#wish i had been on antidepressants sooner lmao

[ruairy]

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[napstamuse]

Some thoughts after 3-ish weeks of antidepressants

holy hell, i knew my illnesses affected my everyday life, but i had no idea how fucking constant it all was until it started to get better. like intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts, racing heartbeat, etc... wow

i'm starting to feel things like a normal human being?? like i can be appropriately happy, sad, etc.

did you know there are more emotions than blank, angry, sad, anxious, and amused???

i'm starting to be able to articulate myself verbally again; i noticed after only a couple days that my vocabulary had started to return as the brain fog started to lift

i must've come off poorly since my doctor started me on quadruple the minimum dose lmao

you guys, i can do things. and feel unapologetically accomplished about them.

like i went to a baby shower for a couple hours and didn't feel overly exhausted afterwards.

i was able to socialize with my family for a whole day and not be wiped out.

i literally cried after being able to sit and hang out with my older brother for 5 hours - i haven't been able to socialize with him properly for a long time as he is v hyperactive and it would drain my spoons v fast (not because i found him annoying or anything!! just bc i would get overwhelmed quickly)

my doc also put me on sleeping medication so i'm getting actual sleep on a regular schedule and it feels fantastic

i feel better than i have in... pretty much as long as i can remember. i have a vacation coming up soon (cross country train!!!!) and i'm so excited. i toured an art school i'm hoping to go to in two years and they look amazing.. for once my future actually feels good. i actually feel like i'm going to do good things.

this is the best decision i've ever made and i wish i had made it much sooner