#while pynch are left with entirely loose ends and so much left to solve

[veerbles]

currently extra emo about pynch immediately post-trk. freshly re-traumatized and grieving; unspeakably sad about each of their personal and joint losses and yet unspeakably happy about what they've saved and what they've gained with each other; abruptly burdened by their respective responsibilities (school - opal - college applications - the future as a whole menacing concept) with no time to process; stumbling headlong into a serious relationship ab ovo with no communication skills to speak of and quite frankly an abysmal track record with letting others in and sharing vulnerabilities and leaning on people for support.

they're teenage boys and also they're mentally scarred all over but also they love each other so much, it's all very foreboding. they save gansey and then adam goes back to school and ronan drops out of school and somewhere between november and summer break they have to learn how to talk to each other without anger boiling over as a defense mechanism and how to share their most painful memories and dreams and fears without running away on instinct and how to handle adam's physicality issues and ronan's alcohol issues. but also how to do normal, teenaged relationship things like not be awkward about sex and pda and being queer in a small southern town and how to manage that universal desire to spend literally every single moment together alongside the fear that the other person is getting sick of them, and how to tell people they're together without it becoming a Thing, even though in high school it's always, always a Thing. and during all of that adam has to get into an absurd number of ivy league schools while working multiple jobs and ronan has to dream a new cabeswater and semi-parent a child and they both have to face repercussions of losing cabeswater and it's all so, so much. truly, that gaping hole before the epilogue haunts me in my sleep.