#why is he wearing an actual corest

[dienamights]

Why do my faves have slutty waists? Is it so i can grab onto it when they sit on my face? Sorry I meant to say is it so I grab onto it when they sit on my face? Sorry I—

[slash-and-creep-imagines]

Slashers reacting to an S/O whos uses to wearing corsets instead of bras?

Billy LoomisHe often wondered how she could have such a line. Not only her body but even her clothes had that unsettling way. For watching girls and erotic stuff a lot, he knew she wasn’t using typical bras. When he actually finds out her secret… HELLOOOOO NOUNOUUUUU, he’s in pure awe. He finds it so sexy, he actually believe a moment she wear that only to tease him. Which of course she denies explaining she just prefer corsets. Still, he adores it and take all the needed time to unlace it before bed… Or not. Making out while she wears it is also pretty sexy.ChuckyAt first, he also finds it sexy. Like, corset are so visually appealing. But when it’s time to take it off… Ugh he hates it. It’s way too long to put on and off, he get lost in all those laces… Finally he cuts them promptly to not waste time, to her demise. He actually encourages her to wear more bras (or nothing directly) and less of this finger-trap.PinheadWith his perfect fashion sense (coughs coughs), Pinhead adore the corest aesthetic. He finds it very elegant and appropriate to his s/o’s style. He even helps her making even better association, to make her really stand out in the crowd without looking like a cosplay.

Freddy Krueger“I love it ! But it would be even better on my floor !” Do we really need to say more ? He finds her beautiful no matter what she wears but specially when she doesn’t wear anything.Bo SinclairHe doesn’t get it. It seems to hurt even more than regular bras, it costs more… She is such a natural beauty, she doesn’t need more. Look at him, he looks perfect whatever he wears, so why not wearing something comfortable, and more practical ? -He also doesn’t want her to outstand his beauty.

[carmillatranscripts]

The Carmilla Movie

Air date: October 25, 2017

Length: 1:34:27

We open with static, which disappears to be replaced by Laura against a plain white background.

Laura: Okay!  Don’t know how many of you are new, and how many of you have been with us from the start, but I am Laura Hollis.  Yes, the Laura Hollis, who recently got famous, or “internet famous”, because my university pals and I vlogged ourselves saving the world.

Brief footage from 3x33, of Dean!Perry opening the Gates of Hell

Laura: See, back in my freshman year, we discovered that our Austrian university was actually being run by an evil dean and her vampire cult.  Naturally.  They’d been sacrificing girls to this monstrous creature under the campus, and I was next.  Really should’ve gone to that safety school.  Anyway, the Dean sent ... Carmilla,

Footage from 1x2

Carmilla: I’m your new roommate, sweetheart.

Back to Laura

Laura: A 300-year-old vampire with a checkered past and centuries worth of victims to kidnap me.

We see Laura and Carmilla kissing from season 3

Laura: There was just one small snag with that plan.  (back to Laura) Carm and I fell in love.  Carm turned her back on the evil dean, and with a little help from our friends: LaF, Perry, Kirsch, Mel, and Danny, we saved the school!  And the world.  For stopping the apocalypse, Carm earned herself a magical human life.  A vampire no more.

Footage of Laura discovering Carmilla’s heartbeat at the end of 3x36

Laura: A chance to start again, and leave the crimes of her past behind.  And for us to figure out ... whatever happens next.

New scene.  Exterior: An old manor, on a stormy day.

We see Laura, waking up inside the manor, dressed in 19th century clothes, lying on a couch.  She gets up.

Laura: Okay ... weird.  (looks at her clothing) Old-timey and weird.

Laura notices a mirror and looks into it.  She does not see her own reflection, instead, she sees another woman, dressed as she is, copying her moves.  A door creaks open, and Laura turns towards it

Laura: Hello?  Ghost-lady?

Suddenly, a woman dressed all in black, with a veil over her face, appears behind Laura, and taps her shoulder.  Laura runs in fear out the room and down some stairs, looking behind her.  At the foot of the stairs, she runs into the same mysterious woman.  The woman lifts her veil, reveiling herself to be Carmilla.

Carmilla: You’re wearing my broach.

Laura: Carm!

Carmilla: Did I scare you, my pet?

Laura: You think?  Sneaking around, dressed like Lizzie Borden?  Wait, why are you dressed like Lizzie Borden?

Carmilla: You mustn’t be afraid

Laura: Why would I be afraid?

Carmilla: We shall die, as lovers may ... (Carmilla kisses Laura) Die together, so that we may live together.

Carmilla’s fangs appear, and she bites Laura, drinking from her, Laura looking terrified

Suddenly the scene changes, and we see Laura waking up from a nightmare, her head on Carmilla’s lap.

Carmilla: Welcome back, creampuff.

Laura (moving up from Carmilla’s lap to lay her head on Carmilla’s hsoulder, we hear screams and chainsaw sounds from a TV offscreen) I think your horror movies are giving me nightmares

Carmilla: Oh, well, life’s rough like that sometimes.

The camera zooms out, giving us a broader view of the living room

Carmilla: Come on!  How long does it take to kill one limping teenager?  Is this guy on a coffee break?  (to Laura) So, what happened?  Did you get scooped up by that talking goat again?

Laura: No, I dreamed you were a vampire.  (Sitting up)  It was very ... blast-from-your-gothic-horror-past.  There was this old house, and then you ... well, you were actually kinda scary

Carmilla (concerned): Did I hurt you?

Laura: In a dream.  Come on, it was probably a ... subconscious fascination with Victorian murders.  Or, uh ... corests.

Carmilla: Mmm!  Well, no need to go digging around in the past.  We have it much better now.

Laura: No arguments here.  (looks at TV) So long, hammer horror!  (to Carmilla) Hello, rom-com

They start to kiss, when suddenly a loud scream and chainsaw sounds come from the TV.  Carmilla turns off the TV, and they begin kissing, and we fade out to the opening credits

New scene: Another dream sequence, Laura’s running in fear through the same mansion as before.  She opens a door and sees Carmilla being placed in the coffin of blood, she closes it and keeps running, opening another door where we see Carmilla covered in blood 

Laura wakes up, breathing hard.  She’s in bed next to Carm.  She kisses Carm’s forehead and gets up.  We see her making coffee and pouring it into her Tardis mug.  She snaps her fingers to wake herself up and sits down in front of her laptop.

Laura (with exaggerated enunciation): How now, brown cow?  How now, brown cow?

She turns on the laptop, and we see her from the POV of her laptop, with a “Laura Hollis” logo in the lower left corner.

Laura: Happy anniversary, faithful viewers!  I know!  Iknowiknowiknow I’m behind in my posts, but, I would never miss this!  Because 5 years ago, today, (copy of the Voice of Silas on screen with headlines “Students Save Austria From Apocalypse” and “Girls  Sacrificed to Giant Anglerfish!”) a ragtag bunch of undergraduates stopped the dean of their evil university from unleashing Hell on Earth!  Or, mostly stopped.  You can’t really blame us for Antarctica.  And where are they now, you might ask?  Well, let’s check in with a very special 5-year retrospective.

Laura looks off to the side with a dramatic gesture.  And then her face turns neutral

Laura (mumbling): And then we will cut to ...

Super cheesy graphics with phrases like “tiny, gay and mighty” and “Hollis Five Year Retrospective”

Back to Laura narrating

Laura: First up is LaFontaine and Perry who, as you’ll recall, transferred to Occult Studies at Berkley and then started LaFerry Industries, where they’ve been revolutionizing life for the supernatural with products such as their Hemo-Soy vegan vampire sumplements ever since.  They’ve got this huge meeting with a megacoporation that wants to buy their start-up.  I’m so proud!  Speaking of super-successful people, you guys remember Danny?  My Lit TA, turned stalwart ally, turned repentant vampire?  Has turned into ... a vampire rights advocate.  And, what retrospective would be complete without a look at how Mel and Kirsch and I leveraged our coverage of the almost-apocalypse into a career in local news?  And, if you’re morbidly curious, here are some clilps!

Clip 1, Laura in front of a flower shop, with “Luane Horlis Reporting Live” at the bottom fo the screen

Laura: Today, we explore the fast-paced world of floral arrangements.

Clip 2, Laura on another street, in front of a bakery, with the name “Lauren Horley”

Laura: Cranberry bannock

Clip 3, another street, name displayed as “Laura “The Puff” Hollis”

Laura: Ceramic cephalopod

Back to Laura’s narration

Laura: So, yeah.  Not quite achieved Lois Lane-dom.  But never fear!

Laura runs off screen, and comes back with a big board with various goals on it

Laura: It is all part of my 5-year plan!

Some of the goals are marked with stars, and others with X’s.  Some are sensible goals like “Meet Christiane Amanpour” or “200 hours volunteering in the library”, while others are nerdy, like “Buffy marathon with Carmilla”.  Laura looks wistfully at he board for a moment and then pulls herself away

Laura: Yeah, um, after Carm and I took our glorious gap year, it was time to start real life.  We moved town to TO, I finished my degree, stuck my foot in the door, now I’m just waiting for my big break!  Busting open some huge Woodward-and-Bernstein-style scandal and being moved up to the city desk.  Admittedly, I have been waiting a while for that one.  But, uh, you know ,that’s what you do in life.  You pay your dues.  Unless you’re a former vampire with 300 years of sunshine and culinary history to catch up on.  So, what has our Carm been up to as a living, breathing, human?

[Scene of Carmilla walking around in broad daylight]

Laura: She’s definitely taking advantage of ye old vampire trust fund.

[Carmilla walking out of a bakery with a pastry]

Laura: Bakery-based gluttony, check.

[Carmilla lying out in a bikini on a patio in the sun]

Laura: Sun-tanning sloth, check.

[Laura in front of a computer, eating a strawberry, Carmilla comes by and takes a bit of the strawberry with a seductive look at Laura]

Laura: I-have-a-pulse-now lust ... well ... actually I can’t complain about that last one [Laura and Carmilla exit scene]

Back to Laura narrating

Laura: Yeah.  Unless you count starring in my spooky dreams, it’s been a bit more pastry than purpose lately.  But!  Today’s retrospective is all about perspective.  We are going to get our heroine back on track.  But, where to start such a conversation?  Where else?  [Laura pulls a cake into camera view]  With desert!

Carmilla walks in

Carmilla: Mmm ... have you been baking?

Laura: Happy rebirthday! [kisses carmilla several times]  It’s, um ... like a ... like a birthday, but for your rebirth.  Because, five years ago, you got a life.  Not like 90s ‘get a life’, but you know, um, literally.

Carmilla: Hmm, how very Lewis Carol.

[Carmilla turns the webacm off and closes the laptop]

Laura: So ... speaking of five years, I was thinking that we could talk about five years in the other direction.  [Carmilla looks faintly exasperated]  Cause you’ve been through a lot.  Not just Silas, but death.  And the French Revolution.  So, it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling a little lost

Carmilla: Lost?

Laura: Okay, maybe not lost, but maybe a little ... aimless?

Carmilla: Laura, are you staging an intervention because you think I’m wasting my life?

Laura: No!  [Carmilla gives her a look like “really?”]  Maybe.  It’s just ... you aren’t immortal anymore.  And I know that you want to make the most of our lives together, but -

Carmilla: Is there something wrong with those lives being fun?

Laura: No!  But I think it’s possible to have fun and ...

Carmilla: And did I go to that supernatural therapist?

Laura: One time.  You siad you couldn’t take advice from someone born after the moon landing.

Carmilla:  Mm-hmm, and do I pester you because you’d rather spend your days in a news cubicle instead of on a beach in the South of France?

Laura: No, you don’t.  It’s just ...

Carmilla: It’s just, you like making plans.  And I love that about you.  But, I don’t know, it’s my rebirthday, so ... I want to spend it enjoying our lives.  Preferably [wipes a bit of chocolate icing on Laura’s lip] somewhere with a patio and an extensive wine selection?  [they kiss]  And chocolates

They wander off-screen together, tightly embracing, the camera zooms in on the cake; Carmilla runs back on camera to blow out the candles, and then they both leave the scene again.

Several city scenes, a sunset, night time, then back to their home.  Carmilla’s in bed already, and Laura puts some moisturizer on her hands.  They snuggle together on the bed.  Laura falls asleep, and it’s another dream sequence.  She’s in bed, and she sees Carmilla crouched at the foot of the bed.  In the background is a painting of Carmilla.

Laura: Carm?

Carmilla: Shhh.  You’re dreaming.

Laura turns on a lamp, and Carmilla winces, covering her eyes

Laura: Oh.  Right.

Carmilla crawls onto the bed towards Laura, in a scene shot to resemble a famous illustration from the original publication of Carmilla

Carmilla: You are mine.  You shall be mine.  You and I are one, forever.

Laura: Something tells me I’m gonna like this dream.

Carmilla strokes Laura’s face, and then her fangs appear, and she bites Laura.  Laura’s eyes snap wide open.  She’s back in the real world now, and the real Carmilla is biting her neck.

Laura: Carm!  What are you doing?!  [pushes Carmilla off her, Carmilla hisses, her fangs exposed]  Carm!  Hey!  Hey!  It’s me!  It’s me!  [snaps her fingers]

Carmilla comes to, and looks horrified

Carmilla: Laura, your neck!  Oh, God!  [she moves towards Laura, and Laura backs up, still afraid; Carmilla pulls back, looking completely horrified]

Laura: What is going on?

New scene: Back in the living room.  Carmilla’s sitting in a chair with some kind of electrodes on her forhead.  LaF and Perry are there.  LaF is holding some kind of electronic tablet, while Perry has some notes in front of her.  Laura is standing watching, with bandaids on Carmilla’s bite mark

Perry: Have you been in close proximity to any vampires or vampire by-products in the past two or three months?

Carmilla: Oh, you mean when a Sumerian goddess turned me again last week?  Must’ve slipped my mind.

Perry: I see that sarcasm hasn’t suffered.

Laura: Thanks for taking some time out of your meeting prep to help us.

LaF: For you guys?  Anything.

Perry: Of course!  We’re probably over-prepared.

LaF: Something’s definitely off with Carm.

LaF’s scanning her with their robot eye, we see various graphs and the like, a light glowing above Carmilla’s chest, and the words “lifeforce: flickering”, among others

Laura: For those of us without a fancy cyborg eye?

LaF: Right.  Um, this is Carm [LaF turns their pad around for Laura and Perry to see; it shows an abstract form of a female body, with a glow in the chest]  And she’s, well, dead, except ...

Perry: Except, the resurrection spell is still running inside her, making her a living human

LaF: It makes her heart beat, hair grow, and all the other things a regular human body does

Laura: Yeah, like a magic battery

Carmilla: I thought we agreed we wouldn’t call it that.

LaF: My vote’s still with life-force

Carmilla: No, that’s even worse!

Perry: Oh!  What about her, um, what about your spark?

LaF: Hmm, it does work pretty much like an ignition

Perry: Spark it is!  Spark, spark, spark!

Carmilla: I hope you’re enjoying yourselves.

LaF: Uh ... Carmilla’s spark is ... going out.

Laura: What’s wrong with it?

LaF: It’s producing a sort of electrical discharge that’s making it flicker, and, since it’s what’s keeping her human, when it flickers, she ...

Laura: Vamps out.

Laura sighs and sits down

Carmilla: Okay, so ... how do we get my .... spark to stop flickering?

LaF: We’ll have to run some more tests.

Laura: And in the meantime, Carm just keeps randomly vamping out?  What are we supposed to do about that?

Perry pulls out a bunch of garlic.  Carmilla sighs.

Montage of scenes, mimicking the ones earlier where Laura was talking about Carmilla’s “aimlessness”, but twisted.  First we see Carmilla lying out on the patio, but instead of enjoying the sun, she’s trying to cover up, with a bottle of hemo-soy beside her, then we see her biting a strawberry that Laura was eating, but accidentally biting her hand, then we see her drinking a squirrel’s blood at the same place we saw her getting a pastry before

Then we see their bedroom again.  Cloves of garlic in the foreground.  Carmilla’s lying on the bed, looking sad.

Laura (applying moisturizer): [Unclear dialogue, something about Mel?] ... Kirsch, of course, is jazzed, like ‘Oh, there’ll be blueberry pie, right?  I’m into the bluebs”, and then to top it all off, I get to the fridge, and it’s just ... Carm?  You okay?

Carmilla: Sure.  Just grappling with an aversion to daylight and cravings for blood.

Laura: Hey, LaF is going to figure something out.

Carmilla: I know.  It’s just ... this was supposed to be done.  You know?  The bloodlust, the self-loathing.  The sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom.

Laura: That one might be overkill.  You’ve never had a problem controlling yourself before.  [Carmilla nods]  Unless you count dream-Carm chasing me through discount Transylvania all “you are mine, you shall be mine”

Carmilla: Wait ... what did you just say?

Laura: “You are mine, you shall be mine, you and I are one forever”

Carmilla gets up and runs into the living room, searching through the bookshelves

Laura: Carm, what is going on?  It was just some silly Dracu-poetry my brain coughed up for atmosphere [Carmilla opens up a chest]  What are you looking for?  [Carmilla takes out a book from the chest, looking through it, and finding a photograph, which she shows Laura.  It’s the mansion from her dreams]  That house!

Carmilla: This is where Elle and I lived.  Is this the manor in your dreams?

New scene; Laura, Carmilla, Mel, Kirsch, LaF, and Perry are all in a park

Perry: So, this place Laura’s been dreaming about, the manor, it’s real?

Carmilla: Not just the manor.  

Laura: Carm thinks that, from what I’m describing, the house, the clothes, what she says, that I’m dreaming things that really happened.  [Perry and LaF look thoughtful] .... A hundred and fifty years ago [Mel and Kirsch look thoughtful] ... to Elle.  

Perry, LaF, and Mel all look at Laura shocked; Kirsch has no reaction, he notices everyone else’s reaction

Kirsch: Am I supposed to know who Elle is?

LaF: Elle?  The girl Carm turned on her mother and stopped being evil for?

Kirsch: That wasn’t Laura?

Perry: Carmilla’s epic first love?

Kirsch: Also not Laura?

Laura: Remember first year at Silas, those weird dreams I was having?

Kirsch: Only those weren’t dreams!  They were warnings from Carm’s ... [look of realization]

Mel: So, you think the dreams are from Elle?  Didn’t she, like, sparkle off into floaty white nothingness after Carmilla killed the giant anglerfish god?  ... How is that a sentence I ended up saying?

Laura: Only one way to find out.  We go back to the scene of the crime.

LaF: If it’s ghosts, we can test out the new spectrometer.

The conversation fades out, as Carmilla starts staring at Laura’s neck, the sound of pumping blood; Laura turns to Carmilla

Laura: Carm?

Carmilla shakes her attention off Laura’s neck.

Carmilla: Yeah ... I’m gonna go crack another bottle of hemo-soy

Carmilla gets up.  Laura, Mel, and Kirsch look at each other.  Laura gets up and follows Carmilla

Laura: Hey.  Sorry about the whole “scene of the crime” thing.  I know what happened between you and Elle was complicated, and I shouldn’t’ve said that.

Carmilla: No.  Scene of the crime is exactly what it is.  You saw those dreams.  You know I ... hurt her.  Hurt you.

Laura: You didn’t mean to.  Maybe there’s a silver lining in all this.  If this is Elle trying to warn us about something, maybe you can ... help her?

Carmilla: I’m done being a vampire.  I’m done dredging up the past.  I’m done with ... well-meaning therapists saying “close your eyes and think of those you’ve wronged, while I light up this funky incense”, and ...

Laura: That’s right.  We have plans.  And goals.  And a color-coated chart [Carmilla smiles, laughing softly] None of which features some mystery from your past stealing the life that you earned.  So, we are going to figure out who or what is doing this, and then we are going to -

Carmilla (looking way too cheerful): Gruesomely murder them?

Laura: Stop them.  (Carm rolls her eyes)  We’re going back to Styria!

Transition scene; cheesy image of a world map, showing their flight, with voiceovers

Kirsch: Where are we going?!

Laura: Styria!

Kirsch: Why are we going?

Laura: To stop Carm from re-vamping!

Kirsch: Okay, but really, why go back to the bad place with the monsters?

Laura: Because of Elle’s manor?  It’s in my dream, it’s all connected?  And it’s our only lead!

Montage of various foods

Kirsch: Oooh, schnitzel ...

New scene; all six walking dramatically along a path, looking determined, then the music stops, and they’re all looking exhausted

Kirsch: How much further till we get to this place?

Carmilla: It’s just ...

Laura (dropping her bag): Right around the corner

Laura and Carmilla walk towards the manor, ahead of the rest

Kirsch: Oh, yeah, it’s cool, Laura!  I got your bag!  Yeah.

Laura: You don’t have to do this if you don’t want.  You can just stay here if it’s too much.

Carmilla: Hmm.  And leave you alone to explore the mystery mansion?  Hard pass.

Laura and Carmilla walk up to the entrance.  We see a brief glimpse of someone in an upstairs window

Laura and Carmilla enter the manor; we see them entering from inside the building; on the wall in the foreground is a portrait of the same woman Laura saw in the mirror in her dream

Laura (entering the manor with Carmilla): Hello?

They look at each other, and continue in.  Carmilla’s attention is drawn to the portrait for a long moment.

Kirsch: Hello?  Knock-knock?  Elle’s manor’s pretty cool!

Mel: I guess.  If you dig the Harenhal vibe.  Hello?  Anybody?

LaF: I’m calling it.  This place is totally haunted.

Perry: You don’t know that.  Maybe it’s just ... creaky.  It’s a lovely example of a 19th century schloss.

Kirsch: Heh, schloss.

Laura: This is exactly like my dream.  Beautiful.  I mean, abandoned and dusty, but beautiful.

Perry (putting rubber gloves on): Well, we can deal with the dust.

Mel: Tell me you did not bring an entire bag of cleaning supplies?

Perry: Of course I did!  Do you know what dust does to expensive equipment?

LaF: We have EMF detectors, geiger counters, various spectrometers

Mel: You didn’t think maybe we’d need some actual weapons?

LaF: Well, knowledge is really the best -

Mel (pulling out a crossbow): I’m pretty sure weapons are the best weapon.  Look at this princess.  Carbon-fiber lens, 80-pound drawweight, capable of shooting 160 feet per second. I call her, Gertrude.

Perry: How excessive

Mel: Excessive?  Do you remember senior year?  You were possessed by Carmilla’s mom, the evil god who forced the entire student body, including me, to dig a pit to the literal gates of hell, or how about that time LaFontaine got brain-sucked by the giant anglerfish monster?  Or how about that time that the evil baron tried to execute Carmilla?  Or that time that Laura sorta, kinda, I don’t know, died?

Kirsch: We do have a lot of back-story.

Sounds of thunder and strange crashing noises, spooking everyone

Perry: Fine, fine, haunted.

Mel (to Laura and Carmilla): Tell me at least you two packed some heat?

Carmilla heads over to look at the portrait in the hall

Laura: Uh, I know krav maga.  I am a weapon.  I brought walkie-talkies and flashlights for everyone.  There’s no cell service out here, they’re gonna come in handy!

Carmilla’s approaching the portrait slowly

Mel (off screen): How ‘bout you, Jughead?  [sound of a beer can opening]  Oh, Vincent van Bro brought beer.

Mel looks over at Carmilla and turns to Laura

Mel: Is that her?

Laura: Yeah.  [long pause]  Let’s search this place!

Mel: For a ... girl who died 150 years ago?

LaF: Better not keep her waiting.

We see a sequence of search scenes, first Mel and Kirsch looking in a room with flashlights, then Perry and LaF with flashlights and EMF detectors, then we see Laura and Carmilla entering a room.  Laura sees the portrait of Carmilla that was in the background of one of her dreams.  The portrait is lying on the floor, slashed.  Laura picks it up.

Laura: Is that you?

Carmilla: It was.

We switch to LaF and Perry

Perry: We should be safe to push the meeting to next week, don’t you think?

LaF: Do we have to talk about this right now?

Perry: Single most important meeting of our professional careers?

LaF: Perr, we are searching a haunted castle for ghosts.  This is literally the reason we started the company.

Perry: But if we had more resources, then -

LaF: Hold on, I think I’ve got a hit!  Nah, it’s gone now.

Perry: Well, now, see, as part of Intrigue, we’d have all the equipment, we could scan the house in like two seconds.

LaF: Yeah, I get it.  But we’re not selling out right this second, so can we focus on the task at hand?  Let’s check out the next room.

They leave the room. The door closes, revealing a ghost in 19th century clothing.

We’re back to Laura and Carmilla

Laura: Looking forward to seeing her?  Elle, I mean?  Wouldn’t blame you if you were

Carmilla: Honestly, I’d rather not.  I mean, what am I supposed to say?  “Sorry I lied to you and sacrificed you to a giant fish-monster”?  I doubt there’s a hallmark card.

Laura (walks over to Carm, and strokes her hair): It wasn’t all your fault.

We switch back to Mel and Kirsch.  Something moves in the foreground, and Kirsch spins around to look at it, but it’s gone before a clear sight can be made.  Mel raises her crossbow as they both back up.  Kirsch backs up into another ghost, and starts screaming.

We get back to Laura and Carmilla.  Laura’s walkie-talkie beeps.

Laura: Told her these were gonna come in handy

Kirsch (over walkie-talkie): Ghosts!  The schloss is full of ghosts!

Laura and Carmilla look at each other.  And suddenly another ghost shows up.  They start running.

Laura: Ghosts!  Ghosts!  Everyone, come on!

LaF: Haunted house!  Totally called it!

Perry: Run, weirdo!

Everyone’s running towards the front door.  Laura and Carmilla reach it first, but the door won’t open.  It’s completely stuck.

Laura: It’s stuck!

The ghosts continue to approach them.  They run to another room, running into another locked door, the ghosts surrounding them.  They turn to face the ghosts, who’ve stopped right in front of them.

Laura: Um ... hi.  I’m Laura.  These are my friends.  And we’d be thrilled if you’d abandon your plans to gruesomely murder us.

One of the ghosts, Emily, speaks

Emily: Hello, Miss Karnstein.

Carmilla (confused):  Hello?  Wait ... I know you.  How do I know you?

Emily (turning to another ghost, Charlotte): Oh, dear.  Well, this is awkward.  We imagined you’d recall ...

Charlotte: Killing us.  I’m Charlotte.  This is my sister Emily.

Laura: Carmilla killed you?

Emily: Oh, no, not quite, exactly.  Her mother did the actual deed.

Laura: You’re the girls who were sacrificed to the Deep One.

Lightning.  We pan over the various ghosts.

Charlotte; Yes.  We are the victims of Carmilla Karnstein.

Emily: And we’d like to invite you to a dinner.

New scene.  Dinner table, a roast pig in the center of the table.  Emily and Charlotte are at the ends of the table.  One side are Carmilla, Laura, and Kirsch, with Perry, LaF, and Mel on the other.  Kirsch is eagerly digging in, while the others seem more suspicious

Emily: It’s wonderful that you’ve all been able to join us.  And, naturally, we’re so glad you’ve arrived in time.

Charlotte: We’ve been waiting for weeks.

Laura: For us?

Emily: For Miss Karnstein.  We hoped once she realized what had happened she’d return

Mel: Hold up.  Did you just confess to flipping the vampire switch on our girl Carm here?

Emily: Oh!  Goodness, no, we couldn’t have.  What little research we have been able to perform suggests it was Miss Karnstein’s life-force that pulled us into the physical world.  Until a few weeks ago, we were trapped in a nightmare land, doomed to endlessly repeat our greatest regrets.

LaF: This nightmare afterlife, is it more of a Jungian unconscious, or a “Through the Looking Glass” style situation?

Perry: Stop that!  It’s not polite to pry into other people’s unspeakable suffering.

Laura: Why would you be connected to Carmilla’s human life?

Emily: Ah, w-we think it ... might be ... because  ... it was Miss Karnstein who ...

Charlotte: She’s the reason we died

Carmilla looks uncomfortable.

Emily: Yes.  The family here offered my sister and I a place to lodge

Charlotte: They neglected to mention the vampire cult

Mel: Same thing happened with my college acceptance letter

Laura: Y-you said you knew the family.  Does that mean you knew Elle?

Both Emily and Charlotte look confused

Carmilla: Miss Sheridan.

Emily: Ah, yes.  We knew her.

Laura: But she isn’t here with you?

Charlotte: No.  She isn’t with us.

Emily: But, we’re thrilled that you are!

Carmilla (sighs and puts down her wine glass): Okay, that’s it.  What’s with the Stepford act?   I got you and your sister killed

Emily: Yes, but you’re here now.  And according to this spell book, we need you, Carmilla, here to perform the ritual that will let us move on.

Perry: I don’t ... suppose I could take a crack at deciphering the book?

Emily: Oh, please, do.  I’ve deciphered what I can, but I’m hardly an adept.  Ah, from what I can tell, if we move on, your vampire symptoms will go away.  I assume that’s why you’ve come?  Haven’t you?  Because otherwise you’d be trapped here with us forever?

New scene: The gang is in a bedroom, talking and getting ready for bed.

Mel: So ... they’re obviously evil.

Kirsch: Nah, I though they were kinda nice

Carmilla: More importantly, is this ritual of theirs even gonna fix me?

Perry (reading the spellbook): Well, it looks promising.

Carmilla: Promising?  Are you telling me you were possessed by an evil goddess for, like, six months -

Perry: Eight.  It was eight months.

Carmilla: And you can’t get more specific than that?

Perry: The whole book is written in code.  But, if the family’s notes are correct, it seems as though it’s two birds, one stone.  The ghosts move on, Carmilla stays human.

LaFontaine: That makes sense.  When I scanned them, the energy from your spark was flowing straight to them.

Mel: Look, for all we know, they lured us in and trapped us here.  Are we seriously gonna trust them?

Laura: What happened to them wasn’t their fault.  They were girls just like you or me with their whole lives ahead of them.  If this ritual helps them and keeps Carm human, we have to try it.

Later that night.  Laura and Carmilla are lying in bed.  Perry’s working on a laptop, sitting on the floor by the couch LaF is scanning the room with an EMF detector

Kirsch: Sweet!  Is that a Gameboy?

LaF: Even better.  It’s an EMF alarm.  It might be nice to get a heads-up if any ghosts come calling.

LaF puts the EMF detector up on a mantle and sits down on the couch.

LaF: Psst, Perr, about before ...

Perry: Oh, I’m glad we postponed the meeting.

LaF: You are?

Perry: With all the data we’ve collected here?  We’re in a much stronger bargaining position.

LaF: Really, Perr?  I know this is the big leagues, but why are you so pumped to sell our company?

Perry: Do you even know what I do all day, while you’re off playing in your little lab?  [LaF looks upset] I balance our budgets.  Get our products approved.  Handle the reckless endangerment lawsuits.  I mean, at Intrigue there’d be a legal ... [Carmilla clears her throat, Perry reduces her volume] ... there’d be a legal department, LaF

LaF: I see.  And, uh, by “playing” you mean the research that makes our company possible?

Perry: Oh, that is not fair, you -

LaF: You know what?  I am too tired to deal with this right now.  [LaF lies down on the couch, pulling a blanket overthemself.  Perry goes back to her computer]

New scene.  Kirsch is making a sandwich, and Mel approaches him, startling him, causing him to drop his sandwich.

Kirsch: On, man, we killed my sandwich.  [Kirsch picks up the sandwich] Tutti abal tutti.  [to Mel] Five-second rule.  [bites into sandwich]

Mel: Have we, or have we not, had multiple conversations about not wandering away in the haunted house?

Kirsch: I know.  It’s just the ghost ladies are so nice.  And you know how I feel about leftovers.

Mel: Kirsch, if your stomach gets me dragged into some kind of black girl dies first bullshit, I am gonna come back from the dead and haunt your bar fridge.

They hear a noise coming from another room, and go to check it out

Charlotte: They aren’t going to go along with it.

Emily: They’ll get caught up in the surprise.  You’ll see.  It will all come out exactly as we planned.

Charlotte: Why aren’t we just telling them?

Kirsch’s stomach growls, alerting Emily and Charlotte to their presence.  Kirsch and Mel hurry off to hide, while Emily and Charlotte leave the room, locking it behind them.

Back to the bedroom, Laura and Carmilla are asleep.  Laura has another dream.  Laura notices the nightgown from before

Laura: Ugh, this again?  Really?

She hears Mattie from another room

Mattie: You would do well, little sister, to finish your task here.  We live for the eternal moment, chérie.  We are power.

There’s further talking but it’s indistinct, Laura notices some creepy paintings as she walks through a hall

Mattie: Faîtes attention, chérie.  You would do well, little sister, to finish your task here without further delay.

Laura peeks into a room and sees Carmilla dressed in all black, holding a book.

Laura: Did you ever think that our part in this, that what we do might be ... unforgivable?

Mattie: You must stop reading the romantics!  [takes book away from her] We live for the eternal moment, chérie!  We are power, pleasure [Carmilla walks away from Laura’s sight, while Mattie walks into her sight] and are only accountable for our desires.  And maman, who is growing impatient.  Faîtes attention, chérie.  Votre mère vous met en garde contre l’assassin.

Mattie walks towards the door.  Laura runs off.  Carmilla and Mattie leave the room.

Laura enters the room Mattie and Carmilla just left.  She sees a broach on a plain table.

Carmilla (faint voiceover): You’re wearing the broach

There’s a sound of girls laughing, and then a thunderclap, and a ring of paper dolls appears, surrounding the broach.  Laura looks at the paper dolls.  Suddenly the laughing changes to screams

Woman: No!  I don’t want to go back!

The dolls start to burn and are replaced by a ring of ash in seconds. Carmilla’s gloved hand touches Laura, and suddenly she wakes up in the real world.

Carmilla: Hey, you all right?

Laura: Another nightmare.  You and Mattie were talking and she said something about an assassin, and then these paper dolls disintegrated, and I don’t know.  It seemed more coherent when it was happening.

Carmilla: You’re still havin the dreams?  But we’re here, I mean, why would you still be having them, unless ...

Mel walks in

Mel: Something else is going on.

Carmilla: Knocking, still not a thing.

Mel: The Hunger wanted a midnight snack and while he was getting it, we caught our ghostesses talking about some kind of surprise we aren’t gonna like and sneaking into a locked room.  So they’re hiding something.  Or someone.

Daytime.  Laura, Carmilla, Mel, and Kirsch confronting Emily and Charlotte.

Emily: Hiding something?  How could we possibly -

Mel: What’s behind the door?

Charlotte: Why should that concern you?

Mel: Maybe I don’t like surprises.

Charlotte: You look like a woman who can cope.  [Mel and Charlotte share a long stare]

Laura: This could all be easily resolved by just showing us what’s behind door number one.

Emily: Of course.  If you insist, but ... you’ll ruin the surprise.

Carmilla: We’ll risk it.  [Emily turns to unlock and open the door] We’d kind of like to know if you’re planning to ... [They walk into the room and see all kinds of party preparation] ... to throw a party?

Laura’s looking around excited, while Carmilla looks confused

Emily: To thank you for helping us.

Carmilla: You’re throwing a party?

Charlotte: The ritual can’t be performed until the Ash Moon, and Emily always loved to dress up.

Mel (to Charlotte): I can’t imagine you’re a slouch in that department.

Carmilla: You can’t be serious

Laura (looking at a bottle of champagne): I think it’s sweet.  It’s like a pre-ritual going-away party, before they go away.  Permanently.

Emily: Exactly!  And, we would be honored if you would attend.

Laura: Yeah, of course!  [she notices a closet with ball gowns]  Oh, my gosh!  [she takes out a gown] Ball gowns?  Are we gonna get our strictly ballroom on?  Aaa!  Best haunting ever!  [she gives Carmilla a quick peck on the cheek and runs out excitedly]

Exterior of mansion

Carmilla (off camera): How’s it going in there?

Interior.  Carmilla’s sitting on a couch already in a dress while Laura’s struggling to get her dress on behind a dressing screen.

Laura: BBC period dramas do not spend enough time on how complicated these clothes are.  I swear, I’ve been in here for 40 minutes.  Hey, thanks for going along with this, by the way.

Carmilla: Well, what’s to go along with?  I like a canape as much as the next girl.

Laura: Still, it can’t be fun hanging out with you ....

Carmilla: Former victims?

Laura: No matter how nice they are.

Carmilla: Hmm, yeah, well, I’d appreciate it if they took it down a notch.

Laura: You’d prefer a roaring rampage of revenge?

Carmilla: Well, all this forgiveness is making me twitchy.

Laura (putting a choker on around her neck) You think maybe that’s cause deep down you still don’t think you can be forgiven?

Carmilla: I see we’ve reached the amateur psychoanalysis round.  See, this is why I blew off that therapist.  You know, some things are just too much to talk about in an office full of crystal dolphins.

Laura: I think maybe that’s the point of the talking

Carmilla: Yeah, except it wasn’t just talking, there was this manifes-

Laura steps out from behind the dressing screen.  Carmilla is completely dumbfounded by how Laura looks.

Laura: You aren’t saying anything.  Did I put it on wrong?  I look ridiculous.  I do.  I look ridiculous, I -

Carmilla gets up from the couch and approaches Laura.  They kiss.  They separate and Carmilla takes a long look at Laura.

Carmilla: Forty minutes to get you into that, hunh?  Bet I could get you out of it faster.

They kiss again.  Carmilla turns Laura around, her hand around her waist, kissing her collar

Laura: We’re already gonna be late for the ball

Carmilla: So let us be late.

Carmilla unzips Lauras dress, removing it, exposing her corset, Laura turns back around to face Carmilla, as they kiss.  Carmilla turns around and Laura removed her dress.

Laura drops to her knees, kissing Carmilla as she does.  She kisses the inside of Carmilla’s thigh, as Carmilla gently plays with her hair.  Laura stands up, briefly kissing Carmilla, and then breaking away to lie down on the bed,  Carmilla joins her on the bed, she kisses Laura, and then moves down her body, kissing her left breast.  Carmilla lifts up Laura’s skirt, and dives under it.  The camera focus on Laura’s face as she gasps in pleasure

Carmilla wipes her mouth as she goes in to kiss Laura.  Laura flips them over so that she’s on top.  Carmilla removes Laura’s corset leaving her topless (seen from behind), Laura drops back down to kiss Carmilla as Carmilal’s hands run along Laura’s back, scratching it, as Laura’s hand moves off screen, Carmilla moaning

We see Laura and Carmilla dressed fully again, with masquerade masks running down the stairs, Laura in the lead

Carmilla: I’m coming.

They reach the ballroom.  An unnamed ghost greets them.  There are several pairs of ghosts dancing, as well as LaF and Perry.  Mel is standing in the background watching, next to Charlotte.

LaF: Looking good, frosh!

Carmilla looks at Laura

Laura (laughing): What?

Carmilla: May I have this dance?

They go out on the dance floor, giggling, and start dancing

Perry: I’m sorry about the way I handled things last night.

LaF: It’s alright, I know you didn’t mean any of it.

Perry: I may have been a little harsh, but that doesn’t mean I was wrong.

LaF: Let’s not fight in front of the ghosts, honey.

Charlotte looks bored.

Mel: It’s not your thing either, hunh?

Charlotte: Emily has always wanted to belong to society.  I understood life differently.  [Mel looks at her]  If you have to conform, you never belonged.

Mel (smiling): Okay, how did you fall for Vampirella’s schtick?

Charlotte: I didn’t.  My sister vanished.  I went looking of her.  She’s never forgiven herself.

Mel: What about you?

Charlotte: I didn’t leave her then, how could I now?

Mel: You wanna try this stupid dance?

Charlotte: Obviously.

Mel and Charlotte dance.

We see several dancing couples, including Kirsch with another unnamed ghost-lady

Laura (slow-dancing very close with Carmilla): This is nice.  Kinda like that grad ball we never got ‘cause our school was a supernatural death trap.  [Carmilla chuckles]  I missed this.  I mean, not the pulse-pounding terror, but ... the parts where we help people.  Though, I do wish we’d figure out why the ghosts were here in the first place.

Carmilla: Hey, Laura ...

Laura: I know, no need to keep prying.  The ghosts will move on.  You will get your life back and ... we can go back home.

Carmilla: No.  I, um ... I think at that therapist’s appointment, I may have, um ...

Laura notices the table from her dream, and has a brief flashback to the dolls disintegrating and other scenes

Carmilla: Laura?

Laura: Sorry. Weird déjà vu.

Suddenly she sees dream!Carmilla for a brief second.  She backs away from Carmilla

Carmilla: Hey, what’s going on?

Laura: I though ... I thought I saw ... the woman in black, the ... you!  The you from my dreams, but that’s impossible, right?

Carmilla: Come on, let’s sit down.

Laura sits down on a chair

Laura: I’ll get you a drink, okay?

Laura has a dream-vision.  Carmilla, all in black, with a woman dressed in white with purple fringes.

Carmilla: Come with me, loving me, to death, or else hate me and still come with me, hating me through death and after

Laura snaps back to reality, LaF is next to her.

LaF: Are you okay?

Carmilla arrives with two glasses of champaign.  Laura notices a woman dressed in black, with a mask.  Laura gets up, rushing to where she saw the woman, but the woman is gone.

Laura: Where is she?

Carmilla: Hey ...

Laura: She was right here!

Mel: What’s going on, Hollis?

Laura: The woman in black, the one wearing a mask

Mel: Everybody’s wearing a mask.  [to Charlotte] Do you know who she’s talking about?

Charlotte (to Laura): Maybe if you’re not feeling well, you should sit down.

Laura: I’m dreaming things while I’m awake now.  What’s next?

A light glow fills the room.

Emily: It’s almost time!  The Ash Moon has begun.  Gather round for the ritual.

Skip to all the ghosts plus Carmilla in a circle around a black table (the same one from Laura’s dream), Laura and the others are standing outside of the circle.

Emily: Before we begin, I want to say how grateful we are.  Whatever you’ve done in the past, you’ve come to help us now, and I think that shows a strength of character that is quite remarkable.

Carmilla: Yeah, sure.

Charlotte: It’s time, Emily.

Perry: It’s your last night on Earth.  Are you sure you don’t want another drink before you go?

Charlotte: The ritual must be performed before the Ash Moon ends at sunrise.  Otherwise, we’re trapped here forever.  So, no.

Emily begins reciting some foreign language and places a broach in the center of the table, the one from Laura’s dream

Carmilla: Wait, that’s the broach that I ...

Emily and Charlotte place her hands on the broach, and she gasps, frozen.  The ghosts join hands.

Laura: Carm?

A glowing light appears from Carmilla’s chest, moving into the broach.

LaF: That’s Carmilla’s spark!  It’s leaving her!  Wh-why is it going in to the broach?

The ghosts start shaking and seizing

Kirsch: Uh ... guys?

LaF (looking worried) Did that spell say anything about spirit entanglement?

Emily: It’s not supposed to happen like this!

Laura: Something’s wrong!

She starts to approach the circle, but is stopped by Perry

Perry: Laura, stay back, it’s dangerous!

Laura: We have to stop the ritual!

Emily: I can’t!  It’s out of control!

Suddenly Emily disappears, in a brief flame, which spread through the circle

Unnamed ghost: We’ve been tricked!

Charlotte: I don’t want to go back!

LaF: We need to disrupt the circle!

LaF rushes towards the circle to try to break it.  They free Charlotte from the circle, but get caught themself, pushing Charlotte back into Laura before they disappear.

Perry: LaF!

Laura rushes twoards Carmilla

Perry: Don’t touch Carmilla, it will take you too!

A masked woman appears, the same woman we saw earlier, humming.

Woman (to Carmilla): Did you think you’d get away with it?  Summon us up to ease your mind and then just waltz away?  Did you really think there’d be no consequences?

Laura: It’s you.

The woman removes her mask, revealing herself to be Elle.

Elle: Surprise!  Not the brightest little ingénue, are we?

She grabs the broach.  There’s a bright light and a high-pitched ring as everyone falls back.  When the light fades, everyone’s on the floor, geting up.  Except Carmilla, who’s not getting up.  Elle takes something from the table and leaves.

Kirsch notices a pile of dust where LaF had been

Kirsch: Is that pile of dust LaFontaine?

Perry: They’re j-... they’re just ... they’re just gone

Mel (to Charlotte): Are you okay?

Laura (off screen): Carm?

Charlotte: I need to hide

Charlotte runs off

The camera shifts to Laura and Carmilla, Carmilla’s on the floor, not moving

Laura: Carm?  Carm?  [Checks Carmilla’s pulse]  Carm!  [Laura starts shaking her] Carm!  Hey!  Hey!  C’mon, hey!  [slaps Carmilla’s cheeks trying to wake her up]  Carm!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!

Carmilla opens her eyes

Carmilla: Hey ...

Laura pulls her up and they embrace.  Laura’s eyes widen in shock

Laura: Your heart.  It’s not beating.  You’re a vampire.

The camera shifts to Elle at the front door, trying to get out, but the door is still stuck.

Elle: Nooo!!!!  Why won’t it work?  I’ve sent all the ghosts away!  [takes out broach and starts chanting in foreign language again; she tries again with no success]  Did one of them escape me?

Back in the bedroom, Kirsch is changing, while Perry reads the book.

Kirsch: So, did I miss something, or did that go radically not as planned?

Laura: It was Elle.  She was at the masquerade.  She knew about the ritual, she knew exactly what was going to happen.

Kirsch: How could she have known?

Carmilla: Because Emily and Charlotte lied to us.  They had to have known she was here

Laura: You think vacuumed, screaming back to a hellish nightmarescape was part of their plan?  [Perry and Carmilla look at her]  Sorry.  We will figure this out.  We will find LaF.  Why would Elle do this?

Carmilla (holding a bottle of hemo-soy): You heard her, to punish me for what I did by stealing my life.  [drinks from the bottle]

Laura: But she can’t steal anything, she’s trapped here just like us unless all the ghosts move on.

Perry: But the ghosts are gone.  All of them except Elle and Charlotte.  Elle can’t leave until Charlotte is also sent back to the nightmare land, like all the other ghosts.  LaF thwarted her plan

Carmilla: And now that my spark’s in the broach and Elle has the broach, if she gets rid of Charlotte, she could become human and leave.

Laura: We have to find her.  Now.

Mel (entering the room): That’s easier said then done.  Miss Sheridan is gone, girl.

Carmilla: Not to mention we don’t exactly know how to extract a life force from a magical broach.

Carmilla sets down the now-empty bottle of hemo-soy, and picks up another one

Mel: You may want to go easy on those, that's the only case

Carmilla: Terrific.

Laura: But, Elle must have the spell already.  I mean, that’s her escape plan, right?  So we have to find Elle before she gets to Charlotte, then Perry can find the spell to put your spark back -

Perry: Laura, what are you talking about?  We have to find LaF first.

Laura: Of course, of course, we have to find both of them, but if we lose Elle now, then all of use are trapped -

Perry: We have to find Elle later, LaF comes first!

Laura: We can’t just let her take Carmilla’s life!

Awkward silence as everyone looks at each other

Kirsch: We could start in the study

Mel: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but beefcheeks is right.  We don’t have much time.

Mel, Kirsch, and Perry leave the room.  Carmilla approaches Laura, touching her arm.  Laura pulls away

Laura: I need to get out of this dress

Carmilla: It will be easier if you let someone help

Carmilla reaches for Laura, Laura spins around facing her angrily

Laura: Did you summon up the ghosts?  Because that’s what she said, Elle, that you summoned her up.

Carmilla: I think it’s ... possible.

Laura: Possible?  How do you not know whether you summoned up the ghosts of your former victims who maybe want some light, refreshing revenge?

Carmilla: Because, it was just something stupid that happened at the therapist’s appointment!

Laura: What?

Carmilla: She ... said I could never move forward unless I dealt with my past, so ... she had me think about Elle and the others, and, you know, there was the usual “manifest your issues” crap, but ... I had completely forgotten about it until my issues actually ... manifested

Laura: And when were you going to share this little piece of information with me?

Carmilla: I was waiting for the right moment.

Laura: You know what would’ve been a good moment?  Any time before the ghost of your former lover killed you!  (starting to cry)  She killed you.  I thought she killed you.

Carmilla: Hey [opens arms] come here [Laura embraces her, sobbing against her] I’m still here.  OK?  I’m still here.  We’re gonna get my life back, okay?  And all those things we want, every single point on your five-year plan, we’re gonna do them, okay?  Okay, let’s get you out of this thing.

We switch to Mel, Perry, and Kirsch in the study

Perry: Either Emily decoded the spell wrong, or Elle tricked her.  The spell she did cast used Carmilla’s spark to force the ghosts off to the nightmare land that Emily described.

Mel: You think that’s where the braniac ended up?  [Perry nods]  You think you can get them back?

Perry: I think the real moving-on spell might do it.  But, that means we only have till sunrise to find the code key.  [Mel looks out the window at the moon]  And I’ll need Carmilla’s spark.

Mel: Well, that makes getting the broach back priority number one.  Hollis’ll be chuffed.  [looking at Perry] Perry, LaFontaine knows you’re looking for them.  They know.  It’s what we do.

Mel slaps Perry’s leg in comfort.  Perry returns the gesture

Back in the bedroom, Laura’s in her regular clothes, and Carmilla’s putting on a shirt.  A humming sound is heard, and Laura flashes to another dream sequence.

Carmilla enters a room, looking very happy, dressed in white

Carmilla: It’s done!  We leave tonight.  In three days, we’ll be on an ocean liner headed for New York.

Elle looks less than thrilled.  She stands up from where she was sitting

Carmilla: You’re gonna love New York!  It’s full of ... concerts, and theater, and ... life.  Your life life is gonna be so much bigger than you ever imagined!

Elle has now been replaced by Laura.  Laura!Ell turns aroung to face Carmilla.

Carmilla: Wh-what are you doing?

The humming returns.  Elle appears creepily sliding up Laura, she takes Laura’s right hand, a knife now in it, and slices her left palm open.

We suddenly return to the real world, Laura’s completing the slicing motion

Carmilla: Laura!  Hey!  Are you alright?

She looks down and sees Laura’s palm sliced open.

Laura: What in Stoker’s name is going on?

Time-skip.  Perry and Mel are now present.  Perry is getting gauze out of a first aid kit while Mel supports Laura’s hand.

Mel: So Elle can dream-kabob you in real life?  Is that a normal ghost thing?  Are we supposed to know they could do that?

Laura: She’s sent me dreams before.  This is the first time she’s reached out and slashed me.

The camera focuses on Carmilla, looking broodily out the window

Perry: Oh, dear

Laura: No, no, no, no, no.  Not “oh dear”, we do not need an “oh dear” right now.

The conversation becomes slightly muted, as we hear the sound of beating hearts

Perry: Well, I mean, I’m still deciphering, but there’s several spells in this book which might make ghosts much more powerful, especially in the dream world.

The camera shifts back to Laura, Mel, and Perry

Laura: Right, so Elle’s faster, better, stronger.  Can we undo that?  Use the book to soup ourselves up?

Perry (reading): “Side effects may include ... anxiety, insomnia, dream contagion, and ... death”

Laura: So ... no.  Wait ... dream contagion?  Is that like ... sometimes in the dreams it’s like she can’t completely control them, like I’m seeing things that she wouldn’t want me to see.  Like just now, I saw you getting ready to leave for New York.

Carmilla: No one’s going anywhere until we find Charlotte.  The Craft here will keep researching.  You, Mel, and frat-boy can ... [notices that Kirsch isn’t around] Where’s the frat boy?

Mel: That burrito-chomping, protein-powder-snorting, gullible, mush-brained ...

We see a pile of ash with a sandwich on it

Mel: ... dope.

We pan up to see Carmilla, Perry, Laura, and Mel looking at what used to be Kirsch.

Mel: I told him

Perry: It’s the same as LaF.

Laura: Okay, we have to find Charlotte and get that broach back before Elle finishes this little re-enactment of And Then There Were None.

External view: The moon in the sky

Laura (voiceover): Search every nook and cranny, Charlotte has to be somewhere

Carmilla: Be careful.  Elle knows this place better than we ever will.

We see Laura and Carmilla searching.  They enter a room, and Carmilla looks at the books on a mantle.  She pulls one out as Laura watches.

Another flasback-dream.  Laura (as Elle) lying on Carmilla’s lap as Carmilla reads from a book labelled Le Fanu Poems

Carmilla: “Girls are caterpillars while they live in the world, to be finally butterflies when the summer comes.  But in the meantime, there are grubs and larvae, so says Monsieur Buffon”

There’s a thunderclap, and then we see Elle standing behind the couch

Elle: To think of the trouble I went to, [Laura gets up, running for the door] warning you, [Elle blocks her escape thinking you’d learn from my mistake.

Laura: Yeah, cause Carm’s the villain here.  Aren’t you the one zapping innocent people for no reason?

Carmilla: I’m doing it to keep what’s mine.

Laura: That life isn’t yours.

Elle: It’s what I’m owed.  And I wouldn’t waste it on some banal five-year plan.

Laura notices LaF drawing some kind of symbol on a mirror.

Laura: LaF?

The dream sequence ends abruptly, Carmilla’s still in the middle of taking the book out

Laura: LaF! I saw LaF!

We skip ahead, Laura sitting on a couch with a pad of paper, Perry and Mel on either side, and Carmilla behind them

Laura: Drawing some sort of symbol, looked like this ... or maybe like this.  [Laura’s drawing two versions of the symbol she saw in her dream]

Mel: How did you get past second grade?

Laura: I saw it for half a second in a ghost-induced nightmare, give me a break.

Carmilla: Any idea what it means?

Perry: No, but if LaF thinks it’s important enough to send from beyond the vale ... if I could just identify it, maybe it could hep decipher the moving-on spell.  I’ll try to figure this out, while you guys go get a life.

Laura gets up and moves toward the door

Carmilla (to Mel): Go with her, keep her safe.

Mel: What are you going to do?

Carmilla: Well, young lady stole my life and turned me back into a vampire?  So, I’m gonna remind her what that means.

Mel (to Perry): How about you?

Perry: Oh, I’ve got the EMF.  If it so much as chirps, I’ll shriek.

Mel gets up to follow Laura.  We see Mel and Laura heading down some stairs, as Perry studies the spell book, and the EMF detector produces static noise, and then starts beeping, Perry looks up.

We switch scenes to Carmilla entering a room, where Elle waits, facing away from the door.

Elle: I used to think you and I would spend our lives reading to each other.  If only I’d known how brief one of those lives was going to be.

Carmilla: Hello, Elle.

Elle: Is that all you have to say to me?  After what you did?

Carmilla: I never meant to hurt you.

Elle: Oh, don’t apologize.  [Elle turns around to face Carmilla]  It costs you nothing.

Carmilla: So, what?  This is about me paying for my sins?

Elle: You never even stopped to think if you deserved this life.  I’ve watched you.  All these years.  You've never thought of anyone but yourself.

Carmilla: Well, that’s some big talk coming from the girl who sent her friends to a nightmare land.

Elle: Me?  Oh, no, I’m just thinking about myself.  Oh, wait, I wonder who taught me that?

Carmilla rushes at Elle to hit her, but Elle vanishes and reappears by the door.

Elle: Oooh [chuckles] Not very ladylike, Miss Karnstein.

From off screen, Laura’s scream can be heard

Carmilla: Laura!

Elle: Better run, Carmilla.  These old house are so dangerous, after all.

We see Carmilla running with her supser-speed to the study, where Laura and Mel are already present

Laura: Damn it! [camera pans to the pile of ash that used to be Perry, there are various notes around her, the only one that can be seen clearly says “... is a giant trap??”]  Perry.  You never should’ve left her alone

Mel: No sign of the spell book, either.  [to Carmilla] I take it your little chat with the ghost of girlfriends past was a bust?

Carmilla: Yeah, I’m getting pretty sick of this haunting crap.

Charlotte: Imagine how we feel.  [All three turn around to see Charlotte in the room with them]  I’m wondering if we might be of assistance to each other.

Charlotte’s sitting on a couch with the others around her

Charlotte: Miss Sheridan said you would never go along with the spell if you knew she was with us.  I should’ve known that she only wanted your life for herself.  It was all she ever talked about.  The wide world that she’d been denied.  As if the same thing hadn’t happened to us all.  (to Mel)  I’m sorry about your friend.  I didn’t know what would happen when they pulled me back.

Laura: Can you help us get them back?

Charlotte: I don’t know.  But we have to stop Miss Sheridan.

Mel: You got any thoughts on the stopping front?

Charlotte: It’s me she wants, so perhaps ...

Another dream sequence.  Laura and Elle are alone in a room.  Laura’s sitting in a chair while Elle approaches her, pulling out a knife.

Laura: Do we really have to do this Nightmare on Elm Street crap?

Elle: Fine [turns around, then turns back, now holding a tray with a tea pot and tea cups, the room gets brighter] Let’s speak as reasonable women.  Elle sits down in the chair net to Laura’s, setting down the tea tray.  So.  Your friends are trapped beyond the veil.  You, Carmilla, and your ... trigger-happy accomplice are next.  Sugar?

Laura: ... sure

Elle: But, if you hand over Charlotte, and let me keep this life -

Laura: It isn’t yours to keep

Elle: That’s beside the point!  Let me keep it ... and I’ll bring your friends back.  You can all ... leave this place.

Elle hands Laura a tea cup, she accepts it warily

Laura: What happens to Charlotte?

Elle: Well, I’m afraid poor Charlotte will have to ... follow her sister.  But, you know that was always going to happen, so.

Laura: She’s just like you.  They all are.  Don’t they deserve a chance to move on?

Elle: Oh!  [laughs]  Oh, you haven’t figured it out yet.  The only way that Charlotte and Emily can reach their ... everlasting rest, is if Carmilla sacrifices her human life.  [Laura looks shocked]  So, let’s not pretend that you’d sacrifice Carmilla’s life for a few wayward spirits, any more than I would.

Laura: You can’t just leave them trapped in a nightmare!

Elle: You’d let your friends die in here to ... help them?

Laura: There has to be another way!

Elle: Ugh!  You’ve had your chance.  [the room darkens again, thunder cracks]  Whatever happens now is your fault.

Laura’s back in the real world, gasping back to consciousness

Carmilla: Elle?  Are you alright?  Did she do anything to yo uin the dreamscape?

Laura: No.  I just wanna get her out of my head.  I wanna get your life back.

Carmilla: Well, we think we can lure her out into the open by using Charlotte as bait.

Laura: You’d do that for us?

Charlotte: There’s only a few hours left of the Ash Moon.  If Emily and I want to move on, it’s our only chance.

External shot of mansion, shots of various rooms.  We see Charlotte coming down the stairs

Elle: There you are!  You know, it’s impolite to cause your host so much trouble.

Charlotte: I’m sure I’ll find a way to repay you.

Elle grabs Charlotte’s neck, pushing her up against a wall.

Laura appears, followed by Carmilla, and then Mel with her crossbow, surrounding her

Elle: A trap?  You aren’t serious.

Carmilla: Vampire, warrior, journalist.  I like our chances.  Let’s have a little chat about taking things that don’t belong to us.

Elle: You first

Elle zooms over to Mel, vanishing her into Ash

Charlotte: Mel!

Elle: Best get the broom out.  [kicks the pile of ashes, then zooms over to do the same to Charlotte]  Look at that.  Then there were three.  [to Laura]  You should’ve taken up my offer, sweetheart.

Carmilla: Offer?

Elle: Your life for you friends.  Don’t worry, Laura declined when she discovered that Emily and Charlotte can’t move on without destroying your precious spark.

Carmilla: You’ll never be able to enjoy it.  You’ll spend the rest of your days looking over your shoulder  [Rushes to grab Elle’s arm]  Wondering if it’s my step you hear at the door.

Elle attempts to slice Carmilla with her knife, but Carmilla dodges too quickly.

Elle: I’ll take my chances.  I’ve got the broach.  There’s nothing you can do to stop me.

Carmilla: Maybe not.  But she knows krav maga.

Elle: What?

Laura grabs Elle’s arm, wrestling the knife out of it, they fight

Laura: Why do people always forget that?

Elle, Laura, and Carmilla fight for the broach.  A bright glow appears from teh light, and they all disappear.

Laura appears in a blank white space

Laura: Hello?  Carm?  Carm!  [creepy whispers and howling wind are all we can hear]  Pull yourself together, Hollis.

Laura finds herself back in a dream version of the mansion.  She sees Carmilla’s rebirthday cake on the same table that they’d performed the ritual at before.  The cake then turns into the broach.  Laura picks it up.  She hears herself, speaking in a sad, almost-monotone, fashion

Dream!Laura: Oh, crap, we’re live?  [Laura turns and sees a version of herself dressed in grey, with a microphone for news 9 (the same as in the “local news” clips from the beginning).  Behind her is a twisted version of her 5-year plan, with all the goals turned into failures]  Today, on Toronto News 9, it’s harsh reality.  Abandon your childhood dreams for the dubious security of  a subpar paycheck.  Spend your days glorifying clickbait and your nights letting fear and misery drive away friends and loved ones.  Accept that life is an unbroken chain of mediocrity stretching on and on and on.  This is Laura Hollis reporting live from a failed career.

Laura notices Elle approaching and runs down the stairs away from her

Elle: I want my life, you little thief!  I want my life!

Laura opens a door, and appears in a brightly-lit room with dream!Carmilla and dream!Elle

Laura: Doors are arbitrary.  Wonderful

Dream!Carmilla: Oh, you’re gonna love New York.  There’s theaters and conerts and ... life.

Laura: Wait, I know this.  I dreamed this.

Dream!Carmilla: Your life is going to be so much bigger than you’ve ever imagined.  What are you doing?

We see Dream!Elle taking out a knife.  The real Elle appears, grabbing Laura and dragging her out by the ears

Elle: You don’t belong here!

Laura runs off, with Elle continuing to follow her.

She appears in another room, with a weeping Emily being held by Charlotte

Dream!Emily: She laughed.  Miss Sheridan, she laughed at the very idea of ... Why did I trust her?  Why did I not ... I was supposed to keep you safe.

Laura: Oh, God.  Poor Emily.  Poor Charlotte.

Elle appears in the doorway.

Elle: Do you know what will happen if you die here?

Laura: Let me guess.  I die in the real world too

Elle: Worse.  You’ll be trapped, in this hell made of dead minds.  I wonder if you’ll feel so sympathetic then?

Laura: Is that what happened to you?

Elle: I don’t want your pity.  I want my life!  [Elle grabs Laura] I can take it from you living, or I can take it from you dead.

Laura: You’ve seen my dreams.  [she kicks Elle in the stomach] Have I ever gone down without a fight?

Laura runs off.  She runs into another room, which is the same one from before

Laura: Stuck in an endless loop of someone else’s damage.  Classic me.

Dream!Carmilla: Oh, you’re gonna love New York.  There’s theaters and concerts and ... life.

Laura notices the real Carmilla behind a couch, watching

Laura: Oh, Carm!  Carm!  [she runs over to real Carmilla]

Dream!Carmilla (partly overlapping with Laura): Your life’s gonna be so much bigger than you ever imagined!  What are you doing?

Dream!Elle slices her left palm.  Dream!Carmilla looks away

Dream!Elle: I met a woman in the village today.  She said strange things about you.  [Dream!Elle raises her palm, lifting it towards dream!Carmilla]  What’s wrong?  Why won’t you look at me, Carmilla?  LOOK AT ME!

Dream!Carmilla looks up, for a brief second, her fangs appear, she hisses and moves towards Elle, before she stops herself.  But it’s too late.

Dream!Elle: She was right.  You’re a monster.

Dream!Carmilla: I can explain ...

Dream!Elle: Oh, I’ve heard enough of your lies.  All your promises.  All your talk of a new life.

Dream!Carmilla: No, not lies, in the colonies, things’ll be different!  No one will know us! You’ll see that!

Dream!Elle: As if I would go anywhere with you now.  No.  My new friend is waiting in a carriage below.  She is going to take me travelling  She’ll show me the wonders of the world.

Dream!Carmilla is horrified, shaking her head

Dream!Carmilla: No, you can’t go with her.  Elle, I know, I know I lied, but the horror she has planned for you is much worse than -

Dream!Elle: Worse?!  Worse than saying that she loved me ... [whispered]  while she drank my blood?  [loud]  WHILE SHE DRANK MY BLOOD?

Dream!Carmilla (on the verge of tears): Please ...

Dream!Elle: Don’t worry.  I’ve told her where you are.  She’ll send someone to deal with you.

Dream!Elle leaves the room, as dream!Carmilla falls to her knees sobbing

The camera then pans to Dream!Elle in the room as at the start

Laura: What, is this on repeat?  How many times have you watche this?

Dream!Carmilla (entering the room): It’s done.  We leave tonight.  In three days, we’ll be on an ocean liner headed for New York.

The real Elle appears, Laura and Carmilla hide.  Elle leaves

Dream!Carmilla: You’re gonna love New York  There’s theaters and concerts and ... life!  Oh, your life’s gonna be so much bigger than you ever imagined!

Laura leads the real Carmilla out of the room.  They’re now in a staircase.

Laura: Hey!  Hey.  It’s okay.  Hey, you are not there anymore.  You are here, with me, right now.  And I have the broach.  [she places the broach in Carmilla’s hand]  If you can just ... absorb it.  [Nothing happens]

Carmilla: Nothing.

Laura:  Of course not.  Of course we still need some stupid spell! 

Carmilla: Maybe I should give her my life.

Laura: What?   Carm, you can’t!  She’s unhinged!

Carmilla: Not to her ... to them.  Laura, everything you saw in there ... it’s everything I’ve been avoiding for years.  Pretending like being human meant I didn’t do all of those awful things.  How is it fair that I get this life while they’re just trapped here?  After everything I’ve done?

Laura: Okay.  [sniffles]  Okay, [sniffles] A, let’s acknowledge that Ell and your mother share some of this blame, and B, we will figure out another way, a way that doesn’t involve you giving up your life.

Carmilla: You mean find a way to avoid responsibility?  Mmm-mm [shakes head]  You heard Elle, there’s no other way.  It’s my life for their freedom.

Laura: What about our life together?  Our future?  You’re just gonna give up on that?

Carmilla: Laura, I’m not giving up on that - 

Laura: Cause, we’re supposed to have arguments over who does dishes, and cupcakes to celebrate big days at work, and grandkids.  What is that gonna look like if you can live like you’re 25 forever?

Carmilla: You think I don’t want those things, too?

Laura: Please don’t give up on our life.

Carmilla: I’m not giving up.  But I can’t keep running away.  Not after what I’ve done.

Laura: Okay  [they kiss, then in barely a whisper:]  Thank you.  [normal volume]  Let’s go save some ghosts

We see Elle, pissed off by the front door.

Laura and Carmilla walk through a passageway.  A hooded figure in black passes them by, the same ifgure from the dream where Laura saw Carmilla being lowered into the blood-coffin

Laura: Seriously?  People can’t just dream about being audited?

They see LaF standing the hallway.

Laura: LaF! [runs to LaF, huggin them] How did you --- ?

LaF: Escape my personal hell?  I’ve been through, like, three apocalypses, I can tell the difference.

Laura: Have you found any of the others?

LaF: Funny you should mention that.  [LaF opens a door]  I’ve been trying to wake her, but she keeps confusing me for ... me.

Perry is watching herself doing paperwork, with Dream!LaF beside her

Dream!Perry: That’s form 83-B done.  [a pile of papers appears beside Dream!Perry]  Just filing a hundred of these daily ...

Dream!LaF: You don’t mind taking care of these right?  There’ll be just, like, 5 or 6 million pages.  You can do this alone; you don’t need me.  See you in six years.

Laura wakes the real Perry

Perry: Laura?  What are you doing in my ... strangely bureaucratic nightmare?

Laura: Elle zapped us into nightmare land.  We have to do the spell before sunrise which is coming up fast.

Perry: Well, I had to read the pages before Elle zapped me, but without the code key to decipher the spell -

LaF (clearing their throat): I've got the code key.

Perry: Oh!  Yes, the symbol!  Do you have the full thing?

LaF: Uh, yeah, I’ve literally got a photographic memory [LaF points at their cybor ete]

Perry: Oh, I could just kiss you on your robot eye!

Sadly, there is no kiss.

The four walk down a hallway, rescuing others from their dreams

Laura (to Mel): You’re safe

Kirsch: Why are people always hunting me for sport?

Perry (leading the others to the room where the ritual is to be performed): Okay, circle up.  We don’t need to hold hands or anything, the spell is much more powerful.  But, it might be more cozy that way.

Mel: So, what happens to us after the ghosts move on?

Perry: Oh, um, well, we’ll either find ourselves back at the schloss, or cease to exist entirely.

Mel: It’s better than our usual odds

Emily: I’m sorry, not to criticize any plan that would clearly be so much to our benefit, but ...

Charlotte: Doesn’t that mean you have to give up your human life?

Carmilla: Yeah.  Well, I’m responsible for what happened to you, so ... this is how I can help.

Carmilla sets the broach down.  It turns into Carmilla’s rebirthday cake.

Kirsch: Woah, what happened to the, uh ...

Laura: It’s a cake now.  Don’t ask.

Kirsch: Okay.

Carmilla: Alright, uh, let’s get this ritual started before I change my mind.

Perry pulls out a piece of paper and starts chanting in an foreign language.  Carm leans over, to blow out the candles on the cake, when Elle suddenly grabs her from behind with a knife

Laura: Carm!

Elle: You think I’m gonna let you do this?  Steal everything from me again?!

Laura: But Carm really isn’t the one who you blame for that, is she?  I’ve seen that moment between you two over and over again.  You had everything that you ever wanted and you gave it up because you were afraid.

Elle: They lied to me.  Carmilla, her mother, they betrayed and murdered me!

Laura: You’re right, it isn’t fair what happened to you, but that’s not an excuse. Everything that you’re doing right now, hurting everyone else, hurting yourself, it’s just because you’re afraid of what comes next, but you don’t have to be.  We can help you, we can help you find the peace you’ve always been looking for!

Elle: No!  No, I don’t want your platitudes!  I want my - 

Elle is suddenly stopped by an arrow shot by Mel

Mel: Your life.  You want your life.  Yeah, we know.  But it’s not all about you.  And you’re a part of this.  So, stay put.

Elle slides to the ground, injured, the arrow in her shoulder

Carmilla: Nice shot!

Mel: I’ve been waiting to do that since we got here

Laura and Carmilla embrace.  The circle is reformed, as Elle sits quietly in the background

LaF: So, you’re kinda rocking the fieldwork these days, hunh?  Think if we got more admin help, you’d be able to come out more?

Perry: I think I could ... find some time to play.

Charlotte (to Emily): We’re almost free of all this

Emily: You shouldn’t have been drawn into it to begin with.

Charlotte: It was 1872.  If we hadn’t been killed by vampires, it would’ve been, I don’t know, tuberculosis?

Laura: Oddly specific

Charlotte: Each day was made better because you tried to make it such.  I don’t regret a thing.  [to Mel] Thank you for the dance.  I wish there could be another, but ...

Mel: I get it.  You gotta leave with the one that brung you.

Charlotte: Would you like to ... ?

Mel: Obviously.

Charlotte and Mel kiss.  Everyone looks happy for them, except Elle who just looks annoyed by the delay

Elle: Ugh, can we please just move on already?

Perry resumes the spell.  Carmilla blows out the candles, all but one.

Someone: Ah, it’s working!

Charlotte and Emily vanish in glowing sparkles, followed by Elle.  Then Mel and Kirsch vanish, followed by LaF and Perry, leaving just Laura and Carmilla.

Carmilla: What the hell now?

Laura: I guess with all the ghosts gone, there’s no reason for this place to exist anymore.  So ... it worked.  Hooray.  [looking at Carmilla]  Sorry about before.  I think I’ve been so focused on chasing after your life cause it seemed a lot easier than trying fixing my own.

Carmilla: Hey, you’re Laura Hollis.  [chuckles]  And I’ve watched you fight vampires ... and gods and even that lady who tried to butt us in line at the craft fair. [they bloth laugh] So, you’re gonna figure it out.  Whatever happens next, we’re gonna do it together.

Carmilla prepares to blow out the remaining candle

Laura: If this goes Romeo and Juliet on us, I’m totally gonna haunt your ass.

Carmilla: Of course you are.

They kiss, and then Carmilla blows out the remaining candle.

They find themselves lying on the floor, sunlight coming, holding hands.

Laura: Well, that was a kick.

Laura’s walkie-talkie beeps

Perry (on walkie talkie): Where are you guys?

LaF (on walkie talkie): Is everyone okay, over?

Laura: Affirmative.  Laura and  Carm A-OK.  Over.

Laura and Carmilla get up

LaF: Front door’s unlocked

Perry: Oh!  Meet you outside

LaF: You’re supposed to say over

Perry: Over.

Carmilla: Let’s get the hell out of Styria.

Laura and Carmilla walk out of the schloss, joining the rest.  Kirsch hands them their bags.

Kirsch: I call dibs on window!

Montage: Walking down the path, then taking a train, then a plane landing, then back to Toronto.  The group is having a picnic, and we see Danny in the background talking to Kirsch.  Laura and Carmilla are sharing a bottle of champagne

Carmilla (holding champagne bottle as if microphone): And, how does it feel, Ms. Hollis, to officially be a freelance journalist at large?

Laura: I made a huge mistake!  What have I done?  I quit my job!  I gave up my cubicle!  I don’t have a plan!  What’m I supposed to do without a plan?  [Laura starts laughing, joined by Carmilla]  Only about half of that was actual panic, so pretty good, right?

Carmilla: Yeah.  I’m  just gonna go get some blood, babe.

They kiss.  The camera pans over to LaF and Perry, looking at some kidn of electronic device.

LaF: So ... this is a blueprint?

Perry: Yep, these are the blueprints they sent over.  And, oh, check this out.  They have an industrial-sized cleaning closet, and I was thining we could put your reactor over here in this corner.

LaF: That is a beautiful thing.

Carmilla: Selling out going smoothly?

LaF: Uh, we’re retaining executive control over LaFerry at Intrigue.  And they’re giving us a thorium reactor.  A thorium reactor!

The camera pans over to Kirsch and Danny

Kirsch: It was really scary.

Danny: It sounds a little cushy.

Kirsch: But it was a totally legit adventure.  You know, there were ghosts and this haunted mansion and then, you know, this weird netherworld

Danny: And comfy beds and midnight snacks, and a masquerade ball

Kirsch: Look, I even have that mark where I was ghost-zapped.  Look.  No, seriously look!

Danny: No, I see it

Kirsch: It’s there, look!

Danny: Okay, I see it, you can put it away now.

The camera pans over to Mel.  Laura’s standing by her, with a sympathetic look

Mel: Okay, don’t give me pity eyes, Hollis.  Like you never had a crush on a dead girl.

Laura: That does sound familiar.

They touch foreheads

Mel: Thanks

Laura walks over to Carmilla

Laura: So, Carmilla Karnstein, a vampire again.  What’s next?

Carmilla: I’m thinking ... maybe my PhD in Philosophy.  Hey, attend university for 70-odd years, and you rack up a few credits.

Laura: I’m so proud of you.

Carmilla: You’re not worried about how we’ll spend our lives together?

Laura: I figure any two people in a relationship, their lives move at different speeds.  That isn’t the part that matters.  This, here, right now.  This is what matters.  And I love you.

Carmilla: I love you too.

They kiss, and then look at the cityscape together as the credits begin

Credits scenes

Montage of various scenes of Laura reporting from various locations

Laura: I’m Laura Hollis and this is a web exclusive for Creampuffington Post.  We’re talking today with veteran dragonslayer Elizabeth Spielsdorf about the great apocalypse of 2015

Laura: Hi, I’m Laura Hollis on assignment in Graz where we’re just in time for the ribbon cutting ceremony on the JP Armitage Memorial Library

Laura: I’m Laura Hollis reporting live from the Geneva Summit on the Rights of Were-People

Laura: I’m Laura Hollis reporting to you live from Iceland where scientists have made a breakgthrough discovery of the first drinkable Fountain of Youth

Laura: A scandal brewing tonight on the steps of the capital as the President, who last month was revealed to be an as-yet unidentified species of lizard creature with very small hands, refuses to produce his long-form hatching certificate.  This is senior correspondent Laura Hollis for MSSSN-BCD

Credits roll.  Pictures of Laura and Carmilla with a baby

Post-Credits scene

Laura and Carmilla asleep in bed.  Carmilla wakes up.  She yawns, and gets up, walking to the kitchen.  She opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of hemo-soy.  Mattie shows up

Carmilla: Hey, Mattie. 

Mattie: Hey, sis.

Carmilla: Why are you ...

Mattie: Back from the underworld and lounging in your charmingly Bohemian pied-a-terre?

Carmilla: For starters.

Mattie: You and I and the little ingénue that could are going on a road trip.  Turns out the anglerfish was female.  Before it died, it laid eggs.  Just an alarming number of eggs.

Carmilla takes a sip of hemo-soy

Carmilla: Alright, let’s get going.

Title card reading “To be continued ...?

[placetobenation]

*** Scott & JT’s Vintage Vault Refresh reviews are a chronological look back at WWE PPV and TV history that began with a review of WrestleMania I. The PICs have revisited these events and refreshed all of their fun facts that provide insight into the match, competitors and state of the company as well as their overviews of the match action and opinions and thoughts on the outcomes. In addition, Jeff Jarvis assists in compiling historical information and the Fun Facts in each of the reviews. Also, be sure to leave feedback on the reviews at our Facebook page. Enjoy! ***

Monday Night Raw #117

June 26, 1995 Danville High School Danville, PA Announcers: Vince McMahon & Shawn Michaels

1) Smoking Gunns defeat Jason Ahrndt & Black Phantom when Billy pins Ahrndt with the Sidewinder at  2:15

Scott: So, after… well whatever the hell happened last night in Philly we open with the Smoking Gunns. I’m still trying to wrap my head around what pile of crap I watched last night. Of all the talent in that tournament, MABEL WON? Seriously? Then Mo mush-mouthed his way through reading the scroll as Shawn Michaels just alluded to on commentary. I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed that. At least Bret Hart won and we don’t have to deal with all this foot nonsense. The Gunns win in a pretty quick squash here, but as we continue I will delve more into last night. Grade: DUD

JT: Hey! We are finally back live here on Monday Night Raw and we are less than 24 hours removed from a very bizarre night in Philadelphia as the third annual King of the Ring is in the books. Vince McMahon and his old commentary buddy Shawn Michaels have the call for us here tonight. Michaels flamed out quickly last night, wrestling Kama to a draw and bowing out in the first round of the tournament. I would ask why they even bothered having him in it just to go that route, but whatever at this point. Vince notes that Michaels is here because the King is still cleaning out his mouth after the foot fiasco following his loss to Bret Hart last night. The Smoking Gunns head out to the ring for our opening bout as they look to rebuild their credibility and relevance a bit in the tag division. Vince and Shawn talk about Mabel shocking the world and winning the KOTR crown while Michaels quips about not realizing Mo could read. The Gunns make really swift work of these bums and pick up the win. Grade: DUD

*** Jerry Lawler joins us from the office of his personal dentist Isaac Yankem, DDS. He is there trying to get the brutal stench and smell out of his mouth after his tough loss in Philadelphia last night. Lawler vows that Hart will pay for what he did and that their issue isn’t over yet. He also mentions that Yankem, a former great wrestler, is promising to extract some revenge as well. ***

*** Barry Didinsky is in the aisle shilling the official King of the Ring shirt and hat as well as a Bret Hart hat and sunglasses combo. Order now! ***

2) Skip defeats Scott Taylor with a Frankensteiner off the top rope at 2:00

Scott: Ah Sunny…oh sorry. As I was saying, last night’s show was trash. They just had a recap to shill tomorrow’s Encore Plus of the show. Who would buy that? Anyway, Skip and my girl Sunny are here to pretty things up. I love how even Shawn rips Vince’s hair, even while a babyface. So it appears Sid begged off during last night’s tag team match. That’s an abomination. Even as a heel, Sid’s not a coward. They are totally ruining his character, turning into a typical WWF heel and not the heel he should be. Skip is getting roughed up by these jobbers before he wins matches, which isn’t helping his character in my opinion. Grade: DUD

JT: We head back down to the ring as Skip and Sunny hop on down to the ring to both fat shame the fans and beat down Scott Taylor. Michaels brags about his skills with the ladies as the Bodydonnas rant in the ring. Taylor actually starts off hot with a flurry until Skip drops him with an enziguri to take over. Vince and Shawn talk more about Jerry Lawler in the feud that just won’t ever go away. Taylor dropkicks Skip outside, where he stooges around a bit before turning the tide again. Skip chewing gum during these matches is pretty funny, as is Shawn’s clear disdain for his name. Skip hits a pretty crazy splash off the top rope to the floor and then wins with a top rope Frankensteiner, busting out the high spots in this throwaway bout. Even though he probably gives a bit too much to the jobbers, Skip has a really unique arsenal, even impressing Michaels in the end. If only he had a better name, maybe he could be a legit player, as he has really looked good in limited action thus far. Oh, and Sunny. He has her too. Grade: 1/2*

*** We check out footage from a celebrity softball game in Oklahoma City. Diesel took part of the game and all proceeds went to the families affected by the Oklahoma City bombing from earlier in the year. ***

*** We then join Todd Pettengill for a report filed last night from the Corestates Spectrum. Todd recaps all of the results from King of the Ring. He also reveals that Diesel will face Sid in a WWF Title Lumberjack Match at In Your House #2. ***

3) Man Mountain Rock defeats Phil Apollo via submission with the Whammy Bar at 1:00

Fun Fact: Tonight we say goodbye to Man Mountain Rock after a short stay in the Federation. He had asked to be an announcer when he came into the WWF, but his request was denied. During his run, he had several injuries, including a serious hernia. He also became addicted to pain pills and downers along with smoking marijuana. His substance abuse issues led to his release.

Scott: Wow, I thought they had shit canned Phil Apollo by now. Before this match we had Todd Pettengill doing a KOTR wrap-up and he announced the main event for next month’s IYH #2 from Nashville. It will be Diesel vs. Sid for the WWF Title, in a lumberjack match. That will likely be better than that snorefest they had in May. Man Mountain Rock has a cool WWF guitar, but that’s about as much as his charisma goes. He’s a mediocre worker at best, and poor Phil Apollo has to job to him. Grade: DUD

JT: Back to the ring we go as Man Mountain Rock is shredding his guitar in the middle of the ring for his prematch concert. Michaels takes shots at Bob Backlund for his stance on rock ‘n’ roll and then makes me chuckle when he says Phil Apollo has a big movie coming out: Apollo 13. Vince plugs the Superstar Line, where Jim Ross has more updates on the health of Razor Ramon. MMR picks up the layup win with the Whammy Bar. Too bad this is the last time we see the big guy because I felt like he was actually gaining some momentum and starting to establish himself a bit. The gimmick and look was pretty good, too bad he ended up flaming out so fast. Looks like Bob Backlund will win the war. Grade: DUD

4) King Mabel defeats Kenny Kendall with a belly-to-belly suplex at 1:45

Scott: So here we are. With all that talent in the tournament, they give the KOTR to this talentless hunk. I’m getting a sinking feeling that this guy is going to get a mega push over the next few months and that means…GULP… a WWF Title match. Ugh. This is an ugly squash to continue to push. Grade: DUD

JT: We waste no time getting to our next match and it is a big one as it is the first bout for Mabel as the new King of the WWF. In a nice touch, he is decked out in full royal regalia and is carried to the ring on a throne by some scrubs. That certainly adds to his presence. That said, he was clearly a very questionable and controversial choice to win the tournament, especially when you consider the other talent that filled it up. However, on the other hand they took it as an opportunity to make a new star, someone they have clearly been interested in pushing for a while now. Michaels calls “Mack Daddy Mo” the biggest piece of luggage you will ever see and jokes about his reading again, so I guess he isn’t a fan. Vince puts over the efforts of Savio Vega from last night as Mabel mows through Kenny Kendall, grabbing his first win as King. Grade: DUD

*** We pay a visit to the beach to check in on Waylon Mercy, who will make his official debut next week on Raw. He says that his opponents’ lives are going to be in his hands, you know what he means? ***

*** Todd Pettengill narrates us through a video package recapping this past weekend’s WWF Hall of Fame ceremony. ***

5) Savio Vega defeats Jeff Jarrett via disqualification at 4:45; Jarrett retains WWF Intercontinental Title

Scott: At least one positive came out of last night’s PPV, and that’s Savio Vega’s performance. He wrestled four times and almost won the tournament, and with that he’s earned an IC Title match against Jarrett, who for some bizarre reason didn’t wrestle last night. We had NO TITLE MATCHES last night. That’s bullshit. What color is Jarrett wearing? Looks like some kind of brown velour. It looks like it came off someone’s couch from 1978. Savio is taking full control and even caused some heel miscommunication with Jarrett decking the Roadie instead of the challenger. Jarrett eventually took control as Savio’s ribs are sore after Mabel’s post match beatdown, in which he also ended up attacking Savio’s friend Razor Ramon. Vega tries to make a comeback, however the Roadie trips him, and as a result Savio kicks him into Shawn Michaels at the broadcast table. Shawn and Roadie start jawing, then Jarrett tries to go after Shawn and Michaels starts throwing bombs. Roadie then ends the match by going into the ring and clotheslining Savio to force the DQ. The match really didn’t get going but it looks like we may have Shawn Michaels’ next feud. Grade: *1/2

JT: We head down to the ring for our main event of the evening as the Caribbean Legend Savio Vega is set to challenge Jeff Jarrett for the Intercontinental Title. As Jarrett and the Roadie strut out, Vince tells us that the premier of Jarrett’s music video “With My Baby Tonight” will air on Superstars this weekend. Vega had a monster night last night, winning three matches before falling to Mabel in the KOTR finals. It was a night that certainly put him on the WWF map as a threat. Not sure what the hell is going on with Jarrett’s tights this week. They are shiny plush shit brown. Roadie tries to jump Savio at the bell but Vega catches him and then works over Jarrett to compliments from Michaels, who is shocked he is a step ahead despite all his work last night. Jarrett turns the tide by slinging Vega into the corner but Savio came right back with a clothesline and right hands. Roadie gets involved again but Vega dodges a Jarrett charge and the two buddies collide on the apron. Michaels messes with Roadie’s hair and that draws Jarrett over to get in Shawn’s face. After a break, Savio pitches Jarrett back inside but Roadie punches the challenger and Jarrett gets to work with some kicks. The champ follows with a swinging neckbreaker and a nice suplex for two. Roadie got involved again but Savio fended him off and turned the tide, picking up a close near fall and then dropping Jarrett with a big uranage. Roadie again made his presence known, this time tripping Savio, who then dropkicked him right into the announce table. Michaels got in Roadie’s face again and Jarrett came to assist, leading to a brawl. Once the champ got back inside, Vega rolled him up but Roadie pounced and clotheslined Savio for the DQ and to save the belt for his pal. After the bell, Michaels got in the ring and he and Vega eventually ran off Double J and the Road Dog. This was a spirited match as Savio continues to impress, however it was all about getting Michaels into the path of Jarrett as it looks like these two will now start to feud. Roadie was real good here too, doing everything he could to help Jarrett retain and I also liked the psychology of Vega being a bit tired and Jarrett fresh after not competing last night. Grade: *1/2

Final Analysis

Scott: After the F-quality PPV last night, our episode tonight has the aforementioned King of the Shit Mabel, which at least means they’re going to strap the mini rocket ship on him. The Gunns get a win and perhaps can finally be the top babyface team they’re meant to be. We get an IC Title match which is nice, and then probably Shawn’s next feud is for the IC Title, which means he will probably win it because, well he’s Shawn. How did Undertaker lose to Mabel by the way? How did Mabel beat anybody? These next few Raws are going to be like a car accident. You probably know it’s going to suck but you can’t turn away. I won’t trash this Raw because they’re trying but there’s no light in this tunnel right now. FINAL GRADE: C-

JT: We bounce back from a tough night in Philadelphia with a pretty energetic night of Raw as they start to steer the course for the rest of the summer. We still have way too much damn focus on Jerry Lawler and his mouth issues and not as much mention or even appearance from Bret Hart. Also, I will say it was a treat having Shawn Michaels back in the booth after weeks of foot jokes from the King. Mabel is our King and we will see if the push works at all, but again at least they are trying to mix things up a bit up and down the card. The best course would be a slow burn push to build credibility but we will see. With Michaels on the face side, bumping him down to an IC Title feud makes sense because he can’t be in the main event picture with Diesel still there. It also helps elevate Jarrett and that strap a bit too. Over the course of 24 hours, Savio Vega is suddenly a reliable workhorse star for the company, and that is a good thing. Despite the grim night in Philly, I thought they actually rebounded well enough here with very focused stories and a quick paced show. We just didn’t really get a strong anchor match to really make it stand out. Final Grade: C