#who wont interact w your creations anyways

[solojihyo]

once again as a reminder if your blog is blank i will block you <3 idc if you have likes, if you have zero posts/reblogs and you don't have an icon, header, and/or description, i'm blocking you

[olive-heathcliffe-notbps]

how DO alternates get attached, anyway? what does it even do other than make you not wanna kill people?

wish i knew bro it would make shit so much easier on me

but fr. its hard 2 really give a concrete answer bcuz us alts see attachment as like. taboo basically. if gabe catches you getting attached to a human it uh. its not pretty. other than the torture you get for disobeying Him you get like... exiled almost, or... whats the word He used once?

excommunicated. yeah  that one.

there have been studies on attachment though, i think the u.s... uh... well idr the exact name but it was some fancy shmancy government dept thats done a couple . havent read em though LOL

anyways. ig i can try to explain as best i can from my experience w attachment . n atlas can chime in if he wants too idk and uh . ill try to make it make sense (spoilers it probably still wont lmao). this isnt a definitive like... guide or anything im basically just posting general rambles abt what ive learned over my days lol

so. i think all alternates want to be loved, no matter how far down theyve buried that want. were conditioned from creation to think that gabriel is the only one who can love us, but He wont unless we follow His command to the letter. and what that translates to is killing humans senselessly . and not only that but like. us alts... we like violence. we want to kill. its integral to our beings. none of us can really be "nice" or "good" 24/7 and that uh ... tends to sound scary to the average person . so even if we did all collectively decide to turn against gabe and humans like... magically forgave us for killing and kidnapping thousands of people, its not like we could ever be "normal" members of society. its not like we could ever be loved. so no one really bothers trying.

anyways, from what i can tell, alternate attachment happens when that kinda barrier between humans and alts gets broken (at least from the alt's perspective), and it typically happens when an alt is in close proximity to its assigned victim for a long period of time. that time varies from alt to alt too, like it deffo took a lot longer for atlas to get attached to cesar than it did for me to get attached to mark. nd i could be wrong abt this but i also noticed like. the more a victim interacts w their alternate, even if theyre doing it in a threatened or scared way, the more likely it is for the alt to get attached. "taking an interest" in a specific human is the most telltale sign of attachment, to the point that the phrase is pretty much "slang" for it among alts .

also just to clear this up: while alternate attachment can be romantic, it absolutely doesnt have to be. not at all. id describe my attachment to mark as like. familial honestly. and sometimes there arent even human words to describe an alts attacemt. its a spectrum yk? so dont think any of this is inheritly romantic or some shit cuz ill beat you up

as for what it does. well .

you dont know when u first meet a human that youre gonna get attached. i certainly didnt  . so u just kinda do ur thing n shit, but sometimes it doesnt work and the human lives so ur like. okay ill try again . or maybe youre just doing a long job and ur learning all of ur victims habits n shit. and thats where it kinda begins

the first thing you notice is that like. even though its ur job to kill your human its like. its fun to keep them alive . yk  . you grow to like the sound of em screaming in terror , or them freezing up when they see you . whcih. yeah that sounds kinda fucked to you guys but . just bear w me okay  .

anyways. eventually it gets to the point where, even if youve been given several opportunities to kill your human, you dont take them cuz its just that fun to mess w em. this is kinda where the "taking an interest" thing comes in  too . and then THAT goes into "ok wait . do i rlly have to kill them eventually  ?? i dont want to do that theyre funny :(((("

eventually you realize that like. shit . i dont want this human to die at all. like. at ALL. to the point you'd fight off other threats just to keep them safe. and you get this just- rush of an emotion youve never felt before whenever youre around them. aand you realize. thats love. you feel love towards them, no matter what kind of love that is. its. it feels so wrong at first and- and you hate it, but it just feels so right to the point where you cant imagine feeling any other way about them.

and as you may have guessed. you start to see the human as your own. its kinda hard to really describe but,, it makes sense if you experience it. you need to protect them and love them and hold them so so close or else they might get away from you. and you change yourself so that you can be worthy of being loved back. its. ough its a crazy ass feeling for sure

this, uh,, doesnt come without problems thouugh. for one just cuz an alternates attached to a human doesnt mean the human necessarily likes them back. in fact its honestly really lucky that both me and atlas got attached to humans that actually didnt hate us. (for a while at least.) theres a fuck ton of rumors that get spread around of those who got attached and excommunicated, only for the human they were attached to kill themself because they couldnt live with an alt constantly following them around and trying to talk to them.

...i cant describe how lucky i am that mark came back.

not to mention you hafta constantly live in fear all the damn time cuz you could get discovered n tortured at any moment. its. its really shit but damn it if your human doesnt make it all worth it. damn it if you wouldnt endure any kind of danger just to stick with them. damn it if you dont want to comfort them and feel murderous rage whenever theyre sad and.

damn it if they arent yours.

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[sodrippy]

im also asking u for wwx bc i must

How I feel about this character:

okay i love him so much but you know my brain chemistry has been altered from stanning jiang cheng gfdhvcfdch

anyway but god wwx’s capacity for love as well, his inescapable pull to justice and what’s Right not what’s easy is just. babe. the STUPID selflessness that circles right back into selfishness bc he just cant see how fucking IMPORTANT he is to everyone around him

for such a genius he really does just walk around being like ‘haha i met someone and theyre pretty cool. i wont think about them again until theyre right in front of my face again’ meanwhile whoever the fuck he just met is already ride or die for wwx. bro be careful w that power u cant just go around wielding it without understanding it, you might just get people killed!

but he IS a genius, i think people forget that in favour of bullying him for his stupidity (well deserved) but like. its IMMEDIATELY established how widespread and commonly used his creations were, EVEN WITH his name attached like. oh hey this super evil dude who raised the dead and killed so many people? he made a really cool little compass though lol everyone uses it. like ???? 

actually no it makes sense. gotta love capitalism<3

anyway hes just. hes so very good but the sun metaphor is entirely too accurate, he just burns so fucking fast and bright and pulls everything into his orbit and people keep getting burnt but they still keep looking willingly and drinking him in bc there are worse ways to fall apart than in the light of something so beautiful right? 

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

um. his husband?

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

again, yunmeng trio!! he should be with his familyyyyyy

but also the wens, i know he was all depressed and stuff but like. buck up dude you have another family who also loves you so fucking much?? wake the hell up king youre so annoying

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i just think wwx should be nicer hrfdjnfdbcn

like whys he so mean to wen ning, carry your own fucking turnips man

is it an unpopular opinion to think wwx deserved to kill whoever he killed? if so then that one<3

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

head empty jiang cheng thoughts only, sorry, but i mean, its wwxs show i think he got most of whatever he needed right 

oh i wish they treated his fear of dogs a little bit more seriously 

and his final interaction w huaisang should have shown huaisang more respect in the writing but thats not really about him rfdjcfdsjn

send me a character!

[mengoluv]

Love me

'Come on. It wont hurt, Promise.' is what the curiosité collar around the male's neck hummed to him. Trapped with this monstrous fate, He tried to ignore the calls and cries of the collar. Not having wanted to listen to it once more. "No. Not happening." the guy growled at the non-see able force. Growing more annoyed and pained He ignored the request. 'You cant ignore me forever you know. It'll only get worse.' growled the entity. He knew it was right but still refuses to allow it to get to him, knowing the outcome if he let it take over his thoughts and actions. Its been months since he had been introduced to this- thing-, the memory of how he obtained it in the first place locked and faded. All but being stuck with it remaining.

The man paced around his room trying to cope with the voices demands, or rather, force them out of his head. An objective proven to be difficult, and noneffective. Sighing out in frustration the dude walked over to the mirror in the bathroom to the right of the room. Looking in the mirror, his gaze latched onto the shiny red ruby straddled into place by gold rims an blue gems stitched to a simple black lace. If it wasn't for the insane creation within its beauty, it would really be a wonderful sight and amazing jewelry. Unlocking his gaze from the hell around his next, the man looked up to his reflection. Pale skin, Whitish Hair with brown roots showing clear as day, Blue ocean eyes sunk into dark purple sockets. He looks as tho he hasn't slept in days, even weeks. That cause he hasn't. Having a demon who refuses to leave you for a moments notice, with a collar that is stuck on you for the rest of your days doesn't show to be good for your health. Mentally and Physically. He raised his hand to his hair gently running it through the matted locks of white. 'Just a little-' "NO" He Sightly yelled slamming his hand back onto the counter with enough force to knock a bottle or two off.

A knock arose from the door to the house. Glancing over to the small bottles laying over on the floor he leaned down and picked them up, "Coming." he yelled reaching over laying the bottles on the counter. Making his way to the door he let out a huff trying to fix his hair with his fingers, Once at the door he hesitantly opened it. Not really expecting company on a day where the sun is barely out. The open door way shown to a tall male, no older than the white haired one. "Oh Hi john." he let out making way for the guy to walk in. "Didn't expect company today." he said, slight monotone lacing his voice from no sleep, closes the door after John walked fully in. "Cant a friend stop by their best friend's house unexpectedly without reason?" John chuckled looking back at the other. "Anyways, Smit you've been locked away in your house for the past week. You've got us all worried dude." John said sitting on a bar stool that was to the left of the door where the kitchen stood.

Smit let out a sigh. 'This is the perfect time to do it!' let out the entity, hunger fueling its words with poison.  "Shut up." he growled under his breath, trying to avoid John hearing unneeded insanity from his part. "What was that?" John asked looking confused at Smit. Smit walked over to the stool next to the other male letting his head fall onto the hard cold surface of the counter. Huffing out another sigh Smit look up at his friend not breaking contact with the counter. Glancing with tired pitiful eyes into concerned emerald ones. Sighing for the third time this interaction he lifted then reconnected his forehead to the once cool garnet counter top. "Oh wow are you okay- You look awful and i'm sure the one head bang is enough to announce any upset intentions." John scooted his stool over to place his hand on the back of the small, almost broken, man.

That one simple action, one of comfort and concern, that one touch- the entity that had placed itself in the live of Smit thrived off that. Smit shook slightly under the small embrace of his friends hand, knowing it wasn't gonna lead to anything good in the end. 'Its people i need. Oh, its people we need.' the voice rang though out the head of the boy, causing Smit to close his eyes and curl into a make shift ball. Hating the feeling this thing was causing him to feel.  It hurt aching for the touch of the one you loved, or hell if it even was love. John's hand retracted back to John's side once he saw the his friend ball, concern turn to worry in a flash. The demon in his head hating the lesser contact, roaring for its warmth back to feed its needs. Smit began to feel his stomach twist and turn. As if something was gonna rip out of his intestine like a bird out of his shell. Flying up and running to his room, Smit could fell warm liquid feel his eyes and blur his vision as he felt contact with the bed. Groaning and crying slightly from pain, John rushed after him. Worrying about his frantic friend who just in his eyes broke down.

Smit blinked open slightly to see a frantic John asking him whats wrong, while reaching one hand over his face to clear the liquid that was sweeping out from his pain noticing something off about it. "Smit?! Are you okay?? Whats with the black liquid???" John tried not to yell, but truthfully he was freaking out. Smit Looked down at the collar, noticing it was shining slightly to his disliking. Glowing is never a good sign, he learned that after the first time. Oh how it wasn't a good sign. Instead of replying right away Smit stood up and walked over to John, who was still frightened outta his mind. Looking so pitiful, black tears marking their present in the corner of his eyes, Smit stared up to John. Not wanting to explain the torture his been going through with this horrid bastard of a collar, if it even was that. 'Do it. Do IT' Smit sigh and opened his mouth to speak. Tears making their way down his cheeks.

"J-John.. Its hard to explain without breaking out in a lash of anger and confusion, but this-" he started taking the gem of the collar into his Index and thumb "collar or what ever is... Is cursed. And this curse craves human interaction just like a dog craves a bone. But a Hundred times worse, it Feeds off and creates makeshift love, thriving for any lick of affectionate it can get." Smit slightly cried out, but it all came out in a soft whisper. He dropped the gem from his hand and move it to his face. Whipping the black water from his eye "It has controlled my life for so long, so many painful months, I've not slept ate or even fully left for a day from this room." He chocked out slightly, oh how he wanted to be free from the hell he unfortunately got sucked into. How he wish he never found this collar, how he wish he didn't have to crave affection for this beast in his head to settle off him, How he would kill for a day for his normal life back. Smit had started crying again not to his knowledge. John stared at him hardly believing what his friend just said. Sucking it up for a bit longer Smit went on, "I'm- Stuck with this thing for the rest of my days, unless i give it what it wants. But I've been refusing to give it such.". John looked into Smits eyes, slightly not wanting to talk or say whats he was about to "W-What does it want..?" He said walking toward Smit, who had given up hiding the torture he was going through with this curse.

Sniffling, and quietly under his breath "You" Smit rubbed his eyes before speaking up more. "You. It wants You, and i refuse to give it what it wants." He slightly yelled, knowing if he left this thing get its way it would torture John with its ways. They'd share this hell if Smit gave in. Smit didn't want to pawn his friend off to his darkness. John looked at Smit placing his arms on his shoulder referring and comforting. "We'd be sharing this hell, and i honestly couldn't leave with myself if i let you get tortured like this. I rather be in pain then let someone i care for suffer for my own good." Smit looked into Johns eyes, begging for this to end. John sighed and leaned in, kissing Smit slightly to the others surprise, pulling away John smiled sadly. "If it means Have any lick of normality came back to my boy, then-" he started grabbing Smit's hand in his own "at least we wouldn't be going through it alone. I'm willing to suffer just make you get at least some of your old self back, We all miss the old you and seeing you go through this is to much." John smiled while pulling Smit into a hug. Smit's mind going off with blazes of the collar's residents as it leaked out to John, closing his eyes Smit hug back tightly as if his life needed it. It did. Feeling half of what he had been though fade away, replace with the small light of hope and happiness he once possessed. Quietly, into the crook of John's neck, Smit let out out a small whimper "Love me".