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godgiftcd-blog · 7 years

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cause im a fckin Slut™ for this verse lately, here’s the full disclosure about what actually happened and how I imagined it all played out with Jean in a modern setting featuring headcanon galore and badly arrangement of how things built up as I’ve imagined in my head that may or may not have the potential to change as I go on with my portrayal of him. Of course, some aspects of this settings may be modified according to specific AUs.

AGE 00. Jean Kirstein was born to the Kirstein couple in Germany, and was christened by the name “Jean” which gave the meaning of “a gift from god” by his father. He was also named Jean partially because his dad was a big fan of Les Misérables, both the novel and the musical adaptation.

AGE 02. Jean was that fat baby (who’s hella cute) but is far too attached to his mom. Like, the kind that would cause a scene if his mom wasn’t around and is generally a difficult child to get along with. He began speaking at this age, and played a lot with his papa while the man planted away in their small garden. (His dad is a botanist.)

AGE 03. His family moved to France, and papa got a bigger garden. His mama is probably that person who bakes a lot for the neighbours and sometimes during the holidays she made it into a business but overall they’re a very close-knit and happy family. Jean loves his omelettes, and papa tried breeding chicken for Jean but they stepped on a lot of papa’s plants and that made papa sad. Mama laughs, kisses papa’s cheeks and said it’s fine. They sold the chickens, fixed the garden and everything turned out okay.

AGE 04. Jean started reading for papa, and he remembered being difficult and causing tantrum a lot and mama always had this pinching sort of look to her face that means she disapproved, and she yells a lot too because Jean would throw books and stuff, but papa was always patient, never yell. He would always pet Jean on the head with this small smile, says that it’s fine, it’s okay. “Jean is still a good boy,” he’d say and Jean would sniffle, calm down, watched as Mama went away with a huff and picked back up the books he threw. He read.

AGE 06. Mama said, “be good” on his first day of going to school and Jean kept bouncing up and down because school sounded so fun even though papa doesn’t talk much about it. School ended up terrible, because nobody seemed to like Jean and he came home crying lots because kids around always picked on his hair and took his bag and one day they even poured milk all over Jean’s stuff! Jean hated school, and sometimes wished — like the chickens he remembered stepping all over papa’s plants — could be sent away. Jean destroyed papa’s plants, just to see if it’ll work, and mama yelled so much and papa was so sad and Jean just didn’t stop crying and everything was so, so, so, so terrible.

AGE 07. Jean came home and there’s a dog in the living room. Papa told him, “it’ll be okay from now on” and said the dog’s name was Javert. Javert is so silly and it drooled a lot and it pooped everywhere too, and mama made faces a lot when it did that. But one day Javert just didn’t poop anywhere like it once did and Jean was lying on the floor with him and he’s smiling a lot because Javert would bark sillily every time Jean played with his norse and mama said, “there you go, my sweet boy finally smiled” and Jean felt - better. For that moment. School still sucked, and going there was still a hassle. Most days, he just didn’t. Papa taught him most stuff, anyway. It was fine.

AGE 09. Jean took a test at this school where people kept saying how they knew Jean’s dad — “Your dad was an excellent student!” — and the school there was bigger and looked older and it smelled funny (like old books and old everything), and it turned out Jean’s a pretty smart kid, which was nice to hear, because mama seemed so proud. They said more that Jean performed just as well as his father did on the test, and they’d be excited to welcome Jean into their school from now on with a “scholarship” and Jean didn’t know what that meant, but mama said that maybe this is good. Maybe Jean can start over again, and “wouldn’t it be great, Jeanbo? You can make new friends! And studied where papa once went to.” Papa is awful quiet during the whole ordeal, and Jean didn’t really understand anything, because he didn’t think a new school would’ve made much of a difference, but he remembered how excited mama was — how hopeful — and, honestly, even at that age Jean knew he didn’t have anything to lose. So he said okay and continued to play with Javert. Life went on.

AGE 11. It didn’t get better. Turned out, people at that school didn’t like chubby kids nor students on a “scholarship” much. Said that Jean was poor, Jean was fat. Like his mama. Jean got angry a lot, the rage spilling and overflowing, and some days Jean didn’t know how to make it stop. It got much, much worse when the year was almost finished — and Jean got into trouble with these kids who kept pushing Jean around, shoving, taking his bag away, and calling mama “fat” and Jean “ugly” and Papa “retarded” and the next thing Jean knew he was caught with his body on top of the boys and his knuckles stained with blood. It wasn’t his. Jean didn’t remember much of what happened next, just that mama cried a lot and papa was quieter than usual and Jean felt like crying too but didn’t, and this kid’s father turned out to be “important” but he agreed to not press any charges as long as Jean didn’t go to that school and meet his child anymore. Papa said, “Okay.” Jean never looked at his parents the same anymore.

AGE 14. The teacher at the public school insisted that Jean could “do better than this” in exams, but it’s whatever. Jean didn’t care, nobody does. He lost so much weight, tasted his first cigarette this year, and pierced his own ears with needles. Mama yelled some more when she found out, but Jean didn’t care. HE DOESN’T! So the old hag should just shut up and let him be. They screamed a lot, and Papa mustn’t like that very much, because whenever they do, he retreated to his garden or room — alone. It’s the first time Jean thought Papa was a coward.

AGE 15. Jean spent a lot of time with a street artist, Old Man Toni, who paint beautifully with anything he could touch. Old Man Toni was okay — he wasn’t rough or demanding or stupid like the group of people Jean would somehow found himself spending time with during recess or after school — and didn’t ask too much questions even though he probably should. Jean brought Old Man Toni warm bread a lot, and sometimes warm milk. He seemed to appreciate that. So much that one day he gave Jean a paper and a pencil, told, “I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at the way I paint, Jean.” Jean learned how to sketch.

AGE 18. Jean finished school, and signed up for the French Military Armed Force ( possibly would change it to Air Force though? ) — partially just to get away from his parents. Army was fine — difficult — but fine. Somehow, Jean never felt all that content.

AGE 23. Due to a shoulder-chest injury that he’s sustained during his army career, Jean was honourably discharged. He was shipped back home and for the first time since years, cried when he saw mama and papa standing by the edge of his hospital bed. Almost three months later, papa accidentally brought home leaflets for colleges, told it’s a mix-up from by the mailman, probably. Jean looked up Political Major, and Mama laughed, “Finally somewhere where you can yell and people will actually hear you, Jeanbo.” Jean grinned, and signed up for it.

AGE 23, FALL. College began, and while Jean didn’t particularly care much about what he’s going to be in the future — it was fun. The talk of assignments give him something to do, and the lecturers give him something to think about. Jean started working at a local art shop, just to make himself feel useful, and there he helped sell art supplies and art work by college students online (the art shop’s website became a platform). It was nice.

EXTRA NOTE:

Yes, when Jean was a child, he went to a private school — but only because his father was an alumni, and his dad was this freakishly genius child who skipped like two grades or whatever. The school thought that Jean might be the same, so they were fine offering Jean a scholarship.

Jean isn’t a genius, just to make it clear, but he’s relatively smart for a kid who supposedly ditched the first years of school like, a lot. But he’s entirely logical and actually very quick in grasping stuff — so passing anything academically is generally easy for him. In later years, he just didn’t try hard enough and his academics suffered.

Jean went into Politics & Law because he likes the topic that he’s studying. He’s aware that he might never be a politician or whatever job he’s able to do with the degree. And, considering he just got wounded, his folks didn’t mind paying for it despite knowing he was just in college for the sake of just wanting the experience. In a way, everybody felt guilty that Jean never really had a good childhood and the parents weren’t able to help, as well as Jean felt guilty that he gave his mom and dad such a hard time growing up — which was why college seemed like a good thing to compensate for all of that. Jean went to school happy, and his parents didn’t have to worry as much. It works out.

Jean’s papa has high-functioning autism (which is exaggerated, I know, but I have this whole debate and argument to sort of back up why I favour this storyline which I will link later if I’m up for it) but it really means that his dad is... different, but is able to function rather well in mainstream setting as well as he’s able to fairly pick up on social cues. But, still, his dad has these characteristics — and is fairly quiet, doesn’t get mad if ever, and also doesn’t really like looking at people in the eyes and is generally a jittery person in nature (Jean inherits that). It sorta irks Jean when he’s a kid, but he’s also very used to the guy so it doesn’t really matter. What I meant to say is: this is a feature I specially headcanon for Jean and, from my point of view, it contributes partially to why Jean grew up the way he did and how he reacts to people talking about his parents now. (Again, it’s all in the argument and debate that I will hopefully link soon lol.) Still, should you disagree, I’m fine with not specifying this part of Jean’s father.

Jean doesn’t have an anger management issue. He just has a serious attitude problem (more so when he’s a kid) and a natural dickhole. The gizz of it that he’s a very blunt person and tends not filter whatever he wants to say. This doesn’t always make him popular, which he knows, and sometimes it even gets him into terrible fights. When he’s much younger, he fights dirtily and clumsily, having all of his experience of fighting limited to what he had to learn from the bullying he got. As he grew older and out of the army, his fighting became more accurate and sharp — but he tends to avoid that because sometimes overworking his muscle hurts his wounds.

Jean can’t draw all that prettily (mainly because he’s a beginner), but he has an eye for catching exquisite drawings / arts / photography. He’s very hipster-like, but not overly stylish; his clothes usually a button-up with fitting jeans and boots / or a sweater and a shirt — overall a clean and simple get-up. He has three holes for piercing on each of his ears and possibly a tattoo.

#MIGHT AS WELL PUBLISH THIS MONSTER OF A THING #THAT IDEK WHAT ??? ? ?#while nobodys online huhuhu #but hERE YOU GO #basically one whole life of j/k #idEK I DONT EVEN KNOW OK #♞. ( v; modern )#modern au shizz #verse tag

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catdemontraphouse · 4 years

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I can say this here cuz nobody who uses tumblr seems to vtube nor does anyone seem to know I have this blog save for a few close friends... this has been really bothering me lately and I rly just need to like... air it out like say it and get rid of it. So apologies for the post in advance. Please do not reblog

I’ve been involved in a community called “vtubing” for a little while now. It’s virtual YouTubing, like think Kizuna Ai of AI channel, though she’s produced by a company, while very many of us are indie self-produced content makers. It’s like being a YouTuber but with an emphasis on anime art and emerging tech?

I was inspired to do it out of my own love for video production and comedy. I wanted to have fun while bringing a smile and joy to other people. I know how brutal life can be, and so I think, I want to be happy and have fun and if I can brighten someone’s day even a little while I try to enjoy life, that’s a good thing.

At first everything was quite positive. Ive met some really wonderful people that truly care about the community and their craft. They openly assist and share help with people, they show up to one another’s events to cheer on friends, etc. which is so heartwarming! But here’s the thing....

I noticed from the moment I began connecting with other English speaking vtubers on twitter and YouTube... the Japanese vtubing scene is NOT very similar to the English one. While virtual camgirls and things like that certainly do exist in the JP community, the English community is excruciatingly more geared towards sexual content and there is palpable peer pressure to conform to that mode of presentation. I have no issue with erotic virtual yotubers themselves, I support sex workers’ decisions to conduct business through online virtual methods. In fact I think ProjectMelody, the most successful English vcam girl has a hell of a hustle going!

That said, it’s toxic as FUCK (no pun intended) when the success of vtubers greatly hinges on their willingness to be “lewded” I.e. sexually objectified, playing to particular kinks, etc. I don’t normally tell people I am aroace off the bat. I try to avoid the topic entirely because often it ends poorly when people find out. But I could sense the oppressive aura of toxic “straigtness”TM wafting in the air the minute I joined in on the English vtubing community and stopped being a lone wolf. So I had to put it out there. Yes I felt that awkward about the “lewd” culture that I outed myself to an uber straight presenting community.

There’s actually a decent percent of the folks in our community who are LGBT come to find out, some openly so, while others are closeted. Maybe it’s cuz I have tumblr brain, but it’s just so alienating and weird to never see it brought up. We have openly trans women in our community but nobody ever talks about trans pride or anything. Nobody ever talks about being gay or anything. It’s very odd to me. It’s just a sea of “huhuhu anime boobies huge haha sexist remark objectify women openly some against their will, show me tits and I’ll give cash” literally Simp this, simp that.... shut up? Please?

There’s a really disturbing new trend of increasingly younger and younger girls “debuting” and being lured into potentially dangerous scenarios with money “donations”/ fame within the vtubing and streaming scene. The providers of said benefits seem to use this to try and gain sexual/romantic attention or favors. It’s quite troubling. I can just feel soon this boiling sea of bile is gonna overflow and something terrible will happen. I am concerned for these young girls. Many of the folks who have expressed concern about this are actually men. There are a lot of men who vtube that see these things firsthand and are vocally upset about it.

I’m just really tired of the whole thing. Not only is it creepy, but it’s caused this whole competition/animosity between vtubers who’ve been around a while and are being ignored and these new girls who get literally thousands of subscribers and money donations when they’ve never even uploaded a video yet.

I truly enjoy making content as a vtuber and it makes me happy to know I have brought smiles to so many people and made some rly wonderful friends. I may have to step aside from the vtubing community and go lone wolf again due to this situation. It makes me disappointed because I do really honestly enjoy all the heartfelt moments that do happen every day. But right now there’s just too much awful energy surrounding the whole thing. it’s just so toxic and I need to cut it outta my life and return to making videos alone for only myself and whoever happens to pass by. I do not want to continue to feel uncomfortable and peer pressured, like I’m never gonna change and it’s tiring seeing everyone else scramble to adjust to this new nightmare when so many of them are good people.

There I’m done I have written this solely for the purposes of clearing my mind and I do not expect anyone to read it or care. I am not looking to tackle this problem, I am not looking to incite any kind of reaction. I am just stating how I feel presently. This too shall pass, it’s a waiting game.

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