#won't tag ships because this is ridiculous lmfao

[shivasdarknight]

for surkukteni

13. How important are romantic relationships to your OC? Do they prefer casual sex, short flings, or long term relationships? Do they want to get married or are they content with what they have? Or do they have no interest in romance whatsoever?

(last question struck through because I know that Surkie has interest in romance XD)

SEE RELATIONSHIPS ARE A FUN SUBJECT FOR SURKIE, mostly because it's such a tumultuous subject for her - and actually, that last question is applicable at different points in her life. So the short answers are:

Yes, they are important now but not necessarily have been

Surkie has mostly functioned on casual sex and a handful of short flings + one tumultuous FWB situation but now that she's figured out what she actually wants, it's predominantly focusing on the long-term relationships she's built over ~7 years

Surkie honestly has never wanted to get married? Like, she just never considered it as an option or something she'd do. She's perfectly content staying at the dating stage because she has no intent on being unfaithful whatsoever and has full trust in her partners. Yet understand that she's the one who was quietly freaking out on the boat ride to Sharlayan because of Aymeric popping the damn question to the three of them. She's more than fine staying at just fiances - especially since it gets people off her ass more than just lover, or w/e - but she's been warming up to the idea of marriage it's just...not a pressing desire? just a lack of wanting it, not necessarily against (though the legal ramifcations she could really do without)

She USED to not have interest in romance. And that's a trauma response on her part! Because her intro to romance and first - and for a while, only - example was her abusive ex girlfriend, Misaki. She set the standard for romance which made Surkie allergic to the concept. Only when people began to actually treat her properly is when she fully began to unpack said trauma and how it's warped her perception on intimate relationships.

More convoluted response below:

So, romantic relationships fluctuate in importance for Surkie through her life. She thought it was something she wanted as a teenager - which is when she got with Misaki - but that relationship went so poorly and had such a drastic power imbalance that it skewed Surkie's idea of what it means to be romantic and what romance should look like. So through ARR to about the beginning of HVW, she focused predominantly on casual sex and a few flings here and there to try and figure herself out. Misaki really fucked with her head and made her really standoffish to the idea of anything romantic or anything that'd leave her vulnerable. This is also where she develops her hard stance on top only, and has a fairly lengthy list of women she's slept with in the year and a half for this time frame.

This in part shifts because of traveling with Seraphin and Teodore. The two hooked up during their adventures and thus Surkie was stuck around these assholes constantly. It also immediately brought into perspective her only serious relationship (and first one) and how fucking awful it was. It left her feeling hollow and sick and basically told herself to not pursue anything serious lest she be lured in with the joy those two have for it all to come crashing down.

Ysayle was the first person she had proper romantic feelings for after Misaki. While she was good friends with Moenbryda and thought she might've felt something for Y'shtola, neither of those really panned out? Same with Yugiri. Ysayle, however, she was enamored with. And that was the glimpse into how things could've gone and she let herself be hopeful for once.

Uuunnnntil Azys Lla.

Surkie spent a fair amount of time after the fact trying to define what this sort of thing was for herself - especially now that Gwen and Y'shtola were a thing, and Katsuro, Thancred, and Urianger were public, and the fact that Altan had W'khittri - but it never worked. She tried Yugiri again, and that didn't work. She genuinely tried with Aymeric - the first man she ever had feelings for - and that ended in a panic attack and them keeping things at arms length while skirting around open feelings. Flings picked back up to an unhealthy degree, and instead of recognizing the fact that she was deeply lonely, her brother just chastised her for having bad coping mechanisms.

Then of course, the long term fling with Estinien that turned into feelings that she then tried to push him to get with Aymeric so that she had an excuse to not get with either (YOU FOOL, ALL THREE OF YOU ARE POLYAMOROUS). Loneliness and the issues with her brother began to compound and worsen the more obvious the couples got, which made the flings and one night stands into a regular occurrence.

Shadowbringers made that all worse. Katsu's relationship drama was front and center, Gwen getting to reunite with Y'shtola, and everything going on made that loneliness worse as Surkie dove headfirst into her prolonged will-they-won't-they with trying to sleep with Cyella. Something about this woman reminded her of Ysayle and she may have...spent a good chunk of that expansion pack trying to sleep with her because - from her perspective - this was the closest she'd ever get to ever being with Ysayle. Which...well she didn't know Cyella was being standoffish for the same reason since she saw her own assumed-dead-ex in Surkukteni (hm i wonder why). Regardless, because so much of the romantic bullshit culminated in Shadowbringers while Surkie was the only one of the group that wasn't partnered, it was starting to really hurt her and her brother was no help in the matter whatsoever. She had feelings for a man that her brother hated, her feelings for her "dead" ""unrequited"" crush only growing worse with time and not better, so this became a sensitive subject. And understandably (and predictably), she responded to this not with expressing the fact that she doesnt want to be lonely anymore (because again, gestures at katsuro and gestures at the group who is uh. kinda with each other? save the twns and ryne obvs, but like. y'shtola/gwen. thancred/urianger/katsuro. seraphin/teodore. only adult who wasn't partnered was the exarch), but with frustration at affection, anything implying romance, and denying herself from entertaining the idea that it'd ever get better. Again: she was plotting on how to get Estinien and Aymeric together so they'd be happy with each other and she'd not be that perpetual curse that got people she was interested in almost or actually killed.

Yeah, she's. Really fucked up and relationships for her are kind of a big deal for her.

She only starts to even out right around 5.3. Sure, the edge was curbed in 5.1 by briefly seeing Estinien again, but it was right back to the battlefield and having to stuff down how she felt for the sake of maintaining a Strictly Platonic relationship (you fucking dumbass, he's liked you since hvw). 5.3 is when she finally breaks from how awful she fucking feels and how fucked up this has made her, especially since the Cyella stuff has reached a head and they have to end things for their own sakes due to just...constantly reopening old hurt in the other respectively. 5.3 is when she fully gets with Estinien, but understand that she's a fucking wreck at this point. She doesn't explicitly know what she wants - does she want this arrangement to continue? does she want to just be honest? does she just want the feelings to go away? - but she opens her heart regardless of how much it hurts to do so and how anxious it makes her. This is panic attack no2 when confessing to someone, by the by.

This tangent is relevant because actually being honest with someone who genuinely cares about her and knows how to handle her vulnerability and internal issues around this stuff allows her to work through exactly what she wants out of things, realizing just how fucked up Misaki made her, and that y'know yeah, she can allow herself to pursue a serious relationship even with everything that led up to that point.

And then she reunites with Ysayle. And then she upholds her promise with Aymeric. There's also the stuff with Heustienne I'm finalizing - not to mention the ENW + post ENW acquisitions of Gwendoline and Venat, but that's all an aside.

What's more relevant is the fact that the relationship she builds with her partners helps give her needed perspective and time and space to work through the smothered down issues Misaki left her with. Flings quickly become less appealing, she's more okay with the idea of settling down with them (especially since they're now over here having kids), and marriage goes from an uncomfortable subject to something she actually humors since she still gets giddy from the fact she has three fiances, something she's always reminded about when picking at the engagement necklace she's got.

tl;dr Surkie's had a very rough relationship with relationships due to the abuse she experienced in her very first one. It's only through working through that trauma does she finally figure out what she really wants, but until she got there she stuck with flings and emotional distance to avoid getting hurt again.

[tenebriism]

GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

respond to the following prompts out of character. then, tag others that you'd like to get to know a little bit better!

ROLEPLAYER NAME: Christina / Tina

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: She/her!

MUSE NAME: // gently gestures towards Muse List.

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: It depends on the day. If I'm at work (which I am most of the week), I can't easily access Discord since it's blocked on the work computers and using our phones is grounds for suspension. So, as long as folks can be PATIENT and not spam me, Discord is the preferred medium. Otherwise, Tumblr IMs are okay, too!

EXPERIENCE: I've been writing pretty much all my life, but on Tumblr, I'd say I've been here... almost 10 years, if I've not already reached a decade?

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: I adore fluff mainly. Too much angst makes things feel forced, and I don't like writing strictly negativity or tense situations. It's just not realistic, no matter how tragic a character's life/backstory is. I love fluffy interactions, I love writing domestic moments, and I love writing big developments. Moments that kind of... shift the dynamic and the world we're building together.

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS:

People who are always negative, or who take things so personally to the point it becomes ridiculous. Vague posting, constant complaining, whining, etc... it gets to be too much sometimes, especially if it's untagged. We're here to write and to bond and vibe; how people manage to add melodramatics and high school drama to this, too, is beyond my realm of understanding.

Making big ship/dynamic decisions without asking me first. There's a difference between something being a surprise (like a marriage proposal), and just flat out moving forward with a big plot point without coming to me to see if I'm okay with it, because my muse(s) very well might not be, and I won't hesitate to state this (it kills the motivation, honestly). Roleplaying involves two, sometimes more people; this isn't a fanfiction, so all parties involved should be considered. Some of my muses don't want children, some of my muses aren't okay with sex, etc, etc. Communication, folks. It's not that hard, and most of the time, I'll be okay with it! Just ask first.

Constantly making blogs for muses and then abandoning said blogs, or remaking blogs multiple times a year. It's okay to want a fresh start from time to time, or to want to pick up a new muse, but I'm not about to keep switching up my tags because you need a new URL every 3 months, and I'm not gonna keep following if I notice you have a graveyard of abandoned blogs.

PLOTS OR MEMES: I'm not the BEST at plotting, especially if it's someone I've not been writing with for a long time, so honestly, memes are a bit easier for me to work off of. It gives me something to work with right from the start, and we can build from there and mold it as we go.

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: It depends on my motivation. I tend to take a very long time with my lengthier threads, so I like to balance it out with shorter threads, here and there, just to keep the muse flowing.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Motivation tends to hit while I'm at work, annoyingly enough, but typically, late at night works best for me. It's when I'm most active, since I literally stay up all night, lmfao.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: Some of them, yes. Others? Not even remotely close.

tagged by: @serabellyms ;; Thanks, hun! tagging: @hyaciiintho, @ironbloodcd , @box-of-characters , @seeasunset , @r3ys-malt3s3 , @mystiic , @inyvat , and anyone else this may interest!