#which makes him unable to aim right even though he was just sniping runners seconds ago

[uhyeahnoabsolutelynot]

the juxtaposition between how joel acts in the ep4 scene with the little girl clicker climbing into the car with ellie and how he acts in the hospital is delicioso

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

TF2 Sniper & Scout Headcanon

For @camiluna27​

- - -

This whole thing sucked.

Sure, once you got used to dying a dozen times a day, sometimes in bizzarre and awful, fire-related ways, it became your new normal.

But taking serious damage without access to the doc, or a healthpack, really just sucked. He honestly would prefer death, it'd be faster.

First freaking BLU Demo had caught his sideon with a stickybomb trap, and then the bastard BLU Sniper decided to take a potshot at the runner as he soared through the air.

All he knew for certain right now was that he was definitely hit somewhere vital, there was dirt mixing with the blood in his mouth, and he was going to kill that lanky fucker .

But then... why hasn't the man finished RED Scout off, already? Did Spy get him? Did he not see Scout as a threat? Were the others occupying him or... or was Scout just not worth the effort to kill?

Wiggling a bit, small movements, he managed to get a hand up to his headset. "H-hey, Doc, you there?"

There was static a moment before he got a faint, "...kzktshhhh... -usy at zhe moment, Scout, vhat is zhe matter?"

"Nnnn... not sure, BLU Sniper got me and I can't move?" he knew he sounded ridiculous, nearing incredulous, but the doctor hums back.

"Vhere are-... oh, oh I see you, Hase. Heavy get down!"

There was a loud crack as a sniper rifle went off, echoing loudly around the battlefield. It was closer to their spawn, than the BLUs, but the batltle was on the next control point; looked like the Sniper was just camping them.

"Ach! I am sorry Scout, ve cannot get to you... he is using you as bait, und I do not have zhe crusader's crossbow vith me today." There was a pause, "Und I am only at 67% ubercharge, or ve vould vait to rescue you. I am sorry."

Three seconds of frustration and despair later, Scout responded, "Y-yeah, 'sfine... just go before the bastard gets you too."

And then he's left with nothing but silence. Well, silence and the sound of RED's rocket-jumping soldier shooting overhead... and being shot down. Somewhere in the distance a sentry was going at full speed trying to dissuade the BLUs from taking one of the only two points RED had captured.

He jerks a bit, from his almost-doze, at the realisation someone else was talking to him.

"...-oi, mate, c'mon answer me."

Sniper. Well, fuck, this was equal parts great and awful...

"Here... Snipes."

"Right, good... look, the other sniper's got you pinned down as bait, but I'm going to come round the building to your left and take him out... don't give it away, and try to hand on 'til I can getcha, mate."

Oh thank fuck.

True to his word, he vaguely sees a fleeting dash of RED uniform to his left,  before there's a crack. For a long second, Scout's almost sure that BLU got his opposite, anyway... but then, there's a thud to his right. Signalling the BLU sniper had just vacated his little camping-nest... by way of a speedy bullet to the brain.

"G-great shot there, Snipes!" he grins, as a body moves towards him.

Sniper kneels by him, "Alright, don't look great but the only healthpack near us was a little one... so it'll have to do 'til we can find Doc'n'Heavy or a bigger one..." the Aussie runs a critical eye over the other, before handing over the kit, "Might just take you back to spawn, actually. Y'look like shit, mate."

Scout can feel the kit dissolve and administer the limited degree of healing it had stored. Never understood them, but then, he still didn't get the medigun at all and he'd let medic put a fucking metallic thing on his heart... so he could do blind trust if he had to, regarding their current mode of healthcare.

He wasn't healed, but he sure didn't feel quite so close to death anymore.

"C'mon, up you get, kid." Sniper says, grabbing him by the arm and helping the runner wobble upright. And doesn't that make Scout feel utterly fucking ridiculous?

Why did it have to be Snipes?

"Well, you can try to be macho and get to the next pack yourself, or you can accept my help." Sniper adds, misinterpreting why the runner is arching away from his offer of support. "Just lean on me, mate, ain't nothing unmanly about getting help when you need it, yeah?"

"...fine." Scout says, going with that explanation because it was less embarrassing than blurting the truth of the matter. Something he definitely would not have done under normal circumstances; even if the team were cool with Heavy and Medic doing their thing.

"Last I checked, there was another little one somewhere near here..." Sniper mutters, he's got an arm looped around the stumbling runner, and his kukri out in the other. Always be Prepared.

"Negatory maggot, I saw Demo use it just a moment ago, get your asses to basecamp for healing!" shouts Soldier, appearing from the direction of the battlefield. He looked pretty beaten up, and also in search of a healthkit.

"Medic got an ubercharge going?" Snipes asked, wondering why the guy hadn't been healed by their battle medic.

"Double negatory, the very american medical man has been taken down by these cowardly BLU bastards and must be retrieved from basecamp!" Solly shouts, reporting the situation smartly, if a tad confusingly.

There's a second where no one is sure where to go with that, then the military man lifts up his helmet a bit. "God god, son, what the hell happened to you out there in the trenches?"

"...BLU Sniper was being a dick..." Scout mumbles, wishing the guy could just pitch in, or fuck off. He was starting to feel awful again, all this stalling.

"Allow me to assist you, Private. What kind of commander would I be if I did not take my privates in hand, when necessary?" Soldier shouts.

And Scout starts to laugh.

Sniper covers immediately with, "Er, he's in shock, he's not laughing at your or your... privates, mate."

"Good. Let us proceed! Forward march!" Soldier crows, striding over to them and making a show of moving to Scout's other side.

And that's when he realises, with a sick shock of cold fear shooting up his spine... that Scout saw Soldier get taken down by the BLU Sniper a bit back, but not long enough ago for the guy to respawn.

"Sp-..." he shouts in alarm, as the tell-tale sound of a Spy's disguise breaking zips through the air. He shoves at Sniper, Sniper shoves at him; Scout hits the floor as the sharpshooter whirls about to confront the BLU Spy.

"Fuck!" Snipes cries, as the intended backstab becomes a large slash across his ribs. But he lived, and was already swinging the kukri round before the other man could catch up to the situation, mentally, and cloak away.

Scout tries to shove upright, but it's not easy. So he does the next best thing, and rummages through the pockets he can reach for... yeah, there it is.

His aim ain't great, considering... everything. But he does manage to soak at least some of the spy in mad milk... which gives them an advantage.

"You little animal..." scowls the masked man, clearly under the impression it was something far worse than just BONK-infused milk that he accidentally left in the sun too long.

But Sniper's kukri keeps the guy at bay, rather well. Until it doesn't. Spy feints to the right, before side-stepping and catching Sniper on his left, a glancing blow to the temple that disoriented enough for the BLU to get a second slice in.

"How dare ya, ya bastard!" Scout shouts, feeling a surge of something like anger and energy combined. Some unholy fusion that let him get up, and start running, before it even really registered.

He body-checks the Spy, swinging wildly and feeling most connect somewhere. The man defends himself, with hand and knife, but Scout's just about dead himself and it's hard to focus on anything but how pissed off he was. Fucking spies. Always skulking about, takin' you out dishonestly. Face down your opponent,  don't be a coward and get 'em from behind. That's what Ma always said.

"Mate, duck." came the calm direction from Snipes, and Scout jerked to the side, collapsing in the dust as the sharpshooter put a bullet through the opposing Spy's brain.

"Ain't so clever now, are ya, Spook?" he mumbles at the corpse beside him. Then he realises that at least one of his limbs has gone numb, which usually means

he's not going to make it, anytime soon. "Aw fuck... Snipes can ya... uh, can ya shoot me? Unless you always h-had a secret fantasy of carryin' me bridal style inta spawn... that is. 'Cause I won't take that from ya, if-..."

"Aw shut up ya little mongrel," Sniper grins tightly. "Are ya sure, though? We could maybe make it now the Spook's down?"

"M-might as well. F-fastest way for both of us to get back into b-battle... yeah?" Scout assures, letting his head drop back onto the ground in a halo of dust.

"Well," Snipes responds after a moment, cocking the rifle, "if you're sure... just shut your eyes, don't feel right to kill ya if you're looking at me like some dewy-eyed little bilby..."

Scout complied, then frowned. "Hey, dontcha call me a freaking bilb-..."

Crack.

Nothingness was instantaneous. The absence of pain or any other physical sensation, was at once great and real fucking bizarre.  Respawn was like nothing words could describe.

Felt like forever, or a few seconds, and then you were suddenly there on the floor of Respawn, whole and feeling great. It had not been something they'd gotten used to, exactly, and some had come out screaming the first dozen times... but it was normal enough, now, that they could fight without fear.

"Rise, maggot, we must go and assist our unit in the battle for Point B of the objective!" Soldier informs him, helpfully tugging him upright.

"Wait, I thoughtcha would already be there, didn't you respawn like five minutes ago or something?" Scout frowns, thinking back over the sequence of events.

"Correct, private. But there was a TRAITOR lurking near the door that I was unable to detect until the last moment..." admits the man, looking a little chagrined at the whole affair.

Scout claps him on the back, "Hey, fair enough, we killed him like a minute ago or whatever..."

"Good job, Private. Now come along, we have a battle to win!" Soldier says, tossing the surprised Scout over his free shoulder, marching outside, and rocket-jumping them both onto the battlefront.

Afterwards, the rest of the team would recall the sight with amused smiles on their faces.

- - -

Ultimately, they did lose the match, but it was a fierce back and forth that had both sides on edge. Giving their all, fighting tooth and nail for control of each point. Ceding only when everyone defending was dead.

They'd get an enthusiasm bonus for today, that was for damn sure.

-

When the workday was over, both sides take a chance to relax; or commiserate their failures, depending on how things had gone. RED team wasn't all that bothered, honestly, they had done well even if they lost.

There was always tomorrow.

Soldier had given out medals (bottlecaps and ribbons, but the thought counted) to the team with 'commendations' for 'meritorious service'. Contrary to his BLU counterpart, the RED loved to let everyone know when he saw they'd done a good job.

Scout got two. One for the battle, and one for 'dispatching a traitor'; Snipes also got an additional one. Clearly, Soldier was going to target BLU Spy for the next week, until he felt he'd achieved revenge.

He didn't usually get backstabbed, with all the rocket-jumping, but he couldn't stand cowards who struck from behind. BLU Spy was a dead man walking.

-

"Hey kid..."

Scout startles a bit, then tries his best to look like he totally hadn't been caught off-guard. Though now one of his sketches had a huge line through it. At least it was in pencil...

It's Sniper. They didn't usually interact all that much, in the free time before and after dinner; the dude liked solitude, or spent time with Demo and Engie. Sometimes Medic and Heavy, if they weren't busy.

...or menaced their own team's Spy with his jarate jars, for the hell of it. Scout loved that. The Frenchman always looked so offended at the mere concept...

He blinks, realising Snipes was just standing right next to him, waiting for some degree of acknowledgement.

"Oh, er, hey... what's up?"

Sniper shuffles a tad awkwardly. "Are you... doing good, mate?"

"Doing goo-...? Oh, yeah, no I'm fine! Thanks for the mercy-kill and all today, Snipes." he assures.

"Alright then, just wanted to make sure ya not gonna jump everytime you see me cleaning my gun..." the aussie sighs, relaxing.

"Well, I mean, between Solly 'handling his privates' and you 'cleaning ya gun', there ain't much on this base I haven't seen... or could scare me." Scout grins back.

Sniper cuffs him lightly about the ear, "You little wanker, 'snot what I meant."

"Well, wanking was part of the proble-mmmph?" Scout's smart retort was covered by a gloved hand.

"That's about enough outta you. Now are ya gonna show me what you're drawing, or am I gonna have to take this beer back inside with me...?" Sniper asked.

Scout perks up immediately. The drinking age around here was 21, but none of his damn teammates would let up on how he was 'too young to be drinking'... even though Scout was 23. It ticked him off no end, and he knew that's why they did it... or well, most of them. He thinks Demo is sincerely trying to keep him from becoming an alcoholic or something.

Getting his hands on something even vaguely beer-like was a pain, especially under the hawkeyed-supervision of Engie and Medic (and Demo).

He hands over the sketchpad immediately, taking the bottle in return. "Nothing fancy, just stuff around here, some of the others, that owl of yours... was sitting on the fence a minute ago."

"They're good," Sniper says, flipping through and pausing, "but I think I like this one most."

Scout nearly chokes, as he realises Sniper's found the one he drew in a hurry (then carefully lined) of a time the Aussie was randomly napping in a tree near base. Actually, it was for the best he had his new sketchpad, the other one was full of the lanky sharpshooter in all the various ridiculous places and positions he fell asleep.

"What can I say, ya make an interesting study in posture when you're asleep, Snipes. Like the time ya napped in the pantry, and scared the crap outta Engie..." he explains, trying to act like he definitely didn't nearly die from being caught out.

"Oh... that'll explain why you're always lookin' at me, then, Bilby." Sniper agrees. Turning to face the runner with a knowing grin, "You think  I wouldn't notice? Got eyes like a hawk, mate, and observation's something I do well..."

His mind in complete, and uncharacteristic panic mode, Scout blurts out, "Er, I... for art. Staring at you for art. Thanks for the beer. Going now."

The runner takes off with a beer in one hand and an embarrassed flash across his cheeks; completely forgetting he's left the incriminating sketchbook with the person he was trying to conceal it with.

Sniper lets out an amused huff, watching the younger mercenary disappear into the night. He'd realise he had to come back, in about a minute or so; nothing out on the field at night except mess and unexploded stickies.

Interesting, though... to find out that the kid'd been watching him right back. Maybe the clue he'd given the runner  wasn't as wasn't as obvious as the sharpshooter thought.

Still, Scout was smart enough, he'd either figure it out... or get halfway across the map, realise Snipes had called him Bilby again, and come racing back to argue the nickname.

Sniper settled down to wait for the return... passing the time by going over the artwork with a critical eye. It was pretty damn good, really. Hard to see why Scout hadn't taken it further, really... maybe it had to do with finances or attitudes; when you had eight siblings it probably wasn't even an option, college that is.

His thoughts are cut off by the telltale rapid footsteps that meant Scout was returning.

Lo and behold, the runner skids to a stop in front of him, a little sweaty but not out of breath (and god does Sniper envy that energy, he'd had to run from a Pyro the other day up several flights of stairs, and it'd winded him).

"Why the heck do you keep calling me 'bilby', Snipes?! I gotta a real name and a class name, but you've called me dat like three time today..." questions the runner, taking a step back when Sniper stands up again.

"Why? 'coz you're small and cute, and bloody hard to catch." Sniper answers without hesitation.

And he sees the moment it sinks in, because Scout goes bright red, and splutters trying to think of an appropriate response, but failing.

He takes a step forwards, and when the other doesn't run off, he takes another... before slinging a companionable arm around Scout's shoulders.

"She'll be right, mate, c'mon... I noticed you noticing me, but it don't have to mean anything if you don't want it to, alright?"

"O...okay..."

"Ain't mad or nothing, surprised a bit... I mean, have you seen Demo shirtless? Thought you'd prefer that sort... but, everyone's different..." he's prodding the kid, trying to get a response, but it wasn't a lie. Most of the people on the team had impressive physiques, in their own right. Probably Pyro too, whatever they were.

Scout snorts, getting a lockdown on his emotions for the moment. "Er, yeah... I know, everybody showers together 'n'all, but apparently I've got weird taste or something..."

"...should I be offended?" Sniper asks, raising his eyebrows.

And Scout backpedals, "Shit, didn't mean that... but I mean like, when I look between you and Miss P, I can see things ya got in common that I find cute'n'all... and then it was like 'well fuck, I got a type'."

Sniper laughs, because yeah, he can see that. It's not hard to see it's something the runner's still coming to terms with.

"Salright mate, you got time to work it out... and no one here minds, whatever you realise or don't." he reassures, thinking about the whole Heavy & Medic situation from when they all started. Those two danced around each other for about five months before Soldier and Scout flat-out locked them in a room together and told them to 'just fucking tell him already you're killing us!'.

"Yeah?" Scout asks, seeking confirmation that this was okay.

"Yeah mate, all the time in the world." he smiles back. If the other ended up working out he liked him, or not, it was fine by the sharpshooter. He just liked having the runner around, injecting life and energy into everything he touched.

On the other hand, he couldn't resist a chance to take a dig at the kid. " 'Sides, it's gonna take me a while to get an outfit like Miss P's, all that purple fabric's probably a pain to get and-..."

He couldn't continue, considering he was laughing too hard at the semi-scandalised, slightly-excited, but mostly confused expression on Scout's face.

"Oh my god..." Scout breathes.

Sniper can't tell if that was a good exclamation or not, but he claps the other on the shoulder. "Alright mate, looks like you've had enough... by which I mean both the beer and minor existential crises, tonight... let's get you back to ya room."

Scout lets the Aussie lead him inside for a bit, effortlessly navigating the base without thought... before a devious response came to mind.

"...and do I get a goodnight kiss when we're there, or are ya gonna tuck me in and leave?" Scout says, shiteating grin plastered across his face from one ear to the other.

Somewhere nearby the eavesdropping spy nearly chokes on his wine.

Sniper actually stumbles, slightly blindsided. "Whoa, steady-on mate... we'll see when we get there, you little terror. Now behave, or I'll tell Engie you're drunk and propositioning people..."

"...yeah, but I'll tell him you gave it to me..." Scout adopted an oddly sing-song tone, "and you were gonna kiss me..."

Sniper knew that even in a world where he did tell Engie about this, the man would kill him at the vaguest insinuation of taking advantage of a drunken Scout. Which was, on one hand, a good protective measure for the impulsive brat... but on the other, he;d get his pay docked for an off-hours discharge and respawn.

"You keep it quiet and so will I, mate." Sniper murmured back as they passed the loungeroom full of the others.

"Deal..." Scout responded, smugly, like he'd won. And he didn't stop until he reached his quarters a few minutes later.

"Right, here's your sketchbook... might have flicked through it, but it's bloody good, mate."

"Aw, ain't that good, you should see my brother's stuff... he's the artist." Scout responds, looking sheepish.

And that explained a lot, it really did.

"Well, if he's half as nice to look at as you, maybe I will... but he's probably shit on the battlefield." Sniper jokes.

Scout laughs, "Yeah... he's a freaking architect or somethin', I was always fighting to keep people form pickin' on him. Even though it was probably supposed to be the other way 'round."

"Good practice for here, though. Would've been a bugger if you'd never come out here... what else am I supposed to look at, 'round here?" states the sharshooter, slyly, just to watch Scout flush.

Scout's getting fed up with his very-manly-blushing. Why does Sniper do this to him?

"Aw shut up, I know I'm great to look at but I try to dial it down so you all don't get distracted from work..." he responds, and then yawns almost comedicly wide. "Okay, I'm going to sleep now... but I ain't gonna forget this conversation in the morning, and we're gonna talk about it. The whole... y'know... thing."

"Or you could just come over to my camper after battle tomorrow, easier to talk about it without eavesdroppers'n'all... 'sides, you get a good view of the land and stars, from on top of the van, you can bring ya sketchpad."

Scout pauses, mid-stretch, eyes gleaming with mischief. "Is that a date you're askin' me on, Mr Sniper?"

"Only if you're brave enough to accept," goads Sniper back, equally mischievous.

"You're on, Snipes! See you then, or y'know, in battle before it... but I ain't gonna kiss ya when the BLUs are firin' at us." Scout states, darting forwards to peck Sniper on the cheek, grin, and then shut his door in the sharpshooter's face.

Sniper stands frozen for a second, processing.

Then Demo is there, slinging an arm around his shoulder. "Oh laddie, he's a firecracker this'll be fun tae watch. Engie'll break yer arse in two if ye break Scoutie's heart though, be careful there..."

Sniper's just trying to figure out how to respond, when Demo adds.

"Now what's all this about wanting tae see me with me shirt off? I'm flattered lad, but the boyo would be devastated if I seduced you away with me rippling muscles and kilt..."

The sharpshooter loses it, and there's an echoing ring of amused laughter coming from behind the Scout's bedroom door.

"Oh, aye wouldnae be laughing too hard, Scout... or should I tell Sniper here ye once asked me tae model with me kit off for ye?" Demo teases.

To which a choking sound could be heard through the door, and what sounded like, 'You wouldn't dare!'

Conspiratorially, the Scot leans over to Sniper and whispers, "Aye, he did too. But who can blame him... I'm bloody gorgeous!"

Scout's head shoots out of the doorway as Sniper is nodding in agreement. "Hey, getcha own Sniper, that one's mine!" At which point the runner realises what he said, flushes a very manly shade of pink, and disappears to a litany of muffled 'ohmygodwhydidisaythat?'

Demo claps Sniper on the back, "There ye go, lad... confirmation he likes ye."

Weakly, Sniper responds, "Regular old Cupid, aren'tcha, mate?"

The explosives expert beams, "Aye. Now let's get a drink to celebrate, and I'll shout ye one, since I just won a bet with Medic. He didnae think I could get ye two to admit ye liked one another... but I'm not an idiot."

Snipes isn't entirely sure how to feel about it, but he's mostly relieved Scout isn't freaking out. Well, anymore than the litany of 'ohmygod's would suggest.

"Yeah, sounds good. And Scout, I'll bring you a soda or something..." he calls through the door. Only for it to open, and then a pillow smacks the sharpshooter in the face.

Demo's cackling, "Oh, a right good start you two have gotten off to, haven't ye?"

Sniper laughs, "Seems like it's gonna be interesting, to say the least."

- - - -

END

- - - 

If it’s a tad disjointed, I blurted the concept in a Chat message and checking what you already wrote is a PAIN... but there you go.