#why do i always gif barry in just .... pa i n

[barrybrkman]

I’ll leave you to your process 

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Never underestimate a black suit

Bill Hader x Reader

I'm not even going to pretend I regret this one. It all started in 2009 when I became obsessed with SNL, then he just kept popping up, here an there and the crush just grow, and since thanks to It chapter 2 he is finally getting the recognition he deserves I got this idea last night and I got to write it before it escapes my mind.

One shot: Imagine you are a PA in Barry and you have the biggest crush on Bill Hader but it seems like he hates you because he is dead serious all the time he is around you.

Warnings: Swearing, Age gap (I know he is just over forty but god I love him).

You were pacing on the set, the Steve Allen Theater, hoping for someone, anyone, to give you an order so you could pretend you were so good at your job as PA so they won't fired you. But the damage was done, all thanks to your verbal incontinence and now the most amazing job in the world was about to be over.

You had started working on Barry about a year ago, and you have loved every minute of it, the cast was so sweet and down to earth, and make your job so much easier, D'arcy Carden for example was always thankful with you for the simplest things like bringing her coffee and Sarah Golberg even had invited you to lunch after you helped her with a female problem one time. They were so talented and nice that you could not believe it when the production called you back for the third season to keep working there.

But then it was him, the titular character, the fucking genius whose hard work and imagination have created this magnificent show, Bill Hader. Yes you were 28 and he 42, but still you couldn't explain it, there was something about the way he spoke and the way he walked that made you weak on your knees every time, and his laugh, you were sure something had been fixed in your mind after the first time you heard him laugh.

And then it was that first week of shooting from last year, the retro outfit with the suspenders, you couldn't get your eyes off him and you almost made one of the sound guys trip with Henry Winkler. And then the table scene, you were in the back making sure the extras were in their right place and avoiding look at him because he was so perfect on that scene that you certainly will froze just by looking at him.

This little crush was obvious for absolutely everyone, except obviously for Bill, you were sure that Anthony Carrigan even deliberately asked you for anything when he was talking to Bill to see you all clumsy and awkward, not to be a dick, just to push you to talk to him, but you were certain he didn't liked you, with most of the other members of the cast and crew he was always laughing, but in the limited interactions you had he was serious, asked you for a coffee now and then or to make a phone call but just that, and you were beginning to think your absurd infatuation was making him uncomfortable, so you tone it down, made a composed face and limited to do your job.

But now you had blow it. That morning they were filming the behind the episode, for the new season, at some point Barry had one of those daydreams and he imagine himself married to Sally, so there he was all perfect in a black suit sitting in his chair next to Alec Berg talking about the challenges of the new season and how thankful they were to come back.

"So the cast is amazing, the first two episodes of the season are incredible and you have managed to keep the same novelty feeling on the series, why do you think that is?" The guy interviewing them asked.

"Well I think it's mainly thanks to the cast" Alec started "This guys are just amazing, this season we are actually giving Sally a bigger arc and that is very interesting"

"And the crew too" Bill said then "I mean they make us all look good, even when some scenes are a total disaster, the set designers, the wardrobe and all that" they made a pause and you were there to put water bottles in the table between them.

"Bill I have known that you used to be a PA, you think that gives you a better understanding on how hard it is for and aspiring actor as Barry, and does it translate on the writing?" He asked and against your better judgment you stay there to listen.

"Totally, but on a more personal level I try to no be diva with my PAs, recognize they do a hard work and know them all by name, that sort of things"

And then your verbal incontinence kick in, and there, just a few feet away, your mouth was quicker than your brain and still looking at him you spoke, not that loud to be heard by the three of them but enough for him to look straight at you.

"That's bullshit" you instinctively took your hands to your mouth and turn around before you could saw him react and went away pretending you were taking coffee orders. And here you were just waiting for the "we are gonna have to let you go" speech when one of the other PAs called you.

"Hey Y/N Hader says you have to go to his dressing room ASAP" Your friend Danny said and you felt like something heavy fall down inside your stomach.

"Can someone else go?" You answered trying to find an excuse "I have to walk Kirby's dog" you lied.

"No, he said you specifically, something about a mail he asked you to sent?" You gave him a thumbs up and start walking to his dressing room, already feeling you were fired.

"Did you need anything Mr. Hader" You tried to sound professional, and not dead ass scared.

"Oh sure, Y/N, please come in" Great! He did know your name, so apart from impertinent you were an asswhole. And he was still in that stupid black suit that made him look so gorgeous, not like the tshirts and hoodies didn't. "Do you by any chance printed those documents I asked you to send last week? I seem to have deleted them and Alec is going to freak out" He said as nice and kind as always and the weight in your stomach start lightening.

"Yeah sure, I ... well unless someone says is confidential I make copies of everything, an old habit" You said looking for a flash drive in your purse. Since all the crew sing a NDA at the beginning of the production there was nothing wrong with that, unless of course you put it on Twitter if you wanted to go to jail.

"This is not your first work on a set right?" He asked while you started looking for the documents in his laptop.

"Oh no sir. I worked in Dead to me two years ago, but since they are in a break I try my luck here last year, and HBO has better catering" You said concentrated in your work.

"Oh so you met Christina?" He asked genuinely interested, "how old were you then?"

"26, a bit late to start in this business I know, but well I like it more" You answered with a smile and then pointed to the laptop "There they are".

"Thanks so much, truly a life saver" He said and let go a sigh "And you are never too old or too young to start, as long as you enjoy it, and tolerate your bosses... bullshit was it?" He said raising an eyebrow accusatory. You immediately turn white and then red and multiple apologizes started bubbling in your mouth.

"I'm so sorry sir, I really am, I sometimes speak my mind and say all this stupid stuff, I'm sorry" You finally managed to say. He started laughing, you didn't let go the painful irony of the situation, it was the first time you made him laugh, and probably will be the last.

"I'm sorry" He said finally " I couldn't help it, relax. I'm not mad. It was quite funny what you said, I sound like such a duchebag I know everyone by name" He said making an acute voice and you start calming down "But if anything I'm sorry I made you, or any of the crew, feel like you don't matter. All of you are actually great" He said and smiled again to you. "Also lose the Mr Hader, that's bullshit, you can call me Bill".

"Oh no, I couldn't, I'm already so embarrassed by why I did" you started and he looked at you making exaggerated puppy eyes mouthing please, and it was lucky you were so nervous otherwise you would have exploded with laughter "Ok Bill"

"Ok then you are 28, and recently started as a PA, you want to be an actress?" He said, leaning back on his desk.

"Absolutely not, I wanted to be a writer, I was a writer actually in a newspaper, but it didn't feel right and then I realized I wanted to write stories, scripts, and one of my friends was an extra in Stranger things, then she said Netflix needs PAs and well there I went" You said, it was easy talk to him. "Also I don't have the looks for it and hate to se myself in pictures"

"I don't have the looks for it, and here I am" He said opening his arms "But honestly you keep writing and trying, if it's what you want, I mean I get here"

"Well yeah but have seen yourself in that suit?" Your mouth betrayed you again and you look at your feet to hide your face. "Amm I think I have a dog to walk, bye" You said before he could said anything and run away.

The next weeks were difficult, you avoid being alone with Bill but you kept doing your job as good as always, and every once in a while you will notice him looking at you, thinking on how pathetic you must look to him. Until the last day of shooting, they wrapped up the season and it was amazing. The only thing left was to go for a drink at Henry's place and start looking for a new job, thankfully you had finally written a promising draft and your hopes were high.

Maybe that's why you actually choose to drink at the party, and dance with your friends and some members of the cast, and you were a little more talkative than usual, until Anthony who was talking to you about something you were not actually listening leave you alone next to bill.

"So what's next??" He asked in the middle of the loud music, and you didn't quite got it because he signaled the garden and you followed him. "Finally I couldn't hear my thoughts" He said once you were outside.

"It's really loud, but you all deserve it" You said and suddenly realized you were alone. "What where you asking?" You tried to sound casual.

"Oh if you could get me a coffee" he joked and then quickly add "No I was wondering what's next for you after this is over?"

"I actually waiting good news from Amazon, maybe with any luck I'll get a chance with one of my scripts" You said proudly.

"That's amazing" He said with bright happy eyes "I'm so glad for you, so we won't be seeing you in season four?"

"With any luck no" You answered "You'll have to find another impertinent PA to call out your bullshit" You add laughing.

"Oh I'm pretty sure we will find someone, or I can always call you and ask you to do it for free" He said and you could notice how close he was "You know as a concerned friend"

"Sure, I can do that, my contract finalized yesterday day so I guess starting today I'm just your rude friend that says come on man don't be a duchebag" You said letting go a small laugh but he was looking at you completely serious.

"In that case..." He started and took your face between his hands, he was so tall and you felt so tiny next to him but also it was so nice and comfortable being so close, he lean in to kiss you and stop just close enough to your mouth so you will feel his breath, as if he asked for your permission to continue, and instead of saying something that could ruin the moment you close the distance and kiss him.

His lips felt soft and tender over your lips, and he slowly started deepening the kiss pressing you against him from your waist, and you hold on to the front of his jacket trying to keep him closer to you, hoping for this moment to never end, until the absurd necessity of oxygen force you to split.

"I ... I didn't think it would be appropriate to do that when we were working together" He started, smiling like a child. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was avoiding you, Anthony messing up with me by having you around all the time didn't help either"

"Don't worry it's okay, and yeah it would have been super inappropriate but thank god I no longer have a job" you said still trying to make sense of the situation.

"Would you... I mean I love Henry but there's only alcohol in here, do you want to go grab some dinner?" He said pointing the exit.

"I would love that" you answered, overwhelmed by joy and you followed him to the door, happy with all the possibilities the future hold.

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Dancing lessons

Barry Berkman x reader

Summary: Barry is finally cast in a feature, the problem? He said he could dance and now he can either disappoint Sally or found a way to learn some steps.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, violence, guns, cheating maybe.

Part 1 ● Part 2 ● Part 3 ● Part 4 ● Part 5 ● Part 6 ● Part 7 ● Part 8 ● Epilogue

Part 3

The cheerful notes of the Pas de deux of Swan Lake's third act started to play and you were all alone in the studio, the girls had been practicing to that and it was still in the record player, you were liying on the floor, and your pointe shoes were next to you.

Barry have left about fifteen minutes before leaving your head troubled with his words. After on long hour of practice he was finally getting somewhere with the slower rhythms of tango, but there was a long way ahead of him to learn his routine.

Tired he sitted on the wooden floor looking at himself in the mirror, and you went to sit next to him.

"Well that's an improvement" You told him and he gave you a nod, and a smile while he tried to catch his breath "You should be proud, is more than I expected"

"It's all you, you are an excellent teacher" He said sincerely "I just hope all this work is worthy"

"Worthy or not I still get paid" you wink at him and stood up giving him a hand to do the same.

"Of course, I meant..." He took your hand, and stood next to you "I accidentally listen to Janice and Andre fighting on the phone, and it sounded like they were removing the scene, I mean I had the other scenes but I don't want to know I have spend the last 5 days rubbing Voltatrol on my calf and knees for nothing"

"Well I wouldn't say for nothing, you have learned a new skill and I'm sure you may take your girlfriend out to dance and she would appreciate it"

"Yeah, once she is not busy" he sounded hurt, but you didn't feel it was your place to ask, and didn't needed because he kept talking "I mean I know that she is working on something she loves, and I'm proud of her and I love her but..."

"You wish she had more time for you?" You asked, interested since this was the first real personal conversation you had with him.

"Yeah, you know. More like you" He said and you gave him a very confused look "Well you and your husband, I wish we were like that" he added nervously.

"Like what?" Sick of each other to stubborn to quit your mind said but your face continued smiling.

"Well you work in something you love, and you are really good at it, and I always have the feeling that I'm not enough for Sally, is not like she says it, is just that she always have something more important, and I fear one day she will found someone more important than me" You nodded with your lips extremely closed trying not to be mad at him since you actually didn't know him. "Also you work at home that's good too" the innocence on wich he said it made you furious for some reason.

"You had no idea what you are talking about" you told him, again trying to not sound too harsh and not succeeding "Lesson is over you can leave"

"What? No, I meant it as a compliment, you have the best job..."

"Shut it!" You scream and he looked shock at you "I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell, but that's just stupid you know? I don't mean to offend you, but you are at a studio 6 to 7 hours every morning surround by beautiful actresses, and here two hours every day with a woman basically rubbing on you, think about that for a second" You told him but he didn't say anything "If she didn't have her show, and she had to sit at home waiting for you, I bet you would not consider you are letting her down"

"Well no, because..." He started but you make it shut down with a movement of your hand.

"Because you are the big guy, the man, the one allowed to have dreams and follow them even if you have to put other people's needs apart. Maybe think about that and then you can talk" You notice your chest going up and down quickly and you were thankful you were still on the heels because on your normal level you would have look ridiculous screaming at someone that tall.

"That's what people call toxic masculinity isn't it?" He asked, surprisingly calm

"Get out" You said pointing at the door and turning your back at him

"Yeah, I thought so" He said and pick up his stuff without going to change back to his regular clothes "Same hour tomorrow?" He asked by the door

"Of course" You said and with that he was gone.

As the third act was coming to his end and you could clearly picture in your mind Odile and Rothbart entering the palace, you stood up and put on the shoes, Barry was wrong of course, in expecting a servant woman as a partner, but that was not what hurt you, you made a bow to an invisible Siegfried and make a couple movements to get loose, Mr. Block dare to say that you were happy? Well at least your deception was working and you look like you were, and like you love that job, Odil's coda started and you start making fouettés, one and you could feel your leg shaking but you continued, even when you were moving from your place and in no way at the speed that you wanted, two, three... by the sixth you were sure you could get to twenty, but then at the ninth that old damaged ankle gave in and the stinging pain made you tremble and fall to the ground, but it was okay because once the sharp edge of a chair broke into your skin and everything went black you were no longer thinking about it.

***

About ten minutes after he left the studio, Barry's brain struggled to understand why does Y/N had taken what he said so personally, was then when he realized he was hungry and turn his car to go to the nearest In-N-Out, he searched for his wallet and couldn't find it, Fuck he thought knowing it must be still at the studio with probably his hoodie since he didn't have it either, he made another turn hoping to still find the woman there. The music he could hear when he approached and the lights coming from inside suggest him she was still there.

"Y/N I know you are mad, but I leave my wallet here..." He said opening the door and froze in his place "Jesus, Y/N are you okay??" The women's body was in the floor, with her head over a small pool of her own blood, and next to her one of the chairs covered with her blood too making evident what have happened.

The cut on her head was small, and when he checked on her she still had pulse but was unconscious, and not responding so he carried in his arms back to his car and drove to the closest ER he could find.

"Help please!" He screamed with her in his arms and her blood covering his hands. "She was dancing and fall, she hit her head with a chair" He said to the two nurses that come at his encounter "She is not waking up..." He was agitated and he wanted to scream for them to move faster.

"Hey, hey sir calm down, come on deep breaths" a doctor said once she was in a stretcher and after checking her pupils to be okay, "what's your name sir?" She asked putting a hand on his shoulder and speaking in a calming voice.

"Berkman, I mean, Barry Berkman" He was trying to breath but there was a knot in is chest tightening more every second.

"Ok Mr. Bearkman, go with nurse Joaquin and help him fill some forms and we will take care of her, ok?" Barry nodded and let the nurse to take him away. He filled the forms mechanically not even sure he was putting on them and finally sit on the waiting room. He covered his face with his hands and he saw they were still covered in blood and the memories of the last time he had been in a hospital started rushing to his head like wild horses.

Mr. Cousineau knew, he was sure Fuches had told him the truth about Moss and was trying every day after the arrest to talk to him, and he tried his best to avoid him, he even skip a couple classes until it was impossible to ignore it anymore.

On the other hand the look for Fuches was a waste of time, any rat hole he was hiding in was too hard to locate, and since Hank was back at Chechnya he had no assets to help him.

One night Gene invited Sally and him to have dinner at his lake house again, an obvious set up since they have barely crossed words in the last two months, but after the massacre and the damage he was sure he had caused he felt like it was time to face the truth and find a solution. After all Gene was not Janice, and he was sure they could get to an arrangement.

Sally went to sleep and they were left alone in the livingroom, Mr. Cousineau had a glass of whiskey in his hand and signaled the door with a head gesture, and Barry walked outside with him.

"It would have been nice you know?" He started once they were by the lake. "Growing old here, just me and her, that's all I wanted." He was looking at the water and Barry was behind him just patiently listening. "I kept repeating that night in my mind, over and over again, for so long and it never occurred to me to think about you" Barry's eyes were fighting back tears since Cousineau was standing right where she was that night "But in all fairness you had told me already what you used to do for a living, I just didn't listen" He turned around and a small silver revolver was in his hands.

"Gene calm down, let's talk about this" Barry started knowing all too well that the old man would shoot his own foot before he could aim at him.

"Why don't you do it one more time?" He asked and took the gun by the barrel and gave it to him.

"Mr. Cousineau what are you talking about?" He asked perplex.

"My life is meaningless Barry, I have no longer reason to live without her and even when I hate to admit it Leo being back in my life is just not enough, so since you owned me this do it, take my life like you took hers" He put the gun in Barry's hand an point to his head "Just do it"

"Are you insane? Sally is in the house" Barry let go from his hand and put the gun down "Where did you get this?"

"Is mine, I bought it to kill you, but I can't do that, I'm too much of a coward, I don't even have te courage to kill myself, that's why I need your help" His voice was calmed and a monotone, but his eyes reflected a broken man and Barry feared he might convince him.

"Let's get inside, we can talk about this later ok?" He said taking his hand, and the man followed him like a sheep.

"You'll have to do it at some point, I haven't told the police but I might" he said once they were on the house, and he walked to his room leaving Barry alone in the dark.

A couple weeks later Fuches broke into his apartment, he looked sick, skinnier, with several scars and open wounds on his face. Apparently the Chechens blamed him for the massacre in the monastery and he managed to make a deal to bring him to them.

"And why would I go?" He asked once he was tied to a chair "Do you really thought you could take me?" He asked, not to brag but he was in terrible shape and it didn't cost him much to subdue him.

"Oh I knew I couldn't, what I need is your help to flee the country, they know you want to kill me, if they think I failed and that you did they would leave me alone" He said, and he was no longer the man Barry used to know, he was erratic and completely disturbed.

"What if actually kill you and we end this for once?" He said and pointed his gun at him.

"You wouldn't, you don't want to, I have followed you, you live your life like the happy little lep dog of that blondie, and that's fine. You don't want to unleash the real Barry again, and I'm counting with that" He said and Barry got angry because he was right. He left him go without accepting his offer, but he was sure he will came back.

The days passed and he was holding on to the hope both men will drop their "plans" and since Mr Cousineau was becoming a granddad and he was offering a big party he believed at least he had.

The morning of the party Gene asked him to help him buy some party supplies and he gladly accepted, by two in the afternoon they were loading the car with bags and talking about the new baby in the almost empty parking lot.

"Barry, do you remember what I asked you?" He said after putting in the las bag.

"I do, and the answer is the same, it won't happen" he said frowning.

"And I hope it doesn't, the thing is, you don't know how great life is until you know it, I mean I'm giving a baby shower for a woman I barely know because she is having my granddaughter"

"That's great, I'm sure Leo is thankful for that" Barry was not completely sure of why he was saying, so he asked. "And now what, are you telling the police?"

"Oh jesus no, that's a lot more trouble, and that won't be enough punishment for you, I want you out of the class, forever. After the party, you'll make a brilliant excuse and you will leave us alone" It was obvious he had rehearse that speech because he was not even looking at Barry who was about to replicate when the sound of a laugh make them turn around.

"Oh look the little actor guy is breaking up with you" Fuches said, he had a gun in his hand and was aiming at Barry.

"You??" Gene asked recognizing the so called Detective that had showed him Janice's body, and told him about Barry "what else do you want from me?" He ask with his voice about to break.

"Absolutely nothing, but since our boy here is not responding to diplomacy I thought a little pressure may help, now Barry be a good sport and come with me or" He said and got closer to Gene still pointing the gun at him.

"Fuches stop this man, leave him alone, he is not part of this" Barry tried to reason with him "Let's talk about this, leave him alone and I'll figure out a way to help you, come on man" He started to come closer, and tried to move Gene away from Fuches.

"You really need to know who is in charge here Barry" Fuches said and shoot the gun, it was all so fast, as Gene body fall to the ground and Barry tried to hold him as Fuches was running away, but he didn't bother on follow him, his only concern at that moment was to put pressure on Mr. Cousineau wound and wait patiently for the ambulance to arrive.

"Is going to be ok, don't close your eyes, just hold on" He said while he dialed 911 on his phone "Hi, my... my friend has been shot, outside Ralphs on Venice Boulevard"

"That really hurts you know? I don't know why would I tell yo to do that to me, but in the end you didn't, isn't it funny Barry?" He said before losing conciousness.

The lights of the ambulance came a couple minutes later, and they drove him to the ER, they asked him a couple questions and send him to the waiting room, he sited and waited for Leo and Sally to get to the hospital, he waited as he went into surgery, and he waited until the doctor come out to tell them he was out of surgery. The story they told was that some burglar tried to stole the car from them, and since the cameras on the supermarket recorded Fuches coming at them it was believable.

He spend every afternoon outside work in that hospital for the next week helping Leo take care of his dad. And even when Mr. Cousineau was thankful for his gesture he end up leaving the class when he came out of the hospital, hoping that being apart from him was enough to prevent more damage.

And now here he was, again waiting, again with blood on his hands, just that this time it was not his fault, the doctor came out a couple minutes later and walked him to her bed, they had shave part of her hair and put some stitches to stop the bleeding, and she was now awake, talking very animated with a nurse.

"And then you just add as much mozzarella as you want Abby" Y/N said and finally looked at Barry approaching to her bed.

"Well it sounds delicious, I would definitely try it. Thanks Y/N" The nurse saw the doctor and immediately walked away.

"Well apparently you are doing better Mrs. Berkman, but I still prefer for you to stay here for a couple more hours just to make sure you don't have a concussion" The way she addressed her took Barry by surprise but he didn't say anything.

"Do I have to? I'm fine, it was just a bump on the head, and you already fix that, and gave me a edgy haircut thanks for that" She responded, not bothering to correct her, wich was a surprise for Barry.

"Ok, let's do this, your husband can take you home, but you can't go the sleep, stay awake for at least the next 12 hours, and if anything happens in that time you can call me ok?" She said writing her number in a piece of paper and giving it to Barry "I'll make someone take this off" She signaled the IV on her arm and walked away.

"Ok hubby let's go" She winked at Barry once they were done with the paper work and inside Barry's car.

"Why didn't you said anything?" He asked starting the engine.

"Because they would have called Alan and since he is in Texas in a business trip I would have to stay the night there waiting for him to fly back so they could discharge me" She said like it was not a big deal "and don't worry I put my on social security number, so the bill won't be a problem."

"So your apartment is empty?" He asked thinking about what the doctor said.

"It is, but don't worry I can stay awake" She smile at him.

"Bullshit, I'll stay with you, at least until you are clear to sleep" He said and she let go a little chuckle.

"Oh look at you, what a nice husband" the comment almost make him blush but he focused on the road. "Fine let's go, we could find something to do for the next twelve hours"

I'm so sorry I didn't post this yesterday but I got the flu and I feel like shit, anyway I hope you enjoy this.

@meraki--mei