#whoops I dropped my ovaries

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

a/n: wow! you guys really liked the last svech fic 🥹 thanks for the love! have some more lol. title is lyrics from songbird by fleetwood mac and i am atrocious at coming up with titles so 🤷🏼‍♀️ writing for svech is so fun and is definitely shaking loose some of my writer’s block so i’m going to ride the wave as long as possible. also this got wildly long whoops

tw: some sexual innuendo, but nothing crazy graphic. also a lil bit of a breeding kink (sorry not sorry) and extreme cuteness and girl dad!svech if that’s something you need to be warned about 😇

summary: you and the baby surprise andrei at a game

Evie fights her nap, pushing her pacifier from her face and kicking her little pajama-clad legs in the air. You sigh and stroke her downy blonde hair, “Evie-bug, come on. Mama needs to get things done and you need a nap.”

“No!” Evie squeals, her favorite word. “No, no, no,” she chants and you’re starting to feel a little crazy.

She’s been fussy lately, in a sleep regression and fighting her naps. So you’re both a little overtired and cranky. You cross your arms over the crib railing and drop your head to rest on your forearms, accepting that you’ll probably just have to let her freak out for a bit until she wears herself out. Hopefully that doesn’t mess with your plans for the rest of the day.

A warm, broad hand lands in between your shoulder blades and the spicy scent of Andrei’s cologne surrounds you. “She’s being cranky, still?” he asks and you nod.

“I’ve basically given up,” you mumble. “A one-year-old on nap strike is my Waterloo.” You turn around, leaning your back against the railing and get a good look at your husband. His face is pulled into a sympathetic frown and he’s half dressed, blue suit pants sitting low on his hips. His hair is slicked back, getting a little long so it flips out into the cute little wings behind his ears. You love those little wings and reach up to twist your fingers into the ends of his hair, feeling your stress melt away with his proximity and the body heat coming off of his bare chest.

He chuckles a little at your joke and says, “Let me try,” leaning forward to kiss your forehead.

You scoot to the side, flinging one hand out in a ‘be my guest’ kind of gesture and watch as Evie immediately starts giggling happily when Andrei bends into her line of sight. The little traitor.

Not that you can blame her. You’ve been a giggly mess in Andrei’s presence for years now.

“Evgenia Svechnikova, are you giving your mama a hard time?” he says, clearly trying to maintain a stern tone, but fails spectacularly and ends up speaking in a baby-talk coo.

Evie giggles and reaches for him, babbling “Da, da, da,” until he lifts her out of the crib and settles her into the crook of his arm like she’s a six-pound infant again. Your ovaries twinge with want at the adorable sight - you’re never going to get over seeing Andrei be the best dad to your baby. She turns her little face and buries it against Andrei’s skin, immediately quieting and relaxing.

He bounces on the balls of his feet, humming a little under his breath. You pass him the pacifier Evie had discarded and he takes it, fluidly nudging it into her mouth when she yawns. Her eyelids grow heavy as Andrei rocks her, covering up the brown eyes that match his exactly. One hand pats her bottom gently and rhythmically and you watch, more than a little awed, as Evie slips right into sleep. He looks up and catches your eye, grinning smugly. He winks at you and you scowl playfully, flipping him off. A laugh bubbles in his chest, but he visibly smothers it so he doesn’t wake Evie. He sways for a few more minutes, still humming, and you watch him watch her. There are faint dark circles under his eyes from all the travel and the late nights with Evie when he is home, but his lips are curled in a soft, sweet smile and he just looks so right holding your daughter.

Once he’s satisfied that Evie’s fully asleep, Andrei carefully transitions her into the crib and you pull her little blanket up over her body. She shifts and you both freeze, staring at her as if she’s a ticking time-bomb, but all Evie does is sigh softly around her pacifier and relax into the mattress, flopping her arms to the side in a starfish position. You breathe a sigh of relief and click on the baby monitor before tiptoeing out of the nursery, Andrei hot on your heels. He pulls the door partly shut and turns to you, looking supremely satisfied with himself.

“Unbelievable,” you mutter, not even annoyed and just glad Evie’s down for a nap.

“She’s a daddy’s girl,” he replies smugly, laughing while he pulls you in for a hug. He kisses your temple and you inhale his scent.

“She’s not the only one,” you tease, kissing his sternum. There’s not even close to enough time before he leaves for the arena to do anything fun, so you make yourself content with a very long hug. Andrei laughs and pinches your side a little, getting you to wiggle against his front.

His voice is low in your ear when he whispers, “you’re going to distract me, if all I can think about during the game is you.”

His hands are warm on your back and you press yourself closer to him, feeling the hardness of his thighs through his slacks. “How about,” you say, “for every point you get tonight, we try a new position.”

You pull back a little to look up at his face and Andrei’s eyes are twinkling like a kid in a candy store. He smirks, dimple popping, and says slowly, “one position for each point? Any position?”

“Any position,” you confirm, feeling a rush of arousal through your veins. “But only if you get points.”

“Don’t worry about that,” he says, confident and cocky. “I have motivation now.” His hand slips to your ass and he kisses you deeply, a promise of what’s to come. You melt into his touch, until you remember that he has a game to get to, and pull away.

He pouts and grabs for you when you slip from his touch. “No, no,” you remind him, “you have a game to get to! I will not be on the receiving end of a Rod phone call because you’re late - again!” You squint at him, faux-annoyed.

“That was worth it!” he points out, padding down the hall towards your bedroom so he can finish getting dressed. “That was the afternoon we made Evie.”

Your entire body flushes when you think about that afternoon, nearly two years ago now. He’s probably not wrong, but there’s never been a way to prove it. And honestly, if Evie is the reward from the dressing down Andrei had to take, then you’d both do it all over again.

“We’ve made it almost two years without incident,” you recover. “Let’s keep the streak going.”

“Whatever you say, solnyshka,” he says, finishing the buttons on his shirt and making quick work of his tie. You reach up to straighten the knot and caress his neck and shoulders when you’re done.

You lean up to kiss him again and murmur, “break a skate, Drei.”

He winks at you, “get stretching while I’m gone.”

You snort a laugh and he looks delighted with himself as he grabs his bag, phone, wallet, and keys. He shoves his wallet and phone in his pants’ pocket and you can’t help but watch the fabric strain. Andrei and his tight-ass pants is a duo you’re never, ever going to get tired of.

He gives you another kiss before he leaves and as soon as his car’s out of the driveway, you spring into action with a quick tidying up of the den and kitchen. If you’re lucky, Evie will be knocked out for at least an hour, which should be perfect timing. you take a quick shower with both the shower door and the bathroom door wide open and the baby monitor on full volume on the counter, just in case Evie wakes up. She doesn’t, luckily, giving you time to blow dry your hair and put on a little make-up.

You’re making an early dinner for yourself and packing some snacks into the diaper bag for Evie when the monitor crackles to life and you catch sight of your daughter wiggling around in her crib. She’s still quiet and seemingly content to entertain herself, so you take the opportunity to shove the sandwich into your mouth and finish packing the diaper bag. By the time you’ve drained a glass of water, Evie’s fully awake and calling out for mama.

“Hi, my little Evie-bug,” you coo, entering the nursery. Evie’s on her feet, holding onto the railing and bouncing, looking just like Andrei. “Are you ready to surprise Dada?”

“Dada!” she squeals, nearly clocking her head on your chin when she bounces up and you duck down to lift her out of the crib. You wince at the close call and snuggle her close, peppering kisses all over her face to get the baby laughing. She giggles wildly, the sound music to your ears, and buries her face in your neck, snuggling you back.

“Yep!” You grin, dancing her over to the changing table. “We’re going to surprise Dada. He’s going to be so excited to see you.” As you change her diaper and get her dressed in the teeny Canes jersey (#37 of course, with DADDY spelled out across her shoulders, you nearly cried when Elena bought it as a gift after you announced your pregnancy) and a pair of warm leggings, you keep up a running commentary of what you’re doing. While you were pregnant, you read that constantly talking to babies helps them develop a strong vocabulary, so that’s what you do with Evie. You pull a little pair of Ugg boots over her feet and hold her hands so she’s standing on top of the changing table. Evie shouts nonsense to you and you nod, agreeing. “Exactly, you look so good in Canes’ red, my little bunny.”

You set her down on the floor of your room so you can change too - a pair of ripped jeans and a Svechnikov shirsey under a leather jacket, since you’ll need to be able to move easily when dealing with Evie. You grab the diaper bag, which is doubling as your purse tonight and head out, grateful that Evie doesn’t fight getting into her car seat like usual. She’s got one hand wrapped tightly around the Stormy plush that had been in the gift basket from the team when she was born. Stormy’s looking a little worse for the wear lately, grubby and well-loved. Before you get on the road, you make sure to text Andrei with your usual pre-game message at the normal, pre-warmup time (a red heart, a white heart, a black heart, and the tornado emoji) so he doesn’t get suspicious. He shoots back a string of incomprehensible emojis in reply - also part of the usual pre-game routine - but follows that up with approximately twenty five eggplant emojis, which makes you laugh loudly.

Traffic is on your side, even though it’s a Friday night in early-April in Raleigh, and you make it to PNC in, if not record time, then at least plenty of time to park and get down to the ice before warm-ups start. You and Evie slip into the arena from the back and head off to the family room, a perk you’re never going to get tired of. Since it’s Friday, there’s plenty of other families at the game and you say hi to everyone, passing Evie along to the moms with older kids who take any chance to get their hands on a baby that they can return. Evie loves the attention, showing off with the few words she knows and giving you a chance to set the diaper bag down in the corner and take off your jacket.

It’s less than five minutes to the start of warm-ups, so you take a final bite of a pretzel and gather Evie up in your arms to bring her to the glass. Heather Staal settles a pair of giant red headphones over her ears and grins at Evie, “better safe than sorry, Evie.” She nudges your hip and heads out after her own kids, strolling along with the confidence of nearly a decade of motherhood. You can only hope to be as chill of a mom one day. But for now, you hold Evie on your hip and head to the glass, enjoying the way she’s looking all around the arena at the crowds of people and lights. The kids are all pressed up against the glass, dancing along to the music and you grin at the sight. You can’t wait until Evie is old enough to be running around with the rest of them, a little arena kid.

You shift her in your arms as the warm-up music begins and the visiting team - the New York Islanders - step onto the ice. Evie’s back is against your chest, supported under her butt with one arm and around the stomach by the other. She kids her legs out, Stormy clutched in one hand. Pyotr leads your boys out and then the ice is a swirl of red, white, and black. You keep your gaze trained on the ice for Andrei and watch him take a half lap, spotting the exact moment he sees you and Evie.

Even with part of his face blocked by his helmet and visor, his eyes light up and his entire face is transformed with a huge smile, all dimples and teeth. You grin back at him and bounce a little, getting Evie excited. He skates over to the glass quickly and stops with a spray of ice. It’s too loud to really hear him, but you can see his mouth form the syllables of Evie’s nickname - zaychik - little rabbit, for the way her nose had twitched when she slept as an infant. His smile is so wide you can see the spot where is tooth is missing. You use the arm wrapped around Evie’s stomach to wave her hand at him and she takes over from there, kicking her legs and waving wildly, babbling for Dada.

Andrei flattens his gloved hand against the glass, tapping gently, and you lift Evie so her feet are on the top of the boards and she can pat his hand through the glass. “Say hi to Dada,” you grin, getting emotional from Andrei’s reaction. She squeals and kicks at the glass and Andrei’s eyes look suspiciously misty.

Some of the guys skate around, waving to their own kids and they jostle Andrei, clearly teasing him a little. It’s the first time you’ve brought Evie to a game and Andrei’s definitely surprised about it. He blows you both a kiss and skates back into the middle of the ice, having to warm up before the game. Even still, you can tell his attention is on you and Evie, who’s now wiggling in your arms and trying to escape. You laugh a little and set her on her feet, still holding one of her hands to keep her upright. The older kids converge around her, delighted by how much she laughs and giggles at their antics. It’s so nice to have such a solid community with the other wives and girlfriends.

Warm-ups come to an end, but not before Andrei skates over to the corner again and taps in the glass. You hoist Evie onto your hip and she waves Stormy at him. “Say ‘good luck, Dada,’” you prompt her and she just grins more, giggling when Andrei blows her another kiss. She tucks her face into your neck when he skates off and says, “Dada,” in

a cute little voice. She chews on Stormy’s ear as you head back to the Family room and is content to curl up on your lap while the game starts.

Andrei has a zip in his skates immediately off the jump and sets Aho up with a nice pass, immediately putting the Canes up by one just thirty-five seconds into the game. On the screen, you can see him celebrate, holding up one finger to the sky - a message you know is for you and is confirmed less than ten minutes later when he holds up two fingers as he picks up a secondary assist.

He’s such a menace.

Evie makes it to the end of the first before she throws a tantrum and you know that’s your cue to leave. She fights you all the way to the car, but passes out before you even leave the parking garage, head lolled to the side and soft baby snores filling the backseat.

She transfers terribly when she’s with you, so you just take off her little boots and put her in the crib with the leggings and jersey on, knowing you can change her if and when she wakes up later. You change into sweats and curl up on the couch with the baby monitor to watch the end of the game and scroll social media. The team’s account posted a photo of Andrei and Evie grinning at each other, the corner of your own smile visible on the side of the shot. You screenshot the picture to have for yourself and repost the picture to your stories, tagging Andrei, the team, and writing ‘daddy’s biggest fan’ with a heart-eyes emoji.

You doze off a bit during the second and intermission, but wake up in time to see Andrei score what turns out to be the game-winner halfway through the third. By your count, he’s at a four-point night, tallying a primary assist on a goal during the second. He clearly can count too, because this celly involves holding four fingers up in the air. You shake your head a little. “Whatever gets you going,” you mumble to yourself. Evie calls out for you on the monitor and you head back upstairs to change her into pajamas and give her a cuddle back to sleep. She passes out within minutes, deadweight in your arms and looking incredibly like Andrei while she sleeps. Her eye shape and lips are exactly his, with a teeny little dimple in her right cheek. You trace your index finger lightly over the slope of her little nose, the one thing she inherited from you. She makes a soft little noise and smacks her lips, just like she had when she was a newborn. Honestly, you really can’t believe how blessed you are to be sitting here with your daughter while your husband gets to live his dream in the NHL. Whenever you think about Andrei’s journey, it makes you a little teary-eyed.

You’re just glad you get to be by his side during it.

Later, after Evie’s solidly asleep and back in her crib, you crawl into bed, exhausted from the day. The post-game is airing, but you know Andrei’s already on his way home. Should arrive any minute based on his text as he was leaving the arena - just a simple ‘I love you.’ Sure enough, you can hear the front door open a few minutes later and then all at once, Andrei is in your room, a stupid grin on his face.

“You really surprised me,” he says, leaning against the doorframe.

You beam at him, taking in his damp hair and slightly disheveled suit. “That was the plan, Mister Svechnikov. I’m glad it worked.”

“Evie in that little jersey,” he trails off, shaking his head. “I can’t believe it. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. You, her, hockey.”

“You deserve it all and more,” you say softly, sitting up and crossing your legs pretzel-style. Raising an eyebrow at him, you continue, “and a four-point night, on top of it all.”

Andrei loosens the knot of his tie and shakes his head. “Solnyshka, I don’t care about new positions.” His voice lowers and his eyes turn molten. “I only want the position that will put another baby in you. I want another baby, let me give you one.”

“Oh,” you gasp, feeling warm all over. Andrei very deliberately takes his tie and jacket off, unbuttoning the cuffs of his shirt and rolling them up his forearms. You love his forearms.

“Will you let me put a baby in you?” He asks, coming over to your side of the bed and cupping your face in both hands. His palms are warm and a little calloused. His eyes are dark and you nod up at him, a hand already drifting under the covers and under the waistband of your sweats.

He grins, puppy-dog enthusiasm underneath the desire in his tone. He dips you back and kisses you, hot and hard and oh boy, you’ll give this man as many babies as he wants. His hand curls around the back of your neck and tongue sweeps over your lower lip. You lock your hands around his neck, holding on for dear life. Andrei’s knee comes up to rest on the mattress, dipping under his weight and you slip further down on the mattress, hooking one leg around his hip. Just as his hand slides down your side and up under your shirt, the baby monitor crackles and Evie’s little voice breaks through the haze of lust enveloping the both of you. Andrei pulls back, blinking, and shakes his head. “I’ll get her,” he says hoarsely, kissing your forehead before heading off to the nursery.

Still dazed, you climb out of bed to join him, eager for another hit of Andrei as a dad. He’s got Evie in his arms when you get to the nursery, her cheek against his shoulder and if you thought seeing him hold her shirtless earlier, it’s got nothing on the gut-punch to the ovary that is seeing him hold her while in a button down with rolled up sleeves.

You linger in the doorway while he sings softly, and a little off key, swaying in place. He doesn’t realize that you’re there - he can’t, otherwise he wouldn’t whisper, “do you want to be a big sister, zaychik? A little brother or sister? I think Mama will let us give you that. A best friend for you, like I have Uncle Geno?”

Evie blinks sleepily in his arms, mumbling for Dada, which Andrei takes to be a yes. He laughs quietly. “Mama and I will work on it,” he kisses the top of her head and you back slowly from the room, giving Andrei his time with Evie.

He turns before you can get very far and spots you, not surprised in the slightest. With his free hand, he gestures you forward and opens his arm for you to step in. You tuck yourself up against his side and he kisses the crown of your head while you sway to lull Evie back to sleep. The little girl reaches her hand out for you and you hold your fingers out for her to grab. She sighs contentedly and you stroke your thumb over her soft skin.

“Give me a whole hockey team’s roster of these little mini-yous,” you whisper up to Andrei.

“As many as you want,” he promises seriously, eyes twinkling.

[ks-caster]

Beth Liveblogs Black Widow

Bought that premium access on Disney+ so I can have the privilege of pausing for snacks and using subtitles as needed - so let’s go! 

Beth’s Spoiler-Free Review: Overall I thoroughly enjoyed the movie - the plot was compelling, the characters were likable, and the stunts were really excellent. I felt like hair and makeup dropped the ball on realism multiple times which I was sad about, because how she looks seems to be pretty important to Nat so I expected it to be done well in her movie. 

I did not like the way they framed the tail end (denouement - obviously because this movie is mid-series we know how it ends to an extent) - I felt like the connect-up to Infinity War was lackluster, especially compared to how enjoyable and dynamic the rest of the film was.

Spoilery live-reactions are under the cut. Click at own risk! Feel free to rebagel with your own impressions, thoughts, jokes and rebuttals!

The movie begins with a young Nat with blue dyed hair and visible roots, showing her natural red. Do you know how hard it is to get natural red out of hair, enough to make it blue and not green? And I’m supposed to believe that a middle-school age girl in 1995 Ohio had access to these chemicals? I’ll give her the white hair in IW/Endgame because she’s an adult with a lot of experience as a spy altering her appearance. But as a child? In the 90s? While her family is apparently in hiding? Sus.

The scene with Alexei laying on the on the wing while Nat learns to fly? AMAZING stunts. Amazing. AND someone in an action movie is finally smart enough to shoot the tires.

Nice skills on young Nat, getting the gun. Since we know from Endgame that Nat’s father is named Ivan, we know that Alexei isn’t really her dad. She also refers to presumably the red room as going “back.” Was she lent out to these agents to legitimize their family?

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Nice knife moves, Yelena - I love the hand switch.

Ooooh so she was being mind controlled and the red stuff freed her? Interesting.

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Nat is in Norway - visit Thor! He’d love to have you. (I’m mixing up my timeline, aren’t I?)

Supplies Dude whose name I didn’t catch refers to the Avengers breakup as a divorce - I kinda love it. It’s accurate!

BUDAPEST omg are we finally going to get the story?? Are we??

Box dye? I’m supposed to believe she got all that red out of her hair with flippin’ Loreal? Really? And that toner isn’t even the color she ultimately went - it’s too yellow. Sus.

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Oop, looks like Nat got caught up in Yelena’s desertion.

Do not give Nat your metal frisbee, robocop - she’s been around Steve long enough that she knows how to use it.

I laughed out loud when she did the string him up thing with the cables - literal spider move, I love it!

Mystery box is empty - classic bait and switch.

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BUDAPEST - WE ARE IN BUDAPEST - IT’S HAPPENING PEOPLE

Nat closing the door behind her is a small thing but I appreciate it - no sneaking up behind her.

When Yelena throws Nat in the kitchen and her feet hit the door and she spins before she hits the ground? That was a helluva stunt.

Oooooh honey. No body left to check is ALWAYS movie code for they lived.

Dreykov’s daughter? Another hint from Avengers 2012? C’mon, movie.

Riding the chimney down? Another incredible stunt. 

Dreykov can scan his soldiers’ bodies and terminate them if they’re too damaged to keep fighting? Big yikes. With Nat where she is character development wise, the stakes are now much higher because if she injures an opponent they may be killed remotely.

“Do you want me to chase him down and un-steal it?”

The car door under the bike was an excellent stunt - as was the car going into the subway. Though I’ve never seen a subway entrance big enough to admit a car.

Who hasn’t wanted to slide down the middle to avoid the crowded escalators lol.

Yelena making fun of Nat’s sexy poses I am LIVING omg.

Running water for wounds. RUNNING WATER. NOT ALCOHOL. The vodka goes on the INSIDE for the pain - the running water cleans the OUTSIDE. If there’s a convenience store then there’s a bathroom, with running water. Cleansing with something like alcohol is a LAST RESORT and you do not look like you’re at that point resource-wise. I thought these ladies were supposed to be highly trained in all of the things?

“Could be fun though.” “I saw where he put the keys” “Top drawer green cabinet.” I love their chaos.

Yelena’s vest and its pockets and the resulting conversation are positively majestic.

“You are sensitive.” “You’re a very annoying person.”

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Do! Not! Move! Around! Like! That! While! Getting! A! Tattoo!!!! That poor artist was trying his best and Alexei just...

Ooooh was Red Guardian like Captain Russia? Interesting.

“Just don’t make a scene.” “You made a scene didn’t you.”

David Harbor running up that wall and then wiping out after the guard shocks him... I really loved that stunt, especially since they don’t show him being all super cut - he’s a big guy! He’s allowed to have fat over his muscles and still be a strong dude! I love it.

“Such a poser.” Girl, you need to meet Loki - he does a lot of hair flips too lol.

The sibling energy between the girls during the rescue!!!

“Whooooooa... this would be a cool way to die.” Yelena, I’m not necessarily disagreeing with you but get your head in the game girl.

Poor Alexei - he never gets to do the dramatic escape from *inside* of the aircraft.

Hang on, no ovaries? So all of these women are now in immediate, surgically-induced menopause? The uterus part makes sense if the intent was to prevent them from getting pregnant if they have sex during a mission, but, what, they gotta be on estrogen supplements for the rest of their lives? That’s just really poor planning. Like it was hilarious the way Yelena went into the biology of it to make Alexei uncomfortable, but that really doesn’t make sense to do to your superhero kids. It’s just bad science.

Love that Yelena keeps her vest even after she changes into her matching white flight suit. That vest better make it to the end of the movie.

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“Honey, we’re home.” I 100% expected her to shoot him on sight tbh. it would have been funny.

Alexei squeezing into the uniform is such a post-pandemic feel. Also all of the fancy braids at that table; I see where Natasha got her propensity for them.

Animal cruelty warning, ugh. Poor piggy Alexei.

Oooh the photo album and Natasha remembered staging the pictures; they’re emotional for her but in a different way.

I wonder if robocop’s shield is actually Alexei’s.

The singing between Alexei and Yelena was a really beautiful moment because it was neither auto-tuned-good nor hilariously bad - it felt really real, especially the way Yelena’s so choked up she can barely make sounds come out.

Uh-oh, mama has one of those monitor your vitals and kill your ass suits. The suits I understand - the eyeliner though... when and why did she do her makeup?? That’s not really the thing that comes to mind for me when I’m getting ready to do something athletic, like say kidnapping my supersoldier fake family.

“This is a much less cool way to die.” Also WTF why would they do that. Wouldn’t it be easier to get the information out of her while her brain is still attached to, y’know, her mouth??

CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER they switched outfits and faces ooooooh like mother like daughter.

The door opening as Alexei is leaning against it dramatically bahahahaha

I love the plan. I’m thoroughly weirded out that Melina has a red wig just lying around that perfectly immitates Natasha though. 

“Yelena, it’s mama. You have a two-inch blade in your belt.”

Oh. My. God.

Antonia.

A pheromone lock preventing them from hurting them if they’re close enough to smell him - I like it. It’s clever and new.

Bahahaha poser! You posed I saw you! Still love the vest.

Natasha is really good at manipulating people’s emotions to get what she wants - I mean, scary good. So if she’s provoking Dreykov into beating her up, there’s a reason. 

“Using the only resource the world has too much of - girls.” Kill him. 

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When I say I whooped out loud... SEVERING THE NERVE. Thank you for your cooperation. YAAAAAAS QUEEN.

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“Slight change of plans - we are going into a controlled crash.” The way she said that was just so mom-like omg!

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The grenade as a delivery system was super smart - but yikes what if she’d mistimed it and blew Natasha up? Also, after the beating she took and how hard she had to wack her own face into the desk to sever her olfactory nerve and the amout of blood we saw her leave behind from doing that, her face should be a LOT more messed up, come on makeup department.

“Get as far away from here as possible.” And then keep going because General I-Collect-Supersoldiers-Like-Stamps Ross is about to turn up at your location looking for trouble and he’d snap you ladies up like there’s a fire sale and you’re going out of stock.

This crash doesn’t look all that controlled, Melina. I’m starting to suspect that most of the widows won’t live long enough to make their own decisions...

All of the aerial stunts were amaaaaaazing - the way Nat slowed herself by sliding down the panels so Antonia could catch up with her and she could deploy her parachute... 

The vest survived the movie!!!

Fuuuuuck Ross is showing up and he sucks and I hate him and I’m super worried that he’s gonna take the vest from Nat if he takes her into custody. Please don’t let her lose the vest. 

Okay, there is now zero reason for Nat to stay behind. They have an aircraft. She had plenty of time to just board it and leave?

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Okay okay okay Ross did not get her and did not take the vest. But am I supposed to believe she bleached her hair, toned it blonde, and then re-bleached and re-toned it to silver? Who does that? That would be terrible for her hair. Her scalp would be burned all to hell from the amount of chemicals needed to not only get all that red out but THEN get the blonde toner out. Y’know what color silver toner is? Blue/purple. Y’know what happens when you mix that with yellow? Green. And not a nice green either (I speak from experience). No. Her hair at the end of the movie? Cancelled. 

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SHE GOT THE DOG!!!

Oh, ouch. Big ouch. I hurt like a lot now. This is so not an okay way to end the -

...

Countess I-Forgot-Your-Name-Already?

Oh no. Oh no. That’s worse. That’s a lot worse. We are now setting up the Hawkeye series and I while I’m horrified that this was how they ended the film, I gotta say that’s going to make for some wonderful angst in that series on both Clint and Yelena’s parts and I am here for it!

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I really, really enjoyed this movie, I thought the story was compelling, the stunts were really excellent, and I liked the character dynamics and the twist

I did not like the ending - it just sort of fell off quickly and didn’t feel satisfying after an otherwise really fun movie. I also take issue with the hair and makeup as shown among the characters, as seen in my several rants to that effect.

I would have liked to have seen a few more childhood/training flashbacks, and absolutely would have loved a cameo from Jeremy Renner (not just his voice) and to see him and Nat meeting and him giving her the whole dad speech that he does so well - bonus points if she could have then quoted him to Yelena or Antonia, showing the way that multiple people had a formative effect on her (an answer to the “The Avengers aren’t really your family either” comment).

[abused-sides]

Be Brave [Whumptober]

Note: I’m doing whumptober as a series. Check out the tag #whumptober 2020 v on my blog to read in order. Also on ao3.

Prompt: No. 6: Please… [No More] 

Synopsis: Virgil and Janus are punished for trying to escape. 

Trigger warnings: Cults, gaslighting/manipulation, restraints, kidnapped, non-con, humiliation, treating people like property, blood, knives, violence/beatings, a person in a cage, guns, body horror/gore, reference to murder/hate crimes/child death/minor character death, vomiting, let me know if I missed anything 

Word count: 1455

A/N: I had to do a lot of really sad research for this lol. 

October 9th. 12:55 am. 

Virgil hyperventilated beside him. 

Bates' velvet voice boomed over the auditorium. He didn’t need a microphone. You’d think there’d be cheers, applause when he took breaths, but no— Everyone sat on the edge of their seats, deadly silent. 

“...after we showed our good will in bringing Janus mercifully back to us, after saving him from the trash can that lives outside our family, and even going as far to rescue his friend and cut into more of our resources to feed and house him, they conspire against us and try to abandon us.” 

Bates’ voice cut into his chest. He dragged in slow, quiet breaths. Everything in him screamed to reach out to Virgil, take his hand and promise him they’d survive this, but the ropes dug into his wrists and the tape wouldn’t budge from his mouth. 

“We simply cannot take this abuse any longer. We’re doing a majority vote here. We can either release these poor victims back into the cesspool and the murder and the rape and the garbage, or we can give them a little taste of it, here, in safety, and let them decide whether to stay or not. Everyone in favour of release?”

It was no surprise when everyone’s hands stayed down. Bates asked the second option, and among the hands raised were whoops, applause, and shouting. Janus shivered. 

“As much as I’d love the honour to help them both, I simply can’t divide my attention. It wouldn’t be fair to them, anyway. I ask my closest partner, Styx, to help me with the lesson. Remus, you come up, too, get ready to step in.” 

Styx climbed the steps to the stage with a grin. He unfolded a long, black leash and clipped it to Virgil’s collar. “Don’t worry, pet. We know you’re just confused. We’re going to save you.” 

To the side of the stage, Bates pulled a newspaper off a table. He held it open towards the audience. “Three days ago four men broke into a single parents’ apartment, tied her and her child down, and forced the two to watch as they stabbed them to death. Why don’t we start there?” 

The crowd cheered. Sweat dripped down Janus’ back, pooled on his top lip. Tears streamed down Virgil’s red face. 

Bates and Styx turned them around to face each other. The crowd's energy was a white noise, cicadas buzzing in Janus’ ears. Virgil stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. Bates and Styx unsheathed their knives, and tears pricked Janus’ eyes. 

He couldn’t breathe. 

Bates rested a hand on his shoulder and leaned down to kiss his cheek. “Be brave. At least you’ll survive this. Remus?”

Remus rushed over and knelt between them, gesturing over Janus. “You want to go under the belly button, Bates. Any higher and he’ll bleed out too quickly for me to help. Stay away from the chest and anything above, including the shoulders— That goes for both of you. Lower arms and legs are okay as long as you let me in one time.” He turned to Virgil and rested a hand over his abdomen. “Styx, stay away from his abdomen. His ovaries, uterus, all of that stuff will bleed out far too quickly and he will die.”

Virgil’s hyperventilating reached a head as he choked on his sobs and the gag in his mouth. 

“I know you two have a lesson to teach,” he said lowly, “but please know when to stop.” 

Bates waved him away, and it was like a death sentence. Janus sucked in a choking gasp as blunt paint erupted in his abdomen, stealing all his breath. Did he fucking punch me? It wasn’t until Bates yanked the knife out only to drive it back in that he knew what happened. He cried out, warm liquid running down his stomach and thighs. 

Virgil was so quiet Janus worried he was dead. Through his blurred vision, Virgil bit his lip hard enough to split the skin, eyes squeezed shut. Bates stabbed him several more times, in the forearm and calves, before sheathing the bloody knife and stepping aside. He gestured to Janus, and Remus rushed in with his backpack. 

Styx held Virgil up by his leash and drove the knife into his shin. Virgil sobbed as Remus laid Janus on his back. He undid his binds and stretched his arms and legs out, cutting away the bottom half of his shirt and away his jeans. Janus’ vision swam as Remus worked on stopping the bleeding. He was vaguely aware of his legs being elevated, something pushing against his back to prop him upright, Remus talking, but he was hot all over and he wanted to throw up. 

He couldn’t tell how long it had been before Remus hurried back into the wing and Bates lowered Janus’ legs. Virgil cried out as Styx dropped his. 

“Are you starting to get it?” Bates laughed. “This is the kind of thing you were running back to. Is this really where you want to be? Janus?” 

He pulled Janus gag out, and he gasped for breath. “No,” he managed. “No, I’m sorry, please-”

“We’re not done yet.” He shoved the gag back in and picked up a piece of printer paper. He held it to the audience. “This is a picture of 11-year-old Sadie Winters. She was walking home from school when an unknown person choked her to death and left her there. Shall we move on to poor Sadie?” 

Bates pulled the string out of his hoodie and wrapped the two ends around his fists. Styx clamped Virgil’s leash around his throat and held tight. 

“Don’t be so impatient, Styx,” Bates sighed before the hoodie string tied around Janus’ neck. 

“Okay, you have to be quick!” Remus cried hastily. “I’m serious, don’t push it, you can kill them in minutes!” 

Ringing filled Janus’ ears as his vision blurred. Black spots grew, and it was like his head was ready to explode. His pain washed away as his eyes rolled back. 

He gasped as Bates smacked him in the face, eyes flying open. “You ready to go again?”

“Bates-”

His voice broke, his throat screaming. Bates hauled him back upright and pulled the string back around his throat. A few seconds later, the black swallowed his vision once more. His entire body tingled. He was still half-passed out as his stomach lurched and vomit forced its way up his throat. 

“Get back, get back! Hey, sit up.” Remus’ voice was soft in his ear as he helped Janus to sit upright. His stomach contracted and pulled, sending agony through Janus’ body, as he retched onto the stage, his vision dark, spotty, and blurred. “Bates, I obviously can’t tell you what to do, but if you don’t move on, they will die.” 

“Well, that certainly isn’t the point of this exercise,” Bates huffed. “We’ll move on. We only have a few more to get through then everyone can break for dinner.” 

“Shh, shh, you’re going to be okay,” Remus hushed as he took out Janus’ gag. “You have to breathe, please breath, Jan-Jan.”

“I can’t do any more,” he whimpered. “Please stop him.” 

Remus cupped his face. “I can’t. You know I can’t. But I’m going to make sure you two are okay, alright? Just hold on a little longer.” 

Janus buried his face in Remus’ shoulder and gripped onto him. “Please.” 

“I’m so sorry it’s come to this, Janus,” Bates said with a frown. “Are we starting to realize why you’re better off here?”

He nodded frantically. “Yes, yes, I’ll never try to leave again, please, please stop, please no more!” 

Bates hummed, watching him curiously. His gaze slid to Virgil, who grimaced as Styx stroked his cheek. “And Virgil? How are you feeling?”

“The only people doing this to us is you,” he snarled, “you sick fuck, let us go!” 

Dread washed over Janus like he’d been set on fire. Bates sighed. “I guess we continue. Poor, confused thing.” He came over and ran his fingers through Janus’ hair. 

“Please let me go,” Janus whimpered. “I won’t leave you again.”

He smiled. “No. You two are a team. I can’t risk him corrupting you again.” 

Bates strolled to the front of the stage and announced their next lesson. Remus kissed Janus’ forehead, and, as much as Janus begged him not to, left back to the wing. 

His eyes locked with Virgil’s. Virgil sobbed, his face scarlet, his hair matted with sweat. That fire he had, the anger and ferocity that fueled him, was dying out. It used to be a wall of bubbling magma behind his eyes. Now it was nothing more than a birthday candle.

Kofi and commissions, 1 coffee = 300 words of your prompt

[chierafied]

Jily Muggle au! where they meet on a plane and james has a son and lily completely adores them both and in the end lily thinks she'll lose them because they're family and she's just someone they met on a plane but jily gets becomes a couple.

Thank you for the prompt, I had so much fun writing this! I took a few liberties so I hope you don’t mind – it’s definitely longer than I initially intended; over 2k, whoops…

Perhaps It’s Fate

Lily was stuffing her laptop back into her bag, whenmovement on the periphery of her vision caught her attention. 

Something silveryand silky-looking fluttered onto the floor. 

Lily glanced up; the man who’d gonethrough the security check before her was shouldering his bulging backpackagain and took his son’s hand with a cheerful “Come along then, Harry!”

“Sir?” Lily called after him.

He continued walking, unable to hear her over the din of theairport.

Lily muttered a curse and hastily grabbed the rest of heritems off the tray, stuffed them in her hand bag, then struggled a moment toslip on her heels. 

She scooped up the silvery cloth and hurried after the manand his son – as much as one could hurry in a pencil skirt.

“Sir?” she called again, straining to pick him out in thecrowd. Noticing the unmistakable messy black hair, she pursed her lips indetermination. She chased after him, her heels clicking decisively against thepolished tile floor.

“Excuse me, sir, I think you dropped this.”

The man finally halted and turned, looking quizzically atLily. The boy holding his hand – five, maybe six years old – gasped. He brokefree of his father’s hold and ran over to Lily.

“My Invisibility Cloak!”

Lily’s lips twitched, a single eyebrow arched. Invisibility Cloak?

The father gave her a sheepish shrug and mussed his hair.

Lily crouched to hand the cloth to the boy. “Here you go,love.”

He took it, and clutched it to his chest. His eyes flickeredto her face and he offered her a toothy grin.

“What do we say, Harry?” the father prompted, his hazel eyestwinkling behind his glasses.

“Thank you, ma’am!”

“You’re welcome.” She resisted the urge to ruffle his hair,every bit as messy as his father’s.

Still clutching at his cloak, the boy went back to hisfather. The man nodded and smiled at Lily.

She allowed herself a second or two to look at them walkaway, hand in hand, talking to each other in low voices.

A sweet pair, Lilymused. Then she dug around her hand bag and pulled out her boarding pass. Shedouble-checked her gate, then peered around for the signs overhead.

She stopped once at the tax free shop to buy a bottle ofwater and a suitably trashy novel to entertain her for three hours she’d besitting on the plane, then made a quick pop to the loo.

She glanced at her watch, and groaned. The security checkhad been quicker than she’d expected, she still had over an hour before theflight would depart. She smiled wryly as she strolled towards her gate. Nobetter time than present to get started on her novel! 

…And if she would gettruly bored out of her mind, she could always check her work e-mail.

Plan set, she checked the flight information on the screenat the gate to make sure she was in the right place, then plopped down to anempty seat.

She raised her head – and squarely met a pair of surprisedand amused hazel eyes, staring at her from under raised eyebrows.

Lily blinked, taken aback. It was the man from earlier,sitting on the row of seats across from her. Waiting to board the same planeLily was. His son, Harry, sat next to him, waving his feet in the air as heleafed through a comic book.

What were the odds? Lily fought the urge to shake her headand instead offered the man a polite if a little hesitant smile.

She received a crooked grin in return, accompanied by agreeting nod.

As Lily wondered if she should strike up a conversation, theman raised his hand to his messy hair. She stared at the curious gesture, andmade an idle and quite subconscious note that there was no wedding ring on hisfinger.

“Thank you, for earlier,” the man spoke, jolting Lily out ofher thoughts. “Harry loves his Invisibility Cloak and we both would’ve been sadto lose it.”

“You’re welcome,” Lily replied. “I was happy to help.”

Lily itched to ask more about this Invisibility Cloak – infact the words dancing on her tongue before she decided against it; inquiringafter a child’s beloved possession would probably be too personal a questionoutright from a complete stranger.

So instead of satisfying her curiosity, Lily steered theconversation to more neutral waters.

“So…” she ventured slowly. “Malaga, eh?”

The corner of his lips twitched and Lily found herselfstaring at his jawline, quite zoned out for a brief moment. Then he spoke, hispleasant voice calling her back to Earth.

“Yes… Harry’s summer break just started so we’re going tovisit his grandparents – they moved to Spain after they retired.”

“That sounds really nice.” Lily smiled.

“What about you?”

“I’m travelling on business – going to attend a conference.”

“Sounds important,” he acknowledged, his lips quirkingagain.

“I think it’ll be very interesting, so I’m looking forwardto it.”

They considered one another, politely, as the small talkfaltered. Then, the little boy Harry looked up from his comic, having troublewith a word he didn’t recognise. The man turned to his son, and Lily hastilypicked up her trashy novel. 

She stared down at the small print of the paperbackbut didn’t actually read; the words on the page blurred as she got lost inthought. She hadn’t really paid attention before, so intent on her mission toreturn the lost item to its proper owners… Had only noticed the heart-warminginteraction of a father and son… 

But now, after having seen him up close, ithad become quite apparent to Lily that the young father was attractive.

Her gaze left the book, discreetly slanting over the shortdistance between their chairs.

He was talking to his son in a low voice, ruffling his hair.Harry pointed something out in the comic book and the man laughed.

Lily quickly lowered her gaze back to her book; all of asudden she found herself fighting off a blush.

Bloody hell! Lily gritted her teeth. Had she been single fortoo long? Were her ovaries starting to grow desperate for some action? Becauseshe was well into her twenties now, and hadn’t been this flustered over a fitbloke since her hormonal teen years.

She glowered at the book in her lap and angrily turned thepage though she hadn’t read a single word.

She needed to get a grip.

Lily took a calming breath and grimly stamped down the urgeto steal glances at this endearing guy and his adorable son. She settled intoher chair and focused back in her book. 

Minutes ticked by slowly as she triedto get into the story. It would’ve been easier, she wagered, if he hadn’t beenso aware of the man sitting acrossfrom her.

When the gate finally opened and the flight was ready forboarding, Lily breathed a sigh of relief. She stuffed the novel into her handbag and got up, her boarding pass at the ready. 

Her eyes unexpectedly met withthe man’s. They shared a quick smile andthen walked to join the queue.

It was rather sweet though, how excited young Harry was. Hepuffed his little chest when he handed his boarding pass to the smiling staffmember.

Lily shook her head. At least on the plane she’d have threehours to kill, plenty of time to compose a stern letter to her reproductiveorgans for going on an overdrive. 

Was this some early awakening of thebiological clock? Had she finally crossed the line where she started looking atmen as potential father candidates? Lily suppressed a shudder. God, she hopednot.

Her smile was a little strained as she handed her boardingpass to the flight attendant. She hurried on, the click of her high heels echoingin the walkway.

Lily boarded the plane, clutching her bags and noddingpolitely to the flight attendant welcoming her aboard. She double-checked herseat number and started down the narrow corridor, looking at the numbers markedbelow the luggage compartments. 

She found her seat and rose on tip-toe tosafely stow her laptop bag away. Then, she froze, staring flabbergasted intothe now familiar laughing hazel eyes.

“Hullo again,” the man offered, while his son craned hisneck to peer out of the plane window.  

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Lily muttered under herbreath as she slumped to her seat.

The man grinned. Lily quickly looked away and startedfumbling with her seat belt.

“At what point do you think we should stop thinkingsomething a coincidence and start believing it’s some big cosmic joke instead?”he wondered conversationally.

“Well, they do say third time’s the charm,” Lily said,convinced that her smile was a shade away from rueful.

“That’s true. I suppose we should just give in and acceptthe inevitable,” the man said. “I’m James Potter.”

“Lily Evans,” she replied, squeezing his hand.

“And this is my son, Harry,” James added, nudging the littleboy in the window seat.

“Hello,” Harry said, his grin nearly identical with hisfather’s.

“Nice to meet you,” Lily said. “You know, for the thirdtime.”

James laughed. Lily’s stomach fluttered.

“What’s this conference of yours about?” he inquiredpolitely.

“Um, antimicrobial research. I’m a biochemist, working inthe medical field so…”

James’ eyebrows shot up. “That sounds challenging. Must beimportant to stay on top the latest research.”

“It is,” Lily admitted. “That’s why attending thisconference is such a wonderful opportunity.”

“I hope it’ll be an enlightening experience.”

“Thank you. What do you do?”

“Nothing so glamorous as you; I make websites.”

“Well, that’s important too, in this day and age,” Lilyinsisted.

James shrugged. “It’s fun – I get to geek out and becreative at the same time.”

“Biochemist,” Lily reminded him. “Can’t really judge otherpeople for being geeky.”

James smirked. “Honestly, though, web developing is justsomething I kinda ended up doing ‘cause I needed a job I could do from home.You know, because of Harry.”

Lily’s heart skipped a beat. The question teetered on hertongue, then tumbled out in a deceptively light tone. “Oh, his mother’s notaround then?”

“Nope, she never bothered.”

Their conversation stalled for the safety demonstration, towhich Lily scarcely paid any attention. Harry was staring out of the window,his eyes wide and alight behind his glasses when the airplane rolled towards itsdesignated runway.

“The lift off’s the best part,” he told Lily.

She nodded to Harry. “It is, isn’t it? After that it justgets boring.”

The plane accelerated, gaining more and more speed – thenthey were up and climbing through the air.

Lily decided she’d finally sate her curiosity. “Listen,” shesaid, turning to James. “I got to ask… what’s this about an InvisibilityCloak?”

“It’s a cloak that makes you invisible!” Harry piped up.

James sheepishly scratched his head. “It’s a familyheirloom,” he explained. “Something my dad gave to me when I was little. I hadso many good memories from when I was a kid, sneaking around and makingmischief…”

He bent close to confidentially whisper into her ear, andLily had to suppress a shiver when his warm breath fanned her neck.

“My dad honestly made me believe it worked for real. Ofcourse when I grew up I realised it had all been just a very elaborate game…But I thought it was amazing, for my dad to commit like that.”

“That is very sweet,” Lily said, a little breathless fromboth his proximity and realising just how greata guy James was. “So you’re continuing the tradition with Harry?”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

A flight had never passed so pleasantly for Lily. The hoursflew by as quickly as the miles, as she chatted and laughed with James, hadserious discussions about comic books and favourite superheroes with Harry,tried to find shapes in the clouds spreading below them together with the bothof them. 

When the time came at last, for the plane to land, she almost felt alittle sad. She got up from her seat, but James followed in suit, resting onewarm hand on her waist – a wholly natural gesture, like his hand belongedthere.

“Let me get it,” he offered, then reached to get Lily’slaptop bag from the overhead luggage compartment. Lily blushed.

The three of them left the plane and walked to the baggageclaim area together, little Harry between them, holding hands with the both ofthem.

She felt empty when they finally bid goodbye at the baggageclaim. Harry craned around to wave to her and she waved back, her stomachsinking as she watched them walk away.

They would go on and visit family and Lily would go to herconference. Their paths could very well never cross again, and yet she hadnever bonded with perfect strangerslike that…

Lily sighed and set out, wheeling her suitcase behind her.She went to pull her phone out of her jacket pocket, to check on the hotelreservation info on her e-mail – when her fingers brushed a piece of paper.

She pulled it out and stared at it.

If you have any sparetime from your conferencing and want to tour Malaga or just have a good lunch,give me a call.

James

The phone number hastily scrawled to the bottom of the notewas the most welcome sight Lily’d seen in ages.