#which is a HUGE shame that thing is a straight up banger!!!

[princekirijo]

Ok but did Spectacular's theme song play in the movie

I DON'T THINK IT DID AND THAT WAS A CRIME TBH!!!

[freddiesaysalright]

Peace Like A River Part 1

A Gwilym Lee x Reader Story

Summary: Reader is a stand up comic with a pretty dark past. She has a three new lights in her life: her daughter, Violet; her anonymous correspondent, Dear Friend; and Gwilym Lee. 

Word Count: 3.4K

Tag List: @psychosupernatural @someone-get-a-medic @bensrhapsody @deakyclicks If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Sorry this took so long! I had like the snippet of an idea for this and then needed more for a plot, but I think I’ve finally got it together lol. Hope y’all like it!

Part I here we go!!!

Grinning, you read over the letter once more from backstage. His words in that graceful, loopy handwriting warmed you from your heart to your toes. You sighed contentedly, stuffed the paper into your back pocket for luck, and waited for your cue.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Y/N Y/L/N!” the host cried. 

You shook out the last of your nerves and walked out on the stage, waving and grinning at the huge crowd that stood and applauded for you. You had never done a show for an audience this large and it was both intimidating and exhilarating. 

“Thank you!” you said, as you waited for them to stop cheering. “Thank you. Thank you all for coming. Really, I appreciate it because whenever I have to go out and do things, I think about killing myself.”

A nervous titter went through the crowd and you smiled again.

“Seriously, I do. I’ll think about killing myself over nothing. Like, the other day, I was in the car on my way home from the store and my sister called me and asked me to stop by her place and help her and her husband move furniture. And I actually thought ‘If I crashed my car right now and died, I wouldn’t have to go move any fucking furniture.’”

They laughed.

“It’s crazy, I know, but I casually think about it any time I’m even minorly inconvenienced. But what stops me from doing it - like, my next line of thought - is something equally meaningless. Like, in that scenario with my sister, the thing that held me back was like, I thought ‘But fuck, Bohemian Rhapsody is coming out in like two months and I really wanna see that.’”

A couple cheers came through the laughter and you smiled.

“Oh, we got some Queen fans in here tonight?” you said. 

More cheers.

“Yeah, cheer, clap, fuck yeah!”

A swell of shouts and whistles went through the crowd and you joined them.

“Fuck yeah, y’all were raised right,” you said when it settled down. “Queen is a great band. Just four sexy dudes making banger after banger. They’re legitimately my favorite band. I’m not gonna lie, they really got me through some shit, but we’ll come back to my trauma later.”

You paused for a small bit of laughter.

“Now normally, I don’t like when comedians talk about Queen. And by that, I mean, I don’t like it when comedians talk about Freddie Mercury,” you said. “And it’s not for some pretentious reason like they’re not real fans or something. It’s literally just that when people joke about Freddie Mercury, they joke about the same two things - his teeth and his sexuality - two extremely fucking boring things to joke about.”

You took a sip of water.

“Not only are they boring, they’re just rude. Like, these are things this man was born with and couldn’t change about himself - he had no control over that. What he did have control over - the fucking ridiculous lyrics of Under Pressure.”

A giggle went through them. You smiled.

“I’m serious. Have any of you ever looked up the lyrics to that song? Most of it doesn’t really bother me, it’s just those weird scat-like shit Freddie does between verses. Like, they have these great, meaningful lines followed by Freddie going ‘Um, bah, bah, bay.’ What the fuck?”

They laughed.

“That shit is in the official lyrics of that legendary song and I think about that every goddamn day. That and fucking ‘dee, dah, day - ok!’ Shit like that is how you know these dudes were on drugs. One of those guys came up with that, pitched it to four other people - if not more - and they all went ‘fuckin genius’ and bam! Under Pressure is one of the greatest hits of all time.”

They laughed harder.

“I guess I’m not as disturbed by that as I am by the fact that the people ate it up like they did. It’s one thing for those guys to say it’s genius, but then for us as the public to say it as well just fucks me up. The first time I heard that song I was like ‘what the cinnamon toast fuck am I listening to?’ Shit was weird.”

You took another drink as they laughed. 

“But honestly, I don’t understand why people go for Freddie’s sexuality when there are clearly much more roastable things to talk about. I don’t care how rich and famous he was, if you’re a straight white guy making fun of gay brown guy for being either or both of those things, you’re punching down, dude, and that’s not comedy, that’s just being an asshole.”

For that, they applauded. You continued on through your set, and this audience was great for you. They were responsive and you held their attention throughout. You were almost ready to close the show.

“I always like to end my shows with the most important person in my life,” you said. “I’ve talked about her already tonight, and she’s my daughter, Violet.”

The tech guys put a picture of her up on the projector behind you. You beamed at it. 

“That’s her. She’s three years old and she’s my everything. She’s the reason I get on stage and in front of cameras. She’s the real reason I don’t crash my car to get out of moving furniture.”

With one final laugh, you bid them goodnight. You took a little bow at the roar of applause and smiled widely. You said a few more thank yous before the spotlight dimmed and you walked off stage to the sound of cheering and clapping. It never ceased to amaze you how far you had come. 

Someone took the mic for you as your assistant approached. She was a recent hire, and something you initially resisted. But now that your name and brand had grown, you really did need the help. Her name was Stacy, and she was incredibly efficient. You liked her, as did Violet, which sold you on hiring her.

“Great show,” she said with a smile. “Vi is asleep in the green room. We’ve got a couple VIP guests for you to meet before we take you both back to the hotel.”

“Alright, lead the way,” you replied.

You followed her to another room backstage where you saw a group of men. Most of them had their back to you, but one face, you recognized. Gwilym Lee, who you considered a friend, even though you hadn’t spoken in a while.

Before you had really thrown yourself into standup, you did a bit of acting. You and Gwilym shot a pilot of a sitcom that unfortunately never aired, but while filming, you had become really close. You even felt like he was flirting with you a few times, but back then you were nowhere near ready to start a new relationship, so you’d kept things strictly platonic. Nowadays, you mostly liked each others pictures on Instagram as your main form of communication. But life was busy for both of you. You were on tour and he had gone on to films.

You started to smile but then froze when the man next to Gwilym turned his head. You grabbed Stacy’s arm harshly.

“Holy shit is that Brian May?” you wondered.

She chuckled. “Yeah! The VIP guests are Queen and the cast of Bohemian Rhapsody.”

“Shut the fuck up!” you cried. “Really?!”

“Yep,” she assured you. “Go on in and say hello.”

Your stomach dropped with nerves. Again, you shook yourself free of them and donned your stage personality. Slipping into that mask was where you were most comfortable. While you talked about the things you had endured in your comedy, there it was lighthearted, and you did not have to face it head on. You could throw a joke out and dodge it. 

“Well, hello!” you said brightly as you entered the room. 

They all turned eyes on you and smiled as you were introduced. Brian May and Roger Taylor were without a doubt the most thrilling to shake hands with, but Rami Malek, Joe Mazzello, and Ben Hardy were also exciting. When it came time to shake hands with Gwilym, you offered a warm, friendly smile. 

“It’s great to see you again,” you said. “It’s been two years or so now?”

“Just about,” he replied. “You were wonderful.”

“Thank you!”

“Gwil was the one who convinced us to come tonight,” Joe explained. “He said you were hilarious on set when you filmed before.”

“That’s sweet,” you replied. “It is a shame that show never took off, it was a good one.”

“I certainly loved it,” Gwilym said. 

You chatted with them for a bit. They all were calming to be around. Brian and Roger were complimentary of your bit about Under Pressure, which eased some of your nerves about the set. Even though you were, you didn’t feel like you were putting on a show for them. In minutes, it felt like they were your friends. 

The door opened shortly after and in walked Stacy, hand in hand with your very sleepy daughter. She clutched her stuffed dog close to her chest as she ran right to you and crawled into you lap. You wrapped your arms around her and held her close, kissing the top of her head. She eyed the guests warily. 

“What are you doing awake, sweetie?” you asked gently, stroking her hair. 

“She woke up for a little while,” Stacy explained. “I tried to get her back down but all she wanted was Mommy.”

You smiled. “That’s okay. You can have Mommy whenever you want her.”

She snuggled into your chest, turning her face away from the strangers. 

“You don’t want to say hello?” you wondered, and she shook her head. You looked at the guys. “Sorry. She’s kinda shy.”

“That’s alright,” said Brian. 

“She’s grown up,” Gwilym said. “Last time I saw her, she was just learning to walk.”

“Oh, yeah,” you remembered. “She actually walked right into you during a scene.”

You both chuckled at the memory.  

“The director was almost mad, but she was so cute,” he continued. 

He knelt down in front of you and gently touched her arm. She turned her face to just barely peek at him. 

“Hi, Violet,” he said sweetly, smiling at her. “It’s been a while.”

Her brow furrowed. 

“You were still a little baby,” you explained to her. “But you’ve met Gwilym before.”

She relaxed and looked between you and him. 

“Daddy?” she questioned. 

You stiffened and cleared your throat uncomfortably. Then shook your head. 

“No, baby,” you told her. “No Daddy.”

She pouted at you and then hid her face again. You looked apologetically at Gwilym, who shrugged it off. He started to get up, but hesitated to pick something up off the ground. It was your letter that had been in your pocket. He held it out to you. 

“Is this yours?” he asked. 

You quickly took it, your face flushing with embarrassment. Even though there was no way he knew what it was, you still felt really shy about the whole situation. 

“Yeah, thanks,” you said, not meeting his eyes as you stuffed it back into your pocket. 

“A letter?” he questioned. 

“Just some particularly touching fanmail,” you lied. 

“Not enough people write letters anymore in my opinion,” said Roger. 

“Why sit and write a letter when you can send a text?” Ben replied. “It’s much faster.”

“Yeah, but I sort of miss the anticipation involved in letter writing,” Brian said in agreement with his bandmate. 

You continued to visit with them as Violet slowly fell asleep again against you. For a while, you felt Gwilym’s eyes on you intensely. His expression was odd. It appeared he thought he knew something more about you. It made you shift in your seat a few times before at last, he seemed to let go of whatever question was burning in his mind. 

They visited for about another half hour before you really did need to get back to your hotel, and so did they. You said fond farewells to all of them, reassured them that you would see the movie, and then it came to Gwilym. 

“We’re in New York for a few days,” he said. “Let me know if you’d like to get coffee or something and catch up.”

“That would be great,” you replied with a smile. 

You gave him a side hug since you had Violet on your hip, sleeping soundly. Her stuffed dog slipped from her hand but Gwil caught it before it hit the ground and handed it to you. 

“Can’t have that,” he said lightly. 

“Thank you,” you returned, taking it. You looked at all of them. “Have a wonderful night, guys. It was so great chatting with you.”

They all bid you one final farewell. Gwilym was the last to leave and you shared a lingering look with him before he closed the door. You continued to stare at the spot where he disappeared, realizing now how much you had missed him these last couple years. 

“Ready to go to bed?” Stacy asked. 

With a yawn, you nodded, and she ordered an Uber to take all three of you back to the hotel you were staying in. It wasn’t far from the venue, since you would be doing three shows there this week before moving on Boston. Stacy eyed you with an odd smirk as you stared out the car window. Finally, you looked at her. 

“What is it?” you asked, a bit snappier than you intended. 

“You and Gwilym Lee seemed to have a little something going on,” she said with a sly smirk. 

You rolled your eyes. “We just knew each other a couple years ago. Besides, you know I’m...involved with someone.”

“Ah, right,” she said, rolling her eyes now. “The ever elusive Dear Friend.”

“Hey, if anyone’s elusive, it’s me,” you said. “I was the one who made the arrangement what it is.”

“Y/N, you write letters to some mystery man,” she replied. “He could be anyone. Gwilym Lee is a real person and right in front of you.” 

“Dear Friend is a real person,” you argued. “I’ve just never met him.”

“And yet you’re convinced he’s your soulmate,” she returned. “I just don’t get it. How can you fall in love with someone through paper?”

“You don’t understand,” you said. “You’ve never read his letters. He’s so...eloquent and smart. And I can be myself with him. I can share my deepest thoughts and desires without any fear of judgement. He does so with me as well. It’s a real connection. The strongest I’ve ever felt with anyone.”

“You don’t know anything real about each other,” she insisted. “Not your names, not your jobs, where you live-”

“Those things don’t matter,” you cut across her. “The real stuff is deeper than that. And that’s where Dear Friend and I meet.”

“Whatever,” she said dismissively, weary of having this discussion yet again. “You’ve got your family reunion on your last day in town. I suggest you find a man in person to go with you. If you show up without someone again, I think your mother will actually lose her mind.”

You considered this. She was right, your mother absolutely hounded you about your romantic life since Violet was born. You told her you weren’t ready since your marriage had left you so scarred. You didn’t tell her about Dear Friend, though, since you knew she could never understand something like that. Plus, you had only been corresponding for a year.  

“I think Gwilym would go with you,” Stacy said, nudging you with her elbow. 

“I was thinking more along the lines of hiring some actor to be my boyfriend,” you replied. “I don’t want to expose Gwilym to my family. He’s been nothing but nice to me.”

She chuckled. “At least take him up on the coffee. I really think you should explore your options in case this Dear Friend isn’t who he says he is.”

“I will take him up on the coffee,” you assured her. “But it’s not a date. In the meantime, find some poor struggling actor to go with me and get my mother off my back.”

“I’m on it,” she assured you, already looking through her phone to get started. 

You reached the hotel at last. You took Violet to your room, bidding Stacy goodnight as she went to her room next door. You tucked your daughter into bed and kissed her on the forehead before heading over the desk. You pulled out the letter from Dear Friend that was still in your pocket and read it once more. Then you pulled out your stationery and pen to begin your reply. You were halfway through your letter when you remembered Gwilym. 

You opened your phone and pulled up his number, which you had from your days of being coworkers. You opened up a text to send to him and found yourself blanking on what to say. You had written paragraphs to Dear Friend, but when it came to asking someone to get a simple cup of coffee, you had no idea how to phrase it. It made you all the more certain Dear Friend was your person. Words came easily when talking to him. 

You went with your stage personality. You sent a casual, “Is tomorrow too soon for that coffee?” with a silly emoji. Then you returned to your letter. Gwilym texted back almost right away and suggested meeting around nine in the morning, which you agreed to. Then you finished writing your letter and sealed it in an envelope for Stacy to send off in the morning. 

The letters always took some time. One thing you knew about Dear Friend was that he was from the UK. The PO box you sent the letters to was in London, but you could also tell from the way he spelled things. You often teased each other about these differences. So of course, they took longer to send and receive. But, you agreed with Brian May that the anticipation of getting one was one of the most exciting parts of the experience. 

Another benefit of him being across the pond meant that your opportunities to meet were few. In fact, you hadn’t had one since you started writing. It was a bit of a relief. You knew you loved Dear Friend, but keeping him at arm’s (well, ocean’s) length felt safest. And after your brutal marriage to Violet’s father, Henry, being safe was of top priority for you. And yet, the desire to be with Dear Friend grew daily. It just terrified you to face the reality of it. 

The next morning, you dropped the letter and Violet off with Stacy while you went to meet up with Gwilym. You went to a local coffee shop and ordered. You paid, and he protested, but you insisted, and assured him that he could get it next time. You grabbed a table and started talking. You told him you were still living in Los Angeles and that you were mostly doing shows out in California. You tended to avoid New York, since Henry and his friends and family were still there and he was still an NYPD officer. You couldn’t avoid it on tour, though, nor your family reunion. You told Gwilym about the reunion, but not the part about you ex-husband. 

“You’re hiring someone?” he asked, baffled. “A stranger?”

“Yeah,” you said. “Some guy that was rejected from Broadway or something. I’ll pay him, and we’ll come up with a story for my mother, and then the next time I see her I’ll tell her how we tragically broke up.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he said with a laugh. “I’ll do it for you.”

You blinked. “You really don’t have to-”

“I don’t mind,” he said. “We’re friends. I know meeting strange men is difficult for you.”

Gwilym knew that Henry had abused you because you talked about it in your sets. You never got into gruesome detail, although you had confessed a few things to Dear Friend. You talked on stage about not dating because of what you had been through. It was extremely kind of Gwilym to offer this, and you weren’t sure how you could thank him. Your comedian mask slipped on again. 

“I’m not sure I can afford your rates, Mr. Lee,” you teased. 

“How much was my coffee?” he returned. 

“Five dollars,” you told him. 

“Well, it turns out, for friends, I offer a discounted price of five dollars,” he joked. “So, consider it payment for the coffee.”

Your brow furrowed. “Are you sure about this?”

“Really, it’s fine,” he reassured you. “It’s just one day.”

“I can’t tell you how grateful I am,” you said, seriously. 

He raised a curious eyebrow at your tone. 

“I mean, it’s just one of the nicest things,” you continued, blushing once again under his gaze. “You’re a very generous person, Gwilym.”

“Perhaps,” he said. “Or you’re just still getting used to kindness.”

You smiled, unwilling to go any deeper. 

“Let’s chalk it up to a combination of both,” you said lightly. 

You finished your coffees and headed to the door. He had to go to an interview and you were going to take Violet around the city since the weather was nice. As you hugged goodbye, you smiled up at him. 

“See you Saturday?” you asked. 

“Saturday,” he affirmed.

[uniformbravo]

a bunch of winter 2020 anime first impressions from Me

Koisuru Asteroid / Asteroid In Love

ok ive already professed my love for this one so i wont get too much into it but basically it’s Extremely cute & im way invested in the two (HOPEFULLY romantic) leads bc their relationship is so sweet so far aaaaaaa

like do u SEE this shit im actually tearing up hgnfhrognfghdjfnjg

this show is Pretty and Cute and Space-Themed and Probably Gay what more do u Need. i love it 10/10

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

so fucken good, this is the one i was most excited for based purely on the art style/animation and god did it deliver, everything is such a treat to look at i fuckin LOVE a setting w/ just as much personality as the characters

and My Goodness the Characters, 3 distinct girls w/ strong designs & personalities that aren’t like super moe/catered to cishet dudes heLLO

we Love a gremlin protag & her chaotic neutral best friend & the “fuck you dad i want to make anime” dreamer they meet........

also HELL YEAH it’s about making anime and they don’t even use that as a gimmicky set piece, the art is a huge part of the story and the detail with which it’s explored in the first ep gives me high hopes for the rest of the show aaaaa so excited to see where this one goes after that BANGER of a first episode

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun

switching gears to a less great one lol..... so the thing is this show’s visual aesthetic absolutely fucking slaps in a way that’s so rare to see in a sea of samey anime art styles, like the character designs are unique and everything is so damn colorful, the backgrounds alone blow me away w/ how fuckin Pretty they are??? LOOK at this shit

and just. this show has a lot of stylistic flourishes that make it like 100/100 Certified Good-To-Look-At Anime

which makes every other aspect of the show that much more disappointing lmaoooo like ok i can deal w/ a mediocre story if the visuals slap, which they Do, but also these characters look 10 & we’re doing the whole sexualizing minors thing which fucking BLOWS it’s so uncomfortable to watch........... i feel like it’s one of those things where they’re trying to justify it by being like “o well hanako’s like a thousand year old spirit or whatever so he’s not REALLY underage” but fuckin. fuck off he looks and sounds like a Young Boy yall know what ur doing ugh

it’s not a thing that happens Constantly throughout the episode, really just a few moments here and there, but it is in the op pretty prominently so i feel like it’s gonna be a Thing that keeps happening so idk if i’ll stick w/ this one in particular which is a Damn Shame bc it really is such a gorgeous looking show im mad

number24

ok ngl just from the character designs alone i rly didn’t think this one was gonna make as good a first impression as it did??? i guess the huge ensemble cast of pretty boys reminded me of last season’s actors: songs connection, which uh. was Not great,

so i went into it totally expecting it to be all shitty but it rly surprised me, i found it so intriguing? the characters are actually really endearing so far...... i love how it doesn’t try to shove the entire cast in our faces in the v first ep but instead starts out w/ a small handful and lets us spend a lil time w/ them while only giving assorted Hints and passing impressions of the others, that was nice

also love how very not “generic sports anime” it is right off the bat by dropping us right into the middle of these characters’ story instead of doing the whole “bright-eyed first year joins the team and fights his way to the top” sorta deal- which you’d think would be a confusing and awkwardly paced approach but in this case is handled surprisingly well, especially because it seems like it’s gonna have a lot more elements of a character drama than a straight up classic sports anime (which i am Super here for)

(there is a lot of rugby in the op though so we’ll see how things go, it’s only been 1 ep after all)

the air drop into the characters’ established lives makes introductions a lot more organic as well; since the characters are already familiar with each other we don’t have to sit around watching everyone introduce themselves to the protag, we get to infer their relationships and general opinions of each other through their various interactions & it’s a thousand times more engaging imo!!

i mean we do have this other first year joining as a manager and our protag did deliberately say he learned everyone’s names/info after deciding to become a manager so im sure we’ll be getting those character introductions anyway, but well. we’ll cross that bridge if/when we come to it

also i believe this takes place in college rather than high school?? i couldn’t pay attention to every detail but i definitely got that kind of vibe in which case Hell Yeah another welcome deviation from the norm babeeyyyy (i just checked and it Is college yeehaw)

basically what im saying is im tired of tropes & number24 just no clipped past the first 25 chapters of the sports anime formula and also it’s set in university AND it seems to be character-driven & im living thanks thank u

Pet

ok ill be honest i completely forgot that i watched this one lmaooo (which should give u a hint as to what i thought of it *thinking emoji*)

the art style’s whatever and the animation’s whatever, nothing special there. the show is like, dark?? more stupid than dark idk it feels a little bit “welcome to my twisted mind” but the twist is homophobia w/ a mild side of ableism, and also an entire episode of suspense wondering if im gonna have to watch this black side character die (he doesn’t, so there’s that at least)

honestly i cant even remember what drew me to this show enough to put it in my plan to watch, i guess the premise sounded interesting enough (something about controlling minds and erasing memories?), but mature psychological shows usually aren’t really my scene, especially when they’re executed.... Like That. i did kind of enjoy the twist at the end, mildly, though i feel like it was pretty obvious in hindsight and the only reason i didn’t see it coming is bc i can be astoundingly shortsighted when it comes to things like that (aka im DUMB)

since it took until the very end of the episode to Really introduce our dynamic duo tho, i feel like this ep was more of a prologue than anything and the Real show is gonna begin in ep 2, which is great n all but uh. idk if i care enough to give that a watch tbhhhh. i might just to see what the show has to offer but really truly honestly cant see myself sticking this one thru to the end lmao rip

--

hate to end on a bummer note like that but hey that’s all i got for this post ! i have more shit to watch so i’ll probably end up making like a part 2 w/ more impressions but this is getting long enough that it’s becoming kind of a pain to keep adding more so thats it for now boiyoeiyeoii

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2018, Part II

Part I is here. Let’s keep it moving. ENDEARING CURIOSITIES WITH BIG FLAWS

103. Zama (Lucretia Martel)- In this movie there's a motif of Zama, an officer of the 18th century Spanish Empire, starting a scene by talking to someone or staring at someone off camera. After a minute or two, the camera cuts to some servant and disorients us. There's a person there, always there, to serve him, and it doesn't really matter who it is. It's a brilliant way to get at the colonialism that the character depends on but is still trapped by. So I get a little bit of what the film is trying to do, but it's boring. I'm an ignorant person who doesn't know how to watch Lucretia Martel's films or have any context for South American history, but I know what boring is. 102. I Feel Pretty (Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein)- I like that Schumer tried something different instead of falling back on her persona, but there isn't enough new or interesting here for me to recommend--besides National Treasure Michelle Williams, of course. The film nearly displays "Do you see that she's turning her back on her real friends now?" on the screen. 101. A Simple Favor (Paul Feig)- At times cheeky and sexy and juicy, but it still wears out its welcome by twists ninety-one and ninety-two. 100. Double Lover (Francois Ozon)- Diverting until it gets silly, then so silly that it gets diverting again. There are about five too many twists, and I'm still unclear on how seriously the film takes any of those twists. More importantly, I don't think there's much of a takeaway from any of it. Ozon seems to have found a real muse in Marine Vacth though. 99. Borg Vs. McEnroe (Janus Metz Pedersen)- As a Shia Pet, I felt obligated to see his portrayal of Johnny Mac. I didn't learn anything that I didn't already know from this mediocre biopic though. Watch the documentary McEnroe/Borg: Fire & Ice instead. 98. Ralph Breaks the Internet (Rich Moore and Phil Johnston)- There's some clever visualization of the the Internet, such as the way that a link shuttles an avatar off in a transparent car or the way that shady newsboy types whisper about pop-up ads. And I liked a lot of the Disney tie-in stuff that critics are wincing at. As far as textbook screenwriting goes, it's great at that idea of making you think that the protagonists will accomplish their goal very easily, only to have them be re-directed to square one. The voice acting is top-notch. Why do these movies get so plotty though? I felt as if the internal logic started getting inconsistent about halfway through--at the same time that the first one got bogged down with candy stuff instead of 8-bit video game stuff. And if there are so many lovable characters from the first entry, why do we get such tiny servings of them here? The movie's too long already, but what I wouldn't give for an occasional cut back to Fix-It Felix raising some kids.

97. We the Animals (Jeremiah Zagar)- The Tree of Life is one of my favorite movies, and on its face, We the Animals is a really similar impressionistic memory. So why do I like it half as much? Are lighting and music that important? Is Jessica Chastain? Is latent racism? All I know is that this felt like a story I had seen before pitched at the same intensity for a running time I was happy to see expire. 96. Kodachrome (Mark Raso)- The three leads are all pretty good. (Ed Harris does this bashful, pulling-on-his-eyelid thing that killed me.) But with mathematical precision, the film matched each element I liked with another thing that infuriated me. Specifically, the whole plot hinges on one scene, and that scene is preposterous and alien to human behavior. 95. Deadpool 2 (David Leitch)- The pacing of these movies is bizarre to me; they're half-over before they really get started. No one else is bothered by the fact that Cable has no motivation or backstory for the first hour? Some of the connections to X-Men felt more forced this time around, but I thought this entry was much funnier than the first, even mixing in some more subtle visual gags. (The exotic locales montage ending in Biloxi really got me.) I have to give credit to the X-Force parachute sequence, which is audacious and unexpected. And clear out for Zazie Beetz, who is a huge star in the making. 94. At Eternity’s Gate (Julian Schnabel)- Something about Van Gogh was essentially unknowable, which is a great reason to make a movie about him and a terrible reason to make a movie about him. I'm not sure that Julian Schnabel got to the bottom of the man any better than anyone else has, though maybe that's an unfair expectation. To his credit, Schnabel yada-yadas the ear business and Van Gogh's death in favor of his more poetic understanding of the artistic life. The movie doesn't coalesce for me, but there's a banger of a scene between Dafoe and Mads Mikkelsen about the responsibility an artist has toward God. That short nested inside makes the whole thing worth seeing. The conversation I had afterwards with one of the two other people in the theater, an art historian, was a solid three stars. 93. Bohemian Rhapsody (Bryan Singer)- Some biographical movies do a good job of compressing time, and their supporting characters don't feel sacrificed or glossed over. For many other mediocre ones though, including this one, I submit the Three Scene Rule. Three scenes is kind of the minimum for a character to register an arc and for an actor to present any kind of dynamic performance, so in a lot of these true story movies, that's all that a supporting character gets. If you're looking for it, it's glaring. (Watch Hidden Figures again with the husband and boyfriend characters in mind. I'll wait.) This movie has a few characters that matter: Freddie Mercury, obvs; the other Queen members; Paul Prenter, the unfairly composited villain; and Mary Austin, the platonic love of Mercury's life. The movie spends way too much time on her, as if to tease the audience with the idea that Freddie might be straight. As for everyone else? Three scenes. Ray Foster, the record executive played by Mike Myers (!): A. "Look, guys, I like formulas. This opera stuff you're talking about? That sounds crazy." B. "The opera stuff is crazy. I ain't making that the single. You can walk out of here for all I care." C. [hangs head in shame after being proven wrong] Jim Hutton, Freddie's partner for the seven years this movie doesn't care about: A. "Look, pal, I may be a waiter, but you can't just grab me like that. On second thought, let's talk. You should learn how to love yourself." B. "Oh, hey. Glad you tracked me down, slugger. You love yourself now? Sure, let's go meet your parents." C. "Guess I'm your boyfriend now. Looking forward to the show." Freddie's Parents: A. "You go out every night! What are you doing out there? Why can't you be a good boy? What's up with your new name?" B. "Why can't you be a good boy? What's up with your new name?" C. "You're a good boy, I guess, even if you're gay. Guess that's your name for real." I like the idea of reproducing the Live Aid performance in full, and the movie comes alive during its musical sequences. But I wish that the same attention given to, like, the number of Pepsi cups on the piano was also given to the nuts and bolts of the storytelling.

92. The Predator (Shane Black)-  I get why other people don't like this. The final fourth feels obligatory, and it seems cut to the verge of incoherence. But if you don't get a little tingle out of a game cast saying Shane Black things like, "Predators don't just sit around making hats out of rib cages," then we are very different moviegoers.

91. Sorry to Bother You (Boots Riley)- I admire Boots Riley's ambition, the way he's taking many of the ideas that drove his music and channeling them into film. But there are too many ideas and, strangely, too much plot to cohere. I liked some of the jokes, especially the Robocop-py TV clips laced throughout. I think my main problem, however, is Lakeith Stanfield as Cassius. He's a fascinating actor, but his energy is completely wrong for an everyman lead like this. I don't think he was the right choice to carry it. 90. Thoroughbreds (Cory Finley)- The repartee at the beginning is sharp, and there are some engaging elements of style. God knows I've never complained about rich, sad, nubile brunettes with strange eyes. But there are pieces missing in that forest-for-the-trees way that happens sometimes with debuts. Like, how do these privileged girls not have access to a gun when our national nightmare is based on all young people having access to guns? Or what is the exact motivation behind the crime at the center? Lots of great characters have been spurred by a violent curiosity, but a zinger here and there doesn't make these girls Raskolnikov. 89. White Boy Rick (Yann DeMange)- Even if this isn't it, I think Yann Demange has a great film in him. There's some urgency to White Boy Rick's politics, and it looks interesting. If nothing else, it succeeds in making the surroundings seem as gloomy as the characters all acknowledge them to be. But this isn't a great film in either of its halves. It's motivated by plot until a crucial event that I don't want to reveal, then it veers much more into character. I would normally sign off on that, but this movie grinds to a halt in the change and never recovers. McConaughey pulls his weight, but Richie Merritt is pretty bad in the lead. 88. The Strangers: Prey at Night (Johannes Roberts)- Despite some striking images and a welcome lack of explanation for the menace, Prey at Night doesn't reach the heights of its predecessor, mostly because the characters are too paint-by-numbers. 87. Ant-Man and the Wasp (Peyton Reed)- Probably the first Marvel movie that would benefit from more action. Some of the material is genuinely funny thanks to Michael Pena and Randall Park, but I got a little drowsy during the middle hour of talk about phase-shifting and the quantum realm. Get back to making things big or making things little, Dr. Molecule! 86. Creed II (Steven Caple Jr.)- The pieces are there, but it's a problem when Jim Lampley, who has one hundred times as many lines as the fifth lead, explains to the audience what they literally saw an hour earlier. If nothing else, this movie proves, through his absence, how good of a director Ryan Coogler is. I would be lying if I said I didn't get the chills at some key moments. Stallone’s performance and Jordan's muscles are good. But there was a dark, honest way for this movie to end, and it went directly against that ending into something more Hollywood. 85. Let the Sunshine In (Claire Denis)- Like Taxi Driver if Travis Bickle just wanted the guy to get him a glass of water afterwards. The film does have that kind of myopic focus--the sexy, ever-candid Binoche is in every scene--but it's far more elliptical, progressing only through character, never through plot. Let the Sunshine In is unique in a way that is different from Denis's other unique works: No one talks like an actual person, and she acts as if you should know all of the characters instead of properly introducing them. It's not supposed to be funny ha-ha, so excuse me if that's what I wanted.

84. Revenge (Coralie Fargeat)-  like the style of this film, the color palette, the synth score, how far it's willing to go with the gore. But if it's called Revenge, and it's clear who the hero is (hint: not the rapist), then the whole thing feels like a fait accompli. We know exactly who's going to be the last woman standing, and we even know the order of the people she's going to kill.

PRETTY GOOD MOVIES 83. The Rider (Chloe Zhao)- This movie is trying to be a poem, but the parts I like the most are prose. It's a promising piece of filmmaking with heartbreaking moments, but I found it most effective when the storytelling spelled things out. It's an all-hands-on-deck independent film, so the amateurism of the piece shines through in the performances from non-professional actors. The relationship between Brady and his autistic sister is interesting because she speaks with that sarcastic cadence that can be learned from only children's programming. It's unlike what we usually see because, you know, she's a non-professional actor and real autistic person. So what do I know? 82. Unfriended: Dark Web (Stephen Susco)- Pretty tight from a storytelling standpoint and definitely grisly enough to get under the skin. But these laptop flicks move with such alacrity that it's hard to believe them whenever they ask you to buy something like love, since they paint it with the broadest strokes imaginable. Not that I would want a two-hour version of this anyway. 81. Juliet, Naked (Jesse Peretz)- Charming enough, arriving at a more realistic place than I expected, Juliet, Naked does nothing to make me revoke my charter membership in the Rose Byrne fan club. What an odd shape this film has though. The inciting incident happens at the hour mark, and it races obligatorily to an ending at an hour, thirty-seven. 80. Ocean’s Eight (Gary Ross)- It sets its marks and hits them adequately, with most of the charm that made the other Ocean movies fun. But there's something lifeless about Ocean's 8, both in the direction and the score. Take, for example, Richard Armitage's bland, sort of lost performance as an old flame/mark. It's such a nothing part that I began to think that it was a thesis: The men are just chess pieces, and they shouldn't take attention away from the women this time. But then James Corden emerges in the last half-hour and shines. So maybe Armitage was just bad and directed poorly? This movie exists for the Movie Star interplay though, and it delivers on that level. Cate Blanchett was good for so long that she's popular, and Sandra Bullock was popular for so long that she's good. Rihanna has to dress like a janitor at one point as a disguise, and she proves how absurd it would be for her to ever blend in. Anne Hathaway is the funniest of the bunch, balancing on a highwire of how big she's supposed to seem. Helena Bonham Carter gets the "and" hammer for all my credit fetishists. 79. Mary Poppins Returns (Rob Marshall)- I saw this on Christmas night with my family. The original Mary Poppins was the first movie my mom ever saw in theaters, and it's probably my wife's favorite. To the extent that insulting it is kind of insulting an important part of who she is. So I couldn't be the guy coming out of the theater like, "The Bankses definitely deserved to lose their house." Between you and me though, it's just fine. Entire sequences could be cut without damaging anything--do we ever come back to the bowl that Meryl Steep is supposed to be mending?--and most of the conflict feels manufactured. These legasequels always end up feeling like boxes being checked. We all know that the guys with the cannon had to come back, right? But some of the numbers are so joyful or stirring that even this grinch snuck a few smiles at his daughter as she pointed to the screen and said, "That's so silly." It's a good movie to see on Christmas night with your whole family. 78. RBG (Betsy West, Julie Cohen)- This movie is designed to make the viewer who would seek it out go, "What an American hero." It does that, I suppose, and there isn't a whole lot wrong with it. Yes, she is a very impressive person. But the film has too much untapped potential and too few teeth to recommend beyond that rubric of achieving its goals. For example, what about half of the population that would sneer at the notion that Ruth Bader Ginsburg is an American hero? Besides the inclusion of some radio clips over the credits, the filmmakers aren't concerned. "Look, she was friends with a conservative!"

77. Searching (Aneesh Shaganty)- Since I've seen thousands of movies that don't take place inside of a computer, there's still some novelty to the handful that do. On one hand, there are four or five twists too many, and the film isn't consistent with its own rules. On the other hand, it gets intriguingly dark for PG-13, and it never stops moving. 76. Uncle Drew (Charles Stone III)- The attitude toward women is retrograde, and to call the plot cookie-cutter would be an understatement. But this works, mostly because of the sunny, natural performances. Kyrie Irving, whose handles are even more of a marvel on a forty-foot screen, has to act through pounds of makeup, but he pulls it off. With only commercials to his name, he has to carry scenes of, like, standing at someone's grave and apologizing, and he has the presence and confidence to do it. I also should mention that Nick Kroll has a nothing-to-lose, galaxy brain performance for which probably zero of the lines were written ahead of time. "Shout-out to Oberto, shout-out to Aleve, the number one pain reliever in the game right now." I have to extend some of the credit here to Charles Stone III, who has made a calling card out of coaxing performances from newcomers. 75. Christopher Robin (Marc Forster)- Cute. 74. Unsane (Steven Soderbergh)- What seems to be a B-movie hitting its marks gets elevated by one fantastic scene that makes it seem timely and vital. I can't help but think Steven Soderbergh is punching below his weigh class though. I'm glad that an experiment like shooting a movie with an iPhone gets him up in the morning, and I know he doesn't want to make another Traffic or Out of Sight. But maybe, here's an idea, audiences might? 73. 22 July (Paul Greengrass)- The first thirty minutes are harrowing, in part because of their disciplined cross-cutting and Anders Danielsen Lie's chilling stoicism. The mistake that Greengrass makes is thinking that, later on, the three strands of story are equal in importance. He cuts away from the court case at its apex to see a kid trying to walk again or a prime minister demanding that his administration get tougher. Some moments are powerful, and Greengrass's composition and editing have mercifully softened, but this becomes a grind at a certain point. 72. Solo: A Star Wars Story (Ron Howard)- I hate to state the obvious, but this feels like multiple movies stitched together because that's exactly what it is. On one hand, we have the foggy opening, featuring an airtight inciting incident and setting up Emilia Clarke as that rarest of things in a Star Wars movie: a character with unclear motivations. But as the film goes on, it reveals why Han doesn't work as a protagonist. (Ehrenreich is bad, but the storytelling sinks the movie more than his performance does.) Everyone else in the movie drips with charisma and comments on the action while Han is left to connect the dots. In other words, the other characters get to be Han Solo, and Han Solo doesn't. By the time we get to the marauders, past the two hour mark of a movie that shouldn't have been more than two hours, the narrative crumbles under its own weight. These movies are way too competent to fail--I can list five or six moments that transcend the flaws--but each of these origin stories has a way of erasing the myth of Star Wars with a pen. 71. Bird Box (Susanne Bier)- This is a genre film that you've seen before in one way or another, so your expectations (and filmgoing experience even?) will dictate what you think of it. There's a metaphorical reading available, but that doesn't make the picture more artful automatically. Trevante Rhodes is a Movie Star. Here's what I can tell you: We need to appreciate John Gavin Malkovich while we can. Delivering the apotheosis of the selfish dickhead survivor character, he a) asks why the group can't stay in the grocery store forever, b) points shotguns at people when they try to let in strangers, c) drinks as he's telling people matter-of-factly that this is the end of the world, and d) (sort of) explains why he is the way he is. And-he-does-it-all-with-the-deliberate-cadence-that-you-are-doing-in-your-HEAD-right-NOW. I'm not saying the guy should win Best Supporting Actor or anything, but I admire his career more than any that would get a Best Supporting Actor.

[yearsblog]

Olly Alexander used his advance from his Years & Years record deal to do something he never could when he was a jobbing actor; he paid a man to make a small cut behind his left ear and pin it back with the help of a slender piece of metal. He’d had his eye on the procedure for years and only wanted the one ear pinned back because it stuck out more, and that reduced roughly 50 per cent of the cost. The pinnaplasty took 15 minutes and made him feel two things simultaneously.

“I was almost embarrassed by how overwhelmingly confident I was afterwards,” he says, looking up at the sun. “I thought, ‘God, is it really that simple?’”

The other thing he felt was a curious shame. “I had this weird moment… did I not love myself enough to just keep the face I was given?” He strokes the steely inside of his ear absent-mindedly. “Then I thought, ‘Maybe I’ll fix my teeth next.’”

If you’ve seen Olly smile, which he does often, you’ll have noticed he never got that procedure to ‘fix’ his teeth. At some point, the 27-year-old realised that certain things, even if they seem imperfect to you, don’t need fixing. Now he wants the rest of the male population to have the same realisation.

Alexander’s first big break came as an actor – a small role in Skins followed by a part in posh-boy drama The Riot Club in 2014. When he was still in school, he loved practising photoshoots and posing in front of his mirror at home, acting as if he was on America’s Next Top Model:

“I wanted to capture the glamour; it looked so cool.” His early experiences doing actual photoshoots, however, shattered the illusion. “I had such low self-esteem back then,” he says, citing a shoot he did when he was 17 for Teen Vogue’s ‘Young Hollywood’ issue. “The people were lovely but it was sort of traumatising,” he says.

“I was with Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Kaya Scodelario, Matthew Beard. Everyone went on to be massive. Anyway, it was weird. Having your picture taken when the onus is on you looking hot. That’s quite… stressful when you’re someone who doesn’t…”

He trails off and swirls his Aperol Spritz, which has been served in a goblet so thick and round it could happily accommodate a goldfish. Following his ShortList shoot, we’ve walked to a beer garden in southwest London. “It’s taken me almost 10 years to feel like I know the process isn’t about me. I can take myself out of the equation regarding whether I look good or not. It’s never been about that.”

If ‘Young Hollywood’ felt vapid and hollow to Alexander, his fortunes reversed as a pop star; he has thrived in a conventionally conservative pop landscape (Sam Smith, Shawn Mendes) and become a Technicolour, power-clashing, maximalist cannonball in the process.

The campaign to promote Years & Years’ second album, Palo Santo, focuses on a dystopian future ruled by androids, where a human (Alexander) is made to perform for their entertainment. As such, he dyed his hair a striking blood red and has spent this year serving Camden-cybergoth meets Berlin-sex-palace looks. He’s a young gay pop star, treading new ground within his industry – there’s not really a blueprint for what that looks like. That’s a lot of pressure for him to carry on his slight frame.

He thinks for a moment.

“I haven’t even considered that.”

“I get a real thrill for being ‘overtly queer’ in my aesthetic. I used to be scared of people thinking I was gay but now I’d be shocked if they didn’t.”

Years & Years’ arrival was hard to miss. Alexander, with bandmates Mikey Goldsworthy and Emre Türkmen, won the BBC’s Sound of 2015 poll, voted for by industry insiders and critics. Their first album, Communion – filled with throbbing, sinewy bangers about lust and desire, bruised hearts and man-on-man emotional power-plays – debuted at number one.

Two years later, Alexander fronted a documentary for BBC Three, Growing Up Gay, exploring the intersection between his sexuality and his mental health that felt instrumental in getting more men to discuss their own wellbeing. Alexander says he had identified his own concerns with the state of his mental health by the age of 13 and has always been vocal about it. He is an open book, frank and forthcoming. Whether it’s his sexuality, the changing nature of masculinity, or the state of austerity in the UK, Olly Alexander will always have something to say.

I ask him how his seismic rise has impacted his self-esteem. Does being adored on social media help pave over your insecurities, or does it amplify them?

“That all felt terrifying, to be honest,” he says. “It felt entirely possible that my real self would be a huge disappointment to all these people who were putting me on a pedestal. And if I met anyone who knew me online… it would be so horrifying. They think you’re one thing but you feel so far away from that. And then I would have these thoughts about people making judgements on me or my personal life, who my ex-boyfriends were. I had a negative reaction to it.”

Does it still bother you? “I’ve made peace with it. Our recent success… I had been planning it for so long,” he says. “I feel like I’ve gotten away with something. The lyrics, the short film, the costumes… it all felt like it was too weird to happen. Sometimes I think I have to be more ‘extra’ to get this kind of thing through [to people]. You have no idea how many conversations happen where the utterance, ‘Is it too gay, though?’ comes up. Nobody would say it to my face because they know I’d flip out. But it happens.”

He says he’s baffled by the way that queerness and sexuality is associated with being inappropriate for children. At last month’s BBC Radio 1’s Biggest Weekend, where he dressed in a bejewelled green one-piece that shimmered in the sun, he says he was criticised for his performance because it was “too erotic and too saucy”.

He agreed. “But it’s no different to Demi Lovato or Stefflon Don or Liam Payne. They all simulate sex on stage and they say things in their songs that are very erotic, they gyrate and wear revealing outfits. People don’t bat an eyelid, but as soon as I go on stage it’s a case of [he adopts a shrill, Helen Lovejoy tone]: ‘Think of the children!’’’ He pauses for a second. “I am thinking of the children. Young people need to see a queer person being comfortable in their body.”

In a New York Times profile earlier this year, country star KD Lang said that queer people were welcomed by the wider world only until their eroticism posed a threat. Keeping your head down, neutralising your sexuality and blending in is what LGBTQ people need to do to garner acceptance, or so goes the theory.

Alexander says that if his queerness feels more obtuse and radicalised, then it’s just a by-product of growing more comfortable with himself. “It’s less conscious, or direct,” he says. “There was never a moment when I said, ‘This is what I’m going to set out to do.’”

But with age comes a bit of stubbornness – and that’s a good thing.

“I get a real thrill for being ‘overtly queer’ in my aesthetic. I used to be scared of people thinking I was gay but now I’d be shocked if they didn’t. I’d hesitate to say I had a more developed sense of self, though, because how I look doesn’t take into account my mind, or how I develop internally.”

“Sometimes I wonder about the guys I had these sexcapades with, who identified as straight, and I wonder where they are now, in their own journey.”

The first single from Palo Santo was ‘Sanctify’, a seductive paean to male sexuality, with a thumpy, rumbly drum beat that sounds like Britney Spears’ ‘Slave 4 U’ if it was appropriated by robots in the near future. It’s about the fallacy of lust and the fleetingness of human contact; unashamedly sexy and confrontational.

It’s also about straight men, many of whom Alexander has collided with at various points in his twenties.

It was something that always happened to him, he says – guys who identify as straight hooking up with him – and he always writes about what he knows. I tell him I always found it flattering.

“Yeah,” he says. “You’re touching on a complicated area for a lot of gay men. And I suppose for everyone else involved. It’s good to interrogate your desires, to unpack why people feel drawn to one another. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to at the end of the day.”

If he had to guess, he says those straight men found him “alluring”. And he’s interested that some men who don’t identify as gay might be happy to sleep with men who are.

“We’re talking about how men express desire for one another. I find the exchange fascinating – what each person gets out of it, or what it makes each person feel. With ‘Sanctify’, I wanted to write something about the journey of coming out. It’s so drawn out. You come out to your friends, family, then the world, again and again, in hotels and on holiday and to cab drivers. And that can be painful. Sometimes I wonder about the guys I’d had these… sexcapades with, who identified as straight, and I wonder where they are now, in their own journey to understanding their sexuality.”

But he also believes you can identify as straight and still hook up with guys. “At the end of the day, these are just words we use to try to best describe ourselves. They’re not perfect.”

It’s late afternoon, and the sun is casting long shadows across the beer garden. Alexander is reflecting on how lucky he feels to have addressed his mental health at such a young age; it has left him with a toolbox full of ways to cope in all kinds of situations. “I believe we all encounter these problems,” he says. “Some people get to their fifties or sixties and realise there are aspects of their mental health they’ve never addressed.”

His control over his own mental health came in degrees; at school he was in and out of counselling due to an eating disorder, and was bullied by his peers because of his sexuality. Due to his early acting career he had enough disposable income by the age of 20 to fund a private therapist, and he admits he wouldn’t have been able to rely on the support offered by the NHS.

“It’s overbooked and slow, you can wait 12 weeks to see someone on the NHS, and that’s failing people. If you’re at crisis point, you need help urgently.” His own budget allowed for his private therapist for about six months.

“The situation is quite dire,” he says. “Who knows what will change? We have a government that has implemented austerity for the past eight years and has cut services for mental-health provision.” What about public campaigns aiming to de-stigmatise talking about mental health? Everyone from Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson to Prince William has begun conversations about theirs.

“Talking is a great place to start,” he says. “But if there’s nowhere else to go after that, then the development of dealing with your mental health will stall.

“You feel a bit raw and exposed from [talking about] this kind of thing,” Alexander says, shrugging. “But I’ve arrived at a place where I feel pretty on top of my mental health. I get asked about it a lot. I’ve had moments recently where it almost felt like I was on a runaway train, and the train’s left the station and it’s hurtling towards hell, and I can’t get off, I’ve said too much, and I think, ‘Oh God, oh God,’ and I panic.”

He thinks for a minute. Maybe it’s the sun but we both feel exhausted.

“But this is relaxed and I feel in control. Sometimes I wish I’d kept that Pandora’s box shut, but not today.”

Palo Santo is released on 6 July

[ollyarchive]

"I used to be scared of people thinking I was gay": Olly Alexander on men and their feelings

The Years & Years frontman talks to Chris Mandle about sexuality, masculinity and mental health

Olly Alexander used his advance from his Years & Years record deal to do something he never could when he was a jobbing actor; he paid a man to make a small cut behind his left ear and pin it back with the help of a slender piece of metal. He’d had his eye on the procedure for years and only wanted the one ear pinned back because it stuck out more, and that reduced roughly 50 per cent of the cost. The pinnaplasty took 15 minutes and made him feel two things simultaneously.

“I was almost embarrassed by how overwhelmingly confident I was afterwards,” he says, looking up at the sun. “I thought, ‘God, is it really that simple?’”

The other thing he felt was a curious shame. “I had this weird moment… did I not love myself enough to just keep the face I was given?” He strokes the steely inside of his ear absent-mindedly. “Then I thought, ‘Maybe I’ll fix my teeth next.’”

If you’ve seen Olly smile, which he does often, you’ll have noticed he never got that procedure to ‘fix’ his teeth. At some point, the 27-year-old realised that certain things, even if they seem imperfect to you, don’t need fixing. Now he wants the rest of the male population to have the same realisation.

Alexander’s first big break came as an actor – a small role in Skins followed by a part in posh-boy drama The Riot Club in 2014. When he was still in school, he loved practising photoshoots and posing in front of his mirror at home, acting as if he was on America’s Next Top Model:

“I wanted to capture the glamour; it looked so cool.” His early experiences doing actual photoshoots, however, shattered the illusion. “I had such low self-esteem back then,” he says, citing a shoot he did when he was 17 for Teen Vogue’s ‘Young Hollywood’ issue. “The people were lovely but it was sort of traumatising,” he says.

“I was with Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Kaya Scodelario, Matthew Beard. Everyone went on to be massive. Anyway, it was weird. Having your picture taken when the onus is on you looking hot. That’s quite… stressful when you’re someone who doesn’t…”

He trails off and swirls his Aperol Spritz, which has been served in a goblet so thick and round it could happily accommodate a goldfish. Following his ShortList shoot, we’ve walked to a beer garden in southwest London. “It’s taken me almost 10 years to feel like I know the process isn’t about me. I can take myself out of the equation regarding whether I look good or not. It’s never been about that.”

If ‘Young Hollywood’ felt vapid and hollow to Alexander, his fortunes reversed as a pop star; he has thrived in a conventionally conservative pop landscape (Sam Smith, Shawn Mendes) and become a Technicolour, power-clashing, maximalist cannonball in the process.

The campaign to promote Years & Years’ second album, Palo Santo, focuses on a dystopian future ruled by androids, where a human (Alexander) is made to perform for their entertainment. As such, he dyed his hair a striking blood red and has spent this year serving Camden-cybergoth meets Berlin-sex-palace looks. He’s a young gay pop star, treading new ground within his industry – there’s not really a blueprint for what that looks like. That’s a lot of pressure for him to carry on his slight frame.

He thinks for a moment.

“I haven’t even considered that.”

“I get a real thrill for being ‘overtly queer’ in my aesthetic. I used to be scared of people thinking I was gay but now I’d be shocked if they didn’t.”

Years & Years’ arrival was hard to miss. Alexander, with bandmates Mikey Goldsworthy and Emre Türkmen, won the BBC’s Sound of 2015 poll, voted for by industry insiders and critics. Their first album, Communion – filled with throbbing, sinewy bangers about lust and desire, bruised hearts and man-on-man emotional power-plays – debuted at number one.

Two years later, Alexander fronted a documentary for BBC Three, Growing Up Gay, exploring the intersection between his sexuality and his mental health that felt instrumental in getting more men to discuss their own wellbeing. Alexander says he had identified his own concerns with the state of his mental health by the age of 13 and has always been vocal about it. He is an open book, frank and forthcoming. Whether it’s his sexuality, the changing nature of masculinity, or the state of austerity in the UK, Olly Alexander will always have something to say.

I ask him how his seismic rise has impacted his self-esteem. Does being adored on social media help pave over your insecurities, or does it amplify them?

“That all felt terrifying, to be honest,” he says. “It felt entirely possible that my real self would be a huge disappointment to all these people who were putting me on a pedestal. And if I met anyone who knew me online… it would be so horrifying. They think you’re one thing but you feel so far away from that. And then I would have these thoughts about people making judgements on me or my personal life, who my ex-boyfriends were. I had a negative reaction to it.”

Does it still bother you? “I’ve made peace with it. Our recent success… I had been planning it for so long,” he says. “I feel like I’ve gotten away with something. The lyrics, the short film, the costumes… it all felt like it was too weird to happen. Sometimes I think I have to be more ‘extra’ to get this kind of thing through [to people]. You have no idea how many conversations happen where the utterance, ‘Is it too gay, though?’ comes up. Nobody would say it to my face because they know I’d flip out. But it happens.”

He says he’s baffled by the way that queerness and sexuality is associated with being inappropriate for children. At last month’s BBC Radio 1’s Biggest Weekend, where he dressed in a bejewelled green one-piece that shimmered in the sun, he says he was criticised for his performance because it was “too erotic and too saucy”.

He agreed. “But it’s no different to Demi Lovato or Stefflon Don or Liam Payne. They all simulate sex on stage and they say things in their songs that are very erotic, they gyrate and wear revealing outfits. People don’t bat an eyelid, but as soon as I go on stage it’s a case of [he adopts a shrill, Helen Lovejoy tone]: ‘Think of the children!’’’ He pauses for a second. “I am thinking of the children. Young people need to see a queer person being comfortable in their body.”

In a New York Times profile earlier this year, country star KD Lang said that queer people were welcomed by the wider world only until their eroticism posed a threat. Keeping your head down, neutralising your sexuality and blending in is what LGBTQ people need to do to garner acceptance, or so goes the theory.

Alexander says that if his queerness feels more obtuse and radicalised, then it’s just a by-product of growing more comfortable with himself. “It’s less conscious, or direct,” he says. “There was never a moment when I said, ‘This is what I’m going to set out to do.’”

But with age comes a bit of stubbornness – and that’s a good thing.

“I get a real thrill for being ‘overtly queer’ in my aesthetic. I used to be scared of people thinking I was gay but now I’d be shocked if they didn’t. I’d hesitate to say I had a more developed sense of self, though, because how I look doesn’t take into account my mind, or how I develop internally.”

“Sometimes I wonder about the guys I had these sexcapades with, who identified as straight, and I wonder where they are now, in their own journey.”

The first single from Palo Santo was ‘Sanctify’, a seductive paean to male sexuality, with a thumpy, rumbly drum beat that sounds like Britney Spears’ ‘Slave 4 U’ if it was appropriated by robots in the near future. It’s about the fallacy of lust and the fleetingness of human contact; unashamedly sexy and confrontational.

It’s also about straight men, many of whom Alexander has collided with at various points in his twenties.

It was something that always happened to him, he says – guys who identify as straight hooking up with him – and he always writes about what he knows. I tell him I always found it flattering.

“Yeah,” he says. “You’re touching on a complicated area for a lot of gay men. And I suppose for everyone else involved. It’s good to interrogate your desires, to unpack why people feel drawn to one another. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to at the end of the day.”

If he had to guess, he says those straight men found him “alluring”. And he’s interested that some men who don’t identify as gay might be happy to sleep with men who are.

“We’re talking about how men express desire for one another. I find the exchange fascinating – what each person gets out of it, or what it makes each person feel. With ‘Sanctify’, I wanted to write something about the journey of coming out. It’s so drawn out. You come out to your friends, family, then the world, again and again, in hotels and on holiday and to cab drivers. And that can be painful. Sometimes I wonder about the guys I’d had these… sexcapades with, who identified as straight, and I wonder where they are now, in their own journey to understanding their sexuality.”

But he also believes you can identify as straight and still hook up with guys. “At the end of the day, these are just words we use to try to best describe ourselves. They’re not perfect.”

It’s late afternoon, and the sun is casting long shadows across the beer garden. Alexander is reflecting on how lucky he feels to have addressed his mental health at such a young age; it has left him with a toolbox full of ways to cope in all kinds of situations. “I believe we all encounter these problems,” he says. “Some people get to their fifties or sixties and realise there are aspects of their mental health they’ve never addressed.”

His control over his own mental health came in degrees; at school he was in and out of counselling due to an eating disorder, and was bullied by his peers because of his sexuality. Due to his early acting career he had enough disposable income by the age of 20 to fund a private therapist, and he admits he wouldn’t have been able to rely on the support offered by the NHS.

“It’s overbooked and slow, you can wait 12 weeks to see someone on the NHS, and that’s failing people. If you’re at crisis point, you need help urgently.” His own budget allowed for his private therapist for about six months.

“The situation is quite dire,” he says. “Who knows what will change? We have a government that has implemented austerity for the past eight years and has cut services for mental-health provision.” What about public campaigns aiming to de-stigmatise talking about mental health? Everyone from Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson to Prince William has begun conversations about theirs.

“Talking is a great place to start,” he says. “But if there’s nowhere else to go after that, then the development of dealing with your mental health will stall.

“You feel a bit raw and exposed from [talking about] this kind of thing,” Alexander says, shrugging. “But I’ve arrived at a place where I feel pretty on top of my mental health. I get asked about it a lot. I’ve had moments recently where it almost felt like I was on a runaway train, and the train’s left the station and it’s hurtling towards hell, and I can’t get off, I’ve said too much, and I think, ‘Oh God, oh God,’ and I panic.”

He thinks for a minute. Maybe it’s the sun but we both feel exhausted.

“But this is relaxed and I feel in control. Sometimes I wish I’d kept that Pandora’s box shut, but not today.”

Palo Santo is released on 6 July

[screamingforyears]

BEST OF 2017: TOP TEN

The TOP TEN, a collection of my 10 favorite albums of the year. These were the albums that demanded the most of me and the ones I found myself repeatedly going back to again & again…

CIVIL LUST

‘CONSTITUTIONS’

SELF-RELEASED

CIVIL LUST combine, then blend, all the aesthetic pleasures that make a great Goth Pop record on their debut LP ‘CONSTITUTIONS.’

The Salt Lake City based duo (Christian Riley and Isaiah Michael) are masters of their craft, who nail the details to a tee. 'Constitutions’is an exercise in classic post-punk tropes, but ones that have been further refined by years of study and more than capable craftsmanship.

The Cure bass lines, the Ian Curtisian vocals, to the Tears for Fears exuberance, Civil Lust create art that is sinewy yet soft (take one listen to “Receive” and tell me I’m wrong).

“Even Further” literally pulls you further into Civil Lust’s majestic ways with an echoed drum machine beat, tingled guitar lines, and Riley’s longing while the slow groove of the sensual “A Man You Will” is the type of sound the group perfect. The devil’s in the detail.

‘Constitutions’ and its able bodied creators construct a seamless 7 track album and further enrich an already fertile modern goth landscape...

DEATH BELLS

‘STANDING AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD’

BURNING ROSE / FUNERAL PARTY

DEATH BELLS, the Sydney based group of: Maurice Santiago (Bass), William Canning (Vocals), Aron Postolovic (Guitar), Rimas Veselis (Guitar), David Gauci (Synth), and Luca Watson (Percussion) seem to understand the power of gloomy guitar based indie, the kind that held court throughout the genre’s most influential decade and like many of the amazing groups mining these fields, they seem to understand the importance of detail and the need to move beyond mere homage.

DB’s beautifully bleached William Canning is a frontman to be reckoned with, as he parlays the looks, voice, words, and bravado into a force that demands attention, but not at the expense of working as an important cog to his band’s sturdy wheel. A singer is only as good as the foundation that surrounds him, so luckily for us the rest of the Bells are a top-notch unit.

‘STANDING AT THE EDGE OF THE WORLD’ is a pure guitar record through and through, one that borrows equally from paisley jangle, arena reaching grandness, and moody post-punk while being executed with aplomb by Veselis & Postolovic’s dual attack. 

“Only You” finds guitars loudly pinging over a steady rhythm section, allowing the coldly effervescent vocals to take center stage. The group hold court and have once again presented a lively, yet somber piece of buttoned up pop with “Only You.”

Death Bells sound hopeful yet weary on their engaging debut album, coming together as a cohesive & bold unit unafraid to reach big while retaining all the detached cool of their forebears...

DRAB MAJESTY

‘THE DEMONSTRATION’

DAIS

DRAB MAJESTY, the project created and fronted by premiere goth alien Deb Demure, returned in 2017 with their second proper LP.

‘THE DEMONSTRATION’ sees Drab Majesty doubling down on what they do so well, finely tuned new wave goth, but better. Demure’s former LA based bedroom experiment (which has morphed into a two-man group with the addition of Mona D) has seen its profile & popularity rise, after successful tours supporting the likes of King Dude and Cold Cave.

Drab Majesty are the torchbearers for a certain strain of Goth, where the dark wave crashes full on into brooding Reagan era new wave pop. Demure captures a specific sound, whereas every production trick is precise and aesthetic rules the land. This attention to detail, along with Deb’s unique and heavily treated guitar style, is what sets Drab apart from the sea of Goth indebted groups.

The guitar tones captured throughout the album are phenomenal, as witnessed on the sci-fi waltz of “Not Just A Name.” Reminiscent of Duran Duran’s more subdued moments, only way fucking spacier.

Drab Majesty are masters of ethereal Goth, steeped in dated production tricks, while literally reaching towards the cold vastness of space. What was once a solo affair has morphed into a full fledged entity, and as the popularity grows, so to does the quality of the Drab output....

FEARING

‘A LIFE OF NONE / BLACK SAND’

FUNERAL PARTY

The kind of dark, brooding, and equally booming rock music that FEARING create on their EPs ‘A LIFE OF NONE’ & ‘BLACK SAND’ has been sorely missing in recent years. 

Fearing are exactly what I look for in a great gothic rock band, they capture a mood & essence that rings true while blowing past any attempts at modesty. And while I enjoy when things are minimal & low-key, I can’t help but gush when a band, especially one steeped in gloom, comes along sounding all huge. Which is precisely how fearing Fearing operate, they create big sounding rock songs that take elements from post-punk, 90′s Alt-Rock, and deathrock and combine them into one brutalist take on Goth.

“Beyond Light” sticks to the aggressively dark template of chiming guitars, thick bass, and wallowed out vocals while “Other Life” opens up with big thunderous drums, rolling bass, and moody synths before linking with a pinging guitar and layered vocals. “Other Life” shows a growth in Fearing’s songwriting, with sprinkles of piano notes adding new depth and has easily become one of the finest entry’s in the group’s catalog.  

The EP format is surely the way to go in our modern times and the Oaklanders have taken full advantage of our attention-deficits by breaking us off a nice four track stretch, as they satisfy our itch and keep us wanting more….. 

GRIZZLY BEAR

‘PAINTED RUINS’

RCA

Grizzly Bear, survivors of: the Brooklyn Sonic Boom, side projects, Indie Rock’s halcyon days, expectations, New York Magazine spreads, NYC itself, personal turmoil, indie labels, adulting, Taylor Swift, and most improbably…..themselves, have triumphantly returned with their first album in 5 years titled ‘Painted Ruins.’

‘Painted Ruins’ shows the no-longer-in-one place based group of Ed Droste, Daniel Rossen, and the two Chris combo of Taylor & Bear expanding on their already impressive sonic palette, while turning the focus inward. Grizzly Bear is the perfect example of “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts,” and for a group consisting of 4 very distinct musicians/personalities it’s really saying something. As corny as it sounds, when these four get together in a room, something special happens.

Album standout “Mourning Sound” is the straight ahead rocker we’ve been waiting for, a no BS thumper filled with gorgeous guitar work per Rossen. Truly one of the best things the group has ever penned as it manages to combine wistful regret (”I made a mistake….”) with a thick groove while deploying a goosebump inducing twinkle of synth.

Like most great albums, ‘Painted Ruins’ is a grower, with each subsequent listen revealing a new hidden nugget. The foursome known as Grizzly Bear have ended their 5 year absence with something meaningful, powerful, and refreshing…

HUMAN LEATHER 

‘LAZY KARAOKE’

CERCLE SOCIAL 

HUMAN LEATHER, comprised of Adam Klopp (Choir Boy) & Chaz Costello (Sculpture Club), are a self described “shitty version of Tears for Fears mixed with Depeche Mode,” but don’t let the humble self-deprecation fool you, because the duo tap into something so pure and unfettered that you simply have no choice but to succumb. 

And I hate to be the bearer of bad news to those who feel the need to cling onto originality, but everything’s been done already, so get the fuck over it and stop missing out on some truly great modern acts.

The Salt Lake City duo aim to break your fucking heart on their debut LP ‘LAZY KARAOKE’ which is chocked full of Reagan era bangers and aesthetically dripping odes that nail every aesthetic detail. 

“Ugly Sister” is a pure synth-pop ditty cloaked in the aforementioned Tears for Fears (who at this point are impacting this generation on some Joy Division type levels) influence. The devil is in the detail, something Klopp & Costello clearly understand, as the intricate production alongside the airy & emotive vocal courtesy of Adum (who recalls Wild Beasts’ Hayden Thorpe) is something to behold.

‘Lazy Karaoke’ was easily the most talked about album within the goth/post-punk community and with good reason.  

“Everything is fucking scary……”

JOHN  MAUS

‘SCREEN MEMORIES’

RIBBON MUSIC

  Well……..the wait is officially ended as JOHN fucking MAUS returned in 2017 with the long awaited album ‘SCREEN MEMORIES.’

The Minnesota (by way of the the World) based project never ceases to capture the imagination and does this by creating unfuckable with Goth Pop. Maus is the undisputed master of the deconstructed gem, and will remain so by adding the aesthetically pleasing extra mile in everything he touches.

‘Screen Memories’ is a fluid & fantastic listen proving that Maus hasn’t lost a single step since we last heard from him years ago. Maus, ever the pop-deconstructionist, is so well adept at creating nuanced pop songs, steeped in goth, that you almost take him for granted at this point.

While a melancholic crop of songs litter the album, the taut “Walls of Silence” allows Maus’ reverb drenched chant to roam free atop a bed of driving bass, eerie synths, and compressed snare snap. Limber, yet driving, this slice of gothic minimalism benefits from not only its creators expertise, but gains so much power from its brief 2 minute and 23 second run-time. 

If you’ve been sleeping on Maus, well shame on you, it’s time for you to wake the fuck up, press play, and soak up his mile-a-minute brilliance…

NEW TODAY

‘BETTER THAN DEATH’

SELF-RELEASED

Goth comes in many shapes and sizes, from cold wave to guitar driven gloom rock and everything in between. NEW TODAY, the under the radar post-punk duo of Dante Palomba (Casuistry) & Daniel Srungaram (Two One Six), fall into the latter camp with their latest LP ‘BETTER THAN DEATH.’

The group bring the big 80’s post-punk ala the Sound, the Chameleons, and Love & Rockets, while pairing it with minimalist detail. Taking Interpol-like guitar work, which at its best has always been minimal yet evocative, while juxtaposing it with substantial movements and huge vocals that take their place in the front. Dante Palomba’s voice is a viable instrument and the group treat it as such, which is exactly why New Today fall into the Romance/Trad Goth grouping.

All the preceding beauty culminates on “The Years” in the form of an icy synth that reaches for the ether, while being reminiscent of Interpol’s slower moments (which is basically how the XX got paid) but with far greater feeling and veiled optimism. “The Years” is an emotionally moving piece, the kind that builds yet sustains, and revels in its stark beauty.

At an even 10 tracks, New Today seem to know that leaving us wanting more is the key and ‘Better Than Death’ is one of the most fully realized and expertly executed albums I’ve heard in quite awhile.

It’s good to be goth….

PROTOMARTYR

‘RELATIVES IN DESCENT’

DOMINO

PROTOMARTYR triumphantly returned in 2017 with a new Long Player titled ‘RELATIVES IN DESCENT.’

This is a guitar rock record, which I know sounds like an oxy moron, but holy fuck the standard 4-piece is done proud throughout‘Relatives in Descent.’ This is the sound of an already great band furthering their footing and flexing their well defined muscle. Each member is in supreme control of their respected instrument: from the sharp lyrical prowess and spot on vocal take of Joe Casey, to the skeletal guitar riffs that blot entire song stretches via Greg Ahee, down to the powerful rhythm section courtesy of Scott Davidson’s driving bass and the chaotic (beyond time keeping) pace of Alex Leonard’s thunderous drums.  

The groggy “My Children” takes its time with a slow build of doomed kinetic energy, before opening up and falling into a rangy Proto groove of guitars, rhythm, and wordsmith diatribes. “My Children” builds and builds into a melee of guitars/drums/bass until the clouds part and the song opens up offering a chill inducing moment while Casey commands the room. The track’s guitar work in the final third is awe inspiring and note worthy.

By doubling down on what’s made them so great, while stepping out of their comfort zone, ‘Relatives In Descent’ finds Protomartyr at their finest, proving once again that the sons of Detroit are in it for the long haul....

SEXTILE

‘ALBEIT LIVING’

FELTE

The Los Angeles based death-squad known as SEXTILE have triumphantly returned with the pristinely raw ‘ALBEIT LIVING.’

Sextile are the teeth, the brute truth, the harsh reality, the gritty glitz, and the creators of the mad mad world party record we need. The harbingers of bleached catharsis, consisting of the ridiculously attractive & stylish group of: Brady Keehn (vox/guitar/synth) Melissa Scaduto (drums), LA Eddie Wuebben (synths), and the newest addition Cameron Michel (guitar/bass), are trending upwards and with great reason.

That primal drive comes from Melissa Scaduto, not only through the floor shaking beats, but through her guidance, visual appeal, and aesthetic vision. Simply put, she’s the beating heart of the group, one that’s rounded out by Brady Keehn’s Cobra Kai-like bad-boy charisma, and Eddie Wuebben’s art damaged cool.

“Sterilized” is sinisterly delightful. A manic & breathy beast, where deathrock and new wave meet late at night to perform unspeakable acts upon one another. I found myself demonstrably head bobbing upon every listen (“can’t shake it”) while looking for the nearest dance floor thanks to the boogie down bass & drums. “Sterilized”allows Keehn to do what he does so well, that uptick coda (think “Can’t Take It.”), the melody of which is so fucking strong that I find myself walking around panting “Come on and sterilize me.”

Sextile have raised the bar for everyone on ‘Albeit Living’ as they establish themselves as Felte’s flagship group through hometown-hero sincerity and a cohesive album that never overstays its welcome...

***BONUS***

DEATH OF LOVERS

‘THE ACROBAT’

DAIS

2017 closed out with a tender aesthetic bang thanks to DEATH OF LOVERS’ ‘THE ACROBAT.’

The New York based group, boasting no less than three members of the emotional-gaze band Nothing and keyboardist CC Loo, create timeless New Wave ran through a gothic dream-pop portal. It’s not a disservice or slight to say that Death of Lovers created the long lost John Hughes soundtrack that we’ve been waiting on, it’s simply that good, that infectious, and that sugary. 

“The Absolute” exudes a feeling of warm nostalgia, yet teeters with an anxiety inducing nervousness that’s coyly deployed over an upbeat arrangement of giddiness. The compressed echo beat, airy synths, and razor sharp guitar lines create a solid foundation for Domenic Palermo’s up in the clouds vocal (with a harmonious assist from drummer Kyle Kimball). 

Death of Lovers are keen architects of the smooth delight, as “The Absolute” is five minutes of pure stylized bliss and that’s long before the sound of an aesthetically pleasing saxophone buries it’s reedy goodness into your brain which slides in well next to yearning moody bummers like “The Lowly People” and “Divine Song.”

This is what it sounds like when Hardcore vets find their inner New Romantic (take notes Head Automatica).

Seriously, that sax tho….

[noisylibrary]

[thesundayread]

The mind of Taylor Swift

By Douglas Hardman

There is truly nothing quite as special or unique as the presence of Taylor Swift in 2018. She is the smartest business woman in the game and the most polarizing pop artist of our generation. Yet, she continuously gets berated, shamed, and ridiculed by the mass public, and it has been going on for years. Ever since the infamous Kanye West “Imma let you finish” speech interruption, Taylor Swift has been on the brain of everyone close enough to a computer or television, both in a good and bad way.

Taylor Swift started out as a country artist, writing melancholy ballads about heartbreak and growing up in the big scary world. As she shifted into more mature songwriting and delved deeper into the aspect of intimate and romantic relationships, the ugly head of slut shaming comes around, as it does. “All she does is sing about boys;” “How many boyfriends has she had;” “She just broke up with another one, here comes another album.” And then she released a straight up masterpiece of a pop album: 1989.

This was a huge turning point for Swift. With the critically acclaimed album breaking all previous records, Taylor Swift was a household name, but also a public “shame.” Accused of abandoning her roots to sell albums, accused of cultural appropriation, and accused of losing her songwriting prowess, Taylor Swift stayed strong, head held high. With poignant songs, such as “Blank Space,” “Out of the Woods,” and “New Romantics,” Swift had not missed a beat when switching genres, proving she could incorporate meaningful and thought-provoking lyrics into pop bangers.

Then the ugly got uglier. Without too many details (there are a TON), Kanye West and Kim Kardashian-West sought to take down the cultural icon. After seemingly burying the hatchet years after the speech fiasco, Swift and West seemed to be friends and were supposedly planning on going to the studio together. However, West had recorded a song in which he sings, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex…I made that bitch famous.” Kanye says Taylor approved the lyrics, Taylor said she didn’t, Kim released a video of Swift and West on the phone talking about it, Taylor is “outed” as a fake and a snake. The ridicule and humiliation led Swift to leave the public eye for nearly two years, only to come back bigger and stronger than ever, but we will get to that later.

In Swift’s defense, it is never seen in the video that Kanye plays her the lyrics, “I made that bitch famous,” which was the more upsetting part; Kanye also never mentioned those lyrics, and they were to be added to the song post-phone call. After Swift made a public statement about wanting to be excluded from a narrative she had no control of, and no interest in, people immediately did what they do best: attacked. Flooded with snake emoji’s on Twitter and bombarded with hate comments, Swift felt defeated and retreated. But, in August of 2017, a good 1.5 years after the incident, Swift released a “bait-and-switch” song entitled “Look What You Made Me Do,” with a video that poked fun at her new snake persona, took jabs at the Wests, as well as her ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris (a whole other can of worms), and rebranded herself as the Snake Queen. Talk about a rebirth.

Now that I’ve flooded you with all this information, what is it I’m trying to get at? Very good question, curious reader. Taylor Swift is a smart and powerful business woman. Every move she makes is calculated and with purpose. “Blank Space” was a pop song that was a satire on the media’s portrayal of her as a serial dater. She produced 1989 as a sonically cohesive album (many complaints were that the songs sounded too alike) due to her previous album, Red, being snubbed Album of the Year at the Grammy’s due to its lack of sonic cohesiveness. “Look What You Made Me Do” was yet another satirical song tackling her tattered image while also playing into the “feuds” in her career. The first half off her latest album, reputation, is meant to represent the “reputation” she garnered over the years, while the second half is a representation of her true self. She knows the game she is playing, she plays it well, and she has always come out a winner.

The most recent, and most iconic thing, Swift has accomplished is so monumental. Ever since the 2016 Presidential Election, Swift was accused of being a Trump supporter by one small factor: she remained quiet about politics. Yes, the mere fact that she wasn’t vocal (which is false) about her political beliefs led everyone to believe she was a Neo-Nazi, white supremacist, Trump girl. And, boy, does everyone feel foolish now. On Sunday, October 7, 2018, Swift took to Instagram, after her final US tour date for reputation, to encourage her fans to register to vote. She does call out Marsha Blackburn, a Tennessee Republican candidate, and says that she will not be voting for her since she does not contain the same values as Swift. A fairly simple statement, but a very effective one.

Now the tides have turned. Everyone, minus Republicans, LOVE Taylor Swift now that she has broken the silence and taken a stand. As I stated earlier, Taylor Swift has always been vocal about her BELIEFS. She was always a strong advocate for gender equality, LGBTQ+ rights, and mental health awareness, as well as race equality. So what’s different? She finally put in a statement that is clear as crystal and cannot be compromised. She wants people to vote and she is not voting Republican in Tennessee. Since this, over 165,000 new voter registrations were recorded across the US. This is not a coincidence. It is also not a coincidence in timing.

After Swift was deemed pro-Trump, many people assumed that her tour would be funded by a primarily Republican demographic. Why didn’t Swift say something sooner? Because she wanted a message to be sent. Some would argue that she “needed” that audience to fund her tour, but she would have sold out regardless, in my opinion. But, it’s a bigger stab in the back when this group of people willingly, and blindly, gave her their money, then she turns around and makes a statement like that, and the checks are already cashed. The tour is over, her sold-out stadiums, and she held true to her beliefs. She didn’t need the money of Republican fans, but it’s just calculated and petty, which makes it even more fantastic. Following up with this, Swift performed at the American Music Awards that Tuesday, her first award show performance in years, and she sang the stadium tour version of “I Did Something Bad.” In the song, the standout lyrics are: “If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing,” “I never trust a narcissist, but they love me, so I play them like a violin and I make it look oh, so easy,” “They say I did something bad, then why’s it feel so good,” and “They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one.” This is the most iconic moment in Swift’s career.

The Internet will say Swift single handedly took down the Republican party, or that she did it for the attention. Needless to say, the power of Taylor Swift cannot be denied. She is a strong and successful woman who refuses to give up the fight. She is a pop star yes, but she is also a business woman, a crafty one at that, and a human being. All these “controversies” around her just fuel her fire and she will continue to rise above the flames. Go ahead and light her up, because she’s taken flight and she’s not stopping any time soon.

(Photo | Google)

[pokalkalasreko]

Top 50 Singles of 2017

Hello and welcome to the third annual edition of my top singles list (2016, 2015)

I really like writing these lists and 2017 is all about doing more of the things you like and less of the things you don’t. 

Hair Down by Mollie King would have been my top song of the year, except that ultimately it just wasn’t any good. 

This year, because I’m feeling extra festive, I have made the list into an apple music playlist. 

50

Allie X – Casanova

And we’re off. This chorus has one of the best hooks of the year. 

49

Jax Jones - Breathe ft. Ina Wroldsen

Ina Wroldsen has one of my favourite voices in music. You can hear her singing backing on a lot of early songs by The Saturdays, given that she wrote most of them. First of two Jax Jones entries on the list. 

48

Yaeji - Raingurl

Yaeji is cooler than me, you, anyone you have ever met, and anyone you will ever meet. 

47

Lost Kings - Quit You ft. Tinashe

In which Tinashe controversially claims she is addicted to a Coldplay song.

46

Katy Perry - Bon Appétit ft. Migos

In 2013, Katy Perry was the biggest popstar on the planet, and I couldn’t understand why. In 2017, she releases a string of actual bops and her career is in nosedive. I’m ready to stan. 

45

Josefine Myrberg - Head over Heels

Josefine Myrberg came third in Swedish Idol back in 2014. Nobody seems to be listening to her music much these days, but Head Over Heels (7.5k views at time of writing) is a genuinely beautiful song worthy of a lot more recognition. 

44

Kehlani - Already Won

The first time I heard this I was like ‘yaaas’ all the way through. Kehlani’s autobiographical ode to her own successes is a reminder to all of us to recognise that sometimes, we have already won.

43

Sigrid Bernson - This Summer

A pop song by a Swedish woman about enjoying summer. There is nothing better. 

42

Sage the Gemini - Now & Later

Released in 2016, but reached its chart peak in 2017 so it’s allowed. Now & Later was almost my most played song of Q1 so there’s that. 

41

Gabrielle Aplin - Waking Up Slow

I’ve just discovered that a PIANO version of this song has 3x as many views on YouTube. That is criminal. This song is full of synths and it bops because of it. 

40

Stockholm Noir - Hopeless Dreams

The “Take me to the south of France, I’ll feel poor again” bit is excellent.  

39

Anitta - Paradinha

A very good friend of mine who happens to be multi-lingual informed me that this song doesn’t make any sense in about 3 different languages. Which is as ridiculous as it is iconic. 

38

Dagny - Wearing Nothing

I love the choreography in this video. Dagny is a brilliant popstar. 

37

Shania Twain - Poor Me

I wasn’t mad about the other singles Shania released as part of her comeback this year, but this hit me for real. Shania voice has changed in tone so much, and now it suits the melancholic Poor Me perfectly. 

36

Danny L Harle - 1UL

What a song. I wish the singer was credited so I could look into her other work because I think she has a very listenable voice. 

35

SOFI TUKKER - Best Friend feat. NERVO, The Knocks & Alisa Ueno

That bassline. Features galore. Nonsense lyrics. A kitchen sink bop. 

34

Dinah Nah - One More Night

Dinah Nah is an international treasure, making banger after banger for anyone who will listen. As part of the excellent Spotify for Artists year-end thing, she proudly shared that she has 894k fans in 60 countries, which is quite remarkable and warms my heart. 

33

Shakira - Coconut Tree

I liked Malibu by Miley Cyrus but I preferred Coconut Tree by Shakira. This song is truly meditative, and takes me straight to the beach. 

32

Tove Styrke - Say My Name

Ironic because I still can’t pronounce Tove’s surname. 

31

The Chainsmokers - Paris

I know it’s the Chainsmokers, but I think this song is actually very good. That final instrumental goes off. 

30

PVRIS - Winter

From Paris to PVRIS, this song has one of the biggest choruses of the year. I also love that they have called the video a “visualette” - so extra. 

29

Wiktoria - As I Lay Me Down 

Wiktoria puts in a solid effort here, pretty much yelling her way through the entire song without taking a breath and it is incredible. Bonus points for a liberal use of “HEY” noises throughout. 

28

Niall Horan - Too Much To Ask

Don’t @ me. I am the last person who would have expected to see Niall Horan anywhere near my top thousand songs of the year, but here we are. The only thing constant in life is change. 

27

Lorde - Green Light

The final chorus of Green Light was one of my defining moments of Glastonbury 2017 - genuinely euphoric. I read somewhere that Lorde uses significantly more nouns than other songwriters and that’s what makes her songs so memorable. That could be true. I haven’t counted the nouns in Green Light though but it feels like there’s a fair few.

26

Charli XCX - Out Of My Head ft. Tove Lo and ALMA

Charli XCX’s POP 2 is an absolute triumph and my album of the year. Every song has about 12 different hooks and sounds so fresh. Tove Lo and ALMA are a dream collaboration on Out Of My Head.

25

KStewart - Sex 4 Breakfast

KStewart is my favourite new artist this year, and this is the first of two singles on this list. Somebody played a ‘prank’ on me at Brighton Pride this summer, and told me KStewart was playing on the mainstage at 4pm. I was so excited and squeezed my way to the front. However, at 4pm KStewart was nowhere to be seen and, to my surprise, out walks Louisa Johnson. Good stuff. 

24

Tinashe - Flame

The nicest thing I have ever done for myself is to buy myself VIP tickets to meet Tinashe and see her perform at Koko in Camden. Here I am like a competition winner:

It feels now like she’s never going to break through into the top tier of popstars which is a shame, because I really think she has it all. 

23

IMRI – I Feel Alive

The best pop song Eurovision has had in years. Unfortunately slightly strangled by the 3 minute rule, I would take another 1 or 2 choruses at the end for good measure. Imri seems like he’s having the time of his life and that’s great to see. 

22

Loreen - Body

It took a couple of listens, but now I am completely addicted to Body, and it is pretty much on repeat whenever I am commuting. Perfect for drowning out the real world. 

21

Loop - As if

I follow Loop on Instagram and she seems great. This year she has released a bunch of breezy, refreshing electro-pop including As If. I’m hoping that 2018 is her year. 

20

Poppy - My Style (feat. Charlotte)

My Style would be right at home on Robyn’s Body Talk, which is one of the greatest albums ever. As Robyn appears to be taking some time out, I am thrilled that Poppy has stepped in with her own brand of robo-pop. 

19

Liv Lovelle - Won’t Say Too Much

For the first minute of this song I’m always like “where is this going”, and then that drop happens and it all makes sense. 

18

CNCO, Little Mix - Reggaetón Lento (Remix)

17

Kim Petras - I Don't Want It At All

More like Kim Petr-SASS 💁  I Don’t Want it At All is the ultimate ode to materialism and an absolute stomper.

16

Nicki Minaj - Regret In Your Tears

I feel like Nicki Minaj is too often overlooked as a popstar who sings. Regret In Your Tears is an understated jam, and she sounds great.  

15

Astrid S - Breathe

Exactly what a pop song should sound like. I had a flatmate this year and we had nothing at all in common, apart from the we both listened to Astrid S. The power of pop music to build bridges.

14

Kelela - LMK

Kelela was one artist who made me genuinely excited about music this year. Her album Take Me Apart is exquisite, sounding both fresh and nostalgic at the same time. LMK is one of the best.

13

KStewart - Hands feat. Yungen

If there were any justice, this would have been huge for KStewart. But there isn’t and here it sits with less than 50k(!) views on YouTube. Hands is completely radio-ready, and could be lifted off any Ariana album.

12

Rita Ora - Anywhere

Rita Ora has had an incredible year. I love that she hosted America’s Next Top Model, then sacked it in and had 3 huge top 10s, which is probably more than your fave. Anywhere was instant for me, and her best by a long way. The nonsense post-chorus is reminiscent of those early 00s garage classics. Rita herself has said that it has no meaning, and I hope that in 2018 we are able to enjoy more songs with no meaning whatsoever. 

11

Dua Lipa - New Rules

Well this one took off didn’t it. Dua’s meteoric rise has been so exciting to watch, and it was New Rules that really took it there. She just seems like a great person too, and I’m sure 2018 will belong to Dua. Another lesson in the power of a good music video to rocket launch a song’s success. 

10

Aly & AJ - I Know

This song is just so perfect. The return of Aly & AJ has been the most welcome surprise. I Know is cool, lazy, atmospheric, synth-pop and a major shift from their 2007 Disney days.

9

Tove Lo - Disco Tits

I said this when I wrote about Cool Girl last year, but it’s worth repeating that Tove Lo makes it seem so effortless. Disco Tits is amazing and I wouldn’t be surprised if she wrote it in her sleep. 

8

Little Mix - Power ft. Stormzy

Little Mix are just unstoppable. Every year I think they have reached their zenith and then they take it to another level. Power is single number four from their fourth album and it’s this good. By now, Jesy Nelson (the best one) knows her way around an iconic second verse, so I think it’s neat that this time her verse starts with “my turn”. Also - what a video. Well done everyone. 

7

Jax Jones - Instruction ft. Demi Lovato, Stefflon Don

"All my ladies” was THE call to action this summer. What a song. 

6

Carly Rae Jepsen - Cut To The Feeling

Carly Rae Jepsen has mastered the ability to make happy sounding music which suddenly hits you as heartbreaking once you get stuck into the lyrics. Cut To The Feeling was released about a week after the Manchester attacks, and for me, the line “I want to play where you play with the angels, I want to wake up with you in tangles” stuck out as truly devastating among the euphoric, soaring synths. 

5

Blessed - See Through All The Colours 

I’m obsessed with Blessed. See Through All The Colours is so huge and I really thought would have been their breakthrough. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be, but I think watch this space. Very excited to see what they bring in 2018. 

4

Nadine Coyle - Go To Work

One of the best things about 2017 has been seeing the true joy that Nadine Coyle, gets from being a popstar, and equally, the true joy she took from the really quite lukewarm reception of Go To Work. Earlier in the year, Nadine made a surprise appearance at a popular London club night to sing a couple of choruses of Go To Work (she didn’t even stay long enough to take her coat off). I was living in those few minutes. 

3

Mirela - Contigo

This song was the runner up in the Spanish pre-selection show for Eurovision, and won the televote by a landslide, but was struck down by some bizarre jury voting rules. It’s basically incredible. It’s ridiculous, it’s trashy, it’s fun. Bai-la-la-la-UH. 

2

Katy Perry - Swish Swish ft. Nicki Minaj

I know. A basic bop if ever there was one, but no song this year has bopped as hard as Swish Swish. I spent my entire time at Glastobury telling anyone who would listen that I only came to watch Katy Perry do Swish Swish. Everyone thought I was joking. I’m still undecided on that music video, and that dance, but the song is brilliant.

1

Steps - Scared Of The Dark

Let’s be honest, Steps in 2017 could have been shit but instead they were amazing. The moment when this sat at number 1 on iTunes ahead of chart villain Ed Sheeran was a sweet piece of pop justice. Scared of the Dark is a banger, incredibly good pop music, and my top single of the year.