#why can i not just be paid to be a therapist already. ok yes i know im still in training but

[butchdykeorpheus]

biweekly I Fucking Love Therapy post

[samsurfgreenbass]

"ENCHANTED" SAM & Y/N <3

Huge thank you to eveyone who interacts with this fic, I love hearing all the feedback. I can't imagine this fic going anywhere without you guys. If you wish to be added to my taglist, message me, I don't mind:)

Warnings: cussing, mentions of past relationship

Word Count: 1,760

…4 months later…

“C’mon Y/n! Don’t let me drink alone” your best friend Ellis yelled over the music in the bar that was close to your apartment

“You do realize that it is ME who is the designated driver right?” you sarcastically said

Y/n and Ellis had been best friends since they were practically born. They lived across the street from one another, went to school together, and were each other’s therapist at times. Y/n had told Ellis about what happened with Sam as soon as Y/n had pulled herself together enough to dial his number, but as soon as Y/n had heard his voice, Y/n broke down in tears. Ellis was at Y/n’s apartment in a flash with chocolate, french fries, beer, and pizza. Y/n felt immense relief as soon as Ellis walked through the door.

“Don’t cry anymore, hey now, you’re gonna soak the pizza with your tears. I paid good money for this” Ellis teased making Y/n laugh

“I just can’t believe he would do something like this to me” Y/n sniffled

“Y/n…look I’m your best friend and I’m going to be straight up with you ok?” he grabbed Y/n’s shoulders

“M’kay” Y/n replied

“Sam had good intentions, you can’t be mad at him for that. I can see why he didn’t tell you because you would’ve been worrying about him leaving the entire time and wouldn’t have enjoyed the time you spent with him. Yes, he could have done it differently, but guess what? Sometimes shit doesn’t work out the way you want it. Now, what you’re going to do is, be a big girl, dust yourself off and keep going. Don’t worry about Sam, if you guys are meant to be, then you’ll find a way back to each other.”

Ellis always had a way of making you feel better, and put things into perspective. He was the closest thing you had to a brother. And he and Sam got along pretty well, they bonded over music and how your music taste was far superior than theirs…give or take a few Katy Perry songs that you liked.

“Oh hey I forgot to ask, how is the writing coming along? Did you figure out what you were missing?” Ellis asked in an excited tone

“Yeah I did actually, and it’s called poetry fyi” Y/n said

“Whatever, you know…the band and I have been looking for a new singer and you’d be pretty amazing at it” Ellis said in a sing song tone

“Oh c’mon! Me? No way. What happened to your other singer, I thought you guys liked him?” Y/n asked

Ellis took a sip of his beer and laughed “Oh Mark? Nah, he was out as soon as Pete found him in bed with his girlfriend. C’mon just come to one rehearsal and if you like it then you got the part and if not, then no problem, what do you have to lose?” Ellis eagerly said

Y/n thought about it for a minute, I have been wanting to see if any of my poems could be turned into songs…and there is nothing to lose…what IF i did enjoy singing?

“Ok, I’ll do it.” Y/n exclaimed

“Sweetness Y/n! You’re going to love it!” Ellis hugged Y/n.

“Aye Ellis you guys are up in 5 minutes!’ the bar owner yelled

“Shit ok, thanks man. I’ll see you later Y/n” Ellis high fived Y/n as he rushed away

“Kick some ass El” Y/n called after him

The crowd loved the band, they got a substitute singer for the night but you could already tell that you were going to love being in the band. For now, the band was called Harmony. There was Ellis who played the drums, Pete the guitarist, Eddie the keyboardist, and soon, Y/n the singer.

After the show, Ellis told the guys the plan that you would meet them at rehearsals the following day to see if you would like the gig of being the lead singer. They all smiled and said they would love for you to be apart of the band.

You asked Ellis if he still wanted a ride home, but he told you to go home and get some sleep, that he would catch a ride with one of the guys. You smiled and hugged him before you left. On the drive home, you plugged in your phone to the aux and shuffled your music. Of course the first song that came on was “If Not For You” by Bob Dylan. You hadn’t heard this song since Sam left, and it brought back sad but happy memories for you.

Although you didn’t talk to Sam, you did keep up with him and the band by social media. From the looks of it, they were BIG! I mean huge, sold out shows in every city they went to, countless photos of them being tagged in, and hearing some of their songs on the radio. You couldn’t be more proud of them. You always knew they would make it big and whenever Sam would come home discouraged, you’d rub his shoulders and tell him, “Sweetheart, don’t sweat it. One day you’ll be touring all over and you’ll be so big that when you sneeze into a Kleenex, it’ll be selling for hundreds of dollars on Ebay” which would earn you a laugh and nuzzle into your arm.

The memory was bittersweet, but still made you smile. When you got home, you immediately went to bed.

The next morning, Y/n showered, got dressed in black sweats, a red shirt, and a side braid. Y/n arrived at Ellis’ apartment in no time and got there when they were just about setting up.

“Hey Y/n, glad you could make it” Eddie said as he walked over to you with a side hug along with it

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world Eddie,'' you replied while hugging him.

“So Y/n you ready to be our frontman?” Pete asked

“Mmm I believe the term would be frontWOMAN Pete” you smiled

“Alright guys don’t piss Y/n off, she’s the only hope we got in making it big” Ellis chimed in

You all laughed and Eddie set up the mic for you. You knew most of the band's songs, from all the shows you attended so it came natural to you to know the pauses, when to take a breath, when to raise your voice an octave or lower it, and when to end a song. A piece of cake. At the end of rehearsals, the guys all looked at you with shit eating grins on their faces and you knew they loved it.

“So…am I in?” you asked

“You were in the second you got here Y/n” Eddie said

“Welcome to Harmony” Pete hugged you

“Ok so now since you’re the frontwoman of the band, I guess it’s only fitting that you can start writing some of your own songs” Ellis said while checking his equipment

“Speaking of which, I wrote a poem a while ago after what happened between Sam and I, and I wanted to run it by you guys to see if you could help me come up with a melody” you sheepishly said

“Hell yeah man,let’s see it” Pete said

“Can we first eat something, I’m starving” Ellis whined

…An hour and 47 minutes (to be exact) later…

“DUDE THIS SONG IS GONNA BE FUCKING BITCHING” Eddie yelled

You couldn’t believe how raw and beautiful the song had come out

It was like it was made for this band. Once you guys had eaten, the guys read your poem and immediately knew what tune to put to it. It had a soft sound to it with an edge to it. It was PERFECT.

You finally had been given a chance to show what you could do and you weren’t going to waste it. You were flying, and before you knew it, Harmony was playing almost every weekend at bars around town. Once you began sharing your poems with the band, the music fell into place. Soon after you were performing your songs and the crowd liked it. They even did an article on the band in the local paper. They called Harmony, “thrilling, raw, hits deep into your soul that it shakes all your neurons, and inspirational.” It made sense to keep performing in town but one day when Ellis came through the door practically oozing with excitement you all wondered what had happened.

“You guys will never guess who I just ran into at the gas station” Ellis said

You being the smartass that you were said, “Mmm lemme think…David Bowie?” Pete and Eddie laughed hysterically, you loved teasing Ellis about David Bowie because he dressed up as him once for Halloween when you both were 8 years old, he never lived it down.

Ellis gave you the finger and you laughed, “ok ok who?” you asked

“Teddy Larson” Ellis whispered

All of you were silent. Teddy Larson was one of the biggest music producers of your time. He was HUGE. He worked with just about every band that you had listened to. He made dreams come true. He was like Santa in the music world.

“Ellis Anthony Thatcher, you better not be fucking around with me or I’ll actually drop kick you in the balls” you said in a shocked tone

“C’mon man, don’t play like that” Pete pleaded

“Yeah man, that’s not cool if you’re messing around” Eddie said

“No seriously guys, I met him. There I was buying some cigs and he came up to me in line and asked if I was Ellis Thatcher from Harmony and of course I couldn’t speak and just nodded, then he walked with me to my car and started talking about how he liked the sound of us and our style. Then he asked if we could meet him at his studio on Wednesday at 1pm” Ellis said in one long breath

It took a few minutes for it all to sink in, Teddy Larson actually liked your music, he must’ve seen you guys perform once. This was an incredible opportunity.

“So what did you tell him?” Pete pressed Ellis

“I said yes of course you nimrod!” Ellis said

“Holy shit, we’re going to meet Teddy Larson” Eddie breathed

“Gentlemen…I believe this calls for a party!” you yelled

That night you invited all your guys friends over and celebrated the news

Things were starting to fall into place and you couldn’t be more grateful. Nothing could bring you down…or so you thought.

TAGLIST: @garbagevanfleet @urmindisastreamofcolors @ghostly-luck @ageoftambourine @ageofflowerpower @dharma-divine @greta-van-fics @tlexx @gretavanwinkle @jakekiszska @arcaneblaine @flowervanfleet @flowerpoweranthem @weightofdreams-gvf @weightofstardust @builtbynationss @brokenbellz @godblessmarywanna @ageofmachines @jokiszka

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

This story takes place during the summer of 1987. It’s the time of the Cold War, and heavy metal, and Just Say No.

Ten chapters, each with a specific song as its soundtrack.

I’m so excited to finally share it with you.

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Also posted at AO3

—-

Chapter 3: Dancing On Glass

I've been through hell // And I'm never goin' back // To dancing on glass // Going way too fast...

Need one more rush // Then I know, I know I'll stop // One extra push // Last trip to the top...

Soundtrack: “Dancing On Glass,” Mötley Crüe, 1987 [click here to listen]

Three P.M.

Group.

Claire’s hands wrapped around the hard sides of the plastic chair, holding herself upright, watching about two dozen fellow patients? inmates? addicts? shuffle into the room.

Two people stood at the door – greeting others as they entered, handing out small packets of tissues and bottles of Coke.

Today’s facilitator – a middle-aged, bearded man – stood to one side, chatting with a few people.

“Hey!”

Claire startled – and turned to her right to see Jamie slide into the chair beside her.

“How’s it going today? Day two, right?”

She nodded. “Met with my therapist this morning.”

“That’s great! Who’ve you got?”

“Gillian.”

Jamie cracked open a bottle. “Oh, she’s great. Been here a long time. She’s married to the director – did you know that?”

Claire’s eyebrows raised. “No, but that’s really interesting.”

Jamie gulped about half the bottle in one shot. “Yeah. We owe everything to them.”

“Yeah, well. I got assigned to dinner set-up duty.”

He beamed. “Great! I’ve been on that rotation for the last few weeks. I’ll show you all the ropes.”

“Few weeks? How long have you been here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

He set down his Coke. “I don’t. And I’ve been here eight weeks. The best eight weeks of my fucked-up life.”

“Don’t say that,” she chided. “Surely everything can’t be so terrible.”

He stared at her for a long moment.

“It can be, if you were the reason why a sold-out European tour couldn’t happen, and it cost your backers and buddies tens of millions of dollars, and it pissed off countless thousands of fans.”

Now the greeters took their seats within the circle.

“Couldn’t, or didn’t?” Claire hoped her words were gentle, but when her head split with pain like this she could never tell. “And what do you mean by ‘tour’?”

His eyes narrowed. “Couldn’t. My manager said I’d come back from Europe in a body bag. He’s a bloodsucker but he had enough sense to not kill the golden goose.” He finished his Coke in one long gulp – flexing the tattoos swirling on his forearm and elbow. “And I’m a professional musician – in case you couldn’t guess from the way I look.”

“I see.”

He grinned. “How about that – someone who doesn’t recognize me.”

She folded her hands in her lap, closing her eyes against the pain, so desperately wanting to disappear. “I guess between medical school, and being a surgeon, and my ex-husband…and the pills…there are a lot of things I haven’t paid attention to.”

“Hey.” Softly he reached out to touch her knee – and she looked up at him.

“I’m not making fun of you, Claire. It’s just…I don’t know. Refreshing.”

She smiled tightly.

The facilitator clapped his hands. “Everyone – are we ready?”

People around the circle nodded, and the man sat down in the last empty chair.

“Great. Well, hi everyone. For those of you who don’t know me – I’m Murtagh. Been clean for just about eleven years now. Before that I spent a small fortune that I didn’t have – ”

“ – on enough blow to kill an elephant,” Jamie and several others chorused.

Murtagh smiled. “Wiseasses. Now – today’s topic is: clarity.”

“Can you be more specific?” A heavyset, bearded man across the circle piped up.

“You mean – provide more clarity?” Geneva snickered from somewhere near Jamie.

“Easy,” Murtagh interjected. “And yes, Rupert, of course. What I mean is: something I hear a lot from people here is that being away from substances gives them clarity for the first time in years. Clarity of thoughts – meaning, you’re logical and rational. Clarity of judgment – meaning, you feel like you are empowered to make good decisions. And overall, clarity to step away from all the bullshit that the substances made you do, or made it easier for you to do, and say – damn, what the hell was I doing?”

Across the circle, Rupert nodded. “OK. Oh – hi everyone, I’m Rupert, and I’m an alcoholic. Yeah – I can definitely relate. I wanted to not have clarity, so that I didn’t have to think about how much I was screwing up my job, and my marriage.”

“Good,” Murtagh praised. “And now that you can’t avoid it – how do you feel?”

Rupert stroked his thick beard. “Like shit. I love Scarlet so much, and I fucked it all up. I understand that now.”

“I feel the same way,” Jamie added. “Hi, I'm Jamie, and I'm an alcoholic, too. I drank because I’ve always felt so responsible for everything going on in my band – because I’m the guy that brought us together, and I’m the guy who writes the songs, and I’m the guy who’s across the table from the record company executives, advocating on our behalf.” He bounced a long, thin, jean-clad leg rapidly up and down. “I felt like I was being used, and that I was the only one who cared. I felt that really clearly. So I drank to…to avoid that clarity.”

Claire carefully watched the others around the circle. What Jamie was sharing could make any one of them a quick buck – all it would take was one phone call to a tabloid. But everyone was listening raptly – clearly thinking about parallels in their own lives – and it began to dawn on her that Jamie had one thing she didn’t have much of for herself: respect.

“And then when I drank, I’d just get really mean,” he continued. “I’d say things to rile up my drummer. I had a fling with my manager’s girlfriend, just to fuck with him. And yeah, I’d destroy hotel rooms.”

“Your reaction was to want to hurt people,” Murtagh said gently. “You had had clarity – clarity that you were shouldering too much, for too many people – and you reacted by wanting to push them away.”

“Yeah.” Claire spoke without thinking. “Um – hi everyone, I’m Claire, and I’m addicted to pills. Halcions, mostly.”

“Oh, those are the best,” a woman to Claire’s left remarked.

“Hey – no positive talk,” Murtagh interjected. “You know better than that, Letitia.”

Letitia huffed.

Murtagh turned back to face Claire. “Tell us more, Claire, if you’re comfortable?”

Now that she’d started, she couldn’t stop. “I was – am – a trauma surgeon for an emergency room. I love it – I love the adrenaline of it, and of course being able to help people on the worst day of their lives. I love being able to heal people. But…but it’s pretty heavy stuff. People die, no matter how hard you try to save them. People wake up and they’re not happy that they don’t have a leg anymore – and I say, would you rather be dead?”

“And you wanted to get away from that?” Jamie asked gently.

She closed her eyes. “I had to have clarity to do my job properly – it’s hard to describe, but it’s like having a laser focus on what’s in front of you. Getting in the zone. Shutting out everything else. And then when it’s all done – I would crash. The whole world would come rushing back, and I’d be covered in someone else’s blood and barely able to sit down before I had to work on the next person. That was so, so hard to deal with.”

“I understand.” Claire opened her eyes – it was an older man speaking right next to Jamie. “Hi everyone – I’m Ned, I’m a lawyer and crack addict, and there are a lot of jokes I’m sure you could make based on that.”

Claire managed a small smile.

“I’m a defense attorney – I’m that guy you see on TV arguing in a courtroom and presenting to a jury. I totally get what Claire said, because I needed to have that kind of really focused clarity, too. It was kind of like acting – I had to remember my argument, and I had to present it to the jury, and I had to pick up on cues from them to see how well I was doing. And then afterward I’d just crash. But I still had to have energy to prep for the next day, and that’s where Miss Crack came in.”

“So what I’m hearing is that clarity is something you already had – and then you turn to substances to get away from it.” Murtagh folded his arms. “Because it’s hard to flip that ‘off’ switch. And then eventually, the substances change from being something to take a vacation from that clarity, to completely blocking out that clarity altogether.”

“Exactly.” It was easier for Claire to focus on Murtagh than the sea of faces surrounding her. “And it’s a deliberate choice. I’m sure, Ned and Rupert and Jamie, that you deliberately sought out something to prevent that clarity. I know I did – I wrote the prescriptions for the pills that I consumed.”

Rupert nodded. “The bottle didn’t pick itself up and pour the liquor down my throat. And you’re right, Claire – at first, at least, it was a conscious decision. Until it became something I had to depend on.”

“I think that there are ways for this to happen more positively.” A woman seated beside Rupert quietly spoke. “Oh – hi, everyone, I’m Marsali, and I’m an alcoholic. What I mean is, there are ways to flip that ‘off’ switch that aren’t so…destructive. You can go for a run. Listen to music. Cook a meal. Watch a movie. Make love to your significant other.”

Murtagh nodded. “Marsali brings up a good point here. I’ll repeat something that I’ve already told many of you before, because it bears repeating. Substance addiction is addiction, first and foremost. All of us are here because our brains are hard-wired for addiction. We can’t change that. But we can change what it is that we’re addicted to.”

“Like what?” Letitia had calmed down a bit, but clearly she was skeptical.

“Whatever works for you,” Murtagh shrugged. “Jiu Jitsu. Flower Arranging. Reading. Playing the drums. Writing. Riding motorcycles. Not all addictions are bad – we just need to find the addictions that help us, and don’t hurt us or the people around us.”

Everyone’s heads nodded in agreement, quietly reflecting.

“So – that’s my homework assignment for all of you.” Murtagh pulled a small spiral notebook from his pocket, flipped to a fresh page, and began scribbling in it. “To think about the thing that you can become positively addicted to. Something you already enjoy, or something you’ve never done before. But I hope that even just thinking about it will give you focus. Improve your clarity.”

“Got it,” Ned said quietly.

Murtagh flipped back to an earlier page in his notebook. “Now – I have here my notes from the last time I facilitated Group. OK if I start going around and asking people for follow-up thoughts to those? Rupert?”

Rupert nodded, and began to speak.

“Facilitators take turns hosting Group every fourth day.” Claire started a bit, but held steady as Jamie leaned in close, spoke quietly into her ear. “We talk about things, and we’re assigned homework, and then the next time the facilitator is back we talk about it.”

“Thanks,” Claire murmured.

Jamie didn’t pull away. “If you ever just want to talk…”

She swallowed. “Thanks. I do. I just – it’s a lot to process.”

“It is. But you’ll get there. Talk more at our dinner prep.”

With that he pulled back, and a low buzz settled somewhere between Claire’s ears as the people around her chimed in to the conversation.

[esperosisdoeswriting]

*whispers* more of the therapist villain omg that last part was amazing :0

I’m glad you liked it!

Between a Rock and a Hard Place Part 3 (Continuation of Prompt #158)  Original  Previous  Next

"I think that we should look into transferring you to a new therapist," [Villain] said to [Hero]. Their voice was soft and comforting, but they had their notepad in a death grip to ensure their hands wouldn't shake.

"I... Why?" [Hero] asked their concern clear across their face.

"I'm not going to be available for the next few months," [Villain] lied, "And I don't want you to miss your appointments simply because I'm not here."

"Oh." [Hero] sighed, sinking back into their chair, "So a temporary thing."

"Maybe, I might not be able to return to this clinic at all."

"Could we continue with online sessions?" [Hero] asked

[Villain] bit their lip, it was a valid question, and in any other circumstances, the answer would be an easy 'yes. But this wasn't other circumstances. This was [Super Villain] breathing down their neck for information on [Hero]. They had just barely made it out with a couple innocuous truths and some savory lies, but [Super Villain] wouldn't be satisfied forever.

"I'm not sure," [Villain] said, averting their eyes.

[Hero] frowned, "I don't mind if I have to pay extra or come at a different time. It's just... To be honest, you're the best therapist I've ever had, and I really don't wanna lose you."

[Villain] was never one to feel guilty, but right now, they felt awful.

"I'm glad I've been able to be of help for you for so long." [Villain] replied, "And I'm confident in my colleagues. I'm sure they'll be able to help you as much as I could."

[Hero] stared at them for a moment, their hopeless expression carving itself into [Villain]'s soul until a light shined in their eyes, and their expression changed.

"Are you ok? Like... After hours I mean?" [Hero] asked,

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine." [Villain] lied again, but this time [Hero] didn't seem to believe them. [Hero] simply nodded

"I'm sorry to put you in this kind of situation. I didn't want my... work... to affect us. But don't worry." [Hero] gave them a confident smile, "I'll take care of this, so you don't have to worry."

"Take care of..?" [Villain] asked, but [Hero] was already heading out the door, "Wait! We can still have this session. You paid in advance!"

"Keep it. It's for the trouble I've caused you." [Hero] called over their shoulder.

[Villain] frowned as they watched [Hero] go, wonder what kind of crazy idea they seemed had thought up before it dawned on them.

[Villain] swore as they started to compose an email to the rest of their clients, letting them know they would be busy for the rest of the day.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay i tried not to write a post about this but anyway here we go. so last night, on my fb watch feed, i decided to watch this irritating entrepreneur girl who was easily like 22 or so, try to give life advice about “how to be an entrepreneur!!” and “how to be rich like me by 22!!!” here’s some of the worst advice she had:

(1.) every millionaire/billionaire has several streams of income. for example i have my music/YT channel, my 8 businesses, my sponsorship deals, my several online classes that i teach on how to become a millionaire by 22!!! my upcoming ventures and art!!! my house, the condo that i rent out and stocks!!! so all up i have about 7 streams of income and if you don’t have my mindset you’re just weak and will never survive in this world 😊!

(2.) always work for free!!! bc you’re useless without experience. for example most of my first YT videos i did with brands were done for free. always take free/unpaid internships or work experience, and don’t think you have to get paid for everything!! get off of your high horse of self righteousness and work like a minion for free to build your portfolio so people will learn to take you seriously!!! because if you always expect to get paid, no one will take you seriously even with a portfolio. (remember: all of this will make you humble for your forced efforts of labour and capital! be grateful that they even took you on 😊!)

(3.) remember we all have the same 24 hours in a day as beyoncé!!! remember it’s all in your mindset!!! use all 24 hours to constantly level up. always believe in the laws of attraction so always have vision boards ready!!!

(4.) ok not to stop being cutesy and feel good (😊🥰) but always have a great therapist and life coach on hand when your mental health goes down hill!!! trust me, i used to be like “i’m all happy go lucky all the time!!! i’m a ray of sunlight!!” but y’all i was lying and i know y’all are too!! always have a therapist/life coach to get you away from your negative thought spirals!!!

(5.) any friend who doesn’t support your streams of income or your business goals which should always involve girlbossing far too close to the sun… cut them out *snip snip* of your life…. so that you can afford the cutting out of toxic and unsupportive people out of your life to only have unwavering support always in your circle! just have a completely relentless drive to build income for yourself!!! no matter how many bridges you burn and friends you sever from your immediate circle!!!

and there was so much else. but good god. it was just awful and i have no idea why i thought it was a good idea to watch this train wreck of a money advice video from an already rich and overly privileged early 20 something YTer. and luckily no one was taking her advice seriously…. since she was so young and was SO VERY OBVIOUSLY coming from a place of immense privilege and comfort. like ok. the therapist advice is good advice, if only therapy was actually affordable to everyone in the US (bc yes this girl was american). but even as an aussie, therapy isn’t that affordable either, and especially while job-searching on the aussie job seeking social security payment. my old therapist has closed her books bc of the pandemic, and i’m kind of like iffy i guess with the idea of therapist trialling/shopping, besides the point that i actually don’t have much time or money for it either.

like obvs i am defs not her target audience, being poor and all. but like what the fuck. who the fuck wants to waste their time with 7 streams of income and just caring about business ventures and always severing friends who “don’t serve you and your dreams and business visions” at every step of the way???? what a fucking atrocious way to live your life: only relentlessly caring about how much money you make every second of the day at such a young age. bc like this girl is 21 or 22… where the fuck are her breaks from all her supposed “work” and “business ventures” and “streams of income” and her “mindset”???? what the fuck.

bc where the fuck are her friends for fun and frivolous brunch dates??? for deep talks and heartfelt shit when or if her life goes up in flames or ends up in tatters after one (1) wrong social media move that gets her cancelled forever???? because let me tell you now, josie, it sure as fuck won’t be your precious buddy-buddy business opportunist/venture capitalist sponsors and investors. bc they’ll all drop you like a fucking hot potato if you do something terrible or slip up even the tiniest bit. bc no one wants to clean up that PR etc nightmare.

i liked that everyone was calling her incredibly short sighted and clueless in the comments on the video, in regards to her comments about “always work for free to build your resume and to prove yourself as worthy to everyone!“ and the dreaded bullshit of “we all have the same 24 hours in a day, so what on earth is stopping you from having 10 streams of income and working yourself to death????” oh that’s right! your mindset! if you always have a bad mindset of “i’ll never achieve anything feel sorry for me and my business dreams!” you don’t deserve to be successful. and that’s that! stop lying to yourself and making excuses for yourself and your mindset will improve!!!” i love how everyone in the comments was pointing out that this sounds/sounded incredibly MLM-y/ish. bc this is the exact type of toxic bullshit that people say MLM people use to pull them into selling their snake oil bullshit.

like. i absolutely will not work for free josie. no one should be expected to do that now in a global pandemic. i deserve pay for wasting my time doing a spreadsheet for a boutique marketing firm in sydney during an internship, no matter how long it is. or if it’s not something in marketing, i deserve to get paid a full fair wage for working in retail or food, since apparently that’s all i’m good for, even with a marketing advanced diploma and 2 degrees but no “solid professional job experience”. i do not want your absolutely bullshit mindset advice in your completely and utterly vapid and self-aggrandising courses about “how to be a millionaire/billionaire by 21 💸💵💰💳💲💲🤑🤑🤩👸🏻💎!!” when i know that you’re probably already from some type of very privileged background anyway, being a spoilt YTer already. i am NOT making excuses for wanting to be treated fairly and paid accordingly. and nor is anyone else today, in the hellscape that is the “competitive job market”, no matter what country you live in and also the pandemic et al.

also, for everyone who has to pay rent and pay gas/electricity and water etc etc etc bills, how the fuck are they going to pay for all of that if “oh work for free and for vibes and proper mindset building!”….. all of which don’t pay fucking jack shit in real life. vision boards only work for rich people who can then claim it was “the attraction pull of the universe and fate and manifest destiny!” instead of them realistically paying hundreds if not thousands or millions of dollars for sponsorship deals by negotiating contracts or whatever else. the “universe” and “fate” barely ever work in favour of the working class and the poor. bc no law of attraction is going to give me a paid traineeship, all because i manifested my destiny onto some shitty but aesthetically pleasing vision board with inspirational quotes on my bedroom wall. btw how the hell are you paying the rent and bills on your house and your rented out condo???? because i’m sure as fuck that it isn’t through manifest destiny and the universe aligning correctly with your specific business goals, is it??? it’s either your parents money or possibly yours.

she did have an obvious piece of advice that you see all the time, of “have a savings only acc that you can’t touch to really save your money!” but as i said above, when the cost of living is going up globally because of the pandemic, how the fuck is anyone able to save money anyway???? like i’m even finding it hard living at home on social security (given my pay is only $630 a fortnight, and this girl was talking like apparently $20,000 a month from her “7 streams of income” or some shit- so that’s already VASTLY out of touch with everyone in the comments watching the video). but also, as mentioned above, josie, how the fuck am i meant to save money if you’re spinning the bs of “always work for free!”…. like are my savings coming from my vision board???? from the severed ties of all the friends (or haters) that don’t support my streams of income and “girlboss goals”??? from my stupidly expensive life coach from linkedin???

just. it was one of the worst things i’ve ever watched tbh. and it shows just how incredibly fucking toxic hustle/grind/productivity culture along with toxic positivity and the bs spiels about vision boards and “manifest destiny” are to these grind all day people; but also to society at large. because why the fuck don’t i deserve a rest and friends that are for silly or frivolous things??? because who the fuck will be around when i have my inevitable mental breakdown and burnout bc i overwork myself every day of my life??? just my therapist??? wow that’s helpful. when i only see them once a week or a month or even once every few months, bc they’re regularly booked out.

and what about the people who can’t get access to therapists bc they’ve shut their books bc of the influx of patients during the…. uh *checks smudged writing on hand* worldwide pandemic??? what then, josie??? what then??? bc i don’t care how much of a “lone wolf *insert myers briggs personality type here*” or “over-competitive anal perfectionist” you are, or someone else is, josie. because you (or someone else) NEED/S REAL FRIENDS FOR REAL LIFE PROBLEMS. not just girlboss business besties and your therapist/life coach in your little “girlboss bitch queen pack ✌🏻🙌🏻👍🏻💪🏻👏🏻✨✨💃🏻💅🏻👩🏻‍���👩🏻‍💼📈” social media and real life echo chamber, as if you’re like a mean girls regina george social media business maven/guru.

and also, why does everything have to apparently judged by my constant output for income??? what the actual fuck. i am not a machine josie (whatever the fuck her name was i don’t care). i will not sever ties with friends bc some bullshit concept of manifest destiny and my vision board for 10 businesses that i must have by like 25 told me so.

okay yeah, as part of the generation who watched way too many eps of teen cribs/cribs on mtv and way too much E! celeb channel bc of the kardashians (*cough, cough; nudge, nudge; wink, wink* kylie jenner is a self made billionaire *repeat above*), i DID want to be a millionaire or just generally rich when i was a kid. but holy fucking hell. if being rich means only having friends that continually serve your business needs and vision boards and “always work for free because you’re spoilt rotten if you think you deserve any compensation for your time and work, most especially when you’re starting out!” then count me the fuck out, actually.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Don’t Breathe 5.5 | sneak peek

»Genre: hitman!au || angst, fluff ||

»Warnings: kidnapping, stalking, obsession, themes of borderline Stockholm syndrome and Lima syndrome, brief mono-phobia, mature elements, manhandling, breakdowns, mental trauma mentioned, yandere (? i think ), he thinks it’s cute when she cries, eventually they fall in love, Disclaimer: I do not condone nor suggest stalking/kidnapping or anything of that nature, this is pure fiction ok, kidnappers and stalkers DO NOT love you.

»Summary: He doesn’t get shaky hands, he never forgets his gloves and he never leaves a trail. He was paid to get rid of everyone who witnessed the exchange between a gang lord and a politician, they were picked off, one by one. He found out a month later, he missed one. A young writer who attended the event where the exchange took place. He has to kill her. Can he do it? He couldn’t do it.

✤ pt.1 - pt.2 - pt.2.5 - pt.3 - pt. 3.5 - pt. 4.0 - pt. 4.5 - pt. 5.0 - pt.5.5 - pt.6.0

author’s note: if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please comment on this post or send an ask~💖 p.s prepare the tissues😭🤧

taglist: @tangledsparkles @just-another-fangurl21 @impartoftoomanyfandoms​ @komorebi-unnie​ @tangledsparkles​@yes-sol-not-soul (sorry :( tumblr won’t let me tag you) @sarzkh31​

Release Date: 09/06/20🌻 -

His hands naturally settle on your waist, as if you were greeting him after a long day from work. It feels as perfect as always, he wants to make it last. If this is the last five minute he gets to have with you, he wants to savor how you feel, how you make him feel. He’ll miss this, the touching, the chemistry that you put into words so perfectly. Your hands that grab at him when he’s in bed, the eyes that linger on him when he cooks, life won’t feel the same without that. The late nights of sweet breathless pants meeting his ears, the warm strain in his body that grants you both a fleeting moment of ecstasy. Gritted teeth, knitted brows, smiles, keening into your chest—intimacy. The frosting you put on his nose, the stumbling in the yard to run away from him, the joyous laughter over movies. He never had fun with anyone the way he did with you.

“Taehyung,” You break the kiss, getting off of your tippy-toes to rest your ankle,“I don’t know what’s going on...” You lean into him, breathing in his sweet scent and nuzzling your face into his chest.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, I saw you got hurt and I didn’t know how bad it was,” He smooths your hair down, “I couldn’t sleep last night, I didn’t think he’d let me see you again.”

“Let you see me?...

He loves you too much to make you run for the rest of your life, and you know it.

*

*

*

“I was in a room a the whole time. I was given food and water, I showered everyday, the conditions were sanitary...But I never saw anyone.”

That was your day in interrogation room 2. They apologized for having to bring you back but they needed to tape your testimony for Leu’s court case. The video will be shown in court to further prove the damage to the only surviving victim, you. The young lawyer on the case in your defense, Jeon Jungkook, wanted to question you with Yoongi by his side. It worked out, you had an appointment with your therapist that day so you figured you’d get it over with.

“So,” Jungkook continues to jot points down on the notepad, “the bruises that were fading on your wrists the day you were rescued, that was from being tied up at some point?”

You nod, hands finicky in your lap.

“Can you tell me about the day you were abducted?”

“I- Um...That day I got home kind of late, I was really tired so after I showered I drank something and went to bed.”

“The drink was confirmed to be drugged, so you know that’s why you were in such a deep sleep,” He affirms when you nod, “and you woke in strange place, right?”

“Yes,” You swallow, recalling the scene that you had tried all this time to block from your memory, “I was handcuffed and really scared, I didn’t understand what was happening...”

“And in the report it says you were told you why you were there, is that correct?”

You nod.

“You knew you were there because Mr. Leu wanted dead,” Again, you nod, “alright. Now, I know you’ve had a few appointments with psychologist Elaine Woods and she diagnosed you with some conditions as a result of this traumatic event, is that right?”

“Yes...”

Yoongi’s eyes narrows at you, hyper-aware of your reactions.

“So, you would say that what you went through has made an negative impact on your life,” You hesitate for a moment, but nod nonetheless, “would you tell me what those conditions are?”

“ASD, social anxiety disorder, and depression...”

“And how do those conditions affect your everyday life now? Is it hard sometimes to get out of bed in the morning?”

It is. Everyday you make a little bit of progress, every week your therapist says you’re doing great, just don’t push yourself too much. You sit there and tell him how you feel, you tell him that you’re struggling, that feel you lost and out of place in life. Last week, you spent an entire day trying to convince Suzy to put you back on the job. To avoid any bad press, you turned down interviews from papers everywhere. You just wanted to work, you were eager to jget back to your old job. She wasn’t convinced, she said that you needed time to heal before throwing yourself into work. Yet, somehow you convinced her to let you come to the office to and talk to her boss. That day you realized that things would never be the same there.

“We missed you!”

You walked into the office and your coworkers, some you never even talked to stood around a little cake in the break room. Putting on a happy face, you thanked everyone for their kindness, but you knew in your heart that it was partly out of pity. You were overthinking everything anyone said to you, it was exhausting how paranoid you were to be around people. So many times you wanted to run out and throw-up from how overwhelmed you were but you pushed it down. Eventually, as everyone started to trickle out, Suzy’s boss pulled you aside.

“Y/n, you are so strong,” She looked at you like you had really done something great, “I wanted to know if you’d be willing to write about what you went through? We already have a story on you, you could write the concluding piece.”

The life drained from your face, she just wanted to use you. You told her you would have to think about it before promptly leaving without a proper goodbye. Suzy was right, you weren’t ready. You were far from that point in this process. After fleeing the party, you threw up in the lobby bathroom. You cried for a little bit in the empty stall, trying to pull yourself together before leaving. After cleaning yourself up, you drove to your new apartment, where you called Jin and cried again. You were in such bad shape that he drove all the way to check on you in the middle of the night. It didn’t help that you drank a half a bottle of wine but you were out of options, nothing felt right so you decided not to feel at all.

“Kev, cut the cameras,” You’re shaken from your daze when Jungkook stands up suddenly, exchanging a look with the man behind the camera, “we need to take a 5-minute break. Y/n, let me get you something to drink.”

Yoongi watches as Jungkook and the camera man leave the room. On the little couch, you sit, eyes void of all emotion.

“Are you alright?” Yoongi gets up to kneel in front of you. “Is this too much for you? Just say the word and we can finish later-...”

*

*

*

[xdsockmonkey]

Pinky Promise

Pairing: Malcolm Bright x Reader 

Word Count: 1070 ish

Warnings: Mentions of rape

Summary: After attacking your rapist you end up in Claremont Psychiatric Hospital where you meet Malcolm Bright. 

Notes: For some reason, I’ve had this idea stuck in my head for a while and I felt the need to write. 

Sitting in the back of a van, the thoughts of the trail that had just ended wouldn’t leave your mind. Silent tears rolled down your face. This wasn’t fair. He should be the one in this car. He was the one that raped you. You had just been defending yourself. But he was a traditional rich white man who could get rid of any problem with one fat check. As you felt the van begin to stop you wiped your tears and sat up straight. As the doors opened you squinted your eyes at the bright light. You started to shuffle out the back before two hands grabbed your arms and pulled you out. Silently, you walked with the officers into the building. As you went through doorway after doorway the officers got a little pushier. 

“Hey! My legs work just fine. Stop pushing me!” you growled. You looked down at the end of the hallway. Inside the cell was a white-haired man that you recognized all too well. In the hallway was another man that had brown hair and of course a guard. 

“Great. I’m neighbors with the Surgeon. My day keeps getting better.” The two officers pushed you into a small room, took off your handcuffs, and closed the door. Finally left alone in your own space you sank down in a corner and started sobbing. 

A couple of days passed and you started to acclimate to your new situation. Wake up, eat, read, nap, eat, meeting with a therapist, eat, sleep. After a week, you had only seen the Surgeon three times. It was never not unnerving. You knew he got visitors a lot which sucked. No one had bothered to come and see you. You were laying on your bed reading some Edgar Allan Poe when you heard your door unlock. 

“You have a visitor,” the guard stated blandly. Putting your book down you followed the guard to an empty common room. The only other person in the room looked vaguely familiar. 

“Do I know you?” you asked, sitting down at a table. 

“You’re Y/N L/N. You have been admitted to Claremont Psychiatric Hospital until further notice. You have no history of violence or drug usage. Always paid your rent on time and regularly volunteered at animal shelters. So why are you here?” He said, sitting down in front of you. 

Sitting up straight and leaning on the table you said, “You still didn’t answer my question. Who are you?”

“Malcolm Bright. I saw you the day you were brought here.”

“Right. You were visiting the Surgeon.”

“Now it’s your turn to answer my question.” 

“Isn’t that confidential?”  

“I work for the police.”

“Then why couldn’t you read it yourself?”

“Because Claremont won’t tell me.”

Now you were both locked in a staring contest. Why did this man care so much? You hadn’t spoken a word to each other before today. What did you have to lose? 

 “I fought back against the man who raped me. It was obviously self-defense. He had money so he got a slap on the wrist while I got put in a cell,” you said with a sigh, staring at the table. 

“That doesn’t make sense.” His face contorted in confusion and he stood up to pace around the room. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke up again. “I’m going to get you out of here.”

“What?” He came back over and sat down in front of you. 

“You don’t deserve to be in here. I’m going to prove that to a judge.” 

“Why? You don’t know me.”

“I just… feel like this is something I need to do,” he said with a smile.

“Ok.” A smile made its way on your face as hope began to grow. 

“Awesome! Okay, umm… I’ll be back in a couple of days and we’ll get started!” Malcolm stood up, you following suit. 

“Thank you so much, Malcolm,” a smile never leaving your face. He nodded before leaving the room. 

Over the span of three months, you met with Malcolm and a lawyer (that he said was paid for) at least two times a week. Sometimes Malcolm would visit you on his own. He got to know you very well and you learned a little about him. You felt like he was hiding something from you but since he was helping you gain your freedom you didn’t feel like it was the appropriate time to ask him personal questions. 

You were in the middle of taking one of your daily naps when a banging on your door woke you up. Through the small window, you were able to see a guard and someone standing behind him. Sitting up on your bed you rubbed your eyes as the door opened. Malcolm suddenly walked into your small room. 

“What’s going on?” your voice groggy from the nap.

“We did it!” He exclaimed with a grin. You were suddenly much more awake. 

“What? Really!” 

“Yes! Y/N L/N you are now free from Claremont Psychiatric Hospital!” 

“Oh my god!” You jumped up off the bed and before you knew what you were hugging Malcolm Bright. Once you realized your actions you let go. “Sorry,” you squeaked, your cheeks turning red. 

“It’s okay,” a smile still on his face. “Let’s get you out of here.” 

After getting out of the jumpsuit and into a random pair of sweatpants and shirt you were finally free. When you stepped outside the reality of your situation hit you. You didn’t have anything anymore. No apartment, no clothes, no pone. What were you going to do? 

“How does it feel?” You jumped, forgetting that Malcolm was with you. 

“S-Sorry, what?” 

“I said how does it feel? To be out?” His eyebrows scrunched together in concern.

“It’s good I guess,” you replied with a small smile. 

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly. 

“Not really. I don’t have anywhere to go. No job, no money…But don’t worry about it I’ll figure it out,” you reassured him. 

“You can stay with me if you want.”

“No, you’ve helped me plenty already I can’t do that to you.” 

“Y/N, I’m offering. You wouldn’t be a bother and it can be just until you get back on your feet.” You thought about the offer for a second.

“If it’s too much promise you’ll tell me and I’ll leave.”

“Okay.” 

“Pinky promise,” you raised an eyebrow. 

“Really?” 

“Yes really!” you raised your pinky. 

“I pinky promise.” 

[calypsoff]

Thirty Seven.

Chris is being a little weird again, he won’t come to the door to see his parents. They have arrived, I paid for their flight here too which they did refuse but I insisted, I still feel to blame for most of the things that happened to Chris, I feel like if he didn’t come to Cali on his own then he wouldn’t have got in that position so I said I would. They flew here first class; I have to make sure my in laws are well now. This is the first time they are meeting my mother, Mel and the crew here here because I’m leaving today so it’s like a changeover “can y’all not act like animals please, they have arrived” I announced “sorry, let me put on a show for Robyn’ in laws” Yusuf said, he knows damn well he needs too, walking off to go and answer the door, Chris could have come out and seen them but he isn’t, I don’t need him to play up now when he’s made such progress with everything “I’ll come with you” looking behind me “awww mommy, thank you. It’s like meet the parents all over again, in this situation though. I hope they don’t hate me; they say they don’t but still” I sighed out “I can’t wait to meet the people that took care of my daughter when she came, they seem so nice so I can’t imagine them being mean” I have done nothing but praise them, but they are great people. Dragging open the door “wow” Clinton said, they both look in awe just looking around the neighbourhood. I know it is a lot to take in when you first come to this place.

They are shocked “I have never been to something so nice, oh hi Robyn” Joyce walked by Clinton that is still looking around “nice to see you again” hugging her “likewise, thank you so much for letting us come here and oh my god, the flight here. Thank you” I cooed out “it’s fine honestly, this is my mother. Monica Fenty, this is Joyce” stepping to the side “just how my daughter explained, I have always wanted to meet you. I want to thank you for taking care of her” Joyce waved off my mother “don’t be, she is like a daughter to me” thank god this is a good meeting “I am just in shock, this place is just mind blowing. Thank you” he came over to me, Clinton hugged me “don’t say thank you, stop it. You both deserve some luxury with putting up with Chris” stepping to the side “Clinton, nice to meet you Monica. I can see where Robyn gets her looks from now” Clinton is fast “oh stop it, my daughter is beautiful. Please come in, bring your things in. I know my daughter had things she wanted to speak to you about so make yourself at home” look at my mom taking over “where is Chris? I expected him to be here” Joyce asked, she caught me rolling my eyes “he didn’t want to come out of the bedroom, my mother had enough of Chris and braided his hair” Joyce laughed out “is he still being stubborn about shaving his hair, that boy of mine. Thank you for taking care of him, allowing him to be in your family this way” Joyce is too kind “mom can you take Joyce with you, I’ll be with you both after. Clinton” I’m speaking to him because Chris only allows his dad to do things for him, not that I am leaving Joyce out of this, but I know Clinton does most of it because Chris won’t let her do a thing, this is why I am shocked he let me.

Clinton and I walked side by side towards the back yard, I would take him to see Chris, but I don’t think he would appreciate that, he’s moody “how is my son? How come he didn’t come to see us at the door anyways? He sounded happy when we last spoke to him” sliding open the door “he is doing well but he got frustrated with himself yesterday, the rehab is long and it’s hard and he just got angry at himself that he lashed on myself, like I mean he just punched his leg because it wasn’t working as he said, he’s been great for most part, he’s been settled but now it’s time for me to go he’s playing up and just remains in the room because he wants too, he’s just being a little off with things. Chris will need his sleeping tablet at ten around then, he eats about eight the latest. He does take them with me, but I don’t know, he needs a little bit of help with things, he has to pee sitting down so like many of times he leaves pee on the seat, he’s a messy in terms of leaving things so every day I tidy everything up, keep on top of him with daily clean. He generally does it but I don’t know with how he will be” Clinton and I stopped walking “wow, you really do love my son don’t you, you don’t have to put up with this” I chuckled “I do, I love him with my whole heart and I would do anything for him to make him happy, just worried about leaving him” my concern he will play up but he’s promised he wouldn’t, I just think he’s a little sad I am going but won’t say it.

Clinton laughed; I don’t know what he finds funny, but he finds something funny “what’s funny?” I questioned “my son never leaves his stubbornness, but overall was he good with you. I would like to know he did treat you right?” I cooed out, this makes me a little emotional like a father figure just looking out for me “he is, I can honestly say he does do things when I ask. Yes he does some stupid stuff like when I tell him don’t he does it, like in the shower I told him not to do it, but he did it. But other then that he does listen to me, the affection is a little low, I miss it. I miss that touch right now; I feel like I am missing out on that touch from him, but he is going through it, so I just accept it. I can honestly say that he does respect me, if he didn’t then he would have not done what he did for me, he wouldn’t have gone to a therapist, he wouldn’t have stayed. I can’t blame him for what he is like, but he is not bad with me, just miss that touch. I miss his touch” I sighed out “let me stop” I waved Clinton off; I don’t want to get emotional “it’s ok” Clinton placed his arm around me, I get emotional when he does that to me, he treats me like a daughter and I just think to my own dad, he is so bad with me unless I give him money “you’re going to make me cry, that won’t be good” I announced “just know we appreciate you so much Robyn, you are a daughter to us. Even with Chris being a pain, you think he will see us?” Clinton moved back from me “I will go and see to him, talk to him. Get him to leave the bedroom, I am sure he will” he is a pain, but he will eventually.

I decided to do my makeup, Chris is in bed. I was going to ask him what is he playing at but I thought why be on his case, do your makeup and just do your thing. This way I can gather my thoughts and what I will say to him, closing my blusher “women really do a lot” Chris has been watching me the whole time “we do” I smiled through the mirror at him “what are you going to do now anyways? Being quiet with me does not help me or you so please talk to me” I worry about him, I really want to stay here “you look so beautiful Robyn” he put his head down “forget me, I asked what are you going to be doing when I am gone, I will be gone for two months, I want to come back to you being better. I don’t want to hear you did what you did with me again, I am still very annoyed you did that. Ok you got annoyed but why punch your leg? Frustration, I get it but no. Chris you are pushing yourself, stop” I have already told him all this, I just want better for him “tell me Chris, when I come back what am I going to get? You promised me a lot” turning in my seat, I want to look at him “a better man, I want to be better for you and I will, but a month is a lot, I mean two months. Every morning I see you in bed with me, I am going to miss that. I am going to miss your face, your presence, your vibe, your energy. With my parents it’s work time, I need to just do it because I don’t want them to listen to my shit” he shook his head “then I think this is what you need Chris” he needs me gone, I am maybe bad for him.

I have put my hair in a bun, and I am ready to go and leave for Morocco, I am not going just yet. I just wanted to be ready to leave. Chris came out of the bathroom hopping out “are you going to put some clothes on, so you can see your parents?” I have been avoiding asking him that question, but I want him to go with me and see them, it’s not right. Chris paused on his crutches staring at me “you are so beautiful, I am literally not worthy of you Robyn, it’s been a while since you have done your makeup, even though I enjoy you without makeup. You just look amazing” I smiled looking down at my makeup bag as I zipped it up “thank you Chris but, answer me. Are you going to get your clothes on? Your parents are here Chris, I need to know you’re ok before I leave. Don’t play up on me, please” I pleaded with him, I don’t want him to play up with me now, not now anyways “yeah” he mumbled “thank you poppa” I miss his touch a lot, like so much and I wish there was more affection with us but it’s sweet of him to say what he said about, made me smile anyways “I have cleaned and ironed all your clothes so don’t worry for now ok?” Chris sat on the edge of the bed “thank you Robyn, look. I am resting my foot on the floor like this, and then I add a little weight on, I can get up a little look” I really wish he didn’t, but he did it, I cringed but he did. He got up a little bit off the bed “I am so proud of you, that is so good baby!” he is trying his best and that is all I can ask of him “I won’t get annoyed with myself again, not like I did before” nodding my head, I pray he doesn’t because he needs patience with himself.

Fixing Chris’ jacket on his shoulders “I would have never imagined you with a full grown beard but look at it. I hate it” I added, I really do hate the fucking beard but he refuses to let go of it “the beard loves you too” turning to the door, I want him to sit with us and then I can see what he will be like for a while, dragging open the door “come on then, let’s see my in laws” I grinned looking at Chris “what in laws?” he retorted, now he is just being troll “be quiet” side eyeing him “come on, go ahead of me. They are waiting to see you” I want him to be ahead of me, I want him to be the man and not be behind me. He is the man of the house “they not going to like me like this” he hopped by me, he is right, I don’t either. I hate it but what can I say, I will wait for it. I can hear my family being ever so loud but that is a good thing, Chris looked behind him at me like it is some clarification, but I smiled at him “go on” I said laughing “it’s just family, nobody else” Chris turned the corner “Christopher!” Joyce spat, I knew she would have shouted seeing him “ma, hey” walking into the living room “You bought caveman out, chile. I am dying to shave him so bad” Yusuf said “should be glad he let my mother braid his hair” rolling my eyes.

I am judging Chris I want to know if he will be ok but the way his parents are fussing over him, I am content. They are showing him so much love, like he is a child again “I missed your face so much, I mean what I can see of it. Are you happy I am happy baby” Chris smiled nodding his head “Robyn has been the strength that I needed, everyone that has been here. Like you all been nice enough to deal with me, to be kind. I know that you all know I am going through some things, but you haven’t changed on me, I respect that. And I thank you, Monica you have been my second mother here. Patience you have had with me, knowing Robyn has been upset. Robyn has been my rock and I wouldn’t have done it without her, I recognize it and I will get there” my baby made a speech, everyone cheered in the room “caveman made a speech, if you want me to shave you I am here baby” I am so proud of him, I winked at him smiling. He is there, he will get there, and I know it “no problem from me Chris, you have treated me with so much respect even when you are down” my mother said “I am so proud of Chris baby” Joyce kissed his cheek, the buzzer went off which only meant the SUVs are here, Mel looked at me knowing full well what that meant “I guess this is us” Mel announced.

I paused staring at Clinton watching him lock the house up again for the third time, he did it twice just fine “it’s all done from this tablet, you will be fine. Its so easy, and then you open the blinds from this too” Clinton will be able to do it “call me if anything, like honestly. If you struggle on anything. The door is automatic lock, as soon as you close the door it locks, pretty good security” moving back from Clinton “he will get used to it, his old mind is trying to catch up. You go now, have a safe and lovely tour. Don’t work yourself too hard” Joyce hugged me, hugging her back. She is hugging me so tight “thank you so much angel, you have saved my boy” I chuckled “stop it, I love you all so much. I know you will take care of him” I am not going to get emotional, but Joyce needs to stop doing this, I am going to end up crying “thank you” she moved back “this is amazing Robyn, take care for the tour and travelling” Clinton said, he is so engrossed in the tablet now “thank you” turning to the door and there stood my poppa “you not tired from standing yet?” I want to make this light hearted “no, not yet. I will wait for you always” standing in front of him “that is the sweetest, coming from you anyways. But remember what you promised me Chris, don’t break it now” smiling at him, Chris dropped his crutches and hugged me, it’s been so long since Chris has held me “Chris, your leg” is the first thing I said, I melted in his arms instantly “I didn’t want this moment to come, it has and I hate it. You’re going to be so far from me, you better come back to me. I love you Robyn, I really do” wrapping my arms around his neck “I love you too poppa” I sniffled “I don’t know what I’m going to do now” closing my eyes trying to not get too emotional “you’re going to get better for me, you’re going to be ok Chris. I love you so much” Chris moved back, I instantly wanted to get his crutches but Chris is stood up “poppa, oh my god. You’re stood up” I gasped in shock “Chris, oh my gosh. You’re standing” Chris smiled with tears in his eyes “for you” he put his head down, bending down and picking his crutches up “I am so proud of you, I can’t wait to see you soon ok” he is making me not want to go “you’re making me crying” a sob left my lips “you too, don’t ruin your makeup” he took the cutches for me “I am going to be ok, I will see you soon” Chris leaned forward and kissed my cheek, nodding my head “bye, take care all of you” I need to go before I don’t leave at all, letting the tear fall as I left the home.

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Wet Sugar” [Part 28 of 30]

Summary: Erik and Yani’s lives are about to change permanently....

"I'm a fish in an aquarium Cut off from the outside world The water's always lukewarm And I observe

Hardly anyone takes notice of me But I am, here Quietly floating My lips, moving Just like yours

Always in motion You, never seem to rest Through my reflection I watch you Why do you keep me here, like this…"

Me'Shell Ndegeocello – "Aquarium"

"Come on Sweet Pea, it's okay. Come out from there…"

Yani stuck her head under Sydette's bed and saw her daughter curled up with her doll Miss Penny in the fetal position.

"It's just a bad man on tv it's not real," Yani said.

She reached her hands out for Sydette and the girl crawled from under the bed and sat on Yani's lap.

"Oh, I know that sound scared you. We'll watch something else."

Yani carried Sydette back into their living room and switched the channel to a cooking show. She wasn't expecting a violent news report to interrupt the comedy show they were watching. Her daughter eased back into her chest but Yani could feel her trembling. Touching Sydette's face, Yani kissed her daughter's forehead.

Two months and her daughter was still having night terrors and panic attacks because of Huntsman and their last night at the compound. Even Yani felt a little anxious when she walked around her apartment at night, afraid that someone would come to the door, break-in, and finish what they started on that night. Killmonger said he handled all those men. She wasn't so sure sometimes, especially knowing about Klaue's different minions from all over the world.

It had only gotten worse with Sweet Pea.

Loud sounds on tv or in real life brought either sudden tears or her baby running to hide. Sydette had finally stopped going to the front door and trying to find Killmonger. Yani no longer heard her baby girl asking, "We go find Baba now?"

Yani asked her mentor at the hospital for help finding a therapist that dealt with children and she was able to recommend a wonderful doctor for Sydette. The therapist was a friendly older white man with gentle milky blue eyes. Yani told the partial truth of what had happened to them. Sitting in the man's office while Sydette played with some dolls the therapist had in his space, she explained that they had been robbed while staying in a rental property with her boyfriend. She told him about the guns that were used on them, and she even explained how she and Sydette escaped on the beach. That was all she revealed. Afterward, she sat back and watched the man speak to her daughter just to get to know her. The therapist wrote a lot down, and when it was over, they set up appointments to have Sydette come in twice a week.

Once the therapist gained Sydette's trust after two visits, he had her use dolls to tell him what happened from her point of view. Sydette was so talkative and descriptive.

The man had Sydette coloring while she talked along with more doll play, and there were also sessions with Yani talking with her little girl to help develop coping skills when Sydette did run and hide.

Holding her child on her lap, Yani did what the therapist told her to do. She acted calm and regulated her own breathing so that Sydette copied her and brought down her anxiety. She acknowledged what Sydette was feeling and let her baby dictate how the conversation would go. It was hard though. Sydette tended to ask the same questions about the bad guys coming back. Yani often caught her acting out the attack with her own dolls, and it broke her heart. Bedwetting increased and going to bed at night was a difficult ritual and her daughter no longer wanted to sleep alone in her room. Yani allowed her to stay with her.

Sydette tended to self-soothe frequently with her thumb in her mouth, something she had never done before. She also dragged around a blanket that Killmonger bought for her and twisted her fingers frequently along the edges of the pink satin material whenever she saw something that reminded her of that night.

Sydette reached up and touched the curly lace front Yani wore. She was switching out three different wigs to cover up the scar on her head from the bullet that struck her. It hadn't healed all that well and the scar brought back bad memories.

"How are you feeling now Sweet Pea? Sad? Scared…?"

"Sad."

"Oh yeah? It's ok to feel sad."

"And scared."

"Mama is right here for you. You want to talk about it?"

She shook her head and pressed her face into Yani's chest.

They sat together until Sydette tugged on her pants.

"You need to change your pull-ups?"

"Yes."

Yani closed her eyes and tried not to cry. Sydette had been potty-trained, but now she was back to wearing pull-ups again because of so many accidents during the day.

"Come on."

Yani walked her to the bathroom and cleaned her up. After replacing the pull-ups she made sure to get them back on their evening routine. Making dinner together. Pork n' beans and hot dogs. Yani sliced up cooked wieners and let Sydette drop them into a pot of beans mixed with barbecue sauce and brown sugar. Keeping a daily routine helped Sydette a lot, but Yani was worried that Sydette would never get better.

Yani felt that her own therapy sessions were less important than getting her daughter back on track.

Plus….she had another concern that was twisting up her world.

And she needed to talk to Twyla about it and no one else.

###

Linda's eyes showed no glimmers of shock, surprise, or any concern at all.

Erik arrived in Sweden after a two-week trip of seeing relatives and solidifying his plans to take out Klaue en route to Wakanda. Linda picked him up at the airport and her enthusiasm at seeing him was the best Academy Award-winning performance he had ever experienced. He hugged her and allowed her to kiss his cheek, but then he went straight into work mode.

"How was your flight?" she asked.

They stood by the luggage carousel and waited for Erik's duffle bag and metal suitcase.

"Fine. How's Klaue?"

"Good. Calm actually, which is not normal for him. He seems pretty confident now that you have landed."

He grabbed his duffle as Linda picked up his suitcase. She ushered him to a cab outside and Erik watched her closely. Her eyes flicked over the attaché that Erik held in his hand.

"Things good with your family?" she asked.

"Cool breezy. I'm ready to get to work."

Her eyes were playful and Erik tried to keep his face neutral, but he felt himself grinding his teeth together.

The two-story hideout in Sweden was pretty swanky. Isolated and guarded by a new crew of security that Erik didn't know. Pure muscle men that Klaue planned on taking to Korea with them.

Erik handed over the attaché that Klaue needed, and he learned that Klaue was using it to essentially blackmail the C.I.A. into buying the vibranium from him. Linda acted nonchalant when she saw Klaue getting what she wanted in his hand.

Settling down into tracking the artifacts that would eventually arrive in London, Erik observed Linda's behavior with much more intensity. There might be a Plan B to her treachery. She stayed on several computers for twelve hours a day, and he never caught her sneaking off to try and contact anyone. The moment she saw Erik, she had to know her plans to rob Klaue had been foiled. Erik was alive and in her face. It didn't matter to him that she thought Yani and Sydette were accidental collateral damage. She would have to pay for what she had done.

Rising early one morning, Erik stepped out onto a patio and made a call to his Aunt Serah on his personal cell.

"JaJa."

Serah's voice sounded happy to hear from him.

"Can you face chat, or nah?"

"I am walking into my apartment now."

Erik switched to audio and video and adjusted the earbuds he wore.

"You look good," she said.

"Busy, but I'm maintaining."

"Bakari and Dante said they enjoyed seeing you."

"It was good to be home."

"How can I help you?"

He watched his Aunt take a seat in her kitchen.

"I need you to do something for me. And when I ask you to do this, don't ask why."

Her eyes took him in and she drew in a deep breath.

"What is it?"

"When the London exhibit hits, I don't want you to be there for the first week of the opening. Call in sick."

His face was serious and he waited for her to push back and be nosey as she was prone to be.

"A week?"

He nodded.

It had to be a week. It would take a few days before the arrival for Linda to get in with a job and start taking over surveillance. Erik had already shown their micro-crew the layout for the museum and also the main players. He couldn't leave his Aunt out of the staff photos he showed everyone, but he could keep her away from what they were planning to do.

"I have some vacation time stored up."

"I will let you know what week to leave," he said.

"JaJa—"

"Auntie…please…"

His eyes darted around to make sure he still had privacy.

"Fine. I will do it."

"Thank you. I have to go now. I'll chat with you soon."

She blew him a kiss and Erik went to find Linda.

He found her on her laptop posted up near Klaue in the dining room. She was creating a fake visa and London I.D. for herself.

Klaue sat staring at his own laptop while drinking his third cup of coffee.

"Ross is ready for the transaction," Klaue said.

"I found a plane to get us out. We can jump to Japan, and then Indonesia—" "You take care of all of that with Limbano. I'm working on getting our money upfront before the trade-off. Any word on when the exhibit is happening? I really don't want this to drag out."

"A few months. Be patient."

Klaue smacked Erik's shoulder and sipped on his fresh brew.

"Pre-paid gigs now. Impressive," Erik said taking a seat next to Klaue. He poured himself coffee from the pot sitting on the dining table.

Linda looked at him and the curl of a smile on her lips made him want to punch her. He needed to find something to do or else he would reveal his hand.

"Going for a walk," Erik said.

He left the house and walked around the grounds. The air smelled clean and it helped him clear his head.

He was ready to move.

Being in Sweden gave him time to watch the news on the regular. King T'Chaka would be at the Vienna International Center to help bring about the ratification of the Sokovian accords. Erik hoped the man would return to Wakanda in time for him to stomp him out. He didn't want to challenge the throne while his Uncle was out of the country. He needed him and T'Challa there in person. It would look like a reckless power-grabbing coup d'etat if Erik ran through Wakanda while they were away. No…he needed to follow the letter of the law in his father's homeland. Reading his father's journals, he learned of N'Jobu considering making a play for the throne before he was murdered. It wasn't enough to be a rebel. True power was claiming the throne with a legitimate justice claim. He wanted to kill T'Chaka and T'Challa on their home turf in front of their people. Under their own laws. Their rules. There would be no questioning of his ascension to the throne with their blood on his hands.

Blood on his hands…

His thoughts turned to Yani and Sydette.

It still pained him to think of them. God knows he tried to put them far in the back of his mind as he could, but he couldn't stop the occasional random memories that came at him. A certain odor in the house would remind him of a meal he cooked for his girls. A song on the radio put him back into the kitchen of Klaue's house with Sydette holding onto his hands and dancing as Yani fussed at them for being in her way as she cooked. As hard as he tried to stay busy and mentally occupied, they would creep into his psyche. His trip back to the states helped a lot when he visited his family, but the moment he stepped on the plane to Sweden he fell into a funk. Seeing Linda only brought the island back into sharp relief.

Erik walked back into the house to find some good liquor. He needed to drown his thoughts.

Stay the course.

Focus.

###

Yani stirred in a handful of potatoes into the fish soup she made on Twyla's stove. The fragrant home-made broth she fixed made her own mouth water.

"Don't put no okra in it. I nuh want to feel that slime in my mouth," Twyla said.

"Too late," Yani called out.

"Argh!" Twyla groaned.

"I didn't put a lot in. Barely a handful."

Yani put the soup on simmer and washed her hands.

Sydette played with two new Barbie dolls her paternal grandmother bought for her on the floor. The tv was on a cartoon and Twyla sat on her couch flipping through a fashion magazine.

"You alright?" Twyla asked.

"Yeah."

"You look funny…"

Yani glanced down at Sydette.

"Can we talk in the kitchen?" Yani asked.

Twyla eyed her and then tossed her magazine on the couch. They left Sydette to her dolls.

Twyla lifted up the lid on the soup and took a big whiff.

"Smells like Auntie's."

"Be done soon…Twyla…?" Yani laced and unlaced her fingers together.

Her cousin sat in a chair next to her.

"Yeah?" Twyla said.

"I'm in trouble. I…I messed up…"

"What happen?"

"Don't be vex…"

Yani's hand instinctively went to her belly.

Twyla's head tilted to the side. Her eyes got big and then she sucked her teeth.

"I don't want to hear that…Yani…last time yuh ask mi not be vex…oh dammit cuz…yuh had Sydette…"

Yani's hand covered her eyes and she felt fat tears squeeze from her lids.

Twyla jumped up from her seat and stuck her head out of the kitchen doorway to check on Sydette. She turned back to Yani.

"All this stuff you two are dealing with, and now…yuh telling me you carrying that man's baby?"

Twyla sat back down on the chair and touched Yani's hand.

"I'm not trying to be mean…I'm just. Dammit. I was worried about this happening."

"I'm not keeping it."

Yani wiped her face.

"We said we wouldn't have no baby together. I'm not going to term. I made an appointment in the states. I need you to keep Sydette for me. I'm going to fly to Florida. There's a clinic in Miami that will help me deal with this. I just need you to keep quiet, and watch my Sweet Pea."

"You're going by yourself?"

"Yeah. I don't want anyone to know. Just you."

Twyla squeezed Yani's hand.

"I didn't mean to sound like a bitch about it."

Yani shrugged.

"How far along are you?"

"Two months."

Yani stood up and went to the stove.

She lifted the lid on the soup and stirred it, needing something to do. Needing to be away from Twyla's eyes.

They hadn't been careful.

Especially for the last month they were together. A part of her thought she wanted it to happen. As careful as she had been in the beginning with him, they had become careless in the end. Her rigid birth control taking had slipped and she had no one to blame but herself. She hadn't been taking her pills at the same regular times she always had. The early morning was her normal time, but sometimes she took them in the afternoon, or at night. They had set themselves up for failure. Especially when she allowed him to ejaculate inside of her so often. She had irregular cycles and thought this was another scare like last time. She ignored the first month thinking the stress from the attack was the cause.

She beat herself up. His last few words to her was to not let anything stop her from going to school. Now she was carrying his seed and breaking every promise she made to herself. Killmonger was just as responsible, but now he was out of her life.

"No one can know about this, Twyla."

"My mouth is shut. I'll keep Sydette for you."

Yani covered the soup again. She felt Twyla's arms go around her waist, her cheek pressed close to hers.

"I'll carry this weight with yuh cuz. Okay? No worries."

Yani's head dropped down. Twyla turned her around and Yani buried her face in her cousin's neck.

"I can't go backward," she whispered into her cousin's skin.

"When are you flying out?"

"Next week. Thursday through Sunday."

"You shouldn't go alone. I'll go with you. I'll call in sick to work—"

"I don't want—"

"Calm down…calm down. We'll get Monice to watch Sydette. We'll tell her we're going to visit Kendall. We can see him when we get there, then disappear. He'll be busy doing his club dates and no one will suspect anything if we actually don't see him. It's just a Miami girls trip. Dry your eyes."

Yani nodded.

She was happy that Twyla would come with her. She didn't want to go alone, but she wanted to stay discreet.

"Mama…"

Sydette stood in the doorway and Yani wiped her eyes. Painting a wide smile on her lips she grabbed bowls from the cupboard.

"Ready for some fish tea, love?"

Sydette nodded.

"It'll be okay," Twyla said.

Yani hoped so.

###

Erik's hands slid up her thighs.

They were browner from the sun and so warm to the touch that Erik found himself heavy sighing as he touched her.

The sun beat down on his back and he could feel the hot searing heat making his keloids tingle.

She tried to wiggle back from him and he dragged her legs back to him.

"Nah…get back here. I want you right now. Just like this."

He used his strength to lock her legs down, and when he sank down into her, her lusty shouts made him smile.

Sweat dripped down from his face and onto hers. He threw his head back and a hard exhale fell from his mouth.

"Fuck…baby…!"

Her eyes seemed to be pleading with him, like she was trying to convey something to him on a deeper level.

The muscles in his ass clenched tight and his voice cracked when she said his name in his ear.

"Erik…"

He bolted up from the bed.

"Shit," he gasped, his fingers clutching his sheets.

Glancing around the bed, Erik saw that he was alone in his room. He shut his eyes tight and caught the fading sensations of being with Yani once more. Falling back onto his back, he stared at the ceiling. The warm tingling sensation on his skin disarmed him. He actually felt her hands on him. He could smell her scent still. Lucid dreams had happened to him before, but this one was much too powerful. His hand drifted to his groin and the erection that greeted him there was slick with his semen. He gripped his dick and the throbbing in his hand surprised him and he found himself ejaculating while being awake.

"Ah, fuck…"

Fingers wet, skin drenched in sweat, Erik rolled his face into his pillow and fought the urge to reach out to her. Although his body was yearning for the sexual contact, Erik just wanted to lay up with her and hold her. He missed the weight of Sweet Pea on his chest and Yani snuggled against him.

Erik dragged himself off the bed to clean up the nocturnal emissions. Red eyes greeted him in the bathroom mirror. Had he been crying while dreaming? His heart thudded in his chest and he touched the left side to feel the sensation. His gut told him something was wrong.

He grabbed his laptop and sat back on the bed.

Using an old avatar, he tried to check her social media, but she had deleted everything. It was smart on her part. Kept her off the radar. Twyla's accounts were locked, and Kendall's had become strictly business. When he typed in her name only pictures of her from Kendall's or Chez's fans popped up and they were very few compared to when she had been active online.

His fingers itched to call Twyla, but he refrained.

It wasn't right to try and bounce in and out of her life. She had money. She had support. She would do what she had to do to take care of herself and Sydette.

He shut down his laptop and went outside to walk the grounds. One of Klaue's new security team eyed him hard when he stepped to the rear of the house. Erik waved him off and continued meandering under the moonlight. The acute sensations of feeling Yani's presence had finally faded.

But something tugged at his spirit.

Something felt amiss.

###

Yani sat wearing a paper medical gown in a room filled with five other women dressed the same.

They all sat in a silent queue that they probably never thought they would find themselves in.

Yani kept her head down and stared at her bare feet encased in sandals. A woman sitting adjacent from her stared at her head, and she regretted not wearing one of her wigs. She still felt very self-conscious about the scar. Only part of the hair grew back and the rest was small but vivid scar tissue. Shiny like one of Killmonger's keloids.

Her heart jumped when she thought of him. She worried the thin material of the medical gown with her fingers as her nerves ratcheted up. A thin Latino looking woman was called to follow a Doctor's assistant and Yani could feel the collective anxiety from all the other women and herself as they watched the woman go through a door that closed with a loud bang. She wished she could text Twyla just to have something to do to occupy her mind, but her cousin was posted up at the hotel they were staying at awaiting her call for when the procedure was done.

Procedure.

Yani closed her eyes.

When she first found out she was pregnant with Sydette she was so ready to go to a clinic and terminate. Fidgeting in her seat, she couldn't imagine doing that. But that was only because she had Sweet Pea now, knew her, loved her. It seemed like such an easy thing to do back then especially when she was so angry with Chez and how that pregnancy came to be.

This one was different. It was an accident. A loving accident.

Her tummy flip-flopped and she felt her leg shake a bit with nerves. Another woman was called to go away. Yani was next if they were going in order as they had been.

An older white woman with tight crows feet around her eyes opened the door soon enough and looked Yani in the eye. Yani stood up and tried to close the back of her gown that had begun to stick to her backside from nervous sweat.

She was taken into a sterile room and asked to lay back on a cool blue gynecology chair with a protective white hygienic cover. The assistant helped her place her legs in some stirrups and adjusted her backrest for comfort.

Yani felt her blood pressure rise up and her breathing grew erratic.

The assistant's voice was raspy as she spoke from a protective mask.

"Try to relax. I'm going to place Misoprostol against your cervix. It will soften it for us, and then in two hours the doctor will come in and we'll start. Okay?"

Yani nodded but when the woman touched her thigh to let her know she was about to proceed, Yani tensed up and her hands went to her stomach and covered it.

"Stop, please."

The assistant stared at Yani and pulled away from her.

"You need a moment?"

Yani nodded and felt the small prick of a tear in her eye. She covered her face with her right hand.

"I'll come back—"

"I'm nervous."

The assistant gave a small sigh and when she was about to say something more, a Black woman with a short gray 'fro walked in.

"She's nervous," the assistant said.

Yani watched the Black woman approach her side. The woman touched her arm and gave it a soft pat. Her hand was warm.

"It's alright," the woman said.

"I'm sorry—"

"No need for you to be sorry. This isn't easy for any woman. Even the ones who act like it's no big deal. I'm the doctor who will be working with you. How would you like for me to proceed?"

The doctor reached out for her hand, and Yani accepted the comfort.

Closing her eyes, she rested her head back and exhaled.

###

Twyla drove to the side of the non-descript building and Yani walked to their rental car. She climbed into the passenger seat and burst into tears.

"Oh…cuz…it's alright."

Twyla caressed her scalp and turned Yani's face toward her. "I couldn't do it."

"What?"

Yani shook her head and covered her mouth.

"You didn't-?"

"No."

Twyla held Yani's hand.

"They are going to kill me back home."

"No. Disappointed…yes. But they will love this one like Sydette."

"Yuh disappointed with me?"

"I don't want to see you struggle again. You are supposed to be a doctor, Yani. It just gets harder with two babies."

"Yuh think I should abort this one?"

"I can't make that choice for you."

"They had my legs up and were prepping me and I just…I thought…this was an accident, but it didn't have to be a mistake. I know it don't make sense, and everyone will think I'm just a stupid woman who can't keep her legs shut. I want to be selfish for this child, for its father's sake. Killmonger…he's a good man. We all know he ah bad man when him with Klaue, he said it himself. Him clear on that. But I know he wants to be a good man. In his own way. I don't know where he is, but I want to have this good. This baby is good. Hear mi?"

"I hear you, Yani."

"I have enough money for now. It will just take me a little longer to finish school. But I won't have to struggle like before."

Yani wiped her eyes again.

"I want him to have something good in the world. I want to keep my baby."

Twyla stared out of the window.

"He was so loving to us, Twyla. I know you think I'm stupid for this—"

"I never said that. It's just hard having a child alone. It's why I never did it."

Yani snuck a glance at her cousin.

"You ever regret your decision with Devon?"

"No. The choice was easy for me. It turned out to be the best thing for me. I won't tell yuh what to do. This your decision."

Twyla regarded her face with concern.

"Once we leave here, there's no going back, Yani. I mean, you could make another appointment—"

"No. I've made up my mind. My parents are going to hate me, no matter what you say, but it's what I want to do."

"Crazy gyal. Lord ah mercy I can already hear Auntie sucking her teeth."

Yani smiled even as she felt new tears falling down her cheeks.

She was accustomed to working hard her entire life. She'd just have to be on the grind even harder for Sydette, school, and this little one.

"Can yuh come with me to tell Auntie? I want her to know before my parents. I have to get my house in order."

"Be ready for her to have a fit…although…"

"Although what?" Yani asked, hesitation in her voice.

"She really liked that big nigga."

Yani's lips trembled and Twyla squeezed her hand again.

"She really did," Yani agreed.

"I really liked him too. Lord, here we go again!"

Twyla started the car and Yani rested her head in her seat and closed her eyes.

###

Twyla stood in the kitchen doorway as Yani sat on a loveseat with Sydette seated next to her.

"Yuh understand what Mama is saying? You will be a big sister," Yani said.

"In there?" Sydette said pointing to Yani's belly.

"Yeah, the baby is in there. I'll get a big stomach like Sandrina."

"Can I talk to the baby?"

"Anytime you want."

Sydette leaned forward pressing her ear to Yani's stomach.

"You in there baby? Can yuh hear me?"

"You like being a big sister?"

Sydette nodded.

Yani's eyes swept over to her mother and her Aunt Leona. Her mother's face was tight, but she found strength in Leona's firm stance that Yani's mother not scold her or talk down to her. Leona herself was disappointed at first, but then she immediately steeled herself to support Yani when she told the rest of the family. Everyone knew who the daddy was, and they all knew the man was never coming back.

"The baby sleep in my room with me?"

"Yes, love. When it gets a little bigger."

"Will I have a brother or a sister?"

"We won't know until it gets here. What do you want me to have?"

"A brother."

Paula stood up and walked over to Yani, taking a seat next to Sydette.

"Your life is in your hands—"

"Mommy—"

"Let me finish. We didn't do right by you the first time…when you had Sydette—"

"Don't—"

"Listen. Your Daddy and me saw how hard you worked to raise your child on your own. I'm sorry we were so hard on you. We nuh treat yuh how we should have and we can't change that. But we can be better this time. I'm not ashamed of you, Yani. I know yuh think that. Yuh just make things tough on yourself and we don't want you to struggle like we did raising alla you girls. I'm sorry…"

"Mommy. Forget that—"

"Yes. Forget all of that past stuff and let's focus on getting this new pickney here healthy and in one piece," Leona said.

Sydette jumped down from the couch.

"Where yuh going, Sweet Pea? Yani asked.

"I have to use the bathroom."

Yani watched her daughter run to the bathroom on her own.

The evening was pleasant and her mother cooked dinner for all of them. Yani ate her fill of beef patties with fried rice and Sydette spent the night in their bed touching her stomach and talking to her sibling with soft whispers.

###

"JaJa."

"Auntie."

Erik could see on his cell that she was standing outside of the Museum of Great Britain.

"The exhibit arrives in July. The opening will be on 15th."

"Thank you Auntie."

"I put in my request for vacation time."

"Good."

Her sharp eyes took in his face.

"Whatever you are about to do…be safe."

"Always."

Erik hung up and turned his eyes back to the small touchpad he watched outside on the backyard patio.

King T'Chaka sat in the United Nations, his voice confident as he addressed the assembly. How fitting that he should speak of peace and harmony among countries when Erik was preparing to bring that work to his own country's doorstep.

How fitting indeed.

Chapter 29 Here

###

Tag List:

@fd-writes​ @soufcakmistress  @cherrystainedlipsbaby @tclaybon  @thadelightfulone

@allhailqueennel @bartierbakarimobisson @cpwtwot @shookmcgookqueen @yoyolovesbucky

@raysunshine78 @the-illllest @terrablaze514  @l-auteuse @amirra88 @jimizwidow @janelledarling

@chaneajoyyy @sweetestdream92 @purple-apricots @blackpinup22 @hennessystevens-udaku

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@tyees @eye-raq @writerbee-ffs @chocolatedream30

[thedormdietitian]

Why I’m Leaving the Field

Hi everyone!

It’s been quiiiiiiite a while since I’ve posted on here, and I’m really sorry about that! One perk of quarantine is that I’ve had a whole lot of extra free time, so here we are.

In my last post (done almost 2 years ago....how?!), I shared my thoughts on the lack of jobs for dietitians. Well, shortly after posting that, I was fortunate to land a job in the world of inpatient dietetics. It was in my dream area and I was thrilled to a) have a full time job and b) have it be in the area I have my degrees in. In today’s rather pathetic millennial society, I recognize how lucky I am to have a job that fits both of those categories. But anyways, as you can tell by the title of this post, I will (hopefully) be leaving this job, and this field, soon.

I’ll try to keep this post short and sweet, but I have to admit that I never thought I would actually be writing this. I was a young, spry 18 year old when I decided on this career. I was slightly obnoxious over how proud I was for never changing my major and I always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Maybe this is payback? I truly thought this was the career for me and I didn’t let anything get in the way of that. There were many times during both undergrad and grad school that I wanted to quit, but I did not let anything get in my way. I was so beyond determined to hurry up and graduate and start my dream career, and I was ecstatic to land the job that I did.

Now that I’m looking back, I realized this career wasn’t for me during my internship. On my second day of my clinical rotations, I cried on my whole drive home. After a whole two days at my rotation site, I knew didn’t chose the right career. I’ve never told ANYONE this because I was so embarrassed that it took me years of schooling to realize that; and here I am, in a coveted and competitive internship, realizing that this wasn’t what I wanted. So, I sucked it up and just told myself I was overreacting, and that there was no way in hell I would quit the internship because I was lucky to be there. It took me quite a while to grapple that idea. 

Now, to get to the why am I leaving the field? I’ve been at my job for a while now. Again, I realize, especially now, how fortunate I am to even have a job, let alone contemplate a career change. But, if this helps anyone thinking of becoming a dietitian, then I’m glad I put this out here. Here are the reasons why I am leaving the field:

-We have to get permission for EVERYTHING. This is possibly what bothers me the most. Everyone I work with has advanced degrees, tons of experience, and credentials, yet we have to ask permission to do the very things that we’ve been trained to do. Want to order a vitamin level? Call the doctor. Want to change tube feeds because the patient is off the ventilator? Call the doctor. Want to correct your patient’s diet order? Call the doctor. At my hospital, we are the only group of providers that has to get permission to do anything. I see MDs order speech evals, or PT/OT evals, and they just say “evaluate and treat”. No physical therapist is calling the doctor to see if it’s ok to do this certain exercise on a patient. Even if we get an order for tube feeds, we have to call the doctor (who ordered the consult) to see if, yes, they truly want tube feeds. Doctors don’t have a clue what exercises should be done, just like they don’t know what tube feeds a patient should be on. I’m not slamming doctors at all; that’s why different specialties and careers exist. But why can’t dietitians be treated like other professions? It’s ridiculous to call to get permission to DO OUR JOBS.

-The pay. I knew I wouldn’t be a millionaire as a dietitian, but I didn’t think the pay would be that dismal. Sitting in the office everyday, at least one person complains about not having enough money. Our raises are very small and are automatic; we get them each year whether we are good at our job or not. There are no incentives to perform better. I’m a strong believer in working hard because that’s what you should do, but it gets pretty dang annoying to see people in other careers who get lucrative bonuses for simply doing things required for their jobs. At my workplace, you don’t get extra pay if you get your CNSC/CDE/etc, see extra patients, come in early, or anything else. Your pay doesn’t change except for your yearly raise. Hearing my coworkers complain about money on the daily really starts to get to me, especially after working so hard to get here. A few of my coworkers have worked at my workplace for 30+ years and don’t even come close to making $70k. Hearing that they can’t afford to do needed house repairs, or fix their cars, or even go on vacation with their kids gets really depressing. I even have a coworker who has to give up her shift if her mom can’t watch her kids because she can’t afford to pay for childcare. You wouldn’t think any of those things would be a concern working in healthcare! Dietitians work insanely hard to even become a dietitian, and our jobs are demanding. Our pay needs to reflect that. See my previous post for salary comparisons in healthcare careers. I had a professor in undergrad who said dietitians will only be successful financially if their spouses are the breadwinners. I brushed her comment off at first, but after working in the field, SHE WAS RIGHT. I have a lot of coworkers, and the ones who are truly happy in this field are the ones that have spouses who are breadwinners. Because money DOES matter. I want to be able to take care of myself, buy things I need, fix things that break, and yes, go on vacation. I don’t even have kids yet, but the number of times I’ve already thought about not being able to afford things for them freaks me out. I’ve known dietitians who work for WIC who are on WIC themselves.That is not even slightly ok. I am not shaming those who use WIC; but to be a dietitian and meet the salary requirements for WIC is mind-boggling. Your education is an investment; you want a solid return on that investment. If you’ve ever paid for a dietetic internship, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

-Lack of leadership. Sorry, but I can’t stand the Academy. Using my example of physical therapists again, their “academy” fought for them to raise their pay and to improve the field, and they did. The only advancement in our field is the new “RDN” credential, which, frankly, just brings more confusion on who we are and tacks on the word “nutritionist”, something that 99.9% of dietitians hate being called. The Academy is also requiring all RD’s to have Masters degrees by 2024. I interviewed for quite a few jobs, and having a Masters does nothing for your duties/responsibilities, and results in a very minimal salary adjustment. We can do better. Making it even harder to enter into this field or slightly changing our name won’t help anyone.

-Lack of support for the field. Excluding FNCE, have you ever been to a dietitian conference? They’re usually in a random hall at hospital. Have you ever seen a conference for other health professions? They’re usually at a gorgeous resort on an island. Because of our poor pay, very few dietitians are actually able to support their profession financially. This results in lackadaisical events that are frankly depressing to be at. It’s not about the glitz and glamour; its about supporting the profession and being enthusiastic about it. These events that are held should make people want to join our profession, not run the other way. 

-Job outlook. As a clinical inpatient dietitian, I don’t see my exact position being around for much longer. Especially with losses in revenue amongst hospitals due to COVID, I truly (and unfortunately) think this position will eventually be phased out. In my city, a lot of hospitals have already started cutting their clinical inpatient diet techs, and I think dietitians are next. And it kills me to say that, because our job is needed. But since nurses can (and have) been doing our educations, pharmacy can order TPNs, and residents can stumble through ordering tube feeds, I think our job has shifted into the “not really necessary but nice to have” category. Which really, really sucks. But even in the few years I’ve been a dietitian, I’ve seen the shift. I think outpatient and community RD jobs will always be there, but I think inpatient dietitians are going to be a thing of the past very soon. Starting your own business has become more popular. If you can make it work, go for it. There is a dietitian “business coach” who started her own Instagram business after realizing clinical just isn’t where it’s at, and that new clinical jobs are becoming few and far between. And honestly, she’s right. Post-pandemic, look at the number of job opportunities in your area. It’s a shrinking number.

So that’s that. I’m sure this came off as negative, but someone needs to be telling others this. As much as I love nutrition and am passionate about helping those improve their health with nutrition, this career just isn’t worth it. I hope to always use my RD roots in my next career and I don’t regret the years of schooling I’ve done. But if you’re considering this route, I want you to recognize that this career isn’t even close to what your professors have chalked it up to be. If anything, if you are in college right now, GO SHADOW. Shadow inpatient, shadow outpatient, go see what the job is like. See how happy they are in their jobs, learn their salaries, learn what they love, what they don’t love, and truly see if you can see yourself in this job. That’s what I would tell my 18 year old self, and it’s what I’m telling you as well. 

xoxo,

The Dorm Dietitian

[smutfanfictionlover-blog]

MY TRUE SELF- THE BOYZ’S JUYEON SMUT FANFIC CHAPTER V. THE REVELATION- FINAL- RATED M

CHAPTERS 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 /

CONTINUATION IN THEIR CONVERSATION... 

“Y/N, I didn’t know that Sejin will set us up today on your birthday. Sejin is my client and she just registered you for my consultation and this is the form she filled-up last week.” Juyeon said and he gave the form that was filled-up by Sejin but while Y/N is reading it. He talked to Sejin over the call. 

Juyeon: Sejin! I don’t believe you! Honestly, I really don’t accept consultations from a single person I just have consultations for couples and those who are in a relationship. 

Then as Y/N reads the form, she was shocked because she saw Juyeon’s profession as “Certified Sex therapist” 

“OMG! Seriously? Juyeon is a sex therapist and Sejin registered me for one-year consultation!” Y/N thought.Then she talked to Sejin over the phone. 

Y/N: Yah! Sejin! I really hate your birthday gift to me! You freaking registered me to Juyeon as my sex therapist for one year? 

Sejin: Thank me later Y/N! For Juyeon, I am sorry but I have to do this for Y/N! 

Juyeon: aish! You freaking set us up! 

Sejin: haha! Enjoy your stay with Y/N, Juyeon! Happy birthday again Y/N! 

Y/N: Yah! Sejin! You are really unpredictable! 

Sejin: Bye the two of you! 

Then Sejin hang-up the phone and they didn’t look at each other. 

“Y/N, I swear I didn’t know that Sejin will register you for my consultation and she didn’t even tell your name to me because she said that you are a private person. I am really sorry about that.” Juyeon said. 

“This is Sejin’s fault, not yours ok? I really didn’t expect that her surprise gift will be going this far. Also, I have to be honest Juyeon, I am really shocked that you are a certified sex therapist and Sejin is one of your clients?” Y/N said. 

“Yes! But I hope you don’t get the wrong idea Y/N. My work is just only to conduct counseling and give some advice to all the couples and I never done the sexual intercourse with my clients because I am not allowed to do that.” Juyeon said. 

“Ok! I understand now Juyeon the reason why you keep your profession private in the office because they might get the wrong idea about your profession. Am I right?” Y/N said. 

“Yes! It will be a big issue too in the office. Also, I never had a consultation from a single person all of them are couples” Juyeon said. 

“Ok! Ok! I get it! I don’t know what to think now! But did Sejin also paid you for that one-year consultation?” Y/N asked. 

“Yes! Also, she wants me to stay with you for one year too.” Juyeon said. 

“My gosh! Sejin is really unbelievable! It looks like I don’t have a choice because you are paid for one-year to be with me and be your sex therapist. “Y/N said. 

“I am really sorry about this set-up Y/N.” Juyeon said. 

“It’s not your fault ok? Since we are working in the same company, I will let you live with me if that’s in the contract and don’t worry you can go to your other clients since I don’t need any consultation from you but if I have questions or any concerns. I will tell you ok?” Y/N said 

“Are you really sure about that? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable Y/N.” Juyeon said. 

“Ne! Don’t worry Juyeon, I am getting used now to your appearance.” Y/N said and smiled at him. 

“Ok! You said it Y/N! Just think it’s your birthday now and forget how Sejin set us up.” Juyeon said. 

“You’re right! I can’t deny that Sejin’s birthday gift was too much for me! Gosh! But if you knew I will be your client, are you really going to accept it?” Y/N asked. 

“For me, I think I will not accept it because I just really do consultations for couples only.” Juyeon said and looked at her. 

“Oh! I see you are really strict about your profession.” Y/N said. 

“Yes! I have to because I don’t want my certification to be taken away.” Juyeon said. 

“Ok! I understand now Juyeon, I will sign the contract.” Y/N said and smiled at him. Then Juyeon gave the contract to Y/N and she signed it and she gave back the contract to Juyeon and he smiled at her. 

“I didn’t imagine that someone will really set us up this way.” Juyeon thought. 

“We will keep this as a secret to the others so that we will not be teased by them.” Y/N said. 

“Yup! Don’t worry I will not tell Changmin and Chanhee. but I think Eric knows about Sejin’s plan because he told me that Sejin told him that I have a new client.” Juyeon said. 

“Mworago?(What did you say?) Eric know this too? Aish!” Y/N said with frustration. 

“We can talk to Eric later in the evening ok? Don’t be stress out now because its your birthday Y/N! So, is there any, I can help now? It seems you are not done yet in decorating.” Juyeon said and smiled at her. 

“You’re right! Let’s just talk to Eric before he goes home tonight. You can help me carry these things.” Y/N said and smiled to him and Juyeon nodded and he helped  Y/N to decorate her apartment for her birthday celebration.  

In their office it was almost for them to end their shift, someone called Eric and it was Sejin. 

THEIR CONVERSATION... 

Eric: Sejin noona! Did Y/N already receive her birthday gift from you? 

Sejin: Ne! Of course, Juyeon and Y/N are shocked because they should live for one year. 

Eric: haha! That’s a good set-up for the two of them! 

Sejin: We will just wait until Y/N and Juyeon will finally be in a relationship 

Eric: Definitely your plan will really work because they will live for one year! 

Sejin: I really hope so! 

Eric: Trust me Sejin noona! Y/N will really fall in love to Juyeon while they are living in one apartment. I have to go now because our shift just ended and we will go to Y/N’s place with Chanhee and Changmin. 

Sejin: Ok! Have fun in Y/N’s birthday celebration! 

Eric: Ne! Take care Sejin noona! 

END OF CONVERSATION. 

After their conversation Eric, Changmin and Chanhee went to Y/N’s place and while they are still driving to Y/N’s place. Juyeon and Y/N just finished everything for her birthday celebration and they arranged the food for them and... 

“Y/N! I almost forgot to give you this. This is my gift for you.” Juyeon said and gave the gift to Y/N and she smiled at him and she decided to open and it was a red shoulder bag and... 

“OMO! Thank you so much for this Juyeon!” Y/N said and smiled at him. 

“You’re welcome Y/N! I am happy you like my gift to you!” Juyeon said and smiled back and then someone rang the doorbell and Y/N went to open the door and it was Eric, Changmin and Chanhee. 

“생일축하해요! (Saengil chukhahaeyo!- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) Y/N! “ Eric, Changmin and Chanhee said altogether and gave their gift to her and Y/N smiled at them. 

“OMO! Thanks guys! Come in! Juyeon is also right here now too!” Y/N said and they all went in her apartment and and they saw the food that was ordered by Y/N. 

“Wow! You really ordered many food Y/N!” Eric said. 

“If we can’t eat all of them, we can at least take some food when we go home right?” Changmin said and they laughed. 

“Of course! because I will not be able to eat all of them” Y/N said and smiled at them. Then they have dinner and they started their conversation. 

“Y/N! Open our gift to you!” Chanhee said and smiled at Y/N. Then she opened the gift and it was a cute pink dress. 

“Wow! It’s so cute and pretty! Thank you so much Eric, Chanhee and Changmin for this gift! I will definitely wear this.” Y/N said and smiled at them. 

“You’re welcome Y/N! “ Changmin said and smiled at her. 

“By the way, Juyeon when did you come here in Y/N’s place?” Chanhee asked. 

“I became early, because I just met my new client quickly and went straight to Y/N’s place.” Juyeon said and he slightly looks at Y/N and Eric noticed it. 

“It looks like there is something between them.” Eric thought and smirked 

“Oh! That’s why! Then you are the one who helped Y/N with all these decorations too?” Changmin said. 

“Yes! “ Juyeon said and smiled at them. 

“Wow! It seems you two have a great time while we are not still here a while ago huh?” Eric said. 

“Yes! Because he helped me today and he also gave me a gift.” Y/N said and smiled at them. 

“That’s good Y/N! But why is Juyeon carrying a big bag? Is he going somewhere or is he going to live with you now?” Eric asked. 

“Aish! Eric really knows it all!” Y/N thought. 

“No! I just carried them because I just searched some tools in my bag to pin somethings that we decorated.” Juyeon said. 

“Gosh! Eric really made me nervous to answer that! Thankfully I had an excuse.” Juyeon thought. 

“Oh! Ok we understand Juyeon! We really thought you are really going to live with Y/N!” Chanhee said.

“Aish! Juyeon will never live with me because we are not in a relationship ok?” Y/N said. 

“Fine! We will stop teasing and linking you with Juyeon!” Changmin said and they laughed. 

“That’s good because you make us really uncomfortable!” Y/N said. 

“It feels like that Juyeon is not uncomfortable at all and you are the just the only one who is uncomfortable.” Eric said and smiled at them. 

“Aish! Eric is getting on my nerves!” Y/N thought. 

“Don’t worry Y/N, I am kind getting used to them.” Juyeon said and looked at her and they laughed. 

“Aish! Fine! I have no choice! The three of them are really just good at teasing!” Y/N said. Then as they finished having their dinner... 

“Happy Birthday again Y/N! Thank you for this food! We will eat this well too in our dorm!” Changmin said. 

“We have to go Y/N! Thank you for this day Y/N! Happy birthday again!” Chanhee said and smiled at them. 

“Ne! Take care Changmin and Chanhee!” Y/N said as she waved goodbye to them. Then when Eric was about to leave, Juyeon and Y/N blocked his way. 

“Why? I have to go home now!” Eric said. 

“We should talk about something with you Eric.” Juyeon said and Y/N nodded. 

“Aish! Fine!” Eric said and sits in the sofa in Y/N’s living room and then Y/N and Juyeon sits across him and... 

“Eric, I want to ask you something.” Juyeon said. 

“What is it about?” Eric asked. 

“You know Sejin’s plan to Y/N, am I right?” Juyeon asked. 

“Gosh! I am doomed! I have no escape with this question!” Eric thought. 

“Eric, don’t ever make any excuses and don’t lie to us!” Y/N said. 

“Fine! I know Sejin’s plan for you! What is the problem with that?” Eric said.

“I don’t want to blame you Eric. Since Sejin is the one really at fault but if you just told Juyeon this so-called surprise birthday gift of Sejin to me, we will not be that uncomfortable because he should live with me for one year even though I don’t have any problems to consult with him.” Y/N said. 

“I am sorry about that Juyeon and Y/N!” Eric said. 

“But because the two of you, we have no choice but to comply with those agreement between him and Sejin.” Y/N said. 

“Also, Eric because of your sudden questions to me earlier, you made me really nervous and you really think that I will not be able to have such an excuse. You’re wrong!” Juyeon said. 

“Also, Juyeon just have consultations with couples not with a single person and also I think you have a wrong idea about his profession.” Y/N said. 

“I am really sorry Juyeon for not being a sensitive person when it comes to your profession. It’s just we want the two of you fall in love so, that Y/N will finally date someone and we can see that Juyeon will be the person that Y/N will date.” Eric said. 

“We know that ok? But I think for Juyeon’s side as a sex therapist it’s not applicable to have such attachment to a client who is a single woman like me because I don’t have any problems and any concerns about the topic that he always talked and addressed to the other clients who are couples.” Y/N said. 

“Y/N is right! But because I was already paid by Sejin, there’s no way I have to not accept it anymore.” Juyeon said. 

“Ok! I get it! I just agreed to Sejin’s plan but I didn’t do anything ok?” Eric said. 

“Ok! We believe you Eric! You can go home now! Starting today Juyeon will live with me.” Y/N said. 

“Oh! Good luck the two of you for the one-year agreement living with Y/N, Juyeon!” Eric said and winked at them. 

“Aish! Just go home Eric! Good night and drive safely!” Juyeon said. 

“Juyeon is right! Just go home now! You are still getting to my nerves!” Y/N said and Eric just laughed. 

“Ne! Good night to the two of you!” Eric said and left Y/N’s apartment. Then after Eric left, Juyeon just looked at Y/N and smiled at her. 

“Why are you smiling like that to me?” Y/N said. 

“Nothing! You are just cute to look at.” Juyeon said. 

“Ei! Don’t be like that!” Y/N said and Juyeon laughed. 

“Where should I sleep?” Juyeon asked. 

“I don’t mind If you can sleep beside me because I trust you Juyeon.” Y/N said and smiled at him. 

“Are you sure about that Y/N? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Juyeon said. 

“it’s ok! I really trust you Juyeon! I know you will not do anything to me haha!” Y/N said. 

“Yup! Don’t worry! I am a good guy Y/N.” Juyeon said and smiled at her. 

“Ok! Let’s go you can put your bag inside the bedroom.”  Y/N said and Juyeon nodded and followed her inside the bedroom. 

“I will just clean in the kitchen and you can help me after you change your clothes.” Y/N said and smiled at him. 

“OK! I will be right there with you in the kitchen!” Juyeon said and smiled back and Y/N went to the kitchen and he changes his clothes into a sleeveless shirt and shorts and then he went to kitchen to help Y/N and when she saw Juyeon’s clothes... 

“OMO! What a hot body he has! His biceps are quite muscular too!” Y/N thought and stared for a few moments and then Juyeon noticed Y/N is looking at her. 

“Y/N, your staring habit kind a distracts and bothers me. Don’t do that! I know I am handsome! Haha!” Juyeon said in a joking way. 

“Oh shit! He just noticed me again staring at him!” Y/N thought. 

“I am sorry about that Juyeon! I admit you have a good body shape!” Y/N said bluntly. 

“Wow! I didn’t expect you will be straightforward to me now!” Juyeon said. 

“I just don’t want to be teased that’s why I should be straightforward from now on.” Y/N said and Juyeon laughed at her 

“But thanks, Y/N for complimenting me about my body! You can touch them if you want?” Juyeon said and winked at her. 

“No thanks, Juyeon! You might think I am a maniac.” Y/N said and Juyeon laughs more. 

“Ok! You said it Y/N. By the way, after all my schedules to my other clients I can drive you home since we live each other now.” Juyeon said. 

“Ok! That's good! We should sleep now, we have work tomorrow!” Y/N said. 

“Oh! You’re right! Good night Y/N!” Juyeon said smiled at her 

“Ne! Good night too Juyeon!” Y/N said and smiled back. Then they went to sleep in one bed 

FAST FORWARD... 

It was Friday morning and then Juyeon and Y/N went to the office and as they started to work, someone sends a message to Juyeon and it was Eric. 

THEIR CONVERSATION... 

Eric: Good morning Juyeon! 

Juyeon: Hey! Good morning too Eric! 

Eric: How’s living with Y/N? 

Juyeon: It’s great! Don’t worry we are not fighting in her apartment. We are always in good terms. 

Eric: Wow! That’s good! You are becoming closer! 

Juyeon: Yup! I think Sejin’s idea is not that bad though. 

Eric: I think so too!  It seems that Y/N is really comfortable with you. 

Juyeon: Yup! She really is! I have to go back to work now. See you on lunch break! 

Eric: Ne! See you later Juyeon! 

END OF CONVERSATION. 

After their conversation, Juyeon and Eric continues to work and Y/N tries to focus in work but someone sends her a message in her phone and it was Sejin. 

THEIR CONVERSATION... 

Sejin: Good morning Y/N! I missed you sis! 

Y/N: Good morning too Sejin! I missed you too! 

Sejin: How’s my birthday gift to you, living with Juyeon for the past few days? 

Y/N: We are doing good! But I cannot still believe that your plan for me was beyond my imagination.

Sejin: Y/N I am a genius! Since it seems you are really getting along too. 

Y/N: Yes! But still I think for Juyeon, it was not entirely acceptable since he really only have clients who are couples and also, I don’t have any such questions especially to sex. 

Sejin: Y/N, I bet one day you will ask Juyeon and he is really good addressing the topic. 

Y/N: I don’t know right now Sejin. Since for the past few days you just only set me up to live with him for one year. 

Sejin: Haha! Don’t worry Y/N! you’ll thank me later. 

Y/N: Ok fine! I hope we can also see each other if you have free time. 

Sejin: Don’t worry, I will inform you.

Y/N: Ok! I have to work now! Bye and Take care Sejin! 

Sejin: Ne! Bye and take care too Y/N! 

END OF CONVERSATION. 

 After hours passed by, it was their lunch break and they all went to the cafeteria and they eat their lunch 

“Y/N it looks like you and Juyeon are always going to the office at same time

huh?” Chanhee said. 

“Yup! Since his place is not that far away from me.” Y/N said as she lied to Chanhee. 

“So, that’s the reason why Eric is not driving you home anymore? Changmin asked. 

“Ne! Since Eric’s place is kind a far away and I don’t want him to go home late.” Y/N said. 

“Eric, is that really alright for you that you are not driving her home anymore?” Chanhee asked. 

“Yup! Also, Y/N has a point. So, it will be more convenient for me go home early too.” Eric said and smiled at them. 

“We also think that Y/N and Juyeon are closer now! Are the two of you are just really comfortable to each other?” Changmin asked. 

“Yes! We are!” Y/N said and smiled at them. 

“ok! We get it! We will not tease you anymore and we will just wait the day that two of you will finally be in a relationship!” Chanhee said and they laughed. 

“We don’t know what will happen ok? Just don’t assume things!” Juyeon said. 

“Juyeon is right, important is that we are in good terms as always.” Y/N said. 

“Ok! We understand Y/N and Juyeon.” Changmin said and smiled at them and they smiled back then after their lunch break, they went back to work and while they are working, Y/N can’t forget Juyeon’s body-shape when it was her first time to see him in a sleeveless shirt. 

“Gosh! Why am I fond of imagining such things to Juyeon now! I know he is just handsome and has a perfect and fit body” Y/N said to herself and she didn’t know someone is behind her and it was Eric. 

“That’s ok Y/N! I understand you! That’s normal.” Eric said and laughed at her. 

“Gosh! Eric heard all my words I shouldn’t talked to myself loudly.” Y/N thought. 

“Aish! Fine! Don’t tell Juyeon about my words ok? I just really keep this to myself! I don’t want Juyeon to get the wrong idea.” Y/N said. 

“Ok! Ok! I will not tell what I heard! I will just keep it as a secret.I will go back to work now! I am sorry to disturb you Y/N” Eric said. 

“It’s ok Eric! I will focus on work now too! I will try to forget my imaginations to Juyeon.” Y/N said and smiled at him. Then hours passed by it was time for them to go home. 

“Eric! We have to go! See you on Monday!” Y/N said. 

“Ok! Juyeon drive safely and take care the two of you! See you on Monday! I will get going now too!” Eric said and they waved goodbye to him and Juyeon went home with Y/N but they didn’t know that Chanhee and Changmin followed them and then when Y/N and Juyeon went out the car and went in Y/N’s apartment... 

“Did you see that Chanhee? Juyeon just went in Y/N’s apartment.” Changmin said. 

“OMG! Does it mean Juyeon is now living with Y/N? Are they already in a relationship?” Chanhee said. 

“We don’t know Chanhee, we can ask them on Monday on lunch break. We should not jump in to conclusion first.” Changmin said. 

“You have a point! Let’s go home now they might see us here.” Chanhee said and Changmin continues to drive to their dorm. 

IN ERIC’S PLACE... 

When Eric reached his place, someone called him and it was Sejin. 

THEIR CONVERSATION... 

Eric: Sejin noona! It’s been a long time we didn’t talk to each other. What do you want to talk about? 

Sejin: Is there any updates from Juyeon and Y/N? 

Eric: I think your plan for Y/N is working because she is slowly falling in love to Juyeon. 

Sejin: That’s good news to me! I really hope that while Juyeon is living with her, she will finally date someone. Since that’s only our goal to our plan that Y/N should have a boyfriend. 

Eric: Yup! You are right! Also, I heard that she imagined such things towards Juyeon haha! 

Sejin: OMG! It was my first time to hear that Y/N is like that! 

Eric: Since Juyeon came to the office, Y/N really change. 

Sejin: I will be really happy if Y/N will have feelings to Juyeon because since I am his client and I am his friend I really approve him to be with her. 

Eric: Me too! Because I think Juyeon is a good guy and he can take care of Y/N well. 

Sejin: I agree with you! By the way, I am going to sleep now! Thanks, Eric for the updates! 

Eric: No problem Sejin noona! Good night and take care! 

Sejin: Ne! Good night and Take care too Eric! 

END OF CONVERSATION. 

After their conversation, Eric went to sleep. While in Y/N’s place, Juyeon and Y/N are not still asleep because they are playing a game and Juyeon keeps losing in the game and the consequence is that he will do the laundry. 

“You are really good at playing games Y/N! I had so much fun!” Juyeon said and smiled at her. 

“Haha! I am not that good at playing games sometimes I lose too.” Y/N said and smiled back. 

“By the way, Y/N don’t get me wrong ok? Since I am registered to be your sex therapist. Aren’t you really ask me some questions about my profession or anything about sex?” Juyeon asked and looked at her and Y/N blushed and he laughs at her. 

“I will think some questions tomorrow because I want to be honest to you that I am a virgin and in my past relationships I really refused to have sex with them.” Y/N said. 

“Oh! I understand Y/N! I can just talk about your concern tomorrow since you will still think some questions.” Juyeon said. 

“Ne! Don’t worry! Sejin told me that you are good at addressing the topic” Y/N said 

Oh! It really means that she recommended me to you? Haha!” Juyeon said. 

“Ne! We have to sleep now because I am tired of playing a game.” Y/N said. 

“Ok! Good night and sweet dreams Y/N!” Juyeon said. 

“Good night too Juyeon!” Y/N said and they went to sleep.

NEXT DAY... 

It was Saturday and it was their rest day and Juyeon was the one who wake-up but he was shocked that Y/N is hugging him and still sleeping and he looked at Y/N and smiles. 

“Y/N is really beautiful! I don’t regret that I accepted Sejin’s plan for her.” Juyeon thought and his thoughts were cut-off when Y/N woke up and she was also shocked that she is already hugging Juyeon and... 

“OMG! I just hugged him while I am asleep!” Y/N thought and blushes and Juyeon laughs at her. 

“I am sorry about that Juyeon! I didn’t know that I already hugged you while I am sleeping.” Y/N said. 

“It’s ok! Your hug is warm.” Juyeon said and winked at her. 

“Don’t be like that Juyeon haha!” Y/N said and slightly slaps his bicep. 

“Let’s cook some breakfast now! I am hungry!” Juyeon said and Y/N nodded. 

Then they went to the kitchen and they helped each other and after they cooked their breakfast, they eat and while they are having a breakfast... 

“So, Y/N do you have any questions right now for me? “ Juyeon asked. 

“I have one question for now Juyeon, since I am a virgin, does it really hurt for the first time to have sex?” Y/N asked and looked at him. 

“Yes Y/N! But as time goes by, you will not be hurt anymore and also it will be normal to have a slight bleeding for a first-timer but the bleeding will just last for a few days.” Juyeon said. 

“Oh! Now I know. Also, Juyeon don’t get me wrong to ask you this ok?” Y/N said. 

“No worries just ask me the question.” Juyeon said and looked at her. 

“So, it means before being a sex therapist you really have already experience?” Y/N asked. 

“Of course! I have already experience when it comes to sex and with that, I studied more about sex education and became a certified sex therapist.” Juyeon said. 

“Wow! It seems you really have a complex and complicated profession you have.” Y/N said. 

“You’re right! But sometimes they get the wrong idea because they think sex therapist are also having sex with the clients and that is not really true and it’s inappropriate to do that kind of deed since we just only do counseling to our clients to those who have sexual problems.” Juyeon said. 

“Hearing now your explanations really make me more respect you because it was just my first time to meet a sex therapist.” Y/N said and smiled to Juyeon. 

“I am glad you really understand now my profession Y/N.” Juyeon said and smiled back at her. 

“Yup! Because you made me understand it.” Y/N said and winked at her. 

 “By the way, we should clean up the apartment now! So, that we can do other things too!” Juyeon said. 

“Oh yeah! You will also be the one who will do the laundry haha! I will help you later pin the wet clothes outside the apartment. I will clean also the bedroom.” Y/N said. 

“Ok Y/N! “ Juyeon said and smiled at her. Then after they had their breakfast, Y/N was the one who washed the dishes and Juyeon started to do the laundry and after she cleaned the living room and their bedroom and then she saw in Juyeon’s stuff some books that was all about sex and sex positions and Y/N blushed. 

“My gosh! Does he still study these things even though he has already certification? Well, I think all professionals still study other things about their job.” Y/N thought. 

Then she continued to clean the bedroom and after she cleaned the bedroom, she went to check Juyeon while doing the laundry and Juyeon teases her by showing her underwear and bra that he is cleaning and... 

“Yah! Stop that Juyeon! You are embarrassing me!” Y/N said and Juyeon and laughed. 

“It was my first time clean a woman’s underwear and bra!” Juyeon said. 

“I am sorry about that Juyeon!“ Y/N said and laughs at him and Y/N noticed that his shirt is already wet. 

“Juyeon, your shirt is wet now.” Y/N said.

“Haha! I know! Because I do the laundry.” Juyeon said and he slightly splashed water to her. 

“Yah! Stop that now Juyeon! Jebal! (Please!)” Y/N said and run away from Juyeon and he laughs at her and Y/N splashes water to Juyeon that made him fully wet and... 

“Aish! You naughty Y/N! I’m all wet now!” Juyeon said and he also splashes water to Y/N. 

“You started this Juyeon!”Y/N said and then when Juyeon suddenly took off his shirt because it was already wet... 

“Oh shit! He just took off his shirt! What a hot and sexy body he has!” Y/N thought and she stared it and... 

“Yah! Y/N, it looks like it’s your first time to see a good body huh? I saw you are checking me out!” Juyeon said and smirked at her. 

“Aish! Fine! I can’t deny that you have a sexy and hot body Juyeon!” Y/N said and covers her face with embarrassment because of her words to him. 

“Haha! Don’t be shy Y/N! You can get used to it since we will live for one year!” Juyeon said and smiled at her. 

“Ok! You have a point Juyeon! I will try myself to get used to it.” Y/N said and smiled at him 

 and while she is looking to her, he noticed that Y/N’s shirt became see-through too. 

“Aish! I shouldn’t look at it!” Juyeon thought and he gets a towel and gave to her and she was confused and she checks her shirt it became see-through too and she looks at Juyeon. 

“OMO! I didn’t know my shirt became see–through.” Y/N said and covered it to her chest. 

“I am sorry Y/N, I just accidentally saw it now.” Juyeon said. 

“it’s ok Juyeon! I understand! I will just take a bath now, since I am already finished cleaning the bedroom and the living room.” Y/N said. 

“Ok! I will pin these clothes outside.” Juyeon said. 

“I am sorry that I can’t help you to pin the clothes. if you just didn’t start a water fight, we will not be wet now! Haha!” Y/N said. 

“It’s ok Y/N! Just take a bath now and I will pin the clothes now.” Juyeon said and Y/N nodded and take a bath. While Y/N is taking a bath, she can’t forget Juyeon’s upper body and she imagine other things and... 

“OMO! Juyeon is really just attractive, hot and sexy! Does it mean I am really in love to Juyeon now? Gosh!” Y/N thought and after she had taken a bath, she also already changed her clothes before she goes out the bathroom and when she was about to open the door, Juyeon is waiting in front of the door. 

“Aish! Why does Juyeon have to be in front of the door now and he is still shirtless! Does he want to kill me with his hot body!” Y/N thought and she looked at him and he smiled at her and she just went to the living room and watch some shows while she is waiting for Juyeon to come out. Then few minutes, Juyeon finished taking a bath and Y/N saw him went out the bathroom and he has only a towel around his waist and Y/N looked away and Juyeon smirked. 

“It looks like Y/N really likes my body!” Juyeon thought. 

“Y/N! I saw you! “ Juyeon said as he teased her and Y/N just didn’t looked at him and he just laughed and went to the bedroom to change clothes. 

“Why does Juyeon, have to be hot like that! Gosh! My mind is getting crazy over him!” Y/N thought and tried to stay calm. Then after few minutes, Juyeon went out the bedroom and sits beside her and he recommends some movies and Y/N agrees to watch but there’s one horror movie that they watched but both Y/N and Juyeon were scared and while they are still scared Y/N accidentally touched Juyeon’s bulge because of her reactions. 

“Oh shit! Y/N just touched it!” Juyeon thought then looked at Y/N and she was confused and then she later realized where her hands are and... 

“Gosh! Why did my hands have to land on his bulge! “ Y/N thought. 

“OMG! I am sorry Juyeon, I was just really scared and my hands accidentally went to your shorts.” Y/N said and blushes and he laughs at her 

“It’s ok Y/N! I know you don’t have any other intentions Y/N.” Juyeon said and Y/N didn’t look at him then he lifts her chin and smiled at her. 

“You know Y/N, you are cute whenever you are embarrassed and shy to me.” Juyeon said. 

“Aish! I don’t know what to say Juyeon! Also, I didn’t know that you are also scared in watching horror movies yet you also recommend the movie.” Y/N said. 

“I think I am still not getting used to watch it over and over again.” Juyeon said and they laughed. That time it was evening and they helped each other cook their dinner and when they had their dinner they talked to each other. 

“I had so much fun today Y/N!” Juyeon said. 

“Me too Juyeon! It was also my first time to spend my rest day someone here in my apartment.” Y/N said and smiled at him. 

“Me too! Since when I still didn’t live here with you, I am always alone in my apartment too.” Juyeon said and smiled back. 

“I guess that Sejin’s plan or birthday gift was not bad at all.” Y/N said. 

“You’re right! This was a good opportunity for us to become closer.” Juyeon said. 

“Yup! But Sejin has a real goal for this plan to us and that is they want us to date because you already know that I haven’t dated for a long time now.” Y/N said. 

“Yup I know that! We cannot say what will happen to us in the coming days Y/N.” Juyeon said and winked at her. 

“You have a point Juyeon! Do you have any plans tomorrow?” Y/N asked. 

“Nothing much Y/N! I will still be here with you in the apartment and tomorrow in the morning, expect that I will do work-out and exercise.” Juyeon said. 

“Ok! Don’t worry I will not go anywhere too.” Y/N said and smiled to him. 

“If you said so Y/N! We can just also order the food so that we can just really rest tomorrow.” Juyeon said. 

“I agree with you Juyeon! We should sleep now! I am tired because of cleaning we did today.” Y/N said. 

“Me too! Good night Y/N.” Juyeon said and smiled at her. 

“Good night too Juyeon! You did well today!” Y/N said and smiled back at him and went to sleep. 

While they are sleeping, Y/N is having a dream and then Juyeon woke up and suddenly Y/N holds his bulge and he was shocked and he looks at Y/N.

“Oh shit! Why is Y/N like this? is she starting to have wet dreams to me?” Juyeon said and smirked and he also hears Y/N moaning while she still asleep. 

“I didn’t know that Y/N will really have a wet dream to me! I should control myself for now!” Juyeon thought as he tries to sleep beside her. 

NEXT DAY... 

It was Sunday morning and Juyeon was the first one to wake-up and he looks at Y/N. 

“You are really naughty Y/N last night! If you did it again, I will never hold back anymore!” Juyeon thought and smirked and then he went out the bedroom to work-out. Then while Juyeon is working out in the living room, Y/N woke up and... 

“Shit! I didn’t know why I had a wet dream to Juyeon and it felt so real!” Y/N thought and as she went out the bedroom, she saw Juyeon is working out and she starts to stare at his biceps that are flexing while holding a dumbbell. 

“My gosh! Whenever he also working-out, he’s hot and sexy!” Y/N thought and continues to stare at him and while Juyeon is still working out he feels that someone stares at him for a long time and he just smirks. 

“Y/N, don’t stare too much! I will melt and your eyes are like daggers in my back!” Juyeon said and slightly laughs. 

“Aish! He felt my presence!” Y/N thought. 

“Fine! I will just cook our breakfast first!” Y/N said and went to the kitchen and Juyeon just smirks again. While Y/N is cooking in the kitchen, she just can’t forget Juyeon’s body and her wet dream to him. 

“My gosh! Why I am like this? I just can’t stop thinking of him!” Y/N said to herself and when she looked at her back... 

“oh! Shit! Juyeon is at my back right now!” Y/N thought and Juyeon smiled at her. 

“It looks like that she really in to me since last night!” Juyeon thought. 

“What’s the problem Y/N? You seem to be problematic today even though we just started our day.” Juyeon said. 

“Nothing! Don’t mind me Juyeon! Let’s just eat our breakfast! It seems you are now finish working out too.” Y/N said. 

“Ok! If you said so! “ Juyeon said and smiled at her. Then while they are eating breakfast... 

“How’s your sleep Y/N?” Juyeon said and looked at her. 

“Why did he have to ask me that now? This is killing me right now!” Y/N thought. 

“It was great and I had a strange dream.” Y/N said while not looking at him and continues to eat. 

“It looks like Y/N is going to tell me something now.” Juyeon thought and smirked. 

“Can you tell me about your strange dream you had last night?” Juyeon said and looks at her. 

“Gosh! Why does he want to know my dream?” Y/N thought. 

“It was just weird so never mind about that!” Y/N said and still didn’t look at Juyeon. 

“Are you really sure about that Y/N? Or it was a weird dream to the point where last night you just touched me everywhere while you are sleeping?” Juyeon asked and stared at her. 

“Mwo?(What?) I don’t remember that I touched you everywhere last night!” Y/N said and blushed and didn’t look at him. Then Juyeon stood up from his seat and went closer to Y/N and lifts her chin up to look at him and stared at her. 

“My gosh! His killer gaze to me!” Y/N thought. 

“Of course! you wouldn’t remember that because you are asleep Y/N, but I have to tell you that you just touched my private part and I had to control myself to you!” Juyeon said and continues to stare at her that slowly forms in to a lustful gaze. 

“Oh! Shit! I didn’t know that I had gone that far to him last night!” Y/N thought and her thoughts were cut-off when Juyeon kissed her passionately. 

“OMG! He is just kissing me right now!” Y/N thought. She tries to push Juyeon but he was strong and she didn’t have a choice to responds to the kiss and then he pulls-out from the kiss and looks at her and Y/N blushed. 

“Does it mean you like me Y/N?” Juyeon asked. 

“it looks like I am really falling in love to him since we met in the office!” Y/N thought. 

“Yes! I like you Juyeon since we first met.”Y/N said and looks at him and Juyeon smiles at her. 

“Don’t worry I have the same feelings to you. Does it mean you are accepting me as your boyfriend starting this day?” Juyeon said and winked at her. 

“Yes! I am accepting you as my boyfriend Juyeon.” Y/N said and looked at him and smiled. 

“Thank you for accepting me! I love you so much Y/N!” Juyeon said. 

“I love you too Juyeon!” Y/N said and Juyeon looked at her. 

“Shall we continue what are we doing earlier?” Juyeon said and winked at her. 

“OMO! I didn’t expect I will give myself to him today!” Y/N thought and looks at him. 

“Ok! I trust you Juyeon!” Y/N said and looks at him and Juyeon smirked then he carries Y/N and she was shocked at Juyeon’s action and went to the bedroom and he slightly throws her in the bed and... 

“Take off your clothes Y/N!” Juyeon said and looked at her with lust and Y/N obeyed him he took off all his clothes too. 

“Oh! Shit! Juyeon has perfect body and how can I handle that size!” Y/N thought and then when she also took all her clothes off, she slightly covers her body because she is insecure. Then Juyeon went closer to her and he shoved Y/N’s hands and he pinned down in the bed and hovers above her. 

“Don’t ever cover your body from me Y/N, you are sexy and beautiful to me remember that!” Juyeon said and Y/N just blushed and he kissed her passionately and she responds to the kiss and Juyeon’s big hands went to her breasts and massages it then Y/N moans in the kiss and he had the opportunity to put his tongue inside her mouth and he dominated the kiss and after the kiss, he kissed Y/N’s neck and jawline and he bites her neck. 

“Ugh! Juyeon!” Y/N moaned and he licks the bite he made. 

“Y/N, I already marked you as mine! Remember that I am yours and you’re mine.” Juyeon whispered to her ear and bites it. 

“Ugh! Juyeon! I will remember that!” Y/N said while she moans too. Then he went to Y/N’s breasts then he sucks and licks it. 

“Ugh! Ah! Ah! Juyeon!” Y/N moaned and he smirked then he sucked her breast roughly that made her moan more and he made a hickey in her breast and after her breast, his kisses went between her thighs and he slightly licked and bites her thigh then Y/N moans again and then he finally went to Y/N’s clit and he licks it and sucks it. 

“OH FUCK! JUYEON! MORE! UGH! AH! OH GOSH!” Y/N moaned and she slightly push his head to her core and he also inserts one finger to her and continues to suck her clit roughly. 

“OH SHIT! JUYEON! THAT FEELS SO GOOD! MORE!” Y/N moaned loudly and she gripped the sheets. 

“Juyeon is really good at this!” Y/N thought. Then he stopped in sucking her clit and he just continued to move his finger in a fast a pace and... 

“OH! GOSH! JUYEON! I WILL CUM UGH! AH!” Y/N moaned. 

“You can cum anytime Y/N.” Juyeon whispered to her ears and he bites it again. Then few minutes, Y/N cum into Juyeon’s finger and he licks it and looked at Y/N. 

“You’re so delicious Y/N! You are now my favorite dessert!” Juyeon said and smirked. 

“Shit! He’s so hot when he’s like that!” Y/N thought. Then Juyeon went above her. 

“Y/N, you told me that you are a virgin, but still I want to ask you if you want me to go all in to you now? It’s ok if you don’t want...” Juyeon’s words were cut-off when Y/N kissed him and she pulled-out from the kiss. 

“Yes, Juyeon! I want you now! Because of your hot and sexy body that was in display for the past few days I had wet dreams!” Y/N said bluntly and she looks at him and Juyeon smirked. 

“If you said so Y/N! I already told you that it will be a painful for a first-timer but don’t worry baby! it will give you so much pleasure! Be ready Y/N!” Juyeon said and smirked at her and Y/N nodded then he puts a condom in his cock and then he inserts his cock to her and... 

“OH FUCK! JUYEON! IT REALLY HURTS AH! AH!” Y/N screamed and Juyeon kissed her lips and he still slowly inserted fully his cock to her and Y/N’s gripped to his biceps became tight and he waits for her to adjust to his size and few seconds... 

“Juyeon, you can move now!” Y/N said and Juyeon starts to thrust his cock to her in a slow pace and as time goes by, it went fast and hard. 

‘OH SHIT! JUYEON! UGH! AH! AH!” Y/N moaned and while he is thrusting his cock to her, he sucks her breast too. 

“FUCK! Y/N! YOU’RE SO HOT MOANING MY NAME LIKE THAT! UGH! AH! AH!” Juyeon moaned then his thrusts became harder, deeper and rougher. 

‘SHIT! JUYEON! THAT FEELS SO GOOD! RIGHT THERE! UGH! UGH! AH! RIGH” Y/N screamed as he hit her g-spot and Juyeon smirked at her and the room was full of lustful skin slapping sounds. 

“FUCK! I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF YOU! SO GOOD INSIDE OF YOU Y/N! UGH! AH! AH!” Juyeon moaned. Then as he continues his stable pace to Y/N... 

“JUYEON! I WILL CUM! UGH! AH! AH! SHIT!” Y/N moaned. 

“HANG IN THERE, Y/N! I AM ALMOST CLOSE TOO! FUCK! UGH! UGH! AH!” Juyeon said then few minutes they cum and Juyeon pulls-out his cock to her and removes the condom and lays beside her and looks at her. 

“Are you ok Y/N? Tell me how you feel now?” Juyeon said. 

“Gosh! That was amazing Juyeon! You are definitely an expert! “Y/N said and looked at him and blushed and Juyeon laughed. 

“That was only the start Y/N, there are still many ways to do while having sex.” Juyeon said and winked at her. 

“OMO! Seriously? I think I am just really innocent that’s all.” Y/N said and they laughed. 

“Do you want to know about the other ways to spice up things while having sex, Y/N?” Juyeon said and looks at her. 

“Gosh! That’s a sudden question from you. But ok! I would like to experience with you, Juyeon since you are really good at it!” Y/N said and looks at him. 

“We can do it tonight because I don’t want you to be tired. Honestly, I also bring the things that the couples can use for sex.” Juyeon said. 

“You are really prepared huh?”  Y/N said.

“Of course! I also bring and show them to my clients to what they can use for sex and I didn’t expect that tonight I will use at least 2 of them to you.” Juyeon said and winked at her. 

“Wow! I am kind a excited and nervous at the same time what will you do to me tonight!” Y/N said and hides her face in Juyeon’s chest and Juyeon laughs at her. 

“I understand how you feel Y/N because all this are new for you.” Juyeon said and smiled at her. 

“You have a point. Can we nap for now? I am really tired and sleepy too.” Y/N said. 

“Sure! I am also tired too haha! I love you Y/N!” Juyeon said and kissed her lips and forehead. 

“I love you too so much Juyeon.” Y/N said and they went to sleep and they hugged each other. 

They didn’t know someone heard them outside the apartment because someone is looking for Y/N and the person who is looking for her left the place. 

IN SEJIN’S PLACE... 

While Sejin is doing something in their house with Jaebeom, someone called her and it was Eric. 

THEIR CONVERSATION... 

Sejin: Hey Eric! Why did you call? 

Eric: I have good news to you Sejin! 

Sejin: What is it Eric? Is it about Y/N and Juyeon? 

Eric: Yes! A while ago, I went to Y/N’s place to talk with them but there’s an unexpected sound I heard when I was about to rang the doorbell of the apartment. 

Sejin: What do you mean Eric? 

Eric: It seems that Y/N and Juyeon just had sex in the apartment because I heard the moans and screams of them.  

Sejin: OMO! That was a big good news Eric! It means that Y/N really fell in love to Juyeon! 

Eric: Yup! Our friend finally had a boyfriend! Your plan for Y/N really worked. 

Sejin: I am happy that my plan is successful and I will congratulate the two of them later. 

Eric: Me too Sejin noona! I am happy for Y/N! 

Sejin: That’s good! By the way, I have to do something now and thanks, Eric for the update! 

Eric: No problem Sejin noona! I have to go now too! Have a nice day! 

Sejin: Ne! Have a nice day and take care Eric! 

END OF CONVERSATION. 

FAST FORWARD... 

It was Sunday evening and Y/N just orders dinner for them and while they are waiting for the food, she and Juyeon is having a make-out session in the sofa in the living room and then someone rang the doorbell and they immediately stopped their session and Juyeon opened the door and it was the food they’ve been waiting for and.. 

“Y/N the food is here already! We should eat dinner first.” Juyeon said and smiled at her and Y/N nodded then while they are eating dinner. 

“Are you ready later Y/N?” Juyeon asked and looked at her. 

“I will prepare myself Juyeon for what you will do to me later!” Y/N said and smiled at her. 

“That’s good Y/N! I bet you will like what I do to you later.” Juyeon said and smiled back. 

“I also think that we will not be able to go to work tomorrow too if you will go rough to me this night! Haha!” Y/N said and they laughed. 

“I think we should just inform tomorrow that we are sick and I will tell Haknyeon to handle my other clients. Is that ok for you Y/N?” Juyeon said. 

“Yup! That's a great idea Juyeon!” Y/N said and smiled. 

“Ok! After dinner, I will call first Haknyeon then we will proceed to another session.” Juyeon said and winked at her. 

“We can inform Eric that we might not be able to go to work.” Y/N said and Juyeon nodded then someone sent messages to the two of them at the same time and they checked the messages. 

“Congratulations Y/N and Juyeon! - Sejin” the message that was seen by Y/N and she was shocked. 

“Why did Sejin congratulate us? “Y/N thought. 

“Congratulations Y/N and Juyeon, Bro! - Eric” the message that was seen by Juyeon and she looked at Y/N. 

“Did you also receive a message like congratulating us?” Y/N asked. 

“Ne! Eric sent me the message.” Juyeon said. 

“Sejin sent the message to me. But I don’t understand why they congratulate us.“ Y/N said. 

“Oh well! Let’s just don’t mind them. I will contact first Haknyeon.” Juyeon said and Y/N nodded then Juyeon called Haknyeon. 

THEIR CONVERSATION... 

Haknyeon: Good evening Juyeon! Why did you call? 

Juyeon: I will not be available tomorrow and I have other things to do and I will contact the other clients that you will handle them for the consultation. 

Haknyeon: Ok! I understand Juyeon! 

Juyeon: Thanks, Haknyeon! I have to do something now! Good night! 

Haknyeon: Ok! No problem Juyeon! Good night! 

END OF CONVERSATION. 

After their conversation, Juyeon contact the other clients that Haknyeon will be the one who will handle them for consultation and after contacting all the clients, he told Y/N that he already cleared his schedule and it was time for Y/N to call Eric. 

THEIR CONVERSATION... 

Eric: Hey! Good evening Y/N! It’s been a long time we didn’t talk to each other after Juyeon lived with you.

Y/N: Good evening too Eric! Can you inform Changmin and Chanhee that me and Juyeon will not be able to go to work and tell them we are sick. 

Eric: Mwo?(What?) Waeyo?(Why?) is that really serious? 

Y/N: Yes! Just tell them please! 

Eric: Ok! Ok! Fine! But tell me Y/N, Juyeon is now your boyfriend, right? 

Y/N: Mwo?(what?)  

Eric: You heard my question, right? Don't make me repeat again and don’t ever lie to me Y/N. 

“Aish! I don’t have any idea how did he know!” Y/N thought and she called Juyeon silently to listen in their conversation. 

Y/N: Fine! I will tell you that Juyeon is now my boyfriend. But how did you know? 

Eric: Well, a while ago I went to your apartment to talk to the two of you but when I was about to rang the doorbell, I accidentally heard your screams and moans inside your apartment. You two were loud, so it’s not my fault right now to hear that you two are doing something inside the apartment. *laughs over the phone*

When they heard Eric’s statement Y/N and Juyeon just looked at each other and blushed at the same time. 

Eric: Hello? Am I really talking to someone right now? 

Juyeon: Yes! This is Juyeon, were kind a speechless of what you told us. 

Eric: *still laughing over the phone* So, it really means that you two had already sex? 

Juyeon: Well, how can we not deny it now, because you heard it all! Aish! 

Y/N: Then you also told Sejin what you heard too? that’s why she also sent me a message of congratulating us. 

Eric: I didn’t know that Sejin noona, also sent a message to you. But yes! I also told her since I am always the one who updates her about the two of you. 

Juyeon: We get it Eric! You look like a hired spy of Sejin.  

Eric: You could think of that I am really a spy haha! 

Y/N: But please! Eric don’t tell Changmin and Chanhee about us ok? I don’t want us to be teased. 

Eric: Ok! No worries I will not tell them and I will just inform that the two of you are sick that’s why both of you will not be able to go to work tomorrow. 

Y/N: Yup! Thanks, Eric for your cooperation! 

Eric: No problem Y/N and Juyeon! I have to go now! Good night and take care the two of you! 

Y/N: Ne! Good night and take care too Eric! 

END OF CONVERSATION. 

“My gosh! I didn’t expect that Eric will hear us!” Y/N said and covered her face and Juyeon laughs at her and he removes her hands from her face and he looks at her. 

“Y/N Don’t mind them now. Just focus to me now ok? Prepare for yourself.” Juyeon said and Y/N nodded and they went to the bedroom and Y/N sits in the bed and she waits for Juyeon and then when he came back to her... 

“Y/N take off all your clothes.” Juyeon said and she obeyed him and he blindfolded and handcuffed Y/N in to the head board.

“Oh shit! This will be a thrilling one!” Y/N thought and her thoughts were cut-off when a cold substance was spread in to her whole body and she didn’t know that it was a whipped cream. 

“So cold Juyeon!” Y/N said and Juyeon smirked. 

“Don’t worry Y/N, you will like what I will do to you this night!” Juyeon whispered to her ear and licks her earlobe and she moaned from his action and he kissed her lips and after he kissed Y/N’s lips, Juyeon licked the whipped cream to her breast first and he sucks and bites it. 

“Ugh! Juyeon! Ah! Ah!” Y/N moaned and after her breast, Juyeon licked the whipped cream in to her stomach until he reached Y/N’s core then he sucked and licked it. 

“Ugh! Juyeon! Oh gosh!” Y/N moaned while she is struggling in the handcuffs. Juyeon continues to suck it roughly her clit and she moaned more and... 

“Y/N That was fucking hot you just squirted on me! It seems you really like what I do to you!” Juyeon said and smirked. Then he went above her and... 

“I think I should do this to you, so that you can experience it too. “ Juyeon said and Y/N nodded and he smirked at her again. 

“Please open your mouth for me Y/N.” Juyeon said. 

“Gosh! He’s going to stuff my mouth with his cock! Good luck to me and I will be fully wrecked by him!” Y/N thought and she just obeyed him 

“Good girl Y/N!” Juyeon said and he inserts his whole cock to her mouth and... 

“Fuck! His is really big! I don’t know If I can’t handle this!” Y/N thought and her thoughts were cut-off when Juyeon starts to thrust his cock to her mouth and... 

“SHIT! IT FEELS SO GOOD INSIDE YOUR MOUTH Y/N! UGH! AH! AH!” Juyeon moaned and he thrust his cock to her mouth in a fast pace and she tries to lick and suck Juyeon’s whole cock. 

“FUCK! Y/N! DO THAT AGAIN! YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS! UGH! AH! YES!” Juyeon moaned louder and as he continues his fast pace to her, Y/N was choked because of the fast thrust but she didn’t mind because in her mind that she can satisfy him and... 

“Y/N I WILL CUM! YOU SHOULD SWALLOW IT! UGH! AH! FUCK! AH!” Juyeon moaned. Then after few thrusts, he cum in her mouth and she swallowed all Juyeon’s cum. 

“You’re such a good girl for me Y/N! “ Juyeon said and he puts a condom in his cock. 

“My gosh! How long will I be handcuffed in the bed!” Y/N thought and Juyeon suddenly inserts his cock to her core and without warning he immediately thrusts his cock to her in a hard and rough pace. 

“OH SHIT! JUYEON! UGH! AH! AH! PLEASE GIVE ME AT LEAST WARNING! AH! UGH!” Y/N moaned and he just continues to thrust to her. 

“I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF YOU Y/N! IT REALLY FEELS SO GOOD INSIDE OF YOU! UGH! AH! AH!” Juyeon moaned and while he is still thrusting his cock to her, he kisses her neck and leave some hickey to her and his thrusts became rougher and deeper. 

“FUCK JUYEON! RIGHT THERE! UGH! AH! AH! AH!” Y/N screamed when Juyeon hits her g-spot and because of her command to him he obeyed her and... 

“YOU LIKE THAT HUH? FUCK! SHIT! UGH! AH! YES!” Juyeon moaned and as he still continues to thrust in an incredible pace... 

 “JUYEON! I WILL CUM OH GOSH! SHIT! UGH! AH!” Y/N moaned. 

“I’M ALMOST THERE, Y/N! WAIT FOR ME UGH! AH! AH!’ Juyeon moaned too and in few thrusts they cum and he pulls-out his cock from her and he removes the handcuffs and blindfold to her and removes also the condom and disposes it. Then he lays beside Y/N and he looks at her. 

“Wow! I didn’t know that you will be kinky too Juyeon!” Y/N said and Juyeon laughed. 

“Of course! But it really depends for the couple if they really want to be kinky.” Juyeon said and smiled at her. 

“Oh! But it’s fun and thrilling too. We should sleep now! I am really tired again” Y/N said. 

“Ok! Good night and I love you Y/N!” Juyeon said and kissed her lips. 

“Good night and I love you too Juyeon!” Y/N said and they went to sleep and hugged each other while sleeping.

NEXT DAY... 

IT was Monday morning, then Y/N and Juyeon didn’t go to work and when the others are working... 

“Changmin, why did you think that Y/N and Juyeon didn’t go to work today?” Chanhee said. 

“I don’t know, I will ask Eric he might know the reason.” Changmin said and he sends a message to Eric. 

THEIR CONVERSATION... 

Changmin: Good morning Eric! 

Eric: Hey! Good morning Changmin! 

Changmin: Do you know why Y/N and Juyeon didn’t go to work? 

Eric: Oh! I forgot to tell you that both of them are sick. 

Changmin: Oh! Ok! Isn’t it odd that both of them are sick today? 

Eric: I don’t know. Y/N just told me. 

Changmin: Are you sure Eric? that you didn’t know anything about them? 

Eric: I really don’t know anything Changmin. 

Changmin: Ok! Thanks for the information Eric! Have a nice day! 

Eric: No problem Changmin! Have a nice day too! 

END OF CONVERSATION.

“Chanhee, Eric told me that they are both sick.” Changmin said. 

“What? They are both sick? I think they are lying to us.” Chanhee said. 

“It really feels strange that they are both sick today and I can feel that Eric knows anything including that Juyeon is living Y/N.” Changmin said. 

“Should we have a surprise visit to them?” Chanhee said and winked. 

“That’s a great idea so we can know what they are doing.” Changmin said and smiled at him. 

In Y/N’s place... 

They woke and have their breakfast and then someone called Y/N and it was Eric and Y/N told Juyeon it was Eric and he wants again the call in to a loud speaker. 

THEIR CONVERSATION... 

Y/N: Hey! Good morning Eric! We are now having breakfast. 

Eric: Good morning to the two of you! I just told them that two of you are sick and Changmin believed what I told him. 

Juyeon: That’s good! I think we don’t need to worry now? 

Eric: Yup! No worries! This is will be just a quick call because I have many works to finish. 

Y/N: Ok, Eric! Have a nice day! See you tomorrow! 

Eric: Ne! Have a nice day to the two of you and see you tomorrow in work! 

END OF CONVERSATION. 

  Eric didn’t know that while he is having a conversation Y/N and Juyeon, Chanhee heard all their conversation. 

“I knew it! Eric knows anything about them!” Chanhee thought and went to Changmin. 

“Changmin, I heard Eric had a conversation with the two of them and there’s really something between Juyeon and Y/N.” Chanhee said. 

“OMO! We really should have that surprise visit to the tonight in Y/N’s apartment!” Changmin said and Chanhee nodded. 

“I am relieved that Eric didn’t told anything to Changmin and Chanhee.” Y/N said. 

“Me too! But I hope they are not suspicious to us.” Juyeon said. After they had breakfast, they just ordered food, played games and watched random movies and variety shows until it was time for their dinner. While they are having a dinner, they are also watching a movie. 

“It was really better to just stay in home with someone you loved.” Juyeon said and looked at Y/N. 

“Of course! Because you are comfortable with that person.” Y/N said and smiled at him and after they finished their dinner, they continued to watch the movie and there is one sex scene and Y/N suddenly feels the tension between the two of them and didn’t look at Juyeon and he laughs. 

“Y/N we already did that and still you can’t get used to watch those kind of sex scenes?” Juyeon said and looked at her. 

“I know that we already did it but it was just I can’t get over what we’ve done. That’s all” Y/N said and blushed. 

“Oh! Now I understand Y/N! Should I do it again to you? So, that you can’t really forget it?” Juyeon whispered to her. 

“Aish! He is teasing me again!” Y/N thought and Juyeon kissed her and she just responds to the kiss and they had a make-out session again in the sofa and Juyeon slightly kissed her neck and left a hickey to her and when Juyeon was about to take-off Y/N’s clothes someone rang the doorbell. 

“Aish! They ruined our moment! “ Juyeon said and Y/N laughed. Then Juyeon opened the door and they were shocked it was Changmin and Chanhee visited them. 

“Oh shit! We’re doomed!” Y/N thought. 

“I am sorry we ruined your moment with Y/N!” Changmin said and he looks at Juyeon and Y/N then he also saw a hickey to Y/N. 

“Are we not welcome inside the apartment?” Chanhee asked. 

“Come in Chanhee and Changmin!” Y/N said and covered her neck. 

“We didn’t expect that the two of you will visit Y/N.” Juyeon said. 

“We will just be straight to the point and honest now. One night, when Juyeon drives you home, we decided to follow the two of you and we saw that Juyeon went inside your apartment and it seems our instinct were right that he already lives here now with you Y/N.” Chanhee said. 

“You have no way to have an excuse now and no secrets will be hidden from now on the two of you. Just explain it to us now.” Changmin said. 

“Ok! before anything else, I will tell you now that Juyeon is now my boyfriend.” Y/N said to them and they held hands and Changmin and Chanhee was shocked. 

“OMO! Congratulations to the two of you! Finally! Y/N had already opened her heart again” Chanhee said and they laughed. 

“I am happy that you two became in a relationship and because of that we will not tease the two of you anymore and won’t ask too much questions anymore. But can you explain it to us why did Juyeon lived here with you?” Changmin asked. 

“It was birthday and my friend Sejin set us up and she told me that this is her birthday gift to me.” Y/N said. 

“Mwo?(What?) How did Sejin know Juyeon?” Chanhee asked. 

“Are you going to tell them Juyeon?” Y/N asked. 

“I should tell them now Y/N, don’t worry. Sejin is my client and at first Y/N didn’t know it too.” Juyeon said. 

“oh! We now understand. But we are still curious about your hidden profession. Can you finally tell us? I bet Y/N already knew your hidden profession when Sejin set you up with her.” Changmin said. 

“I hope you not get the wrong idea of my profession as a certified sex therapist I just do counseling and gives some advice to my clients and I never do sexual intercourse with my client because it’s not allowed in our profession.” Juyeon said and Changmin and Chanhee were shocked. 

“OMG! We didn’t expect that you are a sex therapist Juyeon. We now understand the reason why you really keep your profession confidential in the company.” Chanhee said. 

“Yes! Because some people have misconceptions about our profession.” Juyeon said. 

“Don’t worry Juyeon, we will not tell to others.” Changmin said. 

“Thank you for your understanding Changmin and Chanhee.” Juyeon said and smiled at them. 

“By the way, I am sorry it seems we really ruined the moment the two of you because Y/N didn’t have the chance to cover the mark that was made by Juyeon.” Chanhee said and they laughed. 

“Aish! You two really surprised us! But I think you have no more questions anymore, right? Since we already revealed everything to the two of you.” Y/N said. 

“Yup! I am sorry we really disturbed the two of you and we should get going since we still have work tomorrow and we expect the both of you will go to work.” Changmin said. 

“Ne! Don’t worry Changmin! We will definitely go to work tomorrow!” Y/N said. 

Ok! Take care the two of you! Don’t forget, too much skin ship is not allowed in the office.” Chanhee said. 

“Ne! We will behave in the office! Drive safely and take care to the two of you!” Juyeon said and they waved goodbye to them and they left Y/N’s apartment. 

“Wow! That was really a surprise visit from them and they also saw my hickey on my neck! Aish!” Y/N said and she touched her neck and Juyeon laughed. 

“Y/N the important thing now is that we don’t need to hide everything to them anymore.” Juyeon said and looks at her and kissed her lips quickly and Y/N smiled to him 

“You have a point Juyeon. We should sleep now and we have to go back to work tomorrow.” Y/N said. 

“ok! Good night and I love you Y/N!” Juyeon said and kisses her forehead. 

“Good night and I love you too Juyeon!” Y/N said and they went to sleep and hugged each other. 

FAST FORWARD... 

After 3 years of being in a relationship, Juyeon and Y/N already decided to tie the knot and in their wedding day, Sejin together with her husband Jaebeom, Eric, Changmin and Chanhee they were invited as their guest and after their marriage, Juyeon continues to be a sex therapist but because Y/N is getting more knowledgeable to his profession she became interested and also decided to study for being a sex therapist too and Juyeon helped her and after all Y/N’s hard work and her husband’s help she also became a certified sex therapist and after few years they had 2 children 1 girl named as Yerin and 1 boy named Jaeyeon and they become more loyal and faithful to each other and their love lasts forever. 

                                             끝 THE END

       Thank you for reading my first ever chaptered smut fan fiction of                                           THE  BOYZ’S JUYEON!

                   고마워요 여러분! (Thanks, Everyone!)

COMING SOON THE BOYZ’S LEADERNIM SANGYEON CHAPTERED SMUT FANFIC!

[notquitechaotic]

so I’m back online, never thought I would be blogging again but here I am after having to deal with man children and their audacity. and y’know, what better way to deal with yet another misadventure with the male species other than bitching about them?

given that this happened like a day ago, I feel like I’ve cooled down enough to try and talk about it. 

screenshots will be included but I would have to blur out the guy’s face (sadly) because of POHA

for some context, I matched with this guy named William (”Will”) on Bumble. I want to say that things kind of went well at first and we exchanged telegram usernames and started talking there instead.

(edit: he has “changed” his alias and is now “Wilford”)

first red flag was the reason he gave after he unmatched with me.

and if anything, I’ve learnt that most of the time when guys like him say that a girl is crazy or “batshit crazy” without elaborating, it’s mostly the guy who is the problematic one and because the girl isn’t reacting the way they want the girl to, the girl would then be “crazy” to fit their “I’m a nice guy” narrative.

I let the matter slide, and I moved on with my day because it was none of my business too. and everything was kind of fine until he accepted my follow request on Instagram.

I’m not that great when it comes to remembering faces but it’s not that bad to the point where I would forget a person’s face completely. So when I realised that he looked different, I asked him.

“my hair diff only” were the exact words he sent so I asked him to sent the photos that were posted on the app. 

this was the part where he fucked up lol

I asked him who the person was because when I tapped into the photo of the guy who is in a sauna, it was a screenshot of someone else’s Instagram account.

he said that it was his good friend and they “agreed to exchange photos” (honestly I don’t believe that for a second, the photo he sent is of his friend, blurred it all out in case someone recognises it)

all the while being pushy to meet irl.

if anything, I absolutely hate it when a person lies to me (because I find things out eventually) and I hate it when they are pushy (in this scenario, this guy just flat out reeks of desperation)

at this very point of time, my impression of him hasn’t been all that great, I was starting to feel really uncomfortable, I just didn’t think it would get worse (but I was wrong)

screenshots from here on out have the top cut off because it shows his phone number and again for privacy issues *cough* POHA *cough*, it has to be cropped out.

on hindsight I should have just set the record straight and say that I wasn’t comfortable meeting him instead of trying to imply it because I wasn’t explaining myself right and it just flew right past him.

“don’t you realise texting can be deceiving” and “some is my friend some is mine, I told you honestly already” are two very contradicting sentences. and again, he was being pushy about meeting.

I probably shouldn’t have used “weird” should have outright say that it was sus, but I would say that I was okay/ somewhat comfortable with the idea of meeting him until I realised that he wasn’t being honest. if he can’t even be honest about his own identity, then whose to say that he wouldn’t have ill intentions? so yeah I would say that me being uncomfortable meeting him is justified.

but this is the part where shit hit the fan because he started showing his true colours when he was being met with rejection:

“there’s nothing to be scared about” again, he wasn’t being truthful of his own identity, I think it is fair for me to overthink and be afraid that he has ill intentions and I’m just trying to protect myself. I don’t think I’m wrong for that lol

you can say “go google and stop ignoring the facts” but he can’t even try to link his sources. errr, when Dr Inna Kanevsky roasts people who use psychology to back to talk about things, she includes sources to support what she says.

again, made the mistake of not telling him outright that I wasn’t comfortable but if you scroll up a little bit to the screenshot where he made the contradictory sentence, I did try to imply that I was no longer comfortable meeting him.

he is trying to act all smart and shit but he can’t imply or at the very least, try to infer

“because it’s wrong (referring to him invalidating how I feel)”“how you feel is plain false” hello? I’m not a robot. and I’m pretty sure that there are paid and experienced psychologists and therapists, not just in Singapore but around the world, who would beg to differ with your statement. no one is wrong to feel the way they feel.

yes I did say that I would be more comfortable texting, but I did make it clear that I’m not comfortable meeting him.

“doesn’t change how you were wrong” “you are completely wrong” ok so feeling uncomfortable meeting a guy who was displaying signs that he may potentially be dangerous is wrong. noted with thanks.

(don’t ask me about the copy cat thing though cause I deadass have no clue why that was being sent to me also lol)

I rejected his call, and by then I’ve blocked him because I was too tired to deal with his shit. And I thought it would be the last I heard of him until I swiped down on my notifications  and saw that this crazy (he deserves this label by now) called me 5 times 

and iMessaged me instead because he couldn’t reach me on Telegram anymore

(what was in the screenshot he sent to me)

“no wonder take so long to graduate”

“lowlife vermin”

“pathetic”

“retard”

“bitch”

“pathetic piece of shit”

(this guy was an NUS student btw)

but I just want to rebut the thing where he said that “it’s a fact you can’t get to know someone by text”

because just based on his outburst and the way he acted and reacted to things, I can kind of tell what kind of a person he is and what his attitude and personality is like:

- he is egoistical (obviously)  “I’m a nice guy” type person, can’t handle rejection

- most likely toxic (based on how verbally abusive he was, I wouldn’t be surprised if he verbally abuses a person to bring down their self-esteem before making it seem like the person can not live without him, and thereby trapping the person in a toxic relationship)

- disrespectful (especially towards women)

- and based on everything, he is most likely insecure 

update: found out who he is, and this isn’t the first time he’s done this shit and it pains me that I can’t expose his identity

[wholeanimal]

Quietly Shitty Men

“There is a specific type of person who will siphon the gas right from you because they’ve never learned how to shine their own light.” My ex is engaged.  That shouldn’t bother me, should it?  Oh, but it does.  It bothers me because I saw it coming.  Tell me, what makes a woman “crazy”? Is it when she follows her own instincts? Or is it when she suppresses them? Is she crazy for sensing something is wrong, or crazy for acting like it?  It would be one thing if this was someone new. Good luck and God bless.  It would be another if he said, at any point in the relationship, how he felt. That he was anxious or nervous or angry or scared or hurt or apprehensive or lost. You know, feelings.  I can’t blame a person for having feelings. Had he stepped up and said “you know what, I can’t stop thinking about my ex, I want to give it another try with her.”  That would have been fine. Not in the moment, but nine months later, I wouldn’t be feeling like this. Feeling like I’ve just clicked the last piece of the puzzle into place. 

It wasn’t me. It was, obviously, never me.  I wouldn’t still be putting myself back together after riding the world’s shittiest, least exciting roller coaster.  I wouldn’t be having nightmares that I was somehow still dating him, still subjected to his unfortunately not unique brand of emotionlessness and quiet disdain. Like I was the freak for feeling.  When things were really, truly over, that’s when I learned the most about who he was. I remember sitting at the kitchen counter, having a silent panic attack, wondering where I was going to live, what I was going to do, how I was going to make this all work. The pandemic and riots had hit my neighborhood hard, and I was trying to imagine starting life over when everything else was figuratively and literally crumbling.  Granted, I can’t remember the conversation word-for-word, but this is my best attempt.  “What’s going on?”  “Nothing, I’m just freaking out.” “Why?” “I have to move. I have to start over. I have to figure out so many things.” “Yeah, well...” “What?” “I just don’t know why you’re so upset.” “Are you fucking serious?” “Yeah. I don’t know why you have to have so many emotions.”  “Do you mean now, or in general?” “In general.” I was about ready to fly apart.

“You don’t...understand...why I have EMOTIONS?”  ”Yeah. I guess I just don’t see the point.” I don’t remember much after that. I remember going back upstairs and crying so hard I vomited. So much made sense: it wasn’t that he couldn’t empathize with me. It’s that he saw no value in it. Only his emotions were valid. Anything beyond that was simply not worth caring about. It was chilling, and nauseating, and heartbreaking. My heart broke many times over the course of the month I spent living there after we decided to part ways. I had several conversations like this, where I realized just how long I had been having a one-sided relationship. It also made me feel white-hot, clench-fisted RAGE. How DARE he?  NOTHING about his daily life would change. He would wake up in the same bed, go down the same set of stairs, putz around his merry fucking way. He wouldn’t have to spend a dollar or dime sorting out what came next. Me, on the other hand? I lost my job the same day I found my apartment.  I wanted to claw the paint from the walls I had meticulously restored. I wanted to splinter the floors I had paid to have refinished. I wanted to take all this hard work with me, somehow, to show that I had not truly given up everything. That I had something left. I’m not writing this for you to feel bad about me. I’m more than fine.  I’m not looking for words of encouragement. I don’t need them.  I want him, and other quietly shitty men, held accountable.  Nothing my ex did was actually abusive. It was juuuuust under the line, just enough for him to be able to walk away with his hands up, all “Guess it just didn’t work out!” And I know, I KNOW I’m not the only one.  He made me feel crazy and stupid and weak and small and pathetic. I contorted myself into impossible shapes, trying to make the relationship work. I did things he would never do, that I would never do again. I moved across the country. Twice.  I downplayed all the porn he watched. I pushed the fact that he had an active FetLife account out of my mind. I ignored my dealbreaker about being with a smoker - something he claimed he quit, then started up again in secret, then held against me when I called him out. Making me the bad guy.  It got so bad, I suspected I had R-OCD, or relationship-based OCD. That was my only explanation for how I was always so anxious and he was always so calm. It was MY fault that something felt off. He was aware of my tendency to blame myself, and used it against me. Then, he would get to be the patient, understanding boyfriend while I broke down again and again, hating myself for being so “weak.” I wasn’t weak. He was keeping me in the dark on purpose, because it was easier to do that than to, I don’t know, be fucking honest?! 

Every time I got really bent out of shape, when the little slights and coldness and disdain had built up to a breaking point, he would let me say (or scream) my piece, and respond: “You’re right.”  Wow. Thanks!  I see now that you don’t have to do much work on yourself when you just agree with the person who is upset with you.  I’m also not writing this to paint myself as an angel. Yes, I was frustrated and confused and upset, which came out in outbursts of tears and anger. But the difference is, I was trying to connect with him in everything I did.  He was trying to push me away. it dawned on me, during one of those horrible post-breakup conversations, that he had fully checked out many months ago. I finally asked him to define a phrase I had heard him use during couples counseling (another suggestion of mine). “What do you mean by ‘I’m deeply invested in your happiness?’” “What?” “Well, like an investment, do you mean time, money, emotions? Or do you just want me to be ok?” “Yeah, that.” “Ok. so you just want me to be “okay”.” I’ll take “Performative Allyship” for 200! I’ve told myself I should have known. Should have left sooner. Should-ing myself to death, sparing him from any fault. Remember, he’s the long-suffering partner of an overly sensitive woman. Another wince-worthy excerpt from couples counseling: Our therapist asked us, at the end of a session, to each tell the other something we loved about the other person. I turned, with tears in my eyes, and told him I appreciated how consistent he was. I was always able to count on him being stable and calm.  He told me he liked how nice and clean I kept the house.  Cool! He could have saved himself about six months of this bullshit if he had just spoken his mind. I wonder, now, if he even had the capacity. But no, he preferred to wait and let me figure it out on my own, until I was so depleted that I was having almost nonstop migraines. But, just like the sibling who can’t get into trouble because they’re “NOT ACTUALLY TOUCHING YOU!!!”, nothing he did was exactly abusive.  But it was plenty shitty.  Mr. Social Justice. Mr. Feminism. Mr. Don’t Comment On That Topic Or I’ll Shut Down Emotionally. Mr. We Have To Move Away From Montana For Vague Reasons Including Racial Tension Which I Never Actually Experienced But That’s Reason Enough For Me!  And when we got to Philadelphia, it was Mr. Why Don’t You Take More Walks Outside Even Though You Get Harassed and Followed? You’re In The House Too Much (Yeah, Even Though It’s a Pandemic).  He’d spend hours on the phone talking to the nurses he helped at work. But when a woman in need lived in his own house, ew, gross! Too close to home!  There’s a line in a very funny Chris Fleming song called the “Grad Student Shuffle”, which takes the absolute piss out of white male graduate students. A few of the lines apply, but these especially: Call yourself a community organizer Even though you’re not on speaking terms with your roommates! Stand tall and look mindful Even though you're addicted to porn! C'mon! Now close your eyes Say fair enough "Fair enough" Now you are doing the Grad Student Shuffle I’ve gone back and added to this post a bunch of times since I wrote it. I like having a record, even if it’s one-sided. I realize I’m writing this as much for myself as I am for anyone else. To put my story down somewhere, and not to be too concerned if it’s fair or balanced. What happened to me wasn’t fair or balanced.  Which reminds me of the worst confrontation we ever had.  It was just an hour or two after we decided to break up. It was a sad, but quiet conversation. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved. I went upstairs to let the new reality soak in, and asked if I could steal a puff from his vaporizer. Not weird, right? What was weird was that I felt like a guest in his room. We kept separate bedrooms, which I highly recommend to any couple who can spare the space. But there is a difference between having the option of separate spaces, and feeling relegated to separate spaces. I didn’t feel welcome in his room, and he made no secret of it.  So, as usual, I asked to go in.  He had left his laptop open on the bed, and I stared off into space as I waited for the vaporizer to heat. I must note, here, that I am not a person who digs. I will run circles in my own brain, but by and large, i leave stuff alone. So I didn’t go looking for what was already on the screen, which was a conversation between him and his best friend.  I read maybe a couple sentences before realizing, oops, probably shouldn’t. It was enough to see one exchange, less than two hours after we had officially broken up. “That sucks, man. How long do you think til you’ll be back on Tinder?” “I don’t know. Probably before she moves out.”  I’d like to say I don’t remember what happened next, but I do remember. I marched down two flights of stairs, yanked two giant plastic bins out of basement storage, and rage-packed everything I owned outside of my own room in less than ten minutes. 

He, of course, had no idea. Nuanced as a fucking turtle, he told me he was going out for a walk, and then asked if something was wrong.  I let him have it. Everything that had been building inside of my body came spewing out, all at once. I stumbled over my own words, laughing-crying-screaming-asking him what the fuck he was thinking, who the fuck he was, and what the fuck was this relationship? Was any of it even REAL?  He had nothing to say.  And that, my friends, was my main mistake. Thinking anything I could ever do could ever get a reaction out of him. Could ever draw the sort of love or support or attention that I used to get from him, before he decided to turn off the tap. 

I spent another month there until I could finally move out. I could tell he was annoyed that I was still there. I remember telling him people aren’t disposable. They don’t disappear when you decide you’re done with them. Thirty days was the absolute minimum I could manage, and even that was an incredible feat.  He asked me to watch the dog, the one he adopted only a couple of months before, while he went out. I remember thinking, “Am I watching this animal so he can go out on dates? No fucking way.” I still don’t know, and I’m glad I don’t. 

He’s not the only quietly shitty guy. There are many. I’m sure bunches of them are being congratulated on their engagements or promotions right now, by people who have never dated them. Have never had the soul-wrenching realization that oh, this person who told you you were their dream and their angel and their moon and stars actually decided like a year ago that they just weren’t feeling it and didn’t have the balls to tell you.  But, feel free to question reality in the meantime! 

Women reading this, beware. There are men who hold up their hands and shrug and say shit like “I wish her the best” and know to use phrases like “emotional labor” to fake enough self-knowledge to start a relationship that they don’t know how to finish.  I encourage you to ask questions. Find out how much they know about themselves. How long their relationships tend to last. If their friends really know them. If they change jobs frequently. If they move states frequently, and why.  But most of all, know yourselves. Know that you deserve to have your questions answered, your emotions validated, and your opinions heard. There are plenty of quietly shitty men to choose from.  You don’t need to choose one. 

[aperrywilliams]

A Normal Conversation Ch07 (Spencer Reid x Maxine Brenner)

Previous Chapter / Ch07 / Next Chapter

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Chapter 7: The second date

Summary: Second date for Spencer and Max

Word Count: 2332

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

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As he promised, Spencer was out of Max's school at 12:00 noon. Waiting in the same place as the last time. A few minutes later saw Max come out through the gate. Upon making eye contact they both smiled to each other. She walked over to where Spencer was.

"Hey… how are you?" said Max. “On time as ever Spencer" added.

"Hello. Yes, it's a habit on me... in case you hadn't noticed". Both grinned.

"It is a good habit I think. I admit it’s more hard for me..." Max said scratching her head.

"How have you been this morning? Are you ok?". She thought it was sweet of him asked her about it. She remembered their conversation from the night before over the phone.

“Yes, truly. I think I found myself just at a moment a bit distressing... but I'm fine now". Max said. “By the way... thanks. It helped me we could talk last night”.

"And it's what I intend us to do today" Spencer statement. “I have so many questions for you...". Max upped her eyebrows.

"Is it going to be some kind of FBI-style interrogation?" she joked. Spencer couldn't help but laugh.

"I hope not that kind of interrogation... shall we go?" he said quickly.

"Yeah, let’s go. We will walk there?”

"No, we’ll go in a cab. The place is a little further from here". After saying it, Spencer stopped a cab in front of them. He opened the door and invited her in first. Then he came in, closed the door, and the car moved when Spencer gave the driver instructions to get they were going.

Along the way Max told him the story of how she came art’s teacher at her school. Spencer thought it was reasonable she accepted the job in that circumstances.

"It was a good opportunity for you" he said.

“Yes, I needed to have my space and be independent and I think it was the best reason for me to make that decision. I had a good letter of recommendation too. That sure worked” said Max.

"But now you're not so comfy there..." said Spencer.

"I think I’m not" said Max, frowning. "And I think is because there is so much I could do with those children! But every time I propose something new I have someone at school who tells me that 'you can't', 'it's irrelevant', 'you have to worry about other things'… And so over and over again".

"Have you thought about what you would like to do, truly?" Spencer asked.

"So many times you would be surprised..." said Max. At that moment the cab stopped. They had reached their destination. Spencer paid and got off first, helping Max get off later.

They were in front of an Italian restaurant. Max looked at Spencer and couldn't help but joke.

"This time you’ll make sure you don't get hungry" They both laughed.

"Yeah, I wasn't going to take that risk again" said Spencer.

They walked towards the entrance and come into the place. It was not a big place, but it was very well decorated, very Italian style. Black and white photos of different people hung on the walls, possibly the owner's family of origin. There were checkered tablecloths on all the wooden tables. Chairs was wooden made too. A young woman approached Spencer and Max asking if they needed a table. Spencer nodded saying "for two, please". The young woman led them to one of the tables by a window, the one that faced the crowdy street. She handed them two menus and told them that the waiter would be taking their order soon.

They sat down and took the menus to see what they were going to eat. Max looked at the menu with an infinity of dishes on it and was not quite sure what to order.

"Any suggestions? So many options overwhelm me" Max asked. Spencer thought for a minute.

“If you ask me, I think the risotto at this place is fantastic. Although I traditionally choose pasta, I like it more”. At that point the waiter came to take their order. Max heeded Spencer's suggestion and chose a risotto with four cheeses sauce, while Spencer ordered his traditional pasta with putanesca sauce. To drink they asked for water and juice.

“I think I had already asked you in the cab, but now we could return to the subject. What would you like to work on?" Spencer asked.

"I've thought so many things" said Max, sighing. "From the most unlikely to very simple ideas". Spencer looked interested, waiting for her to continue talking. "For example, did you know in museums and theaters there are programs that encourage children's bond with arts as a way to integrate soft skills they cannot acquire at school?".

"I suppose it's reasonable to think of something like that given museums and theaters aren't going to survive long in this digital era otherwise" Spencer said.

"Sure, it may be a business plan for them, but despite it I think this kind of measures can help expand children's minds and connect them with things more sensitive than math’s... I would love to do something like that...". Saying it Max paused for a second. "Of course... no offense" finished saying. Spencer smiled at the last sentence.

"Are you saying it because I like math?... Ok, I think I can forgive you that" he said jokingly. Max smiled.

"I've also had crazy ideas like going to Los Angeles for artistic painting on the shore of the beach, smoking weed, like I did when I was younger...". Spencer stared at her trying to know if what she was saying the truth or teasing him. She noticed it and decided to challenge him. "Okay, Dr. Reid, Mr. Profiler... those I just said, is it true or a lie?". Spencer accepting the challenge scrutinized her eyes and body language. He watched her carefully and silently for a few minutes. Max couldn't help but blush feeling his eyes so meticulously look on her.

"It is… true!" Spencer sentenced, surprised himself by his finding. Max smiled sheepishly.

"Clearly there are things I did in my youth I'm not very proud of today ..."

"I am not going to judge you. I have no moral for it. I've also done things I'm not proud of…”said Spencer. At which he quickly regretted saying it. Max was about to question him when the waiter arrived with their order. "Our dishes!" Spencer said quickly "…Now you’ll tell me if my recommendation was good for you or not"

Max didn’t want to do her own questionnaire on him. She was hungry and preferred to focus on food. Apparently Max's plate had been a good recommendation, since he was enjoying it with great need. Spencer was also concentrated on his own plate. From moments to time he looked up to see how Max was enjoying her food.

"I owe you one. It was an excellent suggestion” said Max taking a sip of the juice that had been brought while they was eating.

"I’m happy you liked it" said Spencer pleased. After she wiped her lips with the napkin. Max started to speak again.

"Well then... FBI. And you travel a lot you told me. Do you like it?"

"My job? Too much. I love it. Travel is something you get used to… or at least you should get used to” said Spencer.

"And if you do profiles to catch murderers... isn't that like 'playing' at being them and thinking like them?"

"In fact, that's what we do". Spencer noticed Max frowning. "I know... it could be heard as very morbid thing... but the truth is... being difficult and unpleasant as it could be... sometimes... I think someone has to do it".

"I am not going to question it. I think it as a very dedicated job and it is good there are people like you who do it…”. Spencer looked at her knowing there was a ‘but’.

"But…?" Spencer asked.

"The thing is... how can you deal with it?... I mean, in your daily life". Spencer thought about it a few seconds before answering.

"I don't know... I guess trying not to think about it too much. At least I try… ” Spencer said.

"But you have those dreams..." said Max. ‘Touché…’ thought Spencer.

"Eh… yes. I think sometimes it just beats you... a little...". Spencer lowered his head and thoughtfully for a few moments. Max knew had struck a tough matter so she wanted to change the subject.

"Okay. I think we shouldn’t have to talk about work" She looked at him and gave him a smile. He smiled too. "What do you like to do when you are not traveling?"

"Wow... ok. I love to read, a lot. I have a small and interesting collection in my apartment”

"I can imagine it... and I bet it's bigger than you say, since I think it couldn't be any other way" said Max.

"One of these days I’ll invite you to my apartment and you’ll realize I’m not underestimating my collection...". Spencer paused for a few seconds, hoping it didn't sound like an overly explicit invitation. Apparently Max took it very naturally.

"It would be nice to see that, although I could bet you do have a giant collection..." Max laughed. "Well, what else…?"

“Uhm… I like to watch old movies sitting on my couch eating popcorn. I also like listening classical music on an old record player I have… sometimes I write little case reports for my classes…” said Spencer.

"No offense, I think I'm beginning to understand why your therapist told you to go out more..." Max said with some caution to try not to make Spencer feel bad. He just laughed out loud.

"The truth is… I like my place. I think it has everything I need for when I'm not at work. Even though…"

"Even though …?"

"Even though I think walking in the park and talking with you could also be one of my new favorite activities...". Max couldn't help but blush, knowing perfectly well what he was referring to.

Spencer couldn't help saying it either and though it might seem like he was flirting but he really was convinced of how good a practice like that had done to him. Gratitude perhaps? He thought was clear it could be more than that. Her eyes captivated him. When she speak… the passion was clear in her words. She looked secure, defined in life... he, in other hand, being the genius he was, felt he lacked. "Had she suffered much in her life?" he wondered. He hoped not. He inadvertently felt a need to protect her but he was not sure why,  because it was clear that she didn’t need any man to protect her.

Time had gone by too quickly for both of them. When Max saw the clock on her phone realized if she did not leave at that moment would be late for class.

"I have to go now, the next class is in 20 minutes" said Max. Spencer gestured for the waiter to bring over the check. "Thank you so much for lunch" she said while was getting up from the chair. Spencer rushed to stop her.

"Wait, I'll go with you…"

"Spencer, it is not necessary, I can take a cab outside…".

“Let me go with you. I brought you here. At least let me take you back” said Spencer.

"I'm not going to get lost, if that's what worries you…" Max said jokingly. The waiter had brought the check and Spencer was paying with his credit card.

"I know you're not going to get lost... it's just that...". The waiter finished processing the payment and left. "Let me go with you".

Max didn’t understand why so much insistence by him. Under normal conditions she would believe this excess courtesy was a typical tactic of male conquest, but in Spencer it’s looks like very natural. There was no way he was faking politeness.

She finally agreed to have Spencer's company in a cab. The funny thing is throughout the trip none of them spoke. They only gave each other furtive glances hoping the other didn't notice. Despite that the trip wasn't awkward. Apparently they liked having that kind of company even if they was silent. Max felt in comfort with his company even though they knew each other so little. She wondered if he would feel something similar.

When they got back to school it was almost 3:00 p.m. They both got out of the taxi. Max was in a bit of a rush, but she didn't want to be rude, so she let Spencer walked with her to the entrance. They stood looking at each other for a few seconds.

"Thanks for the lunch. I had a great time with you today… and the risotto was totally worth it” said Max smiling.

"No problem. Thanks to you for stand me all these hours…” Spencer said jokingly. Max couldn't help but patting his arm.

"Hey! Don't say that. You don't seem to be torture after all”. Max laughed.

"Good to know it... Ok, I'm leaving so you can go to your class”. Spencer moved closer so he could kiss her on the cheek. He hesitated a few seconds, but when he saw that she was approaching him, he decide to do it. It was a short but very warm and pleasant kiss.

Goodbye Spencer. Take care” Max said before turning and come into the school. It was just time to start her class.

"You too..." Spencer managed to say, although in a voice so soft and low that hardly she heard it. Then, with his hands in his pockets, he began his walk in search of a cab to return to work.

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[sassyhazelowl]

Title: Of Chlorine, Nephews and Things Getting Better Pairing: stingue Word Count: 3, 400 Rating: PG Warnings: none A/N: @blackbloodrose20 I’m your secret Valentine for the exchange hosted by @ft-fairyexchanges. I hope you enjoy the story! It got a bit away from me, as this pairing tends to do, but I think it works.

-

This was not Rogue’s day.

“That was so embarrassing, Uncle!”

Rogue ignored the faint smells of wet clothing and chlorine that permeated the car and the soft croon of the radio, fingers gripped tightly around the steering wheel in mortification. His clothing clung to his skin and his hair to his scalp. When he’d slipped on the side of the pool and fell in, he hadn’t been planning to take a dip.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

This was said silently in his mind of course. Neil, his nephew, already had reason to doubt his sanity after what happened this afternoon. No reason to give the poor boy more evidence. Really, he probably shouldn’t even be driving, the shaking made things a bit unsteady and it was hard to focus on the road.

“For you or me?” Rogue replied archly, a beat too late. 

Lips burning, he took a hand off the wheel and scrubbed the back of it across them, hard. It felt good, for a second, then the burn came back. It had been a long while since he’d had a man’s lips on his.

The pre-teen in the passenger seat stopped to consider the question seriously, as he always did. Unfortunately for him, he was very much like Rogue was at that age. Awkward, quiet and serious. He tended to fade into the background of things, like a child-shaped shadow. He’d been like that for as long as Rogue had known him, which was about two months.

Neil flipped his too-long bangs from his eyes, peering over, “Are you okay?”

“Just wet.”

“You did fall in a swimming pool,” Neil pointed out and Rogue could feel his stare at the obvious and lame answer. “And Mr. Eucliffe had to pull you out and give you mouth-to-mouth.”

Rogue nearly hit his forehead on the steering wheel at the reminder but the last thing he needed today was to be pulled over. 

When Neil had brought home a permission slip and interest for swimming, Rogue’s friend really pushed for Rogue to let the boy join. Yukino seemed to have these sorts of things all figured out - at least where Neil was concerned. She said the boy needed a confidence boost and something to keep him busy. Rogue really just signed it because he thought that would buy him an extra hour three times a week alone - he didn’t realize those three hours would be spent in a damp, smelly building surrounded by a handful of middle aged moms on their cellphones. 

And he definitely hadn’t thought he’d be fished out of the pool like a drowned rat in front of everyone. Then kissed -- no, not kissed, mouth-to-mouth, absolutely not a kiss, it was a valid, medical procedure. 

It was a violent flashback to high school times. Stomach heaving, he shoved those thoughts away. That was the past. It was the past, and it couldn’t hurt him anymore. He was past that now, in a better - ok, well, different, anyway, place.

“I’m fine,” Rogue repeated numbly, realizing with dawning horror that the next swimming practice was sooner than he could handle. All those people were there. Mr. Eucliffe would be there too. High school never ended, did it? “It’s fine.”

Everything was fine.

What was another emergency visit to the therapist?

~

“Hey! You’re that guy from Swimland!”

If Rogue’s shoulders could creep up any higher, he’d be an actual turtle hiding in his shell. Lacking a shell and a retractable neck in general, he winced and slowly pivoted around, life-sustaining coffee in one hand and an indulgent raspberry danish in the other.

“You are! Everything good?”

The overenthusiastic swim instructor’s bright blue eyes twinkled and his smile gleamed. Too bright, too shiny… too loud. Suddenly, the burning on his lips returned, along with the butterflies. That danish was expensive, flicked across his mind, which was a shame because he’d most certainly not be able to eat it now.

I hate my body, Rogue thought to himself crossly. He’d really, desperately needed a sweet treat for the week he was having.

“Hello, yes, I’m fine, now, uh, thanks.”

“No problem.” Wink. Smile. Rogue’s stomach squirmed a bit more. “Not every day I get to save someone like you.”

“What does that mean?”

The swim instructor blinked, taken aback by Rogue’s tone shift. He reared back a bit, shifting an eyebrow and becoming more guarded. Some of the shine hid behind those clouds, the sunshine more bearable when he frowned instead of smiled.

“Uh… sorry?”

Rogue sighed, blowing the air out with a mix of regret and irritation at himself. He was fairly certain he wasn’t misreading the intent, but what if this guy really was just cluelessly friendly and a natural flirt? He probably had a girlfriend at home and was just nice with all the parents who paid his salary, so once again, Rogue was blowing things out of proportion. Rubbing the bridge of his nose and taking several deep breaths, he forced a smile with more teeth than cheer.

“No, I’m sorry. I’ve been having a bad week… month… several months, actually. Can I buy your coffee as an apology?” Rogue really, truly couldn’t afford that, but he’d also feel terrible for the rest of the day if he didn’t at least offer.

“If you’re having a bad week, maybe I should’ve bought you a coffee. I’m Sting Eucliffe, by the way. I’m sure you probably know that --” Rogue didn’t, which made him feel worse -- “But I really came up on you like a pal instead of someone I haven’t officially met yet. My friends say I can come on strong. And you are?”

“Rogue, Rogue Cheney, Neil’s uncle. I’d shake but…” He held up his coffee and danish.

Sting looked him up and down with a tug of a smile that made his stomach flutter even more, “You’ve got your hands full. Uncle, huh? Neil’s a good kid; good swimmer too. Say, might be coming on too strong again, but you look like you need to talk. I’ve got a few hours before work… fair warning, I talk a lot, you might get sick of listening.”

Rogue sincerely doubted that. It would be like getting sick of the sun.

But Mr. Eucliffe might get sick of him. He didn’t have a lot of cheerful and chipper topics at the moment. Broke up with his long-term boyfriend, rather violently at that, last year on Valentine’s Day. Something about him being too brooding and not into fun. Lost his job to office politics, scrabbling to collect unemployment and find a new one. Hence why he was at the coffee shop in the first place, laptop waiting and white mocha in hand. Acquired a pre-teen ward, one he didn’t even know existed until he got a phone call two months ago. Rogue wasn’t close with his family after the falling out, but his sister had always been fond of him. Still, he’d spent long nights wondering why Neil was with him and not their parents. He was too afraid to call and ask.

He looked up into that hopeful, puppydog look and felt the resistance on the tip of his tongue disappear.

“...Sure.”

~ 

“Hey! Mr. Cheney!”

Rogue looked up, startled, nearly but not quite losing his balance. It was tempting, for a split second, to fall in. But at some point Mr. Eucliffe would realize Rogue was not only a proficient swimmer, but had won many competitions in college. Plus, he’d just regained his reputation with the moms - they hadn’t harassed or teased him too much about it. But falling in seemed to have broken some ice and more than once he’d been invited into their little gossip circle. It felt nice to belong, even if it was just a group of bored moms that would go their merry ways after their boys lost interest in swimming and moved on to the next sport.

Rogue had gotten in the habit of showing up a little early because Neil wanted to help set up. Today was the big meet, and Neil had been anxious all morning. 

“Congrats, man. Neil told me.”

Rogue felt a smile slip onto his face, although he wasn’t sure if it was the warm congratulations or the fact Neil was starting to open up to people. He’d taken a particular shine to Mr. Eucliffe, and Rogue found it nice to have someone who seemed to care as much about his nephew as he did - Neil gave them an excuse to talk. A coffee date here, some time after a meet there, before practice started during set-up.

“Thank you, Mr. Eucliffe.”

“I’ve told you this a million times, it’s just Sting. I don’t stand on ceremony.” 

That was true enough. Rogue had been regaled with many exciting stories of Sting, the globetrotter, getting in trouble for his lack of decor. Swim instructor was just the latest in a long career of job hopping and city changing lifestyle. Rogue had to wonder how long… how long before Sting grew bored and moved on. Like sunlight, he never stayed in one place.

Swallowing the lump that formed, he tried not to choke on his smile. He should be happy; he finally found a job. And it was a good job, a better job than his last one too. Things were looking up. It was too soon to be fretting about the future, like his therapist always told him.

“Thank you… Sting. You’ve been… you’ve been a big help. I probably couldn’t have done it without your support.”

“Aww,” Sting flushed an adorable shade of pink, his normally cocky look taking on a more boyish cast with embarrassment. Rogue had to fight back a blush of his own.

Neil stared between them with a look only a teenager could pull off but he didn’t make any quips. 

“Good luck out there, kid,” Sting said to him, giving him a friendly punch to the shoulder. Ducking his head, Neil mumbled in response before slipping away to get changed. He turned to Rogue, rubbing the back of his neck, “I guess this is it, huh? The last big meet.”

Rogue’s smile slipped this time but he didn’t say anything. What was there to say? This little bubble of happiness wasn’t going to last forever after all. Happy things didn’t last in Rogue’s life.

“Yeah.”

“Since it's the last meet, we should celebrate. Take the kid out for some pizza, get wasted on root beer. It can be a little party.”

“For the group?”

Sting cocked his head, doing that thing that made Rogue feel like he was trying to read him. He shrugged, trying to pass it off nonchalantly, “I was thinking just the three of us. Love the other kiddos, of course, but there is a team party on Saturday. After this meet, I’m not the coach anymore anyway.”

Rogue sensed a trap. That anxious feel was creeping up on him, little and lurking, something wasn’t right, something was coming, he needed to do something, anything, because something wasn’t right, something was coming, he needed to do…

“No.” Rogue’s reply came out a little too sharp, a little too shrill. He backtracked, staring away at the unnaturally blue pool water as he mumbled, “No, um, sorry, Neil and I already have plans with Yukino.”

“Oh.”

Rogue didn’t say more or look before retreating to the bleachers, waving to Amara and Nicole as they stomped in, armed to the teeth with entertainment for younger siblings and bags full of supplies so their families didn’t starve. He knew within minutes the husbands would troop in, having gone to park the car, and then the rest of the crowd would follow to get a seat. For once, timing was on his side.

He had an easy out, and like a coward, he took it.

~

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Rogue’s friend Yukino was eyeing him with a soft, concerned expression.

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

She fiddled with the end of the blanket a moment, debating, before sighing, “Well, you keep inviting me over or out for coffee or to take Neil out, and that’s great and no problem. But it’s kind of weird? And you’ve been mopey. I thought things were going well with the new job.”

“It is.” It was. The new job was great. It paid the bills, his bosses appreciated him and he enjoyed the work. It was a big step up from being stuck under his old boss’s micromanaging and unethical thumb.

Neil, who had been quietly watching the movie Yukino and Rogue abandoned from the shadowy chair, piped up, “He’s sad because swim season is over. I told him I want to do it next time too but he’s still unhappy.”

Yukino wasn’t a fool. Armed with the new information, her gaze sharpened and she narrowed in, dropping the kid gloves behind her.

“Oh, so it’s about that. I see. And what have you done, exactly, since swim season ended besides moping and trying to use me to distract you?”

Rogue had nothing to say for himself that wouldn’t be damning. 

Yukino smiled a smile he wasn’t the biggest fan of and remarked, “Valentine’s Day is in a few days. I know you are the Scrooge of V-day after He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named…”

“Voldemort?” Neil blinked in confusion and a laugh of surprise barked out of Rogue, breaking him out of what was the beginning of a spiral at the mention of his ex. Doggedly, sensing he was now part of a grownup conversation, Neil pressed on, “I didn’t know you liked Harry Potter, Uncle Rogue.”

“Your Uncle is the biggest Harry Potter nerd, Neil,” Yukino confirmed. “But that’s not who we’re talking about.”

“Oh, okay. Maybe we can talk about Harry Potter later though, Uncle Rogue?” Neil asked hopefully. Rogue felt stabbed through the heart. Was this the same withdrawn, sulky child he picked up from the bus station with a backpack and small rolling suitcase? 

“Absolutely.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” It was the easiest promise Rogue had ever made and he hadn’t hesitated for even an instant.

“Great,” Yukino clapped her hands together, “Now the task at hand. Uncle Rogue is going to take some initiative!”

“With Mr. Eucliffe?” Rogue winced, thinking fast how to explain things to Neil, feeling things crumple. But the boy added quickly, “I hope it’s with Mr. Eucliffe. Uncle Rogue, you’re always so happy around him, and I want you to be happy. Plus, he’s always so happy when he sees you too.”

“It’s settled. Let’s get to work.”

~

His finger hovered over the bell. He’d only been here twice before, once with Sting’s car broke and he needed a ride and another when Sting got wasted at a bar crawl calling Rogue’s number by accident. Neither situation was particularly romantic, and Rogue hadn’t the nerve to cross the threshold then.

Sucking in a deep breath from between his lips, he shoved the bell, torn between hoping no one answered the door and desperately hoping someone did. 

When the door opened, he swallowed, hard. An intimidating woman answered the door with cutting edge fashion, perfect make-up and an expression that made Rogue want to close the door like he was in a horror movie. She looked him up and down with the interest of a large predator gauging meal or toy. Sting never mentioned a girlfriend! In fact, Rogue had hinted about it more than once and Sting always insisted he was single and free. Who was this? Did Rogue go to the wrong house? Did Sting go get someone to take away the pain of Rogue’s rejection?

“Is this the Eucliffe residence?”

“It is.”

Pursing her lips, she raked him up and down, before stepping aside and motioning in. Even her heels clicked judgmentally on the foyer’s tiles. So not a girlfriend? Definitely not a sister or at least not a full sister.

“We are roommates. I’m not surprised Sting did not mention it. I ate his last boyfriend alive. So you are here for some groveling I see, along with Valentine’s gifts. Smart. You better not have cheated on him, or I will eat you alive too.”

Rogue felt a full body flushing coming on, pausing to listen to the well-manicured roommate’s dirge of information. Sting had literally talked for hours and hours and never mentioned a roommate, an ex or the fact that they were apparently dating?

“We are dating?” slipped out of Rogue’s mouth. A wicked smile curved her lips in a less-than-reassuring way and she offered a slender hand, “I am Minerva Orlando. It is a pleasure to finally meet the man of the legend in person, Rogue Cheney.”

“Min? Who’re you talking to? I thought you were getting ready to go out on your date!”

“Maybe you should get out of your boxers, put the tissues away and worry about your own date, moron. Your boyfriend’s here looking dapper with a box of candy and some roses after all.”

Rogue wasn’t sure about that, but it sounded better than what he actually looked like, so he kept quiet. He had the feeling she was hassling her roommate at his expense and enjoying every second of it.

“What?” Sting yelped from the other room, followed by the sound of crashing and stumbling then a hefty body hitting the wall so hard it shook at the impact. Much to Rogue’s relief, he did not appear in his boxers. Hair wild and in a hideous pair of sweats, Sting was shedding a trail of candy wrappers and swears behind him as he tore into the doorway. Seeing Rogue, his face went through a myriad of emotions before settling on sheepish for a long moment then he ran his fingers through his hair, trying for suave.

Minerva rolled her eyes, “Okay Casanova. I am going out on my date. No sex on the table.”

“Wha--” Sting sputtered, eyes wide, and Rogue wanted to melt into the shadows forever. That had definitely not been on his mind 3 seconds ago, and now he was having trouble focusing on what he came to do, remembering all those times he’d seen Sting in swim trunks and only swim trunks.

“Uh, hi,” Sting said uncertainly. “I kind of… thought you were done with me. I mean, at the swim meet… you were pretty clear.”

“We are dating?” was the only intelligent thing Rogue could say in response, everything all jumbled up. 

Sting scratched his cheek, “Ignore her. It sucks, but anytime I have a friend, she assumes I’m dating. Hazards of being gay with an aggressively supportive roommate, I guess.”

The front door slammed noisily, confirming Minerva had left the building.

“I brought you these… as an apology,” Rogue abruptly changed the subject, shoving the sweets and flowers at Sting unceremoniously. Not chocolates, not roses, that’d be Too Much, but it was a start. Sting took them awkwardly, that megawatt grin of his lighting up the room as he admitted while smelling the gift, “Never gotten flowers before. What do you do with them? Min! Min! Oh wait, she left… shit.” 

Snapping his fingers, he made a wait-here motion, disappearing back through the doorway and leaving Rogue standing in the hallway. Just as he was about to peer through the door, Sting returned, flowers shoved into a coffee mug with a crass saying printed across the front, still in the plastic sleeve and looking a bit bedraggled. He handed the whole thing back, making another motion, and disappearing in another direction.

The next time he emerged, he was changed and presentable.

“So… ready to go on a real date?” he asked with a smooth and causal tone that Rogue envied. Sting really did do things on the fly. “And I’m not just saying that because of Min. I was going to ask you at the pizza place weeks ago if you wanted to go out for real. Also, I’ve seriously been jonesing to kiss you this whole time, not going to lie. Your lips have been on my mind since day one.”

“Maybe you should fix that before we go out on our first real date then,” Rogue replied with a rare giddiness pulling the other man in to indulge in his fantasies.

This was totally Rogue’s day, and he was going to make the most of it.

[szopenhauer]

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? Debbie Downer should be my name lol

What would you love to drink right now? I’m drinking water rn, second mug in a row, my belly is going to explode

Is that an alcoholic drink or not? it’s not this kind of water :P

Oh good. What would you love to eat right now? I’m not hungry...

How many meals do you eat a day? depends

Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? sometimes

What are you favorite type of jeans? I’d say skinny even tho I don’t wear jeans anymore ^^”

Do you eat your nails? wait what swallow? ewww I don’t even bite them :o 

Do you enjoy making or taking surveys? taking them more 

Name something that is blue that you like Sadness from Inside out

Name something pink that you like PYNK music video by Janelle Monae? XD

If you could have one more pet, what? meh

If you could sleep next to a tame wild animal what? woah 

Would you rather have an owl or a snake? both are cool

What would you name it? Bowl for owl and for snake either Ksysio or Wonsz żmieja?

Do you eat the ice in your drink? no

Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? I had one cigarette in my whole life but I still keep a package in my room :x

Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? fb, I don’t care for insta 

Do you watch beauty videos on You Tube? nah

Do you like Star Wars? love

What kind of surveys do you like the most? interesting, not just YES or NO questions, I want to go deeper 

Have you ever dropped something down the garbage disposal on accident? omg luckily not 

What CD would you never buy for yourself? anything Justin Bieber for sure

Is sex a must in your life? absolutely not

Would you rather be cute and ugly or hot and stupid? cute and ugly? lmfao ok 

Are you evil in any way? everyone is, more or less

Would you rather be a clown or a garbage man? can’t decide :D

Would you rather be a rockstar or a librarian? librarian but rock star ain’t that bad of a choice ;)

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? again? I just got this question on ask today and that really made me anxious

Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? sigh... Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? yep but not to my room as I’m super ashamed of it, it’s not what I really want, it’s more like a storage room for mine and my mom’s things, I wish I could move and out and do what I want instead of cleaning this mess just to have it ruined days after, not that I have money now to fix things the way I imagine my bedroom to be someday :( Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? yesterday was better but today I got a T-shirt so that was a good moment Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend? hospital

Could you date someone very attractive, but who thought they were better than everyone else? blergh, r u kidding me?... Do you always feel like you’re making mistakes? constantly Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? not because of me but someone somewhere definitely has that name on them for another reason How would you feel if you got the person you liked? I'm in a relationship Is there anyone who likes you? it seems If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? of course  What’s the first thing you heard this morning? you mean a sound (doorbell) or words (I don’t remember)? If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? not possible Are you young or old? young, at least according to my ID and being childish Are there always other fish in the sea? there are but maybe I don’t want them and/or they don’t want to be catched etc. What can your tongue do? pfft Do chickens have feelings? sorta Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? ...  So how are you feeling today? not good enough Where is your sister right now? don’t know nor care What do you smell like? it’s so hot, I smell like sweat and I can’t stand it but I can’t shower all day long What colour is your mum’s hair? grey  When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? last week Do you like fire? as an element of magic in fantasy movies  Does your mum vacuum early in the morning while you’re asleep? she’s noisy in different ways Does wearing glasses really make people look smart? that’s a lame stereotype Do your band-aids have cartoons on them? they’re useless but one time I bought Moomin ones because I’ve been walking through the store and they fallen right under my feet and there was nobody around nor the shelf/aisle that they could come from so it was weird and I love Moomins so I took them home (I paid) and they’re probably stored somewhere  Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn’t have? what do you mean? Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? my gf apparently - in a cute way - that’s surprising for a teetotalist like me  What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? my tee came! When was the last time you saw your father? he just left for work and I was waving to him through the window which is our tradition  What if your partner went through your cellphone? I have nothing to hide Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? my parents and sister

Robert Downey Jr. — Bet you have a crush on him. he’s handsome but I’d prefer to be him instead of having a crush on sex I’m not attracted to

What would you do if you were to get stuck on a ski lift overnight? ... freeze? and pee myself Have you ever received an anonymous gift? one time when we were really poor that we couldn’t afford food someone left a package under our door, knocked and ran, bless this person whoever knew we have hard times :* What kind of laugh do you have? many kinds that happen randomly Will you have a Valentine next year? I have a bigger chance than any other year before  Macaroon or a cupcake? cupcake Did you kiss or hug anyone today? hug my mom and my dad too Are you currently waiting on someone to do something for you/to you? kinda Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I’m not in an abusive relationship but I know those who are as it’s common and it’s really sad that ppl think only beating makes relationship toxic Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? I’ll stay home  Do you find your school to be loaded with hot guys or not so much? I remember E.W. once said that we have a lot of elves around because LOTR movie had very ugly ones as we did in high school, I tried to find that pic someone posted back in the day but I failed, it was from the council from what I remember 

Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? mostly I just keep my eye on my father and my mother all the time because of covid (and not only because of it) if that counts Are you plotting anything at the moment? another chapter of the book? Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? because they were evil to them, it wasn’t about ME If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? she moved out :3

Do you have a therapist? no longer Have you ever gotten a good grade in math class? yeah, in middle school I was getting awesome grades in math class What do you think of the last person you texted? we’re dating Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? I’ve never done cocaine wtf

Do you post pictures were you look good but your friends look bad? I ask them first  Are you friends with any of your exes? me and one of my exes are together Are you a whiskey person? I’m a no alcohol person

Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music? tiny bit, wasn’t that bad

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? I have not Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? not in a movie theater Are you somewhat of a perfectionist? somewhat Do you like sour candy? by Lady Gaga  not eat Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? but I don’t drive Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? brrrr no way Are you good at painting nails? am not but it doesn’t matter Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations? doubt it What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary? kurwa Do you rip out the page if you make a mistake writing, or cross it out? cross it out, if I ripped the page then there would be nothing left  Do you use a full length mirror daily? we don’t own one Can you walk in heels, or do you feel awkward in them? I think they don’t match my style and they’re uncomfy in a long term Mac or PC? PC Will you tell someone if there’s something in their teeth? sorry but probably not Do you ever actually make your bed? when I have guests Do you make an effort to eat healthy? yup The last time you kissed someone, what color of shirt were they wearing? black, that’s easy What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall? food If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? money because one regret won’t help me and even might make things worse Are you taller than your mom? almost 10 cm What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving today? my gf - break up  my dad - try to stop him or move out with him You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, problems? no problems  Do you have any ‘naughty’ photos on your phone? 0 Could you handle living with a male roommate? my dad, no one else What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? waking up Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? who said we aren’t texting? Do you think you’ll actually live a happy life with somebody? don’t feed my paranoia Connection between you and the last person who messaged you? love Where is your biological father right now? bus/job already Who else is in the room with you? I’m alone Water with ice or no ice? no ice  Are you wrapped in a blanket? too hot for that

Has anyone done anything nice for you today? I’m thankful for all those nice things people do for me - big or small The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do? took a walk

Do you usually bring or buy a lunch for school? bring

The last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours? their

How old were you when you figured out you were definitely straight, or bi, or whatever? middle school was the beginning 

Do you fit in at work or in school? I was always an outcast

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “Oh God, Ew.”? 99% of time

Have you ever cried at a real wedding? nope

Is there someone you need to forgive? *annoyed sound*

What’s your brother(s) / sister(s) names? personal

Suppose you saw your crush/bf/gf kissing another girl/guy, what would you do? why tho

What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? whatever bridesmaid wanna wear besides white

Do you have a secret crush right now? it’s no secret

Do you know anyone who doesn’t want to have kids? me

Would you rather visit Tokyo or Paris? dunno

Do you think you would like living in New York or Chicago? Why or why not? too overcrowded/loud etc.

Name 3 celebrities who are the same height as you. Lady Gaga, Ellen Page, Reese Witherspoon

Are you happy with your height? I’d like to be taller, not too much tho

Do you have big or small hands? small

Have you been baptized?  I have been 

Have you ever been abused in any way? sadly

Do you like unicorns? they’re fine

Is there one book you have read over and over again because it’s so good? if so, which is it? I don’t reread books

Do you play games on your phone a lot? recently I became obsessed with LOVE ISLAND game 

Have you ever had to put out a kitchen fire? my mom took care of it but it wasn’t a big deal tbh

Have you ever been kidnapped? wut

Do you have anything glow in the dark in your room? stars

Do you wear a scarf, if so, what does it look like? not rn

Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? mhm but not too long

Do you get breadsticks with your pizza? breadsticks and pizza? it’s like bread with bread - no thx

Did you ever have a waterbed? I hate those

What toy from your childhood do you miss? rubber toys?

Did you sleep in late today? yes

When was the last time you were disappointed? this day

Do you like listening to love songs? I like a variety of music which includes love songs

In your group of friends, are you the smart one, athletic one, etc.? funny mom friend... ok, fine, a dad because my puns are daddy jokes

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? no but they said bad things about me behind my back

Did you ever watch the show Full House? with my sister What was the last thing that scared you? how I feel physically Do the librarians at your library know you by name? they do

What ten people would you most likely bring on a roadtrip? 10 ppl?! shoot me...

Is there anything you’re really stressed out about right now? health issues

What was the last thing that made you cry? I’m about to cry...

What are the last three songs you listened to? Crystal Castles - Suffocation  frnkiero andthe cellabration - neverenders  Major Lazer - Be Together (Feat. Wild Belle)