#why even as a fairly occurring character I am still a “guest appearance” and not a regular let alone a main character in other's lives

[freedarick]

If I love and appreciate people, why in the hell cannot I believe that I can also be loved and appreciated??

[sazorak]

Every Game I Played in 2020, Ranked

2020. Boy, what a garbo year huh? Didn't actually play that many games this year all-in-all. Happens! My backlog is getting pretty big, but I just find it hard to focus on games when I could be working on something. Or put off working on something, as it may happen to be at times.

My arbitrary decision from years ago to only attach a numbered ranking to same-year releases is getting increasingly silly, especially given my propensity to wait on playing games until I’m in the right mood, but whatever. That order matters than the dumb numerical numbering anyway.

2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019

Later Alligator – 2019 – Steam – ★★

The style of this game is very cute, and the jokes are funny enough. But… ok, look, I’m not one to be precious about what is or isn’t a game. But this really isn’t a game. It’s a series of disconnected, unrelated challenges clipped from Atari Free Mini Game Collection 100, wrapped in a very non-interactive adventure-game. It’s cute, it’s kind of sweet, but it’s dull. Dull dull dull. There’s a pointless, mandatory sliding block puzzle early on that infuriated me by its mere existence. Them giving the ability to skip it because “wow you’re bad at this huh”, which, while accurate, also just sold the whole point meaningless of the “““interactive experience”””.

Also: when a huge part of your game is WOW WE ANIMATED EVERYONE REALLY GOOD, text boxes that reveal word-by-word, far away from the animations that occur when said characters talk? Kind of stinks!

8. Carrion – 2020 – Steam – ★★

What Carrion does well— the whole “You’re controlling The Thing and just rippin’ people apart!” shtick— is really neat. They made that bootleg The Thing animate real-ass good.

The actual game as a whole though? Kind of garbage. Imagine a Metroidvania with zero actual exploration, where every opportunity you have to venture off the path instead results in immediate railroading with constant, utterly inexplicable one-way pipes. It’s not that it’s linear, it’s that it actively slaps you when you attempt to explore. It’s very frustrating! Add the fact that the tentacle-monster-shtick makes challenging to actually, y’know, move around and control all your bits…  the only reason I finished the game was due to foreknowledge of its extreme brevity.

I think if the game were more open and less obsessed with constantly handing out upgrades, as well as having less of a focus on pure combat, I think I’d have enjoyed it more.

SD Gundam G Generation Cross Rays – 2019 – Steam – ★★

It is well documented at this point that I am both an active Gundam fan, and as well as an on-again-off-again tactical RPG aficionado. A SD Gundam game appearing on Steam with a good English translation and localization is… exciting, to say the least. That said, I have never had much context for this game series beyond the basic facts that the combat tended to be pretty well animated CG, and that it’s vaguely similar to Super Robot Wars. Turns out… it’s really different from SRW? I dunno how the rest of the series fairs, but Cross Rays is weird as hell.

For one, there’s zero tutorialization at all. None. Almost all of what I’m going to explain here is me figuring stuff out by trial and error, or by reading junk online. Gundam is insanely popular, you’d think they’d be interested in explaining how it all works, but… nope. Even Super Robot Wars has multi-level introductory bits for new folks to show them the rope these days.

So: Cross Rays is a tactical RPG where you can playthrough the storyline of various Gundam AUs. You can play through them in any order. These playthroughs are fairly literal translations of the stories. You take control of the lead mecha from those series, fight enemy mobile suits that show up in SRW-like tactical RPG combat, until all reinforcements cease. Pretty straight forward. There are occasionally mission variants like “prevent enemies from reaching X” or “prevent enemies from destroying Y”, but even those can be just reduced to “kill everything very quickly please.”

But here’s the thing: while there is a story progression, the characters in the story itself actually have no character progression. These characters and mecha are actually considered guests, despite it being ostensibly their story. Instead, you are able to field “permanent” mecha and pilots of your own choosing, which do have progressions. There is no plot justification for this or anything like it. The game does not recognize that it’s weird that during Iron-Blooded Orphans intro where nobody knows what a Gundam even is, you can have 25 Gundams show up at once and just fire lasers at everything. That’s because this game is actually about repeatedly grinding the same set of missions over and over.

Pilots are recruited by completing certain in-mission requirements. Mecha are acquired by either by getting enough kills with the progression-less “guest” mecha, combining mecha you already have gashopon-style, completing certain quests, or by leveling up mecha and then “evolving them”. This is the actual core of the game.

SD Gundam G Generation Cross Rays is basically Disgaea, it turns out? You’re grinding story missions at various difficulty levels in order to complete missions, try to recruit specific pilots, equip them with stats and levels to make them stronger, and then hitting mecha together in a sort of quasi-SMT fusion system until you get all the powerful mobile suits you desire.

The combat itself is kind of… bland? There’s a lot of systems, but they mostly seem in service of making an already easy game easier, or burning through tedium. There are four different difficulty modes, because there’s not actually that many different missions you can play through. The expectation is you’ll just work your way through every story beat while ramping the difficulty up over time to where the “guest” mecha would not be able to handle on their own. In fact, letting the story mecha act out the story beats is actually bad after a point, unless you’re still trying to get those lead mobile suits, or if you’re trying to complete some mission requirement in order to recruit Named Wing Grunt Pilot #246.

There is something to the notion of “I want to get N and N and N and N on a team, piloting weird but powerful mobile suits, and just solo every Gundam AU in a row,” but the whole premise seems kind of against purpose. Why bother recreating story beats at all, then? It’s not like the game even acknowledges any of that going on.

If the point is that I’m supposed to be, like in other grind-heavy tactical RPGs, breaking the systems to my own end in order to proceed… why not make the missions you play challenges focused towards that? The story progression literally only exists to facilitate the mission-based unlock conditions, which makes all the energy put into making them JUST LIKE THE ANIME really damn pointless.  

I like tactical RPGs, I like breaking RPG systems so as to beat hard challenges (I beat all the insanely hard extra bosses in FFXII for crying out loud), I looooove Gundam. I should like this. But I don’t really have the “god, I NEED TO FILL THIS LIST” gene that some folks have… except as an excuse to continue to engage in gameplay I enjoy. The gameplay here seems in service of the collection, rather than the way around.

7. Pokemon Sword: The Isle of Armor – 2020 – ★★★

Pokemon’s first foray into actually doing DLC is… a mixed bag. As a positive, they’ve improved the Wild Area concept I liked from the main game, and even brought back buddy Pokemon walking behind you. That’s neat. On the other hand: the actual progression in it is completable in like an hour, it doesn’t scale with you, so you’re bound to be over leveled for it, and all the raid stuff, while still conceptually neat, is just as flawed as in the base game. And so, you’re just left with even more new Pokemon to RNG grind on to continue to catch-them-all. Nah, I’m good.

Astral Chain – 2019 – Switch – ★★★

Platinum knows how to make good character action games. They’ve made a bunch of them. Bayonetta, Nier: Automata, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. They also know how to make some kind of mediocre character action games. Transformers: Devastation, Wonderful 101, their various shovelware character action games like Korra. Astral Chain falls somewhere in the middle, I guess?

Astral Chain has all the production of their good games. It has some stylish, cool action. It has a neat core mechanical idea, in that it’s essentially a two-character action game where you control both characters at once. It has a lot of the old mechanics from some of their best games brought in; witch-time last second dodging from Bayonetta, Nier’s shooting-and-slashing combination, the Zandatsu mechanic from Metal Gear Rising, even Wonderful 101’s multi-unit shenanigans. The setting is different, and there’s some neat world flavor all in all.

But, of all games I’ve played over the past few years, Astral Chain made me more vividly angry than any other. It’s not that it’s too hard— far from it, really, I found its combat incredibly mashy. No, the problem is that it has so many shitty mechanics slathered on that it become a chore to get to the “good bits”.

Why would you put forced stealth sequences in your character action game, especially when your movement controls are not suited for it?

Why the HELL would you put platforming sections in your character action game, constantly, especially when your stupid ghost buddy can accidentally yank you off the edge, your auto-combos can just throw you off the edge, or literally anything can knock you off the edge and make you lose life?

Why would you put so many constant excuses into the world to force me use the digital sensor in the game, that also makes it miserable to walk around while using it?

WHO THE LIVING FUCK THINKS THESE SHITTY BOX BALANCING MINI-GAMES ARE FUN???

These games are supposed to encourage me to perfect everything, right? Why keep putting fucking fights you need to complete in order to get an S rank behind backtracking, or Legions I don’t have yet? That isn’t adding replayability, that’s just wasting my time. There are even in-level missions that have fail conditions that you never even know about. Surprise!!! A lot of them involve chasing after guys and catching them with your chain, which is really obnoxious to do!!!! SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The story is just Bad Evangelion, straight up. Every story beat from Evangelion is here, executed worse. They also make your character have a twin just so they can have a character who can talk and feel emotions, because your boring-ass protagonist is stuck being an emotionless audience cipher. Cool!!!

Tetris Effect – 2018 – Origin – ★★★

It’s drugs Tetris. I personally don’t use, or have synesthesia for that matter. I imagine this game is better if you do. It’s an enjoyable enough experience but it feels incredibly slight for what I was expecting from it, or even compared to something like Lumines, which has tons of replayability by way of its difficulty. Tetris just isn’t that hard, unless you’re forcing yourself to do weird shit to get points. I WILL NEVER LEARN HOW TO T-SPIN. Never.

Castlevania Anniversary Collection – 2019 – Steam – ★★★

Kind of an unremarkable Castlevania collection. Neat that it has an official translation of Kid Dracula in there, but also… look, I prefer Metroidvania Castlevanias, OK?

6. Spelunky 2 – 2020 – Steam – ★★★

I’m not entirely sure why this doesn’t click for me where Spelunky 1 did. More annoying intro levels? Too many fiddly requirements for different ending-progression? Gameplay additions that just make things more annoying? Spelunky 1 was hard, but there was a kind straight-forwardness to it, even with its weird secrets, that made it much easier to grok and continue banging your head against. I’m just not having as much fun with this. Difficulty should be challenging, not a hassle.

5. Stellaris: Federations – 2020 – Steam – ★★★

This is the year that Stellaris just broke for me.

Federations itself is a good DLC; it adds some really interesting mechanics tied to various types of multi-national unions (the titular federations, as well as the Space UN), as well as the addition of unique “origins” that allow you to further specialize your gameplay. The origins in particular are a great addition that allows more specialization and roleplay.

I’m just tired of the sheer amount of busywork Stellaris forces you to do. Every DLC adds more junk you need to keep an eye on, and the fact that the AI doesn’t even bother with it (compensating with copious economy boosts in order to keep up) makes the whole thing frustrating. It’s like playing fetch with yourself; you just get tired of chasing after your own ball after a point.

I have to wonder if they’re pivoting towards a notional Stellaris 2 at this point? Might not be a bad idea for them, though it is weird with all they talked up adding more origins when Federations came out.  

4. GranBlue Fantasy Versus – 2020 – Steam – ★★★★

This is probably the fighting game I got most into over the past few years. There’s just this nice, almost Street Fighter-esque ease of execution to the controls, and that Arc Systems Works 3D-as-2D style continues to just do work. I don’t give a single shit about GranBlue Fantasy (frankly, I think I’d enjoy this game more if it wasn’t attached to a property) but the characters are fun enough to play and look at.

The big problem here is two things: no crossplay, and no rollback netcode. In the span of a month, this game became a total ghost town on PC, and it doesn’t sound like PS4 faired that much better. 

Ring Fit Adventure – 2019 – Switch – ★★★★

I’ve fallen on-and-off this game all year. At its heart: it works, it’s a fun exercise game. I don’t think it really feels like a “game” (in the sense that I’m not really coming to it for riveting gameplay or anything) as much as just a guided exercise experience, but… that’s fine? The in-game story is kind of flat, but funny in the fact of it existing at all. Buff Nicol Bolas and all.

XCOM 2: War of the Chosen – 2017 – Steam – ★★★★

XCOM2: War of the Chosen is a great answer to what XCOM2 struggled with. As I discussed back in 2016 (Jesus Christ), XCOM2 tried to push against player’s worst instincts by incentivizing them to keep being aggressive through a whole bunch of timers— which, kind of just weren’t fun given how much accidentally walking into an ambush could “ruin” dozens of hours of play. War of the Chosen dials that back in some intelligent ways, by instead making the encounter designs themselves, as well as much more grab-and-bail mission types, encourage players to push ahead instead. Smart!

The addition of the Chosen makes the game feel more alive, and they really do make missions harder— particularly early on. But they’ve somehow accidentally fell into the hole, where XCOM just… isn’t that hard? Early on it’s challenging, particularly with the resource restrictions and all. But they keep giving you more and more options (that aren’t especially meaningful choices) that make your team more and more powerful, without increasing the strength of the enemy as time goes on. By the five-hour mark, you basically know if you’re going to steam roll the game or not.

The amount of additional character and variety in the gameplay is great, I just wish it had a more challenging difficulty curve. Maybe make the meta-layer of when enemies show up more targeted to where players are at. If a player is doing well, ramp up the difficulty, if they’re struggling, pull it back a bit. I should always feel like I’m just barely keeping ahead with XCOM, not like I’m bored. And by the end of War of the Chosen, I was kind of getting bored, really. Oh well.

3. Animal Crossing: New Horizons – 2020 – Switch – ★★★★

This is probably the video game that I spent the most time with hours-wise this year. I’m not entirely sure why? It’s a nice evolution of New Leaf, in that the crafting, environment shaping, and general quality-of-life improvements made are quite nice. There’s clearly been some thought on how people play these games, and ways to make the experience less frustrating.

… and yet, they kept so much tedium in the game. Like yes, the schedule stretching is the point, I get it. As someone who for some reason decided not to play with the clock, I only just recently finished the fish, fossils, and insects for the museum. But there’s just so many weird, little things that just make it hard to keep coming back to it. It’s like… to what end? When I’ve unlocked everything, and basically seen the entirety of the item list at this point, and the holiday events all being the game meaningless collectathons…. Why? I’m not going to try completing the collection; the museum stuff is about my limit, really (and even the paintings I can probably pass on).

I guess even an idealized, digital representation of a quasi-domestic life has the spiritual emptiness of consumerism-for-consumerism sake. Thanks???

Hypnospace Outlaw – 2019 – Steam – ★★★★

I grew up on the internet of the early 00s. I had an AngelFire website, mostly consisting of shitty sprite webcomics and hosted Gundam pics. I remember when Google wasn’t really a thing and you would heavily rely on website compilation sites like the Anime Web Turnpike in order to find anything of value online. It was weird, it was wild. It was exciting!

The internet seemed so different back then. There was a ton of garbage online, but also, like… there was a sense of optimism to it. Folks were shitty, there was plenty of bad stuff online, but it felt so disconnected from the fabric of the physicality of real-life that it was at the same time a perfect escape.

I was young when I first got “online”, something like 12. I remember having this notion that the internet was going to be this great equalizer, that it had infinite potential to change how people behave and interact. Boy, huh.

Hypnospace Outlaw is essentially a splendid alternate universe GeoCities recreation, where you’re a volunteer moderator of a grouping of websites on HypnOS, an internet-analog you access while you are sleep. At the surface level, it’s mostly about poking around the weird alternate-historical version of the internet they created, full of kids feuding, bizarre historical divergences, and plenty of amazing bespoke weirdness. All of this is great; there’s an incredible amount of content that’s just great to poke at, listen to, and explore.

Below the surface, there’s also a rolling plotline about the ethics of this industry-owned platform, those who run it, and the way corporations handle new technology, new platforms, and emerging digital societies. There’s a late game turn that’s pretty damn affecting. And as someone who has moderator his share of internet forums in his time, trying to balance ‘do it for the community’ and what your ostensible ‘bosses’ require of you, it was kind of a weird throwback in more ways than one.

Minecraft – 2011 – PC – ★★★★★

Turns out, Minecraft is really as good still who knew??? Started playing a bunch more of it this year due to Giant Bomb deciding to do so, and yeah: still good!

2. Hades – 2020 – Steam – ★★★★★

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again— Supergiant makes damn good games. I’d been holding off on checking out Hades until its full release due to my tendency to burn out on games easily, and I’m glad I waited. Hades is a fantastic rogue-lite experience. The way it makes narrative progression part of the reiterative, randomized rogue-lite structure is just perfect.

It’s got all the usual Supergiant bullet points. Great characters, voice acting, narration, and music. In terms of gameplay, it’s probably their least ambitious game— playing something like a cousin to their original game, Bastion— but it’s also been polished to a mirror sheen. It just feels really damn good to play, over and over and over.

That being said, the second (final?) ending feels kind of…. Tacked on? It’s fine as a goal to go for while continuing to do the game’s relationship mechanics for additional story bits, but it ends up feeling kind of unfulfilling compared to the payoff of the first one.

1. Crusader Kings III – 2020 – Steam – ★★★★★

I never could get into Crusader Kings II. Despite my interest, the sheer mechanical heft and unintuitive interface made the game a wall that I just couldn’t get over. I’m sure if I’d dedicated myself I probably could have learned it, but… ehhhhhh.

Crusader Kings III, on the other hand, has a good tutorial, a cleaned-up UI, and a very helpful highlight and tooltip system that make it much easier to understand how to actually play the game through resources inside the game itself. And, as it turns out: I rather love this game.

I mean, conceptually it’s an easy sell, isn’t it? Historical politics is something I enjoy broadly. I liked Stellaris but wish it had more narrative, roleplaying elements. They outright say that “winning” isn’t really the point of the game. Instead, it’s more about emergent storytelling and playing with the different systems and seeing what you can do with it.

My current game has had me taking the Haesteinn dynasty from its Viking origins into England, forming a London-seated Northern Sea Empire that encompasses all of Britannia, Iceland, Holland, Norway, and Denmark. I am currently working on hegemonizing Norse religious control over enough Asatru holy sites to finally reform the religion, such that more unified feudalization can occur. To that end, my current ruler’s predecessor invaded West Francia and conquered the whole of its territory, substantially reducing the foothold of Catholicism in mainland Europe… which seems to have kicked the hornet’s nest, given the Crusade I’m going to need to contend with next time I boot up the game.

Of course, a complicating matter is that my current ruler— the Emperor of the North Sea, King of Ireland and the Danelaw, liege of the King of Denmark, was elected from the extended Haesteinn family via Thing, the Scandinavian council of his erstwhile vassals. Where the previous emperor, the one who manufactured the invasion of Francia, was quite religious and beloved for his adherence to the old ways, I discovered as I took over as his successor that he really, really is into just boning down across Europe. We’re talking constantly attempting to seduce neighboring Queens and Princesses. His vassals are not thrilled with this. They also don’t care for his propensity for torturing people to death, constantly.

I had no real say in this; attempting to stay on top of a dynasty is kind of like riding a bucking-bronco, so many things are only tenuously under your control that some weird shit can happen. This is especially true when you use the systems that make it easier to maintain the coherency of your domain. The Norse religion encouraging concubinage results in you having a lot of kids, which means there’s a lot of domain partition going on (someday, primogeniture, someday). Naturally, using Thing election reduces that, but also makes you sometimes end up having to play Emperor Stabbo-Fucko because they thought he was the best candidate at the time. Hell, I thought he was the best candidate at the time until I discovered just how many people he’d be laying with on the low. But you just have to roll with it.

The way the game forces you to play ball with character traits is great. Doing things that match with the character’s traits makes them lose stress. Doing things against their character increases stress. Too much stress can force you to make the character take up vices (which can make them suffer health or opinion maluses, as well as altering their aptitudes), or even die outright. And sometimes those vices and attitudes can be boons, given they open up opportunities for different character interactions.

Emperor Stab-and-Fuck-Kingdom is perhaps the most relaxed person alive, it turns out, because his sadism makes him really enjoy sacrificing infidels, which makes the gods happy. It also freaks the fuck out of all of his vassals, so they’re a good supplicant mix of both appreciative of my religious sentiments and also utterly terrified of my skull piles. Some especially brave vassals occasionally try to assassinate me, but my lovers keep jumping in front of the knife and saving my life mid-coitus. Iiiiiit happens! :D  

The game can be incredibly fun to just watch, as it becomes emergently weird. Georgia right now is incredibly Jewish in game. I’m not sure how that happened; I guess someone made a random Jewish guy into a vassal, who somehow moved up enough in the world to make it a movement? The Byzantine princes elected a Coptic as Emperor, which over the course of the decade resulted in very accelerated balkanization as Byzantium just lost its shit. The Middle East and notional HRE haven’t really unified in a meaningful way, so I’m curious how things are going to go if/when the Mongols unify and roll-on in.

It’s one of those “Just one more thing” games that can completely devour time. I have more than a few times checked the clock mid-game to see that it’s 4AM and that I’ve totally ruined my sleep schedule in the process of play. Oooooops.

I highly recommend checking it out if you’re curious; the introductory, pre-release video series Paradox put out showing off the game does a pretty good job of showing the core gameplay loop and also how weird it can get.

[ladykeane]

for the fic prompts: reg and bertie adopting a cat!!!

Prompt filled!

I decided to cut to the chase. ‘I could not help but notice the pamphlet from Battersea sitting on the coffee table.’He now simpered at me boldly. ‘Come on, Reg… you know how dearly I want one! I’ve already cleared it with Mr Manglehoffer. Anyway, he has those yappy shih tzus. Couldn’t you just imagine curling up on the sofa with a little ball of fur, purring sweetly away in your lap? We can get it some toys and a scratching post, and stick its litter tray in the second lavatory. I could even get one of those mini vacuum cleaners to deal with the fur.’Clearly, he’d anticipated all of my possible protests.

For the majority of my life, I have considered myself a fairly guarded and self-contained man. Coming from a large and boisterous family, with siblings that loudly vie for attention and prominence, I have instinctively adopted the role of careful observer. Learning to read human character, and applying that knowledge to best improve my own situation, has become a lifelong skill that has aided me in both my career and social standing.

By contrast, Bertram is naturally carefree and open, largely unconcerned by how his interactions with others affect his own situation. I theorise this may be due to his status as an only child and an orphan, who has had to seek out love and approval by pleasing his extended family and his peer group. The claustrophobic clamour of my own demonstrative family has driven me to be quite guarded.

Of course, that is not to say that Bertram entirely lacks guile. I have noted his novice study of the psychology of the individual (I am not too humble to say that my modus operandi has been his primary inspiration), and he has slowly become more canny in his negotiations.A prime example of this occurred only last week.

I returned home from work. Instead of encountering the usual disarray of empty mugs, unfolded laundry, and errant clutter strewn about the place, the flat was impeccably tidy. The strains of my favourite Tchaikovsky concerto floated from the stereo system, interspersed with muted metallic clangs echoing out from the kitchen. The sound of my beloved singing to himself could also be discerned.

‘What ho, Reg. Dinner will be on in about five. Just got to finish the potatoes. I thought we could eat in the dining room tonight.’Curious, I peered into said space. The table was set for two, accented by a swathe of lit candles and a fresh bouquet of white peonies as a centrepiece. This sort of ceremony was usually reserved for birthdays and other such occasions. As I put away my work things, I pondered what Bertram’s motive could be. I prayed that he hadn’t broken anything irreplaceable. Or, even worse, invoked the wrath of one of his aunts, thus requiring my help to, as he is wont to say, ‘pull him from the soup.’

As I crossed back towards the dining room, I spied one piece of clutter which remained conspicuous on the coffee table: a pamphlet from Battersea Dogs and Cats Home. It reported on the unfortunate spike in abandoned animals that occurs after each Christmas, as well as the purported advantages of taking in a rescue animal as a family pet. 

Bertram met me at the table with two plates of juicy sirloin, and an attractive smile. He had donned his pale blue, fitted Cuban collar shirt, which displayed the graceful lines of his neck and collarbone most fetchingly. ‘There’s tiramisu for dessert, too. The one from Angelo’s!’

As we dined, I fought between savouring the exquisite trappings that Bertram had laid out, and the fizzle of exasperation at the imminent pitch that I was in for.Bertram has always been enamoured of cats, and I had long known that I would have to deal with his desire to adopt one as a pet. I am certainly not averse to the animals - in some cases they are charming companions, elegant and affectionate, and less intrusive to a household than a dog. However, they can also possess a changeable temperament, and the scratch-marks and fur they can leave on one’s furniture is, at least in my view, a major detriment. Not to mention the ghastly odour of their litter trays.

I decided to cut to the chase. ‘I could not help but notice the pamphlet from Battersea sitting on the coffee table.’He now simpered at me boldly. ‘Come on, Reg… you know how dearly I want one! I’ve already cleared it with Mr Manglehoffer. Anyway, he has those yappy shih tzus. Couldn’t you just imagine curling up on the sofa with a little ball of fur, purring sweetly away in your lap? We can get it some toys and a scratching post, and stick its litter tray in the second lavatory. I could even get one of those mini vacuum cleaners to deal with the fur.’Clearly, he’d anticipated all of my possible protests.

I pushed a mound of green beans about my plate, and huffed to myself. There are a number of inadvisable fancies that I have striven to cure my fiance of: garish fashion choices, toxic acquaintances, and not least of all a phase where he attempted to learn the banjo. But this, I fear, was more deep-seated.The poet Baudelaire had much to say about the comfort of feline companionship: ‘Viens, mon beau chat, sur mon coeur amoureux.’ Likewise the prophet Mohammed, Catherine the Great, even the sublime Freddie Mercury. My Bertram counted among this group. His beautiful loving heart was eager to make a comfortable home for some lucky beast. While my fastidious habits still balked at the adjustments of taking on a pet, I knew deep down this was a battle I could not win. Especially considering that a softer part of me would be delighted by the little creature’s presence, despite any potential mess.

He interrupted my rumination. ‘I mean, since we’re well settled in to our flat now, and will soon don the spongebag trousers to exchange our vows… I figured it was about time, you know. Expand our little family and all.’While I knew the pleading look in his large blue eyes to be mostly a crafty design, it still had the effect of melting me utterly.

‘Well…’ I said slowly, ‘I insist that I be present at the selection of the animal. I should like to have input as to which one we choose, and the chance to assess its temperament prior to adoption.’‘Of course, old thing, I wouldn’t have it any other way! It’s going to be your cat, too.’‘Be that as it may, cleaning and feeding will fall entirely to you, my poet.’‘Right ho.’

One upshot was that he washed the dishes entirely by himself, and later allowed me to undress him and ravish him in all the ways that pleased me best - though I warrant this last perk was certainly a mutual one.

***

‘Oh Bertie, I’m ever so glad that you’ve come to rescue one of our little sweethearts!’ Ms Bassett, eyes shining, led us cheerfully through to the cattery. ‘You know, Roddy and I just found the perfect baby brother for Piglet, a dear little fox terrier cross named Snowy. Just like the doggie in “Tintin”!’A thoughtful mien passed across Bertram’s face.‘A doggie, eh?’‘No, Bertram.’‘Oh, alright.’

The cattery was a bright, clean space, with the cats kept individually in large perspex enclosures. I confess I was not unaffected by the rows of bright emerald eyes and twitching velvet ears that we beheld.‘Let me know if you would like to meet any of these precious angels, and you can go in and introduce yourselves,’ Ms Bassett informed us.‘I say, I like this one!’

Bertram had already been drawn to one inmate, who’d padded right up to the front of the enclosure to gaze up at him curiously. A small, delicate thing, with grey tabby markings on her mask, back and tail, and white underbelly and legs. As Bertram kneeled to greet her, she chirruped away in a light, dulcet voice.‘Puccini likes you, Bertie! She’s not usually so friendly with visitors.’‘Puccini, eh? We could call her “Poochy” for short, eh Reg?’‘Most amusing, Bertram.’

We entered her enclosure, and she wasted no time in winding herself about Bertram’s legs, still chirping at him. She was rewarded with a gentle scratch on the head, and she purred loudly. I could sense that this was love at first sight.‘Who’s a good Poochy, then? Do you behave yourself for Ms Maddie?’‘Mrowr.’‘Jolly good.’

He plopped himself down, and spent the next hour playing with Puccini. He giggled as she batted at his outstretched wriggling fingers, stroked her plush fur as she gently headbutted his arm, and even let her lick his face with her sandy pink tongue. All the while he cooed at her, while she responded in kind with a lyrical stream of mews and tweets and squeaks.‘Little chatterbox, isn’t she?’‘Like attracts like, Bertram.’

It seemed inevitable - we would not need to see any other cats. After a while I approached Ms Bassett. ‘I believe we have made our selection.’‘More like Puccini has made hers,’ she remarked. ‘But I’m afraid that it’s not that simple. Puccini came from a house full of cats, you see, and doesn’t do well on her own. The policy for adopting her is that she must have another kitty housemate.’

My heart dropped to my stomach. One cat was enough of a compromise, but two cats could be potential bedlam. My mind roved to images of troublesome cartoon siamese, broken ceramics, and overwhelmed house guests.

But then my gaze settled on Bertam cradling the purring Puccini in his arms, a look of pure bliss cast across his lovely face. A heavy sigh escaped me.‘Bertram, we must adopt a second cat in order to take Puccini home. Shall we select one?’

He looked up at me, partly surprised and noticeably moved.‘Oh… are you sure, Reg? I mean, I’d be over the moon to get two of them, but…’I swallowed my diffidence down. ‘I could no more bear to part you from your new friend than I could part the Red Sea.’‘Reg… you are a marvel. Well… since I chose this one, why don’t you choose the second for yourself?’

I left the two of them to seek out our next adoptee. Here I rallied my sound judge of character. Puccini appeared to be bubbly and perhaps a little capricious, so I reckoned that a cat with a steady, serene temperament would prove to be the best influence for her.

I passed the rows of prospective pets, paying careful attention to demeanour and body language. The friendlier, more extroverted cats I discounted right away - they would no doubt prove to exacerbate Puccini’s friskiness. I instead paid attention to the cats who remained calm and still. Some were simply grumpy, and they would not do. Nor did I consider the animals who were sluggish and entirely unresponsive - that could possibly be a sign of poor health.And then, I saw him.

Perched atop a tiered scratching post, this long lean beast was the very picture of feline elegance. He was pure white, with a long tail that was swishing about slowly and gracefully. His face was not soft and round but aquiline, almost lionesque. His eyes were closed in contemplation. The long neck was tilted slightly to the side - all the better to show off his wonderful profile. Had I not known better, I would have deemed him a fine marble sculpture.‘That’s Vasily. Handsome, isn’t he? Would you like to say hello?’

Ms Bassett let me into the enclosure, and I carefully approached him. ‘Good day, Mr Vasily.’At this he opened his eyes, and I was astounded to discover they were a similar hue to Bertram’s: brilliant, summer sky blue. He meowed at me, a low, husky drawl.‘Vasily is a nice chap, very calm. I think he’s the least anxious cat I’ve ever seen,’ said Ms Bassett.

I held up a hand to him, which he gently headbutted. His coat was like silk. He purred at my attention, deeper and more resonant than Puccini’s delicate timbre.I could well picture myself lounging about with a good book and a glass of wine, with this exquisite animal draped upon me. He had a look of such serenity and intelligence, the exemplar of his species.

While I was not eager for his white fur to meet my dark apparel, I spent some time with Vasily, basking in his natural tranquility. Ms Bassett suggested introducing Puccini to him.The smaller cat eagerly jumped up to join him on the scratching post platform, making a very forward introduction in licking the fur on his back. He responded to this by drooping in ecstasy.‘They are both desexed, are they not?’Ms Bassett nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

‘Well, Reg, I think we’ve found ourselves a fur-baby family, what?’

***

We brought our new pets home with a cosy sort of excitement. The first task was, of course, to allow the cats free reign to explore the flat, and get comfortable with their new home. I had made Bertram set up the litter tray that morning, to prevent any accidents.

They padded cautiously about, sniffing at the furniture and seeming to conduct a little conversation of their own:‘Meow.’‘Mrowr?’‘Miiiaow.’‘Prrrt!’

Bertram sat upon the sofa, encouraging them to join him. Puccini quickly snuggled into his lap.‘Awfully nice spot to watch telly here, Poochy. Or possibly listen to a good recording of “Madame Butterfly!”’

It was at this juncture that a magnificent crash sounded from the kitchen.I rushed in to find my elegant Vasily clambering about on the workbench, knocking down the tea things with his long swishing tail.‘Mr Vasily!’‘Miaow?’‘Get down from there at once!’

He blinked at me with serene, uncomprehending blue eyes.I shooed him off the counter, and he leapt to the floor, spilling a jar of tea leaves in his descent. As he scooted out of the kitchen, he bumped into the rubbish bin.

Once I had cleaned up the mess, I found the culprit sitting next to Bertram on the sofa. Puccini was still curled up on his lap, her tail swishing as she dozed. It was inadvertently smacking Vasily in the face. Each time he was hit, he recoiled with surprise.  But not once did he think to get out of the way. It was almost comical to watch this cycle of stupid endurance.

‘That was Vasily making a racket in there?’ Bertram asked.‘I regret it was.’‘Hm.’ He examined the feline, still being helplessly swatted by his new housemate’s tail. ‘You know what, Reg? Not for the first time, I think you’ve fallen in love with a blue-eyed himbo.’

***

Thus far, Vasily has broken three pieces of glassware, one mantlepiece clock, shredded Bertram’s favourite purple long-sleeve tee (no great loss), knocked several books off their shelves, and repeatedly interrupted Bertram and I in flagrante. He has also accepted his place as the second banana, as Puccini has asserted herself as pack leader without room for argument. Last night, he spilled my cup of tea across the dining table, almost ruining my laptop.

And yet, every time I look into his blue eyes, completely helpless as to the chaos that he leaves in his wake, I pang for the sweet, silly creature. He has very quickly claimed a place in my heart. Upon cleaning up his messes, he is all too eager to snuggle with me as I peruse Spinoza or Wilde, and his purrs are deep and soothing. Without malice, without coldness, and without any bloody common sense. My Vasily is a welcome addition to our little family, and with him I am a less guarded, more loving man.

***NOTE: Vasily and Puccini are inspired by my brother’s cats (I being the owner of a darling doggie). Vasily crossed the rainbow bridge in 2018, but he has a happy forever home with Jeeves and Bertie. I can attest that the real Vasily was just as much of a clumsy, heedless dumbass, while also being singularly beautiful (reminds one of a certain Drone, no?)

[zukadiary]

Arch of Triumph / Gato Bonito!! ~ Snow Troupe 2018

I feel a bit weird writing this up after only day 2 of the run, because I’m sure the troupe is still very much warming up... but this is when I happened to be here. Yukigumi fan life has not been ideal for me since Chigi’s retirement and this was BALM FOR THE WOUNDS in unexpected ways. Beware of spoilers.

Arch of Triumph

I happen to really like the original version of this show (from back when Tom was Yukigumi’s actual top star), but despite that the primary emotion I felt re: this show choice, as a Daimon fan who has to travel 7000 miles to see her, was saltiness at the stolen lead. I anticipated suffering through this and prayed that Fujii-sensei would carry the experience for me entirely, so I was truly taken aback by how much I loved Gaisenmon. 

There is a pretty long summary on the Takawiki page, and the original is also available from TIP with subtitles.

Just objectively as a show, it’s so beautiful, and it’s beautiful in ways that I didn’t know about at all because you can’t see them on the recording. It’s a dark story and the set is kept fairly dark as well, so all the meticulously colored lights and gobos and gorgeous rain effects dissolve into unintelligible black fuzz on an 18-year-old Sky Stage video. From the second floor you can also appreciate the incredible fluidity of the set rotations and scene changes along with the amazing choreography, of which there is A LOT. It’s a really impressive feat of direction; I am (despite my Takarazuka-related fervor) not a well-versed technical theater person at all and the artistry of it still struck me as something really special. The music is also gorgeous; it’s a very moving show, but I don’t like the main characters as people enough to cry from the culmination of the story... however, the reprise of main song, delivered in beautiful powerful troupe harmony as the curtain fell, murdered me, and I burst into tears on shonichi.

My main worry, especially considering that we have a guest lead and I adore Yukigumi as a whole with all my heart, was that it’s a very top-heavy show. Yesterday I was SO pleasantly surprised at how well-balanced it felt compared to my expectations; today, unfortunately, I felt the same from my vantage point but also realized it will probably feel just as top-heavy as the original on DVD. A sizable portion of the other main players’ stage time comes from beautiful but wordless dance scenes. But despite the light usage of most of the troupe I actually felt better than I did watching Robespierre. Everyone may be on stage less, but I felt like their characters were more lovingly crafted and very distinct from each other even with the simplest backstories. 

My two biggest gripes about Tom swooping in are 1) they often like to pretend she is still 25 which she is distinctly not and 2) in what I’ve seen recently I felt like she and the troupe she’s borrowed were acting separately from each other. I think a big reason why Gaisenmon worked for me is neither of those things applied. While there were a few insertions to balance the stage time a little better, the show is largely the same as the original, yet there is nothing in it that suggests Ravic—a surgeon who escaped Germany as the Nazis came into power—is any specific age, and he works at any age... specifically, even a large age difference between Ravic and Joan is totally reasonable and believable. Against the chaotic backdrop of refugee-laden pre-war Paris, an older doctor and a younger aspiring actress could absolutely meet and fall in love. Tom also meshed with the troupe a lot better than I expected. There’s no way to sugarcoat how shot her singing voice is, but damn the woman can act, and her otokoyaku mannerisms (stage kisses in particular) definitely show her long years of practice. 

Kiichan slayed, I thought she was even better than Tsukikage Hitomi. Joan is a REALLY HARD role; she’s practical out of necessity but a bit frivolous at heart, and she’s in love but also struggles to differentiate between actual love and the fear of being alone in an increasingly dangerous world. It doesn’t sound like it in writing but in execution it’s really easy for her to come off as weak, clingy, and annoying, when she’s actually a very nuanced character. Kiichan hit all the right notes, she didn’t appear intimidated at all by Tom, and even their romance seemed totally natural for the aforementioned reasons. Her sudden lovesickness could have been so one-note but I felt the tinge of anxiety behind it throughout the whole show, and I was so impressed by that. There is a scene of misunderstanding between Joan and Ravic at a cafe that in a way triggers the unfortunate events that occur thereafter, and it’s gut-wrenching, especially on a second viewing when you can watch it unfold with the knowledge of what’s coming. Her death scene is also extremely intense.

Salty as I am, I LOVE the role of Boris for Daimon. I’ve been feeling like I’ll explode if I have to see her do another sad French play, but after watching this somehow it wound up exempt. The story is heavy and all of the characters are struggling, but amidst the turmoil Boris is a calming presence, refreshingly level-headed and quite positive in a lot of ways (EDIT: in chatting in the comments the words I wanted but couldn’t find at 3am came out: he’s definitely got a cynical edge to him as well, but it was kind of like his cynical view of the world freed him up emotionally to be quietly supportive of the other characters’ problems... I think that’s what I mean by positive). And I can’t even express HOW LOVELY it was to see Daimon play THAT CHARACTER for a change, how fulfilling not to just watch her suffer for an hour and a half. Boris is in the story himself but also the narrator. In the story bits, he’s cool and reliable and there’s a really heartwarming sense of purity in the way he freely shows his emotions. Daimon seems to enjoy over the top acting just fine, but it’s her roles that rely on subtle facial expressions and body language that absolutely kill me—this was the latter. In the narration bits, she weaves an intricate tapestry with her voice. As I said every detail of the direction is intentional and beautiful, but so much of the mood also comes from the emotion in Daimon’s singing, not only in the actual songs (one of which she sang in probably incorrectly but nonetheless tantalizingly pronounced French, ugh ♥), but also particularly when she hums background tunes as other bits of action are taking place. She barely moves and her voice is so soft and yet STILL it reverberates throughout the entire theater somehow, like it flutters into every corner. And she was so beautiful, she worked the hell out of some costumes that definitely wouldn’t be flattering on everyone. I’m TEARING UP right now, my heart is so full. 

Here’s where things get bit eh for some people and downright unfortunate for others. Saki and Shou barely had anything to do, although I understand why they were relegated to those roles versus the Aasa, Hitoko, Kari group which although comprised of very distinct characters still felt like a single unit in a way. After a bit of prologue choreography Saki doesn’t show up until past the halfway point. She’s Henri, the handsome but creepy and possessive movie producer who lands Joan some acting jobs and then also shoots her in a fit of jealousy. She really only has two notable short scenes toward the end, when Henri first tries to coerce Joan into staying with him and then comes to Ravic pleading for her life after shooting her. Shou is a sexy doctor who talks on the phone sometimes. 

The Aasa/Hitoko/Kari group, however—and, tangentially, Asu, Manaharu, Michiru, Kiwa, and Agata Sen—shone more than I expected remembering the original group (our legendary Yukigumi 3兄弟 Touko/Komu/Naruse Kouki). While they also only had a few scenes to themselves, those scenes were some of my favorites, and they’re the ones who got to decorate the outskirts of the other scenes’ action with beautiful dancing. Aasa is the only one whose role I’d call a step back from Robespierre, but only because she was my Robespierre MVP, and she was still wonderful as the more subdued Jaime. I felt distinct forward momentum from everyone else. Hitoko was absolutely adorable and injected way more into Rosenfeld than Komu did (which I can say even with the ultimate bias on my side), and Kari was truly outstanding, I could melt just looking at her and I’m so glad she landed a role with that kind of prominence. The whole Hotel International group just had so much humanity. 

Final shout outs go to Niwa who I love unconditionally in every role she plays but particularly here for a) A+ slimy awful Gestapo officer and b) the novelty of Kouju Tatsuki squeeing OMG YOU WERE KEN-2 IN THE ORIGINAL AND NOW YOU’RE SCHNEIDER?! in the talk show; and Miho Keiko who I was SURE they stuffed into Gaisenmon because Fujii-sensei demanded her presence in his show as usual, leaving me quite dumbfounded when she wasn’t in Gato Bonito at all. It wasn’t a role that one of our many boss beautiful perfect upperclassmen musumeyaku couldn’t have done, but nonetheless her presence leant some more gravitas to the show in addition to balancing out Tom a bit.

Gato Bonito!! had the opposite effect on me initially. I expected to dislike Gaisenmon and it wowed me, and then it wowed me twice over because that feeling of your expectations being so far exceeded is wonderful. Meanwhile I’ve been laying in bed at night screaming DAISUKEEEEEEEE into the darkness for months, praying he’d deliver me a perfect trilogy of HOT EYES!!, Santé!!, and now THIS!! (boy he loves double exclamation points doesn’t he). 

Well, it sure wasn’t HOT EYES. But in retrospect, that’s a damn high bar. After watching Gato Bonito today with my expectations in a reasonable place, I liked it more... especially when I think about how SUPER VOYAGER was everything I never want to see in a revue ever again tied up in one neat package, and this, in contrast, was a lot of things I want to see very much.

From the start I liked or loved all of the scenes individually, but something about the show as a whole didn’t come together for me, and after two viewings I think I have some idea of why. The sets and backdrops were off for me, in a way that I did not think could have such a large effect on the show’s overall vibe. Most revues will have a big eye-popping scene, then they’ll close the curtain and have people dance in front of it for a short transition, then open it again to another eye-popping scene. There’s a nice rise-climax-break-repeat flow. But there were so many scenes in Gato Bonito where they’d drop a curtain down, have a dance in front of it, then drop A DIFFERENT THING down and have a dance in front of that, and I just felt like I was being constantly led toward a climax that never came. When they did open up the whole stage I found the sets really spread out and airy, such that it felt as if no matter how hard they tried they couldn’t fill the stage with enough people. They were also FLAT, like literally flat on the floor, not enough gradated pieces with people standing atop them to fill the back as well as the ground. I might feel differently when I watch it from the first floor, but for now I think some pretty small adjustments could have given it overall more impact.

Also, WAAAAAYYYY too many LITERAL CATS for my taste.

THAT SAID, boy this was SO MUCH of what I love to see out of Daimon. It was hot and extra and the music was amazing and she got to stand there making these burning faces and do TRULY UNFATHOMABLY STUPID THINGS WITH HER VOICE and flamenco and tango and all that jazz. Everyone was melting pile of orange goo no thanks to the weather and the insufficient air conditioning, but other than that there were even enough good costumes to balance out those ruffle abominations (you know the ones) that of course showed up a bit. Saki was ON FIRE, I know I said I was tired of riding the Saki coaster but oops here we go up another hill. They made up for shafting her in Gaisenmon with a loooooot of juicy revue time. She’s gotten so good at emoting through her dance, she was just dynamic and sexy and 150% energy from start to finish. Kiichan has a little ways to go to catch up with everyone in her Latin dancing but there was already a really noticeable improvement between shonichi and today. 

Highlights:

Argentine tango to Yo Soy Maria ft. Daimon singing in Spanish, guessing by the lack of bedazzling on the suits that that was the ANJU-sensei scene. When the curtain opened on all the otokoyaku just mingling in the dark smoky background it PHYSICALLY HURT (it also began with all our boss beautiful perfect upperclassmen musumeyaku in slinky dresses)

There’s a scene with Saki, Shou, Aasa, and Hitoko taking turns grinding on Daimon in the world’s tackiest bodysuits, but there was something so inexplicably hot about the drag + otokoyaku hair despite the melting orange goo and poor Saki and Aasa absolutely drowning in their own sweat

The chuuzume starts with a conga line across the ginkyou, and EVERY PERSON IN THE TROUPE comes out in single file in rank order, it was A LOT for my Yukigumi-loving heart

Kiichan gets to do stuff, Daisuke is aware we have a top musumeyaku which is apparently a challenge for some people

Daimon enters from the back of the first floor singing Kuroneko no Tango at one point and when she reaches the stage there’s a daily “ad lib” (in quotes because I’m sure she’s already written them all down and rehearsed them ad nauseam), but her ad libs are so dumb I love her

ASU GOT A WHOLE SONG

I forgot to pay close enough attention through the applause today to grab the exact words, but I’m like 90% sure the final lyrics as Daimon is descending the stairs in the parade are something she also referenced in her +act interview right when she became top (I don’t have the magazine on me but I translated it as “we can live through today for the sake of tomorrow and for the sake of living tomorrow we can stand firmly right here today”). She was talking about the “soul of flamenco” and that being something that turned her whole outlook around during Don Juan, so I thought it was REALLY SWEET they threw that in as a nod to her continuing to grow. Haha nope, after 4 viewings I'm sure I was wrong, but I like my idea better Hankyu pls hire me

Did I mention her dumb stupid voice? I know Robespierre was literally written for her by a Broadway composer but for me there was no comparison; in both acts it danced and changed and filled the theater in ways that don’t seem like they should be physically possible. Like this is the ????th time I’ve seen Daimon live and I was still just absolutely slain by all the heretofore unheard things her voice can apparently do. 

I’m whole and healed and so surprised and delighted I didn’t have to wait till 2019 for that to happen. 

[sueboohscorner]

The Vampire Diaries 815 Recap “We’re Planning a June Wedding” #TVD

Episode grade: 10.

We’re down to the final weeks of this wonderful series, and I am going to miss spending time with these characters! Thank goodness for the modern age, with Blu-ray box sets and Netflix-CW deals, allowing us to watch the best shows over and over again for all time. Remember when we had to make our own tapes of shows, with the VCR, and they’d either preserve the commercials, or you’d have to carefully hit pause on the recording and restart it at just the right time? Just me? All right, never mind.

In the final season’s blast from the past parade, we start by welcoming Matt’s crappy mom back to Mystic Falls. Remember Kelly Donovan? Drunk and embarrassing, neither providing a good example for her kids nor watching over them? Yeah, she hasn’t been exactly missed. Including by Matt, who reacts to his long lost mom in about the same way you might react to running into your high school bully at a chain restaurant. She’s apparently here with Peter, because contemplating hell makes one want to reach out to the wives they abandoned and make some amends, I guess.

Our heroes are hatching a plan to deal with the imminent return of Katherine, and it’s Damon who suggests that Katherine would be helpless to resist ruining Stefan’s wedding. I think there’s a little more to this, of course, that Damon is determined to see Stefan get a happy ending, and he knows that in their lives, the longer you wait to start your happy ending, the less likely you are to get there at all. So he chooses a Katherine plan that conveniently also lets him celebrate his little brother’s humanity and happiness. Notably, though, Caroline is not quite as sure about this plan. She says it’s because she wanted a big, beautiful wedding with time to plan (and no super-villain waiting in the wings), but it’s hard not to read a little uncertainty into her reluctance.

Stefan overhears Bonnie and Caroline in a moment of girl talk, and while the text is clearly about why Bonnie won’t be there as maid-of-honor (no offense, bestie, but you’re marrying the man who murdered my true love a couple of weeks ago), the subtext is unmistakably that Caroline isn’t really sure about this pairing. I think there’s a chance she’d back out if she actually believed the wedding was going to occur; she’s kind of rolling with this, because she’s pretty sure the ceremony won’t be completed. From the look on Stefan’s face, I think he’s reading her the same way I am. 

Also instrumental to the Katherine plan? An actual instrument with which to bring about her bitter end. Taking their inspiration from the Cade blade, they note that luck is on their side for once–Katherine’s body was burned here in Mystic Falls, so her bones are still around to turn into weapons. Peter Maxwell finally gets to be useful, because he’s a legacy metalworker, so he’s given the crucial task of forging the weapon. Don’t screw this up, bad dad.

Bad dad’s task leaves Matt alone with his crappy mom, giving us a chance to see her cough up some black goo and kill the hell out of a random chick, because Kelly Donovan is actually back…from hell!

Back at the mansion, Caroline finds a gift that is 100% obviously from Katherine, but she won’t realize that, because plot and stuff. I mean, seriously, it’s a printed card, not written, so there’s no handwriting to recognize, it’s addressed simply “To the Bride,” which is ominous AF, and inside the card, the typed message of “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue,” has the first phrase circled. Get a clue, Caroline. But hey, she’s got stuff on her mind. 

Here comes Damon, a very drunk Stefan in tow…no vampire metabolism anymore means rediscovering the experience of drinking yourself into a stupor and waking up hungover. Um…yay humanity? While Stefan is passed out, Damon and Caroline share a lovely moment. He puts her through a series of no doubt hilarious practice toasts for the reception, but we only see the last of them; he gets real and toasts to his dear friend Liz Forbes, who raised this strong, wonderful woman he is now honored to call his family. This is the truest smile from Caroline yet–even if she’s not 100% sure about Stefan, she can’t deny that being Damon’s sister-in-law is a-okay.

Damon puts Elena’s necklace on Caroline’s wrist, adding the “something borrowed,” and ensuring her friend is part of her day in some way. Damon, I’ll miss you most of all.

Caroline is getting ready for the wedding, and she opens a gift from Bonnie–here’s the something new! It’s a gorgeous tiara, because Bonnie’s a good friend who knows this isn’t the wedding Caroline has dreamed of…but that doesn’t mean she can’t still be a princess.

As another surprise gift to Caroline, Lizzie and Josie come running in, all dressed up for the big day! Alaric explains that Katherine would smell a rat if Caroline’s own daughters weren’t at the wedding, so Valerie did a protection spell to keep them safe that day. 

He, on the other hand, will not be there…Alaric was, after all, engaged to Caroline a few years ago himself. And just last week, before Stefan again showed up to screw him over, Alaric had been reaching out to Caroline about building a future together, centered around their kids…while it wasn’t overtly romantic, you could see the light in his eyes when he looked at her. I should note that I’m not often a fan of a storyline about a wistful love triangle and marrying the wrong person, but this really works for me. Alaric is such the better man! And while it made some sense that she had unfinished business with Stefan because of his having to go on the run, and it made some sense for vampires to be together…those aren’t factors anymore. She could have been free of her obligation to Stefan, but he came back and begged her to marry him anyway, and Caroline’s defining characteristic has always been steadfastness. She is being fairly railroaded into this wedding ceremony, and Alaric’s heartache is reasonable, not to mention beautifully acted.

Guests are arriving, starting with Matt’s lousy parents. Kelly Donovan greets her ex, Peter Maxwell, then instantly pries for details on the weapon he’s been forging to kill Katherine. When he acknowledges he’s already delivered it to Stefan, he is rendered useless to this hellcat, and she slashes his throat.

Bonnie again proves what an amazing person she is, showing up to the wedding to support Caroline. Enzo’s been the angel on her shoulder, begging her to put aside her anger toward a version of Stefan that no longer even exists. Aside: Enzo and Damon are both really good at compartmentalizing Ripper vs. Stefan, and that’s really because they are not like Stefan. Being a Ripper puts Stefan in a completely different category of vampire. Enzo and Damon can flip their switches and be legitimately different people than they were a moment before. Stefan is a Ripper, so his evil is a more ingrained part of his personality, not just a position on his humanity lever. But bless them, they don’t have his weakness, so they give him the benefit of the doubt.

Because Matt Davis is a truly spectacular actor, one of the best scenes in the episode is Alaric’s monologue to Dorian, remembering the long and winding road that brought him into these people’s overly complicated lives. I’m so grateful TVD made time for this quiet moment with one of my all-time favorite characters.

The wedding is getting started, and Caroline looks gorgeous walking down the aisle, of course! But when she takes her place beside Stefan, he recognizes the cameo necklace she’s wearing, and just as the audience knew, it was totally sent to her by Katherine. She freaks out, but Stefan says to leave it on, because Katherine will hate seeing it on her.

Sitting out in the crowd, Matt whispers to his lousy mom about how his dad should be there by now. Hilariously, she makes a well, isn’t that just like your dad? face, which is recognizable to any child of divorce.

Damon, acting as the officiant, loudly invites anyone to voice their objections to this union. When Katherine fails to show, Caroline’s moment of panic is evident–she really didn’t expect to have to go through with this wedding. But it’s too late now! 

Because they expected this to be interrupted by now, and perhaps because neither of them really believed the wedding was a great idea, the bride and groom have failed to prepare vows. Oops. Credit to Stefan for coming up with something charming enough to win Caroline over in the moment. By the time he kisses the bride, it seems like they’re both in the spirit of the event again, despite all the craziness.

There’s a little timeline weirdness here, in that Kelly Donovan runs out before the daytime wedding is over, yet it’s full dark out and well into the reception before Matt is seriously looking for her. Fortunately for Peter, she didn’t strike too deeply with her scary knife; Matt finds him alive and learns the truth about mom.

No one else knows yet, so we’re treated to a drunken toast from Kelly Donovan in the reception tent. She rants about how this crappy town never gave her a chance, and she reminds Damon of that time they made out (ha!). Then she brings up what he did to Vicki, who “never hurt anyone” (this is important). Finally, she gets in Matt’s face about how he cared for her so little that he didn’t even know she was dead. And the penny drops.

Confronted with the question of what Katherine is up to, Kelly honestly says she has no idea; she was too busy starting a gas leak in the house. Caroline knows that Bonnie just took Lizzie and Josie in to use the bathroom, so they’re all in a house about to explode…which it does.

Inside the blazing mansion, Bonnie and the girls are standing in a bubble of safety. The girls are magic siphons, after all, and holding Bonnie’s hands gives them access to her latent magic. Enzo appears to her to say his goodbyes; letting her magic get siphoned will save her life and the girls’, but it will also sever her connection to his pocket dimension. She doesn’t want to give him up, but the alternative is death, and he talks her into living. It’s heartbreaking. Enzo, you were the best vampire.

With the girls and Bonnie safe from the fire, it’s time to get back to squeezing Kelly Donovan for information. She took a deal from Katherine in exchange for a true death, returning to oblivion rather than more torture in hell. She reveals what else she knows of the master plan: Katherine is using the Maxwell hell bell! 

But wait, it can only be rung by someone in the Maxwell family line…and Kelly reveals that Vicki has also come back from hell for this assignment. And here’s where I again question the bizarrely selective quality of hell. Vicki died as a vampire, and she died long before the Other Side was destroyed. It makes sense that Katherine was so bad she was sucked into hell, but Vicki really wasn’t a bad person! Her mom just made a point of that in her drunken toast. I mean, I’ll take it–nice to see you again, Vicki–but I’m not sure it makes total sense. (Granted, I do recall Jeremy’s visits from ghost-Vicki who begged for help because she was in pain, and that fits with hell…but I’d still like an explanation of how she wound up there.)

Ah, TVD, I’m going to miss you. One more week of this gloriously well-written and well-acted series. Thanks to The CW for giving us The Vampire Diaries, and for letting it end with a plan, honoring the show as it deserves.

Who will you miss most of all? Comment with your favorite character!

[ratliffhouse39-blog]

Beans And also Examination.

Political election Day is actually upon our company as well as I would like to have an instant to give thanks to everybody which has read this weblog, observing me on Twitter, or tuning into my coffee talks on Periscope. Even though you don't see many of the very same people, you'll observe the same individuals functioning certainly there and also may hit up some chats. Consume spiking isn't really only something your moms and dads try to terrify you along with & that actually carries out take place ... much regularly. These individuals are actually often able to present very little effort into the relationship unless they will benefit straight. I adore this, I remember my pal as well as I aimed to go ice skating as soon as, but when our experts got to the rink this was a lot cold in comparison to we thought this will be actually and wound up going shopping instead. 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I utilized to still reply to these e-mails, yet I located that 9 away from 10 from the people which couldn't be actually worried about to go through the guidelines, couldn't compose a good attendee article, either. For cinema enthusiasts, this a wonderful technique to meet other followers which have an interest in viewing the most recent upcoming plays. Consider all the normal things individuals perform with their colleagues for enjoyable: lunches, bistro events, and also drinks after job. If we can't inform the excellent people coming from the bad, this depends on national safety and security and also risk-management. If having said that http://unmodedeviesain.fr can not fulfill your day-to-day magnesium mineral necessities, think about utilizing a high-quality magnesium supplement to renew the product levels (keep in mind that magnesium mineral evaporates via sweat, thus athletes need bit much more than inactive people). 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I hope you create good friends which cheer you on when you are actually prospering, but that are additionally honest when this appears as though you could need some support. Sometimes I am actually with a person good friend and we'll pass exactly what I regard to be a torn guy, and also my close friend will certainly murmur one thing concerning beach muscles," as in muscle mass that are actually mainly ornamental but do not make you powerful. This was actually fired like a real-time TV theatrics, giving it a feeling of proximity, like you were checking out all these factors, bad and excellent, occur to actual individuals directly. I have actually possessed individuals look past me and straight inquiries to my colleague, even if he's a man that is actually nearly twice my grow older. Your supervisor or even employer may have you around to meet your brand-new co-workers, yet even if they do, they possibly won't present you to everybody. There is actually nothing even worse than duct concerning a good friend and also a problem create an opinion that will certainly leave our company much worse off in comparison to we are actually. Inquiring your pal if they understand exactly what their triggers are actually is one way to know if they are actually handling their condition correctly. Due to be released in the fall, this short-read is going to help you to carry on beneficial conversations with folks that possess their very own huge questions regarding Christianity. An additional great technique to comply with and obtain to know VIPs is through honoring all of them with an honor or even various other recognition for their service or even an achievement. For example, I often advised to my wife that our company invite individuals over for supper, however she would hardly ever accept that. The more you communicate along with individuals one on one, the even more you understand individuals, the even more chances you have from hitting right and bonding along with them. When he told a police buddy regarding this, he said to Warren to place a stuffed animal in the rear window given that it will change his profile" to that from a family man and he was considerably less probably to become stopped. This is actually Luxury yacht Week if there's one spot on earth you require to be hassle-free coming from the back down. The objective was actually to reveal individuals a side of the nation's wonderful Trans-Mexican Volcanic Waistband that's tragically under-referenced in the chat regarding tequila.

Within this research study of virtually 4,000 college students in 19 countries, scientists located that the cause aberrant folks possess such problem handling worry is actually given that they have much less beneficial mindsets towards doing something about it than non-neurotic individuals perform. So, if you want to assist your unstable good friend or loved one, having an influential chat with them may transform the means they see their life issues as well as carefully push all of them in to action. That is actually just just recently that a lot from just what our experts consume wases initially refined into something more tempting-French french fries, dark chocolate bars-that produces this even worse for us. Unfortunately, our experts have not progressed to intend to eat just healthy food items, neither have our company established steely will power to avoid or even eat in small amounts those mouth watering foods that are bad for our team. And also, there is a lot of disagreement regarding just what produces people in fact body fat.

[nerdolopedia-blog]

Traps, Triggers, and Puzzles 5

If you missed the first of this series you should go back and read it. In short, I am gathering a collection of traps, triggers, and puzzles for new GM's to use for their dungeons. Hopefully these elements will help you in constructing your dungeons, or at least provide a spark of inspiration.

I am using the following definitions for my vocabulary:

Trap – A nonliving danger that is posed to the players that are activated with a trigger.

Trigger – A mechanism that activates some effect, both beneficial and hazardous.

Puzzle – An obstacle that requires a series of actions to complete, usually involving a level of intellectual challenge.

Trap: Sand

Anyone who has seen an action adventure movie in the desert has probably seen the trap of a room filling up with sand. You also probably think of quicksand in the jungle. The sad part about these are how horribly inaccurate their dangers are. Here is the best part, who cares? If the dangers in the movies seem hazardous then it is good enough for your game. I'm not here to tell you how you are using sand wrong. If your players argue about how it works, just say it works that way because of magic. You are building tension and danger, realism be damned.

Sand is notoriously hard to climb, a slope of sand is harder to climb than dirt. The sand shifts making movement hard. Even if the trap isn't the sand room or quicksand, then its possible this trap could impose difficult terrain. Being submerged in sand can also risk suffocation. Remember the Disney movie Aladdin? There is a scene where Princess Jasmine was trapped in an hourglass and she begins to be submerged in sand. Can you imagine a sand elemental that suffocates people sneaking up on the players? Sand is fluid enough to be used in all sorts of interesting ways.

Trap: Poisonous Gas

I think we all know the dangers of poisonous gas. It is featured in so many movies that one example isn't good enough to cover what can be done with poisonous gas. The best part about it is that there are as many varieties of poisonous gas as there are poisons (go figure). They can come in the form of sleep gas to fear gas like Scarecrow's from Batman, to just a gas that kills people.

To keep in mind, poisonous gas can be used to mess with the players head, it doesn't have to do damage. Maybe it makes the characters see all creatures nearby as shadow creatures or monsters. Perhaps they see things that are not there. It can debilitate a character and cause chaos.

Trigger: Motion

As a trigger this is a fairly modern one. Home security lights use motion detection to activate. It is surprising how little this type of detection occurs in our fantasy tabletop games, or maybe I haven’t simply noticed it. In a world with magic, why wouldn’t we have this option? The idea is pretty simple and you don’t have to explain how the magic works, just that it does.

You can also choose for the effect to trigger with a lack of motion. The trap or object in the room isn’t triggered so long as you keep moving. This would be effective when chained with another trigger. This could form a gauntlet where the players want to keep moving in fear of activating the traps but want to stop to overcome other obstacles.

This can be used with great effect if you change the amount of time that the trigger is active. For example you might have a magical eye symbol that when it appears open detects any and all movement. When closed creatures are free to move about the space without triggering it.

The degree of motion can also be changed. It could range from any minute movement, possibly requiring a save to remain motionless, to as long as the players move at least one square on each turn. The possibilities are up to you.

Trigger: Heat

This is another trigger that I have gained inspiration from the modern age. In many homes your furnace or air conditioner go through cycles of activity and inactivity depending on the temperature of the room it is set to. This same principal could very much be applied to a room. In order to activate the trigger one would have to increase or decrease the temperature in a space. Players could do this by using torches or putting out flames.

This idea could be used at the core of a dungeon (a fire and ice themed one is springing to my mind). The heat of one area could affect another area, creating different zones of temperature control. This trigger has the advantage of being on a scale as well, where it's not either on or off. This means you could potentially have multiple triggers in one space. This could create a gauntlet of challenges the players must face as they work to change the temperature in a room. The challenges might even try to reverse the change in temperature.

Puzzle: Chess of Minimum Pieces

This puzzle, as the name implies, would require some knowledge of how chess works. To start the players enter an area where the width of the room is filled with a massive empty chess board. The goal is that the players want to cross the chess board, but the area is enchanted that the players must play the game by the rules. If a player deviates from the rules, an electric shock is delivered by a spell. When a player steps into one of the squares on the chess board (or attempts to fly over it), they are restricted to that square until a piece appears on the other side of the board opposite of the square the player stood. Once the piece appears, the player may only move in the way that piece that appeared would move. Their goal is to make it to the opposite side of the board. Each side takes its turn and only one piece can move. If a player’s movement would normally remove the piece in chess, then the piece is destroyed (either literally by the player, or by magic). If an opponent piece would take out a player, they take a large amount of damage before they are teleported off the board.

The key to the challenge of this puzzle is to not reveal the rules up front. The rules reveal the simplest answer: choose the Queen square, or one of the Rook Squares. This ensures that your next move lets you take out the other piece and gets you across the board without harm. This challenge also increases if several players enter the board at the same time, as now only one player can move per “turn”. It also becomes more challenging if players are taken out by the opponent pieces. The simplest form of this requires only one person to cross the board to succeed at the challenge.

A variation of this puzzle is to randomize the piece that appears in front of them when they step on the board. My recommendation is to not allow players to become a pawn, as the movements of the pawns is boring, and results in a stalemate without other players to take out a pawn. The randomization of pieces is a way to add an additional challenge to a puzzle the group may have already encountered in the past.

You can introduce this randomization at any point as long as you do not reveal the rules. If a player suddenly discovers the answer but you don’t want your players to just repeat his steps exactly, then introduce the randomization to make sure there is still some challenge.

Puzzle: Deceiver

Blocking a path forward is a massive stone golem who seems to fit the door frame perfectly. It is made out of incredibly durable material and not easily destroyed. However, the golem is not hostile to the party and in fact is quite unintelligent and forgetful. The only thing the golem remembers is the appearance of its master, and its master and guests are the only ones who are permitted to pass. On top of that the master must be present to proceed. Upon meeting the golem it says the words “You are not master. Only master and his guests may pass.”

The solution to this puzzle can vary on the scenario in which it is placed. While the golem is unintelligent it would not just spout off a description of its master, trivializing the puzzle entirely for anyone with a disguise self or alter self spell. Instead the players need to coax certain information about who their master is or what they look like. If the players lack a real way of disguising themselves on their own person, you can introduce items into the dungeon that would be sufficient to have the golem let the party pass. It is entirely possible that you could get the owner of the golem to let you through as well. The attention to detail of the golem is entirely up to the DM for how they want to integrate it into their dungeon for their players.

I hope these traps, triggers, and puzzles give you the inspiration you need for your games. If you take any of these ideas and use them in your games, please let me know! I am always curious to find out how players overcome the challenges presented to them.

You can find me on twitter @your1_nightmare. If you enjoy the material on this site please consider supporting us! If you think I missed something or you would like me to cover something specific make sure to leave a comment below or contact me on twitter.

[neverbeen-nevermet-blog]

Selena Gomez Films Profile The 19-yr-outdated performer graces the cover of the March challenge of Cosmopolitan journal and talks about life with the Baby singer. For brunettes, Elke predicts that darker colours will become more strong with added texture, like celebrities Selena Gomez and Kate Middleton. By making just a few simple changes, you possibly can promote your total well being and enhance the condition of your skin, hair and fingernails. Besides being an important app, Postcard on the Run has some critical star power behind it with investor and artistic advisor Selena Gomez You can check out my assessment of Postcard on the Run right here and browse my interview with Selena right here Then be sure to leave a comment in this put up to enter the prize giveaways. I catch myself dancing around on the concert too despite the fact that my kids absolutely enjoy it. They laugh seeing their previous mother have fun too. 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We've got to confess, we didn't notice this doable cameo on the primary, second, or 53rd viewings of Dangerous Liar.” But an eagle-eyed Buzzfeed writer identified that a girl who appears like Swift is pictured on a Charlie's Angels”-esque poster on the back wall of Gomez's bedroom. It is important to restore moisture to your hair at any time when possible due to the warmth concerned within the straightening course of. The logline for the presently untitled undertaking, which will probably be launched by Amazon Studios, is being stored beneath wraps, as has been the pattern with most of the filmmaker's films. Either Gomez is making up for the 2 years of lost time she spent courting Bieber, or perhaps sources ought to cease assuming she's hooking up with each guy she is spotted speaking to in public. The pair are taking each day as it comes with reference to their comparatively new romance as each Selena and The Weeknd have simply purchased mansions in Los Angeles - individually. 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And on Wednesday, Selena Gomez, 24, and The Weeknd, 27, achieved each when the Canadian singer entertained his US love in his hometown of Toronto. And, a couple of actuality younger stars who've made income into the hundreds of thousands, ensuing them a handsome internet price. From the looks of Selena and The Weeknd (real name Abel Makkonen Tesfaye) at the Met Gala, we have a sense the words 'Bad Liar' won't check with her 27-12 months-old beau, although, there's one person she might be sending a refined/not-so-subtle message to (cough Justin Bieber). He got his first mugshot at the age of 19. He even has a prostitution scandal under his belt. So, guests to my Ping profile could imagine that I am a hardcore Hannah Montana / Jonas Brothers / Selena Gomez fan. A record breaking pay-day for younger stars in the movie enterprise got here with Macaulay Culkin's charge for Residence Alone the place he was payed $1 million, which on the time was a brand new document for a young minor at his age.