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joelsgreys · 1 year

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loved her first

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: It's been two and a half years since you and Joel left your baby daughter in Bill and Frank's care; when a surprise thunderstorm strands the two of you in Lincoln for the night, you unexpectedly witness Joel bond with her.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. hints at Frank's deteriorating health condition, he is not bound to a wheelchair quite yet; glimpses of girldad!Joel, babygirl name reveal, angst, mention of Sarah. time jump to 2023, takes place a few months prior to Ellie coming into their lives.

word count 5.5k

A/N: um...this turned out to be more angsty than planned.

April, 2023

You watched her as she twirled around in front of the flower bushes, a small smile tugging lightly at the corners of your mouth.

Frank had mentioned before that she absolutely adored flowers; he’d also told you about how she loved being outdoors and how she would gladly, happily, abandon all of her dolls and other toys in exchange for frolicking outside. You’d had a difficult time believing him on that, but there you were, sitting just a few feet away, witnessing first hand with your very own eyes that it was actually true. She seemed to be having the time of her life spinning around and around in front of the array of colorful roses, petunias, and begonias that Bill and Frank had planted around the house right after the winter season had come and gone. It was so incredibly innocent, so endearingly pure, a beautiful sight that you already knew you would be constantly replaying on a loop in your memory for the rest of your life—memories of her were all you had. It wasn’t enough for you, though, not even fucking close; the memories of your daughter you took home were what kept you from losing your sanity, but they were nothing compared to what you actually wanted, which was to be her mother.

Because you were her mother.

You held back a small sigh, your gaze still locked on every part of her.

She wore the sweetest, springtime dress that surely must have come from the boutique—light sky blue with an intricate eyelet embroidery, a sash made from the same exact fabric tied around her waist into an adorably perfect bow at the back of it. A pair of darling, strappy white ballet flats adorned her tiny feet, and although Frank had put her into a soft, knitted white cardigan to help keep her warm against a sudden and unexpected chilly afternoon breeze that swept through the town, the child had sneakily shrugged herself out of it when she noticed he wasn’t paying attention. Noticing the dark, gloomy clouds that began to slowly but surely make their way over the neighborhood, you stood up from the table and walked over to the spot on the front lawn, right beside the porch, where she had discarded her cardigan.

Picking it up, you lightly dusted it off and made sure it was clean. You then called out to her, gently. “Hey.” You smiled as she stopped in her tracks mid-spin, looking over at you with curiosity. You beckoned her over with your hand. “Come here, sweet girl.”

She skipped over to you, and you instinctively lowered yourself to her eye level as you spoke to her.

“The sun is gone.” You pointed up towards the skies. “That means it’s time for you to put this on so you don’t get cold. Okay?”

She wrinkled her little nose, but agreed, “Okay.” She held her arms up and out to you, as if to tell you to put it on for her.

You helped her back into it, though you left it unbuttoned so as not to cover up her pretty dress. “There we go. Don’t take it off again, okay? At least not while we’re outside.” You noticed a slight look of mischief cross her features and playfully pointed your index finger at her. “I am being so serious, young lady. Promise me that you won’t take it off?”

“I won’t,” she swore. Though she spoke fairly clearly now, she still had hints of toddler pronunciation; she could enunciate several words but she was still learning to properly talk. “Promise I won’t take it off.”

You reached out, briefly touching her soft cheek. “That’s a good girl,” You murmured, letting your thumb sweet across her satin skin. Every single part of you longed for even more contact with her, you yearned with every fucking fiber in your entire being to take her into your arms and hold her close; however, there was a very fine line that was not to be crossed, much less when Bill and Frank were sitting just a few feet away. You gave her cheek a light, teasing pinch and finally found it in you to withdraw your hand away from her face.

She grinned at you and a deep, prominent dimple appeared in her left cheek. You’d first noticed it during your visit on her first birthday.

There had always been something new for you to notice during each visit; a new tooth, an additional inch to her height, the way her face was no longer as round and pudgy as it had been when she was an infant. This time around, it was her hair that had caught your attention. It fell in long, dark brown waves to just about the middle of her back.

Her voice broke into your train of thought. “Can I go play now?”

You nodded and rose to your feet. “Of course, sweet girl. Just be very careful, alright?”

“I will.” She bobbed her head up and down at you and then went right back to her twirling, letting out an adorable giggle at the way the skirt of her dress swayed along with her movement.

You made your way back over to the table and took your seat. Picking up your glass of red wine, you took a quick sip before glancing over at Frank and remarking, “Her hair’s gotten really long.” You took another sip and then set your glass down, abandoning it in favor of the white pearl that hung from the silver chain around your neck. Holding it gingerly in your hand, you thought back to the day Joel had given it to you a little over two years ago. Presenting you with your daughter’s birthstone to carry with you had to have been one of the most loving, incredible things that he’d ever done for you. It was your most prized and cherished possession and although he didn’t like you wearing it outside of the apartment, it’d been a year since the last time you had taken it off. Anyone who tried to jump you for it would get a blade lodged into their skull. “Has she had her first haircut yet?”

“Nope. She refuses to let me anywhere near her with a pair of shears. As soon as she sees them in my hand, she runs,” Frank explained. He offered you a small, fatigued smile. He’d briefly mentioned to you the night before he hadn’t been feeling all too well over the last few days, but he still insisted that you and Joel still make the trip to Lincoln for lunch. “She calls it her princess hair—she said she wants to grow it as long as Rapunzel’s.”

You hummed. “Long hair suits her,” You told him after a minute. “Doesn’t it, Joel?”

You were met with no response and turned to glance at Joel.

He sat beside you at the table, sipping silently on his glass of wine; he hadn’t seemed to have heard you, and for once, it wasn’t because the hearing in his right ear was failing him. Joel hadn’t heard you because he was too distracted. His eyes were fixed intently on the toddler, and even when you reached out and touched his arm in an attempt to get his attention, his gaze remained latched onto her. He looked on with a mixture of different, conflicting emotions—of them all, it was sadness that took center stage. Joel often tried to keep his own feelings under wraps, for your sake, more than anything. He was your partner and he was your protector, he was your shoulder to lean on and the glue that, despite the circumstances, held everything together somehow.

He kept it all from crumbling down. For you, always for you.

You appreciated Joel trying to hold strong for you, but you wished he wouldn’t, not when you knew he was hurting too—hurting over Sarah and hurting over the daughter that was right there in front of him, but whose life he was missing out on. She was growing quickly, changing so fucking much each and every time he saw her, and he could hardly stand that he wasn’t around to witness it. Glimpses of her and her life were all that you and Joel were given, and you know that killed him as much as it killed you.

“Gracie!” Bill said her name in a scolding tone. He’d been sitting in his chair with his back to her, but he knew exactly what she was up to; he had developed something of a sixth sense when it came to her. “You just had lunch, you’re going to make yourself sick if you don’t cut that out! You’d better come and sit your little butt down right now or it’s a timeout for you, missy!”

She stopped for a second, smirked at his back, and then continued to twirl around.

Joel snorted into his wine, amused by her rebelliousness.

“Honey, come on. Be good and listen to daddy.” Frank glanced tiredly over his shoulder. “You don’t want to make yourself dizzy, do you?”

Gracie stopped and let out a teeny, frustrated huff; just seconds later, a white butterfly garnered her attention and she took off across the front lawn, chasing after it.

“Jesus,” Joel muttered, shaking his head. He set his wine glass down on the table and leaned back into his chair. “Does she ever get tired? I’m exhausted just from watchin’ her run around.”

“She’s been so energetic lately,” Frank said. He picked up his fork and pushed his vegetables around on his plate; you’d noticed that he had hardly eaten any of his meal. “Sometimes we can hardly keep up with her. But the bright side of letting her run around is that when bedtime comes around, she’s just about all tuckered out. Isn’t she, Bill?”

Bill scoffed. “If we’re lucky. The kid’s like the damn Energizer Bunny.”

You giggled. Looking over at Gracie, you noticed that she was in one of the bushes and your smile faded slightly. “Oh, um, she’s—” You stopped and simply nodded your head over in her direction, worried that she would get into the roses and accidentally prick herself with a thorn.

Bill looked over his shoulder. He sighed, “She’s digging in the flowers again, Frank.”

“Oh Gracie, honey please don’t pick the flowers—”

But it was too late.

She stepped back from the bush, clutching a tiny handful of Frank’s beloved white begonias. She then ran over to her parents; she first handed a flower to Frank and then one to Bill, who, despite trying his best to keep a stern face, cracked the tiniest of smiles as he accepted it from her.

“It’s so hard to put her in time out when she does things like this,” Frank chuckled, shaking his head. He smoothed her hair back from her face, lovingly tucking it behind her ear. “You’re just the most innocent little troublemaker, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

Gracie gave him a tiny nod, and he let his hand drop from her hair as she turned around and walked around the table towards you. Falling into step beside your chair, she held up a flower for you.

Your entire body radiated with a pleasant warmth as you took it from her. Taking the side of her face into the palm of your hand, you leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’m going to keep this forever and ever.” And you would. You planned on pressing it into a book the moment you arrived back in the QZ.

She smiled at you and then she let her gaze flicker curiously over to Joel. You could see her debating it over in her mind—besides the polite little hello that Frank would push her to say whenever you two came over, Gracie rarely ever interacted with him. She wasn’t afraid of him, but even at the tender age of two, she could sense the man’s quiet and serious nature and she knew to keep her distance. It was something of an unspoken, mutual agreement between the two of them; Joel always kept his distance from her too.

After a minute, she finally plucked up some courage and squeezed past you. She went up to the side of Joel’s chair and placed her tiny hand on his bare forearm, giving it a gentle pat as if to call for his attention.

You could almost feel the way he momentarily froze, stiffening beneath her touch.

“Gracie, don’t—” Bill started to say, however Frank held a hand up to stop him.

“Wait, Bill,” he said, quietly. “Let her.”

“Here,” Gracie uttered softly, holding out the last begonia to him.

Joel’s heart had all but leapt up into his throat. His fingers trembled ever so slightly as he lifted a hand and accepted it. When he spoke, he sounded almost breathless. “Thank you.”

“It’s pretty,” she told him, shyly nodding at the flower now in his hand.

“Very pretty,” he agreed. He paused briefly, then touched it to the tip of it to her nose. “Just like you.”

Gracie beamed at him.

Just like you and your momma, he wanted to tell her. Of course, he knew better than to say such a thing out loud in front of Bill and Frank.

“Gracie, honey, what do you say when someone says something nice to you?” Frank prompted her from across the table.

She looked at him, then bashfully turned back to Joel. “Thank you.”

Before anyone could say anything else, a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, and seconds later came the crashing sound of thunder.

Startled by the loud noise, Gracie let out a small yelp and found herself in between Joel’s legs, tugging desperately at his denim shirt. Before his mind and body could even make the connection, he picked her up and hoisted her into his lap and she buried her face into the crook of his neck, a small whimper escaping her.

Bill and Frank exchanged a look of complete shock with one another.

Even you watched on with your lips parted in absolute bewilderment.

You’d only ever seen her in his arms once—when she’d been a newborn.

“It’s alright darlin’,” Joel soothed her, lightly patting her back. “It’s nothin’ but a little bit of thunder. It’s tellin’ us that the rain is comin’ soon, and you know what that means?”

Reluctantly, Gracie pulled her face out of his neck and looked up at him with her dark brown eyes—the very same dark brown eyes she’d inherited from him. “What?”

“More flowers,” he whispered to her, giving her a small grin.

“Really?” she squeaked excitedly.

“Oh, speaking of the rain, here come those April showers.” Frank held out his hand, having felt the first drop. Before he could even utter the warning for everyone to move inside, it suddenly began to pour; the rain came down hard and fast, as if someone up in the clouds had turned on a garden hose. “Everyone in the house!”

Bill helped him out of his chair, slipping an arm around his back. You noticed him struggle alone to help Frank and quickly hurried around the table, taking his other arm, and the both of you helped him up the lawn towards the house.

Joel stood up with Gracie still in his arms; he hurried towards the house behind the rest of you, using his hand to shield her from the rain as best as he could manage, though she ended up getting soaked, just like everyone else.

Once inside, he set her down on her feet. Another round of thunder struck, rattling the walls of the house.

Gasping, Gracie threw her arms around Joel’s leg.

Bill raised an eyebrow, pushing his drenched hair away from his face. “I’ve never seen her get this close to you before.”

“She’s just spooked, that’s all.” Joel cleared his throat awkwardly and reached down, carefully peeling her off of him. He placed his hand on her back and gently nudged her towards him. “Go to daddy.”

“Well, that’s a nice lunch ruined,” Frank sighed heavily. “Gracie, let’s get you upstairs and changed into dry clothes.” He reached down to pick her up, but struggled lifting her into his arms, a problem that you had never seen him have before; a bizarre expression crossed his face and he turned to Bill. “Help me carry her upstairs to her room?”

Bill nodded, picking her up. “Come on, kiddo.”

Crestfallen, Frank watched him as he carried her up the staircase.

“Frank? Are you okay?” You couldn’t help but ask, placing a hand on his arm.

He nodded, forcing a small smile. “I’m fine. I think I just need some rest.” He noticed the skeptical expression on your face and before you could ask him again, he changed the subject. “You two are more than welcome to stay and wait for the storm to pass before heading out.”

Several hours later, and the torrential downpour continued on with no signs of stopping any time soon.

“We’ll be fine,” You assured Frank as you began looking in your pack for your windbreaker. You found it in the top zipper, and pulled it out; although it would hardly do anything to shield you from the cold and heavy rainfall, it would have to do. “Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been out and about in a storm like this.”

“Nonsense,” he said, taking the jacket out of your hands. After taking a long nap earlier that evening, he appeared to be in better spirits. He still appeared tired, but he seemed to be moving around with more ease, an indication that he had gained a bit of his strength back. “You two can spend the night down here in the guest bedroom.”

“That’s very kind, Frank. But Bill wouldn’t like that.”

“I already talked him into it. He’s not too happy, but as usual, he’ll get over it.” Frank saw you about to protest and he held up a hand. “Can you just make this easy and graciously accept the offer please?”

You chuckled. You had known him for a few years now and you knew the man was as stubborn as stubborn could be. “Alright, alright. We’ll stay the night.”

“Good.” Frank smiled and handed you your jacket back. “The guest bedroom is down the hall, second door on the left. Make yourselves right at home. If you need anything, just let me know, alright?”

Joel nodded, taking your hand in his. “We appreciate this a whole lot, Frank. Thank you.”

“Of course. You two get some sleep, alright?” He bid the two of you a final goodnight before disappearing upstairs.

With your hand still in his, Joel led the way down the hallway towards the bedroom. He opened the door and flipped on the lights; the room was on the smaller side, but it was still decently spacious, at least for you it was, especially when compared it to the tiny bedroom you and Joel shared with Tess in the QZ. Frank had furnished it with gorgeous antique furniture that you were almost certain he’d refurbished on his own. What really caught your eye, however, was the bed in the middle of the room; it was a large, queen sized bed decorated with a soft, red and gold duvet and matching pillows.

“I’m so used to that old, ripped mattress we have back at home,” You remarked with a small laugh.

Joel squeezed your hand. He was thrilled to have the chance to sleep in such a comfortable looking bed, but more importantly, he found a sense of relief that for the first time in a long time, you would be able to lay in clean sheets and rest your head on a soft pillow. “Looks like we’ll both be gettin’ a good night’s sleep for once.”

Grinning, you tilted your head up towards his, your lips meeting his in a kiss. “Guess being stormed in has its perks,” You murmured against his mouth. You dropped his hand and stepped away from him, pulling your pack off your shoulders and placing it onto the bed. Unzipping it at the top, you opened it up and started rummaging around inside of it, hoping that you had a spare t-shirt that you could sleep in. As Joel started doing the same, you couldn’t help but remark, “Gracie seems to have taken a sudden liking to you.”

He quickly shook his head. “I don’t think so—”

“Joel, she gave you a flower.”

“She gave everyone a flower,” he reminded you. “Not just me.”

“What about the way she just jumped into your arms?”

He scoffed. “The thunder startled her and I was sitting closest to her. She would have jumped into the fuckin’ Boogeyman’s arms if he had been closest to her.”

You rolled your eyes at his ridiculousness. “Okay, what about the fact that she wanted to sit next to you at the dinner table tonight? Or how she decided to introduce you to all of her dolls one by one?”

Joel paused from digging into his pack, his jaw clenching slightly as he mulled over his thoughts in hid mind. “Do you think Gracie senses somethin’ about me?” he asked you quietly after a minute or two of silence.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Why are you asking me that? Do you think she senses something about you?”

“I’d sure as hell hope not. Wouldn’t make Bill and Frank too happy. In fact, it would move me even higher up Bill’s shit list. I can tell that he wasn’t all too happy with the way she was clingin’ to me earlier.” Joel sighed and finally looked up, turning to you. “She looks so much like us, you know. The older she gets, the more I can actually see it. She’s equal parts you, equal parts me. Makes me worry about her noticin’ it someday.”

“Joel, she’s a toddler for Christ’s sake. It’ll be years before that could even happen. And sure she looks a lot like us now, but as children get older their features start to change and—” You stopped, realizing Joel had stopped listening to you.

His eyes were fixed on something over your shoulder, his lips parted slightly.

“Joel, what are you—?” You turned around.

Gracie stood there at the door of the bedroom, which the two of you had left open. She was barefoot, wearing a light pink nightdress; she held her hands behind her back as she simply looked at you and Joel.

“Gracie? Sweetheart, what are you doing out of bed? How on earth did you get down here all by yourself?” Your heart squeezed in your chest when you realized that she could have easily fallen down the stairs and gotten hurt.

“Think she’s got somethin’ there, baby,” Joel noticed. He walked over to her and lowered himself down to one knee in front of her. Although he was sure Bill wouldn’t be dumb enough to leave one of his guns or other weapons lying around unsecured, part of him couldn’t help but worry about what she had in her hands. He held out his hand. “Can I see what you’ve got there, little darlin’?”

She nodded, almost eagerly, and showed him the object she’d been holding behind her back—a children’s book.

You let out a small breath of relief. “Oh thank god.”

Joel took it from her. “Goodnight, Moon,” he read the cover out loud, feeling his heart sink deep into the pits of his stomach. Looking over his shoulder at you, he let out a sharp exhale, as if some unseen force had just knocked all the wind out of his lungs.

Concerned, you placed a hand on his shoulder. “Joel? Are you okay?”

Though clearly he wasn’t, he nodded and turned back to Gracie.

“Read me the story?” she asked him shyly, shuffling from foot to foot.

“Frank already read her a bedtime story,” You explained to him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “He said he only allows her one a night.”

“Well, that’s a stupid fuckin’ rule,” Joel muttered, though he had been loud enough for you to hear.

“Joel!” You snapped, swatting at him with your other hand. “Don’t say that word in front of her!”

Joel almost laughed. “She’s two and a half years old.”

“Yeah, and probably parrot at this age,” You pointed out. “Please, just mind your mouth around her? We don’t need her picking up your rich vocabulary.”

“Bedtime story? Please?” Gracie chirped hopefully, interrupting the two of you.

Joel let out a small scoff. “You expect me to say no to that sweet little face? Not a chance.” He turned back to her. “Alright, I’ll read it to you. But you have to promise me you’ll go to sleep right after. Promise?”

She nodded excitedly. “Promise!”

Your stomach churned. “Joel, are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want Bill and Frank getting upset with us—”

“It’s just a bedtime story,” he said. Holding the book in one hand, he rose to his feet and then scooped her up into his arms. He walked out of the bedroom and started up the staircase with you following close behind. As soon as he reached the top of the stairs, he asked, “Which one’s hers?”

You hesitated before answering, “Second door on the right. Joel, I’m not sure about this.”

“You act like we’re committin’ a fuckin’ crime.”

“First of all stop cursing around her and secondly, we may as well be committing a crime!” You hissed, lowering your voice. “I don’t want to break any boundaries. If Bill gets pissed enough, he could potentially never let us see her again!”

Joel shook his head. “Baby, for the last time, it’s just a fuck—it’s just bedtime story,” he quickly caught himself before another curse word could escape him. “Can you just relax? We ain’t doin’ anythin’ wrong.”

You’d never seen this side of Joel before. Usually, it was him trying to be the voice of reason, it had always been Joel telling you to use your common sense and make the right decisions, and here he was, being so stupidly stubborn.

He opened the door to Gracie’s bedroom and flipped on the lights. It looked like any ordinary little girl’s bedroom—a canopy bed, matching white furniture, a corner strewn with all kinds of toys and a bookshelf packed to the brim with fairytales in another. What surprised you was how the plain white walls had been brought to life with hand painted, large scale wildflowers that surely had to have been done by Frank.

“Daddy’s flowers,” she said, pointing her finger.

“He paints the prettiest flowers, doesn’t he?” You prompted her.

She nodded her head. “Mhm.”

“C’mon.” Joel walked over towards her bed, perching her on his hip as he reached out with his free hand to pull her covers back; he then gingerly laid her down and pulled them up to her chest, tucking her in. “You warm enough, babygirl?”

Gracie nodded. “Yes.” Her eyes suddenly widened. “Teddy!”

“Teddy?” Confused, he furrowed an eyebrow and then glanced down at the stuffed brown teddy bear beside his boot. “Oh, Teddy. How did he get down here, darlin’? He’s supposed to be up here with you.” He picked the bear up, placing it right beside her. “That’s better.”

Anxiously, you dropped down into the white wicker chair beside her bed as Joel kneeled on the opposite side. His dark eyes glazed over the book in his hand, and even from where you sat, you could see the sadness flash across his face, subtle, but detectable. Before you could ask him what was wrong, he opened it and thumbed to the first page. Clearing his throat, he began reading to her. “In the great green room, there was a telephone. And a red balloon. And a picture of a cow jumpin’ over the moon…”

Gracie lingered on every word, her big doe eyes wide with fascination in the most endearing way.

You finally managed to relax and leaned back into the chair, watching the scene before you with a delicate smile on your face. Your hand instinctively went to your necklace, and you rolled the pearl between your thumb and your index finger as you drank in the sight of Joel reading to your daughter.

His daughter.

“Goodnight moon, goodnight cow jumpin’ over the moon…”

Gracie yawned and began blinking furiously.

You could tell she was trying her hardest to stay awake to the very end, but Joel’s deep voice was effortlessly lulling her to sleep.

“Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises everywhere.” By the time Joel read the last sentence, her eyes had fluttered closed.

“And she’s out.” You lowered your voice so you wouldn’t wake her.

Joel closed the book and placed it on her nightstand. He stared at her and reached out, lightly touching his index finger to her cheek. “If you would’ve asked me two and a half years ago if I thought I’d be tuckin’ her into bed and readin’ her a bedtime story someday, I’d say you’d lost your damn fuckin’ mind.”

You laughed softly and nodded. “Oh, I know.”

“You think she’s happy here?”

Your smile faded slightly. “Of course she’s happy here. Wearing pretty dresses, picking flowers, chasing butterflies across the front yard...”

“Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question,” Joel muttered, rising to his feet.

You stood up from the chair and walked over to him. “Bill and Frank are doing a great job at raising her under the circumstances. She’s happy, she’s healthy—and they love her so much, Joel.”

“Too bad she’ll never know that we loved her first,” he murmured.

“We did love her first.” You reached for one of his hands and took it in your own, lacing your fingers together with his. “But this is the way things have to be and we both know that.”

Joel let out a hesitant sigh. “That book she brought me to read to her,” he started to say, his voice breaking slightly, “That book was the first book that I ever read to Sarah when she was a little girl.”

You squeezed his hand tightly, your heart aching for him. “Joel...” You stopped and swallowed the thick, emotional lump that had risen in your throat. You said nothing else and reached up with your opposite hand, cradling his cheek in your palm.

“She was two years old, just like Gracie is now.” His voice wavered again and it was taking every ounce of strength he had inside of him not to crumble in front of you. He placed his hand over yours on his face. “You know that dimple in her left cheek?”

You simply nodded.

“Sarah had that exact same dimple,” Joel whispered. “Same side, same place too. And the way Gracie acts, she reminds me so much of her when she was that age. The way she smiles, the way she giggles, it all reminds me of Sarah.”

It almost shocked you, the way Joel was mentioning Sarah—the last time he had talked about her was that night in the apartment almost three years ago, when you had brought her up during an argument and it had only added fuel to the fire. You remembered being heavily pregnant with Gracie then, and Joel had confessed that he would probably never be ready to talk to you about the daughter that he’d lost. To hear him even utter her name to you again came completely out of left field.

“Maybe your sweet little butterfly sent you something to remember her by,” You told him, nodding over at the sleeping child.

Joel closed his eyes for a moment, tilting his head further into the palm of your hand. After a while, he finally opened them again and broke the silence. “Do you remember the day we left her here?”

“How can I not? It was hardest day of my entire fucking life.”

“You said that comin’ to see her, it wouldn’t be enough. That it would never be enough.” He paused, remembering, “I said it would never be enough for me either.”

“And?”

“We were right. This ain’t enough,” he admitted. “And every time that we leave here without her, it hurts just as much as it did on day one.”

“I know. Trust me, I know.” You blinked back the warm tears that had sprung to your eyes.

After spending a while watching Gracie as she slept, you and Joel decided it was time to head downstairs back to the guest bedroom to try and get some rest. Each of you took a turn to kiss her goodnight before shutting off the lights and quietly slipping out of her bedroom, closing the door behind you.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller pedro pascal #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller imagine #joel miller fic #joel miller angst #fic: tdtrt

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blueberryarchive · 7 months

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જ⁀➴18+

જ⁀➴3.8k words

જ⁀➴tw; poorly and drunkenly written, monster fcking (long tongue, dub-con, big dck!jimin), monster!jimin, cheating, question mark. scary, question mark.

Your laughter echoed in the room, the high ceiling and the clear windows covering one wall revealing the forest surrounding you. Dark, dense, and covered in raindrops. The storm had stopped a few minutes ago, and you finally woke up from a long nap. The vibrating of the old phone (the only form of communication, due to the poor signal) abruptly woke you up as you lifted your head from the furniture, the wool sheets covering your body.

"But you know you could have come with me if you wanted to." The voice on the other end of the line was soft. He had just woken up just like you.

"You know I don't like those events, they make me nervous." You responded to your boyfriend while playing with the dog resting in your lap. The German Sheperd was heavy, but it comforted you knowing you were not alone in the ample cabin.

Jimin loved nature. He had been talking about getting one in the middle of the forest ever since you met him. There were several opportunities for him to get one near his family, all beautiful. But they did not convince him. A few months ago, an old friend informed him of one in the middle of the forest. The closest neighbor was about forty kilometers away, he had a lake nearby and the house had not been restored since the 50s. Even the furniture you were resting on was from the previous family.

Jimin didn't think twice, in winter he invited you to spend the holidays with him. You couldn't resist the idea of a good fire, the rustling of fallen leaves, playing with sweet Pepper who ran around the house with a blanket in her mouth until she got tired.

Of course, also having Jimin all to yourself was a blessing. You woke up early to watch the sunrise from the window in the attic. Sometimes, you two would go for a walk, he would kiss you against the trunk of a willow tree and tell you the things he loved most about you. It was precious: to see him so calm in his own home, even if you had told him that it was a bit exaggerated to have a place with six bathrooms.

So what? We will fill the rooms over the years, he promised you the night before he left, making love to you fervently until you both fell asleep from exhaustion.

In the morning, around 6, a gray Mitsubishi stopped at the entrance to the cabin. A scandal, something to do with Taehyung going out in Paris and getting drunk. Same as always, Jungkook denied looking at his cell phone, trying to catch up with what they were saying on social media. He held up the device, searching for reception.

"It's useless, you have to go to the road if you want a reception," Jimin responded, hands on his waist, fog rising from his lips due to the morning mist. One of his favorite features of the place.

Jungkook clicked his tongue at him, putting the cell phone in his coat. "We have to go look for Kim, he's going to arrive at the airport in two hours."

Jimin looked back, you were at the front door. The sheets covered your shoulders as you tried to keep out the cold. You greeted Jungkook from afar, sleep still in your actions.

"It'll only be two days, love." Jimin paced back and forth, filling a backpack with essential things.

"I know, you don't have to explain." You looked at him while you were flipping through a 70's magazine in bed. "Besides, Pepper will be with me."

"You can call me whenever you want, no matter what time. I'll have the phone in my pocket." Jimin closed the backpack and turned his gaze to you, something was wrong. His eyes moved erratically over your features.

"Minnie." You called him to wake up from his stupor.

The man closed his eyes and smiled. "Sorry, this Taehyung thing has me stressed."

"Rumors pass."

"Did you go downstairs last night?" He interrupted you and put his index finger on his lips. As if the question had been bubbling since last night.

You shook your head, confused.

"No."

"Haven't you had those…you know, again?" His hands moved, trying to explain your sleeping problem. You had awful nightmares. Sometimes, you would even get out of bed and stare at the wall for minutes. Jimin knew about your issues and was happy that after going to a specialist, your sleeping habits were improving.

"No." You smiled comfortingly. "Besides, if it happens, Pepper will take care of me. I have her for that."

Pepper perked her ears at hearing her name. She was your companion, every time you had a nightmare, she would wake you up by putting her snout on your face, licking your nose and eyes to make you react.

Jimin nodded, thinking back to the topic of Taehyung. His fingers went to his temples, and before he could say anything else, Jungkook made the horn go off. Your boyfriend approached and kissed your forehead, love pouring from his pupils before he left.

He closed the door after giving you one last smile. "Take care, princess."

You spent the morning hours on the patio, finishing reading a book of stories by Borges. You walked a little with Pepper to the lake, where the birds settled on the protruding stones, looking for little fish.

If anything was notable, it was the silence that had engulfed you since Park left. Not even the birds in the pines squawked, nor did Pepper bark at the squirrels, nor did the leaves rustle the way they used to.

You decided to return earlier than ever to the cabin. You fed the dog and lay down on the couch. The light rain turned into a storm and, without realizing it, you had fallen asleep in the living room.

"How are the boys?" You asked, the long cord following your steps as you turned on the lights in the living room. The chandelier on the ceiling bathing the space in yellowish light. The lamps on the walls illuminate the hidden, dusty corners.

"We're resting, we went to eat at the hotel restaurant. Hoseok asked about you."

You smiled good-naturedly, grabbing the phone with both hands. Returning to your position on the couch. Pepper was no longer lying there, you assumed she went to finish what was left on her plate.

"You should invite them for Christmas. To the cabin, I mean."

"Maybe. I'll ask them in the morning." He answered with a sigh, he sounded drained. Your smile disappeared. You watched the flames in the fireplace flicker.

"Are you okay, Minnie?" Your voice was calm and comforting to your boyfriend.

"I just want to go back, I don't feel good sleeping alone… I feel like hotel rooms take the life out of me."

"Don't be so dramatic, I can hear you taking a hot shower." The running faucet rang as he moved the water.

A small laugh before going to silence, and the water continued to fall. Jimin licked his bottom lip before biting it.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about the video we made last night."

Your eyes drifted to the shimmering embers in the fireplace.

The reflection of the camera shows the silhouettes of both. Jimin pressed your head against the wall as the fire created a halo of heat around your sweaty, naked bodies. You moaned indecently, taking advantage of the fact that there was no one to hear you. Park loved how dirty you were after the stupid excuse that you had a glass of wine. He didn't even have to convince you much for him to put the cell phone on the bed and hit the red button.

"I hope you don't forget to buy condoms again. This is the last time we do it without protection."

There you were, putting on a show. Your skin crawled with every movement of his fingers, curling the index and ring fingers to caress your juicy walls.

"I thought you wanted the rooms to not feel so empty." He laughed. You stayed quiet. A long, eternal silence. He could hear you breathing. "Hello?" Jimin looked at his phone, you were still on the call. "Love?"

You clenched the phone in your hand, static as you watched a shadow: long and thin, like a worn-out umbrella, standing behind the glass of the front door. It couldn't be a tree, because it didn't move with the wind; not a forest animal either, it was too tall. Unless it's standing on two legs.

You don't know how long it lasted, maybe seconds, maybe a minute. The shadow quickly moved away, letting the moonlight come back in through the small window.

"Did you go back to sleep?" The voice tensed your body, your fingers trembling, trying not to drop the phone.

“No,” you stammered, looking towards the kitchen. Where was Pepper? "I saw a shadow outside, I-"

"The trees?"

"No, it's-" Why didn't you just say it? You looked towards the kitchen again. The light was off, but the windows let in the moonlight in all its splendor.

"Hey, what about Pepper? She was left whining at the door when I left this morning." Jimin was talking about how his dog would wait for him. The words dissolved in your ears like water. You got up cautiously and went to the hallway that led to the kitchen.

You heard Pepper's contented gasps, her tail slapping the ground with joy. The chop, chop, chop against the wood table. You approached the archway that led to the kitchen and pressed your body against the wall. You guided your eyes to where the animal was looking.

Your stomach flipped. It was Jimin. His back facing you, wearing the clothes he had yesterday. A tight black T-shirt and dress pants. His shoulders were tense with the repetitive motion of cutting vegetables.

"…I should get Pepper a partner, she's already getting old." He said on the line, the incessant creaking now louder.

"Jimin." You whispered so softly, but the being turned around. Even when you found yourself with only one eye in his sight, his gaze rested on yours with large pupils, distant and feral. The sound of vegetables did not stop when his body turned around. They came from his mouth, the cutting sounding so precise every time he parted his lips. Like a tape recorder with a scratched cassette.

"Jimin," he repeated as he finished turning around. Your voice coming out of his throat.

"Yeah?" Your boyfriend answered on the line.

You took a couple steps back, the hallway becoming longer and darker. The creature that looked like your boyfriend kept repeating his own name, your voice filling the room with an echo.

Run.

You dropped the phone and ran to the living room, a bloodcurdling scream came from your chest, and you ran up the stairs. Your feet getting stuck and falling a few times, you ran with your hands touching the walls, looking for a door. The lights were off, and the black was thick and dissolvable, your eyes trying to adjust to the darkness by sheer force.

The creature came like a scared horse, you could hear the footsteps of four limbs crawling up the stairs. Jimin, Jimin, Jimin, he said over and over. Your voice so anguished, this disturbing feeling of hearing yourself, drowned in thousands of other voices. The stomping stopped for a moment. Silence.

You stopped breathing, your drumbeat heart threatening to burst from your chest.

The hallway lit up with a flash of blue, the sudden lighting let you see a door and you walked softly; You felt the handlebars in the dark, and you rotated it. You entered, locking it.

Your breathing was so erratic and uncontrolled that you were afraid you would faint, your eyes threatening to go black.

If this is a nightmare, I'll wake up soon. Pepper will lick my face, I will hit the wall, and thunder will wake me up. Whatever, you prayed.

Luckily, in that room, there was a telephone that connected to the one in the living room. You took it in your hands, the line sounded strange, far away.

"Jimin, help. Please call the police. I'm going to die." Tears overflowed your face and neck. You whispered, crouched on the dusty floor of an unused office, the musty smell of old books on the shelves and cobwebs floating empty in the corners.

"Love?"

"Jimin. There's someone in the house, help." Your skin crawled as you heard Pepper barking downstairs.

"Hello?"

You frowned.

"Minnie-"

"Honey, hello, Pepper, help." He repeated with different tones, and different emotions, like stations on an old radio about to die.

It was too late when you realized that your right side felt colder, the wind blowing even when the windows were closed. You didn't move, air rushing out of your mouth. From the corner of your eye, you could see how the creature was forcefully morphing into Jimin's face, failing several times and starting again. The viscosity of his body molded to Park's profile.

"Pepper, love, love, love. Help," he repeated like an actor warming up his vocals to find the right tone. You heard a woman crying in their notes, a child, an old man. Their eyes drooped from their sockets and their elongated tongue rolled to the side before they swallowed it and had that of a human.

You moaned in pain, it was torture watching the creature contort in pain to become your boyfriend. You closed your eyes tightly. If this is a nightmare, I'm going to wake up now. Jimin will open the door with a bang and hug me when he sees me sweating. The fall of a tree will scare me so bad that there will be no way for my body not to shake, you prayed again.

Pepper's barking stopped. The cold dissipated next to you.

Risking a look around the dark room, you picked up the phone again. You still had faith.

"Jimin?" You whispered, saliva spurting from your mouth, you wiped away the mucus collecting on your cupid's bow.

"Hello? Jesus, you scared me." Hearing his voice again, you sighed, turning your body into a ball.

"I don't want to die today."

"Of course not, I'm here to protect."

"I want to call the police, but I don't want to hang up."

"Do not." He interrupted. "Is not safe."

Your sobs choked you, the thick drops falling to the ground. You were afraid to lift your head, the darkness felt like thousands of cold needles ready to stab you.

"Open the door."

"What?" Not a second after answering, the door began to shake with each touch. They were short and desperate. The light that filtered under the door revealed a shadow, some feet.

You crawled to the corner of the office, the door slamming again.

"It's me, love. Open up, nothing's happening."

You shook your head vigorously. If this is a nightmare, I'm going to wake up right now and-

"Open up, I'm scared. Please." The tremulousness in his voice chilled your blood. It's like it's really him. Were they imitating your pain?

"There is someone in the house, I'm afraid. Please open up."

"NO!" You bawled over and over again, grabbing your hair in pure psychosis. The door kept shaking.

Silence again.

The handlebars shook a few times, you heard the metal shake. Your heart reached your stomach when, with indomitable force, the creature moved the handlebars to the left. You could hear the machinery breaking under the resistance.

Clack, and just like that the handlebar was completely dislocated until the door was swinging open. It only opened a little, just enough to let one eye peek through. It was stalking you, ready to pounce if you moved.

"Do not kill me, please." You begged, already knew there was no escape.

The creature shook their head and opened the door, their clothes with several tears on their shoulders, barefoot, and messy hair.

"Can I?" He opened the door a little more. Their veiny hands and their black tongue did not go unnoticed. You knew you couldn't refuse, it was useless at this point.

You nodded.

Jimin, or rather The Creature, opened the door. He crouched down to your level and crawled until he reached your face, your noses touching. You clawed at the ground, trying to balance yourself so you wouldn't fall or faint. Jimin looked at your eyes, then at your lips. Seeing how you were breathing, he began to imitate your rhythm. That made you breathe even faster, his eyebrows raised imitating concern, fear.

"Don't kill me, please. Jimin," he repeated taking your voice. But it didn't seem like you were crying, more like you were moaning. Confused, you opened your eyes wider.

He smiled, revealing his perfect teeth.

Without letting you think too much, he grabbed your cell phone from his pocket and looked for you and Jimin's chat, the last thing he had sent was the video that Jimin wouldn't stop talking about. As if to explain his behavior to you, he touched the screen, letting the sound of your moans fill the dark void. He saw your confused eyes again, the light from the screen illuminating his curious, questioning eyes.

You shook your head as he held the phone closer to you, your boyfriend's erotic growls exploding in your ear.

"Get up, come on." said the video and the creature in unison. You obeyed and with brute force he held you by the waist, taking you out of the room and into the attic. You wanted to scream but your throat hurt, your hope disappearing with each kilometer of pure pine that distanced your possibility of being heard.

Jimin dropped you on the bed, his pupils dilated by the fire that had not yet gone out. Your body bounced.

"Clothes, take off." He watched impatiently as you removed your pants and panties.

He couldn't stand how slow you were. He took off his shirt, he didn't have the tattoo on his rib, a sign that it wasn't Jimin but a monster. His hands squeezed your waist until he had you on top of his head, resting on the pillows. You lowered your eyes until you saw his.

He seemed excited, eager.

Even with the pain, with the certainty that it wasn't him, the fear running through your veins…those lips, the pointed black tongue that uncurled, inviting you so vehemently to sit your pussy on it. How could you say no?

He moaned again. He wanted to imitate the video on your cell phone, wanted you to make those sounds again. Just for him.

His hand tightened on your waist, eliciting a squeal from you until he forced you to sit down, his tongue was warm and slimy, strings of saliva hanging from his tongue as he moved from your entrance to your hidden clit. You groaned in disgust at how your stomach burned, pleasure shrinking your chest.

"Mm," he grunted back, frowning, the tip of his tongue entering your pussy, it wasn't possible.

"God. Ji-" You bit your lip, stifling a moan. No. It's not Jimin. You had to remember that this thing was chasing you, it would probably kill you if you refused to do what it wanted.

If this is a nightmare…what then?

His hand ran down your back and tore your shirt until it was exposed, marks from the night before still fresh, pulsing bright red. Your hands dug into his hair that began to sweat, you were on the verge of cumming around his tongue.

"Squirt for me, princess. C'mon." He gushed from his throat, lifting you up to place two of his cold fingers on your clit, moving frantically.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." You whimpered, legs shaking, the imminent end approaching.

"Fuck," he repeated, smiling, hitting it faster until he felt the droplets fall on his face. His lips parted in surprise, pupils widening as he heard you moan uncontrollably.

You were fucked, he had liked it. The worst thing was that you, too. You couldn't believe what you were going to ask for.

"More." You whispered.

"More." He stated, putting your juicy thighs around his neck and stood up until he threw you on the bed.

With one finger, he lowered the torn shirt until your breasts were visible. His rough hands groped your breasts, and you turned your face to the side, enduring the delicious torture. His tongue curled around your breast and he sucked it until your nipple was hard. The creature just laughed, letting the drool fall to his chin as he released it.

When he went to suck the other one, you felt something hard at your entrance, thick and throbbing. He didn't give a signal, he didn't ask, he didn't say anything when you felt your pussy open with stinging pain to make way for the hardest and widest cock you had ever felt. He gave no sign, he didn't even look at you. He just smiled, idolizing your tits like the monster he was.

You moaned in pain, sweat gathering on your forehead. You put your hands in his hair again, and the monster raised its eyes in surprise. It was his face, it was Jimin's, with his cheekbones and his pouty lips, red and swollen. You brought his face closer to kiss him, and he reciprocated.

With each time you felt the tip protruding into the skin of your tummy, you moaned even louder into his mouth. On a particular thrust, you felt your walls embrace the massive cock that was destroying your insides.

"Cum." They ordered slapping your clit ever so softly until you were a moaning mess under him. His gaze drank you in, you were beautiful: your eyes wide shut, your dry parted lips, the hair covered in sweat. Such a cute human in the middle of their woods.

When you opened your eyes, he was no longer there. You were covered by the bedsheets, and the fire had died a while ago, leaving a wisp of smoke floating. You raised your head, it was already daylight.

Pepper was barking, circling, and wagging her tail. You heard a car door closing. It was Jimin. Thoughts of the night before burned in your memory.

You checked your body: you were still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and you had no marks or bruises.

"Here you are." You squealed as Jimin hugged you from behind him, his soft hands and warm body. You closed your eyes, smiling. "Did you just wake up?" You nodded. "Did you dream about me, hm?"

"Vividly."

#bts #bts imagines #bts dark fic #jimin smut #jimin imagine #jimin bts #jimin x reader #tumblr #bts drabble #bts fanfic

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