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oohfluffy · 4 years

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TIHM Ch.9 | BBH

Group: EXO

Member: Byun Baekhyun

Theme: Angst | Fluff | Rated M | University!AU | Football!AU

Word Count: 1,951

chapter 9

It was past six o'clock when your 3-hour class ended. You let out a satisfied sigh as you closed your notebook, which ended up filling 10 pages with lots of notes. Putting down your pen on your desk, you slowly stretched your fingers, feeling the strain on the little muscles as you reached out.

"Is it true that she's being favored by Byun?"

"I'm scared for oppa. He might be preyed on by the bitch."

"She doesn't look that special, to be honest."

"She's not even pretty! She's just all brains."

"Maybe, she did his homework?"

Hearing a batch of laughter in front of the room, you just swallowed the lump on your throat before packing your things. You shook your head as you tried blocking their talks from your hearing, which was to avail. You almost cursed out loud as the pen on your desk rolled down on the floor.

Bending down to pick it up from the aisle, you avoided looking at the people in front. You bit your lip as you touched your pen—

"Oops."

You let out a hiss when a long, thin heel dug its way onto your wrist before you could even grab your pen. A few snickers were let out as Irene looked down at you, her eyes gleaming with hatred and indifference.

"Hi, Saejin-ah. Thought we'd stay away from you, huh?" She chuckled darkly, twisting her red lips into a smirk. "I don't think our friendship is that fragile, do you girls?" Turning her head to the side, her bitches grinned. You looked down as her black heel dug deeper on to your skin, gritting your teeth closely to avoid whimpering.

"You aren't sucking off of Baekhyun oppa, right?" Seulgi spat out as she stood at Irene's side, her pointer finger pushing your forehead up. "Look at me when I talk to you!"

"Don't shout!" Wendy shushed her quietly, looking back at the closed door before turning to you with a smirk.

"You know what he did to us?" Irene raised her eyebrow, her eyes sharp staring at yours. You felt your eyes watering, not only in humiliation but the pain on your almost bleeding wrist. "You know it, don't you? He didn't just shame us, he kicked us out—"

"I'm not part of whatever he did to you, nor do I care." You spoke loud and clear, not breaking your voice as you glared back through the tears. You forced yourself to bear with the stinging sensation on your wrist as you pulled your hand from the weight of her heel. You can feel your skin getting dragged along as the roughness and sharpness of the rubber kept its friction stuck on your flesh.

"Leave. me. the. fuck. alone." You emphasized every word of that sentence as you stared at their bewildered and incredulous expressions. You straightened up your posture, feeling the numbness take over your senses. Irene gasped not just because of your audacity to talk back, but because of your disgusting blood trickling down your fingers. You didn't give her the chance to cut you off though.

"I don't want to have anything to do with you. You can get all the spotlight for all I care."

Quickly turning back to your seat, you grabbed your bag and walked out of the room, pushing some students who were shamelessly watching the whole thing happen. Your other hand, the one that's not injured, was grasping your bag strap tightly as if you would fall on your knees if you don't. You kept on walking fast as if you can sense that they would seriously run after you.

You are scared.

You breathed out hard as you sharply turned to the corner, hands shaking at the sight of your bleeding hand. You almost tripped over your foot while looking at your hands.

"P-Pull yourself together, Saejin." You mumbled to yourself as you patted your chest with a shaking hand. "Y-You're okay."

Taking one last deep inhalation, you trudged down the stairs with a loud beating heart. You still got an hour and a half to make it to Jiwon's aunt's coffee shop.

It will be alright.

"Saejin-ssi?" Kyungsoo muttered under his breath as he recognized your back on him. His eyes drifted down to your shaking hands, worry filling his system as he spotted something dark crawling down your fingers. "Sae—"

"Man, I swear to God, I'm killing Park when I see him." Baekhyun cursed as he bumped his shoulder to his friend, who was still staring at a space. Baekhyun looked in front of them and wondered what was so interesting in an old staircase. "Yah, Do Kyungsoo."

As if he was brought back to reality, Kyungsoo blinked once before looking at him. The worry and uneasiness were still present and evident in his huge eyes that Baekhyun couldn't help but ask.

"Are you alright?"

Kyungsoo looked down the stairs once again before shaking his head. "It's nothing."

"Uhuh. Staring off a space is nothing. Right." Baekhyun snickered as he wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Let's just go eat dinner and talk about your nothing, man."

"I just saw Saejin-ssi a minute ago."

Baekhyun stopped on his tracks in surprise. He turned his head to Kyungsoo, tilting as he questioned, "How'd you know her?"

"We formally met yesterday. I think she's a Med student. I saw her Human Anatomy book—"

"Oh good." He hummed as he continued dragging his friend in the hallways.

"I just got worried when I saw her hands shaking. She was even leaning on the wall until she reached the stairs—"

"Shaking?!" Baekhyun incredulously exclaimed, his feet fully stopping on the ground. His slitted eyes were wide open now as he thought about his encounter with you back on the dark restroom by the field. "S-She..."

"Why are you over reacting? Are you her father?" Kyungsoo frowned as he suspiciously looked at his friend. He raised his eyebrow at him. "You didn't do anything to her—"

"Of course not!"

"Tss. If you're planning to," Kyungsoo shook him off of his shoulders, walking ahead of Baekhyun. "don't bother hurting her. I think she got enough pain already."

—

"Oh! Saejin-ah!"

You forced to lift the side of your lips as Jiwon's aunt, Jinah, welcomed you inside her newly opened coffee shop. She grinned as she tugged you in the counters, talking loudly about how prettier and taller you got since the last time she saw you two years ago.

"I didn't get that much taller, aunt Jinah." You laughed as she rolled her eyes. She was smaller than you by a few inches, which makes you think that Jiwon took after her father's side not her mother's as she was a tall girl. You looked around the place and smiled at the atmosphere it built. "This place looks like a safe haven. So beautiful and peaceful."

"I know right! I really wanted it to be designed like this from the start. You know just a place where you can easily escape from the busy, buzzing, and noisy world out there." Aunt Jinah smiled fondly at her place.

The coffee shop's color theme was a mix of brown and white. The chairs were wooden with white steel foundations, along with the wooden tables. Pieces of fresh tulips placed in a clear bottle at the center of each table, adding a minimalistic design on the table set-up. The counters were all wooden with intricate markings on the surface, and a long curved food cooler display was on top of most counters before the cashier area.

What made the place more relaxing were the hanging flower baskets from the ceiling. Different colors of flowers were on top of viney leaves crawling down the basket. A small fountain can be found by the corner as soon as you enter the place. The relaxing classical music playlist was the icing on top of this beautiful place.

Everything was made to make people release their stress and forget the world for a while.

"I'm so excited to have you on board! I know you loved these kinds of places." Aunt Jinah grinned as she patted your shoulders. She glanced at the clock by the wall. "You're 25 minutes early, which is adorable if I may say, and I can introduce you to the other staff now. I'll let Jisoo, my manager here, talk to you about all the things you'll do."

"Yes, auntie." You smiled as you nodded at her instructions. She made you follow her inside the kitchen, passing by the male cashier guy named Hyunjin.

"He's a newbie and a part-timer too." Hyunjin bowed a bit as he was introduced to you. You just smiled and said your name. "Oh, nice to meet you, Saejin noona." He said as he was 2 years younger than you.

Meeting the rest of the crew was a fun event. There was not much to remember as the crew consists of only 7 members excluding Aunt Jinah and you. The baker, Woobin, was in his forties , but still as lively as a teenager and has been baking since he was one. The baristas were Mingyu, a professional one, and Somi, a beginner. The last two were waiters, and on cleaning tasks, Yeonjun and Rocky, both in their second year in college—part-timers like you and Hyunjin. Jisoo was the manager of the crew, in her late twenties and has been close with Aunt Jinah's family.

"I knew this day was going to be better than I'd expected." Mingyu had a boyish grin as he shook hands with you. "You study at The Eve Acad?"

"Yes, I do." You nodded. "In my third year. Still a lot of years ahead to become a professional tho."

"I'm guessing you are a Med student." He chuckled as he leaned on the counter next to him. Aunt Jinah has left you for a while as she returned to her office to call her son overseas, saying that he only has a freetime at 7 in local time. "Must be hard, huh?"

"Well, I'm managing for now." You sighed as you walked to the staff room, where Jisoo told where you can put your things at. Mingyu followed with a curious hum. "But I can't deny it's going to be tough paying for med school."

"Are you still under your parents' home? They pay your tuition?"

"No parents, no guardian." You open the wooden sliding door with a sigh. "Just me."

"Oh, sorry about that." Mingyu parted his lips as he watched you open an empty locker. "That's..."

"...exhausting? Distressing? Unfortunate?" You chuckled, placing your bag inside the locker. Your eyes set on the keychain hanging from the zipper. "It's not so bad." You mumbled weakly before closing the locker door.

"I didn't mean to make you sad or anything. I was just really curious and I wanted to know more about you. And I don't know what else to ask about you even though I really want to know you. I don't even get myself right now, I just keep blabbering nonsense, and—"

You watched as Mingyu stuttered on his words while he looked away embarrassed like a puppy left on the street on a rainy day. You laughed at his panicking state. He just talks indefinitely, letting his emotions take reign over his rationality.

He reminds you of someone.

"You can start by asking my favorite color, you know." You joked as you walked past him, patting his arm as you did. Mingyu let out a relieved sigh before closing the door after you.

"What's your favorite color, Saejin-ah?"

You looked back at him with a smile.

"White."

—

♫ Ch.10

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study-van · 4 years

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10 questions

I was tagged by my dear @jeonchemstudy, thank you daphne!!!

Rules: Answer the questions then tag ten people with ten new questions

Alright here we go

1. if you had a mini pet dragon (like one that could sit on your shoulder), what would you name it and what color would it be?

An obsidian black dragon with red iridescent wings named Meraki

2. what’s a book you absolutely despise with all of your being? we all have at least one

Madame Bovary... We were forced to read it in 11th grade and like the book wasn’t slow enough with a despicable protagonist, I was also forced to write a paper about how Flaubert hates a certain literary current

3. what’s the wildest dream you’ve ever had?

So this has been a recurring dream for the past 7-8 years but I’m always stuck in this house with constantly changing people except for THE demon man who I always battle in the corridor but I can never win and all the people in my dreams always gets lost in the corridors of the house if I manage to run away to “the cafeteria” which is pure white with golden plates and there are other people there who sometimes I don’t know irl telling me it’s okay that I lost, that the demon man is too strong for us all, that at least we’ve the cafeteria as a safe place. I’m convinced my alternate universe self is constantly battling the demon man.

4. which moral alignment are you?

Oh, I’m a true chaotic good, heck I’m the definition of it

5. how many WIPs do you have? don’t lie fsdjkds

I think it’s about like 6 but who knows at this point

6. what’s your ideal pair of shoes? what do they look like, and what color are they?

Matte black oxford shoes with no accents on it, I actually own a pair of it and they’re extremely comfortable and easy to wear.

7. if you could choose a language to magically be fluent in without any effort, which would it be?

Mandarin T T, it’s taking too much effort and I feel like I’m not getting anywhere

8. what’s a song that you’d blast in the car with the windows down, singing at the top of your lungs with no cares?

Fitz & Tantrums, Handclap just yesterday night we were screaming it at the top of our lungs while driving to get food fjfj

9. if you had to choose a magical weapon to wield in battle, which would it be?

A flaming sword like the one from how to train your dragon which can also thro flames around

10. do you think you’d survive the zombie apocalypse?

Nah, I think I’d embrace the doom of humanity pretty easily and would just give up but at the same time my friends would drag me to a safe place bc I’m the only one who knows how to grow crops and also first aid so I might just survive thanks to my friends

Here are my questions:

1. What would you sing at karaoke and why?

2. Do you listen to ASMR? (If you do pls tell me your favorite asmrists bc I’ve an obsession)

3. How would you describe the playlist to your life?

4. If you were a mythical/fantastical creature, what would you be and what would you look like?

5. What is one skill you’d like to have with no effort?

6. If you were given a thousand dollars and you had to spend it on something frivolous for yourself, what would it be?

7. Do you have a good luck charm? What is it?

8. When you were little, what did you think you’d be when you grew up? Is your reality close to that?

9. What is your favorite animated movie and why?

10. If you were in the Avatar universe, what would you bend and why? (I feel compelled to answer this, for me it’s earth)

I tag: @myhoneststudyblr @philology-studies @sosiaalitieteet @museeofmoon @sun-flowerstudies @venustudy @pandastudies @sweetstudymine @elleandhermione @messy-acads

#tagged #tag game #hope no one finds my questions weird #daphne’s questions were so fun #btw no one is obligated to answer I just thought it was fun

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probably-writing-x · 5 years

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Free Spirit. (1)

Shawn Mendes High School/College AU

Free Spirit: An independent, or uninhibited, person.

~~~

Noise. Surrounding every single space. Chasing cars down bumpy roads, all focused on the awaiting destinations of futile actions. The occasional shouts of unimportant irritation that would soon be forgotten about until the next inconvenience.

And, the best part of it all, it all felt a million miles away from you.

Here, the only importances lay in the train track beneath your feet that appeared to rust a little more with each step. And the only other, the company that you kept.

Beside you, a boy followed the exact same path across the metal. He placed one long footstep in front of the other as his elongated arms outstretched like a wingspan to keep his balance across the length. There were brown curls hanging a little lower as his maroon gaze solely focused on the muddy ground beneath him. His pink tongue stuck out a little with such intense focus and it highlighted the rosy warmth of his cheeks just a little more.

And then you. You had opted to match his stance, hands spread apart to let the feeling of night wind rush between your fingers. Your hair was flailing hopelessly against the breeze and the sleeves of the leather jacket covering your form was the only thing stopping you from really feeling the chill of the evening.

"Alright, another one," Your companion speaks up against the tranquility, "One last song. Not like to listen to forever. But like the last song you want to hear before it all ends,"

You glance to look at him and measure up your possibilities, flicking through a playlist in the thousands to try to magic up one that would fit perfectly.

"Saturday nights, Khalid," You comment, hopping down from the thin bar of outer rail to instead step against each rung of the track.

Shawn considers your decision and shrugs, "You don't want to go out with a bang?"

"That would just be in the final moments," You mention, "Like that defying moment where we all know I'm dying but like, holy shit, everyone realises they're losing a hero,"

"Is that so?" He scoffs, wobbling a little as he loses balance in his step.

"And you, my dear," You jump at his back and let him catch your legs in a piggyback, "Realise that you're losing the best thing you've ever had,"

"Well then I better make the most of it," He replies, tightening his grip on your thighs as he starts to run the length of the abandoned train track, knowing there was no finish line to this race.

You laugh against the blood coursing through your ear drums and hold your arms around his neck loosely, letting yourself feel that tiny fear that you'd fall... Maybe, just maybe, you'd fall.

"What would be yours?" You ask as Shawn settles his pace a little, never once letting his hands loosen around your legs.

"Can't tell you, it will ruin the moment when it actually happens," Your best friend shrugs, your arms moving up and down simultaneously with the movement.

"How does that work?" You laugh, "So I don't get to know?"

"Nope," Shawn comments, lowering you down to the ground, "But you'll know when you hear it,"

"And how will I know that?" You question.

Shawn moves to lower himself down onto the track, slowly laying down against the aging material, "Dunno, you just will,"

You watch him intently and, eventually, copy his actions to lay on the track adjacent to his.

In silence, the two of you remain in each other's company. You hold onto the natural bliss surrounding this derelict setting and breathe in the untouched air that cascaded through your lungs.

"Off the track!" A deep bellow rumbles through your peace and a flashlight stains the darkness of your still shadows, "Get up!"

Shawn pokes one eye open and turns his head to look at you.

"Get up!" The security guard persists, "What are your names?"

You bite your bottom lip, shifting your hand until it laced with Shawn's.

"Names!" The middle aged man encourages, now standing beside you as his flashlight flickers over both of your faces.

"Us?" Shawn sits up, face echoing all possible innocences.

"Oh," You look puzzled, standing up and tugging Shawn up to meet you, "We're Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow, sir,"

And, with that, you drag Shawn's hand away from the officer, sprinting down the endless track like it was on fire beneath your feet.

"Bonnie and fucking Clyde?!" You hear him screech furiously behind you, flashlight trailing over your escaping forms for as long as possible.

~~~

"Bonnie and Clyde?" The file slaps against the desk like an added plosive to the exclamation, "Really original guys,"

"Glad you appreciated that one sir," You retort to his sarcasm, sitting slumped in the office chair.

Mr Kingston glares at the two of you with fueled eyes, "This isn't funny. It's every single week I'm getting something about you too,"

"Care to enlighten us once again? I seem to be a bit fuzzy about those details," Shawn smirks, glancing at you with a side eye.

"Let's go through them, shall we?" Mr Kingston suggests, picking up the file once again and opening it to the middle, "Spotted re-enacting Titanic on a privately owned boat, caught impersonating businesspeople at private exhibitions, found atop the roof of a cinema attempting to re-create the move from Dirty Dancing," He slams the file shut, "Shall I go on?"

"Ooh what about the one with the store?" You comment, trying to hide your unmistakable amusement at the situation.

"Where you hid amongst the shelves until the security forced you to leave?" Mr Kingston exclaims with all tones of no hope.

"That was her idea," Shawn is quick to interject, "I said we should hide by the toilet paper and she forced us to hide where the home stuff was,"

"The home section was comfier and you-" You begin to retort before you are quickly cut off.

"Guys!" Your teacher exclaims, "I don't care about that! You two are going to be the death of me at this rate, you're getting called into the office every second day for me to complain about something you've said or done. I'm losing my mind trying to keep up with you. Can't you just give me a break from this?"

"Sir," Shawn stands up, walking around to the back of your chair and clasping your shoulders, "The way I see it - us doing all of this is having no effect on you. It's you. You're the one that chooses to yell at us about it, increasing your stress and, consequently, blood pressure and eventually yo-"

"I don't need another speech from you Mendes," Mr Kingston snaps, "You're dismissed,"

Shawn laughs and you go to follow him out of the door.

"Not you, (Y/l/n). Sit back down,"

You glance at Shawn and notice the full confusion on his face - so he hadn't set you up.

"I'll wait for you outside," He nods supportively before stepping into the corridor outside of the all too familiar office to do exactly as he had promised.

You turn back to Mr Kingston and sit back down into the seat that had practically been labelled with your name by this point. You glance around and take in the sight of the views you'd seen far too many times. Your tutor still has a photo of his three dogs plastered proudly on the back wall of his office - Two boxers and, your personal favourite, a labradoodle. There was a scattering of dust covered trophies behind his desk but he never paid much attention to them. The paint was wearing across the aging walls and there were still a few patches in the corner where he'd tried out a few new colours and never got round to actually decorating.

"(Y/n)," He sighs and snaps you back to focus on him, "What are you doing?"

You shrug nonchalantly, "Sitting in your office,"

He rolls his eyes, "I'm being serious now, I need you to take me seriously for at least once in your life,"

Mr Kingston was a middle aged man who got a little puffed out from walking up one flight of stairs and sometimes looked a little too red in the face to be good for his health. He was like a giant teddy bear that got furious with you for the slightest step out of line. And, in some ways, he'd become like a father figure to you since starting at this school until now, getting ready to leave.

"You're not applying to college," He comments, "What happened to Yale?"

"Nothing happened to Yale. I just don't want to be there anymore," You mutter, "I wouldn't fit in there,"

"I don't give a damn if you'd fit in or not. We're talking about your future here!" He says, leaning forward in his chair, "And I don't think that's the reason you're not applying,"

You stay silent then, picking at a loose thread from the armrest of the chair and focusing all of your attention onto it's small movements.

"He's a bad influence for you (Y/n). And you know he is," That next sentence makes your heart beat a little faster, "You've been skipping school, all of your teachers think you've completely lost yourself. You're still getting the grades but I don't know how. He's making you do things that aren't like the (Y/n) we all know,"

You stand up from the chair then, taking one breath to calm yourself just enough, "I appreciate your input but I'm going to leave now, please,"

"(Y/n) he's going to ruin your life if you let him,"

Your hand pauses for a split second on the doorknob before you follow your second instinct to open it and leave the tense office.

Shawn is, as promised, waiting right outside for you, "All good?"

You take your bag from him and sling it over one shoulder, "Yeah, yeah, what class are you in?"

"Calc," He groans, "But it's fine, I'll walk you to chemistry,"

You nod and stuff your hands into the pockets of your denim jacket.

The corridors are thankfully empty as you're certain that you and Shawn were destined to avoid people as much as possible. The two of you had been friends for the past year at school - your senior year. He'd moved here from another school and they chose you to be his buddy. Ever since then, you'd taken that 'buddy' status to another level. He let you see the world as he did - as though there was nothing stopping you. He'd opened your eyes to a world outside of academia and he'd been the one person to make you feel truly comfortable in yourself. Things may have changed since he came around but they had changed for the better.

"So, what did Kingston want to talk to you about?" He breaks your train of thought once again and runs a hand through husis untameable curls.

"He uh-" You clear your throat, "Just about my parents. He thinks I should start seeing the therapist,"

Okay. That was technically a lie. That wasn't what he'd just said to you. But he had mentioned it only days before so, technically, your tracks were covered.

"You want to do it?" Shawn looks at you intently, always being one to pay full attention when somebody spoke.

You shrug, "Sit there and listen to someone belittle me about my 'struggles'?" You scoff, "It sounds like a wonderful pastime,"

Your friend shakes his head and lets out the softest possible laugh, shifting to nudge you with his shoulder - the force making you stumble a little.

"Alright, this is me," You mention as your chemistry lab nears.

"Okay, I'll meet you after school at t-"

"The fountain out back," You finish for him, "I know, it's a Tuesday,"

Shawn laughs and watches as you head into the class, eyes lingering on your disappearing form for a little longer before he forces himself to turn away.

He wasn't sure of exactly what he'd done right to get someone like you into his life. But he'd count it as a blessing everyday. Right up until the day he knew it was time to leave.

~~~~~~~~

(Thoughts????)

Tags : @imarypayne @sunshine112 @bringmethehorizonandpizza @supernatural-girl97 @vibhati123 @butithasntkilledyouyet @faefictions @carisi-sonny @trap-house-homiecide @spiderrpcrker @tommydaspidey @oneblckcoffee @darlingtholland @fanficparker @xxtomxo @httpfandxms

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cocomoraine · 5 years

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Gone, gone, gone.

There will come a day where I will use my downtime from acads for wholesome things, not for writing things that will make me sadder.

That day is not today.

Here is a sad, sad drabble made by me by an idea I have while listening to sad songs. Warning: Unbeta’ed because I don’t want to be a bother, and ultimately sad, you have been warned. Also, trigger warnings for implied/referenced suicide, and thoughts of self-harm.

Just short this time hahaha, only 1k+ words. I am still finding it a challenge to write them in a more happier setting sksksks sorrrrryyy. You have been warned.

Still here eh? You’re really that determined huh.

Here y’all go!

Gone, gone, gone.

Boris remembers the first time he saw Valery Legasov smile.

The lunar rover worked!

Small steps, small victories.

It was also the first time they were close. Close as friends can be.

They are both willing to take whatever the other one could give.

Chernobyl has become a wasteland, and yet, from it, a beautiful relationship was born.

A relationship soon submerged into ashes.

***

I could’ve said goodbye

Ulana and Boris knew that the wordless goodbye they all exchanged with Valery was never going to be enough.

KGB made sure of it. This is just the first of their many series of punishments.

Now, it left a gaping hole in Boris’ psyche.

A hole only Valery Legasov can fill.

***

Trying to save a part of you

It rained the day of Valery’s funeral. Boris fought tooth and nail to have Valery buried here. His words continue to spread, like wildfire, it didn’t stop the moment he was laid down on the earth.

Hell came to Kremlin. Hell came for Gorbachev, for Charkov, to the KGB, to the insolent fools at Kurchatov who ridiculed and alienated Valery until they pushed him off the edge. Hell came for both Ulana and Boris. But, it came like a gentle caress of the wind.

Yet, it still hurts.

Boris finds anger for the people who did this to Valery. And for himself, for not fighting harder for him.

Ulana closed her hand around his tightened fists.

It was only then he realized that it was not only rainwater that is falling into his shoes.

***

It took Boris two months after Valery’s funeral to finally figure out himself.

Two more years.

***

He remembers Valery quoting poetry one night, as they were out for another walk.

That time, it was Valery who asked him.

Boris, at first, was surprised, that a man of science such as Valery, is well-versed in the world of literature.

He will not forget the way Valery blushed and looked down at the ground, when he praised him for that extensive lyrical knowledge.

Every word that fell from his lips feels like a melody.

He should’ve known by that time.

***

No other name falling off my lips

Ulana’s career kept skyrocketing. KGB can’t even tame her down. When Charkov stepped down from the position, the new deputy chairman thought it wouldn’t be prudent to push her more, especially since she has the public at her favor.

He last saw her receiving an honorary award from the Byelorussian Institute of Nuclear Energy, present as a guest of honor.

When the two of them are alone, other people talking and drinking wine, the two of them outside, the cool air doing nothing to calm Boris’ nerves he was never calm, he was always finding ways to do things, things to make Valery’s requests or demands met, Valery made him restless, even now, even if he is already dead, dead! Boris can’t force his mind out from such thoughts.

He and Ulana don’t talk much. They never talked unless needed, even back then at Chernobyl. It was always Valery who filled in the silence between them.

But now, it was he who broke it.

“I am glad things are working well for you.”

Ulana looked ahead, eyes glassy, thoughts whirring. She’s just like Valery. Beautiful, smart, powerful. Yet.

He felt a hand atop his.

“Can you tell me more about him?”

Boris smiled, felt the tears, swallowed it down.

“Did you know, Valery quoted poetry often? He did it to me one time. Apparently, he also writes his own version of poems from time to time--”

***

Because the world keeps turning and turning

Whenever they are at Chernobyl, it seems like time is always on the run. There are too many things happening at once.

Some of them worked.

Others don’t.

They still carry on. They don’t have much choice.

And Valery will not stop until the job is done. He is too kind for this world. Too good for this wasteland.

Too determined and powerful enough for Boris.

One time, Boris almost used force to make Valery rest. That man has no idea of time, whenever work is concerned. Well, to be fair, he is also like that sometimes, but Valery needs to rest.

“That is enough, Valera.”

“No. nothing is going to be enough, Borja. I have to keep working.”

Boris put a hand in Valery’s. The hand stopped its furious scribbling.

“You are going to fall over that chair, Valera.”

Valery looked up at him, tired, worn, radiation slowly inching through their throats.

‘We’ll be dead in five years!’

For once, Boris just wants the time to just stop.

***

It was a sunny day, for a change, in Moscow.

Boris’ doctors all tell him the same thing. If only he could just say that he does not need regular check-ups because Valery Legasov already delivered and signed his death sentence back at Chernobyl, but Gorbachev insists.

He also thinks of putting a bullet through his head.

He said that to Ulana. He was expecting her to smack him in the face, knock some sense into him, but instead, she gently talked him through it.

Of course, there is still a lot of work to do.

Protests are happening, left and right, and Boris has to do his part inside the Kremlin. Ulana doing hers at the scientific community. It won’t be long, Valera. Soon enough, not only the whole Soviet Union will know about you and Chernobyl.

Someday, the whole world will know you.

Boris smiled. He is at the countryside today, after his doctor recommended a weekend break from Moscow. He took it. Being in Krelin reminds him of Valery. Walking in those same halls they used to, back then, he can’t.

Beside a quiet, flowing river, he is still reminded of him.

I’m not moving on.

I will never be free of you, Valera.

The thing about dead people, their ghosts haunting you are not the scary details told to you when you were a child. They are not scary, it’s all just sad.

***

One year since Valery’s death.

Reforms were made. The truth about Chernobyl became common knowledge. His legacy is now an outcry.

Valery Legasov, Ulana Khomyuk, Boris Shcherbina, and thousands of others involved in the cleanup from the start until now, might be heroes in someone’s eyes, but for the Party, especially Legasov and Shcherbina, they are just two men, slowly fading away. One already did.

And the Soviet Union is starting to fall into pieces.

***

One more year left.

Boris Shcherbina wonders what Valery Legasov thought of him. Whenever that question pops in him, Valery’s words play inside his head, like repeating a tape.

Boris never listened to those tapes.

He doesn’t think he can hear Valery’s voice, but at the same time, he wants to.

“They mistakenly sent the one good man. For god’s sake, Boris. You were the one who mattered the most.”

He should’ve known.

***

“Let him finish!”

It was his way of telling him that he loves him. Boris realizes, and now, faced with the reality that Valery is gone, he thinks, he prays to whatever deity, that Valery got it. That he understood what he was trying to say.

He doesn’t know.

He will probably never get the answer.

***

Time’s up.

Boris closes his eyes, wishes all the best for Ulana, and told a breathless “I love you, Valera,” to the wind.

I don’t want to give somebody else the better part of me.

I would rather wait for you.

***

In his darkness, in his death, he can always imagine Valery telling him that he loves him too.

I’ll never love again.

***

You're a carnival on a summer night Gone too soon every time Yeah, it's beautiful how you burn so bright In the waste land you leave behind

#valoris #shchergasov #ficlet #fanfic #drabble #inspired by the song #i'll never love again #by lady gaga #hi cocomoraine here how may i help you #cocomoraine writes #im lss with the song hurt so im resuing it again sksk

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iskastudiies · 4 years

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seeing that it’s almost the new year, i kinda felt like doing this. here are some things that i am thankful for this year.

1. getting into my dream university i still cannot fully digest the fact that i am now studying in my dream uni. remembering all of those sleepless night, mental breakdowns, and countless doubts i had when i was preparing for my CETS makes me even more thankful for where i am now. now that i’m here tho, i can attest that getting in is a lot easier than surviving and getting out ahhdjahaah (but that’s another conversation).

2. senior high school

ok so basically, i used to study in a science high school during junior high. academically, i was doing well. however, it came at the cost of everything else. i just wasn’t happy, and i wasn’t growing in that environment. so, i decided to switch schools for my last two years, and switch tracks from STEM to ABM (business). and wow, it was one of the best decisions i’ve made. i made so many good memories and good friends. i was truly enjoying and growing. there was still pressure and stress, but it wasn’t the kind that suffocated me. i was happy, and i will always be grateful for those two years there. big bonus is that i graduated with the highest honors despite my tardiness many absences (dont judge me ok hahdjsha i became lazy at the end of the yr)

3. college friends guys :—-( i have friends!! in college!! idk for someone who struggles with socializing, it’s a big achievement for me. before entering college, i thought i would be spending the year alone and sad. and tbh i’ve got a lot more to work on. there are still times when i feel like retreating back to my shell. however, i’m thankful for the people i’ve met and the people i will be meeting in the future (yes im claiming it!! here’s to a better social life, 2020!!)

4. academics despite my acads life in high school, i knew college would be different! i entered it with 0% confidence. i was already intimidated by the subjects that i thought would be impossible to conquer and the many people that i could not measure up to. so, i didn’t really exert that much effort from the start because i thought whatever i did wouldn’t make a difference. i didn’t want to try, only to be disappointed in the end. yes kids, this is a very toxic way of thinking, but i just wanna be honest and say that i struggled so much with this — aaaa the perfectionist in me :——( but somehow, i pulled through! it took a long time istg, maybe it was halfway through the sem when i woke up and realized i’ve got to move and try harder!! i’ve got to condition my mindset!! it was hard tryna catch up, but ya gurl is running for dean’s list, my gpa made it!!!! (im sorry im not bragging ok im just so proud of myself)

5. discovered more about myself for those who don’t know, i live in a dorm with my best friend. it’s my first time living away from my family, and let me tell you ok, it’s hard! however, it made me discover myself more since i had no one to rely on but myself. meeting a diverse group of people in college also made me think more about my identity and such. with the challenges thrown at me, i got to know myself more and i got to explore my potential more. acceptance played a big part of that. i’ve grown to accept myself as an introvert, a perfectionist, and most importantly — a work in progress.

6. studyblr ok so i have been wanting to make an account for the longest time! i just hesitated because i was shy and conscious hajdksjaja. but can i just say that it really helped a lot!!! it gave me inspiration on the days i really needed it. seeing all these posts pushed me to be more productive and to be a better me! more than the pretty notes and cute stationery, i began to realize the value of studyblr more. when i’m super unmotivated or dead tired, i just look back at my previous posts and it makes me feel better. i hope i become better at tumblr next yr tho bc im such a bad studyblr ajmdkaj,,, ya gurl doesn’t know how to tumblr lmao.

with that, i just wanna wish everyone a happy new year! thank you for being part of my 2019 :—( here’s to more growth and better health for 2020 ♡

#new year #studyblr #end of the year post

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onceuponanaromantic · 5 years

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After Laughter as TUA characters

So After Laughter by Paramore is great and so here’s some umbrella acad characters and what songs I think fit them:

Luther: Idle Worship

[Verse 2]

Oh, it's such a long and awful lonely fall

Down from this pedestal that you keep putting me on

What if I fall on my face? What if I make a mistake?

If it's okay a little grace would be appreciated

Remember how we used to like ourselves?

What little light that's left, we need to keep it sacred

I know that you're afraid to let all the dark escape you

But we can let the light illuminate these hopeless places

Diego: Caught in the Middle

I was dreamin' life away

All the while just going blind

Can't see the forest for the trees

Behind the lids of my own eyes

Nostalgia's cool, but it won't help me now

A dream is good, if you don't wear it out

And I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

I try to keep going but it's not that simple

I think I'm a little bit caught in the middle

I gotta keep going or they'll call me a quitter

Yeah, I'm caught in the middle

No, I don't need no help

I can sabotage me by myself

I don't need no one else

Allison: Pool

And I wonder, is it better to get it over with?

The illusion, can shatter before we begin

If you're really sorry

Happy second chance, think I could forgive

This time you won't leave me sinking

Klaus: Fake Happy (Alternatively: Allison)

So I been doin' a good job

Of makin' 'em think

I'm quite alright

Better hope I don't blink

You see, it's easy when I'm stompin' on a beat

But no one sees me when I crawl back underneath

Hey, if I smile with my teeth

Bet you believe me

If I smile with my teeth

I think I believe me

Five: Grudges

Time is a bastard

I won't break my neck to get around it

But aren't we so brave to give up a fight

And let the years go by without us

'Cause now I feel you by my side

And I don't even care if it's been awhile

I can feel that we've changed and we're better this way

Stop asking why

Why we had to waste so much time

Well, we just pick up, pick up and start again

'Cause we can't keep holding on to grudges

Ben: Told You So

For all I know

The best is over and the worst is yet to come

Is it enough

To keep on hoping when the rest have given up

And they go

"I hate to say I told you so"

They love to say they told me so

"I hate to say I told you so"

They love to say they told me

Vanya: Forgiveness

There's still a thread that runs from your body to mine

And you can't break what you don't see, an invisible line

If I follow it down, will we just be alright?

But it could take me all your life to learn to love

How I thought I could love someone

I haven't even begun

If it's all up to us we might as well give up

And you, you want forgiveness

(I can barely hang on to myself)

But I, I can't give you that

(I can't give you, I can't give you that)

And you, you want forgiveness

(I'm afraid that I'll have nothing left)

But I, I just can't do it yet

(I can't do, I just can't do it yet)

Whole family: 26

Man, you really know how to get someone down

Everything was fine, until you came around

And I've been chasing after dreamers in the clouds

After all wasn't I the one who said

To keep your feet on the ground?

Man, you really brought me back down

Hold onto hope if you got it

Don't let it go for nobody

And they say that dreaming is free

But I wouldn't care what it cost me

You got me tied up, but I stay close to the window

And I talk to myself about the places that I used to go

I'm hoping someday maybe I'll just float away

And I'll forget every cynical thing you said

When you gonna hear me out?

Man, you really bring me down

Hold onto hope if you got it

Don't let it go for nobody

And they say that dreaming is free

But I wouldn't care what it cost me

Reality will break your heart

Survival will not be the hardest part

It's keeping all your hopes alive

When all the rest of you has died

So let it break your heart

Hold onto hope if you got it

Don't let it go for nobody

Hold onto hope if you got it

Don't let it go for nobody

And they say that dreaming is free

But I wouldn't care what it cost me

Bonus: So I asked @a-blue-hoodie to help me choose between the two options I had for Klaus, Vanya and Ben and this happened:

(in our japanese mythology au, Ben and Five are kitsune. and the last time I asked Blue for help beta-ing, Anonymous Kraken happened. I think google docs is sending Signs.)

#the umbrella academy #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #number five #Ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #bonus: the other songs I was considering #klaus: hard times #ben: rose coloured boy #vanya: no friend #paramore #after laughter #please go listen to paramore it's great #after laughter's vibe is so #akgjlk laughter and it's lyrics are actually dark i love the contrast

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claryaastark · 5 years

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The Fragments of Him

082819

I gritted my teeth as I saw him running towards my direction. He seems scared but he still manage to tease me with a seductive smile and a wink — and that made me more furious. I rolled my eyes, heaved a sigh and calm myself.

“You’re 30 minutes late” I said calmly but with diction.

“Woah chill, I’m sorry, I need to finish my stuff first” and he smiled awkwardly while holding his ears.

“Don’t lie to me, what is it this time?” I said while raising one of my eyebrows.

“Hehe, my friends forced me to join them on a gig”

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“I know you, tell me!”

“And hehe, we drunk a little”

I picked up my stuff and rose from the grass then I walked away from his direction. He grabbed my arms and hugged me.

“I’m sorry” he whispered with a very gentle tone.

I cried because I know for a fact that I couldn’t resist this man, not ever. Instead of saying a word I just let myself cry on his chest.

“I’m sorry for keeping you wait, I won’t do it again, promise!”

“Promise?” I pouted my lips.

He gently tapped my head and smiled.

“Promise”

He held my hand then we went to our favorite spot. It was on a highland, where we have the chance to have a perfect glance on the city below. The wind is cold, and it almost touches the inner layer of my pale skin. During the eve, you can hear the deafening nights of silence. This place is very peaceful, there are no stress and problems to chase you. And I feel free.

I don’t have the chance to see him everyday, for a certain reason ; he always disappear literally. I still find it weird that we only have the chance to see each other every 4th day of the month. And luckily, the 4th day this month is Sunday. We’re not busy, we don’t have school, acads, and shits like those we encounter every weekdays.

I was 18 when I met him. He came to this place out of nowhere. He talked about random things, and I answered him. I do not know as well, how he found my little paradise since I was a child. But it doesn’t matter anyway, at least I found a friend in the middle of nowhere. And I’m not alone, that’s one thing for sure.

Because of my little drama about him, being unpunctual, I didn’t notice the violin that he was holding. We sat on the mattress, along with the basket of fruits, bread and milktea! And we talk, we laugh, he played the violin and he sang for me. He held my hand like he doesn’t want to lose me. 4th day of the month serves as my escape. There are lots of things that’s been bothering me, and I don’t wanna talk about it, not ever again. And he is my rest and my escape in this life of shit.

The sun is setting, and time literally flew so fast. He is dashing along with the rays of sun. He smiles like a morning sunshine, and talks like a dancing ocean waves — calm and assuring.

He was hugging me from behind while we cherish the moment of silence. I felt a pang of pain in my chest after I closed my eyes. Then I count, from 1-10.

“5, 4, 3...2”

“I’ll be back, I won’t leave”

“...1”

That’s the last thing he said to me and, he disappeared.

It was September and today is the 3rd day of the month. I’m on my room. I was flipping a 5-peso-coin while tapping my fingers on the wooden table. Here I am again, calculating the possibility of his uncertainty. I miss him so much, it was a month since I last saw him. Since we talked, since I touch him. I miss his silly jokes, his sweet remarks, his attractive perfume, his calm voice and his sunshine-like smile. Damn it!

I kicked the chair and I anxiously walked around the room, seriously, I’m so excited to see him again tomorrow! I looked myself in the mirror and I can’t help but smile. I got a lot of stories to talk!

I heard a loud consecutive knocks from the door and I opened it enthusiastically, I saw her again, the sweet woman in a color white casual gown.

“Tomorrow’s the day, you should sleep early my love!”

She smiled gently — my mom.

“Yes mom, thank you!” I jumped and we almost fell to the floor when I hugged and kissed her cheeks.

“Good night, my love!”

And I slept early, despite of uncertainty inside my mind.

This time, I was the unpunctual one, I was ten minutes late. Blame my closet, I had a hard time on choosing what to wear today. Today’s 4th day isn’t just an ordinary day of the month, it was our 24th meeting, our second anniversary. I saw him playing the guitar strings. I tiptoed and cover his eyes from behind.

“Happy 24th day!” and I kissed his cheeks.

I felt him smiled.

“I miss you so much” he said with a sad and excited mixed tone. He pulled a bouquet of colorful roses beside him, and a box colorful rolled paper.

“Read this once you’re home” he said naughtily.

He asked for my hand and we dance under the morning rays of sun, I buried my face on his chest and I let myself be drowned on the happy moment. I don’t wanna lose him, no and not ever.

We spent the day by eating, dancing, singing, laughing, and sharing each other’s story.

It was the sunset again, and it was the hardest and painful part of the day for me. Today’s farewell seems different.

He’s just staring at me, and he’s holding my hand thoroughly. I felt awkward but I didn’t ask. He kissed my lips and a drop of tears fell on my cheeks.

“I’m gonna miss you so much, I’ll be back!”

I did the same routine of counting from 10-1 and then again, he disappeared.

Seasons have changed, and time flies. It was the winter season and today’s 4th day seems gloomy. The rain pours and I was standing under one of the trees on our favorite spot, while holding my umbrella. I saw him walking towards my direction wearing his white hoody.

I smiled. The sun is nowhere to be found but he still has the dashing aura, like he glimmers around and he’s the only thing that I see.

“You seem cold” he removed his hoody revealing his color black shirt.

“Wear this, and let me hold the umbrella” I let him hold the umbrella for us, and half of the day, we just spent our time on watching the raindrops.

During the afternoon, I escaped and I run under the rain.

“Baby! You’ll catch a cold”

His face frowned. But I laugh instead.

“Who cares about cold? Come here! It’s fun”

I can see a hesitation on his face, but he still run towards my direction. And we danced, and kissed under the rain. I closed my eyes, and I put my head on his chest.

“I got to go”

I was shocked, we still have few hours before sunset.

“Why?”

“It’s time to go” he said expressionless.

“Are you kidding me, we still have few hours!”

“It’s time to go”

“Baby, stop it, stop joking! The sun haven’t set yet”

“It’s time to go!”

His hand are slowly disappearing, and he keeps on repeating his word.

“What’s happening?” I was crying hard because of sadness and confusion.

“Don’t leave please, please” I begged, but to my dismay, his body is turning into fragments, into pieces of dust in air.

“It’s time to go!”

That’s the last thing I heard before I closed my eyes, and he disappeared in front of me.

I opened my eyes, and I saw her. My mom, still wearing a white casual gown with a stethoscope on her shoulder.

“It’s time to go, my love”

She smiled. I looked at the calendar, and it’s the 4th day of December. I was wearing a hospital gown, and there are lots of apparatus in my head. I am also wearing a dextrose.

“She’s slowly recovering, the effects of her cognitive behavioral therapy is quite improving. Just let her regularly take her meds, and see you on next session, on January 4th. Advance happy new year!”

Mom smiled on her fellow doctor and we were left alone on the room.

I cried, and mom hugged me. She knows, she knows so well that I built a world inside my head.

I looked at my sketchpad and I saw him, I saw his smile, his golden aura. I saw him playing the guitar, the violin, I saw him hugging me and kissing me.

He is just a fragment of my imagination. My escape from this illness. I created him, I created us.

I was on the process of treating myself, and mom is my personal Psychiatrist. I suffered from traumatic disorder, after I lost dad on a car accident when I was 17. And I am taking meds, hallucinogens to be exact. It distorts my sensation and it produces a dream-like state experience.

I tossed a coin, that represents the uncertainty. The uncertainty of things between me and him. The uncertainty that I might not see him again, even on my imagination. The probability of being left behind even on the own world that I created inside my head. But I trust him, I trust that he will never leave, and he will consistently be with me.

But what happened on today’s 4th day of the month, is different. I let him flew away and turn into pieces of dust. Maybe, the doctor is right. I decided to leave my world of fiction and imagination and face my reality.

He is gold, and I’m colorblind. But still, I fell in love with a man that I created, I fell in love with a fragment of my own imagination and I’m glad that I did.

That time, I let myself cried.

2 years have passed. And I’m glad that I am finally leaving Illinois, my place of healing. And today’s the day, that I’m going home to the Philippines. 4th day of August. I smiled with the bittersweet memory inside my head.

“Calling all passengers of flight 416 bound to Philippines”

I held my luggage and hand carry. And we went inside. I’m not knowledgeable when it comes to airplanes but I am seeing a Boeing 737-200 in front of me. And this is where we gonna ride.

I put my earphones the moment I sat, and brought out my sketchpad. I smiled as I saw him, but this time, he is alone on my sketches. I felt a man who sat beside me but I didn’t even throw him a glance.

I started sketching again inside the plane.

Someone poked me, I got irritated and I removed my earphones to look at the man beside me, and I almost throw myself when I saw a real life representation of him, of my imagination. And he is in front of me.

“Miss, excuse me, why are you sketching me?” He asked half confused and half mesmerized as he stared on my artworks.

I didn’t speak a word. And I just let myself stare on him. Still shocked. He is real, and he is in front of me. This isn’t a dream or hallucination.

My heart is beating fast and I’m keeping myself from crying. Nervous, I still got the courage to ask for his name.

“Who are you?” I asked.

Half confused, he still answered me.

“My name is Roya”

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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462

Do you go to church? Yep. Every Sunday since I was maybe 4. This question is everywhere. Have you ever had an ulcer? I haven’t. What was the last book you read? It was a book about decoding the Chinese market and how to establish a successful business in China hahaha. What was the last book you read about, and was it good? ^ That. It’s definitely not a book I would buy, but it’s written in a ‘for dummies’ way such that I can understand it and even slightly enjoy it. My internship supervisor lent it to me for the meantime. What site do you use to discover new music? Spotify, but it’s an app. I don’t really use websites to find music.

What's your current favorite song? Outta My Head by Khalid and John Mayer. Do you make smoothies? Nope. I don’t even drink them. Do you use holiday-themed window clings? I don’t know those so I’m pretty sure we don’t use them. How many pairs of jeggings do you own? Zero. They sound super uncomfortable D: I hate the feeling of leggings and jeans suffocating my legs so the thought of incorporating both just makes me shudder lmao. How often do you wash your windows? Once in a few months. Not really a priority. Do you own slipper socks? I don’t. Are you a sushi lover? Yasssss. I’ll take any kind of it, from grocery sushi to overpriced authentic artisan sushi. Do you have any rare medical conditions? I don’t think I have anything rare, no. Do you have to carry an epi pen? Nope. What is your mother's maiden name? I’m not sharing that on here. The first time you remember being hospitalized, what was it for? I was born...but if that doesn’t count, I was hospitalized when I was a few months old. I had severe diarrhea/dehydration that my family didn’t know was because of lactose intolerance. My family likes telling me how *literally* deflated I was when I got to the hospital because everything they fed me (that had lactose in it) would just pass through my body, so my system hadn’t actually been digesting anything. Obviously I don’t remember that but it was the first time I ever got hospitalized in general. Were you ever in the hospital as a kid? No, it was my sister who was brought to the hospital when she was younger. Do you know what your dreams are? I don’t remember them for the most part but there’ll be one or two once in a while that’ll be too bizarre to forget. Do you know what your purpose in life is? No, I didn’t even ask to be here lmaaaaao. What are the best things to put in a smoothie? Put no fruits and just turn that shit into a milkshake instead. When was the last time you got a new backpack? A few months ago. I was using my old one too much and I wanted ~a change of look~ so I borrowed my mom’s. What color is your bicycle? I don’t have one, I don’t even know how to ride one. Do you have a bike with a basket on the front? The one my parents have doesn’t. Do you like to add different spices to things? I don’t, but I like spices. The more the better. Are you cold or hot more often? Hot. Do you like the song Days of Elijah? I’ve never heard of it. What is your favorite website? Twitter. If you had two kids, a boy and a girl, what would you name them? Olivia and maybe Luis, as a tribute to Gab’s dad.

When was the last time you read the Bible? Senior year of high school. Have you ever read the Bible all the way through? I had to. Do you own a lot of scarves? I own no scarves. Do you ever shop at the dollar store? Would you rather shop online or shop at the mall? Shop at the mall. Do you like Barnes and Noble? Do you like antique stores? Not really. Would you collect antiques if you were rich? I don’t see myself doing that...I’d much rather collect paintings and shoes haha. Do you like castles? They’re whatever. I used to think they were fascinating, thanks to Disney. What's your favorite exotic animal? Quokkas. Do you like Goodwill? I don’t think I know what that is. Do you own a tassel necklace? Nope. What does your favorite necklace look like? It’s silver and the main design is a heart. It was given to me by Gab but I forgot for what occasion. Do you have any jewelry that you wear every day? Nah. I don’t actually remember why I removed that ^ necklace, since I used to wear it everyday. Maybe I’ll put it back on someday. Do you like to wear skirts? Hate it. I wore one for 14 years. Except for denim skirts – I might still give those a chance since they’re cute. What does your favorite bookmark look like? I don’t use bookmarks. Do you use seasonal mugs? Nope. What color is your mailbox? We don’t have one. Mail’s just squeezed in our screen door. What color is your microwave? White. How often do you cook? NEVER. Which I should change soon, I know. Do you like being an adult or being a kid better? Being an adult. It’s harder but then there are so many more things you can enjoy, too. Being able to drive, partying, drinking, no curfew, being independent – I’d rather be doing/having these. Do you take risks and step outside of your comfort zone often? I’ve started doing it recently because I slowly learned that staying in my comfort zone (which I did my whole life) was never going to help me in the long run. Case in point: One of my professors owns her own PR firm that I could’ve very much applied to be an intern for, but I joined a completely different company a whole city away just so I can get uncomfortable but at the same time be challenged and learn. And it seems to be working. It’s really worth it.

Do you want to start a new hobby? Not really. I’m just looking forward to going back the hobbies I had to leave behind for a bit to do acads and internship.

#survey #surveys

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el-dritchknight · 5 years

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all i want for christmas is you (passing all your fucking exams) [grecinto secret santa gift fic]

Title: all i want for christmas is you (passing all your fucking exams)

Summary: Law student Ilyong Jacinto is facing his toughest challenge yet: finals week at the University of Santo Tomas. Luckily, his boyfriend, Goyo, is there to support him no matter what.

Characters | Ships: Ilyong Jacinto/Goyo del Pilar | Grecinto

Notes: Dates are based off the 2018 UST Academic calendar HAHA. For PCHU Secret Santa twitter user @SilverCai16!! Pasensya na na super clutch itey ^^; regardless, I hope you like it uwu

Dec 14 - End of Classes

Books, check. Pens, check. Highlighters, notebooks, and emergency coffee: check, check, and triple check.

Ilyong stretches his fingers above his head then rolls his shoulders back. Classes may have ended, but the real battle — the preparation for finals week — begins now.

He picks up Pointers in Criminal Review and turns to the first page .

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas~”

He blinks at the sound, checks to see if he accidentally played music on his phone. Waley. He shrugs. Baka kapit-bahay lang yun. “There is just one thing I need!”

...Isang maingay na kapitbahay. Ilyong huffs out an annoyed sigh and brings his attention back to the book. ‘Criminal law is a branch or division of public law that’ —

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PRESENTS UNDERNEATH THE CHRISTMAS TREE!”

Puta naman o!

Ilyong tromps out of his room and out of the house before he goes out of his mind.

“Gago, alas tres pa lang ng hapon, bakit may mga nag-cacaroling—!” He stops short at the sight of his boyfriend, Goyo del Pilar, donning a santa hat and a shit-eating grin. For reasons unknown, a guitar is strapped to his shirtless chest.

Ilyong knows he should probably tell Goyo off for disrupting the peace (Ilyong’s peace, if no one else’s), but he can only stop and stare. Damn, those pandesal abs.

“I just want you for my own,” Goyo continues to croon, voice at a reasonable volume now that he isn’t vying for Ilyong’s attention, “more than you could ever know…” Tearing his gaze away from Goyo’s chest took effort, but the anxious, niggling thought of gago, may finals ka pa! gives Ilyong the mental strength he needs. He walks closer to Goyo, shaking his head bemusedly. “Gagoyo, anong ginagawa mo?”

In response, Goyo puts a finger against Ilyong’s lips.

“Make my wish come trueee!” Ilyong roll his eyes at the exaggerated vowels, but Goyo is undeterred. “All I want for Christmas is… you~!”

He starts to dance a little to the upbeat bells, hips moving from side to side. A smile cracks Ilyong’s facade, a surge of fondness going through his chest amidst all the confusion. Goyo continues to kembot, until the music is sharply cut off by an obnoxiously loud air horn and a man’s voice yelling about subscriptions to Spotify Premium.

Goyo curses. “I hate these ads so much.” “Mag-premium ka na kasi, may student discount ka naman ah,” Ilyong says through a bout of snickering. He points to the guitar. “Or try mo kaya tugtugin ‘yan next time.”

“Sige, sabi mo ah! Next time, I will play the guitar sa susunod kong harana sa ‘yo.” Goyo’s grin is brighter than a ray of sun, and warmer still, than the heat of sun bearing down on them.

Ilyong’s face seems to burn hotter than said sun. He crosses his arms, looking away. “Basta’t siguraduhin mo na wala nang ads.”

“Oo na! Anyway, Mali-Goyong pasko, babe!” Goyo pushes his guitar behind him and wraps his arms around Ilyong, who most definitely doesn’t squawk as his face comes in contact with Goyo’s pecs.

“M-Maligayang Pasko, mahal,” Ilyong returns, his reply somewhat muffled in Goyo’s bare chest. He talks a moment to breathe, to compose himself, before pulling away slightly to look his boyfriend in the eye. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here? Akala ko nasa Katipunan ka pa.”

Goyo lets him go to pose with a flourish. “I’m here to support you, of course! Alam ko mag-fi-finals na kayo, and need mo ng emotional support at taga-remind ng pagkain, so here I am!” A snort escapes Ilyong. The edges of his mouth curls in amusement. “Aww, sweet mo naman... Pero di ba finals week niyo ngayon?”

“Kakatapos lang, actually,” Goyo answers with a relieved grin. “Thank god for early scheduling. Though dapat meron akong Philo orals ngayon, e my classmate switched with me kasi gusto niya mag-Bora.” “Swerte naman ng mga Atenista.” “Swerte nanam ang isang Atenista,” Goyo corrects,” at ako iyon dahil swerte ako sa ‘yo.” “Corny mo.” Ilyong snorts, but ends up averting his eyes in embarrassment. What did he do to deserve such an adorkable boyfriend? “Pero, uy. Sigurado ka ba talaga? Medyo… single-minded daw ako kapag nag-aaral, especially sa finals.” Goyo smiles and puts his hands on Ilyong’s shoulders, giving them a comforting squeeze. “Sure na sure ako, mahal! Like I said, I really just want to support you. Plus, I kind of need a break from Katipunan, anyway.” “Kahit mainit ulo ko sa ‘yo?” “Kailan ba naman hindi? Aray!” Goyo laughs and rubs the spot on his arm that Ilyong had playfully punched. “Oo, G ako sa kahit ano, basta’t kasama kita.”

Ilyong’s blush strikes back with a vengeance. A shy smile blossoms on his lips. “Well, thank you, mahal. Pero alam mo na hindi mo ‘to kailangan gawin, right?”

“Alam ko,” Goyo answers easily. “Pero gusto ko.” “Goyo, I —” “Para naman maharana kita ng maayos next time. Mahirap pag naging cockblock ang acads, noh?” This time, Goyo manages to dodge Ilyong’s incoming punch to his shoulder. “Joke, joke lang! ‘Kaw naman, ‘di mabiro o.”

Ilyong rolls his eyes and grabs Goyo’s bicep. “Gago ka talaga kahit kailan. O siya! Tara na nga sa loob. Magkape ka muna para matauhan ka sa mga kalokohan mo.”

Dec 17 - Study day

Ilyong is sitting on the floor. Flashcards surround him from every angle. He is trapped, and victory can only come at the cost of memorizing all the provisions on these fucking 3x5 index cards.

He flops down on his back, heedless of all the flashcards he’s crushing under the weight of his fatigue.

“Okay ka lang, babe?” Goyo calls from his place on Ilyong’s bed, looking up from his Nintendo Switch.

“Yeah, nagpapahinga lang,” Ilyong responds listlessly, staring up at the ceiling. It’s such a pretty white color, Ilyong notices. He’s never had a chance to ponder about the ceiling before, but now seems to be a good time to fully appreciate how white it is. Parang kulay ng mga ulap o kaya ng mga sinusuot sa lamay… o ng scantron sheet na binibigay tuwing exams.

...Putangina, bukas na ang finals. Ilyong groans. He wishes he can just disappear into the pile of flash cards, but Bathala was not known to be that merciful.

Goyo’s pretty face suddenly looms over him, blocking his view of the fascinating ceiling. “Hi.” “Hi.” “You need help getting up?” “Please.” Goyo takes ahold of Ilyong’s arm and lifts him up with an ease Ilyong envies. Goyo runs his hand up Ilyong’s arm to his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. “Wanna talk about it?” “Eh, wala namang isyu. Stressed lang ako. Feeling ko e-explode yung utak ko kapag nagbasa ako ng isa pang flashcard.” “Same,” Goyo says sympathetically.

Ilyong snorts and lightly swats his arm. “Gago, anong same? Naglalaro ka lang diyan, e.” “I mean, di naman literally, but I get the feeling, you know? Exams were early, yeah, but they were still hell. Traumatised pa nga ako, babe.” “Aww, kawawa ka naman.”

“Yeah, gumagaling lang ako sa kiss mo, eh.” Ilyong hates how easily he turns red at Goyo’s words. “Landi mo, gago.”

“‘Kaw kasi, ang cute mo kapag nagblublush ka.” “Stooop,” Ilyong says, covering his face with his hands. He cannot take much more of this.

“Okay, pero seryoso, Ilyong.” Goyo gives him a second before gently taking Ilyong’s hands into his own. He stares into Ilyong’s eyes with a serious gentleness that Ilyong only ever sees directed at him. “Just breathe and rest your head for a bit. You’ve been studying non-stop since you woke up three hours ago.”

“Kailangan ko pa i-memorise yung mga provision —” “Makakahintay yung provision na yan. Kailangan mo mag-rest. You’ve been studying for the past three days also. You deserve a break.” “I don’t—” “Sige ka, you’ll get sick if you don’t rest. Si Enteng, yun yung ginawa - he worked and studied so hard that he got sick on the first day of exams.” A horrified gasp escapes Ilyong’s throat. “What happened?” “Wala, nag make-up exams si gago… and the make-ups are harder than the original tests.”

“Oof.” “Oof is right, babe. So, ano? Are you convinced? Matutulog ka na ba?” Ilyong rolls his eyes but nods in grudging defeat. “Opo, matutulog na po ako.”

Goyo is lucky that Ilyong doesn’t have the energy to wipe that smug smile off his face. “Yehey! Kasi ang bait mo, I’ll make timpla coffee when you wake up.” Placated by the promise of caffeine, Ilyong settles down on his bed while Goyo sits next to him, presumably back to playing on his Switch. A few peaceful seconds pass.

“…Uy, Goyo?” “Mm?” “Salamat.” “No problem, babe. Anything for my favorite future lawyer.”

Despite the massive headache threatening to split his head open, Ilyong smiles. He feels like he could take on the entire world.

Dec 18 - Armageddon Final Exams begin

Ilyong feels like he could tear the entire world apart. He glares daggers at the google document that is supposed to contain their interpretation of certain provisions for a final paper. Instead, all Ilyong sees are lines and lines of Sergio Osmeña and Manuel L. Quezon… flirting.

Nonong, we should really get to examining the sample case facts.

how about you examine my ‘witness’ instead ;)

NONONG, PLEASE.

the ‘witness’ is my dick btw

YUUUCK! Ilyong physically recoils from his laptop. Lord, bakit ako pinagpala ng ganitong groupmates?!

Semi-colon open parenthesis is right. Osmeña and Quezon may be brilliant students, the top two of the class to boot, but Ilyong had had it with them. Flirting openly with one’s boyfriend is alright, great even! Ilyong admires the brazenness in this very Catholic, very traditionalist university.

Pero puta naman o, google docs is not the time and place for this kind of landian! Hoy, Ilyong types below the sad face, fingers shaking with the attempt to stay calm. Pwede bang mamaya na iyan? Tapusin muna natin ang trabaho natin, please.

It’s a testament to Ilyong’s self-control that he hadn’t sworn at them - okay, well, that he deleted the curse words that peppered his comment. God, he misses being groupmates with Feli and Remi. While the two of them were constantly sweet and flirty, they didn’t let it interfere with their work.

Sorry about that, Jacinto.

yeah, sorry :( we’ll be good

You better.

Ilyong heaves out a sigh. He had finished his parts for the paper, but more than half had yet to be written. Combined with the other papers he still had to write and the other exams he had to study for, Ilyong wanted to rip something apart. Annoying group mates, while certainly rippable, were not helping.

“Babe, you okay?” Annoying boyfriend, while sweet and adorable, is also of no help at the moment.

“No,” Ilyong flatly says after a beat.

“Is there anything I can do? Anything I can get you?” “I’m fine, I —” He takes a deep breath. Aggravated as Ilyong is, the gesture is still appreciated. “I think I just need to be alone right now.” Goyo nods, understanding. It had taken a while for him to know when Ilyong needed him close and when Ilyong needed a moment to himself. While it still isn’t an easy feat, as they both still needed to work on mindfulness and communication, it’s a task that they’re determined to work through together.

“A’ight, I’ll head out and visit some friends muna, but promise me you’ll take care, okay? Gamitin mo yung poporo timer.” Ilyong raises an eyebrow. “...You mean pomodoro timer?” “Same thing,” Goyo calls out as he gathers up his things and walks out of the room. “Sige, love you, babe! I’ll be back later.”

Ilyong merely hums, his attention already back to his laptop.

Hours later, it is in the midst of writing papers and cramming tomes worth of information in his head that Ilyong realises that Goyo has returned. The boy is slumped over, asleep in the chair beside him. Not only that, but Goyo had apparently brought food; the take-out tocilog sits next to Goyo's elbow, cold and untouched.

A soft smile steals across Ilyong’s lips. He reaches out and places a blanket over Goyo’s shoulders.

Dec 21 - Final exams end

The sound of a door sharply being slammed open heralds llyong’s return. Goyo rushes towards him but stops short at the sight of Ilyong’s downcast gaze, and the way he drops his bag on the floor of his room.

Goyo slowly approaches him with all the caution of a man facing an animal in the wild. “Ilyong, mahal…?”

“Goyo…” Ilyong looks up, revealing the horrendously dark circles under his eyes and tired smile on his lips. “Goyo, tapos na. Tapos na exams! TAPOS NA EXAMS!”

Before he’s even finished speaking, Goyo takes Ilyong in his arms. He lifts him up effortlessly and twirls his love in a gleeful circle. “Babe, that’s great! Ang galing mo talaga! Celebrate ta — mmph!”

The sudden warmth of Ilyong’s mouth against his catches him by surprise. Goyo’s quick to react, however, already cupping the back of Ilyong’s head with one hand as he deepens the kiss. It’s sloppy compared to their usual momols, but Goyo doesn’t care. He can feel the relief and joy radiating off Ilyong with each press of their smiling lips. It’s a kiss that communicates Ilyong’s gratitude and his love—a kiss to which Goyo eagerly responds, conveying his own love and willingness to do anything for the other boy.

“Saan mo gusto mag-cecelebrate mamaya? Libre ko,” Ilyong says breathlessly after pulling away.

Goyo laughs, touched. “‘Di mo yan kailangan gawin, babe.”

“Gusto ko.” Ilyong’s grin is radiant, near blinding. Matching his boyfriend’s smile, Goyo leans in once again. He’ll think of where he wants to eat later. Right now, all he wants is to do is reward his cute, smart, hard-working boyfriend.

#grecinto #bayaniserye #goyo x ilyong #goyo del pilar #ilyong jacinto #heneral goon #el writes

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sinhetest · 6 years

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SILVERTON ACAD. FILE LOADED / NICHOLAS JUNG. —— ❛ cismale ( he/him ), nineteen years old, born on 1999.08.04 in los angeles, usa. has been attending silverton for one year, making them a freshman currently studying athletic training. apart of the inner circle: NO. / PORTRAYED BY MARK LEE.

WARNINGS FOR ABUSE & ALCOHOLISM !

information.

born and raised in la, his parents didn’t have much. didn’t have anything honestly, they were not poor, but not rich. they got by enough with their jobs, but as any cliche trope goes, they weren’t happy, their relationship wasn’t good in the slightest

his mother struggled with alcohol and his father just tried his best to provide for the small family they had while she went out and spent everything at bars or gambling.

nickey didn’t necessarily know what was ever happening, he just knew his mother was never around and his father was working too much and he never had siblings, so the feeling of loneliness was always deep rooted in his chest

in school, he was quite liked, but he was also a loner, no one really knew him well enough bc he was the kid who wore worn down jeans and clothes every other kid would never dream of wearing, but he was kind, caring, gave his all in any moment he could

he particularly skilled in athletics, played pretty much every town league he could because his parents couldn’t afford anything more

as he grew up and his father continuously worked too much and his mother still slacked off, which resulted in fights, loud ones that would wake nickey up in the middle of night, leaving him shaking in bed while he did his best to cover his ears

finally, when he was about fourteen years old, a pivotal time in his youth, his mother cheated on his father for the nth time, but now his father knew bc she was leaving him for the other man, which meant one morning, without notice, she was gone and his father had to explain to him what was happening

his mother leaving resulted in nickey acting out, while he never quite had a close relationship with her, it was still hard for him to have her gone. he became rude and closed off, chose to

nickey was born and raised in la, he had two parents and no siblings, raised in a dysfunctional home, his father was a raging alcoholic and his mother was a woman who had gotten pregnant and forced into wedlock with a man who didn’t treat her right

thus meaning that nickey’s home life wasn’t great, his mother was constantly beat on to spare nickey the hand of his father and all he could do was go up to his room and cover his ears while his mother cried her eyes and screamed for mercy

it created this closed off person in nickey, he was quiet, didn’t make friends, didn’t want to make friends because then they would end up finding out about his life and he didn’t want that. it was like a little secret between the family as they would act completely normal otherwise

the jung family wasn’t rich, they could barely make it by and his mother worked more than she should have while his father sat around drinking all day and would bounce from job to job because his addiction always got in the way

his mother tried her best to get him to get help because for some odd reason she loved him, but he wouldn’t have it

nickey’s only outlet was the sport his father forced him to play because he wanted his son to be a man and being a man meant he had to play a sport and prove his strength to those around him

there was always toxic masculinity within the home, his father wanted his son to grow up and marry a nice pretty lady and have kids and be a man! be a man be a man! and nickey listened because he was terrified of his father and didn’t want to do anything to upset him

he’d always felt horrible for his mother, hoping one day she would leave him and they could live their lives somewhere else, really it was his dream to run away with his mom and live a nice life

the funny part was, that when nickey was fourteen, his mother did end up finally escaping the grasp of his father . . . but she left nickey behind to deal with him

this caused a complete shift in him, a fire ignited of rage and hate and bitterness that his mother would leave the son she loved behind with a monster, he started acting out, hanging out with the wrong crowd, drinking, partying, making sure he just wasn’t at home because he was still afraid

really the only thing in his life he enjoyed was playing baseball, so he put all his energy in that to make sure that he could get out once high school was over

he suddenly became the popular kid one he got into high school, people fawned over him like no other, he was hot and he carried himself like he was hot, he was the jock that everyone wanted to fuck or be, they thought nothing was wrong, but he carried the secret of his father and the rage of his mother leaving him behind

he would hide the bruises his father gave him with makeup or under his clothes, he wouldn’t let anyone to his house, he wouldn’t even speak of his family, he was quite the enigma to everyone, but apparently that only made him hotter while he was miserable

so, once the opportunity came where he could attend silverton on a baseball scholarship, he took that and ran with it. leaving his town behind, not saying goodbye to anyone, just packing up and getting the fuck out

once at silverton, he was still the same fuckboy, played off his emotions as if they didn’t mean anything, drowned in alcohol and sex to forget everything, make sure he didn’t remember home because it hurt too much to think of it.

he’s closed off as fuck, hates making deep connections because he’s terrified of people leaving him like his mother did, he’s lowkey lonely as fuck as uses sex and substances to fill the void in him

he like. craves love SO FUCKING MUCH bc he hasn’t had it since his mother left him at fourteen…… so he pushes it down and bottles it up. he’s got uh hella attitude, he’s a fucking asshole, blunt and mean and doesn’t really give a shit about people because he’s masking that insecure scared little boy inside of himself

uh? he likes……….. baseball and ? has no substance. maybe he likes flowers……… and totally likes nature a lot like going on walks or bike rides or spending time at the waterfall wink wink nudge nudge take him on a fucking date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he also likes the stars too

#silver.intro

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findingpersonality · 3 years

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[Uhh, updates?]

Wow. I can’t remember the last time I’ve journaled here. Maybe its not the time passing by so quickly that I can’t remember, more like so much has just happened that I feel like there’s so many to write.

It’s been a year and a half now ever since the world became abnormal and we’re stuck at home. Home school, home socialization, home dating? So much has happened. So far, my life for the past few months have been one of the hardest ever since the pandemic.

Academic wise, after I got a university scholar tag on my first semester in remote learning, I thought that “wow, I’m really good at teaching myself.” So when I had my two months vacation after that, I still studied and completed my requirements. I really had no real vacation, because I chose to, and that’s okay I think, perfectly splendid (bly manor reference). Anyway, second semester started and I was really confident. I could’ve taken extra units instead of the recommended. Turns out, the first semesters’ subjects are easier than second ones, and I started losing grasps on my acads. There were two 1 week breaks, but I didn’t take a break. We quarantined for two weeks because my dad was a close contact of a covid positive. Those two weeks were so...hard. Our house this small, and I had to hear all the noise. We can’t go out, so my dad had to find something to do - meetings, craft things - all required noise. My brother’s cries wanting to go outside, my online meetings, my mom’s stressed mumblings because we always have a problem with where can we find food. It wasn’t the money, it’s whom we can request to find food for us because we can’t go out. I realized then how our nerighbor relatives don’t care for us, not one of them even asked us what we need. My tita from another town even drove to us to give groceries, the vendor whom mom always get vegetables gave us some, my lola who is quite old drops food on the door, but these people, who are two steps from our doorsteps can’t even ask how we are, even in social media. I don’t think this is an invalid thought. They expect so much from “kamag-anak naman” when it comes from requests, but I swear I can pick up people who have no blood ties from us that act more of a relative than them. I can’t remember how I survived or what I did during the day if not being stressed. My mental health started going downfall from that point. I had to catch up to a lot of backlogs, I had already run for secretary in niners before we were quarantined. Then finals week came, and I knew I’d get an inc in one of my subjects. When I was finishing up the requirement that would get me an inc instead of a drop, along with midyear registration, my lola died. That day I was in queue for registration but had to leave the meeting because my mom was crying so hard. Brave was sick, too, at the time. Mom and Lyza had also just gotten better from fever. I felt so numb that day. My mom keeps doing chores while crying, cooked us fried chicken because Brave won’t eat any other food. I did my requirements in blur, one instance was I was in a timed quiz and Brave puked in the blanket. On normal days I would’ve just said sorry to mom and that I can’t help clean things up, which was in front of me, because I’m in a timed quiz. But all throughout the quiz I was just stopping myself from crying. I’m in a fucking timed quiz that is my last chance to get an inc instead of dropped grade, my brother puked in the blanket in front of me, my mom weeps while cleaning up. I finished the quiz, my mom was done, and I went to the bathroom to take a bath and cry. That day was so hard, my mom didn’t and her first meal was dinner. The next day we travelled to Malabon. That day I had to register because I couldn’t the day before. I was set on not enlisting for a GE subject because I didn’t think I could take anymore - even if i might be delayed. That day I even just want to drop midyear completely, but I know I’ll regret it later. I was just tired, and overwhelmed. I already informed my adviser about my situation, but she keeps giving me cold replies about being delayed and being responsible to my decision. I just though, ma’am, I fucking know. I felt so tired physically and emotionally. The next days, I stayed up 3 nights to watch my lola for the funeral, slept during the day because we’re younger and can stay up late/all night. The last day of funeral was my first day of midyear class. I did a plate the next day since the burial day was moved a day later. We buried lola, went back to cavite. The moment I opened the lights our house was a mess. Not by a person - by rats. They didn’t destroyed most of our things, but their mess was everywhere. Tired from the burial day and the 3 hours travel, we had to change the bedsheets, dust the stuff, sweep and mop the floor with bleach. We basically had an impromptu general cleaning. The mcdo take out we ate after the cleaning had to be one of the best meals ever.

Home, that’s what I thought that time - even Brave. He suddenly was back to his loud, smiling self again at home. He was different back in manila - silent, timid and not moving much. He can really only be truly comfortable here in our small house.

My life continued after that. It was quite better. Orgwork, plates, I even had time for the paper quilling project I was working on. I also caught up with my friends. Kams, Pau, and me had time to hangout - I missed them so much. Pau is having a hard time with acads and maybe other stuff she doesn’t talk about too. Kams was away from here mom and sisters, and she’s not perfectly well either. But that night was so important for me. I miss them so bad. Gail, Erika, and me also hanged out - before we found a good movie it was so late. We talked and talked about the things we do, how are we doing mentally. Some moments were awkward - like we don’t know what to talk about. I found that quite cute actually. I appreciate spending time with each other so much despite not having much to talk about - I still look forward to talking to them again. Jernil also went to our house, it was so great. If I have one friend whom I know can accept me fully for who I am, who can get along with my family so well, who can read my face and my chats and my moods easily, who can give me so much respect and tell me my mistakes - its jernil. She’s one of my best friends and I can’t live without her. Just hours ago - Shalom also chatted me after almost a year. She’s anxious about reaching out to friends - something I can relate to. It was a short talk - about 20 mins, and I invited her to hangout with some of our friends again. Shalom and I have a relationship bonded by deep talks. We rarely talk, and reached out each other when we needed advice, I once called her while crying ugly at dorm when I was so tired of everything - and I needed to hear someone’s voice. She quite saved me from being crazy when she answered that call, and I’ll never forget that.

And here I am now, writing this. I was lying down after doing a plate, and I said I’d think tonight. I’m listening to Meltt - a band I fell in love to because of Josh. I was thinking of Josh before I wrote this, when I first listened to Meltt because it was in his Bumble bio. Almost a year ago we were just talking like new friends do - what we do in life, principles, what we like in ourselves. How I gradually fell in love with him - still am falling til now actually. The times I’m listening to this music while thinking of how wonderful of a talker and a person he is. The day we first met - I can’t describe the warmth I feel in my heart, and in the veins of my hands whenever I think of him so close to me, finally. Now we are approaching our 7 month together. How I am not really that giddy to talk to him now - because he became my home, my comfort, my silence, my peace.

So much to talk about right? Time seemed to fly so past. Sobrang dami kong narerealize about myself. Time is gold talaga these days. Even if it seems like sobrang dami mong time in your hands, every minute seems so important. Every minute you spend doing different things required so much energy from you. And I learned to prioritize and give time to things that are important to me. My acads, my skills, my hobbies, the people I love, securing my future, etc. If before, spending time with each ot these planets that make up my solar system was a natural thing, this pandemic it slowly became a task that I have to allot time and energy for. And I take care of myself so I can have the energy. And it’s always gonna be worth it, going through all the hassles - because it makes me happy. My planets gives me purpose and genuine happiness.

P.S. I missed writing my thoughts like these. Just for myself - transparent and peaceful. I’m glad for this day. The world is hell, but this life is still worth living, indeed.

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ythmir-writes · 7 years

Text

it’s probably been done but lemme just add to it so here we go

SUITORS AND sort ofmaybe HELPING YOU STUDY

right.

Leo Crawford - being an actual, living and breathing encyclopedia, Leo is the person you want for objective type questions. Great help when it comes to last minute tips since he can give answers to random questions popping in your head. Probably can win gameshows back to back but doesn’t want the publicity. Can’t remember the distance to the sun? When exactly was it that Carthage got burned? That very specific provision of the tax law regarding exemptions given to corporations employing people with disabilities? He knows it all, and then some. Helps you make flashcards for better memory skills. THE PERSON YOU WANT TO STAY UP LATE WITH because srsly Leo get some sleep. The person everyone goes to after exams so he makes it a point to finish early and escape. Don’t ask how he remembers so much information in his head; he’ll quiz you and you might get distracted because with every wrong answer, you owe him a kiss

Louis Howard - best study buddy ever because he calms down your nerves. You see him poring over the materials and all you can think of is that must be how gods look at sacred texts. That, and whenever you can’t understand something he explains it in a way that makes it easily understandable (or is it because of his voice?) Motivates you always to give 100 percent in everything because his very existence is inspiring. Almost always ready to go with you to a cafe to study. Avoids the library like the plague (because too many students) Sends you motivational quotes over social media. Probably snacks on healthy food and gives you some because they say it helps. Unfortunately, HE IS NOT the one you want to sit next to when it’s actually exams. Chiller than the airconditioning that’s making you sweat. Doesn’t even sweat even when answering ridiculously long math questions. Amazing.

Sid - He’s almost always in your face but conveniently disappears whenever you’re in study mode. As a matter of fact, almost completely leaves you alone whenever you’re at your desk, except to check on you that you aren’t forgetting to eat or drink or relax. Actually quite nurturing when hell week is just around the corner. Makes a wicked cocktail that he swears doesn’t contain uppers but you’re very very focused after a good night sleep. Very prone to placing random snacks on your table which may also contain random sample questions to help you prepare. Scoffs at you when you feel down because you haven’t finished reviewing - and the next day suddenly a summary of important points is at your table waiting to be read. ABSOLUTELY THE PERSON you want to approach if you want materials - whatever those materials may be: annotated notes from last year’s valedictorian, powerpoint presentations from a professor who doesn’t want his laptop touched, sample exams and suggested answers dating back to 20 years ago, that one book your professor swears by but has gotten out of print? He’s got you covered.

Giles Christophe - Probably will scold you a bit for not sticking to a study schedule but will help you cram (not recommended). Even in this AU, it is very much discouraged to have him help you cram because you feel like your brain is going to explode with the info overload. BUT has notes for everything. Everything. The entire textbook has been annotated by him. IT IS A MESS tho. No sentence was left unhighlighted. Even has notes of his own notes. Has notes of other people’s notes. Has notes for professor’s notes even, with scribbled emojis and recommendations on how to improve them. Gives you very good sample questions that feel like they’ve been plucked straight from national exams. The kind of well-crafted questions that you hate because it took you 30 mins to answer each bloody hypothetical problem, but will be grateful for because it was a really good question and it appeared in the exams - whaaaaa? YES GILES HAS 90% ACCURACY at predicting questions it’s infuriating and also super helpful for practice tests. Sometimes you wonder how he’s able to do it. Has an annoying (but super convenient) way of knowing exactly what the teacher wants to read on the essay questions since he gets near perfect points for everything and he didn’t even get the answer right and you kindofhateithimforit.

Byron Wagner - study? what study? Or rather, when is Byron bloody Wagner not studying?? What we call study is actually leisure for him - have you seen him do anything except read and stare at the stars communicating with the Elder GOds? NOPE. The person you want to stick with at the VERY BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER because his work ethic will put you to shame. The kind of student you wished you were, which helps you get motivated and also maybe partially depressed; because can he please tone down on the prodigy aura? And what do you mean you didn’t even highlight your books?? Engages in long hours of discussion with Leo about certain topics; probably tag-teams with Leo and Giles to debate with professors too. Has a certain knack of breaking down difficult theories into bite-sized chewable paragraphs. That, and he never shoves it in your face that you should do better (take a hint, Giles) Srsly. Stick with him to the very bitter end. Will splurge and treat you when you show him how much you’ve improved. Will still splurge even if you didn’t. Byron is happy you’re trying and believes all effort will bear fruit.

Nico Meier - very very very enthusiastic when you declared that it’s start of hellweek and you need to get down and dirty. Did not actually get the memo that you meant down and dirty with academics. Was very confused when you showed up in PJs with stacks of papers you ordered from Sid. Is constantly hovering to tell you you need to take a break. Always volunteers to make you tea and snacks. Helps you shopping for stationery, pens, sticky-notes - all the ammunition you need for studying because he knows all the sweet spots: thrift stores, quaint coffeeshops to spend 12 hours in, 24 hour hobbyshops that get quiet past midnight so you can hole up in a room without a bed. Very very very helpful in everything sans the actual studying because he’s actually a very loud learner: memorizes things out loud, has hilarious/scandalous mnemonics for every goddamn enumeration there is, listens to recorded lectures without moving a muscle; sends you memes in the middle of the night about how time will pass but WILL YOU??? You study with him and you’ll end up laughing how he comes up with all the fun. It’s hellweek, you should be crying but Nico just knows how to cheer you up to your core.

Albert Bruckhardt - went to seminars on how to curate schedules and has an ENTIRE MASTERPLAN dedicated to helping you ace the exam. Ohboy, get ready to have your entire life study schedule re-arranged for the sake of the coveted passing grades. Leaves you wondering how little you know of time management and your own schedule. Is very strict during study sessions, and knows you have a soft spot when he smiles and uses it against you thesneakylittle . HAS APPS FOR EVERYTHING. AN EMBODIMENT OF what is good in studyblr community. Doesn’t take it too seriously if it took you extra hours before being able to finish a review? No problemo, Al’s already got a plan B. And C. And D. Seriously, this man can run a multi-billion corporation on his own. You learn the meaning of preparation, and he’s living the lifestyle. After the exams, you feel like you’ve fundamentally changed as a person godbless

Robert Branche - heavensent because he’s tutored you before and knows your strengths and weakness. That, and his part-time job as a tutor has helped honed his teaching skills to an art form. Whenever he’s tutoring you, you feel like you’ve just enrolled in another academy all of a sudden. Patient. Kind. Understanding. Knows how to push you without pushing too hard because he knows you’ve already got enough on your plate and just wants to be supportive. Leaves random handwritten messages in your notes to help you smile. Somehow knows whenever you’re in a slump and listens as you rant AND GIVES YOU good advice too. Makes sure none of the younger boys interrupt or get in your way when you’re on study-mode. ACTUALLY ADMITS things when he doesn’t know them and makes it a point that both of you learn together but those instances are far and few in-between. You know Robert is on the top of his class but the question is, you’ve never actually seen Robert hit the books since he’s almost always at the art club. HOW?????

Alyn Crawford - the only sane person in the entire world whom you feel like you connect with because both of you are normal compared to the eight other men. He’s got acads troubles just like you do - I mean it’s not because he’s more inclined to home economics or because he’s not as smart but it’s just that he cannot be bothered. HAS A SURPRISING LAZY SIDE when it comes to acads. He’s like your comrade and the academics are the Enemy. STILL VERY SUPPORTIVE. Will listen to you ramble because he knows you learn better when you try to explain things to other people - and please he’d really rather you explain it to him than to anyone else. Loves cooking for you whenever both of you are up for a long night. Loves cooking for you, just because. His coffee is not as good as his twin’s but hey, it’ll do and seriously, with the two of you throwing questions at each other, staying awake is the least of your worries. Like his twin, Alyn loves contests and that’s what makes studying with him unique. For every wrong answer, a household chore is gonna fall on your shoulders. That or a set of push-ups or shooting hoops. Because physical activity helps memory?? PLEASE. You’re skeptical but Alyn isn’t backing down and hubris isn’t letting you back away either. 60% of the time both of you are goofing off and Leo and Louis act as referees, shouting sample questions from Sid and Giles at the sidelines; until Giles calls all of you over because guys, you’re not getting any studying done. AT ALL.

#midnight cinderella #midcin headcanons #leo crawford #louis howard #sid #giles christophe #byron wagner #nico meier #albert bruckhardt #robert branche #alyn crawford #ythmir writes #midcin boys

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perpetually-stuck · 7 years

Text

I barely slept. Not because of acads, but because of this cold feeling that has been running throughout my body since last night. And I hate that. I hate it because right now, I feel so disappointed I feel so cheated and ticked off and I don’t know how long I’ll be feeling this. I promised myself to keep away from negative vibes and for the first time in such a long time, it feels like I can’t because I have to let myself feel all this.

The worst part is that the person who is the cause of all these negative pangs doesn’t seem to even care. I mean, it’s as though he can’t even see how wrong he is. Right, sure, it’s human nature to defend oneself but I never thought that it was actually possible for him to sink this low. And believe me when I say that this is goddamn low, the lowest he could go actually. I never thought that it would even come to that because I thought that he had already hit that some time when we were together during an incident I would much rather not talk about.

Funny how people never fail to disappoint us, right? I suppose there never really is a thing called a decent breakup. I mean, it is called “breakup” after all.

Really though, I still can’t believe it. Last night when I found out, I was literally shaking. I wanted to cry but when I tried, nothing would come out. I thought I was going to have an asthma attack, actually. I was partially hyperventilating which was scary as fuck because there were little aftershocks from the earthquake and I only have one roommate with me, who I’m pretty sure won’t be able to handle it if I passed out or lost control of my breathing.

The world is filled with so many assholes and jerks. Most days we go around pretending that we aren’t one of them when in reality, we are actually one of the biggest ones.

We talk about love and caring and missing one another, but boy does that not make any sense, huh? You can’t go and tell the world you miss someone but at the same time lie when the said person you miss asks you a decent question. At least have the audacity to own up to your mistakes and apologize. The least you could do is emanate, be respectful, and maybe even show how you still allegedly have any supposed feelings left.

People are so genuinely confusing.

You talk about not closing any doors, about future possibilities but you know what? Fuck fate. Fate is for losers who are just finding an excuse and are too afraid to do something about the present. If you want something to happen, be strong enough to go after it. Or at the very least, be patient and wait for the right timing. Do yourself and everybody a goddamn favor and stop laying out all these excuses that, let’s be real, only you believe.

You can only live for so long. If you want to waste it flirting with some girl off the internet, most probably asking desperately for nudes you couldn’t get from your previous girl, then so be it. That’s one sad life you’re living.

Know your mistakes and own up to them. You can’t blame everything on time and unexpected consequences. Before you go around and say stuff like there was a problem with the other person about how he or she dealt with things like jealousy and time constraints and all that, look at yourself first. Self-check. Were you able to do your part? Did the other person have a reason to think a certain way? Why do you think your partner started acting that way? Because the way a person reacts can only be based inasmuch as how you treat them. The world isn’t your throne. You can’t expect people to constantly apologize for taking up your time just because they told you that reality check: you’re an asshole. You can’t expect them to be all nice about it either. Maybe if you just had the balls to apologize then maybe you could save yourself even an ounce of respect.

And excuses like “the relationship is over why bother” is an even bigger asshole’s way out. If you were a decent human being who genuinely feels any remorse or whatsoever, laying out how you feel and talking about where you went wrong shouldn’t be a big deal.

Stop being a hypocrite as well. You are no different from all those jerks you used to claim you hate. You are truly just like them. I don’t even know how I’m still surprised, a person’s friends are reflections of what one can be. Acting high and mighty about it or using one technicality doesn’t give you any points. They make you look like an even bigger pretentious fuck. Do yourself a favor and don’t do that to yourself.

Based on how lengthy is going, I am slowly starting to realize that I am more furious than I realized. But hey, at least I know how to recognize at least that.

Fine, Ross wins over Rachel this time. We were and are in fact on a break, but you know what I was thinking last night? When things were going downhill, I downloaded that Whisper app because I felt like it could help. But I couldn’t bring myself to use it because it felt like that was cheating. When the break happened, I thought of going to Tinder but I didn’t. Why? Well because for one, I’d like to think that I’m still a decent human being. Two, I knew how you used to make fun of others who went on that thing. You even laughed at your ex for it. Funny how that just justifies you being a hypocrite right there.

Truthfully, a part of me regrets not taking those said measures. You are taking each and every chance to make the most out of the break, right? But at the same time, a greater part of me is proud of myself. I’m proud because I didn’t have to stoop that low.

You did it because you didn’t want any judgment? It’s fucking annoying how the stigma still persists? Wow. Just wow. Do a self-check, man. Look at what you have become. If anything, I am the most disappointed in that. Look. at. what. you. have. become. Whenever I think about it and reach this part, all the simmering anger just fades away. It all boils down to disappointment. I am so disappointed in you. And I don’t think I have ever felt this disappointed in you for over the three years we have known each other. A part of me understands why you did it and believe me when I say I want that good side to prevail but when it all comes to it, there really are no excuses. You make your own decisions and it is when we decide for ourselves when we see who we truly are and how we can be as people.

When we decided to go our separate ways, I felt regret in so many forms. We had grown so much. Both of us. And now we were just throwing it away. Why? Because “life” happened. I’m starting to think that that is total BS, actually. Sure, there are things way beyond our control but there will always be things still intact and within our reach. Like I said before, stop putting it all on fate and blaming everything on the universe.

You are in charge of your life and only you can do something about it. You’re failing a class? Well, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to let it get to you or will you go down swinging?

You miss someone? Are you going to let your insecurities and inhibitions get the better of you or will you just man up, swallow your pride, and talk to the other person?

Stop. with. all. the. excuses.

Just because you feel like the weight on your shoulder feels the heaviest of them all does not give you the right to be an asshole. I don’t know how long I have been saying this to myself, but I did mention it in my previous blog post: you don’t win over the world when you become cold and unkind, you win when you are still as soft and as flowing as water but armed and seasoned by the battles life has brought into your existence.

You never asked the world for the problems that you have now, but you can always do something about them.

Know your mistakes, learn from them, apologize to those you have hurt. Ask for help when you need it, tell the people you love they matter. Miss someone? Do something about it. And more importantly, grow. Grow. Grow. Grow. You can only handle so much but if you fight through it, know in your heart that you can make it. You have these amazing people in your life that are willing to help you. And once upon a time, I was part of that array. I was willing to go back, to come home. I knew which switches were busted, which windows were broken, and which walls needed repainting. But as it turns out, I guess I have to live somewhere else for a while. I can’t help you if you can’t help yourself.

Time, circumstances, and the universe in general, have an odd way of distorting people. Don’t let it get to you.

#life #personal #thoughts #rants

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