#which always makes me prone to forget how awful he is 🫤 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

magnus-and-the-dragon · 1 month

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one time the silt verses said “you can never really overreact to a parent; you’re just yelling back through the decades making up for lost time”

and i literally had to pull my ass over while driving to jot that shit down

and i’ve been thinking A Lot about my dad lately and i put on my next episode in my silt verses relisten today and, coincidentally, encountered that quote Again

and i’m just. over here Dwelling. pls don’t contact.

#it’s just sad #i’ve not been home a lot and thus not interacted with him a lot #and i’ve had like. an abnormal ratio of normal-to-pleasant interactions with him lately.#which always makes me prone to forget how awful he is 🫤#it’s just so hard when i see like #glimmers of a better person in him #the other night i passed him in the kitchen and he looked at me and said ‘it’s good to have you home. the house feels more complete #when you’re here.’ and it sounded. earnest.#and sometimes i look at him or hear him and he just seems so Tired. lonely.#and i think about how hard it must be to live in a house full of people. your literal family. who Do Not Like You #who avoid you as much as possible.#and at the same time it’s just #he alienated ALL of us. we’ve all tried so hard #i’ve s e e n it. i’ve done it!#in my bones i do not believe that he is a safe person to be around and i don’t think he Can be without significant reflection #and probably professional help. and he has no interest in that.#but it’s just sad.#to have moments where i see the kind of dad he Could have been #and i have such like #guilt? regret? over the fact that i have never actually Told Him #that i’m making the choice not to be around him and why #like i’m denying him the chance to change. or something.#and at the same time i just. do not trust him to do anything but. at best. ignore it. and at worst use it to be cruel.#i don’t know life is just sad sometimes #and i keep having dreams about yelling at him and telling him what a bad father he is and i Know that what i want is for him to acknowledge #me and the way i feel and. he never does. and every time i wake up feeling helpless and small.#and that is exactly what i hope to never receive from him again

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