, and it wasn’t unheard of for those enemies to attempt to make easy targets out of either April or Casey. It was best to stay calm, alert, and quiet until they had a better grasp of what was happening.

At least, that was April’s take on it.

“It’s totally Raph, he knew I was taking you out tonight,” Casey grunted. “Maybe Mikey, he’d totally break something.”

“Casey, hush,” April shushed him, going so far as to put her hands over his mouth for emphasis.

He muttered around her hands, childishly, but it was muffled enough that they both could hear an eerie dripping noise from the blackest shadows of the store.

“Okay, c’mon, guys,” Casey burst out, grabbing April’s wrists to pull her hands away from his mouth. He looked toward the darkened store. “This ain’t funny anymore!”

April looked to see that the light just outside the door was on and it clicked in her mind that the power wasn’t cut as Casey suspected. She then glanced at the large neon open sign in her window.

Pulling herself free from Casey, April stepped back over to the light switch and flipped it again. She didn’t flip for the indoor lights, however, just for the sign, which immediately shown with a brilliant glow, lighting up the shop behind it.

With more of the shop lit up, April and Casey could both see the ruin which had been left by the intruder. Hanging instruments were on the ground, a bike smashed through the main display, fabric slashed, glass cracked and strewn around.

It was enough to make April gasp, her lip quiver. She worked so hard on her store, worked with so much pride.

Casey was already on the move. He stepped over the left display window with cautious, slow steps. He was gripping the umbrella tightly as he felt around the darkness.

“On the right,” April directed him toward the display’s plugin.

“There’s something sticky over here,” he informed her. “The open sign’s not strong enough this far out, can’t see what it is.”

“If you plug in the display lamps, we’ll be able to get a clearer assessment,” April coaxed. She walked closer herself, daring to examine her destroyed retail. She held the cavalry sword in her hands. “Casey, we saw something move, we need to get the lights on—“

“Got it,” Casey said and, with a click, the display lamps began to light up, a good number of them flickering and buzzing from damage.

Once more of the store was lit, April put a hand over her mouth and held back a gasp.

The damage was worse than she had hoped, but that seemed like such a small thing compared to the true horrors of the scene. Everything, particularly the countertops, was bloody.

Casey got to his feet almost immediately and looked down at his hand to see the thick, dark blood on him. He looked back to April worriedly.

“Oh my god, what happened here?” April whispered in awe. A cold chill ran through her body as the words escaped her.

She was mesmerized and, yet, she also wasn’t sure she wanted to know, that she could have accepted whatever evils had taken hold of her store.

All the same, she looked to the aisles where their moving shadow had appeared and saw, to her relief, nothing. Perhaps her mind had been playing tricks on her. But, then again, Casey had acted like he saw it, too. Whatever it was.

Her mind raced with possible answers, but they all came back to the most likely scenario.

“Casey, we need to check on the guys,” she said, beginning to walk around the store and inspect the damage closer up. “This is a lot of blood. Maybe something happened tonight and they haven’t called us yet.”

“God, let’s hope not,” Casey muttered, wiping his blood-covered hand off on his pants before fishing a shell cell from his pocket. Long before he said a word, April could take a guess of who was first on his list to call. “Hey, Raph!”

There were some unkind sounding words thrown out on the other side of the phone, but April had wandered far enough through the store that she missed the specifics. She looked down and noticed a pool of the dark blood, like it had been settled for a while. And out from it were red splatters against the hardwood — the drips from before? But then how could the blood look so coagulated and darkened already?

Had she been seeing things or not?

“You mean you’re in bed right now?” Casey asked, putting the umbrella down on the counter. “How long? Did you guys get into something tonight? Come by the store?” He paused then, earnestly asked. “Okay but are all of you in bed?”

April followed the drips of blood, only nominally taking in the conversation between Casey and Raphael. As she did so, she found herself reaching the wall, where even more blood had pooled.

“Yeah, someone trashed the store, looks like someone got their butts handed to them.” Casey walked in a tight circle. “No, I mean someone got hurt it looks like. Wanted to make sure it was none of you.”

When April looked up the wall, her heartfelt as though it dropped out of her chest, plunging into her stomach with a cold splash. She covered her mouth with her free hand and let out a choked cry.

“April!?” Casey yelled in alarm, immediately rushing to her side.

Even at a distance, Raphael’s voice carried in a harsh, “What’s going on over there!?”

Turning her gaze from the wall to the counter, April couldn’t help the sting of tears that reached her eyes. Her family portrait, her store, everything defaced with some sickening message.

“Christ,” Casey muttered, coming up behind April and comfortingly putting his hand on her shoulder. “Raph, listen, I know it’s late, but you guys need to come here immediately.”

***

“Sure thing, we’ll be right there!” Raphael yelled back into his shell cell before hanging up.

As groggy as he had been when he first got the call from Casey, by the time it ended Raphael had been in full motion. He was put together and had his sai in holsters before he was out the door.

Outside of his room, two of his three brothers were already up and dressed to leave. Michelangelo and Donatello both had expressions that ranged from concerned to exhausted, but there was no doubt that they had overheard Raphael’s expressive conversation over the phone with Casey.

“What’s going on?” Don asked, tightening the tails of his mask.

“Something bad’s gone down at April’s store while they were out,” Raph growled, already making his way to the stairs. “Casey said we needed to head over immediately.”

“Yikes,” Mikey uttered, leaping athletically ahead of Raph like it was a competition.

Notably, though, Don hung back. “Hey,” Don called, drawing Raph and Mike’s attention back to him and the hallway. Don’s face was drawn down into a frown. “Where’s Leo?”

When they looked around, the air felt stilted and strange.

Leo wasn’t there. But his room was closer to Raphael’s than Don’s room was. Not to mention, their fearless leader was a notoriously light sleeper — arguably more difficult to sneak past than their constantly alert father.

“Weird, think he’s okay? He was kinda acting weird earlier,” Mike noted, tapping on his chin in thought. “Maybe he was coming down with something.”

“Hey, what part of immediately do you guys not get?” Raph asked, pushing past Mikey to continue down the stairs. “Let him get his beauty sleep for all I care.”

“Now, hold on,” Don argued, walking back down the hall and toward Leo’s door. “He’s going to want to be there if it’s something serious, Raph.”

“Again, for all I care,” Raph grumbled, but he had come to a complete stop already. He crossed his arms and theatrically tapped his foot in wait. “Just hurry, won’t ya?”

Don waved off Raphael’s comment before knocking on the door. “Hey, Leo? Leonardo! I’m coming in.”

Their brainy brother followed through and continued talking, his words more muddled with walls between them. If Raphael had initially cared more about the specifics of their conversation, he might have paid slightly more attention, but for the time being, he couldn’t have cared less.

“What do you think he was dreaming about?” Mikey asked, bouncing on his feet. “Had to be dreaming and snoozing pretty deeply to not overhear your racket, Raph.”

“I don’t care,” Raph huffed. “I just know I’m gonna leave both of them of they don’t hurry up.”

There was a lull in the conversation as whatever was happening in Leo’s room picked up. It was enough to make Raph and Mike glance at each other in mutual concern.

Don’s head popped back out and he looked frazzled. “Hey, guys, you go ahead, we’ll meet up with you at April’s. Won’t take us long.”

“What? Why?” Raph demanded.

“Thought you didn’t care,” Mike whistled, earning the punch to the shoulder Raph gave.

“Leo had some kind of accident or something. It’s not…” Don hesitated, then waved at them. “I’m just going to take care of it. Don’t want it to get infected or something.”

“Infected?” Mikey asked, face scrunched up.

“What the hell did he do exactly?” Raph snapped.

“We don’t know, just, get to April’s, they said it was immediate, right?” Don said, ducking back into Leo’s room and disappearing from sight.

Michelangelo crossed his arms and tilted his head. “This is the weirdest night we’ve had in a while, isn’t it?”

“God, don’t jinx us,” Raph grouched before grabbing onto the top of Mike’s shell and dragging him along. “Now, c’mon. If Don’s got whatever’s going on with fearless leader, more power to him. But I ain’t leaving April and Casey hanging when they ask for our help directly.

“Fair, I guess,” Mikey responded, though he wasn’t sounding particularly convinced. “Hey, did you hear Leo talking in his sleep earlier?”

Raph glanced back at him only momentarily as he unlocked the sewer gate. “No. I was happily asleep before Casey called. Why?”

Shrugging, Mikey attempted to seem calm and collected, but there was a hint of something unsettled in him. Uncertain. “It was just weird. Like it was definitely Leo but, I don’t know.”

“What’d he say?” Raph asked over the echo of their footsteps through the cold tunnel.

“He was just talking in the third person or something,” Mikey explained. “Never heard him do that before. Never heard him talk in his sleep before either.”

Giving it only a passing thought, Raph frowned. “Yeah, me neither,” he admitted. “Now shut up, we’ve got April and Casey to worry about.”

“Aye aye, Captain,” Michelangelo attempted to joke, but his heart wasn’t in it.

The rest of their run was eerily silent.

[jovialyouthmusic]

Abdication, a Royal Romance fanfic

If you’ve read my ‘Summer of Love’, the latter part of this will make sense. As far as faceclaim goes, I wanted to put across how young Liam/Brad is when Leo abdicates. I’m currently enjoying exploring the relationship between Brad/Liam and Drake. If you hadn’t already worked it out, this takes place when Leo abdicates from the throne of Cordonia.

Abdication

‘I had to tell you first little bro, as it will hit you hardest. I’ve met the most incredible girl, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was never cut out for this life and I think you knew it all along. Brad, little Bro, I’m abdicating. You’ll be King when Father steps down.’

Brad’s life had stalled at that instant. He was stunned, devastated – lost. He wished he could talk to Drake, but he was thousands of miles away at College in Texas. He loved his country and had planned all along to serve his people in some way or other, but to suddenly have such a burden dropped on him was crushing.

Constantine was stoic as always, putting on a brave face for the people. In private he ranted about Leo’s irresponsibility. Madeleine, Leo’s intended bride was stony faced. She had never been emotional, known to all as the Ice Queen, cold and calculating. Free-spirited Leo would have been miserable with her. Brad wondered if his father would insist on him marrying her instead, and the thought made his blood run cold.

Beyond the task of learning all the protocol and diplomacy needed to be King – he had sat in on all the meetings along with Leo but never dreamed he would have to implement it – was the matter of the Royal Succession. Constantine was getting older and Brad needed to think of finding a Queen-to-be worthy of Cordonia and capable of bearing a son. He had never expected to be allowed to marry exactly who he wanted but being second in line might have allowed him some extra element of choice. Ordinary people married for love – he would marry out of duty. He might be allowed a mistress, at least the laws of Cordonia allowed for some leeway there, but he did not relish the thought. None of the ladies of the court inspired him over much though many of them were pleasant. A life of service to his country stretched ahead into the future.

The De Montford sisters had bid Drake and himself goodbye when summer had ended, revealing that they were to be married themselves within months, to two brothers from another duchy. The two friends had been their last glorious fling, and he would carry the memory and experiences they had given him for the rest of his life. The summerhouse was now bare, stripped of the furnishings the girls had put there for their assignations.

He had not been chaste since – word of his performance spread so he had managed to sneak out to meet one or two girls, and Bastien had been surprisingly accommodating in letting some into the palace. None of them compared to the sisters and he did not engage emotionally with anyone although he was kind and courteous to them. He found he had a penchant for having sex in risky places where he might be discovered – no time for sweet nothings when a security guard or nobleman might walk past the grove of trees or out on a balcony. Emotional engagement would lead to affection, affection would lead to attachment, and that would complicate matters when he had to choose a bride – and that had become even more vital since the abdication. Sex for him had become a need to slake an appetite, like eating when he was hungry.

Drake had gone to college and only returned briefly for Christmas and a few weeks in the summer. They were still firm friends and spoke every month or so on the phone, but they were not as close as they had been. Drake was studying vetinerarian medicine, hoping to specialise in equestrian medicine, and who knew where in the world he might end up practising. He was in his second year of study when Leo made his shock announcement in January. Brad missed his friend’s down to earth attitude, scepticism and mockery of the court nobles around him, and his take on the new situation was sorely missed. Talking on the phone did not cut it for Brad.

He grew listless. The world just didn’t seem to have any colour in it, and food tasted like cardboard. He let his grooming regime go, and when Maxwell tried to cheer him up he smiled obligingly, but inside he felt numb. The endless meetings he now had to attend were meaningless. He was just cruising through life on autopilot. He didn’t realise he was sinking deeper and deeper into a black depression.

 ----------

Maxwell Beaumont sat looking at his phone, his finger hovering over Leo’s number. He didn’t know where he was or what he was doing but he had to get in touch with him. He’d already thought of texting Drake, but he was thousands of miles away – the chance was Leo was a lot closer, somewhere in Europe hopefully. He composed a message and sat looking at it for a while before he hit send

Hey man, need to talk to you. Urgent. Code red

He sat and waited, but no response came. He sighed heavily and made his way to bed, leaving his phone on the side table. At 2 am it pinged with a message, and he sat up blearily to read it

What’s up, Maxxy?

He tapped away

It’s about Brad. He’s not so good.

Yeah, sorry about the abdication thing. He’ll make a great King

He’s taken it bad. He’s hardly eating

Sorry to hear

Barely comes out of his room

Sounds bad

We have to do something

Can’t you talk to him

IDK what to say

Sorry for the mess

He needs someone to talk to

Don’t think I’d do the trick

Dammit Leo. He’s in pieces

There was an agonising pause before the next text, and just when Max though that was it, his answer came.

I have an idea

Oh yeah?

We need Drake

He’s in Texas, remember?

I’m in the States. Leave it with me            

 ---------

Drake had read the press reports in disbelief. He had called Brad but he had not answered first time. On the third attempt he got through. The prince sounded tired and non-committal. All the life had gone out of his voice, and he couldn’t get anything out of him about his real feelings. He had banged his fist on the desk after with frustration. He was furious with Leo and desperately wanted to go back, but he couldn’t just up and leave. He called Constantine and asked for a plane to take him back at Spring Break, but he had refused.

‘My son has advisers to help him, your input is not necessary.’ he had said. Pompous old fool, he thought. He never was particularly fatherly, always more concerned about State matters than his family’s well-being.

He sat at his desk in his dorm trying to cram for an exam, wearing earphones to help him concentrate. His room overlooked the sports field, and he became aware of a commotion outside. There was a vibration in the air that got stronger and eventually made his chest resonate with the thump thump thump of helicopter blades. He wondered if one of the college footballers had been injured and the air ambulance had been called in. He took his earphones out and took a look; it was a private helicopter landing on the football field, and campus security were making their way out to it as the rotors slowed.

He squinted as he saw two men get out – two very familiar figures. After a moment of disbelief he rushed to cram all his clothes into a bag and looked out again. A dark haired man stood talking to security and the other ran toward his building. He grabbed his bag and went to meet him, almost hitting him with the door as he entered the building.

‘Drake, we need you to come back. Brad’s in a bad way.’ said Leo. Drake nodded and in seconds he was airborne, the helicopter flying himself, Leo and Bastien to the airport.

 -------------

It was a long flight from Texas to Cordonia, and he had slept some of the way, but not before having a heated exchange with Leo. The noise in the helicopter had not allowed for conversation and after that it was somewhat complicated getting access to the private jet, so he waited until they were airborne. He didn’t trust himself not to punch the ex Crown Prince, so was glad of the air turbulence that necessitated the wearing of lap belts. Bastien would probably step in if things got bad.

‘What the fuck Leo – how could you do this? How could you drop something like that on Brad?’ Leo had the grace to look ashamed.

‘I really didn’t think he’d take it so bad. I’d dropped enough hints. You know what a terrible King I’d have made. Brad is perfect for it’

‘Yes, he is, but that’s not the point. He looked up to you Leo, you’re his idol. He was ready to serve Cordonia, but the difference between serving and being responsible for every policy, every treaty and trade agreement, every damn noble and citizen is an entirely different thing.’

‘I truly am sorry. All I can say is, when you fall in love, you’ll know how I feel. I want to spend every waking moment with Katya.’

‘Where is she then? You’re awake, and she’s not here. What is she, some sort of Sleeping Beauty who’s slumbering away the time you’re absent?’ Leo flushed and looked angry – something Drake had never seen in all his years of living at the Palace.

‘Careful what you say Drake, my man. I’m here to fetch you thousands of miles to help my little bro. I don’t think my support and advice would cut it right now, as I’m the cause of it all. We need that Walker magic.’ Drake wanted so hard to punch Leo’s smug face it hurt. Except he wasn’t smug, he was a likeable guy just like Brad, and it was hard to imagine he was capable of intentionally hurting anyone, much less his own younger brother. But that had apparently been short circuited by some girl, someone who wasn’t good enough to be Queen and who had tempted him to give everything up. He wondered how the brothers could possibly be so different from their father. Perhaps the strain of ruling did things to a man. He feared for Brad’s likeable nature.

He told himself love wasn’t for him. He had never felt a jot of affection for the noble ladies who treated him like a piece of meat. He had some encounters with girls at College, but even though they weren’t noble or entitled, again he always felt like an object to be used and thrown away. He still felt attracted to them, but in his experience none of them took the trouble to find out about the real him. He was just someone to while away the time before looking for some poor sap to pay the bills and have babies with. He was always extra careful to take precautions just in case any of them were trying to trap him into domestication.

He had turned away from Leo in disgust and slept away the rest of the journey. It was Bastien who awoke him as they approached the runway. Leo stayed in the jet, and Drake did not ask where he was going. All the way to the palace he tried to imagine how Brad must be feeling. Bastien said he was barely eating and had not left his room for days. He stopped for nothing once he got to the Palace and went straight to his friend’s suite. He was starving and before he went in, he asked Bastien to arrange for food to be sent along as soon as possible.

The door to Brad’s suite was unlocked. Apparently, he was in his bedroom, so Drake knocked there and spoke in a clear tone.

‘Brad – it’s me, Drake. Let me in.’ For a moment there was silence, then he heard shuffling and the door lock clicked. Nothing else happened, and he opened the door. The room was in disarray, clothes strewn across the floor, the bed unmade. Brad was normally tidy to the point of obsession, so this was a bad sign. Brad was walking away from the door, toward the window. Drake stepped in and followed him. The Prince barely seemed to notice him and gazed out over the garden.

‘I wonder, would she like the way the maze has turned out?’ he said softly. Drake knew he was talking about his mother, who had left designs for the garden before her untimely death. Brad’s first floor room overlooked that part of the garden. He said he’d asked for that suite, so he could feel closer to her. He turned to Drake ‘What do you think?’

‘I don’t know Brad, I never met her.’ he said with regret. He and his family had only moved into the Palace after Brad’s mother’s death, when he was very young, and Savannah was barely walking. He was shocked at Brad’s appearance – he had not shaved for days, and Drake had never seen him unshaven. There were dark shadows under his eyes and his skin looked sallow. He wore his pyjamas and dressing gown, and although they did not hang off him, his usual upright posture was gone. His clothes did not look fresh and clean either, and normally Brad only wore immaculately laundered and pressed garments.  It was pretty obvious that he had not showered for a while either.

Brad sat on the edge of the bed and sighed heavily. Now was not the time to mince words.

‘Brad, you look like shit.’ The young Prince – now Crown Prince, Drake reminded himself, hung his head dejectedly.

‘How am I going to do it, Drake? I never thought I’d be King.’

‘Brad, you may not have expected it, but you were born for it.’ Drake said. Brad drew in a long breath, looking up at nothing in particular, his chin thrust forward, his shoulders slumped. Drake continued. ‘You know Leo would have done a lousy job. He’s a free spirit’

‘He didn’t give me any time. He just told me and that was it.’

‘It was shitty what Leo did, and he didn’t think that through. He genuinely thought you were the better man, and he’s right. Cordonia needs you, and you need to get a grip. How long is it since you had a shave?’ Brad looked puzzled.

‘I – I don’t know.’ he said, running his hand over his chin. Drake heard the door to the Prince’s suite open and close, and the sound of a trolley being brought along the corridor. Drake went to Brad and gently put his hand on his shoulder, pressing him forward to guide him to his feet. Brad responded almost automatically, his eyes blank.

‘Well your Highness, I have had a long flight and I’m starving. I ordered breakfast in your study. Go freshen up and see me there.’

Drake went through to the study, hoping Brad would respond to his prompts. He devoured bacon and eggs and buttered toast. He drank an entire pot of coffee and ordered more by popping his head out into the corridor outside the suite. Brad emerged from the bathroom, still unshaven but looking as if he had washed his face and had a clean dressing gown on. Drake gave him a firm pat on the back and guided him to the study.

Brad sat heavily on a chair in front of the table laid out with the remains of Drake’s breakfast. When he didn’t respond any further than staring at it, Drake poured him some orange juice and buttered some toast. He handed the glass to Brad, and again he looked at it. Drake took a glass too and clinked it with the Prince.

‘Bottoms up’ he intoned solemnly, and at last the corners of Brad’s mouth twitched, and he took a sip as Drake did. He choked, and Drake got up to pat him on the back.

‘Better start with water then.’ he said, and poured a glass. ‘Just sip.’ Brad did as he was told, his gaze starting to focus on the food in front of him. ‘See anything that takes your fancy?’ asked Drake.

‘Boiled egg and soldiers.’ said Brad absently, and Drake texted Bastien to get the ball rolling.

‘You can have toast while we’re waiting for the egg.’ suggested Drake. ‘Don’t make me do the airplane thing.’ Again the corners of Brad’s mouth twitched, this time creating the ghost of a smile. He picked up a triangle, took a bite and started to chew. He swallowed after a while and then spoke.

‘Mother used to cut the toast into triangles and set it out like a Christmas Tree’ he said, a soft expression crossing his face ‘She called it Christmas toast, and made it on my birthday too, and called that Birthday toast.’

‘I’m glad you have that memory of her.’ said Drake. Brad continued eating, a little colour returning to his pale face.

‘Are you on break from College?’ he asked. Drake did not have the heart to tell him he’d dropped everything in the middle of exams.

‘Yes, I thought I’d come over and see how you were doing.’

‘That’s good of you. Did father send a jet, or did you have to book on a commercial flight?’ He stared off into the middle distance as he ate, not avoiding eye contact but almost oblivious to the need to look at another human being.

‘I came by jet with Bastien.’ Drake didn’t think it was wise to mention Leo again in case he undid all the good that he hoped he had done so far. The boiled egg and pot of coffee arrived. Brad reached for the coffee, but Drake stopped him ‘Easy tiger, get some more in your stomach before you go for the hard stuff.’ Brad seemed a little steadier and made short work of knocking the top off his egg and looked to enjoy dipping the ready cut fingers of toast into the yolk. Drake drank more coffee and surveyed the food on the table. He peeled and ate a banana, and Brad eyed the fruit with interest as he cleared his plate.

‘I think that might be enough for you now, Brad.’ advised Drake. ‘How about you have a bath? I’ll get you some clean clothes too.’ Brad shrugged.

‘If you say so.’ he said, and Drake went through to the bathroom to draw a bath. Brad followed him after a while and started to strip.

‘Woah Brad, the last time I saw you naked we were with Annabelle and Lisa.’ protested Drake. ‘I’ll help if you want, but you’re a grown ass man.’ Brad looked indignant.

‘Okay, I’ll wait until you’re gone. Get out and let me bathe in private – if you please.’ Drake was surprised at Brad’s sudden change in manner, and gave him a mock bow.

‘Your Majesty.’ he intoned, and Brad put his hand over his eyes.

‘I’m sorry Drake, that was crass. I really appreciate you coming. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’

‘I suspect a lot of it is shock, but it doesn’t matter what’s wrong. What does matter is that you get better. One step at a time Brad - have a bath, shave and put some clean clothes on, and we’ll go get some fresh air.’

 -------

The two friends found themselves at the lake next to the summer house in the cool winter air. Brad was clean shaven and dressed in a soft shirt with a fine woollen jumper over it, winter jacket and woollen scarf and pressed trousers. Drake as always wore jeans, t shirt and denim shirt, topped with a bomber jacket zipped up against the cold.

Brad picked up a flat stone and held it in his hand, studying its shape and weight. He smiled at Drake.

‘Best of three?’ he asked, but Drake shook his head.

‘I never lose a bet with you, and right now you need some positivity in your life.’ Brad nodded and gestured toward the summer house.

‘Do you remember…’

‘Oh boy, do I remember.’ replied Drake with a grin. ‘Perhaps you need to get laid.’

‘Perhaps. But it’s even riskier for me now. Scandal would not be good for Cordonia. The country needs stability. I daresay father will be putting pressure on me soon to secure the Royal succession’

‘You see now, that’s why you will make a great King, Brad. You didn’t think about your own needs, you thought about your country.’ Brad nodded, gazing out over the lake.

‘And where do you see yourself, Drake? I don’t just mean work wise – do you see yourself marrying? Having children? That’s what I want, but I can’t choose just anyone.’ Drake rubbed the back of his neck distractedly

‘I never really thought of having a family. I suppose I saw myself taking over Mom’s ranch, but Cordonia’s my real home. I reckon until something better comes along, I’ll hang around, keep you straight.’

‘My wing man.’ chuckled Brad. ‘You can vet all the Court ladies with ambitions of being Queen.’

  @speedyoperarascalparty @brightpinkpeppercorn @sleepwalkingelite @zaffrenotes @ao719 @choicesfanatic86 @darley1101 @flowerpowell @gardeningourmet @kinkykingliam @livingthroughchoices @likethetailofacomet @andy-loves-corgis @silviasutton1989 @blackcatkita @flowerpowell @endlessly-searching-for-you @boneandfur

[easyhairstylesbest]

Leo Monthly Horoscope

MONTH OF January

Monthly Snapshot

Let’s DO this, Leo! The last six months of your life may have felt like a whole lot of movement but no specific destination. Life has been filled with adventures and unexpected plot twists, to be sure. But are you ready to come in for a landing?

As 2021 begins, you’ll finally start heading in a clear direction, and it’s a relief. Leo is one of the zodiac’s four “fixed” signs, meaning you like to plant your flag and take tangible action steps toward concrete goals. If you’ve scattered your energy in too many directions, you can now prioritize, plan and focus. With Mars and Uranus firing up your career zone, you can turn those lofty but unfocused concepts into concrete goals. Just get things underway before Mercury turns retrograde on January 30, which could disrupt or delay your mission.

While the Sun is in Capricorn and your systematic, healthy sixth house until January 19, you’re still wearing your project manager hat (paired with athleisure). It’s a great time to set any of your ambitious news ideas to a timeline and budget—and to make sure you’re breaking up your busy work schedule lots of nutritious meals, satisfying sleep and movement.

You’ll get by with a little bit (or a lot) of help from your friends, too. As structured Saturn and expansive Jupiter start their first full month in Aquarius, your seventh house of partnerships becomes a focal area. The message? Just because you CAN do something alone doesn’t mean you should. Lean on the most important people from Team Leo and give your best energy to the ones who always come through for you.

Week 1: January 1-10

Make dreams reality

Coming through: Leo on a mission! After spending the last half-year in “blue sky” visionary mode, you can FINALLY craft a master plan for rolling out all your big ideas. On Wednesday, January 6, go-getter Mars wraps an extended six-month visit to Aries—four times longer than its usual spin through any sign—and departs your ninth house of expansion, learning and travel. While you may not have gotten to take any epic vacations, you’ve certainly broadened your mental and metaphysical horizons since Mars first began this transit on June 27, 2020.

In some ways, it’s been good to have such an open-hearted and wide perspective on life during the pandemic. But anxious Mars in this globetrotting sector also gave you itchy feet. Many Leos struggled mightily with all the pandemic restrictions, particularly the lack of human contact. Your sign loves to play social director and superconnector and to explore limitless possibilities. And at a time when the stars were aligned for you to grow, you simply weren’t able to “go big” and express your Leo nature to the fullest.

Nonetheless, you’ve probably had a ton of great ideas brewing. As Mars marches into Taurus and your ambitious, success-driven tenth house from January 6 until March 3, you’ll move into a more “high-powered” phase and mindset. You may ascend into a leadership role, possibly with a new title or promotion but also great responsibility. (You’re up for the task, but you’ll still feel the pressure!) If your job has had Covid cutbacks, you may have to carry more of the burden for a while, picking up the slack with a smaller staff.

Calling all entrepreneurs: Not only does Mars in this disciplined sector help you craft a structure for those lofty visions, but he also supplies you with the stamina to see your ideas through. You’ve had a bumper crop of brainstorms, but which ones can actually go the distance?

Start by whittling down the most viable contenders, then putting a budget, timeline and agenda behind them. Prioritizing is key. You’ll have to say no to a few halfhearted plans and projects in order to say yes to the one or two goals that matter most.

The tenth house rules fathers and men, and a guy in your life could play a pivotal role, either as a fierce ally and champion for your ideas or as a source of stress that you’ll need to confront directly. Assert yourself, but try not to get dragged into any intense fighting.

Week 2: January 11-17

So much to do, so little time

You’ve got places to go AND people to see—and doing that all at once isn’t easy. This week, speedy Mars and Uranus are active in Taurus and your tenth house of career. While you’re ready to make some power moves, you could run into resistance from Jupiter and Saturn, which are both in Aquarius and your seventh house of partnerships.

On Wednesday, January 13, speedy Mars could bring a peak professional moment, when your time and talents are in high demand. But good luck turning around that short-deadline assignment today. Mars will lock horns in a tense square with heavyweight Saturn in your partnership house, throwing obstacles in your path. Demands from your personal life (and a certain someone in particular) could distract or even derail your ambitious plans.

Be careful how much you take on, both at work and with loved ones, because too many obligations will lead you to crash. From dropped balls to an explosive fight, it won’t end well. Your best bet this week is to underpromise and overdeliver, not to say yes to everything.

Besides, some exciting new professional projects could be on their way—and you’ll want to keep your calendar open! On Thursday, January 14, changemaker Uranus ends a five-month retrograde backspin that disrupted your ambitious plans. As Uranus corrects course and turns direct (forward), a chance to rise into a leadership or prominent role could come, perhaps unexpectedly. If you haven’t been able to express your pioneering ideas or to get others to buy into them, that could all change. (Fun fact: There will be zero retrograde planets for two weeks now, a great time to make bold moves.)

Is Team Leo as tight as it could be? Because also on Thursday, the Sun and powerhouse Pluto make their once-a-year meetup. As they unite in Capricorn, your sixth house of helpful people, organization and well-being gets a charge. Are you surrounding yourself with savvy strategists…or suck-ups who just tell you what you want to hear? Stock your squad with people who can become trusted supporters for your mission, even if they’re a little bit green right now.

As the life-giving Sun and shadowy Pluto unite, pay special attention to your stress levels and overall health. A nagging ache or pain shouldn’t just be written off. There’s no need to be paranoid, but don’t dismiss it. Whether the answer is booking an overdue doctor’s visit or an evening of self-care, prioritize your wellness and self-care now.

You’ll be pulled between relationships and professional goals once again on Sunday, January 17, when expansive Jupiter in your partnership house squares off against disruptive Uranus in your career zone. Jupiter-Uranus squares only happen every seven years, and as these two liberated planets fight for freedom, you could feel the urge to break free of anything confining, from jobs to roles to relationships.

You might also be experiencing major growth in both areas simultaneously—a case of “too much of a good thing” all at once. If you feel overloaded, don’t force yourself to make a binding decision or choose a set path. Explore every option but wait to commit to anything until you do.

Week 3: January 18-24

Are you getting the help you deserve?

Two is your magic number from this week forward! On Tuesday, January 19, your ruler, the radiant Sun, enters Aquarius until February 18, heating up your seventh house of partnerships. As El Sol joins Mercury, Jupiter and Saturn in the Water Bearer’s domain, your partnerships take on even more importance. For the next month, focus on nurturing your closest ties and creating alliances that feel synergistic and supportive.

You may need to turn to some of these people because hotheaded Mars stages two planetary putsches this week that could turn up the intensity, especially around your career. On Wednesday, January 20, Mars and Uranus, two of the most kinetic but volatile planets, will conjoin in Taurus and your tenth house of career and long-term goals.

As Mars and Uranus electrify your mission, you’re able to cut through the fluff and clearly see each step you should take to reach your destination. The problem? Your “long view” could also turn you into an accidental bulldozer. Make sure you don’t run anyone over on your quest, Leo!

On Saturday, January 23, Mars will square off against expansive Jupiter in your partnership zone, making it hard to juggle the ballooning demands of your career and your closest ties. Your frustration levels could go through the roof if you try to be “all things to all people.” But as a Leonine force of nature, you’ll probably attempt it anyhow.

Our advice: Slow down and ask for what you need! Also on Saturday, sobering Saturn will make its once-a-year alignment with your ruler, the Sun. This annual “audit” can deliver a harsh reminder of your human limitations, revealing where your boundaries aren’t clear enough and your foundations need fortifying.

As the Sun and Saturn unite in your partnership zone, you might realize that a person you’re leaning on can’t hold the weight. That doesn’t mean you have to cut them off. But you should definitely consider getting certain needs met elsewhere rather than trying to extract “blood from a stone.” Is it time to commit to a more permanent status? This mature meetup could have you pondering the merits of signing on the dotted line, whether in business or love.

Perhaps you need to ask more of the people in your circle as one Leo friend just did after he found himself confronting an unexpected medical issue. Is Team Leo pulling its weight as much as you are—or are you holding up the world on your shoulders? Redistribute the load, Leo, and the energetic balance that comes as a result will be better for everyone.

Week 4: January 25-31

A full moon and miracles, just for you

Get ready: The year’s only full moon in Leo is coming this week! But first, partnerships are the focal point as a flock of planets flits through Aquarius and your seventh house of committed relationships. The Sun, Mercury, Jupiter and Saturn are all in this loyal sign, infusing your closest ties with an intellectual spark, vibrant fellowship and staying power. Is it time to make things official? If so, consider the terms of engagement that will make you feel comfortable going “all in” with someone.

Warning: Not all duos will be dynamic under this week’s starmap. On Tuesday, January 26, the Sun in Aquarius will square off against disruptor Uranus in Taurus, echoing the tension of the January 17 Jupiter-Uranus square. You could be torn between demands of a key relationship and a career curveball. Is caring for other people blocking your ascent? Or are you holding yourself back by NOT partnering up with a fellow power player? You may need to shift some expectations and roles with your closest ties so you can truly shine. P.S. You don’t have to say yes to every demand—least of all the last-minute ones!

The brightest spot of the year so far could arrive on Thursday, January 28, when the full moon in your sign puts the thousand-watt spotlight on YOU and your accomplishments. You’re not one to wait in the wings, Leo. Today’s your curtain call—so step boldly on stage and bask in well-deserved applause. And if the clapping doesn’t come? Get out there anyway. This full moon is a big nudge to claim your visibility.

Even better? The same day as the Leo full moon, the Sun (your celestial ruler) will conjunct expansive Jupiter in its once-a-year meetup, known as the Day of Miracles and considered by astrologers to be one of the luckiest days of the year. As these two power players unite in your partnerships zone, your duos become extra dynamic.

Keep the energy light, though, and prepare for a month-ending curveball on Saturday, January 30, when communicator Mercury goes retrograde in erratic Aquarius and your partnership zone until February 20. Are second thoughts popping up all of a sudden? Were sweet words shared that now require a bit of walking back for clarification?

Now’s not the time to make big purchases, get spontaneously hitched or sign on any dotted lines. Put those big moves on hold until next month—and watch out for a few crossed wires until then. Since Aquarius and Mercury both play big roles in technology, make sure your passwords are up to date and your devices are in good working order. Hold off on buying that new phone, laptop or set of wheels until Mercury turns direct next month. If you can’t wait, spring for the extra insurance!

LOVE & ROMANCE:

At last: A new energy is coming in this month, and you’re more than ready for it! Since June 27, passionate Mars has been in Aries and your adventurous ninth house. While that’s infused your love life with some much-needed positivity (or a sense of independence), you may feel a bit untethered after six months of this expansive energy. Maybe you developed romantic FOMO, where the grass seemed greener elsewhere. If a long-distance connection began last year, restrictions on seeing each other could have strained or snuffed the spark.

From January 6 to March 3, Mars will move through Taurus and your tenth house of long-term plans and structure. The “will they or won’t they?” vacillation gives way to a decisive energy, perhaps even a serious commitment for the future. Single Leos could meet someone through work-related endeavors (we see you flirting in that Zoom breakout room!).

The first week of the month could be super-romantic as amorous Venus hangs out in Sagittarius and your passionate, playful fifth house, where she’s been warming up since December 15. Enjoy a little belated virtual mistletoe-ing.

On January 8, the vixen planet moves into Capricorn and your practical, health-oriented sixth house. You’ll become more focused on where things are going or just taking better care of yourself. The rest of the month is all about self-care, loving your body and lavishing the nurturing on yourself for a change!

Key Dates:

January 9: Venus-Mars trine

Bring on the lasting love! As affectionate Venus and passionate Mars harmonize in stable earth signs, you could have true romance with all the trimmings—sensuality and stability. Skip the “come here now go away” players and their mixed messages. A partner who makes you feel secure is suddenly the most attractive catch in town. Coupled? Mark a long-term relationship with a thoughtful gift to let your mate know how much you cherish them.

MONEY & CAREER:

Dear Reader: To bring you cutting-edge financial and career astrology, we’ve replaced our monthly Money & Career horoscope with an expanded new offering. And we’re bursting with excitement to announce it!

We class=”body-el-link standard-body-el-link” invite you to join the waitlist for our Astropreneurs community, where we’ll be sharing tools, trainings and cosmic career coaching in 2021 and beyond! Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a dreamer with a side hustle or just looking for deeper satisfaction from your work, we’ll guide you to your path and purpose by the stars.

2021 Vision Board Experience: January 28 with The AstroTwins Ready to design a path that truly fulfills you in 2021? Join us for a star-powered live online event class=”body-el-link standard-body-el-link” to create success, leadership and impact on January 28, 2021. Tickets available at https://astrostyle.com/visionboard21

Love Days: 10, 13

Money Days: 21, 3

Luck Days: 19, 28

Off Days: 26, 11, 16

See All Signs

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Leo Monthly Horoscope

[illusionsofdreaming]

Hope I'm doing this right. If it's not too much, I'd love more of that deliciously angsty bad ending dragonstone stuff, with Niles, Kaze, and/or Shura (preference is in that order but anything is cheerfully appreciated!) Keep up the awesomeness!

Notes: I did it guys. I did it. My heart is left in tatters after this. Boy was this painful but also very, very fun to write. I hope the angst is as devastating  up to par with the previous one because boi did I kill myself writing that. Beware of hurt darlings. They came out quite long too, couldn’t help myself…

Ft: Niles, Kaze, Shura

Niles:

You are so cruel. The thought passes through his mind as he took a deep breath, drawing in the atmosphere of carnage and bloodshed into his very being.

The fields were stained in red and the very air itself was saturated with pain and horror. Yet he could only stare in silence as his heart thudded heavily within his chest. That’ll never harm you. He thought wryly as he watched impassively, soldiers throwing themselves at the dragon only to have their weapons break on your tough scales. The battle was slowly tipping in favor of their enemies as discord within the army broke morale and spirit. Still he couldn’t make himself move, to do something to salvage their situation.

He was drawn back into a memory of a night which you sat with him with a serious expression on your face.

“This,” you said softly. “This is the spot.”

The bow in his hand was heavier than ever as he lifted it, the sound of battle far from his mind as the memory of your voice guided his frozen hands. Why? He echoed within his thoughts. Even as something within him screamed in refusal, even as his arms shook and trembled with the weight of his decision, his memory of you and your words (and perhaps your spirit, but Niles was never a believer and he’ll never be) guided his hands as he aimed for the weak chink in your plate, the weakness you revealed to him on a beautiful, cloudless night.

“If anything were to happen, this is the spot to hit.”

He’d laughed off your statement then, flicking your forehead in punishment for ruining the mood, blatantly ignoring the chilling horror your words had driven through his chest then. In his naive arrogance he had brushed off your concerns, it wasn’t going to happen, he’d never have to utilize that knowledge. He could see that you were worried but you didn’t press further and Niles had only been too glad to change the topic.

Did you know something like this would happen?

How selfish.

He was confused when his vision blurred and realised belated that it was tears in his eye. Did you know that he’ll be forced to choose between doing what’s right or what feels right? That one day he’ll have to choose between the one who saved his life or the one who saved his soul?

His liege was screaming at him, he could see the young prince’s fury and denial. He heard none of Leo’s words but he could guess. “Don’t do it Niles! Don’t you dare!”  The prince couldn’t see how vulnerable he was, thrown from his mount, pinned and at the complete mercy of your dragon. Leo couldn’t see the bigger picture, that if he’s lost then this battle- this war was lost. Leo couldn’t see.

But Niles could.

You knew all this time, didn’t you? And you were selfish enough to place the burden on him, to put faith in him - you’re killing him, why? why would you do this-  trusting that he’d do the right thing. His entire frame shook with his frustration- his agony and he was scared, terrified, he was dying within and yet the arrow’s release had never been smoother.

You fell.

Leo screamed.

For the first time in his life, Niles did the right thing.

The right thing banished warmth and let winter settle in his soul. The right thing shattered his world - it destroyed you.

“Why did you tell me.” To the prone form in the distance he whispered, the smile on his face fractured and broken.

“You are so cruel ______.”

Kaze:

He was in hell.

There was fire in his chest that wouldn’t be quenched. It burned fierce and strong and stole the breath from his lungs. With every strained wheeze that escaped, the pressure around his chest grew - snap, crack - something within gave and life squeezed out from his lips.

SNAP!

His scream was cut short as his voice gave from the lack of air and the excruciating pain that crashed through him nearly sent him over the edge. However, in that blinding moment between conscious and unconsciousness, his vision cleared.

“_-_____….”

The growing pressure stopped.

“_______…”

It hurts. It hurts so much. The crushing grip around his body, digging into his broken ribs, squeezing the life out of him. The dragon that loomed over him felt no remorse and showed no signs of recognition.

“..I-It’s..o..okay.” Every breath stung. Every word he managed was agony to his battered body. But Kaze managed to turn the corners of his lips up and strain his arm forward to touch the dragon’s jaw.

You’re still in there. He believed you. You’ll come back. He promised to serve you, he promised to protect you so he can’t fall. Not here. The low rumble that rippled through your maws brought a small smile to his face, the tiniest flicker of hope lighting in his chest. Ever since it was proven that you’ve lost control, your dragon has uttered not a sound in its maddening rampage. But now he’s tempted something from you, surely that was proof that you’re still in there? Surely that means you can be saved?

“_______ you can hear me can’t you?” The taste of blood in his mouth was bitter and the pain of his injuries unbearable but still, the ninja’s eyes shone with nothing but hope and encouragement. He strained as far as he could, ignoring the warning snarl, pushing the limits of his trapped form to touch you, hold you - anything to let you know that he’s here to help you through this.

With every second the dragon didn’t resist his attempts, Kaze could feel the small ember of hope grow just the little bit larger. He’ll make it work. He’ll get through to you. He just need a little more and he’ll be able to bring you back-

Fire and heat exploded in the space between you and suddenly Kaze was airborne, pulled into a protective embrace as his brother shielded him from the worst of the blast.

“Kagero!”

Kaze’s scream of horror was drowned out by the howl of your pain that rippled through the battlefields as his childhood friend dealt a finishing blow. A strike that spilt blood. A strike that felled the great dragon and saved their comrade. A strike that couldn’t care less about his heart, his life, his everything that was destroyed as collateral damage.

“Let me go!” He roared, thrashing against Saizo’s grip around him. The pain of his broken body was incomparable to the agony in his heart. He pushed and scratched to get out of Saizo’s iron grip, shaking his head in refusal of the words that spilled from his brother’s - the betrayer - lips. He didn’t want to hear how it was necessary. He didn’t want to listen to his faults. He didn’t want to hear ‘Sorry’.

‘Sorry’ wasn’t what he wanted.

‘Sorry’ wasn’t going to bring you back.

Kaze didn’t want ’Sorry’ to be the last thing you’ll hear.

Shura:

He had been on the other side of the war front when he was summoned. Although the adventurer didn’t know why he’s being called, the grim expression on the messenger’s face sent dread shooting through his veins. Were there still enemies left? Had there been an ambush?

Although the apprehension within him grew with every second spent in silence, Shura didn’t question the order nor hesitate as he leapt onto a borrowed steed and followed the soldier. All will be revealed when he arrived, he believed. He only had to be patient.

A journey that took minutes felt as long as years. He knew panic would only cloud his thoughts, that jumping to conclusions would only dull his senses but he couldn’t help fear from climbing up his throat, threatening to choke him. The horses barely pulled to a stop before the greying archer was already dismounting and stalking towards the crowd that had gathered.

“What’s happening? Who’s in command here?” He shouted and he would’ve been proud of the fact that his voice didn’t crack despite the overwhelming sense of wrongness that washed over him when he didn’t spot you.

Growing angry at the silence, Shura stepped forward impatiently, scanning the crowds for familiar faces. “Well?” he snapped. “What is it? Who summoned me here?”

“Where’s ______?” His voice finally cracked, brave facade breaking away as his unease won over.

From the crowd a voice cut through the silence. It was a familiar voice, but one Shura had never heard so hushed and subdued and it did little to ease his building agitation. “Let him through.”

Slowly the mass parted, soldiers moving to the side to reveal a sight he wished he could unsee as a choked cry of horror slipped past his lips. He was already running before his mind could fully process the scene, his weapons casted away as he closed the distance within strides, crashing to his knees by your fallen form.

Tears rolled down his face as he reached out to hold you, smoothing his hands down your jaw. “_-______?” he gasped, struggling through his tears as he held your face, hating how cold it felt. “_______!”

His hand shot out to grab Xander by the side, his grip punishing as he begged for all he’s worth. “Save ______, please Milord! Save _______!” His heart falling when the prince refused to meet his gaze.

Grief hammered down on the unworthy man, breaking his body over yours as he struggled to breathe through the strangled sobs breaking from his lips. He understood. He knew the moment he saw the red pooled around your motionless body on the ground.

“I’m sorry Shura.”

He was told that you lost control of your dragon at a chokepoint, scattering friends and foes alike until the overwhelming numbers eventually brought you down. As enemy forces retreated, the army rushed forwards to surround you but…

Shura realised why he was summoned but learning the truth didn’t make accepting it any easier. He should’ve stayed by your side. He should’ve protected you. He should’ve kept you at home because what kind of husband lets his loved one fight wars?

It was his punishment. Divine retribution from the heavens for all the sins he’d committed. He knew you were too good for him, he knew he didn’t deserve you and still he’d fallen in love with you. He hadn’t wielded the blade that struck the final blow but he might as well have killed you himself.

“_______..” he wept as he held your body to his chest. “My darling, my love, my heart..” he pressed a kiss against your cold cheeks, rocking you slowly as he spiralled deeper and deeper into despair.

“My dream..” he keened, “don’t go.”

The worthless man begged, he wished, he prayed.

But the dragons have long stopped listening to the words of a sinner.