Tumgik
#whereas now i feel like i walk into conversations as the person who doesnt know things and isnt allowed to know things
jattendschaton · 4 months
Text
Some people are very good at talking to a group and creating an environment where all of them feel very welcome and proactively making sure people are included in all aspects of the conversation and then some people talk to a group as if they are trying to keep everyone divided? Like they are using inside jokes that only one person understands or talk in a guarded way that suggests they are everyone's closest confidant but no one else is allowed to know each other. No real point, I'm just thinking about how much I would rather be the first type of person but how much more common I think the second is
13 notes · View notes
hi can i please request one where levi's s/o is sort of like him in personality but just melts whenever theres a baby. like she'll see a baby in town and will go from silent and moody to the heart eyes emoji but a person, or she'll babysit her neice or nephew or cousin and will be just so loving and bubbly? like its obvious that she wants to be a mum but she never brings it up because she doesnt think he wants kids and eventually they get pregnant + his reaction? sorry if this is too much (1/2)
ΑΝΟΟΟΟΝ IM BLUSHING THANK YOU SO MUCH. I really loved this request and it inspired me so I pushed before others because I had to get it out of my system. I hope you like this. It's super duper long also👉👈
Warnings: uhh pregnancy, mentions of anxiety
Tags: fluff, domestic Levi, pregnancy, modern au
Pairing: Levi/ Reader
Baby Fever
Tumblr media
Your heartbeat grew louder with each passing second as Mike abused the door with one too many knocks. You didn't know if you could talk, or breath or do anything other than vomiting though this time from the anxiety building at the pits of your stomach and not due to your very recent event of morning sickness.
"Are you alright in there?"
You choke on your own voice as you try to huff a single response. It's not really up to your judgement of you're alright or not but rather in the small white object's that rests between the thumbs and pointer fingers of each of your hands. You contemplate if there's a way to not raise any more suspicion to the blond male, you're at his house for all that matters. Nanaba called you to take care of their their twins and you happily complied to your half sister's pleas because Mike had a very important job interview. Life had taken a toll on him lately, they couldn't afford a babysitter and he was just recently fired due to his company having to cut down expenses thanks to the pandemic. Amidst this pandemonium he had to find a way to provide for his family and help Nanaba with at least a short monthly salary. So babysitting your beloved niece and nephew wasn't much of a problem. Not until now.
At first it hadn't bothered you that your period was late, you had accepted the pcos lifestyle the hard way ever since you first got it. You would track down your period in hopes you could ever predict when it would come again but it always seemed to surprise you. Sometimes it would come in a months notice only to take four months to do a full circle. At twenty three, this was the most positive outturn as a resolution to your problem. Levi was pushing you to eat healthy and exercise to get a better grip of your situation, even though you knew it was in vain. And thus, overall it didn't bother you that you hadn't had your period still, fatigue and breast inflammation were also common problems due to hormonal abnormalities so you chose not to pay any attention to those early signs either.
What had driven you to urge Levi to drop you off to the drugstore next to Nanaba's house though was that you've been having symptoms of morning sickness for almost a week now, that you had tried to push aside for Levi not to notice. He would quarantine you on your on your own and go stay with Erwin and Hange had he any suspicion of you being down with the stomach flu. The stomach flu though didn't feel like that and you knew, you had been through it one too many times, this was something different and yet you cursed at yourself for overthinking it. You had bought the pregnancy test as something that was supposed to turn out negative, as a positive resolution that you weren't pregnant and that you should quest for whatever it was that was making your stomach turn and twist every morning.
Upon finally opening the door in an attempt not to delay Mike who wanted to attend his interview, the blond male inspected your form with a harsh gaze. "You shouldn't push yourself if you're sick. We could call my mother to watch over Eli and Blaire."
"No." You pushed it off. "I'm fine Mike, it's probably that weird mushroom soup I ate yesterday, Levi insisted on not buying it but I didn't listen."
"I see." Mike said scrunching his nose at the process. Sometimes you hated that he knew you so well that he could even smell you lying, but he was Nanaba's childhood friend before her mother married your father and had you; you had practically grown up with the blond duo so for all you knew, even if he was certainly aware that you were lying he didn't push things further. He simply placed a hand on your shoulder, the brother like nature of his touch as assuring as one can be. "If you need anything call me, I'll answer as soon as possible, drink lots of water and don't wear yourself down."
You bore your eyes into his and nodded simply. Mike greeted the twins with reluctance and let out a sigh before fixing his suit perfectly on his shoulders. The small kids smiled bubbly in return and waved at their father enthusiastically. As soon as the door closed and their father got out of sight both children jumped on you with loud giggles. The act alone was enough to curl your lips into an upward position.
By noon you had fed and lulled the kids to sleep, earning some significant time to sink into the crevices of the feathery soft sofa before Nanaba came back from her shift. As tiring as Eli and Blaire were you enjoyed their teeny company. You didn't mind their lack of ability to form full understandable sentences yet, you loved how they didn't even try to spare a second thought on what they bubbled on about and you did your best to provoke them to speak correctly. They would open their arms for you, their tiny palms signaling you to take them into long affectionate hugs as they called a baby spoken version of your nickname and you would melt at it every single time. Everyone knew you much you loved the chubby cheeked sweethearts, as much as it contrasted with your usual demeanor. There was something that truly made you feel like the best version of yourself when you were around them.
Babies seemed to be a hot topic in your group of friends for a couple of months now, ever since you started helping Nanaba in the house before Mike got fired. Levi seemed very unbothered by the subject in a way that saddened you almost; sure, you might have talked about it in the past, being that he was a little older than you and he might have understood that you longed to be a mother one day, but that was as far as that one conversation had gone. He still had that bored, stoic gaze that slipped off of yours when you would encounter a baby in the street, whereas you would basically make heart eyes and weird grimaces to any infant he would just click his tongue and avert his gaze away, to any other direction as if he disapproved off your fondness.
That memory alone left you hollowing inside as you recalled of the two very much pink lines on the screen of the test this morning. Naturally you would check with a doctor before jumping to conclusions, there still was a chance that the test was at fault and you wanted to bet on simply that. If the case was that you were actually pregnant though things were more complicated than you wanted them to be. For instance you were still in University, for your last year at that, but you had excessive amounts of studying to get your hands on your degree and Levi was cornered and ready to be squished by his job for being a vice president, which was unfair as he worked for Erwin. You understood the situation though as Erwin was struggling to keep the company going especially through these rough rough times. There was also the fact that you were terrified of Levi asking you to put the baby down, with pcos wearing your system down you were panicking that you wouldn't have a chance to conceive a baby later on. What if this was your only chance? You've always longed to be a mother so it didn't matter that it came to you this early right?
The sound of the front door clicking open shook you off your thoughts immediately. For better or for worse it was Nanaba that had finally returned, eager to strip herself of her clothes and face mask and run to the bathroom. She offered you small greeting to which you only nodded, your tired mind ordering your eyes to find comfort at small shapes in the ceiling. You didn't know how long your sister took in the bathroom, but judging by the lack of giggling coming from the babies' room you supposed it wasn't for long.
"You want to wait for Levi to come pick you up or should I give you a ride home when Mike's back? He should be home soon!" She spoke as she poured water in a red metallic boiler.
"I'll just walk. I need some air."
Nanaba emitted a soft hum in response "Are you alright? You seem off."
"Oh no." You brushed her off "I was just thinking about what I should wear at Erwin and Hange's anniversary dinner next week, and what gift to buy Levi now that his birthday is coming."
"Good, I see, just don't stress alright?"
___
The way home was longer than you had initially remembered, whether it was for your inability to walk with a steady pace or mostly because it was already getting dark and cold. You wondered if Levi would be getting home by now as you neared the apartment complex the two of you resided in. By the looks of your illuminated window he was already home as expected of him this certain hour. It probably was one of those days when he didn't have a strict deadline to attend to, which, under normal circumstances, only meant more cuddles and kisses for you. Yet, tonight was different.
"Hey Levs" Your voice lingered in his brain the moment you stepped inside.
"Hey brat, welcome home." The kiss you left on his cheek as you hurriedly headed to the bathroom was different, off almost, and he picked up on it immediately. "Did Nanaba drop you off? I had asked Mike to come by tonight, he said he'd bring some tea leaves he bought for me."
He leaned at the frame of the door as he watched you wash every crevice of your face thoroughly, paying enough attention to the insides of your outer nasal cavity. He was pretty meticulous about hygiene and especially at times like these with a hole pandemic going on he wasn't taking any chances, you knew, plus you were kind of disgusted of germs lately yourself, you thought you finally understood where he was coming from. He took a few steps ahead, away from your body in search of a clean face towel to hand out to you when you were done. You have it to him, even if he seemed cold as stone that domestic lifestyle was mesmerizing to you.
"Thanks baby, you're the best." You half smiled.
"You good?"
At this point you wondered if you seriously we're so easy to read. You supposed you were off, but you were always off and unresponsive to many things so what exactly was it about today that made everyone know you had a conflict in your mind.
"Yeah I'm just tired, I walked here."
Levi clicked his tongue at that "Nanaba's home is very far away from here, have a shower and I'll rub your legs and feet." With eyes that never left yours Levi watched as your face lit up a little more, he gave you a tiny of a smile on return.
"You prooomise Levs?" You knew teasing with him could only lead to one thing, yet you did it shamelessly.
"Tch, of course, hurry up, I'm making pancakes with eggs and bacon."
Normally at the very sound of this particular food your eyes would water and your mouth would drool but the unresponsive nature of your expression only sent a new wave of worry through Levi's chest. As much as he had wanted to convince himself you were just tired, he couldn't, not after this reaction to your favorite snack. He decided not to push you into saying anything you didn't want to though. Maybe it was that enormous amount of notes you had to memorize for your next exams in addition to your fatigue and any hormonal altercations.
"Yeah" you trailed off "babe, about that, can we have cocktail shrimp? And maybe fried rice and fries? Pretty pretty please?"
Ah, there it was. Although it was a rare occasion for you not to be in the mood of his infamous pancakes, you could still have a few different cravings from time to time. Levi let out a sigh of relief as he proceeded your order trying to figure of where he should order from, last night's mushroom soup had messed your stomach up, that he knew, but you seemed to be fine now so in theory that should be enough to prevent him from whining out his concerns.
As he closed the door to the bathroom he hummed his favorite tune to himself, softly enough as not to disturb you with your bath. He picked up his phone from the kitchen table with ease before collapsing on the couch, there was a limit to what his body could take and he had surpassed that by far these past few months. Endless deadlines that took turns one after another and extra hours at the office had been killing him, mentally and physically, making him a little more grumpy than usual. In great addition his back ached, his fingers were sore and his mind felt like canned alphabet soup every single night. Perhaps, seeing him in this state was taking a toll on you as well; you were always so protective over him, almost like a mother to her child, despite being younger, and he if he had to, he'd admit he enjoyed it a little too much than he should have.
When you came out of the bathroom he gazed over you briefly, you were sitting before the end of the dresser, standing in front of the full body mirror, examining your form. He seemed to be puzzled by your demeanor once again. Normally, or up until yesterday, you would have immediately shot out to where he was seated at to plough into his arms with wet hair, only to slightly irritate him for getting him wet, not that he didn't enjoy to smell your fresh scent anyway, but it was a game of routine for you by now. It was almost as if you were seeking to be scolded at for not rushing to dry your hair. He always wanted you as healthy as ever.
You couldn't shake off your head how soft Levi's chest is. There probably wasn't a reason as to why he's sleeping shirtless tonight, your apartment was very warm, given that it was the start of December already, but you didn't complain. The feeling of creamy, milky soft skin, perfectly excused by any coarse hair was slowly putting you to sleep. You loved how Levi was so soft everywhere you touched, it was so unlike what the world perceived of him, maybe your baby's skin was going to be as smooth and perfect as his and not as dry and oily as yours. Of course the baby's skin was going to be soft, ugh and those little arms and legs, you couldn't lie to your self, deep down you were just a tad excited to have a baby, if it meant that it would look like Levi you wouldn't want to give up on it for the world.
"Levi, does Kenny keep baby pictures of you?"
"What?" The onyx haired male raised a brow at your inquiry but didn't give you enough time to repeat yourself before he answered. "My mother had so many pictures of me so I guess that it's natural that he has some and well there probably are a few pictures from after my mother's death, I'm not that sure."
In response, he only earned a hum.
"Tch, can I lay on your chest? I want you to play with my hair." His eyes pleaded with you in the darkness. Of course you could never say no to such thing, you loved it even more when he was the one sleeping on you. Another sentence left his lips, this time with a yawn as he shifted himself on you, cooing like a small child. "I'll call Kenny tomorrow, sleep now I know you need it."
____
Under any other circumstance you would have loved seeing everyone's dumbfounded faces stating at you as if they had seen the dead rise from their graves. You had to pinch your arms to remind yourself this was indeed serious and you shouldn't let out a single chuckle.
"Please tell me you're joking" Nanaba pleaded, placing her hand on yours in disbelief.
"I'm going to screeeeeam! Shorty can't even hold it in, ghaaaa!"
"Hange he will hear you through the restroom."
Hange blinked her eyes rapidly at the sound of that. "You haven't told him?" She immediately seemed to lose her enthusiasm, something you hadn't intended to happen, especially at such a night, but you knew you didn't have a say in other people's emotions.
"Hange he never seemed too fond of the idea, why would I complicated things for him?"
Mike's eyes widened in disbelief. There was no way in hell he was having this. You were practically his little sister, seeing you so tormented as you were in the moment when you spoke those words ravaged his last nerve, causing anger to clench his hands into fists. He watched as you took a small bite of your food giving the rest to Eli who was comfortably sitting on your lap, tapping his little hands on the rim of your plate. Other than the fact you broke out such news to him, Nanaba Hange and Erwin and had expressed your fears on informing your significant other, you seemed quite bubbly. Children really did bring out such a soft side of you, he knew that was for sure.
"Hange" you spoke, unphased as ever "Levi's coming please stop screaming at me, i love you but it's only making me dizzy."
It felt as if a thousand pairs of eyes were burning holes through his whole body, his head, and everywhere around his personal space bubble. Levi could feel his pulse tense just a tad, Hange's unnerving gaze and her crippling smile were fixated especially on him, making his nose itchy. There was something very different in the atmosphere around him; Nanaba wasn't eating anymore, she was more fixated on her daughter than anyone else, Erwin was nervously staring between him and you and you and Mike were trying to clean Eli's hands from the food he had just touched. When the scenery wasn't something irregular, none of you dared look eachother in the eyes, beat it that Hange was staring only at him.
"Oi, what the fuck is wrong-"
"Levi, shorty! Does Eli look like he's enjoying himself in (y/n)'s arms?" Hange turned her sweetened gaze on you, making you choke on your words, you shot her an atrociously strict glare. "Remember when Nanaba gave birth? What do you think about babies? Maybe you think they smell a lot? But what about ackerbabies?"
"Way to be discreet Han, thank you!" Your lips puckered in anger as you brought your arms to cross under your chest.
"Wait what's going on shitty glasses?"
"Yada Yada shorty, you're not getting a word from me, my lips are sealed" Hange spoke and shut her eyes to emphasize the significance of her words.
You sighed in a pathetic attempt to relieve some tention of your chest. A tight knot had formed due to anxiety, fog had clouded over your brain and you were feeling so faint and exhausted that you just wanted to get it over with. You didn't mind standing there like a fish out of water after breaking the news to him, the tention in the air was in fact what was making you suffocate in your seat. With wobbly hands you pushed Eli off your lap, not caring about the moan of disagreement he made and you shot up from your seat, announcing you had to take some fresh air. Levi had to stop Nanaba mid tracks to be able to come after you, fast enough to be there when you got out.
Naturally, you stood seated at a bench that neared the restaurant. Your hands were covering your face scratching softly through your hair, probably in attempts to calm your self down. He approached you without any second thought, this time determined to know what was it with you. Your behavior these past week had been unnerving and overly concerning to say the least. Carefully he sat himself down next to you, his right arm come around your frame comfortingly while the left one came to caress underneath your cheek.
"You should probably talk to me."
Your voice came muffled from between your palms as you still hadn't dared to look him in the eye. "Levi, I'm, I'm so sorry it's just... I'm very anxious."
"I think I figured that, brat." His voice was so soothing, it felt as if he was speaking to you in the comfort of your private room, not on a bench outside a semi fancy restaurant
"You know when Hange talked about ackerbabies she uhm, she might have had a particular baby in mind."
Levi blinked erratically for a single second before his mouth, unable to compel to his brain's orders, formed the shape of an oh. Of course, in the moment it was hard to click with any other even but he attributed that to his lack of knowledge over the situation. Had he any clue or suspicion that you could be pregnant he would have been able to realise that it wasn't that your stress had been messing with your stomach every morning and that your extreme fatigue couldn't possible align with the erratically swift rhythm of your palms. Of course, of course it wasn't a thermometer that you had disposed of in the toilet, he wanted to slap himself for being so naive as to believe that. He was strict with recycling rules, you wouldn't have just straight up there s thermometer in the trash. Fuck now's not the time to think about recycling.
With the soft, chaste kiss at the top of your hair you finally decided to turn your gaze to him. Watery eyes met with an adoring grey gaze, a gaze you've never seen at this extreme before. "I love you, you know." Another kiss meant your head got to lift a little more, just to get closer to him. "I don't say it often but you don't have to worry, I'll try to tell our kid more often."
Your eyes shimmered with adoration at his words, despite the cold weather you couldn't bring yourself to feel not even a little tingle, Levi was keeping you so warm with his words. "Really? You want this?"
"Tch why wouldn't I, you thought I'd ever let you go and leave me lonely? I've always thought you knew we're sharing the same future."
Your lips attacked his in fiery passion. It was a natural reaction to his words, an ice melting kiss, a promise for the future. There were many reasons as to why you lived Levi but maybe the fact that you would have a little stoic faced baby running around your feet made you love him a little bit more.
436 notes · View notes
terriblygrimm · 4 years
Text
Tumblr media
ok time to cry!!!
this absolutely iconic✨gay line. like i GOTTA take a second to reiterate a couple things about this ep bc it’s giving me a heart attack. nothing i’m writing is revelatory by any means but i just gotta WRITE IT DOWN BC ITS SO GAY. YES I WOKE UP AT 6:45A AND WROTE THIS WHAT OF IT
so spock first becomes infected when christine takes his hand and confesses her love for him. spock’s obv struggling for a number of reasons but the confession/infection bubbles his own realization to the surface... and ultimately he has to dismiss himself. he refuses her advances, apologizing (he gay and can’t return the affection). but! this love confession is what causes the next series of events to unfold fkejdhviwjqnbsdnd
fast forward to kirk finding spock sobbing— the lowered inhibitions of the infection are making him upset about only a few vocalized things and the string of consciousness/intensity is clearly downright intentional. and kirk’s reactions to them are just as telling.
1. his mother. “i could never tell her i loved her” like ok that’s heartbreaking but kirk keeps talking about the mission. (keep in mind all of this is symbolically happening while the “enterprise” is destabilizing and falling into an erratic gravity well).
then “an earth woman, living on a planet where love- emotion.. is in bad taste.” spock can’t stand the thought of an earth human suffering at the hands of a vulcan’s nonvocalized love.. hm
Tumblr media
hohohhohoho jim’s clearly pained now, trying to focus, grabbing spock and making him stand up.
2. “i respected my father, our customs. i was ashamed of my earth-“ to which jim now slaps him, starting to get overwhelmed himself.
and then
3. jim. spock’s not only feeling due to the infection but it seems like he’s also realizing. probably having never given any ~notable amount of credence to his emotions before, when he says ashamed it seems like it finally clicked. his brows furrow and he’s exasperated. “jim..” he’s finally putting a word to the emotion he’s felt regarding the man in front of him and he’s surprised by it. “when i feel friendship for you- i’m ashamed.”
now we all know this is obv extremely gay coded. the shame of feeling love, the hushhush, guilt-ridden culture of vulcan, etc
jim snaps bc of this and slaps him twice but spock meets his hand with a firm clasp. (we all know this to be the equivalent of a vulcan kiss). the culmination of a heated confession.
the tension simmers down a little bit after that moment but spock continues, softly “i’ve spent a whole life time trying to hide my feelings.” like hello more gay-coded but jim slaps him again and spock smacks him across the room in response (lmao)
THEN jim gets up and continues on about the mission, yelling at uhura over the comms about how he found spock and is talking to him — and then he realizes suddenly that he’s got it. the disease. after mentioning spock.
and what’s the first thing he talks about? love.
so c’mon now.. but also if you take a step back this series of events is very consistent with their personalities? spock’s getting all hot and bothered, overwhelmed with his emotions but is seemingly relieved by a kiss and the expression he’s been trying so hard to resist, whereas the kiss PROMPTS jim’s bleeding heart, rips him opens and causes his breakdown.
“love... you’re better off without it and i’m better off without mine.” ok so not only, what? that being jim’s FIRST thought with lowered inhibitions in a heated conversation with spock after a kiss? but also it’s not long before jim goes off “this vessel.. i give, she takes. she won’t permit me my life. i’ve got to live hers.”
Tumblr media
this is spocks face. so concerned. coming-to at the acknowledgement of jim’s pain. trying to focus.
“have you noticed her, mr. spock? you’re allowed to notice her. the captain’s not permitted-“
there’s a little bit of knowing in spock’s next expression & he pleads a little with “jim.. there is an intermixed formula.” spock’s fighting hard to gain control while jim loses it, attempting to bring him back all the while gaining clarity.
jim is voicing his lonliness and desire for companionship, relief, flesh to hold, a beach to walk on..
and then scotty walks in before the two of them can talk further. kirk immediately asks scotty for help and spock pipes up, telling him to stand by and get ready to intermix. the hull (jim!) is at a dangerous temperature.
and after the successful completion of the attempt the first thing spock does is come onto the bridge and ask jim if he’s alright!!!!! because he didnt have the time to ask him before!!!! he mf follows up with him!!!!!!!! 😭😭 to which jim doesnt even think about himself (or want to acknowledge that he’s not alright bc there wasn’t time for relief or closure to their last convo) and instead asks SPOCK if he’s alright 😭 and spock gives the softest, cutest lil nod!!!!
AND THE EPISODE ENDS WITH THE SHIP BEING BROUGHT BACK TO THREE DAYS PRIOR and spocks all “we have ..... three days to live over again.” & kirk scoffs, not taking his eyes off spock and says “not those last three days” bc what a mf ride it was for the both of them.
it’s interesting bc it leaves the ending pretty open to interpretation (as always! which is a great thing abou tos) kirk’s dismissing reliving 3 days bc .. he’s not ready to rehash/experience that pain with spock again? to have to face that vulnerable confession with perhaps a different outcome? or rather, he’s not willing to relive it bc he wouldn’t change a thing? he’s pleased that all of that bubbled to the surface?
tldr; all of this is to basically say that the end of this ep was undoubtedly a love confession/culmination of the tension between kirk and spock that was started by christine’s confession of love. spock doesn’t love her but it breaks him down and makes him think of those he does love- his mom and jim. they vulcan kiss and it then spreads to jim who immediately starts to talk about love when he tells uhura he’s found spock. jim is simultaneously expressed through the enterprise with the ship boiling up and spiraling out of control, (only to be relieved by spock’s idea of an intermixed formula. one that’s a theoretical relationship and has never been tested... ahem ok 1960s)- and also uses the ship as a figurative desire for love in something he isn’t permitted to have as a captain (i.e. his first officer)
57 notes · View notes
bonbonswirl-blog · 6 years
Text
Perfect
ALL THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO @brueklynn I OWN NOTHING. This is like..uhhhh idk?... a 'batim' au idea? I guess? Im Not sure idk..its just that I got the idea from there and Instead of bendy its jokey, but not really exactly what happend there in batim. Plz ignore the bad portrayed scenes XD blondie is a lot OOC here. Enjoy if you only can thx.
It was a typical afternoon, the sunlit clouds drifted across a clear blue sky, fresh air filled the atmosphere swaying the palm trees gently by a breeze. David was at the recording room, a mellifluous melodic singing voice rose high, following the sweet, piping notes produced by the musical instruments around. After such a lilting, everyone toke a break, david sat on a chair, holding the lyrics for the new song in his hands. He saw a shadow approaching him, revealing his only cheerful boss. "Oh hey Mr. Blondie!! How are you in this lovely day!" "Hello david! Just checking on my young talented singer! How is the new song going?" "Its going great! Im just reading the lyrics again now!" "Thats good!...you know david...have you ever thought about how much the children love your jokey voice?" "Oh! Thats intresting...im sure everybody enjoy listening to it!" "Yea! they do....have you ever felt some...connections...to jokey?" "Connections? Mmmm well...I do feel that we both share a good love for the stage and thrilling the audience! along with the love to asssist other people and spread some optimism in the air!" "Thats beautifull!...Have you ever considered before...becoming this star that all those kids appresciate?" "That...looks pretty Mr. Blondie! But what do you mean?" His boss began to equivocally chuckle, it was low but icy, wasnt like his usual gleeful ones that gave an auditory hug, but david overlooked that, remaining unruffled till the answer. "David. Can you come with me for a while?" "Sure thing! But..what about the new song?" "Dont worry! It can be done in another time! now follow me!" They both left the recording room, the animator leading the ginger boy across the studio, while on their little trip to the unknown room they are walking to, david catched from away a sight of henry, tommy and norman talking together until a rueful rob drew near them, starting a conversation. David didnt mean to eavesdrop anyone, but their high voices did reach his ear. "Guys! Have any of you heared ANYthing lately about harriet? I cant find her anywhere! She didnt come to work and she is not at her home! I called her many times but she doesnt reply! Im really so scared..." rob vented, the three told him thag they didnt see her too. David felt sorry for the fellow worker, hoping that harriet is alright and will be back soon. He looked forward, though he only saw blondie back and his wheelchair, he could feel that he is trying to ignore something, he may have heard a little of the talking out there, maybe he feels sad too? But david was in his mind for a bit, wasnt aware of the time until he sensed that blondie stopped moving. This is when he noticed he is in an unrecognizable area he didnt see before, maybe this was a new place that got built recently?, " Here we are david!!" In front of both was a dark long way of stairs, it was only one storey up, just like one of those half open basemant stariecases. David knew not both will be able to clmib this, he was ready to push that wheelchair up, he looked at blondie concerned, whom just returned a grin. "Dont worry about me! I have my own ways for climbing those!" David didnt really get it, but he just let it go and left blondie to use to his own way, watching him in every step making sure he wont be close to any harm.
Dont ask how blondie climbed the stairs, he just did. that was a really narrow hall they were both in, in front of them a wooden door, blondie toke out his keys and opened it, only for both to be greeted by. "Finally!! Where Were ya!!" an angry wallaby yelled, looking as if he lost patience, it seems blondie was late to whatever meeting they should have done earlier, the room wasnt so small, almost looks like a little hallway with a wall at the end. The view was...tensed, it was a dark room with only a little bulb barley lighning it, orange colored light struggling to penetrate the darkness in thin thread rays. It was almost as if candles were the ones giving the slight shine here. Wallaby, paul and murphy were there, standing near the sides of the walls, everyone in a specific place, two at the right wall and one at the left one, only a mile spearting each two. the menacing aura holding david in a tightening grip, why do blondie have such a grisly decorating tatse...He wasnt sure if entering this room is a safe idea. "Guys!! I Brought Our Last Guest!!" Blondie exclaimed in a chirpy tone, closing the door behind himm Last guest? What does he mean? "Can we PLEASE Finish This Now And Go out?" "Come on paul dont be such a killjoy! Enjoy the place!" "If you are telling us to enjoy this creepy atmosphere then I had lost all my faith in you." murphy sneered, clearly not comfortable or trusty with how this 'gathering' is going to end, nobody knows the goal behind it. "Come on David! Here! This Is Your Place!! Stay Still And Dont Move Ok?" Blondie said while putting david on a specific spot on the left wall. "Sure! Wont Move A Shoe!" David obeyed, blondie looked at him, but this time, although he had his usual smile that showed his white glowed teeth spreaded on his face, his eyes had shimmers with some inexplicable spite. "Everything is set~" He whispered this under his breath while walking to one of the corners, nobody heard that one. Three of the invited four toke a look at blondie whereas he was doing something uncanny at that distant corner. David turned at the person in front of him, which was paul. "Oh! hey Mr.Paul!" But being the tedious man he is, paul didnt respone, only focusing on the book on his hand, thats why wallaby seemed as if he was gabbling to himself. The young boy then looked to his right side and saw murphy, still keeping an eye at blondie in a suspicion, despite not understanding a thing from what he was doing, nobody can just fetch someone to a room like this without being not up to something. "So Guys! Why are we here?" "I Dunno david! Mr. Blondie just went to me and told me that I gotta get here cuz he needs me for somethin, well I dont see anything! All I do is just standing on dis here spot not movin a leg!! What about ya paul?" "I dont care I just came here so he can stop nagging me." " I came here after he told me that I can be a 'star' like jokey." "Wait you gonna be a star? Ooh! Thats why we standin on a star!" "What?!" Wallaby words strongly drived murphy attention, making him watch the ground, they all noticed it now, they are standing on 'stars' that are drawn on the floor. David felt inside him a very straied premonisition feeling that was telling him to move, he didnt understand it, why would his guts tell him to move away from a single drawing on the floor? He promised his boss he will stay still there....how could a star drawing hurt anyone? Since whe do drawing harm people? But no matter how much he tries to brush off that feeling, it feels like a stiff weigh was being held on his chest, it made him feel so sick, maybe he just needs to move because his legs hurt him? Yeh yeh thats just it. The cheeky lad toke one step only out of that star shape, he tried to persuad himself its his legs aching and not because of a sixth sense, and that was really something he should be thankful for because. "Guys! I think we gonna be a stars!" "Wallaby...I dont think this star shape is used fo-" "GOODBYE MATES!!"
And with a casted spell and a flash of an eye, everybody was drowned with an unknown colorful sticky liquid that fully covered them, gluing them to the ground. Expect David, who fell down to the ground aspect with a horrible fear that rised behind his eyes from the grisly vision that immediately happend.
Blondie Stood there, watching him in enmity.
Blondie turned around, only to be so bothered by seeing the surviver. "Oh it seems I missed a shot! Im going to fix this~" The words had deserted david, the color quickly drained from his face, a cold wave embalmed him and his mouth ran dry, sweat poured down his body, Heart began to hammer against his chest, every muscle in his body shouted at him to flee. To escpae this imminent threat. He hurried to the door, using every little cell of power left to open it, but no matter how much he quickly moves the handle in fright, the door didnt open, oh yes, blondie locked it. Seeing no hope, he knocked on it so expeditiously and hardly, trying not to make his words stumbled, begging for someone outside to hear him. "HEEEEELLLP!!! HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!! ANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!? PLEASE HELP ME!!" "Come on David, why so nervous?" Blondie snickered from behind him, his voice hinting he is oncoming, his tone ringing in a sick icy way, sending chimes ringing in david ears, but he kept screaming for a rescue, he was not frightened nor afraid, he was beyond such mere nouns, he was going crazy, his boater hat fell from his head, it only reminded of how much he wants his family NOW in this profound situation, he just wanted to go back to them again, stay with his father marley at home and go to beach together or golf or car or wherever his father wants to go, staying in his parents arms was all what he desired, he would never wish anything anymore after this. He could no longer control his hands they were shaking in an odd trembling rhythm, his legs collapsed underneath him, teeth chattering in fear, He slid down the door, bringing his knees up to his chest.
"I-I-I-I-I-I D-D-DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!!!"
"You dont understand? I hated you! Im who created jokey! He was my friend since the childhood! My friend since the start!! But you! I saw every little detail I gifted him in you! You were perfect, perfect for him, more perfect than me! Now that I had a studio of my own, I wanted him to be alive! I reached my wish by the help of you all, by animating and presenting him to all the children around the world, they loved him, just like me! But lately, I didnt feel that I made this dream come true yet...how can a cartoon character offset me of a friend who always stayed by my side that I cant make real! But now I found a second chance, a second chance to revive him, to this reality. Thats it! Thats the chance! By using some souls to bring those stunning characters and that convival cartoony world I created to reality...that was always my biggest dream...and whats a better chance than to have the voice actor whom I influenced the traits for the children 'star' right at my hand~ People will love you david~"
Blondie was right, if david dyed his hair black and wore some cheeks make up, he could exactly like a real life jokey, but who would need a cheap costume when you can bring jokey himself to reality. David recalled the times when he sometimes thought uncle harry may have been a little overprotective of him. He thought his uncle needs to ease a bit, nothing so dangerous will happen for him. Now, he regret thinking this, and wants him to overprotect him forever and ever. Fear became a tangible, living force that crept over him like some hungry beast, immobilizing him and his brain, holding him a captive and took control of his entire body, Shadows and echoes play on his senses warping shapes and sounds. That outlandish substance already reached his legs, his life flashed before his eyes and he ushered his bright unearthly ones shut.
Yeb, this is the angel end.
3 notes · View notes
kookno · 7 years
Text
70 horrible questions tag
i was tagged by @btees ❤ thanku bab
01: do you have a good relationship with your parents? i have a really good relationship with my parents. My dad and i are more best friends, whereas my mom and i are more a classical mom/daughter relationship. So its different, but good.
02: who did you last say “i love you” to?  victoria @flowercrownyoongi <3 
03: do you regret anything? uhhh yeah there are some things i could probably do better if i had the chance to do it again. But i dont really like to have regrets, because everything u do has a purpose and shapes you, i am the way i am today bcs of mistakes and errors so
04: are you insecure?  im generally quite confident, but ofc i have my moments as well
05: what is your relationship status?  very single, and would very much prefer for it to stay that way, i dont do relationships
06: how do you want to die?  peacefully, when im old. Preferrably never. (if ur a vamp hmu)
07: what did you last eat? chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
08: played any sports?  HAH [ god laughs in the background ], the only sport i do seriously is alpine skiing. Other than that nou. 09: do you bite your nails?  no
10: when was your last physical fight? never dude. I only fight in the existential metaphorical sense.
11: do you like someone?  machiavelli will always have my heart 12: have you ever stayed up 48 hours?  no i prefer to stay alive
13: do you hate anyone at the moment?  not hate. Have a great distaste towards yes.
14: do you miss someone? not very, jst someone i havent seen in a small while that i always like to meet up w. but im seeing her today. All is good.
15: have any pets?  nah mate
16: how exactly are you feeling at the moment?  fairly content
17: ever made out in the bathroom?  havent made out period. Prefer to keep my tounge in my mouth. Other ppls tounges in their mouths. Mouths are great at that.
18: are you scared of spiders?  ye s. insects in general
19: would you go back in time if you were given the chance?  no only if it was for a brief period of time (bcs im curious about the past), but i much prefer this time
20: where was the last place you snogged someone? never jesus
21: what are your plans for this weekend?  party today, celebratory grad dinner tomorrow
22: do you want to have kids? how many? none. Maybe one.. M ay b e. depends.
23: do you have piercings? how many?  just my ears
24: what is/are/were your best subject(s)?  norwegian, english, chinese, philosophy, religion, social studies, marketing & leadership
25: do you miss anyone from your past?  n ah
26: what are you craving right now?  chocolate milk
27: have you ever broken someone’s heart?  uhyeah. Good couple of times.
28: have you ever been cheated on?  no one has ever had the opportunity.  U kno that meme, no one can cheat on u if ur just never in a relationship. See im an intellectual
29: have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?  never had one;)
30: what’s irritating you right now?  that im stressing over a thing i should not b stressing abt and i know it
31: does somebody love you?  yeah, i think im fairly loved?? Idk. I love myself alot at least. So thats a win
32: what is your favourite color?  midnight blue
33: do you have trust issues?  yes im the: trust no one not even yourself meme . im not That bad just a lil
34: who/what was your last dream about?  my dreams are on fukcing crack i dont even understand them while i have them
35: who was the last person you cried in front of?  uhhhhhhhhhhhh i mean i cry when i laugh but im assuming that doesnt count. I think last time i cried in front of someone was a funeral almost two years ago
36: do you give out second chances too easily?  i dont give out second chances. Im a very tolerant person but when u cross the line u cross the line and after that,.. no
37: is it easier to forgive or forget?  forgive, dont forget
38: is this year the best year of your life?  i think so . im older so im even more independent. Im getting to do alot of cool things, thru work etc. in general i feel more on top of the world. So yeah its been good for now at least
39: how old were you when you had your first kiss?  like i kissed a girl in third grade but idk if that counts
40: have you ever walked outside completely naked?  dude no
51: favourite food?  italian pizza
52: do you believe everything happens for a reason? the world is random and meaningless the only ones designating value are ourselves.
53: what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?  im currently reading a book on the first month of the first world war.. so i read that
54: is cheating ever okay?  no. Relationship is a commitment. If u cant commit then dont be in a relationship
55: are you mean?  not at my core. I think i can accidentally be mean bcs im a bit brash and sometimes a bit overpowering idk. But im p soft (victoria dont read this i never wrote this)
56: how many people have you fist fought?  none
57: do you believe in true love?  no. There r some ppl you get along with. Some people you chose to commit more with. But one tru love bish good luck w that
58: favourite weather?  sunny. Warm but with a mild wind 59: do you like the snow?  its ok for like a couple of days but after a month ur tired. I like it because i can go alpine skiing.
60: do you wanna get married?  platonically mayb
61: is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? as long as its platonic i dont mind
62: what makes you happy?  feeling productive, reading a good book / fic, having an interesting deep discussion with someone, sitting on the bus listening to music, painting, wearing a new outfit, my friends, bts, finding new good tv shows, learning
63: would you change your name?  nah im kinda attached to my name, even though helene doesnt really work in english so i use helen. But i like my name and in english i sound like the tru soccermom i really am. Or the old lady. Im both.
64: would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?  the girl i kissed in 3rd grade? I mean.. sure i could kiss her again it wouldnt really mean much
65: your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?  ok so ive been thru similar scenarios so i will base this on a real life account: tell them i dont feel the same way abt them. Say im flattered but no.  Done.
66: do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?  uhhh idk im mostly.. myself?? So yeah
67: who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?  my dad?
68: who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?  my dad
69: do you believe in soulmates?  i think there are people who you just have really really good chemistry with, so if you can combine commitment with that, then i think you’re getting somewhere
70: is there anyone you would die for?  nnno. But thats because im terrified of dying. not because i dont love people alot. Dying is my biggest fear. i tag: @flowercrownyoongi @jiminder @jeongokus @taesflower @cuteguk @lil-nenesy @9395x @fylloma  ❤
4 notes · View notes
Text
Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship
New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/louise-redknapp-strictly-put-the-fire-back-in-my-belly-but-it-didnt-break-up-my-relationship/
Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship
For 19 years, the former Eternal star gave up everything to play housewife to her famous footballer husband. So what does it feel like to have walked out on that life and reinvented herself?
The night before I meet Louise Redknapp, I go to see her in her latest West End show, 9 to 5 The Musical. She plays Violet, the character made famous by Lili Tomlin in the classic 1980 film, and in many ways the most obviously feminist character in the story. Redknapp herself is very enjoyable to watch, stomping around the stage, furiously pointing out that men get promotions for laughing at the bosss jokes while she is not even thanked for making the coffee. But, not long ago, this casting would have seemed bizarre.
Redknapp has been in the public eye for a quarter of a century, but she has never exactly been associated with feminism. After studying at the Italia Conti stage school, Louise Nurding, as she was then known, shot to fame at the age of 18 in the early 90s girl group Eternal, and then cemented her celebrity status by achieving that ultimate 90s ambition, marrying a footballer Jamie Redknapp, the son of manager Harry. Their telegenic union the pretty pop star and equally pretty sports star predated the Beckhams, but the Redknapps were a less flashy proposition. When their first child was born, in 2004, she quit her by then solo music career to live in what she frequently described as domestic bliss. Redknapp came across as sweet, unthreatening and a bit bland, and seemed destined for a contented life as a Surrey housewife with her two sons, Charley, now 14, and Beau, 10, living among the footballing dynasty. But then, in 2017, Redknapp did something that no one expected: she walked out of her marriage.
I meet Redknapp, 44, in a room in the Savoy hotel in London, just above the theatre where she is appearing in 9 to 5. As well as performing tonight, she will spend the afternoon finishing work on her upcoming album, Heavy Love, her first in 18 years, which will be released in October. Whatever emotional toll her divorce which was finalised in December 2017 has exacted on her, it has certainly motivated, or freed, her professionally.
Redknapp as Violet Newstead (centre) with Natalie McQueen and Amber Davies in 9 to 5 The Musical. Photograph: Simon Turtle
In tight black trousers, ankle boots and a loose dark top, her hair long and highlighted in various shades of gold and auburn, she looks almost identical to how she did in her pop heyday. She embraces me with the easy warmth of one who is very practised in the art of making strangers like her.
Did you see the show last night? Did you like it? Its fun, right? Oh good, Im so glad. You liked it, right? she says with more nervousness than I had expected: she was the one, after all, who chose a new storyline, and walked away.
We talk about the show, and Redknapp eagerly brings up how timely its revival is, off the back of the #MeToo movement. She insists she never experienced any sexual harassment when she was working as a 90s pop star and appearing in mens magazines: Maybe because I was so young, she suggests, which isnt the most credible reason. Or maybe because [Eternal] were so successful so quickly, so the record company cocooned us, she adds, which seems more plausible.
And yet she does feel a personal connection to 9 to 5: You know, its about female empowerment and I think Im at a stage of my life when I really need that, to stand up and be strong, she says.
Although Redknapp makes frequent references during our conversation to her gang of girlfriends, seeing her onstage the night before was the first time I had seen her surrounded by women since her Eternal days. For the past 20 years, whenever she was photographed she was invariably with her husband. I tell her it always surprised me that she was never part of the group of high-profile wives and girlfriends of other footballers, given how ready-made she seemed for that role. But she was never photographed out having a laugh with Colleen Rooney and Cheryl Cole. I think Jamie, being that slightly bit more old school, didnt want any of that. His sport is what comes first, no circus around it. So I just kept to myself, she says.
When Redknapp confirmed, in September 2017, that her seemingly perfect marriage was over, the circus around the two of them could hardly have been more hysterical. While the British public is very used to footballers leaving their wives, no one seemed to know what to make of the narrative being reversed.
It was more mutual than that but, yes, I moved out, she says, carefully, when I ask if she initiated the divorce. She was followed by battalions of paparazzi every night and the celebrity press tutted at her late nights on the town (to the theatre, where, at the time, she was starring in Cabaret).
With Jamie Redknapp in 2010, seven years before they split up. Photograph: Paul Grover/Rex/Shutterstock
At around the same time, Wayne Rooney was accused, again, of infidelity when he was caught drink driving with a young woman who was not his wife. But whereas Rooneys actions were treated with a benign just-Wayne-being-Wayne shrug by the public, Redknapp was nationally castigated for having a midlife crisis and abandoning her children. Did she notice the disparity between the coverage of the two stories?
I did. I felt it. And I felt really, really bullied. It made me want to scream. Just because I went back to work and my marriage wasnt working out doesnt mean I wasnt with my kids, she says with a rod of fury in her voice. And, yeah, when I was in Cabaret I wasnt putting them to bed every night, but its no different to a man in the City working late.
Or Jamie doing late-night football commentary? Yeah, on A League of Their Own. Jamie would then take the kids on holiday and the papers would say: Oh, what an amazing dad. And he is an amazing dad; I cannot say a bad word about Jamie when it comes to being a dad. But no one patted me on the back when Id taken the kids on Easter holiday on my own for the past 10 years. Jamie had to work doing the football, it was school holidays, so Id take them on holiday and never once did anyone say: What a great mum. It was really tough sitting back and not speaking up.
There was such widespread bafflement at Redknapps decision to leave her marriage that there was inevitable speculation about why. Many cited Strictly Come Dancing, on which Redknapp had appeared the previous year, and its record of ending relationships. Strictly put the fire back in my belly, but it didnt break up my relationship. After 20 years of marriage, it takes a lot more than that, scoffs Redknapp.
It was also suggested that Redknapp was having an affair with the model Daisy Lowe, who had appeared on Strictly with her. Redknapp reels back against the sofa when I mention this.
I really think the double standards were coming into play there, she says. Because people were adamant there had to be a specific reason for you leaving your husband? She nods: Yeah, and Daisy and I only went out together four times or something. So the idea [that I left my husband for Lowe] I remember my kids saying: Mum, are you going out with Daisy Lowe? And I had to say: Guys, no. I became peoples morning entertainment while they read their paper on the train and ate their croissant. I tried to laugh it off, but the damage these stories were doing to me and those around me was huge.
Redknapp or Louise Nurding as she was then with her Eternal bandmates in 1994. Photograph: Tony Larkin/Rex/Shutterstock
In order to understand the end of a marriage it is necessary to understand its beginnings and, for all the lurid speculation, the path that led the Redknapps to divorce was all too prosaic. When they married in 1998, she was at least as big a star as him, but she happily gave up her music career to be a wife and mother: It took me so long to get pregnant the first time four years so I was just so in love with my little boy, she says. And, for the first seven or eight years, it was quite nice to not have to worry about where your records going, or if people like you. But as time went on, Id drop the kids off at school, go home, walk the dogs and then go home and think: I have five hours until school pick-up. Thats a long day. It was fine when they were young, because Id pick them up at 12. Then it changed; theyre at school and doing sport, Jamie was doing his thing, and there was pure panic. I was lonely and I felt like I had nothing to say.
Redknapp and her ex-husband have been careful in speaking only positively of one another throughout their divorce, but hints of other narratives shine through the cracks. She refers to him as a family man and their marriage as traditional, and while he grew up in a close, old-fashioned family, she was the daughter of a very independent working mum, and, yes, maybe subconsciously, she agrees, that might have created some problems between them. She was not a football fan (No, never, she says, firmly and proudly), so I ask if it was ever a tiny bit dull being ensconced with the Redknapps, given that her then husband, father-in-law and husbands cousin, Frank Lampard, are all football royalty. I think I just got used to it, she says with a winning smile.
Redknapps explanation about the split is that she had low self-esteem and didnt feel able to say she wanted to start working again, and in no way was that her ex-husbands fault. I wish Id spoken up and said how I felt, but I thought everyone would think I was nuts and say: Why are you low? Look at you, youre so lucky.
But if you had spoken up, would Jamie have been OK with you going back on the stage and in the studio? She pauses: I dont know. But at least Id have known I tried, she says.
So it was easier to leave than to say anything? Her voice drops: Maybe. We women dont make it easy for ourselves.
Given Strictlys record of ending relationships, I ask if she agreed to be on the show because she saw it as a way out of her marriage. You know, I like to think no. I like to think not at all. I think I just went into Strictly looking for something to do.
These days, Jamie still lives in the Surrey family home and Redknapp is a few minutes away and they share custody of their children. It is clear that she feels liberated by her divorce, so I ask if she plans to revert to her maiden name. She looks poleaxed by the suggestion. Ummm no. Its such a mum thing, but the thought of not having the same name as my kids, I could cry thinking about it. But maybe if Jamie gets married Id have to change it I dont know how that works, she says with an anxious giggle.
This leads us to talking about dating, and whereas Jamie has been photographed with several women, Redknapp has remained single. Its really hard for women. Im beginning to think Im never going to meet anyone Ive not been out for a meal, just me and a guy in a restaurant, in two years. That makes me sound really sad, doesnt it?
It takes a while to get over a 19-year marriage. Yeah, I think its easier for men, she says.
With her dance partner Kevin Clifton on Strictly Come Dancing in 2016. Photograph: PA/Guy Levy/BBC
It doesnt upset her when she sees her ex-husband out with other women (But, yes, of course, its hard for the boys. I tell them, Dads a single man and hes doing nothing wrong, she says). Sometimes, though, it is a bit strange. The day before we meet, he was photographed with the British model Lizzie Bowden, who was widely described in the press as a Louise Redknapp lookalike. It is kinda weird! And then I start looking at them thinking, Do they look like me? But hes got his taste, she says with a shrug.
I like Redknapp. Yes, she has that tendency, common to graduates of stage school, of affecting immediate intimacy, but there is an emotional honesty to her that is almost certainly born from the ordeal of the past two years. It is impossible not to cheer for a woman who for so long was defined in relation to others first a pop group, then a husband taking the risk to strike out on her own. And although many were surprised when she left her high-profile marriage, there has long been a more independent streak in her than her hotter-than-average girl-next-door image suggested. She did, after all, leave Eternal in 1995 after their hugely successful debut album to launch her solo career.
Id just had enough, she says. We were very different and had different directions. We werent harmonised. Girl bands are tough.
Does she mean they were fighting? Not fighting, just, um, different, she says, diplomatically.
She talks excitedly about her plans for the next decade: more albums, more musicals, and, of course, bringing up two teenagers.
But what Id really like to do is buy the rights to a movie and produce a stage show from it, she says.
Any in particular? Thelma and Louise, she replies, and smiles.
Louise Redknapps new single, Stretch, is out now. She appears in 9 to 5 The Musical until 29 June
Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us
0 notes
Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship
New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/louise-redknapp-strictly-put-the-fire-back-in-my-belly-but-it-didnt-break-up-my-relationship/
Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship
For 19 years, the former Eternal star gave up everything to play housewife to her famous footballer husband. So what does it feel like to have walked out on that life and reinvented herself?
The night before I meet Louise Redknapp, I go to see her in her latest West End show, 9 to 5 The Musical. She plays Violet, the character made famous by Lili Tomlin in the classic 1980 film, and in many ways the most obviously feminist character in the story. Redknapp herself is very enjoyable to watch, stomping around the stage, furiously pointing out that men get promotions for laughing at the bosss jokes while she is not even thanked for making the coffee. But, not long ago, this casting would have seemed bizarre.
Redknapp has been in the public eye for a quarter of a century, but she has never exactly been associated with feminism. After studying at the Italia Conti stage school, Louise Nurding, as she was then known, shot to fame at the age of 18 in the early 90s girl group Eternal, and then cemented her celebrity status by achieving that ultimate 90s ambition, marrying a footballer Jamie Redknapp, the son of manager Harry. Their telegenic union the pretty pop star and equally pretty sports star predated the Beckhams, but the Redknapps were a less flashy proposition. When their first child was born, in 2004, she quit her by then solo music career to live in what she frequently described as domestic bliss. Redknapp came across as sweet, unthreatening and a bit bland, and seemed destined for a contented life as a Surrey housewife with her two sons, Charley, now 14, and Beau, 10, living among the footballing dynasty. But then, in 2017, Redknapp did something that no one expected: she walked out of her marriage.
I meet Redknapp, 44, in a room in the Savoy hotel in London, just above the theatre where she is appearing in 9 to 5. As well as performing tonight, she will spend the afternoon finishing work on her upcoming album, Heavy Love, her first in 18 years, which will be released in October. Whatever emotional toll her divorce which was finalised in December 2017 has exacted on her, it has certainly motivated, or freed, her professionally.
Redknapp as Violet Newstead (centre) with Natalie McQueen and Amber Davies in 9 to 5 The Musical. Photograph: Simon Turtle
In tight black trousers, ankle boots and a loose dark top, her hair long and highlighted in various shades of gold and auburn, she looks almost identical to how she did in her pop heyday. She embraces me with the easy warmth of one who is very practised in the art of making strangers like her.
Did you see the show last night? Did you like it? Its fun, right? Oh good, Im so glad. You liked it, right? she says with more nervousness than I had expected: she was the one, after all, who chose a new storyline, and walked away.
We talk about the show, and Redknapp eagerly brings up how timely its revival is, off the back of the #MeToo movement. She insists she never experienced any sexual harassment when she was working as a 90s pop star and appearing in mens magazines: Maybe because I was so young, she suggests, which isnt the most credible reason. Or maybe because [Eternal] were so successful so quickly, so the record company cocooned us, she adds, which seems more plausible.
And yet she does feel a personal connection to 9 to 5: You know, its about female empowerment and I think Im at a stage of my life when I really need that, to stand up and be strong, she says.
Although Redknapp makes frequent references during our conversation to her gang of girlfriends, seeing her onstage the night before was the first time I had seen her surrounded by women since her Eternal days. For the past 20 years, whenever she was photographed she was invariably with her husband. I tell her it always surprised me that she was never part of the group of high-profile wives and girlfriends of other footballers, given how ready-made she seemed for that role. But she was never photographed out having a laugh with Colleen Rooney and Cheryl Cole. I think Jamie, being that slightly bit more old school, didnt want any of that. His sport is what comes first, no circus around it. So I just kept to myself, she says.
When Redknapp confirmed, in September 2017, that her seemingly perfect marriage was over, the circus around the two of them could hardly have been more hysterical. While the British public is very used to footballers leaving their wives, no one seemed to know what to make of the narrative being reversed.
It was more mutual than that but, yes, I moved out, she says, carefully, when I ask if she initiated the divorce. She was followed by battalions of paparazzi every night and the celebrity press tutted at her late nights on the town (to the theatre, where, at the time, she was starring in Cabaret).
With Jamie Redknapp in 2010, seven years before they split up. Photograph: Paul Grover/Rex/Shutterstock
At around the same time, Wayne Rooney was accused, again, of infidelity when he was caught drink driving with a young woman who was not his wife. But whereas Rooneys actions were treated with a benign just-Wayne-being-Wayne shrug by the public, Redknapp was nationally castigated for having a midlife crisis and abandoning her children. Did she notice the disparity between the coverage of the two stories?
I did. I felt it. And I felt really, really bullied. It made me want to scream. Just because I went back to work and my marriage wasnt working out doesnt mean I wasnt with my kids, she says with a rod of fury in her voice. And, yeah, when I was in Cabaret I wasnt putting them to bed every night, but its no different to a man in the City working late.
Or Jamie doing late-night football commentary? Yeah, on A League of Their Own. Jamie would then take the kids on holiday and the papers would say: Oh, what an amazing dad. And he is an amazing dad; I cannot say a bad word about Jamie when it comes to being a dad. But no one patted me on the back when Id taken the kids on Easter holiday on my own for the past 10 years. Jamie had to work doing the football, it was school holidays, so Id take them on holiday and never once did anyone say: What a great mum. It was really tough sitting back and not speaking up.
There was such widespread bafflement at Redknapps decision to leave her marriage that there was inevitable speculation about why. Many cited Strictly Come Dancing, on which Redknapp had appeared the previous year, and its record of ending relationships. Strictly put the fire back in my belly, but it didnt break up my relationship. After 20 years of marriage, it takes a lot more than that, scoffs Redknapp.
It was also suggested that Redknapp was having an affair with the model Daisy Lowe, who had appeared on Strictly with her. Redknapp reels back against the sofa when I mention this.
I really think the double standards were coming into play there, she says. Because people were adamant there had to be a specific reason for you leaving your husband? She nods: Yeah, and Daisy and I only went out together four times or something. So the idea [that I left my husband for Lowe] I remember my kids saying: Mum, are you going out with Daisy Lowe? And I had to say: Guys, no. I became peoples morning entertainment while they read their paper on the train and ate their croissant. I tried to laugh it off, but the damage these stories were doing to me and those around me was huge.
Redknapp or Louise Nurding as she was then with her Eternal bandmates in 1994. Photograph: Tony Larkin/Rex/Shutterstock
In order to understand the end of a marriage it is necessary to understand its beginnings and, for all the lurid speculation, the path that led the Redknapps to divorce was all too prosaic. When they married in 1998, she was at least as big a star as him, but she happily gave up her music career to be a wife and mother: It took me so long to get pregnant the first time four years so I was just so in love with my little boy, she says. And, for the first seven or eight years, it was quite nice to not have to worry about where your records going, or if people like you. But as time went on, Id drop the kids off at school, go home, walk the dogs and then go home and think: I have five hours until school pick-up. Thats a long day. It was fine when they were young, because Id pick them up at 12. Then it changed; theyre at school and doing sport, Jamie was doing his thing, and there was pure panic. I was lonely and I felt like I had nothing to say.
Redknapp and her ex-husband have been careful in speaking only positively of one another throughout their divorce, but hints of other narratives shine through the cracks. She refers to him as a family man and their marriage as traditional, and while he grew up in a close, old-fashioned family, she was the daughter of a very independent working mum, and, yes, maybe subconsciously, she agrees, that might have created some problems between them. She was not a football fan (No, never, she says, firmly and proudly), so I ask if it was ever a tiny bit dull being ensconced with the Redknapps, given that her then husband, father-in-law and husbands cousin, Frank Lampard, are all football royalty. I think I just got used to it, she says with a winning smile.
Redknapps explanation about the split is that she had low self-esteem and didnt feel able to say she wanted to start working again, and in no way was that her ex-husbands fault. I wish Id spoken up and said how I felt, but I thought everyone would think I was nuts and say: Why are you low? Look at you, youre so lucky.
But if you had spoken up, would Jamie have been OK with you going back on the stage and in the studio? She pauses: I dont know. But at least Id have known I tried, she says.
So it was easier to leave than to say anything? Her voice drops: Maybe. We women dont make it easy for ourselves.
Given Strictlys record of ending relationships, I ask if she agreed to be on the show because she saw it as a way out of her marriage. You know, I like to think no. I like to think not at all. I think I just went into Strictly looking for something to do.
These days, Jamie still lives in the Surrey family home and Redknapp is a few minutes away and they share custody of their children. It is clear that she feels liberated by her divorce, so I ask if she plans to revert to her maiden name. She looks poleaxed by the suggestion. Ummm no. Its such a mum thing, but the thought of not having the same name as my kids, I could cry thinking about it. But maybe if Jamie gets married Id have to change it I dont know how that works, she says with an anxious giggle.
This leads us to talking about dating, and whereas Jamie has been photographed with several women, Redknapp has remained single. Its really hard for women. Im beginning to think Im never going to meet anyone Ive not been out for a meal, just me and a guy in a restaurant, in two years. That makes me sound really sad, doesnt it?
It takes a while to get over a 19-year marriage. Yeah, I think its easier for men, she says.
With her dance partner Kevin Clifton on Strictly Come Dancing in 2016. Photograph: PA/Guy Levy/BBC
It doesnt upset her when she sees her ex-husband out with other women (But, yes, of course, its hard for the boys. I tell them, Dads a single man and hes doing nothing wrong, she says). Sometimes, though, it is a bit strange. The day before we meet, he was photographed with the British model Lizzie Bowden, who was widely described in the press as a Louise Redknapp lookalike. It is kinda weird! And then I start looking at them thinking, Do they look like me? But hes got his taste, she says with a shrug.
I like Redknapp. Yes, she has that tendency, common to graduates of stage school, of affecting immediate intimacy, but there is an emotional honesty to her that is almost certainly born from the ordeal of the past two years. It is impossible not to cheer for a woman who for so long was defined in relation to others first a pop group, then a husband taking the risk to strike out on her own. And although many were surprised when she left her high-profile marriage, there has long been a more independent streak in her than her hotter-than-average girl-next-door image suggested. She did, after all, leave Eternal in 1995 after their hugely successful debut album to launch her solo career.
Id just had enough, she says. We were very different and had different directions. We werent harmonised. Girl bands are tough.
Does she mean they were fighting? Not fighting, just, um, different, she says, diplomatically.
She talks excitedly about her plans for the next decade: more albums, more musicals, and, of course, bringing up two teenagers.
But what Id really like to do is buy the rights to a movie and produce a stage show from it, she says.
Any in particular? Thelma and Louise, she replies, and smiles.
Louise Redknapps new single, Stretch, is out now. She appears in 9 to 5 The Musical until 29 June
Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us
0 notes
bigbrotherorre · 6 years
Text
Tumblr media
FINAL EPISODE: “DENNIS IS SUCH A KING” - ALI THE REST OF THE GAME.
WEEK 13 
Tumblr media
if someone who doesn't love me wins this week then bye bye ashvika 
Tumblr media
youtube
Tumblr media
annoyed that sammy nominated me because i kept him safe last week whereas i could have just as easily flipped to keeping alivia and he could've left...but more than that, i'm annoyed at his speech. i dont think he should've used "you nommed me" as an excuse bc that's lame and he was the first to nom me and i nommed him back so we were even, and then i let him have veto pick when he was nommed and i made sure he got taken off. also conversation is a two way street and i dont see him trying to make a conversation with me either, he could have just said the real reason....i love hearing about how good of a player he thinks i am.... the worst case scenario is if bryce or zeezo win, i think even if the noms stay the same that i have a good chance of staying? granted that autumn and ali don't decide to turn on me and evict me 
why is bryce spreading lies :( i didn't tell ali to nominate sammy.... 
Tumblr media
ive made a lot of mistakes this game and there all coming at me now.. my position in the game is terrible and i can blame it on ppl playing not to their win condition or on just the wrong ppl winning comps at the wrong time, but ultimately i could have tried harder convincing ppl to see the light or to do better in challenges so ultimately its on me. feeling really hopeless this week even tho i avoided being a preveto nom i think ill be a post one if literally anyone but me wins veto. and i flopped veto (cwl). i cant wait for after the game for ali to admit that he did tell me that ashvika pushed for sammy to be nommed. order in which id vote ppl zeezo- always worked with me and if she makes it to the end she truly DID THAT ashvika- really took control of the game with her hoh win and after jose left smartly picked up the goats and became the biggest threat randy- a king love us working with/against each other throughout the game and even tho he was voted out im not one to discredit buyback winners autumn- never spoke to me but guess she didnt need to KASDHFK ali- fakest person ive ever met dennis- knows how to get to f2 at least sammy- ignores obvious facts and always makes the wrong move  but good at comps so wooh (me teas too tho...)
Tumblr media
youtube
Tumblr media
youtube
Tumblr media
somehow i didnt get nommed but like so sad what the heck zeezo is going home like why is everyone so jealous that shes prettier and funnier than them :( why cant we all be her goats <3 i guess its good bc like i cant win with zeezo in the game and i can vote to keep her still, but honestly if i lose in f2 with zeezo itd still be fun bc she has had my back all game :] I AM SO SAD UGHHHH GOD HATES GAYS AND HES TAKING MY TWO WOC QUEENS BACK TO BACK. Now i have ashvika who is a queen but not my queen!! And autumn yikes hates me always :(
Tumblr media
SORRY IVE BEEN GONE!!! I did one video confessional for Week 11 and just like never posted it lmao but I will haha and that's all behind me. But anyway I just have so many feelings. Live  night is about to begin, me and Zeezo's war is finally concluding, IM STILL TRYING TO GET MY FIRST COMP WIN, and I'm trying to protect my allies at all cost. Some cracked shit is about to go down and I'm so excited and so so glad I took a nap before this cause I'm ready for anything wooo
Tumblr media
RANDY: WIN SAMMY: ... ALI: FAKEST PERSON IVE EVER MET MAYBE TALKS A BIG GAME AND SAYS HES SUPER NICE AND EMOTIONAL BUT SUDDENLY CAN TURN THAT OFF. HE WOULD BE A GOOD VILLAIN BUT HE ACTS NICE AND DOESNT OWN IT AND MAYBE ITS JUST BC ITS SO SOON BUT I HOPE HE CHOKES AND HAS HAYFEVER FOREVER! WHAT EVEN IS HAYFEVER??? HORSE BOY AUTUMN: NEVER SPOKE TO ME BUT NICE DENNIS: FORGOT TO PUT SOMEONE ON THE LIST, KNEW HIS WAY TO F2 AND IF HE DOESNT TAKE CREDIT FOR THINGS ICON AND ID VOTE FOR HIM.
AFTER THE TRIPLE EVICTION...
Tumblr media
OK BUT DAT TRIPLE DOE http://media2.giphy.com/media/xUA7aViRhBQPzXNAAM/giphy.gif It was dramatic, over the top, emotional, satisfying, show stopping, gut wrenching- literally everything you want out of a triple. I... don't feel bad for Breezo lmao, not after all the messiness they've caused. But doing Ashvika dirty is literally the hardest choice I've had to make in Orre. Sis I am so so sorry. I should've thrown you a vote but you know how Randy is and you really know how Dennis is. I just--- that was something I like wasn't prepared to ever do, break Ashvika's heart. But like in my beautiful dark twisted mind? It was perfect because I knew I couldn't go to the end w/ Ash but I was never going to nominate her. So here we are rip ALSO LAB AND BREEZO ALL SITTING IN JURY??? BIIIIIIITTTCCHHHHH https://media.giphy.com/media/zcAii7T9JXezS/source.gif If you're reading this, you know I sure did say I would wipe that whole group out and send them to jury and it really did come to pass. John sure did gas all of them up to win and I sure did tell him in my Week 10 goodbye message that they were all bout to walk in behind him. So in the spirit of prophesizing, let it be known that Auli aka Ali and I will make Final 3 because we are the strategic dynamic duo y'all slept on. Like correct me if I'm wrong: we've been on the right side of all 8 "merge" votes (there's no word for like opposite of pre-jury lmao), we ain't been on block since Week 6/7 and it's now Week 14, and we've downplayed our iconicism left and right so we're the last duo standing at Final 5, and no one wants to take a shot at us. BUT YALL STILL SLEEP CAUSE THE MIST IS THAT STRONG. That's ok though! When Randy and Sammy walk into jury next y'all will see Also I'm  dead at how much jury hates Ali hahaha. Deadass he has to stay in the game for safety reasons. Like soooo many jurors wanna kill him. That's my ride or die though so I can't let that happen. Anyway I still feel like shit for obeying Randy, which hurt Ashvika, made Dennis cry, and further dragged Ali's corpse. But the good news is woooo it's Final 5 and these boys all want to take Auli to the end. So do I NEED to win this HOH? No not really. Am I still praying and pleading with God like I do before every comp? Absolutely https://media1.tenor.com/images/1a11748f0c7ce30ab4afd057fab66751/tenor.gif?itemid=5677211
Tumblr media
youtube
Tumblr media
Me when I shocked the nation and won HOH and finally had power in the house after 13 weeks https://78.media.tumblr.com/2a8c6d7cc298da364a847f8f9d767c7c/tumblr_opiih6Z7tB1ub3fcfo1_500.gif Me then using said power to target my baby Randy for the greater good https://media.giphy.com/media/hic9t15zsdwfC/giphy.gif And now me that I'm selling my entire family, land, soul, and wig collection to get Dennis to keep me and kill Sammy so that I'm not Ika Wonged because I know for a fact Ali would take me to F2 and Dennis would be a dumbass not to take me too. AND I ALWAYS BELIEVED IF I WENT UP A FOURTH TIME THAT WOULD BE THE TIME I GO UP ON THE BLOCK AND DONT COME BACK DOWN SO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DENNIS BE STRATEGIC AND KEEP ME https://i.pinimg.com/originals/23/53/9d/23539d4ab6c13adab50940426d73ed6e.gif
[AFTER F4 EVICTION]
WAIT WHAT HOW AM I ALIVE?? https://media.giphy.com/media/TZ388aYpsLMcM/giphy.gif AND HOW THE FUCK DID I MAKE FINAL 3??? https://yiaelxzosjw9p4bs-zippykid.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/happy-crying.gif Pray for me if I win Final HOH cause fun fact: I, the strategic legend, have no clue who to fucking take to the end and that's the biggest gag of the entire season BECAUSE I DIDN'T PLAN OUT THIS FAR GODDAMMIT AND I WISH I HAD. Ok that's not entirely true- I knew I should either sit next to Dennis or Ali because ya know contingency plans matter. BUT NOW??? Bitch ion know I just wanna win
Tumblr media
CLICK HERE & HERE TO SEE DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!
Tumblr media
i've never seen a better reflection of the emotional rollercoaster that is my mental state than these two being filmed less than 12 hours apart jasldfa
CLICK HERE AND HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!
okay i have lots of post finale thoughts but i need to type them up tomorrow. i just hope the jury knows how sorry I am if I ever upset them, because I love them all so much and would never want that :(
time for my post finale wrap up and.... whewie. This is so upsetting because, I just did this for all stars. Like it's looking like my track record is LITERALLY going to be 2nd 9th 2nd 2nd 2nd, I CANT COME 2ND AGAIN. I really can't take this. Here is the bigger problem though and this is why Orre will be my last game whether I win or not. I can't keep playing these games when I upset so many people. Like it honestly broke my heart yesterday hearing how much I upset people like Bryce & Ashvika, people I love SOOOOOOO much. I don't want to upset people. Like... what upset me about finale is I don't think the jurors realise that.... I didn't just upset people for the sake of it and ahhh. Honestly, I'm really upset, like not even that I'm coming second but that I upset people. So with that said, I really apologise to the jurors. I got the impression that I hurt you all so bad that you are giving me 2nd as like.... punishment? And while I hate that, if I hurt you all that bad I really owe you all an apology. Anywho, since this is definitely my last game, I've played 183 days worth of games to just come 2nd, and that's just too much. I'm too flawed of a person and player to continue playing these games and just keep coming 2nd. Like it just hurts. so yeah, i'm sad but mainly because this is deja vu. I'm so proud of Dennis for winning, he is such a sweet genuine guy and when he was complimenting me during the finale, it was the nicest thing I've ever heard and I'm so greatful. No matter my game or his, I'd be happy to see Dennis represent our season.
Can I just say... Dennis is such a king. What a kind-hearted, genuine guy. A true king.
Tumblr media
CLICK HERE TO WATCH DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOM!
Tumblr media
okay so I lost.... and I'm weirdly at peace with it. I know I answered the jury questions terribly and I had... some jurors that would never have it in them to vote for me and would actively campaign against me. Dennis is a king, and in a cast with toxicity and SUCH bitterness, I think he is a phenomenal representation for the season. Otherwise, I am really honoured to get Ashvika's vote, she is such a deserving POTS, and to get POTS' vote is always an honour. Autumn and Jose are amazing friends and I am so happy to have got to work with them, John is a player with SUCH potential and he is WINNING BOTS & Zeezo I'm really honoured to get her vote too! For the others, Bryce is a KING and so is Blake (they both seemed really upset by me so I hope we can be friends). Lynn I never spoke to and seems... very bitter about the season's result, but I hope she gets over it because she is also a QUEEN. Randy is a funny one and I'm starting to worry all his friend talk was just him playing into my emotional side, but he is a good egg really I know it. Sammy is a ghost king. I kinda want to end on Alivia. Alivia is a person whose personality is obviously very different to mine and the way she speaks to me and others really upsets me a lot of the time. However, her bitterness against me is understandable and I hope she gets over it, because she defines herself by anger and bitterness when she is such a funny and likable person and doesn't need to do that. but woo... to wrap stuff up, I'm so grateful for Nicholas & Julia for casting me, Owen & Emily for being amazing.... OH, I forgot what I wanted to say. Autumn is a queen, a legend and amazing. She is honestly soo soo amazing, like... someone I really admire and see as a rolemodel? she is inspirational, a queen and a legend. Dennis is the nicest, most well intentioned guy ever SO sweet and really just a genuinely nice guy. I have made lasting friendships with some members of this cast and I'm so happy. so yeah.... i'll probably do another one of these in like a day or so, but if not.... ali out woo
we love coming to jury and being told about my ""showmance""".... wanna die jadfkl. my only showmance was to snakery, my way of life. blake was robbed but also is a broccoli. last words? autumn and dennis are my faves, best F3 ever.
FINAL CAST ASSESSMENT
youtube
1 note · View note