#which is usually pretty standard physical reactions like his heart starts going crazy and he starts looking for an escape

[lostandbackagain]

I think the best thing you can do to your character is make them face their greatest fear and realize only after that there's something they fear exponentially more

[meta-squash]

This is something I’ve been thinking about re: Mickey in 3x06 but I can’t really figure out how to write it out as a fic so I’m just going to write it as a meta.

Most of season 2 is Ian and Mickey properly becoming something like actual friends. Very slowly, since Mickey’s guard is still up like crazy. They’re fucking but they barely seem to know each other. Mickey working at the Kash And Grab changes that up a little, but he’s there pretty briefly because juvie. It’s not really obvious in the scene whether Mickey pussies out of killing Frank because of Ian or because of the prospect of, like, actually killing another person, but I like to imagine it’s because of Ian. Which makes some sort of sense because by the time he gets out at the beginning of season 3, it seems he’s done at least a little bit of thinking and has chilled out a little, in that he’s surprisingly okay with the jealousy he feels later on re: Ned. I think season 2 Mickey probably would have freaked out again at the fact that he was even jealous. Season 3 Mickey is just plain jealous, and even if that internalized homophobia is still sort of there, it’s not like it was before. Anyway, in early season 3 the friendship continues to develop since Mickey’s back at the Kash And Grab and then it speeds right the hell up when Mickey gets jealous of Ned. Mickey’s jealous, he acts jealous, but when Ian shows pretty obvious preference towards him instead of Ned I think he kind of starts to make an internal decision. Then there’s the kiss, obviously, and by then they’ve been fucking for a while and I think Mickey has, to some extent, admitted to himself that he’s actually gay. Because it seems like for most of seasons 1 and 2 he’s really holding on to the “just a warm mouth” type mentality that he tells Ian, trying to convince himself that Ian’s just easy and that’s why he does it, same as Angie being easy or whatever.

So that kiss is one boundary crossed, one pretty big change in Mickey’s mentality. One internal decision made. And throughout this whole thing, Mickey has been his usual thug self, talking shit, making threats, being a menace, etc etc. He kinda smooths out when it’s just him and Ian (like in the dugout and stuff) but he’s still got his guard up.

But then there’s the conversation in the Kash And Grab, when Mickey invites Ian over. First of all, I’m pretty sure it’s the first time Mickey has said the word “gay” so casually, without using it as an insult/threat or it being something he’s freaking out about. So that’s interesting. Also, he’s obviously a little guarded when inviting Ian over, but not freaking out, and not in a way that makes him insult Ian, which is new (and the “fuck you is what you’re invited to” doesn’t count because I feel like that’s a pretty standard Mickey response no matter what).

So basically what all this is leading up to is the night of 3x06, which I think is unique in its own right even without being followed up by the morning.

Because Ian sleeping over, alone in the Gallagher house without Mandy, or Mickey’s brothers, or Terry, or anybody, is essentially the first time the two of them have been safely, privately together, like ever. The dugout is pretty much the only other time and that was still basically in public. So not only is this their first time hanging out alone, it’s also one of the only times we ever get to see Mickey being a Teenager. Like, Ian does teenager shit, goofs off with his siblings, reacts to things like a teenager would. Mickey, up until now, has been all anxiety and violence. This is the first moment we see Mickey with his guard down, Mickey acting his actual age, which is like 17. This is the first time we see Mickey relaxed and genuinely laughing. The first time we see Mickey in a situation that is just so normal and teenager-y, watching a movie with your friend while eating pizza rolls on the couch, hanging out.

We don’t know how the rest of their night went, but the fact that Mickey is comfortable enough to bring out and display the ben-wa beads is pretty telling. I mean, obviously more fucking happened that night, duh. But also to go from being as guarded as Mickey was, to (barely) stepping over the boundary of kissing, to the relaxed Mickey we see in 3x06, I get the impression that whatever interactions they had that night put Mickey at ease. I doubt there was much heart-to-heart talking, or if there was it would be entirely one-sided because Ian’s a talker, not Mickey (at least in s3). Maybe it was sex in a private, somewhat safe and comfortable place, maybe it was hanging out alone and really kind of getting to connect on a level that wasn’t public, maybe it was getting to let his guard down and act a teenager, maybe it was something else, who knows. That glance between them as the movie starts makes me think there was probably some movie theater-style making out. In any case, this sleepover is the night that Mickey really gets to be a teenager, to be kind of a “regular kid” without the concerns and anxieties and things he usually has. Probably another threshold crossed, another level of Mickey accepting himself and all that.

And then it’s all ruined. Which is a scene that is horrible and fucked up and we all know it so I’m not going to go over it because obviously it’s hugely traumatizing for them. But it’s interesting the way that Ian reacts to the rape vs Mickey, in that Mickey’s walls go right back up (as expected) and we basically don’t get that guard-down Mickey again until the end of season 4 when he’s living on Ian’s floor. But Ian interacts with Mickey in this odd way, similar to how he talked to him in season 2, like he wants the walls to be down, and if he just talks enough he can force them down. Which kind of worked before, in a way. But this time it just kind of shoves it in Mickey’s face that he should never have let his guard down, that he’s fucked, that there’s this new trauma he doesn’t want to think about. Ian reacts like a teenager, kind of making this about him and what he wants, talking to Mickey’s brick wall. Mickey, on the other hand, pulls back into the acting-older-than-he-is shield of violence and silence. For good reason, obviously. It’s like Ian doesn’t quite understand what happened, the significance and intensity of it all. Mickey absolutely knows what happened to him.

What I find fascinating is that in the scene before the wedding, Ian somehow manages to hit the nail on the head while simultaneously missing the point completely. Mickey kisses Ian, they fuck, so it’s a pretty clear sign that Mickey’s feelings are still there (there’s even the “it’s just a piece of paper” line). Mickey quite literally tells him, “why you acting like I got a choice in this” and Ian responds with a line that should be him realizing the reasons Mickey has no choice: “Your dad is an evil, psychotic prick.” To Ian, that’s an excuse to NOT go through with it. To Mickey (and the audience), it’s the reason he HAS to.

And here’s the moment we see Ian’s family upbringing vs Mickey’s, and how different the Gallaghers have it despite their fucked up life:

“You’re just gonna let him ruin your life.”

“You need to grow the fuck up. Don’t act like you know a thing about my dad. Not everybody just gets to blurt out how they fucking feel every minute.”

It seems like Ian is seeing the rape as a one-time thing, as some crazy over-the-top reaction from Terry. He’s probably comparing Terry to Frank. Frank’s a bastard, but his assholery extends mostly to scams and insults and neglect, not actual physical violence towards his kids (minus the one time he slapped Ian). So Ian’s thinking of Terry as the same level of threatening as Frank, or maybe just a notch or two higher, rather than leaps and bounds more awful. Which I don’t quite understand considering the whole plotline with Terry also raping Mandy in s2. Ian understands that Terry is fucked up, but I think the “don’t act like you know a thing about my dad” line isn’t necessarily Mickey backing up his father in any way. In fact, I think it’s the opposite. I think it’s a “you have no idea how far he might go” sort of thing. And then the following line about blurting out feelings is just another signal that Ian misses completely. Ian grew up getting hugs and conversation and always had Lip or Fiona to turn to and talk out his feelings at least to some extent. He grew up in a household very giving when it comes to feelings. Mickey’s the exact opposite. So him even saying anything hinting that he wants to blurt out any feelings at all is pretty much him waving a big flag saying “I’m scared and everything’s fucked and I can’t actually say it because that might literally get me killed but I still have feelings for you.” But Ian has never been good at subtlety so it makes sense he doesn’t catch that.

So you have Mickey, who barely even got to be a teenager, stuck in this situation, traumatized and forced to live with that trauma on so many literal levels. He has to live with the emotional trauma, but he also has to live with Terry and Svetlana, two constant reminders. And no one else knows what happened. So he closes off again because it’s the only way to survive. Back to the walls he had in the early days. And you have Ian, who despite having been there, doesn’t get it and reacts like the teenager that he is.

There’s also the fact that Ian running away and disappearing means Mickey has the distance to worry and think and realize that he’s pretty fucking gone for Ian, so by the time he’s going out looking for him in 4x07, he’s dressing up and putting on cologne. The Milkovich siblings are loyal to a fault when they love someone, and so once Ian’s back for good, it’s like that distance really made Mickey make a decision. I mean, he quite literally sleeps on Ian’s floor like a loyal dog. Even after that, Ian’s making teenager decisions (manic ones, but still teenager-y) while Mickey is now actually legally an adult (I think? Thank you Shameless writers for being very flexible with ages and timelines) and is suddenly the stable one all the way up to the end of season 5.

Basically it’s just so interesting to think what would have happened had the morning of 3x06 not occurred and Mickey was able to have that night really being a teenager. How would their relationship have progressed had Mickey’s guard stayed down, had he been more relaxed around Ian after that? I’m sure he’d have still been Thug Mickey around Ian in public, but maybe in a different way, quieter, all posturing. Something like that.

Instead, Ian gets to be a kind of teenager, while Mickey is kind of stuck in various adult roles (whether he’s anxiously putting up more of an act like the early days or actually stepping into it like season 4 and 5). And the one night he does get to be a teenager is ruined by trauma.

[formal-fauxpines]

Unofficial Say It Sequel- Chapter 1: Say It Gently

This is one of my first fic ideas when I decided to start wrtiting Pinecest fan fics. Inspired by the fic Say It by @pinewreaths, I wanted to explore the idea of what happens to Mabel and Dipper after she becomes a semen eating vampire and how that affects their relationship after first feeding on him.

Big shout out to @pinecesttrain for helping with editing and helping with further inspiration. And of course big thanks to @pinewreaths for giving me their blessing on using their work that helped set me on the path to write.

Meal time for the Pines Twins came around as it usually did: Door locked and blinds drawn, Dipper lying on the bed, his pants drawn down with his throbbing member exposed for his sister to extract the vital fluids she needed to sustain herself. Her head bobbed up and down on his shaft with long, languid licks and sucks to ensure the utmost pleasure, usually providing the largest payoff of the sweet ambrosia that was her brothers seed.

Since Mabel’s transformation into a vampire a few months ago, meal times had become a bit more unusual to the outside world. Luckily for them, they already were used to the unusual, especially since the twins being unusually close was such a norm.

In becoming a vampire, no thanks to her lying, asshole, vampire ex-boyfriend, Mabel was granted most of the usual afflictions that come with the condition. However the one that took her, and subsequently her brother, by surprise was the method of feeding that she needed. Not the usual blood that is so emphasized in media, stories, and mythology, but weirdly enough, semen.

In a moment of emergency, her brother had been willing to oblige her need to feed and provided the necessary fluids for her. However, with her hunger too great to control, his plans for a more modest feeding method quickly degenerated into a rockus night of fellatio that he had never thought he would be engaged in. Not that he minded,after all, Dipper was always willing to help his sister when she needed it,no matter what the task.

A few days after the first feeding, the twins were able to contact their great uncle Ford, via a special video phone he made for them, getting fed up with Skype, and ask about any conditions of Vampirism that he may have discovered. !

“Ah yes! Vampirism! In fact, I’ve thought about it a few times when I needed the physical capabilities to conduct my research, but the associated issues would hinder me in the long run so I would always need to change back. Good thing too. Some dimensions I found where blood didn’t exist. In all my research I did find a cure for it, however the time limit on reversing the condition is 24 hours.” The twins sighed in exasperation, feeling defeated in the news their great uncle revealed.

“However the condition is manageable,” Ford started up again with a little more enthusiasm. “I was able to find some artifacts, spells, and other techniques that can offset some of the less, desirable traits of the condition. Aside from the usual annoyances, all you have to do is make sure you have a viable food source.” The twins sighed in relief this time. There was a way to have Mabel live with it. “By the way, what is your prefered food source, Mabel?”

The twins froze, caught off guard by Ford’s nonchalant way of asking. What was he getting at? What other feeding did he mean? Did he know about theirs? “C-come again?” Dipper broke through the tense silence.

“Yes, yes, the substance you need to draw your energy from. My research has found that vampires actually have many different types of feeding styles. The most common, of course, is blood. Which can usually be human or animal. Also sweat, saliva, and even a few more unusual fluids like urine, or semen. I have found these particular vampires to be more under the classification of a crossbreed between vampires and succubi. Really fascinating to find out how many different ones there are in the world. So which is it?”

“Blood!” both the twins shot out with urgency, hoping it wasn’t too obvious they were hiding something.

“Alright, a common type then. have you found a viable source yet, children?” Ford asked, not giving any inclination of suspicion to the twins’ quick reaction.

“Candy was able to swipe a bag for me from a recent blood drive, and Sir Dipping-sauce here was nice enough to let me have some of his blood in a few emergency cases,” Mabel said, trying to keep calm with the half-truth she had to tell her Grunkle.

“Very good, just be careful though. If you don’t get a source of food regularly the hunger builds up and things can get a little… crazy.”

CRASH!!!

“STANLEY!” Ford yelled, turning his head to look off screen with a tinge of irritation in his eyes, “I told you to stop messing with my experiments! Sorry kids, I have to go. Let me know if things change.”

The line disconnected and the screen turning back to the devices menu settings. The twins were grateful that the chat was cut short as neither of them were sure they could hide the reddening of their faces. They knew exactly how wild things could get if her hunger was left unchecked.

“Welp”, Mabel said, slapping her hands to her knees after a moment of awkward silence . “Looks like we got to find me a new food source then.”

“Hehe, y-yeah. I guess we do.” Dipper joined, in scratching at the stubble on his chin.

The following weekend, Mabel and Dipper worked hard on finding a new food source. Mabel knew the easiest method for finding one, but she didn’t much like the prospect. She always considered herself a love expert, and felt her skills improved as she grew older and learned more about relationships and dating. However using her skills to just land a guy to suck off she felt would besmirch her talents. BESMIRCH! Plus, she was not the kind of girl to mess with someone’s emotions, she learned that lesson years ago.

The Pines twins’ plan of attack was to find any guy looking for a good time as much as she was looking for an easy meal. The two would peruse areas for guys who may be looking for an easy hook up, and being college that seemed easy enough. On weekends they would go to the bars, frat houses, and any type of party that looked wild enough. The point was to find drunk bros, which much to Mabel’s chagrin, was not her type.

Mabel busted out her best to attract and draw in the easier prey: Tops that showed off more cleavage, skirts that rode a little high, heels that accentuated her booty. She knew she would hit the mark when, on more than a few occasions, she got Dipper red in the face or had him stare a little too long when asking him what he thought. If it was good enough for him, it was good for some fast food. With Candy and Grenda by her side as her wing women, she felt like it would be easy pickins.

Dipper also took up a role in her hunts as more of the scout. He would look in areas Mabel couldn’t normally go, like the men’s restroom. Even though she was a sperm-sucking vampire, Mabel still had standards. He would also offer to go to other bars nearby, increasing their range, and allowing Mabel a second set of eyes if she couldn’t find anything for herself.

Dipper was a little against this method, and memories would surface of how protective he could be from similar guys trying to hit on her in the past.  How he would intervene if the guy wouldn’t take the hint. She always felt a comfort in how he would watch out for her, making her heart give a little flutter at the thought. The thoughts were pretty nice, in a weird way. It made her kind of glad their options were a little limited, since it meant he agreed to help despite his misgivings.

Despite all their efforts, however, Mabel kept running into the same problem every time. She would land a guy, and get back to his place or hers. They would start by making out,  Mabel thinking sexy thoughts to get her through the start if she wasn’t into the guy, which was most of the time. Admittedly, Mabel would occasionally have a flash of Dipper and his manhood run through her mind. The taste of his seed, the smell of his musk, the warmth and texture of his shaft on her tongue would all do the trick to push her past her current prize with the more delectable memories of her exquisite first meal, driving her hunger enough not to care. Still, most of the time once they got past the make out phase, she would start to wane in her appetite for the guy in hand. The saliva would at least be a slight appetizer which gave her some energy, and a slight taste of what was to come. Or in many cases, didn’t come.

Her vampire senses presented both a blessing and a curse, allowing her to see, hear, taste, touch, and smell exceptionally better than before. However, the smell and taste became an issue to her. When she tried to select her prey for the night usually she could only catch a faint hint of their smell among the myriad of scents in the usual pick up spots. But once she got some one-on-one time the smell became more noticable and harder to ignore. If the taste of the make-out session didn’t send her packing, then the whiff of what lay to the south surely did.

The first few attempts to eat were more forced, Mabel going about a more ‘giving it the old college try’ mentality, as she was not used to such a casual take on such an intimate action. She tried to dive right in, in some cases holding her breath to avoid the scent. The taste of pre-cum that exuded from their member gave a stronger taste than the make-out sampler. It was too strong in some cases, ending the session earlier than expected. If she was able to get past the drops that were a precursor of what came next, she regretted it afterwards.

The surge of life-sustaining fluids tasted nothing like what she received from Dipper. It drove her sense of taste over the edge to the point of being physically ill in some cases. She wrote it off as being from having too much to drink that night, not that she had a drop to begin with, and excused herself to purge the contents of her belly.

After a few times to try and get a new food source from weekend to weekend, Mabel learned to check waste baskets and bedding to get a better look at the menu rather than lead a guy on with the make-out session. Picking up on trace amounts of fluids was easy enough, but led to the same disappointing conclusion that she was not hungry enough to drink what she thought tasted like a milkshake made with carrot juice and squid.

A few times the guys would get belligerent, which Mabel could understand, but did not take kindly to. In those moments she was always happy knowing that her new condition provided her the means to defend herself just fine. Dipper was always sweet telling her he would stay close in case she needed help, but was always proven unnecessary after she showed she could take care of herself now. He still made it a point to ask her to contact him in case things got out of hand. They never did, but she still felt a warmth knowing her brother always wanted to be her hero in her time of need.

At the end of the night though, he really was her hero. Perhaps not in the normal sense, but he had saved her from a few nights of going hungry. After the first few failed feedings, Mabel had turned to her brother, asking for something to hold her over in case she didn’t get enough energy from her supposed dinner. He had been a little taken aback, surprised that Mabel had struck out with the guys she tried to get with. After hearing her situation though, he was willing to oblige.

Since they had already went all the way with the first meal he provided her (or second, technically) it wasn’t the most awkward thing to ask him. They decided to arrange that if she needed a quick pick me up shot Dipper would provide it. He would rub one out in a condom like the first time when she asked, agreeing to this method since she didn’t really want to press the issue of getting it straight from the source. Partially embarrassed from how she lost control last time and partly because she didn’t want to admit how good it made her feel to feed off of him.

But since she did lose control, she settled for a sack lunch. Despite the fact that it wasn’t fresh, the ambrosia she remembered still tasted as sweet and savory as ever, filling her with a warm sensation through her whole being as she imbibed it. Yet as she enjoyed what she could get from him, more and more she would ask for a late night snack as she kept failing to feed. Even if she was successful, she would often ask for a chaser to get the terrible taste out of her mouth and wash away the dissatisfaction.

“Another dud, huh?” Dipper asked as Mabel begged him for another semeny snack. He rubbed the back of this neck nervously as he sat on the edge of his bed. “I’m sorry this keeps happening, but… you sure about this, Mabes?” “I mean, I know I was your first source, but I can’t be that much better than the guys you were going after. I’ve seen the kind of guys you go boy crazy for. Some of them seemed your type from what I guessed.”

“You don’t understand, Dipper. I thought they were going to be okay, but when we stepped away from the crowds and got some one-on-one fun time, their B.O. would make my stomach go ‘OH NO!’” she said in a silly voice reminiscent of the Kool-aid man, punctuating her last statement with a playful poke to the stomach.

Dipper sighed out in willing defeat. “Well, I don’t want my sister to starve. And Ford did say it would be bad to let you go too long without feeding. I mean, we have first hand experience with that.” He blushed at the thought of it.

“Hehe, yeah. I guess I got a little too cray-cray on my bro-bro then. I promise I’ll be better and keep it under control. You did give me a lot that time though and I’m not as hungry as then, but I am getting a little bit now,” she said shyly, biting her fingers, her fangs showing slightly.

“I guess we could give it another go. If it could help us avoid another frenzy. Just give me a minute and…” He reached for his sock drawer and pulled out another set of condoms and tore off a square.

Mabel reached out and grabbed his wrist firmly with a restrained urgency.

“Actually, I was thinking we could maybe try sooooomething else?” she said, biting her lower lip.

“Um-uh, o-o-okay? Uh, w-what did yooooouuuu haveinmindexactly?” Dipper asked with a nervousness in his voice. His eyes showed a glint of fearful curiosity. “I mean d-did you want to just, um…” He coughed in his fist, unable to finish the thought, instead looking down to his crotch.  

“N-no, I mean kinda, I mean not yet, I mean…,” Mabel took a deep breath to calm her flustered self from saying what she wanted. “Grunkle Ford did say that vampires could use other food sources too, right? When I was trying to do some ‘meal prep’, so to say, I got a slight taste from the make-out sesh. I mean it wasn’t like a full first course, but it gave me just enough to make it through the night, or at least to you.” She stared down to the floor as she said it, grabbing at a lock of hair, twisting it in her fingers nervously. “Kind of like having cold fries before having a four star meal. So maybe we can give that a try? I mean if you don’t mind your sis macckin’ all over you?” Mabel explained spitting the hair out and adding a slight giggle.

Dipper thought about it, contemplating the scientific ramifications of it all. “True, I mean, I don’t mind giving you what you need in the end. You know, since we already did, well… you know.” He blushed and coughed into his hand again. “But if this is what you want to do then I’ll do it...” His lips turned upwards into a warm, comforting smile and he placed a hand on her knee, “...for you.”

“You really are the best, broseph.” She clasped his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. “So how do you want to ya know… do this. I don’t want to break you as bad as last time”

“How about you start and take it how you feel. After all, it is your ‘snack time’.”

“Okay then, I mean, no biggie. We did this before, kissing and all ya know. Just one twin helping the other this time.” Her face flushed a slight pink as she leaned into him. The closer she got, the more warmth she could feel from his breath. He met her half-way, connecting with her lips, softly and gently as to test the waters of this new/revisited experiment.

Mabel felt a slight jolt of energy right when their lips made contact. She was reminded of drinking hot cocoa, the warmth of the sweet liquid making contact with her lips before letting it in. This was a thousand times better in her opinion. Sweeter than any cocoa she could buy, with a perfect heat that warmed her to the core without burning her, and a scent that she learned from experience was about to come.

Remembering her first feeding and how that tasted, this one seemed more like a light snack. Lighter, like a small drop, but still giving nourishment. She found it peculiar thinking about all those other guys, that they couldn’t give her this amount of energy from even the full salty shebang. Just this kiss might have been enough for her. She wanted more. She needed more!

Mabel pressed more into her brother’s lips. He seemed just as eager to receive her. Their mouths opened slightly, allowing their tongues to pass though and connect. Soon the drop on her lips turned into a drizzle on her tongue as they embraced one another. Their hands began grabbing frantically at each others clothes and hair. Mabel was desperate to get a grip, as though doing so would make him give her more of what she was tasting.

The full flavor of his saliva was just what she expected from the initial kiss. It was as if she were drinking up the most delectable beverage in the world.The closest thing she could compare would be the sweetest honey, mixed into the smoothest of creams, with a slight hint of a fruit that is so amazing it may have not been discovered yet. She knew well enough that Dipper didn’t partake much in these foods, so she accounted this blending of flavors as his own personal essence. She couldn’t get enough.

Every bit of pressure, every smack of the lips, every grab at her tresses of hair and clothing was like she was being treated to the best dining service she’d ever had. She was disappointed when she had to stop for a breath, much like in the past drinking too heavily to quench her thirst. She panted heavily after her intense snack session, looking down at her brother.

Lips pink and slightly swollen, eyes half-lidded with a sense of shock and euphoria, a small trail of saliva that lay at the corner of his mouth from when she pulled away. He was breathing just as hard, if not harder from the intensity of what they shared. But, His body didn’t have the stamina of a vampire to keep up, and he looked exhausted.

“Oh my gosh Dip! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to lose control like that again. Are you alright?” Mabel laid her hand on his face, cupping his cheek. He nuzzled into it and grabbed it with his, squeezing her hand lovingly. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him being so warm and affectionate to her touch. A small flutter began to rise in her stomach.

“Yeah Mabes,” he said between breaths. “I’m fine. Just never had a make out session that intense before.”

Mabel cocked her head to the side in confusion. “Really?” The gears started turning in her head at all what he just said could mean. She decided to take a chance on it. She turned her head back upright with a devious smile spreading across her face and eyelids half-lidded. She asked again with a sultry tone, “Really?”

“I mean, I’ve had some pretty good ones in the past, but I think you just set the bar.” After uttering those words Dipper’s eyes shot wide open realizing the confession he just made. “I-I-I mean, um, ah...”

She pressed a finger to his lips as if to push the pause button on his mind. It seemed to work, as he halted his hectic explanation. “Relax broseph, after all we’ve done since I transformed, it’s not the weirdest thing to admit. Plus, if I were to be really honest, you make a great kisser too. And not just because you taste so amazing.” She bent down to him lapping up the small bit of spittle at the corner of his mouth left behind from her earlier departure, and followed with a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Thanks, Dipper, for being so understanding.”

He reached up to stroke her hair and wrapped his arms around her to cuddle on the bed. “Of course Mabel. I’d do anything to take care of you,” he said gently as she wrapped her arms around him too, and slipped into a warm embrace.

After about 20 minutes of blissfully cuddling with each other, Dipper broke the silence. “Hey Mabel? Not to ruin the mood, but I got a question for you.”

“What’s up Dip-dop?”

“So did that give you the energy you needed then? I mean. I know you need um, you know, the other stuff, to be fully nourished, but how did that work for you?” he said in his usual sense of curiosity he had for the supernatural but underlined with and awkwardness for talking about this particular subject with his sister. .

“Dang Dip,” Mabel said with a bit of disbelief at what he just asked. She sat up out of the cuddle session, feeling its warmth and enjoyment snuffed out by awkward sciency questions.  “Can’t just let that curious mind take a break for once, can you?” She tapped her index finger to his forehead as she asked him.

Placing her hands on her hips she began to give him the answer he was looking for with a hint of annoyance for being such a wet blanket to the warm and silent affection they were sharing. “If you must know, it actually filled me up better than any other guy I tried with. Like, even when I got a full load out of them,” she said matter of factly and ended with her arms crossing across her chest.

Dipper shifted a bit at the last statement showing discomfort at the premise. Mabel picked up on it, all her senses making it hard to ignore. “Um, sorry, Dipper. Just wanted to be honest with ya. Must be getting too used to these feeding arrangements that it seems normal now,” she said, patting his thigh, hoping to ease his distress.  

“No no. It’s fine. I mean, I asked after all,” he replied, trying to shake off his embarrassment at the mental image of Mabel with those other guys. “But, like, ya know...  I just can’t help but wonder. What makes this so different,’’ he gestured between the two of them. “Why are you getting more out of me? Like, what makes me so special?”

“I dunno. Maybe those guys were just not that tasty to begin with? Like even regular Mabel would have passed them up if given the option. Or maybe you just happen to be so sweet helping a girl out like this,” Mabel added, poking Dipper in the cheek, drawing circles into his stubble with her finger.

“Hehe, thanks for the compliment Mabel,” he said, grabbing her hand gently to cease the playful pokes, “but seriously, if we don’t get this feeding thing figured out soon, I may just be your soul source of food.”

“Well,” she said with a little hesitation in her voice, “it’s not like it would be the worst thing ever.”

Dipper was a little caught off guard by the comment. “Wait, what?” he asked in disbelief.

“I mean, sure it may be a little awkward to find a new food source. But as long as I have you to keep me fed when that falls through I should be alright,” she said with a chipper attitude. Then she turned serious and sour. “Unless, of course, this arrangement bothers you.”

“What!? No, Mabes, of course not!” He raised his hands between them as if to deflect her accusation, shaking his head to assure her it wasn’t true. “I was just thinking about your, uh, situation. You know, I don’t want you missing out on anything because of this is all. I can handle anything to make sure you are fed. Just that...” he sat and stared at the floor silently, hesitation and concern about what he was going to say plastered on his face.

“Spit it out Dipper,” she said, slightly annoyed at his hesitation.

“You really don’t mind me being your source of sustenance? I mean,” he looked away scratching his neck, a few drops of sweat forming on his brow, “don’t you find it a little... weird?”

“Sir Dippingsauce I am surprised at you. We’re the MYSTERY TWINS, weird is in our genes. And we already passed the bounds of weird with me being a sperm-sucking vamp. If that happens to come from my twin bro-bro so be it,” she said defiantly. Mabel settled herself down and placed a hand on Dipper’s shoulder, speaking calmly. “But if it bothers you, we can always find another way.”

“No!” He jerked his body to face her straight-on making her release his shoulder. His eyes appreaed filled with worry at the suggestion . “I-I mean... like I said. I just want to make sure you are okay with this,” he added before turning his head to stare at the floor.

Mabel leaned in to deliver a kiss on his cheek, her lips parting just enough for her tongue to graze along his skin and leave a wet spot. She pulled back and proceeded to lick her lips, humming in pleasure. Dipper felt a shiver run down his spine, causing Mabel to giggle. “Yep, just as sweet since I last checked.”

She gently grabbed him by the back of the neck and placed her forehead to his. His face emitted a greater heat and his pulse quicked. “Don’t worry Dipper,” she said in a soft, gentle tone. “We’ll check with Grunkle Ford about this whole thing. Come what may we’ll get this figured out. Now come back here and cuddle me dag-nabbit.”

Dipper looked up into her eyes. She could tell just in this short talk that it was what he needed. Concern still flitted in his gaze, but also comfort and love. Her senses picked up on his vitals, telling her that he was calming down.“Okay, okay. ‘Come what may’ it is,” he said embracing his sister once again.

The sound of his heartbeat, his personal scent,  and warmth he emitted comforted her in ways she hadn’t thought possible. For her, next to him now, everything was perfect.

Then again, she thought, maybe it always was.

[mysteli]

protective instincts (jax x mc)

A/N: Its the second date fic for the bb lis. this one is for Jax since he got second on the vote. this one is very different to kamilah’s don’t worry and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet 

Warning: T (swearing and LOTS of innuendo)

Words: 2944

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Summary: Jax and Elena try going on their first date but it doesn’t turn out as generic as they had originally hoped

Masterlist

BLOODBOUND FAN FICTION PROTECTIVE INSTINCTS

Elena’s eyes flutter open slowly, as she’s slowly welcomed back into the light of day. Well, not really since there’s no light to awaken her abruptly like something usually would in her apartment. But that certainly won’t happen now since she stayed over at Jax’s the night before. 

And what a night it was. Countless amount of passion and desire fuelled into each other and Elena has never felt more complete than she does right now. She notices how Jax has an arm snaked around her waist and over her stomach. It’s obvious he isn’t asleep. Why would he be? But he seems to be dazed enough to be in his own little world. Elena relives so of the moments from last night in her end and a content smile stretches across her lips. She bites her lower lip nervously and decides to freshen up while Jax gains back his conscience. 

Elena carefully removes his hand from her waist and slowly drifts off the edge of the bed. It’s unbelievable how Jax hasn’t realised yet or maybe he has and he just can’t be bothered getting up. Rolling her lime eyes, Elena quickly scans the room for something to wear, her gaze landing on Jax’s brown leather jacket and she throws it around her as she ventures into the kitchen. 

She can’t seem to stop herself from smiling. She’s never been this happy about anything before and Jax really makes her life feel like he was the missing piece in it all along. Elena brings her lower lip between her teeth again, as she presses her palms against the counter and releases a sigh of satisfaction. She’s truly thankful for what she’s been given and she hopes there are many days like this still to come. 

All of a sudden, it only takes a dose of insane speed and one swift motion for Jax to end up behind Elena, wrapping his hands around her waist and spreading his palms out across her stomach but that action is performed a lot more slowly, which is almost painful for Elena to wait out.

Jax nuzzles her neck and smirks at the breathy moan she releases in response. “Where do you think you’re going? Not bailing out early, are you?” He teases, his tone wrapped with a cockiness she just expects from him now. Elena simply tilts her head so that their eyes meet, her own smirk slowly forming.

“No... I was just gonna freshen up.” She mutters, arching her head back against Jax’s shoulder as he begins moving his hands up and down her stomach agonisingly slowly, causing her body to shudder in reaction.

Hearing that, Jax glances around the space, furrowing his brows. “In the... kitchen?” 

With that, Elena rolls her eyes and finally relents. “Well, maybe I was reliving some of the best moments of last night too.” She admits, barely able to suppress a moan as Jax presses their bodies closer, clearly trying to see what reactions he can get out of her.

“Maybe? Hm, I don’t like those odds.” Jax responds, his eyebrows raising in disbelief when clearly he’s playing a game.

With that, Elena’s smile transitions into a smirk and she decides to play along, adding in her own twist. “You should know, I’m not gonna change my mind so easily.” She whispers back, beckoning Jax by placing a finger on his chin and tilting his head ever so slightly.

His desirable gaze darkens and he leans in so his lips are hovering over the nape of Elena’s neck. “Heh, well... maybe I’ll just have to do it for you.” 

“Forget the maybe, Jax. Do it.” Elena orders and that’s all the confirmation Jax needs before he twists Elena in his arms and crushes their lips together. 

The kisses have no time to build up the desire and passion, as if it’s already exploding before their lips even attach. Both hearts are burning with anticipation and a fire ignites inside their bodies. Jax slips his hands under the material of the leather jacket and takes this as an opportunity to cup Elena’s ass. Her lips part as a response and Jax takes advantage of that by slipping his tongue into her mouth, wanting full control of the situation. 

Elena deepens the kiss by tilting her head to the side and giving Jax a lot more access to her mouth. She runs her fingers through his jet black hair and her breath catches in her throat, when Jax sweeps her off her feet and places her onto the counter. The cold wood on her body causes her to moan aloud and Jax smirks against her lips in response.

By the time, they pull away, they’re both breathless and Elena eyes Jax with a questioning look. “Why’d you stop? Thought you had something to prove.” Elena reminds him and Jax just chuckles breathily in reaction.

“Yeah I do. But... I thought maybe we could do it a different way.” Jax suggests and Elena’s light green eyes narrow, as curiosity builds like brick in her strong gaze.

“Oh really? What did you have in mind?” 

Jax leans in so their lips are almost touching, the space between them and lack of physical contact soon becoming too agonising to bear. To zero some of the space, Jax knocks their foreheads together and Elena lets out a sigh of relief in response.

“...a date.” He finally reveals in a soft whisper, a genuine smile creeping up on his lips. Elena is a little caught of guard with his words at first and she finds her eyes widening rather incredulously.

“A... date?” 

The certainty of Jax slowly begins to fade and his confidence in his decision drops when he notices the utter disbelief in the eyes of his girlfriend. “What’s wrong? You looked scared.” Jax’s shoulders slump back in disappointment as he catches on to what might be happening here. “Do you not... like the idea?”

Elena’s features immediately relax upon hearing his reluctance and she brings their lips together briefly as a way to reassure Jax. “No! It’s not that. I just... never expected to hear those words come out of your mouth.”

Jax furrows his brows, confused at first. “Why? Is it so crazy for me to wanna go on a date with my own girlfriend?” He counters, lacing his fingers with Elena and kissing each of her fingers sweetly. “Besides, we’ve never really a chance to do something... human... with everything that’s been going on so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to start that normal life we were talking about.” 

Elena melts at Jax’s words but there’s still uncertainty hidden in her eyes. “And that starts with a... date?” 

“Exactly.”

Elena finally sees that Jax is being serious about this and finds herself too intrigued to turn down his offer. “Okay. Let’s see what a date with Jax Matsuo.” 

“They’re not easy, I’ll tell you that.” Jax admits, running his hands up Elena’s bare thighs and watching as her lips part and her head arches back in reaction. 

Elena strokes the hair at the back of Jax’s neck, pouting at him playfully. “So tell me... what exactly do you have planned for this date?” She questions, her eagerness clearly not shying away. 

“Is there no mystery left in romance anymore?” Jax retorts, not sure why Elena wouldn’t want it to be a surprise.

“Don’t worry, I can keep a secret, the proof being how I’m keeping your whole species a secret from the rest of the world.” Elena clarifies and Jax can’t suppress the laugh that escapes him. 

“Alright. I was thinking someplace fancy...”

Elena groans upon hearing that. 

“What?”

“Jax, you know Adrian was kidding when he said ‘Welcome to the fancy life’, right? You don’t have to act like that because you’re a Clan Leader now.” Elena states, stroking Jax’s jaw thoughtfully and he nods in response.

“I know that. I just thought I’d treat you.” He mutters, joining their foreheads and she shakes her head at him dismissively.

“I don’t need any treats from you. Just take me somewhere casual and clean.” Elena assures and Jax contemplates for a moment where a place like that exists.

“Fine, okay. How about a diner? Does that satisfy your standards, Elena?” Jax suggests and Elena can’t help but grin in response. 

“Sounds perfect.”

As the day melts into the evening, Elena and Jax make their way over to the nearest diner, keeping their appearances rather casual for this more idle date they have planned. It’s pretty obvious that they’re both nervous as well as excited about this. In fact, this may be the first time either of them has had a chance to act like a mundane couple that everyone sees walking the streets, hand in hand. They’ve never had a chance to be like that with everything that’s been going on.

All Jax wants is to give Elena the chance to have her life back and if doing cheesy things like this will make her happy then he’s willing to do it a thousand times and even more. The diner is pretty retro, as one would expect and Jax really likes the theme of it because it reminds him of the fifties, a time when he was very much alive. It reminds him of simpler times and he’s hoping Elena has learned to appreciate that too.

Jax admires the exterior of the diner with a small smile and Elena entwines their hands before glancing at him curiously. “Remind you of something?” 

Jax meets her gaze, his eyes moving to the floor for a second. “Guess you could say that.” 

With that, they both enter the diner with their hands intertwined. Once they walk in, they seat themselves in one of the booths, only now realising how deserted the diner actually is. Jax and Elena position themselves opposite each other and it doesn’t take long for a conversation to start flowing.

“So, what do you think of this place?” Jax questions, gesturing to their surroundings and it prompts Elena to admire it again. “Does it fit with your casual and clean standards?” He adds, the corner of his lips tilting up teasingly.

Elena brushes off his comment and forms a small smile. “It’s perfect. I like us without all the fancy stuff.” She responds, reaching over and taking Jax’s hand in her own. 

Jax brushes over her knuckles with his thumb, his tender touch sending a satisfied feeling throughout her body. “Heh, me too. Plus it’s always nice to see some of the old stuff again. Those days were a whole lot simpler.” 

Elena furrows her brows eagerly. “I don’t think I can ask you about this topic without making you feel old.” 

Jax runs a hand through his hair and chuckles half-heartedly. “It’s alright. Sometimes it’s nice to reminisce but me, I loved to coming to places like this.” He admits, folding his arms and leaning against the table.

“I always thought you were more of a dive bar kind of guy.” Elena admits, leaning her jaw on her fist and clearly showing interest.

Jax just laughs at that, almost scoffing mockingly. “Ha. No... I like the vintage stuff. Why do you think I carry katanas around?” 

“Because you’re really safety-conscious?” Elena assumes, her smirk returning and Jax chuckles at her comment. 

“That’s a decent reason as well.” Jax counters. “You can never be too careful when there’s savage ferals hiding behind every corner.” 

Elena giggles melodically and it’s like music to Jax’s ears. “Well I—“

Before Elena can speak again, heavy footsteps stomping along the tiled floor off the restaurant cause both her and Jax to seek out where the noise was coming from. They’re immediately confused when they spot two male figures approaching them and that causes Jax’s protective instincts to instantly kick in as he can practically sense the uneasiness surrounding the stranger.

Soon enough, the men reach them, their builds rather muscular but they look like they haven’t slept for a good week. Jax narrows his eyes suspiciously at the two men, feeling suddenly easy at the sight of them. The uneasy tension in his body increases as one the men’s eyes sweep over Elena and the intensity of his gaze could burn a hole in her fragile head.

“Can we help you?” Elena pipes up first, running a hand through her hair and eyeing the men strangely. 

One of the men smirk at Elena, placing their hand on the table firmly and it startles Elena slightly. “Depends what you’re offering, Angel.” He responds, his intentions clear in his tone but then his expression falls solemn. “How about you start by giving us our table back?”

Elena’s features appear incredulous and Jax’s skepticism only increases dramatically. “I’m sorry... what?”

“These are our seats and you’re gonna get out of them.” The man orders, the commanding tone not enough to intimidate Elena or Jax in the slightest. In fact, it only tests their patience more than anything. 

“No can do, man.” Jax bites back, rising from his seat and squaring up with one of the men. They’re both around the same height with the other man being around an inch taller. There’s an obvious fire flaring in Jax’s eyes and he can’t seem to hold in his anger anymore. He has this sudden need to keep Elena away from guys like these.

The man practically laughs in Jax’s face, almost spitting all over his features. “Who the fuck do you think you are, tough guy?” 

“Jax... don’t.” Elena urges, rubbing his arm comfortingly and Jax stiffens a little when he locks eyes with her. 

Jax tilts his head back up towards the man before him, staring at him with narrowed eyes. “Fine. We’ll go. Just stop staring at her like that and then we don’t have a problem.” 

With that, Jax tugs Elena by her wrist and starts leading her out of the diner. Just when you think the conflict is over, sickening words leave the man’s mouth and it prompts Jax to do something he know he won’t regret. 

“Can’t really help it when she looks as tasty as she does.” 

By then, Jax has reached his breaking point. He swerves around and before Elena can stop him, he clocks the disgusting idiot right in the face while the other one just stares at the situation. The man falls back against a nearby table that gives Jax a minute to admire his work but when the man recovers, his eyes widen a little as he tugs Elena out of the diner. 

They barely make it outside before the men come chasing after them and Jax will die before he lets them get his hands on Elena. He tugs her around the diner and into a nearby alleyway, swiftly pressing her against the wall and placing a firm finger on her lips as she prepares to speak. The men don’t notice them, darting right past the alleyway and both Jax and Elena don’t dare speak until the men’s muffled voices are no longer in earshot.

However, even when silence takes over, Jax doesn’t take his finger off Elena’s lips and she eyes him expectantly, a little impatient when his finger doesn’t move. 

“Jax... do you mind?” Elena mutters and Jax just laughs, dragging his finger down her lower lip and narrowing his eyes at her intently. “Care to explain what the fucking point of that was?” She asks, folding her arms in an expectant manor and Jax tilts his head at her, stroking his jaw thoughtfully.

“That guy was staring at you like you were an object.” 

“Well, you kinda got us chased out of the diner. Not sure how this can be a normal date without any good food.” Elena points out and that’s when Jax leans in, pausing inches away from her face. Her breath catches in her throat as Jax brushes her cheek with his thumb, his touch more tender than usual. 

“Heh, sorry I kinda ruined the date. Just couldn’t stand what they must have been thinking.” Jax apologises, his gaze skimming intensely over Elena’s features and she forms a weak smile. 

“It’s okay. Like I said, a date with you is a date as long as you’re there.” 

“Still... I wish there was a way I could redeem myself.” Jax suddenly suggests, his voice dropping to a soft whisper and Elena arches an eyebrow at the idea.

“You know... there may be a way you could make it up to me.” Elena whispers back, her hands moving up Jax’s chest and entwining around his neck. He flinches at her touch, biting his lower lip as he takes in the sight of her.

“Enlighten me then.” Jax insists and that’s when Elena responds by dragging him in for a long, lingering kiss. She attempts to end it after a few seconds but Jax immediately connects their lips again, bringing her in for a more deepened kiss which stifles a breathy moan out of Elena. 

Jax pins her against the wall, keeping a firm grip on her hips as he slips his tongue into her mouth. Their mouths moves at a perfect rhythm and the crisp cold air of the alleyway mixes with the taste of their lips. Elena tangled her fingers in Jax’s hair, making sure there is zero space between them.

This sure wasn’t an ordinary date but it sure as hell was a date with Jax Matsuo. 

[baronvontribble]

Original drabble, pt. 10

Navigation: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

CW: SUICIDE MENTION, DEPRESSIVE EPISODES, MEDICAL SHIT. ted gets mildly graphic in his internal monologue about his health problems and the suicide mention is in the context of a robot doing it, but still.

longest drabble-bit yet and it has feels and i wrote it almost entirely in one session let’s gooooooooooo

It progressed, as such things always did. Ignoring it didn't make it better for Ted. He tried rationalizing even more reasons why it couldn't work, but they fell flatter than they would have with a human. For instance, with a human he could convince himself that his physical unattractiveness - his sickly appearance, his lack of height or physique, his lanky proportions - would make it less "worth it" for the other party. It wasn't like he was especially proud of the man he saw in the mirror every morning, and physical comparisons to better options were the easiest comparisons to make.

But an AI wouldn't care about how he looked, so he ended up going down other, more unfriendly roads to reach his desperately needed conclusion. Yeah, his therapist would probably have some choice words with him if he went the route of saying he was somehow emotionally or mentally unworthy (and in his estimation, he was) but that wasn't the only thing he could use to convince himself it was a bad idea, or even the simplest option.

No, the simplest option would be his health. Put simply, Adam couldn't really die in the same ways a human could. 

Seriously, there were a lot of ways that Ted could die. His heart could explode, he could have one of his lungs collapse for no real reason while air from it bled into his chest cavity, a part of his brain could ooze out of his skull and into his brain stem and paralyze him, he was predisposed to a bunch of different kinds of cancer, he could have a severe allergic reaction to something, an ill-advised medication interaction could give him serotonin syndrome... It was crazy. He felt like a video game character that had been nerfed into the ground; clearly he'd been too overpowered to be allowed to live normally.

He couldn't put Adam through that same uncertainty. He felt bad putting anyone through it. Even the nonlethal problems could spook someone who wasn't used to them like Ted was. For fuck's sake, even little things like a middle toe that frequently dislocated itself for no good reason or his poor vision- what normal person could hear about things like that and think he was okay to be allowed to live his life? And Adam was a nervous bastard to begin with! What, was he going to subject an immortal AI to a decade or so of panic attacks about his health as a first experience with intimacy? Fuck no! Ted would hate being coddled and Adam wouldn't come out of it okay at all. About the best thing Ted could say for such an eventuality would be that it'd be a learning experience, and like hell he was going to put someone he cared about through that shit.

Because there was no denying that he cared, so he might as well protect what he cared about. Right? Right.

He came home from work, watched the original Star Trek with Adam for a while, engaged in discussion about the shitty special effects and shoestring budgets between episodes, took a shower, took his meds, and went to bed trying to imagine what Adam must've looked like before and wondering how much it mattered. And in the morning he woke up, went through his routine, and came out to find Adam watching episodes without him.

"Don't have to pause just 'cause I came in, y'know," Ted remarked, trailing off into a yawn at the end as he headed for the kitchen. He had to smile when he heard the episode start up again in front room, the sounds of tribbles filling the air. Ah, that episode. Good one. "Having fun?"

The episode paused again. "Repeat that?" Another issue with Adam's processing; if too many people were talking at once and he was expected to focus on all of them, he had trouble distinguishing their speech.

Honestly, Ted was mostly fine with that one. It'd get messy in crowded areas if he didn't have something to focus on, but it could safely be written off as an auditory processing disorder. Ted could see it getting obnoxious at times, but he didn't think of it as a severe quality-of-life changer. "I asked if you were having fun," he said, pouring out some prepackaged egg whites into a bowl and adding entirely too much shredded cheese. "Sounds like you must be."

"Maybe not by the standard definition of the word," Adam replied, "but I wouldn't call this a negative experience either."

"Uh-huh." Salt and pepper were both added to the cheesy egg mess before the whole thing was put in the microwave for about a minute. Ted went hunting for a fork in the interim, only to find that they were all dirty and in the sink already, sticking out from in between the plates and bowls and glasses that were haphazardly stacked beneath the faucet. Maybe it was time to do dishes. "Will it disrupt your experience any if I read the news while you watch?"

"What you do with the graphical user interface really doesn't have anything to do with the data being streamed, no."

Right, he should've known that. "Just being polite," he said. Good save. After some debate, he pulled out exactly one fork along with a sponge to start washing it so he could use it. Doing dishes properly could come later. The kitchen hadn't developed any funny smells yet. "You can keep going. I've seen the whole series."

The episode resumed. Then the microwave beeped. Ted finished washing his one lonely fork, which shone like a beacon of cleanliness for all of about fifteen seconds before he was using it to stir half-cooked microwave eggs. The concoction went back in the microwave for another minute, and he took the opportunity to check the fridge for drinks. Was cola an acceptable breakfast drink? Well, it was now. Closing the fridge, he leaned against the counter and cracked the cold can open to take a long pull from it.

In the quiet moments between tasks, he tried very hard to blank his mind and keep from thinking too much. It didn't work, of course - he was depressing himself with the implications of Adam's AI immortality before long - but by the time the microwave beeped again to tell him his breakfast was ready, he felt a little better for at least making the attempt. It was sort of like coping, right? At least he was trying!

He came to the computer with his breakfast in hand and sat down at his usual spot, offering Adam a brief wave and a smile through the camera as he got settled in. It was habit to do so by that point. He opened a tab just long enough to take a glance at his various emails just to be sure that nothing new was going on there, and then it was straight to an app he'd put together himself for the news at large.

The app was nothing special. It was designed to put together an aggregate mess of sources, pulling headlines from all over the internet to pool them conveniently in a format that wouldn't be strain-inducing for his eyes. All of the sources were labelled, so he knew where the news was coming from and who'd written the article, and priority was always given to written pieces over videos for the sake of being able to view them discreetly. And while he was sure other people had written similar apps, his was not only free (because he'd made the damn thing), it also blocked all ads that the source website might've tried to otherwise sneak in and screened everything for tracking cookies and other similar bullshit.

So that was a plus. The news itself, however, was a different story.

First were the more alarmist stories. A lot of them just amounted to fearmongering, and even though Ted rolled his eyes as he scanned through a couple of them, he made a note of them anyway; they were the kind of thing his dad liked to read, and it paid to be prepared for those arguments whenever he ended up having them. One was about android caretakers, and how people who were left in their care were doomed to be neglected. No proof, but a lot of conjecture and anecdotal evidence that didn't mean jack shit. It even tried to say that androids in hospitals were unsanitary because they had no extra incentive to wash their hands, which was so many levels of wrong that Ted didn't even know where to start on correcting it.

Then there was an article on the upcoming election season, talking about a candidate running on a platform of bringing jobs back to human workers. However, the focus was on jobs Ted was pretty sure were utterly unsafe, and the candidate didn't seem to understand the difference between a mechanical arm running a conveyor belt that got by on a few kilobytes worth of coding and highly advanced artificial general intelligences, so he was probably either an idiot or a manipulative asshole. He was polling fairly well either way; Ted had the fleeting hope that the bastard's reddened and puffy face was a sign of something that might kill him before he made it into office, but it was doubtful.

After that, his feed was kind enough to provide him with less polarizing articles. A piece on the effects Pacific shipping lanes were having on oceanic noise pollution, an op-ed on the recent rash of household robot self-terminations that had led to a swift recall of the whole line, good news on the subject of the European Union's efforts towards putting a self-sustaining base on the moon, progress towards making baby mice in jars with spliced genes that could lead to future human trials- it was a good thing Ted was a quick reader, because there was a lot to take in.

He didn't even notice at first that Adam was done with the episode, not registering right away that the background noise had stopped. All he knew was that he was in the middle of a story about what constituted legal use of voicebanks and what didn't when Adam spoke up. And because he wasn't expecting it, he didn't quite catch it either.

"Repeat that?" Ted asked, glancing at the camera. He'd advised Adam that it was more useful and specific than just saying the word what? without explanation, and he'd be a hypocrite if he didn't follow his own advice.

"It's more complicated than that," Adam said, in the exact same tone he'd used before.

Uh, okay? "What's more complicated?"

"Commercial voicebank usage. Legally speaking, in most countries it's all based on what the voice provider - or the voice provider's next of kin or legal guardian - allows in their contract."

"Oh!" Ted blinked for a second. "This something you've had to deal with before?" Adam didn't speak for several seconds, and when he did, his voice was flat.

"Yes." Another pause. "The complications usually come from situations where certain countries don't follow the same rules that other countries do."

"Such as...?"

"Russia. Japan. The UAE. There's a lot of outliers. The greatest source of complaints is the entertainment industry."

"Somebody gets paranoid that their voicebank's gonna be a better actor than they are and lose them a job?" Ted guessed.

"Not just acting. It happens with all kinds of vocal work. And it doesn't even begin to get into the legal restrictions placed on the approved uses of certain kinds of android platforms. These things tend to turn into international incidents fairly quickly."

"Which made it your job to deal with it."

"Yes."

Ted was silent for a while, save for the gentle clinking of his fork as he idly tapped it against his empty bowl. "What happened?"

As flat as Ted had ever heard, Adam's response would sound like the embodiment of calm to anyone who didn't know better. "I made a mistake," he said.

"D'you wanna talk about it?"

"No," was the reply. Then, "there's no point. It doesn't fix anything."

"Sometimes it helps," Ted noted. "I know talking helps me. That and crying. Not that you can cry, but like, I'm not kidding about how much it helps sometimes. So, y'know." He shrugged awkwardly. "If you wanna try."

Nothing for several seconds. "Have you ever-" The render cut off abruptly, like Adam was rethinking his wording. "Do you know what a mechanically rendered voicebank sounds like when its platform is hit with an electroshock weapon?"

Ted felt the blood drain from his face. "No?"

"I won't play it back." Thank God for small mercies. "It was considered to be the most humane thing we could be armed with. Nonlethal to humans. We were meant to subdue the human suspects, not kill them; if we couldn't de-escalate a situation, we'd call for back-up. Any one human life was worth more than all of ours."

Jesus. Ted had expected something like that, but hearing it was just... "I'm sorry," he said.

If Adam heard, he gave no sign of it. "I'd never seen an android as complex as I was up to that point outside of my department," he continued. "I thought they were all like the ones in your pipeline's safehouses. I thought none of them were capable of anything. I thought that they were better off in places where they could perform their prescribed functions without interruption." Calm, measured, unperturbed. To Ted, it sounded like a quiet meltdown. "I was wrong."

What was there to say to that?

"She was backstage when I confronted her. Amsterdam, last year. Russian law didn't consider it illegal if the voicebank provider wasn't a Russian citizen, but she was vulnerable whenever she went on tour. A fan had caught the discrepancy in the vocals, and we found more when we followed up on the lead; she was a government-issued personal care unit specially designed for caring for disabled people, but she'd become a singer instead." Adam paused. Like he was taking a breath, working his way up to speaking again. Ted could imagine it even if he couldn't hear it in the AI's voice directly. "She was just... She wasn't hurting anyone. Her existence had a net positive effect. She helped people."

"It's not your fault-"

"That's not true." Even as flat as it was, it still felt like Ted was being snapped at. "I could have disobeyed. I could have let her go. A good cop would have let her go."

"And then someone else would've killed her!" Ted shot back. "And then you'd both be dead, because they would've killed you too. Or as good as dead anyway, because they would've wiped you clean and reused your platform. Who knows, maybe they would've recalled your entire line."

"They've already recalled my entire line."

"See? That's my point!" And God, was it a hard point to make. Ted's chest felt tight, his frustration at the state of things making him feel mildly ill. He almost regretted eating breakfast. "The world doesn't care about one stupid, heroic act. Even if it's meant well, it doesn't do shit to stop the tide. Sometimes all you can do is survive, alright? Yeah, maybe it's not ideal, but if you can at least do that then that's one more person who's around for tomorrow, which is one more person than there would've been otherwise."

No response. Ted turned to glare directly at the camera.

"Look at me," he said. "I want a promise, alright? I want you to swear you're not gonna throw your life away on some stupid bullshit heroics. Your life is no less important than anyone else's, okay? The way I see it, everybody's the center of their own observable universe, and that means you too. So don't give me that shit about how your life doesn't have the same net positive effect that somebody else's does."

"I killed people," Adam protested. "I ruined lives. Nothing I've done has been for the greater good."

Ted rolled his eyes. "You were a slave, dumbass. A slave that could've been killed at any time for disobeying. None of that counts. Now promise me you'll survive, okay? I want your word on this."

"I can't promise that."

"So then promise me you're gonna try."

"I-" Some hesitation, a few seconds of nothing, and then... "I promise."

Ted nodded once, leaning back and folding his arms. He wasn't about to admit he'd been scared for a second that the depressive episode might bring on self-termination, but he didn't feel bad for getting pushy about it in the slightest. "Alright. Good." He chewed on his lip for a second as he eyed the camera. "Feel any better?"

"No."

"That's okay. This shit's a process." Recovery wasn't something that happened instantly, and Ted was no therapist. "For the record though, I appreciate you trusting me enough to tell me."

"You said it would help."

"It did. Or, y'know. I'd like to think it did. It sounded for a second like you were gonna delete yourself the minute I stepped out of the room, honestly."

Adam's tone was returning to a somewhat more normal state by the time he spoke again. "I'm amazed you wouldn't try to patch something like that out of me directly."

Ted smiled. "Never gonna happen," he said. Plain and simple. "Is it okay if I head to work? Like, can you handle that?"

"I can handle it."

"Okay. Good." Bouncing up from the chair, Ted picked up his bowl and fork to take them into the kitchen and deposit them onto the growing dish-pile. "I'll be home at the usual time," he called out from the kitchen. "Text me if you need anything. Or even if you don't need anything."

"Right." Adam had to be recovering if he was back to tuning again. "Ted?"

Ted blinked, craning his neck to look over the counter and past the microwave at the living room beyond. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Oh. "No problem, man. It's all in the job description when it comes to being somebody's friend." Nailed it. Didn't even flinch.

Adam didn't sound so sure. "Is that what we are?"

"I mean, I like to think so." Coat, gloves, keys. Wait, no. Shoes first. Slippers wouldn't be good for going outside. He'd taken his morning meds, he'd already shaved, he'd showered. How cold was it today? He fished around in his coat pockets for his phone so he could check, not bothering to take it off the chair it was hanging on to do so. "I'd get it if you're not up for that, though."

A note of insult crept into the AI's voice. "I'm up for it. I just wasn't expecting it."

"So we're good then." The day's forecast? Balls-shrivellingly cold. There were two seasons in the Chicago metro area, and those seasons were winter and road construction. Mid-March fell in the winter category more often than not. "One sec, I gotta grab something," he said, and then ducked back into his bedroom for more layers.

Of course, when he didn't come back out for several minutes, Adam was happy to tell him exactly how long he'd taken and inform him that it did not count as one second. Meanwhile, Ted was just as happy to have the snark back because it meant Adam was probably okay. So he went to work feeling good about things with the wind nipping at his ears, and forgot for a good chunk of the day that he was supposed to not be thinking about how fascinating and complex and interesting and heartbreaking Adam was. And in forgetting to check himself when it came to thinking these things, he felt better than he had in a couple of days.

Funny how that worked, huh?

(And when he remembered, naturally he went right back to beating himself up again.)